# Anyone married or dating a non-reader?



## libro (Dec 3, 2008)

I've been married for years to a man I dearly love, my best friend as well.  He's caring, loving, and extremely sensitive, not to mention a hard worker.  However, he only reads very rarely.  He's highly intelligent, so his lack of reading as a pastime is unusual to me.

The advantages?  He's a very hard worker and never complains when I read and he works.  No, I'm not lazy, but would like to feel less "guilty" when I'm reading and he's laboring inside or outside the house.  

But it sure would be  nice to think of him snuggling with me in bed on a Sunday morning or a late evening some day with a great book.  

I'd be interested to know how many of you are paired with up mates who either love to read or take little interest in it?


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## Guest (Dec 17, 2008)

Ex-hubby was a non-reader (thought reading the sports page counted as being a reader) . Part of the reason he is ex and I am now with Jim.


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## mom133d (aka Liz) (Nov 25, 2008)

My DH will listen to audio books on the way to work. (He has a 2 hour commute) Other than that, he rarely picks up a book. But he plays a lot of video games, so if its not a game I'm playing with him (like an online MMO) then I read while he plays. Its not that he doesn't like reading, but he's easily distracted. It took him several months to finish Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. And that's fairly short. (At least compared to the others)

I'm happy that DS (age 2 1/2) has quickly picked up on the Kindle = book. If he sees me reading it, he says "Mommy read her book?" and then he'll grab one of his and say "Read my book too" and settles in next to me.


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## drenee (Nov 11, 2008)

My boyfriend has not been a big reader.  He orders and receives magazines, but admitted he only really scans them and has not thoroughly read articles.  I hate to see anything go unread, so I often read the articles and then discuss the things I learned during meals, conversations, etc.  He then would reply, how do you know that...LOL...I read YOUR magazine.  Now that he is in a job that allows him a bit more free time I have noticed he's starting to catch up on some of those magazine articles.  
debbie


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## Geemont (Nov 18, 2008)

My wife used to be a big book reader, but she has gone over to the blogside , and now almost exclusively reads blogs about oil and economic crises.  She'll still read a book here and there, but blogs are now her thing.


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## tessa (Nov 1, 2008)

My husband is a non-reader the only thing he will read is a newspaper.  ( He thinks reading is a waste of time).   He's a TV person (I never watch TV) I'm  book person.  It works out great we each do our own thing.

He does love my Kindle he said its the best thing that every happen, because  when we're out shopping I go right past the book display,( he thinks he's saving money).

Of my 4 kids and 2 grandsons all read  but not that much only 1 grandson reads a lot and only about baseball.


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## Linda Cannon-Mott (Oct 28, 2008)

My hubby is a non reader but I certainly don't want to get rid of him because of that.   He is a sci fi and history movie buff which works out great for us. I Kindle and he is in the man cave with his movies. I have an ex that was a reader and I am glad he is an ex!


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## Linda Cannon-Mott (Oct 28, 2008)

tessa said:


> My husband is a non-reader the only thing he will read is a newspaper. ( He thinks reading is a waste of time). He's a TV person (I never watch TV) I'm book person. It works out great we each do our own thing.
> 
> He does love my Kindle he said its the best thing that every happen, because when we're out shopping I go right past the book display,( he thinks he's saving money).
> 
> Of my 4 kids and 2 grandsons all read but not that much only 1 grandson reads a lot and only about baseball.


Our husbands sound as if they would like each other Tessa.


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## pidgeon92 (Oct 27, 2008)

My husband reads the Wall Street Journal and lots of online news sources daily. This works out for me, since my knowledge of world affairs is not in depth, so if I hear about something interesting and ask him about it he can usually give me a quick synopsis.

He rarely reads novels, but he does like political non-fiction. He is working on Team of Rivals on his Kindle right now.


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## tessa (Nov 1, 2008)

Get rid of a non-reader?  never  cause who will cook dinner?


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## drenee (Nov 11, 2008)

tessa said:


> My husband is a non-reader the only thing he will read is a newspaper. ( He thinks reading is a waste of time). He's a TV person (I never watch TV) I'm book person. It works out great we each do our own thing.
> 
> He does love my Kindle he said its the best thing that every happen, because when we're out shopping I go right past the book display,( he thinks he's saving money).
> 
> Of my 4 kids and 2 grandsons all read but not that much only 1 grandson reads a lot and only about baseball.


Tessa, 
Isn't it awesome to pass on our love of reading? My two oldest have been avid readers their whole lives. (And my ex laughed at me when I was reading to them while I was pregnant. Of course, it didn't look near as strange with the second child. ) My youngest son wanted to be a reader but was having problems. We finally enrolled him in Sylvan when we realized it was a serious problem. This was in 7th grade. When he was pre-tested he was reading on a 4th, 2nd month grade level. They attributed it to learning to read by one method in kindergarten. We then moved to another state and they taught him to read by a different method in 1st grade. We signed up for, I think it was 16 weeks. After, I believe, 6 weeks they retested him and he was then reading on a college level. The administrators thought the test results were flawed when they ran them through the computor, so they called the results in, and sure enough, they were correct. Needless to say, they did not make us finish the remainder of the time he was scheduled. 
Now he and my daughter have been on a quest the last 3 years to read the top 100 books. We all have a great time discussing the books we're reading whenever we get a chance to be together. 
And now both of my grandsons also enjoy reading. When they were here at Thanksgiving the oldest found a book and placed it on his side of the bed so he could have a book to read before going to sleep, just like Mimi. (That's me). LOL!
Reading is such a wonderful gift to pass along. 
debbie


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## drenee (Nov 11, 2008)

tessa said:


> Get rid of a non-reader? never cause who will cook dinner?


tessa, 
I'm completely with you on that one. I would much rather read than cook. Boyfriend would rather cook than read. Match made in heaven. debbie


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## Linda Cannon-Mott (Oct 28, 2008)

tessa said:


> Get rid of a non-reader? never cause who will cook dinner?


