# Am I engaged?



## CatherineM (Jan 9, 2013)

I have been presented with a beautiful diamond ring.  This perfect man told me that I can wear it on either hand that I wish.

Neither one of us has ever been married and I think that's what scares the daylights out of both of us.  He did not get on his knee or ask me to marry him, lol.  He gave me this ring in a fit of hypertension.  

I guess it's up to me and that's why I"m reaching out to you all.  This is scary.


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## Tripp (May 28, 2009)

Well, it sounds to me like you are if you want to be.  And I am not saying that flippantly.  It seems as if he would like to get married, but is a tad bit afraid of rejection.  You both are wise to be a little bit afraid, but you should think about whether you could imagine being without him.  

The night before my husband and I got married, I had a moment of panic and asked myself what was I getting into.  Two sons and almost 30 years later, I have not regretted it.  

Marriage is not easy, don't get me wrong, but if you cannot imagine being without each other, then it is worth it.  (In my opinion). But only the two of you know for sure.  Good luck.


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## CatherineM (Jan 9, 2013)

Tripp said:


> Well, it sounds to me like you are if you want to be. And I am not saying that flippantly. It seems as if he would like to get married, but is a tad bit afraid of rejection. You both are wise to be a little bit afraid, but you should think about whether you could imagine being without him.
> 
> The night before my husband and I got married, I had a moment of panic and asked myself what was I getting into. Two sons and almost 30 years later, I have not regretted it.
> 
> Marriage is not easy, don't get me wrong, but if you cannot imagine being without each other, then it is worth it. (In my opinion). But only the two of you know for sure. Good luck.


Thank you.


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## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

The person you need to be talking to is HIM.


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## sebat (Nov 16, 2008)

Tripp said:


> Well, it sounds to me like you are if you want to be. And I am not saying that flippantly. It seems as if he would like to get married, but is a tad bit afraid of rejection. You both are wise to be a little bit afraid, but you should think about whether you could imagine being without him.


^^^ I agree with this.

If it were me, I'd still want to hear the question or at least have a conversation about it. Engagement isn't something to just assume. It's a pretty big step in a relationship. I would want to know that he is mentally committed to the engagement.


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## Grace Elliot (Mar 14, 2011)

Definitely afraid of rejection - he's worried about looking foolish if you say 'no'. But if it's a diamond ring then he wants the answer to be 'yes'. 
It must have taken a lot of guts to give you the option.
Give him a big kiss and get him to talk to you....
Best of luck.


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## Thumper (Feb 26, 2009)

Just ask him. 
If you're going to marry the guy, you HAVE to be able to ask questions like that.


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

you sound like I did at one point. we had talked about marriage, then went and talked with my parents, then set the date, all without a ring or "the question" being popped. As he got ready to leave after setting the date, I looked at him and said, "Just one little problem here mister, the question never got asked." His reply?
"Yes, I will marry you."

we're about to hit 23 years and he is still simply wonderful.


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## NogDog (May 1, 2009)

Thumper said:


> Just ask him.
> If you're going to marry the guy, you HAVE to be able to ask questions like that.


+1


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## HappyGuy (Nov 3, 2008)

Just give the ring back and tell him that IF he's ready to marry you then he needs to ask you properly. As Thumper said, if you aren't talking(or can't talk) talking about something as important as this you are in big doodoo already.


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## Bec (Aug 24, 2012)

You should probably clarify... 

I know someone who gave his girlfriend a ring. A beautiful ring. But it was just a ring. She assumed it was an engagement ring, and told everyone they were engaged. 

He confided this to us the night before the wedding... he just went along with it because he didn't know what else to do.


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## Kay Bratt (Dec 28, 2011)

Give it back to him and if you are ready, tell him that you want HIM to put it on the hand _he chooses _ because you are willing to accept him either way.

But congrats that he loves you enough to take such a big step. And remember, men are like little boys. Sometimes they need to be led in the right direction because of their fear of rejection.

I was married 7 years to a very bad person. Now I've been married 19 years to the love of my life. If he is the right one, don't let him walk away. If you know he isn't, run as fast as you can.


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## LaraAmber (Feb 24, 2009)

Tell him you don't care if you get the question by text message, you still need to be asked.  It's not a tradition thing but a "let's be clear here" thing.  If he can't ask, how the heck will he tell you that he lost his job, or he is worried he has cancer?  Communication is so important in a marriage.  And yes, my husband chickened out on asking at the last minute and then when he saw that I was packing my bag to move out, realized his momentary panic was a hell of a lot less important then keeping me around.


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## Sean Sweeney (Apr 17, 2010)

I would say yeah. But the other ladies here have the right of it. Just ask him, point blank.


