# When In Love?



## Alm Hlgh (Dec 6, 2010)

When you in love you ____? (fill in blank)

Hey guys I'm working on a new novel... Hmm, couldn't tell you exactly what's it about but it is romance one of my fav genres.... But I would like some ideas from different perspectives about how people are when they are in love. How do you feel? How do act? What do you expect? What do you do? Are older people in love different from young people in love?

Btw, I can share the title (working) with you:


> Cougars, Tigers & Bears: The Playground


There's a lot of mixed love in the story, older women younger men, friends with benefits, unlikely pairing that breaks rules, hearts and illusions of reality; love relationships vs. relationships built on convenience and social status; good people loving bad people.

They say that love makes people do strange (weird) things; therefore I'm asking you what have you done strange (or not so strange) when you are/ were in love?


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When in Love I __________________
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_--- edited... no self-promotion outside the Book Bazaar forum. please read our Forum Decorum thread._


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## Darcia (Jul 16, 2010)

From psychology studies I've read (and personal experience), I'd say a general answer would be "don't/can't think straight". Love is, in fact, blind and also blinding.

I'm assuming that you were referring to new love, in the initial stages, as opposed to a settled type of love with a long-term partner. They each have unique feelings and major behavior differences.


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## RobynB (Jan 4, 2011)

Some random "When I'm in love I..." thoughts:

Can't stop thinking about the person.
Want to do special little things for the person, like leave a card in the fridge or a note on the person's windshield
Love his scent and want it on my clothes and pillow
Want to read authors and books he loves so we can talk about them

One of my favorite movies that shows all different aspects of love is _Love, Actually_. Great rental (also great soundtrack).

Good luck with your love story!


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## Alm Hlgh (Dec 6, 2010)

Thanks Darcia & Robyn for the great insights... 

Na Darcia I wasn't speaking love from the "psychological" perspective; just regular good old fashion love. I think it's great to see and hear how people experience, feel and share love.  Sometimes as an imperfect human it's easy to assume that everybody experiences, feels, share and reacts the same way.  I posted this thread in a number of forums.  Here's one of my fav response (simply because it's from a guy's point of view). The reason why I like it so much is because I generally write love experiences from the perspective of a woman (often reading them from the woman's point of view). I'm finding that I actually enjoy reading and writing books that shows love from both the male and female perspective.  I think that's something that as a woman we need to remember that men feel love too and they can hurt also no matter how cool they pretend to be.... 
--------------------------This is taken from a post in booktalk.org I asked the same question in their forum and this is one of the responses:

1.	When in Love I feel bad because there are many reasons for why me and her won't be together and there's nothing I do about it but feel bad and wait in hope (I think there is some for the future but who knows).

Strange thing is how I'm usually acting around her, I come off a bit dumb and usually I'm just awkward with people but more so with her. I also feel pretty hollow and end up talking almost only about music.. I also don't notice many words she says and even all of what I myself say, too busy being nervous I guess. Its like I'm drawn back and someone else is dully participating in the conversation, making me wonder if she feels like that too.

Ah a good opportunity to get things of my chest! Good luck with your novel hope this might be of some little understanding.


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## Julie Christensen (Oct 13, 2010)

When I'm in love I can't stop The Partridge Family's "I think I love you" from going around and around in my head.


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## Alm Hlgh (Dec 6, 2010)

Julie Christensen said:


> When I'm in love I can't stop The Partridge Family's "I think I love you" from going around and around in my head.


lololo, great now you've got that song looped in my head....


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## SuzanneTyrpak (Aug 10, 2010)

For me, falling in love in middle-age isn't much different than falling in love when I was a teenager. Same symptoms:

Loss of appetite
Fantasizing=delusion
Can't stop thinking about him=obsession
A rush of hormones
My heart speeds up when I see him

Oh, wait...maybe I'm having a heart attack.

The difference: now I know (from experience) that these symptoms will subside. Eventually.


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## RobynB (Jan 4, 2011)

SuzanneTyrpak said:


> For me, falling in love in middle-age isn't much different than falling in love when I was a teenager. Same symptoms:
> 
> Loss of appetite
> Fantasizing=delusion
> ...


LOL. And very good point about the symptoms subsiding.


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## Alm Hlgh (Dec 6, 2010)

SuzanneTyrpak said:


> For me, falling in love in middle-age isn't much different than falling in love when I was a teenager. Same symptoms:
> 
> Loss of appetite
> Fantasizing=delusion
> ...


lololo.... I love your wording: "symptoms, delusion" I think that puts things in a nutshell for a lot of people...


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## Sarah Woodbury (Jan 30, 2011)

Yeah--as someone said, there's a difference between that heart-pounding 'crush' kind of love and being 'in love' with a guy you've been married to for 20 years.  I've been in love with my husband since I was 15, and those early days were heart-pounding for sure.  There's the whole thing about 'does he love me?'  'will he show it?'  'Valentines Day is coming up--will he get me something?  Should I get him something?'