Oh I agree with you there, my husband does the majority of the cooking and cleaning. Have to love the guy for that!!  Funny thing is he prefers it like that. We do enjoy cooking together on weekends, we both enjoy Food Network and trying new recipes.


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## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

My hubby doesn't read for fun.  But that's o.k.  He builds bookcases for my books.  Since he won't have to build so many any more he can get to some of the other projects around the house.

I really think it has to do with how you grow up.  There were always books in our house and all 5 of us read to some extent.  There weren't so many books in my husband's home growing up and none of them really read except as they need to. . . .

Ann


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## qotdr (Nov 22, 2008)

In 18 yrs of marraige I have never seen hubby read a book. His parents never instilled the joy of reading in any of their kids. He is also dyslexic so reading can be a chore. In 18 yrs, I have more than made up for his lack of reading-LOL


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## tlshaw (Nov 10, 2008)

I have been married to a wonderful man for almost 24 years. He hates to read, unless it is something that can teach him to make money. I have always been a voracious reader, but the only one in my family. 

My husband shook his head when I got a Kindle, thinking it was just another toy. I have had it since March and he keeps commenting that he can't believe how much use I get out of it. My TV watching has dropped off drastically.


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## Poi Girl (Dec 3, 2008)

My husband reads very little and when he does it takes him months to finish.  
If I really want him to read a book I have to read it to him. Which has been twice, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (I was hoping it would motivate him to read the other books-It didn't, although he liked it.) and Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (same result) .
He loves Dune and has all the books and related books but has not read half of them.  No, I'm not going to read them to him.


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## tessa (Nov 1, 2008)

I didn't learn how to read till I was in 4TH grade my father sent me for private lessons with the school principal for the summer    I'll never forget when all the words she had me read finally click and  I realize I was reading a story.  

Looking back know  growing up we always had books around and everybody read.  My husbands family never did. I've known my husband since I'm 12 and I never saw him read a book but he knows so much I guess 35 years being a cop does that.  

I'm not a sports person but I started reading baseball books because for grandson.

He's not a great cook nor a good housekeeper but he learning.


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## wavsite (Nov 12, 2008)

When my husband and I were dating, he NEVER read books, and swore he never would. He prefered his stories in interactive / visual mode (video games, movies, TV). I told his best friend (who is a big reader - he and I would drag my hubby into bookstores on a regular basis) that I was going to get him to read, and he laughed at me, saying it was impossible.

Well, on one of our longer car trips, I made him a deal - he could play his DS (Nintendo portable game system) while I drove, and I wouldn't complain or bother him, if I could listen to my audio book. I had planned ahead a little, and was a couple of CDs into it but not TOO far. It was a detective / serial killer story by Michael Connelly, and I knew he liked crime stories. Sure enough, after the first hour, when we stopped to eat, he was asking questions about the plot lines. When we got back in the car, the DS was put away and he was fully into the story with me.

Yay, I won Round 1! 

We took a few more trips, listened to a few more Connelly books. Then I brought out the BIG guns! I had just gotten Jim Butcher's third book in audio format (wonderfully performed by James Marsters), so I used that as an excuse to re-listen to book 1 (Storm Front) on our Christmas / holiday travels. I said, "Please give it a try, I know it's not the same type of story you're used to, but I really want to hear it, and if you absolutely positively don't like it I brought a backup audio book." Wizard detective in Chicago, solving a murder with wit and snark a-plenty? BAM! - he was hooked.

Yay, I won Round 2! 

We finished book 1, started book 2, and he ended up taking the rest of the CDs INSIDE the house to listen to in the evenings after work - it wasn't just "travel" material anymore. By the time he finished the audio for book 3, I had him totally under my book-spell! "Sorry, honey, but there is no book 4 on audio, they haven't recorded it yet. But book 7 comes out this April, and I have all the paperbacks in between if you want to keep going..."

Yay, I won Round 3! 

One of my happiest moments during our dating years was his phone call to me from a business trip that April - he had dragged his best friend (the reader) into a book store after the daily work meetings were over, to buy his OWN copy of book 7 (Dead Beat) in hardback on release day. His friend was absolutely ASTONISHED. As best man at our wedding, part of his toast was how I was his hero - I got my husband to read books.

Round 4 is currently in the works...

I just got him his own Kindle, and he hasn't started using it yet because he is *re-reading* another series that isn't Kindle-ized yet. He has to finish reading those first, you see... hahahahaha!

So, it *is* possible to convert a non-reader, you just have to ... work the angles, lol.


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## drenee (Nov 11, 2008)

wavsite, you are a hero to all women!!


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## Wisteria Clematis (Oct 29, 2008)

Wavsite, that story just made my entire day! I just want to say great job. You have given your husband the most wonderful gift in the entire world.


