# What Kings Ate and Wizards Drank: A Fantasy Lover's Food Guide



## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Available now!

An unique new book for readers and writers alike. Combining snark, history, and common sense, I will take readers on a journey into the depths of epic fantasy's obsession with rabbit stew (and teach you how to catch the blasted creature), how to move your army across enemy territory without them starving to death, what a middle ages pantry would look like for when your heroine wants to seduce the hero, as well as how to cook a salted cow tongue.


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## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

This is a really cool idea. It's going to be out right on time for me to reference it for book #4 of my UF series, too, where I will bizarrely have a great need for this kind of information.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

I might regret asking this, but why would you need help with a contemporary fantasy? Can't they just go to Starbucks?


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## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

Fourth book takes place in parts of Hell (similar to Dante's Inferno). Demonic societies are still running on a feudal system, and they have more in common with medieval times than modern day. Starbucks hasn't opened any chains there.

_Yet._


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## George Berger (Aug 7, 2011)

No, Hell is in Starbucks, not the other way around. 

I'm loving the phrase "an obsession with potage", by the way. Though I do worry how many people might not know what it means...


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## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

George Berger said:


> I'm loving the phrase "an obsession with potage", by the way. Though I do worry how many people might not know what it means...


If I had to venture a guess, I would say the intended audience is going to understand.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

And, even if they don't, it's covered


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

smreine said:


> Fourth book takes place in parts of Hell (similar to Dante's Inferno). Demonic societies are still running on a feudal system, and they have more in common with medieval times than modern day. Starbucks hasn't opened any chains there.
> 
> _Yet._


You could have a blast with that.


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## Kevis Hendrickson (Feb 28, 2009)

Potage? What I really want to know about is roughage! Ain't no good recipes for roughage out there. Not a darn lick. And you want to talk about potage. Bah!


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

I have a joke in the Tranquility book, where one of the side characters is complaining about the elves feeding him vegetarian food. He's convinced that pooping every day can't be good for him and that the elves are trying to kill him


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## Kevis Hendrickson (Feb 28, 2009)

Krista D. Ball said:


> I have a joke in the Tranquility book, where one of the side characters is complaining about the elves feeding him vegetarian food. He's convinced that pooping every day can't be good for him and that the elves are trying to kill him


I remember that scene.  Anyway, good luck on this one. Can't wait to add it to my library. My characters are getting tired of eating rabbit stew. So your book will come in handy when I pen my next fantasy epic.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Rabbit stew isn't even all that good. People should actually try these goods before writing them


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## Kevis Hendrickson (Feb 28, 2009)

Krista D. Ball said:


> Rabbit stew isn't even all that good. People should actually try these goods before writing them


Good point.


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## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

Krista D. Ball said:


> Rabbit stew isn't even all that good. People should actually try these goods before writing them


Oh yeah, good idea. I'll just go kill a rabbit real quick in my back yard. Get the water started. brb.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

You can buy it at a grocery store


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## George Berger (Aug 7, 2011)

Krista D. Ball said:


> Rabbit stew isn't even all that good.


Just to clarify, I've made a rabbit-mushroom stew in the past, and it was _delicious_. But that's a quartered rabbit coated in flour and pan-fried, then slow-baked with onions and potatoes and mushrooms and sundry other things for a couple of hours. I suspect the stereotypical fantasy rabbit stew is something like a rabbit carcass poached in rapidly boiling water for twenty minutes, with a handful of wild leeks and a pinch of whatever random herb the author decided sounded novel, which would be nigh unto inedible.

Then again, I cook quite regularly, so...

_--George, who once included chupacabra gravy in one of his stories..._


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## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

George Berger said:


> Just to clarify, I've made a rabbit-mushroom stew in the past, and it was _delicious_. But that's a quartered rabbit coated in flour and pan-fried, then slow-baked with onions and potatoes and mushrooms and sundry other things for a couple of hours. I suspect the stereotypical fantasy rabbit stew is something like a rabbit carcass poached in rapidly boiling water for twenty minutes, with a handful of wild leeks and a pinch of whatever random herb the author decided sounded novel, which would be nigh unto inedible.
> 
> Then again, I cook quite regularly, so...
> 
> _--George, who once included chupacabra gravy in one of his stories..._


Oh my goodness. You made rabbit sound edible. I'm drooling.

Of course, this is coming from someone who has eaten (and enjoyed) Rocky Mountain oysters, so my taste in food is pretty suspect.


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## George Berger (Aug 7, 2011)

smreine said:


> Oh my goodness. You made rabbit sound edible. I'm drooling.


I'm not sure where the recipe I used came from, but I think this one is pretty close. There are some organic farms around here that sell fresh rabbit at the local farmer's market, happily.



> Of course, this is coming from someone who has eaten (and enjoyed) Rocky Mountain oysters, so my taste in food is pretty suspect.


I regularly eat at Vietnamese and Laotian restaurants. Rocky Mountain Oysters don't even faze me.


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## MosesSiregarIII (Jul 15, 2010)

Finally!


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## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

Krista. . . . .

Congratulations on the book! 

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## Betsy the Quilter (Oct 27, 2008)

smreine said:


> Oh yeah, good idea. I'll just go kill a rabbit real quick in my back yard. Get the water started. brb.


Am I the only one who thought of _Fatal Attraction_ here?

