# How did you answer your child's question about birth or sex?



## tsilver (Aug 9, 2010)

The child-care books advise you to answer children's questions truthfully and without unnecessary embellishment.  When my son was three or four, he asked me where babies came from.  I told him they came from their mommy's tummy.  My son screamed and cried, thinking the mothers ate their babies.  To shut him up, I told him I made a mistake.  They really grew in the garden.


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## ◄ Jess ► (Apr 21, 2010)

Oh man, the kids I nannied this summer asked me this question while their mom was around! I am all for being honest (I went around telling people my mom had a baby growing in her uterus when I was 3), but I had no idea how this family wanted to approach the topic so I did my best to avoid it. It went something like this:

Boy: Jess, are you gonna get married to your boyfriend?
Me: Yes, I imagine so.
Boy: Are you gonna have babies?
Me: I don't think so.
Boy: You should have a baby. Like me. Jess, where did I come from?
Me: You came from your parents, kiddo.
Boy: But, how did they make me? Can I make a baby?
Me: It's usually easier to wait until you're married, so wait until then.
Boy: Oh, okay. But how do I make one?

He wouldn't let up on me until I distracted him with a game.


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## JRTomlin (Jan 18, 2011)

Having carefully explained to my then four year old daughter that boys have a penis and girls have a vagina, as we walked down a busy Houston street she piped up in that super-loud little-girl voice in which they ask embarrassing questions, "What is it boys have, Mommy? Peanuts?"

Everyone on the street turned and stared.


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## ADCole (Jan 31, 2011)

So far everyone has been satisfied with, "Babies come out of Mommy's tummy." They've drawn their own conclusion as to how. My dd is certain that Jesus puts the babies in Mommy's tummy, so...we're just not correcting that at the moment. My 4yo ds can't quite figure out how the baby comes out, but he's certain it has something to do with the midwife pushing on my belly button. 

Abby


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## Carol (was Dara) (Feb 19, 2011)

tsilver said:


> The child-care books advise you to answer children's questions truthfully and without unnecessary embellishment. When my son was three or four, he asked me where babies came from. I told him they came from their mommy's tummy. My son screamed and cried, thinking the mothers ate their babies. To shut him up, I told him I made a mistake. They really grew in the garden.


LOL That's hilarious. Yeah, someone told my girls (five and six) about babies being in their mommies' tummies. They've been seriously freaked out about it ever since. Poor babies.

My general rule when the kiddies ask a tough question is to answer with, "Ask Grandma, she knows everything".


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## Philip Chen (Aug 8, 2010)

When my son, the future doctor, was about 8 or 9, my wife said that it was time to discuss, ahem, THE SUBJECT.

So I dutifully sat him down and started to discuss the miracle of life.

He interrupted me by saying, " Dad, I know all that I need to know or want to know about sex. If I have any more questions, I will ask you."










End of conversation.


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## tsilver (Aug 9, 2010)

Wow, Phil, you were lucky.  Your son spared you an embarrassing (for you) conversation.


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Amazingly, we haven't had any direct questions yet.

DD knows about the mommy-tummy thing because she's seen pictures of herself at one hour old, together with me in the hospital bed.  She thinks that that has to happen in a hospital because "a doctor helps babies climb out".   

As for how they get there in the first place, she thinks that this is simply a decision made by the parents.  As in "okay, we're ready for a child, let's start growing one", without any further action needed.  

I'm teaching her some very basic stuff about anatomy and physiological function, and by the time we get to the reproductive system she'll be old enough to hear a bit more detail.  With luck it will be a conversation about just another body system rather than the stereotypical squirm-inducing talk.


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## Annalog (Dec 28, 2008)

I am not sure I remember as it was so many years ago. (DD will be 31 soon.) I think that I said that there was a special place in mommy's tummy just for growing a baby. I do remember reading something back then about small children being confused if they thought the baby grew in the stomach and becoming concerned if they swallowed seeds or eggs.


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## caseyf6 (Mar 28, 2010)

I tell other Moms (and Dads) that it's not just "one talk".  It's usually a series of talks over time.  Some are longer than others, and some are just brief reminders.


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## Thumper (Feb 26, 2009)

My kid went straight for the big guns. At four years old, while he sat at the table with his afternoon snack and I was picking stuff up off the floor, has asked casually, "Do you and Mike have sex a lot?"



We kind of had to work backwards from there, but any time he asked a question about sex or where babies came from, I answered, hopefully age appropriately.


