# What's the best way to sell a bad book?



## vrabinec (May 19, 2011)

I think I've written a crappy book and I don't feel like fixing it. What's the best way to sell that? Killer cover and blurb? No free giveaways so the word of mouth doesn't spread? Maybe price it high so the sample plus low price combined don't scare readers away? Come on, help guy out here.


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## dkgould (Feb 18, 2013)

Celebrity look-alike endorsement.


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## John Twipnook (Jan 10, 2011)

Put "Fifty Shades Of" in front of the title, no matter what the title is.


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## CraigInOregon (Aug 6, 2010)

vrabinec said:


> I think I've written a crappy book and I don't feel like fixing it. What's the best way to sell that? Killer cover and blurb? No free giveaways so the word of mouth doesn't spread? Maybe price it high so the sample plus low price combined don't scare readers away? Come on, help guy out here.


Nothing personal involved in this other than a direct response to the question asked:

You DON'T.

If you seriously assess that the book you're written is [email protected], then it probably is.

You then have two choices.

1) Fix it

2) Abandon it

You say you don't want to fix it. That's your choice.

But then, don't offer it for sale, for money. It's just wrong.

So the only other choice is, abandon it. Move on to your next WIP and make sure that's better than this one.

But don't sell something you honestly believe isn't up to snuff, at any price. Ever.

The world does not owe any of us a "kill fee" for our wasted effort. Chalk it up to experience, learn from it, and move on to the next project.

We either make our stories good enough to offer up, or we file them away until we can... or file them away permanently.

Lots of writers have written books that "didn't turn out." In the traditional model, that came in the form of rejection slips. In the indie model, we'd do well to remember that not everything we write and invest our time in is worth other people's money.

Give yourself a rejection slip, don't publish something that's not good enough, and move on to the next book that still has a chance to be good.


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## Lloyd MacRae (Nov 18, 2012)

Bad sex?


Sleep your way to the top.


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## SBJones (Jun 13, 2011)

Send a copy to that Westboro Church guy and see if he will burn it in public.


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## Nihilist (Aug 9, 2013)

vrabinec said:


> I think I've written a crappy book and I don't feel like fixing it. What's the best way to sell that? Killer cover and blurb? No free giveaways so the word of mouth doesn't spread? Maybe price it high so the sample plus low price combined don't scare readers away? Come on, help guy out here.


Add lots of boobs. Boobs fix everything. Boobs.


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## Joshua Dalzelle (Jun 12, 2013)

E.L. MacRae said:


> Sleep your way to the top.


Finally... some marketing advice I can get behind.


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## Andrew Ashling (Nov 15, 2010)

This has been answered so many times: write another bad book.


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## TRGoodman (Jul 9, 2012)

You could spam a dozen hashtags on Twitter 15X a day about it and send everyone who's ever signed up for Goodreads an invitation to buy it.

Or you could write a bad short story that's vaguely related and give it away free. _50 Shades of Sylvester Stallone's Lookalike Cousin's Guaranteed Way to Lose Weight Fast While You Make Money Sleeping In and Doing Nothing_, maybe?


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## dkgould (Feb 18, 2013)

TRGoodman said:


> _50 Shades of Sylvester Stallone's Lookalike Cousin's Guaranteed Way to Lose Weight Fast While You Make Money Sleeping In and Doing Nothing_, maybe?


I would totally buy that. And believe every word.


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## vrabinec (May 19, 2011)

Wow, you guys are the best! (Except Craig, I don't think I like his attitude. Yes, I'll write another bad book. I think that's the way to go. Oh, and I'll add boobs. (Sleeping my way to the top would be tough, what with my condition and all.)


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## Quiss (Aug 21, 2012)

Nekkid pics of Hugh Howey in the front matter.


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## Just Browsing (Sep 26, 2012)

Have it made into a bad movie.


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## Lefty (Apr 7, 2011)

Moobs.


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## daringnovelist (Apr 3, 2010)

Well.... it kinda depends on why you think it's crappy.

A lot of authors hate their best selling books.  (It's a really weird phenomenon, but remarkably common.)

