# Raising Children - Tell a story



## mcblanchfield (Jan 4, 2010)

This is a funny story…at least we are laughing about it now.
Went to Cancun with the kids many years ago (girl 8 and boy 6).  We had tried to bring them up right impressing on them to always be truthful…never lie.

While we were in Cancun, I found a really nice coconut at the base of a tree. Still had the green husk. I had visions of taking it home, gathering all the kids in the neighborhood, shucking and opening that coconut with my machete, and sharing the meat and milk with the kids in the front yard.  That’ll be cool.

Coming back through customs I had made sure that coconut was buried way deep inside the big suitcase…’they will never find it’.

Customs Officer:  “Are you bringing any fresh fruits or vegetables into the country?”
Me: “No”
Steven (standing right beside me): “D-a-a-a-a-a-d”
Customs Officer: “What does your dad have in his suitcase son ?”
Me: “Well,I, a…”
Customs Officer: “KEEP your mouth shut. I’m talking to your boy”

Steven reveals is dad was attempting to smuggle a coconut into the United States.  I dig into the suitcase, produce the coconut, and apologize to the officer.  
Well, my apology didn’t cut it it…we got pulled off to the side.  The whole family got full body pat-downs, they went completely through all 8 pieces of luggage and the 6 carry ons.  We had a 3 hour layover.  Very nearly missed our connecting flight.

I was mortified.
The wife was SERIOUSLY angry with me.
The children were terrified.
Poor Steven was in tears.  All he did was “tell the truth”

Just for the record, that is the total extent of my criminal history.
But yes…I am a convicted coconut smuggler.  My son was the fink.


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

Being a Military family when our kids were small, we moved fairly often. Just after moving to Japan I had the kids down at the playground on base playing; 5, 4, were playing, & the 2 yo was napping with daddy. Standing around talking with another mom, we got to the inevitable where are YOU from questions.. I said we had just moved from living with my parents for the last 9 months while hubby was in Japan and we were waiting on housing, but before that, we had been in TX where DH and kids were all born, while I was originally from California. And this sweet little voice from behind my hip says, "And I am from Mommy's tummy." My 5 year old had come over to talk too.

about a year and a half later... we are in the car driving to the airport to pick up my mom who flew in for a visit.. explaining who "grandma" is to our now almost 4 yo daughter. I tell her, ok.. you have a mommy, that is me, and yo are my child right? she says yes, I say ok, I have a mommy too, and I am her child, she is your grandma.  and she has a mommy too, so she is someone's child. 
oldest son pipes up, "and we are all God's children."


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## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

Boy was about two and a half, and we'd been impressing upon him that if he wanted something from us, he must say "please".  So "I want milk" produced zero response, but "Please, I want milk" produced a positive response. (Yes, we worked on the grammar too, but please was the big focus at this point. ).

So, we're stationed in Iceland and were able to get a short notice EML (Environmental Morale Leave) flight to Andrews AFB near DC just before Easter.  Since my folks live fairly close we jumped on it.  Plane is a big ol' cargo plane.  Seats face back, drafty, definitely discernible temperature gradient at about waist level -- head sweats while feet freeze.  But none of that bothered the boy who thought it was pretty cool. . . . for about 2 hours.  Problem is, the flight was at least 6 or 7.  And NO in flight movie.  It wasn't even overnight so he was not interested in sleeping.

A few hours in he started saying he wanted to get off the plane; clearly it wasn't that much fun any more.  At first he was reasonable, "can we get off the plane now?"  Of course, we explained that, no, we couldn't we were going to see grandma and grandpa, etc.  This evolved to a whine, "I wanna get off the plane, NNNOOOOWWWWWW."  So, now we're getting a bit sterner with him -- whining was never o.k. -- though I admit that I felt pretty much the same way he did.

This kept up for a while with us trying not to be too hard on him but also beginning to lose our patience when he suddenly stopped, sat very still, and said, very nicely, "Can we get off the plane now, PLEASE."


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Ann in Arlington said:


> "Can we get off the plane now, PLEASE."


Awwww. How tough to have to explain then that sometimes it just... doesn't... work. 



Ann in Arlington said:


> EML (Environmental Morale Leave)


Is this a real term? Or are you making that up? It sounds like it should mean "this place where we're stationed is so awful that we need to go home just to maintain some kind of sanity and decent morale".


