# Fun pre-Christmas author game...



## Melody Simmons (Jul 8, 2012)

Let's start a fun game for Christmas.  One person states what happened fortunately, the next unfortunately in relation to the previous statement, then again fortunately etc.  I'll start to demonstrate:

Melody: Fortunately I got my book out before Christmas.

Next Poster: Unfortunately it immediately received a one-star review.

Next (third poster): Fortunately...?


----------



## Evenstar (Jan 26, 2013)

Fortunately the 1 star review said there was too much rumpy pumpy in the book and it instantly got 100 downloads


----------



## John Donlan (Sep 20, 2014)

Unfortunately, those downloads were all returned within 48 hours.


----------



## Carol (was Dara) (Feb 19, 2011)

Fortunately, Amazon accidentally paid me for the returns anyway.


----------



## Melody Simmons (Jul 8, 2012)

Unfortunately the cover landed the book in the adult dungeon, and I received a letter from Amazon...


----------



## Cherise (May 13, 2012)

Fortunately, the book took off on Google Play that same day.


----------



## Carol (was Dara) (Feb 19, 2011)

Unfortunately, Google Play discounted the book, causing Amazon to price-match.


----------



## Cherise (May 13, 2012)

Fortunately, the Amazon sales rep who got my letter complaining about the adult dungeon realized my book was really about underwater sea adventures, not about tentacle sex.


----------



## Melody Simmons (Jul 8, 2012)

Unfortunately I could not find a premade cover to match with my theme (which is why I had ended up with the erotica premade cover in the first place)


----------



## Ravenandblack (Jan 27, 2014)

Fortunately the tentacle sex confusion proved way more popular than underwater sea adventures, and with a little key-word creativity I sold a bucket-load of books under false pretenses.


----------



## Guest (Dec 23, 2014)

Unfortunately, the meteoric rise in sales spurred a piracy site to make free copies available and it's now been downloaded over 50,000 times.


----------



## cinisajoy (Mar 10, 2013)

Fortunately 49,000 actually read the book and bought my others.


----------



## Sever Bronny (May 13, 2013)

Unfortunately an unspeakable scandal of my private life hit the tabloids this morning.


----------



## A.E. Williams (Jul 13, 2014)

Fortunately, it left me out of it...

A.E. Williams


----------



## Lynn McNamee (Jan 8, 2009)

Unfortunately, I'm being sued by some tentacled aliens who planned on "coming in peace" very soon. They think I gave them a bad name.


----------



## Robert Dahlen (Apr 27, 2014)

Fortunately, Judge Judy is taking the case.


----------



## Cherise (May 13, 2012)

Unfortunately, all the hoopla is distracting me from writing another sequel!


----------



## Jennifer Lewis (Dec 12, 2013)

Fortunately I was able to reformat the story to make it just long enough for Bookbub


----------



## Vaalingrade (Feb 19, 2013)

Unfortunately, they rejected it again.


----------



## DawnLee (Aug 17, 2014)

Fortunately, I've added five dollars to my "Buy Out BookBub" fund and I anticipate an easier time of it in the near future.


----------



## Carol (was Dara) (Feb 19, 2011)

Unfortunately, Kobo bought out Bookbub before I could.


----------



## Melody Simmons (Jul 8, 2012)

Fortunately the new Bookbub fees charged by Kobo are so high that no one uses the program anymore, and it is now replaced by the new popular Indiebub that is catering only for Indie authors. I was the first to sign up for Indiebub as others were sceptical and it has skyrocketed my sales and I cannot believe it but my book is now in the Top 100 on Amazon!  I have also built an extensive mailing list and am dreaming of a movie about my undersea adventure novel that will surpass the Abyss, but of course still with my attractive erotica cover to advertise it...


----------



## Someone (Dec 30, 2011)

Unfortunately Carlos picked up a week day shift, saw that tentacle porn was in the Top 100, and blocked my book.


