# Help!! Christmas for Mom!



## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

Okay, I can't believe I've gotten myself into this pickle but...I have. Here it is, less than a week before Christmas and I don't have a gift for my mom. Help! I need some creative ideas.

Just a little info: she's 82 years young. For a woman her age, she's really in pretty good shape, still able to drive, etc. The biggest problem is my dad who has a fair number of health problems. He is still living at home because of her. She does all the stuff around the house (he can't pay the bills or anything), all the cooking, grocery shopping and chaffeurs him to his myriad doctor appointments. They have the "comfort keepers" who come in when dad needs someone to stay with him. Dad also has a visiting nurse one day/wk.

They live about 20 minutes away and between my husband and I, one of us is over there at least 3 times a week. My husband is very willing to help out with whatever sort of handyman stuff that needs to be done. On Monday, he took my mom to a doctor appt.

We share reading materials: my husband gives Mom the Wall Street Journal when he is done with it; she gives us the New Yorker. I pass on books (not so many of those lately).

We are all feeling the money pinch and mom is saying she wants Christmas giving to be "low key." I got my dad a book (Six Frigates, the Story of the Founding of the US Navy). Mom doesn't really need any more books, DVDs, or jewelry. We went through a period when no matter what I gave her, it was a dud, and I ended up returning everything I bought. Maybe that's the reason I haven't gotten anything this year...I am feeling a little gun-shy!

She really doesn't need any "stuff." I'd like to get something that would really be helpful in her day-to-day routine, but I'm not sure what. 

Thoughts?

PS...a few years ago, for mother's day, my sister and I found a personal chef who was supposed to come in and cook one meal a week for three months. She made us cancel him because she didn't want a stranger in her kitchen.

Help!

L


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## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

1.  Does she have a favorite charity or cause?  Make a donation in her name.

2.  Is there a day spa around?  Give her a day of pampering. . .let her her hair and nails done on you.

3.  Are there old family photos hanging around?  Find a bunch and make a nice collage in a large frame.  

4.  Does she have a recipe book or card file you can hardly read?  Type 'em up and make "Mom's cookbook".  Also good for the rest of the family!

5.  Arrange to sit with her and have her tell her life stories. . .record or transcribe them into a book for the family.


Ann


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## Mom of 4 (Oct 27, 2008)

Leslie,

I can't imagine she needs any more of a gift than the wonderful daughter you are!!  

It seems like you spend a lot of time over there, but perhaps you could give her time with you on a specific project that she has been putting off?  Cleaning out the basement/attic, organizing those old photos or files,  a de-clutter fest?  Something along those lines.  Nothing much more than what you are already doing, just putting a specific focus/project on your time together.

Theresa


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## Wisteria Clematis (Oct 29, 2008)

Ann beat me to it! I was also going to suggest a day of pampering. Or a year's subscription to another favorite magazine. Or give her an I.O.U. to have a family portrait taken by a professional photographer--the whole bunch of you (grandparents, parents, grandkids). Or gift certificates for her favorite restaurant for nights she doesn't want to cook dinner.


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## Betsy the Quilter (Oct 27, 2008)

Take your whole family to a local studio and have a family portrait done?  These days they can give it to you framed to take with you, so you have plenty of time for that.

Or the gift of time that Mom of 4 suggested is nice, each of you could give your mom a gift certificate for some time, she would appreciate that!

Betsy


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

Good ideas, keep them coming...but just a few comments:

1. Photo - no go. My mother hates having her picture taken. My husband takes lots of pictures on a regular basis and shares them with her. In fact, we bought the first generation CEIVA and that was a pretty good gift for awhile, until they moved closer to us  and the grandkids grew up. It broke a year ago and we didn't bother replacing it, since she seemed to have lost interest in it.

2. Spa - been there. According to her, she has no hair, so she doesn't want to go to the hair dresser. No so long ago, I gave her a few gift certificate for a manicure/pedicures and after a year, she passed them on to my daughter.

3. Gift cards for restaurants - not good, because my dad can't go out. My husband and I take her out for lunch probably 2 Saturdays/mo. We usually pay and she leaves the tip.

4. She actually wrote a book of stories (and my father did too, with her help) back with the children were born (they are 17 and 20 now). They were "fill in" books called Grandmother Remembers and Grandfather Remembers and she did a beautiful job with them. I don't think I'll get her to sit down and do it again.

5. She does have my grandmother's old recipe book, plus other recipes, but I'm not sure she really wants to organize them. That's a thought, though.

The biggest issue for my husband and I is supporting her so she can she can stay independent and thus my father can stay home. He couldn't last 24 hours without her (or someone). And I truly believe that if he ended up in a nursing home of some sort, he'd die within weeks. So I am trying to figure out what we could do that would help in that way...

L


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## marianneg (Nov 4, 2008)

Leslie said:


> 3. Gift cards for restaurants - not good, because my dad can't go out. My husband and I take her out for lunch probably 2 Saturdays/mo. We usually pay and she leaves the tip.


What about a certificate/coupon for a takeout meal (or 1/month or something), ie. you will get a meal "to-go" from a restaurant and bring it to their house? That way they can still have the treat of not having to cook without leaving the house.


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## bosslady402 (Nov 6, 2008)

What I've done for years for my father is make him a vat of homemade soup, or meatballs & sauce or something, and freeze it up into dinner-sized portions. He doesn't like the amount of salt that comes with canned soups etc. so this way he gets it just the way he likes it, and he knows I made it, and it gets used up so that you can do the same thing for the next holiday and the idea never gets old...  my mother also loves it because she doesn't have to cook it! 

