# I don't know if I can keep writing



## VMJaskiernia (Jan 7, 2014)

I suppose this answers 'Would you quit writing on the advice of an independent panel?'

I was just getting over my feelings associated with several negative reviews and remarks about my work, thinking I'd just write on and at most rewrite what I have now (my one measly booklet) at a later date. I was talking to a friend who had read my work and gave it 5stars. On a whim I asked if he'd meant it, because I need constant reassurance in my life even if I am taking my OCD medication. He said that, honestly, he was just being nice. .. a second friend said the same. Because, as you all can see, I take these things very personally.

I know I'm taking it personally. This whole meltdown is about me taking it personally, but I don't know how else to take it. I'm not good at much anything, writing was my special thing. I was so happy when I finished a story, even if it was a short beginning to something I could write more about.

It's stupid, I know, to feel like this. I just don't know what to do. I'm 24, still in college, with an English degree. I'm not qualified to do anything. I've spent the last 5 years learning to deal with OCD and depression, so no life-skills or job experience. I've been talking about being a writer since I was 14. But between being told by one person who bought my book it's so bad they physically won't read it, and friends telling me they were nice in their reviews... 

I know this isn't the worst thing in the world. I know it shouldn't even register given how some things in life are. But when anything else went wrong in my life I had my characters and stories. Now I don't feel like I can even turn to that.

I also know I'm whining and this is beyond immature. I should write it in a journal somewhere, not online for everyone to read.


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## wordsicle (Sep 5, 2014)

Early disclaimer: I have not read your book.

Stop what you're doing and go to Youtube.com. Search for Ira Glass on the Creative Process. Watch it. Savor it. Sit in it and stew for a little while. 

The issue is that you haven't written enough. You haven't practiced the art. I am in the same boat. Sometimes, as I read the first draft I'm currently working on, I get a pain in my gut. A feeling something akin to "you should just give up." I respond to it by watching that video (or brain crack by ze frank, different message, same results) and then writing another thousand words.

If you want to write, just write. Let the feedback guide you, but don't let it keep you down.


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## Avis Black (Jun 12, 2012)

You're 24?  Gore Vidal once said, "Forty is morning for a writer."  

If you don't like your work right now, you can always keep writing even if you don't want to publish.  But I'd advise you to give publishing another shot several years down the line.  Quitting doesn't have to be a permanent thing, and writing skills develop with time.


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## 77071 (May 15, 2014)

Your first few bad reviews will hurt like that.  It will help if you can get someone to read your reviews first for you so you can avoid any more for now.    Spend time writing, reading, learning, building your confidence, getting healthy and in a good head space.  Don't let this destroy you.  Hug....


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## Miss Tarheel (Jul 18, 2014)

I haven't read your book, but my advice is to step away from this book and throw yourself into writing something else. Maybe you'll come back to it and see that yes it needs some TLC, but don't let the first bad reviews get you down. Lots of people think Fifty Shades of Grey is horrible, yet E.L. James is a multimillionaire author. So just because some people say you suck, doesn't mean someone else won't think otherwise. So I say give it another go!

P.S. I'm the same age as you, so if you wanna talk to someone, feel free to PM me.


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## daringnovelist (Apr 3, 2010)

On the book in your sig, you have a lot more 5-star reviews than those from your friends.  Including reviews from top reviewers.  You have a lot of 4-star reviews, and only a few 3-star, and nothing below that.

Were they all your friends?  Where they all feeling sorry for you?  Were they all worried that you would take criticism personally?

Friends and family will give you a good review even if they hate your work, yes -- but odds are that your friends and family aren't even your prime audience.  Even if they like the same genre, they may well not have the same taste. So their honest reviews are no more reliable than their nice ones.

So, okay, you need a little support to get things into perspective. Don't beat yourself up for freaking out.  Most people react emotionally to criticism.

Camille


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## J.B. (Aug 15, 2014)

You're writing is better than mine. I'm jealous. So there!


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## sngraves (Aug 10, 2014)

If writing is all you are good at, and all you want to do, then just write.  Maybe don't publish so quickly if you can't handle hard criticism, but keep writing, and whatever you do, keep READING. If you are getting a degree in English, maybe consider an MFA program (Seton Hill is the only good one I know if you want to write genre).  Maybe find a savvy critique group and learn how to pick out valuable criticism from the crap. Also, and this is huge, don't expect a good review from anyone who isn't your audience. It doesn't matter if they are your friends or relatives, if they don't read and love the genre you write in, they probably won't like it and it will have nothing to do with your work.


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## sngraves (Aug 10, 2014)

JullesBurn said:


> Or...do what lots of us do. Get a pen name, and give yourself permission to suck until you don't.


That is actually a great idea.


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## Dean F. Wilson (Aug 15, 2014)

If you want to write, then continue to write. Perseverance is very important in all walks of life.

I have not read your work, so I can't judge its calibre. However, we all have to start somewhere. My earliest work (thankfully unpublished) is not very good at all, and some of it is rather embarrassing to me now. My skill as a writer has improved over time, and will continue to improve. The same will apply to you if you keep writing (and keep reading).

All this said, the unfortunate reality is that even if your work is amazing, you still may get bad reviews. In fact, the more successful it becomes, the more likely you are to get bad reviews (as it attracts readers who are perhaps unsuited to your genre, etc.). It is good to develop a tough skin for these kinds of things, or, failing that, some kind of coping strategy for when those bad reviews come in. It can still hurt for many seasoned writers, but we have to dust ourselves off, learn from things, and move on.

If writing is your dream, then don't let anything stand in your way.


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## kyokominamino (Jan 23, 2014)

Other authors in this thread are going to give you great professional advice. I am not. All I am going to comment on is the "whining" part.

Darling, you have every single right to talk to us about your career, the problems with your career, and the problems in your personal life that relate to your career. This is a safe space to share and commiserate and learn and grow. You are allowed to ask the scary questions and gnash your teeth when you've been beaten up emotionally. 

Don't ever, ever, ever be afraid to speak up if you're in pain. Authors are notoriously lonely, isolated, insecure creatures. The only way to learn is to share. The only way to get better is to seek help. So don't you ever feel like you're "whining." We only get one life, and every second of it should be spent doing things that mean something to you. Writing means something to you. It means something to all of us. So you are never wasting our time with posts like this, alright? 

Stay strong and good luck to you, sweetheart.


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## WordNinja (Jun 26, 2014)

People aren't born great writers. They have to learn. Why do people act as if art comes from talent alone, whereas all other professions require training? No one is a born electrician or dentist. Keep practicing your craft. That's how you get better.

_Romeo and Juliet_ has almost 40,000 one-star reviews on Goodreads. Art is subjective.


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## AndreSanThomas (Jan 31, 2012)

Here's the real question.  You've got feedback from a number of sources that you need more study and practice on this topic.  Do you want to study it and learn from this, make the next book better and then the one after that and the one after that?  Or do you want to wallow?  Personally, I'd vote for learn and take some writing classes.  Yes, I know you have an English degree, but that doesn't necessarily translate to writing fiction.  There are lots of workshops out there and college courses specifically on writing novels and short stories that you can take.  

Plus- seriously, go back to your therapist or whatever doctor prescribed your OCD meds and let them know how much this is impacting you.  You have to be tough to have your work published.  If you're not tough enough for that right now, don't publish it right now.  You've got your whole life ahead of you to put your books out.  Until you're strong enough for that, keep writing, but you don't need to put them in front of the masses until you can really handle the feedback.  Let your doctor help you with that.


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## bluwulf (Feb 1, 2014)

It's OK to talk about your fears here.

I looked through your book (the first 3 pages) and the writing is pretty good! If you are concerned about the quality of your writing then read some books on craft, take workshops, do whatever you can to improve.

I actually think that writing helps with depression etc. I am doing so much better since I started writing fiction.