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## ◄ Jess ► (Apr 21, 2010)

Hahaha, that reminds me Thumper, I was working at a daycare once where a 4 year old casually told us (in front of all the other kids), "You know, my parents have sex." I also knew a kid who learned the word "sexy" at 6 years old (he pronounced it sesky and it took me awhile to figure out what he was saying), and loooved to talk about how girls were so...sesky in bikinis.


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## RichardDR (Jul 8, 2010)

"Go ask your mother."


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## Tam (Jan 7, 2010)

My daughter (24 next week) was always asking questions which we answered as age-appropriately as we could. One day (at around age 5) she said "Mommy, I understand all about how babies grow in a special place in the Mommy's tummy, and they start out as a little tiny egg from the Mommy and a little sperm from the Daddy. But how does the Daddy's sperm get into the Mommy's tummy" 

I took a deep breath and started with "Well, Mommies and Daddies have a very special way to do that..."

"Oh, OK, thats good! Thanks!" she interrupted, and ran off to play. Whew! Saved till another day! I think she was just satisfied to know that at least her mom knew how it all worked!

When she was in college, she confessed that up to about age 13 she had always thought that sex was a very clinical process. She thought that when people wanted to have a baby, they went to the hospital and laid in separate hospital beds, side by side & covered with sheets, while tubing transported the sperm from the man to the woman - all under strict doctor supervision! At about age 13 she figured out that people actually did the act at home, and not just to have babies! She was shocked and vowed she would never do something so sick and unnatural! She gradually came to a more comfortable understanding, fortunately!


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## Glenn Bullion (Sep 28, 2010)

A young child once asked me where babies come from.

I put on Cinemax and told him to watch.  It was around midnight I think.


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## Jenni (Feb 20, 2011)

When I was pregnant with my youngest child and about to give birth my then 6 year old daughter asked me "Mommy, how does the baby come out?" I did what the experts said and tried to explain it to her as best I could. She said "Ouch, don't expect me to have any." 

A few years later my middle boy at about age 6 (now 17) asked me "Mommy, what is sex." To which I quickly replied, "If you are a boy your sex is male, is you are a girl your sex is female." About two weeks later he came back and said, "Mommy, not that kind of sex, the kind of sex that makes babies." to which I replied, "Then you obviously know what sex is." I will never forget what he said, "Of course, I do, I just wanted to see if you'd tell me the truth since you have lied to me about Santa."


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## Sarah Woodbury (Jan 30, 2011)

When my son and daughter were 3 1/2 and 5, I got pregnant with my third child.  We told the kids, and my son started asking questions about the baby and it got kind of technical after a btt because he kept asking more and more.  Finally he wanted the specifics of the sperm and the egg getting together.  I could see my son thinking and was like, 'uh oh'.  "But Mommy.  How did the sperm get inside your tummy?"

So we told him in minimal technical detail.  He was like, "okay, cool" and that was it, but my daughter's face paled with a 'no way, not me EVER' look.  Hold that thought, dear


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## jessicakaye (Feb 18, 2011)

I still remember how my mom gave me THE TALK.  She came into my room, handed me a book (about "our changing bodies"....?), said "Read this.  Let me know if you have any questions."  And then left.


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## ◄ Jess ► (Apr 21, 2010)

jessicakaye said:


> I still remember how my mom gave me THE TALK. She came into my room, handed me a book (about "our changing bodies"....?), said "Read this. Let me know if you have any questions." And then left.


My mom didn't even go that far. She just left a book like that in my room, on my bed. The weird thing was that she wasn't embarrassed at all about talking about that sort of thing (I was of the opinion that she shared TOO much). I think she just didn't want me to feel embarrassed, which I was very thankful for.


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## caseyf6 (Mar 28, 2010)

I suggest a book to parents of girls that helps explain a LOT of stuff.  It is good to talk to them about "changes" and everything, but it is also good for the kids to have an accurate guide for those questions they feel too embarrassed to ask-- "The Care and Keeping of You" is an amazing book.


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

jessicakaye said:


> I still remember how my mom gave me THE TALK. She came into my room, handed me a book (about "our changing bodies"....?), said "Read this. Let me know if you have any questions." And then left.


That's _exactly_ what my mom did.


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## Cristian YoungMiller (Mar 3, 2011)

caseyf6 said:


> I suggest a book to parents of girls that helps explain a LOT of stuff. It is good to talk to them about "changes" and everything, but it is also good for the kids to have an accurate guide for those questions they feel too embarrassed to ask-- "The Care and Keeping of You" is an amazing book.


Ok, I have to ask this question because... well, for obvious reasons.

Let's be honest a lot have parents have masturbation issues with there kids. Would you ever recommend a book entitled: 'Everybody Masturbates' if the subject came up?

