# Request for private message...



## Sapphire (Apr 24, 2012)

Has anyone on KB read my book, When Least Expected? Sales are dismal. I have good reviews, but I suspect I know at least one of the reviewers. Family and friends tell me they liked it; I know they're not impartial. I just need someone to give me an honest opinion. So, why did I request a PM? I'm not sure I'm as thick-skinned as I've always believed. :-

I'VE REDISCOVERED MY THICK SKIN AND WILL PUT MYSELF OUT THERE FOR YOUR COMMENTS AND SUGGESTIONS HERE ON THE FORUM PAGES. SO, YOU CAN IGNORE MY PM REQUEST.


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## EC Sheedy (Feb 24, 2011)

I haven't read your book, Sapphire, but I did read the opening page, and it's obvious you know your way around the word pile. 

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that maybe, _just maybe_, your cover isn't helping. It's just so sad. And while the face is uplifted, there is still an air of despair about it. I don't know but maybe "sadness and despair" don't sell too well. Does the book have a happy or uplifting ending? Does it offer promise for the future in some way? If so, maybe you should consider accenting the positive. Maybe. I don't know.

I'd also consider breaking the blurb into at least a couple of paragraphs--and bold the header:

*Three women lose husbands they love...*

(Says she who is old enough to admit that she knows nothing about anything...)

P.S. Did not PM this because I don't think your skin is any thinner than mine.


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## Sapphire (Apr 24, 2012)

I have really thick skin about all the technical details and ancillary parts. It's the basic writing critique that I fear. No, fear isn't the word. I guess I don't want to get totally torn apart on the public pages of KB. That does mean I'm thin-skinned, doesn't it?

As for the ending, it's not an all smiles happy ending, but it is one of hope and willingness to find a way to a brighter future.


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## Greg Banks (May 2, 2009)

What have you done to promote the book? I can't count the number of times that I have seen people say that their book isn't selling, and then when asked what they've done to promote, the answer is "nothing". Not saying that this applies to you, but your making the assumption that your writing could be an issue when there are many other factors that could be the problem. More likely than not, if people aren't buying, it's not the writing that they are sampling that's driving them away. They probably aren't getting that far. They either don't know the book exists, or they aren't being drawn in by the cover and/or the description.


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## ruecole (Jun 13, 2012)

Sounds like my type of book. 

But I totally wouldn't have picked it up, due to the cover (sorry, no offence!). But it really doesn't demonstrate genre very well. You need a scenic cover with a woman (or women) walking away or standing at a distance gazing wistfully or pensively, or an open door or window with some decorative items or a chair or shoes or something like that nearby, or a woman cropped from shoulder to chin or waist down.

Spend some time trawling the women's fiction category to see what is common for your genre.

Hope that helps!

Rue


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

I'm going to go out on a limb and say a few things that may or may not help or confuse you.

1. Cover. I don't like it. I really don't. It looks too much like a photograph with text slapped over the top. I'd try something a bit more design-ey, something that looks interesting, design-wise. Also, I hate brown.

2. Blurb. It's very distant. I have no idea of story line or main character.

3. Sample. Same thing. Distant. One thing that makes a story tick is good POV control. The writing has poor POV control. To engage with a story, most readers like to be in the characters' heads. One at a time, preferably. One character per scene.

The story touches on some very personal things that could appeal, but the blurb and execution feel too distant. 

The easiest thing would be to try a different cover. Then I would jazz up the blurb to see if you can make it more personal. Sentences like "A developing friendship binds them together, as each is learning to live alone after decades of marriage." sound really, really stand-offish and don't engage with any of the characters. I know what you're trying to convey is emotional, but I think you're stepping too far back from your characters.


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## David Adams (Jan 2, 2012)

Obviously this stock image is watermarked, but...

I know you didn't want public feedback, but I think it's important to see what KB thinks about this too. I had a play around with your cover. I think it doesn't do the book justice, so I tinkered with it a little bit. Obviously the image is watermarked and low res, but yeah. I think this might help you a bit. Or not. I don't know. I can't really help with books in that genre...


