# THIS is why some authors fail



## Guest (Nov 3, 2016)

OK, so you all know I run a little micro press. I'm not currently actively accepting full-length submissions, but I got a very nice query from an author with a synopsis that sounded interesting. I sent the author a very honest reply. We don't pay advances, average units sold, and what we can, and can't do. I didn't contact him. He contacted me. I was clear what my actual abilities as a publisher are. If he still wanted to send the novella, I would read it and if I thought it was something we could produce, we would work out a contract.

He sends me the file. It is on a BLACK BACKGROUND with LIME GREEN font.



Spoiler



For those of you who are visual...the entire document was written like this.



The...entire...file.

Now I could have fixed it myself, but...no...that isn't how this is supposed to work. Authors should know better. You don't submit stories for publication on a black background with lime green font. I'll tolerate a lot of variants from my submission guidelines, but you have to draw the line at a certain point.

So I email the author and ask him to resubmit the file correctly, because the current file is unreadable.

Now remember, I AM NOT ACTIVELY READING SUBMISSIONS, but I was doing this because the story sounded interesting and the author seemed like a nice guy. I'M DOING HIM A FAVOR. Not the other way around. HE contacted ME.

This was his reply:



> You are far too rude to work with. Get a life. Your present one is readable enough, but untenable.


And this is why it doesn't pay to be nice to authors. I shall now return to my usual Evil Sith Witch mode.


----------



## Amanda M. Lee (Jun 3, 2014)

It's not the same thing, but last week I had an author approach me and the email started like this: "Congratulations! After much thought and research, I have selected you to be my mentor." The message was a good thousand words long and she went on and on about how I was a good fit to be her mentor because I sold a lot of books and she knew she would, too. I should be thankful for securing a place on her team so early in her career. In closing, she wrote: "As my mentor, you are required to provide me with a blurb that I can use to market my book. A copy of my work can be provided, but it's not necessary for you to write the blurb." I ignored the message but it did give me a good laugh.


----------



## Guest (Nov 3, 2016)

i can understand your frustration, but not all authors are like that. Don't make a blanket statement like that, please.


----------



## Guest (Nov 3, 2016)

Amanda M. Lee said:


> It's not the same thing, but last week I had an author approach me and the email started like this: "Congratulations! After much thought and research, I have selected you to be my mentor." The message was a good thousand words long and she went on and on about how I was a good fit to be her mentor because I sold a lot of books and she knew she would, too. I should be thankful for securing a place on her team so early in her career. In closing, she wrote: "As my mentor, you are required to provide me with a blurb that I can use to market my book. A copy of my work can be provided, but it's not necessary for you to write the blurb." I ignored the message but it did give me a good laugh.


*head to desk*

But...but...you will KICK YOURSELF years from now when someone else mentors her and she is famous! lol


----------



## Alan Petersen (May 20, 2011)

I have friends in HR and the stories they have are sad but hilarious. Bad cover letters/resumes, delusions of grandeur, rudeness, and on and on.

Now I'm just curious what was the deal with the formatting? Did he think it was artistic? Didn't know? Now we'll never know!


----------



## Mallory_Rock (Sep 13, 2013)

This happens to everyone. Sucks every single time too. When I get people like that, I feel the same way, but inevitably come back around to being nice again. haha You shall have to work your way back from the dark side once more!


----------



## Taking my troll a$$ outta here (Apr 8, 2013)

Bards and Sages (Julie) said:


> Spoiler
> 
> 
> 
> For those of you who are visual...the entire document was written like this.


Now I know why I keep getting rejections. I thought green on black was industry standard.  

Ugh. It does NOT pay to be nice sometimes, that is for sure!


----------



## Not any more (Mar 19, 2012)

I have a friend who will attempt to edit anything. I am not exaggerating. One series I helped her with was an epic assault on the English language. When purple prose is past indigo to black, with no punctuation inside of long paragraphs. The author only allowed us to punctuate, not change any of the sentences or cut anything out. Another book I had to give up on. After 35K words (of 150K), I still had no idea what the author was talking about, or if the purpose was to tell a story.

Julie, you're just one of those terrible old gatekeepers who can't recognize true artistry.


----------



## Lydniz (May 2, 2013)

Amanda M. Lee said:


> In closing, she wrote: "As my mentor, you are required to provide me with a blurb that I can use to market my book. A copy of my work can be provided, but it's not necessary for you to write the blurb."


This is the funniest thing I've read all week.


----------



## 67499 (Feb 4, 2013)

This whole thread is a huge joke and I'm too dumb to get it, right, even tho' I'm  ?


----------



## GeneDoucette (Oct 14, 2014)

Amanda M. Lee said:


> It's not the same thing, but last week I had an author approach me and the email started like this: "Congratulations! After much thought and research, I have selected you to be my mentor." The message was a good thousand words long and she went on and on about how I was a good fit to be her mentor because I sold a lot of books and she knew she would, too. I should be thankful for securing a place on her team so early in her career. In closing, she wrote: "As my mentor, you are required to provide me with a blurb that I can use to market my book. A copy of my work can be provided, but it's not necessary for you to write the blurb." I ignored the message but it did give me a good laugh.


this is magical.


----------



## Guest (Nov 3, 2016)

Steven Hardesty said:


> This whole thread is a huge joke and I'm too dumb to get it, right, even tho' I'm ?


Oh, my inbox is a joke for sure. But it is not YOUR intellect in question!


----------



## Greg Banks (May 2, 2009)

Out_there said:


> i can understand your frustration, but not all authors are like that. Don't make a blanket statement like that, please.


She said "some" authors, so it really wasn't a blanket statement.

I remember an author at Lulu once who was angry because he couldn't submit his manuscript to publishers handwritten.


----------



## ♨ (Jan 9, 2012)

Alan Petersen said:


> Now I'm just curious what was the deal with the formatting? Did he think it was artistic? Didn't know? Now we'll never know!


Many moons ago, I read an article on video/screen readability. Back then, what was reported to have the highest readability was yellow text on a blue background. I tried it for myself and wound up setting my text editor (which I used as my word processor app back then) with a dark blue background and yellow text.

It's still very readable.

And, many many moons ago, green on black was the standard for computer monitors. Many of my early stories were written like that. I even toyed with doing that with my text editor, but wound up using the yellow/blue combo.

There is a bit of nostalgia involved with using green text on a black background--for those of us that remember those days. LOL.

Mind you, I wouldn't submit a story formatted that way anywhere, but either of the above could be why he writes that way.


----------



## Guest (Nov 3, 2016)

Greg Banks said:


> I remember an author at Lulu once who was angry because he couldn't submit his manuscript to publishers handwritten.


We had some good times on the Lulu forums, didn't we? I mean...until I got banned for being, well, rational and all.


----------



## Issy (Aug 25, 2013)




----------



## Rick Gualtieri (Oct 31, 2011)

Amanda M. Lee said:


> It's not the same thing, but last week I had an author approach me and the email started like this: "Congratulations! After much thought and research, I have selected you to be my mentor." The message was a good thousand words long and she went on and on about how I was a good fit to be her mentor because I sold a lot of books and she knew she would, too. I should be thankful for securing a place on her team so early in her career. In closing, she wrote: "As my mentor, you are required to provide me with a blurb that I can use to market my book. A copy of my work can be provided, but it's not necessary for you to write the blurb." I ignored the message but it did give me a good laugh.


(Goes into draft folder and deletes email he was writing to Amanda)

Hmm, let's see who's next on my list.


----------



## WPipp (Dec 9, 2014)

Amanda M. Lee said:


> It's not the same thing, but last week I had an author approach me and the email started like this: "Congratulations! After much thought and research, I have selected you to be my mentor." The message was a good thousand words long and she went on and on about how I was a good fit to be her mentor because I sold a lot of books and she knew she would, too. I should be thankful for securing a place on her team so early in her career. In closing, she wrote: "As my mentor, you are required to provide me with a blurb that I can use to market my book. A copy of my work can be provided, but it's not necessary for you to write the blurb." I ignored the message but it did give me a good laugh.


If you got passed the "Congratulations!" part and read a good thousand words of this, you missed the opportunity to respond.

Dear future star,

After many hours and restless nights, I can not see my way to shepherd such talent. Dare I say "shepherd"? Perhaps "anoint" would be more fitting. With deep regard, I will pass on this awesome responsibility to someone else. King? Patterson? Grisham?


----------



## ♨ (Jan 9, 2012)

Rick Gualtieri said:


> (Goes into draft folder and deletes email he was writing to Amanda)
> 
> Hmm, let's see who's next on my list.


Yay! Less competition for the mentoree opportunity.


----------



## I&#039;m a Little Teapot (Apr 10, 2014)

Out_there said:


> i can understand your frustration, but not all authors are like that. Don't make a blanket statement like that, please.


She didn't say all.

Anyway, it's always been amazing to me just how many writers ARE like that. The ones who hurl abuse because you won't introduce them to your agent or review their books ... *Shudder*


----------



## My Dog&#039;s Servant (Jun 2, 2013)

I'm sorry, Julie. I thought your post was a winner....until I read Amanda's.  

To both of you:  Thanks for the laughs!  They were of the belly-buster variety.

You just can't make that stuff up.


----------



## My Dog&#039;s Servant (Jun 2, 2013)

Dan C. Rinnert said:


> There is a bit of nostalgia involved with using green text on a black background--for those of us that remember those days. LOL.


You know, Dan, I was having a lot of fun with this thread and then you come along and remind some of us just how...er...long we've been at this. [I was NOT going to say, 'how old some of us are'!] [Flashbacks to 64K ram and dual 5.5" floppy disks....and a really cool portable computer that only weighed 25 lbs.]


----------



## ♨ (Jan 9, 2012)

My Dog's Servant said:


> You know, Dan, I was having a lot of fun with this thread and then you come along and remind some of us just how...er...long we've been at this. [I was NOT going to say, 'how old some of us are'!] [Flashbacks to 64K ram and dual 5.5" floppy disks....and a really cool portable computer that only weighed 25 lbs.]


