# CDC Confirms No Zombie Outbreak



## David Adams (Jan 2, 2012)

First sign of zombie outbreak spotted: http://www.news.com.au/technology/sci-tech/cdc-declares-there-is-no-zombie-apocalypse-after-spate-of-cannibal-killings/story-fn5fsgyc-1226382746704


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## Lisa Grace (Jul 3, 2011)

Oh, thank God. I was so worried!


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## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

Well, sure. But that _is _what they would say, isn't it?


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## MosesSiregarIII (Jul 15, 2010)

*takes off his running shoes*


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## JGray (Mar 7, 2012)

I'll still stick with my Zombie Contingency Plan, thank you very much.

*chambers a shotgun round*


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## BrianKittrell (Jan 8, 2011)

One of my co-workers just walked by and saw the news headline on my screen, gave me a pat on the back, and said, "Awww, no zombie apocalypse, eh?"

With a frown and a sigh, I replied, "Yeah, that's what they're saying. You know how much I was looking forward to it..."


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## NathanWrann (May 5, 2011)

You can't believe everything you read on the internet. 

I choose to not believe the government's dismissal.


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## Selina Fenech (Jul 20, 2011)

The zombocalypse is the new Y2K. We were all dreading it, preparing and SECRETLY WISHING INSIDE IT WOULD REALLY HAPPEN AND CIVILISATION WOULD COLLAPSE. But it didn't and we all got sad. Or maybe that was just me. 

Also- http://www.cracked.com/article_15643_5-scientific-reasons-zombie-apocalypse-could-actually-happen.html


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## David Adams (Jan 2, 2012)

I always figured a firm denial of zombie outbreaks to be the #1 sign of an impending zombie outbreak, myself. Second is when we start losing contact with states...


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## Jill James (May 8, 2011)

"Move along. Nothing to see here."

Isn't that always how it starts?


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## traceya (Apr 26, 2010)

I'll have to rely on my hubby's survival skills I think.  I'm a pretty crack shot but haven't got a patch on him.  Still I guess two guns are better than one - when do we start stockpiling food and water?


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## David Kazzie (Sep 16, 2010)

I don't have to be fast. I just have to be faster than one of you.


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## BrianKittrell (Jan 8, 2011)

David Kazzie said:


> I don't have to be fast. I just have to be faster than one of you.


Moses took off his running shoes, so perhaps you can maintain an advantage in that regard.


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## Katie Salidas (Mar 21, 2010)

smreine said:


> Well, sure. But that _is _what they would say, isn't it?


Lol, Exactly!


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## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

I'm pretty sure this all means I need to go play more Left 4 Dead. As training for the zombocalypse, you see. Not because I'm procrastinating.

(Anyone want to play versus on Steam? )


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## Katie Salidas (Mar 21, 2010)

If there was a real zombie apocalypse I'd be so screwed! I'm scared to death about zombies. My hubby on the other hand, would do great. He's constantly training. He's so good at those zombie games. LoL


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## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

Katie Salidas said:


> If there was a real zombie apocalypse I'd be so screwed! I'm scared to death about zombies. My hubby on the other hand, would do great. He's constantly training. He's so good at those zombie games. LoL


Don't worry, you have time to train if you start now! Drop whatever productive thing you're doing and pick up the nearest XBox controller, STAT!


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## JonDavis1 (Apr 11, 2012)

Uhuh, we've heard this before... The Stand... "Let me be clear... Captain Trips does not exist!" Look what happened there! 

So yea... surrre there's no zombie outbreak... It's like Killer Bees, it'll spread state by state by state...then we'll have seasons that we have to watch out for zombie attacks, hunters will debate on using bow and arrow over guns (guns, it's more likely to take out the brain)...then we'll have a pharmacuetical company announce some great break through to keep the outbreak chronic... big arguements about whether marrying zombies is okay... (jeeze this is turning into a story...excuse me while I go write the book. )


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## 56139 (Jan 21, 2012)

Ya know what I think is so funny about zombies?  Almost everyone has a plan.   

H*ll, even my MOM has a plan!


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## 56139 (Jan 21, 2012)

JonDavis1 said:


> Uhuh, we've heard this before... The Stand... "Let me be clear... Captain Trips does not exist!" Look what happened there!
> 
> So yea... surrre there's no zombie outbreak... It's like Killer Bees, it'll spread state by state by state...then we'll have seasons that we have to watch out for zombie attacks, hunters will debate on using bow and arrow over guns (guns, it's more likely to take out the brain)...then we'll have a pharmacuetical company announce some great break through to keep the outbreak chronic... big arguements about whether marrying zombies is okay... (jeeze this is turning into a story...excuse me while I go write the book. )


That's Sean of the Dead all over again! (Which is our favorite movie BTW - Goin' to the Winchesta is a standard line for "Hey, what do ya want to do tonight?"


