# I need some ideas for my friend with cancer



## Tripp (May 28, 2009)

My co-worker and friend is out on leave while she is being treated for breast cancer.  I plan on visiting her this week and a few of the girls at work and I are thinking of visiting her on her birthday.  Maybe bring some videos and pizza.  

I wanted to do some things to help out, but I am not sure what.  I thought of making and freezing a few dinners, but apparently her freezer is stocked.  But she also seems to be eating a lot of commercially prepared frozen dinners.  Yech. 

Then I thought maybe some of us could form a bucket brigade and go clean her house.  But I don't want to push it if it would offend her.  One of my friends is going to call and see if she would be interested.

So, while I know these are good ideas, I am asking everyone here if they had some other suggestions.  We want to help her and I would love some creative things to do. You guys come up with such good ideas.


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## JFHilborne (Jan 22, 2011)

What might be nice is to just let her know she has a posse of good friends ready to help her with whatever she needs - including the things you mentioned. Maybe a movie night at her home, some books or magazines to read while she recuperates, keeping her updated on the happenings at work (if you feel it's appropriate) so she doesn't feel out of the loop. One of my friends was not up for any visits or help during her lung cancer treatment b/c she just felt too tired, so it might be best to let her tell you what she needs. Knowing you're all there for her is probably the best gift you can give her. You sound like wonderful friends and coworkers. I wish her the best in her recovery.


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## tsilver (Aug 9, 2010)

Each person could bring a funny video or DVD that she can watch when she is alone and feeling depressed, and maybe one that you can all watch together on your visit.  Bringing up funny school, camp or vacation stories.


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## _Sheila_ (Jan 4, 2011)

My life experience is -- everyone is different and has different needs and desires.

I've cleaned house for one friend, while it would have offended another friend.

One friend just wanted to be left alone, another needed people around all the time.

I think the nicest thing you can do for anyone, is ask the question, listen carefully to the answer, and respect it.

Chances are good the circumstances and requirements will change with time, so be ready to ask the question again.



I think the one thing that everyone has in common, is the importance of knowing that people care, that they are praying/pulling for them, and that they are ready, willing, and able to do anything and everything that the person wants.

Good luck - your friend will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Sheila


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## NogDog (May 1, 2009)

If she's going to be undergoing chemo at that time, chances are food won't be high on her list of things to look forward to.

If she's single, if not house-cleaning, maybe she could use some organizational type help, making sure bills are paid and such? And, of course, just companionship could help.


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## kindlequeen (Sep 3, 2010)

Set her up with Skype so she can have video chats with you guys when she's in the mood.  Chemo can make people sick so their moods tend to be here and there, you have to catch them feeling good when you can.  When my grandpa was sick, I knitted him a thick blanket and we'd watch movies together.  

Listening to her tell you what she wants is always going to top anything we can think of.  My stepmom beat breast cancer and I can tell you that even though it didn't directly affect her, I walked in her name to raise money for the Cancer society which she loved.  Getting involved indirectly can also raise her spirits - so maybe organize a work team and let her know that she's inspiring you all to make a difference.


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## Victorine (Apr 23, 2010)

I like Sheila's answer, ask and see what she says. I'm the kind of person that would smile and say thank you if people came over to clean, but would be completely embarrassed that they did that. If someone asked, I would politely tell them they didn't need to come over and do that for me. And I would be thankful if they respected that.

Vicki


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## HAGrant (Jul 17, 2011)

Tripp said:


> My co-worker and friend is out on leave while she is being treated for breast cancer. I plan on visiting her this week and a few of the girls at work and I are thinking of visiting her on her birthday. Maybe bring some videos and pizza.
> 
> I wanted to do some things to help out, but I am not sure what. I thought of making and freezing a few dinners, but apparently her freezer is stocked. But she also seems to be eating a lot of commercially prepared frozen dinners. Yech.
> 
> ...


If she's recovering from surgery, going through chemo and/or radiation, she will have low energy. The low energy from radiation goes on for weeks after the treatments end. Even if she has a refrigerator stuffed with food, she might appreciate it if somebody came by, prepared dinner, washed the dishes, and just hung out for an hour or so.

My husband struggled with cancer for 13 years. Yes, ask her if she'd like help with meals, housework, errands, and other practical things. The best thing you can do for her, though, is just be a genuine friend -- be nice, listen if she wants to talk, hang out, watch a movie, make her smile, treat her the way you always have before. If she's worried and depressed and you don't know the outcome of her illness, tell her she's taking all the right steps and you're in her corner. You and your friends are very nice to care about her and I'm sure she appreciates it.