Could be worse. You could be like me and have stories that started life as green pixels on a black screen that still aren't finished.

Well, I guess to be technical, they started as pencil scribblings on non-college ruled three-hole punch paper.


----------



## Betsy the Quilter (Oct 27, 2008)

My Dog's Servant said:


> You know, Dan, I was having a lot of fun with this thread and then you come along and remind some of us just how...er...long we've been at this. [I was NOT going to say, 'how old some of us are'!] [Flashbacks to 64K ram and dual 5.5" floppy disks....and a really cool portable computer that only weighed 25 lbs.]


Oh, my.....has a flashback....


----------



## Keith Soares (Jan 9, 2014)

Amanda M. Lee said:


> It's not the same thing, but last week I had an author approach me and the email started like this: "Congratulations! After much thought and research, I have selected you to be my mentor."


And... now I need a new monitor, because I just spit water all over this one, laughing.

Ain't people grand?

K.


----------



## My Dog&#039;s Servant (Jun 2, 2013)

Dan C. Rinnert said:


> Could be worse. You could be like me and have stories that started life as green pixels on a black screen that still aren't finished.
> 
> Well, I guess to be technical, they started as pencil scribblings on non-college ruled three-hole punch paper.


Mine started as pen on newsprint (I'd read somewhere that newsprint was what "real" writers used for their first draft if they didn't own a typewriter, so I made my mom drive me to the newspaper so I could buy a ream with my babysitting money). If anyone's curious, newsprint sucks. It doesn't quite singe at the edges when you're writing in a white heat, but a ball pen, eagerly wielded, will rip newsprint to pieces. Fortunately, for the good of my ego and the protection of all literate, thinking humans, those masterpieces disappeared long, long ago. Even before that 25 lb portable computer arrived on the scene. Just goes to show, there is some greater power looking out for the rest of you.


----------



## Guest (Nov 3, 2016)

I suspect a lot of these strange submissions are people with mental illness. Not saying that as a joke, it probably actually is the case. 

In the old days you had to print and mail a copy to a publisher and that probably filtered out 90% of bad writers. Now, with email, anyone can write something and blast it around town.


----------



## ♨ (Jan 9, 2012)

My Dog's Servant said:


> Mine started as pen on newsprint (I'd read somewhere that newsprint was what "real" writers used for their first draft if they didn't own a typewriter, so I made my mom drive me to the newspaper so I could buy a ream with my babysitting money). If anyone's curious, newsprint sucks. It doesn't quite singe at the edges when you're writing in a white heat, but a ball pen, eagerly wielded, will rip newsprint to pieces. Fortunately, for the good of my ego and the protection of all literate, thinking humans, those masterpieces disappeared long, long ago. Even before that 25 lb portable computer arrived on the scene. Just goes to show, there is some greater power looking out for the rest of you.


I like finding old stuff that I've done. Earlier this year, I took an old book I had made many many moons ago, scanned it, removed copyrighted material, annotated it and offered it to my list as a freebie. I had a second book that I found and was going to do the same, except that I put that second book in a "safe" place where it wouldn't get wrecked or lost and I have, ahem, forgotten where that safe place is.

At any rate, over the weekend or the weekend before--who remembers anymore?--I found four more books I had "written."

One was, if I recall correctly, written for a school project, another was never finished, the third I'm drawing a blank on right now and the fourth, well . . . In days of yore, before we had MP4s, before we had DVDs, before we had VCRs, if you saw a movie and you wanted to relive that movie again and again, you drew pictures, wrote some text and turned it into a book. LOL.

Of course I can't do anything with that "book" until the movie's copyright expires in like 2061 or thereabouts.


----------



## My Dog&#039;s Servant (Jun 2, 2013)

Now, that's pretty cool, having the old stuff to still share. And I like the idea of "illustrating" your movie/book. 

I don't regret losing the prose, but I'd like to have some of the poetry. Teenage. Angst. Misunderstood genius. I'm sure it was brilliant.

But...sob!...nobody EVER said I qualified to be their mentor. Yet more angst in my life....


----------



## Colin (Aug 6, 2011)

Amanda M. Lee said:


> It's not the same thing, but last week I had an author approach me and the email started like this: "Congratulations! After much thought and research, I have selected you to be my mentor." The message was a good thousand words long and she went on and on about how I was a good fit to be her mentor because I sold a lot of books and she knew she would, too. I should be thankful for securing a place on her team so early in her career. In closing, she wrote: "As my mentor, you are required to provide me with a blurb that I can use to market my book. A copy of my work can be provided, but it's not necessary for you to write the blurb." I ignored the message but it did give me a good laugh.


I have also selected you to be my mentor, and I'm prepared to pay you fifty pounds (English) if you agree to ghost write my novel. Do we have a deal?


----------



## ♨ (Jan 9, 2012)

My Dog's Servant said:


> I don't regret losing the prose, but I'd like to have some of the poetry. Teenage. Angst. Misunderstood genius. I'm sure it was brilliant.


Did we all write bad _brilliant_ poetry when we were teens? LOL. I still have mine.


----------



## ♨ (Jan 9, 2012)

Colin said:


> I have also selected you to be my mentor, and I'm prepared to pay you fifty pounds (English) if you agree to ghost write my novel. Do we have a deal?


Pfft. I have a better deal to offer. I'll write the book then she can slap her name on it and send me the monies.  And then I'll buy a treadmill desk and lose fifty pounds.


----------



## Colin (Aug 6, 2011)

Dan C. Rinnert said:


> Pfft. I have a better deal to offer. I'll write the book then she can slap her name on it and send me the monies.  And then I'll buy a treadmill desk and lose fifty pounds.


Now, why didn't I think of that ...


----------



## 75845 (Jan 1, 1970)

Personally I thought the green line monitor look was cool. All that was missing was the Matrix font.

I can't use white backgrounds on my computer due to sight problems, but unfortunately the green line text is also too bright so I use grey text on either black (for console screens) or dark  blue for writing in the graphical version of VIM. Those are the colours on the screen, though, not the file. Maybe a black background is a cunning plan to avoid it being printed out.


----------



## ♨ (Jan 9, 2012)

Spoiler




I do miss those days. Nowadays, some writers buy special software to keep them from wandering off to the Internet or to check eMail when they are supposed to be writing. But, back then, you didn't need any special software for distraction-free writing. You could run one program at a time and you liked it that way. You couldn't jump on the Internet because you had never heard of the Internet. If you connected to another computer at all, you couldn't do so for long because you didn't want to tie up the phone line in case someone called. And when you printed your manuscript, your neighbors knew it because they could hear it printing. And then you had to separate the sheets and jog them together in a stack. Then when the printer ribbon ran dry, you had a futuristic double-barrel ray gun to play with. Computers were awesome!


----------



## Anarchist (Apr 22, 2015)




----------



## Gentleman Zombie (May 30, 2011)

I just can't even process either of those scenarios. 

Maybe they were both pranks... I just can't imagine anyone being so clueless. 

I'm hopelessly naive aren't I  ?


----------



## AndrewSeiple (Jan 3, 2016)

Lordy. Yeah, there's crazies in every industry...


----------



## Alan Petersen (May 20, 2011)

Dan C. Rinnert said:


> Many moons ago, I read an article on video/screen readability. Back then, what was reported to have the highest readability was yellow text on a blue background. I tried it for myself and wound up setting my text editor (which I used as my word processor app back then) with a dark blue background and yellow text.
> 
> It's still very readable.
> 
> ...


That's right, I wouldn't know about that at my young age.


----------



## Sarah Shaw (Feb 14, 2015)

My Dog's Servant said:


> I don't regret losing the prose, but I'd like to have some of the poetry. Teenage. Angst. Misunderstood genius. I'm sure it was brilliant.


I've still got mine! And yes, it _was_ brilliant! My ninth grade teacher assured me of that!


----------



## Not any more (Mar 19, 2012)

Gentleman Zombie said:


> I just can't even process either of those scenarios.
> 
> Maybe they were both pranks... I just can't imagine anyone being so clueless.
> 
> I'm hopelessly naive aren't I  ?


Yes, you've lived a very sheltered life.


----------



## noirhvy (Dec 29, 2015)

Writers are ornrey critters, many not housebroken. But scribblers who tow the party line are boring as the devil. So it's the ones with oddball, fresh ideas that matter. But they an be a riot to work with.
On another topic -- I remember green letters on black and 8.5 inchfloppy disks  -- or, were they 8.25 inches?
I also remember editorial rooms full of manual typewriters and mostly guys (with an occasional "newshen") banging away with two fingers on the keyboards.


----------



## Crystal_ (Aug 13, 2014)

Be honest, Julie. It's because you hate The Matrix Trilogy, isn't it


----------



## D A Bale (Oct 20, 2016)

Oh my gosh! Thanks so much for the belly laughs here, gang. And I thought _I_ had dealt with some scary authors after writing reviews for several years. Remind me never to go into publishing...oh, wait.

Okay, now I've got to take a break and watch The Matrix.


----------



## Abalone (Jan 31, 2014)

I wish I had weirdos sending me curse filled emails to my author email. 

Coolest email I ever got was from a college graduate who decided to go into the police academy because my MC from a series inspired him. Whether or not it was BS, I still find it cool.



Amanda M. Lee said:


> It's not the same thing, but last week I had an author approach me and the email started like this: "Congratulations! After much thought and research, I have selected you to be my mentor." The message was a good thousand words long and she went on and on about how I was a good fit to be her mentor because I sold a lot of books and she knew she would, too. I should be thankful for securing a place on her team so early in her career. In closing, she wrote: "As my mentor, you are required to provide me with a blurb that I can use to market my book. A copy of my work can be provided, but it's not necessary for you to write the blurb." I ignored the message but it did give me a good laugh.


Her message was borderline creepy!


