# FREE Today & Tomorrow 9/26 & 9/27: Cutting the Cheese at Amazon



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

*FREE Today & Tomorrow September 26th & 27th at Amazon*  


*Cutting the Cheese

by Edward C. Patterson
Kindleboard Book Profile for Cutting the Cheese
Luke Oliver has just come out of the closet and confronts a brave new world - a meeting of the Gay and Lesbian Activist Association of New Birch and Sipsboro (GLAABS) - your run of the mill, gay political caucus. Run of the Mill? . . . my @$$. Stepping across the threshold of the Otterson estate exposes Luke to horny and hilarious shenanigans that give the Boys in the Band a run for its money. Who wants whom? Who has whom? Who will win Luke's . . . let's say, attentions?

A self-effacing, comic romp through the Gay hierarchy, Cutting the Cheese is a reality check from the author's provocative coming out experience in a drizzled-pink world; an outrageous ride down the funny bone. Repeat riding is encouraged. It's every one for themself in New Birch's Gay Ghetto. To Hell with Robert's Rules of Order.  * 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0...=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0010K2ER6
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0...=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0010K2ER6

*Table of Contents

Slice One: Cheddar-Sharp
Slice Two: Roquefort
Slice Three: Stilton
Slice Four: Baby Bon Bel
Slice Five: Liederkranz
Slice Six: Neufchatel
Slice Seven: Mozzarella
Slice Eight: Camembert
Slice Nine: Provolone
Slice Ten: Gorgonzola
Slice Eleven: Velveeta
Slice Twelve: Brie
Slice Thirteen: Feta
Slice Fourteen: Jack
Slice Fifteen: Pot Cheese
Slice Sixteen: Mascarpone
Slice Seventeen: Gouda
Slice Eighteen: Ricotta
Slice Nineteen: Hickory Smoked
Slice Twenty: Fontina
Slice Twenty-One: Asiago
Slice Twenty-Two: Gjetost
Slice Twenty-Three: Reblechon
Slice Twenty-Four: Bel Paese
Slice Twenty-Five: Boursault
Slice Twenty-Six: Mimolette
Slice Twenty-Seven: Fromunder Cheese
Slice Twenty-Eight: Cream Harvarti*​
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here's a few pull-quotes from reviewers of Cutting the Cheese - Revised for 2010

"Patterson, as omniscient narrator, understands that our lives and our relationships are full of agendas, often hidden, somtimes greedy, and he refuses to favor one character over another, even the newbie. A fun book (each chapter is named with a different kind of cheese) that belongs on every shelf." - Libby Cone

"The characters are vivid; (I'm certain I know one or two personally), the setting is masterfully detailed; (I could easily see it as a movie, or better yet... a theatrical production) and the pace; frantic and fevered. Hold on tight, because this trip through the lavender 'newbie shredder' is not for the faint of heart. Wickedly funny." - Timothy Mulder

"This is one nail-biting, back-stabbing, hair-pulling thrill of a ride. With the sweetest of love stories set right in the middle. I laughed so hard, I felt guilty." - Thomas Riccobuono

"Edward C Patterson offers a hilarious and engaging look into the challenges and opportunities one faces when coming out. Each of Patterson's characters are carefully crafted and I enjoyed meeting each one and seeing how their hopes, fears, desires, and manias would play out as the ever building collision course of personalities, hormones, jealousies, agendas, and love climaxed at the novel's conclusion." - Todd Fonseca, TMBOA.com

"With Cutting the Cheese, Ed Patterson allows us a glimpse of the Gay Hierarchy, as he calls it on the back cover of his vividly written novel. A very hilarious glimpse, but still with enough depth to linger." - Rebecca Lerwill

"Patterson's cleverness and sharp wit shines in this fast paced novel. There is plenty of cheese to keep the reader crack-ing up!" J.R. Reardon

"This book deserves to made into a play - the diverse range of characters would keep any audience interested, while the dialogue would have them laughing and thinking." - Yale Jaffe

"Although I am into Mr. Patterson's wonderful Jade Owl Series and the companion Sister series, there has never been a book I've read of his that is not written to the T's and whatever the genre plain wonderfully good reading." - ellen george, Top 1000 Amazon Reviewer

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Come and enjoy the romp.

Edward C. Patterson


http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0...=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0010K2ER6
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0...=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0010K2ER6http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0...=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0010K2ER6


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

As an adjunct to the information above, here's an article based on materials from Cutting the Cheese.

Distributive Characterization - Deconstructing Luke Oliver By Edward C. Patterson 

What if characters didn't arc, but exploded into mirrors of their probable possibilities? 

There are many ways to develop a character, the most accepted, through the heroic arc, where the protagonist journeys and experiences events, people and obstacles. Thus, the protagonist grows. Another way is through stunted fermentation, where the character has grown and is at a frustrating impasse that is never overcome. Finally, there is distributive characterization, a method I use in my ribald comic novel Cutting the Cheese. 

In Cutting the Cheese, the protagonist is a newly emerging gay man, Luke Oliver, still clinging to his ideals and somewhat fearful of every step he takes. He is thrust (self-thrusted) into a frolicsome gay envionment where various stages of his possible future development are portrayed by other characters. There is the over-the-top hustler, the pedantic, ambitious playwright, the snobby child psychologist, the nosey busy body, the wealthy sugar daddy, the jousting couple, the nubile gym bunny and the old, jaded queen. Call it the seven ages of gay men, if you will, but the hierarchy of possibility that stretches before Luke Oliver’s feet are like the doors of Bluebeard’s Castle. Luke is alive to them all. That he flees the scene (and not in terror) and survives by dint of his ideals (and the gym bunny), never precludes that he still might become a cloying playwright or steel tushied old art dealer. The only character that he could never become is the bulldog lesbian that drapes herself in cellophane and storms down the spiral staircase. (See previous post : The Case of Bambi Stern).
Distributive characterization does deprive some characters of their anticipated arc, but since they are possibilities and not final realities, it’s an acceptable literary gamble. It also serves comedy better than high drama, because comedy is as ethereal as life, while drama pounds the square pegs into round holes and disregards the sawdust. In fact, Cutting the Cheese, the dicing of sharp-cheddar into distributive pieces is just the thing for tickling the funny bone. It’s not until the cheese platter is dumped into the trashcan that the air clears for serious probing.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

I menton a previous article on Bambi Stern, so here it is:

*The Question of Bambi Stern - Symbol or Stereotype By Edward C. Patterson  *

When I first came out of the closet and took up the mantle of Gay Activism, I was set to my first important task - cutting blocks of cheese into small cubes to be served at an executive board meeting.

Lately, there has been some discussion on the character of Bambi Stern in my novel Cutting the Cheese. Bambi is a hefty Lesbian, who smokes cigars, wears a man's suit and fedora, and is motivated by cocktail weenies. She is also the president of the Gay & Lesbian Activists of New Birch and Sipsboro. The character has caused some anxiety (not to say, resentment) in some quarters of the Gay Community. Of course, the novel is my "bad boy" work, which goes out of its way to highlight many of the more outrageous foibles found in the Gay Social order. Without doubt, the various characters are based on people I met when I first emerged from the closet. The community, being mapless otherwise, has created its own clue set for any newbie on the scene, who would need a pink compass for navigation otherwise. So, while some characters like Kelly Rodriguez, the snippy hustler or the even cringing Paddy can be received with wicked laughter, when some confront Bambi Stern, the portrayal cuts just too close to the bone. Harumph. Stereotypes. Truth be told, of all the characters in Cutting the Cheese, Bambi Stern is closest to the real life Lesbian she is based upon.

When I first came out of the closet and took up the mantle of Gay Activism, I was set to my first important task - cutting blocks of cheese into small cubes to be served at an executive board meeting. It was an important task, because it tapped into the heart of gossip and provided my first glimpse into the nelly, campy world. It scared the bejeebers out of me. Then I was comfronted by the president of the group, who roared with her bull-moose voice, slapped all the fairy backs and was famous for having made an entrance at a fabled party by strutting down a staircase wrapped in naught but cellophane. If I left Bambi Stern out of Cutting the Cheese, I might as well scrapped the book. Of course, while most readers find outrageous humor by looking in the mirror, some do not, and had even suggested I withdraw the work from review. One reviewer stated (code) "there were issues with this story that took away from my complete enjoyment." Such reaction only encourages me to step up to the plate and dish out some more. Thin skins beware.

The question here is "what is a stereotype?" I often wonder about this. Is a stereotype a cruel set of crude and rude attributes grafted on scapegoats to make them bigger targets, or are they a collection of traits that communities adopt for identity? It's a fine line, but having caroused at Gay Activist meetings and at the general mayhem of a Gay Pride celebration, my observations record that members of the gay community tend to slip into camp whenever they feel the need. It's the yellow brick road to our own private OZ. Therefore, Bambi Stern and her Edward G. Robinson cigar manner is a living, breathing reminder to my gay friends (and enemies) that we haven't cornered the market on self-righteousness. We need to be proud of identities no matter how much cellophane we wear. 'Nuff said? Not nearly.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## rndballref (Mar 29, 2009)

This is on my TBR pile....can't wait.


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Thank you Yal.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

*Cutting the Cheese is a hilarious peek at gay sub-culture that will keep you laughing through the stormy days of April. Unitl 4/25/09 - Ed Patterson's Bad Boy novel is available for only $ .99*


----------



## kim (Nov 20, 2008)

I'm a sucker for something with a 99 cent price tag...  I just one-clicked.
Looking forward to reading it.


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Thank you Kim. Enjoy it.

Ed Patterson


----------



## LCEvans (Mar 29, 2009)

Okay, Ed,
I couldn't resist. I just bought Cutting The Cheese. I'm probably going to have to go on a 12 step program if you don't stop writing books.


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Thank you Linda. 12 steps eh? You know on May 7th I'll be publishing The Dragon's Pool, my 12th Book - one book for each step. lol

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## EsmeLuv (Apr 24, 2009)

I've read several of Ed's book, but I haven't opened this one yet....cool!  Now I have a good book to read this weekend!  Thanks!


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Thank you EsmeLuv. Enjoy it.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Athenagwis (Apr 2, 2009)

I picked it up, looks entertaining.  Makes me wistful of my friends at Syracuse University!  

Thanks!!!
Rachel


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Thanks Rachel. 

Edward C. Patterson
Enjoy. I shall not fail you.


----------



## EsmeLuv (Apr 24, 2009)

Hi Ed, 

I really enjoyed reading 'Surviving an American Gulag' because I fell in love with the characters.

