# I no longer enjoy hitting the "publish" button.



## Hugh Howey (Feb 11, 2012)

Nowadays, I only feel dread.


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## Victorine (Apr 23, 2010)

Did you just hit the publish button? Huh? Is it LIVE yet?

*Tries not to drool while clicking "refresh" over and over*


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## jnfr (Mar 26, 2011)

Why is that? 

I can't imagine trying to deal with the level of success you've had, so I'm probably projecting here, but it seems like the sense of expectation on everything you do now would be huge. That would drive me insane. So I wonder if that's affecting you, or if it's garden-variety writer's neuroses


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## AmberC (Mar 28, 2012)

Suck it up Howey.


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## Janet Michelson (Jun 20, 2012)

It's lonely at the top?

All eyes are on you?

Hard act to follow?

I'm out of cliches but sorry this has happened.


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## Victorine (Apr 23, 2010)

In all seriousness, you'll be fine. There will always be people who love what you write, and there will always be those that don't. Just try to ignore those that don't.


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## dalya (Jul 26, 2011)

Hugh Howey said:


> Nowadays, I only feel dread.


Palms sweaty?

It's hard to top yourself, but if you feel good about the ending, you can go ahead and feel good about the whole book.


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## Rachel Schurig (Apr 9, 2011)

Did you publish Second Shift? This is so not fair, High! Don't you know that it's NaNoWriMo?? How the heck am I gonna get work done if I know that book is available??


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## Guest (Nov 13, 2012)

I don't want to hit 'publish' on the same book any more either... I should have made sure everything was final before hitting it in the first place.


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## Gregory Lynn (Aug 9, 2011)

Hugh Howey said:


> Nowadays, I only feel dread.


All we want to do is eat your brains.


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## Benjamin A. (Oct 1, 2011)

Look at the bright side. You could have the dread of publishing a new title and being the only one to buy it.


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## AmberC (Mar 28, 2012)

Victorine said:


> In all seriousness, you'll be fine. There will always be people who love what you write, and there will always be those that don't. Just try to ignore those that don't.


100% this. 
I can't wait to read it!!!!


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## Hugh Howey (Feb 11, 2012)

Benjamin A. said:


> Look at the bright side. You could have the dread of publishing a new title and being the only one to buy it.


I just had that. It was called I, ZOMBIE.


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## Jason E Thummel (Oct 1, 2011)

In some ways I always have. I guess it's a comfort to know that success won't change that  (Not that I'm not willing to see for myself, mind you).


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## OEGaudio (Jul 26, 2012)

Hugh Howey said:


> I just had that. It was called I, ZOMBIE.


Oh Hugh, your modesty is cute.


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## swolf (Jun 21, 2010)

Don't make me put on my unhappy face.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

It is hurts you, stop publishing.


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## Betsy the Quilter (Oct 27, 2008)

Hugh Howey said:


> I just had that. It was called I, ZOMBIE.


OK, that's a pathetic attempt to troll for compliments.


I, ZOMBIE:
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,407 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
#76 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Fiction > Genre Fiction > Horror
#98 in Books > Literature & Fiction > Genre Fiction > Horror


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## Hugh Howey (Feb 11, 2012)

Krista D. Ball said:


> It is hurts you, stop publishing.


Yes. And there are the typos to look forward to. Thanks for so cleverly reminding me, Krista.


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## dalya (Jul 26, 2011)

Hugh Howey said:


> I just had that. It was called I, ZOMBIE.


This made me laugh. I bought I, ZOMBIE the day it came out!

I've only sold 27 copies of my middle-grade novel Cousins Forever, and I think it's a great book. To offset my sadness about the disappointing sales, I remind myself that the process made me a better writer. I worked hard on it, especially in revisions, and I'll always feel proud of what I accomplished, even if the sales are meh.

Oh, but none of this matters, because of course YOUR NEXT BOOK WILL BE EPIC!!! It'll be Hugh Howey Zooey Wowie Hugeh!


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## Hugh Howey (Feb 11, 2012)

Betsy the Quilter said:


> OK, that's a pathetic attempt to troll for compliments.
> 
> I, ZOMBIE:
> Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,407 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
> ...


PLEASE LEAVE FACTS OUT OF WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE AN EMOTIONAL THREAD!!!

What are you, a moderator?

Look, I know I sound like an @sshole for dreading having my stuff read, but it really is absolutely terrifying. I've never had enough confidence in my crap to feel comfortable hitting the publish button, even when my readers were in the dozens. Now, I honestly feel depressed when I do it. I enjoy the work I'm putting out there, and the feedback from betas was great, but I really just want to crawl under a rock for the next few weeks. It's weird that this part of the process has changed so much.


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## T.K. (Mar 8, 2011)

Totally not the same thing, but the thread title reminded me of my hubby. He lost the 'F' key on his work computer and could no longer use it. I know how stressful his job is so I imagined him hitting the F key over and over and over until it fell off. I think he dreads the F key now like you dread the publish button.


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## Kay Bratt (Dec 28, 2011)

Even if your next book isn't epic, don't worry. You've gained fans because of *who* you are, *what* you did, your *humbleness*, etc. etc. etc..

I'm sure half of them do not expect greatness. Humans just like to be a part of a great rags to riches story. So if all fails, you'll still have 50% of your fan base intact.


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## 48209 (Jul 4, 2011)

Another swooshing the pom poms and hitting refresh 

*hands chocolate... or guy equivalent*


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## swolf (Jun 21, 2010)

T.K. Richardson said:


> Totally not the same thing, but the thread title reminded me of my hubby. He lost the 'F' key on his work computer and could no longer use it. I know how stressful his job is so I imagined him hitting the F key over and over and over until it fell off. I think he dreads the F key now like you dread the publish button.


That's a ucking unny story.


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## Betsy the Quilter (Oct 27, 2008)

Hugh Howey said:


> PLEASE LEAVE FACTS OUT OF WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE AN EMOTIONAL THREAD!!!
> 
> What are you, a moderator?


I believe in fact-based therapy.


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## Betsy the Quilter (Oct 27, 2008)

swolf said:


> That's a ucking unny story.


Don't make me add "ucking" to the filters.


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## telracs (Jul 12, 2009)

Caitie Quinn said:


> Another swooshing the pom poms and hitting refresh
> 
> *hands chocolate... or guy equivalent*


isn't chocolate good enough for guys?


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## T.K. (Mar 8, 2011)




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## Susan Kaye Quinn (Aug 8, 2011)

Hugh Howey said:


> Look, I know I sound like an @sshole for dreading having my stuff read, but it really is absolutely terrifying. I've never had enough confidence in my crap to feel comfortable hitting the publish button, even when my readers were in the dozens. Now, I honestly feel depressed when I do it. I enjoy the work I'm putting out there, and the feedback from betas was great, but I really just want to crawl under a rock for the next few weeks. It's weird that this part of the process has changed so much.


You sound like a human. 

I've always had great sympathy for the people who "make it" - the pressure is intense, they can't really whine anymore, and it may seem like there's no where to go but DOWN (how's that for an upper!?!).

Here's the good part: you've got people who love what you write (I'm a shameless fangirl, which is only slightly less embarrassing because I'm not the only one). This is what you want, yes? This is what it's all about? Hold onto that like the rock in the storm that it is.

Or drink lots of red wine. That works for me.


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## Kalen ODonnell (Nov 24, 2011)

You're in luck Hugh, its a good thing I saw this thread!

For a limited time, I'm offering a new service for stressed out, highly successful authors only.  I'll hit the 'publish' button for you, so you don't have to!  You can spend the first 30 days of release safely sequestered in a pillow fort stocked with booze!  To avail yourself of this service, all you have to do is send me your files and give me the log in info for your KDP account and I'll take care of everything from there!

Oh, and don't worry if you see your direct deposit info was edited and switched to my bank.  That's supposed to happen, its all just part of the service we offer here at YouDotheWorkITaketheCash.com - enjoy your stress free next thirty days!




.....What, no go?


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## telracs (Jul 12, 2009)

oooh, red wine and chocolate!  party!


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Hugh Howey said:


> Yes. And there are the typos to look forward to. Thanks for so cleverly reminding me, Krista.


And formatting issues! Don't forget those!


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## Hugh Howey (Feb 11, 2012)

Kalen ODonnell said:


> You're in luck Hugh, its a good thing I saw this thread!
> 
> For a limited time, I'm offering a new service for stressed out, highly successful authors only. I'll hit the 'publish' button for you, so you don't have to! You can spend the first 30 days of release safely sequestered in a pillow fort stocked with booze! To avail yourself of this service, all you have to do is send me your files and give me the log in info for your KDP account and I'll take care of everything from there!
> 
> ...


Tell me more...


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## Hugh Howey (Feb 11, 2012)

Krista D. Ball said:


> And formatting​issues! Don't forget those!


Thanks!


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## Kalen ODonnell (Nov 24, 2011)

Hugh Howey said:


> Tell me more...


....I'm confused. I used the words 'pillow fort stocked with booze.' What more is there to know?


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## dalya (Jul 26, 2011)

I'm sure as long as the next story has a sexy billionaire who's into BDSM, it's all going to be JUST FINE!!!


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## telracs (Jul 12, 2009)

Kalen ODonnell said:


> ....I'm confused. I used the words 'pillow fort stocked with booze.' What more is there to know?


is there chocolate?


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## Victorine (Apr 23, 2010)

Kalen ODonnell said:


> You're in luck Hugh, its a good thing I saw this thread!
> 
> For a limited time, I'm offering a new service for stressed out, highly successful authors only. I'll hit the 'publish' button for you, so you don't have to! You can spend the first 30 days of release safely sequestered in a pillow fort stocked with booze! To avail yourself of this service, all you have to do is send me your files and give me the log in info for your KDP account and I'll take care of everything from there!
> 
> ...


I laughed out loud after reading this post. Thank you. I needed a laugh.


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## Kalen ODonnell (Nov 24, 2011)

the said:


> is there chocolate?


The chocolate is implied.


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## SRecht (Oct 16, 2012)

The sand is shifting under your feet as you begin to find your new equilibrium.  Give it time--and try to enjoy the ride in the meantime.


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## Victorine (Apr 23, 2010)

Hugh Howey said:


> PLEASE LEAVE FACTS OUT OF WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE AN EMOTIONAL THREAD!!!
> 
> What are you, a moderator?
> 
> Look, I know I sound like an @sshole for dreading having my stuff read, but it really is absolutely terrifying. I've never had enough confidence in my crap to feel comfortable hitting the publish button, even when my readers were in the dozens. Now, I honestly feel depressed when I do it. I enjoy the work I'm putting out there, and the feedback from betas was great, but I really just want to crawl under a rock for the next few weeks. It's weird that this part of the process has changed so much.


I think everyone has a bit of the dread when they publish. I know I feel like throwing up for about three days after I click publish.

You're normal.

(Shocking, I know.)


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## Becca Mills (Apr 27, 2012)

Understandable. It's like those gymnasts in the Olympics. They're phenomenally successful people, and I bet that means they feel the weight of expectation all the time. I don't imagine doing their sport under that kind of pressure is a lot of fun. I think I'd be tied in knots if it were me.

Sent from my LG-VS700 using Tapatalk 2


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Hugh Howey said:


> Thanks!


I can keep going. I can start a bet to see when I can make you vomit on your keyboard from stress even. I have a talent.


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## Betsy the Quilter (Oct 27, 2008)

Krista D. Ball said:


> I can keep going. I can start a bet to see when I can make you vomit on your keyboard from stress even. I have a talent.


She does. She made me vomit on my keyboard already. But maybe that's the flu.... 

Betsy


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## Kalen ODonnell (Nov 24, 2011)

Betsy the Quilter said:


> She does. She made me vomit on my keyboard already. But maybe that's the flu....
> 
> Betsy


Oh come on Betsy. Which sounds more likely: that you have the flu, or that Krista has dark voodoo powers?


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## 39179 (Mar 16, 2011)

That's some major pressure and that's gotta be tough, Hugh. That's why I've always been adamant about keeping my sales low and my fans' expectations even lower.


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## Betsy the Quilter (Oct 27, 2008)

There's no doubt at all in my mind which is more likely.
  


Betsy


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## Nicole M (Nov 1, 2012)

You know, Hugh, a part of me is glad you go through this because the other day I was browsing your blog and you wrote that little excerpt of your NaNo writing and I thought "THIS IS HOW HIS FIRST DRAFTS LOOK?!" Then I looked at mine. I may have shed a tear. Or two. Seriously though, you're a great writer and although I haven't gone through the publishing process yet, I'm sure you are not alone in this. Just keep writing awesome stuff and there will be readers.