So, imho, the best way to handle it is to treat it like any other book, only maybe you want to publish under a pen name.  Make sure it's properly proofed, and give it a cover appropriate to the content, and a fair blurb, and let the thing sell itself.

One thing you shouldn't do it try to hide what it is.  Let the audience who doesn't think it's a bad book find it, and let those who won't like it avoid it.

Camille


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## TRGoodman (Jul 9, 2012)

dkgould said:


> I would totally buy that. And believe every word.


It's only available for a limited time, so you'll have to hurry. I miiiiiiight be able to hold one back for you though...

...for a _modest_ fee, of course, but you'll be making soooo much money losing weight while you sleep that really is an investment if you think about it.

And if you act now, we'll add boobs to your copy at no additional charge.


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## Dolphin (Aug 22, 2013)

Is this the thread we need, or the thread we deserve?

I think it's both, actually.


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## dkgould (Feb 18, 2013)

TRGoodman said:


> It's only available for a limited time, so you'll have to hurry. I miiiiiiight be able to hold one back for you though...
> 
> ...for a _modest_ fee, of course, but you'll be making soooo much money losing weight while you sleep that really is an investment if you think about it.
> 
> And if you act now, we'll add boobs to your copy at no additional charge.


Hey, who wouldn't trust a guy endorsed by Tony Stallone-y?


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## Stephen M Holak (May 15, 2012)

Alexia Stark said:


> Add lots of boobs. Boobs fix everything. Boobs.


And tentacle sex. (See Hugh Howey's thread.) Wolves may help too.


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## H. S. St. Ours (Mar 24, 2012)

There are no crappy books. Only crappy reviews.


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## Nihilist (Aug 9, 2013)

Stephen M Holak said:


> And tentacle sex. (See Hugh Howey's thread.) Wolves may help too.


Hmmm.... or a boobed Wolf with with a dozen tentacles instead of paws... Just have to remember to throw in something about a volcano to appease the masses.


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## FMH (May 18, 2013)

Alexia Stark said:


> Add lots of boobs. Boobs fix everything. Boobs.


LMFAO!!!! boobs are the answer to all problems.


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## Michael Buckley (Jun 24, 2013)

The book I did not care for, sold over 500 copies. The book I love, nothing.


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## Diane Patterson (Jun 17, 2012)

1) Make your own cover art in MS Paint using Comic Sans font. I cannot stress this step highly enough.

2) Comma splice in the first sentence of the blurb or bust.

3) Spam Twitter, Facebook, and all of your mailing lists constantly. 

4) There's nothing wrong with a book that boobs won't fix.


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## Deke (May 18, 2013)

Ask Jasinda Wilder.


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## David J Normoyle (Jun 22, 2012)

Alexia Stark said:


> Add lots of boobs. Boobs fix everything. Boobs.


Boobs. The cause of--and solution to--all of life's problems.


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## Scott Daniel (Feb 1, 2011)

F.M.Hopkins said:


> LMFAO!!!! boobs are the answer to all problems.


The best quote I've ever heard came from a friend of my wife's: "I have boobs, I can do anything."


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## AgnesWebb (Jan 13, 2013)

Stephen M Holak said:


> And tentacle sex. (See Hugh Howey's thread.) Wolves may help too.


Just make sure that the tentacle wolves are also BBWs.


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## Guest (Sep 17, 2013)

Put this on your cover.










Oh, and mention twerking ...


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## TexasGirl (Dec 21, 2011)

Sell it as parody.


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## Eric Zawadzki (Feb 4, 2011)

Dolphin said:


> Is this the thread we need, or the thread we deserve?
> 
> I think it's both, actually.


I wanna make a joke at another thread's expense, but instead I'll just laugh. 

Love the tongue-in-cheek suggestions here.


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## Michael Buckley (Jun 24, 2013)

WPotocki said:


> Put this on your cover.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


"Ohhh... yes that would sell "


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## DocAggie (Jun 29, 2013)

Eric Zawadzki said:


> I wanna make a joke at another thread's expense, but instead I'll just laugh.
> 
> Love the tongue-in-cheek suggestions here.


Cover art showing one person inserting said tongue into someone else's check would probably tip it into the realm of erotica.

Please be sure and leave abundant typos and sundry other errors. I like to count 'em while reading. Makes me feel like I'm multitasking.


