# Lesbian Crush Diaries



## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

*Lesbian Crushes at School: A Diary on Growing Up Gay in the Eighties* (1983-1989)

In 1983 thirteen-year-old Natasha is in love with her French teacher, Miss Williams. When Natasha is cruelly banished from Miss Williams's class forever, the love develops into obsession ... stalking ... unhealthy behaviour ... and painfully misguided cries for attention.

This uncomfortable yet light-hearted memoir in diary form is primarily a record of obsession.

Natasha is a love-sick lesbian teenager in an all-girls school in the eighties, juggling her Latin homework, Bible study, a crush on Elaine Paige, and her suppressed sexuality. How can she make sense of it all?

But more importantly ... tormented by unrequited love ... how can Natasha make Miss Williams love her back?

*Lesbian Crushes and Bulimia: A Diary on How I Acquired my Eating Disorder* (1989-1990)

In 1989 nineteen-year-old Natasha is obsessively in love with her former teacher, Miss Williams. The tattoo she flashes around says so. Natasha meets Alex, a girl her own age, who questions her about the tattoo. An awkward romance is born.

In this real-life teenage diary Natasha records her panic at a looming LESBIAN relationship. To lose some excess fat, she starves herself of food ... whilst working in a chip shop. And just to make sure she's gay, Natasha drags five boys into bed in the space of a week, a sin for which the sexuality police threaten to kick her out of the university Lesbian and Gay Society.

In this coming out story and love story, Natasha struggles with clumsy attempts at heterosexuality, the sickening effects of weight loss techniques, disapproving shaven-headed lesbians, and sexual harassment in the chip shop.

*Lesbian Crushes in France: A Diary on Screwing Up my Year Abroad* (1990-1991)

In 1990 twenty-year-old Natasha finds herself in France on her university year abroad. She is ANGRY. Everyone should be a lesbian, or she will punish them for their oversight (particularly her bemused fellow English assistant friend, Ange).

The _frites_ and the _patisseries_ are not helping Natasha recover from her bulimia. And the door-to-door Mormon missionaries are bedevilling her reluctant search for God.

Natasha does not respond well to the frosty demands of the headmaster of the school where she is teaching.

She passes her time befriending a pair of thieving drop-outs on the run from the law, skinning up grilled banana skins, dodging flashers, and hitch-hiking around Europe.


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## Jan Hurst-Nicholson (Aug 25, 2010)

I like your covers. Have you changed them?


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

Jan Hurst-Nicholson said:


> I like your covers. Have you changed them?


Thanks so much, Jan  I completely overhauled the look a few months ago in preparation for my diary SERIES. Designed them myself. Took an AGE.


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## Jan Hurst-Nicholson (Aug 25, 2010)

Natasha Holme said:


> Thanks so much, Jan  I completely overhauled the look a few months ago in preparation for my diary SERIES. Designed them myself. Took an AGE.


Wow. Do you have a graphics background? 
Have you noticed a change in sales with the new covers?


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

Jan Hurst-Nicholson said:


> Wow. Do you have a graphics background?


I don't know!
Got a grade A in my Art O Level at school.
Have read several books on the rules of graphic design.
Love typography.
Am a web developer. I create the visuals for my websites as well as build them.



Jan Hurst-Nicholson said:


> Have you noticed a change in sales with the new covers?


No ...


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## Jan Hurst-Nicholson (Aug 25, 2010)




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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

Jan Hurst-Nicholson said:


>


I completely revised both book description and book cover, yet sales remained the same (a humble fifteen or so per month for my bulimia diary). Do your sales change vastly when you do this? I'd been led to believe mine would.


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## Jan Hurst-Nicholson (Aug 25, 2010)

Natasha Holme said:


> I completely revised both book description and book cover, yet sales remained the same (a humble fifteen or so per month for my bulimia diary). Do your sales change vastly when you do this? I'd been led to believe mine would.