Betsy


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Betsy the Quilter said:


> Am I the only one who thought of _Fatal Attraction_ here?
> 
> Betsy


No, you really aren't


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

George Berger said:


> Just to clarify, I've made a rabbit-mushroom stew in the past, and it was _delicious_. But that's a quartered rabbit coated in flour and pan-fried, then slow-baked with onions and potatoes and mushrooms and sundry other things for a couple of hours.


I can't stand rabbit. Now, to be fair, we always boiled it when I was growing up. Boiled rabbit is just...ick. Not the taste so much as the smell. It has a gamy, bloody smell to it. Again, this could be because Dad had just gutted it in the basement* and brought it up for Mom to cook. So, you know, there might be some trauma there 

*Yes, I do cover a quick guide to gutting a rabbit. Just a few lines, but enough for folks to totally fake it in their books


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## George Berger (Aug 7, 2011)

Krista D. Ball said:


> Boiled rabbit is just...ick.


That's a horrible thing to do to a rabbit. Any piece of meat, really. Boiled meat in general is pretty ick. Unless it's precooked and wrapped in dough, I guess. Mm, pierogi...


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

I grew up eating boiled foods, so salt cured beef and salt fish (cod). You had to boil the meat in order to be able to eat it. So, I got rather used to eating boiled meats. Never really took to grilled meat, frankly. I was in university before I'd had a grilled steak, for example. I still don't really like steak; I find it weird. Same with pot roast. The only thing I like about roast is the gravy.

***

Here is a section from What Kings Ate, from the Appendix of recipes. No rabbit stew 

(sidenote: this is from the unedited version, since I'm still working on the manuscript, so ignore any errors for now. It's from the draft )



> Appendix I - Recipes
> 
> When I first announced this book, there was a fair bit of confusion. Many people thought I was writing an historical cookbook. And while that is a rather tempting prospect (what's not to love about combining food and history?), that was never the primary focus of this book. However, I'd be remiss if I didn't include a few recipes for you to write about and to cook up at home yourselves.
> 
> ...


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## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

Krista D. Ball said:


> I grew up eating boiled foods, so salt cured beef and salt fish (cod). You had to boil the meat in order to be able to eat it. So, I got rather used to eating boiled meats. Never really took to grilled meat, frankly. I was in university before I'd had a grilled steak, for example. I still don't really like steak; I find it weird. Same with pot roast. The only thing I like about roast is the gravy.


People willingly, deliberately eat boiled meat?


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

hehe yup There isn't really another way to eat salt beef. Plus, it makes the vegetables taste so good!


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## George Berger (Aug 7, 2011)

Krista D. Ball said:


> Never really took to grilled meat, frankly. I was in university before I'd had a grilled steak, for example. I still don't really like steak; I find it weird. Same with pot roast. The only thing I like about roast is the gravy.


I've never really seen the appeal of steaks, either. "George, kindly put your umpteen years of culinary experience to good use by doing as little as humanly possible to cook this expensive piece of meat-flavored meat. Please." Pot roasts are all about the vegetables, really. Traditionally, it was a way of making a small, cheap piece of meat stretch, after all.

The best gravy I've ever made comes from a German dish called rouladen. You take a very, very thin cut of beef - flank steak cut for fajitas works well, but I usually buy a sirloin roast and cut it myself - and rub it with mustard and pepper, then add a pickle spear, some diced onion, and some pieces of bacon, plus salt and pepper, and roll the meat up around everything else, and tie it with cooking twine. One rouladen per person. Brown all over in a skillet on high heat, then add together in a pan, add some beef stock, red wine, and a bay leaf or two, and simmer covered for around ninety minutes. Thicken up the resulting liquid to make one of the richest, most awesomest gravies ever, and serve with spaetzle. You'll be worshiped as the hero we all know you are. 

With regards cod tongues, isn't frying _anything_ in flour mostly a post-renaissance thing, dating from the introduction of _Science(TM)_ into the kitchen? I'm not arguing that it isn't good and tasty, but it seems subjectively much too modern for a typical fantasy environment.

_--George, don't mind me, I read Victorian cookbooks for leisure..._


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## Betsy the Quilter (Oct 27, 2008)

Krista D. Ball said:


> Fried Cod Tongues


Cod have tongues?


Edit: Looked it up. They actually look tasty, at least in this pic









Betsy


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

George Berger said:


> With regards cod tongues, isn't frying _anything_ in flour mostly a post-renaissance thing, dating from the introduction of _Science(TM)_ into the kitchen? I'm not arguing that it isn't good and tasty, but it seems subjectively much too modern for a typical fantasy environment.
> 
> _--George, don't mind me, I read Victorian cookbooks for leisure..._


Not really. The book is not specifically for 900AD Britain fantasy only. It covers steampunk, Regency, prehistory, etc. The book is a starting point for people to look at how different foods can be used for different situations, as well as how some basic things can be used.

The "typical fantasy environment" doesn't actually exist. Few epic fantasy books are actually consistently accurate throughout in a historical perspective to any one period in time. After all, they are made up worlds  And it gets even more confusing when you look at the world being significantly bigger than one area, and how different groups of people handled the same foods. (For example, the 17th century British cookbooks were still boiling, baking, and saucing their fish. Whereas the Newfoundland cookbooks were frying and stewing their fish (along with baking, boiling, and saucing lol). )

If your fantastical world exists in on the plane of Entomeere'uuki-pio, it's more important to have a general understanding of food uses, as opposed to the nitpicky specifics. People who want 100% authenticity for their Battle of Hastings historical romance will only get the basics out of my book. People who have never baked bread, who have no idea what food looked like anywhere, anytime other than right now, will get a lot out of it because it will get them started.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Betsy the Quilter said:


> Cod have tongues?