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## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

Give lap dances to bestselling authors, sneakily take photos, and use those photos to blackmail them into promoting you to their fans.


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## Cherise (May 13, 2012)

Andrew Ashling said:


> This has been answered so many times: write another bad book.


Thread winner!

I know the OP is being facetious, but Andrew's post touches on something we all might want to keep in mind when dispensing advice.


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## blakebooks (Mar 10, 2012)

Quickly.


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## Eric Zawadzki (Feb 4, 2011)

DocAggie said:


> Cover art showing one person inserting said tongue into someone else's check would probably tip it into the realm of erotica.
> 
> Please be sure and leave abundant typos and sundry other errors. I like to count 'em while reading. Makes me feel like I'm multitasking.


Could be horror, too, depending on the direction from which said tongue was being inserted, but erotica is a pretty hot genre (or so I've heard).

I guess you could also go the total blasphemy route and see if you can attract the attention of some big name preacher. Perhaps you could write a letter as a concerned, anonymous Christian and send it to him. That kind of controversy is bound to sell a lot of books. You say your book isn't blasphemous? Pshaw. Write a prologue that is nothing but a nonstop, Satanic rant that eats up the first 10% - you know, the sample - and you're golden. The Christians wouldn't dream of reading past the sample, and by the time the edgy, curious rebels read that far, you've already got their money, right?


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## Ben Mathew (Jan 27, 2013)

Andrew Ashling said:


> This has been answered so many times: write another bad book.





Cherise Kelley said:



> Thread winner!


+1


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## Vaalingrade (Feb 19, 2013)

Turning it into an HBO show seems to work fairly well.


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## Nathalie Hamidi (Jul 9, 2011)

Sell and run! Sell and run!


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## allysonjo (Aug 25, 2013)

The best way to sell a bad book would be to make your pen name close to a best selling author's name, and the title close to one of their bestsellers.  Then lots of people might buy it accidentally.  All the other suggestions are good, too.  At least good for a laugh


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## CEMartin2 (May 26, 2012)

WPotocki said:


> Put this on your cover.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I was going to suggest an erotica cover and blurb. I think you could sell blank pages with anerotica cover.


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## Lindy Moone (Oct 19, 2012)

Eric Zawadzki said:


> I guess you could also go the total blasphemy route and see if you can attract the attention of some big name preacher. Perhaps you could write a letter as a concerned, anonymous Christian and send it to him. That kind of controversy is bound to sell a lot of books. You say your book isn't blasphemous? Pshaw. Write a prologue that is nothing but a nonstop, Satanic rant that eats up the first 10% - you know, the sample - and you're golden. The Christians wouldn't dream of reading past the sample, and by the time the edgy, curious rebels read that far, you've already got their money, right?


Hey! This would totally work for me if I still lived in the States. Here, there are fates far worse than sluggish sales...


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## Zelah Meyer (Jun 15, 2011)

If you think your first book sucks, then it's far more likely to be sellable than the work of someone who thinks their first book is the best thing ever written.

Just publish it and let the readers decide.  Worst case scenario, you can continue your career under a pseudonym.

Plus - going by the gripes of a subset of hopeful authors across the globe - pretty much every bestseller is a 'bad book'.    So, it may even sell itself.


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## LinaG (Jun 18, 2012)

I think you have all you need to know here, in this Bad Book Selling Toolkit thread.

Clearly:  You have Tony Stallone on the cover, dress him like Jesus and give him boobs, title it something really masterful like

"50 Shades of Sylvester Stallone's Lookalike Cousin's Guaranteed Way to Lose Weight Fast While You Make Money Sleeping In and Doing Nothing But What Jesus Would Do" and you're in like Flynn.

Or, you could go the more socially excepted, less offensive route and swap Jesus for a Zombie, keep the boobs, daub them with blood and mucus and change the title to:

"The Good News: You Can Eat All You Want And Still Lose Weight. The Bad News: You'll Be a Zombie and Your Boobs Will Just Get in the Way.

I see the cover as kind of gray, hinting at desolation but with touches of  orange and gold that subliminally speak of fast food packaging.

Good luck with it!

