# Ugh***New Update in OP***



## BlueEyedMum (Nov 26, 2009)

So I've been a "single" Mom for what the past 2 years. Worked my ass off to keep the family together in Florida while my husband was here working in RI.  We made the decision a year ago to move here so I quit an awesome job with benefits so we can be with him. I can't believe I'm going to type this because I'm so numb and I can barely see the screen through my tears. He left me. He told me Wednesday night that he hasn't been in love with me for the past 2 years and he's in love with someone else. I know the woman (she works with him) and I'm in shock. I can't even think. I made him be the one to tell the kids. It was horrible. He said he doesn't want to be "tied" down and doesn't like being told what to do or answer to someone when he goes out WTF! So why not tell me this 2 years ago f**ker when I was working. I left my f**king JOB to be HERE with YOU for OUR family and this is what I get. I'm so hurt. I love him with all my heart and I don't know how I'm going to do this but I will. I have been doing it "alone" anyway but my babies are so heartbroken. Madison was throwing up and crying for him not to leave and Connor fell asleep on my Mom's bed while crying. Oh and throw in that my Dad just died.Ugh...

Update:
I thought I would give an update since all of you were so kind to me when I originally posted. It's not getting any better but I'm trying day to day to get by. I'm still not able to find a job here and I've applied to over 25 places plus a temp agency. I'm doing my best to keep things as normal as possible for the kids. They love their new school and their new friends so that helps. Not having any money is very hard but I know there will be an end to this soon. He moved back to Florida last month with his girlfriend. He left his kids. He barely calls them but the sad thing is they don't care. They never mention him, they never talk about him. I'm not in a happy place right now and I hate that. Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks again...


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## Maxx (Feb 24, 2009)

I'm so sorry.


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## Trilby (Jul 26, 2009)

I'm so sorry! That can not be easy for you and especially the children. When I started to read your post, I thought my Niece had written it, as her hubby came to her last week and started saying all the things your hubby did, except he was even more tactless.....he told her while in 'bed' that he'd slept with someone else! 
Keep your chin up! If you were the soul parent for 2 yrs, you can do it again! 

~Big Hugs~


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## Sean Sweeney (Apr 17, 2010)

What a loser that guy is. I hope his stuff shrivels so this scarlet woman cannot benefit.


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## mlewis78 (Apr 19, 2009)

Blueeyedmum,  I am sorry for what you are going through.  My best wishes and good luck to you in picking up the pieces and moving on, and in finding a new job.  I realize that nothing I say will make it better, but just wanted you to know that we are listening and care.


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## Sean Sweeney (Apr 17, 2010)

We're all behind you.


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## Geoffrey (Jun 20, 2009)

I'm sorry he did that to you and I'm sorry you have to go through this.  Please know that we're all behind you on this.  Feel free to come here and vent - we can be pretty supportive even if we're too far away to offer you a hug.


Oh, and I'm with John with the wishes for shriveling.


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

What an #$$^%^%&&_*^*&_(!!
I cannot believe he waited until AFTER you quit your great job and moved up there. I don't suppose there is anyway to move back *home* to FL and get the old job back? Probably not in this economy... but, try contacting your old boss and without major details, explain anough to let them know you are interested in moving back and your old job?

you have my sympathies, and cyber support hug  {{HUG}}


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## telracs (Jul 12, 2009)

He waited until you MOVED up to tell you this.  JERK!  And I agree with the shriveling, although the reference to the scarlet woman threw me for a sec, I wondered how I got involved in this.

For the record, I don't go near married or otherwise involved men.


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## corkyb (Apr 25, 2009)

I am so sorry you are going through this.  It seems like you just moved to Rhode Island.  What a piece of crap he is to do this to you in this manner.  I hope you can go back to Florida or find a job and some happiness where you are.  You deserve better.
Paula


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## pidgeon92 (Oct 27, 2008)

It sure would have been _nice_ if he had mentioned all this _prior_ to actually getting married. I'm so sorry for your predicament.


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## Magenta (Jun 6, 2009)

First, please find a good counselor to help you through this difficult time.  The support of a counselor will be essential to help you face all the conflicting feelings you have as you try to deal with the practical side of what is happening.  Remember they are there for YOU.

Second, get a damn good divorce lawyer and take the jerk for everything he's got.  At least make him pay to move you back to FLA.  Since you have not been gone from your job long, maybe you can go back?!

Third, kick his butt out of the house.  DO NOT try to go through this with him in the house.

You CAN survive this.


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## drenee (Nov 11, 2008)

I've been through a very similar situation and there is no pain greater than what you're experiencing right now.  
It sounds cliche, but this too shall pass. 
deb


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## CCrooks (Apr 15, 2010)

You can get through this. :hugs:

More shrivel-wishes aimed at the jerk.


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## Kathy (Nov 5, 2008)

I'm so sorry to hear this. The same thing happened to me and it was difficult to handle. Now it is 25 years later and I know that it made me a stronger person. Feel free to vent here. It will relieve the stress and help you to keep it together for your children.