Cods also have cheeks


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## Betsy the Quilter (Oct 27, 2008)

Krista D. Ball said:


> Cods also have cheeks


But are they cheeky?


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Betsy the Quilter said:


> But are they cheeky?


Chewy, actually.


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## George Berger (Aug 7, 2011)

Okay, okay, it was just a random off-hand comment. 



> People who have never baked bread, who have no idea what food looked like anywhere, anytime other than right now, will get a lot out of it because it will get them started.


Heh.



> Boil, the day before jelly is required, two calf's feet, previously cut up, in two quarts of water. Boil them once up and then let the pan simmer gently by the fire for about five hours. Keep the fat skimmed off as it rises, and when the feet are quite soft strain off the liquor and let it remain some hours until it is quite hard when again remove from the top all the sediments leaving it pure and dry underneath. It is now ready for jellies. Melt in a pan some sugar with half a pint of water, wine in proportion to what is allowed, the rind of two lemons, and the juice of three or four, and the whites and shells broken together of five or six eggs and the jelly stock. Put it on the fire and whisk it till it boils, when strain it through a flannel jelly bag. The first which runs through will be too thick, and must be returned again into the jelly bag. When it is all clear, put it into a mould and when cold turn it out, dipping the mould first lightly into warm water.


--the first of several steps for making aspic, ca. 1853...


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

You know, I don't have any aspic and jelly recipes planned. I might need to amend that....


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## George Berger (Aug 7, 2011)

Sorry, I honestly wasn't trying to make extra work for you, though that does seem a sensible addition, really.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

George Berger said:


> Sorry, I honestly wasn't trying to make extra work for you, though that does seem a sensible addition, really.


Well, I'm currently writing and organizing all of my notes for the preserves section. So, it's rather a good time to cover the many uses. 

I had made lard for the book, but the SD card died and my photos got erased


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Just finished making Posh Pottage and Poor Pottage   Trying to figure out how to take photos of it so that they'll look ok in B&W


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

If you're interested in knowing when What Kings Ate is available (late October), sign up here: http://kristadball.com/contact/new-release-sign-up.

From today's manuscript writing:

>>>To make Cock Ale :-Take ten gallons of ale, and a large, cock, the older the better, parboil the cock, flea him, and stamp him in a stone mortar till his bones are broken, (you must craw and gut him when you flea him) put the cock into two quarts of sack, and put to it three pounds of raisins of the sun stoned, some blades of mace, and a few cloves; put all these into a canvas bag, and a little before you find the ale has done working, put the ale and bag together into a vessel; in a week or nine days' time bottle it up, fill the bottles but just above the necks, and leave the same time to ripen as other ale.<<<


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## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

Krista D. Ball said:


> If you're interested in knowing when What Kings Ate is available (late October), sign up here: http://kristadball.com/contact/new-release-sign-up.
> 
> From today's manuscript writing:
> 
> >>>To make Cock Ale :-Take ten gallons of ale, and a large, cock, the older the better, parboil the cock, flea him, and stamp him in a stone mortar till his bones are broken, (you must craw and gut him when you flea him) put the cock into two quarts of sack, and put to it three pounds of raisins of the sun stoned, some blades of mace, and a few cloves; put all these into a canvas bag, and a little before you find the ale has done working, put the ale and bag together into a vessel; in a week or nine days' time bottle it up, fill the bottles but just above the necks, and leave the same time to ripen as other ale.<<<


I was right there with you until "parboil the cock."


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Ha! Thankfully, the book has lots of narrative and explanations. That's just from one of the sidebars for comic relief


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## Kevis Hendrickson (Feb 28, 2009)

For a minute I thought that was an adult beverage recipe for an erotica food book.


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## kmgiven (Jul 3, 2012)

Sounds like a very interesting and useful book! I remember being skeptical of all the stew in fantasy novels even as a kid, because my dad cooked stew pretty often in winter when I was growing up and it took him all day, so how were these characters getting an edible meal in half an hour after riding hard since dawn?

As a bit of a foodie, one of the things I really enjoy about GRRM's A Song of Ice and Fire books is the more interesting and realistic meals he describes. I've been having lots of fun with some of the Westerosi cooking blogs that have sprung up since the tv series started.


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## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

You know, one of my earliest exposures to high fantasy was The Wheel of Time series, and I seem to remember them journeying for long periods of time without food being a huge issue (although they did frequently stop in towns to eat at fine establishments like the Nine Horse Hitch, and occasionally went hunting). I think they talked about making jerky maybe... once? twice? And 12 year old me latched onto that as How People Eat In High Fantasy. So when I wrote my very first book, which was a high fantasy door stopper, they ate jerky the whole book. (To be fair, jerky is delicious.)

Next time I embark on writing a door stopper (which will probably be never, snort), they will have jerky AND cock ale. I feel so educated now.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

I have a section on "jerky", and have a wonderful pemmican recipe from an elder who has since passed away. I made it (though he said it was the worse he'd ever tasted haha) with beef marrow, bison, blueberries, and the like. Made quite the stew.

Hmm...should I make up a quick small batch for the sake of pictures you think?


