# Lost my dog yesterday



## balaspa (Dec 27, 2009)

Not sure why I want to share this, but I keep wanting to share it with people.  You guys on this board have been very supportive of me.

Anyway, my best friend in the world was my dog Shelby.  She and I lived alone for a long time and it was her and me against the world.  She was 15, but yesterday, quite suddenly, she took a very drastic turn.  She seemed fine Friday night, but Saturday morning, it was obvious something was wrong.  The vet found tumors.  Given her age, although there were some options, all of them seemed to end in her writhing in agony.  I couldn't do that to her.  

Anyway, I know others, countless others, have lost pets as well.  I know I will get to the point where I remember the good times (and there were so many), but right now I just miss my friend.  

Thanks for letting me share.


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## RobertY (Jun 24, 2011)

I am so sorry for your loss. Fur babies can wrap themselves around your heart and become family. I know that this is not much, but try to look at it in the way of all the years of happiness that you gave Shelby.


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## NogDog (May 1, 2009)

So sorry. Believe me, I have shared both your grief and the use of my KB friends to help me through the same thing earlier this year. Feel free to share here as much or little as you need to. I still miss Noggin a lot, but every day it becomes a bit more about the fond memories and a little bit less about my loss.


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## john_a_karr (Jun 21, 2010)

Rough to lose a buddy like that. Sorry to read it. Nothing helps but time, but there is solace in knowing the dog lived a good life and was part of a family even if it was just the two of you.


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## N. Gemini Sasson (Jul 5, 2010)

I'm so sorry, Bryan. NogDog is right. We do know how you feel. I've lost two dogs this year, half-sisters aged 15 and 14 1/2. They're resting under a cherry tree I planted this spring. You never really stop hurting. I'll see a tennis ball and get a lump in my throat. Or find a picture of the two of us doing something together when they were young and all the sudden my heart gets really heavy. I let myself feel the grief for awhile, then I go give one of my other dogs a hug and a treat, take them for a walk or drive in the car, or do something with a family member.

You can never replace them. The best you can do is let someone or something else fill that hole in your heart.


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## Casper Parks (May 1, 2011)

Sad to learn of your lose.


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## corkyb (Apr 25, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss.  I lost my yorkie (the one in my avatar) three years ago, and sometimes it is still painful.  But those times get further and further apart and all the good times we had together fill my heart with joy.  I do have another yorkie now, Cali, and she is what got me through the loss and mourning.


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## Jane917 (Dec 29, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss. You will find a lot of people here who have recently gone through your loss. After the initial grief, it becomes easier to focus on all the good things that happened between you and your 4 legged friend.


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## MichelleR (Feb 21, 2009)

I'm sorry, Bryan. It's a tough, painful thing. Of course you should share it here. A great deal of the thoughts I have on the afterlife involve a hope that, if it exists, my pets will all be there.


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## KindleMom (Dec 11, 2008)

I'm so sorry.  Hugs to you.


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## Stephen_Melling (Jun 26, 2011)

We have lost three pets this year. I know how you feel. All sympathies.


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## Ryl (Nov 25, 2010)

Losing a beloved pet is rough. My condolences.


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## LKWatts (May 5, 2011)

I am so sorry to hear your sad news - you must be distraught. I know I would be, my border collie is the love of my life.


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## tsilver (Aug 9, 2010)

Sorrow comes to everyone but not everyone has experienced joyful times with a furry friend.  I'm sorry about your loss.


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## Sandpiper (Oct 28, 2008)

I still easily shed tears over my 45 years gone Beagle.  I also laugh over fun times we had and funny things he did.  Only one other dog 40 years ago which I didn't have for her whole life.  And now I'm five weeks into a new relationship with a puppy.  Ooooh my!


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

Just remember that Shelby is at the Rainbow Bridge, happy and healthy and waiting for you (along with all the cats and dogs who have gone this way, including our friend Chester who died in February).

L


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## PG4003 (Patricia) (Jan 30, 2010)

Thanks for sharing your feelings, and I too am sorry for your loss.  It's never easy.  I've lost several dogs over the years but one in particular was close to my heart and I still think about him sometimes.


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## Ann Herrick (Sep 24, 2010)

So sorry about your loss of Shelby, but you did the kindest thing for your dog. Hugs.


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## Annalog (Dec 28, 2008)

I am sorry for your loss. DH and I have had to make that very difficult decision a few times over the years. We miss them and they still have a place in our hearts.

{{{{Hugs from us to you}}}}


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## Shayne Parkinson (Mar 19, 2010)

I'm so sorry, Bryan. They leave such a gap in our lives when we have to say goodbye.