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

A couple of years ago, three of DD's dad's cats died in the same year (unrelated reasons). It was an opportunity to talk to DD, then 5 years old, about death. After explaining as much as we know, and telling her about some of the variety of things that people believe but don't know for sure, we also had a talk about grieving. I said that it was also an opportunity to remember all the good things about a cat (or person) and all the good times you spent with that cat (or person). She brightened at that, and we spent some time talking about the fun things those cats had done before they became ill, and much laughter ensued. I thought that was a fine way of dealing with it -- being sad, but then remembering them in a good way.

So then a couple of weeks later we see my mom, who was 70 and in fine health (still is), and DD says, _Omi _[Grandma], _when you die we're going to have a party!_

That took some explaining....


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## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

Susan in VA said:


> Is this a real term? Or are you making that up? It sounds like it should mean "this place where we're stationed is so awful that we need to go home just to maintain some kind of sanity and decent morale".


Totally a real term. And, yeah, that's kind of what it meant.

Iceland is. . . .remote. . . .and the winters are long and pretty dark. Also, unless you're really into outdoor sports or indoor gymnasium sports, there's not a lot to do. Minimal shopping. Movies if you want to see ones that are either for kids or two years old. TV shows from 2 years ago. A couple of days of sightseeing and you've pretty much done the nearby area. In the summer they did have some bus tours that went farther afield. We actually really enjoyed it but it is probably the most "foreign" place we were ever stationed. The people were very friendly and we've never been the sort to suffer from cabin fever. . . .and if the snow was two feet, we just went out anyway: snow removal was Very Good!

Still, if you'd been stationed there for over a year and had not had an opportunity to get off island, you moved up the preference list for Space Available trips to. . . .anywhere else. It was called Environmental Morale Leave and your Command could not turn you down for it unless there was a major crisis. This flight was a high school field trip to DC over spring break and had some extra seats. . . . .


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

I see how that could get old, yes.

I've been to Iceland about 14 times...  for five hours each time!  The cheapest flight (by far!) to get to the U.S. to see my parents used to be on Loftleidir, with a five-hour layover in Keflavik during which everyone got off the plane and went shopping in the airport.  We were well-supplied with all kinds of smoked-fish yummies at that time....

The flight left from Luxembourg, and ended up at BWI.  However, I didn't live in Luxembourg, but in the north of Germany.   They had bus service to the airport from a few reasonably-close cities, one of them being Cologne.  The bus left from there at something like 7 a.m.  So I'd leave home at 2 in the morning to get to Cologne by train, then sit on a bus for a few hours, then get the flight from Lux to Keflavik, hang around there for five hours, then the next flight to BWI....  of course the total flying time is nearly twice what it would be on a normal non-stop flight....  Fun.      


edit:  no, make that 28 times, if you count the return trips...  but on those I didn't usually shop, I just sat somewhere in the airport and read.


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

I can see this thread easily becoming one of my favorites.


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## mcblanchfield (Jan 4, 2010)

Parents  today probably don’t need to worry much about this one, but:
Did you know a grilled cheese sandwich fits perfectly in a VCR ?


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## Tip10 (Apr 16, 2009)

Usually when raising a kid there comes along_ something_ that tells you that despite you best (or is that worst) efforts you actually are getting something right.

Mine came with my DD in about the 5th grade (just for background info I was a single Dad raising her basically alone from 4 1/2 years old until I remarried when she was 11) -- I was driving DD and a friend of hers somewhere and they were having a convo in the backseat. Her friend was complaining and telling DD that she was going to have her mom get her out of the advanced math group and back to the regular math group because it was interfering with her cheer leading. DD just rolled her eyes at her and simply said -- that's messed up -- sounds like you ought to quit cheer leading instead of quitting math. It was at that point that I realized just how *fast* my baby was growing up and that she was gonna be okay in this world.


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

mcblanchfield said:


> Parents today probably dont need to worry much about this one, but:
> Did you know a grilled cheese sandwich fits perfectly in a VCR ?


Oatmeal fits everything.


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## pomlover2586 (Feb 14, 2009)

I've never raised a child, but I can tell you a story about when I was a kid 

I was about 7, and my mom was teaching me about "responsibility" and learning to take care of the pets we had at the time. One of the things we had was a pond in the backyard- 6 Ft long, 3 Ft wide, and about 5 ft deep in the middle.....it contained about 30 Koi and 6 Goldfish [that I had won at the fair].