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## Monique (Jul 31, 2010)

And now... back to today's episode of HUGH!

Don't miss tomorrow's episode where Hugh 
saves a kitten from...a bigger kitten.


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## Josh Kilen (Aug 10, 2011)

I understand, completely. I mean, one of my 12 books is loved by at least tens of people. That's a lot of pressure then when I put out another in the series. "What will those tens think of this?" I ask myself. Then I shrug and hit publish anyway. You can only tell the best story you're able.

The only down side is if your success has trapped you into feeling obligated to write something that you're not in love with anymore. Then it just becomes a grind. That would suck and I can only imagine the pressure that would put you under. Or the need to keep making better and better stuff, the fear that one day you will stop making up stories that your fans love, then you not only let them down but... and so on.

Look, you are a storyteller, and a good one. You made me buy the _entire _ Bern Saga because I just had to find out what happened.

So tell your stories, make sure *you *like them, and stop reading reviews or whatever is causing your frown. Just be a good storyteller and all will of course end well.


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## Krista D. Ball (Mar 8, 2011)

Kalen ODonnell said:


> Oh come on Betsy. Which sounds more likely: that you have the flu, or that Krista has dark voodoo powers?


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## telracs (Jul 12, 2009)

Kalen ODonnell said:


> The chocolate is implied.


oh, okay, as long as there's chocolate.....

Hugh, bad news, I've taken over the pillow fort of booze and chocolate, but if you hit publish, I promise to share.


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## jnfr (Mar 26, 2011)

Andrew Biss said:


> That's some major pressure and that's gotta be tough, Hugh. That's why I've always been adamant about keeping my sales low and my fans' expectations even lower.


I think Andrew is on the right track here, and it's a path we all can trod.


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## JRTomlin (Jan 18, 2011)

Hugh Howey said:


> I just had that. It was called I, ZOMBIE.


Oh, you mean that rotten novel with more than 120 reviews including the top one that says:



> I, Zombie is not "a zombie book". It is a deeply philosophical, literary, and raw exploration of free will; personal identity; and the importance of (and constraints on) taking charge of one's life.


Oh yeah, and rated around 3,000 in Amazon sales. Such a shame. Yep, nobody bought that one. 

But you're allowed performance anxiety... I guess.


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## David Adams (Jan 2, 2012)

Hugh Howey said:


> I just had that. It was called I, ZOMBIE.


I bought it, obviously. You could release a book entitled "So I got $10 of Dave's money", 10,000 words of "lololol", at $9.99. You know I'd buy that.

<3

Seriously now, times are pretty tough right now for everyone across the board (almost). It's a few factors, as far as I can tell, but yeah. It's also a good time to get titles out so they're still new releases for Christmas and the post-Christmas bump.

But you shouldn't feel dread. You're a gifted writer (I know you don't think so, that makes it awesome) and I keep saying it, but your success hasn't yet begun yet. We're at the beginning of the Howeypalooza, not the high point.

Sometimes you just gotta be like the Brits during the war. Stiff upper lip, keep calm and carry on.


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## David Adams (Jan 2, 2012)

Also, since this always seems to get a laugh... you mentioned typos, Hugh?

This made it into my print books.










I don't deserve to live.


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## David Adams (Jan 2, 2012)

THIRD POST IN A ROW GO:


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## 31842 (Jan 11, 2011)

*slinging a beer down the bar to Hugh* It's gonna be okay. Drink through it, son.


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## 13893 (Apr 29, 2010)

Victorine said:


> I think everyone has a bit of the dread when they publish. I know I feel like throwing up for about three days after I click publish.
> 
> You're normal.
> 
> (Shocking, I know.)


I believe it's listed in the DSM-IV-TR as PPD, Post Publishum Depression.


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## Kat_Kit (Nov 3, 2012)

Hugh Howey said:


> Look, I know I sound like an @sshole for dreading having my stuff read, but it really is absolutely terrifying. I've never had enough confidence in my crap to feel comfortable hitting the publish button, even when my readers were in the dozens. Now, I honestly feel depressed when I do it. I enjoy the work I'm putting out there, and the feedback from betas was great, but I really just want to crawl under a rock for the next few weeks. It's weird that this part of the process has changed so much.


That's what pen names are for!


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## trublue (Jul 7, 2012)

Hugh Howey said:


> PLEASE LEAVE FACTS OUT OF WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE AN EMOTIONAL THREAD!!!
> 
> What are you, a moderator?
> 
> Look, I know I sound like an @sshole for dreading having my stuff read, but it really is absolutely terrifying. I've never had enough confidence in my crap to feel comfortable hitting the publish button, even when my readers were in the dozens. Now, I honestly feel depressed when I do it. I enjoy the work I'm putting out there, and the feedback from betas was great, but I really just want to crawl under a rock for the next few weeks. It's weird that this part of the process has changed so much.


I get it. I think that's part of the make up of being a writer. Success or not. Your heart is on the page. Then it goes home with
Perfect strangers. Don't worry. You wrote the book. Your part is done. Do something nice for yourself.


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## dalya (Jul 26, 2011)

I, for one, am really excited about buying Hugh Howey's next book, "EYE, CYCLOPS."

I hear it's great! Especially the part where he says to the love interest, "I only have eye for you."


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## swolf (Jun 21, 2010)

Dalya said:


> I, for one, am really excited about buying Hugh Howey's next book, "EYE, CYCLOPS."
> 
> I hear it's great! Especially the part where he says to the love interest, "I only have eye for you."


  

Soon to be a major motion picture. In 3D, ironically.


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## EC Sheedy (Feb 24, 2011)

David Adams said:


> Also, since this always seems to get a laugh... you mentioned typos, Hugh?
> 
> This made it into my print books.
> 
> ...


Dear Goddess, David. Isn't that typo a hanging offense? Any last wishes?


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## 48209 (Jul 4, 2011)

the said:


> is there chocolate?


I see how easily you were derailed by my chocolate comment. In honor of that and to celebrate Hugh pushing the publish button, I'm making a lifesized sculpture of him out of chocolate. I'll be charging $15 to have your picture taken with it. Please don't touch the Hugh.


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## Lisa Grace (Jul 3, 2011)

KayBratt said:


> I'm sure half of them do not expect greatness.


I expect greatness. Just kidding. I just want a well-told story.


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## Nicole M (Nov 1, 2012)

In other news, I suspect everyone has had increased sales from this thread? Hehe


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## 13893 (Apr 29, 2010)

MarieMoren said:


> In other news, I suspect everyone has had increased sales from this thread? Hehe


Not me. The past two days, I've been dancing with the dreaded yellow bar.


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## JumpingShip (Jun 3, 2010)

I have to admit that my first reaction to the post was, "Oh please, such a hard problem to have!" but then thinking about it and the pressure, I can understand. I get it on a much smaller scale. I recently uploaded a prequel to my series after having the next three books out already. I was and am, worried that current readers of the series wouldn't like it, after all, they know how it turns out for the MC. I'm also stressing that new readers won't find it compelling enough to continue reading the series. So far, it's been okay, but I was scared to death to hit that publish button.


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## telracs (Jul 12, 2009)

Caitie Quinn said:


> I see how easily you were derailed by my chocolate comment. In honor of that and to celebrate Hugh pushing the publish button, I'm making a lifesized sculpture of him out of chocolate. I'll be charging $15 to have your picture taken with it. Please don't touch the Hugh.


there is no point to chocolate if i can't eat it. and no offense, i don't want to eat Hugh. that'll curtail his writing and that would make me and others unhappy.


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## David Adams (Jan 2, 2012)

EC Sheedy said:


> Dear Goddess, David. Isn't that typo a hanging offense? Any last wishes?


If I say Hugh Howey's name over and over does it prevent hangings?


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## Kalen ODonnell (Nov 24, 2011)

David Adams said:


> If I say Hugh Howey's name over and over does it prevent hangings?


Oh for god's sake David, let's not get carried away here, okay?

Saying Hugh's name over and over again isn't MAGIC.

(It's science.)


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## swolf (Jun 21, 2010)

the said:


> i don't want to eat Hugh.


If I had a nickel for every time I heard that...


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## NoCat (Aug 5, 2010)

I think the term is actually, "Close your eyes and think of Queen and Country"  


I know the feeling though. I'm finishing up edits on a novel that no one will actually read. For realsies, not for Hugh pretendies.


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## psychotick (Jan 26, 2012)

Hi,

I love hitting the publishing button. After days, weeks, months andeven years of wrestling with a story, of editing and agonising over my writing demons, it's such a relief. It means bye bye, I never have to see you again.

But then comes the next book!

Cheers, Greg.


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## David Kazzie (Sep 16, 2010)




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## balaspa (Dec 27, 2009)

Come now!  The holidays are coming.  Think of all of the new Kindle owners coming.  It's always my biggest time.  Plenty of good things are on the horizon.  Stay strong and publish on!


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## Shane Murray (Aug 1, 2012)

Sweetapple said:


> Suck it up Howey.


My thoughts exactly.

Anyway, if you are really worried you could always extend your editing process and the number of beta readers. Of course it is hard to follow up when you have this golden goose, but on the other hand it means that anything you publish is bound to get sales.


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## Shane Murray (Aug 1, 2012)

Hugh Howey said:


> I just had that. It was called I, ZOMBIE.


That book has been out a few months and has over a hundred reviews with an average of 4.4 stars.

I am confused.


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## Shane Murray (Aug 1, 2012)

Kalen ODonnell said:


> You're in luck Hugh, its a good thing I saw this thread!
> 
> For a limited time, I'm offering a new service for stressed out, highly successful authors only. I'll hit the 'publish' button for you, so you don't have to! You can spend the first 30 days of release safely sequestered in a pillow fort stocked with booze! To avail yourself of this service, all you have to do is send me your files and give me the log in info for your KDP account and I'll take care of everything from there!
> 
> ...


Awesome. I'll keep it in mind for when I finally publish


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## H. S. St. Ours (Mar 24, 2012)

Maybe if we all clap for Tinkerbell, she won't die from the poison.  Oh wait, that's the wrong thread. Still, it seems apt, somehow.


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## Shane Murray (Aug 1, 2012)

KateDanley said:


>


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## NathanWrann (May 5, 2011)

I wish my books did as bad as I, Zombie.


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## Edward W. Robertson (May 18, 2010)

Oh man! Guess you'd better stop publishing. Anyway, the rest of us SF authors need to eat, too.


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## That one girl (Apr 12, 2011)

NathanWrann said:


> I wish my books did as bad as I, Zombie.


I don't think getting X amount of sales means you suddenly feel like less of a fraud. I constantly wonder how people can like my books. I know we're not supposed to say stuff like that out loud, but it's just the way I feel. I'm never truly satisfied and always surprised that the books keeps selling. I can only imagine that this feeling is amplified the more books one sells.


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## DelilahFawkes (May 11, 2011)

Oh, Hugh  . *HUGS* I totally get it, even though I'm not to your level yet!

My last series book off, and now that it's ended, I'm completely panicking that I will have jumped the shark and no one will like my new series. I'm publishing #2 in that one tomorrow, and let's just say... I'm a little sweaty right now.

No pressure, right? Being a bestseller is absolutely amazing, but the pressure of having real life fans is something special. I don't want to let them down, you know?


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## Revolution (Sep 17, 2012)

Hugh Howey said:


> PLEASE LEAVE FACTS OUT OF WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE AN EMOTIONAL THREAD!!!
> 
> What are you, a moderator?
> 
> Look, I know I sound like an @sshole for dreading having my stuff read, but it really is absolutely terrifying. I've never had enough confidence in my crap to feel comfortable hitting the publish button, even when my readers were in the dozens. Now, I honestly feel depressed when I do it. I enjoy the work I'm putting out there, and the feedback from betas was great, but I really just want to crawl under a rock for the next few weeks. It's weird that this part of the process has changed so much.


I can seriously understand the pressure you would be feeling...

It's one thing to make success, but it's another thing to keep it. I mean, isn't the the whole reason of the 'pen name'? Because one bad book can seriously damage a writers reputation. I see it ALL the time in the reviews of great authors... "I'll never buy another book from this author again!" Yadda yadda

I was even dreading publishing my first book because I was afraid of backlash, but as an author you have to find some way to deal with negativity -it's impossible to avoid!


