# small--or not so small--disappointment



## cwashburn (May 20, 2013)

I'm writing about friends, relatives and colleagues who don't buy your book, not even one.  Somehow, I had naively expected this.  These are people I've bought a drink for, a coffee for, looked after their cat for, babysat their kids for, stayed late to help them finish a work project, helped move . . . you get the idea.  Interestingly, the ones who have purchased an e-book or paper copy are mostly people I know more casually, whom I haven't done any particular favours for.  Any of you have similar experiences or is it just me?


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## sighdone (Feb 4, 2011)

I would never expect any of my friends to buy one of my books. They have no obligation to do so, nor should they.


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## Quiss (Aug 21, 2012)

Yes 
I don't think it's uncommon.  

1) some people just assume you'd never know if they bought your book or not. Yesterday I had someone enthuse about wanting one of my paperbacks. Still haven't seen the sale 
2) they don't really understand that even a few sales can make a big difference in sales rank. So even if they don't plan on reading your book, they don't know that spending a few dollars will help you out that way.
3) some of them expect to get a copy for free. 

I no longer expect them to buy the book. Just move on.


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## brendajcarlton (Sep 29, 2012)

You're not the only one.  All those people you talk to about the book you are working on at events and picnics and family get-togethers that all say "I can't wait to read it."  Yeah.  They think you don't know that none of them bought it, but if you only sell five copies in the first month -- you know.  I was naïve enough to believe them.  But now I know better.  They were just being polite.  What I learned was that I was making a big mistake in estimating the appeal of an idea from these conversations.


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## Quiss (Aug 21, 2012)

sighdone said:


> I would never expect any of my friends to buy one of my books. They have no obligation to do so, nor should they.


It kind of falls in the "obligation" category like buying their girl guide cookies/chocolate or raffle tickets for their charity even when you don't need/want a day in the spa or cordless power drill.


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## Jan Hurst-Nicholson (Aug 25, 2010)

A number of my friends have been very enthusiastic about my books, especially the children's books, and have even bought copies for friends and grandchildren etc  . 
But relatives seem to expect to be given a copy.


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## Joshua Dalzelle (Jun 12, 2013)

I'm a bit different I suppose. As a sci-fi writer, I don't expect my friends/family to read books that are in a genre they may either hate or be ambivalent towards. I've had a few friends and family read them and give feedback, but I certainly don't expect it.


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## ElHawk (Aug 13, 2012)

I only want people to read my books if they're likely to genuinely enjoy them.  Not all friends and relatives have tastes in line with your books.


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## swolf (Jun 21, 2010)

If I was buying a friend's book, I would do so without them knowing, just in case I hated it and then I wouldn't have to say anything. 

Maybe they did that and haven't read it yet.


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## Adrian Howell (Feb 24, 2013)

I make a very stubborn point of not letting anyone I directly know (family, friends, co-workers) discover my pen name. They know that I write, but no more than that.
Some of my friends have asked to read my books, and I believe that a few would probably enjoy them (since I know what kind of books they have read).
Nevertheless, I tell them that if they want to read my books, then good luck finding it on Amazon. I don't want anyone reading my books because they know me personally. Yes, I'm bullheaded about this.
As a result, my parents and others probably suspect that I write hardcore pornography, since I absolutely refuse to reveal my pen name to them.


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## Cege Smith (Dec 11, 2011)

When I published my first book, my mom, mother-in-law, sister-in-law and other friends and relatives fell all over themselves buying paperback copies and asking me to sign them for Christmas gifts (I released it right around Thanksgiving). I was (and still am) very appreciative of their support. However, to some of the earlier posters point, not everyone enjoys paranormal horror fiction with a splash of demonic possession - particularly my aunts, many of my husband's relatives, and my 88-year old grandfather. (Who knew they'd all actually read it??)  I get a lot of "yea, uh, hmm, that story was...different" and changing the subject whenever it comes up now. Needless to say, I don't think any of them bought book two.


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## Guest (Jun 28, 2013)

Quiss said:


> It kind of falls in the "obligation" category like buying their girl guide cookies


Buying girl scout cookies is not a family obligation. Thin Mints are a life-affirming necessity.