----------



## Evenstar (Jan 26, 2013)

My Dog's Servant said:


> I don't regret losing the prose, but I'd like to have some of the poetry. Teenage. Angst. Misunderstood genius. I'm sure it was brilliant.


I've never been asked to be a mentor, but I do get sent the poetry! Teen angst in abundance. I never know what to say, I usually recommend sending it to a magazine.


----------



## The Bass Bagwhan (Mar 9, 2014)

noirhvy said:


> Writers are ornrey critters, many not housebroken. But scribblers who tow the party line are boring as the devil. So it's the ones with oddball, fresh ideas that matter. But they an be a riot to work with.
> On another topic -- I remember green letters on black and 8.5 inchfloppy disks -- or, were they 8.25 inches?
> I also remember editorial rooms full of manual typewriters and mostly guys (with an occasional "newshen") banging away with two fingers on the keyboards.


"Yep, I've been there... They were these enormous, one-piece Tandy computers (Radio Shack to some) that took the 8.5" floppy in a slot beside the screen. I used one briefly - one morning a _lot _of police bashed on my front door with a drug raid (to be fair to the police, it _was _a share-house full of musicians... but none of us could afford dope!) and I was so surprised I fell backwards in my chair, bashed my knees on the bottom of the desk - and wiped everything on the disk.

And I sent my first dot-matrix MS to my agent without separating the sheets or ripping off the tractor holes on the sides. Not happy agent!


----------



## A. S. Warwick (Jan 14, 2011)

My Dog's Servant said:


> You know, Dan, I was having a lot of fun with this thread and then you come along and remind some of us just how...er...long we've been at this. [I was NOT going to say, 'how old some of us are'!] [Flashbacks to 64K ram and dual 5.5" floppy disks....and a really cool portable computer that only weighed 25 lbs.]


64K and floppy disks? You were lucky.

When I were lad we had 3K and liked it. And saved on cassette tapes.


----------



## hopecartercan (Jun 19, 2015)

Amanda M. Lee said:


> It's not the same thing, but last week I had an author approach me and the email started like this: "Congratulations! After much thought and research, I have selected you to be my mentor." The message was a good thousand words long and she went on and on about how I was a good fit to be her mentor because I sold a lot of books and she knew she would, too. I should be thankful for securing a place on her team so early in her career. In closing, she wrote: "As my mentor, you are required to provide me with a blurb that I can use to market my book. A copy of my work can be provided, but it's not necessary for you to write the blurb." I ignored the message but it did give me a good laugh.


HUH??


----------



## AltMe (May 18, 2015)

Could have been worse. Or much worse.


----------



## KelliWolfe (Oct 14, 2014)

TimothyEllis said:


> Could have been worse. Or much worse.


It needs a <BLINK> tag for the full effect.


----------



## AltMe (May 18, 2015)

TimothyEllis said:


> Could have been worse. Or much worse.





KelliWolfe said:


> It needs a <BLINK> tag for the full effect.


On black, but I couldn't figure out how to do either here.

Damn, quoting it makes the yellow better.


----------



## 88149 (Dec 13, 2015)

Dan C. Rinnert said:


> There is a bit of nostalgia involved with using green text on a black background--for those of us that remember those days. LOL.


PC-Write anyone?


----------



## Lummox JR (Jul 1, 2012)

Amanda M. Lee said:


> It's not the same thing, but last week I had an author approach me and the email started like this: "Congratulations! After much thought and research, I have selected you to be my mentor." The message was a good thousand words long and she went on and on about how I was a good fit to be her mentor because I sold a lot of books and she knew she would, too. I should be thankful for securing a place on her team so early in her career. In closing, she wrote: "As my mentor, you are required to provide me with a blurb that I can use to market my book. A copy of my work can be provided, but it's not necessary for you to write the blurb." I ignored the message but it did give me a good laugh.


Congratulations! After little thought and less research, I have selected you to be my benefactor. You are the best fit to be my benefactor because you sell a lot of books, and therefore you make a lot of money that could be my money too. What an exciting opportunity it is for you to get in on the ground floor of my path to world domination! As my benefactor, you are required to send me $50,000 every month, and transfer all of your copyrights, trademarks, and assets to me in perpetuity. I could demonstrate my awesomeness, but there's no need. Let me know when you have the first check ready.


----------



## AltMe (May 18, 2015)

Is someone taking notes? There's a book in this.


----------



## NoBlackHats (Oct 17, 2012)

Amanda M. Lee said:


> It's not the same thing, but last week I had an author approach me and the email started like this: "Congratulations! After much thought and research, I have selected you to be my mentor." The message was a good thousand words long and she went on and on about how I was a good fit to be her mentor because I sold a lot of books and she knew she would, too. I should be thankful for securing a place on her team so early in her career. In closing, she wrote: "As my mentor, you are required to provide me with a blurb that I can use to market my book. A copy of my work can be provided, but it's not necessary for you to write the blurb." I ignored the message but it did give me a good laugh.


OH, HOLY HELL. Did you ask what color the sky was on her planet?


----------



## chalice (Jan 5, 2013)

*Oh My God. Are people really this rude when they are contacting others for help?

Gorgeous Lucky B,
Shana Jahsinta Walters.*


----------



## KevinH (Jun 29, 2013)

TimothyEllis said:


> Is someone taking notes? There's a book in this.


Book? You think too small. Try a movie:






"I'm not gonna be ignored, Amanda!"


----------



## Doglover (Sep 19, 2013)

Amanda M. Lee said:


> It's not the same thing, but last week I had an author approach me and the email started like this: "Congratulations! After much thought and research, I have selected you to be my mentor." The message was a good thousand words long and she went on and on about how I was a good fit to be her mentor because I sold a lot of books and she knew she would, too. I should be thankful for securing a place on her team so early in her career. In closing, she wrote: "As my mentor, you are required to provide me with a blurb that I can use to market my book. A copy of my work can be provided, but it's not necessary for you to write the blurb." I ignored the message but it did give me a good laugh.


Oh come on, Amanda. I would just have to reply to that; I wouldn't be able to resist. Not even a: 'I'm afraid you are barking up the wrong money tree; I am an author, not a mentor'.


----------



## Doglover (Sep 19, 2013)

What some people do to get attention is quite bizarre sometimes. Nothing to do with publishing, but when I was working as a driving instructor, I had new clients coming out of my ears; the phone never stopped ringing and I had to pass loads on to another instructor. I never advertised.

One day I had a phone call from an 'exclusive' new magazine who had been talking to my pupils and did I know I had a fantastic reputation? Yes, I says, I did. 

Well, she says, we are only taking people who have a fantastic reputation like yours and because you have such a fantastic reputation, we have selected you to advertise in our magazine. (Not free of course).

She was at a loss for words when I replied: I tell you what, because I have a fantastic reputation, I don't need to advertise.


----------



## SerenityEditing (May 3, 2016)

I'm actually sleepless tonight because something _faintly_ similar is going on with me. I've been feeling pretty conflicted about it but these posts have made me feel much better - it's not necessarily a case of "what do people see in me that makes them think I'm such a pushover," but more likely of "ye gods, there are _that_ many people like that out there??"

Anyway. I was doing quite well, I felt - made it through the thread with a chuckle here and a snicker there. I thought I was in control. I _thought_ it would be safe to take a drink. BUT THEN.



Lummox JR said:


> Congratulations! After little thought and less research, I have selected you to be my benefactor. You are the best fit to be my benefactor because you sell a lot of books, and therefore you make a lot of money that could be my money too. What an exciting opportunity it is for you to get in on the ground floor of my path to world domination! As my benefactor, you are required to send me $50,000 every month, and transfer all of your copyrights, trademarks, and assets to me in perpetuity. I could demonstrate my awesomeness, but there's no need. Let me know when you have the first check ready.


Haven't had a good nasal cavity soda-wash in a while, so thanks for that. "You make a lot of money that could be my money too" might be the best thing in this entire thread, and that's very high praise indeed!


----------



## LeonardDHilleyII (May 23, 2011)

Amanda M. Lee said:


> It's not the same thing, but last week I had an author approach me and the email started like this: "Congratulations! After much thought and research, I have selected you to be my mentor." The message was a good thousand words long and she went on and on about how I was a good fit to be her mentor because I sold a lot of books and she knew she would, too. I should be thankful for securing a place on her team so early in her career. In closing, she wrote: "As my mentor, you are required to provide me with a blurb that I can use to market my book. A copy of my work can be provided, but it's not necessary for you to write the blurb." I ignored the message but it did give me a good laugh.


Some years ago when I was writing my first novel, a coworker came to me and told me, "You are going to write my life story." At first, I thought she was joking, but after a few minutes of her rambling, it became obvious that she was dead serious. Then she started talking about Oprah ... I shook my head. "Nope. Not happening. I don't have time."

You meet all kinds in this business.


----------



## Doglover (Sep 19, 2013)

LeonardDHilleyII said:


> Some years ago when I was writing my first novel, a coworker came to me and told me, "You are going to write my life story." At first, I thought she was joking, but after a few minutes of her rambling, it became obvious that she was dead serious. Then she started talking about Oprah ... I shook my head. "Nope. Not happening. I don't have time."
> 
> You meet all kinds in this business.


Why does the world and his wife think everyone is interested in their life story? I mean, how arrogant can you get? I have spent months talking my friend out of writing her life story and I would never consider that anyone might want to read mine.


----------



## Not any more (Mar 19, 2012)

Doglover said:


> Why does the world and his wife think everyone is interested in their life story? I mean, how arrogant can you get? I have spent months talking my friend out of writing her life story and I would never consider that anyone might want to read mine.


My life bores me so bad that I write fiction to escape.


----------



## Doglover (Sep 19, 2013)

brkingsolver said:


> My life bores me so bad that I write fiction to escape.


Me too. I wish I had a fiver for everyone I had ever met who is writing their autobiography. Most of these people have nothing traumatic or even interesting to make their life story any different from anyone else's.


