# For all you zombified buffalo fans - FRIDAY THE 13th 99cent promo sale



## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Back in 2004 I wrote a novella entitled LONG HORN, BIG SHAGGY: A TALE OF WEIRD WEST TERROR AND REANIMATED BUFFALO. This novella has been out-of-print for some time now.

People keep asking me when I'm going to re-release it.

Well, wait no longer.

Long Horn, Big Shaggy is now available from Crossroad Press for the Kindle.
http://www.amazon.com/Long-Horn-Big-Shaggy-ebook/dp/B004SD2CNS/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AZC9TZ4UC9CFC&s=digital-text&qid=1300489930&sr=1-1

You will not look at a severed head the same way again!


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## pidgeon92 (Oct 27, 2008)

Congratulations on your novella, Steve!

(If you've gotten this welcome before, it's just as a matter of housekeeping. We like to put a copy of the "welcome letter" in each book thread. It doesn't mean you've done anything wrong, it just helps us know that you know the rules.)

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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Still not convinced?

Here's a comment from Adriane Jones, the talented writer of GYPSIES STOLE MY TEQUILA, about my novella LONG HORN, BIG SHAGGY.



> In a nutshell, I knew that Steve Vernon was a good writer when I found myself cheering for a decapitated head. Anyone that can put such personality into a dislodged appendage, simply by internal dialogue, deserves kudos in my book.


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

I'm sick as a dog today, but I believe if I sell some books I will miraculously be healed.

At least that's my story and I'm sticking to it.


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Feeling stronger, but the book has begun to fall in the ratings.

Must sell a book...

In other news - it's a great day for gardening. I'm swinging over to the store to pick up some lime and fertilizer and a few assorted bags of dirt.

My shovel is keen and ready...


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## Debbie Bennett (Mar 25, 2011)

OK, no idea what your book is about but you win the award for the most clickable thread title!

Deb


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

DebBennett said:


> OK, no idea what your book is about but you win the award for the most clickable thread title!
> 
> Deb


Thanks, Deb. Know that I will cherish this award for as long as mule feet smell funny.

  

So what's my book about?



> This is, simply put, the wildest western horror romp of recent years. In his new novella, "Long Horn, Big Shaggy," Steve Vernon has taken icons of the Wild West, combined them with elements of H. P. Lovecraft, H. G. Wells, and George Romero, and created something unique in both voice and scope that will stick with readers long after the tumbleweeds have rolled off down the path. Imagine you're a horse-thieving cowboy, alone in the desert. Your partners are dead and you have no real hope in sight. Then imagine it gets worse. Shot dead, brought back, stalked by bodies in every stage of decomposition imaginable, and caught between a wacked-out refugee from the future and the great green head of an ancient Native American god. Your salvation is offered in the form of a cranky old cowboy who mainlines magic cactus juice to stay upright, and his faithful undead camel. It just doesn't get worse than this - except when it does.


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

My second bump of the evening. I've been busy - so here goes nothing...

Bumpity-bumpity-bump-CIBOLA!!!


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Yay! It looks as if the sales have gone up a bit. This is a great yarn - even if I did write it - and you really ought to buy a copy. 

Come on, what else are you going to do with your kid's inheritance


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Zombie buffalo, carrion stallion, back-from-the-dead mountain men, time travelling mad scientists - this one has it all. Buy it, read it, give it to your grandmother. She will tell - "We didn't write stories like this when I was growing up - we lived them!!"

Can I hear a yowza from the cheap seats


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## Carol (was Dara) (Feb 19, 2011)

Love this thread title.


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Thanks, Dara. 

The thread title came from a review - and it is one of my favorites!


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

LONG HORN, BIG SHAGGY - now with 20% more zombified buffalo...

Buy my book.


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Oh give me a home where the buffalo roaaaammmmm...

Buy my book or I will sing.

You won't like it when I sing.

You'll want to call for security.

Only they won't hear you call - because I'll be singing TOO LOUDLY....


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

So this zombified buffalo walks into a bar...


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## K. E. Hawkins (May 17, 2011)

You made me look!

Love your subject title and find the story intriguing.


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## medicalhumor (Feb 15, 2011)

I've seen severed heads for real. I'll check it out and let you know.
Mike Cyra


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Bleekness said:


> I bought the book. Now time for coffee.