One day when my mom was busy in the house I had a neighborhood boy over [he was about 5?] and I was telling him about feeding the animals. He wanted to feed the fish so I decided to show him how.

We each grabbed a handful of the "kibble" and threw it in. Within a few minutes it was all gone and so we figured the fish were still hungry....we went and got more.......repeat this pattern..........repeat again........and again.........

When my mom came outside she found us sitting watching the fish eat- and a ton of kibble floating around the pond. I remember her getting mad, and having us go inside while she got the net to scoop out the remaining food.

The next morning we woke up to find all 30 Koi floating belly up......and my 6 goldfish still alive. Koi will eat and eat and eat until they eat so much their stomachs implode......I didn't know that!

I ended up killing about 10K worth of fish that day.....


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## hsuthard (Jan 6, 2010)

This morning on the way to school, the kids were all bundled up. They were all born and are being raised in Tampa, and this cold weather we're having now is quite a surprise to use. 

My 11yo son says on the way to school "Why is everything dead?" We had a frost last night and it was the first time they'd seen the ground (and everything else) covered in frost. They were totally befuddled at the sight!


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## Margaret (Jan 1, 2010)

When my children were younger we used to take them to visit my husband's two aunts who lived in a nursing home a few times a year.  The residents loved to see the six kids come in, but my kids hated it.  I have to admit that there was very little for them to do, and the place itself was a bit depressing.  One day as we were driving home our oldest daughter who was about ten asked why people had to live in a place like that.  I told her that elderly people sometimes have no one to take care of them or that some families can not provide the care that is needed. "Don't worry, Mom, my DD replied, "I'll see that you never have to go into one of those places."  As I was feeling all warm inside at this expression of her love for me, she added, "I hope you die young."


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## JennaAnderson (Dec 25, 2009)

Not so much a story but -

#126 on my list of things I wish I never had to tell my 10 year old son:

_"Honey, please don't take your skateboard into the bathroom with you."_

sigh.


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## vsch (Mar 5, 2009)

My oldest....who now has a double masters and is getting her PhD...loved trucks..of all kinds when she was very small. She had a bunch of toy trucks but nothing was as good as the real thing and she was known for yelling, at the top of her lungs, the kind of truck she was lucky enough to see, very often out the windows.

Problem...she was unable to say the TR sound and she replaced it with the F sound.  So, out the windows you would hear DUMP *UCK, BIG *UCK, GARBAGE *UCK, FIRE *UCK......Did I mention we lived directly across from the elementary school?


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## drenee (Nov 11, 2008)

My youngest son was in 1st grade.  His teacher asks me to wait 
when picking him up from school one day so she can talk to me.  
It seems DS had told the class that I had made spaghetti and 
marijuania sauce for supper the night before.  
It was marinara sauce. 
deb


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## JennaAnderson (Dec 25, 2009)

drenee said:


> My youngest son was in 1st grade. His teacher asks me to wait
> when picking him up from school one day so she can talk to me.
> It seems DS had told the class that I had made spaghetti and
> marijuania sauce for supper the night before.
> ...


Cute!!


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## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Spoiled for religious content that may be offensive to some.

A few years ago, just before my DD (now 10) made her first Holy Communion she and her BFF were snacking at McDonald's after school. My DD asked her friend what she was 'giving up' for Lent. Her friend told her whatever it was she was giving up and asked _my_ girl what _she_ was giving up. My DD responded "ice cream and soda". Her BFF was shocked! She said "Oh no, there's no way_ I_ could ever give up _ice cream_ or _soda_ for that long!" To which my daughter (who is VERY mild-mannered and sweet) turns to her and puffs out her chest!


Spoiler



"Vivian, SERIOUSLY! Jesus DIED...On...A...Cross for YOU!... and you can't give up ice cream or soda for *40 days* for HIM!"


 I have to tell you... I literally had tears in my eyes! I was so incredibly proud of her at that moment!...I mean, she REALLY got it!  She was 7 years old and she understood what a lot of my coworkers seemed to be clueless to...