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## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

Yes. Then send some to me.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)




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## kmgiven (Jul 3, 2012)

smreine said:


> Yes. Then send some to me.


Heh. I'll second that. I've always wanted to try pemmican.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

It's not really like the "pemmican" you buy in the stores, which is simply beef jerky. At least, not the pemmican recipe from up here (everywhere has a different recipe, so I won't judge what other places have  ).

The mixture of powdered, dried meat, dried berries, and bone marrow fat, however, is so rich. I made it into little balls and could plunk one into a mug of boiling water and had an instant soup in a couple minutes. I added some to stew and it made things uber rich.

Of course, I grew up eating bone marrow and think it's awesome. Other people might gag at the idea of it


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## George Berger (Aug 7, 2011)

smreine said:


> You know, one of my earliest exposures to high fantasy was The Wheel of Time series, and I seem to remember them journeying for long periods of time without food being a huge issue (although they did frequently stop in towns to eat at fine establishments like the Nine Horse Hitch, and occasionally went hunting). I think they talked about making jerky maybe... once? twice? And 12 year old me latched onto that as How People Eat In High Fantasy. So when I wrote my very first book, which was a high fantasy door stopper, they ate jerky the whole book. (To be fair, jerky is delicious.)
> 
> Next time I embark on writing a door stopper (which will probably be never, snort), they will have jerky AND cock ale. I feel so educated now.


I grew up reading Pern, whose guidebook has a recipe for Klah. It's, um... not very good. YMMV.

As far as memorably fantasy food, nothing beats Greased Duck. I met J.V. Jones one, and she was _extremely enthusiastic_ about that particular dish. 

Oh, and I also read about very low-tech alcohol fermentation in a WWII POW memoir, and tried it myself. The results were, um, "interesting".


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Lord, once I tried to make a vegan mead. Lemons, sugar, yeast, water.

DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.

I couldn't get the cat pee off the bucket.


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## kmgiven (Jul 3, 2012)

Krista D. Ball said:


> It's not really like the "pemmican" you buy in the stores, which is simply beef jerky. At least, not the pemmican recipe from up here (everywhere has a different recipe, so I won't judge what other places have  ).
> 
> The mixture of powdered, dried meat, dried berries, and bone marrow fat, however, is so rich. I made it into little balls and could plunk one into a mug of boiling water and had an instant soup in a couple minutes. I added some to stew and it made things uber rich.
> 
> Of course, I grew up eating bone marrow and think it's awesome. Other people might gag at the idea of it


The traditional pemmican recipes in my area are pretty similar to yours, as far as I know - dried buffalo meat, dried chokecherries, and bone marrow or fat. I have just never had the opportunity to try it.  My husband loves bone marrow, so I think it would be a hit in our house.

Speaking of interesting traditional foods, he's from one of the former Soviet republics and they still eat a lot of stuff most Americans would turn up their noses at. Liver, heart, tongue, intestines... One of his grandmother's favorite meals was apparently boiled sheep skin, and I'm told another local favorite is made entirely of fish heads.


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## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

kmgiven said:


> Speaking of interesting traditional foods, he's from one of the former Soviet republics and they still eat a lot of stuff most Americans would turn up their noses at. Liver, heart, tongue, intestines... One of his grandmother's favorite meals was apparently boiled sheep skin, and I'm told another local favorite is made entirely of fish heads.


It's amazing what becomes edible when food is scarce. I've eaten a lot of weird animal parts, and I actually go for cabeza burritos (which is meat off the slow-cooked head of a cow), but sheep skin and fish heads... garg.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

kmgiven said:


> The traditional pemmican recipes in my area are pretty similar to yours, as far as I know - dried buffalo meat, dried chokecherries, and bone marrow or fat. I have just never had the opportunity to try it.  My husband loves bone marrow, so I think it would be a hit in our house.


Try making some! Just wing it.  (make him pound down the berries )



> Speaking of interesting traditional foods, he's from one of the former Soviet republics and they still eat a lot of stuff most Americans would turn up their noses at. Liver, heart, tongue, intestines... One of his grandmother's favorite meals was apparently boiled sheep skin, and I'm told another local favorite is made entirely of fish heads.


We eat all that stuff every time we eat deli meat and a hot dog


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## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

Krista D. Ball said:


> We eat all that stuff every time we eat deli meat and a hot dog


There are fish heads in hot dogs?


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Probably


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Here is the official back-of-the-book blurb (pending the grammar police):

_Equal parts writer's guide, comedy, and historical cookbook, fantasy author Krista D. Ball takes readers on a journey into the depths of epic fantasy's obsession with rabbit stew and teaches them how to catch the blasted creatures, how to move armies across enemy territories without anyone starving to death, and what a medieval pantry should look like when your heroine is seducing the hero.

Learn how long to cook a salted cow tongue, how best to serve salt fish, what a "brewis" is (hint: it isn't beer), how an airship captain would make breakfast, how to preserve just about anything, and why those dairy maids all have ample hips.