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## philvan (May 26, 2010)

I think the best idea might be to have someone go to her house (probably only one, perhaps two people at a time) and keep her company, prepare a nutritous meal with fresh ingredients, and leave her with some fruit juice and/or smoothies to drink.
If she has been eating frozen dinners, she is likely feeling tired & possibly depressed. She needs fresh fruit and veg in her diet at this time, which means shopping and preparation, which can be just too much to do when ill.
Whether she will accept or want the help is another matter.


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## Vegas_Asian (Nov 2, 2008)

i agree with the fresh food and dinner visits. diet is important when undergoing treatment for cancer.


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## sjc (Oct 29, 2008)

Went through it with my Mom and my late Sister In Law.  It is so hard.  THE BEST thing you can do is what you are already doing;  Love and Support go a long way.  Positive attitude is key.

My advice:  Ask her point blank.  There are going to be days where she just plain doesn't want to be bothered and others when she is going to need you full force.  Just request that she be honest and let you know when she wants you to back off.  Running errands, writing out her bills for her, making phone calls re: treatment, billing, medical (those time consuming calls where one is on hold a lot) very helpful. Taking out the garbage, general things are the biggest help.  If she has kids; taking care of them would be a great burden off of her as well.

Warning:  One of the worst days is the first time they touch their hair and that clump comes out in their hand or in the shower.  We gave my mom a buzz cut and bought her a slew of cute hats, scarves etc. as she had a wig but hated it.  This is a dark day for cancer patients; your support will help.

PRAYERS for you to stay strong for her and prayers for her recovery.  My heart goes out to all of you.  Keep us posted.


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## Alle Meine Entchen (Dec 6, 2009)

My cousin has breast cancer.  One of the things the family did (she lives across the country and is @ least 10 yrs older than I am) was throw her a hat shower.  It's exactly like it sounds.  Everyone bought my cousin a hat or scarf or beanie that they thought she would like or was cute for her to wear when she lost her hair (she didn't want to wear a wig).  They played games, had cake and just enjoyed spending time w/ my cousin while she still felt well enough to enjoy the company.


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## drenee (Nov 11, 2008)

It's so nice of you and your friends to want to do something.  I echo the person that suggested asking more than once.  
The tiredness can be debilitating.  Some days are worse than others.  
Hugs and prayers to the patient.
deb


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## HAGrant (Jul 17, 2011)

One more suggestion. If you think she might be embarrassed by people helping with her laundry, have just one person, always the same one, offer to handle laundry duty.


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## Sandpiper (Oct 28, 2008)

sjc said:


> Positive attitude is key.


I was diagnosed with DCIS almost 9 years ago. DCIS is VERY early BrCa. I was lucky. Positive stories is what I wanted to hear. People will talk to you, "My relative/friend has/had breast cancer . . . ." I'd cut the person off short. Unless they had a positive story to tell, I did not want to hear it.

Generally, be positive about things.


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## Hadou (Jun 1, 2011)

Be supportive and be positive.  That's what she'll likely need most here.  When it comes to other things...just make sure that she knows that you (and whoever else you are able to wrangle up) are there to help out with whatever else she needs when she needs it.  Stress that all she has to do is make a call, and you'll be there to helps.


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## drewschmidt (Jun 4, 2011)

A friend of mine went through this. He wouldn't really take anything...and didn't need anything really....so we gave him gift certificates to his favorite places to eat. So when he did feel up to getting out and doing things, dinner was taken care of for him.


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## HAGrant (Jul 17, 2011)

Sandpiper said:


> I was diagnosed with DCIS almost 9 years ago. DCIS is VERY early BrCa. I was lucky. Positive stories is what I wanted to hear. People will talk to you, "My relative/friend has/had breast cancer . . . ." I'd cut the person off short. Unless they had a positive story to tell, I did not want to hear it.
> 
> Generally, be positive about things.


I second this. When people found out my husband had cancer, they would bring out all the illness/disease/surgery stories. Don't do it. Remember that you are going over there to help her out with practical things and brighten her day, not unload on her.


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## KindleMom (Dec 11, 2008)

You have some great suggestions! I totally agree with asking her what she needs but then follow up with her consistently. Even though you ask, it may be hard for her to ask you for help unless you offer again. And again. And again.

