# Most OUTRAGEOUS thing your child has ever done?!



## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

I just found a chewed up, but still soft, piece of fruity smelling gum on my end table in my livingroom... now it was just under the edge of my sofa arm so it was almost _invisible _ right? Now my DD has always been as OCD as me about germs and hygiene/cleanliness...  So I ask her where it came from... She says "Well, uhm... well, ya see... who says I put it there?"  GIGGLING or trying NOT to giggle the whole time... I tell her, that neither her father nor I like that kind of gum and I don't _think_ Bisky (our Pomeranian) has taken to chewing gum. To which she replies "Well, ya never should count her out just cause she's a dog Mama!" Smiling the whole time.


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## sillyolebear (Apr 27, 2010)

Kids do say and do the funniest things.. I have 2 stories actually.

When my son was 2 we were walking by time square in NY ( so Busy area ) and he suddenly fell and hit his private area on the curb. I get him up and while I was wiping stuff off his leg I suddenly notice his shorts failing. I stand up and there is my son with his pants and underpants down to his ankles, screaming " Mommy you need to kiss the boo boo and pinting at his private" MANY people were starring so needless to say I picked his shorts up quickly and explained to him that his private area doesn't get kissed.  

The other story again is my son.  He was about 9 and we were in line for the first Harry Potter movie and it was a long line. While he was waiting he went over to where a bunch of kids were and he was reading a flier's from the floor. He suddenly stands up and Yells " Mom I know what ( and he spelled it out )  S  E  X  is."  The whole line of adults were like frozen in time suddenly. I yell to him to come here but as he comes forward he is still shouting and then he says  " Mom SEX means a boy or girl on an application"  lol the line suddenly began to laugh.. So that was a close one.


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

My now 18yo DS#1:
We moved to Japan the week he turned 5, DS#2 was 3 and DD was 2. While I was making dinner one night, I could see the 2 younger kids in our living room playing. I realized after a little bit I had not seen DS#1 in a while. Normally not a big issue because he loved to read, but I thought I heard him in the hallway. I went to investigate, and there was a whole mural down one side of the hallway in black Sharpie... and signed by our DD. DS#1 came out of his room just then, with black hands, and said, "Mommy I had to take the pen away from Amanda because I found her doing this." 
I said, "Oh really? funny... Mandy can't spell her name yet honey, AND she's not tall enough to have drawn all of this."

A week later, I came out of the restroom to find my DD missing about 6" of hair in the back of her head. The boys had caught gum in it, and rather than telling me (because they weren't supposed to have gum) They had cut it out.


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

My son filled my brand new electric typewriter with salt. It was quite completely ruined!!  
Edited: that was last year... no, really it was 1978.


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## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> My son filled my brand new electric typewriter with salt. It was quite completely ruined!!
> Edited: that was last year... no, really it was 1978.


Just think how many MORE books you could have written had he not done that!


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## Thumper (Feb 26, 2009)

When my now 27 year old son was not quite two years old, he took one look at the giant console TV--a very old and much used one we got for cheap from my sister--and decided to see if the little air holes venting the back were the same size as the straw in his juice box. He stuck the straw tip in one of the holes and squeezed...and destroyed the TV. 

We were so broke back then that there was no fixing it, no replacing it. Hell, we didn't even have furniture other than beds, just that TV...and in a sizzle of some Hi-C, it was gone.

I don't think we had a TV for 2 more years...man that ticked off the Spouse Thingy...


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## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Thumper said:


> When my now 27 year old son was not quite two years old, he took one look at the giant console TV--a very old and much used one we got for cheap from my sister--and decided to see if the little air holes venting the back were the same size as the straw in his juice box. He stuck the straw tip in one of the holes and squeezed...and destroyed the TV.
> 
> We were so broke back then that there was no fixing it, no replacing it. Hell, we didn't even have furniture other than beds, just that TV...and in a sizzle of some Hi-C, it was gone.
> 
> I don't think we had a TV for 2 more years...man that ticked off the Spouse Thingy...


  Oh NO!


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## Margaret (Jan 1, 2010)

When my oldest son, now 33, was in first grade, he called me outside one day and said that he had a surprise for me. He had found a box of


Spoiler



sanitary napkins


 under the bathroom sink, peeled the backing off of each one and used them to spell out MOM in huge letters on our garage door, which is in the front of the house.


