# you don't deserve my funny threads



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

go away vsadmin you're dancing on the grave of a wonderful man who nurtured the community you want to trash


----------



## 31842 (Jan 11, 2011)

Don't listen to DDark!  She doesn't know anything!  I think if you just made the font even more redder-er, it would be PERFECT!


----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

But this is true red. I wanted true red, like fresh blood.


----------



## Danielle Monsch (Aug 21, 2011)

If it's a romance, shouldn't a heart be on it somewhere?


----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

Danielle Monsch said:


> If it's a romance, shouldn't a heart be on it somewhere?


Look, I just can't get that obvious about it. The heart thing is like a twist. I don't want to reveal the twist on the cover because then readers won't have any reason to pick the book up and read it. Sort of like the end of Fight Club, but with zombies and organs.


----------



## Pnjw (Apr 24, 2011)

Romance = studly manboobs. You could have the heart being ripped out. Nothing says romance like abs and gore.


----------



## Betsy the Quilter (Oct 27, 2008)

You are so strange...


----------



## Pnjw (Apr 24, 2011)

And your name needs to be bigger.


----------



## 31842 (Jan 11, 2011)

DDark said:


> Good point. There's an open chest cavity on the back left that would be a perfect place to put a heart.


Don't listen to DDark! What does she know? What I was going to say is that you should put a heart in the open chest cavity on the right. THAT would make it perfect. But add more red.


----------



## Danielle Monsch (Aug 21, 2011)

No, the name is the perfect size, it should just go across the zombie's face for maximum impact


----------



## EllenWaite (Dec 4, 2013)

いいな~！


----------



## S. Elliot Brandis (Dec 9, 2013)

You should give the zombies some eyebrows.

People like to look at faces, so eyebrows will definitely help. You can draw them on in MS Paint, nobody will know. They'll be too busy thinking "d*mn, would you look at them there eyebrows!".


----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

Deanna Chase said:


> Romance = studly manboobs. You could have the heart being ripped out. Nothing says romance like abs and gore.


lol I see what you mean and why you might think that but I don't think you get my vision. Maybe I need to explain more.

I can't have abs on the cover because that's too on the nose. Eating the heart is about the objectification of man. Like how men can't give their hearts to women because women want money and babies and alimony, eventually, and men can't be good enough if they don't have hard abs. Right?? It's so BETA to give your heart up to women. Feminism has ruined everything for women and men. It would be better if we went back to the days before feminism or heck before suffrage when we could trust that men would open carriage doors for us and we didn't have to actually wear pants to achieve anything, just keep producing babies preferably man-babies so that they can carry on the name. It's just like this time that I dated Rick Buchanan who worked down at the 7-Eleven - well, I mean, he didn't work there at the time, but he worked there like three months later, after we graduated - and he told me about Becky and Jonathon. Do you know Becky and Jonathon? She was a FEMINIST and she ended up totally ripping his heart out and because Jonathon was friends with levi who was friends with Rick it got back around to hurt our relationship. Sometimes I'm really afraid Amazon's going to treat me like that too. It's so hard putting my beloved vision out there on the internet like this. I really need my cover to reflect my vision.

So the zombies are basically like feminism and that's why I can't put abs on the cover. It's too obvious.



Betsy the Quilter said:


> You are so strange...


u wot m8


----------



## Pnjw (Apr 24, 2011)

Danielle Monsch said:


> No, the name is the perfect size, it should just go across the zombie's face for maximum impact


Which one? The one with the heart?


----------



## Pnjw (Apr 24, 2011)

ゴジラ said:


> lol I see what you mean and why you might think that but I don't think you get my vision. Maybe I need to explain more.
> 
> I can't have abs on the cover because that's too on the nose. Eating the heart is about the objectification of man. Like how men can't give their hearts to women because women want money and babies and alimony, eventually, and men can't be good enough if they don't have hard abs. Right?? It's so BETA to give your heart up to women. Feminism has ruined everything for women and men. It would be better if we went back to the days before feminism or heck before suffrage when we could trust that men would open carriage doors for us and we didn't have to actually wear pants to achieve anything, just keep producing babies preferably man-babies so that they can carry on the name. It's just like this time that I dated Rick Buchanan who worked down at the 7-Eleven - well, I mean, he didn't work there at the time, but he worked there like three months later, after we graduated - and he told me about Becky and Jonathon. Do you know Becky and Jonathon? She was a FEMINIST and she ended up totally ripping his heart out and because Jonathon was friends with levi who was friends with Rick it got back around to hurt our relationship. Sometimes I'm really afraid Amazon's going to treat me like that too. It's so hard putting my beloved vision out there on the internet like this. I really need my cover to reflect my vision.
> 
> ...


Dude. But abs sell. Look, if you want to actually sell books you gotta give the readers what they want.


----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

DDark said:


> I think you might want to consider making it longer. This looks more like a billboard.


YES. FINALLY, someone is getting my vision.



Danielle Monsch said:


> No, the name is the perfect size, it should just go across the zombie's face for maximum impact


Kind of like this??










I made the "love story" part bigger so it's more obvious WITHOTU the abs.


----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

S Elliot Brandis said:


> You should give the zombies some eyebrows.
> 
> People like to look at faces, so eyebrows will definitely help. You can draw them on in MS Paint, nobody will know. They'll be too busy thinking "d*mn, would you look at them there eyebrows!".


look, zombies don't have emotions so they don't need eyebrows, which are expressive organs.

It would be the wrong metaphor. The zombies are allowed to go on without feelings just like men are supposed to do. Now men have to shave and be good dads because of the zombies.

Get what I mean??


----------



## Danielle Monsch (Aug 21, 2011)

Deanna Chase said:


> Which one? The one with the heart?