What part of Florida did you live in and what do you do? My company is looking for employees. I live in the Fort Lauderdale area and am lucky enough to work for a wonderful company in the healthcare industry. We have a variety of jobs from medical professionals to IT personnel.


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## farrellclaire (Mar 5, 2010)

Really hope you're okay.  I feel so bad for you and your children, he doesn't deserve you all.  There is nothing any of us can say to make things better but at least you can vent here and know everyone is behind you.  I can hardly believe such a selfish self-centred git even exists.  It's beyond me how a person could act that way.


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

Count me in with the shrivel-wishers. Jerk.

I hope his new gf realizes he doesn't want to be tied down.

You've gotten some good advice here: can you go back to Florida and get your old job back? Bosses can be understanding if circumstances allow. Get a good lawyer and like others have said, kick his sorry


Spoiler



ass


 out of the house.

And remember that good advice from Scarlett O'Hara: "Tomorrow is another day." You'll come out of this a stronger, better woman although that might be hard to believe right now.

Hugs,

L

xoxo


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## Kristen Painter (Apr 21, 2010)

I'm so sorry you're going through this! And your poor kids. Hugs and prayers for all of you.


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## MichelleR (Feb 21, 2009)

I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry this guy did this to you. As much as you still love him, he's scum and he's doing you a favor by showing you exactly what he's capable of. If he'd pulled this at a less horrible time you might have been quicker to forgive or rationalize, but now he'll always be the guy that made you move across the country and dumped you after your dad died.


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## Shayne Parkinson (Mar 19, 2010)

What an awful, awful thing to be going through. I'm so sorry.


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## Addie (Jun 10, 2009)

I'm so sorry to hear this, and I'd like to add myself to the list of shrivel-wishers.
I can't believe he felt that way for two years and still had you and the kids move to RI. What an unbelievable jerk. You and your kids have our support, hugs and best wishes.


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## Jeff (Oct 28, 2008)

Ugh is right. What a dirty trick. For what it may be worth, you have friends here.


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## 4Katie (Jun 27, 2009)

John Fitch V said:


> What a loser that guy is. I hope his stuff shrivels so this scarlet woman cannot benefit.


What he said.

I'm so sorry for what happened. Please don't let what he did affect how you feel about YOU. This was his choice, and you are the innocent victim. I hope you're okay.

(((BlueEyedMum)))


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

Jeff said:


> Ugh is right. What a dirty trick. For what it may be worth, you have friends here.


Yes. Even though _he_ may have _his_ Internet friends who are on his side, you are among friends here. More hugs!

L


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## austenfiend (Nov 17, 2009)

Adding my vote to the wishes of shriveling.  What a putz!!

I agree about the counseling, for you AND the kids.  Any chance at all you can go back to your old job?  You're among friends here...


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## MAGreen (Jan 5, 2009)

I am so sorry. I couldn't imagine going through something like that. Get a good lawyer and figure out what YOU want for you and the kids, then make sure you get it. Don't let him determine the terms of the divorce! 
We are here for you!


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

You know, if the corollary to good wishes being helpful works, than maybe enough *shrivel* wishes will make that come true too? 

Stopping myself here before I go off the deep end ranting.. but know in my mind I am ranting for you.


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## dollcrazy (Jan 12, 2009)

I am so sorry! What a selfish, self centered, inconsiderate jerk. I know you won't believe me right now, but I know you will be better off without him and become a stronger person because of this. Add me to the shrivel club, I not only hope it shrivels I hope it falls off. Come here and vent anytime you need to.


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## Tripp (May 28, 2009)

Wow, what a total POS.  When I started reading this, I was thinking, "Oh no, this is not going where I think it is?"  Your anger is justified and how this is affecting your kids is breaking my heart.  As others have said, we are here for you and I will send another shrivel vibe his way.  

((((Hugs)))) to you and your kids.


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## kdawna (Feb 16, 2009)

I feel so bad for you and your kids! He's a jerk and worse.....  Please talk to your friends and maybe a pastor. You've deserve better! So sorry about your Dad you have been through so much. Do you have any family or friends who can help you through this? 
  Brenda


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## Jane917 (Dec 29, 2009)

Add me to the shrivel wishers! I know you are in pain now, but keep your chin up. You will come out of this a stronger person. In time, you will discover that the jerk has actually done you a favor. Give the kids a big hug, and HUG AND HANG ON!


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## Geemont (Nov 18, 2008)

What a terrible thing. As others have said, you have friends here, and well wishes.



Leslie said:


> Even though _he_ may have _his_ Internet friends who are on his side....


I can't fathom _anybody_ able to defend such actions. I'd be shamed to call him my friend. How could any woman want a man do behave so abominably towards an other woman?

Add me to the shrivel juju.


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## BlueEyedMum (Nov 26, 2009)

You all have brought tears to my eyes. I'm so overwhelmed with your words. 

I wouldn't move back to Florida. I hated it there anyway and I was only there because his job was. My family is up here and right now I really need them for many reasons. Also, his "girlfriend" (who BTW is 9 yrs his senior with a 24 & 27 yr old) actually lives in Florida. She works for him and is here in RI for the season. He's trying to tell me that he has not had sex with her but he's been in love with her for a 2 month or so....BS a-hole.