I'm currently in treatment for breast cancer - done with surgery and chemo, just started radiation and have reconstruction left. Some things I really appreciated were:

-Friends taking me out to lunch. It was hard to get out, but once I did it was always great to get out of my home and see people.

-Electric toothbrush. This was especially helpful for right after surgery when I couldn't move my arm well.

-Wig/Scarf party. It was like a shower - friends came and brought me scarves, hats and/or donated money for a wig. It was so fun! We were silly, had great food and was such a great time to be with my friends - many I hadn't seen in a long time. They gave me over $1000 for my new wig which I still love! 

-My friend took me to get my haircut the week before I was to lose my hair. I thought it would be a wasted $40, but it was so great to have short hair - a little step to losing it. Then when it finally came out in handfuls, my husband shaved the rest of it off - but that's also something you could do too. I can't imagine doing that alone. And with limited use arms at the time (still was recovering from surgery), it wouldn't have been possible.

-Offer to take her to chemo/dr appts. It's okay to go alone, but so much better to have a friend along. Someone to talk with, cry with and write down/remember things I forget. Chemo-brain is real. I forget everything.

-Aloe vera plant. This is saving my skin during radiation. At least I hope it is!

-Netflix subscription/Kindle. While recovering from surgery and on bad chemo days Netflix and my Kindle were great at keeping me distracted. My friends got me a very generous Amazon gift certificate which made me feel like I could be more frivolous when I purchased books.

-My friends each created/wrote a scrapbook page so I have this lovely book of thoughts of encouragement, humor, pictures, etc. that I go to when I need a pick-me-up.

-This book. I recommend it for all who have cancer in their family, have cancer, or don't every want to get cancer. Yes, everyone should read this book!



And my entire thread just poofed! Well, you get the idea. Just be there for her. Keep checking on her and make her feel included. Cancer is rough and can be very lonely. You are a sweet, sweet friend to try so hard. And you really don't need to do a lot. A quick note or email is often all it takes to lift her and let her know you're thinking of her and cheering her on.


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## Sandpiper (Oct 28, 2008)

KindleMom said:


> -Aloe vera plant. This is saving my skin during radiation. At least I hope it is!


Chemo is not needed for DCIS. But had to get full course of 33 - 34 radiation treatments. I slathered on 
Fruit of the Earth aloe vera gel four times per day which was recommended by my radiation oncologist. Great stuff. My skin got only pink and dry. I had no problems really with radiation. You can't use lotions, soap, cleansers, or any products containing alcohol.


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## drenee (Nov 11, 2008)

I agree with Sandpiper about stopping the stories.  I finally had to stop telling family members what was going on because they critiqued everything my doctors said.  "But so and so's doctor said such and such", and on and on till I was crazy.  It took all of my energy to go to treatments.  I had none left to defend my doctors and their decisions in my health care.  
deb


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## KindleMom (Dec 11, 2008)

drenee said:


> I agree with Sandpiper about stopping the stories. I finally had to stop telling family members what was going on because they critiqued everything my doctors said. "But so and so's doctor said such and such", and on and on till I was crazy. It took all of my energy to go to treatments. I had none left to defend my doctors and their decisions in my health care.
> deb


Not sure why this wasn't a problem for me. I've only had positive experiences told to me. Maybe because my mom died of breast cancer when she was just a few years older than I (45). Only one time have I gotten advice on treatment and it was from a family member. I immediately told them it was my cancer, my treatment, my decision. Not even my doctors can tell me what to do. I listen to their advice, but I always get a 2nd (or 3rd or 4th) opinion and make and educated (and faith inspired) decision.

I'm sorry for those of you who have not had such support friends and family. I can't imagine having to deal with that negativity on top of everything else.


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## KindleMom (Dec 11, 2008)

Sandpiper said:


> Chemo is not needed for DCIS. But had to get full course of 33 - 34 radiation treatments. I slathered on
> Fruit of the Earth aloe vera gel four times per day which was recommended by my radiation oncologist. Great stuff. My skin got only pink and dry. I had no problems really with radiation. You can't use lotions or any products containing alcohol.


We have similar coloring so this gives me hope! I'm a very fair, blue-eyed redhead.

I've only had 6 treatments - 22 to go - so I'm doing well so far. I'm also slathering on the aloe but not as frequently as you. I need to step up my game!