In retrospect, I'm really glad I don't have to do that anymore!

At the same time, after being married for 20 years, I still look forward to him coming home from work, we plan lunch and dinner dates, and take a 2 mile walk with each other every day.  Even after four kids . . . the heart still beats


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## Alm Hlgh (Dec 6, 2010)

Sarah Woodbury said:


> Yeah--as someone said, there's a difference between that heart-pounding 'crush' kind of love and being 'in love' with a guy you've been married to for 20 years. I've been in love with my husband since I was 15, and those early days were heart-pounding for sure. There's the whole thing about 'does he love me?' 'will he show it?' 'Valentines Day is coming up--will he get me something? Should I get him something?'
> 
> In retrospect, I'm really glad I don't have to do that anymore!
> 
> At the same time, after being married for 20 years, I still look forward to him coming home from work, we plan lunch and dinner dates, and take a 2 mile walk with each other every day. Even after four kids . . . the heart still beats


Wow that's a tremendous love story.... makes me wanna share a video... actually hm.... There's two, but I'll only share one... It's called Summer Kisses.... Your love sounds like it is still as good as it was when it first started; full of passion... And that's a GREAT SUMMER KISS..


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## Emma Midnight (Feb 19, 2011)

Julie Christensen said:


> When I'm in love I can't stop The Partridge Family's "I think I love you" from going around and around in my head.


Hey, now I have that song in my head too! You're evil!


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## Alm Hlgh (Dec 6, 2010)

Emma Midnight said:


> Hey, now I have that song in my head too! You're evil!


lololo..... welcome to the club.... hahahahaha... I know right?


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## Ruth Harris (Dec 26, 2010)

> Yeah--as someone said, there's a difference between that heart-pounding 'crush' kind of love and being 'in love' with a guy you've been married to for 20 years. I've been in love with my husband since I was 15, and those early days were heart-pounding for sure. There's the whole thing about 'does he love me?' 'will he show it?' 'Valentines Day is coming up--will he get me something? Should I get him something?'
> 
> In retrospect, I'm really glad I don't have to do that anymore!
> 
> At the same time, after being married for 20 years, I still look forward to him coming home from work, we plan lunch and dinner dates, and take a 2 mile walk with each other every day. Even after four kids . . . the heart still beats


Sarah, I know exactly what you mean. I feel the same way about my DH after decades of marriage. And I remember how terrified I was at the prospect of marrying him way back then. I'd been divorced after a very young marriage & swore I'd "never" get married again. But now I'm oh-so-happy, I can hardly believe my luck.


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## Sarah Woodbury (Jan 30, 2011)

I am so lucky have found him, especially so young.  

You never know what is in another person's heart.  At that age, maybe it's a matter of recognizing something in that other person . . . competence?  potential?  integrity?  And going with it.


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## Ruth Harris (Dec 26, 2010)

What first attracted me to him was that he was (and is) very reasonable.  No temper, no yelling, no drama...it's bliss.  It doesn't hurt that he is very decent, honorable and intelligent.

He is messy, though, & it still gets to me--but not as much as it once did.  And he can't cook...in fact, he's a walking kitchen disaster.  lol


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## AnneKAlbert (Dec 7, 2010)

When in love...great topic. And very timely as a woman in her late 70s I've known for years just phoned out of the blue this week to say "I'm engaged!" Her voice sounded stronger than I'd ever heard her speak. Giddiness is not a trait I expected to catch in her voice, but it was there. Pure. Honest. Joy. 

She repeatedly said, "I never wanted this. Who at my age wants to get married again?" And yet, she's going forward. Hopeful. Earnest. Youthful and oh, so brave, once more. 

When in love...we do say and do silly things!


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## Ottilie (Jan 15, 2011)

Get giggly, some stumble of words  which can sound dumb, a silly grin when hearing their name, butterflies in the stomach...


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## Iwritelotsofbooks (Nov 17, 2010)

when in love...you get flowers from your hubby just because--not just on the requisite holidays or when he makes you mad.


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## Sunset (Nov 10, 2010)

When in love, I play it cool and make him do everything while I silently freak out on the inside.


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## KerylR (Dec 28, 2010)

When in love, everything else seems better, too.  Maybe not the whole birds singing brightly and the flowers smell sweeter, but little things annoy me a whole lot less.

When in love there's a moment, usually the first time you sleep (really sleep) with each other, and you wake up and get to watch him sleep.  You get to feel him breathe, hear his heart beat, feel the warmth of his skin, and see him relaxed and unguarded.  That moment there is so precious.


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## Alm Hlgh (Dec 6, 2010)

Wow it's been a while since I've visited this thread... I didn't know that it had become so popular... Lots of reading and and fodder to feed characters... lololo keep them coming...