I haven't had the chance to get to this book yet, but I hear the characters are portrayed well.  I'm anxious to meet them for myself.

Esme.


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Well Esmeluv:

In Surviving an American Gulag, you meet me, because it's autobiographical. In Cutting the heese, you meet . . . ME, because it's also autobiographical, but I'll be the last one to admit it. (Whoops, I guess I'm the last person who did).

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Thank you Esmeluv for your consideration.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Betsy the Quilter (Oct 27, 2008)

Ed, 

every time I see this in the listing, the title cracks me up....

Betsy


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

But Betsy, it's about Cheese. Didn't you see the cover. lol

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

I remember my first Gay Activist meeting. I was handed a knife and a block of cheese, and then instructed on how to cut the cheese into perfect squares to be served to the membership. Well, I soon found out that the slice and dice committee — the old queens of dairy products, was just an excuse to gossip and flirt and . . . well, I won't spoil the fun.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## jrreardon (Apr 6, 2009)

I have to agree with other reviews I've read....Edward C. Patterson's CUTTING THE CHEESE, a lighthearted look at Luke Oliver, a shy man who has just come out of the closet and attends a Gay and Lesbian Activist Association meeting/dinner party, could easily be adapted into a stage play.

Patterson's cleverness and sharp wit shines in this fast paced novel. There is plenty of cheese to keep the reader crack-ing up!

J.R. Reardon
author, CONFIDENTIAL COMMUNICATIONS


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Thank you JR Reardon for those wonderful comments.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## jrreardon (Apr 6, 2009)

You're welcome Ed!  Well deserved!  

Jeannine


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

My first published book, come get some laughs.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

*Cutting the Cheese* has been reduced to a nifty $ .99. Bring your paring knife, grab some Cheddar-Sharp and dice your way to an evening of hilarity and fun. 

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Here's a snippet from Cutting the Cheese:

*Bach had a way of settling into a baroque mood all those had heard him - that is, filigreed emotions and stately strides across the foyer of any rich man's hobby. At the door, and wafted by the seventeenth century jingle, was Maxwell Vreeland and his acquaintance, Branch McPherson. We could call Branch an acquaintance instead of lover, because that's the term applied to a lover whose status is under scrutiny by the community at large. Was he? Is he? Are they? If anything, it would have been a strange coupling to say the least, but there had been stranger. After all, Jackie Kennedy did fall for Onassis, and then there was Franklin and Eleanor. So, the match of Maxwell Vreeland, accountant and über-activist, husky and as serious as the Quaker Oats logo without the smile (and quite as attractive and just as old) with lithe Branch McPherson, aerobics professional, with Tom Cruisey good looks and none of the Scientology baggage, was quite a stretch. Since they always arrived together, drove together and manage to separate upon arriving to any affair, it seemingly solidified the lovers notions over the other possibility - roommates with a platonic and flatulent penchant to team up to keep the community guessing.*



Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Guest (Jun 16, 2009)

Ed - 

Isn't Cutting the Cheese a semi-finalist in a book contest of some kind? 

Congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Yep, Wendy:

*Cutting the Cheese* is one of six semifinalists in the Boogle's Page One Contest. It's quite nice to get recignized especially among such luminaries as Yale Jaffe, Rai Aran, Celia Hayes, Daniel Anecchino and Darlene Butts. Thanks for noting it.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Didn't come in first, but the contest was fun anyway.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Cutting the Cheese is a "laugh thrill," if you like works like The Boys in the Band or The Bird Cage. BUT, the characters do pop up in other books I write (especially in one I'm writing now), so here lay the seeds of other projects.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

This one, my first published novel, is nearling a sales milestone. Wanna help push it over the top?


Edwrd C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

If the Kindleboarder who purchased Cutting the Cheese today, July 19th around noontime, would contact me at [email protected]  I have a gift for them.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Congrats I see you made it. Buuuuut.....What was the milestone Ed?


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Merry, are you the Kindleboarder who bought it?

The milestone was a silly one, but important to me. Although I have just gone over the 1,300 book sales mark across all titles (remember a few weeks back when I made 1,000 - can't complain about that), my first novel on the Kindle, Cutting the Cheese hovered for the longest time at 99. So the milestone was 100 (7 titles have gone over that mark and 2 have gone over the 200 mark). But Cutting was the only novel not a Poetry book or released this year that hasn't gone over 100. So it was a milestone. I have a nice gift for that reader, who I hope was a Kindleboarder, otherwise I'll just need to settle for a Thank You, dear reader and hope tht reading the novel is reward enough.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

I guess it wasn't a Kindleboarder. 

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Many of the attendees at this wild party are also members of the New Jersey Gay Sparrow choir, who appear in Look Away Silence

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

This is my bad boy book - controversial in both language and genre. Blatently comic and holding a mirror up to the gay community so we don't take ourselves so seriously.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

At one time, this novel had a working title of _*The Mirror of Hypocrisy*_, but Cutting the Cheese fits all the action so much better.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Each chapter of this novella is named for a different Cheese.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

The meeting/party at the Otterson estate is based on a REAL happening, believe it or not . . . 

Edwad C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Cutting the Cheese is considered my Bad Boy of my novels.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

The events in Cutting the Cheese, which may seem fantastical, are very close to the way it all happened.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

I call Cutting the Cheese, my Bad Boy novel, because it is the one most planted in the Gay Community, and since it holds a mirror up the community and  implies that we take ourselves too seriously, I tend to get critized for the lampoon and for the queen of the ball attitude. As an author, however, I have learned that you must stretch your neck out and take a few knicks to earn your stripes. Besides, I had fun writing this one and, while I take myself seriously for most of my work, I certainly don;t take myself serious with Cutting the Cheese. Well, the title says it all.   Take it or leave (or take and laugh or rant or whatever you want to do). ho ho.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Here's a snippet (a peek) at *Cutting the Cheese*, my little raucous, raunchy tale of boyz misbehaving. This one opens the Chapter called Stilton (each chapter is cheesy, as per the title): (note: GLAABS=Gay & Lesbian Activist Associate of New Branch and Sipsboro). & spoliers on for adult language.

The minute they entered the kitchen, Mortimer took charge. He felt the pink power of social committee chair surging through his veins like Texas oil. Suddenly, the early arriving talent became the cheese-brigade - minions in the service of GLAABS.

Mortimer glared at the butcher block. He tapped at three specified places for his work band. Amazing what a stern glance and a firm tap on a block of wood will do to bring everything into perspective. It was a work party, after all. With complete submission, Padgett, Todd and Luke surrounded the cheese like mountaineers at the base station of Everest. Kelly gave them knives, and then rapped the butcher block, pointing to the bricks of cheddar-sharp (and the mild, mild, mild stuff too).

Todd was distracted, as Kelly was a distraction.

"And you are?" he asked.

Kelly arched his back on the counter.

"I'm the


Spoiler



fucking


 slave."

Mortimer, for a fleeting moment, felt his authority slip, deferred to the wiry charms of Kelly


Spoiler



Fuck-me-twice


 Rodriguez.

"He's the houseboy," Mort said as much to say, don't step in it boyz. There's piles of it everywhere.

"Oh, the follies of the rich," Padgett said.

Mortimer agreed, although he would never classify any decision by His Majesty Roy Otterson as folly. Nor would he discount having one or two houseboys of his own once his got his play produced and fame and moolah laid at his doorstep. Mort clapped. The work brigade began dicing cheese into small cubes, mincing the cheddar, while twitching their heads like hens in a barnyard. While Padgett and Todd were experts at the art of mincing, Mortimer observed that Luke was a neophyte.

"Luke, I know you've never done this before," Mort said. "Let me show you."

Mort reached around Luke's back and guided hands. Luke's eyes widened as Mort's embraced him like a golf instructor. He maneuvered Luke's hands - knife in one, cheese wedge in the other.

"You can't have big cubes. They won't eat big cubes." Mortimer guided the cut. "Just this size. The right size."

Luke smelled delicious - apple scented, or was it pear. Anyway, Mortimer didn't mind giving instructions, except he could feel Luke's heart pounding - and it wasn't a passionate, full thud, but the thrum of a frightened deer. Mortimer grinned, and then released him.

"Now, you try it."

Luke sighed, and then took a virgin cut.

"How's that?" he asked.

"A little larger; and be careful with that block over there." He shot a glance to Kelly, who had been watching this little show with interest. "It's cheddar-sharp . . ."

". . . and we know it crumbles easily," Kelly said. "Mort, shove a toothpick in it."

"You're a testy one," Todd said, munching a cube.

Mortimer shook his head.

"Don't eat them. Cut them." 

enjoy

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

I was inspired to write Cutting the Cheese when I first attended a Gay & Lesbian activist meeting and was handed a cheese knife and asked to cube the cheese fo the meeting snacks. I soon learned that the gossip in the cheese brigade was stinkirs than the cheese. I soon had the subject for a good play, and from play the work evolved into a biting novlla, and is sill evolving.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

You'll note in some of my reviews that the reader suggests that _*Cutting the Cheese * _ would make a great stage play. This is no accidental observation. _*Cutting the Cheese * _ started out its life as a play.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Carol Hanrahan (Mar 31, 2009)

Ed, I saw two plays when I was over in London a couple of months ago.  War Horse was a very dramatic play with awesome horse puppets - took three people to man one puppet.  It was fantastic.  The other play I saw was the musical Priscilla.  Wonderful.  I laughed so hard.  The costumes were incredible.
So, to get OT, what sort of play would Cutting the Cheese be anyway?  Dramatic, humorous?  A musical?


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

A hilarious cut-up romp akin to Boyz in the Band.

Ed P


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

This book is really about CHEESE - or I should say, people who CUT IT. (dice ot, slice it andway to nice it).  

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Come to the party. It's like Chrstmas shopping.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

A Merry Christmas from Luke, Branch, Kelly, Mortimer and the boyz and girlz at the Otterson estate.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

The GLAABS gang says: Happy New Year.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Something's in the air for he gang at New Birch.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

I'm happy to announce that *Cutting the Cheese* has been completely revised and re-released. And out of respect for all those readers who have purchased a copy on the Kindle or for other eReaders, for the first 2 weeks (until January 31,2010), I am offering this novel for* FREE*, so copies can be replaced and new readers can add it to their stacks.

*FREE on Smashwords 
Cutting the Cheese
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/92 
use Coupon Code FB57N upon check out 
and be sure to download the 2010 version.*​Thanks you for supporting my writing and enjoy

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Shapeshifter (Dec 22, 2009)

I love free books  great way to get to know an author.