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## planet_janet (Feb 23, 2010)

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Pets really are members of our families and it is so hard when they pass away.


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## Thumper (Feb 26, 2009)




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## Geemont (Nov 18, 2008)

I'm sorry to hear about to dog, Bryan.  Animals are part of the family, let no one tell you otherwise.  

And belated thoughts to NogDog; I knew Noggin had been sick, but I didn't know he was gone.


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## Lisa Scott (Apr 4, 2011)

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news.  And to have it happen with really no warning must have been tough.  Lots of people here are thinking of you.


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## davidhburton (Mar 11, 2010)

I'm so sorry to hear this. We lost our basset hound a couple of months ago, so I understand your loss. Deepest sympathies.


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## geoffthomas (Feb 27, 2009)

I have had to make this decision several times.
And it never gets easier.
Our animal friends are very dear to us.
But I will no longer let an animal suffer because I selfishly want them to stay with me.
When they no longer have a good quality of life, it is time to help them end the suffering.

Just sayin.......


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## Carol (was Dara) (Feb 19, 2011)

<Hugs Bryan> I'm so sorry you lost Shelby. It's one of the most depressing feelings in the world, losing a beloved pet.


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## Dawn McCullough White (Feb 24, 2010)

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I lost my cat in March and I still grieve from time to time.

Dawn


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## PatrickWalts (Jul 22, 2011)

I'm terribly sorry to hear about this.  It's always so hard when we lose a four-legged member of our families.  They give us so much, and ask so little in return.  Take comfort in the fact that you provided your furry friend with a loving home for 15 years.  You made that dog's life a happy one, and I'm sure he was grateful.  And don't beat yourself up over your decision; I've been there, too.  Many of us have, I'm sure.  When its time, its time, and bringing an end to their suffering is the most unselfish thing you can do.


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## balaspa (Dec 27, 2009)

Thanks, all of you.  Very much.  This is my first morning back at my apartment (after spending the weekend with my girlfriend) and it's my first day without her jumping into the bed, or having to walk her, or without her to say good-bye to before I head off to work.  This place doesn't feel like home anymore.  Shelby was home.  I feel like the heart and life has been ripped out of the place.  I managed to sleep last night out of sheer exhaustion and by somehow convincing myself I was staying at a hotel rather than home.

I have been so lucky.  No one close to me has died...until now.  I should count my blessings.  I know that.  I know I will get to the point where I just remember the good times.  I know that putting her down was the right thing...the other choices all led to my 15-year-old dog dying slowly in absolute agony.  But right now, I just miss my friend.


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## balaspa (Dec 27, 2009)

Shelby and Me Smiling 2 by bryanalaspa, on Flickr

This is me and Shelby.


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## PatrickWalts (Jul 22, 2011)

balaspa said:


> Thanks, all of you. Very much. This is my first morning back at my apartment (after spending the weekend with my girlfriend) and it's my first day without her jumping into the bed, or having to walk her, or without her to say good-bye to before I head off to work. This place doesn't feel like home anymore. Shelby was home. I feel like the heart and life has been ripped out of the place. I managed to sleep last night out of sheer exhaustion and by somehow convincing myself I was staying at a hotel rather than home.
> 
> I have been so lucky. No one close to me has died...until now. I should count my blessings. I know that. I know I will get to the point where I just remember the good times. I know that putting her down was the right thing...the other choices all led to my 15-year-old dog dying slowly in absolute agony. But right now, I just miss my friend.


That's all a very normal part of the grieving process. And you're right, someday you'll remember mainly the good times. One of my pugs had to be put down after a botched surgery a few months ago, and my wife and I were totally devastated, but we've already reached the point where we can laugh about some of the goofy things she used to do, talk about how cuddly she was, etc. You'll get there. It's harder, though, when you've only got one dog, if that's the case. Been there, too. When the house is _really_ empty, it stings the most. Someday, when the time is right, you might find a new friend that you'll grow to love just as much, and you'll look back fondly, without an overwhelming sense of sadness at the life of the one who passed.


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## 13500 (Apr 22, 2010)

That is a great picture of you two. Sorry for your loss.


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## crebel (Jan 15, 2009)

This is a wonderful place to share joys and heartaches.  I wish you peace and joy in your memories of Shelby and send you hugs.


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## 908tracy (Dec 15, 2009)

balaspa said:


> Shelby and Me Smiling 2 by bryanalaspa, on Flickr
> 
> This is me and Shelby.