----------



## Evenstar (Jan 26, 2013)

Fortunately I had done so well at this point that Amazon made me an* All Star,* my book went out on their mailing list and was advertised on the home page despite Carlos, oh, and they paid me an extra 5k from the All Star fund


----------



## Ravenandblack (Jan 27, 2014)

Unfortunately Dear Author outed me as a plagiarist after discovering huge chunks of my manuscript had been lifted directly from a well known best seller.


----------



## Colin (Aug 6, 2011)

Fortunately for you, Amazon didn't take any action.


----------



## Someone (Dec 30, 2011)

Unfortunately Carlos got his no action revenge by pointing out that not only is my book plagiarized but it is also on Google Play so my All Star payout has been rescinded



This thread is a hoot - thanks for the many great laughs. I might have made Carlos the bad guy for a reason, LOL


----------



## m.a. petterson (Sep 11, 2013)

Fortunately I have 'something' on Jeff Bezos and 'persuaded' him to tweak all the algos in my favor.


----------



## Evan of the R. (Oct 15, 2013)

Unfortunately, an Amazon drone appears to be hovering outside my window right now.


----------



## Colin (Aug 6, 2011)

Fortunately the Amazon drone is mistaken for a Taliban attack aircraft and is shot down by surface-to-air water pistol.


----------



## Michael Buckley (Jun 24, 2013)

Unfortunately my 140 pound Rottweiler saw the attack before it happened and drank the water before it hit the drone.


----------



## Colin (Aug 6, 2011)

Fortunately your 140 pound Rottweiler that saw the attack before it happened and drank the water before it hit the drone has been arrested and forensics are stood by with a bottle waiting to collect the evidence.


----------



## Michael Buckley (Jun 24, 2013)

Unfortunately while they await evidence the Amazon drone has returned...


----------



## Colin (Aug 6, 2011)

Fortunately the returning drone picked up some stray signals from a truck driver's CB radio and flew into Jeff B's office window hitting him on the head and after ten minutes out cold he woke to proclaim that from now on all authors will get 95% royalties on all their books.


----------



## Lynn McNamee (Jan 8, 2009)

Unfortunately, that 95% only applies authors who have signed a lifetime contract to stay in Select forever and go live in the new Amazon Writers' Compound.


----------



## Sam Kates (Aug 28, 2012)

Fortunately, the compound is in the Bahamas and they hand out a lot of free bacon.


----------



## Evan of the R. (Oct 15, 2013)

Unfortunately, it's soy bacon.


----------



## Melody Simmons (Jul 8, 2012)

Evan of the R. said:


> Unfortunately, it's soy bacon.


Fortunately Monsanto and their GMO soy project adds $ 23 Billion to the KU fund and Private Author fund each year, so we tolerate...


----------



## Someone (Dec 30, 2011)

Unfortunately it still isn't real bacon

( Sorry. I know this doesn't move us forward but, but, but... It's bacon that we're talking 'bout here friends. B. A. C. O. N. Everyone knows the difference between bacon and soy bacon. Even Michael Buckley's jumping great heights for water Rottie is gonna snub his nose to the soy bacon. And well, when you are hungry, you totally understand why this _unfortunately_ is an _unfortunately_ MUST add. Once again, even with us basking in the Bahama sun in front of KU's 23 billion dollar pile of benjamins, we're still talking 'bout having to deal with soy bacon  )


----------



## rashad.freeman001 (Feb 23, 2012)

Fortunately with my extra KU money I buy enough real bacon for everyone.


----------



## Guest (Dec 23, 2014)

Unfortunately, I could have used the money since the stock photography site where I purchased the pic for my cover is demanding I buy an Extended License. Also the model whose image appears on my sleazy cover is suing me for millions saying her reputation is ruined (as in kaput!) by the linkage of her name with porno ever since TMZ picked up the story and featured her in a pictorial that dubbed her, “The Queen of Tentacle Sex.”