Li

Li


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## Guest (Sep 18, 2013)

I know, be defiant. Dare anyone not to like your masterpiece.


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## O (Jul 15, 2013)

The foundation of every successful saleswoman is that she has an absolutely unshakable belief in herself and her product – that it is the best, or the cheapest, or the weirdest or windiest, or (as many other people have most excellently pointed out already) that it contains boobs, boobs, boobs and plenty of 'em. 

End of. Belief is everything. Believe in yourself and the world is your wossname. Oyster.

As it happens, I have in my possession twelve boxes of self-belief fairycakes that I am willing to part with for just $12,427 + P&P. Go to snakeoil dot co dot uk* for this chance of a lifetime.

*website may be a figment of my imagination. Disappointment is not a refundable returns reason.


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## Dee Ernst (Jan 10, 2011)

Make sure to include the phrase 'artisan bread' in your blurb, several times if possible.


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## valeriec80 (Feb 24, 2011)

This is your first book, right?

It's probably not that you don't want to fix it, it's just that you don't know how. When I first started writing, I wrote about four or five books that I didn't really revise, because I didn't know how.

Eventually, it just sort of clicked. Don't know if I can explain it, but... revision is where you get to make sure that your book matches the vision you had of it in the first place.

You might try this? Read through the book and mark anything that seems "off" to you. Don't worry about changing it. Don't even worry about explaining why you're marking it. Just go through and mark the stuff you don't think is working.

That should narrow things down. Then you can try and change those things if you want. You might find it's easier, because you're not facing a huge ocean of the WHOLE BOOK, just your list of things that are "off." 

Anyway, good luck. I did not publish the first book I ever wrote, but I did publish the second one. It's currently ranked #990,263 Paid in Kindle Store--wait, I'm trying to be encouraging here...

I guess my point is that even if no one likes your first few books, it doesn't have to matter. You get as many chances to get readers as books you write. Again, good luck!!


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## TRGoodman (Jul 9, 2012)

Dee Ernst said:


> Make sure to include the phrase 'artisan bread' in your blurb, several times if possible.


And you can charge 2X as much for it because it's not just a bad book, it's an _artisan_ bad book.


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## Evenstar (Jan 26, 2013)

How about a really kick ass pen name? Like Storm Shaker, or Thor Valhalla, you havent given us any genre of so called bad book. I want to read it already


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## Rambled Mind (Mar 22, 2013)

F.M.Hopkins said:


> LMFAO!!!! boobs are the answer to all problems.


This may be the truest thing I've read on the Internet. Ever.


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## Steve W. (Feb 23, 2011)

If you've written something that is crap, and you can't be bothered to fix it, you are disrespecting your readers, and perpetuating the stigma that self published authors are lazy hacks. Fix it, or don't publish it.


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## Anne Frasier (Oct 22, 2009)

Tag line: Anyone can love a damn good book, but it takes a special person to love a damn bad book.

Tag line: It's easy to love a good book, but it's hard to love a bad book. Rise to the challenge.

Tag line: So bad it's good


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## ER Pierce (Jun 4, 2013)

This thread is so funny.


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## Michael_J_Sullivan (Aug 3, 2011)

I didn't have time to read the whole thread, but I'm sure I'm not to the first to say - don't publish.  If you know it is crap then go write something else thta is good and put it out. We all have trunk novels that don't deserve to see the light of day.  Don't tarnish your image with something you know isn't "ready for prime time."


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## Guest (Sep 18, 2013)

How about: 
*
TWERKING: The "Man" ewe-all -- the Prequel of Worse Things to Come *


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## Saul Tanpepper (Feb 16, 2012)

1. Tentacle sex (as has been discussed elsewhere)
2. Pen name: Snookie, or X Kardashian
3. Key words. Hey, it's all about SEO.
4. Bribes
5. Honesty: "You won't want to touch this."
6. Diversion: "Nothing can even touch this."
7. Animated GIFs. And infographics.
8. Write an even worse book
9. Serialize it
10. whine about bad reviews, claim you're being picked on, accuse some fictitious nobody that they're racist and they just "didn't get" your book


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## cdvsmx5 (May 23, 2012)

You've been promising a bad book for many moons. Don't disappoint your good readers.