----------



## Shapeshifter (Dec 22, 2009)

Oh I went back and read to make sure that we download the 2010 version but the only version on there is 'Published: May. 30, 2008' there is no where that says 2010, I've also searched under your name and only the one edition comes up


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

If this is the first time you're downloading it, you will only get the new copy. If you had downloaded it before, you get a choice when you select your format. The kindle one says:

This book has been published multiple times. Please choose the revision you would like to download:

2010-01-13 18:34:54 
2009-09-04 20:52:40 
2009-04-14 15:37:24 
2008-05-30 19:33:27

Chose *2010-01-13 18:34:54 *

I believe the actual publish date on the product page never changes. To assure that you have the correct copy, when you download it and look, there should be a "Third edition 2010" along with 2 others on the fontespiece and the Table of Contents should begin with "Slice One: Cheddar-Sharp." Previous editions were shorn of the "Slice One, Two, Three etc." Hope that helps.

Ed Patterson


----------



## angel_b (Nov 18, 2009)

I too can't resist a free book.

Thanks for making this available, Ed. Look forward to the read.


----------



## Shapeshifter (Dec 22, 2009)

Ahhh that explains it, thanks, yep first time downloading as I've only just got my Kindle


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

My pleasure.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

And a bunch on new reviews just came up on Amnazon. Still FREE until the 31st. Get 'em while they're hot.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Only 2 days left for FREE offer.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Last day for FREE offer. Tomorrow back to $ .99 (wow).  

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Completely revised, my oldest published book, becaomes my latest. Sparkle, spakle. A laugh a moment.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Cutting the Cheese is coming your way. Just as the diarymen at the party. They know cheese and can tell ya.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

You might think these guyz are stereotypes - but think again. I've met them all, and . . . so have you.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Robert's Rules have been tossed out th window.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

The host of the meeting/party, Roy Otterson, has 8 bedrooms, one for each of his fly-by boyfriends.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Here's a few pull-quotes from reviewers of Cutting the Cheese - Revised for 2010

"Patterson, as omniscient narrator, understands that our lives and our relationships are full of agendas, often hidden, somtimes greedy, and he refuses to favor one character over another, even the newbie. A fun book (each chapter is named with a different kind of cheese) that belongs on every shelf." - Libby Cone

"The characters are vivid; (I'm certain I know one or two personally), the setting is masterfully detailed; (I could easily see it as a movie, or better yet... a theatrical production) and the pace; frantic and fevered. Hold on tight, because this trip through the lavender 'newbie shredder' is not for the faint of heart. Wickedly funny." - Timothy Mulder

"This is one nail-biting, back-stabbing, hair-pulling thrill of a ride. With the sweetest of love stories set right in the middle. I laughed so hard, I felt guilty." - Thomas Riccobuono

"Edward C Patterson offers a hilarious and engaging look into the challenges and opportunities one faces when coming out. Each of Patterson's characters are carefully crafted and I enjoyed meeting each one and seeing how their hopes, fears, desires, and manias would play out as the ever building collision course of personalities, hormones, jealousies, agendas, and love climaxed at the novel's conclusion." - Todd Fonseca, TMBOA.com

"With Cutting the Cheese, Ed Patterson allows us a glimpse of the Gay Hierarchy, as he calls it on the back cover of his vividly written novel. A very hilarious glimpse, but still with enough depth to linger." - Rebecca Lerwill

"Patterson's cleverness and sharp wit shines in this fast paced novel. There is plenty of cheese to keep the reader crack-ing up!" J.R. Reardon

"This book deserves to made into a play - the diverse range of characters would keep any audience interested, while the dialogue would have them laughing and thinking."  - Yale Jaffe

"Although I am into Mr. Patterson's wonderful Jade Owl Series and the companion Sister series, there has never been a book I've read of his that is not written to the T's and whatever the genre plain wonderfully good reading." - ellen george, Top 1000 Amazon Reviewer


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Bambi Stern actaully did descend the stairs of the Otterson estate wearing nothing by saran wrap.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

In this update I'm adding the Table of Contents for _Cutting the Cheese _ and also updating the OP:

*Table of Contents

Slice One: Cheddar-Sharp
Slice Two: Roquefort
Slice Three: Stilton
Slice Four: Baby Bon Bel
Slice Five: Liederkranz
Slice Six: Neufchatel
Slice Seven: Mozzarella
Slice Eight: Camembert
Slice Nine: Provolone
Slice Ten: Gorgonzola
Slice Eleven: Velveeta
Slice Twelve: Brie
Slice Thirteen: Feta
Slice Fourteen: Jack
Slice Fifteen: Pot Cheese
Slice Sixteen: Mascarpone
Slice Seventeen: Gouda
Slice Eighteen: Ricotta
Slice Nineteen: Hickory Smoked
Slice Twenty: Fontina
Slice Twenty-One: Asiago
Slice Twenty-Two: Gjetost
Slice Twenty-Three: Reblechon
Slice Twenty-Four: Bel Paese
Slice Twenty-Five: Boursault
Slice Twenty-Six: Mimolette
Slice Twenty-Seven: Fromunder Cheese
Slice Twenty-Eight: Cream Harvarti*​
Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Need a good Easter laugh. This is the place for it.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Jamezwudz (Mar 28, 2010)

Mr. Patterson,

I like your wit and humor...are all of your works gay/lesbian themed?

Mark


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Actually, no. Most of my novels have gay characters, but most of my readers are just readers. My largest works leverage my love for fantasy and my educational background, Sinology (Chinese history and culture). Cutting is about the closest I get to an all gay character book, and because it looks a the foibles in the hierarchy, it annoys readers that happen to be gay, because looking in the mirror can be difficult.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Cutting the Cheese is part of the three for one sale this week: see below

*For this week only April 8 thru April 15th (Tax day)

Three books for the price of One

Get Oh, Dainty Triolet for $ .99 that is

Cutting the Cheese
Bobby's Trace
No Irish Need Apply

in one volume - for the price of one.
at Smashwords
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/10899 
use Discount code LA82Y upon check out and
Enjoy.*​
Ed P


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Just publsihed the paperback enhancement - a new cover replacing the stock on that I use for this my first published book. Woohoo!

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

*Cutting the Cheese Contest
From now until April 30th.*​
Review the Table of Contents to Cutting the Cheese (in the Original Post).
Find the chapter title that is NOT a cheese and you win a FREE copy of the book or any book title from my catalog. (Boook winner will be a FREE coupon for a Smashword downloable copy)

http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B002BMI6X8

Just PM me with your answer, your book choice and email address. Only one try per reader.

Enjpy.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Last day for the contest. (see above)

Ed Patterson


----------



## Carol Hanrahan (Mar 31, 2009)

Geez, I never knew there were so many different cheeses!


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Yes, but one of them is . . . well a little off-color. I'll give the answer soon.


Contest ended - and the correct answer is Fromunder Cheese (get it).  

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Cutting the Cheese by Edward C. Patterson
122 pages

It's that time of the month when the local Gay Activists gather for their board meeting to discuss the important events and issues of the day. In this case, they convene in a wealthy, local hob-nob's estate, which proves to be a distraction, because the end-of-meeting party is the main event. To this assembly comes a variety of yahoos more intent on each other, the music, the gossip and in cutting the cheese. Luke Oliver, a newbie, just out of the closet, is overwhelmed by these veterans of the gay scene - the queens, the hardliners, the snobs, the pretty boys and the chicken hawks. Then into this assortment comes Luke's date, a wave maker of a different sort. A laugh riot testiment to hypocrisy and poor party planning, Cutting the Cheese is a romp down the funny bone that will have you chuckling long after you close the last page. Boyz in the Band move over. (double-snap).

Here's what reviewers say about Cutting the Cheese

"Patterson, as omniscient narrator, understands that our lives and our relationships are full of agendas, often hidden, somtimes greedy, and he refuses to favor one character over another, even the newbie. A fun book (each chapter is named with a different kind of cheese) that belongs on every shelf." - Libby Cone

"The characters are vivid; (I'm certain I know one or two personally), the setting is masterfully detailed; (I could easily see it as a movie, or better yet... a theatrical production) and the pace; frantic and fevered. Hold on tight, because this trip through the lavender 'newbie shredder' is not for the faint of heart. Wickedly funny." - Timothy Mulder

"This is one nail-biting, back-stabbing, hair-pulling thrill of a ride. With the sweetest of love stories set right in the middle. I laughed so hard, I felt guilty." - Thomas Riccobuono

"Edward C Patterson offers a hilarious and engaging look into the challenges and opportunities one faces when coming out. Each of Patterson's characters are carefully crafted and I enjoyed meeting each one and seeing how their hopes, fears, desires, and manias would play out as the ever building collision course of personalities, hormones, jealousies, agendas, and love climaxed at the novel's conclusion." - Todd Fonseca, TMBOA.com

"With Cutting the Cheese, Ed Patterson allows us a glimpse of the Gay Hierarchy, as he calls it on the back cover of his vividly written novel. A very hilarious glimpse, but still with enough depth to linger." - Rebecca Lerwill

"Patterson's cleverness and sharp wit shines in this fast paced novel. There is plenty of cheese to keep the reader crack-ing up!" J.R. Reardon

"This book deserves to made into a play - the diverse range of characters would keep any audience interested, while the dialogue would have them laughing and thinking." - Yale Jaffe

"Although I am into Mr. Patterson's wonderful Jade Owl Series and the companion Sister series, there has never been a book I've read of his that is not written to the T's and whatever the genre plain wonderfully good reading." - ellen george, Top 1000 Amazon Reviewer

Available at:
Amazon.com - http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1434893847 (Paperback)
& http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0010K2ER6 (Kindle) - $ .99
also at Smashwords, B&N for the Nook, Mobipocket, Kobobooks.com and the Apple iPad

Website: http://www.dancaster.com/ctc.htm

Edward C. Patterson

http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B002BMI6X8


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Imagine yourself to be Alice in Wonderland, only now you're Luke in Fairyland.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

If you like my humorous posts here on Kindleboard, get set for over a hundred pages of laughter. 

Ed Patterson
Life without humor is shallow indeed. A novel without humor is a


Spoiler



fart in a spacesuit


.


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Here's a beach read for you, because laugher is what summer's about.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

This novel is definitely about dairy products. Yes, indeedly. 

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

This is the book that your mother told you not to read.    There's been an upsurge of readers for this one, my first published book. Bettter lete than never. 

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Need a little humor lift, and if you like my humor, pick up a few hours of laughter.         

