# Fun Buffy quotes



## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

So, watching BTVS...
Scoobies all on the library, Cordelia storms out of the room after Zander starts talking about zombies.

Giles: "Zombies don't eat living flesh."  He said with a funny look on his face.
Zander: "I know, but didyou see the look on her face??" 



(Typed on my Fire, so forgive typos please.


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## MichelleR (Feb 21, 2009)

Willow: I knew it! I knew it! Well, not in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know.


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## Chad Winters (Oct 28, 2008)

Xander: "Whoa. Whoa! I... I think I'm having a thought. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a thought. Now I'm having a plan. (The lights go out.) Now I'm having a wiggins." 


Oz: "So, do you guys steal weapons from the Army a lot?"
Willow: "Well, we don't have cable, so we have to make our own fun."


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

love makes ya do the wacky. - Willow


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Cordelia to Buffy: "What is your childhood trauma?!"  (I use this line all the time.)


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Buffy to Giles: "If the apocalypse comes... beep me!"


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Buffy: "I hit him."
Willow: "With what?"
Buffy: "A desk."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Willow: "We can't run, that would be wrong.  Could we hide?"


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Buffy: "You don't just sneak up on people in a graveyard. You make noise when you walk. You... stomp. Or yodel."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Giles to Buffy: "That was hardly the worst mistake you'll ever make... That wasn't quite as comforting as it was meant to be."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Buffy to Xander: "You're my friend!  You're my Xander-shaped friend!"


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Giles: "You see, the werewolf is such an . . . extreme representation of our inborn animalistic traits that it emerges for three consecutive nights -- the full moon and the 2 nights surrounding it."
Willow: "Quite the party animal."
Giles: "Quite. . . It acts on pure instinct. No conscience. Predatory and aggressive."
Buffy: "In other words, a typical male."
Xander: "On behalf of my gender -- hey!"
Giles: "Yes, let's not jump to conclusions."
Buffy: "I didn't jump. I took a tiny step and there conclusions were."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Buffy: "Ampata, so you're a girl."
Ampata: "Yes, for many years now."


Okay, I'm going back to work!


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Okay, I'm taking a break.

Giles to Buffy: "It's devastating. He's turned into a sixteen-year-old boy. Of course you'll have to kill him!"


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Buffy: "You know, people underestimate the value of a good ramble."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Giles: "Maybe Buffy unplugged the phone."
Xander: "No, it's a statistical impossibility for a sixteen- year-old girl to unplug her phone."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Xander to Cordelia: "I don't know what everyone's talking about, that outfit doesn't make you look like a hooker."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Xander: "Those who can do. Those who can't laugh at those who can do."


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## Chad Winters (Oct 28, 2008)

Spike: "If every vampire who said he was at the Crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock."


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## Chad Winters (Oct 28, 2008)

Vampire: "Slayer!"
Buffy: "Slayee!"


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

DYB said:


> Giles: "Maybe Buffy unplugged the phone."
> Xander: "No, it's a statistical impossibility for a sixteen- year-old girl to unplug her phone."


Hey I watched this one last night!


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

Zander, "It's officially nippy. So say my nips."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Xander: "I'm just gonna go home, lie down, and listen to country music. The music of pain."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Buffy: "It's weird, though. In his way, I feel like he's still watching me."
Willow: "Well, in a way he sort of is...in the way of that he's right over there."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Buffy: "I was brought up a proper lady. I wasn't meant to understand things. I'm just meant to look pretty, and then someone nice will marry me. Possibly a baron."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Buffy: "But who am I kidding? Dates are things normal girls have. Girls who have time to think about nail polish and facials. You know what I think about? Ambush tactics. Beheading."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Angel to Buffy: "I fed on a girl your age. Beautiful. Dumb as a post."


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## Tony Richards (Jul 6, 2011)

Buffy describes Spike to a nightclub doorman.
Doorman: "Oh yeah, the Billy Idol lookalike."
Buffy: "Actually, Billy Idol got his look from him."


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## Indy (Jun 7, 2010)

1. Out
2. For
3. A
4. Walk
5. B!tch


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## MichelleR (Feb 21, 2009)

Buffy: I told one lie. I had one drink.
Giles: ... and you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake. The words, "let that be a lesson" are a tad redundant at this juncture.''

Willow: Kiss rocks? Why would anyone want to kiss...oh, wait. I get it.


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Giles: "Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?"
Willow: "Maybe because they met her? Did I say that?"


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Xander: "I laugh in the face of danger! Then I... hide until it goes away."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Xander: "It's funny how the Earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Cordelia: "I'm just saying when tragedy strikes, we have to look on the bright side. You know? Like how even used Mercedes still have leather seats."