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## Carol (was Dara) (Feb 19, 2011)

Sapphire, I haven't read your book but I did look at the blurb. I liked the sound of it but am concerned the kind of readers who might be drawn to a story like this won't find it because of the cover. (Naturally, I'm going to focus on the cover because it's the easiest thing to change.) Here's some covers I feel have the tone I'd be going for in your place. Your also boughts indicate this is what your readers like, so using this style may attract more sales. All the below have a contemplative, even sad, look but the pastel colors suggest women's fiction, as do the women shown from a distance or from behind.


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## ruecole (Jun 13, 2012)

Dara, you are awesome. Those are exactly the types of covers I was thinking of. 

Rue


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## Carol (was Dara) (Feb 19, 2011)

ruecole said:


> Dara, you are awesome. Those are exactly the types of covers I was thinking of.


Your comment brought them to mind.


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## WHDean (Nov 2, 2011)

I read some of the sample. The prose is fine, but you don't connect with a character in the beginning-the POV is distant third person. You describe people grieving around a casket and their reasons, but we feel no one person's grief. There's no one to identify with. I don't know whether that's an important cause, but it looks like I'm the second person to notice-and I read the sample *before * reading the other posts.

Don't care for the cover either.


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## Joe_Nobody (Oct 23, 2012)

I have not read your book, but did study the blurb and read the "look inside" portion.

First of all, you can write. If you're having doubts about that, don't. Your chops are as good as any, better than most.

I'm not a good judge of covers, so I'll leave that to others.

Here's what I would do if I were you:

1. I would rework the blurb. I believe it exposes too much. As I read the first few pages, I knew what was going to happen since I'd read the blurb. I knew who the other two women were standing behind the widow, before the story told me. Someone used the term "distant" above, and I have to somewhat agree. It's so distant you can see too much of the story from there.

2. I don't think the first page has a "catch." There's no problem, query, issue or threat presented to the reader. I think its just a tweak for your story, certainly not a rewrite or anything of the sort. If you made the grieving widow wonder how she was going to survive, feed the children or not commit suicide, that would "catch" the reader and pull them in.

From what I read, you've got a good book there. Don't give up on it or take drastic action. Its a matter of degrees, not a major course correction.

Best of luck.


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## ElHawk (Aug 13, 2012)

I definitely agree that your cover could use some sprucing up.  It's important to be sure you're targeting your primary audience with the correct cover.

I also wonder...have you ever had a critique of your work before?  I ask because I've found it's never as scary as you think it might be.


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## Sapphire (Apr 24, 2012)

The three main female characters have shed their share of tears (represented by the cover). They're each determined to forge a path forward without their husbands (woman on cover looking up). One finds great strength in her faith. One has totally abandoned her religion and questions the very existence of God. One is trying to hide in plain sight. They are private people, but slowly pour out their souls to one another, and they discover an amazing bond. The book covers approximately 50 years of their lives and ends with the three of them "stepping outside the box" in search of a fresh start on a long cruise...or are they running away? That journey continues in the 2nd book of the series (not yet published). Each book is a stand-alone, but is part of a 3-book series.

I never would have guessed the cover was a problem. Yet, that is the message I'm hearing from most of you. I have felt the blurb lacks something. I have rewritten it more than once and various versions appear on Kindle, Amazon paperback, Nook, Smashwords, etc. It feels forced to me, sort of stiff and artificial. No, I have never been part of a critique group. I wouldn't know how to find one. Members of my book club were my beta readers. Only a couple were blunt enough to be helpful. One was especially helpful and her input made my book much better.

BTW, forget what I said about thick-skinned and thin-skinned. I'm tough. If anything, my ego might be a bit too strong. I just dreaded the thought of having a dozen people publicly state that my writing stinks. In other words, I take offense at nothing anyone is saying. I appreciate your honesty. I know I need to do something. I know I need to finish the next book. It should have been done by now, but life got in the way.