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## drenee (Nov 11, 2008)

Meredith, that's a great story.  Thank you for sharing.
deb


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## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

drenee said:


> Meredith, that's a great story. Thank you for sharing.
> deb


You're welcome Deb, she amazes me daily... she was a preemie (our little MIRACLE) and weighed 2.2lbs at birth and dropped to 1.6 in her first week of life! She truly is a BLESSING! Our only child and the only grandchild on her dad's side. We know how Blessed we are. Children are such Miraculous beings... Glad you appreciated the story. We are praying for you.


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## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Dana, I PM'd you. But just in case any others are not aware how to read "spoilers"... If you just put your cursor on any part of the blacked out area you can read the hidden area.  We have to remember that we have so many Newbies/Newcomers here daily, our "loverly" KB is GROWING so MUCH!


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## marianneg (Nov 4, 2008)

DD is potty training, and she's doing well at home, but she's not doing so well at daycare.  Today after we got home and DD went potty I asked her why she didn't go potty at Miss Debbie's house (daycare).  She said, "I wet my pants at Debbie's house.  I was sad, sad.  I cried."  (She totally didn't.)


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Meredith, your story reminded me of one that's not mine but happened to a good friend and her daughter, who was about nine or ten at the time.

The girl had been invited to a sleepover at a friend's house on a Saturday night, and it was supposed to include going to 11 a.m. church services on Sunday with the friend's family and then going out with them afterward to the IHOP near the church.  Problem was, her mom had plans for the Sunday starting around noon, and needed the child back home by then.  So she said that the sleepover would be ok, but that her daughter would have to come back home in the morning and not go to church or the IHOP with the hosting family.

While grocery shopping together, they discussed it back and forth a bit, trying to find a compromise, but nothing worked and finally the mom just said no, you need to be back at home by eleven.

And in the middle of the long checkout line, she hears a tearful and loud "but Mooooooom, why won't you let me go to CHURCH?!?"    She says the looks she got from the people around made her want to abandon the groceries and run....


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## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

marianner said:


> DD is potty training, and she's doing well at home, but she's not doing so well at daycare. Today after we got home and DD went potty I asked her why she didn't go potty at Miss Debbie's house (daycare). She said, "I wet my pants at Debbie's house. I was sad, sad. I cried." (She totally didn't.)


OK?... so... did she not cry... or not wet her pants?


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## Shara (Dec 27, 2009)

My DD was sort of a picky eater when she was 3-4 years old.  One thing she loved was Danola pre-sliced ham.  I would just give her a slice and she would eat it up.  One day she looked in the fridge and asked for ham. I went to find her some, well low and behold, there was no ham in sight.  I did however spot the Bologna.  I had tried to give her that previously but she was having NO part of it.  I decided to be creative! I said, 'oh look, mom has some 'circle ham' here!  She got very excited and I handed her a piece and she chomped away on it.  She is now 19 and whenever I see her looking in the fridge, I tease her about the 'circle ham'.


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## salaniz (Oct 6, 2009)

My son just turned three and has absolutely no interest in potty training.  Over Thanksgiving my mom asked him about whether he was ready to start using the "big boy potty".  He looked at her and said "Not ready, Grandma."  Not much else my mom could say to that.

I remember a story about my nephew when he was about 5.  My sister-in-law was asked to stay after picking him up so the director could talk to her about my nephew and what he had done that day.  Apparently, he was playing outside one afternoon with the other kids during recess.  The director hears my nephew shouting something and goes a bit closer just in time to see my nephew pushing around a plastic grocery cart and yelling "Beer!  Who wants a beer?".


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## marianneg (Nov 4, 2008)

Meredith Sinclair said:


> OK?... so... did she not cry... or not wet her pants?


Oh, I'm sure that she wet her pants, but she wouldn't cry about it.


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

salaniz said:


> My son just turned three and has absolutely no interest in potty training. Over Thanksgiving my mom asked him about whether he was ready to start using the "big boy potty". He looked at her and said "Not ready, Grandma." Not much else my mom could say to that.


I had a friend who had two sons like that. They had no interest in the toilet. Then, one weekend in the summer, my friend & her family went on a camping trip with another family. The other family also had two boys, a little bit older -- maybe 5 and 6? Well, their favorite thing to do when they went camping was to pee on a tree. My friend's kids thought that was fabulous and joined right in.

Of course, when they got home, they only way they would urinate was to go out into the front yard and pee on a tree. LOL. Seriously....I am not making this up!