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## RJ Keller (Mar 9, 2009)

When my son was three he decided it would be great fun to carry his tricycle to the top of our car, ride it down the the windshield, onto the hood, then jump it onto the ground. He did this three times before I - inside the house, engaged in the fun job of changing my daughter's diaper - figured out what the weird noise coming from outside was. Our insurance agent got the damage covered by claiming it as vandalism. I decided not to press charges.


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## farrellclaire (Mar 5, 2010)

Last year my son fried my laptop by peeing on it.  He was half asleep and wandered into the kitchen instead of the bathroom.  We were so shocked we didn't even try to stop him.  I really loved that laptop.  

Grossest incident would involve a certain little girl eating her own poo but I try not to go over that memory too often.  

I've four smallies, every day involves something ridiculous/outrageous/disgusting/expensive/funny.


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

Bwahahahah!
OMG. Best friend just called me today with this.

Her DH took a shower yesterday, and was standing at the counter shaving. 3yo DS had been on the counter watching daddy, as daddy explained about shaving to get rid of unwanted hair...

DS hopped down wandered away.. came back was talking to daddy.. dad feels son "kinda pat at" his bottom turns around thinking son wants attention. Nope SON had one of mom's razors, and had swiped it down dad's bum. HHAHAHHAHAHHAH

Dad yells for mom, running to her going, " Am I bleeding back there? Jake just shaved my @$$!"


I am sure he would not want me to know about this.. but she had to tell someone before she died from bottling up the laughter.


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## Alle Meine Entchen (Dec 6, 2009)

this is gross, but not as gross as what some of you had written, but the Boss is only 13 months old, so plenty of time to gross me out.  Today, we were snuggling on the couch and she leans over me and I assumed she was going to kiss me (a new, cute skill).  Nope, she licks my lips!  I guess she liked how I reacted b/c she tried to lick them again.


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## Karen (Feb 12, 2009)

When our DS was 4, he loved to push our DD (2 yrs old) buttons.  He knew she was terrified of spiders, and thought it would be hilarious to inform her that there was a spider in her car seat.  The problem was that she was strapped in it at the time.  She responded with a blood curdling scream from the back seat, and managed to escape from it while I was driving down the road at 55mph.  I couldn't pull the car over fast enough.  She was in tears, & he was laughing his little backside off.  We laugh about it now, but at the time NOT so funny!


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## vikingwarrior22 (May 25, 2009)

a l o n g time ago when my dds were in there single numbered years we were drving in the hill country of Texas and a crop duster plane flew over our van and i hear a little voice "i wonder whos flying that plane?" i almost rolled the van laughing


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## Kristen Painter (Apr 21, 2010)

One of them climbed into the bag of clean cat litter and did his business in there instead of the litter box. Wait, did you mean human kids? I only have the furry kind.


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## sjc (Oct 29, 2008)

You don't want to know; believe me!!  Let's just say that my son is 20 going on 2.


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## LauraB (Nov 23, 2008)

My daughter, now 18, got mad at a boy in the cafeteria at her school when she was in 3rd grade. He was making fun of her. So she pushed his head down into his plate of mashed potatoes   . Her one and only trip to the Principals office   .


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## PhillipA82 (Dec 20, 2009)

lol, it was nice to read all those stories. Keep them coming...


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## ReeseReed (Dec 5, 2009)

Not really outrageous, but funny and sweet, so I'll share....

My son, who had just turned 4 at the time came to me and asked how to spell "you".  I told him, and he retreated to his room.  He emerged a few minutes later with a drawing for me.  He'd drawn a wobbly heart and written "A luv you."  He smiled so big and said, "I sounded out the rest."  Yeah, you might say he has a touch of a southern drawl!


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## Imogen Rose (Mar 22, 2010)

My nine-year-old daughter spent the afternoon online shopping with my CC on Amazon a couple of Saturday's ago....


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## Vegas_Asian (Nov 2, 2008)

Imogen Rose said:


> My nine-year-old daughter spent the afternoon online shopping with my CC on Amazon a couple of Saturday's ago....


With one click settings on....? the horror.


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## Imogen Rose (Mar 22, 2010)

Vegas_Asian said:


> With one click settings on....? the horror.