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## Guest (Jun 28, 2013)

In all seriousness, I don't expect anyone to feel obligated to buy anything I produce for profit. There IS a difference between Thin Mints (yummmmmm) and books. Charity raffles and fundraisers are FUNDRAISERS. You buy to support the church or school or whatever. A book is a FOR PROFIT venture. I don't think we should expect people to buy a for-profit item just to make us feel better about our business decisions. 

My mom gets all my books for free anyway. As she likes to remind me "I didn't charge you all those years I fed you" so I'm not allowed to charge her for books  

And for me, there is a logistical consideration. I have a HUGE family. My mom was the youngest of 13 kids. Do you have any idea how many cousins I have just on my mom's side? Forget in-laws as well. Obligations go both ways. If I want to expect all of my friends and family to buy my book just to be supportive, I have to return that favor. Considering the fact that it costs me enough money just buying birthday and Christmas presents for dozens of kids each year, I'd go bankrupt with that sort of quid pro quo!


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## Lisa Grace (Jul 3, 2011)

Joshua Dalzelle said:


> I'm a bit different I suppose. As a sci-fi writer, I don't expect my friends/family to read books that are in a genre they may either hate or be ambivalent towards. I've had a few friends and family read them and give feedback, but I certainly don't expect it.


Same here. Why would they buy a series aimed at 12-16 year old girls? Or if they don't care for historicals, why would they buy mine? Or my sci-fi anthology, if they're not into sci-fi?

I can't read all my author *friends* novels, and some write in areas I avoid, like erotica.


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## 69959 (May 14, 2013)

I don't expect anyone to buy my books and it's always a pleasant surprise when someone I know does. I've had people apologize for not reading any of my books, but I tell them it's fine and I mean it. Not everyone is into teenage vampires or reapers.


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## swolf (Jun 21, 2010)

Yeah, I don't think I want my sister reading my 'Hot for Sister' series.

Yuuuuck.


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## Rick Gualtieri (Oct 31, 2011)

Bards and Sages (Julie) said:


> Buying girl scout cookies is not a family obligation. Thin Mints are a life-affirming necessity.


Word up!


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## SandraMiller (May 10, 2011)

Bards and Sages (Julie) said:


> Buying girl scout cookies is not a family obligation. Thin Mints are a life-affirming necessity.


Amen!


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## Rick Gualtieri (Oct 31, 2011)

I actually had a friend once apologize to me for not buying my books.  I had to laugh and tell them that reading my stuff was not a prerequisite for being my friend.


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## swolf (Jun 21, 2010)

Thin Mints are bogus.  I eat a ton of them, and I haven't gotten any thinner.


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## Guest (Jun 28, 2013)

swolf said:


> Thin Mints are bogus. I eat a ton of them, and I haven't gotten any thinner.


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## beccaprice (Oct 1, 2011)

I don't *expect* family or friends to purchase my book, but when they go out of their way to tell me that they're going to - even to leaving an Amazon review saying they'll buy it in paper when it comes out  (as well as having purchased it in kindle form) as gifts, and then they don't - that bothers me. I'd rather they just say nothing.


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## Cherise (May 13, 2012)

"Then Jesus told them, 'A prophet is honored everywhere except in his own hometown and among his relatives and his own family.'"
Mark 6:4

I investigated car accidents for Farmers Insurance for 8 years, but they never take my word for anything related to that. Why would it be any different with my books? That said, my mom is my biggest fan. She has hand sold more of my paperbacks than I have!


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## Guest (Jun 28, 2013)

beccaprice said:


> I don't *expect* family or friends to purchase my book, but when they go out of their way to tell me that they're going to - even to leaving an Amazon review saying they'll buy it in paper when it comes out (as well as having purchased it in kindle form) as gifts, and then they don't - that bothers me. I'd rather they just say nothing.