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## Sapphire (Apr 24, 2012)

Greg, you asked about promos. My book was on Harvey's Friday KBoards Book Discovery Day. I was in Select for 90 days and did a 3-day and a 2-day free runs. In late January I put it up on all other ereader sites and into a CreateSpace paperback about three weeks ago. I have a thread on Book Bazaar. I participate sometimes in Book Corner. I am active in the Boomer Lit discussion group on Goodreads. I had a wonderful write-up in my old hometown newspaper. Unfortunately, it's only a weekly in a town of about 10,000 population. This coming Saturday I'm doing a book signing at a local book store in Osage Beach, Missouri. (I have a summer home at the lake.) I have a Facebook author page (very few followers) and have recently been tweeting. I know I don't use social media effectively. The truth is, I don't know how. I had business card size prints of my cover, listing available sources on the back. I distribute these whenever I have the opportunity. It sounds like a lot when I write it, but I know in reality it's reaching very few people. Everyone in WC says to promote. How? Where?


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## blakebooks (Mar 10, 2012)

I agree with Joe. Rework the first bit so it presents a conflict that sucks the reader in. Selling ebooks is show biz, and it helps if you have a hook and some sizzle right out of the gate.

The blurb only has one function. Not to tell the story of the book. It's not a summary. Its only job is to compel readers to buy the book. As such, less if more. Think oomph. Maybe something like, "Three women. Impossible choices. Can they forge triumph from tragedy?" Blah blah blah. But the point is, get the reader really interested in the questions the book answers with only a few short sentences. And then they have to get the book in order to learn more. Like an attorney's first job is to get the job, a publisher's first job is to get the sale. Less. Is. More.

I'd get a pro cover. You want to sell books, you're competing with lots of pro covers. If yours doesn't look pro, you just lost most who will figure the product isn't either, and life's too short.

And finally, spend 25% of your time on marketing and promotions. If you haven't done a bunch of promotions, and just put the book out there hoping that readers will find it out of the million+ books on kindle, guess what you've learned? Books don't sell themselves, in general. Publishers (you as a self-publisher) must devote time, effort and money to marketing and promotions, or you simply have nothing with which to compete. That means creating a blog/author page, twitter and facebook accts and pages, reaching out to do interviews, guest blogs, and of course, advertising. Many feel they don't or shouldn't have to do that, because they're writers. And you know what? They're right. Writers don't have to do that. But publishers do, and when you upload your book and ask people to pay you for it, you're a publisher. If you're a publisher who doesn't want to or can't do what I just described to create discoverability for your title, they the chances of it being tripped over by an interested reader are about those of me levitating. Sorry. That's the truth. 

Readers can't buy what they don't know exits. Your job as a publisher is to research your genre, figure out how your audience discovers new books, and then put your back into whatever that is, so you can get what you need: visibility that will translate into sale.

This probably sounds overwhelming. It's not. Spend a day or two on the first few pages to create a tense situation the reader MUST know more about after reading it. That compels them to buy the book, and not walk away from the Look Inside sample feeling, eh, maybe some other time. That's the first job. Second is redo your burb so it poses interesting scenarios or poses provocative questions that draw the reader in, and doesn't try to summarize the story or introduce characters or explain relationships. That's the book's job. The blurb's job is to get the reader to go, hmm, that sounds intriguing, I'll take a gander at it. Get any of the myriad cover people who can create a cover that looks like the other big sellers in your genre. If yours doesn't look like those, it needs to, IMO, at the same level of professionalism.  Those are all product issues, easily handled. Work them all, and then switch to the publisher job, which is figuring out how to alert your target readers that you have what they are looking to buy. Join the WLC (World Literary Cafe) and watch some of their promo activities and participate in their tweet teems to get a hang of their approach. I've had zero success with in-person promos. Online is global. Bigger pond to fish in. IF you have a budget, include things like Bookbub in it. 

That's what I do.


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## Sapphire (Apr 24, 2012)

Good night, all. It's almost 1:00 AM here. I'll mull this over in my dreams and read any other comments in the morning. Thank you, one and all. The promo stuff has me baffled. I know I should be doing something; I even know in general what it ought to be. I simply can't figure out specifically what and how to tackle it. Something tells me my granddaughters would be better at this media stuff than I am. Hmm, you're never to old to learn new things, right?


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## unkownwriter (Jun 22, 2011)

First, I just want to say good for you, to ask for opinions (public or otherwise). That took a lot of courage.