His family and OUR friends are so disgusted with him right now. His Mum is just so upset. His Dad did this to his Mum 5 years ago. His sister never wants to speak to him again. I won't even say what my family thinks about him. 

Oh and the shriveled up thingy will be handled from my Dad in heaven...LOL

Edited to add: I made him leave that night. He's living with her right now in the company apartment.


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## Sean Sweeney (Apr 17, 2010)

Keep this in mind though: Don't drink. Drinking won't make it go away, and you'll hate yourself in the morning (or any day, for that matter).

Take it from an Irishman.


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## drenee (Nov 11, 2008)

That was a good move in making him move out immediately.  So many men try to keep their foot in both doors.  
The "other" woman will soon discover he's not such a great prize.  
deb


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## luvmy4brats (Nov 9, 2008)

I'm so sorry you and the kids are going through this right now. (((hugs))) headed your way.

Adding to the shrivel juju.


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## Andra (Nov 19, 2008)

I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this.  I'm sending happy thoughts and prayers your way and shrivel thoughts to the male person's way.  It's good that you have your family around you - be strong and keep lookig forward.


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## Sean Sweeney (Apr 17, 2010)

I never should have started the shrivel thing. I'm clenching my legs together every time I see the phrase "shrivel juju."


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## sem (Oct 27, 2008)

Don't know what to say except sorry. So glad that you can come here and find support. Hang in there - one day at a time. (shrivel juju - sorry, John)


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## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

John, it obviously struck a chord with folks!  Personally, I heartily endorse your sentiment towards the so-and-so.


BlueEyedMom. . . . .good luck with things. . . . .I hope you realize you've got a tremendous support group here. . . .I'm sure in the long run it will be for the best, but I don't suppose that makes it any easier now.


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## corkyb (Apr 25, 2009)

Whatever you do, don't isolate as you go through this.  Someone said that to me once during a nasty break up (no kids) and I didn't listen.  The path I took was not the best.  You are a wonderful beautiful person and keep your head high.  You will come through the other side a better person.


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

He hasn't had sex with her yet? Well, he better get started quick because once our collective shrivel juju energy hits him, he's going to need a lifetime supply of Viagra...LOL

He's her boss? Sounds like he has the ethics of a slug.

Good riddance to bad baggage I say...

More hugs,

L


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## drenee (Nov 11, 2008)

Thinking of you this morning.  Try to do something positive for yourself and your children today, and spend some time NOT thinking about the situation you're in.  Believe me, I know that's going to be hard.  But if you take some time each day to be happy about something, before you know it you'll be happy about a lot of things.  
Sending hugs to you today.
deb


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## Betsy the Quilter (Oct 27, 2008)

BlueEyedMom--

postitive thoughts and prayers for you and negative thoughts and


Spoiler



shrivel juju


 for your ex (and he IS your ex, think of him that way). On top of all the other reasons to move on, he is not the role model you want for your kids.

You have a support group here AND with your family, feel free to reach out to us and them.

Deb's advice (Drenee's) is very good. Do something good for you and your kids.

We're with you!

Betsy


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## LCEvans (Mar 29, 2009)

So sorry this happened to you, but if that's the kind of person he is, best you found out now. Good move to make him leave. I was wondering if you're near family. I see from your later post that you are and that's wonderful. You will get through this. You have friends and all our positive thoughts and well wishes for you and your children.


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## 911jason (Aug 17, 2009)

Maybe it's just in my neck of the woods, but this seems to be an epidemic in our society today!!! My father-in-law left his wife 4 years ago after 38 apparently blissful years of marriage. Has had very little contact with my wife (his daughter) and our 6 kids, 5 of which absolutely adored him (the 6th was born post-divorce). Then our good friends and next-door neighbors went through the same thing -- husband decided now that the kids were old enough, it was time to make himself happy, that's what he told his 3 girls himself -- they are only ages 6-14!!!


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## rho (Feb 12, 2009)

What a jerk!  You may not realize it now but you are better off without him!  Just think he could have waited like his dad did and done it years from now. Sounds like he got the jerk gene from his dad. Good riddance to bad trash.

Deninitely get a counselor for you and the kids. You all need to be told and reminded that this doesn't reflect any lack in you but a lack in him. A lack in judgement, a lack in morals and totally a lack in compassion --  not the type of person you want in your life and not the type of role model you want for your children.

This will be hard but you will get thru it with the help of family and friends Including all your friends here. And someday you will look back and realize it was for the best. You are out of the train wreck his life will be.    And when his gf realizes what a train wreck he is don't take him back. He showed his true colors and won't change even though he would swear that he would.


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## drenee (Nov 11, 2008)

Good advice, Rho.  I took mine back the first time and he didn't change.  He just got better at trying to hide it.  
deb


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## Annalog (Dec 28, 2008)

Many virtual hugs for you and your kids. It is good you are near, and have the support of, family and friends. Follow the good advice ffrom the earlier posters - get a good lawyer, see a good counselor for you and the kids (it does help to discuss this with a professional who is not a friend or family member), believe in yourself as this is NOT your fault, believe that life will be better because it will.

