# how much wedding gift for dessert reception?



## Maryann Christine (May 18, 2011)

Hi, googling doesn't give me a specific answer to this question: How much should a couple give as a cash gift to a casual friend who is having a dessert-only reception? I live on the East Coast. I don't want to be cheap, but it's not a close friend and they aren't serving dinner. I just have no clue what to give as a cash amount. (I know for a fact that they don't want a household gift because they already have an established household with lots of stuff.) --Thank you.


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

give as much as you feel comfortable as a gift. it's not about how much food they are giving you, it's a wedding gift.


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## sheiler1963 (Nov 23, 2011)

I would take the value of the dessert and double it as the minimum I guess.


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## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

See I'd say give more than you would to someone who is having a full catered dinner with multiple courses and entertainment.  My logic: they're possibly having a low key reception because it's what they can afford and so they'll more appreciate a larger monetary gift.

But, if it was me, I would not give cash anyway.  They'd get a gift gift. . . . .


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## Thumper (Feb 26, 2009)

Depends on what you can afford, really, but my base would be $50...I'd more likely give them $100, mostly because I'm a pushover


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## Pawz4me (Feb 14, 2009)

BTackitt said:


> give as much as you feel comfortable as a gift. it's not about how much food they are giving you, it's a wedding gift.


I agree completely. I've never heard of the value of a gift being related to how much food is served.


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

You know, the funny thing is, it also depends on the culture. Americans GIVE gifts to the happy couple, in Japan, the couple gives the gifts to the guests. While we lived there, I taught English, and two of my students got married. I was invited to their wedding & reception (the only non family member at the very private wedding  ), and brought a gift to the young couple's reception. I was surprised to go home with a Noritake crystal glassware set for myself, and they were surprised to get a gift.


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## hsuthard (Jan 6, 2010)

$100 is what I'd give.


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## Maryann Christine (May 18, 2011)

Thank you for the replies. 

ETA: Unfortunately, due to some technical difficulties, I didn't get a chance to read the responses until after the wedding, from which we recently returned. So I'd asked my husband how much he thought we should give (he's the main earner, I just bring in money from little freelance jobs). He said $80 since it was a coffee/pastries event in a VFW-type hall and we aren't close friends. (She only invited me a couple weeks ago and I think we may have been on the B list, which is fine, I was still flattered she asked.)

Now I wish I'd given more but we're on one income (DH's) and I wanted to respect his opinion about the monetary amount. She mentioned in conversations that she didn't want "thing" gifts, because it's a second marriage for both of them and they've accumulated a lot of stuff from living together ten years. (They've been living in their home for some time now. Both in their forties.)

Now I feel cheap but it's too late now. In the future, I'll just decline the invite. When we were both working, we gave pretty generous wedding gifts, but that's not as easy now. I think I'd rather not go than be tied up in knots thinking of how much to give, especially when my husband has never even met the couple.

Sigh. Things like this were much easier when we had the two incomes, but I am so happy not working at my stressful old job anymore. She does know we are on one income so I am hoping she'll understand. 

Well, thanks again for the honest replies. Silly me, wish I'd asked earlier.


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## amygamet (Aug 26, 2012)

I always consider the cost of the reception, because you AT LEAST want to cover what it costs for them to have you at their special day.  I say that, but we just went out of state to a big family wedding last week that was *lavish*, and all three of my kids were invited along with my husband and me.  I'm quite sure I didn't cover the cost of my entire family being at *that particular* reception.  But I did try!  It was an expensive weekend, that's for sure.


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## Annalog (Dec 28, 2008)

Maryann, do not feel cheap! You gave what you could afford. If your friend invited you so that you could be a part of a joyous event in her life then she would have been happy to see you and your husband there even if you had not brought any gift.


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## Tripp (May 28, 2009)

Annalog said:


> Maryann, do not feel cheap! You gave what you could afford. If your friend invited you so that you could be a part of a joyous event in her life then she would have been happy to see you and your husband there even if you had not brought any gift.


I totally agree with this. And considering the circumstances that you mentioned, I think $80.00 is more than enough.


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## Thumper (Feb 26, 2009)

$80 isn't cheap! 

Tell ya what, if I was on the receiving end, I sure as heck wouldn't want anyone giving me more than they could afford. I'd be touched that they thought I was worth it, but at the same time hurt that they felt they had to.

Gifts are just that...gifts. Not obligations. You weren't obligated for anything, and gave what you could afford.

That's a good thing!

Well...unless you gave it to them in pennies. And then it would just be funny...


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## hsuthard (Jan 6, 2010)

Absolutely don't feel bad! And do be glad you went. As a host, I always appreciate a friends presence much more than their presents  and that would be doubly true for a wedding. I think $80 is a perfectly respectable amount.


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