With all the stress that someone goes through caring for another person 24/7, having to some up with balanced meals 3 times a day everyday is sometimes last on the list.  

Even if you are not big on cooking, or won't have the time before Christmas, you could buy an already cooked ham or a couple of those roaster chickens you get in  the supermarket, divide it all up, add in some mashed potatoes and frozen veggies, and you are good to go. 

another idea is one of those electronic picture frames - if you are anything like us, you have a gazilion photos on your computer that will never see the light of day on photo paper - you can dump them all to the picture frame ahead of time, so your parents can just plug&play.  

good luck!


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## tessa (Nov 1, 2008)

This may sound dumb but what if you and your sister  (and daughter(s) have a sleep over with your mother at her home or stay at a hotel if you have some one to stay with your father. Just one night and video tape it .

I wish I did that with mother and sister I lost them both within 4 months of each other.


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## Gertie Kindle (Nov 6, 2008)

My Mom is difficult, too, and at 86, she doesn't need much.  She never likes anything I get her either.  The only thing she wants this year is a ladder ... like any of us are going to get her that.  So, I got her a gift card for her favorite store ... WalMart.  I got her the same thing last year, and she spent it on food.  Nothing wrong with that as far as I'm concerned.

A food basket would be nicer than a gift card for WalMart.  A friend loved chicken marsala, so I got her a bottle of the wine, jars of mushrooms, and a grocery store gift certificate for the chicken.  If she likes something in particular like that, you can make a nice basket of ingredients.


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## cat616 (Nov 4, 2008)

gertiekindle said:


> My Mom is difficult, too, and at 86, she doesn't need much. She never likes anything I get her either. The only thing she wants this year is a ladder ... like any of us are going to get her that.


Gertie, Why does your 86 year young Mom want a Ladder?


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## Teninx (Oct 27, 2008)

Leslie, does your mom have any far-flung or out of touch relatives or friends? People whom are referenced by "Gee, whatever happened to So-and-So? Between now and Dec. 23d, try and contact them to encourage that they give your mom a call for Christmas. 

Of course, you can omit Cousin Johnny who stole the brooch back in '89 to buy new rims for his truck.


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

Teninx said:


> Leslie, does your mom have any far-flung or out of touch relatives or friends? People whom are referenced by "Gee, whatever happened to So-and-So? Between now and Dec. 23d, try and contact them to encourage that they give your mom a call for Christmas.
> 
> Of course, you can omit Cousin Johnny who stole the brooch back in '89 to buy new rims for his truck.


Actually, I just talked to Mom and she told me she is doing Christmas cards on an "as received" basis...ie, "When I get a card, I address one and send it out, since I don't know who is dead or alive." Ai yi yi.

As for relatives, we have a very small family and the last of their generation, my uncle, died in March.

L


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

cat616 said:


> Gertie, Why does your 86 year young Mom want a Ladder?


If my mother told me she wanted a ladder, I'd probably buy her one!

I actually just talked to her and very sneakily finagled the name and phone number of her cleaning lady out of her. She is planning on cancelling the cleaning lady after the end of the year (says she can't afford it). So, if I can convince my sister to go halfsies with me, I might just pay for cleaning services for all of 2009.

The cleaning lady is truly a cleaning lady (not a business like Merry Maids). I am sure she needs the work, too.

But don't stop with the ideas. This is great, everyone.

L


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## Gertie Kindle (Nov 6, 2008)

cat616 said:


> Gertie, Why does your 86 year young Mom want a Ladder?


She's very short, 4'11" and can't reach a lot of things. And you're right. She is definitely a lot younger than I am. I can't keep up.



Leslie said:


> If my mother told me she wanted a ladder, I'd probably buy her one!


I can see you're desperate. It is easier when they ask you for something, isn't it.

Maybe your Mom doesn't fall as often as mine does. She a very fast walker, but never watches where she is going. She fell in the library last week after tripping over her own feet. Nose bleed and banged up her face pretty good. ER, CT scan, x-rays ... all clear.

I definitely can't trust her with a ladder. She'll run up and then be too impatient to climb down carefully.


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## Gables Girl (Oct 28, 2008)

Since she still drives give her the gift of a couple of oil changes and the transportation while she gets it done and perhaps a tune up.  Car upkeep is expensive and they like to be independent.  

Have you thought of buying her a really nice set of fluffy towels.  I know my parent the long er they went had more and more left over for towels.  

Offer to sit down with her and do a family tree, your kids may need it one day and once a generation goes you never get the information again, plus she may enjoy telling you about crazy great aunt  Susie who drank a little too much.


Prepay the cable TV bill for a year or have them send it to you each mont and then you pay it, both your parents would like that.

My mother was a caretaker for my Dad for 15 years.  Hats off ot your Mom.


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## Betsy the Quilter (Oct 27, 2008)

Leslie said:


> If my mother told me she wanted a ladder, I'd probably buy her one!
> 
> I actually just talked to her and very sneakily finagled the name and phone number of her cleaning lady out of her. She is planning on cancelling the cleaning lady after the end of the year (says she can't afford it). So, if I can convince my sister to go halfsies with me, I might just pay for cleaning services for all of 2009.
> 
> ...


I was going to suggest a cleaning lady but after what you said about the cook, I didn't think Mom would go for it. I think that's a great idea. I had to bludgeon my mother with guilt to get her to let us hire someone to house clean, telling her that we would be able to do more fun stuff together if I didn't have to spend time cleaning her house when I came over.

The car upkeep idea is good, too.