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

There's no disclaimer on this novel. The characters are based on people I know.  

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

After 34 months, this little comedy number made it to the 4 digit Amazon ranks, and is still hanging in there. Come see what the buzz is about.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Also available on the Smashwords promotional: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/92

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Only read this book if you have a sense of humor.  

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

How many cheeses do you recognize in the Table of Contents?

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

A great summer read and at the same old fashioned price.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

When a young man decides to face his sexual orientation, he needs a map and where better to find one, but in a den of queens and chicken hawks.

Cutting the Cheese
122 pages -  $ .99 on the Kindle
It's that time of the month when the local Gay Activists gather for their board meeting to discuss the important events and issues of the day. In this case, they convene in a wealthy, local hob-nob's estate, which proves to be a distraction, because the end-of-meeting party is the main event. To this assembly comes a variety of yahoos  more intent on each other, the music, the gossip and in cutting the cheese. Luke Oliver, a newbie, just out of the closet, is overwhelmed by these veterans of the gay scene - the queens, the hardliners, the snobs, the pretty boys and the chicken hawks. Then into this assortment comes Luke's date, a wave maker of a different sort. A laugh riot testiment to hypocrisy and poor party planning, Cutting the Cheese is a romp down the funny bone that will have you chuckling long after you close the last page. Boyz in the Band move over. (double-snap).

Cutting the Cheese is a hilarious farce which will tickle your funnybone, but also gives you a peek at how the other 10% live. Of course, if you are part of the 10%, I'll not tell you where I live.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

A laugh a minute, and snarky, snarky, snarky.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

My laugh riot work, and yet wrapped in a sweet romantic heart.  

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Here's the Amazon review grid:  

12 Reviews 
5 star:    (3) 
4 star:    (7) 
3 star:    (1) 
2 star:    (0) 
1 star:    (1)


----------



## Guest (Sep 1, 2010)

I cut the cheese once, but it wasn't funny


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

M.R. Mathias said:


> I cut the cheese once, but it wasn't funny


I bet.  My cheese cutters literally cut cheese, and gossip and slice up more than cheese. When the boyz get rolling, they mince more than words.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Luke Oliver, the protagonist, is like many young gay men just emerging from the closet - in search of a gay map to the community. In _Cutting the Cheese,_ he finds a map, but . . . sometimes it's best to wing it.


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Excerpt from Cutting the Cheese - The Reading of the Minutes:

Todd stood with his papers in hand.

“The meeting began at 7:32,” he emoted, “with Madam President” (he pointed) “calling for the minutes to be read. The secretary” (pointing to himself) “read the minutes. The minutes were approved.” (He pointed about the table). “Old business was discussed, including the color of the bunting for the June Pride Float.” He leaned forward as if to tell a secret. “A discussion over pink or lavender. Lavender won as the ladies were offended that they would be excluded if the choice was pink.” 

“We weren’t offended,” Bambi said. “We just think lavender was . . .” 

“Old business, Madam President,” Hester complained. “Old business and finished.”

Bambi puckered like a bulldog, and then rolled her eyes about as if the assembly was on the attack. She clicked her teeth. Todd cleared his throat, and then resumed.

“Max Vreeland” (he pointed) “proposed we buy new stationary and hire a professional artist to redesign our logo. Motion was tabled, as the designer suggested was not gay.” (pause) “Also discussed was the latest article published in the Merchant Gazette of New Birch which excluded three gay-owned businesses from its index. GLAABS has sent an angry letter to the editor.” 

“Was the letter sent?” Bambi carped, tapping the cigar on the table.

“It was, Madam President,” Max snapped. 

“Was it sufficiently angry?”

“It was,” Branch added, drawing his eyes briefly away from the pool. “I helped edit it.”

“Then,” Todd continued, rapping his knuckles near the carousel horse. “We had new business presented by Hester Zeal, who was very disturbed” (he cleared his throat and paused) “very disturbed by the treatment May’s speaker received at our information support seminar. The subject of Gays in the Military was met with indifference and a distinct lack of interest.” (puzzled look) “Isn’t that the same thing?” 

“It is and it was,” Hester said. “Don’t they know that military acceptability is key to . . .”

“Old business, Hester,” Bambi snapped, and then grinned. “Old business.” 

“The meeting was adjourned,” Todd piped on, “with the hope that the next meeting would be more productive, especially with the impending elections in the borough.”

Todd sat waiting for applause. None came.

“I move that the minutes be accepted,” Bambi said.

“I second it,” Max proclaimed.

“All in favor.” 

All said aye.

“Opposed?” 

Silence. 

“Then let’s move on to new business.” 

“I’m afraid you skipped old business,” Max said. 

Bambi craned toward Max. 

“Is there any old business?” 

“No,” Max said.

“Then, I didn’t skip it.”

Max raised his hands like a preacher. 

“Well, then on to new business.” 

New business there was. There was always new business. If the world had been settled, Hester would still percolate like a Turkish coffee pot to get some new business on the table.


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Robert Rules of Order? Only if Robert shows up.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

October greets the boyz of GLAABS with hey-diddle and a ho-ho-ho.  

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

The boyz in this book also show up in the novel _*Look Away Silence*_.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Who can give me a map to the way things are when you have no idea, nor does anyone else? This book is about the farce of those lost in the dark and inventing themselves, creating the map as they go.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Coming out of the closet is scary, especially when you need to decide where you fit. This novel is the map that I found when I emerged.
_*CUTTING THE CHEESE*_ (122 PAGES) A full revision for 2010
"Edward C Patterson offers a hilarious and engaging look into the challenges and opportunities one faces when coming out. Each of Patterson's characters are carefully crafted and I enjoyed meeting each one and seeing how their hopes, fears, desires, and manias would play out as the ever building collision course of personalities, hormones, jealousies, agendas, and love climaxed at the novel's conclusion." - Todd Fonseca, TMBOA.com

Luke Oliver has just come out of the closet and confronts a brave new world - a meeting of the Gay and Lesbian Activist Association of New Birch and Sipsboro (GLAABS) - your run of the mill, gay political caucus. Run of the Mill? . . . my @$$. Stepping across the threshold of the Otterson estate exposes Luke to horny and hilarious shenanigans that give the Boys in the Band a run for its money. Who wants whom? Who has whom? Who will win Luke's . . . let's say, attentions?

A self-effacing, comic romp through the Gay hierarchy, Cutting the Cheese is a reality check from the author's provocative coming out experience in a drizzled-pink world If your funny bone needs tickling and you don't mind seeing yourself in the mirror, pick up your knife and join the Cheddar Brigade - only, watch how you slice and dice it. This gang is fussy about size. It's every one for themself in New Birch's Gay Ghetto. To Hell with Robert's Rules of Order.

Sub-culture as a microcosm, we hold up the mirror and see what we can see.


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

*Kindleboard Book Profile for Cutting the Cheese*


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

At my first encounter at a Gay Activist Meeting, I too was handed a knife and instructed on how to cut the cheese for the platter. It's an indoctrination.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

This is my first published book and today is the 3rd Anniversary of its appearance on the Kindle. (Yes, I said 3rd - as it was one of the first Indie books up on the Kindle in 2007). It's been revised twice since then, and after a shaky start, it's flying off the shelf now.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Cytting your Cheese ball for the holidays. Come eavesdrop on the boyz of GLAABS as they cut the cheddar-sharp at the Otterson estate. Unforgetably hilarious.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

"He who'd make his fellow, fellow, fellow creatures wise,
Should always gild the philosophic pill."
                - WS Gilbert, The Yeomen of the Guard

It's comedy tonight.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Here's an excerpt from *Cutting the Cheese*, from the section on Feta Cheese:

The conversation in the living room had turned from art to . . .

"So, we gave up the dairy farm," Desi said. 
With his shock of blond hair, he certainly fit the description of a dairy farmer. Roy tried to picture this lovely lad in farm britches; a pitchfork full of hay. Cow dung on his boots. An amusing picture that raised a smile and perhaps something more a little further south.

And to think these are the neighbors.

It was like the Beverly Hillbillies come to New Birch.

"It was hard for me," Moe added, stroking Desi's knee. "Going from airline steward to milking the cows. And upstate New York is damn cold in the morning - even in the dead of summer."

"So let me understand this," Roy said, shifting his pose. He set down his triple-A. "You both made cheese for a living?"

This must have struck a nerve - a good nerve, because Desi twisted on the couch, perhaps resetting his interest. Theron cocked his head, resetting his view. Moe just patted his husband's knee, encouraging him to tell all.

"My father owned a dairy farm," Desi said. "I grew up on one. Cheese, butter, sour cream and buttermilk."

"I'm from the Bronx," Moe said. "The closest I ever came to a damned cow was on the Borden's can. Then I fell in love with this cock-eyed farmer." He squeezed Desi's knee again. "We met in Las Vegas." Peck on the cheek.

"I lasso'd him into the stirrups and got him to live with me for five years - up at dawn, milk them girls, pitch that hay. How's that for love?"

Roy lifted his glass and sipped - a toast of sorts to the bucolic life - the existence à la Watteau. If that painting was on the block, it could be a momento of the frigid dairymaid existence. Amusement attempted to overtake Roy's careful, cultured polish - the pinch of civilization that tempered a host with all the graces. He had gone full Darcy to entertain these Bennetts. Still, the gurgle of laughter brimmed, its suppression not aided by Theron on the periphery, who pursed his lips like a trout trying to bolt back the fury of the moment.

"Then, I had enough of it," Moe declared. "But the goddamn cows were quite an investment. The sale of that little dairy netted us big bucks. We had enough to move into this ritzy neighborhood." Roy swallowed, and then nodded as if acknowledging his presidency over the Ritz. "I don't miss it - the cows and all. I prefer a desk job and real estate."

"I miss them," Desi sighed. "As lovely as New Birch is, there's nothing like the aroma of fresh butter."

The raison d'être, finally. Roy could bellow his laughter and release his unabashed prejudice explaining it as the pride of merriment.

"Then, you don't mind the stink of that cheese my young protégé insists on serving his guests?" Roy said.

Desi inhaled.

"Not a bit. It's not fresh. It's not even real cheese. But it's rank enough to make me homesick."

Roy roared. Theron twittered. Desi and Moe smiled the smile of neighbors accepted. From the kitchen came a continuous rumble of laughing - aerobic and pie slicing laughter, while from the dining room . . .

. . . Silence . . .

