# First lines that really turned me off



## Jan Strnad (May 27, 2010)

We all know how important that FIRST LINE is! As I was cruising Amazon for something to read, I encountered some truly horrendous first lines that put me right off! Here's a sample:



> It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way -- in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.


Good God! Besides being one of the worst run-on sentences of all time, the author can't even make up his/her mind! Is it the best of times or the worst? Make a commitment! PASS!



> Call me Ishmael.


So is "Ishmael" your name or isn't it? And who the h*ll are you to tell me what to call you? I'll call you "Puddintane" if I want to! PASS!



> I was out with Blood my dog.


Okay, sounds like a nice little story about a kid and his dog, running around some meadow, the dog's chasing sticks. Probably a fine children's story but I like my stories a little more adult and edgy, you know? PASS



> Kilimanjaro is a snow-covered mountain, 19,710 feet high, and is said to be the highest mountain in Africa.


Zzzzzzz! I want a story, not some travelogue about Kiliman-friggin'-jaro! What's next, the average temperature? A chart showing the annual rainfall? PASS



> Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.


God, how dull! Yeah, _that's_ what I want to read, a book about two perfectly normal people! Is it asking too much to want a little _fantasy_ in my fantasy novels? PASS

I gotta tell you, if authors can't grab me with the first sentence, I'm not takin' the bait! I'm sooo glad I avoided all of the above-cited turkeys!


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## Gregory Lynn (Aug 9, 2011)

Jan Strnad said:


> God, how dull! Yeah, _that's_ what I want to read, a book about two perfectly normal people! Is it asking too much to want a little _fantasy_ in my fantasy novels? PASS
> 
> I gotta tell you, if authors can't grab me with the first sentence, I'm not takin' the bait! I'm sooo glad I avoided all of the above-cited turkeys!


The first line of Philosopher's Stone is most excellent. Proud is the key word in it and pride is a bit of a theme throughout the series.


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## arvel (Jun 23, 2012)

I love Tale of Two Cities! *laughs* This is pretty hilarious. So many famous first lines. 

I always did like Moby Dick's first line, "Call me Ishmael." It always had so much mystery behind it.


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## JGray (Mar 7, 2012)




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## Martin OHearn (Feb 9, 2012)

"I am the best of times, I am the worst of times..."

First person, present tense will fix anything.


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## JRTomlin (Jan 18, 2011)

That's pretty funny since the ONLY interesting line in all of Moby Dick (from the point of view of someone who sincerely dislikes the novel) is that first line. It's a fantastic one exactly because of the questions you ask.



> So is "Ishmael" your name or isn't it? And who the h*ll are you...


And of course, there is the other question of why do you identify with the disinherited outcast Ishmael? Too bad the novel didn't stick with answering those questions instead of going on at length about whale blubber and anatomy. And the tedious Capt. Ahab.

ETA: Now if you want to discuss first lines, contemplate this one:

Riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs.


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## That one girl (Apr 12, 2011)

"It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen." *swoon*


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## Kristine McKinley (Aug 26, 2012)

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife."


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## dalya (Jul 26, 2011)

I do get that this is a satire thread, but I have to say ... first lines are important!!

Sometimes I'll sample a book and it'll have a plain opening like:

- She'd been having the dream again.
- He gripped the gun tightly.
- Something bad was going to happen, if he couldn't get there in time.

YAWNNNSIES

What a waste!! IMHO, a first line should look like a first line. You isolate that puppy, look at it, and ask ... is that an opening line? If I can't remember the opening line from one of my books, then I know I didn't do a great job. (There are a few.)

Let's all do a checksies on the first line in our WIP ...


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## elalond (May 11, 2011)

I just started to read the book which first line is: "It was a nice day."


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## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

I love these examples. And JK Rowling. I would make out with her face.

I think writers (typically newish ones) overemphasize the importance of first lines. Not saying they should suck--but there's no use having a "pow!" opening unless the rest is great, too. And I can usually tell when a writer is trying too hard to have an awesome opening line. It's usually disconnected from the rest of the first chapter in tone or theme.

I've read quite a few books where the authors clearly put a lot of thought to their first lines, and the rest of the book was kinda poopy. That is the technical term, fyi.


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## Morgan Gallagher (Feb 13, 2011)

Kristine McKinley said:


> "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife."


Got there before me! Therefore, I have to go with..

"Lessa woke, cold."