Betsy


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

Gables Girl said:


> Since she still drives give her the gift of a couple of oil changes and the transportation while she gets it done and perhaps a tune up. Car upkeep is expensive and they like to be independent.


That's a good idea. Thank you...I may follow up on that one.



> Have you thought of buying her a really nice set of fluffy towels. I know my parent the long er they went had more and more left over for towels.


My mother is addicted to buying new linens...towels, sheets, whatever. This won't go.


> Offer to sit down with her and do a family tree, your kids may need it one day and once a generation goes you never get the information again, plus she may enjoy telling you about crazy great aunt Susie who drank a little too much.


We have a fairly good genealogy and my father is the one with all the info. I have been trying to document more in recent years because you are right, once they are gone, it is gone.



> Prepay the cable TV bill for a year or have them send it to you each mont and then you pay it, both your parents would like that.


That would be about the same price as the cleaning lady (maybe a little less). They haven't said anything about cancelling the cable so it seems the cleaning lady is more of an imperative, budget wise.



> My mother was a caretaker for my Dad for 15 years. Hats off ot your Mom.


Thank you. She is doing a tremendous job.

L


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

Re: food...we do a fair amount of bringing food to them. Cook up a big pot of spaghetti sauce and bring some over. Same with soup, stew, whatever. I'd say at least once a week my husband delivers something.

There is a store next to Staples called "A Taste of Thyme" or "Make it Thyme" or something, which I think is one of those "go and get dinner all ready" places. I thought of looking into it but I am not sure it would fit the bill for mom. She does have spices and food and so on. This strikes me as more for young people or singles who don't have pantries yet. Thoughts?

L


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## BMW (Oct 30, 2008)

Christmas for the older generation is really tough. My older relatives still send a lot of snail mail.

Last year, for my father-in-law, I took pictures from their favorite vacations, scanned them in, and printed them onto greeting cards. I left the inside blank, but put the place and approximate date on the back in small print. I included a book of stamps and told him to please use them and I would replenish as necessary.

I also put together a packet of cards for my mom a few years ago. I got various ones and included all the family details of birthdays/anniversaries/etc in the packet.

I like the car maintenance idea too; car problems and repairs suck and stress you out.

Beth


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## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

Gonna risk ire by repeating my first suggestion:  Make a donation, in her name, to some cause or charity that she likes to support.  We've done that in my family for the last few years since we decided that we don't need to be spending all kinds of time trying to find gifts for each other when we are all able to get what we want and need ourselves.  So we agree on a charity each year and all donate what we can.

Except for my Aunt Betty.  She just turned 89 but loves Christmas presents like a 6 year old.  Giving to a charity in her name wouldn't fly. . . though she was oddly pleased the year someone named a star after her. . . .

Ann


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## tlshaw (Nov 10, 2008)

Leslie:
I sympathize. My parents are still able to take care of themselves, but it is difficult to buy for them. Is there something she likes, like maybe a girl's night out. Get someone to stay with your dad and just the girls go to dinner and a movie? I have found that my Mom more enjoys the time I can spend with her than a gift. My daughter and I try to take Mom to Panera's for breakfast when my daughter is home on break. It doesn't cost a lot, but my Mom lights up when I take her out.


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## Angela (Nov 2, 2008)

Seems like you have gotten lots of great ideas so far. You may be on the right track with continuing her cleaning lady.

My parents are very difficult to buy for, too. They don't need or want more things, but being on a fixed income, what they really need is financial help with upkeep on home and car. Since they won't take money from us, we do things like buy them firewood for their wood burning stove, have someone come in and clear underbrush at the back of their property and this Christmas they got a new set of tires for the car. They will accept these types of things from us as long as we call them *presents* for whatever occasion is at hand.


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## thejackylking #884 (Dec 3, 2008)

My wife found a website where you can upload photos and create calenders and photo scrapbooks.  We gave my Dad a calender for his birthday and we're giving both parents a scrapbook for christmas.


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

Thanks, everyone, for all these suggestions. 

Angela -- yes, that's the situation. I can't just give money, but we do try to pay for stuff sort of "behind the scenes."

Ann -- the charity idea is good but I think the only thing they give money to is the Republican National Committee and I am NOT going there. LOL.

I have done photo calendars in the past and those have been a hit. I wonder if I have enough time between now and Thursday?

I'll talk to my sister this morning about the cleaning lady and see what she has to say.

L


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## Linda Cannon-Mott (Oct 28, 2008)

I would absolutely love a cleaning lady! Would someone tell my girl's that?


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## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

Leslie said:


> Ann -- the charity idea is good but I think the only thing they give money to is the Republican National Committee and I am NOT going there. LOL.
> 
> L


'nuff said. 

Ann


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

I just talked to my sister. She was sort of lukewarm on the cleaning lady idea, only because it would be a fairly big expense, even if we went halfsies on it. She is going to think about it.

Meanwhile, she did know that my mother wants the book, *Mrs. Astor Regrets*, so I went ahead and ordered that. At least I'll have one thing to wrap and give to her.

I also ordered a super gigantic roast beef. On Christmas Eve, the four of us (my husband, me, and two children) will have our own dinner. Then we are going to have brunch at mom's on Christmas Day (I bring the classic Breakfast Casserole!). We'll also bring them leftover roast beef so they can have roast beef and Yorkshire Pudding for dinner on Christmas night. We'll be having leftover roast beef, too!

For anyone who's interested, here's the BC recipe. I make it exactly once per year, for Christmas morning.

*BREAKFAST CASSEROLE*

6 eggs
2 cups milk
1 tsp dry mustard
1 pkg (12 oz) sausage (Jimmy Dean or similar)
2 slices of bread, cubed
1 cup cheddar cheese, grated

Butter a 9" x 9" baking dish. Cover the bottom with the bread cubes.