They haven't added the heart yet! We're still trying to talk them into putting that in their vision!


----------



## 31842 (Jan 11, 2011)

Is this a part of a series?  You might want to split it up into three books and make sure you can brand it.  Tag it with Georgian Romance to make sure readers can find it.


----------



## Danielle Monsch (Aug 21, 2011)

ゴジラ said:


> look, zombies don't have emotions so they don't need eyebrows, which are expressive organs.
> 
> It would be the wrong metaphor. The zombies are allowed to go on without feelings just like men are supposed to do. Now men have to shave and be good dads because of the zombies.
> 
> Get what I mean??


Does this mean you're going to add a baby to the cover?


----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

KateDanley said:


> Is this a part of a series? You might want to split it up into three books and make sure you can brand it. Tag it with Georgian Romance to make sure readers can find it.


Look, I have an art degree from Go Getcha Future Online University. I mean I know about branding. You don't need to tell me about branding.

I jsut want to know what you think of the cover??


----------



## Pnjw (Apr 24, 2011)

If not abs...heavy sigh...maybe you can try two zombies almost kissing. Give us a little bit of a clue and still keep your "vision."


----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

Okay well I've integrated some of your feedback. I'm really happy with the direction this cover is taking thank you.


----------



## Danielle Monsch (Aug 21, 2011)

Wait, is this a male/male romance? Or if it's zombies do gender roles no longer matter?


----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

DDark said:


> Zombies don't have lips. They'll just be clacking their teeth together.


pls dont give plot points away


----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

Danielle Monsch said:


> Wait, is this a male/male romance? Or if it's zombies do gender roles no longer matter?


ugh gross


----------



## Pnjw (Apr 24, 2011)

Danielle Monsch said:


> Does this mean you're going to add a baby to the cover?


Oh, good idea. Two zombies almost kissing while one holds the baby. What a sweet story!


----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

just focus on the cover please I don't want feedback about the story


----------



## Joel Ansel (Oct 17, 2013)

Those zombie silhouettes are all over the internet. I'd suggest finding some images that are less used if you are looking to brand this.


----------



## Pnjw (Apr 24, 2011)

Hmm, nice font effect. But can we have it brighter? I find it hard to read.


----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

Deanna Chase said:


> Hmm, nice font effect. But can we have it brighter? I find it hard to read.


NO.


----------



## EllenWaite (Dec 4, 2013)

> Mere minutes into 2014
>Taking this thread seriously


----------



## S. Elliot Brandis (Dec 9, 2013)

Have you thought about sun damage? It's might be pretty sunny in the future, so you should make sure your zombies always wear hats. Plus, it will be a real defining feature. Like: Oh, that's the one where the zombies wear hats. 

I am happy for you to use this on your cover. I won't charge any royalties.


----------



## Incognita (Apr 3, 2011)

Wow, this was the wrong thread to read after two bottles of wine and a midnight champagne toast.


----------



## Danielle Monsch (Aug 21, 2011)

S Elliot Brandis said:


> Have you thought about sun damage? It's might be pretty sunny in the future, so you should make sure your zombies always wear hats. Plus, it will be a real defining feature. Like: Oh, that's the one where the zombies wear hats.
> 
> I am happy for you to use this on your cover. I won't charge any royalties.


Your hat is darn cool! Do you think you could send the author a picture and let them use that?


----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

S Elliot Brandis said:


> Have you thought about sun damage? It's might be pretty sunny in the future, so you should make sure your zombies always wear hats. Plus, it will be a real defining feature. Like: Oh, that's the one where the zombies wear hats.
> 
> I am happy for you to use this on your cover. I won't charge any royalties.


Actually I kind of like this idea. Since you offered. I mean we're cool right??


----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

ChristinePope said:


> Wow, this was the wrong *right* thread to read after two bottles of wine and a midnight champagne toast.


You can sit down next to me over here.


----------



## 31842 (Jan 11, 2011)

Wait.  Are those zombies naked?  You're going to get pulled from Kobo.


----------



## Danielle Monsch (Aug 21, 2011)

I still don't see the baby


----------



## Joel Ansel (Oct 17, 2013)

ChristinePope said:


> Wow, this was the wrong thread to read after two bottles of wine and a midnight champagne toast.


Yep

After a night of Tequila shots I have to come home and see this thread.

Then I go and actually post to it.

Why do I do these things?


----------



## Pnjw (Apr 24, 2011)

Where's the baby?


----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

DAMMIT THERE IS NO BABY IN MY VISION I HAVE AN ART DEGREE


----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

KateDanley said:


> Wait. Are those zombies naked? You're going to get pulled from Kobo.


Wait, what?? Is naked zombies a problem? Do you think the graphic zombie stepdaddy sex will be okay?


----------



## Pnjw (Apr 24, 2011)

Guh. Well, what about the almost kissing? I'm not feeling the romance aspect of this book.


----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

Deanna Chase said:


> Guh. Well, what about the almost kissing? I'm not feeling the romance aspect of this book.


are you coming onto me


----------



## Pnjw (Apr 24, 2011)

ゴジラ said:


> Wait, what?? Is naked zombies a problem? Do you think the graphic zombie stepdaddy sex will be okay?


Just keep it out of the description and the title. You'll be fine.


----------



## Danielle Monsch (Aug 21, 2011)

What would be the keywords for that?


----------



## 31842 (Jan 11, 2011)

Make it more red.


----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

Here's the audible version.


----------



## Pnjw (Apr 24, 2011)

ゴジラ said:


> are you coming onto me


Umm, not unless I see the kissing.


----------



## 31842 (Jan 11, 2011)

ゴジラ said:


> Here's the audible version.