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## Sandpiper (Oct 28, 2008)

KindleMom said:


> We have similar coloring so this gives me hope! I'm a very fair, blue-eyed redhead.
> 
> I've only had 6 treatments - 22 to go - so I'm doing well so far. I'm also slathering on the aloe but not as frequently as you. I need to step up my game!


Similar coloring? How would you know? I am very fair skinned, green eyes, at this point "natural color" of hair would be gray. (I go every six weeks.  )

Day to day during treatments I'd look at myself . . . after a while I did start pinking up. Skin was drying. But that's as bad as it got. Normally my rad onc has his patients come back for a check-up two weeks after treatments end. He said I didn't need to.


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## Tip10 (Apr 16, 2009)

Gather together friends and develop some kind of Pledge cards.
You can pledge an hour of cleaning, a home cooked meal, several loads of laundry, a grocery store run, or simply an hour of visiting -- whatever you are comfortable with.

The idea is simply to let your friend know that they are not in this alone -- that you all are ready and able to help out in many ways and that your friend need not worry about imposing by calling on you. 

All too often folks who are in the position your friend is hear the proverbial "call me if you need anything" but never do because they don't know if the speaker is serious or what they might be willing to help with or it just never comes to mind when there is a need.

These pledge cards will tend to break some of that down by clearly communicating that "yeah, I'm more than willing to do that"  be it clean the bathrooms or do laundry or whatever without imposing upon the recipient by making them ask specifically "hey would you clean my house for me?" or "would you mind tackling my laundry?" -- things most folks simply wouldn't "ask" someone to do no matter how much the need might be.

The cards don't need to be super specific -- maybe just something like:
2 Hours of Household Chores (e.g. cleaning, laundry, etc)
1 Home cooked meal of your choice.
2 Hours of running errands for you.
etc.

Everybody can pledge what they feel comfortable doing and your friend won't need to worry about imposing upon anybody by asking for a specific thing -- hopefully somebody has already volunteered!


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## valleycat1 (Mar 15, 2011)

I've been treated for cancer twice.  What helps depends on where she is in her treatment & what kind of surgery she might have had.

One gift I really appreciated was several sets of men's style pajamas (or nightgowns or tops that button up the front). I find brushed satin finish pjs are easier to sleep in when my ability to turn over was limited from surgery.

Second surgery was more extensive, and I benefited from my adult daughter being there the first week & coming up with some small activity or two each day, either in-home or out of the house, depending on my energy level - kept me from sitting around & reading or feeling sorry for myself & expecting people to wait on me.  She'd have me ride along to the post office, or we'd plan dinner together, play scrabble, or she'd remind me to do my post-surgery exercises, etc.

If she's a reader, I highly recommend The Feisty Woman's Breast Cancer Book by Ratner. It's a very sane & I feel pretty much unbiased account from someone who's gone through it herself.

Otherwise, I'm not inclined to ask people for help, & probably would not have used pledge cards/coupons if I'd been given them.    I agree with the others it's best to ask, but you may need to be specific about what daily activities or chores she's not able to do for herself either due to energy or her doctor's restrictions.


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## Tripp (May 28, 2009)

I just want to say thank you to everyone for your suggestions and prayers.  What a great group you all are.

I talked to her last night and I will be calling her on Saturday morning and if she is up for it, I will go to her house for a visit.  I think I will stop at the store and get her an Amazon GC since she already has a Kindle.  If there is an Aloe Vera plant, I will pick one of those up too.  Even though food is probably not high on her list right now, I am still going to make a meal and bring it to her.  Something homemade with fresh ingredients and love can't be bad. 

The hat party sounds like a great idea.  She is going through chemo right now and has begun to lose her hair, so scarves and hats will probably be appreciated.  And she will be getting radiation treatments when the chemo is done, so she has a lot ahead of her.  

It sounds like the best thing for me to do is to be there for her and just listen to what she needs.  I plan to follow your advice and am so thankful for your help.


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## Andra (Nov 19, 2008)

My mom has had breast cancer and colon cancer.  Both were caught very early and she is doing great.
My main job for her was to be the positive person.  When she started feeling sorry for herself or getting down, I tried to find different ways to help her keep things in a positive perspective.  I truly believe that a positive mental state can aid in recovery.
Some of the things that we did was bring by up-to-date photos of my little niece (her only grandchild), her kitties, a favorite vacation spot, etc.  We also did music mixes of things that she liked.
We also tried to make sure that she had someone to go with her for the treatments.  It was too hard for her to keep up with all the questions that she wanted to ask, especially once she started getting answers!  We were able to take notes for her to look over later when she was better able to process things.


