# The four words per post story!



## A_J_Lath

I've been playing this game on another forum, and it's a hoot! Basically, it's about what it says in the title: any poster can continue the story, but in no more than four words. You can end your post with a period or comma if your wish, or just leave it hanging. If you think a paragraph break would be appropriate, then [paragraph break] will suffice, and it won't affect your word count. I'm sure you all get the idea. So, to begin:

Nigel was rather fond


----------



## austenfiend

of his Great Dane.


----------



## A_J_Lath

She came from Copenhagen,


----------



## Gertie Kindle

and he named her


----------



## A_J_Lath

'Streaky', though she preferred


----------



## NogDog

"Emily," because she was


----------



## A_J_Lath

neither dog nor pig.


----------



## Geoffrey

In reality, she was


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Underdog, undercover crime fighter


----------



## Scheherazade

<insert heroic music here>.


----------



## Gertie Kindle

This hero's theme song


----------



## NogDog

was "Gonna Fly Now."


----------



## Geoffrey

Sadly, Nigel ignored this


----------



## NogDog

due to being distracted


----------



## luvmy4brats

by the ferret that


----------



## Karen

ran up his pants.


----------



## NogDog

"What's wrong, Nigel?" said


----------



## luvmy4brats

Agatha. "Why are you


----------



## NogDog

screaming like a girl?"


----------



## corkyb

Because, I am the


----------



## Laurie

"Because I just


----------



## Gertie Kindle

mated with the walrus.


----------



## Wisteria Clematis

A loud shriek reverberated


----------



## luvmy4brats

throughout the large cavern


----------



## NogDog

breaking loose a stalactite.


----------



## PhillipA82

Then something terrible happened.


----------



## Gertie Kindle

or a stalagmite and


----------



## MAGreen

So far in our thilling adventure, or perhaps mystery, or romance...I'm really not sure where this is going. (slightly edited for punctuation!)

Nigel was rather fond of his Great Dane. She came from Copenhagen, and he named her 'Streaky', though she preferred "Emily," because she was neither dog nor pig. In reality, she was Underdog, undercover crime fighter <insert heroic music here>. This hero's theme song was "Gonna Fly Now." Sadly, Nigel ignored this due to being distracted by the ferret that ran up his pants. 
"What's wrong, Nigel?" said Agatha. "Why are you screaming like a girl?" 
"Because I just mated with the walrus."
A loud shriek reverberated throughout the large cavern breaking loose a stalactite, or a stalagmite and, then something terrible happened!

Stay tuned for the next thrilling chapter in...whatever you want to call this thing!


----------



## B-Kay 1325

The walrus said I'm


----------



## Meredith Sinclair

in _desperate_ need of...


----------



## B-Kay 1325

a deep soaking tub.


----------



## NogDog

Do you know where


----------



## sherylb

I can find such


----------



## Scheherazade

a thing at this


----------



## NogDog

subterranean location?" he asked.


----------



## B-Kay 1325

The ferret said I


----------



## sherylb

can locate by smell


----------



## NogDog

the nearest Home Depot."


----------



## B-Kay 1325

Lead the way ferret


----------



## Scheherazade

, but try not to


----------



## NogDog

draw attention to my


----------



## Margaret

retractable tusks," begged walrus.


----------



## David Derrico

So the animals embarked


----------



## A_J_Lath

, going two by two,


----------



## Geoffrey

to a subterranean hottub


----------



## Aravis60

where, to their surprise,


----------



## Laurie

they were greeted by


----------



## B-Kay 1325

John, Paul, George, Ringo!


----------



## lindaF

who told them to


----------



## Scheherazade

therefore I'm not."  *POOF!*


----------



## Gertie Kindle

My hair went POUFY!


----------



## A_J_Lath

said a now bald


----------



## Gertie Kindle

cave bat but walrus


----------



## The Hooded Claw

had Rogaine for Men


----------



## Gertie Kindle

from obsessive infomercial watching


----------



## The Hooded Claw

nightly, after Designing Women.


----------



## Gertie Kindle

How he misses Dixie!


----------



## NogDog

The bat said, "Hey,


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Hay is for horses.


----------



## NogDog

"Hay? Horse?" said Nigel.


----------



## Scheherazade

"Over here!" whinnied Beatrice.


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

But the horse is


----------



## Gertie Kindle

a horse of course,


----------



## sherylb

and horses do not


----------



## Gertie Kindle

make good cinnamon toast


----------



## The Hooded Claw

"Head for Home Depot!"


----------



## Gertie Kindle

We need Duck Tape!!!