You lost the hat. Can you repost?


----------



## GearPress Steve (Feb 4, 2012)




----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

I don't want to post the blurb. What if you people steal my vision?? I haven't gotten the copyright back from the US Department of Copyright Law yet.


----------



## Pnjw (Apr 24, 2011)

Is this a menage? I mean the five zombies sort of implies it.


----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

scslawin said:


>


SEE? ALREADY STEALING MY VISION


----------



## GearPress Steve (Feb 4, 2012)

I made that cover image four years ago.


----------



## 31842 (Jan 11, 2011)

DDark said:


> Don't listen to Kate. Make it *RED*


UGH. DDark does not understand what romance readers look for. Make it RED! Otherwise, no one will read it.


----------



## GearPress Steve (Feb 4, 2012)

KateDanley said:


> Make it RED! Otherwise, no one will read it.


Stephen Kings knows RED:


----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

scslawin said:


> I made that cover image four years ago.


I have lawyers. I have a LOT of lawyers. And piranhas on my moon base. You don't want to mess with me.

This is getting out of hand. I can't stand these h8ers. I'll be laughing when I make millions off of this.


----------



## Danielle Monsch (Aug 21, 2011)

Maybe you can put piranhas on the cover


----------



## 31842 (Jan 11, 2011)

Danielle Monsch said:


> Maybe you can put piranhas on the cover


Red piranhas. And then it will be PERFECT.


----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

Danielle Monsch said:


> Maybe you can put piranhas on the cover


lolllllll now I see what ur trying to do. You're jealous. I'd be jealous of me too. I have an art degree that gives me an unusual perspective on life and writing and cover design and I know what readers are going to want before they want it. You know what they don't want? Piranhas on the cover. That is the truth I have accepted as the best, but if you can prove some other truth to be better I would assume it.


----------



## GearPress Steve (Feb 4, 2012)

ゴジラ said:


> This is getting out of hand. I can't stand these h8ers. I'll be laughing when I make millions off of this.


Hey, if "FSOG" can do it, I don't see how yours could be any worse.


----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

KateDanley said:


> Red piranhas. And then it will be PERFECT.


hmm.


----------



## GearPress Steve (Feb 4, 2012)

KateDanley said:


> Red piranhas. And then it will be PERFECT.


----------



## GearPress Steve (Feb 4, 2012)

ゴジラ said:


> hmm.


I love the profile pic of Gojira. Too bad us Americans have to say _Godzilla_ instead by US Congressional Order.


----------



## Nathalie Aynie (Nov 24, 2013)

There, I fixed it.


----------



## GearPress Steve (Feb 4, 2012)

Nathalie Aynié said:


> There, I fixed it.


Hey, is that a WIENER?!


----------



## Nathalie Aynie (Nov 24, 2013)

scslawin said:


> Hey, is that a WIENER?!


It's spelled WINNER.


----------



## GearPress Steve (Feb 4, 2012)

Ah, ok. That's better.


----------



## Al Dente (Sep 3, 2012)

Nathalie Aynié said:


> There, I fixed it.


Needs more cowbell.


----------



## GearPress Steve (Feb 4, 2012)

David Scroggins said:


> Needs more cowbell.


----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

Nathalie Aynié said:


> There, I fixed it.


WHAT IS WITH ALL THIS RED?

My vision is not red.


----------



## vrabinec (May 19, 2011)

ゴジラ said:


> Here's the audible version.


I can't quite read what's above "A Love Story." The font's a little too small. Does that say "When they suck face, face come off!"?


----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

vrabinec said:


> I can't quite read what's above "A Love Story." The font's a little too small. Does that say "When they suck face, face come off!"?


That sounds like a fortune cookie.

...in bed.


----------



## vrabinec (May 19, 2011)

Well, the color scheme definitely catches the eye. Not sure the color scheme screams zombies though. Usually, zombie tones are muted, so you might draw the eye of people who are more interested in graphic novels. The blurb's gonna be critical.


----------



## 68564 (Mar 17, 2013)

This thread is so much more than I expected.


----------



## Al Dente (Sep 3, 2012)

scslawin said:


>


Thank you! Finally someone listens to reason in this thread!


----------



## Zoe York (May 12, 2013)

Nathalie Aynié said:


> It's spelled WINNER.


This made me spit coffee across my desk, thanks.


----------



## vrabinec (May 19, 2011)

VydorScope said:


> This thread is so much more than I expected.


What's funny is that the cover's growing on me. Yeah, it looks a bit amateurish at first glance, but I think it's kind catchy.


----------



## Ernie Lindsey (Jul 6, 2010)

vrabinec said:


> What's funny is that the cover's growing on me. Yeah, it looks a bit amateurish at first glance, but I think it's kind catchy.


Agreed. I'd probably pick this up on principle.


----------



## 68564 (Mar 17, 2013)

vrabinec said:


> What's funny is that the cover's growing on me. Yeah, it looks a bit amateurish at first glance, but I think it's kind catchy.


Sad thing... is clicking on that cover is what brought me to this thread.


----------



## 60911 (Jun 13, 2012)

OMG I hurt from laughing.


----------



## vrabinec (May 19, 2011)

モスラ said:


> OMG I hurt from laughing.


Love the Mothra avvy, but now I won't be able to get that song the two little women sang out of my head for a week.


----------



## Nathalie Aynie (Nov 24, 2013)

You're so demanding!


----------



## Revolution (Sep 17, 2012)

VydorScope said:


> This thread is so much more than I expected.


I love this font ^^


----------



## Nick Endi Webb (Mar 25, 2012)

Sheesh, I step away from kboards to take a writing holiday for new years and Old Ben has yet another secret identity. Thank goodness for Cthulu badges.