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## valleycat1 (Mar 15, 2011)

Andra's post #27 is exactly along the lines of what I wanted to add.

Another thing that helped me was that some of my funny & positive friends would come visit when I felt up to it, and were just their usual funny wisecracking selves.  Brought some normalcy & much needed laughter to my days.

For the chemo treatments, she's lucky she has the Kindle (I had to manage a book with an IV in my arm, back in the day) - although the meds they gave me made me sleepy.  Please be sure she keeps her doctors fully advised about any nausea/vomiting - it took me 3 rounds, but they finally found the right med that worked.  For the radiation, she'll definitely want to have some easy on/off blouses (button front) because otherwise it's a hassle disrobing & getting dressed again.


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## Debra Purdy Kong (Apr 1, 2009)

My sister had breast cancer and is a 17-year survivor. One of the things neither of us realized is what happens after the surgery is over and chemo finished, and she's just supposed to move on. Well, it wasn't that easy even months after she was pronounced cancer-free. Maybe your friend needs nothing right now (sounds like she's being well taken care of), it's what she'll need months or even a year from now... so perhaps a gift card, or a hand-made card with a promise of a free pedicure, or facial, or weekend away with friends. Whatever guilty pleasure she nornally likes but wouldn't spend money to indulge in herself, for the future.

I hope your friend makes a full and complete recovery!!


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## Tripp (May 28, 2009)

I visited with her yesterday.  She is in good spirits even if she is moving slowly.  She told me what is ahead for her and she definitely has a lot more than the actual treatments so I plan to help her any way I can.

We talked and I told her to make sure and let me know if there is anything I can do to help.  And I made sure to tell her that while we miss her at work and while not everything is getting done, the things that are important are getting done.  She is bored and wishes she could help, but also knows she is too weak to do anything even if she was allowed.

I stopped at the store before seeing her and got her an Amazon gift card, a bouquet of flowers and a couple bandanas.  When she opened her door, she had a bandana on her head and told me that they were her favorite head covering.  So, the least expensive thing was the biggest hit.

Thanks to all of you for your ideas and good wishes for her.  She is strong and I admire her so much.


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## AnnetteL (Jul 14, 2010)

Further evidence as to why KB have such great people. Such an inspiring thread!

The only thing I could think of to add (and maybe I missed it if someone already said this) is to offer things at the spur of the moment. It's so easy to say, "Call if you need anything," and then they don't even dare call.

But if you're heading out to the grocery store, it's easy for them to ask for help if you call and said, "Hey, I'm running out. Can I get you some bread or eggs or anything while I'm there?"

A friend of mine who's going through a bout of cancer made me think that anything to distract from the discomfort and help with entertaining is useful--she got really tired of watching lame TV, but that's really all she could do for a while.


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## LCEvans (Mar 29, 2009)

I hope your friend has a full recovery. I like the idea of doing grocery shopping for her and getting her some nutritious foods. Also, since she'll be feeling weak she might appreciate having someone drive her to treatments or other places she needs to go. If she's too tired to read, she might appreciate audiobooks.


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## caseyf6 (Mar 28, 2010)

Tip10 said:


> Gather together friends and develop some kind of Pledge cards.
> You can pledge an hour of cleaning, a home cooked meal, several loads of laundry, a grocery store run, or simply an hour of visiting -- whatever you are comfortable with.
> 
> The idea is simply to let your friend know that they are not in this alone -- that you all are ready and able to help out in many ways and that your friend need not worry about imposing by calling on you.
> ...


What a great idea!! I, too, have a friend dealing with cancer and I've wanted so much to see how I could help. I'm now suggesting to mutual friends that a hat/wig $ party might be fun (even if we meet in one location and take photos, then give her the photos and the hats separately if she's not up for "social") and now the pledge cards.


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## sjc (Oct 29, 2008)

Tripp:  You are great.

drenee:
KindleMom:        Kudos.  It's not easy.  God Bless!!
Sandpiper:


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## Val2 (Mar 9, 2011)

You guys sound like wonderful friends to have. While I really don't know what I would offer other than doing shopping and paying bills (all the run around stuff) just thought I would let you know that you guys and your friend are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Tripp (May 28, 2009)

Well, a couple of us called her from work today.  It is her birthday this weekend and she has a chemotherapy treatment next week.  So, we are taking her to lunch and a movie as a hurrah while she is still feeling at her best.  The three of us laugh and giggle so much together, so it should be fun for us all.  