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## Cowgirl (Nov 1, 2008)

Yep...married 36 years to a non-reader.  Funny thing is he was an English major.  He said there are cliffnotes for everybook he ever needed to read.  He loves to read the newspaper but is proud to say he hasn't read a book in 40 years.  He did buy me the kindle for my birthday so he gets major points for that...


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## tessa (Nov 1, 2008)

You know your getting old when you read a story like that and say why didn't I do that    and the you realized that audio books and tape decks weren't invented yet.

tessa


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## chynared21 (Oct 28, 2008)

*I can count on two hands how many books DH has purchased in the 15 years we've been together...and two of them were "how to" books. He hasn't read any of them except the "how to" books and even at that not cover to cover. He'll read bits and pieces of the newspaper and a mountain biking magazine...that's it but I guess it's still "reading" *


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## Wisteria Clematis (Oct 29, 2008)

My situation is rather unusual. My husband loves to read but he is a workaholic and spends most of his life at the office. When he is not there he can usually be spotted catching up on even more work in his home office. Because he seems to feel guilty whenever he reads for pleasure, the only time he really gives himself permission to read is when he is in (ahem!) the bathroom, sitting on the commode. If he is reading a really good mystery novel he has been known to spend up to two hours in the bathroom! I now call it his Library. I have tried over and over to convince him that it is perfectly ok to read in bed or even on the sofa if he feels like it but somehow that seems to feel too decadent to him....like he is goofing off or something. 

Other than his kinky choice of a reading room he is a very intelligent, down-to-earth, responsible and entertaining person. But I would sure love to see him reading in the living room for a change.


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## Linda Cannon-Mott (Oct 28, 2008)

Wisteria Clematis said:


> My situation is rather unusual. My husband loves to read but he is a workaholic and spends most of his life at the office. When he is not there he can usually be spotted catching up on even more work in his home office. Because he seems to feel guilty whenever he reads for pleasure, the only time he really gives himself permission to read is when he is in (ahem!) the bathroom, sitting on the commode. If he is reading a really good mystery novel he has been known to spend up to two hours in the bathroom! I now call it his Library. I have tried over and over to convince him that it is perfectly ok to read in bed or even on the sofa if he feels like it but somehow that seems to feel too decadent to him....like he is goofing off or something.
> 
> Other than his kinky choice of a reading room he is a very intelligent, down-to-earth, responsible and entertaining person. But I would sure love to see him reading in the living room for a change.


LOL I guess we do what we gotta do to read! I probably need to feel some guilt as much time as I spend reading but I *just don't*.


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## bosslady402 (Nov 6, 2008)

Linda Cannon-Mott said:


> Oh I agree with you there, my husband does the majority of the cooking and cleaning. Have to love the guy for that!!  Funny thing is he prefers it like that.


Same here! (Don't forget the laundry, gardening and home improvements too). He's not a book reader, he's a newsweek/popular science kind of guy. Married for 23 years, one of the first things I liked about him was not only did he read things, but remembered what he read and could actually have discussions about it! (as opposed to high school BF). He's the one that bought me the Kindle as a surprise, but now he laughs at me cause it seems to him I spend more time on Kindleboards than actually reading...

The only time me reading so much becomes a conflict is when we are on vacation - he is the social butterfly, and wants me to hang out with him, and I just want to sit by the pool and read. So I have to budget my time and encourage him to play tequila volleyball ALOT.

I was the only big reader in my family growing up, probably to escape the chaos of 5 siblings. I could load the dishwasher and read a book simultaneously. We read to our kids all the time when they were little, and the younger son can read a boook as fast as I can, just not as many. My oldest is a sophmore in college and just took a class devoted to LOTR - but he had never read the series! He said if he got stuck he'd just call me... As it turned out, he had such a hard time getting through the books that he got the audio tapes instead, but he's pretty sure he ended up with the only A in the class. I guess it depends as much on personality as it does on environment.



Wisteria Clematis said:


> he has been known to spend up to two hours in the bathroom! I now call it his Library.


That the most comfortable chair in the house! DH actually put bookshelves in there for me.


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## Poi Girl (Dec 3, 2008)

Wisteria Clematis said:


> If he is reading a really good mystery novel he has been known to spend up to two hours in the bathroom! I now call it his Library.


I don't have book shelf but I've gotten ring-around-the-thigh from spending too much time reading in the br. I usually get up when my leg falls asleep or hubby bangs on the door. Sad but true.


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## Linda Cannon-Mott (Oct 28, 2008)

Poi Girl said:


> I don't have book shelf but I've gotten ring-around-the-thigh from spending too much time reading in the br. I usually get up when my leg falls asleep or hubby bangs on the door. Sad but true.


LOL "Ring-around-the-thigh"


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

My husband reads two newspapers a day, listens to All Things Considered and Morning Edition everyday, is subscribed to a gang of podcasts which he listens to while walking the dog and doing chores around the house. He is learning to cook since I quit cooking 3 years ago and reads Bon Appetit and Food and Wine which I got him as free subscriptions using expiring airline miles. And...he probably reads one book a year. For his one book for 2009 I bought him *The Art of Racing in the Rain* which was recommended on this board.

His mother was an avid reader but the rest of his family...not so much. Since he's not a big book reader, he isn't really interested in my Kindle. I guess I would call him "an information gatherer" more than a reader.