----------



## 60911 (Jun 13, 2012)

Endi Webb said:


> Sheesh, I step away from kboards to take a writing holiday for new years and Old Ben has yet another secret identity. Thank goodness for Cthulu badges.


This is why you shouldn't leave*, you might miss something important - like an epic KAIJU BATTLE!

*Said the pot to the kettle.


----------



## Just Browsing (Sep 26, 2012)

With a cover that good, you don't even need a book inside.


----------



## Nick Endi Webb (Mar 25, 2012)

Is ラドン taken? Ok then, it's mine. Thanks, guys-- this provided me with an excuse to wikipedia surf. I was worried that I might actually get work done today.


----------



## 60911 (Jun 13, 2012)

Endi Webb said:


> Is ラドン taken? Ok then, it's mine. Thanks, guys-- this provided me with an excuse to wikipedia surf. I was worried that I might actually get work done today.


We're problem solvers 'round here.


----------



## Trish McCallan (Jul 16, 2011)

This thread needs to come with a warning label. Y 
You guys about gave me a stroke, I was laughing that hard.


----------



## bmcox (Nov 21, 2012)

Bunnies. It needs bunnies. I only read books that have bunnies on the cover. Bunnies and watches. More watches too. If you could put them both in a blender, a really tiny microscopic blender, then you have reached cover gold! Slugs could help but are mostly unnecessary.


----------



## JeanetteRaleigh (Jan 1, 2013)

To me it feels like you lose the title in the picture.  I'm not sure if it's font or color.  I think the background image is unique enough that as a reader, it would draw me to click to the next screen.


----------



## GearPress Steve (Feb 4, 2012)

bmcox said:


> Bunnies. It needs bunnies. I only read books that have bunnies on the cover.


----------



## Victorine (Apr 23, 2010)

Don't forget the bacon. Everything is better wrapped in bacon.


----------



## 31842 (Jan 11, 2011)

DDark said:


> I think the font should be red (on the red cover). Then it'll be perfect.
> If this is a series, I think you need to include the series name on the cover.
> 
> Also, can you post the blurb?


DDark. Why are you even posting here? You don't know anything. Listen, OP, the font should be red on the red cover. I know these things. THEN it will be perfect. I have almost 40 years of experience looking at covers. And it would also be great if it is a series to put the series name on the cover. Also, maybe a blurb.


----------



## Ben Mathew (Jan 27, 2013)

Terrible advice so far. All it needs is more cowbell.


----------



## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

Okay. OKAY. FINE. I will share the blurb for my brilliant masterpeice, if only so you can undedrstand my vision.

THIS IS COPYRIGHTED BY INTERNATIONAL LAW THROUGH THE US DEPARTMENT OF COPYRIGHT SO DON'T FREAKING TOUCH IT YOU H8ERS.

"Get busy living, or get busy dying." - Stephen King, NEW YORK TIMES, USA TODAY, and WALL STREET JOURNAL bestselling author

****Warning***
This books is an extremely controversial love story. Too controversial to be published in hardback. Please do NOT purchase this book if you were at all disturbed by Twilight or Fifty Shades of Grey. However if you like your fiction to challenge your sanity, read on...*

~ "Definitely a 6 out of 5 star book!" - goodreads reviewer 
~ "Don't forget the bacon. Everything is better wrapped in bacon." - NYT BESTSELLING AUTHOR Victorine Lieske
~"This was amazing and engaging and edgy. It made me cry, it made me laugh, and at times I was sitting on the edge of my seat wondering what was going to happen next." - Amazon reviewer

*AN INTENSE LITERARY LOVE STORY FROM FANTASY > HORROR > BOOKS ABOUT SCARY FISH > BOOKS ABOUT PIRANHAS AMAZON BESTSELLING AUTHOR G.O. JIRA...*

PRAISE FOR THAT SCREAMING INFINITY
~"This [book] needs to come with a warning label." - BESTSELLING AUTHOR Trish "The Hotness" McCallan
~"I was up all night finishing this book, but I couldn't help it. I had to know what happened next." - goodreads reviewer
~"This thread is so much more than I expected." - INDESCRIBABLY ALLURING Vincent Trigili

*IMAGINE A WORLD WHERE ZOMBIES EAT HEARTS INSTEAD OF BRAINS...*
_
Zombies eat hearts instead of brains. Women can vote. Eternal night has fallen over our society._

MORE PRAISE FOR THAT SCREAMING INFINITY
~"The concept was different, and there was mystery, drama, and hot sex!" - B&N reviewer
~"Move over world, these zombies are my new book boyfriends." - Dannika Dark, USA TODAY bestselling author
~"It's spelled WINNER." - INT'L BESTSELLING FRENCH SEX SYMBOL Nathalie Aynie

*YOU WON'T WANT TO MISS THIS EXTREMELY CONTROVERSIAL BOOK
OR THE UPCOMING EXTREMELY CONTROVERSIAL MOVIE*
_
For anyone who hungers for some serious controversy and can't get enough of Stephenie Meyer, Jennifer Lawrence, Beyonce Knowles... THAT SCREAMING INFINITY is your next love
fix!!!_


----------



## Trish McCallan (Jul 16, 2011)

ゴジラ said:


> Okay. OKAY. FINE. I will share the blurb for my brilliant masterpeice, if only so you can undedrstand my vision.
> 
> THIS IS COPYRIGHTED BY INTERNATIONAL LAW THROUGH THE US DEPARTMENT OF COPYRIGHT SO DON'T FREAKING TOUCH IT YOU H8ERS.
> 
> ...


I call foul.. *gasps for breath, wipes tears away* you're trying to kill me! 
Best quasi blurb ever.