----------



## unkownwriter (Jun 22, 2011)

chalice said:


> *Oh My God. Are people really this rude when they are contacting others for help?
> 
> Gorgeous Lucky B,
> Shana Jahsinta Walters.*


Yes, and worse. You should read the KDP forums for a while. You can see stuff like that mentioned here, and more. It can be strange over there, the things some people say and think, and fully believe.

Memoirs. Oh, why does everyone think everyone else is slavering for their memoir? That, poetry, and their weird ideas about science, politics, and religion. Or books written like screenplays. Or "experimental" books. Yeah. Readers can't wait to get their hands on those. And of course, these folks all expect to make a fortune overnight.


----------



## Doglover (Sep 19, 2013)

she-la-ti-da said:


> Yes, and worse. You should read the KDP forums for a while. You can see stuff like that mentioned here, and more. It can be strange over there, the things some people say and think, and fully believe.
> 
> Memoirs. Oh, why does everyone think everyone else is slavering for their memoir? That, poetry, and their weird ideas about science, politics, and religion. Or books written like screenplays. Or "experimental" books. Yeah. Readers can't wait to get their hands on those. And of course, these folks all expect to make a fortune overnight.


My favourite is still the bloke who believed Amazon were removing his fake five star reviews because his work was so good it was a threat to traditional publishers. I am still open for entries if anyone wants to beat that one. When I asked him why, if he was so good, the trad publishers hadn't offered him a contract, his only response was that he didn't want one!


----------



## alawston (Jun 3, 2012)

Doglover said:


> My favourite is still the bloke who believed ... his work was so good it was a threat to traditional publishers... When I asked him why, if he was so good, the trad publishers hadn't offered him a contract, his only response was that he didn't want one!


Thing is... apart from the bit about the fake five star reviews, that could literally be any one of a hundred KBoards authors talking.

_Just saying_


----------



## Guest (Nov 4, 2016)

It is so nice to know that the crazies don't just fill up my inbox. They spread the love around!   

We should all get together are best crazy author stories and put out a self-help book. We can call it "WRITERS! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T DO THIS!" It would be a guide on how not to come across as a raving lunatic when interacting with other writers. 

And then whenever we get a crazy email, we could respond with a link to the book!


----------



## Doglover (Sep 19, 2013)

alawston said:


> Thing is... apart from the bit about the fake five star reviews, that could literally be any one of a hundred KBoards authors talking.
> 
> _Just saying_


I've seen little of that here.


----------



## Doglover (Sep 19, 2013)

Bards and Sages (Julie) said:


> It is so nice to know that the crazies don't just fill up my inbox. They spread the love around!
> 
> We should all get together are best crazy author stories and put out a self-help book. We can call it "WRITERS! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T DO THIS!" It would be a guide on how not to come across as a raving lunatic when interacting with other writers.
> 
> And then whenever we get a crazy email, we could respond with a link to the book!


I heard recently of someone who had written one book but was saying she was afraid to publish because she would never be able to handle the success.


----------



## Lynn McNamee (Jan 8, 2009)

Julie,

We only accept submissions through our site, and we do not accept queries, which is all plainly stated in our submission guidelines. But of course, I still get query letters.

My favorite was from someone who chose to send their query to me plus over 100 other publishers. I know this because the person didn't blind copy, so I could see all the recipients.

The author called the attached sample a "manualscript" several times and said, "The first couple of chapters, really don't do the story justice." And the author added one more gem: "I decided to also send teasers Of Characters most highly appreciated scenes from readers. I have no idea why readers liked these scenes so much."

******

Another author decided to send me a query letter via the postal service. In that one, the author asked me to forward the letter to other publishers if I wasn't interested. 

I considered sending it to you, Julie, but I couldn't find a stamp. 

******

Yet another sent me a query letter regarding his *idea* for a book. There was no synopsis, no sample, and no hint of what the book might be about or what genre it might be, but he did say that the book would be a bigger hit than _Star Wars_. However, he didn't want to waste time writing it until he was under contract.


----------



## Marie Long (Jan 11, 2014)

How exactly did they send the file with a black background?? Can you do actually that in Word? Or were they using some other type of word processing software??
Either way, that sucks majorly. The nerve of some people. But yeah, as a previous posted said (and I'm sure you very well know), not all authors are like that.


----------



## KelliWolfe (Oct 14, 2014)

Jeff Tanyard said:


> I usually go with black type on a black background. None more black.


I've seen lots (and lots) of books on Amazon that would have been drastically improved by using this approach.


----------



## lincolnjcole (Mar 15, 2016)

Bards and Sages (Julie) said:


> And this is why it doesn't pay to be nice to authors. I shall now return to my usual Evil Sith Witch mode.


Haha, the same could be said for people in general.



Doglover said:


> I heard recently of someone who had written one book but was saying she was afraid to publish because she would never be able to handle the success.


That is more awesome than just about anything I've ever heard!



Lynn McNamee said:


> Yet another sent me a query letter regarding his *idea* for a book. There was no synopsis, no sample, and no hint of what the book might be about or what genre it might be, but he did say that the book would be a bigger hit than _Star Wars_. However, he didn't want to waste time writing it until he was under contract.


Haha, I can't believe people do that!


----------



## Doglover (Sep 19, 2013)

Lynn McNamee said:


> Yet another sent me a query letter regarding his *idea* for a book. There was no synopsis, no sample, and no hint of what the book might be about or what genre it might be, but he did say that the book would be a bigger hit than _Star Wars_. However, he didn't want to waste time writing it until he was under contract.


I really, really like this one. This one is almost as good as my favourite mentioned above.


----------



## Not any more (Mar 19, 2012)

Doglover said:


> Me too. I wish I had a fiver for everyone I had ever met who is writing their autobiography. Most of these people have nothing traumatic or even interesting to make their life story any different from anyone else's.


One friend of mine did publish her memoir, written as a cathartic exercise. She didn't expect to make money from it. It was enough to tear your heart out. A stark example of "ya couldn't make this up unless you had a very twisted mind". I've known some very colorful characters whose lives would make great books or theater, but most of them are too busy living to sit down and write about it.


----------



## Guest (Nov 4, 2016)

Marie Long said:


> How exactly did they send the file with a black background?? Can you do actually that in Word? Or were they using some other type of word processing software??


Yep, just takes a click or to. In versions with the ribbon, go to Design and over on the right side, hit Page Colors and you can make the background anything you want.


----------



## Guest (Nov 4, 2016)

Garish as that color scheme may seem to you, hundreds of thousands of computer programmers prefer it (And they look at the computer screen all day long).

Source:
https://studiostyl.es/

Before flipping out on it not being the default color scheme on your word processor, why not give it a try? I've used black text on a teal background for over twenty years now, and have stared at a computer screen daily for 10 hours per day, 50 hours per week, every single day without ever a headache from eye strain.

It never hurts to try something new, you know...


----------



## Doglover (Sep 19, 2013)

Any website I come across that has a dark background with a light font, especially a garish font, gets clicked straight passed. I cannot read them, they give me migraine and I feel just the same about any website that plays music to me.


----------



## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

Baron Von Rubbishbinn said:


> Garish as that color scheme may seem to you, hundreds of thousands of computer programmers prefer it (And they look at the computer screen all day long).
> 
> Source:
> https://studiostyl.es/
> ...


I think Julie's point was, this isn't industry standard nor what she expects. And she asked for the person -- who had basically begged her for a favor in the first place -- to please resubmit in standard layout.

And he then threw a hissy fit.


----------



## LeonardDHilleyII (May 23, 2011)

Bards and Sages (Julie) said:


> It is so nice to know that the crazies don't just fill up my inbox. They spread the love around!
> 
> We should all get together are best crazy author stories and put out a self-help book. We can call it "WRITERS! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T DO THIS!" It would be a guide on how not to come across as a raving lunatic when interacting with other writers.
> 
> And then whenever we get a crazy email, we could respond with a link to the book!


 ^^  There's an agent blog about "How Not to Query," so a book like this would probably do great!


----------



## Guest (Nov 4, 2016)

Ann in Arlington said:


> I think Julie's point was, this isn't industry standard nor what she expects. And she asked for the person -- who had basically begged her for a favor in the first place -- to please resubmit in standard layout.
> 
> And he then threw a hissy fit.


And in the process of discussing it has maligned a color scheme that some author suffering from headaches due to eye strain might benefit from testing out. That is why I commented. Color schemes are as varied as people...or should be. I can't speak for industry standards in publishing, but as a casual observance, in the digital age standards seem to come and go...color schemes included. DOS still has the white text on black background that was prevalent in the computer industry until Steve Jobs came along and...hey, wait a minute! Before Jobs made black text on white background the standard for Mac, Apple used green text on a black background. You people need to take your gripes up with Apple  They started the trend.


----------



## Taking my troll a$$ outta here (Apr 8, 2013)

My Dog's Servant said:


> You know, Dan, I was having a lot of fun with this thread and then you come along and remind some of us just how...er...long we've been at this. [I was NOT going to say, 'how old some of us are'!] [Flashbacks to 64K ram and dual 5.5" floppy disks....and a really cool portable computer that only weighed 25 lbs.]


Lol, and typewriters. I recall getting an electric typewriter as a Christmas gift and I thought, "Man, I'm like a real author now!"


----------



## Athena Grayson (Apr 4, 2011)

I was going to suggest to Julie that she'd slipped into a timewarp and it was 1975 all over again, but you all beat me to it. I remember, though, my first "submission" was sent to the warehouse of the publisher, because I thought I was being a Smart Sleuth when I asked the stocker at the grocery store where they got their books from. This was before RWA, before the internet, and before I graduated high school, in my defense. So I have some sympathy for some of the more...creative submitters.