What Kings Ate will give writers of historical and fantastical genres the tools to create new conflicts in their stories, as well as add authenticity to their worlds, all the while giving food history lovers a taste of the past with original recipes and historical notes._

Also, the table of contents has been confirmed:

Introduction
Chapter 1: On the Road Again, Keeping Your Heroine Well Fed While Travelling
Chapter 2: Where's the nearest drive-thru? Taverns, Markets, and Fast Food
Chapter 3: The Marching Stomach: Troops on the Move
Chapter 4: 'Tis the Season: Seasonal availability of food
Chapter 5: Where's the Fridge: Food storage and preservation
Chapter 6: The Gold Plated Palate: The Rich vs the Poor
Chapter 7: The Dark Side: The politics of food
Chapter 8: Beverages, beer, and bottled water
Chapter 9: Medicines and tonics
Chapter 10: Life on the beach: Island Living
Conclusion
Appendix 1: Recipes to Try
Appendix 2: Agricultural Calendar of Britain
Appendix 3: Setting up a kitchen: Helpful Advice

And, finally, the money details:

What Kings Ate will be on sale the beginning of November. Pricing hasn't been nailed down, but it's going to be around $7.99 for the ebook and $17 for the print book. If you'd like to know when the book comes out, make sure to sign up for the update emails here: http://kristadball.com/contact/new-release-sign-up/


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## kmgiven (Jul 3, 2012)

Looks great! I'm looking forward to it!


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## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

I might need to get this one in print. I'm strictly ebooks these days... for everything except my reference books. I feel cool when I have them spread all over my desk. Like I'm Giles from Buffy, but somewhat less English.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

kmgiven said:


> Looks great! I'm looking forward to it!


You're very welcome to sign up for the new release email - just check off "non-fiction" and you'll get an update for this book (and no fiction) as soon as it's released and I have access to a computer


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

smreine said:


> I might need to get this one in print. I'm strictly ebooks these days... for everything except my reference books. I feel cool when I have them spread all over my desk. Like I'm Giles from Buffy, but somewhat less English.


Isn't that the coolest feeling ever??

****

Here is a little scene from yesterday's final draft. This is on stopping at the local Inn to grab a bit to eat (remember - this is still unedited, so there might be stuff missing/needing changed):

Inns, hotels, and taverns are very common places to rent rooms for a few pennies. Larger cities would have many to choose from. Pompeii, for example, had 118 bars and 20 hotels. Like today, standards varied as did the food and, cough, the services offered. Often times, where you stayed came down to the age old divider: money.

A rich baron and his wife will not be staying at a bawdy house, where only coffee and sex would be served. A poor labourer might be lucky to get put in the barn at a local monastery, alongside several other smelly, questionable (and often naked) men.

Before the time of police and 911, innkeepers did not accept random reservations online. Travelers had to plead their case to the innkeeper or his wife. Now, a purseful of coin could always assist with that, but a person who looked the gambler or the kind who couldn't handle her ale might find themselves left out in the back alley to fend for themselves.

If arriving via carriage or horseback, you would pay extra for the inn to stable and feed your animals. This could add to your bill quickly. Then again, if you could afford the horses, the money probably aren't going to bother you too much.

Some towns had bylaws against serving ale or food to people not guests , so your adventures might need to spend the night to get fed. Then again, considering the stench of tallow candles, gasy dogs, and unwashed, vomiting drunkards, your party might not be able to keep any food down.

So, how much will all this dizzying hospitality cost? In Iam Mortimer's Time Traveler's Guide to Medieval England, he outlines the costs for staying at a common inn:

•	½ to 1 penny for the room
•	1 ½ to 2 1/2 pence for stew or pottage (more for wine, and more for meat)
•	1 ½ to 3 ½ pence for a horse's accommodation and meals

After factoring in tips to the well-endowed daughter of the innkeeper, plus the three tumblers of wine her breasts err, bright smile extorted out of you&#8230;oh, and your losses at dice, your hero's purse could easily be 2 shillings lighter. And for what? Well, frankly, shit, piss, and vomit.
Rotting food, especially in the summer months, would fill the air. Garbage would pile up outside and, even if most of it was being composted, the smell of decomposing organic matter would be rather noticeable. Other patrons would smell like horses, sweat, rotten teeth, and cadaverous bad breath if they were using mercury cures to treat their venereal disease. With all of this, the air would be full of the sickly-sweet smell of burning fat from the tallow candles, while tobacco and grass smoke rose from pipes, and the cooking ovens and hearth fires burned the eyes.

Oh, the joy of it all.


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## 41419 (Apr 4, 2011)

Yeah, I think this will be the first print book I've bought since I got my Kindle. Looking forward to it.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

dgaughran said:


> Yeah, I think this will be the first print book I've bought since I got my Kindle. Looking forward to it.


Thanks David. I'm hoping the book will appeal to a lot of people - writers of fantasy and history, writers of historical romance, steampumk writers, as well as people who love those genres and any food history lovers out there. I think people will enjoy this book. It had a lot of research in it and I think it might be unique.


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## 41419 (Apr 4, 2011)

Krista D. Ball said:


> Thanks David. I'm hoping the book will appeal to a lot of people - writers of fantasy and history, writers of historical romance, steampumk writers, as well as people who love those genres and any food history lovers out there. I think people will enjoy this book. It had a lot of research in it and I think it might be unique.


I would be all over this even if I wasn't a writer. Getting the background on all these topics to make my fiction more historically accurate is just gravy.

Mmmmm gravy.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

That's what I'm aiming for. Fundamentally, I want people to enjoy the book. They should laugh a lot in it, too, which is always a bonus for a history book. 

For people who know a lot about food history, nothing in this book will come as a surprise. But for those who don't know what the reusable condoms of the Regency period looked like (hint: sheep intestine with a pretty bow), or that before mason jars, pig's bladders were used to seal certain preserves. I think people who are interested in that sort of thing will enjoy the story I tell about our hero and heroines as they prostitute themselves to afford an inn that makes them vomit, and then nearly starve in the forest because they were too stupid to pick up bread from town.