Have you ever had an ugly baby picture shoved in your face by a jubilant new parent? Nobody likes to admit it, but there are some really ugly baby pictures out there and we've all been subjected to them. But when mom or dad is beaming and says "This is junior!" what do we always say? "Oh, how cute." "Oh, he's precious." or some other thing the parent wants to here. We don't say "Damnit, woman! I just ate lunch! Don't show me that creature!"  Family and friends lie to each other all the time to keep the peace. Family lies are the only thing keeping us from killing each other. We pretend little Sally sounded wonderful at her recital even as we make a doctor's appointment to get our ear drums checked for damage. We pretend little Bobby did great in Little League even though he couldn't hit a ball to save his life and picked his nose instead of trying to make a catch. We tell Aunt Hilda at the family reunion that she looks great in that lime green sundress even if she looks like a mutant creature from a lagoon. And the same knee-jerk lying rears its head when cousin Becca announces that she just published a new book and everyone coos "Oh, awesome! I can't wait to read it!"

It's family. If they said nothing, you'd be upset that they weren't talking to you!


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## brendajcarlton (Sep 29, 2012)

> I don't *expect* family or friends to purchase my book, but when they go out of their way to tell me that they're going to - even to leaving an Amazon review saying they'll buy it in paper when it comes out (as well as having purchased it in kindle form) as gifts, and then they don't - that bothers me. I'd rather they just say nothing.


Exactly!!

Once upon a time keeping your word meant something, before the world went insane, and no one is better than anyone else, even if they are liars.


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## gljones (Nov 6, 2012)

I actually don't want my friends/family buying my books.  If they want one I ask them to tell me, and I'll get them one for free.  
Not sure why I feel this way but there it is.


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## cecilia_writer (Dec 28, 2010)

Once I had a couple of books out I took a deep breath and left printed copies of them in my office and the one next-door just to let people know what I'd been doing. It wasn't because I even wanted them to read them - far from it! - but I felt that because writing is now such a large part of my life I didn't want to keep it hidden from the people I work with, who are my friends, but I didn't want to tell them in a way that made it seem I was asking them to buy a copy. 
Oddly enough they all read and liked my near-future sci-fi novel, which doesn't sell, but were half-hearted about my mystery series, which does!


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## swolf (Jun 21, 2010)

One time on my writers' group website, I posted free Smashwords coupons for all of my S.Wolf books.  Some of the members even posted a few "Thanks!" replies.

How many coupons were used?  Zilch.  Nada.  Zero.

None of them have gotten a positive critique from me since.





(Just kidding about the last part.    )


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## Chris Northern (Jan 20, 2011)

Well, I exagerate. But not by much.


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## Maya Cross (May 28, 2012)

I told all my friends not to buy my books.

...and then a bunch of them went and did it anyway. They all seem to think the whole 'sexy romance' thing is cool though. Or maybe they're just trying not to upset me. Either way, I'll take it =)


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## Quiss (Aug 21, 2012)

Bards and Sages (Julie) said:


> We don't say "Damnit, woman! I just ate lunch! Don't show me that creature!"  Family and friends lie to each other all the time to keep the peace. Family lies are the only thing keeping us from killing each other. We pretend little Sally sounded wonderful at her recital even as we make a doctor's appointment to get our ear drums checked for damage.


Oh man, someone once brought a red-haired baby around that had just woken up and looked precisely like a baby orangutang.
I almost said something meant to be comforting and reassuring before I realized that mommy had no idea. When in doubt, smile and coo.


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## Aya Ling (Nov 21, 2012)

I don't have that problem--most of my friends/family don't even read English fiction, let alone ebooks. Which I actually find more liberating


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## swolf (Jun 21, 2010)

Have you ever wondered if anyone you knew had read your books without knowing you were the author?


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## @Suzanna (Mar 14, 2011)

I don't expect family and friends to buy my books. If I learn they're interested, I'll try to find a way to gift them a copy.

I see this situation as being no different than someone who sets up a business to sell Mary Kay cosmetics or tupperware or whatever from their home and then expect all their friends and family to make them rich by buying their stuff. I HATE that and have had to distance myself from "friends" who now see me as their cash cow. No way would I do that to others.


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## @Suzanna (Mar 14, 2011)

swolf said:


> Have you ever wondered if anyone you knew had read your books without knowing you were the author?


This has actually happened to me.  Someone I was on friendly terms with when I used to be a member of the Toronto branch of RWA downloaded my freebie and freaked out when I told her it was my book (my real first name is Saozinha, but I anglocized it for obvious reasons.  ) She told me she was going to get the full length book but I gifted her a copy. 