I agree that the cover isn't getting the book across in the way you intend. My impression from seeing it in your signature has always been that the book is about some sort of abuse, not an ultimately uplifting women's fiction story.

The covers Dara showed are more like what you need, at least to my mind. Granted, I'm not a big women's fiction person, though I do read some, but that's what I would expect to see.

The blurb needs something more personal, something to grab the reader. I'd focus on the three main characters, make them come alive -- use their names, and a brief bit about their stories. Then say something general about how they come to share their lives and get involved with neighbors, whatever is going on in the plot.

As for the writing, it's pretty good. There is one place where a character is having internal dialogue but it's punctuated like actual spoken dialogue, which confused me. I do feel like the POV is distant, and you introduce a lot of people right at the beginning, which is I think too much for readers to handle. It seems like the new widow (Carrie?) is the main character, so focus on her POV.

That said, I think with a little tweaking, you can get this book selling. I think this is a story I could get into. Getting the next part out a soon as you can will help a lot as well. 

I fully understand about life getting in the way -- with my parents' health problems this past year, along with stuff going on with my youngest son, I've been so stressed out I basically stopped writing, working on getting better covers, etc. I know it's hurting sales, but I've been too bummed out to do anything.


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## jvin248 (Jan 31, 2012)

.
(I'm procrastinating editing...)
You can work with your existing cover image but swap in new fonts and a color scheme. You'll want to put more finnesse into the image manipulations and fades than I did but I think the cover is closer to your needs. I added a spark at the end of the tear ("promise of hope"), changed eye color to the new blue/purple range, black background layer & cropped the photo, light purple fade to transparent top to bottom, white fades up from the two corners. Having the actual image at higher resolution could make sense to blur it a bit and change opacity some for better color balance. I used gimp.org to make this, not sure what you used/prefer. Fonts put it into the genre. 
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I agree with the blurb touch up. Review six top sellers in this book's category to see the structure and typical content. That's probably the quickest way. It's like writing poetry with all the same word conservation and anguish. I'm still learning as I do each one. Your category placement is perfect and pricing is good. Do you have a target release date for the second book in the series? That might be a good note at the end of the blurb "book two release date late Summer 2013" unless it's further away.
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I'd make the cover (ebook) and blurb changes (both ebook and paperback) and get them uploaded and live in a few days. Then run a KDP-Select free day (just one) this Sunday and see how it does compared with your other free days, assuming you are into another 90-day cycle.
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Sensitive content, not recommended for those under 18
Show Content









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## Amanda Brice (Feb 16, 2011)

I agree with the others. Cover, cover, cover. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I've never been tempted to click on your cover because I also thought it was a story about abuse or...I don't know. Something totally sad. I know that your characters have all had their share of tears, but you really need to go with something contemplative but ultimately uplifting if that's what the actual tone of the book is.

Dara's suggestions are spot-on. I had no idea from your cover that it was women's fiction.


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## JumpingShip (Jun 3, 2010)

Sapphire said:


> I have really thick skin about all the technical details and ancillary parts. It's the basic writing critique that I fear. No, fear isn't the word. I guess I don't want to get totally torn apart on the public pages of KB. That does mean I'm thin-skinned, doesn't it?
> 
> As for the ending, it's not an all smiles happy ending, but it is one of hope and willingness to find a way to a brighter future.


I just sent you a pm. Can I say I think you are super brave to invite critique?  I'm not sure I could do it.  I hope what I said in my PM was helpful and that you take it with a grain of salt, knowing that I gave just *my* opinion.


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## JumpingShip (Jun 3, 2010)

ruecole said:


> Sounds like my type of book.
> 
> But I totally wouldn't have picked it up, due to the cover (sorry, no offence!). But it really doesn't demonstrate genre very well. You need a scenic cover with a woman (or women) walking away or standing at a distance gazing wistfully or pensively, or an open door or window with some decorative items or a chair or shoes or something like that nearby, or a woman cropped from shoulder to chin or waist down.
> 
> ...


I thought the cover was okay, but reading your suggestions, now I think you're right. lol. Shows you what I know! I don't read the genre all that often so I don't browse it either.