When I was active in RWA, my chapter hosted a lot of editors and agents from the houses for workshops and such (apparently, one of the rules for being an editor at a romance house was that you had to have family or old college roommates living in Ohio that you wanted to visit, but really wanted an RWA chapter to pay your travel expenses to do so, in exchange for a Saturday). I made it a point to ask them about their most interesting submissions. Among them were:

--Submissions in crayon
--Submissions from inmates at federal penitentiaries written in crayon (with accompanying explanations that the submitter had had their pencil privileges revoked)
--Submissions attached to home-baked cookies
--Submissions on pink paper *sprayed with perfume*
And one I will never forget--a submission that included a pair of silky undies and a photocopy of the, uh, aspiring author's naked breasts. Not a picture, a photocopy, where she literally put her bare chest on the photocopier and hit "Copy."

So you could be getting undies, inmates, and bewbz, instead of green-on-black or magical-thinking propositions.


----------



## going going gone (Jun 4, 2013)

it's easy to be clueless at first, but I hope people do learn.


----------



## Guest (Nov 4, 2016)

Marie Long said:


> How exactly did they send the file with a black background?? Can you do actually that in Word? Or were they using some other type of word processing software??
> Either way, that sucks majorly. The nerve of some people. But yeah, as a previous posted said (and I'm sure you very well know), not all authors are like that.


Yeah, it can be done. And you have to do it on purpose because it isn't something you can do accidentally. You go under "Page Layout" and change the page color, then you have to change the font color.

When you go to print, the background color won't print. However, if your printer automatically detects between black and white and color, whatever color font you chose will print in that color. So even if he assumed I was going to print the entire thing and read it on paper (which I do during content editing) you still end up with either lime green font on a WHITE background or, if you are printing B&W, a faint gray on white background.


----------



## AliceS (Dec 28, 2014)

Doglover said:


> Any website I come across that has a dark background with a light font, especially a garish font, gets clicked straight passed. I cannot read them, they give me migraine and I feel just the same about any website that plays music to me.


This! It literally hurts to look at some of them.

On another note, crazies in general not understanding technology, I ran into quite a few decades ago when I worked at a copy center. One fellow brought me a page written in Chinese and wanted in "copied" in English....

Another rather scary fellow demanded that I open up the copier and give him the extra copy that went to the government.


----------



## Guest (Nov 4, 2016)

Baron Von Rubbishbinn said:


> And in the process of discussing it has maligned a color scheme that some author suffering from headaches due to eye strain might benefit from testing out. That is why I commented. Color schemes are as varied as people...or should be. I can't speak for industry standards in publishing, but as a casual observance, in the digital age standards seem to come and go...color schemes included. DOS still has the white text on black background that was prevalent in the computer industry until Steve Jobs came along and...hey, wait a minute! Before Jobs made black text on white background the standard for Mac, Apple used green text on a black background. You people need to take your gripes up with Apple  They started the trend.


Dude, I don't really care what authors do when they are writing their books. Use green font if you want. Write in crayon in you want. Cover yourself in honey and type naked for all I care. But when you query a publisher that is not actively accepting full-length submissions, ASK the publisher to make an exception for you, and then get a request from that publisher who is already making an exception to follow industry norms, the correct response is to either politely decline or do what is asked.


----------



## Lummox JR (Jul 1, 2012)

Not writing related, but my mother-in-law is always sharing stories with us that she reads on the Ravelry forum (for knitters and crocheters). They have a whole area dedicated to stories of people saying no to ludicrous requests, or asking for help on how to say no. People see them knitting and assume they can churn out a sweater or a scarf in practically no time for prices you'd pay for mass-market goods--not taking into account the vast amounts of time it actually does take, or the price of yarn. And some of these people asking for a shawl or whatnot not only won't take no for an answer, they literally won't _hear_ it if you say no.


----------



## Amanda M. Lee (Jun 3, 2014)

Baron Von Rubbishbinn said:


> And in the process of discussing it has maligned a color scheme that some author suffering from headaches due to eye strain might benefit from testing out. That is why I commented. Color schemes are as varied as people...or should be. I can't speak for industry standards in publishing, but as a casual observance, in the digital age standards seem to come and go...color schemes included. DOS still has the white text on black background that was prevalent in the computer industry until Steve Jobs came along and...hey, wait a minute! Before Jobs made black text on white background the standard for Mac, Apple used green text on a black background. You people need to take your gripes up with Apple  They started the trend.


This is why we can't have fun threads.


----------



## Doglover (Sep 19, 2013)

AliceS said:


> This! It literally hurts to look at some of them.
> 
> On another note, crazies in general not understanding technology, I ran into quite a few decades ago when I worked at a copy center. One fellow brought me a page written in Chinese and wanted in "copied" in English....
> 
> Another rather scary fellow demanded that I open up the copier and give him the extra copy that went to the government.


I think they are worthy of a reward.


----------



## Anarchist (Apr 22, 2015)

Amanda M. Lee said:


> This is why we can't have fun threads.


Sure we can. We just have to ignore the pedantry.


----------



## Richard Sutton (Oct 4, 2015)

I haven't been around KB much lately, but this is a thread I can relate to!  I know a few small presses and some agents, and this kind of behavior among debut writers in submission , etc. is pretty widespread. Here's the thing, in my experience and speaking with publishers the huge hurdle that many writers seeking publication don't seem able to grasp is that writing and publication are two different animals. One is a muse-driven art of word-smithing while the other one is BUSINESS. You have to be willing to change hats if you want to do business. 

Selling a consumer product to the public is a difficult business and to a niche market, it's even harder. I wish the schools that offer creative writing degrees would also focus a bit more over a couple of semesters on the business end of writing, unless all their students want is to create stories no one else will ever read. Literary agents, too are often on the receiving end of bad tempered comments fort much the same reason. Hey, if you want to publish your work and sell it to the public, lose the artist chapeau for a few moments at least, when you want to make contact with the business end of publishing.


----------



## Rick Gualtieri (Oct 31, 2011)

Bards and Sages (Julie) said:


> Cover yourself in honey and type naked for all I care.


(starts checking his office for the hidden cameras)


----------



## Rick Gualtieri (Oct 31, 2011)

Bards and Sages (Julie) said:


> Dude, I don't really care what authors do when they are writing their books. Use green font if you want. Write in crayon in you want. Cover yourself in honey and type naked for all I care. But when you query a publisher that is not actively accepting full-length submissions, ASK the publisher to make an exception for you, and then get a request from that publisher who is already making an exception to follow industry norms, the correct response is to either politely decline or do what is asked.


In all seriousness, exactly. This has nothing to do with how someone likes to write or read. I prefer to switch my Kindle app to night mode to read, but that doesn't mean I format with white font / black background. When someone requests a particular standard be followed ... PARTICULARLY when that person is someone you are hoping to do business with, you do it.

When folks get big enough to have contracts with stipulations against particular M&M colors, then they can throw tantrums when their demands aren't met. Until then, suck it up and stop acting like the world should bend over backwards for you.


----------



## Guest (Nov 4, 2016)

Rick Gualtieri said:


> (starts checking his office for the hidden cameras)


I probably should have also noted that my comment was NOT intended to be a suggestion for pictures to send to publishers, particularly in light of some of the other comments!


----------



## Betsy the Quilter (Oct 27, 2008)

Bards and Sages (Julie) said:


> I probably should have also noted that my comment was NOT intended to be a suggestion for pictures to send to publishers, particularly in light of some of the other comments!


Nor should such pictures be posted here...or used for avatars. Just sayin'



Betsy


----------



## Cactus Lady (Jun 4, 2014)

And this thread is why some authors aren't getting their work done.

This is one reason why I've been reluctant to set myself up with an official-sounding "imprint" name. I'm afraid there are writers out there who are so desperate for validation they'll submit to anything that remotely looks like a "real" publisher, even me, and I just DO NOT WANT. Though I'm probably missing out on some good laughs.


----------



## KelliWolfe (Oct 14, 2014)

Richard Sutton said:


> Selling a consumer product to the public is a difficult business and to a niche market, it's even harder. I wish the schools that offer creative writing degrees would also focus a bit more over a couple of semesters on the business end of writing, unless all their students want is to create stories no one else will ever read.


Ewwwwww. That's just.... _Filthy_. Writing for _money_? *shudder* Only those horrible, talentless hack writers do that. I need my safe space.


----------



## ♨ (Jan 9, 2012)

she-la-ti-da said:


> Or "experimental" books. Yeah. Readers can't wait to get their hands on those. And of course, these folks all expect to make a fortune overnight.


   



ebbrown said:


> Lol, and typewriters. I recall getting an electric typewriter as a Christmas gift and I thought, "Man, I'm like a real author now!"


I bought my own. I had a computer. But, in order to be a writer, you had to have a typewriter. Publishers wanted typed manuscript pages, not dot-matrix printouts. My family had a typewriter but it wasn't electronic. Who wants to have to retype a whole page if you make an error, right?

So I bought an electric typewriter. It had an LCD screen that would show, I think, seven lines of type. It was a fancy electric typewriter with a floppy drive. It used 3.5" floppy disks. You could store your files on disks.

BUT . . .

Can you stick those floppy disks in a computer and read them? Nope. But, I had a Macintosh. Macs could read Mac disks, DOS/Windows disks, Linux disks. Basically, the Mac was the Swiss Army knife of computer media. Could a Mac read these disks? Nope.

The only way to transfer files from the typewriter to a computer would be to "print" (i.e. have the typewriter type) the pages out, put them in a scanner and run them through OCR.

Do they even make ribbons for it anymore? No idea.

It's kind of frustrating. It's like I have a floppy disk. The data is on the floppy disk. Why couldn't they have made a computer readable format? Why? WHY?


----------



## ♨ (Jan 9, 2012)

Kyra Halland said:


> This is one reason why I've been reluctant to set myself up with an official-sounding "imprint" name. I'm afraid there are writers out there who are so desperate for validation they'll submit to anything that remotely looks like a "real" publisher, even me, and I just DO NOT WANT. Though I'm probably missing out on some good laughs.


That's why you come up with a standard rejection letter.

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, your manuscript does not meet our current publishing needs.

You could also include a handy checklist if you wanted.

