# POLLY!--a boy-meets-girl fantasy satire



## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

On one level, my book _Polly!_ is a simple boy-meets-girl story--except the girl is a lot more than she appears to be (aren't they all?) and the boy gets a lot more than he bargained for.

But on another level it's a fantasy journey of discovery. What will you discover? Well, among other things: why snowmen can't dance; the Three Laws of Thermodynamics; a previously unknown Marx Brothers movie; and the secret of the universe. Oh, and the recipe for the perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Here's a blurb I'm very proud to have received:

*All hands on Decalogue!* A protagonist readers will find it easy to identify and empathize with, a classic journey story told with wit, wisdom and deceptive ease, and the most interesting guest star ever--what's not to like, here? Perhaps writers who attempt a book like Polly! wanna crack or two across the face for their audacity (to parrot conventional wisdom)--but not if they can manage to pull it off this entertainingly.

--*Spider Robinson*, co-author of Variable Star by Robert A. Heinlein and Spider Robinson

I hope you'll find it enjoyable. Keep reading,

Stephen Goldin


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

I'm excited and proud to announce the reissue of my recently expanded satirical novel, _Polly!_ In one sense, it's a simple boy-meets-girl story-except, of course, it isn't.

_Herodotus Shapiro has had an unbelievably bad week. His wife left him. The IRS is after him for thousands of dollars. His home/bookstore burned down. On his way to take refuge at his brother's place, he got a speeding ticket. And now his car has broken down in the middle of the desert in front of a large mansion. What more can go wrong?

But now his world takes a turn for the weird. The mansion has a snowman on the front lawn--in the desert, in July. The house, which is bigger on the inside than on the outside, is owned by Polly, the most preternaturally beautiful young woman he's ever met. Polly is an acrobat, a gourmet chef, a psychologist, an international financial consultant, a physicist and a woman of who-knows how many other incredible talents. She has an unbelievable library, an art collection of all the world's great masterpieces, and a print of a previously unknown Marx Brothers film. Her toilet paper is actually silk.

And she seems to have some mysterious plans for him...._

One GoodReds reviewer called the book "blasphemous ... highly offensive." Several others gave it 5-star ratings. Hugo and Nebula Award-winning author Spider Robinson said this:

*All hands on Decalogue!* A protagonist readers will find it easy to identify and empathize with, a classic journey story told with wit, wisdom and deceptive ease, and the most interesting guest star ever--what's not to like, here? Perhaps writers who attempt a book like _Polly!_ wanna crack or two across the face for their audacity (to parrot conventional wisdom)--but not if they can manage to pull it off this entertainingly.

So ... ya pays yer money and ya takes yer choice.

The book is available in both paperback and multiple ebook formats. There's a special holiday weekend deal on the ebook version. Buy the book from the Smashwords page and enter coupon code AV74C (not case-sensitive) and you'll get it at half price. But hurry; the coupon expires Sunday, Dec. 26. Whichever edition you prefer, I hope you'll give the book a try.

Happy holidays, and pleasant reading!


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## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

Welcome to KindleBoards, Stephen, and congratulations on your book.

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## Maria Savva (Sep 14, 2010)

I've downloaded this one and am looking forward to reading it


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## stacyjuba (Jul 12, 2010)

I love the blurb, Stephen! This sounds like a great book.


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## MarkPaulJacobs (Jan 21, 2011)

Hi Stephen, looks good. Is this more Sci fi, fantasy, or humor?


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

MarkPaulJacobs said:


> Hi Stephen, looks good. Is this more Sci fi, fantasy, or humor?


Not at all what I'd call sf. I'd say about equal parts fantasy and humor. Well, at least _I'd_ say humor. I think it's funny, and that's how I _intended_ it, but humor is so subjective.


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## MarkPaulJacobs (Jan 21, 2011)

Yes, it is! I think we need more 'humor' in Science Fiction.


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

Come to think of it, we need more humor in _everything_ these days. The world can be a pretty deary place, if you let it.


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## Cameron_Hughes (Jan 21, 2011)

This sounds really interesting. I agree with you: we need more humor in everything.


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## MarkPaulJacobs (Jan 21, 2011)

"Highly Offensive" should get you additional sales!


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

That _is_ my hope...since the reviewer didn't say "Too sexy for words"!


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## Darcia (Jul 16, 2010)

I bought this one a few weeks ago and it's creeping up the ladder on my to-read list. You know I only bought it because of that "highly offensive" remark.