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

The mansion where _*Cutting the Cheese * _ unfolds is based on a real place - an estate owned by an acquaintance, whose attention to detail was manic.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

The denizens of New Birch also appear in _*Look Away Silence*_, most being members of the Jersey Sparrows, a Gay Men's Chorus.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Happy Holidays from Luke Oliver, Branch McPherson, Kelly Rodriguez, Mort, Paddy and the Dairymen.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

This is the most different of my novels - my bad boy, but hey. Regard the author.  

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

What happens when you have a business meeting and eveyone just wants to party? Read and find out.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Here's the opening paragraph to *Cutting the Cheese * (a bit laundered):

Kelly Rodriguez struggled with the plastic grocery bags while trying to shut the back door.
"Kelly? Is that you?" Mortimer shouted from the recesses of the living room. 
Kelly swept into the kitchen balancing the bags. 
"No, it's Tom Cruise," he said. He flung the bags on the butcher block, waving his hands about his nose. "I was in the neighborhood, found these fracking bags of cheese and thought they needed a home." 
No response. 
Kelly rolled his eyes and, placing his hands on his hips, did his best impression of a salad cruet. 
"Would you help me? This is your crap anyway!" He slammed his palm on the counter, and then muttered, "I'm not having the gay scary fairies of New Birch meeting." 
Kelly caught his reflection in the polished flour canister.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Poor Luke Oliver is inundated by a bevy of interesing and interested men. Such is a newbies life.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Why after three years publsihed is this book selling above my normal level? I guess the readers are catching on to it. 

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Come take a peek at my "bad boy" novel.  

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

A new excerpt from _*Cutting the Cheese*_

Branch wafted in the moonlight, his feet shed of sneakers, seeking the draw of the heated pool. The breeze refreshed him as he gained the patio.

This place is really rigged out for a big party, he thought as he scanned the furniture, the grills, the outdoor bar and what appeared to be a band shell.

The strings of Chinese lanterns were not lit, but a mushroom garden of path lamps guided him out of the shadows and onto the terracotta tiles. Branch regarded the water, aqua gel catching the moonlight and tossing it back to him like a volleyball. Never in his shanty Irish past could he imagine being in such a place, even to clean it. He filled his lungs with jasmine and chlorine, and then smiled. The wind sang in the rhododendron. It coaxed him to forget Max and Roy and bitchy Mort and queenie Kelly and, of course that interloper, Chaz. What he couldn't shake from his mind was who stood behind him now.

Branch knew Luke was there. Sensed him. Not all the rustling shrubbery could be wrought by the wind.

"Swim?" Branch asked, absently.

"It's nice out here."

He turned and repeated the offer with his eyes.

"I didn't bring a suit," Luke said.

Branch chuckled, and then dropped his jeans. In one quick twist, the shirt was off, hung on the pool railing. Only the BVDs lingered and they would be shorn soon, wet shorts being tough under dry pants. Off they came. Luke smiled, but made no effort to join in the strip. Branch reached for Luke's hand.

"I'll dump you in, clothes and all."

"No you won't," Luke said. "I'm not a swimmer."

Branch smiled, and then made a full pirouette as if he wanted Luke to see every inch of the merchandise. However, Branch wasn't really selling, was he? You sold to those who were buying, and Luke might have been fired up, but he wasn't whipping off his clothes and plunging into the pool with wild abandon. Still, the water beckoned.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Now is the time to cuddle up with a funny book and just laugh your ass off. Let me entertain you.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

When I came out of the closet, I went to one such event as described in this novel. Truth is sometimes steanger than fiction, and often more hilarious.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

It's that time of the week for Cutting the Cheese.    My first published Kindle novel (started slow at 2 a month). Now after three years is selling briskly. Try it. You'll like it, but only if you like to laugh.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

If you're not lactose intolerant    , come get a hearty laugh wiuth this one.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

A mix of humor, sarcasm and reality, this one should put a new perspective on community activism.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

What readers say about Cutting the Cheese:

"Patterson, as omniscient narrator, understands that our lives and our relationships are full of agendas, often hidden, somtimes greedy, and he refuses to favor one character over another, even the newbie. A fun book (each chapter is named with a different kind of cheese) that belongs on every shelf." - Libby Cone

"The characters are vivid; (I'm certain I know one or two personally), the setting is masterfully detailed; (I could easily see it as a movie, or better yet... a theatrical production) and the pace; frantic and fevered. Hold on tight, because this trip through the lavender 'newbie shredder' is not for the faint of heart. Wickedly funny." - Timothy Mulder

"This is one nail-biting, back-stabbing, hair-pulling thrill of a ride. With the sweetest of love stories set right in the middle. I laughed so hard, I felt guilty." - Thomas Riccobuono

"Edward C Patterson offers a hilarious and engaging look into the challenges and opportunities one faces when coming out. Each of Patterson's characters are carefully crafted and I enjoyed meeting each one and seeing how their hopes, fears, desires, and manias would play out as the ever building collision course of personalities, hormones, jealousies, agendas, and love climaxed at the novel's conclusion." - Todd Fonseca, TMBOA.com

"With Cutting the Cheese, Ed Patterson allows us a glimpse of the Gay Hierarchy, as he calls it on the back cover of his vividly written novel. A very hilarious glimpse, but still with enough depth to linger." - Rebecca Lerwill

"Patterson's cleverness and sharp wit shines in this fast paced novel. There is plenty of cheese to keep the reader crack-ing up!" J.R. Reardon

"This book deserves to made into a play - the diverse range of characters would keep any audience interested, while the dialogue would have them laughing and thinking."  - Yale Jaffe

"Although I am into Mr. Patterson's wonderful Jade Owl Series and the companion Sister series, there has never been a book I've read of his that is not written to the T's and whatever the genre plain wonderfully good reading." - ellen george, Top 1000 Amazon Reviewer

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

So Luke likes Branch, and Mort likes Kelly, and Kelly likes money and everyone likes Chaz . . . wow. What a fun activit meeting this one will be, especially since Bambi loves weenies.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Members of GLAABS are also members of the Jersey Gay Sparrows, who show up in _*Look Away Silence*_.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Can you find the one chapter in the work not named for a type of cheese?

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

The setting for Cutting the Cheese is based on a real mansion that I have the pleasure to course many times — including the kitchen and the many plates of cheddar-sharp cheese, when I was a member of the cheese brigade.  

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

It's true. The person I used as a basis for Ron the Rich actually had expensive window treatments custom made, took one look at them and had them tossed because he had second thoughts.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Is it a meeting or a party? It was called to discuss the serious issues of Gay activism, but when Luke Oliver is handed his paring knife to cut the cheese for the company, he's subjected to an education that he hardly expected. Is it comedy, satire or true grit? My novel, Cutting the Cheese, holds a mirror to my community and, guess what? There's not too much difference between pink triangles and the Ladies Auxiliary of an Apple Pie baking League. Well, maybe a little difference. At the pie baking social, they're not all waiting for a hunk named Chaz to burst upon the scene and shake things up. Well, maybe they are, and what goes best with hot apple pie . . . cheese. Hot cheese, of course.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## pgjones (Feb 11, 2011)

Just purchased it the Kindle edition- can't wait to start reading!


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

pgjones said:


> Just purchased it the Kindle edition- can't wait to start reading!


Dear PG:

Thanks and I hope you enjoy it and laugh outloud.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Check your bagggaged at the door.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Everything you wanted to know about cheese and some things you'd never guess. 

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

My First Published Book.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

The first member of the triptych is COMEDY.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

I have often asked readers if they can idetify the one CHEESE in the chapters that is not a CHEESE (a free book would follow) Any takers?

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

On sale with a FREE coupon at the Smashwords Summer sale - http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/92

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Still on sale.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Week 3 of the Smashword summer FREE sale.

http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/EdwardCPatterson for list of books. For this one use code SSWSF for FREE copy.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Coming into the stretch on the Smashword's Sale on this book (FREE).

http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/EdwardCPatterson for list of books. For this one use code SSWSF for FREE copy.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Here's an excerpt:

Branch leaned against the sink. He shrugged. 
“I didn’t mean anything by it. There’s no mystery . . . nothing insidious. Just dancing. A slow dance true, but just dancing.” 
“That’s the problem,” Luke snapped. “Cute guys like you — gorgeous bodies and all — use guys like me. You lead us on and make us think we’ve got a shot. You get the blood boiling and for what? I’m sick of it.” 
Branch feigned ignorance. Luke was preaching the Gospel According to Mortimer. Once bitten, twice reserved. Although Branch hated to admit it, in most cases it was true. Many times, he would sweep into a room, find the plainest guy to latch onto and use it as a base to flirt and snare. It never amounted to anything. It couldn’t be hurtful. Could it? 
“I’m sorry you feel that way.” Branch blew a deep drawn sigh from his hollows. “I wasn’t using you for any damn lesson.”
“Like hell you weren’t.”
Branch touched Luke’s arm. 
The newbie’s learning and we must always encourage it, mustn’t we? 
“Maybe I was . . . a little. I’m sorry. I really like you. Really.” 
Luke grabbed Branch’s arms. 
“Don’t say it if you don’t mean it, because all the men in my life say something like that — and they really don’t mean it. I’m a sucker for such talk. But I’m learning.” Luke touched his forehead with the fingers of both hands as if to stop this confession, which once let loose was unrelenting like gas, unclaimed by those who whiffed it. He appeared recovered, and then smirked. “I believe there’s magic in love.”
Branch laughed. He didn’t mean to laugh, but the statement was so 1960 Lawrence Welk, that he couldn’t help himself. 
“There’s no magic in love,” he said, and then twisted away. “I don’t believe that love is more than a temporary state. It’s chemistry . . . true, but like chemistry, we can get over it; control it.”
He thought of his several bouts with love and could speak from experience.
“So it’s just sex?” Luke quipped.
“No, love’s true.” Branch was less sure now. It may be true or not. He just hadn’t found the true variety yet. “It’s just not magic. It’s physics. Sex is part of it. Once you think it’s magic, you’re hooked on a fantasy.” 
And this you’ll find on page 35 of the Branch McPherson Book of Love and Sex for Newbies. Please commit it to memory, ‘cause it will be on the final exam.
“Well, I’ve been raised to believe there’s something deep in the real thing.” Luke looked Branch squarely in the eyes. “My parents knew the magic; and my grandparents too.” 
“But we’re men,” Branch said. “Men are different than women; or haven’t you learned that yet.” 
“You’re a smart (ash) — a cute smart-(ash), but (an efing) loon for that, and I can’t help the way I feel when I feel. And when I feel, I feel as deep as the earth is wide and as high as the sky is vast.”
Branch’s mouth opened like a baited fish. 
Where the (muck) did that come from? Who’s the newbie now? The vast sky? Branch had never felt that, not even when the sky (pished) torrents. Still, Luke kept his eyes on Branch’s. 
“Sometimes a pair of eyes makes my soul . . . dance. So don’t tell me that there’s no magic. Don’t tell me that it’s all physics.”  
Branch’s heart hitched like a gold prospector finding a surprise in the pan. He touched Luke’s hand. 
“Come dance again. This time for real.”

