# Romance readers, are cheating hero's or heroines acceptable?



## EliRey (Sep 8, 2010)

I've read lots of romances where there are misunderstandings that lead the hero or heroine to think the other has cheated. But I've never read one where one actually cheats. I'm sure there are plenty I just personally have not read one.

My question is how would you as a reader feel about specifically the heroine giving into a moment from someone in her past, and allows a hot passionate kiss? She comes to her senses soon enough and is still in love with our hero but she can't seem to stop thinking about _that_ kiss.

Follow up question: Would you prefer the hero find out or not?


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## hsuthard (Jan 6, 2010)

One of the fun things about Stephanie Plum is how she enjoys two hot, sexy men. One is definitely her Romantic lead, but she never gets too far away from Ranger, either. That's not a romance, though, so it plays better.


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## Carol (was Dara) (Feb 19, 2011)

As a reader, I'd forgive a heroine for slipping up long enough to kiss another guy. But if she actually slept with someone else while in a relationship and never showed any regret (and never told her boyfriend or spouse) that'd be another story...


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## CJArcher (Jan 22, 2011)

I agree with Dara, a kiss is ok in my opinion but it would be harder to get away with the heroine sleeping with another guy.  And she definitely should show remorse too.  Of course this is for books marketed as romance.  For books where the romance is a secondary thread, you could get away with so much more.  Good luck with what you decide.


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## kindlegrl81 (Jan 19, 2010)

I don't like it; it makes it really hard to like a character when they do that, especially when it is a romance novel.  In fact I recently refused to finish a book when the female lead suddenly decided to take up prostitution in order to pay for her boyfriends music career


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## Katie Salidas (Mar 21, 2010)

I have to agree with Dara here. A kiss might be forgivable. Mistakes happen, however, sex... out of the question. I despise cheating in any form and if I see a character do it, it creates instant hatred. I don't care how much the cheater regrets it and comes clean. You do the deed you've lost me. But I have an extreme hatred of it so I might be in the minority here.


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## JJayKamp (Mar 11, 2011)

Wow.  I don't think I could've finished a story like that, either!

I think CJ is right:  it depends on what kind of book you're writing.  For instance, if it's a Regency novel, then the heroine shouldn't even discuss certain topics with a man besides the hero.  In a romance novel that's bordering on erotica, you could probably get away with a lot.  It all depends on the tone of your story, and whether the said kiss is central to what happens between your carefully crafted characters.


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## EliRey (Sep 8, 2010)

This is a bit different... her brothers were so over bearing NO GUY dare try to hang out with her... she fell in love with big brothers best friend.. but after years of being with him and NO one  else.... she meets up with the neighborhood  recluse who took off to the service just as everyone graduated..


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## jason10mm (Apr 7, 2009)

I find this interesting. I don't read this genre, but given how much infidelity there is on TV and in movies, I figured it would bleed over to books as well. Seems like half the "chick flicks" out there are about women cheating on their men because he doesn't give them passion, or women dealing with cheating men because he is inadequate in some way and cheats to compensate. Interesting that the presumed market for these films and the romance book market don't seem to overlap.


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

no "chick flick" this chick ever watched has one of the leads cheating on a partner.
Cheating is wrong and NOT romantic at all. I sure wouldn't read a book with that in it. Confusion between 2 guys maybe, as long as there is no commitment, but once there's a solid commitment, nope.


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## theraven (Dec 30, 2009)

I agree with BTackitt. If the heroine in a romance story is torn between two guys (though now that I'm thinking about it why isn't the hero ever shown as being torn between two women) then I don't have a problem with kissing both potential love interests but I wouldn't want to see her sleeping with both of them. If she's in a committed but not married relationship with one of the guys and kisses someone else, I'm more willing to forgive the heroine if she shows remorse and does everything she can not to let it happen again. If she's married then I'll stop reading even if it's just a kiss.


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## bashfulreader (Jan 29, 2011)

I think it really depends on the circumstances, and the book.  In general, I find cheating to be wrong, and it will turn me off a book.  But as others said, there's a difference between one kiss, and sleeping with someone.

But there are exceptions.  A big one that comes to mind is Outlander.  Without giving away too many spoilers, I'll just say that an extreme situation created what I would call an understandable exception to my rule.  It's all in how it is written.  If there's a really good explanation for the cheating, I might be able to accept it.  If it's glossed over as "no big deal", I will probably not finish the book.


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## Dawn McCullough White (Feb 24, 2010)

Depends how much I like the characters.  If I think lead main character is too good for the person they've paired him or her with and I tend to root for them to find love elsewhere.