Shelby was adorable!!! I am so sorry for your loss. (((big hugs)))


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## loonlover (Jul 4, 2009)

I'm so sorry for your loss.  It is always tough to lose a friend.


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## Shana Norris (May 31, 2011)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm currently having to face the decision of when to have my dog put down. Even though it may be the best thing for them, it's still so, so difficult to deal with. I'm very sorry for your loss, Bryan.


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## Tess St John (Feb 1, 2011)

I'm so sorry! She was adorable.


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## Ruby296 (Nov 1, 2008)

I'm so sorry for your loss, Bryan. Please feel free to share anything here. KB is a great pkace full of wonderfully kind and supportive people. Big (((hugs))) to you.


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## louiseb (Mar 2, 2009)

I am so sorry. I have lost many over the years and I remember the happy times and still tear up at the loss. I know it is hard.


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## prairiesky (Aug 11, 2009)

Oh, Bryan, I am so sorry for your loss.  It will be tough for awhile.  I lost my goldendoodle (my avatar) a year and a half ago and I still grieve for her.  She died unexpectedly when she was only 2.  I still miss her and pat her ashes box each night (I had her cremated).  It does get easier, but each person has to grieve in his/her own way.  Just go with your feelings....nothing wrong with how you feel or how long it takes.


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## Jack Blaine (May 9, 2011)

So sorry.  I hope with time it gets easier.  It's one of the harder losses to get through, because they are such good friends to us.


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## caseyf6 (Mar 28, 2010)

I am so sorry for your loss. It never gets easier to say goodbye, but it's good that you're reaching out.

I've had four pets who I've had to say goodbye to, for different reasons, and two of them had those awful decisions to make.  You did what was best for her, out of love, but I know that doesn't make it easy.

I love the photo; you're both smiling so much in it!


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## balaspa (Dec 27, 2009)

Seriously, thank you all so much.  I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your kind words.  I am reading each post.  One website (my girlfriend had to go through this a couple months ago with a 16-year-old dog) said to reach out to others who have lost animals.  Knowing how many of you have gone through this helps.  I know I am not experiencing things that are weird or abnormal.


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## balaspa (Dec 27, 2009)

You guys are so great.  I have to admit, I first joined Kindleboards as a marketing idea to sell ebooks.  Now, I cannot wait to get on here and just hang with you all.  You are such a great group of people.  I am proud to be here.


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## NogDog (May 1, 2009)

balaspa said:


> You guys are so great. I have to admit, I first joined Kindleboards as a marketing idea to sell ebooks. Now, I cannot wait to get on here and just hang with you all. You are such a great group of people. I am proud to be here.


I've noticed you around and thought, he seems like a decent guy, especially for an author.


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## Val2 (Mar 9, 2011)

So sorry about your loss. Prayers and hugs for you.


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## drenfrow (Jan 27, 2010)

I am so sorry for your loss.  I lost the first love-of-my-life dog about 15 years ago and was completely devastated.  I remember being ashamed to show just how much it affected me.  It was actually harder than the loss of some people I have experienced.  But given the relationship we can have with our pets and that you had with Shelby, I know it is nothing to be ashamed of.  Being able to have given and received so much love is something to celebrate.  I'm glad you reached out to the community here.


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## cc84 (Aug 6, 2010)

So, so sorry for your loss. I completely understand. I lost my Poodle Cary last September aged 14. That was also sudden, one minute fine, the next he couldn't get up off the floor, the vet said he also had a tumour that had caused internal bleeding. I still can't think of him much without crying. I have his ashes. We got my new dog Noah (avatar pic) in March and he has helped a lot. Although it takes a while to even start thinking of getting aother pet i know. 

(((hugs))) for you.


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## balaspa (Dec 27, 2009)

My girlfriend has an amazing dog named Gracie and I was there when she adopted her.  So, she is sort of like my dog as well.  So, I am getting some cheering up from her.  I am also trying to be positive.  Shelby always knew when I felt down and never wanted me to be sad.  So, I am trying really hard to focus on the good years we had rather than regretting the days ahead.

Plus, I choose to take signs from the world that she is OK.  Maybe it's childish, but I really don't care.  Shelby had that white fur and yesterday, as I walked past a yard she liked to walk to when we went out, a white butterfly suddenly flew from one of the flowers and flew around my head.  I am taking that as a sign she was letting me know she was OK.  It helps.


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## bobavey (Sep 14, 2010)

I've been through a similar situation. My prayers are with you.