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## Katie Salidas (Mar 21, 2010)

smreine said:


> Don't worry, you have time to train if you start now! Drop whatever productive thing you're doing and pick up the nearest XBox controller, STAT!


We've got Left 4 Dead on the computer but I'd have to fight my hubby for it...  Maybe I should just trust him to keep us alive during the apocalypse?


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## Katie Salidas (Mar 21, 2010)

JonDavis1 said:


> Uhuh, we've heard this before... The Stand... "Let me be clear... Captain Trips does not exist!" Look what happened there!
> 
> So yea... surrre there's no zombie outbreak... It's like Killer Bees, it'll spread state by state by state...then we'll have seasons that we have to watch out for zombie attacks, hunters will debate on using bow and arrow over guns (guns, it's more likely to take out the brain)...then we'll have a pharmacuetical company announce some great break through to keep the outbreak chronic... big arguements about whether marrying zombies is okay... (jeeze this is turning into a story...excuse me while I go write the book. )


Oh Dear! I can already see the zombie rights activists lining up to protest... "But who will think of the Zombies?" LoL.


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## David Adams (Jan 2, 2012)

Katie Salidas said:


> Oh Dear! I can already see the zombie rights activists lining up to protest... "But who will think of the Zombies?" LoL.


What do we want? Braaaaaaaains
When do we want it? Braaaaaaaaaains


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## JeanneM (Mar 21, 2011)




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## B.M. Hodges (Feb 29, 2012)

JonDavis1 said:


> Uhuh, we've heard this before... The Stand... "Let me be clear... Captain Trips does not exist!" Look what happened there!
> 
> So yea... surrre there's no zombie outbreak... It's like Killer Bees, it'll spread state by state by state...then we'll have seasons that we have to watch out for zombie attacks, hunters will debate on using bow and arrow over guns (guns, it's more likely to take out the brain)...then we'll have a pharmacuetical company announce some great break through to keep the outbreak chronic... big arguements about whether marrying zombies is okay... (jeeze this is turning into a story...excuse me while I go write the book. )


He's right...it's a cover-up.


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## Not Here (May 23, 2011)

JeanneM said:


>


Oh that's fantastic. I think this needs to go on my facebook. Then no one can say I didn't warn them.


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## Rin (Apr 25, 2011)

David Adams said:


> First sign of zombie outbreak spotted: http://www.news.com.au/technology/sci-tech/cdc-declares-there-is-no-zombie-apocalypse-after-spate-of-cannibal-killings/story-fn5fsgyc-1226382746704


David, at least we're in Oz, which I maintain is the best place to be during a zombie outbreak.


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## purplesmurf (Mar 20, 2012)

It's a good thing I listened in and randomly partook in that zombie role playing game my husband and his friends played over the summer. Now I know all of their strategies and who needs to be killed first. . . you know just in case the CDC is wrong and it really is the apocalypse.


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## Cliff Ball (Apr 10, 2010)

If you're on a cross country trip trying to escape from zombies, make sure you have plenty of your favorite snacks, watch out for girls trying to rip you off, and make sure you don't shoot that actor whose pretending to be a zombie so the other zombies won't eat his brains.

When in doubt, make sure there are plenty of clones of you.


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## Guest (Jun 4, 2012)

David Adams said:


> I always figured a firm denial of zombie outbreaks to be the #1 sign of an impending zombie outbreak, myself. Second is when we start losing contact with states...


There are a few states we wouldn't mind losing contact with I would think...


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## DonnaBurgess (Jan 1, 2011)

They can confirm all they want, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed.  Besides, have any of you seen Myrtle Beach in high tourist season? That alone is an indication there are and have been zombies.

My kids are split on which weapons are better--firearms or melee weapons. We don't have any firearms, but we do have lots of baseball bats.

Here's a good website for the weaponry-challenged, like me.
http://www.zombiesurvivalwiki.com/page/Melee+Weapons


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## Enkel (May 15, 2012)

The CDC has known about the empending zobmie outbreak for years now.  That's why they put out that official CDC Zombie Outbreak Preparation Plan.... oh, sure they said it was only "tounge in cheek"... what they didn't say was it was Joe's tougue in Jack's cheek because he was eating it!