_But Can You Drink The Water?_ was a bestseller back in 2011 but then fell off the graph. I revised it a bit by adding (droll, witty and utterly British) as part of the title (it does appear on the cover). Also kept it going by writing a new blurb as per a post saying what Bookbub thinks gets the most clicks, such as the word 'hilarious', Had a nice bump after a countdown, but that has slowed. My new cover has only been up a few days so don't know how that will do. It will need some exposure first.

15 books a month is not bad seeing you are writing for a much smaller readership. I only get 1-4 sales a day from 10 books, but the children's books sell hardly any. I think I will have better luck with print books for children and this is proving so with _The Race. _

I'm marketing Headmaster as 'an offbeat romance with an unexpected outcome' to see how that will go.


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

I'll try adding 'hilarious' to my account of bulimia and let you know how I get on ;-)


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## Jan Hurst-Nicholson (Aug 25, 2010)

Natasha Holme said:


> I'll try adding 'hilarious' to my account of bulimia and let you know how I get on ;-)


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## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

Welcome to KBoards, Or Welcome Back  OR Hi, glad you're still here.  Congratulations on the book! 

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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

FIRST review of Lesbian Crushes at School is in: www.goodreads.com/review/show/1020512283.

And it's a FIVE star. What an enormous relief


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## Jan Hurst-Nicholson (Aug 25, 2010)

Natasha Holme said:


> FIRST review of Lesbian Crushes at School is in: www.goodreads.com/review/show/1020512283.
> 
> And it's a FIVE star. What an enormous relief


    hope there are more to follow!


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

Jan Hurst-Nicholson said:


> hope there are more to follow!


Torture yesterday, Jan. Goodreads told me I'd got a second review and rating, but they hadn't updated their database, so I couldn't SEE. ...

When I went back hours later, Goodreads told me I had zero reviews and ratings. Don't they know what this does to us?? 


However, this morning, they made amends by reinstating my second review and rating. Another FIVE star. www.goodreads.com/review/show/1021394446


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

Sharing some of my most beloved music from my diaries ...
(You must be signed into your Spotify account)

Spotify playlist for Lesbian Crushes at School: A Diary on Growing Up Gay in the Eighties (1983-1989)
Spotify playlist for Lesbian Crushes and Bulimia: A Diary on How I Acquired my Eating Disorder (1989-1990)

Including my favourite song ever, from 1986:


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

I wrote a handy blog post:

Tips for lesbians on how to go out with boys


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

Just got my paperback books into the local bookshop


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

Wrote a new blog post on how my diary-writing obsession started: 

www.lesbiancrushdiaries.com/how-my-diary-writing-obsession-started


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

A Quick Chat with Author Natasha Holme:

www.hershemag.com/hershe-artist-feature/a-quick-chat-with-authornatasha-holme


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

Just published my third book ...

*Lesbian Crushes in France: A Diary on Screwing Up my Year Abroad* (1990-1991)

In 1990 twenty-year-old Natasha finds herself in France on her university year abroad. She is ANGRY. Everyone should be a lesbian, or she will punish them for their oversight (particularly her bemused fellow English assistant friend, Ange).

The _frites _and the _patisseries _are not helping Natasha recover from her bulimia. And the door-to-door Mormon missionaries are bedevilling her reluctant search for God.

Natasha does not respond well to the frosty demands of the headmaster of the school where she is teaching.

She passes her time befriending a pair of thieving drop-outs on the run from the law, skinning up grilled banana skins, dodging flashers, and hitch-hiking around Europe.

Amazon UK | Amazon US


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## Michael Cargill (Sep 12, 2011)

I've been looking forward to this!

Just bought it.  Be sure to update your thread on Goodreads or Patti will be wondering what the chuffing hell you're playing at.


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

Michael Cargill said:


> I've been looking forward to this!
> 
> Just bought it. Be sure to update your thread on Goodreads or Patti will be wondering what the chuffing hell you're playing at.


Goodness me, you're probably first, Michael. Thank you so much for the lovely message and the purchase.

Just updated my Goodreads books thread!


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

I made my first Australian book sale with my new French diary. Have now conquered Germany, France, Canada, and Australia!


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

I have just published all three of my diaries in ONE collection: *Lesbian Crush Diaries: School, Bulimia, France*.