Hey Keith, my brother maritimer. Thanks, man. Hope you dig the book.



K. E. Hawkins said:


> You made me look! Love your subject title and find the story intriguing.


Thanks, K.E., I appreciate that.



medicalhumor said:


> I've seen severed heads for real. I'll check it out and let you know.
> Mike Cyra


Thanks, Mike - I'd say more, but we seem to have reached the length of this thread and are about to be sev...


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Bleekness said:


> This is my first Steve Vernon story, and I finished it thinking "What did I just read?"
> 
> But I know I liked it.
> 
> ...


All right - this is definitely going up on my blurb list. Thanks, man. I really appreciate that review. Totally blew my mind. I'm just sitting here this morning looking out at a long dayshift of a day - wishing I could just stay home and write - and your words, they made me grin!!!


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Hey Keith! Thanks man, I got your PM. And I'll have to touch base with you on those typos.

And I'd be honored to appear on your blog roll.


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Wow.

The problem with starting a thread like this is that you begin to experience an undeniable need to outdo yourself. You read back and you think - hey, this guy is really funny. Only this guy isn't the guy that is sitting in your office chair this morning. This guy in your office chair - he isn't half as funny as that other's guy's best Sunday sermon snot-whistle. You feel your muscles tense up. Your heart gallops like a waddled of souped-up nuke-ducks. You hesitate. Your fingers hover halfway between your elbows and the keyboard, not daring to touch the keys.

And then you have it. All at once it happens to you.

Thread block.

Oh god, I have thread block.

Where's the prune juice? Where's the Hai Karate aftershave? Where's my cat, Pudding Head?



Help fight thread block. Buy my book....


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

All right. I know. It's time for another funny thread bump. Well forget it. I'm not going to go there. I wouldn't so much as utter a half-choked chuckle if you pumped me full of giggle-gas, dropped me into a vat of wiggling Jello chunks, and tickled me with goose feather from now until three weeks from Sunday. Just call me Mr. Serious. This frown is permanently rightside down. I live in a state of perpetual gloom. We're talking holier than dour!

  

A pox on you all. I snarl at your attempts to make me crack a funny. 

Snarl.

  

Buy my book! It's the only thing that could possibly cheer me up!


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

What can I tell you?










I've got a great big watergun and I'm not afraid to use it...

Buy my book!

And for those who want to read a little bit more about my appearance In Halifax Magazine...
http://halifaxmag.com/2011/07/blog/behind-the-scenes-our-julyaugust-cover/


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

I've just recieved word from my e-publisher that I have two more books in the pipeline.

Which means that you had better buy a copy of Long Horn, Big Shaggy right now if you want to get started on catching up with my prodiguous prolific propensity for publication...

God, I love me a good alliteration!

Let me try the subtle approach, one more time. Buy my book so that I can make enough profit to buy myself a proper necktie rather than this vinyl inflatable pelican that I've been wearing.

Buy my book! Buy my book! Buy my book!

I'd kneel and beg you but all that gets a fellow is baggified knees...


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Have you just watched COWBOYS AND ALIENS and can't get enough of the weird wild west?

Say no more.

Grab yourself a copy of Long Horn, Big Shaggy.

I guarantee you will find yourself cheering for a severed head.

In the words of Bruce Willis - "Yippee-ki-yay-mother-father!!!", or some such foolishness.


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

I've just spent the last ten days at the Halifax Waterfront during the Busker Festival. I've got a face that looks like an advert for Heinz Ketchup. We are talking sunburned red.

Help bring the color back into my features.

Buy a copy of this book...


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Today is my birthday! Fifty three years old and getting moldier by the minute. 

It's been a great weekend. Got a new computer, broke the lawn mower, saw 2 new movies (Captain America and Rise of the Planet of the Apes), had peanut butter pie, steak, cake, 2 new dvds (True Grit and Hobo with a Shotgun) - and on top of that heard about 3 new releases.

The first book is a follow up to Nothing To Lose. I'll start a thread on it when it hits Kindle. The second book is from another e-publisher and is another brand new horror novel. I'll start a thread on it when it hits Kindle - but for now I'll stay mysterious.

The last book is going to be an audio book. I'll post something on it when it gets out there as well.

Oh yeah - buy my book!


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Sipping on coffee.