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

Darcia, you look _WAY_ too young to remember this, but back in the 1960s they made a movie of Evelyn Waugh's _The Loved One_, starring Rod Steiger, Robert Morse, Johnathan Winters, et al. The studio's publicity department had a promotional campaign claiming it was a movie with something to offend everyone. I remember being tremendously disappointed, because it didn't offend me at all. (I thoughts some of it was silly, but that's another matter altogether.)

At any rate, whether _Polly!_ offends you or not, I hope you don't find it disappointing.


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## MarkPaulJacobs (Jan 21, 2011)

Controversy only seems to help sales. But, you know, no matter how open minded we all think we are... something comes along that makes us cringe.


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

I only wish this fellow was a little more well-known--like that pastor in Florida who wanted to burn Korans.


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## MarkPaulJacobs (Jan 21, 2011)

Lol. I don't think you want to go there...


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

Hey, if it gets me national publicity, I'll go almost anywhere!


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

The blog _Great Books Under $5_ has just given my novel _Polly!_ a wonderful review. I'm particularly flattered by the final paragraph:

_Polly_ is the kind of book aspiring writers should read just to study the craft. Goldin's writing is fastidious. And he seemingly has the gift (Would that be a theological term?) of calling on everything he knows from the silly to the profound to create a story that starts out being entertaining and winds up being interesting, even thought-provoking.

Isn't it time you made Polly's acquaintance?


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

_Polly!_ just got a great review from Frida Fantastic, who says, "_Polly!_ is a quirky contemporary fantasy with a hopeful message... The story is comparable to the Frank Capra film _It's a Wonderful Life_, but it speaks to non-religious skeptics and has a weirdness that makes it more interesting." See the complete review here.


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

While the print-on-demand edition retains the same blue cover, the ebook edition of _Polly!_ has a sexy new cover.  Still the same, delightful Polly inside!


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

Although the story takes place in July, _Polly!_ offers a strange and wonderful message of hope for the holidays.


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

"Things are only hopeless when you lose all hope."--Polly


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

"Cats are living proof God was only joking when he said you should have no other gods before him."--Polly


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

"The contract [for life] ain't got 'sense' in it anywhere. Or 'fair,' for that matter. Not even in the fine print. I read it all."--Polly


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

"This is where I impart to you the great secret of the universe. All the wisdom of the ancients boiled down to a single word: balance. Stay in balance and the world's your oyster. Assuming you like oysters, that is, otherwise the whole metaphor's worthless."--Polly


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

Entropy is the constant tendency of the universe to run down, as expressed by the Three Laws of Thermodynamics. I could bore you with the fancy equations, but in layman's terms the First Law is, "You can't get something for nothing." The Second Law is, "It's gonna get worse before it gets better." And the Third Law is, "Who says it's gonna get better?"--Polly


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

"Think of all the horrible things that are blamed on God--wars, famines, diseases, tsunamis. Lawyers have a particularly dim view of him. If something unforeseen happens that's bad, it's an 'act of God.' But do they ever give him credit for anything good?"--Polly


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

"If God-the-father is in charge of life and death, then the supposed 'sacrifice' of Jesus was a hollow gesture. In order to have a sacrifice, you have to give up something precious to you, with no hope of ever getting it back. Jesus knew Daddy would give him his life back. It was like sacrificing your nails when you get a manicure. I'm much more impressed, frankly, when an atheist or an agnostic is willing to give his life to help another. _That_ is a sacrifice. But in Jesus's case, the game was rigged."--Polly


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

"Heaven and hell exist, but you don't need God to create them. People manage that extremely well without any divine help. Especially hell. What could God ever do to compare with the Holocaust, or the Armenian genocide, or the Rwandan genocides, or the Bosnian genocides?"--Polly


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

Joe Hempel at Top of the Heap Reviews just gave _Polly!_ a dynamite 5-star review in which he said, among other things:

"I didn't want this book to end. I felt that when I put this down, I lost a friend in Polly. I enjoyed my time with her so much, I stopped reading it, just so I had another day with her. So it seems that Polly not only touches the people written between the cover of the book, but also the people on the outside looking in. This book reaches the top twenty list for me, and comes highly, _highly, *HIGHLY,*_recommended by me."

I hope you'll check it out.


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

To join in the Smashwords celebration of Read an Ebook Week (March 3-9), the 5-star-reviewed _Polly!_ will be half-off through the 9th. Pick it up at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/34606.

Support Read an Ebook Week--tell a friend. Pleasant reading!


