# It's the no-talent Gong Show!



## KBoards Admin (Nov 27, 2007)

Yesterday, my church had a Gong Show where people were invited to demonstrate their various acts - with the only stipulation being that only untalented acts were allowed. 

We didn't want to hear a bunch of piano students playing Fur Elise. 

It was a chance for people to bring out their hidden skills - we had people doing amateur stand-up comedy routines, musical performances, skits... One of our college students did a great version of the Star-Spangled Banner with her poor man's trumpet (just blowing through her lips). 

What hidden talent (or lack of talent) would you bring out? Let's have our own no-talent Gong Show in this thread...!


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## KBoards Admin (Nov 27, 2007)

So, I guess I should start with what me and my daughters did. 

I can make a "loon call" by blowing into my hands. I can carry out a simple melody with it - a skill acquired over many years of dedicated practice. 

So, my girls and I performed "I Dreamed a Dream", from Les Miserables, arranged for the Violin and the Hand. 

It went over quite well. I even hit the high notes when I was supposed to.


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## Cowgirl (Nov 1, 2008)

I can repeat the "American Pledge of Allegience" in French. It's the only thing I can remember from 9th grade French class.  Didn't make sense that we  had to say it everyday.  We're in America...why learn it in French.  
GONG!!!


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## enwood (Mar 13, 2009)

I know a friend from college's social security number in Japanese.  She was taking the class and had to learn it, so she walked around for weeks saying it to herself.


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## KBoards Admin (Nov 27, 2007)

My wife was going to say the McDonald's "Two-all-beef-patties-special-sauce" etc., backwards in less than 3 seconds. She was out of town so missed that opportunity to share her talent with the world.


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## KBoards Admin (Nov 27, 2007)

Here's our arrangement:










We recorded one of our practice sessions, to send to Carrie's sister... we are BAD!


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## Cowgirl (Nov 1, 2008)

Harvey...Priceless!  There will be no video of me reciting the Pledge in French!


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## Anju  (Nov 8, 2008)

Harvey - GONG


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## KBoards Admin (Nov 27, 2007)

Aw man, I got gonged!


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## MAGreen (Jan 5, 2009)

Harvey, that was awesome! My dad taught me to whistle with my hands like that, but I am no where as talented as you! And your girls are gorgeous...you have a shotgun, right?


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## Linda Cannon-Mott (Oct 28, 2008)

Priceless!   The girls are adorable!


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## KBoards Admin (Nov 27, 2007)

MAGreen said:


> Harvey, that was awesome! My dad taught me to whistle with my hands like that, but I am no where as talented as you! And your girls are gorgeous...you have a shotgun, right?


'Tis a rare skill..! I taught my girls to do it last summer. They can make these high-pitched little peeps. When their hands get bigger, maybe they'll have the concert range that their papa has.

And I need to get a shotgun and practice firing it from my porch.


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Harvey, that was priceless! 

My cats, however, who were napping a foot from the computer, gave me dirty looks and beat a hasty retreat about forty seconds in.


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## KBoards Admin (Nov 27, 2007)

Oh, that's funny. When I play that video, my dog will come from wherever she is in the house, to find out what that noise is...!


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## Figment (Oct 27, 2008)

OMG!!!  I thought that I was the only one:  Je jure fidelite d'Etats Unis D'Amerique, et a la republic qu'ils representent.  Une nation, sous Dieu, indivisible, avec la liberte et la justice pour tous.


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## Laura (Nov 17, 2008)

Harv,
Thanks for posting the practice!  Did y'all get anything for such a fine performance?  I wish I could have been there.  What did y'all wear?
GREAT JOB!!!


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## crebel (Jan 15, 2009)

Harvey - great video!  When I was in college I won a case of Pepsi for being able to get as far as "Oh say can you see, by the dawn's early light, what so proudly we" in one belch - does that count?


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## NogDog (May 1, 2009)

Buy, rent, or borrow this...

...and you can see/hear one variation of the theme in "Gee, Officer Krupke" where the melody is "played" by one of the drummers (naturally) by squeezing his hands together to make that flatulent sound all boys learn how to do at some point in their life. He takes it to the next level by actually hitting most of the notes more or less on pitch.

(It's a pretty good video, too. I saw the show on Broadway and was blown away [pun intended] by it.)


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## KBoards Admin (Nov 27, 2007)

^ Ah, a variation on "music you can make with your hands". Thanks, nogdog.



crebel said:


> Harvey - great video! When I was in college I won a case of Pepsi for being able to get as far as "Oh say can you see, by the dawn's early light, what so proudly we" in one belch - does that count?


Oh yes, that definitely qualifies!


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## Kathy (Nov 5, 2008)

That video will be the one you bring out when the girls bring a boy home. So cute.