You have to develop a thick skin. I used to cry when I would get feedback from beta readers that weren't positive. I have learned since then that through criticism I can learn to improve.

Remember the most important opinion is yours. _If you are basing your happiness on other's opinions of you - life is going to be difficult_.

Not to get too off topic - 
To help you with OCD - read Eckart Tolle "The Power of Now" I'm not a therapist - but I believe OCD is due to trying to avoid thoughts/feelings you don't want to deal with. It is basically a distraction. You actually need to face what you are trying to run away from.


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## CesarAnthony (Jul 10, 2014)

Andrea @ ArtWellPub said:


> People aren't born great writers. They have to learn. Why do people act as if art comes from talent alone, whereas all other professions require training? No one is a born electrician or dentist. Keep practicing your craft. That's how you get better.
> 
> _Romeo and Juliet_ has almost 40,000 one-star reviews on Goodreads. Art is subjective.


SO true, Andrea.

I don't remember who said it, but I recall reading a writer saying something along the lines of:

Doctor's don't decide to become doctors and suddenly become it. They put years of work, research, time, and dedication to become. 
Same for writers. It requires time to grow better."

The person who originaly said it, said it much better than me.


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## Marilyn Peake (Aug 8, 2011)

Your post makes me want to cry. I read your book, *Larkspur: A Necromancer's Romance*, and couldn't stop talking to my husband about what a great, well-written book it was. He read it and thought it was amazing! I'm tough on books. I love literary novels as well as well-written popular books. Don't let anyone crush your spirit. Your writing style in *Larkspur* is old-fashioned and proper, which is soooo amazingly perfect for the time period in which the story's set. That absolutely knocked my socks off, it demonstrated such proficiency and self-control in writing! I found myself envying your skill at writing in that style. Maybe your writing style in *Larkspur* won't make everyone happy, but it's made fans of me and my husband, that's for sure. The reason I said your post makes me want to cry is because I know how tough it is for writers to find an audience and I hate that someone as talented as you is feeling defeated. You're only 24 years old. You have an entire future of writing ahead of you if you keep on writing, maybe try experimenting in different genres and see if you can find more fans.


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## Marilyn Peake (Aug 8, 2011)

daringnovelist said:


> On the book in your sig, you have a lot more 5-star reviews than those from your friends. Including reviews from top reviewers. You have a lot of 4-star reviews, and only a few 3-star, and nothing below that.
> 
> Were they all your friends? Where they all feeling sorry for you? Were they all worried that you would take criticism personally?


I'd like to mention that I just decided to try *Larkspur* because the cover in V. M. Jaskiernia's signature line here on KBoards caught my attention and the book was on sale. I only knew V. M. from seeing her comments on KBoards. I didn't tell her I was reading *Larkspur* until after I had actually read it. I was blown away by both the story and the high quality of writing. *Larkspur* is highly polished and written in an old-fashioned style that suits the book. My guess is the writing style won't suit everyone's taste, but it shows tremendous talent and I loved it.


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## R.P. Butters (Aug 6, 2014)

This is the spring of your career. The beginning. As others have said, you're 24 and you have a long road ahead of you as a writer. I'm 40 and I feel as if I'm just beginning to figure out my own voice, after well over two decades of trial and error. And I still have yet to publish ANYTHING.

Are you whining? Yes. But that's OK, so long as you don't allow your moment of melancholy to destroy your creative impulses. =)

Remember, your writing is a process. It's a journey. Beat yourself up at times if you have to, but don't forget that you are exactly where you are supposed to be, right now, in your writing... while tomorrow you'll be someplace else, so long as you give yourself the chance.


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## Marilyn Peake (Aug 8, 2011)

I just decided to check out your reviews on Amazon. They're actually really good. You have thirty-seven reviews which include: nineteen 5-star reviews, seventeen 4-star reviews, one 3-star review and nothing below that. That's considered very, very good.


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## vlmain (Aug 10, 2011)

Your feelings aren't stupid. Hearing criticism from our family and friends hurts. My best advice would be to allow yourself to feel bad, get it out of your system, then get back to writing, because that bestseller within you isn't going to write itself!


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## Lyoung (Oct 21, 2013)

I checked out your book and was a wee bit confused because, overall, you have an average of 4.5 stars. That is *very* good. I searched for the bad reviews and couldn't find them, so... <scratches head> But if you are getting bad reviews on Amazon or elsewhere, I understand that it's difficult to shake off, especially with your first book (which is your baby, your heart & soul) put out there.

I haven't read your book, but I just read the preview and I thought (a) the writing was good, and (b) the plot seemed interesting. Please remember that not everyone will like the same kind of writing, the same genre, etc. What sinks someone's boat will float another's.

My friends have highly recommended some books that I couldn't stand, oftentimes because it's not in a genre I'm interested in. I've recommended books that I freaking *adored* to friends who thought they were _meh_. Don't give up based on a few negative reviews, especially when you have SO many positive reviews.

And like others said here, it's an ongoing process. You practice, you get better.

Keep on fighting the good fight!!


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## Dobby the House Elf (Aug 16, 2014)

I read your sample and was really engaged by your plot and your diction. I recently had an avid reader and reviewer read my series (3 books are published out of the 5). She made some negative comments but one of those comments was 'this writing is addictive, and even if the plot is unbelievable at times, I can't stop reading'.

Upon reading your sample, I found your writing addictive also. It made me want to read on.

Take the pressure off and give yourself permission to write steadily, for pleasure, as something you want to express when *you *want to express it. Don't set massive word count goals, sales goals, or 'how many books this year?' goals. You've only just begun. It's the start of a big journey for you, and to give up now is completely miss the point of writing. It isn't about whether your writing sucks, it's about if you enjoy it. I can tell you enjoy writing, so why stop?

We ALL have the critic. Everybody here writes with a critic in their ear. But it's up to us whether we listen and let that critic cripple us during the creative process that counts.

With OCD and depression, you've got an even harder climb, you're already prone to being a critic of yourself, and looking at yourself in a negative way. The thoughts and beliefs associated with your OCD and depression will come into play as you write. Regardless, you can still do this! Whatever you think is holding you back now... it can be overcome. When you're having a bad day.... use that negative energy to write a passionate, angry scene between two characters, it might turn into something. You can use writing to turn negative feelings into excellent story telling. If you have a bad day, shrug your shoulders and don't feel guilty for not writing... it happens. As long as you don't give up on your dreams, that's all that matters.

You say you want to be a writer, yet you already are!! Someday in the future, you might have to take a side job to help pay your bills. Is that really the worst thing that can happen? Even with a side job, you can still write. The worst thing you can do is put conditions on your writing such as:

*'Anything less than 5 stars from a reviewer means I failed.'*
*'No sales means no one wants to read my work.'* <--- this one is so amazingly wrong for so many reasons. Readers purchase what's in front of their face, if your work is low down the ranks, you need promotions to get people reading it. You've only released one book, wait until your third is out and promote the hell out of it. Then make a decision whether you want to be keep publishing. 
*'This sentence must be perfect.' *(Actually, saying anything must be perfect in publishing is setting yourself up for a miserable time. It's impossible to be perfect at writing.)
*'If someone else's writing is better than mine I should just give up.'* <-- there will always be people who write better than you higher in the ranks. There will always be people worse than you at writing higher up in the ranks. The ranks are not about quality, or brilliance of story telling, though those things help them stay there. The ranks are about a wide variety of things that have nothing to do with how well you write.
*'I need to put out three chapters a day, if I don't I shouldn't bother.'* <--- False. Write whatever amount you can write that day. Don't judge it. Next day, do the same again. If that means no writing, don't beat yourself up. 
*'I could have been writing for the past ten years, starting now is a waste.'* (Never starting is a waste, starting late is better than never if this is your dream.)