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## beccaprice (Oct 1, 2011)

Some of the best money I've spent so far has been on Dean Wesley Smith's Blurbs and Pitches class.  I won't make it back on my book, but it's an investment in my writing career, so I don't care. When I have the others, I'm going to try to take some of his other classes as well. If you look at your blurb in terms of a sales document rather than a plot summary, it will work much better.

(the other issue, of course, is how well your genre sells. I get mostly 5-star reviews, but I know that fairy tales aren't as big a seller as erotica is, for example. I have no idea how well women's fiction sells.)


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## Sapphire (Apr 24, 2012)

beccaprice said:


> (the other issue, of course, is how well your genre sells. I get mostly 5-star reviews, but I know that fairy tales aren't as big a seller as erotica is, for example. I have no idea how well women's fiction sells.)


Neither do I know how well women's fiction sells, and this is boomer lit on top of that. I didn't know I was writing boomer lit, but upon discovering that new group on Goodreads I recognized that I had written it.


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## PeggyI (Jan 9, 2011)

Something that needs to be touched on is that you only have one book. It's been my experience that the first book doesn't usually sell much. By the time you get book 3, 4, and 5 up there you will have a fan base ready to buy anything you write and new readers will be going back to pick up your older stuff.

The lesson is quit worrying about book 1 and get on with 2 & 3.


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## Sapphire (Apr 24, 2012)

I rewrote the first half of the first chapter several times before publishing. You would have really groaned at earlier versions. My challenge was getting all the people into that family waiting room at the same time. It was necessary for what comes in the second half of the first chapter. Your comments about getting into Carrie's head right away make a lot of sense. I'll see what I can do.

As I mentioned last night (early this morning?), I am aware the blurb is weak and I have tackled it more than once. I guess it's back to the drawing board again, but I'm lacking creative thoughts for it. Would a glass or two of wine help? (No, I don't mean at this time of day.) Maybe I should start with chocolate instead. 

The second book of the series will be finished this summer. The third is about 10% written. I, too, hesitate to buy any book that says it's the first of a series when I see no evidence of future books.

Yes, outside critique would be helpful. I am a novice as a professional writer. My grammatical training was not about writing fiction. As I said somewhere earlier, I had no idea where to find it. A couple of you have given me some direction.

You may all be surprised to learn I didn't do the cover myself. I don't know how to work with graphics. I paid someone I found through a writers' source. Funny, I thought it conveyed genre well. It's not a light book. The subject matter is heavy, but it is about personal survival and nothing about abuse at all. This is obviously another item I must revisit. Jvin, I love the font you suggested. Even the purple makes genre clear. I'm not sure about the purple tones in the image though. My original idea was three women on a walking path because that's how they come together in the book, but was unable to find the right photo stock and my cover designer made the photo stock choice my responsibility.

One final thing, quit trying to handle me with kid gloves. I regret the timid way I approached and labeled this thread. I have given you all the wrong impression of me. I don't get my feelings hurt easily. I am a strong person, strong to the point of being a bit stubborn sometimes. (My husband would say it's more than a bit.) However, I know there are very capable people here in WC, and I will neither reject advice out of hand nor argue with your good intentions. You have no idea how much I appreciate you all! Thank you. I'm checking out for a few hours again, but I'll be back later.


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## JumpingShip (Jun 3, 2010)

Sapphire said:


> I rewrote the first half of the first chapter several times before publishing. You would have really groaned at earlier versions. My challenge was getting all the people into that family waiting room at the same time. It was necessary for what comes in the second half of the first chapter. Your comments about getting into Carrie's head right away make a lot of sense. I'll see what I can do.
> 
> As I mentioned last night (early this morning?), I am aware the blurb is weak and I have tackled it more than once. I guess it's back to the drawing board again, but I'm lacking creative thoughts for it. Would a glass or two of wine help? (No, I don't mean at this time of day.) Maybe I should start with chocolate instead.
> 
> ...


To get inside Carrie's head and still keep everyone in the scene, can we 'meet' them through Carrie's interactions with them? We don't need to know their whole history right away, just a few clues in dialogue or Carrie's thoughts about them. Or even have a few of them interact while in a small group around Carrie. She can notice them but doesn't have to comment.