The ebook is astounding value at £1.99 /$2.99.
The paperback is appallingly overpriced at £13.70 /$24.68 (the minimum that Amazon would allow).

*PAPERBACK*:
UK: www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1511700998 
US: www.amazon.com/dp/1511700998

*EBOOK*:
UK: www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00WDCM984 
US: www.amazon.com/dp/B00WDCM984

Happy reading!


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

New blog post--a question I asked myself into my twenties:

*Am I gay?*


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

New blog post ...

Confessions of a teenage stalker

Ever done anything like this? Please let me know in the blog comments.


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

New blog post ...

Reasons NOT to keep a diary


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

Latest review of Lesbian Crushes at School:

www.goodreads.com/review/show/1549845848

"Read this book. Read everything Natasha Holme puts out, because her honesty and authenticity is incredibly refreshing and valuable."


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

The 19th century lesbian diarist Anne Lister lived here. Helena Whitbread (pictured), Anne's biographer, is giving me the tour of Anne's town, Halifax, UK, this week. Woo hoo!


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

And here's 19th century lesbian diarist Anne Lister's bedroom in Shibden Hall ...


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

A spread of my old encoded handwritten diaries from the eighties and nineties, to feature in forthcoming collaboration with Helena Whitbread, historian and editor of The Secret Diaries of Miss Anne Lister.


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

Sea, sand and sex in Georgian Scarborough:
www.annelister.co.uk/sea-sand-and-sex-in-georgian-scarborough

Anne Lister's 19th century lesbian relationship with a married woman is in crisis. Comments on my friend Helena Whitbread's new blog post are MOST welcome.


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## Jan Hurst-Nicholson (Aug 25, 2010)

Good to see your list of books is growing


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

Jan Hurst-Nicholson said:


> Good to see your list of books is growing


Three diaries, plus one compilation of the three, Jan. Have just finished working on a 25,000 word collaboration with Helena Whitbread, the biographer of the 19th century lesbian landowner Anne Lister. We're comparing and contrasting Anne's encoded diaries with my own.


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## Jan Hurst-Nicholson (Aug 25, 2010)

Natasha Holme said:


> Three diaries, plus one compilation of the three, Jan. Have just finished working on a 25,000 word collaboration with Helena Whitbread, the biographer of the 19th century lesbian landowner Anne Lister. We're comparing and contrasting Anne's encoded diaries with my own.


That should be interesting, and of historical importance.


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

I have just published a new book--a Q&A collaboration with *Helena Whitbread*, author of _The Secret Diaries of Miss Anne Lister_. Anne was a wealthy lesbian diarist who lived two centuries before our time.

Helena and I investigate Anne's and my obsession with keeping detailed encoded diaries about every aspects of our lives, including our lesbian sexuality. The book is illustrated with photographs of Anne's and my diaries. Section headings include:

Early sexuality
Keeping a diary in the age of technology
The mentality behind keeping a detailed diary
Encoding
Similarities and differences in Anne's and Natasha's diaries
Obsessiveness
How Anne managed her lesbian sexuality
Adult sexuality
Christianity
Helena's reaction to Anne's and Natasha's diaries
*PAPERBACK *(4.99 in UK currency)
UK: www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1539873366
US: www.amazon.com/dp/1539873366

*EBOOK *(1.99 in UK currency)
UK: www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01N78B99Q
US: www.amazon.com/dp/B01N78B99Q

"When I first heard that you have been keeping a diary from a young age and, furthermore, that you had used an esoteric code, I was immediately interested. I was further intrigued by the fact that you are a lesbian and wrote about your sexual life. It seemed to me that a modern parallel could be drawn with Anne Lister, the early 19th century lesbian diarist who had written a great deal about her lesbian sexuality in her journals, couched in a secret code of her own devising. I thought it would be interesting to see how far this hypothesis could be taken and wondered if you would be willing to join me in an exploration of the similarities and differences, as diarists and as lesbians, between yourself and a woman who lived some two hundred years before your time."
_Helena Whitbread_​


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## Jan Hurst-Nicholson (Aug 25, 2010)

Congrats on the launch of the new book.