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## 41419 (Apr 4, 2011)

You know you're going to sell a gazillion copies of this, right? I hope you have your helicopter picked out. You don't want to waste any valuable flying time poring over catalogs...


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## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

I knew about sheep intestines s condoms. Did they really tie bows on them?


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## 41419 (Apr 4, 2011)

smreine said:


> I knew about sheep intestines s condoms. Did they really tie bows on them?


My girlfriend is currently drying out pig's intestines in the back garden. She makes jewellery out of them. No joke.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

smreine said:


> I knew about sheep intestines s condoms. Did they really tie bows on them?


Yeah, they had a ribbon sewn in at the top.

Interestingly enough, a former prostitute and bawdy owner in the Georgian period started making them to sell when she was too old to work the streets herself. She made a tidy fortune doing it. I forget her name now. Prostitution in the Georgian to mid-Victorian period is a hobby of mine


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

dgaughran said:


> My girlfriend is currently drying out pig's intestines in the back garden. She makes jewellery out of them. No joke.


...Wow. Neat.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

dgaughran said:


> You know you're going to sell a gazillion copies of this, right? I hope you have your helicopter picked out. You don't want to waste any valuable flying time poring over catalogs...


 

I find myself hoping that I sell less than 175 US Kindle copies in the first 30 days, thereby excusing myself from a bet that I made with Debora Geary involving me singing You Are My Sunshine to her and posting to youtube if I sell more...


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## 41419 (Apr 4, 2011)

Krista D. Ball said:


> I find myself hoping that I sell less than 175 US Kindle copies in the first 30 days, thereby excusing myself from a bet that I made with Debora Geary involving me singing You Are My Sunshine to her and posting to youtube if I sell more...


*scurries off, set's up Google Alert*


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## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

Man, nothing gets me In the Mood like viscera. Oh baby.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

I told my kids that they have to accompany me on the recorder and guitar if I actually sell that many


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

From Ch 3 (what I'm working on today):


Will your hero have his own equipment purchased with his own money, or will it be assigned to him, or will he be forced to purchase it from the military with his “sign up bonus”? If he is bringing his own, make sure he picks up a canteen and a bag for his rations (if he’s smart, he’s going to fill that thing up with dried fruit, cured olives, cheese, hardtack, and some spices). He should have a small metal, stone, or ceramic pot that can do triple duty as a mug or bowl. 

If the military is providing food for its troops, don’t expect it to be high-end. Military food has a two thousand year old reputation for being awful. This isn’t always the fault of the administrative brass. A moving army needed a lot of food, and food wasn’t cheap nor was it in endless supply. For example, it took 18,000 pounds of grain to feed a Roman legion (about 5000 men) for one day. The horses, oxen, and pack animals who carried the equipment needed another 40,000 pounds of food and forage. Every single day.


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## George Berger (Aug 7, 2011)

Krista D. Ball said:


> ...(if he's smart, he's going to fill that thing up with dried fruit, cured olives, cheese, hardtack, and some spices).


Laxatives, a laxative, another laxative, a moderate source of roughage, and... some seasoning.

Ouchie.


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## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

Krista D. Ball said:


> From Ch 3 (what I'm working on today):
> 
> Will your hero have his own equipment purchased with his own money, or will it be assigned to him, or will he be forced to purchase it from the military with his "sign up bonus"? If he is bringing his own, make sure he picks up a canteen and a bag for his rations (if he's smart, he's going to fill that thing up with dried fruit, cured olives, cheese, hardtack, and some spices). He should have a small metal, stone, or ceramic pot that can do triple duty as a mug or bowl.
> 
> If the military is providing food for its troops, don't expect it to be high-end. Military food has a two thousand year old reputation for being awful. This isn't always the fault of the administrative brass. A moving army needed a lot of food, and food wasn't cheap nor was it in endless supply. For example, it took 18,000 pounds of grain to feed a Roman legion (about 5000 men) for one day. The horses, oxen, and pack animals who carried the equipment needed another 40,000 pounds of food and forage. Every single day.


jfc, how did they even do that before trains?

Also, for people like me, a sense of scale on that 18k pounds thing would be helpful. I hear refrigerators/elephants are good units of measurement.


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## George Berger (Aug 7, 2011)

smreine said:


> Also, for people like me, a sense of scale on that 18k pounds thing would be helpful. I hear refrigerators/elephants are good units of measurement.


It seems big in objective measurements, but you are talking about feeding 5k people, in this example; around four pounds of food per person per day, plus food for the pack animals. That's not too different from what you'd have carried twenty years ago, backpacking or canoeing or whatever, before ultra-lightweight became the fad.

Well, you've probably seen 50# bags of rice/dog food/cat litter, before. I'd guess forty of those is about a refrigerator, in terms of volume, and about an old VW Bug, in terms of weight.

So in bizarre and meaningless SF terms, imagine if you would a cyborg army marching across Europe, towing a string of Beetles, one per each - roughly - 550 cyborg-days in the field, for sustenance. Plus basically twice that number of Bugs again, to be eaten by the placidly ravenous cyber-steeds transporting everything...

_"What's for dinner?"
"Cabriolet..._AGAIN."


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

smreine said:


> jfc, how did they even do that before trains?