This brought back memories from over 7 years ago with my daughter and two granddaughters (different details but the same result - the jerk is with another woman). As you have found out, there is some behavior that good friends and family will not condone. My daughter's ex did not get support from his family either. It was very difficult then but now she and her girls are happy and successful; they are better off without the jerk in their daily lives, just every other weekend and half of school breaks for the girls.

Be careful what you say about the jerk around the kids; he is still their father and they will have a tough enough time with their feelings as it is. Fortunately my daughter and her ex never put the kids in the middle. 

More virtual hugs for you.


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## 908tracy (Dec 15, 2009)

(((BlueEyedMum)))
Big hugs to you and your kids. I am so sorry for the situation you find yourself in. You have received some very good advice here already, but I want to second or third Deb's advice of doing something positive and fun today with the kids. I also second Annalogs advice of not bad mouthing the idiot in front of the kids. It will be hard at times (I've been there and done that....divorced my idiot too) but my kids are so much better off now than if we had stayed together. (he didn't cheat, but was abusive in many other ways, in front of the children)

Stay STRONG girl, and know that you have friends right here who care about you.

******sending MAJOR shrivel juju wishes his sorry way******


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## Kathy (Nov 5, 2008)

I'm glad you made him leave. I found out about the "other women" on my birthday. He stayed out all night and called me to let me know he was with someone else. It wasn't his first time I found out later. I changed the locks and threw all of his clothes in the front yard from the upstairs window. When he came home later that day he was in shock. The best part was when the other women found out he was free she didn't want him. She figured out real quick that he would be a weekend father and she had no desire to play mom to his kids.

You will get through this and be stronger for it. I did maintain a civil relationship with my ex for my kids sake. That is important. As long as the children are getting lots of love they will get through it. I would get a them in counseling if you can. It will help them cope.

Hugs


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## ellesu (Feb 19, 2009)

Just wanted you to know that you're in my thoughts today also. Hang in there - one day at a time.

Shrivel-juju being sent from my way. I hope he's noticing something's going on _down there._


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## KBoards Admin (Nov 27, 2007)

I am so sorry to hear this. Please add my hugs and my hopes for you and your kids. Hang in there, BlueEyedMom. We're rooting for you.


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## Margaret (Jan 1, 2010)

BlueEyed Mum, you and your children are in my thoughts today.  Hang in there and try to think positive thoughts.  You will come through this.  Hugs!


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## Carol Hanrahan (Mar 31, 2009)

BlueEyedMum, You can and will be strong for your kids.  You have more inner strength than you know.  Hugs and positive thoughts and yes, do something nice for yourself and your kids today.


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## geoffthomas (Feb 27, 2009)

B.E.M. so sorry to hear this.
Major (((hugs)))
Know that we (your virtual family) will support any decision you make.
While I seriously doubt that you should even consider a reconciliation, we will support YOU even in that.

And I do want you to know that some men do marry their sweethearts and stay married and committed to them (bunch of us here on KB). So there are non-jerks out there.

My prayers are with you and your kids. (don't want to say what my thoughts are for_ him_)

Just sayin.....


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## ◄ Jess ► (Apr 21, 2010)

Oh my gosh, what an idiot! He handled the entire thing in an absolutely terrible way. I'm glad you kicked him out and I know you and your kids will get through this. My thoughts are with you.


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## The Atomic Bookworm (Jul 20, 2009)

Hang in there, BlueEyedMum.

Right now you're all  and  but, sooner than soon, you'll be able to look back at this and  and be  that he ain't with you no more.

In the meantime, keep them tears coming, we gotcha covered:


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## Kindled Spirit (Oct 27, 2008)

Just wanted to add how sorry I am this happened to you. But as everyone else said you are better off and you WILL get thru this. Stay strong and just let your kids know that you are there for them and always will be. Big hugs to you and I am a firm believer in what goes around comes around, so he will get his in the end.


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## sheltiemom (Dec 28, 2008)

So sorry for your troubles.  Get a lawyer, use your family for support, and make a home for the kids.  

I have been a single mom for 20 years and my only regret is the time I wasted trying to work things out with my ex and then being upset about it.  One day, I decided to forget the problems and move on with our lives.  It was hard, but worth it.  Yesterday, my youngest came over to watch the USA play in the World Cup and we sat and talked about all the soccer practices and games I sat through.  At the time it was exhausting, but I have so many wonderful memories his Dad will never have.


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## sherylb (Oct 27, 2008)

Shrivel juju here too.
As others have said, remember it is not YOU, he is the one who is flawed. 
Take control of your life now, and strive each day to not be a "victim". Pretty soon you will start to feel stronger and each day will become easier for you and your children. 
Hugs to you.


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## BlueEyedMum (Nov 26, 2009)

Wow, again thank you so much for the support. It's amazing, really is. I will continue taking one day at a time. As much as I want to bunch him in the shriveling area and call him every name in the book I promised the kids I would not talk bad about their father. I also asked family not to in front of the kids. 

I'm doing a little better today but that's only because I took the kids to the Air Show (I'll be posting some photos tonight). Of course because I haven't eaten in the past 4 days I almost passed out but once I got some food and water in me I was good. Plus it was extremely HOT. The kids had a blast so that's what matters. 