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

Jamie Days' blog is an extensive resource on his obsession with 1980s diaries. I was interviewed by him here:

https://jamiedaysblog.wordpress.com/2018/01/02/being-a-lesbian-was-not-the-done-thing-meeting-natasha-holme/


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## Jan Hurst-Nicholson (Aug 25, 2010)

Natasha Holme said:


> Jamie Days' blog is an extensive resource on his obsession with 1980s diaries. I was interviewed by him here:
> 
> https://jamiedaysblog.wordpress.com/2018/01/02/being-a-lesbian-was-not-the-done-thing-meeting-natasha-holme/


Congrats. Nice interview.


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

Thanks, Jan  I think my favourite Q & A is:

*Q: What do you think of yourself when you look back at what you wrote?*
_A: I feel just slightly remorseful, as I was far more whacky, interesting, adventurous, irresponsible, self-destructive than I am today. What I gained in self-respect and self-awareness, I lost in character._

Lost youth!


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## Jan Hurst-Nicholson (Aug 25, 2010)

Natasha Holme said:


> Thanks, Jan  I think my favourite Q & A is:
> 
> *Q: What do you think of yourself when you look back at what you wrote?*
> _A: I feel just slightly remorseful, as I was far more whacky, interesting, adventurous, irresponsible, self-destructive than I am today. What I gained in self-respect and self-awareness, I lost in character._
> ...


I thought that was an interesting reply, but don't agree that you 'lost anything in character' - perhaps you are still the same, but slightly more circumspect


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

Jan Hurst-Nicholson said:


> I thought that was an interesting reply, but don't agree that you 'lost anything in character' - perhaps you are still the same, but slightly more circumspect


Thank you, Jan! I made my musings on that interview snippet into a blog post ...

Self-preservation is just NO FUN: www.lesbiancrushdiaries.com/self-preservation-is-just-no-fun


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## Jan Hurst-Nicholson (Aug 25, 2010)

Natasha Holme said:


> Thank you, Jan! I made my musings on that interview snippet into a blog post ...
> 
> Self-preservation is just NO FUN: www.lesbiancrushdiaries.com/self-preservation-is-just-no-fun


I've sent you an email to the address in the blog post.


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

*When did the pink penny finally drop for you?*

The First Clues


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

*Can you beat these? ...*

Top ten ways NOT to come out: https://www.lesbiancrushdiaries.com/top-ten-ways-not-to-come-out


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

Since 12th May 1937, the day of George VI's Coronation, the Mass Observation project in the UK has been asking members of the public to submit a diary entry for 12th May each year. Here's what I got up to ...

www.lesbiancrushdiaries.com/12th-may-mass-observation-day


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## Jan Hurst-Nicholson (Aug 25, 2010)

Natasha Holme said:


> Since 12th May 1937, the day of George VI's Coronation, the Mass Observation project in the UK has been asking members of the public to submit a diary entry for 12th May each year. Here's what I got up to ...
> 
> www.lesbiancrushdiaries.com/12th-may-mass-observation-day


Interesting concept. I loved reading the entries from ordinary people during the war. 
Enjoy your new car


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

Jan Hurst-Nicholson said:


> Interesting concept. I loved reading the entries from ordinary people during the war.
> Enjoy your new car


I love how historical minutiae is so fascinating--all those little details that wouldn't have felt worth mentioning at the time, but that are so revelatory decades later.

Picking the new car up on Friday, Jan. It's going to be my mobile tent. I'll be doing weekends away around the UK with a double bed made up in the back


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

*A tongue-in-cheek warning ...*

How to become bulimic in 10 lessons


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

Do you have any favourite coming out quotes? Please add them to my latest blog post ...

*Quotes about coming out*
www.lesbiancrushdiaries.com/quotes-about-coming-out


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

*Is there anything about even a modestly spent day that would not be of exquisite interest after nearly a century has passed?*

www.lesbiancrushdiaries.com/mass-observation-2022


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