*Reason for Rejection:*
[ ] Improper Formatting
[ ] Unsupported Genre
[ ] Needs Editing
[ ] Needs Substantial Editing
[ ] Needs to be Destroyed
[ ] Appears to be a Shopping List
[ ] Not Interested in Your SEO Service
[ ] My Science Teacher Was Wrong--Some Things Do Suck
[X] Author Not Named Kyra Halland
[ ] All of the Above


----------



## Guest (Nov 4, 2016)

Dan C. Rinnert said:


> That's why you come up with a standard rejection letter.
> 
> Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, your manuscript does not meet our current publishing needs.
> 
> ...


I need to add a list like this to my site.


----------



## Scout (Jun 2, 2014)

Thanks for the hilarious thread


----------



## Colin (Aug 6, 2011)

Dan C. Rinnert said:


> That's why you come up with a standard rejection letter.
> 
> Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, your manuscript does not meet our current publishing needs.
> 
> ...


Perhaps add to this marvellous list: Your ego is so big it appears to have its own weather systems.


----------



## Taking my troll a$$ outta here (Apr 8, 2013)

Rick Gualtieri said:


> In all seriousness, exactly. This has nothing to do with how someone likes to write or read. I prefer to switch my Kindle app to night mode to read, but that doesn't mean I format with white font / black background. When someone requests a particular standard be followed ... PARTICULARLY when that person is someone you are hoping to do business with, you do it.
> 
> When folks get big enough to have contracts with stipulations against particular M&M colors, then they can throw tantrums when their demands aren't met. Until then, suck it up and stop acting like the world should bend over backwards for you.


Yes^^. 
Write your masterpiece in blood on the flayed skin of your enemies at home. Whatever makes you comfortable.
Follow directions when formatting for submissions. It's not that hard.


----------



## Sarah Shaw (Feb 14, 2015)

Dan C. Rinnert said:


> I bought my own. I had a computer. But, in order to be a writer, you had to have a typewriter. Publishers wanted typed manuscript pages, not dot-matrix printouts. My family had a typewriter but it wasn't electronic. Who wants to have to retype a whole page if you make an error, right?


Wimp! I had to go the whole nine yards with exacto knife and light table.  Yes, children, there really was a time when cut and paste meant actually, physically, cutting out your errors, typing a correction and pasting it carefully back in place in your manuscript! 

(I did have access to a big mainframe computer, a line editor and a cutting edge $50,000 laser printer the size of a kitchen island, but outside of Xerox PARC there was nothing of that kind for ordinary homes or offices.)


----------



## KelliWolfe (Oct 14, 2014)

ebbrown said:


> Write your masterpiece in blood on the flayed skin of your enemies at home.


Your ideas are intriguing to me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.


----------



## unkownwriter (Jun 22, 2011)

> Yes, children, there really was a time when cut and paste meant actually, physically, cutting out your errors, typing a correction and pasting it carefully back in place in your manuscript!


Ah, those were the days! When I worked for the newspaper, I typed on an ancient Remington manual typewriter, circa 1908. You practically had to hit the keys with a sledgehammer to make them move (the source of my carpal tunnel, I was told a few decades later). It was the happiest day of my life when they showed me how to use the typesetting machine. Copy and paste, how I learned to love thee!

You guys are cracking me up! I remember back in the day reading about publishers who got really weird stuff like these examples. Stuff printed in crayon on brown packing paper? Yep. Colored copy paper in weird fonts and colors? Yep. Full manuscripts sent collect, with the advice to send it on if not interested? Yep. This was back in the early 70s, so it's been going on for a while.


----------



## Alan Petersen (May 20, 2011)

All this typewriter talk makes me miss the smell of Liquid Paper in the morning.


----------



## ♨ (Jan 9, 2012)

Sarah Shaw said:


> Wimp! I had to go the whole nine yards with exacto knife and light table.  Yes, children, there really was a time when cut and paste meant actually, physically, cutting out your errors, typing a correction and pasting it carefully back in place in your manuscript!


Copy and paste? You had it too easy.

My first newsletter was done on an old manual typewriter and included a hand-drawn cartoon.

To make "copies", I think I typed one or two copies before my mother took over and typed the rest. But I had to hand-draw the cartoon on each one of those newsletters.

And I bet none of those people saved their copies. They probably regret it now that I'm a famous author.

Oh, wait . . .


----------



## ♨ (Jan 9, 2012)

Alan Petersen said:


> All this typewriter talk makes me miss the smell of Liquid Paper in the morning.


Or the early days of computers when it was the smell of heated Liquid Paper on the monitor . . .


----------



## Cactus Lady (Jun 4, 2014)

Dan C. Rinnert said:


> That's why you come up with a standard rejection letter.
> 
> Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, your manuscript does not meet our current publishing needs.
> 
> ...


hahaha, yes, that's what I need.

Got an email this morning from someone saying, Found you on Twitter, thought you'd be interested in my [some sort of slideshow/presentation maker] great for TED talks.

I wanted to write back and say, Fantasy author =/= TED Talker. Instead, I just sent it to the spam bucket.

How to build your business by randomly spamming people you find on Twitter.


----------



## Christopher Bunn (Oct 26, 2010)

Green font on black... yum. That's making me think of key lime pie with a chocolate cookie crust. Or those chocolate-dipped mint chip ice cream sandwiches.


----------



## AliceS (Dec 28, 2014)

Christopher Bunn said:


> Green font on black... yum. That's making me think of key lime pie with a chocolate cookie crust. Or those chocolate-dipped mint chip ice cream sandwiches.


Damn you! (digging through the near empty snack cabinet in profound disappointment)


----------



## Guest (Nov 4, 2016)

Dan C. Rinnert said:


> Copy and paste? You had it too easy.
> 
> My first newsletter was done on an old manual typewriter and included a hand-drawn cartoon.


BLUE GRID PAPER AND INVISIBLE TAPE!

While in college, I did a lot of freelance work for local businesses. Flyers, newsletters, newspaper ads. It was all done with the blue grid paper and actually taping stuff in place.

Ah, good times lol


----------



## SA_Soule (Sep 8, 2011)

Amanda M. Lee said:


> It's not the same thing, but last week I had an author approach me and the email started like this: "Congratulations! After much thought and research, I have selected you to be my mentor." The message was a good thousand words long and she went on and on about how I was a good fit to be her mentor because I sold a lot of books and she knew she would, too. I should be thankful for securing a place on her team so early in her career. In closing, she wrote: "As my mentor, you are required to provide me with a blurb that I can use to market my book. A copy of my work can be provided, but it's not necessary for you to write the blurb." I ignored the message but it did give me a good laugh.


Oh my. This made me laugh out loud.

Gee, how could you pass up such an honor? hehe


----------



## SA_Soule (Sep 8, 2011)

Kyra Halland said:


> hahaha, yes, that's what I need.
> 
> Got an email this morning from someone saying, Found you on Twitter, thought you'd be interested in my [some sort of slideshow/presentation maker] great for TED talks.
> 
> ...


Love this! Great suggestions.


----------



## ♨ (Jan 9, 2012)

Bards and Sages (Julie) said:


> BLUE GRID PAPER AND INVISIBLE TAPE!
> 
> While in college, I did a lot of freelance work for local businesses. Flyers, newsletters, newspaper ads. It was all done with the blue grid paper and actually taping stuff in place.
> 
> Ah, good times lol


How about rub-on transfer letters on blue grid paper? 

I remember when the first thing you did in the morning was turn on the wax roller because you had to wait for that to be heated up before you could do any paste-up work.


----------



## Alan Petersen (May 20, 2011)

Dan C. Rinnert said:


> Or the early days of computers when it was the smell of heated Liquid Paper on the monitor . . .


----------



## komura 420 (Aug 25, 2013)

Of the many groups of professionals I've had the misfortune to come in contact with, writers are one of the worst.  
They rank just above software testers and cops in my book, but not by much. 

Passive-Aggressive doesn't nearly describe it well enough. 
A massive collection of insecurities worn on our sleeves like true identities, because it's easier to take offense than to explain.

Yes, I write. 

But I avoid other writers. 

I find only about 1 in 4 to be emotionally stable. 
I've found more stability among drug dealers, prostitutes, thieves, religious leaders and other degenerates. 

Their instability could be something special on the page, in the story. 
Regrettably too many don't use what they have in abundance.  
It's probably easier to write an epic than to look deep into where it hurts the most.

My point is that the response of the writer should not have been too surprising. 
We're largely arrogant, narcissistic, hyper-sensitive jerks.

I will fade back into the background and watch the parade after I get my word count done.
Anti-social? Yes. But I know I am and that makes it a choice more than a condition.


----------



## KelliWolfe (Oct 14, 2014)

You can't really blame software testers for being that way. They have to deal with software developers.


----------



## Word Fan (Apr 15, 2015)

Alan Petersen said:


> All this typewriter talk makes me miss the smell of Liquid Paper in the morning.


Liquid Paper! Invented by the mother of Mike Nesmith (of _The Monkees_) and the source of his family's, and eventually his, considerable wealth. Eventually supplanted in the collective mind of many office workers by White-Out.


----------



## ♨ (Jan 9, 2012)

Word Fan said:


> Liquid Paper! Invented by the mother of Mike Nesmith (of _The Monkees_) and the source of his family's, and eventually his, considerable wealth. Eventually supplanted in the collective mind of many office workers by White-Out.


Fixed that for you.


----------



## Not any more (Mar 19, 2012)

komura 420 said:


> I've found more stability among drug dealers, prostitutes, thieves, religious leaders and other degenerates.


I resemble that remark...wait, are you saying that's a bad thing?


----------



## A. S. Warwick (Jan 14, 2011)

This has been an amusing thread - and taking me away from writing far too much 

To be fair, it is not as if writers are along in delusions of grandeur.  (Or just plain delusions is some cases.) You get them in all professions.