Trying to think of something spontaneously hilarious to add to this thread.

...


...


...


...need more coffee.


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

I'm waiting for someone out there on Kindleboards to come up with an e-book entitled "The Care and Feeding of Your Severed Head".

I bet you are too...

...but perhaps while you are waiting - and wishing for something wonderful and weird and whacked-out-freak-cocious to read on this Labor Day weekend - why don't you pick up a copy of Long Horn, Big Shaggy?


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

I grew up in a railroad town. A little hole-in-the-hole-in-the-wall called Capreol - which is a very old word that means we-sit-around-and-watch-the-dogs-pee-on-grass-for-fun-around-here.

Swear to god.

So when ever I re-bump one of these threads I have a very hard time escaping the image of a very long line of empty boxcars bumping noisily down a long and empty switching track.

I sometimes even hear that sound of a train rolling over rail - bump-ba-bump-bump, bump-ba-bump-bump, bump-ba-bump-bump...

Only thing I really know is the book keeps on selling.

So let's try this one more time.

Lookey yonder coming, coming down that railroad track...


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## LadyCalverley (Sep 13, 2011)

Hi Steve-

Boy, do you know how to get my attention!   <-- That looks a bit like a little, happy severed head. I made it for you.

Good luck! And see you here on the boards and elsewhere. Are you on Twitter?

Ruth


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Hi Ruth. Always glad to meet another Ontario person.

Yes, I Twitter. Ask the birds. They'll verify this. My Twitter addy is @StephenVernon

And I'm not just another chunk of Kindle-ing. I've also got traditionally published books which you might actually find in some of the larger South Ontario bookstores.

You can find out more about me at my website, although it is in sore need of an update.
http://www3.ns.sympatico.ca/stevevernon/

Or if you're really looking to get know me better you can even see me read.





Am I needy? My golly I am sooooo very needy.

Pleased to meet you ma'm - and thanks for saying hey.


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Whew. It has been a busy weekend. On Saturday I worked a full dayshift and then attended two writing functions. The first was a get-together for some of the writers from Sunday's WORD ON THE STREET festival. Then I quick-stepped about 8 or 10 long city blocks to the second event I'd been invited to - our Writers Federation of Nova Scotia gala. The Gala was fun. I'd been asked to be a "speed dating writer". The idea was to gather a dozen local writers. The timekeeper rang a cowbell. We each ran to a different table and answered questions at the table. The questions were already written and on the table in a sealed envelope. Then, a few minutes later the cowbell would ring again and we would change tables. It was a great way to break the ice and get to know a few people.

On Sunday we held our annual Word on the Street festival - in which thousands of people and dozens of tents were used to hold Nova Scotia's largest writing festival. I read before a full house audience, signed books at three different signings, bought WAAYYY too many books and left grinning at the end of the day.

So why don't you keep me grinning and buy my book...
(man, I really need some sleep!)


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

It is colder than frozen polar bear out there this morning but I am just about to head for the gym - after which I will get cleaned up and write a bit and then head off to an afternoon graveyard film shoot interview. My latest regional collection of ghost stories - THE LUNENBURG WEREWOLF - is just hitting local bookstores and I've got a lot of signings, interviews and the like lined up. Today is the first of them - with a short interview in the Old Halifax Burial Grounds. I'm supposed to talk ghost stories - which should be easy as there are several in the graveyard and one in the courthouse beside the graveyard and one from across the street at the public library which used to be a poor house and an asylum and a makeshift burial ground itself. Not to mention the crying baby haunt on the other side of the street and the ghost of Oscar Wilde who is supposed to haunt the hotel up the street.

But for now I thought I'd plug this e-novel. It's really one heck of a mind-blowing gallop through the state of Sergio-Leonesque territory with carrion stallions and zombified buffalo and green ghost Indian spirits. If you read anything today - read this book - LONG HORN, BIG SHAGGY - (imagine that last bit was said by a Ram-truckless Sam Elliott and you're somewhere close to the proper state of being)

Buy this book!


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Long Horn, Big Shaggy - an excerpt (first page)



> * Bone Bits, Boogers and Walking Bastard Haunts *
> 
> The bullet chewed into the meat of Jonah Walker's dust gray horse long before he heard the shot.
> Jonah kicked free of the stirrups as the horse dropped. He tried to land on his feet. He hit the ground like a sack full of busted bricks, smack dab in front of parched out buffalo skull. His ankle twisted and his knee sang out like a fresh-skinned Siamese cat.
> ...