Edward C. Patterson
author of Cutting the Cheese


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Still titilating readers 'round the globe.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Has anyone ever experienced Fromunder cheese?

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Nobody had a clue since last week?

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

If you want to read all three novellas - _*Cutting the Cheese*_, _*No Irish Need Apply * _ and _*Bobby's Trace * _ in one neat volume, they are available in _*Oh, Dainty Triolet*_.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

The gossip has never been better.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

The chapters in _*Cutting the Cheese * _ are called SLICES. 

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Is it snark? Is it camp? You won't know 
til you've done the vamp.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Let the fun begin after the meeting cheese has wilted.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Hey, hey, hey. I know every character in this book -  yes, there are people like this, Mabel.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Coming up on the 4th Anniversary of this book, one of the first NEW and original works launched through the Kindle publishing system (November 18th 2007)

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Life would be dull if it weren't for these


Spoiler



bitches.



Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Humor, anyone? This one will get you chuckling.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

The three musketeers of my published works are _*Cutting the Cheese*_, _*No Irish Need Apply * _ and _*Bobby's Trace*_.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

My first published Kindle Book, Nov. 18, 2007. Vintage.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

All the chaaracters in this opus are based on the same person - me at verious point of the in and out of the closet experience. The parts should sum to the whole, because "parts is parts."

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

When was the last time you cut one.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Winter Read Three.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

My little experimental comdey where a single character can be characterized across ten characters. Talk about Jekyll and Hyde.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

If you want to see Queens of Mean, this is the book for it.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Here's a passal of wicked witches that will keep you laughing beyond the last word (and they get the last word, sister).

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Although Gay folk (of which I am one) will try to deny that there's a societal hierarchy which pervades our culture, it does exist - and stands as the backbone for _*Cutting the Cheese*_, a book of which I have been flogged by my friends for writing. But I'm not afraid to look in the mirror.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

FREE March 4-10 at Smashwords.

http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/EdwardCPatterson

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

A laugh riot.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

There's a hierarchy in the GLBT community. That is what we explore in this humourous, satirical work.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

You should see the bathroom at Roy's house. What a place to go.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

What Gay agenda?

Ed Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

It's playtime at the activist meeting.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Activism was never more fun.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Still going strong after four years.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Luke's date at the meeting is an eyeful also.

Eward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Ah, the vagaries of the rich.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Here's your beach read #1.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Fast beach read for your summer delight.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Here's a great 4th of July read.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Humor=Snark in this one - but oh what divine snark.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Take me to the beach with you. I like it there.

- the book

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Three little reads for the beach - Cutting the Cheese, No Irish Need Apply and Bobby's Trace. 

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

When the World is Strange and the Outcome is a Stranger

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Also available in the omnibus Oh, Dainty Triolet.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Partying is fun especially when it isn;t a party.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Now for something a little different . . . 

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

A rip roaring classic.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

A big thank you to all my readers for their continued support. May I keep you entertained for years to come.

Edward C. Patterson
Readers Rock!


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Coming out of the closet requires a map, and that map is made by the pixies in New Hope, PA.

Edward C. Paterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Come party with the boyz as they meet to change the world.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Coming out can be a wild and wooly act, especially when you don't know which end's up.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Coming up on 5th Anniversary as a Kindle Book (11/18/07)

O! Pioneer!
Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Coming cloe to five years on the Kindle. Gee, the boyz'd be proud.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Happy Birthday to the Boyz.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Visit a Mansion where the Rooms are Named for Lovers


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Get Your Knives and Gossip and start Slicing

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Happy Holidays from the Boyz of Glaabs.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

I life up the mirror and look at myself, and what we see, maynot be flattering.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Gossip can be a second language when one cuts the cheese.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

For the lactose tolerant set, I have a cheese for you.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

A political agenda? I don't think so, sister.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Great laughs on a cold winter's day.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Woohoo. Getting this crowd together under one room is better than hand grenades on the barbeque.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Take a walk on the wild side.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Spicy and sassy, these boyz will have you wondering whther there's life on Mars.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Not about passing wind, I promise . . . although . . .

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Who has a map op their universe — the strange new world of manners and protocols. Who?

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

In the Days before Facebook we had the HENHOUSE

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Wjo needed social media when we had a gaggle of sisters dissing all over the cheese board?

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

A roadmap to the Gay collective — better known as the Boyz.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

The Party Really Begins when Chaz Shows Up!

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

WARNING! Massive Silliness Ahead!

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

In the spirit of looking in the mirror and seeing the warts, this books looks at self-importance and its many follies.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Bring Your Knive, your cubing skills and a sense of humor..