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## Heather Hamilton-Senter (May 25, 2013)

A little late to the discussion, but I'd actually noticed your cover before in your signature in other posts and I had assumed it was religious non-fiction. Despite being very religious myself, this isn't a type of book that I would normally purchase on Amazon. So though I usually check out all the books on people's signatures out of curiosity (and have bought quite a few), I didn't even click on yours.

Cover, cover, cover - you can't get people to join the party if you don't get them in the front door!


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## Sapphire (Apr 24, 2012)

To Russell Blake:
I think you're going to need to send some of your tequila my way.


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## Sapphire (Apr 24, 2012)

Dara England said:


> Sapphire, I haven't read your book but I did look at the blurb. I liked the sound of it but am concerned the kind of readers who might be drawn to a story like this won't find it because of the cover. (Naturally, I'm going to focus on the cover because it's the easiest thing to change.) Here's some covers I feel have the tone I'd be going for in your place. Your also boughts indicate this is what your readers like, so using this style may attract more sales. All the below have a contemplative, even sad, look but the pastel colors suggest women's fiction, as do the women shown from a distance or from behind.


Susan Mallory's "Three Sisters" was along the line I originally envisioned.


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## Monique (Jul 31, 2010)

What a thoughtful and helpful post, Dara.

Those covers capture the feeling I get from the description. Hope. The current cover looks like pain and misery, and a story of abuse.


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## George Hamilton (Dec 14, 2010)

Dara England said:


> Sapphire, I haven't read your book but I did look at the blurb. I liked the sound of it but am concerned the kind of readers who might be drawn to a story like this won't find it because of the cover.


Hi Sapphire. I very much agree with Dara. When I first looked at your cover, I thought of those religious pamphlets that are handed out on the street, and then I read your reply 13 and saw that the faith element was important. The cover brings across the faith element for me, but not in a fictional sense. The number of comments that have mentioned the cover should point you in that direction. I think you should then look at some of the sites which can connect you with reviewers and see if you can get some more, as based on my past experience, it was only once my first book had more than 10 that sales improved. Below are a couple of links where you can find reviewers:

http://www.booktweetingservice.com/p/like-free-review.html

http://www.stepbystepselfpublishing.net/reviewer-list.html


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## Sapphire (Apr 24, 2012)

David Adams said:


> Obviously this stock image is watermarked, but...
> 
> I know you didn't want public feedback, but I think it's important to see what KB thinks about this too. I had a play around with your cover. I think it doesn't do the book justice, so I tinkered with it a little bit. Obviously the image is watermarked and low res, but yeah. I think this might help you a bit. Or not. I don't know. I can't really help with books in that genre...


Any thoughts on this from the rest of you?


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## dianasg (Jan 8, 2010)

Monique said:


> What a thoughtful and helpful post, Dara.
> 
> Those covers capture the feeling I get from the description. Hope. The current cover looks like pain and misery, and a story of abuse.


Agree 100%! Those covers are great, and I too thought of misery/abuse when I looked at the original cover. (ETA: Sorry (and sorry David!), but I'm not a fan of the cover David did. IMO, the problem is that image. I think those covers that Dara posted are right on-target.)

Kudos to you, though, for asking and taking everything in stride. I agree with what others have mentioned about the cover, blurb, and opening pages. The blurb feels sort of stilted, and the opening pages were (to me) dry and distant because we weren't in anyone's head. Knowing the characters - feeling with them - helps me care about them and makes me want to keep reading.

That said, maybe try to take it one step at a time? My suggestion would be to tackle the cover first, then the blurb. You've got the writing chops, and if you've already re-written the opening several times, it might be even more maddening to try and rewrite it again now. It might be that a new cover/blurb is all that it takes. Once you've taken some time, and if you still need to, then it might be less frustrating to rework the beginning.

If the inside was a mess, then I'd say tackle that first because no cover can make up for a poorly-written book, but IMO you've mostly got the opposite problem. Your readers just aren't finding you!

Best of luck! And tequila!