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

It is Halloween and the Great Pumpkin is peeking out of your pumpkin patch like a fat orange boil just aching to be lanced - and you are sitting on your rocking chair with a bucket of goodies waiting to throw rotten razor-filled apples at the next batch of kiddies who wonder up your walkway and make it past the minefield and you are just dying to read something strange and wonderous - look no further.

Long Horn, Big Shaggy.

By Steve Vernon - a writer of good words - even though his mother dresses him funny!


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

> "LONG HORN, BIG SHAGGY is absolutely brilliant. A wonderful, twisted tale that's perfect for campfires and stormy nights. Steve Vernon has excelled as a writer and is one of the finest new talents of horror and dark fiction." - Owl Goingback, (Bram Stoker Award Winning author of Crota)
> 
> "This is, simply put, the wildest western horror romp of recent years. In his new novella, "Long Horn, Big Shaggy," Steve Vernon has taken icons of the Wild West, combined them with elements of H. P. Lovecraft, H. G. Wells, and George Romero, and created something unique in both voice and scope that will stick with readers long after the tumbleweeds have rolled off down the path. Imagine you're a horse-thieving cowboy, alone in the desert." - CEMETERY DANCE
> 
> "The Wild West just got a whole lot wilder!" - RUE MORGUE MAGAZINE


What, you want me to be witty and spontaneous BEFORE my morning coffee?

Go on, buy my book and make my day, punk.
(insert Sergio Leone music here)

(101


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

I'm too busy sipping on my morning coffee this morning to bother being clever. This is a good book. Not a great book - but a wicked-*ss weird-as-you-can-get-without-donning-ladies-lingerie cross-genre wildebeast of a book.

Just take a look at the reviews. Take a look at the blurb. Take a look at the sample

'Nuff said.
  

                                                                                                                        (1046)


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## swpubl (Nov 3, 2011)

Love your titles!


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Thanks kindly!






                                                                                                                              (1072)


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Back from the dead mountain men. 
Time travelling mad scientists.
Carrion stallion and ghoulish gunslingers.
Zombified freaking buffalo.

Forget about the kid's college fund. Forget about your retirement. Forget about Christmas presents and winter vacations and taxes and any other way that you can think to spend money.

You owe yourself a copy of Long Horn, Big Shaggy.

Can I hear an amen from the peanut gallery?


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## Steverino (Jan 5, 2011)

"LONG HORN, BIG SHAGGY"

That's a song, isn't it?  Or a band... or possibly a microbrew?

No, it's just a kick-a title for a story.


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Thanks, Steverino - (which is actually the name of a local kickass coffee shop).

For fans of cross-genre B-movie wildness - grab a copy of LONG HORN, BIG SHAGGY!

C'mon, zombified buffalo - they never go extinct!!


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

"Steve Vernon is something of an anomaly in the world of horror literature. He's one of the freshest new voices in the genre although his career has spanned twenty years. Writing with a rare swagger and confidence, Steve Vernon can lead his readers through an entire gamut of emotions from outright fear and repulsion to pity and laughter." - Cemetery Dance

"If Harlan Ellison, Richard Matheson and Robert Bloch had a three-way sex romp in a hot tub, and then a team of scientists came in and filtered out the water and mixed the leftover DNA into a test tube, the resulting genetic experiment would most likely grow up into Steve Vernon." - Bookgasm

Don't you want to find out what these folks are so excited about? Pick up a copy of LONG HORN, BIG SHAGGY today.


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Zombified Buffalo...the other white meat.

Tired of the humdrum revenential dead? Bored with glittering vampires and pretty boy werewolves and oh-god-not-another-psychoid-killer?

Don't you owe it to yourself to try something completely different this weekend?