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## Coral Moore (Nov 29, 2009)

Cordelia: "Don't you have an elsewhere to be?"


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## derek alvah (Jul 2, 2010)

Angel: "I think they kept some parts."
Buffy: "Could this get any yuckier?"
Willow: "They probably kept them to eat."
Buffy: "Question answered."


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## derek alvah (Jul 2, 2010)

Cordelia: "It was horrible. Angel saved me from an arm."


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## derek alvah (Jul 2, 2010)

Buffy: "So why are you coming to me for help?"
Cordelia: "Because you're always around when weird stuff happens. I know you're strong, and you've got all those weapons. I was kind of hoping you're in a gang."


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## MichelleR (Feb 21, 2009)

Buffy: I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking. I'm not finished becoming who ever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be. I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and maybe one day, I turn around and realize I'm ready. I'm cookies. And then, you know, if I want someone to eat m- or enjoy warm, delicious, cookie me, then that's fine. That'll be then. When I'm done.

Angel: Any thoughts on who might enjoy - Do I have to go with the cookie analogy?

Buffy: I'm not really thinking that far ahead. That's kind of the point.

Angel: I'll go start working on the second front. Make sure I don't have to use it.

[starts to leave]

Buffy: Angel. I do. Sometimes, think that far ahead.

Angel: Sometimes is something.

Buffy: Be a long time coming. Years, if ever.

Angel: I ain't gettin' any older.


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## Tony Richards (Jul 6, 2011)

Giles: "My whole life flashed before my eyes."
Spike: "Right. Cup of tea, cup of tea, almost got shagged, cup of tea."


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## KVWitten (Apr 11, 2011)

Tony Richards said:


> Giles: "My whole life flashed before my eyes."
> Spike: "Right. Cup of tea, cup of tea, almost got shagged, cup of tea."


Oh, what episode is this one from? I don't remember it.

Practically everything Spike says belongs in this thread.

(Can you tell I'm a 'Spike' fan? I met him - James Marsters - at a convention once. This was before I knew about Buffy so I was a bit wary when this strange man with bleached hair gets in the elevator with me and my two little boys (well, they were little at the time). Anyway, my older son was looking up at him with a rather strange expression and Mr. Marsters crouched down and explained who he was. He was totally charming.)


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## Tony Richards (Jul 6, 2011)

BarbaraKE said:


> Oh, what episode is this one from? I don't remember it.


I can't remember which episode it was, but it was Season 4, when Spike had that chip in his head and was living with the Scoobies.

Truth is, Spike was only originally supposed to be in Buffy for a couple of episodes, but he worked so brilliantly well that they decided to make him a regular character.


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Tony Richards said:


> I can't remember which episode it was, but it was Season 4, when Spike had that chip in his head and was living with the Scoobies.
> 
> Truth is, Spike was only originally supposed to be in Buffy for a couple of episodes, but he worked so brilliantly well that they decided to make him a regular character.


Yes, he started out as a secondary villain during season 2, along with Druscilla (love her!), when Angel first turned into Angellus. But he became a big fan favorite and they kept him on and then kept bringing him on. (They wanted Druscilla too, but actress Juliet Landau (Martin Landau's daughter, btw) didn't want to be a regular, so she just popped in as a regular guest.) And then they brought Spike over to the last season of "Angel" too!


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## MichelleR (Feb 21, 2009)

Spike predated the reemergence of Angelus, appearing first in "School Hard."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

MichelleR said:


> Spike predated the reemergence of Angelus, appearing first in "School Hard."


Yes, I know. I meant that he was there as the secondary villain the season Angellus reappeared - Angellus being the real villain of that season, Spike and Dru being the sidekicks.


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## MichelleR (Feb 21, 2009)

Got it.


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## hsuthard (Jan 6, 2010)

These are great, keep 'em coming!


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Ms. Miller: "But has ******* suffered? What's his place in Venice society?"
Willow: "Well, everyone looked down on him."
Cordelia: "That is such a twinkie defense. ******* should get over himself. People who think their problems are so huge craze me. Like this time I sort of ran over this girl on her bike. It was the most traumatizing event of my life, and she's trying to make it about her leg! Like my pain meant nothing."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Cordelia: "What an ordeal. And you know what the worst part is?"
Miss Calendar: "What?"
Cordelia: "It stays with you forever. No matter what they tell you, none of that rust and blood and grime comes out. I mean, you can dry-clean till Judgment Day, you are living with those stains."
Miss Calendar: "Yeah that's the worst part of being hung upside down by a vampire who wants to slit your throat. The stains."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Giles: "Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact?"
Cordelia: "Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Mayor Wilkins: "There's more than one way to skin a cat. And I happen to know that's factually true."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Wesley: "Mr. Giles! I'd like your opinion. While the last thing I would want to do is model bad behavior in front of impressionable youth, I wonder if asking Miss Chase to dance..."
Giles: "For God's sake, man, she's eighteen. And you have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone. Just--have at it, will you, and stop fluttering about?"