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## Monique (Jul 31, 2010)

Sapphire said:


> Any thoughts on this from the rest of you?


It was very kind of David to do, but I don't think it addresses the issues with the first at all. It's just about as sad and depressing as the first and the text treatment doesn't work for me, I'm afraid. It doesn't capture the feeling I think you want your readers to feel. All of the covers Dara posted are peaceful and hopeful in both color scheme and image. I think that's what you need to strive for.


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## Zoe York (May 12, 2013)

I'd like to offer my assistance with your cover - I'm not a pro, but I wouldn't charge anything either.  I'm a bit of a cover geek, and I hate to think of any good book staying unread because it's not being noticed. 

You mentioned that you like the Susan Mallery book - I can make up something heading in that direction, if you give me some keywords. Did you mention a cruise? Is water or the beach significant? Or would something more rural be appropriate, like a field. Or a house? When you close your eyes and think about the book, what kind of scene pops into your head? It doesn't need to be an exact scene from the book, and actually, sometimes that's exactly what you don't want. 

Most women's fiction books don't have people on the cover, or if they do, they're in the distance, turned away ... something to think about instead of the close up on a face.


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## Greg Banks (May 2, 2009)

Sapphire said:


> Neither do I know how well women's fiction sells, and this is boomer lit on top of that. I didn't know I was writing boomer lit, but upon discovering that new group on Goodreads I recognized that I had written it.


That's another thing to consider. When you have a book with such a specific audience, that's actually a good thing as long as you find ways to target that audience with your promotions. I agree with the other comments about your cover, but it still won't help if you don't make sure that the people most likely to read your type of book know that the book exists. Now that's easier said than done, but it's still something you have to consider.


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## Sapphire (Apr 24, 2012)

The scene that pops into my head is the heavily wooded walking/biking trail that runs through the suburb into the city. It's not rural. It's more like a linear park in a metro setting, to recreate a country feel for those living in the city.


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## Zoe York (May 12, 2013)

Something like this? 
http://www.bigstockphoto.com/image-39012532/stock-photo-autumn-park-yellow-trees

It would probably be better with people - women? 3 of them? ages?


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## Zoe York (May 12, 2013)

Here's an example with a photo from morguefile


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## cagnes (Oct 13, 2009)

I picture something like this, both pics are from Bigstock.


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## Amanda Brice (Feb 16, 2011)

I love both cagnes' examples, especially the one with the white eyelet dress.


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## 31842 (Jan 11, 2011)

Add me to the gentle crowd that would encourage a cover change. I found these over on Goonwrite and thought they might convey what you're going for. They're a $30 gamble, which seems like a fairly risk-free investment:

http://www.goonwrite.com/literary-fiction-pre-made-book-cover-designs.htm#.UcRWufmhR5J


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## Amanda Brice (Feb 16, 2011)

Ooh, I can't wait to see what James comes up with! So generous!


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## Desmond X. Torres (Mar 16, 2013)

Just for the record, it's threads like this one that keep me coming back here to Kb. 

This is some crew. Not a single throw away comment- even the comments on comments were thoughtful. 

I learned a lot from the comments on covers here; and you have some pretty talented artists offering their opinions. 

Sapphire, you and I did some work on your blurb, and I have to agree with the previous posters; it still needs a little work. Don't be shy about taking another run at it, okay?

Sure is great though having people tell you that your writing is on the right track though, isn't it? 

You're a gutsy girl. I bet you had your hand over your eyes when you hit post to start this thread! I sure would have.


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## JumpingShip (Jun 3, 2010)

humblenations said:


> That's incredibly nice of you to big me up BUT ... I'm actually sat here working on a quick and dirty version of my idea for this cover ... which will be one of my freebies that I sometimes do just because I fancy it because I like the person. The original poster seems to need a hand ... so stay tuned.


That's really an awesome thing to do.


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## Monique (Jul 31, 2010)

What a generous thing to do, James. I have to admit though, it doesn't work for me at all. It doesn't capture the thoughtful hope required. Cagnes' white eyelet is much closer in mood and feel for me.