It just shows how determined we are when we want to blast another civilization into pieces


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

OFFICIAL COVER:










From one of the sidebar recipes I worked on today:



> To make strong Mead:-Take of spring-water what quantity you please, and make it more than blood-warm, and dissolve honey in it till 'tis strong enough to bear an egg, the breadth of a shilling; then boil it gently near an hour, taking off the scum as it rises; then put to about nine or ten gallons, seven or eight large blades of mace, three nutmegs quarter'd, twenty cloves, three or four sticks of cinamon, two or three roots of ginger, and a quarter of an ounce of Jamaica pepper; put these spices into the kettle to the honey and water, a whole lemon, with a sprig of sweet-briar, and a sprig of rosemary; tie the briar and rosemary together, and when they have boiled a little while, take them out and throw them away; but let your liquor stand on the spice in a clean earthen pot till the next day; then strain it into a vessel that is fit for it; put the spice in a bag, and hang it in the vessel, stop it, and at three months draw it into bottles. Be sure that 'tis fine when 'tis bottled; after 'tis bottled six weeks 'tis fit to drink.


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## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

That cover is hot sex.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)




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## Lyndsay (Jul 25, 2012)

This sounds like a funny, curious book that I would probably enjoy reading. But what I would like to know is would it be suitable for children? It sounds like something my nephew would find interesting as he loves to read about out-of-the-ordinary things but would it be inappropriate? He's 9 and loves to read and tell people all about history and science and random facts from the Guinness Book of World Records!


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

I'm probably a bad person to ask, since a) the step kids are teens now and b) when they were little, I let them read whatever they wanted and let them determine if it was suitable for them. 

My initial response is that a 9 year old will probably find it boring, to be honest. If you look through this thread, I've posted pieces from the book. I can't see that stuff appealing to a 9 year old, but then again maybe it will. 

This is from the introduction (I'm still cleaning it up, so it's rough). This is what the book is about and aimed at. 


What Kings Ate aims to change all that.

There was a fair bit of confusion in the early days when I announced this book. Many people thought I was writing an historical cookbook. Still others thought I was writing a variation of the official and unofficial guides to popular fantasy books. While writing a historical cookbook or a Cooking With Elves book would be a blast, that was never the main intent of What Kings Ate. At its heart, it is a writer’s guide. 

Whether you are dragging your rag-tag rebellion through enemy territory or wining and dining cutthroat rivals, eventually you will need to feed these people. I hope to present you, the author and creator of your own universe, tools to consider when looking at troop movements, adding conflict, adding drama, and adding realism into your work.

Does that mean only fantasy writers can enjoy this book? Not at all. In fact, I think anyone who loves old recipes and history can find a lot to enjoy in this book. 

I will be focusing on historical fantasy and epic fantasy. Fantasy is vast and varied, and a large component of it is set in a quasi-medieval Europe (often Britain) or set in a recognizable historical or alternative historical setting. However, just because I will be focusing on fantasy authors doesn't mean this guide won't be helpful to writers in other genres. 

Steampunk authors, set in the alternative Victorian era of wheels and cogs, invention and steam, has historical components that will challenge many a writer who aims for a very realistic flair. In discussions concerning this book, many writers have admitted to me about being clueless on topics such as how to feed their airship crew in the age of coal. So, sometimes airships and steam trains are going to sneak on to these pages.

Likewise, those who write either historical novels or historical romances might need the occasional starting point or general overview to help with getting one's troops into a siege position, or for organizing a feast where the hero falls in love with the heroine. Many of the concepts discussed in this book can be used either directly or indirectly to help steer your research and fuel your creativity. 

However, I didn’t want to forget all of the readers out there. You are wonderfully loyal and supportive. You own every single Dragonlance and Forgotten Realms book. You love Tolkien and Brooks, Jordan and Sanderson. Perhaps you even Live Action Role Play (LARP) or enjoy a game of D&D on your weekends. Perhaps you love the works of Jack Whyte and Bernard Cromwell. This book’s entire purpose is to make novels more enjoyable for readers like you, who are tired of reading books where the heroes bake tea biscuits in the forest. I’ve tried to make this book fun for you to read, too.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Manuscript submitted today. YAY! Still on target for a Nov 1 ebook release. The print book will be pushed to later that month, since the formatting/print/shipping time will end up pushing it back. However, since many people were wanting it yesterday, we decided that the ebook release first would give everyone a chance to get an ecopy as soon as possible.

Here is a little section to keep you going:


Mutiny, Maurauding, and Mayhem

Just because soldiers and sailors expect bad food, don’t be fooled into thinking you can starve them. The troops still expect edible food and some fairness, especially if the rough ranks are struggling. Sailors who haven’t eaten meat in two weeks will not take kindly to a fat commander who is dining on wine and roasted chicken (which should have been kept for its eggs). 

An excellent captain would never take more of the beer ration than his men. When the cooper on Captain John Narbrought's vessel found two barrels of beer leaked, he ordered that everyone drink water that day - himself included. He said that, "for it was ever my order that the meanest boy in the ship should have the same allowance with my self."  Add to that a few lucky battles, and that is a captain whose men would defend with their lives.