My one friend is also going to take the day of off next week and will take her to her treatment.  She is planning on spending the day till her family gets home.


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## Sandpiper (Oct 28, 2008)

Tripp said:


> Well, a couple of us called her from work today. It is her birthday this weekend and she has a chemotherapy treatment next week. So, we are taking her to lunch and a movie as a hurrah while she is still feeling at her best. The three of us laugh and giggle so much together, so it should be fun for us all.
> 
> My one friend is also going to take the day of off next week and will take her to her treatment. She is planning on spending the day till her family gets home.


I think I would appreciate all that. I enjoyed anything to take my mind off the C. Let her know in advance. Something to look forwards to. I didn't have much trouble sleeping / falling asleep. But the worst moment of the day was when I woke up in the morning and remembered . . . I have C. Give her something else to think about without being overwhelmed.


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## Steph H (Oct 28, 2008)

This is such a great thread.  My best wishes go out to those of you who have gone or are going through treatments, and the friends/family members who are/have been as well.

I don't have cancer, but was just recently diagnosed with liver cirrhosis.  That fatigue/no energy/sore muscle thing that cancer patients get with chemo/radiation is hitting me too; right now I'm missing at least a couple of days of work a week where I'm feeling really really bad as opposed to just bad.  And I have people doing the generic "let me know if I can help", "call if you need anything" etc.  One friend is more specific about going to doctor appointments if I want her to (she took me to my liver biopsy a few weeks ago and stayed there the whole time, that was great), but otherwise generic also.

I have a hard time asking for help. I'm just not good at it.  But you know, while reading this thread and seeing the suggestion of "pledge cards", I thought -- hey, I could do that in reverse! Write my own "pledge cards" of things that would be useful/helpful, and give one to a person each time they asked.  Small stuff, not sure what yet, but something like that (unfortunately, some of my immediate thoughts -- flowers unexpectedly, Amazon GCs, massage GCs -- cost money, and I can't ask for that!).  And I *loved* the idea of scrapbook pages from friends and family with uplifting and inspirational message/photos/etc.  I'm so going to ask for that, esp. since my immediate family is all out of town.

As for cleaning, though....I'm a little embarrassed by the state of my house and don't think I could ask someone I know to help. But I've always been a rather negligent cleaner.   That's why I'm starting to look into cleaning services, get a pro to get it in good shape and then keep it that way.

Anyway, I rambled more than I  meant to, but perhaps it'll give others on both sides of the equation more to think about just like the thread gave me things to think about on the patient side.


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## Tripp (May 28, 2009)

Steph, I am really sorry to hear about your illness.  I think the reverse pledge card is really a good idea.  Those of us who care really don't know what to do to help so we feel ineffective.  And I know what you mean about not asking for something that costs money, it is hard to ask for something like that.  

When my boys were little and we had less disposable income, I used to ask my husband for a "day off" for my birthday...sleep in, leave the house by myself to go wherever I wanted without having to do anything, not making meals, giving baths, bedtime reading and tucking into bed.  All for no cost.  He was either too scared to try or didn't take me seriously.  So, I know that the best things we can do for our loved ones with a major illness is to give them the gift of us, basically.  Gift our ability to help however we can.

I hope you are able to provide this for your friends.  I'm sure they would love to help you any way they can.


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## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon) (Jan 19, 2011)

There is aggressive research for effective treatment. Recently found the cure for blood cancer.

As we are understanding the reason, the prevention will go long way in the future.

Body immune system is more effective than any drug; so please hang in there and keep high hope. I understand it is tough to do. Our prayers and best wishes are with your friend.


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## Annalog (Dec 28, 2008)

I discussed this thread with my mom, who completed her second round of chemo earlier this year, and we can only think of a few suggestions to add to this thread.

Remember that many of the treatments for cancer reduce the immune system. Filling small spray bottles, such as ones available at Target, with alcohol and placing by the front door and in the bathrooms is a good reminder for visitors to clean their hands and also be careful about bringing in germs. My mom felt uncomfortable asking others to use the alcohol but the silent prompt of the bottle seemed to work well. My mom also carried a small bottle of alcohol in her purse for when she went out. She did not catch any infectious diseases from others during either of her rounds of chemo even though both overlapped "flu season."