L


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## LCEvans (Mar 29, 2009)

I am raising my grandson and have had custody for less than a year. He is quite different from my own children and due to his upbringing up to this point, he does not always obey. Recently I took him to an after school activity and while we were waiting to go into the classroom, he pointed to a boy who'd just left class and was waiting to be picked up. My grandson said that the boy (Jordan) had hurt him last year on the playground and he wanted me to have a talk with him. I said, "That was last year. He hasn't bothered you again, he's not a bully, let it go." I thought I'd made my point. But a few moments later I was on the cell phone talking to my husband and vaguely registered a nicely dressed woman walking out with Jordan. Then to my horror my grandson stepped in front of the woman and said, "Excuse me. Your son kneed me in the n**s last year." Aaaargh! I wanted to melt into the floor. The woman proceeded to lecture both boys on the importance of being good friends, while I hid my face against the wall trying to decide whether to put the boy in time out for a hundred years or run away from home. My grandson being the stubborn child he is, followed the woman and Jordan all the way to the door and kept trying to argue his case until the poor woman got away. I'm not sure, but I believe she left the parking lot at great speed.


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## Tripp (May 28, 2009)

When I still lived in Minnesota, I once had a job that involved business trips.  My then 4 year old niece was at my house and was watching me pack for one of my trips.  She asked me who Attle was.  I had no clue what she was talking about and asked her what she meant.  She said, "You know, Attle, the person you are going to see."  I broke out laughing, because I was going to Seattle.  It was so cute.


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Another one I just remembered...  kind of funny now but it almost made me cry at the time.

DD was maybe 3-ish at the time.  I had been sewing her a dress, and needed to check something about the fit.  So I had her put it on, very carefully because parts of it were just pinned, and asked her to hold still for a bit while I measured and marked and re-pinned.  After a minute or so I see that she looks terrified, and she asks in a quavery scared little voice, "Mama, are you going to make me wear this with all these pins in it?"


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## libros_lego (Mar 24, 2009)

My guy friend was pretending that he was crying and he said to his 2 yo daughter, "Nicole, I'm sad" and his kid just told him, "Dad, don't be dramatic". Turns out that when the kid cries and whines a lot, her mom tells her, "Nicole, don't be dramatic." Nicole learns fast.


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## libros_lego (Mar 24, 2009)

I just remembered I have one more: Nicole is eating her ice cream...
Me: Can I have some of your ice cream?
Nicole:No...
Me:Why not?
Nicole: Bad fa ya teeth.

Very smart kid.


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## MrTsMom (Jun 13, 2009)

JennaAnderson said:


> Not so much a story but -
> 
> #126 on my list of things I wish I never had to tell my 10 year old son:
> 
> ...


Two of my 5 kids have been of the challenging variety. Years ago, when my 2 oldest boys were preschoolers, they had been bickering in the car (not unusual for those two). As soon as we were home, and they were released from their car seats, they took off like rockets around the side of the house. Before long, I heard Mike (the younger one) screaming. As I rounded the corner of the house, I saw Ben, kneeling on his brother and _peeing_ on him! Oh, I was hot. As I dragged him back to the house, the whole neighborhood could hear him yelling, "But, Mom! You never told me not to pee on him!"

btw, now they are in their 20's, and very good friends.


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## MrTsMom (Jun 13, 2009)

And another funny one about another of my challenging children, Katie, age 15:

Katie chews on things. Anything. Pencils. Pens. Electric cords. Cut up pieces of iTunes gift cards.

This morning I took a piece of one of those cut up gift cards out of the dog's mouth. I noticed that Katie had a pile of those pieces scattered around her computer. I put the piece I had taken out of the dog's mouth by the pile, thinking that I would tell her later that she needed to put them in the trash can. I promptly forgot.

Can you see where this is going?

Later in the day, Katie sat down at her computer and mindlessly picked up one of her pieces of plastic and put it in her mouth. 

"Yuck! This tastes horrible" 

She took it out of her mouth and looks at it. Mighty big teeth marks there! And, hmmm...why does it smell like dog breath? The reality of the situation slowly dawned on her. Oh, my. I'm still chuckling.


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## KBoards Admin (Nov 27, 2007)

When my twin girls were about four, my wife and I were talking in the car about our New Year's resolutions. Our girls were in their carseats behind us, and I asked them what their resolutions were going to be.