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

"People have all sorts of things they think God's supposed to do. People think God's supposed to smite their enemies, or at least help them win a ball game. People think God's supposed to listen to all their prayers, and maybe answer a few of them. People think God's supposed to keep a big, giant scorecard with little x's and o's for good and bad deeds. It's like Santa Claus, figuring out who's naughty and nice. Is God just an obsessive accountant?"--Polly


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

Another 5-star review of _Polly!_, this one by David Stockton of _Rocky Mountain Reviews_.


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

"What an egomaniac religions think God must be, to crave the adulation of beings so far inferior to himself. Let me give you a piece of advice. If anyone ever tells you 'I'm great and you must worship me,' nod your head and smile politely, then back away slowly until you're out of range and run like crazy in the other direction. You're dealing with someone who's mentally unbalanced, maybe even dangerously unstable. If someone who created the entire universe needs validation from you, he's crazy and unworthy of worship."--Polly


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

"There's _always_ a test. Pay attention."--Polly


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

"The enemy is entropy."--Polly


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

"Life don't come with warnings. Get used to it."--Polly


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

"Never underestimate human folly, against which even the gods plan in vain."--Polly


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

*[About Job]* "Here's this really great guy, always does the right thing, and God and Satan make this little bet. They kill all ten of his kids, they kill all his servants, they kill all his livestock, they give him boils from head to foot. Just on a bet! What kind of a God is that? This is the Supreme Being you're supposed to turn to as the moral standard of the universe? This is a God with the moral standards of Josef Mengele! What did the children ever do to deserve capital punishment? What did the servants ever do? For that matter, what did the sheep and the camels and the oxen and the she-asses ever do? They're all irrelevant to God. They're not real to him, they're just window dressing, like a guard who stands beside a door just so the hero can kill him. Yeah, Mr. J. gets ten _new_ kids and lots of _new_ servants and twice as much livestock. Do you think that does a fat lot of good for the old children and servants who _died_ just so God could see how his bet would come out?

"The story with Isaac's no better. 'Hey, Abe, why don't you kill your little boy for me? Oops, just funnin' ya. You shoulda seen the look on your face! You didn't think I really _meant_ it, did you?' This is a deity you're supposed to worship? Of all the self-serving, narcissistic, morally decrepit portraits of God in the history of the Earth, these are among the worst."--Polly


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

Polly may be easy, but she's not cheap. Well, except this month, when you can get her book for half-off.

If you've been enjoying her quotes (above) you should know that, through the month of July, _Polly!_ and all the other great novel-length science fiction and fantasy ebooks from Parsina Press are participating in the Smashwords annual Summer/Winter Sale (summer in the Northern Hemisphere, winter in the Southern). This is the ideal time to get to meet her in person and experience this extraordinary lady for yourself.

Stock up for reading, whichever season you're in. The world of literature is filled with great characters, but I promise you won't find many who are both as funny and as thought-provoking as Polly.


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

_Polly!_ just got a fine review from Clive Johnson. You can read the review on the Smashwords page.

Don't forget, there's just 9 more days to buy _Polly!_ at half price on Smashwords.


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

_Polly!_ has just been awarded a place on the Awesome Indies list of quality independent fiction. That makes me even more proud of it than ever.

Remember, just a couple days left to take advantage of the half-price sale on Smashwords, which ends on July 31.

Pleasant reading.


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

I'm very proud to announce that _Polly!_ has been awarded the Medal of Approval from the group Awesome Indie Authors. These are people who are very serious about upgrading professional standards among indie authors, and I'm honored they felt that _Polly!_ made the cut.


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

"Let me give you the For-Dummies version [of the Three Laws of Thermodynamics]: One--You can't win; Two--You can't break even; and Three--You can't get out of the game."--Polly


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

Another nice review for _Polly!_ at http://tracyriva.com/book-review-polly-by-stephen-goldin/


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

My humorous fantasy novel Polly! will be featured in the 3/25 issue of The Fussy Librarian


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

I've decided December should be a Month of Mirth. As part of my celebration, I've reduced the ebook price of _Polly!_ to $1.99 for the entire month of December. This is a great chance to buy a very funny fantasy novel at 60% off.

Visit http://parsina.com/polly.html for more details.


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

Only 2 weeks left to take advantage of the special Month of Mirth promotional price.l


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## Stephen Goldin (Mar 6, 2010)

My satirical novel _Polly!_ has recently been turned into an audiobook, performed by Joe Hempel. It's a fantasy version of the boy-meets-girl story, except in this case the girl is much, much more than she appears to be.

The audiobook is available 



and from Amazon/Audible.

I hope you'll enjoy spending time with Polly!


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