Other things you probably should steer clear of:

1. Going back and reading your first book after you've published your second. By the time you publish your second book, you will have improved and will know how to make book #1 so awesome! (Some will say going back and rewriting is worth your time, I don't think it is.)
2. Reading reviews. I personally don't care if I get 1-starred. I will always read critical reviews and take note for future writing if its relevant and helpful. If not, I forget it.

Things you'll need:

*Make Writer friends:* And INDIE PUBLISHING friends can only truly understand the constant insecurity of publishing. (Although I'm sure other art based careers do also). 
Listen to the encouragement you receive here: We're not here to boost your ego, or give you a pep talk. We all believe that each of us can improve and become proud of what we create. 
*Low expectations:* Seriously, lower your expectations as a new indie publisher. Give yourself 10 books then look back and think about whether you're publishing in the right genre, whether writing is for you, or whether you can make a viable income. 
*Hard work:* I cannot express enough how hard the work is as an indie, I know it seems to contradict what I said above about relieving the pressure, but I think you might need to build up to the level myself and other writers (who've been doing this for years) are at. I can now put out a book in 3 - 4 months. Some indies will scoff at that, saying that's a lot of time, but for me that's reduced from 6 months. And I'll only get better. 
*Work on your self value:* You are valuable with or without a brilliant writing career. You don't need others to tell you that.

_This is not a sprint.

This is not a sprint. _

Some people sprint and win the race, but the truth is the majority sprain their ankles trying. Don't sprain your enjoyment of writing, keep passionate, stay strong, set realistic goals, and keep focused where you can.

That is all.


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## Dobby the House Elf (Aug 16, 2014)

Also this:


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## ThomasDiehl (Aug 23, 2014)

You have 37 reviews on amazon.com, averaging at 4.5 the worst one being 3 stars. You are doing great.

However, the reviews is not what you're fighting right now:


VMJaskiernia said:


> I've spent the last 5 years learning to deal with OCD and depression[...]


Yes, and quite honestly your opening post shows it. You belittle yourself throughout the text you put here.
I could tell you you're doing great all I want, and it would be true, but this is not what this is about. This is about OCD/depression trying to drown you. And I think you should know, because it sounds like you fought this fight before and knowing what fight you're in will hopefully help you pick the right one.
Don't fight yourself and your work, fight what is making you fight yourself.

Now, some random stranger on the internet won't be able to tell you how to do that, you are far more experienced at that. But I sincerely hope I helped as much as I could by pointing in the general direction of your enemy.


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## sarahdalton (Mar 15, 2011)

I read your post and had a quick look at the sample of your book on Amazon expecting it to be amateurish and full of cliches and the typical mistakes for an inexperienced writer. It's not! And then I read the reviews and they are awesome!

Publishing a book is hard, really hard. We've all had those reviews that shake our confidence to its very core. I struggled to write the sequel to a book that received very mixed reviews. It took some of the fun away and I had to really dig deep.

What you need to decide is not whether or not you should stop writing - because I don't think you should ever stop writing - but whether you want to continue self-publishing. You might want to take some time out and write for YOU for a while.


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## Ros_Jackson (Jan 11, 2014)

I can't begin to tell you how many writers, and people in the publishing industry, struggle with depression. It may be a part of the creative temperament, I don't know. But I think you can't discount the physical effect of sitting indoors for long periods of time on your own. Being sedentary, isolated, and lacking vitamin D are real problems. Another one is sitting in front of a monitor absorbing lots of blue light, which can mess with your sleep patterns if you do it at the wrong time of day. And again if you have any insomnia you'll find it harder to get enough sunlight and personal contact to lift your mood.

In other words, depression is an occupational hazard. You're not alone.


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## Evenstar (Jan 26, 2013)

I haven't read all the posts on here and I haven't read your book (though actually it is already in my tbr pile)

But I don't think your problem is your writing, or your age (which I don't think is a problem at all) I think your problem is your OCD and depression. This is something I have a lot of experience of as my husband suffers from both as well.

When you put yourself out there through your work you are inviting both criticism and praise. You have to be able to handle it. If you can't then this isn't for you right now.

Writing under a pen name is a good idea, and don't share it with friends and family either as they will struggle to be honest and unbiased. If I was you then I would keep writing but don't publish until you are feeling stronger. Use it as a chance to build up a back catalogue.

I don't know if this is helpful but, where are you published and where are you checking reviews? I find Amazon very mixed, I find Goodreads very harsh, and I find Googleplay very enthusiastic and kind as well as prolific reviewers. I had one reviewer who just put "Stupid, stupid, stupid" on four of my books (Why did she read four if she hated one?) but I am lucky enough to be able to smile and shrug most of the time because that's my personality. I've had other people put things like "Love this book so much" and "Amazing". I know my writing_ isn't amazing_, but it is all subjective anyway. As long as it sells  (and I know I'm trying my best).

Sending you a big ehug, you will find plenty of encouragement here and maybe you just need to keep writing, but more for yourself right now. One day you will feel more able to put it out there and naysayers be damned


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## xoxo (Sep 6, 2013)

VM, it's important that you don't suffer alone with your doubts. You're reaching out and that is good. It's not whining, and you don't have to apologise for having feelings.

First of all, you are doing great. I wish I had your average (and all those reviews!) 
Your book is beautiful.

Secondly, in my opinion thick skin might not be the answer. I can't remember who said it, but I agree with them that we can't have an armour on if we want to create. It requires thin skin to feel things, but it also leaves us vulnerable to the harsh words of others. I wish I had the answer to that conundrum.

As a post script, I also have OCD, so you are definitely not alone. Keep writing, I'm going to do the same.


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## Sarah M (Apr 6, 2013)

CesarAnthony said:


> SO true, Andrea.
> 
> I don't remember who said it, but I recall reading a writer saying something along the lines of:
> 
> ...


Except...telling a person who's feeling depressed and insecure about their writing that all they need is YEARS AND YEARS OF PRACTICE can be rather overwhelming when their headspace isn't all the greatest to start with. (I'm not picking on you! Or anyone who said similar. Just pointing out something that I think gets missed in these conversations.)

Person A: I don't feel confident about my writing. *struggling with negative thoughts and self-doubts*
Person B: Hey, don't feel bad! Good writers take decades to learn to write. 
Person A: *thinks to self* Since I'm inexperienced and haven't been doing this for decades, Person B must think I'm a horrible writer. And I can't imagine spending 10+ years feeling this insecure and unhappy about writing if all that time I'm going to just keep struggling. 
Person B: Just keep writing. You should take some classes. 
Person A: *negative thought cascade* Oh, God. I suck so much. *miserable.*

Also, and this is just my opinion, it feels like another gate to divide "real" writers from the pack. The 10,000 rule. 1 million words. Etc. The truth is that some people, like Rosalind James and Wayne Stinnett, can break all those rules and do exceedingly well. Some people will spend 20,000 hours writing 2 million words and they may never be any better than when they started. Most of us are in the middle. We'll get better in time, but at some point, we have to accept what we can do now is good enough.

And VM is good enough right now. VM, my advice to you is first to take care of your mental health. Suffering for your art isn't romantic. It's just suffering. I think once you're healthier, you can see things more objectively. Good luck, and feel better soon.


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## MonkeyScribe (Jan 27, 2011)

The other thing to keep in mind is that you've got plenty of time to improve and get even better. Writing is not like sports (thank goodness!) where you peak sometime in your twenties. Most writers continue to mature and grow stronger for decades. It seems like you're already writing well now, but if you spend time working on your craft, you've got time to really become something special as a writer. It's a question of hard work and introspection, both of when it sounds like you've got going for you.