----------



## 68564 (Mar 17, 2013)

Alluring? "powerfully and mysteriously attractive or fascinating; seductive" ? I think I can deal with that!


----------



## 31842 (Jan 11, 2011)

I saw an infomercial about zombie recover, DDark, so I thiiiink I know what I'm talking about.


----------



## Al Dente (Sep 3, 2012)

scslawin said:


>


Dude, now the bunny to cowbell ratio is completely off. I got a fever, and the only prescription is MOAR COWBELL!


----------



## GearPress Steve (Feb 4, 2012)

David Scroggins said:


> Dude, now the bunny to cowbell ratio is completely off. I got a fever, and the only prescription is MOAR COWBELL!


----------



## Nathalie Aynie (Nov 24, 2013)

I peed myself!!


----------



## Taking my troll a$$ outta here (Apr 8, 2013)

1001nightspress said:


> With a cover that good, you don't even need a book inside.


You don't need to actually write much. It's perfectly legal to use www.stealabooknmakeityours.com. Just cut & paste.


----------



## Al Dente (Sep 3, 2012)

scslawin said:


>


DO YOU SEE HOW THIS IMPROVES THE DYNAMIC? DO YOU ALL SEE HOW THIS FIXES EVERYTHING?


----------



## PhoenixS (Apr 5, 2011)

I haven't read ANY of the comments in this thread (because, really, no one else's opinion matters and I don't come here to have meaningful discussions anyway), so I don't know if this has been said or not (and frankly I don't care if I'm just repeating things that have already been hashed out _ad nauseam_; I just need to comment so more people see my sig line, so I look for the threads that have the most interaction to post in).

I think it needs more red.

And have you considered losing the zombies?


----------



## Sarah Stimson (Oct 9, 2013)

Why doesn't it have "Amazon Bestseller" on the cover?


----------



## vrabinec (May 19, 2011)

scslawin said:


>


Impressive that he can hold up a cow bell that big with his...


----------



## beccaprice (Oct 1, 2011)

Maybe her skirt should be made out of cow bells to fix the cow bell to bunny ratio?


----------



## GearPress Steve (Feb 4, 2012)

Sarah Stimson said:


> Why doesn't it have "Amazon Bestseller" on the cover?


----------



## Nathalie Aynie (Nov 24, 2013)

scslawin said:


>


I think we have a WIENER.


----------



## Pnjw (Apr 24, 2011)

It needs to be more *REDDER* on the cowbell. That says zombie romance. Talk about getting your teeth clacking.


----------



## elalond (May 11, 2011)

I really don't know why everyone is so hang on the red. The cover should be green, green as grass, with lemon green letters. Nothing illustrates decaying flesh and zombie love better than green on green. You should listen to me, I KNOW, because I have read photoshop tutorial. Twice.


----------



## Pnjw (Apr 24, 2011)

Now that's a zombie romance cover! You should totally use the one DDark offered up. And when you're done purchasing 900 copies of her book, you'll want to move onto mine, cause everyone knows the concept for this cover was mine. Just read back through the thread. You'll see my genius. Just one tweak: The title should be more *REDDER*.


----------



## Pnjw (Apr 24, 2011)

DDark said:


> I'll tell you what you can tweak....
> 
> Don't listen to Deanna! Redder was my word! In fact, I have Trademarked that word, so everyone here who has used it is going to hear from my lawyer!


JEEZUS, no need to get hostile. I was praising your gorgeous cover for Pete's sake. Keep your stupid word  REDDER. I'll go with *REDDER*.


----------



## PhoenixS (Apr 5, 2011)

DDark said:


> I think it should have Borders Bestseller.
> 
> And don't listen to anything Phoenix says. Clearly she knows nothing about the publishing industry. The font needs to be REDDER.


Look, Dannika (assuming that's even your real name), you're of course entitled to your opinion. Think whatever you want. But you're wrong. It should be Borders Best Seller. Sheesh.


----------



## Trish McCallan (Jul 16, 2011)

DDark said:


> LOOK, normally I don't take on *charity cases*, but I get the sense this is going to be a series. I have designed your sequel cover. In lieu of my usual $25 payment, you can purchase 900 copies of my books for friends. Or cookies. I like cookies.


But...but...what about the bunnies? And the piranhas? And the cowbell WINNER? And the hat?

It's been proven in countless surveys passed out to Mrs. Fields third grade class that bunnies, hats and cowbells sell lots of book!


----------



## Trish McCallan (Jul 16, 2011)

DDark said:


> So do manboobs, as I'm sure you're aware.


This is true. . . however, isn't this cover supposed to depict a romance? You need a staple of the romance cover...hmmm
 I know! Manboobs. On a zombie. Nothing screams romance like a zombie's oozing manboobs.


----------



## 68564 (Mar 17, 2013)

I am begining to suspect the OPs plan is to tie up all her competition in this thread while she writes more books.....


----------



## Nathalie Aynie (Nov 24, 2013)

We needed more smexy.


----------



## Trish McCallan (Jul 16, 2011)

DDark said:


> As I hold a degree in Zombiology, I can tell you now they don't "ooze". It's discharge and easily controlled with use of cotton patches. It's an embarrassing condition among Zombies and doesn't scream sexy like the open chest cavity. Perhaps if I just tweak the chest area to only leave the manboobs in tact....


You will need some support for the lactating discharging manboobs since the chest cavity will be open...perhaps a sturdy manbra?


----------



## Trish McCallan (Jul 16, 2011)

Nathalie Aynié said:


> We needed more smexy.


Omg *laughing hysterically* this totally kills it.


----------



## Pnjw (Apr 24, 2011)

Nathalie Aynié said:


> We needed more smexy.