Cook sausage and drain. Place sausage over bread cubes. Sprinkle cheese on top. Beat together eggs, milk, and mustard and pour over all the other ingredients in the baking dish.

Refrigerate overnight. Bake in the morning for 35 to 40 minutes at 350 degrees.

This is a meal in one and it is rich, so the best accompaniment is fruit salad or something similar.

Serves 6


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## Gertie Kindle (Nov 6, 2008)

Leslie said:


> *BREAKFAST CASSEROLE*
> 
> 6 eggs
> 2 cups milk
> ...


Oh, I've been looking for this recipe. Thank you.

PS: I just notice you use cubed bread. I've had it with hash brown potatoes instead of the bread cubes.


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

gertiekindle said:


> Oh, I've been looking for this recipe. Thank you.
> 
> PS: I just notice you use cubed bread. I've had it with hash brown potatoes instead of the bread cubes.


Interesting idea! Thanks, Gertie.

L


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## sebat (Nov 16, 2008)

Leslie said:


> I just talked to my sister. She was sort of lukewarm on the cleaning lady idea, only because it would be a fairly big expense, even if we went halfsies on it. She is going to think about it.


All my ideas have already been thought of.

It sounds like your mom has a lot on her plate taking care of your dad. Personally, I would hate to see her give up her cleaning lady. I think its the one thing she needs the most. Even 6 month of the cleaning lady would be great. Maybe the cleaning lady comes every other week instead of once a week. Just buy how ever many month the two of you can afford. There's no reason it has to be an entire year.

I think this is an idea worth fighting for. If your sister says she can't do it, ask her how much she can afford.


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## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

We got my Aunt (89) one of those electronic picture frames. . .she loves pictures of all of us but they're mostly digital now and we never get around to getting physical prints.  we're going to put pictures of all of us in it so she can have them all right next to her chair.

Ann


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## Gertie Kindle (Nov 6, 2008)

Ann Von Hagel said:


> We got my Aunt (89) one of those electronic picture frames. . .she loves pictures of all of us but they're mostly digital now and we never get around to getting physical prints. we're going to put pictures of all of us in it so she can have them all right next to her chair.
> 
> Ann


That's what I got my Dad (also 89) this year. Great deal at WalMart. I got him a 7" frame for $39.


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## DawnOfChaos (Nov 12, 2008)

I like the cleaning lady idea too.

You could see if Schwan's delivers to her area. If they do, you could get her a gift certificate for food. I like the food, I'm addicted to their ice cream, and they deliver every two weeks. If they don't like it once the certificate expires make sure you cancel it so they don't keep hassling her.

http://www.schwans.com/


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

sebat said:


> All my ideas have already been thought of.
> 
> It sounds like your mom has a lot on her plate taking care of your dad. Personally, I would hate to see her give up her cleaning lady. I think its the one thing she needs the most. Even 6 month of the cleaning lady would be great. Maybe the cleaning lady comes every other week instead of once a week. Just buy how ever many month the two of you can afford. There's no reason it has to be an entire year.
> 
> I think this is an idea worth fighting for. If your sister says she can't do it, ask her how much she can afford.


Yes. I've been thinking about this all afternoon and this is my solution:

I just called the cleaning lady (Irene) who was very nice. My mother has been waffling with many different scenarios, apparently. Cancelling altogether or going to every 3 weeks instead of every other week. Irene completely recognizes the situation and agrees with me: mom really can't take on the heavy work of washing the floor, vacuuming, the bathrooms, etc. (I should point out that the thing that precipitated this whole financial crisis is that the condo they are living in added a new monthly assessment of $150 to pay for new roofs. On their fixed income, that was just more than my mother felt like she could absorb right now.) So, what I am going to do is write six checks, made out to Irene, for $75/each (the cost of one cleaning), but not date them. My mother can just use them on whatever schedule she and Irene work out (personally, I hope she sticks to every other week). If that stay with that schedule, that will get them through the end of March. At that point, we can re-evaluate. Maybe my sister will pony up some money. Or who knows what else will have changed by then. The plus to me is that is the expense is spread out which makes it a little less painful.

I am pretty happy with this right now.

L


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

DawnOfChaos said:


> I like the cleaning lady idea too.
> 
> You could see if Schwan's delivers to her area. If they do, you could get her a gift certificate for food. I like the food, I'm addicted to their ice cream, and they deliver every two weeks. If they don't like it once the certificate expires make sure you cancel it so they don't keep hassling her.
> 
> http://www.schwans.com/


They do deliver here. Their storage area is just up the road from me. This is a good idea, too. I'll keep it in mind. Right now I think I am all set with the Irene, the cleaning lady but all these ideas have been very helpful.

L


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## sebat (Nov 16, 2008)

Leslie said:


> Yes. I've been thinking about this all afternoon and this is my solution:
> 
> I just called the cleaning lady (Irene) who was very nice. My mother has been waffling with many different scenarios, apparently. Cancelling altogether or going to every 3 weeks instead of every other week. Irene completely recognizes the situation and agrees with me: mom really can't take on the heavy work of washing the floor, vacuuming, the bathrooms, etc. (I should point out that the thing that precipitated this whole financial crisis is that the condo they are living in added a new monthly assessment of $150 to pay for new roofs. On their fixed income, that was just more than my mother felt like she could absorb right now.) So, what I am going to do is write six checks, made out to Irene, for $75/each (the cost of one cleaning), but not date them. My mother can just use them on whatever schedule she and Irene work out (personally, I hope she sticks to every other week). If that stay with that schedule, that will get them through the end of March. At that point, we can re-evaluate. Maybe my sister will pony up some money. Or who knows what else will have changed by then. The plus to me is that is the expense is spread out which makes it a little less painful.
> 
> ...