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## Scout (Jun 2, 2014)

I just want to say I commend you for sharing your feelings so honestly. That takes a ton of courage. I think you have gotten a lot of a great advice here so you've come to the right place to share. And I just realized I have this book on my Kindle on my "to read" list and I am sure I won't be disappointed. Just remember, you have people who believe in/like your writing too - we just may not be as vocal, 'cause we're like doing stuff...  Hang tough, warrior.


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## Philip Gibson (Nov 18, 2013)

What bad reviews?

Many of us would be over the moon to have your overall review rating. I hope you keep at it. You've certainly had some great feedback here. Admit it, you already feel cheered up, don't you?


Philip


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## bluwulf (Feb 1, 2014)

PiiaBre said:


> Secondly, in my opinion thick skin might not be the answer. I can't remember who said it, but I agree with them that we can't have an armour on if we want to create. It requires thin skin to feel things, but it also leaves us vulnerable to the harsh words of others. I wish I had the answer to that conundrum.


PiiaBre - I loved your post - to me having thick skin doesn't mean you have to shut yourself down and not feel anything. You can still have deep feelings.

You have to become indifferent to other people's opinions. And when you put your stuff out there you risk the wrong people reading your stuff and leaving a bad review that just comes with the territory. The OP is going to have to get used to it and let it roll off her back.

Become your own best friend. Nobody will look out better for yourself than you. When you love yourself more, the opinions of others don't matter as much. I was once in your place. I am envious that you are such a great writer at such a young age. Unfortunately I allowed the fear of opinions of friends and family to keep me from even starting writing! And I didn't actually write until 48 years old.

I think the suggestion of managing the depression and OCD first is a good one. I know when I am depressed everything appears so overwhelming and I tend to have a skewed view of myself.


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## Weirdling (Jun 25, 2011)

I have ADD (quasi-officially diagnosed). I know I take criticism too hard, and I know my ADD affects some of my writing skills. I also understand how hard a struggle it is to fit in a neuro-typical world, where you struggle to do things that others find so easy. All this means you beat yourself up more than you should.

I once read a book, a Dale Carnegie book, that basically had advice that helped me a little. (I still have to constantly find different ways to prop up my confidence on a daily basis, and I don't always succeed, but I keep trying). Here's a link that covers it in brief (near the top of the page): http://blog.dalecarnegie.com/leadership/dale-carnegie-on-how-to-stop-worrying/

The quote from the site:



> 1. Ask yourself: "What is the worst that can possibly happen?" 2. Prepare to accept it if you have to. 3. Them calmly proceed to improve on the worst.


I wish I found this during some of my worst writing self-doubts. Because it would have moved me from just worrying obsessively about step one to step two. And many of times it would have revealed that, "No, it's not true, I'm just being too hard on myself." And sometimes it's a mixture of both.

I didn't explain it well, but my point by this quoted advice is that it stops the fear from taking over and it gets you taking action instead of giving up. For example, I know better now how my ADD affects my writing detrimentally, so I take measures to improve that. When I doubt some of my abilities, I work to analyze and improve them. I'm working to shift my beliefs on writing advice, too. (In my own writing, I take "rules" to extremes, which hurt the piece. It's a real wake up call to analyze what other writers are doing and what reviews they receive. It allows me to go easier on myself, making the rule not the choke collar I turned it into.) There are some areas I'm still struggling to accept (like I should write less weird stuff, because I'm really off base there too, just like I am with writing rules), but I'm taking baby steps. The way I feel is I may be the last person to walk across the line during a race, but I'm still determined to cross it, and if I do it enough, work at it enough, well, next time I won't be last.

I hope that helps.

Jodi

ETA for clarity.


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## Jessica R (Nov 11, 2012)

As for the comments of your friends, they read it because they were your friends, not because they were your target audience.  Might as well pick people off the street.  Whereas someone that sees your book and is drawn to it and buys is a more legitimate review.  Just one way of looking at it.
Also, I think I'd fee like you if I got that response on my first book, maybe even now (because I have a big old two written).  Luckily everyone was mostly nice about it and I only got 14 reviews the first time so didn't get to the harsh ones.  Now that I've written another, I've had a couple family members tell me my new one is so much better, and even that the other one is somewhat juvenile (in different words).  I can handle that now that I've written another, but I probably couldn't have then.  So what I'm saying is, you have to give yourself a chance to grow.  You really do learn with every book you write.


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## beccaprice (Oct 1, 2011)

I'm reading KKR's "The pursuit of perfection and how it harms writers" - that might help you a little bit - it's certainly helping me, and I too suffer from anxiety and depression - plus I'm bipolar, so I can never trust things that I get enthusiastic about, things like my writing.

I wish I'd had the courage to start writing and publishing when I was 24.  I wish I had as many reviews as you've got!

I'm going to look into Larkspur - it sounds fantastic.


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## valeriec80 (Feb 24, 2011)

Fellow OCD sufferer here. I've not read the other responses, so I don't know if anyone else has said this. I'm having trouble getting started with my writing day, and I popped in and read this and just want to respond really quickly.

Couple things:

1. You do NOT need reassurance from people. That is essentially the worst thing that you can do for yourself, because it is a COMPULSION, and your compulsions feed your obsessions. CUT OFF the compulsions and the obsessions will lessen. I'm sure your therapist has already told you this, and that you already know this, but you MUST, MUST, MUST be ruthless with yourself. I struggle so much with reassurance. I still ask for it, and no matter how the person responds, it NEVER MAKES ME FEEL BETTER.

2. This is because you are searching for uncertainty in an uncertain world. I posted this on that thread about the opinions and whatnot, but the truth is that there is no such thing as "good." You want to know if you are "good enough," but that actually is IMPOSSIBLE to know with certainty. You are going in circles because you are asking a question that cannot be answered, and you are trying to get something you can never have. CERTAINTY DOES NOT EXIST. 

3. Guess what? Even if there were such a thing as "bad," you could still keep writing, and no one could stop you. Not only is there no certainty, there are NO RULES. (you know, with the exception of laws and stuff, which we're not talking about.)

4. OCD is hell. I often feel like I'm playing a game of whack-a-mole. I have these intrusive thoughts, and I think they're "real" concerns and then I develop these elaborate thought compulsions to try to "solve" them, only to have a realization that, "Oh crap. That's an intrusive thought." Then I refuse to engage with it with a vengeance, and it goes away. I'll have about a week of peace in which I think I'm really great and I've conquered my OCD. And then I get a CLUSTER of intrusive thoughts, and they won't leave me alone, and I feel like I'm at the mercy of my stupid brain and everything gets worse--do you have harm OCD sometimes, like where you're driving and you suddenly get this urge to run your car into a tree? That's when I know it's bad, when that starts up again--and all I can do is slowly but surely annihilate each and every one of those intrusive thoughts. But it's never really over, you know. I have periods of time where I'm doing really well, and periods of time where I'm not. So, anyway, I get it. But you must recognize that this thread is a compulsive response to an intrusive thought, and that it's not going to help you at all. In fact, I bet reading all the responses only made you go further into a tailspin about whether you're a "good" writer or whether you "should" keep writing, etc. Stop trying to answer those questions. When they pop up in your head, tell them to shut up. You're stronger than this. 

Hugs.


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## Heather Hamilton-Senter (May 25, 2013)

You have an overall fantastic rating. You cannot give more weight to bad reviews than you do to good reviews. Weigh them equally and learn from them both.

As artists, we put ourselves out there and we dream that everyone will fall all over us and tell us how wonderful we are, and we fear the opposite, but the truth is usually a mixture of both. I detest City Of Bones, my daughter loves it.

Both of us are right. The experience of Art is subjective......


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## anniejocoby (Aug 11, 2013)

Buck up! My friends don't like my books, either, LOL. My best friend in the whole world read my first book and tried to be a cheerleader about it, but all that she could come up with was a lackluster "it was a fast read." When I first started out, and was desperate, I asked her to write a review for me, and she wouldn't. That was how much she didn't like it. I had another friend who seemed eager to read it, and ended up getting to page 50 in the book after having the book for several months. Both of these friends later on told me that romance just wasn't their thing.