Captains received the largest portion of any bounty taken from a defeated ship, upwards of 50%. Food stores, ammunition, and the like would, of course, be shared equally, but items like clothing, gold, linens, tobacco, and money would be distributed by rank, with the lower ranks acquiring less and less. When pulling into port, a good captain would spend a portion of his booty on extras for his men: fresh meat, dried fruit, cabbage, rum, additional fuel. Sharing his wealth with his men (and, let’s face it, women dressed up like men) would make them work even harder to help earn themselves all more booty, since the Captain would share some of it around again.

If you march your army into a cold climate or sail them into uncharted territory, ensure you have enough beer, women, and meat to keep them from a) starving to death and b) deserting before they starve to death. Once your men start eating the cart oxen, you’ve lost. Pack up and go home before they end up eating you. 

Cannibalism is an ugly, messy word (zombie novels excluded, of course).


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Just a bump to say that the manuscript has been handed in and that the release date for the ebook will be November 1 (the print book will be delayed about 2 weeks).


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## bookworm77 (Mar 10, 2012)

Betsy the Quilter said:


> Am I the only one who thought of _Fatal Attraction_ here?
> 
> Betsy


lol, you can't ignore rabbit stew.


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## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

Awesome. What are you working on next?


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Between now and January, I'm working on my 2nd Spirit Caller book, 2 erotica shorts (to fulfill a contractual commitment), my web serial, and some short fiction. I'll also be releasing #2 of my epic fantasy series.

Then, I'm writing the 3rd book of my epic fantasy series in 2013, (aiming for a Nov 2013 release), I'm co-editing an anthology in late 2013, writing the 3rd Spirit Caller novella in early 2013, more short stories. 

I've also begun researching for another non-fiction writer's historical guide. That is covered on a confidentiality agreement until there is a decision made either way, I can't make an official announcement. However, I'm confident that it will make people laugh just as much as I hope this one will.


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## bookworm77 (Mar 10, 2012)

great, i want to fall into a nice fantasy book after labor day. the tv tube is going off.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

uhoh banning the TV for a while?


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Just an update.

Currently, I'm working on my final line edits. We're still on target for a Nov 1 ebook release, with a Nov 15-ish paperback.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Edits nearing the end. I need to write a section on extreme cold. If you want to know when the book comes out, sign up here: http://kristadball.com/contact/new-release-sign-up/


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

With the release date closing in and fast, I have posted the Introduction from What Kings Ate on my blog. Chapter 1 and 2 to follow over the month 

http://kristadball.com/books/writerguides/


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Chapter 1 just went live for folks to read 

http://kristadball.com/books/writerguides/


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

The last sneak preview you'll get before the book comes out in two weeks  Intro, Ch1 and Ch 2 ready for you now! http://kristadball.com/books/writerguides/


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Updated first post and title         

For the love of all that is holy, wait until next month to buy it. If I sell too many copies this month, I lose a bet and will have to post a video of me singing on Youtube. No one wants that.

P.P.S. What is this bet all about? One night, after having my second glass of wine on an empty stomach and suffering mid-book depression, I was whining to author Debora Geary that I really hoped What Kings Ate sold at least 175 copies by the first royalty payment so that I could afford to take a university course that I had to cancel due to funds.

She laughed at me (because she is a mean, horrible person) and said I’d sell more than 175 Amazon ebook copies in my first month. I laughed and said if I sold that many, I’d sing You Are My Sunshine and dedicate it to her.

Um, oops.

So after I sobered up enough to realize what I’d just done, there was no backing out of it. Also, I hadn’t realized that she was going to tell everyone she knew about this. (Did I mention how she is a mean, horrible person?) So there you have it.

175 e-copies = me singing You Are My Sunshine posted on Youtube.

Ye gods.


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## patrisha w. (Oct 28, 2008)

Is this available as an actual book rather than an ebook? Or perhaps I should say as well as an ebook....


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

The print will be in about a month. It's been delayed (my fault...).

If you want an autographed one, you can preorder here: http://kristadball.com/autographed-print-copies/

If you just want to order one with your next Amazon purchase, it'll be around Dec 1st; I'll update this thread when it's available.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Chrystalla said:


> Let me second that! I'm often scared that my epic fantasy isn't realistic, but with this book I feel safer.
> 
> I read it, and loved it, and will be my constant companion from now on. Thanks, Krista!




I really hope people get a few things out of the book. First, some historical information that's fun and approachable. Second, that writers will start to reexamine their stories and fix the silly stuff. And third, that people will laugh and enjoy the stories.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Yay! It's out, lots of reviews already coming in (mostly of the "I've only read 2 chapters so far and I love" variety...there's a lot to read), but very pleased!

I still am winning the bet with Debora Geary, so *whew* I might not be singing on Youtube


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Hey all -- Yes, I lost the bet   Yes, I'll be doing a video   I just need a couple of weeks to organize things.  



Thank you to everyone who helped support the book. Thanks


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## JRTomlin (Jan 18, 2011)

I bought it and it is extremely good. I do think it will help people fix some of the sillier things they might do without thinking or just accepting previous errors. Great job!


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Coming from you (with all of your research and knowledge), that is the highest praise I could receive. Thank you for letting me know. That means a lot.

I really wanted this to help people who knew nothing about food, to help get them started.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Just a bump to let folks know that WKA is in many different formats now and available in most 3rd party stores.

Print coming really, really soon!


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

A bump to say that the print versions are available!


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Lots of positive feedback about the book, which is great! Currently working on another one called Harlots Hustlers and Heroines


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Been a long time since I've bumped this, but just wanted to let folks know that WKA is on sale for 99c but only until tomorrow.


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