----------



## Someone (Dec 30, 2011)

Fortunately 48 of my $9.99 scamlets are now in the Top 100 so I can pay off both the stock photo site and the model


----------



## Colin (Aug 6, 2011)

Unfortunately someone's (not naming names for fear of litigation) scamlets are now infesting the Top 100. This very same someone (who will remain anonymous) came up with an unconvincing excuse about paying for stock photos and paying off some model who isn't a real person - merely a model of a real person.


----------



## DawnLee (Aug 17, 2014)

Colin said:


> Unfortunately someone's (not naming names for fear of litigation) scamlets are now infesting the Top 100. This very same someone (who will remain anonymous) came up with an unconvincing excuse about paying for stock photos and paying off some model who isn't a real person - merely a model of a real person.


Fortunately, the public is so taken with the whole saga that Hollywood royalty are lining up to pose for new cover photos, gratis. George Clooney posed for the next tentacle porn cover and won't stop Tweeting about it. Amazon is having a psychotic break over the pre-orders.


----------



## Robert Dahlen (Apr 27, 2014)

Unfortunately, they've cast Lindsay Lohan to play me in the movie.


----------



## Someone (Dec 30, 2011)

Fortunately Mama June wasn't available to play my erotic, tentacle loving heroine and, now that Lindsey Lohan is playing me, I can put off rehab for another 12 months


----------



## Amanda Hough (Feb 17, 2014)

Unfortunately my addiction to over the counter probiotics has spiraled out of control.


----------



## Colin (Aug 6, 2011)

Fortunately over the counter probiotics are a passing fad. Conversely, under the counter antibiotics work quite well.


----------



## Colin (Aug 6, 2011)

carinasanfey said:


> Unfortunately, I banged my head while coming up from under the counter.


Fortunately - and I know it seems counter-intuitive, but probiotics are good for head banging.


----------



## DawnLee (Aug 17, 2014)

Colin said:


> Fortunately - and I know it seems counter-intuitive, but probiotics are good for head banging.


Unfortunately, I banged my head a little too hard and forgot the ending to my next bestseller.


----------



## Cherise (May 13, 2012)

Fortunately, I have umpteen thousand fans now, and one of them emailed me a great idea for the next book's ending.


----------



## DawnLee (Aug 17, 2014)

Cherise Kelley said:


> Fortunately, I have umpteen thousand fans now, and one of them emailed me a great idea for the next book's ending.


Unfortunately, she then published it.

Bear with me, I'm having so much (and much-needed) fun. I'll probably start playing this by myself when everyone else loses interest.


----------



## DawnLee (Aug 17, 2014)

carinasanfey said:


> Fortunately, I killed her.


unfortunately, I found out that she left all of her royalties to me, but now Zon won't let me have them. You know, on account of the whole murder thing.


----------



## Lady Vine (Nov 11, 2012)

Fortunately, my time in prison for murder encourages me to write a memoir, which everyone is calling the new Orange is the New Black, and one of the Big 5 offers me $5 million for it.


----------



## Colin (Aug 6, 2011)

Lady Vine said:


> Fortunately, my time in prison for murder encourages me to write a memoir, which everyone is calling the new Orange is the New Black, and one of the Big 5 offers me $5 million for it.


Unfortunately, because you have spent time behind bars, you must give all the money to charity. And that applies to all authors who have worked in the drinks dispensing sector.


----------



## Melody Simmons (Jul 8, 2012)

Fortunately I have a couple of fake charities and NGOs registered in my name...


----------



## DawnLee (Aug 17, 2014)

Unfortunately, George Clooney thinks I made his tentacles look too small and he sues my charities and wins.


----------



## cinisajoy (Mar 10, 2013)

Fortunately,  the appellate judge determines George Clooney does have small tentacles and reverses the decision.


----------



## Midnight Whimsy (Jun 25, 2013)

Unfortunately, someone has found the secret writing oasis I bought with charity money, and they're knocking on the front door. Through the peep hole, I see someone familiar...