Positive attitude and staying as active as possible are important. This has been mentioned by others and my mom agrees that it is very important.

If possible, be willing to talk about cancer without feeling as if you need to change the subject. There are times when the person with cancer needs to discuss it. Sometimes there are treatment options that need to be considered, especially when the side effects may be worse than the benefits. Discussion makes decisions easier. Sometimes it is a help to know that keeping up appearances of being cheerful is not always necessary.

My mom could not tolerate the medications recommended for nausea. Her naturopathic doctor recommended Umeboshi (Japanese pickled ume fruit similar to apricots or plums). My mom hates the taste but found that she could swallow a small amount of Umeboshi paste as if it were a pill. She found that it did help her nausea.


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## Rita (Apr 30, 2009)

Having chemo and/or radiation will deplete her immune system so she'll definitely want to fill her body with green smoothies. Certain fruits and veggies help fight cancer cells and blending these fruits and veggies help break down the cellular wall they have and provides us with all the vital nutrients and minerals our bodies need to heal. I recently discovered this whole new way of eating and for the past couple of weeks have replaced two meals a day with a green smoothie and I can't believe how much better I feel in such a short time. I've also lost 7 lbs! To help obtain that full feeling I add flaxseed and chia seed to my drinks. The chia seeds especially plump up and add bulk to your drink. I bought two books by Victoria Boutenko...Going Green for Life and Green Smoothie Revolution from Amazon and got a Vitamix blender and I am so completely excited about getting healthier. There's a website I go to for tons of info including anti-aging and fighting cancer all while drinking green smoothies. The site is www.blenditandmendit.com . I can't believe how much I have learned from this site and watching her videos. 

I'll send prayers to your friend and hope things turn out well for her. God Bless.


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## KindleMom (Dec 11, 2008)

How's everyone doing?  I hope hanging in there and getting through treatment.

I'm done with radiation and just have reconstruction left which makes me oh so happy!  My skin did well with the radiation but it sure did make me fatigued.  More than I expected.  I'm slowly crawling out of that hole.

I hope all of you with cancer in your lives, whether it's you who has it or you who is providing support, are all doing well!


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## bonus (Dec 26, 2010)

Yes, diet is important when undergoing treatment for cancer.


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## Tripp (May 28, 2009)

KindleMom, I didn't see your post in October.  I am glad you are doing better.  

Update: My friend is also done with her radiation and is back at work.  She is doing well and has a great attitude.  We are so glad to have her back and as soon as our weather permits, we are going to celebrate.  2012 is going to be a better year! 

Thanks to everyone here for your support, encouragement and those who are going through your own treatments, my prayers are with you.


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## brehof (Jan 21, 2012)

Everyone has had very good and thoughtful ideas.  I was one of those people who was embarrassed when my friends wanted to clean my house.  I was so sick and weak with the high chemo doses I was given (things have sure changed in the last 15 years) that I didn't really want visitors, except on rare occasions.  The most positive thing that I remember is a total stranger calling me (she had also gone through breast cancer and had the same doctor; she had asked to help new patients, and they gave her my number).  Here I was still wondering if I would ever have the energy to go to the grocery store again, and she told me she was off to the Indy Motor Speedway for qualifications once we finished our conversation.  It changed my outlook immediately.  If this girl just finished going through what I'm going through, and she feels this well and has so much energy, I just might get back to normal myself when this is over!  It was huge for me to realize that.  This girl also asked when my next surgery was, and she showed up at the hospital and put an angel pin on my shirt and introduced herself.  I still get tears in my eyes when I think about it.  It's the little things that mean so much, and you don't forget them.  The kindness and offers from everyone will stay with your friend long after she is well.


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## Sandpiper (Oct 28, 2008)

Yes, just hearing positive stories from survivors helps mucho. I was diagnosed with DCIS a little over nine years ago. I went to a couple local support group meetings. The two things I remember most: from the nurse leader - that I was diagnosed with DCIS and I would be OK. More than that, from a group member - horror stories about radiation burns.

I went on-line and found Cancer Hope Network . They matched me up with someone via the phone who had a similar diagnosis as mine and had a good outcome. I remember both Patty from CHN and Peggy who Patty matched me with. I was thinking about them recently.

And then there's Y-Me. I have nothing good to say about that organization. It's based in Chicago where I am. Bad experiences with them.


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## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Tripp I sent you a PM...


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