L


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## Vegas_Asian (Nov 2, 2008)

I have a history of dating gamers in high school. They'd play their RPGs and I'd read. I haven't dated since entering college, but I guess that is a good thing. I just got straight a's


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## Wisteria Clematis (Oct 29, 2008)

Vegas_Asian said:


> I have a history of dating gamers in high school. They's play their RPGs and I'd read. I haven't dated since entering college, but I guess that is a good thing. I just got straight a's


Hey! Congratulations!!!


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## Vegas_Asian (Nov 2, 2008)

*curtsy* Thank you! I would like to thank starbucks for their many convenient locations (all eight located on my way to school) that allowed me to stay awake for the 12 hours I'd spend on campus twice a week. Also like to thank my dog for not sabotaging my room for not taking her out as much as I used to. (she did that in my brother's room). I can't forget all you guys at the kindleboards, who kept me entertained between classes.


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## tessa (Nov 1, 2008)

Straight A's  that's wonderfull.


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## Linda Cannon-Mott (Oct 28, 2008)

Vegas_Asian said:


> I have a history of dating gamers in high school. They's play their RPGs and I'd read. I haven't dated since entering college, but I guess that is a good thing. I just got straight a's


Congratulations, that is great and you should be very proud!


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## WolfePrincess73 (Dec 2, 2008)

I am married to a sometime, selective book reader. He only reads occassionally and then only certain books. He will read LOTR and the Thomas Covenant series by Stephen R. Donaldson. That's it. When he wants to read, those are the only books from which he will choose. I like to re-read some books, but I have to add new ones also.


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## Lotus (Oct 31, 2008)

WolfePrincess73 said:


> I am married to a sometime, selective book reader. He only reads occassionally and then only certain books. He will read LOTR and the Thomas Covenant series by Stephen R. Donaldson. That's it. When he wants to read, those are the only books from which he will choose. I like to re-read some books, but I have to add new ones also.


My sweetie will also only read from a very limited pool. His books are Clive Cussler books. Other than that, he doesn't read.

I remember visiting my best friend's house a few years ago, and being unable to find a single book or magazine in the whole house. I had forgotten to bring any reading material with me for an overnight stay, and wanted to read something before bed. I simply couldn't fathom a house without a single book or magazine.


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## Angela (Nov 2, 2008)

My sweet hubby reads only his bible and his technical/computer type manuals... BUT, he loves for me to read to him. We have enjoyed many books together that way. He doesn't enjoy reading because he is dyslexic and is a struggle for him.


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## tc (Oct 29, 2008)

Depends on what you mean by non-reader.  My hubby reads the newpaper and books that pertains directly with his work.


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## Kristus412 (Nov 22, 2008)

My husband isn't a huge reader though he knows if I tell him he'd really like a book that I'm usually right. However, he has ADHD and sometimes it's hard for him to sit and concentrate on a book.


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## thejackylking #884 (Dec 3, 2008)

My wife is a reader however a very slow reader.  What's funny is that she'll get mad at me for reading because it takes time away from her.  Even when we are in bed together and she's reading.


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## quiltingdiva257 (Dec 8, 2008)

My DH really doesn't like to read at all.  About the only thing that he willingly reads is the comics on Sunday and the occasional magazine.

He was raised in a family that didn't encourage reading and really saw no point in reading for pleasure, so it is pretty much ingrained in him.  They all are into TV instead...this was their babysitter from an early age.    I grew up without a TV until I was in highschool, so I could care less about it.

He doesn't mind DD or I reading though, in fact he purchased my Kindle for Christmas!  He's one of those avid sit in front of the TV people, but he's been really good about not encouraging TV watching in our kids, but reading books playing outside instead.


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## Linda Cannon-Mott (Oct 28, 2008)

thejackylking said:


> My wife is a reader however a very slow reader. What's funny is that she'll get mad at me for reading because it takes time away from her. Even when we are in bed together and she's reading.


LOL us women are like that. Did you also realize that when we say no we really mean yes. Babe what do you want for XMAS, "nothing." But I really, really do!


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## thejackylking #884 (Dec 3, 2008)

True women are not known for being straight forward about anything.  If you don't want us to fix it don't come to us with a problem.  And for gods sake don't say "if you don't know what's wrong I'm not going to tell you".  Drives me nuts.  If you don't want to tell me then there's nothing wrong so leave me alone.


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## Linda Cannon-Mott (Oct 28, 2008)

thejackylking said:


> True women are not known for being straight forward about anything. If you don't want us to fix it don't come to us with a problem. And for gods sake don't say "if you don't know what's wrong I'm not going to tell you". Drives me nuts. If you don't want to tell me then there's nothing wrong so leave me alone.


ROTFL  I have said " if you don't know what's wrong I am not going to tell you" so, so many times. When I do my husband goes to the man cave and then I have to go down there and say, so you are going to ignore me to which he replies," yes Babe."


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## wavsite (Nov 12, 2008)

drenee said:


> wavsite, you are a hero to all women!!


Haha, only to those married to non-readers! 



Wisteria Clematis said:


> Wavsite, that story just made my entire day! I just want to say great job. You have given your husband the most wonderful gift in the entire world.


Yes, and I'm so lucky to have someone like him - he appreciates the "gift" I gave him, and has thanked me for it. And occasionally cursed me for it, heh, when he gets *really* into a book and has to stop for work or other obligations - along the lines of "damn you, you evil woman, for getting me into books!" Ha!



tessa said:


> You know your getting old when you read a story like that and say why didn't I do that and the you realized that audio books and tape decks weren't invented yet.