You know what I'm going to say, right? That author name needs to be *REDDER*.


----------



## Nathalie Aynie (Nov 24, 2013)

Deanna Chase said:


> You know what I'm going to say, right? That author name needs to be *REDDER*.












I took the REDDEREST I found.


----------



## Nathalie Aynie (Nov 24, 2013)

DAMMIT.


----------



## Trish McCallan (Jul 16, 2011)

Deanna Chase said:


> You know what I'm going to say, right? That author name needs to be *REDDER*.


While I respect Deanna tremendously, she's totally off on this one. This cover would be perfect if the author's name was Bigger and redder I mean you want the reader to see it, right?


----------



## dalya (Jul 26, 2011)

Remember to give away 100 LibraryThing copies so you can get 99 1-star reviews from people who don't read that genre!


----------



## Al Dente (Sep 3, 2012)

Mimi (was Dalya) said:


> Remember to give away 100 LibraryThing copies so you can get 99 1-star reviews from people who don't read that genre!


Son of a... That's the ONE thing I always forget to do when I release a book. You know what? I can fix this. I'll just register 98 sock puppet accounts and give my OWN books a 1-star. Why only 98, you ask? What book would be complete without a review from the author's actual account?

Muhahaha! I keepses all da moneys and has all the 1-star reviewses!


----------



## elalond (May 11, 2011)

ゴジラ said:


>


Look at this. This is perfection, which all it needs is green coloured font and a the right placement of author name. Something like Nathalie did, but had because of her envy cropped the perfection. It's like showing the world only Mona Lisa's chin and neck.



Nathalie Aynié said:


>


Then look at your version. 


DDark said:


>


You are ruing it. Ruing it. Shame on you. I know why you are doing it. Because you are jealous of author's vision of beautiful epic love story between decaying walking corpses, which will because of the awesome cover become a world bestseller as soon as the author hits the publish button.


----------



## mariehallwrites (Mar 14, 2013)

Can't breathe… Dying laughing   Team GoJira!


----------



## WG McCabe (Oct 13, 2012)

I laughed. I cried. I spontaneously combusted and was reborn as the exact same person.

By the way, if this book is first person I WILL NOT READ IT.


----------



## Al Dente (Sep 3, 2012)

Patrick Szabo said:


> I laughed. I cried. I spontaneously combusted and was reborn as the exact same person.
> 
> By the way, if this book is first person I WILL NOT READ IT.


I think it should be first person future tense.


----------



## 60911 (Jun 13, 2012)

Patrick Szabo said:


> By the way, if this book is first person I WILL NOT READ IT.


You are clearly stepping on the author's original vision, stop being a h8er.

Also, it feels like there should be a tentacle somewhere on the cover to adequately communicate...something.


----------



## 31842 (Jan 11, 2011)

ゴジラ said:


> THANK YOU. I can barely even STOMACH looking at this thread.


If you want to be an indie author, you're going to have to grow a thicker skin. I don't even know why I spend the precious resources of my brain on indie authors like you. Do you even know how precious my brain is? It is like a faberge egg, it is so precious, and the insiders tips which I have given you are like the jeweled yolks of a dead Russian dynasty. I am not going to read this thread anymoer. My three years of experience are wasted on an author like you!


----------



## Pnjw (Apr 24, 2011)

DDark said:


> Well if your brain is a faberge egg, mine is a Matryoshka doll.


Mine is a Cabbage Patch Kid.


----------



## vrabinec (May 19, 2011)

Mine is a dog humping a volleyball.


----------



## 31842 (Jan 11, 2011)

Deanna Chase said:


> Mine is a Cabbage Patch Kid.


Mine is a Cabbage Patch Kid IN a Matryoshka doll IN the yolk OF A FABERGE EGG BEING HUMPED LIKE A DOG WITH A VOLLEYBALL!


----------



## PhoenixS (Apr 5, 2011)

Talk about Faberge eggs, Matryoshka dolls and Cabbage Patch Kids is clearly off-topic. Please start a new thread if you insist on discussing anything other than shades of red/redder/*REDDER *  here.


----------



## blakebooks (Mar 10, 2012)

I'd go with a basket of kitties somewhere. Just saying. Kitties sell crap. All my new covers are going to feature kitties or ponies. There. I said it.


----------



## 31842 (Jan 11, 2011)

Phoenix Sullivan said:


> Talk about Faberge eggs, Matryoshka dolls and Cabbage Patch Kids is clearly off-topic. Please start a new thread if you insist on discussing anything other than shades of red/redder/*REDDER *  here.


Are you a sock puppet account for ゴジラ? If I don't get anything but 5-star reviews today I KNOW IT WILL BE YOU and will be contacting Amazon to have you permanently banned from the world.


----------



## vrabinec (May 19, 2011)

KateDanley said:


> Mine is a Cabbage Patch Kid IN a Matryoshka doll IN the yolk OF A FABERGE EGG BEING HUMPED LIKE A DOG WITH A VOLLEYBALL!


That's just freaky. I think you should see someone about that. I dunno, maybe a butcher.


----------



## Nathalie Aynie (Nov 24, 2013)

DDark said:


> Well if your brain is a faberge egg, mine is a Matryoshka doll.


Mine is a diaper and it feels like you've all poo-pooed inside.


----------



## 60911 (Jun 13, 2012)

KateDanley said:


> Are you a sock puppet account for ゴジラ?


I AM THE ONLY SOCKPUPPET


----------



## Nathalie Aynie (Nov 24, 2013)

ゴジラ said:


>


I don't know what this is but it is beyond creepy.
Where can I see more?