So, your friends might not like the genre! That was the case with my two friends. And most of my friends never even asked to read it, and nobody in my family has. I could take it personally, this great lack of interest in my books among my closest friends and family, and, for awhile, I did. But I don't anymore. If they don't like romance, they don't like romance. With your friends, they might not like necromancers, although I think that the whole idea sounds awesome myself!

As for bad reviews - you get mostly good reviews. Great ones, in fact, from strangers. I do too. So do most writers. But I get my share of one-stars, too. I've been accused of writing like a 13-year-old writing a diary. One even said that my writing was like a seven-year-old first learning how to tell a story. *Shrug* If you're going to be a writer, you have to learn to take the good with the bad, and there's A LOT of good in this job. I think about that every time I get an excited fan writing me, or other excited fans asking me on Facebook about my next release, and how much they want that book NOW, lol. That's who you write for! Read through those five stars from strangers. Read through your fan mail and your Facebook posts. Post your books on publicbookshelf.com and read those comments. The fans on there are pretty much awesome and full of high praise.

Also, there was another board poster, I forget, it was months ago - but she made an entire post about discovering your book and one other, and how much she loved it and how talented you are. I wish I could remember who that was who posted it, but I distinctly remember that she loved your book and had to post she loved it so much. So, yeah, I haven't read  your book, but I might when I get this new release done, but there has been at least one other board poster who really sung your praises. That's high praise from another author right there!


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## RTEdwins (Jan 16, 2014)

This may, or may not help you, but I'm going to post a few quotes from one of the people I revere the most in this world. I'll even grow so far as to encourage you to read the book he wrote, if being a writer is something you truly desire.

"Before success comes in any man's life, he is sure to meet with much temporary defeat, and, perhaps, some failure. When defeat overtakes a man, the easiest and most logical thing to do is to quit. That is exactly what the majority of men do. More than five hundred of the most successful men this country has ever known told the author their greatest success came just one step beyond the point at which defeat had overtaken them."

"When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound, rebuild those plans, and set sail once more toward your coveted goal."

"Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit."

"Cherish your vision and your dreams as they are the children of your soul, the blueprints of your ultimate achievements."

"The starting point of all achievement is DESIRE. Keep this constantly in mind. Weak desire brings weak results, just as a small fire makes a small amount of heat."

"Persistence is to the character of man as carbon is to steel."

"Put your foot upon the neck of the fear of criticism by reaching a decision not to worry about what other people think, do, or say."

"Opinions are the cheapest commodities on earth. Everyone has a flock of opinions ready to be wished upon anyone who will accept them. If you are influenced by "opinions" when you reach DECISIONS, you will not succeed in any undertaking."

"The strongest oak of the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and hidden from the sun. It's the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to struggle for its existence against the winds and rains and the scorching sun."

"First comes thought; then organization of that thought, into ideas and plans; then transformation of those plans into reality. The beginning, as you will observe, is in your imagination."

"There are no limitations to the mind except those that we acknowledge."

you should read the book at this link (the PDF it asks you to download is safe, I have downloaded it a handful of times with no issue). If you are truly willing to set aside your fears and second guessing, and persistently pursue your dream to be a successful writer, you will achieve it, but you have to be willing to do that despite what anyone else may think or say. So what if the book (booklet?) you wrote isn't your best work, get back on the horse and try again. The only true failure you can have in life is to give up your dream out of fear. http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CCAQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.soilandhealth.org%2F03sov%2F0304spiritpsych%2F030413.hill.think.and.grow.rich.pdf&ei=JwgPVKbKPIzhsATZ_4D4Aw&usg=AFQjCNE2MMAIeJcWn98SvVz8LJak3nRxzw&sig2=9DoypMHKE8HcBchVUrcVWg

As one who's been diagnosed with a myriad of mental diseases/dysfunctions, I can attest that those dysfunctions are correctable, if you are willing to try. Unless you are seeing things that aren't there, or hearing voices that no one else can (besides your own thoughts) then you have the ability to right your way of thinking. OCD and bi-polar, and depression are merely dysfunctions of a mind permanently set on auto-pilot. Take a breath, learn to meditate, learn to stop thought altogether and remember that you are not your thoughts, you are not your mind. Stop using it as a crutch for why you can't succeed and become determined to succeed regardless of it. Harsh truth, I know, but someone has to say it.


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

I'm 56 years old and have been writing for about forty years and I am still trying to figure things out.

Writing isn't an instantaneous process. You don't snap your fingers and become a "great" writer. You become a writer by writing a lot of stuff.

There are ALWAYS going to be crap-tacular reviews. There are ALWAYS going to be people who don't like your stuff. 

Look at how many people bought FIFTY SHADES OF GRAY.

I tried hard to read FIFTY SHADES. I tried three times and I could not get past the first couple of pages. It hurt my eyes. They are leaking puss right now just thinking about those first few crap-tacular paragraphs.

But THOUSANDS of people loved that book!


Don't start figuring that every review is going to be positive - because they are not. 

I just released a short novella and had a three day freebie giveaway to try to boost it's profile. Among other things that promotion netted me eight reviews. Seven of those reviews were glowing. They loved me words. Wanted me to run for President - even though I'm a Canadian.

However one of those eight reviewers didn't like my book. She peed all over the pages - great big splashing drops of sulphur-reeking e-urine - and she was giggling while she did it. She told me my words stunk so badly that her pet skunk died after sleeping next to her Kindle.

It was bad.

It was very, very bad.

Did I let it get me down?

NO!

Remember, you can't please everyone.

Sit down, write - and please yourself.

Besides - I wish to the high holy Moose Mountains that I had a book with as many reviews as you've got. Obviously you must be touching some of those readers.

We've all got that inner prune - that sits there and farts at our creations and tells us we are no stinking good. Remember - that's just the inner prune that is squeaking at you. Don't pay it no heed. It won't ever go away. Life doesn't work that way. But you just remind yourself that the inner prune is NOT worth listening too.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Tell that inner prune to shut on up and then get back to your writing.

(stepping down from the pulpit)


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## RTEdwins (Jan 16, 2014)

Steve Vernon said:


> We've all got that inner prune - that sits there and farts at our creations and tells us we are no stinking good. Remember - that's just the inner prune that is squeaking at you. Don't pay it no heed. It won't ever go away. Life doesn't work that way. But you just remind yourself that the inner prune is NOT worth listening too.
> 
> Fear is the mind-killer.
> 
> Tell that inner prune to shut on up and then get back to your writing.


Yes! This ^^

Everyone has an inner prune (love that image, btw) but true liberation comes when you realize you are NOT that inner prune. It isn't you, it's just a thought form created by a much larger, much more brilliant intelligence. Maybe I just sound like a crazy person to you, but if you were your thoughts, then what is the entity that can observe those thoughts? You can look at your thoughts right? You can step back and see them whizzing through your mind, trying desperately to convince YOU that YOU are broken and unable to succeed, but if you are your thoughts, then who are they trying to convince is broken? Who is the YOU that they are trying to tear down? Ponder that for awhile and you'll see that your thoughts are just empty machinations, ones that can be controlled, pruned (hehe), and focused in a better direction. Perhaps in the direction of deciding you want to achieve at writing no matter how bad any previous attempts might have been??