Hey, it's never too late to get someone reading! Audio books are a great way to "trick" a non-reader into it, as there's no pressure on them to have to know what all the words mean, or be able to read quickly, or be able to pronounce things, and they won't look like a "dork" sitting around with a book if it's being read to them in the car. There can be a lot of irrational fears associated with reading, come to think of it...


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## Jeff (Oct 28, 2008)

thejackylking said:


> True women are not known for being straight forward about anything. If you don't want to tell me then there's nothing wrong so leave me alone.


You may want to fix bayonets, Marine. You're about to be attacked by a superior force of better than three to one. Semper Fi, never say die!


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## libro (Dec 3, 2008)

The other night I was reading a great article in Vanity Fair and started reading bits and pieces of it across the room to my husband.  I was getting tired of semi-yelling, and he was kindly cooking dinner, so I finally stopped yapping and told him he should really read the editorial later.  That's when he said, "Why don't you just highlight the parts you want me with a read with a highlighter or something?"  *LOL*   He was lucky to be cooking dinner


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## thejackylking #884 (Dec 3, 2008)

exactly.  You have girlfriends to be mindreaders.  We like to fix stuff.  That's what we do.


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## robin.goodfellow (Nov 17, 2008)

I'm sort of dating a non-reader (he's actually a non-reader, but I'm not sure how much we're dating.  Sadly, even hearing the whole story doesn't clear things up overmuch, and you can all just read about it in my novel.  It'll be called "Exhibit A", if I had to guess.), and to me it's a little strange.  I mean, it shouldn't be.  Most of the guys I've dated have been non-readers.  But we were discussing Harry Potter, and I mentioned something that I felt should have been included in the movie, and he was pretty much at sea.  He hadn't read the books.  Not even the first one.  Which strikes me as profoundly strange, but now he's even starting to say things like "You can just read it and tell me the best parts.  They're funnier coming from you anyway."

So, you may be asking yourselves, what did I get him for Christmas?  A DT copy of "Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom" by Cory Doctorow.  And a signed copy of "Something Wicked This Way Comes", b/c he really loves the movie.  I'm trying to decide what it says about my character that I would buy books as a gift for a confessed non-reader.  Perhaps it's best not to ponder that for very long.

But, for the people who are married to non-readers, did you know about your SO's non-readerness before you married them?  And did it make a difference to you?  Or is it something that you've discovered over time?  

Also, I tend to make my arguments more along the lines of "YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT'S WRONG, YOU SELFISH MUTANT!!!"  Which is not, in fact, more effective than "You should know so I'm not going to tell you what's wrong."  In addition, I just spent two days in a class where I learned that starting off with an attack is a crappy way to get into a conversation, in addition to making the other person so defensive that real communication is not possible.  I recognize the truth of that, but old habits die hard.
~robin


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## mom133d (aka Liz) (Nov 25, 2008)

robin.goodfellow said:


> But, for the people who are married to non-readers, did you know about your SO's non-readerness before you married them? And did it make a difference to you? Or is it something that you've discovered over time?


I knew, but then my DH seems to be less of a non-reader than others mentioned here. When we first met, he was really into RPGs (Role Playing games - Dungeons and Dragons for example, only his was with vampires and werewolves...). Of course, in order to play these games you have to read the books to create your character and know the rules. He likes Video RPGs as well (like the Final Fantasy series). But he doesn't curl up with a good book.

he's a big advocate of the video RPGs for kids "who don't like to read". He managed a game store for a few years and would steer parents of non-readers to these games. In order to advance in the game, the kid has to read what is going on. And any video game that isn't a "button-masher" will at the very least, require that the manual be read. Because that's how he got to reading for pleasure, he used video games as a gateway drug. LOL

His non-readerness didn't matter to me. Gave me some time to myself while he does something I'm not interested in. And if I'm reading something funny or think he'll enjoy, we'll look for an audio version. He's turned the tables on me now: we found "Lamb" by Christopher Moore on CD at a book fair and he turned me on to him. He just finished "Outlander" and said I'd like it, so I've Kindled it but am waiting for the club to start


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## Angela (Nov 2, 2008)

robin.goodfellow said:


> But, for the people who are married to non-readers, did you know about your SO's non-readerness before you married them? And did it make a difference to you? Or is it something that you've discovered over time?


I knew Larry wasn't a reader. He was in college when we met and struggling with an English class and History because there was so much reading involved. He made it through History mainly because of what he remembered from high school and films, but it took him 2 extra semesters to complete that last English course because of the reading. I read the last book to him so he could write a paper.


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## Guest (Dec 18, 2008)

I knew my ex was a non-reader and at first it did not make much difference. We were in "LOVE" yanno. Then, over the years, as the differences became more important, it got to be a big deal. He was the one saying "Put down that book and pay attention to me." 

Not saying that reading vs. non-reading was the cause of our break-up. It was just one of the many straws on that camel's back.


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## Chad Winters (Oct 28, 2008)

I'm so glad my wife likes to read as much as I do. We can curl up and read together without me getting in trouble for ignoring her!


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## cush (Oct 27, 2008)

I'm probably one of the oldest members on the Board so I'll put my oar in. I have been married twice, both times to readers (my wife Jo has her own Kindle, and my ex would like to get one!) so I have no direct experience with a non reader spouse but...