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## the quiet one (Aug 13, 2012)

Hugh Howey said:


> Look, I know I sound like an @sshole for dreading having my stuff read, but it really is absolutely terrifying. I've never had enough confidence in my crap to feel comfortable hitting the publish button, even when my readers were in the dozens. Now, I honestly feel depressed when I do it. I enjoy the work I'm putting out there, and the feedback from betas was great, but I really just want to crawl under a rock for the next few weeks. It's weird that this part of the process has changed so much.


Sounds like being human to me. Many people seem to be their own worst critics; you may fall into this category. Third parties enjoy reading what you write -- your betas said they love this latest work, right? -- and are eager to get their virtual palms on the latest Hugh Howey publication. So, hit the publish button for methem, and accept that no matter how much your inner critic screams, there will be thousands of people out there whose response to this latest work will be: "More, please!"


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## BlankPage (Sep 23, 2012)

_Comment removed due to VS TOS 25/9/2018_


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## Hugh Howey (Feb 11, 2012)

T.S. Welti said:


> I constantly wonder how people can like my books. I know we're not supposed to say stuff like that out loud, but it's just the way I feel. I'm never truly satisfied and always surprised that the books keeps selling. I can only imagine that this feeling is amplified the more books one sells.


Yeah, this. I think my sales are not in proportion to my talent. Not by a longshot. David Adams keeps making threads about me, and it means I sell more than I ought to, which has me feeling like a fraud.

And then there's the FB fans who have seen me dance. And once you've seen me dance, you reasonably assume nothing but greatness from me in all things. Which creates expectations that I can't possibly be expected to live up to.

And while everyone assumes your works will get better with time, I'm getting dumber by the day. I can't think of words. I can't remember anything. I wrote better crap in middle school than I do now.

Look . . . I'm not asking for anyone to feel sorry for me. I'm only expressing these yucky feelings on KB because I know some of you can understand what I'm feeling. I've felt this from the very first day, and it only amplifies over time. Maybe other big-name authors feel this as well but assume they have to put on airs since everyone else is putting on airs. I feel better when I can be honest and get over my fears and depressions by copping to them. I dunno. But this thread certainly has made me feel better. Mostly because of the funny videos!


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## anotherpage (Apr 4, 2012)

Hugh Howey said:


> Nowadays, I only feel dread.


? This coming from someone whos book is getting turned into a MOVIE? are you serious?


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## DelilahFawkes (May 11, 2011)

Yo, dawg.

This is like... a thing. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome


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## BRONZEAGE (Jun 25, 2011)

Not sure what this thread is about. 

... We  hit Publish on a Short that has horse-**cking in the first 5 pages  ( yes you read that correctly).  That was part of the ancient Tara rituals. So sprinkle some holy water and Boy Scout magic on the new Short,  Connery The Great.  Thanks. 

It has hit top 100 in paid Shorts. Not bad for first 24 hours...prob last time.  Who knows.


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## Rachel Schurig (Apr 9, 2011)

Hugh, I really appreciate your honesty about stuff like this. And I'm very happy you feel like you can talk about it with us here on KB. There's lots of funny in this thread, hope it helps!

I feel terrified every time I hit publish, and I don't have anyone waiting for my books. When you posted about hitting publish over on fb the immediate response from excited fans was phenomenal--but I would imagine that for you, the author, it would be overwhelming. All those people ready to download your book the second it's available. Scary stuff.

I just hope you're able to continue to push through the doubt. Your writing makes a lot of people happy.


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## George Berger (Aug 7, 2011)

David Adams said:


> If I say Hugh Howey's name over and over does it prevent hangings?


<obscure_game_reference>No, you write Hugh Howey's name in the dirt, and stand on it.</obscure_game_reference>



Hugh Howey said:


> And while everyone assumes your works will get better with time, I'm getting dumber by the day. I can't think of words. I can't remember anything. I wrote better crap in middle school than I do now.
> 
> Look . . . I'm not asking for anyone to feel sorry for me. I'm only expressing these yucky feelings on KB because I know some of you can understand what I'm feeling.


Yes, five score times, yes.


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## soyfrank (Feb 2, 2011)

I think it's normal to have doubt about your talent. If you don't, I don't think you're doing it right. Just keep doing what you're doing. It seems to be working very well


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## Gregory Lynn (Aug 9, 2011)

Remember those days when you got up and had to go to work even though you really really REALLY wanted to do anything in the world but go to work?

Those were worse, right?


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## AnitaDobs (Sep 18, 2012)

BRONZEAGE said:


> ... We hit Publish on a Short that has horse-**cking in the first 5 pages ( yes you read that correctly). That was part of the ancient Tara rituals.


Thanks. I just spat my coffee out over my screen.

I think I must have missed something on this thread.

Tara is obviously a naughty girl, a very, very naughty girl. I'm guessing she needs to be punished, but for some reason she'll probably enjoy it.


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## Gregory Lynn (Aug 9, 2011)

By the way, I think we can now say with confidence that David Adams makes Hugh Howey feel bad.

David...how do you feel about this?


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## Veronica Drema (Sep 25, 2012)

I'm still fairly new to all this, but I can't imagine how much pressure you must feel, Hugh. I just hit publish earlier today, and I can say that at first I felt so happy I was finished with that work. Then the self-doubt started. I'm pretty sure now that it's a piece of crap writing. I've decided to practice just letting it go. It's out there now, so whatever happens, happens. Don't let anybody tell you, though, not to feel the self-doubt. As writers, it's our right to feel that.


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## Hugh Howey (Feb 11, 2012)

Gregory Lynn said:


> Remember those days when you got up and had to go to work even though you really really REALLY wanted to do anything in the world but go to work?
> 
> Those were worse, right?


The happiest I've ever been in my life, I sh*t you not, was when I was writing WOOLs 2, 3, 4, and 5 while WOOL was selling a hundred copies a day. I was working at a bookstore and writing in every spare moment. I didn't have an agent. I didn't have business stuff to think about. I had a few hundred fans, and it was growing every day, but I could respond to every email with a longer email than the one that was sent to me. I read every single FB notification. I responded to every interview.

I still respond to every email and every interview, but sometimes my brain hurts from the constant flow of it all. I'm not complaining, mind you, I'm just saying that the happiest I've ever been was when I still had my day job. Not that I would change anything or do anything differently, I'm just glad I appreciated those days when I had them.

I've had two panic attacks while doing public speaking engagements in the past few months. I haven't talked about this anywhere with anyone other than my wife (who's a psychologist). There was a story in today's NYT about a golfer who suffered a major panic attack over the weekend during a round of golf. He'd never had anything like that happen during a tournament. It's his rookie season, and placing in the top 10 would get him on the tour the next year. But he chalked it up to his new marriage and first child, all these other changes in his life, that just heaped on top of the pressure to do well in the tournament. The dude was hospitalized after the final round. Unbelievably, he won the tournament. This, despite barely being able to walk the round.

I think part of it is the success. The other part is moving to Florida, which isn't nearly as nice as the house we had in Boone. We've had our mailbox kicked in and my car broken into down here. I have to lock sh*t up. In NC, I never had to do that. And we live in a nice town!

My house in Boone was perfect. I made it that way myself. We bought a tiny house down here that needs work, and that wears on me. For anyone who thinks I have millions in the bank account, even this level of success doesn't mean those kinds of riches. I don't have a million dollars in the bank account. It isn't like I can already assume I'll never work a day job for the rest of my life. I assume I'll be working one within three years. Professional athletes make this much in a month, and they go broke within a decade of retirement.

Already, I have family members asking me to pay off their mortgages. I live in a 900 square foot house. They live in 3,000 square foot houses. The pressure is there to take everything I've made so far and give it to people who have taken vacations and travelled all over while I lived in a 750 square foot house, worked a job for $10 an hour, and spent every ounce of free time reading and writing.

Again, not looking for pity. Lord knows, I'm living the dream right now. I'm also watching my hair turn gray like I've been president for 4 years. And you saps are the nearest thing I have to family who might know what the frack I'm talking about, so while I don't expect a response (I don't want one. Honest.) It feels damn good just to be able to spill my guts to someone. And then have them post a Zardoz pic and tell me to stop being such a baby.


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## JGray (Mar 7, 2012)

*HUG HUGH*

Not being snarky, just thought you could use a hug. 


P.S. I really admire that you are this big deal author and yet you still come here and express doubts and insecurities. It makes you so human and so darn likeable.

Another P.S. We're getting ready to move just west of Miami next March and I'm freaking out a little about it.


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## AnitaDobs (Sep 18, 2012)

Hugh Howey said:


> Already, I have family members asking me to pay off their mortgages. I live in a 900 square foot house. They live in 3,000 square foot houses. The pressure is there to take everything I've made so far and give it to people who have taken vacations and travelled all over while I lived in a 750 square foot house, worked a job for $10 an hour, and spent every ounce of free time reading and writing.


That sucks hard. I wouldn't give them a penny if I were you.

By the way did I mention my 20,000 square foot mansion that needs remodeling work? I really don't have the finances for it, and Aunty Susan is running out of jewel encrusted hat pins. Any donations would be much appreciated. 

No pressure...


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## Josh Kilen (Aug 10, 2011)

Like this? God I love to hate this movie... Sean looks great in his red man-kini and mexican porn stache.


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## NathanWrann (May 5, 2011)

I hear ya. I do take comfort in the fact that I can click Publish and _hope_ that people like what I put out there but not _rely_ on people liking what I put out there. If I put out a stinker nobody knows about it and my empire doesn't crumble. There's comfort in that. Like singing in the shower as opposed to singing the Star Spangled Banner on stage in Giants Stadium (yes, I still call it Giants Stadium).


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## BlankPage (Sep 23, 2012)

_Comment removed due to VS TOS 25/9/2018_


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## dalya (Jul 26, 2011)

Hugh Howey said:


> The happiest I've ever been in my life, I sh*t you not, was when I was writing WOOLs 2, 3, 4, and 5 while WOOL was selling a hundred copies a day....


I was also really happy when my husband and I were first working on our business, working insane hours and full of hope for the future.

Once you get to the future, though, you need a new future to get excited about.

Hang in there, Sparky (feel free to use that as a new nickname if you want!), and remember that however you feel at any point is not how you feel all the time. These emotions come and go like weather, and they're not you.


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## BrianKittrell (Jan 8, 2011)

If I ever start making crazy money and sales (I'm okay now, but I mean a lot crazier than where I am now), people will still think I make about what I do now. Most of the people who know me still think I make a couple hundred bucks a year. Only close friends--those who I know don't run their mouths--know the truth. Well, you guys do, too, and so does Google, but they're not going to come looking for sales reports.

It's hard to hide NY Times status and huge deals, of course, which is where Hugh is. Those deals (and the NY Times) don't always result in insta-millionaire, but it's a good thing that they don't. We must grow slowly. The lottery creates many more problems for the winners, by and large, than it creates happiness. Watch that lottery show sometime.

Anyway, *man-hug*


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## DCBourone (Sep 10, 2012)

Some possibility, a strong possibility, given your evident sincerity,
that you lack a "mirror"--an entirely objective view of your talents,
"gifts" if you will, your level of industry, etc.  Seriously considered at 
one point that your "aw shucks aren't I lucky" vibe was an unconscious,
or even conscious, con.  Not looking that way now.  Serious self-scrutiny,
a rigorous study of self, talents and liabilities, hardly encouraged in our
age of simpering pseudo self-actualization.  Because you might find out...
You are actually really, really, good at something.  And one is never
allowed to admit that in public.
You are really good.  It's not going to go away.
So after you take a good hard look in the mirror...
Remember, nobody is watching....
Hug the wife.  Sand and varnish a floor.
Tell the family scabs to F--k off.
And get back to work.


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## David Adams (Jan 2, 2012)

Gregory Lynn said:


> By the way, I think we can now say with confidence that David Adams makes Hugh Howey feel bad.
> 
> David...how do you feel about this?


Not great. I'll break out ole 'cidey, my favourite hanging noose.


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## Richardcrasta (Jul 29, 2010)

Hugh Howey said:


> I just had that. It was called I, ZOMBIE.


It could be worse, Hugh (the "Hugh" inserted for luck). I just published a new title, and not even_ I_ have bought it yet.


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## ChrisWard (Mar 10, 2012)

Haha, I dread it too, but I usually get a week or so before I can coerce anyone into buying it to correct any errors!


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## David Adams (Jan 2, 2012)

Hugh Howey said:


> Everything Hugh wrote.


Jeez.

See, that's the thing, isn't it. Even the best selling authors don't make all that much. I'm lucky that my expenses are really low so I can afford to live off quite little (being a soulless hermit helps too!).