Yes... a lot of Jonas Brothers stuff was purchased...


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## horse_girl (Apr 9, 2010)

My youngest (now 3 1/2) is quite the handful.

Last year, she got her hands on older sister's (now 6 1/2 and soon to be in first grade) toothpaste and was quietly playing in the bedroom with the door shut. Suspecting trouble, I went up and found she had smeared blue toothpaste over oldest's top bunk bed, sheets, sideboards, herself, everything.

She was even worse when she disappeared with a big refill of handsoap I had bought a couple months later. I had set it on the kitchen counter while I put groceries away and didn't think about it again, until things got very quiet in the bedroom with the door shut. We discovered soap spots on the carpet, over her sheets and herself. Milk and honey hand soap stains white carpeting.

She's also smeared yogurt on the cat, who likes to sit on one of the chairs at the table, even while kids are eating there. The cat's had a few baths but still doesn't fear the bathroom.


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## julieannfelicity (Jun 28, 2010)

Oh, I have a cute one (or atleast I think it's cute ), my DD was 4 at the time and was wrestling with my DS, who was 7.  Well things must have started to get a little rough, because the next thing I hear is her screaming, 'Knock it off - you're gonna break my eggs!'  She was of course talking about her ovaries ... what little ones overhear and repeat is just hilarious!

Oh, I have another one; my DS and DD came with me to an ultrasound when I was pregnant with my youngest DS.  During the ultrasound my DD's eyes started to bug out of her head and the ultrasound tech noticed and laughed. When my DD was asked why she looked like that, she stated in a really high-pitched squeak, 'Mommy's having an alien!'  My DS, who wasn't paying the least bit of attention, immediately snapped to attention and started rubbing his hands together (like what you'd see a mad scientist do in a really old movie) and I swear dollar signs replaced his normally blue eyes. LOL


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## ◄ Jess ► (Apr 21, 2010)

horse_girl said:


> My youngest (now 3 1/2) is quite the handful.
> 
> Last year, she got her hands on older sister's (now 6 1/2 and soon to be in first grade) toothpaste and was quietly playing in the bedroom with the door shut. Suspecting trouble, I went up and found she had smeared blue toothpaste over oldest's top bunk bed, sheets, sideboards, herself, everything.
> 
> ...


That reminds me of last Friday. *sigh* The 3 kids I'm nannying this summer (22 months, 3 1/2 years, and almost 6 years) were playing outside while I did the dishes. I was half-watching them out the window and saw them playing with the dog, then disappearing around the corner to the chicken coop. I was just thinking to myself how nice it was that I could let them play outside by themselves and no one was fighting, when I decided to go to the other window to check on them.

THEY WERE SQUIRTING SUNSCREEN ON THE DOG AND CHICKEN!

Now, I'm not talking about just a little squirt here and there. They had pretty much emptied the sunscreen on the poor animals. I swear I am never having children. These kids exhaust me enough as it is, and I only have to deal with them 8 hours/day!


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## Groggy1 (Jun 21, 2010)

My eldest (now 15) was just learning how to do stairs and grandma was visiting.  Grandma was at the top of the stairs and he shouts (didn't own an inside voice): "Watch!" as he starts up the steps he says "fornicate!" "Fornicate!" "FORNICATE!" yep 13 times as he steps on each step... You should have seen the look on grandma's face.


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## rla1996 (Oct 28, 2008)

My mother was watching my seven, almost 8, year-old nephew last week.  They were in the grocery store when he looked a woman pushing her cart by and said "If i sad you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?"  The lady gave he and my mom a dirty look and walked on.  My mom said she like to died of embarrassment.  When she asked him what he had just said, he told her "I don't know".


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

Aww.. that's a great song..


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## LCEvans (Mar 29, 2009)

When my son was three, we were at the airport waiting in line to check in. I looked back to make sure he hadn't run off and was horrified to see that he was squatting on the floor peering up the dress of an elderly lady. I ran over to retrieve him and of course I apologized profusely. The lady said, "Oh, honey, that's okay. At my age, I'm just glad to know a fella's still interested in me."