----------



## jimbro (Jan 10, 2014)

ebbrown said:


> Now I know why I keep getting rejections. I thought green on black was industry standard.


green on black? That was once considered most readable for old computer monitors (human eyes have a strong sensitivity to green). 
But for authors, who are terrified everyone is going to steal their precious work, it's important to make copying difficult. This is why all my submissions are in red ink on pink paper.


----------



## J. Tanner (Aug 22, 2011)

Dan C. Rinnert said:


> How about rub-on transfer letters on blue grid paper?
> 
> I remember when the first thing you did in the morning was turn on the wax roller because you had to wait for that to be heated up before you could do any paste-up work.


You guys are making me nostalgic for the glorious purple smell of dittos.


----------



## NoBlackHats (Oct 17, 2012)

ebbrown said:


> Write your masterpiece in blood on the flayed skin of your enemies at home. Whatever makes you comfortable.


Checks office for hidden cameras...


----------



## Cherise (May 13, 2012)

Bards and Sages (Julie) said:


> BLUE GRID PAPER AND INVISIBLE TAPE!
> 
> While in college, I did a lot of freelance work for local businesses. Flyers, newsletters, newspaper ads. It was all done with the blue grid paper and actually taping stuff in place.
> 
> Ah, good times lol


This was what we used when I was a publications assistant at Lawrence Berkeley Laboratory, in college.


----------



## My Dog&#039;s Servant (Jun 2, 2013)

The black on black bit? I bought the first Kindle Fire and also bought an ebook--well reviewed, I might add--on formatting ebooks. I was trying to convert my backlist and was looking for something clearer (to my feeble mind) than Amazon's instructions.  While reading the "expert's" instructions on formatting, I was also playing with my new Fire and tried the white on black option for display. Massive swaths of text suddenly disappeared, literally, into a black hole because of the way the "expert" formatted the book.  That book was also my first experience in returning a book for a refund.


----------



## AmpersandBookInteriors (Feb 10, 2012)

My Dog's Servant said:


> The black on black bit? I bought the first Kindle Fire and also bought an ebook--well reviewed, I might add--on formatting ebooks. I was trying to convert my backlist and was looking for something clearer (to my feeble mind) than Amazon's instructions. While reading the "expert's" instructions on formatting, I was also playing with my new Fire and tried the white on black option for display. Massive swaths of text suddenly disappeared, literally, into a black hole because of the way the "expert" formatted the book. That book was also my first experience in returning a book for a refund.


Yeesh. This is why Amazon goes around crawling books and looking for text forced black in color. It was a learning experience for me as a new formatter once upon a green day, too.


----------



## 10105 (Feb 16, 2010)

SevenDays said:


> Anyway, it's always been amazing to me just how many writers ARE like that. The ones who hurl abuse because you won't introduce them to your agent or review their books ... *Shudder*


It wasn't always that way. In the pre-KDP days, we had to be congenial. Otherwise our work never got past the slush pile. Now there are few transoms, fewer gatekeepers, and the marketplace is abloat with putrid prose hacked out by anyone who wants to be called a writer.


----------



## jaehaerys (Feb 18, 2016)

Sarah Shaw said:


> Wimp! I had to go the whole nine yards with exacto knife and light table.  Yes, children, there really was a time when cut and paste meant actually, physically, cutting out your errors, typing a correction and pasting it carefully back in place in your manuscript!
> 
> (I did have access to a big mainframe computer, a line editor and a cutting edge $50,000 laser printer the size of a kitchen island, but outside of Xerox PARC there was nothing of that kind for ordinary homes or offices.)


You think you had it bad, I had a typewriter that only typed in Wingdings.


----------



## Nic (Nov 17, 2013)

Doglover said:


> I heard recently of someone who had written one book but was saying she was afraid to publish because she would never be able to handle the success.


I take it people made sure her last name wasn't Lee, or that her characters didn't have fancy names starting with an A...


----------



## Nic (Nov 17, 2013)

Dan C. Rinnert said:


> Do they even make ribbons for it anymore? No idea.


An author friend bought an original Eastern German secret service typewriter off a collector a few years ago. The thing is a functional, blue-black monstrosity which actually was used by the Staatssicherheit. He can order ribbons from various speciality vendors, and he writes all his WiPs with it. I guess it inspires him.


----------



## komura 420 (Aug 25, 2013)

I am just thankful that the Tim Tebow book advert is not playing anymore.

Praise my imaginary friend


----------



## Nate Hoffelder (Jun 9, 2014)

Dan C. Rinnert said:


> Many moons ago, I read an article on video/screen readability. Back then, what was reported to have the highest readability was yellow text on a blue background. I tried it for myself and wound up setting my text editor (which I used as my word processor app back then) with a dark blue background and yellow text.
> 
> It's still very readable.
> 
> And, many many moons ago, green on black was the standard for computer monitors. Many of my early stories were written like that. I even toyed with doing that with my text editor, but wound up using the yellow/blue combo.


Yellow/blue is all well and good as app settings, but one shouldn't set a document to anything other black text on white.

I see that mistake all the time in emails.


----------



## Nate Hoffelder (Jun 9, 2014)

My Dog's Servant said:


> The black on black bit? I bought the first Kindle Fire and also bought an ebook--well reviewed, I might add--on formatting ebooks. I was trying to convert my backlist and was looking for something clearer (to my feeble mind) than Amazon's instructions. While reading the "expert's" instructions on formatting, I was also playing with my new Fire and tried the white on black option for display. Massive swaths of text suddenly disappeared, literally, into a black hole because of the way the "expert" formatted the book. That book was also my first experience in returning a book for a refund.


*shudder*

been there, read that, trying really hard to forget.


----------



## Taking my troll a$$ outta here (Apr 8, 2013)

J. Tanner said:


> You guys are making me nostalgic for the glorious purple smell of dittos.


Lol


----------



## 555aaa (Jan 28, 2014)

J. Tanner said:


> You guys are making me nostalgic for the glorious purple smell of dittos.


----------



## Ethan Jones (Jan 20, 2012)

Hi Julie:
I wouldn't let one single (or a few) experience stop me from enjoying getting to know new great authors.
Blessings,
E


----------



## AltMe (May 18, 2015)

Nate Hoffelder said:


> Yellow/blue is all well and good as app settings, but one shouldn't set a document to anything other black text on white.
> I see that mistake all the time in emails.


You'd hate my emails then. 

I use red on white as standard. If the conversation starts quoting red back, I switch to another colour. I've been known to have a conversational email cover 6 different colours, and still be relevant.

Emails, are not documents. Its conversation. And who wants boring old black conversation?


----------



## LeonardDHilleyII (May 23, 2011)

ebbrown said:


> Yes^^.
> Write your masterpiece in blood on the flayed skin of your enemies at home. Whatever makes you comfortable.
> Follow directions when formatting for submissions. It's not that hard.


 Yep.


----------



## Trans-Human (Apr 22, 2015)

Perhaps not directly linked with writing, but I feel the experience is very similar to what has been discussed here so far. The types of people involved at least.


This past summer I was working on a potential comic book series story and was hunting for artists on deviantart.com that might be interested in collabing with me on this. So I pitch the story around, make comments on the worldbuilding, on the characters, some backstory elements etc., and among a few interested parties I got a response from an artist I was hoping would take notice (her art style was perfect for the story I was imagining). I didn't understand why she was so underrated there, her art was amazing, but she didn't have a lot of subs (I have a lot more subs even as a non-artist there), or a lot of views or comments on her submissions.

Anyway, I was happy she responded back, and with interest. She listed her price set, and even though her prices were a bit steep for the per-page setup that I was looking for as one of the options to collab on, I still agreed, since I really wanted to work with her. So I respond back thanking her for quickly setting up the terms, and that I understand her decision to do this as a commissioned project as going with it free of charge and if it's potentially not successful, the split royalty may not be as much as she would have hoped to gain, to cover costs of time and effort put into this. And I was getting ready to present her with a timetable for the stages of the comic and the rate at which it should be produced time-wise to meet deadlines etc. when she wrote back with a dramatic tone - "What!? You plan on taking all the royalty!?" Apparently, as it turns out, I was supposed to provide all the IP content, to pitch the realized work to studios & comic imprints, do the marketing (if going the self-pubby way), pay steep per-page prices, and provide at least 50% royalties which she said was "super-generous" as comics were a visual medium and she deserved at least 80%, and wanted a sort of "advance" in order to start the illustrations, to feel "engaged" and "on board".

I'm not sure where she got the business lessons from, but this is not the way you do business, not in rhetoric, not in strategy either, especially not demands, and the scope of the demands too. I was suddenly not surprised that the level of interaction with other people on this site was akin to a ghost town, despite the great quality of work present in her gallery, and of course the level of subscribers and popularity she enjoyed too. I was taken aback from this experience, since I regularly interact & collab with people on deviantart and this has never happened before, so in a sense, I feel good about it, that 'it' being an exception there, rather than the rule. Though I guess I may have been lucky and haven't run into more people like her, who might be more prevalent than I think.

After I told her that I thank her for her time but that I went to look after a less demanding artist, she didn't even comment on that but rather wrote back offering me her ideas and something akin to synopsis of a story she was "developing" to me and asked if I would like to flesh it out to a book size. I wrote back and asked her if I could be paid per-page (the amount she demanded from me for the comic) and if I could get 99% of the royalties since books are primarily textual medium and don't have much pictures in them. She never wrote back.


----------



## My Dog&#039;s Servant (Jun 2, 2013)

ebbrown said:


> Yes^^.
> Write your masterpiece in blood on the flayed skin of your enemies at home.)


Ooooohhhh! I didn't know this was an option! Any recommendations for best flaying practices? What if it's a really small enemy and I run out of skin? Do I go get another enemy? Does it have to be cut to size or can I just go whole skin? Does the blood have to be O negative in case of mismatch with the enemy? Details, Please!