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## D/W (Dec 29, 2010)

cagnes said:


> I picture something like this, both pics are from Bigstock.


I _love_ these covers, especially the one on the right!


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## Zoe York (May 12, 2013)

cagnes said:


> I picture something like this, both pics are from Bigstock.


Love the second picture!


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## ruecole (Jun 13, 2012)

Gotta agree with Monique. Love, love, love the eyelet one!

Rue


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## beccaprice (Oct 1, 2011)

humblenations said:


> Now I'm off to write a story today, forget all about covers for one afternoon and create something with words, which will be something like this ...
> 
> *IN ECUADOR, Maria Christina Magdalena Mendez feet no longer touch the ground. This is not a metaphor. She finds, to her surprise, that she is floating an imperceptible amount of distance off the actual floor. We are about to find out what happens when prayers are answered and miracles do occur. What will be come of Maria Christina when feet are no longer killing her? A short story by CL Smith.
> *


Have you read "Calling invisible women"? this sounds somewhat similar, only very different.


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## Carol (was Dara) (Feb 19, 2011)

I've posted some possibilities for Sapphire in a new cover thread if anyone would like to pitch in and share their thoughts on the mock-ups:

http://www.kboards.com/index.php/topic,154921.0.html


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## Sapphire (Apr 24, 2012)

You are a fantastic group of people. Virtual chocolate and red wine for everyone, unless you prefer white, of course. I posted in search of how to improve sales, as well as needing some reassurance. You have no idea how much help you have been. I thank each of you. I am in the process of making a few adjustments in the first couple of pages, have made a decision to try a different cover, and will attack that blasted blurb next.

One more question: Would it be a big mistake to put a new cover on the digital version and leave the paperback as is? Have you seen books with different covers in different versions?


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## Zoe York (May 12, 2013)

Oh, change both! Unless there's a significant barrier to changing the paperback. But kboard would probably just try and fix that for you too.


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## B.A. Spangler (Jan 25, 2012)

I haven't read your book but followed the link to take a look. I wouldn't shy away due to the writing or price or length or blurb… so that leaves the cover. If I were browsing Amazon, finding what to read next, I'd probably pass on yours. The cover didn't grab me, telling me to open and take a look at the first page.


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## quiet chick writes (Oct 19, 2012)

You've received a lot of great advice here, and I'm sure when it's all put together, it's going to make a big difference for you! 

Also keep in mind though (as was mentioned earlier in the thread), though I'm sure you will see improvements with some of these changes, women's fiction of the more serious variety (meaning, not chick-lit) has never been a SUPERhot genre compared to others. There is a small and devoted audience for it, but you're just never going to see the kind of blowout sales you would with other genres. It's probably about on par with literary fiction in terms of sales, and well, we all know how that goes.  

And I did take a peek at your first chapter as well -- I sent you a PM. Hope it helps! Good luck with the refresh!


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## Sapphire (Apr 24, 2012)

Once again thank you everyone for your input. It is much appreciated.

A SPECIAL NOTE OF THANKS to those who spent their valuable time putting up mock-ups of ideas of a new cover for me. They were all strong, but most didn't seem to solve my problem. I love seeing your artistic abilities which I do not possess.


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## Catchy (Mar 3, 2012)

Oh, you are brave. I can so relate to not wanting to expose yourself to negative comments, but it's really the only way to grow. I hope nothing I say will insult you, I have a rather brisk writing style that sometimes comes across less gently than I intend (I'm working on that).


I can't get any indication about the genre from the cover. I thought it was a mental health book. You can add a strapline or sub-title to give readers more information.

Two general things I believe about book cover design for books that are to be sold mostly online:

1. Avoid identifiable people. There's many reasons for this including licensing restrictions for stock images depending on the content of the book, but once you put a person (thin, white, black, Asian, heavy), you're excluding a lot of the population who won't readily identify. I'm not saying this is never done or should never be done, I'm just pointing out it's something you might have to compensate for in your marketing plan when you're first trying to build your audience. But, if you feel that the image represents your target market, that's your call. 

2. Use a nice, clear font that can easily be read at thumbnail. Avoid anything too decorative. Don't cram the text at the top or bottom of the image.


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