How to sell it? Create a story about the story. Something that makes publication an act of heroic achievement. Like the NSA is trying to block it because of coded Chinese secrets woven into the text.


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## swolf (Jun 21, 2010)

Use the pen name, Hugh Howie.


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## Michael Murray (Oct 31, 2011)

Give a keynote at Midland City. Worked for Mr. Trout.


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## H. S. St. Ours (Mar 24, 2012)

David J Normoyle said:


> Boobs. The cause of--and solution to--all of life's problems.


Nice Homer Simpson paraphrase.


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## 68564 (Mar 17, 2013)

I am afraid much of this advice would actually work!


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## Gertie Kindle (Nov 6, 2008)

At last! Practical marketing tips! <runsouttogetgummyboobs>


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## R.V. Doon (Apr 1, 2013)

Make a trailer with hot chicks.


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## Guest (Sep 19, 2013)

Congrats, Vrabinec!  That's really awesome that you finished it!

Want to know a secret?  We ALL write crappy books.  All of us.  And not just as a one-time thing either--almost all of the books we write are crappy.  I know that mine are.

So the best thing you can do, IMO, is put that sucker up for sale and write the next crappy book.

Good luck!


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## Kathelm (Sep 27, 2010)

I recommend starting a feud.  Find someone popular in your genre and make him your arch-nemesis.  Sure, it will be a one-sided rivalry until you get bored and try something else, but channel all your rage and frustration into seething hate.  Comment on his every blog post telling him how stupid and ugly and untalented he is.  One-star bomb all his books and recommend your own in the reviews.  Seduce his sister and smuggle rats into his favorite restaurant, preferably at the same time.  Protest his grandmother's funeral.  Steal all his light bulbs.  Sneak into his house while he's on vacation and turn all the faucets on.  

Eventually, he'll write a blog post about some insane troll who's been making his life hell.  This is your moment to strike.  Be sure to be the first post, and that the first post reads, "It was I!  Now buy my book!"  Supply a link to your book and the sales will follow.  Latch onto his fame and make it yours.  Controversy sells.

Now if you'll excuse me, Hugh Howey is headed towards the hardware store to buy some new light bulbs.  I have tires to slash.


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## JonDavis1 (Apr 11, 2012)

SBJones said:


> Send a copy to that Westboro Church guy and see if he will burn it in public.


Oooh.... 

Thanks!


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## Saul Tanpepper (Feb 16, 2012)

Kathelm said:


> I recommend starting a feud. Find someone popular in your genre and make him your arch-nemesis. Sure, it will be a one-sided rivalry until you get bored and try something else, but channel all your rage and frustration into seething hate. Comment on his every blog post telling him how stupid and ugly and untalented he is. One-star bomb all his books and recommend your own in the reviews. Seduce his sister and smuggle rats into his favorite restaurant, preferably at the same time. Protest his grandmother's funeral. Steal all his light bulbs. Sneak into his house while he's on vacation and turn all the faucets on.
> 
> Eventually, he'll write a blog post about some insane troll who's been making his life hell. This is your moment to strike. Be sure to be the first post, and that the first post reads, "It was I! Now buy my book!" Supply a link to your book and the sales will follow. Latch onto his fame and make it yours. Controversy sells.
> 
> Now if you'll excuse me, Hugh Howey is headed towards the hardware store to buy some new light bulbs. I have tires to slash.


Bwahahaha!


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## vrabinec (May 19, 2011)

Steve W. said:


> If you've written something that is crap, and you can't be bothered to fix it, you are disrespecting your readers, and perpetuating the stigma that self published authors are lazy hacks. Fix it, or don't publish it.


What if I have raped my brain, but I still can't fix it short of hiring someone else to write it? What if I've held it up and compared it to the work of you talented writers with your fancy words and your fancy plots, and concluded that I'll never write anything that doesn't suck? Should I NOT publish it out of self sacrifice and sit here in the flames of torment, watching you guys publish your books while mine sits in the dusty corner with the cobwebs? What have you guys done for me that would compell me to go to such lengths of self-sacrifice? Maybe if you made it worth my while. How much do you guys offer me to keep me from publishing and ruining it for everybody?