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

from Cutting the Cheese

*Gorgonzola*

To those who were on the outside of the portal looking down, perhaps the neighbors across the road or maybe a hovering swarm of bees, they would have seen four people standing staunchly at the mansion door, listening to grand old Bach. 
Veronica Lisle wore the latest New York fashion in punk and rider - jeans skirt, skimpy teal tank top and sunglasses shaded by a denim cap, sequined and set at a Sweet Charity angle. Beside her, and every inch a woman, was Melanie Merton, in pastel and white, puff sleeve blouse, a Pony bag slashed across her breasts. Behind them stood Hester Zeal, like a refugee from the Salvation Army, staunch and stern and much like her name. She swayed while waiting for the portal to open, as if there were some urgency about her entrance. 
When the door did not open at the first chime, the head of their crew, a man - a dockworker perhaps, who puffed a narrow cheroot, turned and shrugged. 
"What the fuck," he said. "No one home?" The deep sinew of his voice waved over the ladies. They matched it shrug for shrug. The dockworker lifted his cabby cap and scratched his head. He'd scratch his balls if he had any, because, in the interest of full disclosure (to the neighbors or the swarm of bees), this pantalooned, suspender ridden man was Bambi Stern, every bit a woman and the elected President of GLAABS. She had a right to express her concern when the door did not open to her elected authority. Suddenly, it opened.
"Bambi," Mortimer croaked. "Mel. Ronnie. Hessie."
"Don't call me Hessie, you Sissy."
Hester Zeal walked beyond the others, marching through the Tara foyer and directly into the living room, where she espied Max, who flew to his feet as if the sergeant had arrived for inspection and he was ready. Max pointed to the dining room. Hester took his meaning. They marched single file to prepare for business.
"We're ready," Bambi said, giving the foyer the once-over, shaking her head with approval. 
She had been here before. In fact, she once got naked, wrapped herself in cellophane and paraded down the grand stairway to the disgust of the men and the delight of the L crowd. 
Veronica and Melanie took up the slack, petting Mortimer's arm as if he were really the butler, there to take their hats. Madam President turned to Mortimer with swagger and, in a low grunt said, "Sorry I'm late, but Ronnie and Mel took so long to get ready, you'd think they were straight womyn." 
"Or gay men," Melanie said. "I can't help it if I like to look like a woman. Other womyn like that." 
"I do, at least," Ronnie said. 
Bambi chortled, and then spun. She flicked her cheroot like Groucho Marx and bobbed her head. 
"You mean, I don't interest either of you with my gentle swagger?"
The girls looked at one another, and then to Mortimer, who bounced his shoulders.
"We're set to go," he said. "Let's just get a move on before Max has a baby."
"Can you imagine that?" Mel said. "That'd be the ugliest baby in creation."
"Unless he has it with that cutie he's boinking," Ronnie added.
"Twig?" Bambi asked. 
"Twig?" Mortimer echoed. He passed Bambi and gave her a wink. "Try Branch . . . and he's up for grabs."
"I'm not grabbing," Bambi muttered.
Ronnie and Mel gave one another a squeeze. It was clear that these ladies were close and it was also clear who wore the pants when pants were worn in their household.
"Where's Hester?" Bambi asked, and then funneled her mouth like a football coach. "Hester!"
Mortimer held his ears while the pretty womyn giggled. 
"She's in the dining room." He waved her through.
Kelly and Luke had carried the cheese into the room where some wine was also decanted, a lethal combination for a GLAABS meeting. Padgett, already seated, preened across at the circular mirror that reflected the carousel horse - a silly portrait in this frame now, like a clown at the carnival. Todd was on his knees feeling the drape fabric, probably determining whether the thread count matched his Better Homes and Garden dining room, which did not include a carousel horse, but did sport a Ming vase and a fresh load of Calla lilies. 
Max stood over a stack of agendas, assuring that Mortimer had performed his preparations correctly. Hester dived into Max's attaché case with ardor. Her lips, a permanent purse beneath a crimped nose, smacked. She was near ecstasy. 
Branch yawned, stretching his legs under the table. He glanced out the French windows toward the pool. It was clear what was on his mind - and it wasn't GLAABS business - not on this planet. Cool chlorinated water washing over naked skin - that was the ticket. However, this was not a pool party. It was a drippy GLAABS meeting, so he yawned. 
Luke sat across from Branch, occasionally peeking, but mostly struggling to keep his eyes on the carousel horse and on the platters of cheese, the crowning achievement of his newbiehood.
Mortimer burst through the door. He opened his arms as if to embrace the entire room in one move. The womyn trundled behind him. 
"I know this is our meeting," Bambi bellowed, "'cause we have the stinky cheese." She ruffled Mortimer, and then grimaced. "This isn't from the last meeting is it?" 
"Would I do that to you?" 
"You can never tell. I've heard that you're an ambitious bitch and might want my job. Speaking of which, we have an election in two months. I need a nominating committee." 
Max gazed up like a buffalo from his trough. 
"Next meeting for that, Bambi," he moaned. 
Bambi scoured about for an ashtray and then plopped down at the head of the table, the chair clearly complaining with a crackle. 
"Why not this meeting, Max?" 
"Read your agenda," he said, sliding one under her nose. "It's not on the agenda." 
Max shimmied in his seat. He shuffled papers about his wineglass. Bambi twirled the cigar, and then leaned on the crystal cup, which was an ashtray for lack of a better one. She read the single sheet. 
"Well, why not? Who made up this fucking agenda?" 
Max grinned. 
"You did." 
"Oh, well, tough shit then." Bambi shuffled her papers about. She looked at Twig or Branch or whatever his name was and smiled in a fatherly way. She also noted Luke and nodded as if, in that nod, the newbie had graduated into the presence of the anointed. Ronnie whispered in her ear. 
"Yes, yes," Bambi chortled. "Read the minutes. Madam Secretary." 
Bambi looked about for Madam Secretary - Todd Moorehouse. All she saw was his backside up-ended by the drapes. 
"Todd, will you leave the fucking drapes alone and read the damned minutes!" As Todd scuffled to the table, Bambi swept her hand toward Max. "Is that on the agenda Max?" Max grinned. "Good. Read 'em then!"
Todd stood with his papers in hand.
"The meeting began at 7:32," he emoted, "with Madam President" (he pointed) "calling for the minutes to be read. The secretary" (pointing to himself) "read the minutes. The minutes were approved." (He pointed about the table). "Old business was discussed, including the color of the bunting for the June Pride Float." He leaned forward as if to tell a secret. "A discussion over pink or lavender. Lavender won as the ladies were offended that they would be excluded if the choice was pink." 
"We weren't offended," Bambi said. "We just think lavender was . . ." 
"Old business, Madam President," Hester complained. "Old business and finished."
Bambi puckered like a bulldog, and then rolled her eyes about as if the assembly was on the attack. She clicked her teeth. Todd cleared his throat, and then resumed.
"Max Vreeland" (he pointed) "proposed we buy new stationary and hire a professional artist to redesign our logo. Motion was tabled, as the designer suggested was not gay." (pause) "Also discussed was the latest article published in the Merchant Gazette of New Birch which excluded three gay-owned businesses from its index. GLAABS has sent an angry letter to the editor." 
"Was the letter sent?" Bambi carped, tapping the cigar on the table. 
"It was, Madam President," Max snapped. 
"Was it sufficiently angry?"
"It was," Branch added, drawing his eyes briefly away from the pool. "I helped edit it."
"Then," Todd continued, rapping his knuckles near the carousel horse. "We had new business presented by Hester Zeal, who was very disturbed" (he cleared his throat and paused) "very disturbed by the treatment May's speaker received at our information support seminar. The subject of Gays in the Military was met with indifference and a distinct lack of interest." (puzzled look) "Isn't that the same thing?" 
"It is and it was," Hester said. "Don't they know that military acceptability is key to . . ."
"Old business, Hester," Bambi snapped, and then grinned. "Old business." 
"The meeting was adjourned," Todd piped on, "with the hope that the next meeting would be more productive, especially with the impending elections in the borough." 
Todd sat waiting for applause. None came.
"I move that the minutes be accepted," Bambi said.
"I second it," Max proclaimed.
"All in favor." 
All said aye.
"Opposed?" 
Silence. 
"Then let's move on to new business." 
"I'm afraid you skipped old business," Max said. 
Bambi craned toward Max. 
"Is there any old business?" 
"No," Max said.
"Then, I didn't skip it."
Max raised his hands like a preacher. 
"Well, then on to new business." 
New business there was. There was always new business. If the world had been settled, Hester would still percolate like a Turkish coffee pot to get some new business on the table. 
"I have an item," she proclaimed like a nun at morning chastisement. "It's really important. I insist you hear me now."
Between eye rolls and sighs, wooden stances and winces, the gavel (that is the cheroot) of Madam President weighted in Hester's direction. 
"Hester, you have the floor."
Hester sprung to her feet as if the floor was actually hers and she was about the roll it up and run away with it. She glared at the gentlemen. 
"Rap groups!"
"What about rap groups?" Bambi asked. 
"The men's rap group always gets the main hall; and the womyn's group gets shoved in the small library room. That's what about rap groups, as if you didn't know. We talk about it all the time, yet you never do anything about it. The arrangement isn't fair." 
Hester snarled, while Bambi chuckled. Padgett bobbed his head like a chicken counting its feed. 
"Well, the men's group is large," he protested. 
"That has nothing to do with it," Hester said. "Equity, parity and equilibrium." 
It was always about these things, like little sisters playing in the same sandbox measuring out each grain lest the other might get an extra goody up her craw. Padgett pouted. 
"But we'd never fit in the small room. How can we move in there?" 
Hester unfurled a paper that outlined a calendar of events. It was as detailed as the Treaty of Paris. 
"Only on alternating weeks," she said, shaking her head in time with the words, her fingers flicking the paper.
Padgett looked to Todd, who looked to Max, who looked away. 
"Madam President," Padgett snapped, "the question is about logistics, not equity. We share everything and I'll be the first to say that sometimes the men get the short end of it, but we'd be on top of each other in the small library." 
Under normal circumstances, this would have set off a round of guffaws and ribaldry, generally by Padgett; but he caught himself, scratched the back of his neck, and then smacked his lips. 
"Padgett," Max said with Quaker Oat man piety. "You may be correct, but being correct has nothing to do with what's right." 
"But, Max. The men's rap group would fall apart." 
"Stop whining," Bambi said. She sighed.
Padgett held his chest with one hand and fanned himself with the other. Katherine Cornielle couldn't have done it better. 
"I'm not whining. I'm just stating a fact." 
"Shhh!" Mort said. 
This drew all eyes on Mortimer as if he had meant to chastise them for having a discussion on a topic irrelevant to the agenda. It was NEW BUSINESS, after all. 
"Everyone. Be quiet." Eyes flashed, but Mortimer raised his finger and cocked his ear. "It's Roy. I think I hear Roy. I thought I heard the door open." 
Well, that was new business wasn't it? Mort rubbed his hands. 
"Let's not be fighting in front of Roy."


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

*FREE on Smashwords for the month of July. http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/92 use Coupon Code SW100 upon check out and enjoy.*


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

*FREE for the entire month of July at Smashwords.com.

Cutting the Cheese
by 
Edward C. Patterson

Come Party with the Boyz!

Use coupon SW100 upon check out and enjoy
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/92*​
*Luke Oliver has just come out of the closet and confronts a brave new world - a meeting of the Gay and Lesbian Activist Association of New Birch and Sipsboro (GLAABS) - your run of the mill, gay political caucus. Run of the Mill? . . . my @$$. Stepping across the threshold of the Otterson estate exposes Luke to horny and hilarious shenanigans that give the Boys in the Band a run for its money. Who wants whom? Who has whom? Who will win Luke's . . . let's say, attentions?

A self-effacing, comic romp through the Gay hierarchy, Cutting the Cheese is a reality check from the author's provocative coming out experience in a drizzled-pink world; an outrageous ride down the funny bone. Repeat riding is encouraged. It's every one for themself in New Birch's Gay Ghetto. To Hell with Robert's Rules of Order.

**
Use the same coupon for all 19 of my books - also on FREE promotion for this Month
Edward C. Patterson​*


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Still Free at Smashwords. Use SW100 as the coupon code when checking out.

http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/92

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

*FREE Today and Tomorrow - August 27th and 28th at Amazon *  
*Cutting the Cheese * 
* by *  
*Edward C. Patterson*

*Come Party with the Boyz!*

​*Luke Oliver has just come out of the closet and confronts a brave new world - a meeting of the Gay and Lesbian Activist Association of New Birch and Sipsboro (GLAABS) - your run of the mill, gay political caucus. Run of the Mill? . . . my @$$. Stepping across the threshold of the Otterson estate exposes Luke to horny and hilarious shenanigans that give the Boys in the Band a run for its money. Who wants whom? Who has whom? Who will win Luke's . . . let's say, attentions?

A self-effacing, comic romp through the Gay hierarchy, Cutting the Cheese is a reality check from the author's provocative coming out experience in a drizzled-pink world; an outrageous ride down the funny bone. Repeat riding is encouraged. It's every one for themself in New Birch's Gay Ghetto. To Hell with Robert's Rules of Order.*

*Edward C. Patterson*


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

*FREE Today and Tomorrow - October 1st and 2nd at Amazon *  
*Cutting the Cheese * 
* by *  
*Edward C. Patterson*

*Come Party with the Boyz!*

​*Luke Oliver has just come out of the closet and confronts a brave new world - a meeting of the Gay and Lesbian Activist Association of New Birch and Sipsboro (GLAABS) - your run of the mill, gay political caucus. Run of the Mill? . . . my @$$. Stepping across the threshold of the Otterson estate exposes Luke to horny and hilarious shenanigans that give the Boys in the Band a run for its money. Who wants whom? Who has whom? Who will win Luke's . . . let's say, attentions?

A self-effacing, comic romp through the Gay hierarchy, Cutting the Cheese is a reality check from the author's provocative coming out experience in a drizzled-pink world; an outrageous ride down the funny bone. Repeat riding is encouraged. It's every one for themself in New Birch's Gay Ghetto. To Hell with Robert's Rules of Order.*

*Edward C. Patterson*


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

*FREE Today ONLY November 5th at Amazon *  
*Cutting the Cheese * 
* by *  
*Edward C. Patterson*

*Come Party with the Boyz!*

​*Luke Oliver has just come out of the closet and confronts a brave new world - a meeting of the Gay and Lesbian Activist Association of New Birch and Sipsboro (GLAABS) - your run of the mill, gay political caucus. Run of the Mill? . . . my @$$. Stepping across the threshold of the Otterson estate exposes Luke to horny and hilarious shenanigans that give the Boys in the Band a run for its money. Who wants whom? Who has whom? Who will win Luke's . . . let's say, attentions?

A self-effacing, comic romp through the Gay hierarchy, Cutting the Cheese is a reality check from the author's provocative coming out experience in a drizzled-pink world; an outrageous ride down the funny bone. Repeat riding is encouraged. It's every one for themself in New Birch's Gay Ghetto. To Hell with Robert's Rules of Order.*

*Edward C. Patterson*


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

*FREE Today and Tomorrow - December 3rd and 4th at Amazon*  
*Cutting the Cheese * 
* by *  
*Edward C. Patterson*

*Come Party with the Boyz!*

​*Luke Oliver has just come out of the closet and confronts a brave new world - a meeting of the Gay and Lesbian Activist Association of New Birch and Sipsboro (GLAABS) - your run of the mill, gay political caucus. Run of the Mill? . . . my @$$. Stepping across the threshold of the Otterson estate exposes Luke to horny and hilarious shenanigans that give the Boys in the Band a run for its money. Who wants whom? Who has whom? Who will win Luke's . . . let's say, attentions?