That sounds like a great way to do it. I think you have a winner. There's no way your mom won't like this years gift.


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## Gables Girl (Oct 28, 2008)

Leslie said:


> Yes. I've been thinking about this all afternoon and this is my solution:
> 
> I just called the cleaning lady (Irene) who was very nice. My mother has been waffling with many different scenarios, apparently. Cancelling altogether or going to every 3 weeks instead of every other week. Irene completely recognizes the situation and agrees with me: mom really can't take on the heavy work of washing the floor, vacuuming, the bathrooms, etc. (I should point out that the thing that precipitated this whole financial crisis is that the condo they are living in added a new monthly assessment of $150 to pay for new roofs. On their fixed income, that was just more than my mother felt like she could absorb right now.) So, what I am going to do is write six checks, made out to Irene, for $75/each (the cost of one cleaning), but not date them. My mother can just use them on whatever schedule she and Irene work out (personally, I hope she sticks to every other week). If that stay with that schedule, that will get them through the end of March. At that point, we can re-evaluate. Maybe my sister will pony up some money. Or who knows what else will have changed by then. The plus to me is that is the expense is spread out which makes it a little less painful.
> 
> ...


Sounds like a plan. If you make to March then there is Mother's day in May, her birthday sometime, Easter, 4th of July and a host of other holidays you can give her a check for, I hope your sister decides to add some checks to yours.


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

If I can just vent a minute (I am among friends, right?)

I am a little peeved with my sister. She is not local (she lives about 4 hours away) so all the day to day dropping in and visiting, bringing food, etc., falls to us. She has a good job and is making plenty of money so when she balked on the phone this morning, I was more than a little annoyed (but I hope I kept it out of my voice). Interestingly, her husband's parents are in a similar situation (although the situation is reversed, it is mom that needs help, dad is doing the work) and they are not local to them, either, so the job is falling to her husband's local siblings for the day to day. The one daughter who is really far away is married to a cardiologist and I know she providing plenty of $$ for various needs. Maybe my sister feels like if she spends more money on her parents, her husband will expect them to pay more money for his parents? Who knows. I am not in the poorhouse but I do have a son in college, a daughter in high school and money is tight all around. But frankly, if something happened to my mom, I don't even like to imagine what the scenario would be. So I guess I should think of this as insurance and stop complaining.

Okay, vent off.

Thanks for listening. I feel better.

L


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## Gables Girl (Oct 28, 2008)

Leslie said:


> If I can just vent a minute (I am among friends, right?)
> 
> I am a little peeved with my sister. She is not local (she lives about 4 hours away) so all the day to day dropping in and visiting, bringing food, etc., falls to us. She has a good job and is making plenty of money so when she balked on the phone this morning, I was more than a little annoyed (but I hope I kept it out of my voice). Interestingly, her husband's parents are in a similar situation (although the situation is reversed, it is mom that needs help, dad is doing the work) and they are not local to them, either, so the job is falling to her husband's local siblings for the day to day. The one daughter who is really far away is married to a cardiologist and I know she providing plenty of $$ for various needs. Maybe my sister feels like if she spends more money on her parents, her husband will expect them to pay more money for his parents? Who knows. I am not in the poorhouse but I do have a son in college, a daughter in high school and money is tight all around. But frankly, if something happened to my mom, I don't even like to imagine what the scenario would be. So I guess I should think of this as insurance and stop complaining.
> 
> ...


You are among friends and I understand your frustration. I always did what I did so I have no regrets. As long as you have no regrets then you are good. Your sister will be the one that has to live with herself at the end and know what she did or did not do.

Christmas is hard enough with out dealing with family issues. My Grandfather died on Christmas day and I lost both my parents with in 18 months of each other, so Christmas is hard for me. I'm glad I have Kindle Boards this year and my friends here.


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## Gertie Kindle (Nov 6, 2008)

Leslie, I think the cleaning lady is the best idea and you've hit on a wonderful solution.  I'm glad you and your mother worked it out.

These situations are always difficult and it seems like the burden always falls on one person.  The best thing you can do for your parents is to keep the peace with your sister.  I know that the best gift my daughters can ever give me is that they care for each other.  They have a difficult relationship, and when they make the effort to get along, it's like a gift from heaven.


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

Thanks everyone. Now I am feeling a little teary (probably doesn't help that I had a few glasses of wine with dinner).

My husband is completely behind me. Now we just need to figure out the money. I may even run it through my business and make it an expense before year end. I'll send an email to my sister and she can figure out where she is in the game plan. Like Gables said, what she does is her issue, not mine. My goal is to keep mom at home and independent.

You know, some days it is tough being a baby boomer. They expect so much of us! LOL

L


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## Angela (Nov 2, 2008)

Leslie said:


> Thanks everyone. Now I am feeling a little teary (probably doesn't help that I had a few glasses of wine with dinner).
> 
> My husband is completely behind me. Now we just need to figure out the money. I may even run it through my business and make it an expense before year end. I'll send an email to my sister and she can figure out where she is in the game plan. Like Gables said, what she does is her issue, not mine. My goal is to keep mom at home and independent.
> 
> ...