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## Steve W. (Feb 23, 2011)

vrabinec said:


> What if I have raped my brain, but I still can't fix it short of hiring someone else to write it? What if I've held it up and compared it to the work of you talented writers with your fancy words and your fancy plots, and concluded that I'll never write anything that doesn't suck? Should I NOT publish it out of self sacrifice and sit here in the flames of torment, watching you guys publish your books while mine sits in the dusty corner with the cobwebs? What have you guys done for me that would compell me to go to such lengths of self-sacrifice? Maybe if you made it worth my while. How much do you guys offer me to keep me from publishing and ruining it for everybody?


Maybe it would help if we understood what you're trying to get out of this? Why would you want to release something that you know has problems? What's the goal?


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## swolf (Jun 21, 2010)

vrabinec said:


> How much do you guys offer me to keep me from publishing and ruining it for everybody?


I have hours and hours of private video with the wife and me. But you have to promise not to share it.

And be forewarned, despite my glamorous and sexy image, the truth is something different. Here's a screen cap from one of the videos:


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## vrabinec (May 19, 2011)

Steve W. said:


> Maybe it would help if we understood what you're trying to get out of this? Why would you want to release something that you know has problems? What's the goal?


What I'm trying to get out of it? A palatial estate in the hills overlooking a lake, a team of scantly clad servant girls who wash my peepee (when the wife's not home) a Porsche, a private plane waiting to take me and Jagger and the boys for a night out in Monte Carlo, and a joint and some Doritos someplace where both are legal. It's not that I WANT to release something I know has problems, it's just that might be all I CAN release.


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## vrabinec (May 19, 2011)

swolf said:


> I have hours and hours of private video with the wife and me. But you have to promise not to share it.
> 
> And be forewarned, despite my glamorous and sexy image, the truth is something different. Here's a screen cap from one of the videos:


Sold! I knew this writing stuff would pay off.


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## Andrew Ashling (Nov 15, 2010)

vrabinec said:


> What if I have raped my brain, but I still can't fix it short of hiring someone else to write it? What if I've held it up and compared it to the work of you talented writers with your fancy words and your fancy plots, and concluded that I'll never write anything that doesn't suck? Should I NOT publish it out of self sacrifice and sit here in the flames of torment, watching you guys publish your books while mine sits in the dusty corner with the cobwebs? What have you guys done for me that would compell me to go to such lengths of self-sacrifice? Maybe if you made it worth my while. How much do you guys offer me to keep me from publishing and ruining it for everybody?


As the Duke of Wellington said to the retiring whore who threatened to mention him in her memoirs: "Madam, publish and be damned."

Seriously: publish, I say. Let the reader decide. Take your chances. Make your bets. Roll the dice. Tallyho, old man.

I'm firmly convinced there is a readership for any book imaginable.

And what if you have written a work of true, innovative genius? So far ahead of its time that even you don't recognize its enormous worth.

Would you deprive humanity of this treasure?


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## Lady TL Jennings (Dec 8, 2011)

Eric Zawadzki said:


> Could be horror, too, depending on the direction from which said tongue was being inserted, but erotica is a pretty hot genre (or so I've heard).
> 
> I guess you could also go the total blasphemy route and see if you can attract the attention of some big name preacher. Perhaps you could write a letter as a concerned, anonymous Christian and send it to him. That kind of controversy is bound to sell a lot of books. You say your book isn't blasphemous? Pshaw. Write a prologue that is nothing but a nonstop, Satanic rant that eats up the first 10% - you know, the sample - and you're golden. The Christians wouldn't dream of reading past the sample, and by the time the edgy, curious rebels read that far, you've already got their money, right?


You could put it in the Fiction> Christian category for good measure. Just to speed things up, you know?


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## ElisaBlaisdell (Jun 3, 2012)

vrabinec said:


> What I'm trying to get out of it? A palatial estate in the hills overlooking a lake, a team of scantly clad servant girls who wash my peepee (when the wife's not home) a Porsche, a private plane waiting to take me and Jagger and the boys for a night out in Monte Carlo, and a joint and some Doritos someplace where both are legal. It's not that I WANT to release something I know has problems, it's just that might be all I CAN release.