He took them yesterday and that was hard for me. I never thought I would live the life of dropping my babies off to spend the day with their Dad who doesn't live with us anymore. I cried the whole drive home. I know I'm better without him but it will just take some time for me to really see that. He's an a**hole and I don't need some one like that. I deserve someone who will treat me the way I should be. 

Thanks again for all of your support. I know I'll be venting some more.


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## Sean Sweeney (Apr 17, 2010)

Keeping up your strength is the best thing. EAT! MANGE!


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

MANGE? You want her to eat a hairless animal?


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## Sean Sweeney (Apr 17, 2010)

If it works.


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## 13500 (Apr 22, 2010)

BlueEyedMum,

So sorry about what has happened to you. What a jerk! 

You can do this--you will survive--you will be strong for both yourself and your children--I know you will.
But don't forget that it is okay to cry and feel the pain, otherwise you will never be able to work through this. Feel it, go through it, then be done with it. 

Please don't forget to take care of yourself. You and your kids are in my thoughts. 

Good luck.


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## Vegas_Asian (Nov 2, 2008)

Wishing you and your children the best. Can't believe his nerve.

This happened to my grandmother years ago. She was left with eight children ranging from college age to infancy. It was hard from them all. Thirty-five years later, the strength in my grandmother, my mother, and her sibilings...the love and relationships they share is amazing.


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## Victorine (Apr 23, 2010)

I am so sorry this happened to you.  Your post almost made me cry.  I have family who have gone through terrible divorces.  I definitely feel for you.  So sorry.

Vicki


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## CS (Nov 3, 2008)

Wow, your husband is a real jackass. I'm so sorry you're going through this.  It will take time for you to process and heal, but you are definitely better off in the long run. You got out of a bad situation sooner rather than later (imagine 50 years with this creep). As difficult as it is for you now, it'll ultimately be a blessing in disguise.


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## Annalog (Dec 28, 2008)

Thinking of you today BlueEyedMum. I hope you are remembering to take care of yourself. It is sometimes difficult to make time to eat, sleep, do something for yourself that you enjoy, but that will help you have the strength and energy to get through these tough times. Sending {{{{hugs}}}} and good thoughts your way for you and your kids.


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## MamaProfCrash (Dec 16, 2008)

(((HUGS)))

Hang in there.

Counseling for you and your kids is needed. Hopefully individual counseling and family counselling.

This one is going to be hard but try and remember that he is your kids Dad and he is going to be in their life. Do your best to keep negative thoughts and comments from emerging when the kids are near by. They are going to hear is said about him. You are hurting and the kids are hurting but bad mouthing him infront of them is just going to cause more problems. If it is hard to do, think of what might happen if there is a custody dispute and he wants custody of the kids. The more negative you are about him in front of the kids (and your friends, and family, and anyone else) the more you risk having to share custody or lose custody.

I know it sucks but your feelings towards him, 100% justified, should not interfere with their relationship with their father. He has already screwed that up by doing what he did. His moving in with another woman is going to further damage that relationship. They will not need your help figuring out that Dad is a putz.


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## BlueEyedMum (Nov 26, 2009)

ProfCrash said:


> (((HUGS)))
> 
> Hang in there.
> 
> ...


Thanks
I already told them I would not be bad mouthing him and I won't. They are their father and just because he doesn't love me doesn't me he doesn't love them. I told them he loves them very much and will still see them all the time. They will also figure out for themseleves because he hasn't been a father to this day.


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## MamaProfCrash (Dec 16, 2008)

BlueEyedMum said:


> Thanks
> I already told them I would not be bad mouthing him and I won't. They are their father and just because he doesn't love me doesn't me he doesn't love them. I told them he loves them very much and will still see them all the time. They will also figure out for themseleves because he hasn't been a father to this day.


YEAH!!! It is great to hear that there are responsible parents out there, and by that I mean you. There are too many horror stories about parents bad mouthing the other parent during divorces and afterward. The kids feel like they have to choose one parent over the other and it hurts their relationship with both parents.

You are 100% correct, the kids will figure out what their Dad is about by how he treats them. Giving them permission to love their Dad, even as he acts like an ass, gives them permission to figure out who he is on their own and not feel guilty once they figure out that he is a twit.


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## drenee (Nov 11, 2008)

B.E.M., thinking of you and your children today.  
As the numbness of the situation wears off you are going to have good and bad days.  Be sure to remind yourself that this was HIS decision.  No matter what you could have done, which you've already proved what measures you can go to by moving, he was going to do what he wanted.  Do not blame yourself.  That is a trap that is easy to fall into.  The whole if I would have....fill in the blank.  It's non-productive.  
Think good thoughts today.
deb


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## Groggy1 (Jun 21, 2010)

8 years ago I went through this same story. Sounds like you have some solid advice here and know the big rule of divorced life: "Never talk bad about the ex-other."

You'll enjoy the freedom one day.  Just wanted to tell you that there is a light at the end.  I'm standing in it and it's beautiful...