There was a long pause.

Then Hannah said, very seriously, "This year... I think I'm going to draw more owls."

I love how her mind works!


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## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Update to my previous post. Last Saturday I took my DD (10) and her BFF, Vivian(9) to the mall and to a movie. While in the food court eating Chick-fil-A my girl asks her BFF what she is giving up for Lent this year and Viv says... you guessed it! Ice Cream! My girl said really Viv, you sure have grown-up a lot in the last few years...!  So I asked her what made her decide to give up ice cream. Her answer... I thought real hard about what I could never, ever give up and... decided to... GIVE IT UP.  Wow, they are growing up sooo fast. I am so proud that my DD has been BFFs with her since Kindergarten. They are so close.


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## Alle Meine Entchen (Dec 6, 2009)

I teach the children's sunday school @ my church and when we had all the children together (8-11 yrs and 3-7 yrs) talking about problems our bodies have when a 5 yr old boy piped up and said, "some people are born w/out holes to poop outta". His dad is a med student and I nearly died laughing. I told his mom cuz I thought it was funny and she was embarassed and said, "I never thought *that* would leave the house". I was laughing b/c I have a cousin whose son was born w/ out a hole to poop out of and he does very well.


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## Margaret (Jan 1, 2010)

My oldest daughter has always been a avid reader, sometimes too avid.  When she was in about third grade I had sent her up to get ready for bed and I was outside of the house in our driveway talking to a neighbor.  All of a sudden I noticed that water was running out of our garage and down the driveway.  I found out that it was coming from the upstairs and running down the garage wall.  I ran upstairs and there was my daughter, kneeling on the bathroom floor without a stitch of clothes on, with her nose in a book.  Water was pouring over the sides of the bath tub and the entire floor was a puddle.  She had turned the water on, decided to read while waiting for the tub to fill, and become lost in the story. When I came in and calmly (not) asked what was going on, she held up her hand and said, "Wait! Let me finish this chapter."


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## Carol Hanrahan (Mar 31, 2009)

My MIL passed away when our children were quite young.  We were at the service at the church, and the casket was up in front of all the mourners.  My youngest DD (who today is 17!) was getting antsy - she was only 4.  She turns to me and says, rather loudly, "Gramma's lucky.  She gets to lie down!"


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## Kathy (Nov 5, 2008)

When my children were young we lived across the street from a couple that had 2 children, the boy was the oldest and then a daughter that was my daughter's age. When the little boy across the street was about 5, he would play in the front yard where there was a huge tree that he would climb in. He didn't want to go inside to pee, so he would hide behind the tree and go. His mom couldn't see him, but I could. Finally I could take it no longer, I went and told his mother what he was doing. Being raised in a family of 3 girls I couldn't imagine going to the bathroom outside. 

Along comes my son who I knew was perfect in every way. When he was 5 we had a pool in the back yard and a storage building to keep all of the pool supplies. I was lucky and the whole back of the house had big windows and sliding glass doors. I could stand in the kitchen while cooking dinner and keep an eye on my children while they were swimming and playing in the back yard. One day I'm sitting on the patio watching them swim and the neighbor behind me called me over to the fence. She wanted to let me know that my perfect son was going behind the storage building where I couldn't see him, but she could and peeing. That is when the saying "never say my child would do that" really hit home.

Now I am a grandmother of 8 little boys and I can laugh at all of the antics they are putting their mother's through.


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## Hoosiermama (Dec 28, 2009)

> Did you know a grilled cheese sandwich fits perfectly in a VCR ?


No, but I do know that PB&J fits perfectly!


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## LCEvans (Mar 29, 2009)

When my grandson was three, he told me he was really, really glad he wasn't born in China. When I asked him why, he said, "Because then I'd speak Chinese and you wouldn't be able to understand me when I ask for something."


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Yesterday was my mother's birthday.  DD and I visited her in the morning, but only briefly since my mother had to leave the house early for another commitment. (We went back later for dinner.)  So when my mother had left for the day, DD took her sidewalk chalk and drew pictures and wrote birthday wishes all over my parents' driveway.  Their driveway is steep, and so everyone who drives by can see the pictures, and read the big letters at the top that say "My Omi is 73 today!"      