----------



## Geemont

The duck's wing broke


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Brokeback on the mountain


----------



## A_J_Lath

, where two male ducks


----------



## Gertie Kindle

compared the size of


----------



## akagriff

tails.  Meanwhile on the


----------



## Gertie Kindle

shores of Lake Margaret


----------



## Geoffrey

a dark car parked


----------



## A_J_Lath

where no dark car


----------



## Gertie Kindle

itself. Oh, wow, said


----------



## B-Kay 1325

Nigel, who is that?


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Beatrice could only neigh.


----------



## sherylb

Out from the car


----------



## Geemont

stepped a llama with


----------



## Gertie Kindle

a flock of seagulls.


----------



## austenfiend

They flew away suddenly


----------



## Gertie Kindle

then shrieked and crashed


----------



## B-Kay 1325

into the walls of


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Jericho. The trumpeters fled


----------



## Aravis60

from the oncoming rush


----------



## A_J_Lath

of guts and guano.


----------



## Linjeakel

Nigel stepped carefully around


----------



## Geoffrey

The story thus far:

Nigel was rather fond of his Great Dane. She came from Copenhagen, and he named her 'Streaky', though she preferred "Emily," because she was neither dog nor pig. In reality, she was Underdog, undercover crime fighter <insert heroic music here>. This hero's theme song was "Gonna Fly Now." Sadly, Nigel ignored this due to being distracted by the ferret that ran up his pants. 
"What's wrong, Nigel?" said Agatha. "Why are you screaming like a girl?" 
"Because I just mated with the walrus."
A loud shriek reverberated throughout the large cavern breaking loose a stalactite, or a stalagmite and, then something terrible happened!

The walrus said, "I'm in desperate need of a deep soaking tub. Do you know where I can find such a thing at this subterranean location?" he asked.

The ferret said,"I can locate by smell the nearest Home Depot."

"Lead the way ferret, but try not to draw attention to my retractable tusks," begged walrus.

So the animals embarked, going two by two, to a subterranean hottub where, to their surprise, they were greeted by John, Paul, George, Ringo!, who told them to therefore I'm not."

*POOF!*

"My hair went POUFY!" said a now bald cave bat but walrus had Rogaine for Men from obsessive infomercial watching nightly, after Designing Women. How he misses Dixie!

The bat said, "Hey"

"Hay is for horses."

"Hay? Horse?" said Nigel.

"Over here!" whinnied Beatrice. But the horse is a horse of course, and horses do not make good cinnamon toast

"Head for Home Depot!" We need Duck Tape!!! The duck's wing broke."

Brokeback on the mountain, where two male ducks compared the size of tails.

Meanwhile on the shores of Lake Margaret a dark car parked where no dark car itself. "Oh, wow," said Nigel, "who is that?"

Beatrice could only neigh.

Out from the car stepped a llama with a flock of seagulls. They flew away suddenly then shrieked and crashed into the walls of Jericho. The trumpeters fled from the oncoming rush of guts and guano.

Nigel stepped carefully around


----------



## Geoffrey

all this foolishness and


----------



## Gertie Kindle

fell into quicksand with


----------



## akagriff

as much grace and


----------



## Gertie Kindle

aplomb as Adam Savage


----------



## Tip10

drunk on good ale


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Emily stuck to butterbeer


----------



## A_J_Lath

, muttering and fluttering like


----------



## Gertie Kindle

a Transylvanian fruit fly


----------



## akagriff

sucking  blood from a


----------



## Gertie Kindle

pomegranates and a vampire


----------



## A_J_Lath

goat. In the meantime


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Emily was caught frolicking


----------



## akagriff

under a bridge by


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Neoprene Nancy and Ken


----------



## Tip10

from Kentucky who tried


----------



## Gertie Kindle

to juggle four fireflies


----------



## akagriff

while balancing on a


----------



## Margaret

slowly revolving wiffle ball


----------



## akagriff

.  Where is Nigel?  She


----------



## Geoffrey

asked.  "He should be


----------



## corkyb

at Lowe's shopping for


----------



## Tip10

a great big hammer


----------



## Gertie Kindle

to row the boat


----------



## Tip10

across the frozen lake


----------



## corkyb

to enter the woods


----------



## Gertie Kindle

to find the house


----------



## drenee

that Jack built, because


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Jack built a privy


----------



## Neekeebee

right under the beanstalk.


----------



## Gertie Kindle

EEEK. Falling Giant! Splat!!!


----------



## A_J_Lath

Resulting in a mess


----------



## akagriff

hall cooking diaster.  Green


----------



## A_J_Lath

giant giblets strewn everywhere,


----------



## Tip10

just visualize whirled peas!


----------



## corkyb

flying from the privy


----------



## CCrooks

hitting Nigel's sensitive bits


----------



## A_J_Lath

of cutlery and crockery.


----------



## corkyb

Ouch, that stuff hurts


----------



## luvmy4brats

just thinking about it.