Do you know it has problems, or do you just think it has problems? What are the nature of the problems? What genre is it? Are you aware that the best-sellers in many genres have problems? In some cases, the entire genre is a problem.


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## Stephen M Holak (May 15, 2012)

vrabinec said:


> . . . and a joint and some Doritos someplace where both are legal.


I'm confused. Are there places where _*Doritos*_ are _*illegal?*_


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## Eric Zawadzki (Feb 4, 2011)

Lady TL Jennings said:


> You could put it in the Fiction> Christian category for good measure. Just to speed things up, you know?


Wow. That is *dastardly*. I'm impressed.


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## ElisaBlaisdell (Jun 3, 2012)

Lady TL Jennings said:


> You could put it in the Fiction> Christian category for good measure. Just to speed things up, you know?


Or, you even could choose another religion to taunt. There's others out there, you know. If you chose wisely enough, you might even get death threats, which could lead to even greater publicity than book-burning would.


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## Doglover (Sep 19, 2013)

vrabinec said:


> I think I've written a crappy book and I don't feel like fixing it. What's the best way to sell that? Killer cover and blurb? No free giveaways so the word of mouth doesn't spread? Maybe price it high so the sample plus low price combined don't scare readers away? Come on, help guy out here.


Make sure you write in your blurb that it is erotica and full of flesh and heavy breathing and it will sell. Worked with the awful fifty shades of grey, didn't it? I can't think why else it sold, considering the awful reviews it got.


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## Liz Davis (Dec 10, 2011)

John Twipnook said:


> Put "Fifty Shades Of" in front of the title, no matter what the title is.


I LOVE THIS.


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## 41413 (Apr 4, 2011)

In all seriousness, I think many authors are a little embarrassed by their first books months/years later, but they still do fine despite that first title. The thing is, it's probably the best you can do for now - and you'll only get better by moving on and writing more. Get this bad boy out there. Clear your mind of it and let the market judge. If it's half as offensive and entertaining as you, Vrabinec, you'll be fine.


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## vrabinec (May 19, 2011)

Now I'm getting misty. Ah well, only 30 more chapters to get crits on, then send it to an editor. It should be published next spring.


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## CoraBuhlert (Aug 7, 2011)

ElisaBlaisdell said:


> Or, you even could choose another religion to taunt. There's others out there, you know. If you chose wisely enough, you might even get death threats, which could lead to even greater publicity than book-burning would.


A fatwa is always good for sales. Just ask Salman Rushdie.


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## ElisaBlaisdell (Jun 3, 2012)

CoraBuhlert said:


> A fatwa is always good for sales. Just ask Salman Rushdie.


It probably shows my literary ignorance, but I'd never have heard of him if it hadn't been for that fatwa.


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## CraigInOregon (Aug 6, 2010)

ElisaBlaisdell said:


> It probably shows my literary ignorance, but I'd never have heard of him if it hadn't been for that fatwa.


Umm... neither would most of the literary elite.  His books are not that well-written, just "controversial" to a Muslim audience.


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## swolf (Jun 21, 2010)

CraigInTwinCities said:


> Umm... neither would most of the literary elite.  His books are not that well-written, just "controversial" to a Muslim audience.


Not quite. Of course, 'well written' is subjective, but he was awarded the Booker Prize in 1981, and he was actually knighted for his service to literature. The Times ranked him thirteenth on its list of the fifty greatest British writers since 1945.

He's also the winner of the Aristeion Prize, Arts Council Writers' Award, Author of the Year (British Book Awards), Author of the Year (Germany), Commandeur de l'Ordre des Arts et des Lettres (France), English-Speaking Union Award. Golden PEN Award, Hans Christian Andersen Literature Award, India Abroad Lifetime Achievement Award, James Tait Black Memorial Prize, Kurt Tucholsky Prize, Mantua Prize, James Joyce Award - University College Dublin, St. Louis Literary Award - Saint Louis University, State Prize for Literature (Austria), Whitbread Novel Award, and Writers' Guild of Great Britain Award for Children's Fiction.

The 'literary elite' not only know of him, he's one of them.