As well as the obvious reason, I'm also trying to figure out who are the people buying my books. And they are buying them for the kindle. Why would someone buy the book on the kindle? Are parents buying it for their kids? Are kids buying it from themselves? Are young adults buying it for themselves?

Does anyone have an educated guess about that?


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## tsilver (Aug 9, 2010)

It was hard enough for me to discuss sex with my kids and I know I wouldn't have been able to talk about masturbation with them.  However, if I caught one of my kids doing it, I think I would have taken it in stride.


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## Cristian YoungMiller (Mar 3, 2011)

tsilver said:


> It was hard enough for me to discuss sex with my kids and I know I wouldn't have been able to talk about masturbation with them. However, if I caught one of my kids doing it, I think I would have taken it in stride.


Do you think that you might have gotten them a book about it if there was one available at the time?


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## tsilver (Aug 9, 2010)

No, because I would have been embarrassed to buy it.  And I wouldn't have had it mailed to me either, even if I was curious.  I would wonder if, by ordering it, I'd get on some kind of list and subsequently get numerous sales pitches for any and everything related to sex.


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## Cristian YoungMiller (Mar 3, 2011)

tsilver said:


> No, because I would have been embarrassed to buy it. And I wouldn't have had it mailed to me either, even if I was curious. I would wonder if, by ordering it, I'd get on some kind of list and subsequently get numerous sales pitches for any and everything related to sex.


Haha! What about if it came from a place like Amazon?


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## SailorMerry (Dec 18, 2010)

Hmm... my mom didn't really tell me. She just told me that I came from her tummy, and I was like, sure whatever. And then in middle school, I had sex ed and learned about reproduction and whatnot.


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## caseyf6 (Mar 28, 2010)

Cristian YoungMiller said:


> Ok, I have to ask this question because... well, for obvious reasons.
> 
> Let's be honest a lot have parents have masturbation issues with there kids. Would you ever recommend a book entitled: 'Everybody Masturbates' if the subject came up?


Probably not. Now, I would certainly buy a book that covered that subject as an overall part of a guide on growing up and changing bodies, etc. I've always been frank with our girls and told them that yes, it feels good and yes, everyone does it from time to time but it's something done in private. But a book JUST on that? Nope, sorry.


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## Thumper (Feb 26, 2009)

Cristian YoungMiller said:


> Let's be honest a lot have parents have masturbation issues with there kids. Would you ever recommend a book entitled: 'Everybody Masturbates' if the subject came up?


If I knew someone who had difficulty discussing the matter with their kids, and they had expressed an interest in something that would help them, I might...

I don't get why discussing it with your kids is so difficult, though. With us, it was just a part of talking about sex in general, somewhere in the realm of "look, you might be capable of having sex, but you're certainly not old enough to be in a committed relationship...here's your option..."

It's a biological process. A parent who can discuss urination, defecation, or vomiting with their kids _should_ be able to discuss sex, including masturbation, with them--even if that discussion is based on "this is against or religion, don't do it" or "Cripes, just keep the door closed, and wash your hands when you're done."


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## susie (Mar 4, 2011)

I dunno who buys your books, Cristian, but when I peeked inside, they cracked me up!


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## mom133d (aka Liz) (Nov 25, 2008)

My son is 4 1/2 and has started asking some questions. The usual where do babies come from, where did I come from? I too, want to tell him the age approprite truth so I said that babies come out between the mommy's legs. So now he thinks he came out of my butt. LOL  I think "the talk" might go OK with him, he sees me getting out of the shower, walks in while I'm going to the bathroom and I don't plan on changing that until he gets freaked out about it.

Now my TALK was kinda funny. I was 13 and had just gotten home from marching band practice. My Dad walks in and says, "Lizzy, boys only want one thing." 
Me: "I know that Dad." 
Dad: "OK Then" Pats my leg and walks out of my room.


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## daveconifer (Oct 20, 2009)

Mine (19, 15, 12) never ask and whenever I force my wisdom on them it always feels like it's merely a supplement to what they already know...


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## Tracy Falbe (Jul 4, 2010)

Last year when my oldest son was 5 he began asking questions. I told him that he grew inside my body and came out a hole between my legs. That made his eyes pop. Then came the inevitable how did he start growing inside my body. I told him men help women make babies. When he asked me HOW do men help women in this regard, I told him that I would explain it when he grew pubes. True story. My answers seemed to satisfy him immensely. He has not asked any more questions although I imagine he is wondering what pubes are and when they are going to grow. 

As you may infer, I am rather honest with my children. I don't see any point in being otherwise. Basic human sexuality is way to important for navigating life to muddy with abstract statements or lies.


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## susie (Mar 4, 2011)

"The seed gets planted where it grows".


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