I have come to the conclusion from observing family members that it all depends how the non reading spouse views reading.  As a time and money waster?  As something the other does that is enjoyable for them so I support it?  Do I need constant attention and physical activity from the reading spouse or can I just leave them alone to read for a reasonable time?
Unfortunately, it can be difficult to find these things out until you are in a relationship for an extended time.
It's not always the husband that is the non reader. The wife of an avid reader in our family is only an occasional reader (dyslexia) but they have negotiated so each has time for "their" interests.

It is heartening to read some of the posts here recounting bringing someone into the world of books. What a great gift to someone you love. Many 20-to-40 year olds, especially here in California, were never taught to read recreationally and came from homes that didn't value reading. TV, on-line videos, and video games  provide most of the information and pleasure for many today.  As a result, the magic internal "movie", enriched by the reader's imagination, that we experience when we read our books is an alien experience to a non reader.  Tragic.


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## Lotus (Oct 31, 2008)

My SO's non-reader status is the least of his glaring deficiencies! 


Spoiler



just kidding... LOL



But seriously, he's a great guy. The non-reader thing doesn't bother me much. It's the constantly on TV that bugs me. I made him get wireless headphones so he can shoot people on his PS3 without me having to feel like I have a war going on in the living room.


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## Wannabe (Nov 6, 2008)

I've been married for 21 years to a non-reader. It's all good, though- he's a walking calculator and I can't even balance the checkbook so we're a perfect complement to eachother.

Yay! I'm not a Dr Seuss anymore! (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)


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## Linda Cannon-Mott (Oct 28, 2008)

Wannabe said:


> I've been married for 21 years to a non-reader. It's all good, though- he's a walking calculator and I can't even balance the checkbook so we're a perfect complement to eachother.
> 
> Yay! I'm not a Dr Seuss anymore! (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)


WOO HOO! Congrats on your 50th post!


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## Poi Girl (Dec 3, 2008)

Wannabe said:


> I've been married for 21 years to a non-reader. It's all good, though- he's a walking calculator and I can't even balance the checkbook so we're a perfect complement to eachother.
> 
> Yay! I'm not a Dr Seuss anymore! (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)


Lol, sounds like me and my husband, except that we have been married for only 2 years (but together for 8 years). 
I'm the reader and he's the gamer (I play too but I wouldn't call myself a gamer) but he's also the accountant and has all the math smarts.


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## sjc (Oct 29, 2008)

> I've been married for years to a man I dearly love, my best friend as well. He's caring, loving, and extremely sensitive, not to mention a hard worker. However, he only reads very rarely. He's highly intelligent, so his lack of reading as a pastime is unusual to me.


Ditto: Married 23 years to a practical genius who hates to read. He does do a lot of reading for job/type stuff. I LOVE to read; as does our daughter. My husband hates it; as does our son.


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## Angela (Nov 2, 2008)

Wannabe said:


> I've been married for 21 years to a non-reader. It's all good, though- he's a walking calculator and I can't even balance the checkbook so we're a perfect complement to eachother.
> 
> Yay! I'm not a Dr Seuss anymore! (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)


Congrats Wannabe on your 50th post!


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## Daisysmama (Nov 12, 2008)

Both of my parents only read our two newspapers, cover to cover, every day.  My brother and sister and I were big book readers.

My brother's wife never grad. HS and I don't think was a very good, maybe very slow, reader so didn't get into books.  My brother always had his nose in a book and it used to drive her nuts cause she felt ignored.  Then one day she discovered Diane Palmer in the Harlequin line and now is not so frustrated with his reading.  And yes, she would get really upset when he spent hours on "the throne".  

I also have a friend that would only read Andrew Greeley, her daughter would only read Stephen King (was divorced and dead set against anything romantic) and another friend that would only read Sandra Brown.  I could never get them interested in other authors and can't believe what they are missing out by not trying other authors.


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## Sailor (Nov 1, 2008)

Hey, just caught this thread.

It's a prerequisite, none of the guys I date can read. 

-sailor


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## KBoards Admin (Nov 27, 2007)

^ LOL @ sailor. 

Carrie and I are both readers, and often share the same books. We do a lot of in-bed reading too, although she usually can't get more than a chapter in before wanting to sleep. (She's a southern gal and sleep is very important to her!!) I can read for hours though and probably lose too much sleep as a result.


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## Vicki (Nov 9, 2008)

I have experienced both sides. My first husband was a big reader. When he passed I made some friends very happy with his book collections. Second hubby is not much of a reader. Since he travels for his work by car, I got him hooked on audio books. It helped that a huge group of us were sitting around a fire on the 4th of July laughing about the Stephanie Plum books. That's what I used to get him hooked and 5 years later he is still driving and listening.


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## Tippy (Dec 8, 2008)

My parents had distinctly opposite interests.  My father loved rocks, arrowheads, thngs like that.  He was an avid collector and would read articles, sometimes passages from books about those issues.  My mother is a voracious reader and writes poetry and short stories.  However our family outings revolved around Dad's interest in rocks.  Well rock shows are only interesting to me for a short period of time.  My mother taught me to take a book along.  It helped pass the time for me.  Dad put his foot down on the book business when we went rock hunting as a family.  I hated rock hunts.  You go to a rock bed with hundreds of thousands of rocks and you are looking for a specific rock with a specific pattern.  Yeesh.  After Dad polished and displayed "our" finds, it was interesting for a little while.  Give me a good book any day -- in fact give me a poor book any day. . .!