----------



## DawnLee (Aug 17, 2014)

Fortunately, it's Tommy Lee Jones, who has arrived to assist me with my tentacle problem.


----------



## Colin (Aug 6, 2011)

DawnLee said:


> Fortunately, it's Tommy Lee Jones, who has arrived to assist me with my tentacle problem.


Unfortunately, I would love to carry on with this fun thread, but it's snoozy-time here in Britlandshire and I have to go to bed and wrestle with my own tentacle problem.


----------



## DawnLee (Aug 17, 2014)

Colin for the win.


----------



## JETaylor (Jan 25, 2011)

Fortunately, it's not snooze-time here and I'm frying up some of those tentacles... Calamari anyone?


----------



## Cherise (May 13, 2012)

DawnLee said:


> Fortunately, it's Tommy Lee Jones, who has arrived to assist me with my tentacle problem.


Unfortunately, he has tentacles for real! Help!


----------



## Colin (Aug 6, 2011)

DawnLee said:


> Colin for the win.


Thank you Dawn. But you're supposed to say, 'fortunately, it's Colin for the win.' or the whole thread is scuppered.

Goodnight.


----------



## Claire Frank (Jul 28, 2014)

Cherise Kelley said:


> Unfortunately, he has tentacles for real! Help!


Fortunately, he's also wearing a kilt, and we know how hot a tentacled guy in a kilt can be.


----------



## DawnLee (Aug 17, 2014)

Colin said:


> Thank you Dawn. But you're supposed to say, 'fortunately, it's Colin for the win.' or the whole thread is scuppered.
> 
> Goodnight.


Nit and also pick, why don't you?


----------



## Colin (Aug 6, 2011)

DawnLee said:


> Nit and also pick, why don't you?


You're supposed to say, 'unfortunately, Nit and also pick, why don't you?' or the ..........zzzzzzzzzzz


----------



## DawnLee (Aug 17, 2014)

Claire Frank said:


> Fortunately, he's also wearing a kilt, and we know how hot a tentacled guy in a kilt can be.


Unfortunately, his kilt caught fire as we sat down next to the fireplace, so he was hotter than can be considered ideal.

Oh, and bite me, Colin.


----------



## Colin (Aug 6, 2011)

DawnLee said:


> Oh, and bite me, Colin.


I will do ma'am, just as soon as I've finished wrestling with my tentacles.


----------



## DawnLee (Aug 17, 2014)

Colin said:


> I will do ma'am, just as soon as I've finished wrestling with my tentacles.


You're supposed to say, "Fortunately........"


----------



## Colin (Aug 6, 2011)

DawnLee said:


> You're supposed to say, "Fortunately........"


Unfortunately, I forgot.

Sorry...


----------



## DawnLee (Aug 17, 2014)

Colin said:


> Unfortunately, I forgot.
> 
> Sorry...


The sparring is strong in this one.

Fortunately, it is NOT my bedtime, so the real game may continue as soon as someone comes back to play.


----------



## Guest (Dec 23, 2014)

DawnLee said:


> Unfortunately, his kilt caught fire as we sat down next to the fireplace, so he was hotter than can be considered ideal.


Fortunately, as I walk through the smoke to save him, I am transported back to 1743 and meet Jamie, a hot young man in a kilt, and I have sex with him instead.


----------



## A.E. Williams (Jul 13, 2014)

Unfortunately, a T1000 Terminator also appears, since his wibby-wobbly, timey-wimey thingie was off.


----------



## Cherise (May 13, 2012)

Fortunately, I've always considered myself warned about terminators. I reach up to switch the thing off.


----------



## A.E. Williams (Jul 13, 2014)

Unfortunately, that 'thing' was a tentacle....maybe.  

A.E. Williams


----------



## Guest (Dec 24, 2014)

Fortunately, it wasn't a tentacle. It was the on switch to the Keurig K45 Single Serve that this cyborg was outfitted with. I now have a perfectly brewed cup of Columbian dark roast.