But okay, here's my thoughts on... everything.

People asking for money.

Friends, family, that whole sphere of people whose lives are intrinsically bound to yours, are not dependants. And I mean it in a weird way, because I like to give. I like to help out people when they need it, or when it would just make them feel good.

I help out my friends who're down on their luck, or even just feeling down for no reason. I help out perfect strangers under the same circumstances. I always at least try to do the right thing by anyone I can, because I think that's how a healthy society operates. I know some political and economic philosophies stress individualism for better and for worse, but at the end of the day we're social animals. We're designed to work together.

But there does come a point, such as asking someone to pay off your mortgage for you, where the line between asking for help and being a dependant is being crossed. It's highly inappropriate that they even asked. Even if you had that capability, so what? Like you said: They were taking vacations, you were working your arse off.

Buy them a cup of coffee, buy them a nice dinner, but you don't owe them a house. That's just mental.

Regarding Boone...

Your surroundings matter. I know Florida's a nice place, but if your heart lives in Boone and you have the perfect place there, for heaven's sake consider doing something about it. I don't know it it's possible to get that same place back again -- I don't know what arrangements you made, or anything like that -- but jeez.

I moved away from Canberra to Darwin when I finished uni, and this has been a pretty bad mistake, I'm slowly beginning to realise. I have this house, custom built for the needs of two, but I'm single now. This place is now a home for a lot of bad memories. Most of my friends live in Canberra and every day I look around and see things I'd love to do down there, but I've got three cats now and a car. Moving is going to be a pain but I'm going to have to do it.

Maybe you should, too. Ultimately, in western society, the number one quality we need in our lives beyond basic survival is happiness. Even money doesn't help, beyond a certain point, and your health is very, very important towards being happy.

No matter what we do on this Earth, we only have one body, one life. Gotta take care of it. There's no book that can't wait a little while the author recharges his batteries.

So... health. Physical and mental.

My suggestion is to take some Hugh time. A week, a month, whatever it is you need to relax. You're in Florida, go to the Caribbean for a bit and relax. Maybe take a short boat cruise. That's an idea: take a boat trip! No laptop, either. No laptop, no internet, nothing. Just you, the wife, and nothing electronic at all. Throw your cell phone overboard. 

Worst case scenario, you two jump on a plane out to here and you can crash at my place. We'll go do the cage of death and get wasted on cheep Australian booze, throw diets to the wind and hit up this pizza place I know that's awesome, then go to the wharf and eat it as the sun sets. You'll love it, if I can understand what you're saying through your thick American accent. We'll manage somehow.

That's my thoughts, anyway. Time to get back to getting Rakshasa Part III out before it's overdue.


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## rachael (Aug 25, 2012)

This is quite the thread. And to read it through and feel the emotional shift--mine and everyone else's, including Hugh's--is moving. David, what wonderfully honest and touching advice. I too made a big move and regret it. For some reason it feels harder to let go this time and move away. But I have to. You have to. What's keeping you in Florida, Hugh?

Margaret Atwood said your first novel is the easiest to write--because you have the least expectations. And the literary world is littered with casualties of the second book phenomenon, those who came flying out of the gate with their first book only to hit a wall (of fear) with their second. I always imagine it must be easier to write from a place of success, to sit there every day, fingers flying over the keyboard, knowing people are waiting for your next book. Easier than struggling in the dark.

But really it must be paralyzing--the fear of not being able to give people what they expect, the fear of falling from the pedestal you've been put on. I wrote to an author once to tell him I had just played hookey from work to lay on the couch all day and read his book. I had bought and read every book he'd written--even ordered his backlist titles from the publisher. I didn't expect a reply but he was grateful, he said. My note had come at a time when he was stuck in rewrites and to make matters worse his wife was engrossed in reading _Cold Mountain_ and he was feeling that nothing he wrote would ever measure up.

It's sad you've been robbed of your enjoyment, but it tells me it's because you care that the words and the story you put on the page are the best they can be. Take comfort in that. And never trust the performer who isn't nervous.


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## David Adams (Jan 2, 2012)

rachael said:


> And never trust the performer who isn't nervous.


Oh man, this.

I find that confidence can often be inversely proportional to knowledge. The more you know, the more you know you _don't _know. The more books you read the more you realise little things you could do better, and wish suddenly you could apply those lessons to previous books. And then the doubts come, you know.

But the point is, you wrote it. It's done. There are things I'd do differently in Demons if I could, but I can't. It's done. It's been on people's shelves for almost a year (holy crap!), so that's it.

I find with every book I publish I get more nervous and more, well, panicky. I think that what I've written before was gold, and what I'm about to publish is slop. Every time I write something new it kicks my past work off the throne, because this new thing is now the worst thing I've ever written.

But I gotta keep going, you know. It's threads like this that keep me going.


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## Wansit (Sep 27, 2012)

T.L. Haddix said:


> I think the only time I liked hitting the publish button was when I released my first book, or maybe the first two. I was too stupid to realize that after you hit that button, the nail-biting, nausea-inducing self-doubts begin.


This was me last week...with my new baby. Now I wake up every morning wondering why I 'ucking hit the publish button.


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## EC Sheedy (Feb 24, 2011)

Creativity and commerce are always an uneasy alliance. Add success to the mix and things can get...unpredictable. 

Good luck, Hugh.


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## Richardcrasta (Jul 29, 2010)

Hugh Howey said:


> The happiest I've ever been in my life, I sh*t you not, was when I was writing WOOLs 2, 3, 4, and 5 while WOOL was selling a hundred copies a day. I was working at a bookstore and writing in every spare moment. I didn't have an agent. I didn't have business stuff to think about. I had a few hundred fans, and it was growing every day, but I could respond to every email with a longer email than the one that was sent to me. I read every single FB notification. I responded to every interview.
> 
> I still respond to every email and every interview, but sometimes my brain hurts from the constant flow of it all. I'm not complaining, mind you, I'm just saying that the happiest I've ever been was when I still had my day job. Not that I would change anything or do anything differently, I'm just glad I appreciated those days when I had them.
> 
> ...


[edited]
I'm sorry about this, Hugh.

As for doing interviews: better to be approached for interviews than to seek them. You can still be selective, or even choose like the famous recluse Thomas Pynchon, to refuse. (It might improve your sex appeal, take you into "legend" territory!)

As for hitting the "publish" button, I most often do it out of weariness, a desire to purge my system of a book that's with me too long . . . not that I am feeling ready. In the hope that, despite all my horrendous mistakes, in the long run, things will sort of even out. That you should be judged by the entirety of your life, and not any single moment in it.


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## Wansit (Sep 27, 2012)

Hugh Howey said:


> The happiest I've ever been in my life, I sh*t you not, was when I was writing WOOLs 2, 3, 4, and 5 while WOOL was selling a hundred copies a day. I was working at a bookstore and writing in every spare moment. I didn't have an agent. I didn't have business stuff to think about. I had a few hundred fans, and it was growing every day, but I could respond to every email with a longer email than the one that was sent to me. I read every single FB notification. I responded to every interview.
> 
> I still respond to every email and every interview, but sometimes my brain hurts from the constant flow of it all. I'm not complaining, mind you, I'm just saying that the happiest I've ever been was when I still had my day job. Not that I would change anything or do anything differently, I'm just glad I appreciated those days when I had them.
> 
> ...


Gives Hugh a hug and tells relatives to 'uck off. NOW.


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## David Adams (Jan 2, 2012)

It's time for one of those awkward hugs that go on for just a little bit longer than you really think they should.


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## BrianKittrell (Jan 8, 2011)

David Adams said:


> It's time for one of those awkward hugs that go on for just a little bit longer than you really think they should.


I suspect you will be the one holding on past the time limit.


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## PaulLev (Nov 2, 2012)

Success - which is the conversion of a dream into a least a partial reality - always takes some of the edge off the dream, because reality can never measure up to the dream.  But the good news is sooner or later you begin to enjoy the reality even more than the dream ...


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## Remington Kane (Feb 19, 2011)

"After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true." - Spock


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## Jeroen Steenbeeke (Feb 3, 2012)

Hugh Howey said:


> The happiest I've ever been in my life, I sh*t you not, was when I was writing WOOLs 2, 3, 4, and 5 while WOOL was selling a hundred copies a day. I was working at a bookstore and writing in every spare moment. I didn't have an agent. I didn't have business stuff to think about. I had a few hundred fans, and it was growing every day, but I could respond to every email with a longer email than the one that was sent to me. I read every single FB notification. I responded to every interview.
> 
> I still respond to every email and every interview, but sometimes my brain hurts from the constant flow of it all. I'm not complaining, mind you, I'm just saying that the happiest I've ever been was when I still had my day job. Not that I would change anything or do anything differently, I'm just glad I appreciated those days when I had them.
> 
> ...


Wow Hugh, that's quite a story. The gall of those people to ask you to pay off their mortgage! I guess that's a pretty clear message about how much they value you as a person if they consider you their personal ATM.

And yet, it somehow sounds familiar. A person I know won a modest prize in a lottery once, and all of a sudden members of her family started offering to help her "sort out her finances", while having ignored her for years when she needed them.

So, yeah... to hell with those people


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## Lady TL Jennings (Dec 8, 2011)

This is my 2 pennies:

Often when we are in the middle of things (whatever it is: struggling through Uni with no money, 
moving into that first incredibly dodgy flat, etc) life can sometimes appear bleak, but later on...
Later on we remember the good parts: when we re-painted all those second-hand furniture in crazy purple 
and that awesome feeling of freedom at Uni way before getting tied down by a mortgage and obligations.

Checklist over things that are important in life:

The things that matters are:
Love, friends and family, good health, a roof over your head and food on the table, 
and writing (not necessarily in that order).

Things that do not matter are:
Latest iPhone, having a fancier car than the neighbour, greedy relatives, 
one-night-stands (unless it was _very_ good), and bad reviews (again: not necessarily in that order).

I think you already have received several good advices from this thread and if I were you I would listen to David: 
Take a break. Rewind before your stress levels breaks you. Panic attacks are _never_ a good sign.

_Wishing you all the best, not just to you Hugh, but to everyone who is struggling on KB! 
(Regardless of reasons.)

Good Luck! / Lady T. L. Jennings_


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## ZombieEater (Nov 2, 2010)

Hugh, you mentioned that the happiest time in your life was working a $10 an hour job while writing in your spare time for a couple hundred fans. So, worst case scenario, you lose it all and are forced (as your prediction states, within 3 years) to go back to working a full-time job and writing on the side. Wouldn't that mean simply returning to the happiest time in your life? I think David's advice about your place of dwelling and family relationships is sound as well.

Your last post reminds me of Ecclesiastes, where King Solomon is lamenting over all of his success and how it all seems empty in retrospect. One would not expect that such a wise, unspeakably wealthy king with access to the best food and wine (and sexual partners, let's not forget) to sink into utter despair and call it all "vanity of vanities." Not sure if Jewish wisdom literature is your thing, but it's worth a read (or re-read).


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## B.A. Spangler (Jan 25, 2012)

Hugh Howey said:


> The happiest I've ever been in my life, I sh*t you not, was when I was writing WOOLs 2, 3, 4, and 5 while WOOL was selling a hundred copies a day. I was working at a bookstore and writing in every spare moment. I didn't have an agent. I didn't have business stuff to think about. I had a few hundred fans, and it was growing every day, but I could respond to every email with a longer email than the one that was sent to me. I read every single FB notification. I responded to every interview.
> 
> I still respond to every email and every interview, but sometimes my brain hurts from the constant flow of it all. I'm not complaining, mind you, I'm just saying that the happiest I've ever been was when I still had my day job. Not that I would change anything or do anything differently, I'm just glad I appreciated those days when I had them.
> 
> ...


Thank you for sharing from the heart&#8230; you've given a perspective that is easily overlooked. 
This post is definitely one worth saving and then reading again from time to time to reflect on where you were, where you are and where you are going.

Thank you.


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## CJArcher (Jan 22, 2011)

Hugh Howey said:


> The happiest I've ever been in my life, I sh*t you not, was when I was writing WOOLs 2, 3, 4, and 5 while WOOL was selling a hundred copies a day. I was working at a bookstore and writing in every spare moment. I didn't have an agent. I didn't have business stuff to think about. I had a few hundred fans, and it was growing every day, but I could respond to every email with a longer email than the one that was sent to me. I read every single FB notification. I responded to every interview.
> 
> I still respond to every email and every interview, but sometimes my brain hurts from the constant flow of it all. I'm not complaining, mind you, I'm just saying that the happiest I've ever been was when I still had my day job. Not that I would change anything or do anything differently, I'm just glad I appreciated those days when I had them.
> 
> ...