I guess it's a good thing it started raining last night....


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## JennaAnderson (Dec 25, 2009)

These are so cute!

When my son was about 4 he was getting dressed for the day. He pulled on his sweatpants and then his t-shirt. All of a sudden he got an angry look on his face, reached in the neck of his shirt and pulled out a dryer sheet. He waved it at my and said, "What are you trying to do, kill me?"


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## mom133d (aka Liz) (Nov 25, 2008)

In honor of Pi Day (3-14) we made Shepherd's Pie. We asked our 3 yr old son what he wanted for dinner.

DS: I don't know. What are you guys having?
DH and I: We're having Shepherd's Pie.
DS: I like pie.
DH & I laughing: Its not that kind of pie honey.
DH: Let me show you a picture.
DS (After seeing picture): I don't like that. I like circle pie.


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## J.L. Penn (Mar 17, 2010)

mcblanchfield - That initial post is hysterical! ... and yes, horrifying if you're the coconut smuggler. LOL

My just-under-three daughter gave me some words of wisdom the other day:
"Never eat a meatloaf sandwich near a pack of wolves with luggage."
"Don't run across the street with a turtle."

She also has yet to find her "pinion."  When we were trying out some new curtains in our house, I wanted to include her in the conversation, so I looked to my daughter and said, "What's your opinion?"  Very seriously, she put her index finger up and said, "Wait one minute.  I have to go get my pinion."  

Kids!  They really do say the darnedest things!
-Jenn


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## loca (Jan 3, 2010)

J.L. Penn said:


> mcblanchfield - That initial post is hysterical! ... and yes, horrifying if you're the coconut smuggler. LOL
> 
> My just-under-three daughter gave me some words of wisdom the other day:
> "Never eat a meatloaf sandwich near a pack of wolves with luggage."
> ...


LOL, so true. Initial post makes you think about having kids and at the same time want them.


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## Alle Meine Entchen (Dec 6, 2009)

it's not just kids that say the darnedst things.  After my DD was born and a few months old, the wife of one of DH's friends came up and said to me, "I'm so glad {DH} is a good father, I was really worried when you were pregnant".  DH isn't the type to be all over other people's kids (still isn't) so no one really thought of him a dad.


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## Rye (Nov 18, 2008)

This just happened a few days ago. My wife and I have a 4yr old girl and a 1yr old son. My wife was going to get a shower and I said I'd get one when she was done. So my wife went into the bathroom and my daughter looked at me and said "daddy, I thought you were gonna get a shower with mommy". I told her I was gonna get one when mommy was done and she grabbed my hand and said "c'mon daddy, get a shower with mommy, I'll stay here and watch jake" and she led me into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. It took a few minutes to convince her that I was fine and would get one when mommy was done. But you just never know what's gonna come out of their mouth!


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## JennaAnderson (Dec 25, 2009)

One night when I was putting my son to bed I noticed a scrape on his elbow and asked him about it.

“Oh yeah, I got that when Jake tackled me.”

“That’s a good one.”

“I’m saving it for science class.”

I told myself not to ask. I knew I wouldn’t like the answer. I asked anyway.

“You’re saving it for science class?”

“We have a test tomorrow.”

Don’t do it….

“What does that have to do with your scab?”

“I’m saving it to pick during the test so I can go to the nurse's office for a Band Aid.”

Sigh - “You’re going to get into trouble.”

“No this is only my third time doing it. If it were during every test then I’d get into trouble.”

*****

I wish I was making this up but I'm not.


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## Alle Meine Entchen (Dec 6, 2009)

This is a good one!

Yesterday we were eating Easter dinner (early b/c DH and I are going to his parents today) and my dad asked my 3 yr old niece if she were a princess (she's going thru that stage) and she said she wasn't.  Dad was surprised so he asked her why she wasn't.  Her 5 yr old brother piped up "b/c she farts and princesses don't!".  We were all cracking up about that one!  Glad to know why there aren't that many princesses in the world!


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## DenverRalphy (Mar 24, 2010)

mcblanchfield said:


> This is a funny story&#8230;at least we are laughing about it now.
> Went to Cancun with the kids many years ago (girl 8 and boy 6). We had tried to bring them up right impressing on them to always be truthful&#8230;never lie.
> 
> While we were in Cancun, I found a really nice coconut *at the base of a tree*. <snip>
> ...