=)


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## wilsonharp (Jun 5, 2012)

I have several quotes posted around my writing area and whenever I am feeling discouraged about, well anything, I look at the quotes until I find one that works for me. Here is the one I would give you today:

Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race. - Calvin Coolidge


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## geekgrrl (Oct 14, 2013)

Friends and family are the opinions that should matter the least to us in this profession, regardless if the opinions are good or bad. Those relationships are so loaded and layered. Every friend that reads your book is bringing the baggage of their relationship to you, to that experience, when they read that book. I don't care if they are a saint and adore you, it's the very rare friend that can suspend disbelief, hear your authentic voice as a writer, and then give you an educated objective and valuable opinion. So don't sweat it. When it comes to writing, strangers opinions should hold a 1000 times more weight than anyone you know well. Hope that helps. And ((hugs))


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## sophia ann (Jul 9, 2014)

You really do have some amazing reviews, people really like your story!! I'm also 23 and I no the feeling of not feeling worthy or a good enough writer, but try and focus on your good reviews, because you really do have so many. Writing do sent have an age limit and if it's what you love to do, do it.


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## JumpingShip (Jun 3, 2010)

VMJaskiernia said:


> I suppose this answers 'Would you quit writing on the advice of an independent panel?'
> 
> I was just getting over my feelings associated with several negative reviews and remarks about my work, thinking I'd just write on and at most rewrite what I have now (my one measly booklet) at a later date. I was talking to a friend who had read my work and gave it 5stars. On a whim I asked if he'd meant it, because I need constant reassurance in my life even if I am taking my OCD medication. He said that, honestly, he was just being nice. .. a second friend said the same. Because, as you all can see, I take these things very personally.
> 
> ...


I think we've all been there, so don't feel like you are alone. I took a quick glance at your Look Inside, thinking for sure I'd find some atrocious writing--but I didn't! While it's not a genre I care for, there is nothing bad about your writing. Maybe that friend you asked just doesn't like that genre or pov or whatever. That doesn't mean he/she has the final say on what is good or bad writing.

I have a writing friend who has more books out than I do but none of hers have really had much success--not that I'm a huge success, but I've had a bit more than she has. She's a good writer though, and eventually I feel like she'll do well. Like you, she started this whole thing when she was about 24. That is incredibly young, at least to me. lol. I didn't even start to write anything until my early 30s, and it was terrible! Seriously--it was awful. I was lucky to have someone gently steer me in the right direction and give me lots of tips. That made me start reading books and websites about writing. (it was mid-90s, so no blogs yet).

Being so young, it just boggles my mind how well she could be doing in ten years if she keeps writing.

There's nothing stopping you from success except yourself if you stop writing. The more you write, the better the chance of being discovered by readers. Even if you only write one book a year, in ten years, you'll have 11 books. However, I think the more you write, the faster you'll get at it, and you would have more than that out in ten years. Possibly 15 or more books out. You are a good writer now, and you'll be even better then, so chances are, you'll be successful if you just keep plugging away.


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## egcamby (Aug 20, 2014)

I didn't read all the previous responses, but I did read your blurb.  I think you're really fantastic, and I'm not just saying it to be nice.  And I'm a writer/editor/attorney for a living (non-fiction).


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## pamray83 (Mar 20, 2012)

geekgrrl said:


> Friends and family are the opinions that should matter the least to us in this profession, regardless if the opinions are good or bad. Those relationships are so loaded and layered. Every friend that reads your book is bringing the baggage of their relationship to you, to that experience, when they read that book. I don't care if they are a saint and adore you, it's the very rare friend that can suspend disbelief, hear your authentic voice as a writer, and then give you an educated objective and valuable opinion. So don't sweat it. When it comes to writing, strangers opinions should hold a 1000 times more weight than anyone you know well. Hope that helps. And ((hugs))


This is so true. And sometimes the jealousy factor enters into it. They resent you secretly for following your dreams because they didn't, or they tried, failed and gave up too easily.

The OCD and depression are my enemies. They've caused me to over think and reevaluate my writing constantly and honestly they've dragged my writing career down to a dead stop. I'm having to reboot it at the age of 58, not fun but it has to be done. I can't do anything else.

Take some time to breathe, enjoy nature and bask in those wonderful reviews! If I'd had reviews like that on my first book I would have been flying high as a kite!


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## StraightNoChaser (Dec 29, 2013)

Your friends that were just being nice were not your target audience. It doesn't mean you book is bad, it just means it's not for them. You have a bunch of awesome reviews, you're clearly doing something right. Keep at it, and don't give any more of your work to people in you life because their criticism can obviously send you into a tailspin and, most importantly, don't match up with the real readers opinions and that's what matters.

I struggle with depression and anxiety. I "should" take medication, but I don't want to become addicted to something, even if it helps. I won't discourage you from doing whatever your medical professional prescribes, but maybe you need to add something to it. There is no pill that just fixes that kind of stuff. It helps yeah, and might be necessary, but that doesn't mean you can depend on it to solve your problems, just like someone with a physical injury can't depend on pain killers. They need a physically healthy lifestyle to get the most out of their meds, and we need a mentally healthy lifestyle. I seriously recommend looking into meditation, not the try-not-to-think-at-all kind, but the observe-your-thoughts-as-separate-from-yourself kind. Don't fight them, that never works, just watch them come and let them go. Much easier said than done, I know, but it's life changing. Honestly, I think meditation is just as necessary as medication for most people that struggle with anxiety disorders.

Good luck to you and keep up the good work!


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## SarahWritesSometimes (Aug 18, 2014)

ThomasDiehl said:


> This is about OCD/depression trying to drown you.


I stopped at Thomas' post because to me, this is the crux of the problem. I have severe depression that I struggle with everyday. It impacts every single area of my life. When I am at my worst, I have trouble doing anything. It is an uphill battle, and I force myself to go to the doctor on a regular basis, and I take my meds religiously. But I still struggle, and I know I always will.

But I know that if I don't take care of myself I will fall into that dark hole and never come out. Please seek some help. I know how hard it is. Practically impossible to make a phone call, never mind go somewhere for help. But you must.

Don't worry about the writing now. The writing will come when you feel better. Feel free to PM me if you want, I'm happy to talk to you any time.


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## SunshineOnMe (Jan 11, 2014)

(((((((((((((((big hug)))))))))))))))))))))))) I'm hearing rejection and shame in your post.  Whatever you are feeling, I know it feels so real, so true. Those feelings will pass, like a horrible tidal wave, and you will see things differently again. It's easy for me to say, "feelings aren't truth." They really aren't. But I have been crippled by fear and anxiety in the past. I understand what it feels like to feel so overwhelmed by emotion you feel smothered. 

I don't know how to help, except to say your feelings about being a writer aren't accurate, you are a good writer. You have lots of talent for many different things in this life.  You aren't alone, you don't have to have all this figured out today.

(((((((((((big hug again)))))))))))))))


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## Silly Writer (Jul 15, 2013)

I'm going to make this quick.

1) Read your book. Loved it. You WILL find your audience if you don't give up. Your cover is beautiful too.
2) family and friends can be the WORST critics. They cannot disconnect the Before-You to the Writer-You.
3) Depression sucks. I know. And it's an ugly fucking LIAR. Don't let it steal your dream. 
4) TRY to look away from that book. Try HARD. Don't even peek... It's doing well. Write the next one. 

And

5) ~hugs~


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## Douglas Milewski (Jul 4, 2014)

In your one short story, you've garnered more stars that I've garnered over four years. You are a long way from the bottom, my friend.

You can either shoot for the stars and accept your shortcomings, or set realistic goals and kick yourself for your failures, but never-ever shoot for the stars AND kick yourself. That' just self-abuse.


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## ScottS (Jul 3, 2012)

Longtime sufferer of depression myself. I know how it feels. My advice is to work on focusing on the positive rather than dwelling in the negative. That is easier said than done, I know. And work is a good word for what you'll have to do because you will have to consciously keep your feelings in check when your depression tries to drag you down its dark road. My first negative review made me stop writing for a year. I had lots of positive before and after it, but it was the negative that I couldn't shake. Every word became personal. Every critique was a direct assault on the very fiber of my being. As writers, we write from experiences, hopes, dreams, wants, and desires, and when someone else doesn't see it that way it hurts. Depression callously amplifies that hurt and allows it to resonate for far longer than it should. But you wouldn't be writing if you didn't have a desire inside you to do so. You write because you need to. You write because you are supposed to. Don't let the negative get in the way of the positive. Work on that one thing, emotionally, and the rest will fall into place.