Hugs.


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## theaatkinson (Sep 22, 2010)

the breadth of this thread shows me just how cool KB is, how good the human spirit can be.

Hugh, my heart goes out to you. It's the other side of the coin, and you've put it into perspective for me.

sorry you're going through this.


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## NathanWrann (May 5, 2011)

Last week I tried to get tickets to the Mumford & Sons concert in New York City. As soon as I logged on to Ticketmaster the tix were sold out. Then the New York Giants lost on Sunday and I lost my 3rd Fantasy Football game in a row. Then on Monday I tried to get tickets to the Taylor Swift concert in Massachusetts and those were sold out as soon as they went on sale. Then I realized that maybe that wasn't really a bad thing 'cause my bank account had already been drained because we had to eat out for a week and buy gas for the generator when the power was out due to Hurricane Sandy and _then_ we had to restock the refrigerator when the power came back on. I turned to my wife and said "Looks like we've hit a bit of a rough patch this week." I felt like an ass as soon as I said it and quickly added "but if this is as rough as it gets I'm okay with that." There are people in Staten Island who literally LOST EVERYTHING through no fault of their own, because a hurricane came through town. There's still over 100,000 people who still don't have power in New York and New Jersey. They say if you want to get perspective on your problems, take a stroll through a children's cancer ward.

If the worst thing that happens to you today is that someone asks you to pay off their mortgage then you're having a pretty good day.


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## TPiperbrook (Sep 1, 2012)

If it means anything, I just thoroughly enjoyed hitting the "buy now with 1 click" button for Second Shift....


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## Hugh Howey (Feb 11, 2012)

NathanWrann said:


> Last week I tried to get tickets to the Mumford & Sons concert in New York City. As soon as I logged on to Ticketmaster the tix were sold out. Then the New York Giants lost on Sunday and I lost my 3rd Fantasy Football game in a row. Then on Monday I tried to get tickets to the Taylor Swift concert in Massachusetts and those were sold out as soon as they went on sale. Then I realized that maybe that wasn't really a bad thing 'cause my bank account had already been drained because we had to eat out for a week and buy gas for the generator when the power was out due to Hurricane Sandy and _then_ we had to restock the refrigerator when the power came back on. I turned to my wife and said "Looks like we've hit a bit of a rough patch this week." I felt like an *ss as soon as I said it and quickly added "but if this is as rough as it gets I'm okay with that." There are people in Staten Island who literally LOST EVERYTHING through no fault of their own, because a hurricane came through town. There's still over 100,000 people who still don't have power in New York and New Jersey. They say if you want to get perspective on your problems, take a stroll through a children's cancer ward.
> 
> If the worst thing that happens to you today is that someone asks you to pay off their mortgage then you're having a pretty good day.


If you keep looking, you can devalue anyone's misery. I'm sure there are people in the world who would gladly trade places with those in Staten island. And people who would trade places with those people. And so on.

I try to maintain the same perspective you speak of (and I won't go into what my life has been like and how I've chosen to live it), but I think we should also be careful to not say that someone doesn't have the right to feel misery because we could always make them even more miserable.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

There is no value in trying to talk down someone's feelings while waving about a worse situation. Yeah, we can always trot out the poor little orphans in poor parts of the world, and everything we do in our lives will seem irrelevant. True perhaps, to an extent, but an utterly useless statement.

I was going to mention Impostor Syndrome, but someone upthread has already done that. A lot of these lonely and dark feelings get better by simply acknowledging that they exist.

It seems to me that writing for you is no longer a wonder, but it has started to sound, feel and smell an awful lot like WORK. And like work, there is the dreaded performance review.

When you work, you take breaks, sometimes for longer periods. When you work, you don't consider yourself as belonging to your profession first and your family second. When you work in paid employment, you have hobbies, any kind of activity that's not paid, not necessary and not domestic. Doesn't matter whether it's basketweaving or horseriding, but the brain needs something different.

You sound like you've burnt out a bit.


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## Danielle Kazemi (Apr 2, 2011)

Sorry all the fun has been sucked right out of something you worked your butt off to achieve. Those panic attacks sound a bit serious. You might want to look into relaxation techniques or something. That'll leave more damage to you than a group of sour relatives. I know you probably can't move back to Boone but maybe there's something from there you can bring to Florida. Like maybe adding in some flowers or trees that usually grow around there. Or even a bunch of pictures just to make the transition smooth. Really wish I knew a sure-fire way to help you.  

Worse comes to worse, you can also put out erotica under a pen name. lol Imagine, trapping a group of people inside a silo with no way to see outside and the temperature seeming to rise... Actually, maybe I should do that. It'd be 50 Dyes of Wool.


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## Hugh Howey (Feb 11, 2012)

Patty Jansen said:


> It seems to me that writing for you is no longer a wonder, but it has started to sound, feel and smell an awful lot like WORK. And like work, there is the dreaded performance review.


No, no, I LOVE the writing! That hasn't wavered. It's why I write so d*mn much. I can't *not* do it.

It's the fact that people expect so much more of it than I feel I'm able to deliver (and that they want something different than what I'm writing). I seriously considered making this latest book perma-free to avoid the feeling of letting people down AND costing them money.

Edit: I should probably give up trying to explain what's going on. I'm not abjectly miserable over here. It's just that the crush of people expecting greatness from me makes publishing feel daunting. That's it.


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## Klip (Mar 7, 2011)

Patty, those are wise words. So easy to get caught in the endless grind, especially if you are a passionate, motivated person. Everyone needs a break.


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## BigPauly (Nov 14, 2012)

All that I can say is: Amen to that.



Lady TL Jennings said:


> This is my 2 pennies:
> 
> Often when we are in the middle of things (whatever it is: struggling through Uni with no money,
> moving into that first incredibly dodgy flat, etc) life can sometimes appear bleak, but later on...
> ...


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

> I seriously considered making this latest book perma-free to avoid the feeling of letting people down AND costing them money.


Don't, because people's perceived values for something are directly related to how much they paid for it.

Panic attacks are weird, because they come out of the blue for no apparent reason, and perhaps panic attack is a misnomer. It's a mis-firing of the brain and often runs in families. Stress can bring it on, but often there really is no clear reason. Even so, simply acknowledging that it's happening and that this is how you feel makes it better.

The only writer whose work is bad is the one who no longer cares whether people will enjoy it and acts the part.

Maybe you need to set yourself a new writing-related challenge? Write something in an unrelated genre under a pen name, something that is purely for fun.


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## scottnicholson (Jan 31, 2010)

Hugh, Boone is here waiting when you are ready!

And I tell you what, you DO get to make deliberate decisions about how you live your life. I know what panic attacks are like (although I had them for different reasons, in my rock music career and substance abuse), but I set on the path to have my current lifestyle.

Now, a lot of it was luck, but my goal ALL ALONG was to sit in my house in raggedy sweatpants and not have to do one d*mn thing I didn't want to do--whether that was decline an invitation to go to a conference, meet with somebody, discuss a deal, or even write the next book. I had chances to go to Hollywood and push my screenplays but I did not want to move to LA just for that. A former agent recently emailed me with a "lucrative offer" to ghostwrite a political thriller for somebody famous (people disgruntled at fake reviews would be STUNNED to know how many bestsellers are not actually written by the person whose name is on the cover...). I didn't even need to ask "How much," I just said "No, thank you."

I've been with big agents with starry skies. I didn't work well in that world because I simply did not like that sort of big-deal networking. There was no amount of money that was worth it to me. I chose the spiritual path, my garden and chickens, a little sustainable world in a Blue Ridge Mountain hollow where perhaps I could do more good than harm--with the grace of an Internet connection and the lucky ebook developments that happened to come along. Our lifestyle has barely changed, except now my daughter can choose her college based on desire instead of cost, and we get to take our moms on a cruise. Other than that, it's still peck on the keyboard, feed the chickens, split firewood. Help somebody once in a while.

We sometimes forget why were in this. I was just as happy before this boom came. I was just as happy getting those first few dozen rejection slips. Because it is the path and the journey, not the arrival. Sure, there is pressure to perform, expectations of others--I get my greatest satisfaction in publishing a foreign book, where not only can I not do much promotion, but I can't even read the reviews! I must totally detach my ego from it.

And ultimately writing is an ego game, made more vivid by the Amazon sales rank always in our faces. "What have you done for me lately?"

And I guess Neil Gaiman said it best. "Tomorrow may be hell, but today was a good writing day, and on the good writing days nothing else matters."

Enjoy the moment, because that is all there is. We're all just one electromagnetic pulse from out of print.


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## S Jaffe (Jul 3, 2011)

^^^This


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## Kay Bratt (Dec 28, 2011)

Hugh--I hope you can find a way to feel like 'you' again. Remember that when you wrote Wool, you didn't expect any of this. So just do it for the enjoyment. Don't try to meet so many expectations. And don't feel bad for not feeding the leeches. In years past did they invite you and your wife on their lavish vacations, fancy dinners, or shower you with gifts? Somehow, I think probably not.


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## LinaG (Jun 18, 2012)

> Look, I know I sound like an @sshole for dreading having my stuff read, but it really is absolutely terrifying. I've never had enough confidence in my crap to feel comfortable hitting the publish button, even when my readers were in the dozens. Now, I honestly feel depressed when I do it. I enjoy the work I'm putting out there, and the feedback from betas was great, but I really just want to crawl under a rock for the next few weeks. It's weird that this part of the process has changed so much.


Howie darling, I thought I loved you, but now I know I do. I can even see your desire for distance in your new photo.

I've been thinking that maybe JK Rowling wrote The Casual Vacancy just to get the world off her back. My book club thought I was crazy. But we here know better!

Li


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## Reeve_Thomas (Aug 9, 2012)

You seem entirely too nice, Hugh. You must learn to be mean. (Mean to those who try to take advantage of you, that is.) There are family members I do not speak to because I don't want or need their drama in my life. Pay off their mortgage? Yeah, right. The answer is he** to the no.

Just think -- you could be having panic attacks while driving to a soul-sucking job you hate...now, if the writing biz becomes that soul-sucking job you hate, then that is a problem.

And remember -- thinking your writing sucks is the first sign that it _doesn't_.

I'm a newbie, and I don't know you very well. But I think I speak for all of us at KB, when I say: We love you, Hugh Howey.


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## David Adams (Jan 2, 2012)

Hugh Howey said:


> It's the fact that people expect so much more of it than I feel I'm able to deliver (and that they want something different than what I'm writing). I seriously considered making this latest book perma-free to avoid the feeling of letting people down AND costing them money.


Dude, write at your own pace. George R.R. Martin writes at the pace of evolutionary diversion between species and he's doing okay.

And if you listen to what every single person wants in a Howey book you'll go bananas. Down that path lies only a date with ole' 'cidey, who's doing quite nicely now she's been all stretched and oiled appropriately.



Hugh Howey said:


> Edit: I should probably give up trying to explain what's going on. I'm not abjectly miserable over here. It's just that the crush of people expecting greatness from me makes publishing feel daunting. That's it.


It might sound weird to say, but your greatness comes not from writing what people expect of you, but from writing what you want.

_Wool _wasn't great because you did what everyone told you to do all the time.

Screw the critics, never apologize, never retire.


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## RM Prioleau (Mar 18, 2011)

What's the saying? "Too much of a good thing turns bad...?" 
I can totally see Hugh becoming a zombie soon. Hey, we have less than a month until the zombie apocalypse! w00t!


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## Ian Fraser (Mar 8, 2011)

Some of the angst is coming from the fact that the wall you've been pushing against for so long, is longer there - and yeah, some people over-balance when they realize this. Hence the panic attacks. Start going for walks (if you don't already) - some sort of casual pleasant exercise to change your surroundings can be helpful mentally and physically.

You have to set yourself a new set of goals now. Simple ones, like: keep writing, don't over-think what you're doing, and keep the leeches at arms length, and don't allow family members the ability to make you feel 'guilt' for anything. Its your success, not theirs. Avoid the company of those who want to change you. You made yourself the way you are, and its paid off for you.

You've made it - now simply try to carry on doing exactly the same thing, but without stressing over that wall you were pushing against for so long. 

I think it was Tom Wolfe who said there's a certain zen calm that comes from having money in the bank. Its true. I've experienced it. The best thing you can do is keep on writing, and enjoying the process of writing, but now without the extra worries that might have been plaguing you all along. Don't get too disturbed by the absence of 'worry' - if that makes sense.