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Eddie: _"Of Human Bondage,_ have you ever read it?"
Buffy: "Oh, I'm not really into porn... I mean, I'm just trying to cut way back."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Harmony: "Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?"
Spike: "No."
Harmony: "Can I make him a vampire?"
Spike: "No. [Beat] Wait on second thought, yeah. Go do that. Take your time. Do Melanie and the kids as well."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Willow: "Buffy that is my best friend you need to think about not Parker. He's no good. There are men, better men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis."
Xander: "Nothing can defeat the penis! [looks around] Too loud, very unseemly."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Xander: "Sometimes I think about two women doing a spell, and...then I do a spell by myself."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Doctor: [To Harmony] "You can't smoke in here!"
Harmony: [Holding a Crossbow] "Oh yeah, says who?" [Doctor points to a _No Smoking_ sign] "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I didn't see the sign."


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## Tony Richards (Jul 6, 2011)

Buffy has just knocked some heavy books down onto Riley's head (their first meeting, Season 4). They start talking.

Riley: "I'm sorry -- I forgot my manners in all the concussion."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Anya: [to a customer who just finished her purchase] "Please go."
Xander: "Anya, the Shopkeepers Union of America called. They wanted me to tell you that "Please go" just got replaced with "Have a nice day.""
Anya: "But I have their money. Who cares what kind of day they have?"
Xander: "No one. It's just a long cultural tradition of raging insincerity. Embrace it."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Glory: "Wait, I've always wanted to try this. You know that thing with worms, where if you have one and you rip it in half, you get two worms. Do you think that'll work with you?" [Buffy headbutts her] "Ow! You hit me. What are you crazy? You can't go around hitting people. What were you, born in a barn? Fine, be that way!" [grabs Buffy by the throat] "I just noticed something, you have superpowers, that is so cool. Can you fly?" [throws Buffy across the room]


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Glory: "And another thing I just want you to know, this whole "beat you to death" thing I'm doing? This is valuable time out of life I'm never gonna get back."

(I loved Glory!  She was awesome!)


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Xander: "Am I right, Giles?"
Giles: "I'm almost certain you're not, but to be fair, I wasn't listening."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Anya: "I for one didn't want to start my day with a slaughter... Which really just goes to show how much I've grown!"


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Xander: "Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers."
Anya: "Great! Thank you very much for those nightmares."


(I loved Anya's fear of bunny rabbits!)


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Xander: "I still don't get why we had to come here to get info about a killer snot monster."
Giles: "Because it's a killer snot monster from outer space... I did not just say that."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Olaf: "You do well to flee, townspeople! I will pillage your lands and dwellings! I will burn your crops and make merry sport with your more attractive daughters, mark my words!"


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Dawn: "I just think you're freakin' out 'cause you have to fight someone prettier than you. That is the case, right?"
Buffy: "Glory is evil. And powerful. And in no way prettier than me."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Buffy: "Spike, finish the story you were telling my little sister."
Spike: "Right, so I knew the little girl was in the coal bin so I ripped it open very violently... and gave her to a nice family where they were never ever mean to her and didn't lock her in a coal bin."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Tara: "Well, I-I go online sometimes, but… everyone's spelling is really bad. It's… depressing."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Anya: "I mean, it's a myth that it's a myth. There is a Santa Claus."
Xander: "The advantage of having a thousand-year-old girlfriend. Inside scoop."
Tara: "There's a Santa Claus?"
Anya: "Mm-hmm. Been around since, like, the 1500s. But he wasn't always called Santa. But with, you know, Christmas night, flying reindeer, coming down the chimney — all true."
Dawn: "All true?"
Anya: "Well, he doesn't traditionally bring presents so much as, you know, disembowel children. But otherwise…"
Tara: "The reindeer part was nice."


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## Tony Richards (Jul 6, 2011)

Xander: "They say that young people don't learn anything in high school nowadays, but I've learned to be afraid."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Buffy: "Seize the day!  'Cause tomorrow you might be dead."


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## Chad Winters (Oct 28, 2008)

Willow: "I'm going to stop by my mom's first. Been doing that a lot lately."
Xander: "Yeah. I actually might stop by your mom's too. (she looks at him) Well, I'm not going to my place. Those people are scary."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Buffy: "I'm going to give you all a nice, fun, normal evening, if I have to kill every singel person on the face of the earth to do it."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Snyder: "There are some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense." 
Giles: "No, that would be one of the five."


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## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

Buffy: "I can beat up the demons until the cows come home... and then I can beat up the cows."


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