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## Jan Strnad (May 27, 2010)

JRTomlin said:


> That's pretty funny since the ONLY interesting line in all of Moby Dick (from the point of view of someone who sincerely dislikes the novel) is that first line. It's a fantastic one exactly because of the questions you ask.
> 
> And of course, there is the other question of why do you identify with the disinherited outcast Ishmael? Too bad the novel didn't stick with answering those questions instead of going on at length about whale blubber and anatomy. And the tedious Capt. Ahab.
> 
> ...


I've read _Moby Dick_ three times, each time under duress (school), and hated it each time. I think of revisiting it as an adult and then think...naaaw.

I find Dickens unreadable.

I have never attempted _Finnegan's Wake_. Now that I've reduced my total brain cell count by about 80%, I don't think I'll ever get around to it.


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## Atunah (Nov 20, 2008)

I got hooked by:

“To say that I met Nicholas Brisbane over my husband's dead body is not entirely accurate. Edward, it should be noted, was still twitching upon the floor.”


But its not a requirement for me to have a catchy first line in a book. I'd rather be hooked by the whole book, than just the first line.


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## JRTomlin (Jan 18, 2011)

Jan Strnad said:


> I've read _Moby Dick_ three times, each time under duress (school), and hated it each time. I think of revisiting it as an adult and then think...naaaw.
> 
> I find Dickens unreadable.
> 
> I have never attempted _Finnegan's Wake_. Now that I've reduced my total brain cell count by about 80%, I don't think I'll ever get around to it.


I also read_ Moby Dick_ under duress and _Finnegan's Wake_ as well. For one thing, if you're not intimately acquainted with Dublin, Catholicism, the classics and the theory of Eternal return and read at least 5 languages, it's almost impossible to make anything of _Finnegan's Wake_. It's way more work than any single piece of literature should be. 

ETA: My own favorite first line probably says rather a good deal about me:

It was the day my grandmother exploded. -Iain M. Banks, _The Crow Road _


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## jackz4000 (May 15, 2011)

I think the whole fuss about the great first line is over-rated. The second and third lines should also be great and reinforce the first line as the story opens and the reader is transported somewhere else.


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## CraigInOregon (Aug 6, 2010)

Yeah! Right on, Jan!

And while we're at it, how 'bout this one?



> The murdered man's body floated near the bottom of the Cooves County Reservoir.


So, I don't get it... is the body floating, or did it sink? How many bodies actually hover mid-lake, rather than settling to the bottom of a reservoir?

And we're TOLD he's murdered? There goes any sense of mystery... PA... oh, wait... already bought it, read it, and liked it. Dang.


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## ChristopherDavidPetersen (Mar 24, 2011)

Great first lines are wonderful... if you can think of them, but I think writing a powerful story is WAY more important. I don't get hung up on the first line. I might think about it for a brief moment, but I won't let it hold up my story. While I'm writing, if I'm inspired, I'll come back and update it.

I have to laugh, with my book "Tear in Time" (that's tear as in torn, btw), I just jotted down the first line and never gave it much thought afterwards... that is until someone told me they absolutely LOVED it. Go figure, huh? lol.
Here it is:  "Life and destiny stood for one last moment, perfectly synced in time. Never again would the world see the past as they remembered, as one death would change the world’s destiny forever."

And for the record: I LOVED Moby Dick. Guess I'm the "odd" man out


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## JRTomlin (Jan 18, 2011)

jljarvis said:


> <in my best Maggie Smith voice> Ending with a preposition, Emily? Really?


Nothing wrong with ending with a preposition. One of those myths about a non-existant rule of English grammar.


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## Paul Clayton (Sep 12, 2009)

Moby Dick and A Tale of Two Cities are both big favs of mine.  And of course, with opening lines like that, they'd never be published today, traditionally, that is.  And they don't have zombies (of course the new knockoffs do) and they're not all about sex.  Those authors, if they were alive now would probably go the Kindle route.  And their books would probably sit at 573,598 cause everyone wants a snappy first line.  We like fast food, fast women (and men), sitcoms, rap (don tell me 'bout no Shakespeare... I no what to do after I pee...), fast cars, as long as they're electric or don't pollute too much, etc.  I love the new crap culture.


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## Thomas Watson (Mar 8, 2012)

ChristopherDavidPetersen said:


> And for the record: I LOVED Moby Dick. Guess I'm the "odd" man out


Not so odd, since that makes (at least) two of us.