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## Carol Davis (Dec 9, 2013)

All the folks who've posted ahead of me have offered lots of very good advice.

I'll just say that I hear you, I've been there and I understand.  Be kind to yourself today -- take a break, ask for a hug, eat some of your favorite foods, snuggle on the couch and watch something fun on TV.  Get some rest.

Sending you tons of virtual hugs!


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## B.A. Spangler (Jan 25, 2012)

Read your post and took a quick look at your book. 
I'm not sure why your friend said that they were being nice. You can write.
Forget what they said and keep on writing. And from a look at your reviews, you are already finding your audience. That means everything.


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## unkownwriter (Jun 22, 2011)

Oh, how I wish I'd had the courage at 24 to seek publication of my work! I can't imagine how far along in my career I could be right now, instead of just getting going in my mid-50s.

The self-doubt and seeking acceptance from family and friends can stop you dead in the water. My family doesn't understand my writing. They won't read it. My mother wishes I spent more time driving her places than working on my books. Though she'd like it if I did more art (I won first place ribbons in two professionally judged art shows as a teen). But writing is my thang, y'all. 

Like as been said, you must write for yourself. You must look at what your target audience says. They are the only readers who matter. All of us must accept that some people will love us, some will hate us, and some will be indifferent. I'm going to shout this, so cover your ears:

*YOU MUST WRITE FOR YOURSELF!!!11!!*

Also, I'm not sure how to say this without coming across as mean or judgmental, but take it with the concern with which I post it: you may need to have your meds adjusted. I have close personal experience with family members who have depression, and every time they've felt this way required either a change in medication or an adjustment.

Please don't stop writing! By all indicators, you've got what it takes. You only fail if you quit. Though you may need to slow down, or even take a break for a short period.

We need a hug emoticon.


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## Cheryl M. (Jan 11, 2011)

(((hugs))) There isn't much to say that hasn't already been said, so I just want to chime in with a bit of support.


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## Andrew Broderick (Aug 6, 2014)

I looked through some of your reviews, and they were so full of compliments it's hard to know where to begin! Take this quote, from one of them:
"The key to great fiction is tension, suspense, mystery, and well-drawn characters--all of which Larkspur provides in spades. "
If you've delivered that, then you're already a great writer! Plain and simple. Take that in, and savor it. Not many have that gift, and even fewer know how to use it. Be proud of yourself, and never stop learning the craft. You're writing in a genre that has lots of fans, so get a series out there and dominate.


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## AmpersandBookInteriors (Feb 10, 2012)

1. I don't trust friends or family. I never ask them or hope that they'd read our works. Why? Because of the very thing you mentioned above. There's just no point, even if they did like it the odds are that the review would have been highly positive either way. We want unbiased reviews from complete strangers, because it's too easy to turn the 'I actually just said nice things to be nice' into 'you book sucked.' They're not the same. 

2. You've gotten some good advice in this thread about your mental challenges. Anxiety is your worst enemy, here and now, not your writing. Also, you /are/ very young. This is an art and a craft, as you know. It takes years of practice to master, and even then the quality of the work is subjective. There's nothing for you to do but to keep writing. 

Yes, keep writing. And work your ass off on it, study the writing of other's you admire (constantly), and never let yourself stagnate. You're stagnating now, mentally and emotionally. Please move forward, VM. Think about where you could be when you're our age. (T.A.'s got 20+ years of writing experience under her belt. That's a LONG time. But, the good news is that you have 10.)


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## Kas Thomas (Aug 14, 2014)

> I also know I'm whining and this is beyond immature. I should write it in a journal somewhere, not online for everyone to read.


It's not whining. Your feelings are your feelings. And this kind of thread is 100% appropriate for this forum, AFAIK.

Steve Chandler's _100 Ways to Motivate Yourself_ is a terrific book (not that I think you need to motivate yourself, per se; that's not why I'm recommending it). It's chock full of great life advice that I think you'll enjoy and benefit from. It's a fun book to read and it overflows with wisdom. I defy anyone to read that book and not gain something from it.

Keep reading, keep writing, keep trying. Message me privately if there's anything I can do for you. Hang in there. Don't give up!


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## VMJaskiernia (Jan 7, 2014)

I agree entirely, kward. I have been refreshing this page throughout the day, and I'm almost in tears- this time with gratitude from the support that I've gotten. All of you are amazing, and I thank you so much for taking the time to reply. It's truly helped me, and I hope it's helped some of you as well.


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## CJArcher (Jan 22, 2011)

Big hugs for you, VM. 

Now, some advice, but first a caveat. When I was 24 I did NOT want to hear the advice I'm about to give you, but hey, I'm going to tell you anyway. Oh, and I haven't read your book or a sample, so I have no idea if your story is any good or not. I just want to tell you about my writing journey and if any of this applies to you (or anyone else reading this) maybe it will help. So here goes: I'm over 40. I've been writing fiction for more than 20 years.  My writing sucked for probably 10 of those, and was ok for another 5 years after that. I didn't realise this at the time, but I can see it now, looking back. The last maybe 7 years, it all came together and now I think it's pretty good (although it can always be better, right?). Some geniuses hit it out of the park when they're 18, some of us take longer. There's nothing wrong with that. Really, there isn't. It hurts to hear that maybe your writing isn't there yet. I know. Believe me, I KNOW waiting for it to come together is hard. I took jobs I hated for years while I wrote at night. I felt like my soul was leeching out of me because I needed the money and writing wasn't bringing any in. It's a harsh truth, but there's little money in creativity. If you need cash, you'll need another job aside from your writing until it starts to gel. Don't stop writing though, but maybe just write for yourself and take the pressure off by not publishing - again, without having read your work, I don't know if this applies to your stories or not. As soon as I decided to write the stuff I loved without thinking about the market, the sooner my writing just clicked together. 

I don't know if this will help or not, but I hope you can see that you're not alone. We writer types have mostly been in your shoes at some point. Your writing will improve to a point where YOU can be happy with it, but only if you don't give up.


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## Steve Vernon (Feb 18, 2011)

One last thing before I call it a night.

Somebody mentioned this Youtube video. I hunted it up - and d*mn, these are good words to listen to AND watch.






http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cI-gW-Ojt38&feature=youtu.be
_Direct link for those for whom, like me, the embedded YouTube link does not work. --Betsy_


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## ricola (Mar 3, 2014)

I think you published extremely prematurely.  You wouldn't make a mixtape of your piano playing when it was the first piece you ever played, yet so many people publish the first thing they every write.  Instead of freaking out about people's reactions to the tiny amount you've produced thus far, you should have been writing 100k, 200k, 500k.  When you send out things without the confidence of expertise behind them, you set yourself out for paralysis when authentic readers' reviews are less than glowing--as they almost inevitably will be when you're sitting next to authors who have written tens, even hundreds of times more words and spend hundreds more hours on their craft.


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## TheGapBetweenMerlons (Jun 2, 2011)

At nineteen, Christopher Paolini became a New York Times bestselling author. If I understand it correctly, _Eragon_ was his first book. So-called rules about not publishing your first book and needing to write (x) number of words before you're "good" (whatever that means) might be vaguely meaningful _on average_ but they are meaningless at the individual level. You're an individual, not a bell curve. Individuals can be outliers. Shining stars. Pay no heed to the bell-curve "rules."



VMJaskiernia said:


> I'm not qualified to do anything.