I understand what you are going through. That is why I moved back to Longview and my husband is still in Houston. My situation differs from yours just a tad bit, I have a brother who lives less than 5 miles from my parents, yet I am the one who left job, home, family and friends to be here for my mom and dad. Not to mention the sacrifice my hubby is making by living alone in an apartment 200 miles away so I can be here. I am not complaining, I am thankful for the time I have with my parents. We weren't that fortunate with Larry's parents as we lost both of them within 6 months of each other and were unable to spend quality time with them living so far away. Cherish the time you have now... life is too short!


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## Angela (Nov 2, 2008)

Leslie said:


> For anyone who's interested, here's the BC recipe. I make it exactly once per year, for Christmas morning.
> 
> *BREAKFAST CASSEROLE*
> 
> ...


This is very similar to what we do also, but like Gertie we also use hash browns more often than the bread cubes AND we add green chilis to the mix. Gotta have a bit of spice! Must be a Texan thang!!


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

Angela said:


> This is very similar to what we do also, but like Gertie we also use hash browns more often than the bread cubes AND we add green chilis to the mix. Gotta have a bit of spice! Must be a Texan thang!!


So what do you do, use the frozen hash browns that come in a bag?

I can imagine the chilis do add a tang but I am not going to add them. My parents both suffer from New England bland mouth. LOL

L


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

Angela said:


> I understand what you are going through. That is why I moved back to Longview and my husband is still in Houston. My situation differs from yours just a tad bit, I have a brother who lives less than 5 miles from my parents, yet I am the one who left job, home, family and friends to be here for my mom and dad. Not to mention the sacrifice my hubby is making by living alone in an apartment 200 miles away so I can be here. I am not complaining, I am thankful for the time I have with my parents. We weren't that fortunate with Larry's parents as we lost both of them within 6 months of each other and were unable to spend quality time with them living so far away. Cherish the time you have now... life is too short!


Thanks, Angela.

My husband's parents both died within 3 months of each other, 24 years ago. That same year (1984) his grandmother died, my uncle, his mother, then father, then my aunt. It was not a good year! It was like a whole bunch of family got wiped out in a short period of time so we have been busy cherishing since then with the few that are left. My last uncle died in March, so it is really only parents now, in their generation. My parents have really become my husband's parents, since his died when he was so young (he was 31).

L


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## Marci (Nov 13, 2008)

Leslie -

I think it's great that you decided to lean on these boards a bit.

Your solution is a great one.

Wow, it's a wonder you are still here in one piece and relative sanity after what you experienced in 1984. [You know, I never can disassociate that year from the book  ]

I'm grateful to be living with my parents and their health is still relatively good, heart troubles and various cancers not withstanding...

Peace,

Marci


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## cat616 (Nov 4, 2008)

gertiekindle said:


> ... The best thing you can do for your parents is to keep the peace with your sister. I know that the best gift my daughters can ever give me is that they care for each other. They have a difficult relationship, and when they make the effort to get along, it's like a gift from heaven.


Agree Wholeheartedly as a Mom with Children with a difficult relationship.


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## eireen (Dec 21, 2008)

honestly, girl, we do have the same problem. but mine is worst   i do really want to give my mom something special this Christmas for a change but sad to say i don't have such budget. i just asked my mom what she wants on Christmas she just simply said "your presence on Christmas day would be such a great thing for me, no amount of money could buy the happiness of being whole family on Christmas day." so don't hesitate to ask your mom what would make her happy on that special day.


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

Hi eireen, welcome. Looks like you are fairly new here. Glad to have you join our little community.

Do you live close enough to your mom that you can be there on Christmas?

L


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## Gertie Kindle (Nov 6, 2008)

Leslie said:


> So what do you do, use the frozen hash browns that come in a bag?


I never made it, but a friend of mine did. She used the cubed (not shredded) frozen hash browns. She also made it with bacon or ham as well as sausage. I think I'm going to try it for Easter brunch.


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## Angela (Nov 2, 2008)

Leslie said:


> So what do you do, use the frozen hash browns that come in a bag?
> 
> I can imagine the chilis do add a tang but I am not going to add them. My parents both suffer from New England bland mouth. LOL
> 
> L


LOL about the *bland mouth* hehe

Yes, I use frozen hash browns, the shredded ones. I saw that Gertie uses the cubed. I may have to give that I try for a change!


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## Gables Girl (Oct 28, 2008)

Angela said:


> LOL about the *bland mouth* hehe
> 
> Yes, I use frozen hash browns, the shredded ones. I saw that Gertie uses the cubed. I may have to give that I try for a change!


I did it once with the frozen Potatoes O'Brien. The red and green peppers made it festive but not hot, perfect for the bland mouth crowd.


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## Gertie Kindle (Nov 6, 2008)

Gables Girl said:


> I did it once with the frozen Potatoes O'Brien. The red and green peppers made it festive but not hot, perfect for the bland mouth crowd.


I love PO'B. When I make them, I add peppers and onion. I use Birdseye Pepper Stir Fry. I don't buy fresh because I can't use them up fast enough and they go bad. With the frozen, I have them whenever I want them.


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## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

gertiekindle said:


> I love PO'B. When I make them, I add peppers and onion. I use Birdseye Pepper Stir Fry.  I don't buy fresh because I can't use them up fast enough and they go bad. With the frozen, I have them whenever I want them.


I never knew that's what it was called.  Growing up we had potatoes almost every meal -- Irish, doncha know -- and frequently they were fried with onions and peppers. The peppers were fresh in the summer as we almost always had a garden.

For the record, I never met a potato dish I didn't like. 

Ann


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## Gertie Kindle (Nov 6, 2008)

Ann Von Hagel said:


> For the record, I never met a potato dish I didn't like.
> 
> Ann


With, of course, a six pack. 