----------



## GearPress Steve (Feb 4, 2012)

Ok, now are we all gonna write this thing and put it up on Amazon and see if it sells or not?


----------



## Nathalie Aynie (Nov 24, 2013)

One sentence each. GO.


----------



## Trish McCallan (Jul 16, 2011)

Nathalie Aynié said:


> One sentence each. GO.


It was a dark and zombie night.

It was a dark and stormy zombie.

The zombie was dark and stormy.


----------



## PhoenixS (Apr 5, 2011)

It was  will be a dark and zombie night. After, I will be seeing red, everywhere red -- fire red, magenta red, blood red -- red in the vermilion-stained morning light of a scarlet sun in a crimson-streaked sky.

ETA:
Oh sure, Trish, go edit while I'm creating ahhhrt. Are you trying to make me look stupid-er? I just can't do this. Plus, I'm sure I know the OP's vision better than the OP does. I am flouncing now. Thank you all for a really crappy day!!!! Wishing all of you the same


----------



## 31842 (Jan 11, 2011)

Wait.  I thought you came here for a cover critique.  Now you want to use us to write your story??  STOP STEALING OUR VISION!  I have a degree!


----------



## Nathalie Aynie (Nov 24, 2013)

It was a dark and stormy zombie. After, I will be seeing red, everywhere red -- fire red, magenta red, blood red -- red in the vermilion-stained morning light of a scarlet sun in a crimson-streaked sky. A sky filled with writhing tentacles, a sky filled with horror; a sky so unlike those that came before it that it was very nearly unrecognizable as a sky, aside from the tantacularity of it all.

You'd think temping as a blood-thirsty clown on the 21st street circus would be bad enough, and you'd sure be right--juggling with ribs and making balloons out of femoral arteries is quite daunting--but nothing was as taxing as the constant dismemberment of the bands of treadmill-deskless writers who were too fat to run fast enough to escape my red, glorious, vicious and viscous violent needs.


----------



## WG McCabe (Oct 13, 2012)

モスラ said:


> You are clearly stepping on the author's original vision, stop being a h8er.
> 
> Also, it feels like there should be a tentacle somewhere on the cover to adequately communicate...something.


I was only trying to help. I read 967 books a month and I talk to other super readers like myself. I KNOW what the people don't want: first person. So if that makes me a h8ter, well...


----------



## Heffnerh (Feb 1, 2013)

@original poster: 

The red font gets lost in the image and it's difficult to read. I love the zombies and lighting, but it sends the wrong message if you're going to be promoting it as a romance; it comes across as horror. Good luck!


----------



## Scarlett_R (Sep 30, 2011)

WHY is there no comic sans?


----------



## Trish McCallan (Jul 16, 2011)

Phoenix Sullivan said:


> It was  will be a dark and zombie night. After, I will be seeing red, everywhere red -- fire red, magenta red, blood red -- red in the vermilion-stained morning light of a scarlet sun in a crimson-streaked sky.
> 
> ETA:
> Oh sure, Trish, go edit while I'm creating ahhhrt. Are you trying to make me look stupid-er? I just can't do this. Plus, I'm sure I know the OP's vision better than the OP does. I am flouncing now. Thank you all for a really crappy day!!!! Wishing all of you the same


Nobody said anything about not editing-  And EVERYONE knows constantly revising that first sentence before reaching the end of the first draft is what makes the book a bestseller.  And NO, the OP does NOT have the right vision of her story. I do and it starts with a dark and stormy zombie. At least for the next ten minutes.


----------



## Trish McCallan (Jul 16, 2011)

DDark said:


> Most of the romances I've been in were horror.


Wait! What? I thought this was a literary whore romance?


----------



## GearPress Steve (Feb 4, 2012)

ゴジラ said:


> This never would have happened if you'd all just straight-up respected my vision. You know, I have an art degree.


Big deal. I happen to have an Associates in Arts degree. I'll have you know that happens to be a TWO YEAR degree, not one of those stupid four year degrees that everybody and their brother has. And just in case you didn't know, it only took me 30 years to get it. I started it in 1979 and finished it in 2009 at age 47.

Chew on that, sucka.


----------



## Cherise (May 13, 2012)

Betsy the Quilter said:


> You are so strange...


I _think_ the whole thread is sarcastic.


----------



## Pnjw (Apr 24, 2011)

DDark said:


> I got your book theme song right here


I'm thinking the lyrics to this song would be great as an opening for the book. I'm sure if she only quotes like half of it, there shouldn't be a copyright problem.


----------



## Cherise (May 13, 2012)

Deanna Chase said:


> I'm thinking the lyrics to this song would be great as an opening for the book. I'm sure if she only quotes like half of it, there shouldn't be a copyright problem.


LOL!

(Now I _know_ the whole thread is sarcastic.)


----------



## Evie Love (Jan 5, 2014)

So maybe you have an art degree but I have a creative writing degree so I know you're doing literary ALL WRONG. You put pictures on the cover! Only children read books with pictures on the cover! And you're making the genre way too clear. You need to obscure it a bit more to increase your chance of accidental buys. Remember, you're confusing readers FOR THEIR OWN GOOD.


----------



## 31842 (Jan 11, 2011)

Have you had a chance to release your book yet?  How are sales going?


----------



## Nathalie Aynie (Nov 24, 2013)

YOU ALL SMELL!


----------



## Danielle Monsch (Aug 21, 2011)

I would try to publish the manuscript in red instead of black if I were you - so your vision is pure throughout.


----------



## Nathalie Aynie (Nov 24, 2013)

SM Reine said:


> YEAH WELL YOU SMELL LIKE SUSHI


YEAH I DO, I KNOW YOU'RE JEALOUS


----------



## Ben Mathew (Jan 27, 2013)

SM Reine said:


> I am selling exactly as many as I want to readers that understand my vision. THANKS.