Ya shoulda kept a straight face and explained that A) It wasn't fresh, it was rotting on the ground when ya found it. And, B) Coconuts are not a fruit nor a vegetable, they're a seed.

Probably wouldn't have made a bit of difference to the customs officer, but at least you could look your son in the eye and say "I didn't lie."


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

DenverRalphy, I want you along next time I get a speeding ticket.


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## DL_Snell (Mar 20, 2010)

Today is my son Porter's second Easter. Somebody came knocking this morning, and when Porter went to see who, he found an Easter basket wedged in the door. He liked saying the word "Peeps," but he spit out the actual candy. Smart kid.

Heh, last Easter my nieces told me that if they weren't good, the Easter Bunny would pass away. What kind of stuff did my brother tell them?! Oh, "pass _by_," he'd said, not "pass away." Sheesh!


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## sjc (Oct 29, 2008)

I love all these stories...Here's mine:

My mother and my mother-in-law are friends (sometimes it isn't always a good thing).
Anyhow; when the kids were little...If they stayed over my Mother in Law's (she was the ring leader) she would say "Let's prank call your Grandma" This went on for a couple years...when my mother found out...she wasn't a happy camper.

Kids take things so literally:  My mother used to tease my son (who loved money...still does) and if he wanted something...She'd say:  Ask your other Grandmother; she's rich, she owns the bank.

Cut to school:  The teacher had to speak to me about my son fabricating such lies.  He really thought my Mother In Law owned the bank and told his classmates.


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

ok.. I think this fits the raising kids tell a story theme, even if it's not neccessarily funny, but it made me VERY happy yesterday..

Our 2 boys are 17 & 18. and really NOTHING alike, oldest is 5'9" and into Theater (wants to major in it at college) and reading, and all things fairly cerebral, younger son is 6'2", very athletic, swim team, football team, Lifeguard at the YMCA, etc etc (Oh and has his own car ~ 1986 Crown Vic).

So anyway, the story:
Yesterday evening DS#1 gets a craving for a soda. asks DS #2 if he can use the car to run out to the minimart/gas station to grab one, DS #2 says Hey I'll go too because my car needs air in the tires, so I will do that while you grab your drink. As they are coming home, a song on the radio comes on that they quickly realize will not be over by the time they get home and they want to hear it, so.. they keep driving.  I start getting these periodic phone calls, about every 20 minutes apart as they are exploring many of the little towns out past us that they have never really seen. They are laughing hard every time they call, and just having a good time. 3 hours later, they finally made it home, in very good spirits, and MUCH more connected than I have seen them in a while.

BTW.. one town was so small, there were 17 buildings including all barns and sheds. No gas station, no grocery of any sort, so school of any sort. They thought this was HILARIOUS.


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

That's a great story!


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## DL_Snell (Mar 20, 2010)

I just spoke with my 22-month-old son on the phone. I asked how his nose was doing. He said "booger."


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Reviving this thread with a story that happened a few weeks ago....  I went home that day and emailed it to a couple of people, and totally forgot to post it here.


DD and I were sitting at Panera's for our usual scone-and-milk and iced tea, respectively, as we frequently do on sunny afternoons.  She was planning to meet another girl there that she had played with the previous week.  They had played with a basketball that had been lying around on the grass there.  So this time, since we didn't know whether it would still be there, DD brought along a regular tennis ball, and a small extra-bouncy one, and some other kind of ball so that if her buddy showed up, they'd have a choice of which to play with.

We were there early, and the girl wasn't there yet.  So DD finished her scone, and went over to the grassy area to play ball by herself, soon attracting a couple of other kids belonging to Panera customers.  ...  After fifteen minutes or so, one of the self-important shopping center security guards comes over and tells them they're not allowed to play ball there.  This is news to everyone, because kids have been playing ball on there on summer days for years.  DD comes back over to the table looking dejected and complains that they weren't harming anyone or getting in anyone's way.  I explain that I don't think it's very nice either but if those are the rules....

So after a few minutes she looks at me and says in the penetrating voice that seven-year-old girls can have, "Mama, I'll bet that guy was just mad because HE didn't have any balls, and wishes he had some!"

You should've seen the smirks from the other tables....


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## sem (Oct 27, 2008)

^^^ Out of the mouths of babes!


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