/2 cents worth


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## Reeve_Thomas (Aug 9, 2012)

We should write for one reader, not the masses. If all else fails, write for David Adams. He can be your "one reader."  

Then eat a big stack of pumpkin pancakes.


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## Austin Wimberly (Jun 7, 2012)

Hugh Howey said:


> Edit: I should probably give up trying to explain what's going on. I'm not abjectly miserable over here. It's just that the crush of people expecting greatness from me makes publishing feel daunting. That's it.


This happens to ball players. They go through a hot streak, and then the fans put more pressure on them to perform. And performing with expectation is very different from performing without expectation.

Baseball players will often talk about staying within themselves as a remedy to the pressure of expectation. The idea is that, if they've properly figured themselves out, they know which pitches they can hit and they know which pitches to lay off of. They know which pitches will get them out, too. So, knowing all of that, they accept their weaknesses and try to play to their strengths. They don't alter their swings. They just look for their pitch.

Perhaps this anxiety your feeling is the same thing. Just remember, your "swing" is what got you here. Now that there are expectations, stay with your swing. Don't expand your strikezone. Don't experiment with some wonky stance. Look for your pitch and hit it. Stay within yourself.


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## David Adams (Jan 2, 2012)

Reeve_Thomas said:


> We should write for one reader, not the masses. If all else fails, write for David Adams. He can be your "one reader."


This is good advice. I hate my own writing and love Hugh's. I have good taste.


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## Jonathan C. Gillespie (Aug 9, 2012)

What is it that I heard a director say, years ago?

I believe the quote (paraphrasing) was that the night of a major film release, most of the people involved in the film are throwing up in buckets.

Hang in there, Hugh.


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## Claudia Lefeve (Dec 17, 2010)

TPiperbrook said:


> If it means anything, I just thoroughly enjoyed hitting the "buy now with 1 click" button for Second Shift....


How did I miss this? I too just clicked the "buy now with 1 click" button 

Thanks for your thoughts Hugh. As a writer, I sit on the sidelines wondering if I'll ever achieve the success authors like yourself have accomplished. We don't always get to know the whole story and your honesty puts things in perspective. I rather enjoy the journey and if I don't ever _make it_, I know that's okay, as long as I can continue doing what I love to do...write.


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## lmckinley (Oct 3, 2012)

Perhaps it will help to remember that at some point you will write a book that nobody will like. It seems to me that successful writers, artists, musicians almost always have at least one book, album, whatever, that no one cares for and loves to hate, except for the rare few who can tell that it's actually your best work  Usually its because the artist tries something new, and if we didn't try new things, it would be impossible to create anything at all. You know the bad book is coming, so it will just be a matter of course when it happens. 

Remember why you write. It probably isn't to make people like you, (although I'm all in favor of being liked. I put a disproportionately high emphasis on that myself.) If that's all you wanted, you could read up on how to make friends and influence people and do a much better job of it. I don't know why you write but I have no doubt you have a good reason that's more important to you than to anybody else.

I think I just wrote this for myself. I feel slightly less nervous about publishing my first book.

And may I humbly suggest that you take a little time to go do something that has nothing to do with writing, business or repairing your house? None of it will be finished today anyway. Your health and your family are more important than anyone else.


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## JumpingShip (Jun 3, 2010)

That is so crazy that family members are asking you to pay their mortgages. I bet it kind of makes you wonder where they were when you might have needed a helping hand. (Not saying you did, but if you were making ten bucks an hour and living in a tiny house, it sounds like you could have used one.  ). 

There was an article in the news a few weeks ago about a rookie football player, I think for either Dallas or Houston, who actually had to get restraining orders against his father and stepmother. He had signed a 12 million dollar contract, but he had already given them and the rest of his  family a large sum of money from that. It wasn't enough, apparently. When his father was no longer allowed to contact him, the siblings started harassing him. You don't think of a football player as being scared of much but he was afraid enough for his safety that he had to call the cops.  

If skyrocketing sales ever happened to me like it did for you, and my family came calling with their hands out, I would be so angry! Thanks to my books, life is a little better than it was, but a few years ago, things weren't good at all. With my dh still not working full-time since being laid off four years ago, what I've earned in books has almost made up the shortfall.


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## jnfr (Mar 26, 2011)

I think you've expressed yourself really well here, Hugh, and thanks for doing so. You're on a very interesting journey and I can easily understand how it would be hard in its own way. I appreciate that you're willing to share it here with us.

Listen to everyone and take care of yourself. Keep breathing.


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## TwillyJune (May 25, 2012)

Thank you for this post, Hugh. For me, it's a wake up call that no matter how successful we are, or may become, the pressure to live a normal life will only increase as the weight of other's needs and expectations fall right down on top of us, in essence creating a sort of prison, self-imposed or not, that makes living, at times, a veritable chore and not a pleasure. Concomitantly, joyous feelings never last as long as depressed ones when you ride the train of success, because intuitively you know that derailment is right around the corner.  

That's why I dread hitting the top. It's not just pride that goeth before the fall. Still, I'm limiting myself, not to mention limiting the success of my book with those kinds of feelings because it's important to go full circle in this life. As much as I like chocolate, life is really like a box of circles. 

And anybody who remarks that you should be grateful for the success you've had up to this point, citing examples of the less fortunate as their answer to your current struggles, needs to realize that taking that point of view is sort of like riding a train on a straight line to nowhere. In other words, everybody struggles with feelings of inadequacy, and it doesn't matter how successful you are, or how much money you have. The pain is the same. And panic attacks don't care if you're wealthy, if you're poor, if you're disabled, a famous author, a famous golfer, or a newbie author. No amount of money will pay off a panic attack. When it happens to somebody, it goes for the jugular. Those of you who have had panic attacks know exactly what I'm talking about. And those of you who have never had one, I sincerely pray that you never do!


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## JumpingShip (Jun 3, 2010)

Austin Wimberly said:


> This happens to ball players. They go through a hot streak, and then the fans put more pressure on them to perform. And performing with expectation is very different from performing without expectation.
> 
> Baseball players will often talk about staying within themselves as a remedy to the pressure of expectation. The idea is that, if they've properly figured themselves out, they know which pitches they can hit and they know which pitches to lay off of. They know which pitches will get them out, too. So, knowing all of that, they accept their weaknesses and try to play to their strengths. They don't alter their swings. They just look for their pitch.
> 
> Perhaps this anxiety your feeling is the same thing. Just remember, your "swing" is what got you here. Now that there are expectations, stay with your swing. Don't expand your strikezone. Don't experiment with some wonky stance. Look for your pitch and hit it. Stay within yourself.


Good advice. Another thing might be to go back and re-read your earlier books. I've done that when I felt lost. It helped me find my 'voice' again.


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## John Twipnook (Jan 10, 2011)

Thank God I sell zero copies. I sleep like a baby at night! 

Seriously, I think I get what you're saying. It's like it's not the same anymore. Kurt Cobain said he missed the days when his band could just record an entire album in one afternoon with no retakes and not think twice about it, like with Nevermind. The Beatles missed playing tiny smoky dives when they could just let loose. Kurt Vonnegut said the happiest time of his writing career was as a journalist on the night beat in Chicago, interviewing sleazy people about sleazier misdeeds and then typing it up under deadline with purple prose galore (fortified with a few drinks--at the office yet!). Maybe regret always comes with success. Hopefully you can use it for grist in a future novel. Hang in there!


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## NoCat (Aug 5, 2010)

Some of the best advice I ever got about writing and publishing was that you have to be ready for problems and issues at every level.  It never ends.  You just trade up for different problems at different levels of success.  

Remember, Hugh, you can always change your name   I think there's a reason some big time sellers have occasionally written under other pen names. It's one way to relieve the expectation pressure and go back to being an unknown, if only for a book or two.


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## Richardcrasta (Jul 29, 2010)

BRONZEAGE said:


> ... We hit Publish on a Short that has horse-**cking in the first 5 pages ( yes you read that correctly). That was part of the ancient Tara rituals.


Now that I would describe as True Grit. (Which, sadly, I utterly lack.)
Thanks for the horselaughs . . .


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## N. Gemini Sasson (Jul 5, 2010)

You know, this has been a great thread to read on so many levels. I think once we publish and have some degree of success, we all eventually go through this feeling like we're caught up in the grind and would love to shed all the external expectations and get back to doing it solely for the love of doing it. Plus, real life throws so much crap at us that we can't control. It all gets to be a bit much. 

No advice to offer. There have already been a lot of wise words here. It's just that a lot of us probably are or have been at that same self-doubting, soul-searching, angst-ridden place in our lives.


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## Ty Johnston (Jun 19, 2009)

I think a lesson here should be not to inform others of one's success, especially when dollar signs are involved. To some extent this is easier said then done, but keep in mind the publishing world is somewhat insular to the greater society at large. While I have nowhere near Howie's success, I do not talk finances with others, even family members (other than the wife, obviously); everyone knows I write for a living and I make enough to pay my bills, and that's ALL they need to know. I don't live large, don't flash cash, don't have an agent, don't have outside business interests, and I prefer it that way. And no, I'm not in any way suggesting Howie does or has done any of this, nor am I trying to beat him or anyone particular over the head. I'm just suggesting it's a lesson others might consider when and if success looms.


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## Lisa Grace (Jul 3, 2011)

Having met you and your lovely wife, I can say you are as nice and down-to-earth in person as you are here. 

Please work on learning how to be okay with saying "no" to relatives and friends. (May never happen.)
Just say you have a rule where you don't lend money, ever. And that you give to charities, not individuals. Or blame it on your accountant that all your funds are tied up.

They'll still love you. 

Remind them that your success could be fleeting, you need to save for the future, and that if you do get lucky financially, you have some dreams of your own would like to finance also. 

Pretend you're still writing just for the love of story telling and don't worry about the end results. I hope you can get to a place within yourself where you just enjoy all the wonderful things that are happening to you. Shalom.


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## Michael Shean (Nov 13, 2012)

Hugh,

This is a story that plays itself out time and time again, and it is unfortunate - however, please listen to the previous posters when they say that you are under no obligation whatsoever to take care of the world (or even your extended family) just because you have money. It's lovely if you decide to do so, but it should be because YOU chose to do so, and not due to the solicitation of others. Your conscience is a fine thing, but in the end please remember that if they truly loved you when you had less, those members of your family who are currently soliciting you for money will understand if you decline them. It's how things should be. And if not...well, that's on them, not you.

That being said, the fact that this is such a source of conflict speaks to your character. I salute you.

*EDIT:* I am suddenly reminded of some additional advice my wife often gives me, as I tend to feel the same way as you and try to be generous as I can be: 'If you do lend, only give what you would not need back.' That is to say, assume that you won't be repaid, and only offer to lend/give as much of a loss as you would be comfortable with. That might also help.


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## merryxmas (Jun 21, 2012)

It sounds like all those lavishing praise on you have been doing you quite a bit of a disservice.  People are blowing your ego up to the stars and you sound like such a level headed guy that it's taking a physical toll.  Perhaps what you need is some equally level headed feedback to keep your perceptions in check.  If it helps I bought and read Wool Omnibus and thought it was ok.  I gave you 3 stars and wrote an honest review of what I liked and didn't like.  I don't mean for that to sound at all negative but to give you a perspective that isn't 9,000% adoringly rosy and all thanks be to Hugh Howey who can do no wrong which seems to be the culprit.  

You could just say screw your expectations, people!  But probably not publicly more like in the privacy of your own home.


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## Lady TL Jennings (Dec 8, 2011)

If there is any encouragement, at least you are not alone! 
Neil Gaiman held a speech earlier this year and discussed the problems of success which nobody warns you about (07:00) 
and uncertainty of his projects (12:10) and he also talks about how he regretted not following Stephen King's advice about enjoying the ride 
and instead spent years of worrying about the next idea and story (15:15).






In fact, the whole speech is completely brilliant! It has all the answer to all of the questions that most of writers and freelancer have. 
(Including what to do if your legs get crushed by a mutant anaconda, not to forget.)

I watch this video every time I feel down, every time I get a nasty review, or when I am in general doubt over what on earth I am doing.

For me it is a comforting thought to know that I can always go back to writing just for me and for the top drawer at my desk, 
which I used to do for years before I hit that dreaded "Publish" button. However, then I remember that publishing has (at least for me) 
been one of the best things that I have ever done (I am extremely shy and not even my closest friends and family knows that I write at all). 
Not because I earn tons of money (I do not), but because it gives me such an extreme satisfaction that other people actually _read_ my stories. 
... And some of them even actually _liked_ them. (Which still is something of a mystery, but nevertheless...)