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## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

Kathy said:


> That video will be the one you bring out when the girls bring a boy home. So cute.


Um. . . . From Harvey's perspective, it would probably be better if they bring 2 boys home. . . . .


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## Cowgirl (Nov 1, 2008)

Figment said:


> OMG!!! I thought that I was the only one: Je jure fidelite d'Etats Unis D'Amerique, et a la republic qu'ils representent. Une nation, sous Dieu, indivisible, avec la liberte et la justice pour tous.


Oh my did we have the same teacher!!! Mrs. Drum was about 80 years old and had 5 hairs on her head that she dyed bright red some weeks and black the next. I have nightmares about that woman.


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## chynared21 (Oct 28, 2008)

*Man Harvey...I watched your video with a big grin on my face as my dogs whined a bit ;-p*


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## Angela (Nov 2, 2008)

LOL!! Love the video... and surprisingly, Harley slept right through it!


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

Susan in VA said:


> Harvey, that was priceless!
> 
> My cats, however, who were napping a foot from the computer, gave me dirty looks and beat a hasty retreat about forty seconds in.


Funny, my cat did the same thing. She was sound asleep on the chair and as soon as Harvey started playing she was next to me and glaring. LOL.

Let's see...I have no no-talents. I am not sure I have any real talents, either...but, my daughter can say the alphabet backwards. Does that count?

L


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## Bren S. (May 10, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> Harvey, that was priceless!
> 
> My cats, however, who were napping a foot from the computer, gave me dirty looks and beat a hasty retreat about forty seconds in.


lol my cats just did the same thing


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## Cowgirl (Nov 1, 2008)

Leslie...Can your daughter say the alphabet backwards while standing on her head?  Now that would be a no-talent!


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## NogDog (May 1, 2009)

As a kid I could make a very good train whistle sound with two simultaneous pitches, probably via the same sort of mechanism Tuvan throat singers use to get two or three pitches at once. When my voice changed, though, I lost that "talent." Likewise, I used to be able to sustain a note on my trumpet until I got bored or tired via circular breathing, but due to a deviated septum I've also lost that annoying talent, too.

So I guess my only remaining non-talent that comes to mind is that I can write my name upside down and backwards. But I think most people can if they're bored enough some day to practice it.

Oh, I have one other remarkable ability: I can make forum posts while in a semi-reclining position on my sofa, typing on my notebook computer which is carefully positioned on a TV tray so that I can also watch the TV at the same time.


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

NogDog said:


> So I guess my only remaining non-talent that comes to mind is that I can write my name upside down and backwards. But I think most people can if they're bored enough some day to practice it.


DD's dad used to read Dr. Seuss's _Fox in Socks _ to her while holding the book upside down. (It is not one that is easy to memorize.) Then somehow she started doing it too. It's scary. Now they take turns doing it just to show off for me.


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## KBoards Admin (Nov 27, 2007)

NogDog said:


> As a kid I could make a very good train whistle sound with two simultaneous pitches, probably via the same sort of mechanism Tuvan throat singers use to get two or three pitches at once. When my voice changed, though, I lost that "talent." Likewise, I used to be able to sustain a note on my trumpet until I got bored or tired via circular breathing, but due to a deviated septum I've also lost that annoying talent, too.
> 
> So I guess my only remaining non-talent that comes to mind is that I can write my name upside down and backwards. But I think most people can if they're bored enough some day to practice it.
> 
> Oh, I have one other remarkable ability: I can make forum posts while in a semi-reclining position on my sofa, typing on my notebook computer which is carefully positioned on a TV tray so that I can also watch the TV at the same time.


When I was a kid I could speed-print backwards - it was very useful for those spy messages that can "only be read in a mirror".


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## KBoards Admin (Nov 27, 2007)

Leslie said:


> Funny, my cat did the same thing. She was sound asleep on the chair and as soon as Harvey started playing she was next to me and glaring. LOL.
> 
> Let's see...I have no no-talents. I am not sure I have any real talents, either...but, my daughter can say the alphabet backwards. Does that count?
> 
> L


I guess I have another non-talent: disturbing innocent cats!

And Leslie, your daughter would be a headliner in our no-talent gong show. She might even be overqualified.


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## frojazz (Feb 10, 2009)

In grade school I used to freak people out by flipping my eyelids inside out.  I haven't tried lately, though.


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

NogDog said:


> Oh, I have one other remarkable ability: I can make forum posts while in a semi-reclining position on my sofa, typing on my notebook computer which is carefully positioned on a TV tray so that I can also watch the TV at the same time.


What a fitting post to celebrate 100 posts, NogDog! Good job...LOL

L


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

Harvey said:


> When I was a kid I could speed-print backwards - it was very useful for those spy messages that can "only be read in a mirror".