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## Tip10 (Apr 16, 2009)

BlueEyedMum said:


> Edited to add: I made him leave that night. He's living with her right now in the company apartment.


You might want to drop a call on the company and make sure they are aware of this situation -- they have a tremendous amount of liability in this situation and I'm sure they will not take kindly to it.

In most companies such an action would be grounds for immediate termination.


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## Groggy1 (Jun 21, 2010)

Tip10 said:


> You might want to drop a call on the company and make sure they are aware of this situation -- they have a tremendous amount of liability in this situation and I'm sure they will not take kindly to it.
> 
> In most companies such an action would be grounds for immediate termination.


Good idea, get him fired so he can't afford to take the kids. Can't provide support (if needed/ordered) etc. As so as she tossed him out - she must run all decisions through the "how is this going to effect/affect me and the kids?" filter.

As the judge told me years ago, "The law doesn't care about fair, only what is legal."

There is no more "Fairness" involved here. She has to let go all that.


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## MamaProfCrash (Dec 16, 2008)

Tip10 said:


> You might want to drop a call on the company and make sure they are aware of this situation -- they have a tremendous amount of liability in this situation and I'm sure they will not take kindly to it.
> 
> In most companies such an action would be grounds for immediate termination.


And makes you look vindictive and can hurt in divorce proceedings. I have only been married for 8 months and have never been divorced. From listening to others who have been throughthe divorce process, the more you try and hurt the other party, the more you hurt yourself.

I am sure that this behavior violates his companies policies but it would be bad for you to report it or encourage anyone else to report it. It might feel good but it will cost him his job and you alimony and child support.


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## Tip10 (Apr 16, 2009)

I only mention it from the perspective that they ARE still legally married and that there are potential legal ramification from his actions that could very well come back upon her.

I wasn't advocating it from a vindictive point of view, rather than from a  protective point of view.  

At this point in time any and all jointly owned property/investments/resources are at risk.

Just as she should also cancel all joint credit cards as soon as possible, she needs to take any and all steps she can to protect her position and prevent further damage from being done.

I had a friend who's husband left her, and before any legal proceedings were begun he went out and ran up in excess of $100K of debt -- debt that they were JOINTLY held responsible for since it was incurred while they were married and BEFORE any legal proceedings began.  She ended up being responsible for "her half" of the marital debt.


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## SongbirdVB (Nov 18, 2008)

Tip10 said:


> I only mention it from the perspective that they ARE still legally married and that there are potential legal ramification from his actions that could very well come back upon her.
> 
> I wasn't advocating it from a vindictive point of view, rather than from a protective point of view.
> 
> ...


My ex did something similar and it STILL burns my biscuits. My advice would be to contact an attorney IMMEDIATELY, tell him/her the situation and get their input on how to proceed.

Hugs to you, BlueEyedMum. I'm doing a shrivel dance (similar to a rain dance, but more intense) aimed at your ex. May his winkie shrivel up and fall off.

Vicki


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## MamaProfCrash (Dec 16, 2008)

Tip10 said:


> I only mention it from the perspective that they ARE still legally married and that there are potential legal ramification from his actions that could very well come back upon her.
> 
> I wasn't advocating it from a vindictive point of view, rather than from a protective point of view.
> 
> ...


Agreed on the credit cards and probably trying to get joint savings/checking accounts frozen so that money cannot be taken out of them.


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## Jen (Oct 28, 2008)

I'm so sorry!!  I wish these things didn't happen.  
It's not going to make you feel better, but I have a story.  This exact same thing happened to a friend of mine about a year ago.  He left his wife & kids to be with his 'true love' that he discovered - also a co-worker.  Said he didn't know what loves was until he met this woman, blah blah BLAH - he moved out and in with his girlfriend.  Broke my friend's heart in half.  Both she and I thought they had the perfect relationship.  
Well - TWO MONTHS later, the other girl dropped his sorry butt, she kicked him out of her apartment and he was living out of his car.  He had a really hard time finding a place to live, and ended up couch surfing on friend's couches for a month or so, not seeing the kids without a place to live.  Four months after he left her he tried crawling back, but too little too late - she had already met someone who fell in love with her and her kids.  She's never been happier.    
WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND!  Remember that!!  Keep your chin up, and do what YOU need to do, for yourself and for your kids.  You're better off without this guy, and someday you'll look back on this and be thankful it happened, because YOU are better than this.  And hopefully he'll be out on his sorry butt too  !!
For now - hug your children, and vent to us.  
HUGS!!


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## BlueEyedMum (Nov 26, 2009)

Tip10 said:


> You might want to drop a call on the company and make sure they are aware of this situation -- they have a tremendous amount of liability in this situation and I'm sure they will not take kindly to it.
> 
> In most companies such an action would be grounds for immediate termination.


Well, it's a very small company. The thing is I'm sure they know. I can't afford to get him fired because HE has to support us right now:-(


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## BlueEyedMum (Nov 26, 2009)

Tip10 said:


> I only mention it from the perspective that they ARE still legally married and that there are potential legal ramification from his actions that could very well come back upon her.
> 
> I wasn't advocating it from a vindictive point of view, rather than from a protective point of view.
> 
> ...