Dawn


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## Candee15 (Jan 31, 2010)

kindlegrl81 said:


> I don't like it; it makes it really hard to like a character when they do that, especially when it is a romance novel. In fact I recently refused to finish a book when the female lead suddenly decided to take up prostitution in order to pay for her boyfriends music career


Wow! THAT is the book I'm reading right now. I know what you mean. I just can't get past that. I mean HUH? He should be understanding about THAT? I don't get it.


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## kindlegrl81 (Jan 19, 2010)

Candee15 said:


> Wow! THAT is the book I'm reading right now. I know what you mean. I just can't get past that. I mean HUH? He should be understanding about THAT? I don't get it.


I know...the whole "how dare he be mad at me, doesn't he understand I was just doing it for him," victim persona she tried playing immediately got the book removed from my kindle. I'm really glad I only paid $0.99 for it.


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## EliRey (Sep 8, 2010)

Candee15 said:


> Wow! THAT is the book I'm reading right now. I know what you mean. I just can't get past that. I mean HUH? He should be understanding about THAT? I don't get it.


LOL no this is far from that. I should point out this kiss it the only time she's ever been kissed by anyone else but the hero in her life. Part of the reason why she can't stop thinking about it. So she is not torn in any way between two men. Its just the experience of it. The fact that he was the bad boy of the neighborhood for years also adds to the angst.

So as a reader would you guys want the hero to find out? or prefer that he didn't? I'm afraid he'll come away a wimp if he finds out and forgives but I don't want to break them up... hmmm


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## Mrs. K. (Dec 31, 2010)

In a romance novel-just like on a soap opera- there has to be _something_ that drives (or threatens to drive) the couple apart. You'd be bored by a story quickly if the couple loved each other immediately, had nothing and no one standing in their way, fought about nothing and were always loving and understanding to one another. There would be nothing to tell! So, yeah, I'd say it's possible, and it can be reconciled within a book...but it has to be done very well, and it has to be based on extreme circumstances. And I do mean extreme.

To be more specific than that would be to create a spoiler. 

OOPS...yeah, I guess I should answer the original question. I think the other party should eventually find out about the cheating. A believable relationship can't thrive under the influence of dishonesty.


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## AnneKAlbert (Dec 7, 2010)

I don't think the hero will come across as a wimp if he finds out about the heroine's first kiss, because that's what it is, right? A first kiss, and as a guy, he'll completely understand the heroine's protective brothers. It's a guy thing.

I agree with everyone else, however, cheating? Nope. Never. The book gets tossed at the wall.


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## chipotle (Jan 1, 2010)

I can't even think of a romance I've read where the hero or heroine has cheated; if I have it was probably a contemporary. So I'd say no, it wouldn't work for me.

Now I have read some good love triangle type romances - Lisa Kleypas' Sugar Daddy comes to mind. I think by the time the heroine meets hero #2 the original hero #1 was long gone and only resurfaces briefly. And the author was then nice enough to give hero #1 his own book in another book in the Travis series.


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## bashfulreader (Jan 29, 2011)

EliRey said:


> So as a reader would you guys want the hero to find out? or prefer that he didn't? I'm afraid he'll come away a wimp if he finds out and forgives but I don't want to break them up... hmmm


I vote for the hero finding out. Dishonestly and deception bother me almost as much as cheating. And the hero doesn't have to come off as a wimp. It's all in how he reacts to it.


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## Candee15 (Jan 31, 2010)

kindlegrl81 said:


> I know...the whole "how dare he be mad at me, doesn't he understand I was just doing it for him," victim persona she tried playing immediately got the book removed from my kindle. I'm really glad I only paid $0.99 for it.


What gets me is that there's a story there. WHY put something soooooooooooooo implausible in an otherwise book that could be realistic? Maybe I'm missing something. My point is: Would ANY man in the world not be upset by that scenario...any man worth having?


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## EliRey (Sep 8, 2010)

bashfulreader said:


> I vote for the hero finding out. Dishonestly and deception bother me almost as much as cheating. And the hero doesn't have to come off as a wimp. It's all in how he reacts to it.


I do this thing where I refuse to even open the word doc unless I'm sure I know what I'm gonna write next. I'm at the part where I need to decide if he finds out, how and how he'll react. Therefore I haven't opened word for DAYS lol. I keep saying it'll come to me! 

Candee the answer to your question is NO MAN. And certainly not one I'd want to read about.

Well the consensus seems to be that one kiss in the heat of the moment is forgivable so at least I feel better about that. About the rest.. yeah yeah.. it'll come to me.


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## Pechorin (Mar 21, 2011)

I'm thinking that this could maybe work in some kind of life-long saga like The Thorn Birds or something similar where there is a chance for meaningful regret and redemption


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## MichelleR (Feb 21, 2009)

I know this will indicate that I possibly have the moral standards of an alley cat, but the title about cheating made me formulate a different answer in my head than the actual post, which is about kissing. I guess this means that I see kissing as a slip, and not good, but not a complete infidelity.