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## Wells83 (Nov 19, 2008)

My boyfriend doesn't read as much as I do but he does make the effort. He's made a big turn around since we met almost five years ago. At that point the only reading he did was for school and he had never read a book for pleasure. Luckily, that has changed. He still reads mostly for school, but he does read for pleasure too. I buy him books for holidays (his mother too--she never reads either but I've gotten her to read books like _Angela's Ashes_ and _The Other Boleyn Girl_)

On the other hand, all three of my sisters and both of my parents are avid readers.


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## Anju  (Nov 8, 2008)

My husband said when he graduated from graduate school he was not going to read any more, and has held to that.  He reads statistics of the various sports in the newspaper and sometimes the headlines.  I have always been a voracious reader and he actually encourages me.  He watches sports and I read, a good compromise.  Now with the kindle and all the freebies I can get he is even happier.


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## cheshirenc (Dec 27, 2008)

my hubby is a non reader too, but I have seen him read a book or two.  Both of his brothers are avid readers as well as his mom.  His dad is a HUGE non reader.

hubby complains a bit about my reading especially when he catches me reading 3 or more books at the same time (he doesn't understand why I just can't read one at a time).  He also gets upset about the piles of books teetering about to fall and the fact I can't ride anywhere without taking a (or several) books.

This is why I was/am speechless when he ordered me a kindle.  He's now an enabler to my reading habit and doesn't even realize it.


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## megan (Dec 27, 2008)

I grew up with parents who read to me constantly. When they found out they were pregnant, they ditched their TV and stocked up on children's books. Needless to say, I developed the reading bug out of necessity and found that it is the only hobby that I have stuck with my entire life. I married a "non-reader". Luckily, he is a sports fanatic. He watches ESPN, Sports Center, games, etc. 24-7 which gives me plenty of time to curl up on the couch and read. Although, he did pick up Gus the other day and said it was the niftiest thing he had ever seen. I even offered to buy him a book to read on it. Maybe Kindle will make a bibliophile of him yet!


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## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

cheshirenc said:


> He also gets upset about the piles of books teetering about to fall and the fact I can't ride anywhere without taking a (or several) books.
> 
> This is why I was/am speechless when he ordered me a kindle. He's now an enabler to my reading habit and doesn't even realize it.


Souns like he doesn't mind the reading so much as the ancillary problems! 

Enjoy!

Ann


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## Geekgirl (Jan 2, 2009)

I am currently dating a non-reader...and its caused a lot of bumps in our relationship....as lame as that sounds.  But as an avid reader and a writer we sometimes run out of things to talk about (he's not interested in much other than video games).

I dunno....I think I might make reading a prerequisite for all future relationships lol...


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## Micdiddy (Nov 29, 2008)

My girlfriend is basically a non-reader, though she loves animals so I decided to get here Dewey and Marley and Me. She's almost 200 pages through M & M so I thinks that's awesome. Once she realizes she likes books about animals, it's just a small step to books in general. In fact what got me into reading was reading 4 books on specific subjects I already knew I liked, then I broadened my horizons and never looked back.


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## Micdiddy (Nov 29, 2008)

Geekgirl said:


> I dunno....I think I might make reading a prerequisite for all future relationships lol...


That's a good one. It seems like after every relationship I just add more and more prerequisites.


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## Vegas_Asian (Nov 2, 2008)

Geekgirl said:


> I am currently dating a non-reader...and its caused a lot of bumps in our relationship....as lame as that sounds. But as an avid reader and a writer we sometimes run out of things to talk about (he's not interested in much other than video games).
> 
> I dunno....I think I might make reading a prerequisite for all future relationships lol...


Through high school all I dated/befriended were gamers, (I was in Japclub and attendee of GameClub) I found you can get a gamer into reading by introducing them to their favorite game's book. Yes, some RPG and games, have books (as in novels, not manuals). This is how I also get my bro to read. There a couple Halo books, and I think a Dungeons&Dragons series....I don't know for sure.


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## MamaProfCrash (Dec 16, 2008)

My Fiance is a non-reader. The only time I see him with a book is when we are travelling or camping. I am reasonably certain it takes him about a year to make his way through his travel book. He will read books on backpacking much more quickly. He likes Sci Fi/ Fantasy books but those take forever for him to read.

It does not bother me. We both enjoy video games, movies, and sports.  I can read while he is playing video games or watching a movie I don't care about. We play softball together several times a week and love to camp together. He gave me my Kindle as my birthday gift and an Oberon cover for Christmas. He has been pretty impressed with the Kindle, he likes how books look on it but has yet to pick it up to read with.

Both of his parents read. I am not certain why he doesn't. I plan on reading to our kids regularly and I have a feeling that he will read to them as well. 

I think the fact that we have things in common and things we don't share is why our relationship works. We can do things together but also have our seperate hobbies.