Luckily we have bad credit so now one would give him credit. We own nothing together.


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## lonestar (Feb 9, 2010)

mucho shrivel juju for el puerco.

I am sending prayers up for you and your children.  With your children by your side you will prevail.


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## Margaret (Jan 1, 2010)

I am sending hugs and support out to you and your children.  Be gentle with yourself and remember, you are one day closer to healing.  Take care!


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## drenee (Nov 11, 2008)

Thinking of you as you rise to another day of your new life. 
deb


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## 908tracy (Dec 15, 2009)

BlueEyedMum said:


> Well, it's a very small company. The thing is I'm sure they know. I can't afford to get him fired because HE has to support us right now:-(


(((hugs))) BEM

Hit him where it hurts girl....right in his wallet! (and don't you feel one bit badly about it)


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## MamaProfCrash (Dec 16, 2008)

(hugs) Today is another day to enjoy your children and to heal. I am sure it is not easy but you can do this. Hug your kids when you feel like crying. Bake a batch of cookies with them and laugh.


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## MamaProfCrash (Dec 16, 2008)

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37986320/ns/technology_and_science-tech_and_gadgets/

Facebook can be your friend or your enemy.


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

{{{MUM}}} just another Hug to get you through the day. I'm so sorry your soon to be ex wasn't the kind of guy you thought he was.


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## Annalog (Dec 28, 2008)

More virtual {{{{hugs}}} for you and your kids, BlueEyedMum. Take care of yourself and your kids and remember to eat.



ProfCrash said:


> ... Hug your kids when you feel like crying. Bake a batch of cookies with them and laugh.


Good suggestions!


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## Addie (Jun 10, 2009)

Just thinking of you today and hoping it's a bright and sunny one where you are.


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## Annalog (Dec 28, 2008)

{{{{{Virtual hugs}}}}} for you and your kids. Good thoughts being sent your way.


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## drenee (Nov 11, 2008)

Thinking of you today.  
deb


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## Margaret (Jan 1, 2010)

Just wanted you to know that I am still thinking about and rooting for you.  Take care of yourself!


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## Groggy1 (Jun 21, 2010)

I was standing on the end of the porch this morning, enjoying my cup of coffee after walking my pooches. And thought to myself as the sun was warming: She'll find this spot soon....

Here's to you finding it...


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## BlueEyedMum (Nov 26, 2009)

Hugs to you all. You truly are a great group of friends. I'm hanging in there. Trying to take it day by day. The kids are going to the movies with their dad tonight so I'm going out With my Mom but still going out...


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## drenee (Nov 11, 2008)

B.E.M., that's wonderful that you're going out.  
You're in our thoughts always.  
deb


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## Annalog (Dec 28, 2008)

Have a wonderful time with your mom, BlueEyedMum. 
Thinking of you,
Anna


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## sheltiemom (Dec 28, 2008)

Enjoy your night out!


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## rho (Feb 12, 2009)

BEM just checking in hoping you are pulling some fun out of the holiday weekend. At least the weather is great!


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## lonestar (Feb 9, 2010)

I hope you are having a good weekend and that you are feeling better.  I am praying for you and your children.


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## Andra (Nov 19, 2008)

Sending thoughts and prayers in your direction.  I hope you are having a good weekend.


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## drenee (Nov 11, 2008)

Happy 4th to you and your children, B.E.M.  
Sending positive thoughts and hugs your way.
deb


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## Annalog (Dec 28, 2008)

Lots of {{{{{virtual hugs}}}}} for you and your kids on this Fourth of July.


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## 13500 (Apr 22, 2010)

Was thinking of you. Hope you had a good holiday weekend and got to spend some great time with your kids.


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## drenee (Nov 11, 2008)

Thinking of your family today as you start another week of your new life.  
deb


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## Anne (Oct 29, 2008)

I am so sorry. We are all here for you. I wish there was something I could do to help you.


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## Annalog (Dec 28, 2008)

Sending {{{{{virtual hugs}}}}} for you and your kids while thinking of you.


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## drenee (Nov 11, 2008)

Just wanted to let you know we're thinking about you.  
Hope you're doing okay.
deb


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## rho (Feb 12, 2009)

I was coming here to see how you were doing too. Hope things are going as smoothly as it can


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## Linda S. Prather Author (Jun 25, 2010)

Hey, his loss will eventually be your gain.  I went through a similar situation, and once the initial shock is over you can move on.  One day hopefully you'll thank him, because now you can be all you can be.  You know you're better than this.  You deserve better, and somewhere out there is better.  Something so wonderful that you'll wonder why you ever let this bother you.  Hugs to you and the kids.  It appears you have a lot of people pulling for you here, so stop by and talk anytime.