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## Liz Davis (Dec 10, 2011)

HappyGuy said:


> Just give the ring back and tell him that IF he's ready to marry you then he needs to ask you properly. As Thumper said, if you aren't talking(or can't talk) talking about something as important as this you are in big doodoo already.


I agree. I wish you all the best and hope you both get what you want.


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## CatherineM (Jan 9, 2013)

Thank you so much for your well thought out answers!

I met this man late in life, so babies are not an issue here.  I moved from a metropolitan area to the country.  I met him immediately.  I was culture-shocked, at a biker party, ok?  That was two years ago and tomorrow is our two-year anniversary!

I wear the ring on my left hand.  We have talked about it.  Let's call it a long engagement.

We're both scared , lol........


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## sebat (Nov 16, 2008)

CatherineM said:


> Thank you so much for your well thought out answers!
> 
> I met this man late in life, so babies are not an issue here. I moved from a metropolitan area to the country. I met him immediately. I was culture-shocked, at a biker party, ok? That was two years ago and tomorrow is our two-year anniversary!
> 
> ...


Bikers...I love them! Some of the biggest hearted people around!! Most would give you the shirt off their backs. They are a different breed of animal though.  It makes me understand a little better how this is playing out. A slip of paper doesn't mean much to this guy, he already knows where his heart is. As long as you're both happy, that's all that matters.

I owned a biker bar in my mid to late 20's so I have quite a few biker friends. I've got a friend that's been engaged for 17 years. One that's lived with a guy for 23 years but if you ask he's still JUST her boyfriend. They're are both too gun shy to make more than a commitment then that. Another was married 7 times by the time she was 35. There doesn't seem to be much middle ground with bikers, it's one extreme or the other!


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## L.C. Candar (Sep 25, 2012)

I got married last month to a guy I spend the last 10 years living with  It was me who had to ask the question, because he thought I hated the idea of being wed (I come from a very broken family and am therefore quite cynical about a lot of things regarding relationships). On and I forbade him to buy a diamond ring, because I would be too scared to wear it anyway, lol. 

It was like:
Me: So, how about we marry?
Not-yet-husband: *eyes wide like two tennis balls* I thought you hated the idea of marriage... is this... a joke?
Me: Uhm, forget it then...
Not-yet-husband: No, no. I mean, you're not joking?
Me: Uhm... *all red, looking away, pretty embarassed*
Suddenly-a-fiancee: YES! YES!!! 
So, that's how it was XD


One month after the marriage, I can say nothing has really changed except for my surname, so so far, pretty good XD


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## CatherineM (Jan 9, 2013)

sebat said:


> Bikers...I love them! Some of the biggest hearted people around!! Most would give you the shirt off their backs. They are a different breed of animal though.  It makes me understand a little better how this is playing out. A slip of paper doesn't mean much to this guy, he already knows where his heart is. As long as you're both happy, that's all that matters.
> 
> I owned a biker bar in my mid to late 20's so I have quite a few biker friends. I've got a friend that's been engaged for 17 years. One that's lived with a guy for 23 years but if you ask he's still JUST her boyfriend. They're are both too gun shy to make more than a commitment then that. Another was married 7 times by the time she was 35. There doesn't seem to be much middle ground with bikers, it's one extreme or the other!


Exactly. I'm not a biker. Neither is he. lol

They are the best people in the world. They do all kinds of charity stuff, toy runs and everything.
We just happened to meet there by complete chance. (He's their bonified bonfire tender.)

So, technically, I hooked up with the fire guy, right? :O


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## HappyGuy (Nov 3, 2008)

Bikers got a bad name because of the outlaw element. As a biker myself I can say; just like any other group, there are good'uns and bad'uns. Look at what went on in D.C. this past Wednesday as an example - great showing!!


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## Grace Elliot (Mar 14, 2011)

Do keep us posted! 
Thinking about it, my hubs was so nervous, I was pretty sure he was proposing  but didn't like to jump to conclusions so I asked him to write the question down! Luckily, we were in a café and had serviettes handy. He scribbled "Will you marry me?" and I said YES - then we were too excited to eat our food.
We will have been married 25 years next March.


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## Michael Buckley (Jun 24, 2013)

Sounds like you told him before you did not want to get married, that is why he told you to put it on either hand. Sounds to me that he already made the choice, that would be you. The problem is maybe you are not sending out the right signals that is why possibly not getting down on one knee or all that stuff. The post says it all.

AM I engaged? If you do not know, how will he. Active is better sometimes that passive


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## ElisaBlaisdell (Jun 3, 2012)

Bec Allinson said:


> You should probably clarify...
> 
> I know someone who gave his girlfriend a ring. A beautiful ring. But it was just a ring. She assumed it was an engagement ring, and told everyone they were engaged.
> 
> He confided this to us the night before the wedding... he just went along with it because he didn't know what else to do.


Well, how did the marriage work out?


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