----------



## Nate Hoffelder (Jun 9, 2014)

My Dog's Servant said:


> Ooooohhhh! I didn't know this was an option! Any recommendations for best flaying practices? What if it's a really small enemy and I run out of skin? Do I go get another enemy? Does it have to be cut to size or can I just go whole skin? Does the blood have to be O negative in case of mismatch with the enemy? Details, Please!


I've heard you should flay them from the feet up.

Also, if you sew spare pieces of skin into your clothing they will act as good luck charms.


----------



## Jan Hurst-Nicholson (Aug 25, 2010)

Dan C. Rinnert said:


> Many moons ago, I read an article on video/screen readability. Back then, what was reported to have the highest readability was yellow text on a blue background. I tried it for myself and wound up setting my text editor (which I used as my word processor app back then) with a dark blue background and yellow text.
> 
> It's still very readable.
> 
> ...


I thought it was black text on a yellow background that has the easiest readability. I Googled it and there were quite a number of articles.


----------



## unkownwriter (Jun 22, 2011)

> How to build your business by randomly spamming people you find on Twitter.


Hashtag time!

I used to do my brother's Star Trek fanzine on a mimeograph machine. Something about that purple goo... Ah, memories! One mistake and you started over. Not fun.

I remember how excited people were when the correcting fluids came out. No more erasers. How easy could it get? Then we got computers, and copy/paste/backspace/delete. Wow. <3


----------



## Betsy the Quilter (Oct 27, 2008)

TimothyEllis said:


> And who wants boring old black conversation?


People with vision problems.

It's the reason we ask people not to use colors in their posts (though some for emphasis is okay).

Betsy


----------



## Jan Hurst-Nicholson (Aug 25, 2010)

Doglover said:


> Why does the world and his wife think everyone is interested in their life story? I mean, how arrogant can you get? I have spent months talking my friend out of writing her life story and I would never consider that anyone might want to read mine.


A friend gives workshops (paying) on writing your life story. Quite a number of older people want to write their memoirs for the family. Then they have just a few copies printed for their children and grandchildren. 
There's more than one way to make money using your writing skills


----------



## Jan Hurst-Nicholson (Aug 25, 2010)

Dan C. Rinnert said:


> That's why you come up with a standard rejection letter.
> 
> Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, your manuscript does not meet our current publishing needs.
> 
> ...


I did exactly that many years ago and added some fun things as well. Got rejection letters with ticks on the list (or check marks if you're in the US). At least I didn't get the standard rejection letter and had some idea of why the manuscript had been rejected.


----------



## Doglover (Sep 19, 2013)

Jan Hurst-Nicholson said:


> A friend gives workshops (paying) on writing your life story. Quite a number of older people want to write their memoirs for the family. Then they have just a few copies printed for their children and grandchildren.
> There's more than one way to make money using your writing skills


And that's fine, but most of the ones I've spoken to think their life story is going to be a best seller.


----------



## Jan Hurst-Nicholson (Aug 25, 2010)

Judging by the replies in this thread it would appear that many of us began on typewriters. It would be interesting to do a (anonymous) poll to get and idea of the average age of KBoarders


----------



## Alan Petersen (May 20, 2011)

Jan Hurst-Nicholson said:


> Judging by the replies in this thread it would appear that many of us began on typewriters. It would be interesting to do a (anonymous) poll to get and idea of the average age of KBoarders


You could start a thread with a poll to ask that. Click on "New Poll" button next to the "New Topic" one and break it out by ages under 18; 19-29, 30-39, etc.


----------



## hopecartercan (Jun 19, 2015)

LilyBLily said:


> I started with pencils, actually.
> 
> Although my kid started with a computer keyboard.


Very cool...so did we. Me=pencil Son=keyboard


----------



## Howietzer (Apr 18, 2012)

Well, hell. If I'd known it was that easy... I've officially chosen George R. R. Martin to be my mentor. He doesn't know it yet, but he will by this evening.


----------



## DC Swain (Feb 24, 2013)

Betsy the Quilter said:


> People with vision problems.
> 
> It's the reason we ask people not to use colors in their posts (though some for emphasis is okay).
> 
> Betsy


What if I want lots of emphasis?

_*ducks cattle prod*_


----------



## Taking my troll a$$ outta here (Apr 8, 2013)

Howietzer said:


> Well, hell. If I'd known it was that easy... I've officially chosen George R. R. Martin to be my mentor. He doesn't know it yet, but he will by this evening.


&#128514;&#128514;


----------



## 555aaa (Jan 28, 2014)

The best readability is white text on a green background, which is why it's used in US highway signs. Or so they say.


----------



## Doglover (Sep 19, 2013)

Jan Hurst-Nicholson said:


> Judging by the replies in this thread it would appear that many of us began on typewriters. It would be interesting to do a (anonymous) poll to get and idea of the average age of KBoarders


I'm not shy. I started writing by hand then copying on a manual typewriter. I was (still am I suppose) a copy typist and I could not think and type at the same time. I had to write by hand. Then there were the carbon copies, mistakes needed to be corrected on all copies, without smudging. Then you changed something, perhaps added a whole paragraph and the whole chapter had to be rewritten. Publisher in those days also wanted page numbers, and any change screwed them up royally as well.

That is why a book that used to take two years to write, can now often be done in a month.


----------



## RightHoJeeves (Jun 30, 2016)

Trans-Human said:


> After I told her that I thank her for her time but that I went to look after a less demanding artist, she didn't even comment on that but rather wrote back offering me her ideas and something akin to synopsis of a story she was "developing" to me and asked if I would like to flesh it out to a book size. I wrote back and asked her if I could be paid per-page (the amount she demanded from me for the comic) and if I could get 99% of the royalties since books are primarily textual medium and don't have much pictures in them. She never wrote back.


haha, boom!


----------



## JeanneM (Mar 21, 2011)

dcswain said:


> What if I want lots of emphasis?
> 
> _*ducks cattle prod*_
> 
> ...


----------



## Abalone (Jan 31, 2014)

Nothing beats being told by strangers that being a writer is downright sexy. Jokes on them! I'm usually writing something menial or funny, like milk up someone's nose. Sexy indeed.


----------



## Melodema (Mar 21, 2016)

My Dog's Servant said:


> You know, Dan, I was having a lot of fun with this thread and then you come along and remind some of us just how...er...long we've been at this. [I was NOT going to say, 'how old some of us are'!] [Flashbacks to 64K ram and dual 5.5" floppy disks....and a really cool portable computer that only weighed 25 lbs.]


I was thinking the same thing. I had one of those Amstrad PCW word processors. Seems like 10 years ago but no, make that 27 years ago!


----------



## alawston (Jun 3, 2012)

We just took delivery of my Gran's old "portable" typewriter, as she's moving into a smaller place. My wife wants to go old school


----------



## Guest (Nov 7, 2016)

On the matter of readability, readability is dependent on purpose, distance, and delivery media. A street sign printed on shiny enamel or metal is going to reflect light differently than a piece of paper. It isn't solely about contrast (though contrast is a major point) but also HOW the eye interacts with the text and for how long. Think of it like weight training. Depending on what you are trying to accomplish, you are either using low weights with high reps or heavy weights with low reps. But the same weight isn't optimum for every situation.

It also depends on how far away you are engaging with a work. A computer monitor is normally positioned 20-40 inches from the eyes. A book (or ereader) is normally between 15-25 inches from the eyes. This has to be taken into consideration as well.

But all that said, the bottom line is that if you are going to reach out to a publisher, the responsibility is on you to make sure you understand the publisher's expectations and follow them. And when said publisher gives you a chance to correct your submission instead of rejecting it outright, the correct reply is to either politely decline or correct the issue.


----------



## Not any more (Mar 19, 2012)

Bards and Sages (Julie) said:


> But all that said, the bottom line is that if you are going to reach out to a publisher, the responsibility is on you to make sure you understand the publisher's expectations and follow them. And when said publisher gives you a chance to correct your submission instead of rejecting it outright, the correct reply is to either politely decline or correct the issue.


Or to put it another way, common courtesy should be your default. You never know when you might be at the mercy of someone you were rude to.


----------



## 88149 (Dec 13, 2015)

brkingsolver said:


> Or to put it another way, common courtesy should be your default. You never know when you might be at the mercy of someone you were rude to.


Oh, you must've read Rude Dude, my 1987 thriller!


----------



## Lou Harpr (Nov 5, 2014)

brkingsolver said:


> I have a friend who will attempt to edit anything. I am not exaggerating. One series I helped her with was an epic assault on the English language. When purple prose is past indigo to black, with no punctuation inside of long paragraphs. The author only allowed us to punctuate, not change any of the sentences or cut anything out. Another book I had to give up on. After 35K words (of 150K), I still had no idea what the author was talking about, or if the purpose was to tell a story.
> 
> Julie, you're just one of those terrible old gatekeepers who can't recognize true artistry.


I think I sampled that book. Or one like it. Did it have 2-3 similes per page? Paragraph-long sentences?


----------



## Soren (Oct 20, 2016)

Trans-Human said:


> I wrote back and asked her if I could be paid per-page (the amount she demanded from me for the comic) and if I could get 99% of the royalties since books are primarily textual medium and don't have much pictures in them. She never wrote back.


Savage. SO savage, but delicious. Was admittedly kind of salivating towards the end. Thank you for sharing.


----------



## ♨ (Jan 9, 2012)

Abalone said:


> Nothing beats being told by strangers that being a writer is downright sexy.


Where do you find those particular types of strangers? The reaction I've always gotten is one of wholehearted indifference.


----------



## Not any more (Mar 19, 2012)

Lou Harpr said:


> I think I sampled that book. Or one like it. Did it have 2-3 similes per page? Paragraph-long sentences?


No smilies, but the books were characterized by having a capital letter at the beginning of each paragraph and a period at the end. Other punctuation was used randomly, but never in appropriate places. Dialog tags were also random, with as many as three different characters speaking in the same paragraph. In total, a 450K labor of love. The last I checked, the third book in the trilogy was safely resting at around the 3,500,000 rank on Amazon.


----------