I know the feeling, I feel that way regularly -- but intellectually I know the feeling is wrong. I can do some things. Dig ditches, for example. Make lunch for my kids. Notch another book sale from time to time. Save clients from money-gulping technical problems. I can do _some_ things, so I have to tell that feeling to get lost, on a regular basis. Sometimes daily. Sometimes more. (As you might guess, it doesn't listen or obey.)

You're _way_ ahead of me in terms of being "qualified" when it comes to writing, and I've been poking along at this novel-writing thing since the 1970s, with over half a dozen completed drafts along the way (but only one novel-length work on the market so far). Your book is in the top 100,00 in _all_ paid Kindle books, and in the top 100 of a couple categories. For comparison, my _best_ Kindle book is barely in the top 1 million paid Kindle books. You're qualified, your buying audience has demonstrated that, no arguments there.

Pragmatically, you need to know how to move forward. Seeking acceptance from friends and family is often a dead-end. (In my experience, even seeking _interest_ from that closest circle can be a dead-end.) To move forward, you need productive steps, which does include "acceptance" of a sort. Get your drafts in front of strangers (i.e., editors, beta readers, proofreaders, etc.), collect their feedback, evaluate it, toss what you don't like, and make edits on what you think makes sense. Repeat. As you see your drafts improving, you'll be building your own acceptance of your work (and, naturally, you're improving the final product for your buyers). You may not be able to resolve all misgivings, but eventually you'll have moved forward enough that any further edits would not be productive, and that's when you publish it. (Taking into account other details like cover design, blurb, etc., of course.)

Do keep moving forward, though. As some in this thread may remember, I recently started a different thread about giving up and taking all my books down. It's still a temptation when the frustration rises, but -- due in large part to support from others here -- I decided to continue moving forward. Since you're already ahead of me, I sincerely hope you do the same.


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## Guest (Sep 10, 2014)

Hi Victoria,

I just saw this thread. I'm sorry I'm late to it.

*YOU ARE NOT AN AUTHOR WHO CAN'T WRITE. *

I read your first book. I gave it four stars because it deserved four stars. You're a good writer, and you're a better writer than a lot of other writers.

I wish you would push through and finish Delphinium, but with your OCD, I realize it's hard.

All I can do is keep you in my thoughts and continue to encourage you.

Jolie


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## anotherpage (Apr 4, 2012)

wordsicle said:


> Early disclaimer: I have not read your book.
> 
> Stop what you're doing and go to Youtube.com. Search for Ira Glass on the Creative Process. Watch it. Savor it. Sit in it and stew for a little while.
> 
> ...


I think we all feel that. I agree we all need to keep at it. Don't measure things based on your first 10 books. They were probably be below par 

10 books later you will be writing better if you keep writing and keep reading. ( Read all genres, not just the one you are in )


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## darrenpillsbury (Jul 10, 2011)

Keep writing no matter what anyone else says.

DO NOT read your reviews anymore. I had to stop reading mine because a 5-star review was like a sugar high, but a 1 or 2-star would depress me for the rest of the day. If you think you're missing out on good advice, get a friend to read them and give you the constructive parts.

You're just starting out. If you want to write - and you've been wanting to do this since you were 14 - you have to keep going. Trust me, you will get better. The more you write, the better you will get. Read that Ira Glass quote everyone is talking about and take it to heart.

http://www.nickhammonddesign.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/KMBA-Ira+Glass+Quote.png

Every top 100 list for Kindle (thrillers, mysteries, romance, and every other genre and sub-genre) has books with mediocre writing. Mediocre writing - even BAD writing - is no barrier to success. A brilliant marketer who is a mediocre writer will almost always do better than a brilliant writer who is a mediocre marketer. (That's not to say you should spend all your time on learning how to market your books - far from it. Just an observation.)

Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. And good luck.


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## Sarah M (Apr 6, 2013)

Since the Ira Glass thing keeps getting brought up, I'm going to quote a comment on a blog (http://writerunderground.com/2011/04/28/ira-glass-on-creativity-or-the-gap-between-our-taste-and-our-work/) that puts it in better perspective.



> The gap should exist in order to keep you focused on growing and being better every step of the way, but it shouldn't be so big as to intimidate you.


Frankly, the ten years, the ten books, the 1 million words before you can compete against other authors comments being thrown around are intimidating the heck out of _me_, and I'm not even the OP.

All anyone could do is try to do better by the next page, the next sentence, the next word. That's all. A lot can change in someone's life in ten years, ten books. What they do have is right now. So I really, really wish writing advice would stop advocating far-off finish lines when you're eventually allowed to feel good about yourself and your writing.


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## AmpersandBookInteriors (Feb 10, 2012)

SBright said:


> Frankly, the ten years, the ten books, the 1 million words before you can compete against other authors comments being thrown around are intimidating the heck out of _me_, and I'm not even the OP.


I don't think it's a 'ten years/books/1million words you have to do before you can compete,' but I think many writers get to a point of a certain amount of experience where they know their stuff is good and are pretty comfortable putting it out there. I'd written a million words by 20, but that wasn't the time of comfort for me to publish anything. It's all too variable.

The point is that VM has a long time to do many good things and stressing about the here and now is just getting in the way of the future, and she doesn't need that.


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## VMJaskiernia (Jan 7, 2014)

Thank you guys oh so much for this. The Ira Glass quote is great, and I like the follow up to it as well. This community is amazing and I'm glad I made the initial post, if only so that I could know how lovely all of you are


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## Crystal_ (Aug 13, 2014)

I don't have much advice, but I want to say:

I feel you.

I've had this conversation with myself at least once a month for the last few years. I don't have any skills! I work part-time and rely on my finace/parents to cover the majority of the bills. Just last weekend, I had a total breakdown about my low sales/negative reviews.

It's hard and it's stressful.

Thanks for posting. So many other people suffer with this feeling too. You aren't alone!


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## ElHawk (Aug 13, 2012)

Hey, VMJ -- I haven't read the rest of the replies in this thread but I wanted to throw my two cents in up front.

Listen: we ALL start out low on the totem pole and work our way up. Nobody is born knowing how to write well. It takes practice, but more than that (way more), it takes critique.

Sometimes that critique process can be very difficult to take, especially when you are new to it. However, learning how to glean criticism for information you can use to improve yourself is a skill all by itself -- one that you must practice in order to develop it into usefulness. So in order to grow as a writer -- in order to become the writer you've been dreaming of being since you were a kid -- you have to learn how to face criticism in a positive way, and look at it as your best friend. It's not something you should expect yourself to do perfectly at first. We all had to learn how to handle this aspect of writing, but it is such a crucial skill to develop.

If, right now, you're feeling too emotionally banged up over the whole critique thing, I suggest you spend a few months giving yourself a break from writing. Instead, read as many books as you can, and write a review for every single one. Write reviews for books you've read in the recent past, too. Make them in-depth and thoughtful, and spare none of your honest thoughts about the books. Practice putting into words exactly what you liked and didn't like about each book.

I've found that writing very thoughtful reviews is the best way, short of receiving a critique myself, to practice the art of handling criticism. By thinking hard about your own opinions on why a book was bad or good, it will allow you to see eye-to-eye with readers who don't care for your work. But more importantly, it will allow you to develop (with time and lots of practice) a sense of objectivity about your own work. Once you've figured out how to switch your brain over into "literary analysis mode," you'll be able to critique your own books early on, so you can catch their crummy bits before you send them out into the world. And it will allow you to consider the criticisms you receive from others in a more detached and unemotional way, which will give you the distance you need to sort their comments for advice you can use.

This is a part of the learning process we all go through. It can be rough, I know. But I hope it at least helps you to know that we've all been there before... or will be there soon, if we haven't reached that point yet.


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## trublue (Jul 7, 2012)

Writing makes you happy so don't stop. 
No one knows what is "good" writing. We all just do what we love. Don't sink under trying to make people happy. Do what you love. Always.


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