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## fastdogs (Jun 12, 2009)

great advice to get a lawyer as soon as possible. Get advice from friends or family of a good one- you need someone on your side. He has planned this and has the advantage. Don't assume he'll look out for his kids or that he will be fair. Also, please don't delay getting a lawyer hoping that he'll come back and everything will be the way it was before. That is gone- he destroyed that.
The only good thing is chances are he won't end up happy. He will do the same thing to the new woman down the road, or she'll do it to him. They proven themselves to neither one be trustworthy, so they deserve each other. 
Down the road, you'll be able to see that it's better for all concerned that he's gone. It's unfortunate that he'll have to be in your life because of the kids- guys like that aren't neceissarily the best example for the kids to see. When I look back on my ex, I am so glad he's out of my life. We were married for 12 years. I don't like to look back on it because it makes me look at how stupid I was for believing him and missing some of the signals because I didn't want to see them. Now, if I heard news that he'd died, I would feel nothing. He can't help what he is, and needed someone as stupid and trusting as I was.  Since he planned this, it probably won't do any good to tell you to get any money out of joint accounts and cancel any joint credit cards.
beaucoup shrivel juju.
get a lawyer ASAP.
vickie


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## lonestar (Feb 9, 2010)

Hope all is well.


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## vikingwarrior22 (May 25, 2009)

Linda S. Prather Author said:


> Hey, his loss will eventually be your gain. I went through a similar situation, and once the initial shock is over you can move on. One day hopefully you'll thank him, because now you can be all you can be. You know you're better than this. You deserve better, and somewhere out there is better. Something so wonderful that you'll wonder why you ever let this bother you. Hugs to you and the kids. It appears you have a lot of people pulling for you here, so stop by and talk anytime.


 its as ms prather wrote above...BEM it will get better each day for you and your family soon it will be another trip around the sun (a year passing) and this will be further and further away...the future is gonna be so bright you gotta wear shades...


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## intinst (Dec 23, 2008)

Thinking of you and your children.


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

It took a while to decipher what this thread was about, but like Intinst said, you have a lot of people pulling for you and a lot of people have been through similar things (myself included) and have found that it is like Mr. VW says (If you can read his writing   ), it will get better with time.


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## BlueEyedMum (Nov 26, 2009)

fastdogs said:


> great advice to get a lawyer as soon as possible. Get advice from friends or family of a good one- you need someone on your side. He has planned this and has the advantage. Don't assume he'll look out for his kids or that he will be fair. Also, please don't delay getting a lawyer hoping that he'll come back and everything will be the way it was before. That is gone- he destroyed that.
> The only good thing is chances are he won't end up happy. He will do the same thing to the new woman down the road, or she'll do it to him. They proven themselves to neither one be trustworthy, so they deserve each other.
> Down the road, you'll be able to see that it's better for all concerned that he's gone. It's unfortunate that he'll have to be in your life because of the kids- guys like that aren't neceissarily the best example for the kids to see. When I look back on my ex, I am so glad he's out of my life. We were married for 12 years. I don't like to look back on it because it makes me look at how stupid I was for believing him and missing some of the signals because I didn't want to see them. Now, if I heard news that he'd died, I would feel nothing. He can't help what he is, and needed someone as stupid and trusting as I was. Since he planned this, it probably won't do any good to tell you to get any money out of joint accounts and cancel any joint credit cards.
> beaucoup shrivel juju.
> ...


Actually he didn't plan this. He's too much of an idiot. He actually offered to move us back. He thought it could work and that's why he didn't say anything before but he didn't give it much time that's for sure. We never had a joint account, didn't own anything together and don't need to split anything. He's been seeing the kids and paying. Yes, I know that can stop at any time but right now he is. I don't want him back nor will I ever. This is/has made me a stonger person and I will someday find my prince charming. I can't afford a lawyer nor can he at the moment but it will all be handled sooner than later. Thank you Vickie


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## BlueEyedMum (Nov 26, 2009)

Again, thank you all sooooo much for you words/advice/encouragement. It's getting easier everyday. It's when I'm alone that it gets to me. I don't hate him but I hate what he did. The kids are doing better everyday too. They are having a good summer because I won't let them not


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## lonestar (Feb 9, 2010)

It is so good to read that you are going forward.  You have been on my mind and in my prayers.


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## 13500 (Apr 22, 2010)

So glad to hear you are doing okay and that the kids are well. You are strong!


Karen


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## mlewis78 (Apr 19, 2009)

I just want to send you my best wishes.


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## Lyndl (Apr 2, 2010)

I'm glad you & the kids are doing OK.



> He thought it could work and that's why he didn't say anything before but he didn't give it much time that's for sure.


He may not have planned it, but it was obviously on his mind. It's a pity he wasn't honest (or brave) enough to share his doubts with you before you moved. At least you could have made a choice with all the information. Each day will be a little better than the day before.


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## Annalog (Dec 28, 2008)

Best wishes BlueEyedMum.


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## Betsy the Quilter (Oct 27, 2008)

We're still thinking of you and pulling for you!

Betsy


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## Angela (Nov 2, 2008)

Wow, with all that has been happening in my own life I have really been behind and just now seeing this thread. BEM, I went through this very same thing with my first husband. I thought my world was ending, but I later met my prince charming and not only did he love me, he loved my 2 kids and raised them as his own. We will celebrate our 33rd anniversary tomorrow!  I will be keeping you and your children in my prayers. From what I know of you on KB, you are a strong woman and a great mom. You will survive.


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