You came here and asked for advice. The good people here took so much time out of their busy life to give such good advice, just out of the goodness of their heart, just for you to improve so you can sell many books and become famous and respected author. But you were stubborn with your so-called vision which I don't even understand. You must beware of this so-called vision. It stands in the path of your greatness.


----------



## Ben Mathew (Jan 27, 2013)

vmblack said:


> Dare I ask what the thread that inspired this thread is? Or do I even want to know?
> 
> (BTW, hi. I'm a self-pub noob and a noob to the boards.)


Hello vmblack. Welcome to this arena where great thoughts of authors are exchanged every day. It is a very useful forum with lots of practical applications. I hope you will take as example the lesson of the OP to heart so you will not make same mistakes. Beware of so-called vision.


----------



## Nathalie Aynie (Nov 24, 2013)

I think this red is not red enough. It's reddish. Like, almost brown. IT STINKS OF NON-SUSHI.


----------



## Ben Mathew (Jan 27, 2013)

vmblack said:


> Dude, she's joking. So is almost everyone else. Look at the books she's ACTUALLY published.


She is not joking. She is only pretending this is a joke now that her so-called vision has failed. She should have followed the great advice that the kind people of the forum had generously offered. But I'm sure she has learned her lesson which she can apply to her next book under new name.


----------



## Nancy Beck (Jul 1, 2011)

OMG - this thread has made my day! Love all the snark.


----------



## Desmond X. Torres (Mar 16, 2013)

Despite the warnings, I am totally bumping this thread!

I haven't laffed so much on these boards in... like... days, man.


----------



## Daniel Cane (Oct 16, 2014)

Looks creepy. The fonts a bit hard to read. It looks more like an album than a cover because of the shape.  Of course I don't really know much about that genre these days.


----------



## Redacted1111 (Oct 26, 2013)

God. I love her vision. The zombies are like feminism, you see. So now men have to shave and be good dads because of zombies.


----------



## Desmond X. Torres (Mar 16, 2013)

Kalypsō said:


> God. I love her vision. The zombies are like feminism, you see. So now men have to shave and be good dads because of zombies.


So if you shave and are already a good Dad, there's no message for you? No, no no... I believe that her vision is even broader than that!

Just from the cover, I'm a better person. I've grown. And hardly any typos!


----------



## Nathalie Aynie (Nov 24, 2013)

I had forgotten all about that thread and I repeed myself.
DESMOND? I BLAME YOU.


----------



## Redacted1111 (Oct 26, 2013)

Desmond X. Torres said:


> So if you shave and are already a good Dad, there's no message for you? No, no no... I believe that her vision is even broader than that!
> 
> Just from the cover, I'm a better person. I've grown. And hardly any typos!


Really, I had no idea a cover could fix my typos. I obviously haven't absorbed the grandness of her vision.


----------



## Pnjw (Apr 24, 2011)

I just spent thirty minutes rereading this thread. Gawd, the memories. And the cowbell still makes me laugh my butt off.


----------



## Desmond X. Torres (Mar 16, 2013)

Nathalie Aynié said:


> I had forgotten all about that thread and I repeed myself.
> DESMOND? I BLAME YOU.


I have, from that cover, garnered the strength to bear the blame.
...
Got any sushi left btw? It oughta be really really ripe by now!


----------



## Nathalie Aynie (Nov 24, 2013)

Desmond X. Torres said:


> I have, from that cover, garnered the strength to bear the blame.
> ...
> Got any sushi left btw? It oughta be really really ripe by now!


Still fresh enough. It jumped us when I opened the door.


----------



## MyraScott (Jul 18, 2014)

I just want to say that I'm sorry the baby didn't make it onto the cover.  I think a family/zombie/romance would appeal to more readers.  And I think the red is a little oversaturated.


----------



## Desmond X. Torres (Mar 16, 2013)

Nathalie Aynié said:


> Still fresh enough. It jumped us when I opened the door.


Ah HA!
There's a new genre trend happening... Zombie Sushi Tenatacles!


----------



## Nathalie Aynie (Nov 24, 2013)

Desmond X. Torres said:


> Ah HA!
> There's a new genre trend happening... Zombie Sushi Tenatacles!


Not enough WINNER.


----------



## Desmond X. Torres (Mar 16, 2013)

Trying to keep it clean over here!
Oh...
you said WINNER... not wiener!
My bad...


----------



## Someone (Dec 30, 2011)

Desmond
So glad you bumped this
Put this in KU stat

BOOM TIME FOR INDIES


----------



## NoCat (Aug 5, 2010)

ゴジラ said:


> Am I the only one feeling moist right now


----------



## Desmond X. Torres (Mar 16, 2013)

ゴジラ said:


> Am I the only one feeling moist right now
> 
> (_am I allowed to say moist on this board? is that family friendly?_)


Sure.
I think.
The prod doesn't hurt a lot anyway, so no big deal?
As long as nobody comments on the nature and locale(s?) of this ... errr... dampness?... it's all okay.
Right?

(backs away and bumps into Nat at the sushi bar)...
Ow!


----------



## Nathalie Aynie (Nov 24, 2013)

ゴジラ is my only fan.


----------



## Nathalie Aynie (Nov 24, 2013)

Desmond X. Torres said:


> (backs away and bumps into Nat at the sushi bar)...
> Ow!


*licks eye*


----------



## Desmond X. Torres (Mar 16, 2013)

Nathalie Aynié said:


> *licks eye*


Just one?


----------



## Nathalie Aynie (Nov 24, 2013)

Desmond X. Torres said:


> Just one?


You're greedy.


----------