Edited: typo


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## swolf (Jun 21, 2010)

Suzanna Medeiros said:


> This has actually happened to me.  Someone I was friendly with when I used to be a member of the Toronto branch of RWA downloaded my freebie and freaked out when I told her it was my book (my real first name is Saozinha, but I anglocized it for obvious reasons.  ) She told me she was going to get the full length book but I gifted her a copy.


Very cool.


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## Just Browsing (Sep 26, 2012)

I think friends/family sometimes expect to be given a book for free--that's their thanks for all the support they've given you (assuming they have, of course). I guess I'd rather have support in the form of cheering on/verbal encouragement. Having them buy a book feels too much like I'm asking my friends for $5. A few of my non-fiction friends have bought my erotica book for the novelty. My husband didn't even finish reading it--but he's not a fiction reader. I asked him once if he was going to finish it, and he said I could choose between his finishing my book, or finishing putting the new floor it. I chose the floor. It looks lovely.


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## Zelah Meyer (Jun 15, 2011)

What I did with my stories was offer free electronic copies to friends and family.  I just did a Facebook post saying what the story was about and letting them know that, if they wanted a free copy, they could either ask me to e-mail it to them in the version of their choice - or, if they didn't want me to know they were reading it, they could register at Smashwords and download a free copy with the coupon code I gave them.

I get about 50/50 anonymous downloads to open requests - and I think I had around six people out of 150+ download free copies of my first title and around four people took me up on the offer for my second.  In addition, around six of them bought the first title as well, even though they'd been offered it for free - which was kind of them.  I suspect a couple of them bought the second one too.

My friends and family aren't my customers unless they choose to be, they're my friends and family.


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## Caddy (Sep 13, 2011)

> Oh man, someone once brought a red-haired baby around that had just woken up and looked precisely like a baby orangutang.
> I almost said something meant to be comforting and reassuring before I realized that mommy had no idea. When in doubt, smile and coo.


I got a good laugh out of this. Man, one of our relatives had a baby so homely I almost felt obligated to send a sympathy card. I wasn't sure if I should address it to the baby or the parents. Brutal. Looked better after growing up. Thank God.


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## MT Berlyn (Mar 27, 2012)

Many years ago, I told a cousin of my ambitions and he laughed so hard I thought he was going to choke on his own saliva. Everybody is going to write a book, he said. I think it was the same year I told my grandmother, and she patted my hand and said it was nice to have dreams. For me, it has been best not to have spoken of my writing to anyone I know, family or friends.

I tacked the following by my desk that year and it has been there ever since. I suppose one day when I am either infirm or dead, someone will say, "_Oh, imagine that_."

*For the young who want to
By Marge Piercy

Talent is what they say
you have after the novel
is published and favorably
reviewed. Beforehand what
you have is a tedious
delusion, a hobby like knitting.

Work is what you have done
after the play is produced
and the audience claps.
Before that friends keep asking
when you are planning to go
out and get a job.

Genius is what they know you
had after the third volume
of remarkable poems. Earlier
they accuse you of withdrawing,
ask why you don't have a baby,
call you a bum.

The reason people want M.F.A.'s,
take workshops with fancy names
when all you can really
learn is a few techniques,
typing instructions and some-
body else's mannerisms

is that every artist lacks
a license to hang on the wall
like your optician, your vet
proving you may be a clumsy sadist
whose fillings fall into the stew
but you're certified a dentist.

The real writer is one
who really writes. Talent
is an invention like phlogiston
after the fact of fire.
Work is its own cure. You have to
like it better than being loved.*


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## RHill (Jun 9, 2012)

beccaprice said:


> I don't *expect* family or friends to purchase my book, but when they go out of their way to tell me that they're going to - even to leaving an Amazon review saying they'll buy it in paper when it comes out (as well as having purchased it in kindle form) as gifts, and then they don't - that bothers me. I'd rather they just say nothing.