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## GerrieFerrisFinger (Jun 1, 2011)

I lose my appetite. Good for trimming the waistline.


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## Jon Olson (Dec 10, 2010)

lacymarankevinmichael said:


> when in love...you get flowers from your hubby just because--not just on the requisite holidays or when he makes you mad.


Well, hey, don't tell my wife this.


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## Ann Herrick (Sep 24, 2010)

I think of infatuation as the "can't think straight" part. I'm a believer that actual love takes time and when it's there the feeling is as much about wanting good things for the object of one's love as well as the happiness, etc. that the person _in love_ feels.


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## Kayden Lee (Sep 9, 2011)

When in love I am content with everything else in my life.


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## Alm Hlgh (Dec 6, 2010)

Oh my it has been a while since I've posted in this thread.  But; I do have a few more "when in love" points.  Ready?  Okay...

When in love, run don't walk for love.

When in love, the whole world can abandon you; but I'll always be by your side.

I've been busy writing and haven't had much time to pop in here.  But I will especially seeing so many people enjoying this thread.


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## UnicornEmily (Jul 2, 2011)

. . . want to be on my best behavior.
. . . want to look beautiful.

When it fades into real love (not just new crush):

. . . want to be totally comfortable around him.


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## lmroth12 (Nov 15, 2012)

Emma Midnight said:


> Hey, now I have that song in my head too! You're evil!


Ditto. But there is evil and then there is _evil_. Now if she had mentioned _The Partridge Family's _ *I Woke Up In Love This Morning*, _that _ would be truly *EVIL*, almost to the point of being unforgiveable!!!


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## Alm Hlgh (Dec 6, 2010)

ImRoth12 thanks for stopping by... lololo That's one of my favorite songs... Here's another one...

Justin Timberlake "Not a Bad Thing". Does anyone else have a song or words of love?


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## inuyashatokikyo (Jul 3, 2014)

Talking about love, perfect topic since I just happen to be in love  So everybody and the whole world seem beautiful. Everything goes for the better. When in love, I can only think happy thoughts.


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## Alm Hlgh (Dec 6, 2010)

inuyashatokikyo said:


> When in love, I can only think happy thoughts.


Happy thoughts is a great place to be. When you're not having such a good day; happy thoughts can truly put a smile on your face and temporarily make you forget an unpleasant situation.

I used lots of "happy thoughts" when I once had a job that didn't agree with me. It got me through eight hour days and made returning a possibility. Thanks for sharing.


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## Alm Hlgh (Dec 6, 2010)

I was watching this show “Last Cinderella” and 2 issues came up.  First a married man of about 20 years almost had an affair with one of his wife’s best friends by accident.  When the two discover that he was married to her best friend, even though they didn’t have an affair, they kept a “platonic” relationship from the wife/friend.
The wife found out and of course the drama went through the stages of anger, separation, falling out, etc. and eventually the marriage and friendship were salvaged.  Which makes me ponder can a “friendship” survive a betrayal like that?  I know some marriages can but what about “best friends”?  
The second thing that happened in this drama was the main character a 40 year old woman begins a relationship with a 24 year old man.  The man actually was sent in to woo this woman from another female character love interest.  Anyway as the story goes on the 24 year old actually begins falling for the 40 year old woman.  Towards the end of the drama he’s shown in a jewelry shop looking at engagement rings when he runs into the husband from above.  Once they recognize that his girlfriend is the friend of his wife, the 24 year old (being new to being in love) asks the older man if he can ask him a question.
The question:  “What made you propose to your wife?”
Hmm, well that question got me thinking, “Why do people really get married?”  Is it really for love?  I would love to hear your thoughts about either of these topics or some of your own.


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## Alm Hlgh (Dec 6, 2010)

Lolo ok, I'm still watching this drama and I know it's not real, but it got me to thinking.


In this drama "The Last Cinderella" (Japanese Drama) one of the female characters ask a male character "to make me a woman?"


It just struck me kind of funny that isn't that a lot of pressure to put on a man? I mean it's like saying "he knows". But... but what if he really doesn't know anymore than she does? Will she be disappointed?


In a broader world, do we as women put too much expectation on men when it comes to sex? And because of that, do men "feel pressured" to have to always be "sexually on?"
Just curious, would love to hear some thoughts about this.


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## Betsy the Quilter (Oct 27, 2008)

Hey, Aim High--

Looking at this thread now that it's been resurrected, it looks more appropriate to Not Quite Kindle to us--so I'm going to move it there.  It's not really about books 

Betsy
KB Mod


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## Alm Hlgh (Dec 6, 2010)

I read an interesting phrase today.  It said:

"What if loving the one you're with is teaching you how to love the one you want?" 

It made me stop and think because usually when I'm in a relationship I'm never focused on the who after; but only on the one I'm with.

Would love to hear some of your comments.


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