A kiss ... or two ... is forgivable and can be good drama. A lot of romance readers live for a good grovel -- the making it up to your loved one for messing up royally.

My natural inclination is that actually cheating, meaning getting horizontal or inserting something into somewhere, is a different matter. The more I think about it though, the more I think a good writer will pull it off -- not without taking a big risk and alienating some romance readers though.


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## Linda S. Prather Author (Jun 25, 2010)

Kay Hooper had a story, and I simply can't remember which one it was now, where there was attraction, clearly physical and mental attraction between the parties, but no unfaithfulness.  In my opinion that elevated the character to a whole new level.  Human and yes, tempted, but true love kept her from crossing that line.  Anything else lowers my opinion of the character, so I guess I'm just old fashioned.  I think I can find many people attractive.  I might even be physically attracted to them, but as long as I love my man--no hanky panky.

Great topic, Eli.

Linda


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## Valerie Maarten (Jan 14, 2011)

I'd like to preface my opinion by saying, "I'm not a prude."  LOL

But I thought about the question and read all of the responses and still I have the same opinion.  I'm an avid romance reader and used to have a real strict criteria for what I thought was "acceptable" behavior.  I'd like to think I've grown since then.  A kiss by the heroine is acceptable in a romance novel to me, but she MUST feel remorse and she MUST confess.  These are the traits in a person that will garner the reader's support and likeability of the character.  Once that line is crossed, I feel it's a deal breaker.  In my mind, it's no different from the heroine not being virginal.  To most readers it's acceptable, but has to have happened during a time that doesn't cause a hinderance with their relationship.  But that's just me...


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## EliRey (Sep 8, 2010)

Lots and lots to think about here. You guys are great. Valerie I hadn't even considered having her confess but you're right that might be the best way to redeem herself to the reader and ultimately to him. 

Great feedback everyone! I love it!


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## Daphne (May 27, 2010)

Not a romance, but definitely a story of obsessive, passionate love, in Wuthering Heights Catherine marries Edgar despite her love for Heathcliff - my favourite lines from Heathcliff: "You loved me - then what _right_ had you to leave me?....Because misery, and degradation, and death, and nothing that God or satan could inflict would have parted us, _you_ of your own will, did it." But since Catherine's and Heathcliff's behaviour is so deranged in every way, perhaps normal rules of acceptability do not apply.


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## MichelleR (Feb 21, 2009)

Heathcliff has left though. He only heard Cathy say that it would degrade her to love him, and not the whole "more myself than I," thing where she calls her love for him eternal and unchanging, as opposed to the shallow thing she feels for Linton. I think it changes the dynamic when the person has taken off for parts unknown. Not that she hasn't paraded Namby-Pamby in front of him -- the little witch.


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## BethCaudill (Mar 22, 2011)

Unless it is a menage story, I don't think a romance story could survive if the Hero or Heroine cheated.  I've seen a few stories where when they were teenagers someone cheated and they broke apart and then the story starts with them getting back together.  But when I read a romance, I want to see the hero and heroine work together and grow together.  You can't build that trust and partnership with one of them cheating.  It wouldn't be a satisfactory story for me.


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## Daphne (May 27, 2010)

MichelleR said:


> Heathcliff has left though. He only heard Cathy say that it would degrade her to love him, and not the whole "more myself than I," thing where she calls her love for him eternal and unchanging, as opposed to the shallow thing she feels for Linton. I think it changes the dynamic when the person has taken off for parts unknown. Not that she hasn't paraded Namby-Pamby in front of him -- the little witch.


True - but undying love should pine hopelessly if the hero (is Heathcliff a hero?) goes, not fix herself up with the first prosperous man who proposes . However, not a typical romance by any standards (Heathcliff tries to hang Isabella's dog - kind of hard to like him). Mind you, it is a while since I read the book - it is just that line sticks in my mind - good, passionate, eternal love.


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## MariaESchneider (Aug 1, 2009)

EliRey said:


> I've read lots of romances where there are misunderstandings that lead the hero or heroine to think the other has cheated. But I've never read one where one actually cheats. I'm sure there are plenty I just personally have not read one.
> 
> My question is how would you as a reader feel about specifically the heroine giving into a moment from someone in her past, and allows a hot passionate kiss? She comes to her senses soon enough and is still in love with our hero but she can't seem to stop thinking about _that_ kiss.
> 
> Follow up question: Would you prefer the hero find out or not?


Meh. I have read at least one where one party cheated. I didn't like the book because of it and I wouldn't search out another. I like Evanovich's series, but I confess that one of the reasons I stopped reading it was because she never chose. In the end, I'm a one-man kinda gal so to answer your question, no it wouldn't really work for me.

But take heart! I don't read much romance anymore so you don't have to worry about me!


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