There are many works of literature I found excruciating to read in school, that when read as an adult revealed something marvelous to my imagination. And some of them even had cool first lines!


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## MeiLinMiranda (Feb 17, 2011)

I was forced to read Moby Dick in school, hated it (the idiot--and I mean idiot--teaching our class and I disagreed violently on the book's themes so he gave me a D). Read it as an adult and was floored. Melville was a helluva writer.

Now that very first example, doesn't that writer know that you should NEVER use "am," "was," "is" or any other form of the verb "to be"? This is true because every first-time writer advice blog on the intertubes says so. Plus also where's the protagonist? Tsk. 

(as it happens, I love Dickens. I love Trollope more.)


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## Thomas Watson (Mar 8, 2012)

MeiLinMiranda said:


> (as it happens, I love Dickens. I love Trollope more.)


Barchester Towers... The book that taught me to appreciate satire.


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## MeiLinMiranda (Feb 17, 2011)

Oh, yay.  The Trollope email list I'm on has just embarked on the full set of Palliser novels; we're coming to the end of _Can You Forgive Her._ I'm looking forward to discussing _The Way We Live Now_, as relevant today as when it was written some 130 years ago. A deep cove, that Trollope.


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## Scarlett_R (Sep 30, 2011)

I know someone who put together a whole book on first lines! Even bad ones....


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## Carol (was Dara) (Feb 19, 2011)

jljarvis said:


>


"I like it. It's not brilliant but I like it."

Not a first line but I can't see the Dowager Countess without thinking it.


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## QuantumIguana (Dec 29, 2010)

MeiLinMiranda said:


> I was forced to read Moby Dick in school, hated it (the idiot--and I mean idiot--teaching our class and I disagreed violently on the book's themes so he gave me a D). Read it as an adult and was floored. Melville was a helluva writer.


Negative reviews of classic novels very often start out with "I was forced to read this in school," or something similar. I know teachers want to instill a love of classic literature in their students, but it often just makes people hate it.


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## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

I'm a HUGE love of Edgar Allan Poe (I have three black animals named Edgar, Allan, and Poe, fyi), and when we got to him in American literature, I still just about started hating him. Having to over-analyze things in school sucks ALL the fun out of awesome books. 

That was my first exposure to Moby Dick, too, and I had a similar experience to MeiLin--I got into pretty big fights with my teacher and ended up transferring out of American lit to sci-fi/fantasy (yes, that was a class at my high school), where I was much happier to argue about Ender's Game and The Hobbit. People don't try as hard to analyze the themes of more modern books, it seems.


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## JRTomlin (Jan 18, 2011)

QuantumIguana said:


> Negative reviews of classic novels very often start out with "I was forced to read this in school," or something similar. I know teachers want to instill a love of classic literature in their students, but it often just makes people hate it.


I read it at university, not exactly the same thing.


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## Andykay (May 10, 2012)

T.S. Welti said:


> "It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen." *swoon*


Winner!

I love first lines. Or at least first paragraphs. That's what really did it for me with Wool. I read that first paragraph in the sample and instabought it based on that, without reading the rest. It was that good.

And since we're all doing it, my favourite first line (technically three sentences, but still). China Mieville - Perdido Street Station.

_Veldt to scrub to fields to farms to these first tumbling houses that rise from the earth. It has been night for a long time. The hovels that encrust the river's edge have grown like mushrooms around me in the dark. _


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## Lindafaye (Mar 29, 2012)

I have had a title of a book repel me.....I love Laura Lippman's Tess Monaghan series but she wrote a stand alone that I will not even consider buying or reading because of the title. Totally uncalled for.


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## julidrevezzo (Sep 15, 2012)

The first one that comes to mind this morning is this:

"I'd never given much thought to how I would die--though I'd had reason enough in the past few months--but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this."

Twilight, Stephanie Myer. I'm sure there are others but that's the only one I can think of right now.


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## Richard Black (Sep 7, 2012)

Any first line that describes a character waking up. Could there be anything more boring? Maybe "He was asleep" followed by a description of him waking up.


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## LinaG (Jun 18, 2012)

I'll Bite:


Whan that Aprille with his shoures soote	
The droghte of Marche hath perced to the roote,	
And bathed every veyne in swich licour,	
Of which vertu engendred is the flour;

How can you even call that English?  They can't even spell!


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