A self-effacing, comic romp through the Gay hierarchy, Cutting the Cheese is a reality check from the author's provocative coming out experience in a drizzled-pink world; an outrageous ride down the funny bone. Repeat riding is encouraged. It's every one for themself in New Birch's Gay Ghetto. To Hell with Robert's Rules of Order.*

*Edward C. Patterson*


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

*FREE Today and Tomorrow - January 9th & 10th at Amazon*  
*Cutting the Cheese * 
* by *  
*Edward C. Patterson*

*Come Party with the Boyz!*

​*Luke Oliver has just come out of the closet and confronts a brave new world - a meeting of the Gay and Lesbian Activist Association of New Birch and Sipsboro (GLAABS) - your run of the mill, gay political caucus. Run of the Mill? . . . my @$$. Stepping across the threshold of the Otterson estate exposes Luke to horny and hilarious shenanigans that give the Boys in the Band a run for its money. Who wants whom? Who has whom? Who will win Luke's . . . let's say, attentions?

A self-effacing, comic romp through the Gay hierarchy, Cutting the Cheese is a reality check from the author's provocative coming out experience in a drizzled-pink world; an outrageous ride down the funny bone. Repeat riding is encouraged. It's every one for themself in New Birch's Gay Ghetto. To Hell with Robert's Rules of Order.*

*Edward C. Patterson*


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

*FREE Today ONLY February 7th at Amazon*  
*Cutting the Cheese * 
* by *  
*Edward C. Patterson*

*Come Party with the Boyz!*

​*Luke Oliver has just come out of the closet and confronts a brave new world - a meeting of the Gay and Lesbian Activist Association of New Birch and Sipsboro (GLAABS) - your run of the mill, gay political caucus. Run of the Mill? . . . my @$$. Stepping across the threshold of the Otterson estate exposes Luke to horny and hilarious shenanigans that give the Boys in the Band a run for its money. Who wants whom? Who has whom? Who will win Luke's . . . let's say, attentions?

A self-effacing, comic romp through the Gay hierarchy, Cutting the Cheese is a reality check from the author's provocative coming out experience in a drizzled-pink world; an outrageous ride down the funny bone. Repeat riding is encouraged. It's every one for themself in New Birch's Gay Ghetto. To Hell with Robert's Rules of Order.*

*Edward C. Patterson*


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

*FREE March 11th & 12th at Amazon*  
*Cutting the Cheese * 
* by *  
*Edward C. Patterson*

*Come Party with the Boyz!*

​*Luke Oliver has just come out of the closet and confronts a brave new world - a meeting of the Gay and Lesbian Activist Association of New Birch and Sipsboro (GLAABS) - your run of the mill, gay political caucus. Run of the Mill? . . . my @$$. Stepping across the threshold of the Otterson estate exposes Luke to horny and hilarious shenanigans that give the Boys in the Band a run for its money. Who wants whom? Who has whom? Who will win Luke's . . . let's say, attentions?

A self-effacing, comic romp through the Gay hierarchy, Cutting the Cheese is a reality check from the author's provocative coming out experience in a drizzled-pink world; an outrageous ride down the funny bone. Repeat riding is encouraged. It's every one for themself in New Birch's Gay Ghetto. To Hell with Robert's Rules of Order.*

*Edward C. Patterson*


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

*FREE Today and Tomorrow April 14th & 15th at Amazon*  
*Cutting the Cheese * 
* by *  
*Edward C. Patterson*

*Come Party with the Boyz!*

​*Luke Oliver has just come out of the closet and confronts a brave new world - a meeting of the Gay and Lesbian Activist Association of New Birch and Sipsboro (GLAABS) - your run of the mill, gay political caucus. Run of the Mill? . . . my @$$. Stepping across the threshold of the Otterson estate exposes Luke to horny and hilarious shenanigans that give the Boys in the Band a run for its money. Who wants whom? Who has whom? Who will win Luke's . . . let's say, attentions?

A self-effacing, comic romp through the Gay hierarchy, Cutting the Cheese is a reality check from the author's provocative coming out experience in a drizzled-pink world; an outrageous ride down the funny bone. Repeat riding is encouraged. It's every one for themself in New Birch's Gay Ghetto. To Hell with Robert's Rules of Order.*

*Edward C. Patterson*


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

*FREE Tuesday & Wednesday May 20th & 21st at Amazon*  
*Cutting the Cheese * 
* by *  
*Edward C. Patterson*

*Come Party with the Boyz!*

​*Luke Oliver has just come out of the closet and confronts a brave new world - a meeting of the Gay and Lesbian Activist Association of New Birch and Sipsboro (GLAABS) - your run of the mill, gay political caucus. Run of the Mill? . . . my @$$. Stepping across the threshold of the Otterson estate exposes Luke to horny and hilarious shenanigans that give the Boys in the Band a run for its money. Who wants whom? Who has whom? Who will win Luke's . . . let's say, attentions?

A self-effacing, comic romp through the Gay hierarchy, Cutting the Cheese is a reality check from the author's provocative coming out experience in a drizzled-pink world; an outrageous ride down the funny bone. Repeat riding is encouraged. It's every one for themself in New Birch's Gay Ghetto. To Hell with Robert's Rules of Order.*

*Edward C. Patterson*


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

*FREE Today & Tomorrow June 7th & 8th at Amazon*  
*Cutting the Cheese * 
* by *  
*Edward C. Patterson*

*Come Party with the Boyz!*

​*Luke Oliver has just come out of the closet and confronts a brave new world - a meeting of the Gay and Lesbian Activist Association of New Birch and Sipsboro (GLAABS) - your run of the mill, gay political caucus. Run of the Mill? . . . my @$$. Stepping across the threshold of the Otterson estate exposes Luke to horny and hilarious shenanigans that give the Boys in the Band a run for its money. Who wants whom? Who has whom? Who will win Luke's . . . let's say, attentions?

A self-effacing, comic romp through the Gay hierarchy, Cutting the Cheese is a reality check from the author's provocative coming out experience in a drizzled-pink world; an outrageous ride down the funny bone. Repeat riding is encouraged. It's every one for themself in New Birch's Gay Ghetto. To Hell with Robert's Rules of Order.*

*Edward C. Patterson*


----------



## cinisajoy (Mar 10, 2013)

But I wanted Mozzarella.    Edward I hate to tell you this.  But I think you lost a month.  It is July not June.  And yes I picked up the book.  Since I cannot resist an Edward C Patterson.


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Thanks cinisajoy. I picked up the wrong promotional text when I was doing my thing. Thanks, and enjoy (and I think Mozzarella is one of the slices in the book).

Ed P


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

*FREE Today & Tomorrow August 19th & 20th at Amazon*  
*Cutting the Cheese * 
* by *  
*Edward C. Patterson*

*Come Party with the Boyz!*

​*Luke Oliver has just come out of the closet and confronts a brave new world - a meeting of the Gay and Lesbian Activist Association of New Birch and Sipsboro (GLAABS) - your run of the mill, gay political caucus. Run of the Mill? . . . my @$$. Stepping across the threshold of the Otterson estate exposes Luke to horny and hilarious shenanigans that give the Boys in the Band a run for its money. Who wants whom? Who has whom? Who will win Luke's . . . let's say, attentions?

A self-effacing, comic romp through the Gay hierarchy, Cutting the Cheese is a reality check from the author's provocative coming out experience in a drizzled-pink world; an outrageous ride down the funny bone. Repeat riding is encouraged. It's every one for themself in New Birch's Gay Ghetto. To Hell with Robert's Rules of Order.*

*Edward C. Patterson*


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

*FREE Today & Tomorrow Sep 25th & 26th at Amazon*  
*Cutting the Cheese * 
* by *  
*Edward C. Patterson*

*Come Party with the Boyz!*

​*Luke Oliver has just come out of the closet and confronts a brave new world - a meeting of the Gay and Lesbian Activist Association of New Birch and Sipsboro (GLAABS) - your run of the mill, gay political caucus. Run of the Mill? . . . my @$$. Stepping across the threshold of the Otterson estate exposes Luke to horny and hilarious shenanigans that give the Boys in the Band a run for its money. Who wants whom? Who has whom? Who will win Luke's . . . let's say, attentions?

A self-effacing, comic romp through the Gay hierarchy, Cutting the Cheese is a reality check from the author's provocative coming out experience in a drizzled-pink world; an outrageous ride down the funny bone. Repeat riding is encouraged. It's every one for themself in New Birch's Gay Ghetto. To Hell with Robert's Rules of Order.*

*Edward C. Patterson*


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

*Celebrating the Seventh Anniversary of my 1st Published Book
(November 18, 2007)
===================
FREE Today & Tomorrow Nov 17th & 18th 2014 at Amazon*  
*Cutting the Cheese * 
* by *  
*Edward C. Patterson*

*Come Party with the Boyz!*

​*Luke Oliver has just come out of the closet and confronts a brave new world - a meeting of the Gay and Lesbian Activist Association of New Birch and Sipsboro (GLAABS) - your run of the mill, gay political caucus. Run of the Mill? . . . my @$$. Stepping across the threshold of the Otterson estate exposes Luke to horny and hilarious shenanigans that give the Boys in the Band a run for its money. Who wants whom? Who has whom? Who will win Luke's . . . let's say, attentions?

A self-effacing, comic romp through the Gay hierarchy, Cutting the Cheese is a reality check from the author's provocative coming out experience in a drizzled-pink world; an outrageous ride down the funny bone. Repeat riding is encouraged. It's every one for themself in New Birch's Gay Ghetto. To Hell with Robert's Rules of Order.*

*Edward C. Patterson*


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

*FREE Today & Tomorrow Sept 26th & 27th at Amazon*  
*Cutting the Cheese * 
* by *  
*Edward C. Patterson*

*Come Party with the Boyz!*

​*Luke Oliver has just come out of the closet and confronts a brave new world - a meeting of the Gay and Lesbian Activist Association of New Birch and Sipsboro (GLAABS) - your run of the mill, gay political caucus. Run of the Mill? . . . my @$$. Stepping across the threshold of the Otterson estate exposes Luke to horny and hilarious shenanigans that give the Boys in the Band a run for its money. Who wants whom? Who has whom? Who will win Luke's . . . let's say, attentions?

A self-effacing, comic romp through the Gay hierarchy, Cutting the Cheese is a reality check from the author's provocative coming out experience in a drizzled-pink world; an outrageous ride down the funny bone. Repeat riding is encouraged. It's every one for themself in New Birch's Gay Ghetto. To Hell with Robert's Rules of Order.*

*Edward C. Patterson*


----------