Yeah. The wife of a cousin (whom I'd never met) FBed me and told me she'd purchased two of my books through B&N. She read them, FBed me and said she loved, etc... Wanted to write a review. Wrote the review and sent it to me for editing as she doesn't spell well. Said she'd get her nephew to help her post it to Amazon. Never happened.

I long for the day I have real fans and don't get miffed at family for not coming to my "recital," especially since I've gone to all of theirs....


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## Gertie Kindle (Nov 6, 2008)

In my experience, family and friends only want free books. 

I sent paper copies of my books to my elderly aunts and my father (who loans them to my cousins), ebooks to the K3 I bought my mother, and a paper copy to my young cousin of the graphic novel I wrote for him.

Anybody else wants to read what I write, they have to buy it.


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## 69959 (May 14, 2013)

Gertie Kindle 'a/k/a Margaret Lake' said:


> In my experience, family and friends only want free books.


I've had the opposite experience, offering to give a free book but being told that they want to buy it! Well, if you insist...


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## Error404 (Sep 6, 2012)

I actually avoid telling my family about my books (not that anyone but a sibling ask) because I know I write in genres that aren't interesting to them.  My mom keeps bothering me to get paperback versions up so she can buy a copy, but I know she'll just stick it up on the shelf without reading it (right next to the paperback my cousin wrote that she never read).  That would hurt worse than them not buying it at all


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## Carol (was Dara) (Feb 19, 2011)

I'm having the opposite experience from the OP. All my nearest and dearest have been enormously supportive of my writing, when I honestly don't expect them to be. I'm surprised whenever one of them tells me they went out and bought my book. On the one hand, I appreciate their support. On the other, I hope they aren't buying books they wouldn't ordinarily be interested in just to humor me. I only want them to read the books if they're the sort of thing that's up their alley. If they won't enjoy them I'd prefer they save their money for a book that's more their cup of tea. Reading should be fun, not a duty.


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## Pnjw (Apr 24, 2011)

swolf said:


> Have you ever wondered if anyone you knew had read your books without knowing you were the author?


This has happened to me. The funny part is I don't use a pen name. I've gotten about four emails that start with, "Deanna, OMG, I didn't realize when I read this that the Deanna Chase that wrote this was _you_."


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## Pnjw (Apr 24, 2011)

Suzanna Medeiros said:


> I don't expect family and friends to buy my books. If I learn they're interested, I'll try to find a way to gift them a copy.
> 
> I see this situation as being no different than someone who sets up a business to sell Mary Kay cosmetics or tupperware or whatever from their home and then expect all their friends and family to make them rich by buying their stuff. I HATE that and have had to distance myself from "friends" who now see me as their cash cow. No way would I do that to others.


Ohh, I hate that too. To be honest, I just assume most people I know aren't interested and it makes me uncomfortable to talk about my books unless they bring it up first.

Though I do think it's a nice thing to do when friends and family buy a new author's book.


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## Carol (was Dara) (Feb 19, 2011)

Chris Northern said:


>


Quoted just because it's Cumberbatch. And because it made me laugh 'til I had tears in my eyes.


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## Wansit (Sep 27, 2012)

cwashburn said:


> I'm writing about friends, relatives and colleagues who don't buy your book, not even one. Somehow, I had naively expected this. These are people I've bought a drink for, a coffee for, looked after their cat for, babysat their kids for, stayed late to help them finish a work project, helped move . . . you get the idea. Interestingly, the ones who have purchased an e-book or paper copy are mostly people I know more casually, whom I haven't done any particular favours for. Any of you have similar experiences or is it just me?


I don't want my friends, relatives or colleagues to my book UNLESS they're a fantasy fan and I know this the type of thing they regularly read. Pushing one to buy my book would be like my friend who's a car salesman constantly pushing me to buy from his dealership - sale or not. It's rude in my view.


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## Cheyanne (Jan 9, 2013)

None of my friends/family bought my book but that's because I gave them all a copy.


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## Tim_A (May 25, 2013)

Most of my friends are aware of it from mentions on Facebook. But I don't talk about it in the pub or anything, unless they bring it up. I know a couple of them have bought it and read it, because they told me. But otherwise, I doubt that any of them have. Most of my family is far flung and not au fait with the interweb, so they're only slowly catching up through snail channels.


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