And I think that that is what writing and story telling should be all about at the end of the day, regardless of writing is a hobby or if it is your professional business: 
Writing good stories for your readers.

_Happy writing everyone and I hope that everything will sort itself out for you Hugh!
/ Lady T. L. Jennings_

P.S. My top drawer is my best critique by the way. Either it quietly praises me if the story is good or it is frowning at me in silence when the story needs a little bit extra polishing and editing. And it never posts one-star reviews.


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## jackz4000 (May 15, 2011)

Hugh Howey said:


> The happiest I've ever been in my life, I sh*t you not, was when I was writing WOOLs 2, 3, 4, and 5 while WOOL was selling a hundred copies a day. I was working at a bookstore and writing in every spare moment. I didn't have an agent. I didn't have business stuff to think about. I had a few hundred fans, and it was growing every day, but I could respond to every email with a longer email than the one that was sent to me. I read every single FB notification. I responded to every interview.
> 
> I still respond to every email and every interview, but sometimes my brain hurts from the constant flow of it all. I'm not complaining, mind you, I'm just saying that the happiest I've ever been was when I still had my day job. Not that I would change anything or do anything differently, I'm just glad I appreciated those days when I had them.
> 
> ...


Hang in there Hugh. I know there are some professional athletes who have had happier times as an amateur than as a pro. They remember that first homer in Little League or that first HS touchdown or...whatever with more joy than their pro career.

An old bluesman once said, "the joy is in the doin', not in the done." Before it was all new and shiny for you, a challenge, a learning experience, a chance to spread your wings and fly. And fly you have. Now some of the newness has worn off and you are sensitive to the change and peoples expectations. And you are probably putting too much pressure on yourself because of the expectations and pressures of others.

Maybe FL just isn't the best place for you. Some of us are sensitive to where we live and both live and work better when we are living in a better place. I know I am one of those people afflicted with such a condition too and ascribe to Scott's thoughts. Put yourself in a place that's good for YOU.

The gray? "Just For Men" maybe...or remove the relatives who feel entitled. When it comes to money kin can be very greedy and jealous and worse than strangers.

Oh. I share one of your problems. For some reason I am totally terrified of selling a story to others. It's not that it's bad or unedited or anything like that. I think it's because I'm afraid it could become a business and I have zero interest in the pressures or expectations of business. I've gotten over it now.

I'd rather write and have fun and make a little money rather than make it a job and business.


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## 39179 (Mar 16, 2011)

Only thing I'd add, Hugh, is that based on your page 5 post, you could really do yourself a big favor by learning to say "no" more often. If it doesn't come naturally it can be a very hard thing to learn (I speak from experience), because there's always that dreaded fear of disappointing someone, ticking someone off, or having someone not like you. But, unfortunately, sometimes that's what you must do.

You have to live your life for yourself, not for other people.


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## H. S. St. Ours (Mar 24, 2012)

theaatkinson said:


> the breadth of this thread shows me just how cool KB is, how good the human spirit can be.


^This.


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## JRTomlin (Jan 18, 2011)

Hugh Howey said:


> The happiest I've ever been in my life, I sh*t you not, was when I was writing WOOLs 2, 3, 4, and 5 while WOOL was selling a hundred copies a day. I was working at a bookstore and writing in every spare moment. I didn't have an agent. I didn't have business stuff to think about. I had a few hundred fans, and it was growing every day, but I could respond to every email with a longer email than the one that was sent to me. I read every single FB notification. I responded to every interview.
> 
> I still respond to every email and every interview, but sometimes my brain hurts from the constant flow of it all. I'm not complaining, mind you, I'm just saying that the happiest I've ever been was when I still had my day job. Not that I would change anything or do anything differently, I'm just glad I appreciated those days when I had them.
> 
> ...


It sounds like some hugs are in order for one thing. You're a good guy, Hugh. You deserve your success and for it not to suck all the joy out of your life.

All changes are stressful, sometimes good changes the most so. Learn to say no. Maybe stop taking public speaking engagements. It wouldn't kill your sales. Think about what is causing your stress that you can control and take care of that. The house really bothers you, it sounds like. Then concentrate on taking care of that for a while. The money for that will have to be spent anyway, so maybe spend it now instead of later, or at least for the part that bothers you the most. It improves an asset--not like just blowing it. In that kind of situation, as I'm sure you know, the important thing is to figure out what the causes really are and fix them. I kind of bet that the real cause isn't writing or selling a lot of books.


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## Victorine (Apr 23, 2010)

I'm sorry for what you're going through, Hugh. I think it's easy for people to look at someone else who is having success and assume their life is roses and lollipops. It never is. Everyone has hard times they have to go through. They're just different for different people.

At least our lives usually have peaks and valleys. Hopefully the stress will lessen, and you'll be able to breathe a bit.


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## Chris Culver (Jan 28, 2011)

> Edit: I should probably give up trying to explain what's going on. I'm not abjectly miserable over here. It's just that the crush of people expecting greatness from me makes publishing feel daunting. That's it.


I don't post often, but I have an idea of what you're going through. I can honestly tell you that the pressure will get easier to handle. When I first started selling well, I was too connected. I received several dozen letters from fans a day [having fans rocks], I payed very close attention to my sales, I read every review posted on my books, I fielded phone calls from executives at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, publishers, movie studies, etc. I was stressed even thinking of writing something else, let alone publishing. It wasn't until I started immersing myself in other projects, though, that I felt that pressure ease. In my case, most of that pressure was self created. Some of yours is obviously caused by external factors, but some of it might be similar to mine.

When I felt like I couldn't take things anymore, I took a break from the world for about six weeks. I walked my dog twice a day, called my parents once a week, hung out with my wife at night and wrote during the day. I didn't go on the internet except to check my email, and I consciously avoided reading book reviews, publishing industry news or conversing with other writers about the publishing industry. I was productive, and I found the pressure I was under ease considerably. I felt like a writer again, and that was nice. That helped me. Maybe it will help you. Take that for what it's worth.


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## dalya (Jul 26, 2011)

FWIW, I love banging that button. I live for banging that publish button. Sometimes I'll skip proofreading the last 10% of the story because I'm too excited about hitting that little checkbox and banging that button, then I'll be eagerly awaiting KDP to unlock so I can load up the version without the typos ...

ETA: But I'm sending you a hug! Because I know I'll have one of those days where I don't love it, and it'll make me sad, and I'll know to come to WC for a hug.


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## N. Gemini Sasson (Jul 5, 2010)

Lady TL Jennings said:


> If there is any encouragement, at least you are not alone!
> Neil Gaiman held a speech earlier this year and discussed the problems of success which nobody warns you about (07:00)
> and uncertainty of his projects (12:10) and he also talks about how he regretted not following Stephen King's advice about enjoying the ride
> and instead spent years of worrying about the next idea and story (15:15).
> ...


Thanks for posting that, Lady TL. So much wisdom. Very grounding and it really helps put things in perspective.



> When I felt like I couldn't take things anymore, I took a break from the world for about six weeks. I walked my dog twice a day, called my parents once a week, hung out with my wife at night and wrote during the day. I didn't go on the internet except to check my email, and I consciously avoided reading book reviews, publishing industry news or conversing with other writers about the publishing industry. I was productive, and I found the pressure I was under ease considerably. I felt like a normal writer again, and that was nice. That helped me. Maybe it will help you. Take that for what it's worth.


And thanks for sharing this Chris. We all need to give ourselves permission to step away for periods of time. To regenerate. To get back in touch with what it is we are trying to say and do through our writing and let go of worrying about numbers and what the future holds. It's like we're afraid if we take a real vacation, we might never come back.

I've found this discussion timely, enlightening, heartwarming and reassuring. What a great place to be able to hang out in.


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## DRMarvello (Dec 3, 2011)

Thanks for sharing your experiences Hugh. I feel pretty safe at the moment, as my one book doesn't sell as much as "I, Zombie."    But I could see how facing the expectations of others (many others in your case) could take some of the joyful excitement out of releasing your work.

I'm also impressed with the excellent advice you've received from this thread. I keep coming back to KB because we have some of the funniest, supportive, and helpful writers I've found anywhere. 

But I must say that if I take away nothing else from this thread, it will be to remember the solace potential in a stack of pumpkin pancakes.


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## JETaylor (Jan 25, 2011)

Hugh Howey said:


> I've had two panic attacks while doing public speaking engagements in the past few months.


I give you credit for only having two. Public speaking engagements are my greatest fear. I asked an agent once what she does to remain calm and she smiled and told me she took valium before the event and offered me some. She is a calm and articulate speaker, and now I know why

Pressure sucks and it does some funky things to your mind and body.

I hope that excitement returns again and I'm sure when you let go of everyone else's expectations, it will. The key is letting go of the worry. Easier said than done but sooner or later, you'll find your way back to that sweet spot.

And you'll still crank out exceptional books.


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## Gone 9/21/18 (Dec 11, 2008)

Hugh - Count me as another one who'd just like to send a hug. I've been on KB three years and one of the phenomena that has struck me is how when success strikes, the writer disappears from here. (Not everyone, but many.) It's great to see someone who has stuck with old friends and who always has something sensible to say when he chimes in. KB does often feel like a community of never-met-them friends.

Your posts also give me the feeling that you're smart enough to adjust to and fix the problems weighing you down now. People with the unmitigated gall to ask you to pay their mortgages or anything else? I'd cut them off and never have anything to do with them again, but I bet you'll find a different way to handle them that suits you. Living somewhere you don't like after moving from somewhere you did? I bet you find a way to either change the new place so you do like it, go back to where you were happy or find a new place better than either. Learning to live with the worries about your own writing? I bet you find your own way to deal in the end. Best wishes to you.


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## dalya (Jul 26, 2011)

OOOH!

Relevent link! About being creative and making things:
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/making_things


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## Gregory Lynn (Aug 9, 2011)

Dalya said:


> OOOH!
> 
> Relevent link! About being creative and making things:
> http://theoatmeal.com/comics/making_things


Just came here to post that.

Because, you know, pants.


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## Rachel Schurig (Apr 9, 2011)

Dalya said:


> OOOH!
> 
> Relevent link! About being creative and making things:
> http://theoatmeal.com/comics/making_things


There's a GOAT in that comic. Did George Berger secretly write it?


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## Christopher Bunn (Oct 26, 2010)

If you don't enjoy hitting the publish button, I would suggest you experiment with other verbs. Perhaps one of the following might provide a positive experience?

pressing
caressing
massaging
tapping
clicking
thumbing
depressing
punching
kicking it
kickin' it (in honor of those opposed, for various cultural and/or linguistic reasons, to the letter G)


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## Writerly Writer (Jul 19, 2012)

Dalya said:


> OOOH!
> 
> Relevent link! About being creative and making things:
> http://theoatmeal.com/comics/making_things


LOVE!!!! The oatmeal! They have a post about grammar that is hilarious!


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## MauraPatrick (Apr 18, 2012)

I'm sorry to hear about the panic attacks Hugh.  I've heard that "fear of getting another panic attack" can become just as debilitating and limiting as actually experiencing one. I'm a newbie on the boards, so I haven't followed your success story (other than being peripherally aware of it, but not aware enough to even know Wool was a short story when I downloaded it).  

Anyway, just from your post it sounds as if you have a life that is undergoing a number of those psychologically-taxing experiences that cause people stress, all at once.  You moved, the break-ins threaten your sense of security, you have home repair projects (the worst!), you now have new pressure to succeed, you've had to speak in public (total nightmare, IMO). No wonder it feels as if the fun has been sucked out of your life.  

Hope it gets better.


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## Artemis Hunt (Aug 23, 2011)

Awwww, Hugh, now I understand. At first I thought you just wanted attention 

I have a mother who expects handouts all the time too, and I have learned to say no to her. Her rebuttal? To call me names like 'slut'. It's no wonder I don't speak much to her. I have never told her how much I earned from my writing. I don't even tell her how much I earn at my day job. She would want a slice of both pies. I just give her a token sum of money each month, and that's it. 

FYI, in case you think my mother is living in a 900 sq foot house, she isn't. She lives in a huge, huge house, far bigger than mine, and she has several properties and plenty of money in her bank. She's just insecure and she thinks money will cushion all her problems. Other people's money, that is.

You just have to learn to say 'No' to your relatives. They may be upset, but it's better for you and your wife in the long run.  