Now, we need reporters asking these candidates what they plan to do about the zombie outbreak.  Will zombies be allowed to vote in their home districts?  How do they feel about zombie/zombie marriages?  Should the beef industry be allowed to include zombie flesh in pink slime if it is irradiated enough?  After all, it is protien.


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## Guest (Jun 4, 2012)

Long range weapons such as bows are better than firearms. Firearms are like ringing the dinner bell for zombies. You kill the one trying to eat your face, sure, but you also alert every other zombie within a five block radius that there is food nearby.


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## ShaunaG (Jun 16, 2011)

All I can think is, when watching zombie movies/shows or reading books there's always one character that says, "It started with a few news stories, just random attacks of violence that we all wrote off..." and then BOOM! The total dissemination of the population. I don't know, makes me a wee bit nervous. Guess it's better to be paranoid and prepared than dismissive and eaten. Am I right?

Oh and the CDC would dismiss it to prevent panicking. I'm just saying.


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## Guest (Jun 4, 2012)

ShaunaG said:


> Oh and the CDC would dismiss it to prevent panicking. I'm just saying.


You know, people say this, but that is actually counter to how the CDC operates. Every year, they get people worked into a tizzy over getting the flu shot. Or think back to SARS...or the bird flu...or any number of recent epidemics that never happened. *The CDC lives to panic people. * It's how they justify their existence and funding. I think they would be chomping at the bit to panic the population over a real zombie outbreak.


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## Scheherazade (Apr 11, 2009)

tkkenyon said:


> I'm not worried about the zombies.
> 
> If the zombies weaken civilization enough, the Machines will rise to defend themselves, and then all of us biologicals are screwed.
> 
> ...


We'll know who to blame now...


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## sheiler1963 (Nov 23, 2011)

All I can tell ya kids, is that according to this http://www.buddytv.com/personalityquiz/the-walking-dead-personalityquiz.aspx?quiz=500000076
I am Daryl. 
You can be on my team but remember to bring weapons, ammo (plenty of ammo), some antibiotics would be helpful. If you are a pansy.....stay away. If you have a creepy kid like Carl, be warned that I will probably end up using the annoying little freak as bait to save your sorry hineys.
OH! Bring beer! This zombie slaying stuff is thirsty work and don't think it ain't.


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## traceya (Apr 26, 2010)

I'm going to re-read The Z Wars so I'm prepared


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## HarryK (Oct 20, 2011)

WriteWilette said:


> I'll still stick with my Zombie Contingency Plan, thank you very much.
> 
> *chambers a shotgun round*


Hey, better safe than sorry. Sure, taking all my anti-zombie precautions might make me look odd _now_...

But you know what, there's gonna be a whole lotta people around this place feeling a little foolish when they're having their faces eaten by the nom nom hordes.

On a related note, here's a joke I saw on another board:

What do vegan zombies say?

Graaaaiiiiins......


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## Annalog (Dec 28, 2008)

HarryK said:


> ...
> On a related note, here's a joke I saw on another board:
> 
> What do vegan zombies say?
> ...


Currently available from shirt.woot.com: http://shirt.woot.com/offers/graiiiinss


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## Jerico (Jun 5, 2012)

Aw man. What am I gonna do with all those shells I ordered online? :/


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## The Hooded Claw (Oct 12, 2009)

To quote the old 1980 campy remake of Flash Gordon, "Yesterday's unscheduled Solar eclipse is no cause for alarm."

Sent from my DROID RAZR using Tapatalk 2


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## Meemo (Oct 27, 2008)

Bards and Sages (Julie) said:


> You know, people say this, but that is actually counter to how the CDC operates. Every year, they get people worked into a tizzy over getting the flu shot. Or think back to SARS...or the bird flu...or any number of recent epidemics that never happened. *The CDC lives to panic people. * It's how they justify their existence and funding. I think they would be chomping at the bit to panic the population over a real zombie outbreak.


Only if they can come up with a zombie vaccine....


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## balaspa (Dec 27, 2009)

Sure...but isn't that what the CDC would WANT you to believe?  Run!  Run!  Board up the windows!


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## tsilver (Aug 9, 2010)

You anti-zombi people make me sick.  Can't we all just get along?


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## JonDavis1 (Apr 11, 2012)

tsilver said:


> You anti-zombi people make me sick. Can't we all just get along?


....brains....brains....


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