Have you ever made potato lasagna? Just substitute sliced potatoes for the pasta and leave out the ricotta. It's really good. I like it with steak pizzaiola.


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## Gables Girl (Oct 28, 2008)

Ann Von Hagel said:


> IFor the record, I never met a potato dish I didn't like.
> 
> Ann


Neither have I, although I might as well apply then straight to my hips.  I love fried potatoes with onions and sour cream on top and scrambled eggs and bacon, forget the toast.


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## rla1996 (Oct 28, 2008)

Ann Von Hagel said:


> We got my Aunt (89) one of those electronic picture frames. . .she loves pictures of all of us but they're mostly digital now and we never get around to getting physical prints. we're going to put pictures of all of us in it so she can have them all right next to her chair.
> 
> Ann


Leslie,

If you're ever at a loss for what to buy again go with Ann's suggestion and get the Digtal Photo frame. Many older folks live in places where they just don't have enough room to display all the photos that they'd like and this is the perfect solution. Put a fun spin on it though, don't give just current pictures... DIG DEEP -find photos of yourself and your sister when you were children and include them on the memory card, find old pictures of aunts, uncles, grandparents, your parents as teenagers, your own kids when they were small... the list goes on and on. No only are you giving them something useful that will cut down on the clutter around the house, but you'll also giving them a few forgotten memories of some very good times.

rla1996


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## pidgeon92 (Oct 27, 2008)

rla1996 said:


> If you're ever at a loss for what to buy again go with Ann's suggestion and get the Digtal Photo frame.


I got one for my dad this year.... I still haven't finished scanning the photos, I'd better get on it.


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## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

gertiekindle said:


> Have you ever made potato lasagna? Just substitute sliced potatoes for the pasta and leave out the ricotta. It's really good. I like it with steak pizzaiola.


Hmmm. That sounds really good. . . I guess you have to make the slices pretty thin? Or is it better to leave them thicker to keep some body.


Gables Girl said:


> I loe fried poratoes with onions and sour cream on top and scrambled eggs and bacon, forget the toast.


I'm with you, forget the toast. . .

Ann


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## marianneg (Nov 4, 2008)

rla1996 said:


> Put a fun spin on it though, don't give just current pictures... DIG DEEP -find photos of yourself and your sister when you were children and include them on the memory card, find old pictures of aunts, uncles, grandparents, your parents as teenagers, your own kids when they were small... the list goes on and on. No only are you giving them something useful that will cut down on the clutter around the house, but you'll also giving them a few forgotten memories of some very good times.


I love this idea! I've thought of scanning in all our old pictures to preserve them, but it hadn't occurred to me to put them on a digital picture frame.


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## Gables Girl (Oct 28, 2008)

marianner said:


> I love this idea! I've thought of scanning in all our old pictures to preserve them, but it hadn't occurred to me to put them on a digital picture frame.


Keep a copy of the files. I've had friends who have had the digital frames die on them and you don't want to lose the pictures if it dies.


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## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

My brother's coming this evening with the frame for my aunt so that will be part of our evening 'to do' list.  We think we can just put the pictures on a thumb drive to transfer them. . .he bought the thing but admits he hasn't opened it yet. . .

Ann


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## rla1996 (Oct 28, 2008)

I make it a practice to buy frames that take SD cards.  Not only can you put more photos on them, but if something happens to the frame you can pop the card out, stick it in the new frame, and be all set to go again  .  -Not that I don't have DVD-roms of the pictures for backups, its just that a $5-$10 SD card makes life so much easier.  This way you don't end up looking at hundreds of pictures trying to figure out which ones were on the frame to begin with.

rla1996


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

We gave my parents a first generation CEIVA which connected to a phone line. We would upload the pictures to the Internet. The frame dialed in every night and downloaded any new photos. It was great when my parents lived 80 miles away and didn't see my children all the time. When they moved closer, it became less interesting to them. Then my sister moved away and she would upload photos. But she wasn't as regular about doing it as my husband was and my mother just lost interest altogether. It broke a little more than a year ago and we didn't bother replacing it. The downside was that the annual subscription to the website for pictures was expensive; around $80 if I recall correctly.

The other day, my husband came home with a new digital picture frame. Given that my mother seemed like she could care less about the CEIVA in the last year of its life, I was a little surprised. But he thinks it will be fun for them so we'll see. This is different...no phone connection to the Internet. You just transfer the pictures using a thumb drive. Since he is over at their house a couple of times a week, he figures it won't be a big deal to change the pictures regularly.

He is the picture hobbyist in the family and has spent hours scanning and organizing old photos. My father had 24 trays of slides. I am not sure if Tony ever figured out a way to transfer those. But any picture that he could get that was on paper, is now digitized. He used to put old family photos on the CEIVA. I am sure he'll do it again.

One thing about my mother (which drives me nuts) is that when she looks at old pictures and things, she gets very upset. Instead of remembering the happy memory, she just says things like, "Oh, look how young we all were. Now we're all old and half those people are dead." It sort of sucks the fun out of looking at the pictures!

I actually found a box of home movies that her father (my grandfather) made between 1928 and 1939. I moved heaven and earth to get them transferred to VHS tapes. They are fascinating to watch. Seeing my grandmother as a young woman, seeing my mother as a two year old! There are scenes in Boston that I recognize where they are. Also Ogunquit, Maine. Could I get my mother to look at these and tell me who the people are (the ones I don't recognize)? Nope. She has never watched them. Eventually, I took the tapes back because I was afraid she'd throw them away, and I didn't want to lose them.