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## Wannabe (Nov 6, 2008)

ProfCrash said:


> My Fiance is a non-reader. The only time I see him with a book is when we are travelling or camping. I am reasonably certain it takes him about a year to make his way through his travel book. He will read books on backpacking much more quickly. He likes Sci Fi/ Fantasy books but those take forever for him to read.
> 
> It does not bother me. We both enjoy video games, movies, and sports. I can read while he is playing video games or watching a movie I don't care about. We play softball together several times a week and love to camp together. He gave me my Kindle as my birthday gift and an Oberon cover for Christmas. He has been pretty impressed with the Kindle, he likes how books look on it but has yet to pick it up to read with.
> 
> ...


The fact that he has yet to pick the Kindle up to read is not necessarily a bad thing . It's true that you don't both have to love everything the other does in order to make a relationship work, it would be pretty much impossible to find someone like that (you may as well just date yourself). Plus, differences make things interesting.


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## MamaProfCrash (Dec 16, 2008)

I have not encouraged him to pick up my baby. I don't think he would read with it but I am a bit shy about sharing her.


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## GrammieCheryl (Dec 17, 2008)

I'm married, my husband of over 9 years never, ever, ever reads.....but, he supports my reading and the kindle, so far at least.


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## Guest (Jan 2, 2009)

I can't even imagine getting involved with a non-reader. It's... _inconceivable_.


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## Geekgirl (Jan 2, 2009)

Vegas_Asian said:


> Through high school all I dated/befriended were gamers, (I was in Japclub and attendee of GameClub) I found you can get a gamer into reading by introducing them to their favorite game's book. Yes, some RPG and games, have books (as in novels, not manuals). This is how I also get my bro to read. There a couple Halo books, and I think a Dungeons&Dragons series....I don't know for sure.


I tried...I bought him Star Wars books...Halo books....everything, I even tried reading him erotica LOL...nothing took...I give up.

There's nothing wrong with gaming, I'm an avid gamer myself (granted I usually play RPGs for the storyline lol) but I just wish he would branch out a little.

Definetely a prerequisite for next time


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## LSbookend (Dec 22, 2008)

"Reading is such a wonderful gift to pass along."

Debbie, I agree with this statement. I hope my children will enjoy reading. My husband is not a reader. I don't have any children yet, but here's hopping.  

He likes movies. We went to the beach this summer and I drove all night so I brought along some books on tape (well CD now) and he listened when he wasn't sleeping, but then we went to see the movie that was based on the books and he said that the books ruined the movie. I think that movies can ruin books. So, anyways now he is not so found of listening to my books on tape anymore. Gezzzz But on the upside he bought my kindle so at least he supports my habit.  

LSbookend


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## chynared21 (Oct 28, 2008)

LSbookend said:


> "Reading is such a wonderful gift to pass along."
> 
> Debbie, I agree with this statement. I hope my children will enjoy reading. My husband is not a reader. I don't have any children yet, but here's hopping.


*They will if you instill it on them. From the moment she was born, a bedtime story was always read to her, either by me or my husband. As she got older I'd pick books specifically for him to read to her like Princess Pruney Toes. He doesn't see her much during the week as her bedtime is rather early but he enjoyed those few minutes that it would take to read a short book to her, plus it got him reading. Also, there was Captain Underpants which she was really into and I refused to read to her so it was his job to read all that revolting stuff with her...hey, they were both reading so I didn't care what it was 

So now my 3rd grader is reading at almost a 5th grade level and now that she's reading harder books, the story lines get better )*


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## LSbookend (Dec 22, 2008)

chynared21 said:


> *They will if you instill it on them. From the moment she was born, a bedtime story was always read to her, either by me or my husband. As she got older I'd pick books specifically for him to read to her like Princess Pruney Toes. He doesn't see her much during the week as her bedtime is rather early but he enjoyed those few minutes that it would take to read a short book to her, plus it got him reading. Also, there was Captain Underpants which she was really into and I refused to read to her so it was his job to read all that revolting stuff with her...hey, they were both reading so I didn't care what it was
> 
> So now my 3rd grader is reading at almost a 5th grade level and now that she's reading harder books, the story lines get better )*


Thanks, that's encouraging!
LSbookend


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## Neversleepsawink;) (Dec 16, 2008)

My hubby isn't a reader, he laughs at me when I read.  He can't believe someone could enjoy reading so much.  He bought me my Kindle for Christmas, and he said by the smile on my face its worth every penny.


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## chynared21 (Oct 28, 2008)

LSbookend said:


> Thanks, that's encouraging!
> LSbookend


*Anytime ) Now our daughter even tells her dad that he should read more *


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## theresa57 (Nov 23, 2008)

I have been happily married to a non-reader for 11 years now. When we got married, he had three bookshelves full of WWII books that he had collected over the years, and skimmed through. 
Since we have been together, he has always preferred TV or computer games, even though he has NO idea how to get online, and doesn't want to! lol
He is definately a keeper though, as he not only does all the laundry and the dishes, but also tells me whenever I want a book- "honey, if we have the money in the bank, buy all the books you want!"


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## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

When I buy books or musical instruments, DH says. ..o.k.  I get a tool!

He now has LOTS of tools.  But he makes use of them.  He's built probably half the furniture in our house and refinished a lot as well.  Re-did our hardwood floors, built the deck and patio and about half the kitchen.  Also renovated one bathroom and the garage.  (Garage is now, officially, a workshop, though we can fit one car in if we have to.)  Next project will be installing tile in the family room.

He used to read more, but doesn't have as much time now and prefers to veg out in front of the tv if there isn't a project he's working on.

Yeah.  He's a keeper.  

Ann


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