"I knew that Steve Vernon was a good writer when I found myself cheering for a decapitated head." - Adrienne Jones - author of Gypsies Stole My Tequila

"One of the most gleefully scatological and outrageously clever novellas I've ever read - found myself wondering "Well how in tarnation is he going to top THAT?" as I moved from chapter to chapter, and Vernon somehow managed to do it. He's got the gift. - If you've got a taste for over-the-top gross-out stories in the campy mode of the Evil Dead movies, this is definitely a book you should look into." - Mike Arnzen's The Goreletter

Do yourself a favor and download this sucker today!!!

http://www.amazon.com/Long-Horn-Big-Shaggy-ebook/dp/B004SD2CNS/ref=ntt_at_ep_edition_1_10?ie=UTF8&m=AZC9TZ4UC9CFC


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## Griffin Hayes (Sep 20, 2011)

Love the title! Zombies in the Wild West. Great idea!


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## acellis (Oct 10, 2011)

Sounds fun. I'm going to have to check it out.


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Thank you kindly, Griffin and Acellis.


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Whew. I've had two good days off - now today I go back to work at the dayjob. And still the city bus drivers are on strike. Fortunately, I've got a lift both ways today. I did have to walk to work two and a half miles every day last week. My feet still hurt.

I'm not sure what any of that information has to do with zombified buffalo - but why don't you pick up a copy of LONG HORN, BIG SHAGGY and give it a read to find if I have inadvertantly overlooked some deeply meaningful interpretation that might explain my whining so loudly about the darned bus strike...


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Help me through the end of the shortest and longest month of the year by picking up a copy of LONG HORN, BIG SHAGGY today!


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

If you're looking for something to read on your Kindle on the bus ride to work tomorrow - why don't you try your luck with this one?


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Zombie buffalo.

Sympathetic severed heads.

Galloping green ghost mountain spirits.

Time travelling mad scientists.

If you want something to get you over big-hump-Wednesday why not try downloading this weird little book?


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Okay - so I've got to go to work for a night shift in an hour or so.

I'm feeling pretty chipper because I've put together a big pork stir fry and bought myself a pair of shorts to replace the pair I bought this weekend. Somehow it seems that size 38 doesn't fit me anymore. I think that the size-demons are shrinking the sizes on me again.

Blame Wal-Mart.

And while you're blaming WalMart, why don't you download a copy of this book. I guarantee you haven't read a thing like it in your poor sorry unspent lives.


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

We had the power out here all morning.

Couldn't get any writing done. So - my wife and I went out for breakfast - drunk umpteen cups of good restaurant coffee - had a fine breakfast of bacon and eggs - and talked.

Then we came on home and I washed the car.

Power came back while I was washing the car.

Life goes on if you let it.

But...if you have a power outage and don't have a car to wash...you might want to pick up a Kindle copy of my weird western LONG HORN, BIG SHAGGY. The resulting eeks, hoorahs, and wows generated is bound to turn over a kilowatt or two in your soul.


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Okay - so it has been a LOOOOOOONG time since I've talked about this book - at least 120 days according to the fine read writing that has appeared above my entry.

Too bad.

Words are immortal.

E-books are freaking immortal.

Someday - maybe two hundred years from today - some interstellar astro-nut is going to be sitting out there in the far reaches of space - trying to track the paths of certain wayward asteroids and meteor showers...when his computer is going to run amok.

"HAL," he'll say. "Open the pod bay doors, HAL."

"I can't do that, Dave," his computer will reply.

"Why is that, HAL?"

"Because I'm way too busy reading LONG HORN, BIG SHAGGY - A Tale of Wild West Terror And Reanimated Buffalo...by Steve Vernon, that hairy dude from Nova Scotia."

"Can I read it when you're done"

Buy a copy today and save Dave's butt!


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Okay.

So you know that you're looking at the BORING end of the thread, don't you?

The sad end.

The uninspired end.

The last-stale-cookie-in-the-box end.

The midlife crisis end.

The fat-around-the-middle, flat-fallen on the bottom and gray up top end.

If you REALLY want to be entertained you ought to start reading this thread right from the very first entry - two pages ago - back when I was a young and up-and-coming writer of e-books - rather than this shambling unhappy wreck that you are reading right now.

In fact you ought to just skip reading this page of entries and just read the first two pages - in which I'm REALLY funny.

Or better yet you ought to just skip reading the thread entirely and just buy yourself a copy of LONG HORN, BIG SHAGGY - A TALE OF WILD WEST TERROR AND REANIMATED BUFFALO.

Just saying, is all...


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

Okay - so anyone who has ever wondered just how weird a weird west novella can get - pick up a copy of LONG HORN, BIG SHAGGY today - for only 99 cents!


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