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## SimonSmithWilson (Jul 26, 2011)

I am really sorry to hear about your sad news. I have always had dogs and my family got my old Lakeland Terrier, Katie, when I was 1 years old. She died when I was 19. I still get upset about it seven years on, but then I actually think about her, rather than her not being here, and remember some funny memory that makes me laugh. I never wanted another dog after, Katie. She was my shadow and joined at my hip, but my family picked up Molly, my Airedale, and it was the best decision. I didn't take away the sadness, but she is so much fun and hard to be sad when you have a little puppy headbutting you in the side with a sock in its mouth, lol.


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## leslieray (Mar 16, 2010)

Bryan, know in your heart that the world was a better place for Shelby with you in her life. I see the love between the two of you in the picture. She is smiling because she had you!

My condolences over your loss. Your heavy heart will lighten in time, but you will never forget the special bond you two shared.


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## herocious (May 20, 2011)

Losing a furry loved one sucks hard


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## balaspa (Dec 27, 2009)

I had kind of a meltdown yesterday.  I had been feeling OK.  I mean, I was sad, but I was trying had to be glad for the time Shelby and I had together and not sad over the fact she was gone.  Then came the "project" at work.  It involved doing a mail merge to create 155 letters and then 155 envelopes.  My boss is kind of a psycho when it comes to perfection.  I live for the day when I am selling enough books that I don't also have to work at a PR firm.

Anyway, the project, at first, was something I was looking forward to.  It was mindless, but complicated enough to keep my mind engaged and not wandering.  The first half of the day was going OK, until my boss showed up.  Then she questioned the way in which I put the dates on the letter.  Given the fact I had graciously accepted this project...well, if you ask me to do something, as a favor, and then criticize the way in which I do it...God help you.

I got the letter printed, but then could not get the damn envelopes to print right.  I spent hours trying to figure out a way to do it only to end up with, maybe, 10 done by the end of the day.  I left the office in a huff and called my girlfriend and proceeded to have a nervous breakdown the side street behind where I work.  I was literally just screaming in rage at one point.

My girlfriend suggested I take today off.  So, I did.  I know my boss will be pissed that I did, but honestly, I felt i needed a mental health day.  If I had come into work and seen that printer, I would have destroyed the thing with my bare hands.

The thing is, Shelby was always there for me when I got home.  If I had a bad day, or I had yet another day in an seemingly endless number of days when my boss does not appreciate the good work I did, but wants to spend hours being an insane perfectionist about other things (she recently gave me a project where she told me having a 90% success rate would not be good enough) Shelby would be there jumping on me and acting happy and it made it all better.  Knowing she was not going to be there this time really sent me down a dark place.

I know, anger is part of grieving.  Yesterday, if I had the ability to destroy things with my mind, much of the Edison Park neighborhood on the northwest side of Chicago would be a smoking crater today.


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## drenfrow (Jan 27, 2010)

(((hugs)))  Sorry about the bad day.  Bad bosses suck!


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## caseyf6 (Mar 28, 2010)

Bad days when you're grieving have a way of bringing out the other "stages" of grief.  

Hope today was better.


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## louiseb (Mar 2, 2009)

it has only been a few days, do not be hard on yourself. I have had to take a week off work in the past to deal with my grief enough that I could function at work. And then it is still hard.


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## momilp (Jan 11, 2010)

Bryan, I am truly sorry for you. I hope you are feeling better today. I cried when I read your post, and I smiled when I saw you and Shelby. I lost my sweet 5 years old beagle, Bruno, a few months ago, and I miss him. My whole family miss him. Take care of yourself, and if you need to cry, yell, or simply talk, do it. Pain is only bearable when shared. A big hug.


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## balaspa (Dec 27, 2009)

Took a mental health day and feel better today...my boss is gone all day. I have no idea how Monday will turn out.

My girlfriend had a water color portrait done of her two dogs (both of whom have passed) and it was so good, we decided to get one done of Shelby. We planned on doing it even before she passed. Anyway, the scanned version came through and I wanted to share it. I love this portrait so much. It is now my favorite image of her and I plan to carry it with me (in my mind and heart, as well) always.


Shelby Laughing Portrait by bryanalaspa, on Flickr


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## SimonSmithWilson (Jul 26, 2011)

That is such a lovely portrait.


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## drenfrow (Jan 27, 2010)

That image is so sweet.  It makes me smile.


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## Carrien (Jan 30, 2011)

So sorry for your loss.  It's never easy.  I had a great, fun, goofy chocolate Labrador whom I lost last year, coming into the house from work is the worse still.....too quiet.... 

Love the picture and the watercolor is so beautiful, it captured Shelby's smile, it's great.

((((((hugs)))))


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