L


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## rla1996 (Oct 28, 2008)

Leslie said:


> One thing about my mother (which drives me nuts) is that when she looks at old pictures and things, she gets very upset. Instead of remembering the happy memory, she just says things like, "Oh, look how young we all were. Now we're all old and half those people are dead." It sort of sucks the fun out of looking at the pictures!


Man!!! and I thought my family was hard to shop for. Thanks for making me feel better about that. 



Leslie said:



> He is the picture hobbyist in the family and has spent hours scanning and organizing old photos. My father had 24 trays of slides. I am not sure if Tony ever figured out a way to transfer those.


As for the slides I did see a slide scanner at Walmart a couple of months ago for about $75. They're also available on E-bay. I noticed it because I'd just bought this elaborate setup so that I could use my digital camera to take digital pictures of all of my grandmother's slides. So if there's a will to get all those slides digital then there's a way to do so, if you look in the right places. 

rla1996


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## marianneg (Nov 4, 2008)

Leslie said:


> He is the picture hobbyist in the family and has spent hours scanning and organizing old photos. My father had 24 trays of slides. I am not sure if Tony ever figured out a way to transfer those.


My DH bought me a pretty inexpensive scanner a few years ago that can scan in slides. It's not a very complex feature to add to a scanner - just a light and an attachment to hold the slides. It only does one at a time, but it came in pretty handy a while back when a friend was looking to add some pictures to a power point presentation he was preparing for our church.


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

marianner said:


> My DH bought me a pretty inexpensive scanner a few years ago that can scan in slides. It's not a very complex feature to add to a scanner - just a light and an attachment to hold the slides. It only does one at a time, but it came in pretty handy a while back when a friend was looking to add some pictures to a power point presentation he was preparing for our church.


I know he has bought various slide scanners. I just don't remember if he did all the pictures, some of them, or none. I remember it was a fairly tedious process and he kept buying different scanners, hoping to find one that made it an easier job.

L


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## Gertie Kindle (Nov 6, 2008)

Gables Girl said:


> Neither have I, although I might as well apply then straight to my hips.  I love fried potatoes with onions and sour cream on top and scrambled eggs and bacon, forget the toast.


That's good. Giving up the toast makes it legal, dietwise, right?



Ann Von Hagel said:


> Hmmm. That sounds really good. . . I guess you have to make the slices pretty thin? Or is it better to leave them thicker to keep some body.
> 
> Ann


About 1/4 inch works fine. I haven't made it in a long time, and now I'm getting the urge.


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## Gables Girl (Oct 28, 2008)

gertiekindle said:


> That's good. Giving up the toast makes it legal, dietwise, right?


I keep telling myself that.


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## marianneg (Nov 4, 2008)

Leslie said:


> I know he has bought various slide scanners. I just don't remember if he did all the pictures, some of them, or none. I remember it was a fairly tedious process and he kept buying different scanners, hoping to find one that made it an easier job.


Yeah, that's the problem. But then, I'm so anal, I would go crazy if there was a scanner that just imported everything without giving me a chance to look at every picture one by one and approve them all!


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## luvmy4brats (Nov 9, 2008)

I just wanted thank you to whoever put up the recipe for the breakfast casserole up on this thread (eyes are starting to close or I'd go back and find it) and also whoever mentioned the diced potatoes. I used a bag of potatoes, 3 cups milk, 18 eggs, 1 lb sausage (should have used a 2nd one), 2 cups of cheese and the dry mustard.

I made it this morning and everybody loved it. I also discovered it's very good with ketchup on it. Even my pickiest eater (the amazing Spiderman ate it!). The puppies and 2 of the kitties even approved. It was so nice not having to worry about cooking breakfast after presents. I just threw it in the oven right before we started and it finished up shortly after we did. I was told I must make it again.


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## Lotus (Oct 31, 2008)

For those of you with lots of slides (or negatives or prints) that you want scanned, there are a number of services out there that will scan them for you. It's not that cheap (around 30 cents a scan), but the for the hours it takes to scan those yourself, it might be worth it. Some will also do color correction/grain reduction, etc. if you need that, too.


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

luvmy4brats said:


> I just wanted thank you to whoever put up the recipe for the breakfast casserole up on this thread (eyes are starting to close or I'd go back and find it) and also whoever mentioned the diced potatoes. I used a bag of potatoes, 3 cups milk, 18 eggs, 1 lb sausage (should have used a 2nd one), 2 cups of cheese and the dry mustard.
> 
> I made it this morning and everybody loved it. I also discovered it's very good with ketchup on it. Even my pickiest eater (the amazing Spiderman ate it!). The puppies and 2 of the kitties even approved. It was so nice not having to worry about cooking breakfast after presents. I just threw it in the oven right before we started and it finished up shortly after we did. I was told I must make it again.


That was my recipe and I am glad it was a hit! I made mine the traditional way (with bread) using a French baguette. It came out great, as always. That really is a foolproof recipe and you are right, it is nice not having to worry about cooking waffles or scrambling eggs or something else.

L


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## luvmy4brats (Nov 9, 2008)

I know this thread is ancient, but I had to bump it up. 

Leslie, today the BRATs told me I had to make that breakfast I made a few years ago.. The one with the eggs in it... They are so, so helpful  . I can barely remember what I had for breakfast last week, so remembering what we had 2-3 years ago is downright impossible.

I knew I had gotten the recipe here on KB.. I thought it was 2 years ago, but it looks like it was 3.  I did a search for egg casserole and here it is.... Obviously you can see that I have not made it since then, but now that I found the recipe again, I'm printing it out and it's going in my recipe book.


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