----------



## Michael Buckley (Jun 24, 2013)

Unfortunately, the dark roast turned out to be tea, mild and bland. The Keurig K45 Single Serve the cyborg was outfitted with was not a switch at all, but...


----------



## Mav Skye (Sep 5, 2014)

Wings. Fortunately, the cyborg flew over the rainbow where he met the flying monkeys and lusted after the sparkle of Dorothy's gorgeous red slippers.


----------



## Colin (Aug 6, 2011)

Mav Skye said:


> Wings. Fortunately, the cyborg flew over the rainbow where he met the flying monkeys and lusted after the sparkle of Dorothy's gorgeous red slippers.


Unfortunately, the cyborg then met the Tin Man, immediately fell in love and began a passionate sexual relationship, which ended due to severe metal fatigue and several misplaced screws...


----------



## A.E. Williams (Jul 13, 2014)

Fortunately, all the screws were metric, with a left-hand thread.


----------



## Colin (Aug 6, 2011)

A.E. Williams said:


> Fortunately, all the screws were metric, with a left-hand thread.


Unfortunately, those tasked with repairing the couple only had right-handed screwdrivers.


----------



## Michael Buckley (Jun 24, 2013)

Colin said:


> Unfortunately, those tasked with repairing the couple only had right-handed screwdrivers.


Fortunately attached to the screws where nuts and a socket set was used after spending countless tries to turn it clockwise, someone came to help and he had his ratchet set to turn counter clockwise by mistake, repairs were made and the sex continued or at least after the tin-man was discarded. The cyborg caught up with the red slippers and...

Woops, sorry about that Colin, you can think of something.


----------



## Colin (Aug 6, 2011)

Michael Buckley said:


> Fortunately attached to the screws where nuts and a socket set was used after spending countless tries to turn it clockwise, someone came to help and he had his ratchet set to turn counter clockwise by mistake, repairs were made and the sex continued or at least...


Unfortunately, as the months passed, the earlier passion wore off and the sex became more and more mechanical.


----------



## Michael Buckley (Jun 24, 2013)

Fortunately, Dorothy slapped the cyborg hard and told him she would take charge. She would enlighten him to a whole new world of non-mechanical delights...


----------



## Michael Buckley (Jun 24, 2013)

shimmering said:


> Unfortunately, at some point during these few months an imperial surveillance drone had detected the use of non-standard measurements and had reported back.


Fortunately, Dorothy was shocked by the cyborgs non-standard measurements as well, as she lie by his side with a slight smile covering her face...


----------



## Colin (Aug 6, 2011)

Michael Buckley said:


> Fortunately, Dorothy was shocked by the cyborgs non-standard measurements as well, as she lie by his side with a slight smile covering her face...


Unfortunately, Dorothy's smile didn't last long as the imperial surveillance drone was chewed up by Michael Buckley's 140 pound Rottweiler that had mistaken the drone for a bone, allowing the cyborg and the Tin Man to continue their affair somewhere under a rainbow - much to Dorothy's displeasure.


----------



## Michael Buckley (Jun 24, 2013)

Colin said:


> Unfortunately, Dorothy's smile didn't last long as the imperial surveillance drone was chewed up by Michael Buckley's 140 pound Rottweiler that had mistaken the drone for a bone, allowing the cyborg and the Tin Man to continue their affair somewhere under a rainbow - much to Dorothy's displeasure.


Da*n, how do I top that one.  I spilled my coffee on that. 

Fortunately, Dorothy rubbed her red shoes together saying there's no place like home, there's no place like home, as she awoken from her dream. The cyborg threw what was left of the Tin-Man's head in the trash. It was a beautiful sight to see the cyborg and the rottweiler together with Dorothy as they started on their journey back to OZ...


----------



## Melody Simmons (Jul 8, 2012)

I was offline for some time but am happy to see this thread turned into a hilarious amount of fun!


----------