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## Kathy (Nov 5, 2008)

When my son was 4 yrs old (35 now) he was playing with one of the neighbor's boys. He had much older siblings and heard a lot of interesting stuff he liked to pass on. The were starting to fight and all of a sudden my son comes running over to me. He said that he was called a


Spoiler



mother-f*#&er


 and wanted to know what that meant. Of course I was stunned and told him I wasn't sure and he should ask his dad when he came home from work. As soon as his dad came in the door, he ran up to him and asked him what it meant. I nearly fell over laughing at the look on his face.  Since he is my ex it is still a good memory. He looked at me and I told him he was going to have to handle this one.

Same son at the age of 16. He was in sports in high school and that meant that the we got our house papered on a regular basis and other silly things. At the time for some reason the kids thought it was fun to bash mailboxes with a baseball bat while riding down the street in a car. Ours got bashed 3 weeks in a row and I was really getting frustrated. I told my son to find out who was doing it so I could try and put a stop to it. I didn't think he would decide to take matters into his own hands. He found out who was doing it and he and his friends decided to retaliate. They get in the car and drive down the street with my son holding the bat. He swings at the mailbox and the bat comes flying back and knocks his 2 front teeth out. It was cemented into the ground and didn't budge. It was a hard lesson to learn.


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## TLM (Apr 8, 2010)

My own children are fairly boring.  Worst thing I can remember is when the DD (20 now) got up during her nap time and made an 8 ft. long happy face mural on my freshly painted hallway wall.  In green, purple and black crayon.  I caught her, screamed, she ducked under her bed to hide.  I then grabbed the camera to film it.  As mad as I was at the moment, I knew I would laugh in years to come and thought I should get it on video.  Then called the nice people at the crayon company and found out that WD-40 is the remedity to all things crayon.

But I have a co-worker whose DD#2 is has been giving her gray hair since day one.  Last year the the 4 yr old didn't want to start going to pre-school.  Mom drops her off and leaves, about a mile from the school her phone rings, she needs to come back.  Mom gets to the school and they tell her how sorry they are but her daughter has forgotten her glasses and won't be able to see without them!  Hum, the kid doesn't wear glasses.  Her mom reminds her of this fact and the kid looks at her and says, "I don't?  Oh, yeah!"  

This kid is also know for making up very wild tales.  She told her teachers and school mates about how she sneeks out of the house at night and goes dancing at the clubs without her parents knowing, and sneeks back in before anyone wakes up.  The teacher told the mom if he didn't know better he would have believed her.  She is very convencing.

We at work are very glad we don't have to parent this little girl when she hits her teens.


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## sjc (Oct 29, 2008)

sjc said:


> You don't want to know; believe me!! Let's just say that my son is 20 going on 2.


...AND his friends too!! They have been friends since BEFORE Kindergarten, and when one acts like a fool they all do. Been hanging together eating me out of house and home for 17 years...His friend Matt walks in "What ya cookin' Ma, make enough for me?" 20 going on 2.


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

sjc said:


> ...AND his friends too!! They have been friends since BEFORE Kindergarten, and when one acts like a fool they all do. Been hanging together eating me out of house and home for 17 years...His friend Matt walks in "What ya cookin' Ma, make enough for me?" 20 going on 2.


SJCI think that is normal for all boys.. we have 2 of our own, and It's a rare night when we just have our 3 kids for dinner. there was a year where we routinely had 5 teens for dinner.


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## LCEvans (Mar 29, 2009)

Here's one that's a favorite family story: When my dad was a child, he lived with his great aunt Lola. He was about 8 years old when he discovered a wart on his hand. He ran to Aunt Lola in great distress and asked her what to do about the "ugly wart." "Why that's easy, James," Aunt Lola said. "You get a plain brown paper bag and a pretty ribbon. You find yourself a smooth pebble and put it in the bag and tie it shut with the ribbon. Then you leave it on someone's doorstep and run away. They'll find the bag and think it's a gift, but when they open it and see the stone, your wart will fade away and appear on them." My dad thought this was terrific advice and an easy way to rid himself of that ugly wart. He hunted up a stone, a bag and a red ribbon and prepared them as instructed. Sadly, he made one big mistake. He chose Aunt Lola's doorstep for the drop off. When she found the bag, she opened it without thinking. Of course, as soon as she found the stone, she knew who'd left it, and my dad then had an unfortunate session with a palmetto switch.


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