I also think you need a day job to keep your attention not too focused on your writing. Not a full day job, but half. See if you can find something. It doesn't have to pay well, just to give you a change of scenery.


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## Greg Banks (May 2, 2009)

Hugh Howey said:


> If you keep looking, you can devalue anyone's misery. I'm sure there are people in the world who would gladly trade places with those in Staten island. And people who would trade places with those people. And so on.
> 
> I try to maintain the same perspective you speak of (and I won't go into what my life has been like and how I've chosen to live it), but I think we should also be careful to not say that someone doesn't have the right to feel misery because we could always make them even more miserable.


I don't like the weight of expectation either. It can be extremely daunting. However, for your own personal mental, spiritual, and emotional health, you do have to search for a way to deal with it. Because that sort of pressure comes from within, not from your fans. One's outlook is 95% of how one face's life and it's challenges every day and overcomes them. Success is far more a blessing than a curse, but if you're having trouble focusing on the positive, then maybe you should seek some sort of counseling, because that can be a very serious problem for you if you let it simmer.


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## 13893 (Apr 29, 2010)

edit.


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## Susan Kaye Quinn (Aug 8, 2011)

Hugh Howey said:


> No, no, I LOVE the writing! That hasn't wavered. It's why I write so d*mn much. I can't *not* do it.
> 
> It's the fact that people expect so much more of it than I feel I'm able to deliver (and that they want something different than what I'm writing). I seriously considered making this latest book perma-free to avoid the feeling of letting people down AND costing them money.
> 
> Edit: I should probably give up trying to explain what's going on. I'm not abjectly miserable over here. It's just that the crush of people expecting greatness from me makes publishing feel daunting. That's it.


Man, NO ONE understands the terror of that imposter syndrome, unless they've felt it first hand (it's totes a real thing, and I have it in spades, so I get it).

The only thing that ever helps me is the writing itself. I think I understand with more clarity why you've written like such a fiend over the last year - there's the pressure, sure, but if you're like me, it's the only thing that truly keeps you sane. And I truly believe, with a passionate, unshakable conviction, that the best art comes when you're writing for the joy of it, the pure love of it. The expectations of greatness can quite literally crush that pure love to death, so guard it like a jealous lover.

Also: we KBers have your back, Hugh. (You know this, yes? It's why you're here.)


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## ToniD (May 3, 2011)

Awhile back you came here to celebrate because your agent said go celebrate with your family and .... you came here.

So, this writing family is clearly up for more than just celebrating with you. I heard what you had to say, and I empathize. Hugs, Hugh.

But I won't--I WILL NOT--post a Zardoz pic. I'd have to include the eye bleach.


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## H. S. St. Ours (Mar 24, 2012)

Dalya said:


> OOOH!
> 
> Relevent link! About being creative and making things:
> http://theoatmeal.com/comics/making_things


Pants on!


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## JRTomlin (Jan 18, 2011)

Hugh Howey said:


> No, no, I LOVE the writing! That hasn't wavered. It's why I write so d*mn much. I can't *not* do it.
> 
> It's the fact that people expect so much more of it than I feel I'm able to deliver (and that they want something different than what I'm writing). I seriously considered making this latest book perma-free to avoid the feeling of letting people down AND costing them money.
> 
> Edit: I should probably give up trying to explain what's going on. I'm not abjectly miserable over here. It's just that the crush of people expecting greatness from me makes publishing feel daunting. That's it.


Seriously, hun, if you're having anxiety attacks, it sounds like more than that although that is no doubt a big part of it. Maybe it's what you expect of yourself. Anyway, you need to give yourself a break. Whatever it is that feels like it's being so hard, you need to work on it so it doesn't spoil a great thing happening with your writing.


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## Victoria Champion (Jun 6, 2012)

I'll just leave this quote from Stephen King in _On Writing_, here:

"Writing isn't about making money, getting famous, getting dates, getting laid, or making friends. In the end it's about enriching the lives of those who will read your work, and enriching your own life as well. It's about getting up, getting well, and getting over. Getting happy, okay? Getting happy. ...this book...is a permission slip: you can, you should, and if you're brave enough to start, you will. Writing is magic, as much the water of life as any other creative art. The water is free. So drink.
Drink and be filled up." 
― Stephen King, On Writing


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## dalya (Jul 26, 2011)

p.s. That reminds me: Has anyone checked on David Adams and his towel situation?


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## Lisa Scott (Apr 4, 2011)

I hope you're feeling better about this.  You've had so many big things happen in a short period of time, it must be very difficult to deal with your new reality--the good and the bad.  Just try worrying about your own expectations and not everyone else's.  And when all else fails, take a deep breath.  (My mother's suggestion for any problem I ever have and our running joke.)


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## kellymcclymer (Apr 22, 2010)

Hugh Howey said:


> Nowadays, I only feel dread.


The need to be loved by all is a greedy b. When the needs of others oppress and suppress your needs (and those of your biggest fans), go read the 1 and 2 star reviews of your favorite authors. Not everyone is your fan. You don't have to please them. Or, more precisely, you will likely never please them. Take it as a high compliment 

Hugs. We all feel like this, but not all of us have huge success to remind us that we are loved.


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## Cherise (May 13, 2012)

Gregory Lynn said:


> All we want to do is eat your brains.


LOL!

Viva la zombie apocalypse!

Seriously, though, we all envy you, Hugh. Sympathy is a stretch, coming from a place of envy.


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## David Adams (Jan 2, 2012)

Dalya said:


> p.s. That reminds me: Has anyone checked on David Adams and his towel situation?


I just keep layering them on. Every time the top one turns black I just add another layer. It's cheaper than buying clothes!


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## KOwrites (May 23, 2011)

Victoria Champion said:


> I'll just leave this quote from Stephen King in _On Writing_, here:
> 
> "Writing isn't about making money, getting famous, getting dates, getting laid, or making friends. In the end it's about enriching the lives of those who will read your work, and enriching your own life as well. It's about getting up, getting well, and getting over. Getting happy, okay? Getting happy. ...this book...is a permission slip: you can, you should, and if you're brave enough to start, you will. Writing is magic, as much the water of life as any other creative art. The water is free. So drink.
> Drink and be filled up."
> ― Stephen King, On Writing


Love. This.

Love. Him.

Thank you for this, Victoria! Now, I feel better and I don't even have Hugh's problem yet because I can't seem to finish the fourth novel. lol


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## Cappy (Sep 6, 2011)

*IF... by Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)*

IF you can keep your head when all about you 
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings 
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!


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## Shelley K (Sep 19, 2011)

> Edit: I should probably give up trying to explain what's going on. I'm not abjectly miserable over here. It's just that the crush of people expecting greatness from me makes publishing feel daunting. That's it.


We've all heard the phrase _dance like nobody's watching_.

So write like nobody's reading. What you're writing will never see the light of day. No one will read it except you and Your Ideal Reader, if you use such a concept. Write it for you and for the joy, and forget the expectations anyone else might have. Pretend you're going to file it away when you're done to reread later for fun, or never read again, and nothing more.

Easier said than done, I'm sure, but it can't hurt to try.


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## Zelah Meyer (Jun 15, 2011)

Hugh, I'll second T.L. Haddix on the family front - just because someone is a blood relative, it doesn't mean that they have a right to demand that you sacrifice your own happiness, health, or security for them. Generally the people who push you to do things like that *wouldn't* do the same for you if the positions were reversed. Some family members _really_ don't deserve the sense of duty that they drill into you in order to feed their own sense of entitlement. Your first priority is to make sure that you and your wife are OK. After that, concentrate your generosity on those who are also generous with what little they have - those who care about others and not just themselves.

I'll also sympathise on the panic attacks. They run in our family, along with anxiety and a gallbladder that packs up. 

Write what you want to write & ask yourself - what's the worst that can happen? If people hate it so much that they ignore the fact they loved your other work and refuse to read anything you write ever again (apart from David, who will always be true!) - then bye-bye stress of expectations. You either keep going under your name and rebuild your reader base - or you set up a pseudonym and start again.

Of course, the likelihood is that even if you release a duff book (and any author who publishes a decent amount of work will come up with at least one story that their readers don't like as much) - then the reviews & sales will reflect that and, after the initial launch, new readers will be drawn towards your other books instead & if they ever read the book of doom, they will know that your regular work is better and won't give up on you. Some of them may even like it better than your more generally admired work, because tastes vary.

I know this has to be a tricky time for you, because it involves a lot of change. However, watch that Neil Gaiman video, enjoy the journey as much as you can, and look after yourself.

Good luck! 

P.S. - OK, David, that towel thing is just disturbing!


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## JRTomlin (Jan 18, 2011)

Victoria Champion said:


> I'll just leave this quote from Stephen King in _On Writing_, here:
> 
> "Writing isn't about making money, getting famous, getting dates, getting laid, or making friends. In the end it's about enriching the lives of those who will read your work, and enriching your own life as well. It's about getting up, getting well, and getting over. Getting happy, okay? Getting happy. ...this book...is a permission slip: you can, you should, and if you're brave enough to start, you will. Writing is magic, as much the water of life as any other creative art. The water is free. So drink.
> Drink and be filled up."
> ― Stephen King, On Writing


A great quote and fantastic advice for all of us.


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## Rob Lopez (Jun 19, 2012)

I sell next to nothing, so I don't feel that pressure, for which I am grateful. But while I don't feel _that_ pressure, I do sometimes feel the pressure that goes the other way - the feeling that I should be worrying about low sales and that I should be doing something about it. A pressure that feels worse because I don't know what to do about it - other than to keep writing.

I did feel depressed for a few days after I hit the 'publish' button. Maybe if that happened every time, I too would dread doing it again.

But I remember a different kind of dread when I started writing - the fear that what I wrote wouldn't be good enough, so why bother? This held me back for a long time. I'm certain there are many unpublished writers whose fear is stopping them even from finishing their first book. Or sending them into endless rewrites that, subconciously, they never want to end, because it's easier than testing the book on the market.

It's good that you still enjoy writing Hugh, and good that you can actually finish a piece of work. That's a hurdle many never overcome. You know that, whatever the success, you're a normal guy. Hang on to that root and shut the door to outside expectations when you need your privacy.

Your honesty is refreshing and I shall remember it when I'm about to hit the 'publish' button again in the future. As a writer all I seem to know is fear and doubt some days. It helps me to know that this is actually part of the job description.


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## Adriane Leigh (Dec 17, 2012)

psychotick said:


> It means bye bye, I never have to see you again.


Same here!


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## ElHawk (Aug 13, 2012)

Some of you have posted some terribly inspirational quotes to buoy those of us who have reached Publishing Dread Level. I am not as eloquent as you, but here are my two bits, and boy do these bits ever keep me going when I feel bummed out:


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## I do not consent (Oct 2, 2012)

Dalya said:


> OOOH!
> 
> Relevent link! About being creative and making things:
> http://theoatmeal.com/comics/making_things


Loved that! Never heard of him before. 
Some good advice for me on this thread. I don't have anything profound to add but wishing you peace, Hugh. Wishing all of us peace.


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## Honeybun (Nov 25, 2012)

Hugh,

Not that I'm a popularly successful writer, but I think I get what you're saying.  Is it possible to hand the work over to someone else to hit the "publish" button and for you to have some space to walk away from the project for a few weeks?  If you disconnect from it for a few weeks after its release, when you are ready to look, you can review its status and reception by the world.  It might help with the anxiety that you're experiencing with the process.  I mean, you gave birth to a baby (your book) and now you're sending it out into the world and praying that this piece of your soul will be able to survive in the world and be appreciated. What you're feeling is totally ok.  It's your process, your experience.  Whatever it is, it's yours. That gives it value - because you're the one having to live it.


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## CraigInOregon (Aug 6, 2010)

Ahh, Hugh...

SCENE ONE:

DAVID ADAMS and CRAIG HANSEN enter. DAVID picks up a physical copy of I, ZOMBIE and a skull, and stares at them a moment, then speaks.



> *DAVID ADAMS*​Alas, poor Hugh! I knew him, Craig; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy; he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? Your WOOL? Your novels? Your flashes of MOLLY FYDE, that were wont to set all KindleBoards on a roar?


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## brendajcarlton (Sep 29, 2012)

If it all gets to be too much Hugh, you could always write a story about how nasty people can be if they think you have money.  That would be sure to bring your career to a screeching halt.  I'm sure that story is much higher on the list of stories we dare not tell than the most sadistic, twisted rape scene you can imagine.


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