I can do that. I still take notes that way if I am bored because it keeps my mind engaged. I can read my backwards writing without a mirror. I can also read "upside down," ie, if someone is sitting across a desk from me reading something, I can read it. This used to come in handy with teachers and so on who were looking at recommendation letters, transcripts or whatever...I could read them across the desk.

L


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## Neversleepsawink;) (Dec 16, 2008)

I can lock my finger together in front of me and twist my arms while fingers are interlaced behind me. I never let go of my hands being locked together. Does that make sense?  I won a t-shirt from a radio station for doing it.  I've won many stupid human competitions growing up by doing my "arm trick".  LOL!


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## NogDog (May 1, 2009)

I just remembered another mostly useless talent of mine: I can tap a 4 beat pattern with one hand and a 5-beat pattern with the other, so that each pattern repeats at the same time ("5 against 4" for the musically fluent). I first figured out how to do 4 against 3, which might actually have some musical use in a few very rare occasions, then took it up a notch to 5 against 4 just because -- I've never been in any actual musical situation where it would have been any use.


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## Neversleepsawink;) (Dec 16, 2008)

I can whistle without closing my lips.  I can even wiggle my ears.  I can cross one eye and keep one straight.  Useless things I taught myself.  I was really bored in school I guess.  LOL!!!  My son, neice, and nephews, think it's so cool I can do those things.


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

I can flare my nostrils, over and over in rapid succession.  This looks so idiotic that the only time I ever do it is when my mom is looking right at me, because it never fails to crack her up.

And I don't sing very well, but I have a habit of belting out vamp-type songs in the shower (provided DD is not in the house   ).  In no other way am I even remotely vamp-like, so this is funnier than you realize.


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## B-Kay 1325 (Dec 29, 2008)

This will probably gross out some of you but I can touch my nose with my tongue.  I understand that this is an inherited ability and I believe that almost all of my 5 grandkids can do this also.  My grandson puts his tongue in his nostril and makes me gag everytime.  We also can roll our tongues.  Such talent!!


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## Neversleepsawink;) (Dec 16, 2008)

B-Kay 1325 said:


> This will probably gross out some of you but I can touch my nose with my tongue. I understand that this is an inherited ability and I believe that almost all of my 5 grandkids can do this also. My grandson puts his tongue in his nostril and makes me gag everytime. We also can roll our tongues. Such talent!!


Lol...I can make my tongue into a taco shell shape.


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## B-Kay 1325 (Dec 29, 2008)

Ya that's what I'm talking about.


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## Neversleepsawink;) (Dec 16, 2008)

B-Kay 1325 said:


> Ya that's what I'm talking about.


I can't do the roll, but I can do the taco tongue.  *runs off to practice tongue roll*


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

See what you started, Harvey....


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## Angela (Nov 2, 2008)

Neversleepsawink;) said:


> I can't do the roll, but I can do the taco tongue.  *runs off to practice tongue roll*


Hey! I can do that too!!


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## Neversleepsawink;) (Dec 16, 2008)

Angela said:


> Hey! I can do that too!!


Very cute...is that a Build A Bear Box? My son loves that store. LOL!


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## Angela (Nov 2, 2008)

Neversleepsawink;) said:


> Very cute...is that a Build A Bear Box? My son loves that store. LOL!


 think so... yep, pretty sure it is... I have no idea who this cutey is. He is a random image I found on PhotoBucket when I searched "rolled tongue!"


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## Debra Purdy Kong (Apr 1, 2009)

I can work an eight-hour shift at the day-job, go home and write for an hour, then cook dinner, clean up, feed and play with my pets, talk to the family, take out the recycling, hang out at sites like these, then read before I fall sleep. Of course, the reading part lasts all of ten minutes. Then I get up and do it again. Is that a talent? Or just my life?


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## KBoards Admin (Nov 27, 2007)

That is definitely a talent, Debra. 

Hey, I tried to read your post to the tune of W-O-M-A-N, and it almost worked.


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

Neversleepsawink;) said:


> Lol...I can make my tongue into a taco shell shape.


I can do that. I can also lift my big (great) toe off the floor, keeping all four other toes on the floor. Supposedly this is a genetic thing, too, but it never seemed like a big deal to me. My husband can't do it. I've never asked my children if they can.

L


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## Anju  (Nov 8, 2008)

I can do both of those ?


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## Angela (Nov 2, 2008)

Anju No. 469 said:


> I can do both of those ?


Me, too!! I wonder if our love for reading is the reason?? j/k


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## Neversleepsawink;) (Dec 16, 2008)

Oh, I can speed read.  Out loud I can read pages in seconds.  My teachers in High School would call on me to read outloud  so I could finish a chapter before the bell rang. LOL!  Funny since I use to be the worse reader in Grade School.


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