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## CraigInOregon (Aug 6, 2010)

I get your counter-argument, swolf.

And maybe I'm wrong... wouldn't be the first time... but Rushdie's work only came to popular attention with THE SATANIC VERSES, from what I remember. It wasn't even considered his best work, but it was the one that earned him a death-threat vow that, to my knowledge, still hasn't been rescinded. (I think Iran under Khatami may have rescinded it officially in the very late 1990s, but would I trust that if I were Rushdie? Umm... no.)

Academia and the literary elite tend to honor and acknowledge people for all sorts of bad reasons that have nothing to do with the quality of their writing.

Having a death sentence against you is one such reason.

Of course, I think Satanic Verses came out in the late 1980s, so if he was already being honored in the early 80s as you indicate, then you win that one, LOL. 

Still, I tried to read two of his novels, including Satanic Verses, and found them dense, ponderous, and completely unreadable... (and this is coming from someone who found the willpower to slog through A PRAYER FOR OWEN MEANY by John Irving, despite the fact that it had about 200 pages of plot, and 600 pages of political rants) ...anyway, Rushdie's work feels to me like the sort of fiction that's ONLY written for fiction professors in Ivy League schools. Just my opinion.


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## swolf (Jun 21, 2010)

CraigInTwinCities said:


> Still, I tried to read two of his novels, including Satanic Verses, and found them dense, ponderous, and completely unreadable... the sort of fiction that's ONLY written for fiction professors in Ivy League schools. Just my opinion.


Completely unreadable and fiction professors are pretty much the definition of literary elite to me.


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## CraigInOregon (Aug 6, 2010)

swolf said:


> Completely unreadable and fiction professors are pretty much the definition of literary elite to me.


Ditto.


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## vrabinec (May 19, 2011)

CoraBuhlert said:


> A fatwa is always good for sales. Just ask Salman Rushdie.


I already have one of those out on me for the peeing incident. I don't think they'd issue another, but I guess I could give it a shot.


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## Ben Mathew (Jan 27, 2013)

CraigInTwinCities said:


> Still, I tried to read two of his novels, including Satanic Verses, and found them dense, ponderous, and completely unreadable... (and this is coming from someone who found the willpower to slog through A PRAYER FOR OWEN MEANY by John Irving, despite the fact that it had about 200 pages of plot, and 600 pages of political rants) ...anyway, Rushdie's work feels to me like the sort of fiction that's ONLY written for fiction professors in Ivy League schools. Just my opinion.


I haven't read the Satanic Verses. But I read Midnight's Children a long time ago, and felt that it was one of the best books I've read. The fatwa may have made him famous, and literature professors may love him for the wrong reasons, but I think he is a great writer nonetheless...


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## CraigInOregon (Aug 6, 2010)

Ben Mathew said:


> I haven't read the Satanic Verses. But I read Midnight's Children a long time ago, and felt that it was one of the best books I've read. The fatwa may have made him famous, and literature professors may love him for the wrong reasons, but I think he is a great writer nonetheless...


That's fair. My opinion is just one opinion. As in all things of this nature, YMMV.


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## Ben Mathew (Jan 27, 2013)

CraigInTwinCities said:


> That's fair. My opinion is just one opinion. As in all things of this nature, YMMV.


James Joyce, on the other hand...


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## Michael Murray (Oct 31, 2011)

CraigInTwinCities said:


> Umm... neither would most of the literary elite.  His books are not that well-written, just "controversial" to a Muslim audience.


I for one found several of his books quite well written- there were parts of SV that amazed my smallish mind, but what do I know, my distain for Vineland is notorious in a tiny circle of Google+ (though Lot49, that one I did enjoy).


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## Lady TL Jennings (Dec 8, 2011)

Eric Zawadzki said:


> Wow. That is *dastardly*. I'm impressed.


Why, thank you. I'll take that as a compliment. ;-)


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## CraigInOregon (Aug 6, 2010)

So I guess we're all agreed?

The best way to sell a bad book is to get a group of people, or a country, to issue a death warrant on you.

Which means suicide, death by chemical abuse, and natural death (all so you can be declared a "genius in France" after you're no longer alive to enjoy it) all go down one notch in this year's poll.


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