----------



## A_J_Lath

Chopsticks, however, were somewhat


----------



## luvmy4brats

flung about haphazardly, landing


----------



## A_J_Lath

like darts in cork


----------



## Magenta

"Point of reference, please!"


----------



## akagriff

Nigel yelled.  He usually


----------



## A_J_Lath

didn't throw chopsticks, preferring


----------



## ladyknight33

to chuck wood logs


----------



## luvmy4brats

like a woodchuck would.


----------



## A_J_Lath

Meanwhile, back at the


----------



## Geoffrey

car, Betsy the Horse


----------



## akagriff

opened the trunk and


----------



## A_J_Lath

made the elephant scream


----------



## corkyb

threw herself into it


----------



## akagriff

"I am not coming


----------



## ladyknight33

out and you can't


----------



## Geoffrey

have any of my


----------



## A_J_Lath

peanuts and currant buns


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Unless you tickle me!"


----------



## luvmy4brats

"What would you like


----------



## Magenta

asked Betsy. "Well, I


----------



## luvmy4brats

could really use a


----------



## corkyb

new car and a


----------



## Magenta

driver.  That really took


----------



## corkyb

Nigel's fetid breath away.


----------



## Geoffrey

beer.  It's awfully hot


----------



## akagriff

And i feel a


----------



## David Derrico

strange sensation in my


----------



## Margaret

Achilles tendon. At last


----------



## austenfiend

the pain has lessened.


----------



## loonlover

At least, until tomorrow


----------



## Aravis60

when it will be


----------



## loonlover

chaos all over again.


----------



## Magenta

In the morning, the


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## corkyb

moose will be here


----------



## Neekeebee

if his goose doesn't


----------



## Gertie Kindle

get cooked by Ramsey.


----------



## akagriff

Fear is starting to


----------



## Gertie Kindle

seep into the subterranean cavern


----------



## Magenta

where the cold, wet


----------



## Gertie Kindle

nose of an orc


----------



## corkyb

might get stuck in


----------



## Gertie Kindle

pecan pie from Georgia


----------



## loonlover

to go with the


----------



## Vegas_Asian

All mighty and powerful


----------



## A_J_Lath

alien squid called Dave.


----------



## Geoffrey

Dave came here to


----------



## Margaret

learn to tap dance.


----------



## Aravis60

Dave has decided to


----------



## akagriff

tap his way to


----------



## loonlover

the stage at Kalamazoo


----------



## Magenta

The only problem is,


----------



## akagriff

His dream girl, Betsy,


----------



## austenfiend

wants him to stay


----------



## Margaret

down on the farm


----------



## Gertie Kindle

as the only _Dave_


----------



## Geoffrey

He's a little leery


----------



## Gertie Kindle

of the Bull's Balls


----------



## akagriff

Bar Gang waiting for


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Godot, but he was


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

baking a chocolate cake.


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Dave decided to frolic


----------



## Margaret

with Dinah in the


----------



## BTackitt

, but couldn't find shoes.


----------



## Margaret

Walking barefoot, he crept


----------



## Gertie Kindle

into the outhouse... GACK!!!


----------



## corkyb

Those smashed vegetables again


----------



## Margaret

slimy and slippery underfoot


----------



## corkyb

David tried to kiss


----------



## A_J_Lath

Dinah in a place


----------



## akagriff

hidden from all decent


----------



## corkyb

exposure and then Dinah


----------



## A_J_Lath

did something very odd


----------



## Margaret

Singing her heart out


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Oh my darling Clementine


----------



## akagriff

David wanted to know


----------



## Margaret

if clementines were seedless


----------



## corkyb

or hard to peel


----------



## Neekeebee

with a spiky purple


----------



## Gertie Kindle

people eater. But he


----------



## A_J_Lath

that quivering carnivorous poltroons


----------



## Gertie Kindle

who made no sense


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

went to look for


----------



## A_J_Lath

those missing posts that


----------



## Gertie Kindle

caused the falling fence


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

A falling fence? That's


----------



## Gertie Kindle

a ha-ha ... really


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

unusually and hilariously funny!


----------



## Neekeebee

So...about that fence:


----------



## A_J_Lath

stolen goods are his


----------



## Gertie Kindle

in the darkest night


----------



## sherylb

to make strange things


----------



## Gertie Kindle

and strawberry rhubarb pies


----------



## loonlover

didn't wait for her


----------



## Tip10

but had already flown


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

straight to Paris without


----------



## Tip10

passing GO and collecting


----------



## A_J_Lath

two hundred dollars. Inevitably,


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

a pink hat appeared


----------



## corkyb

in the pearl-filled air.


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

"Run, Spot, Run!" said


----------



## sjc

Only to land on...


----------



## Marguerite

a cotton candy shaped


----------



## corkyb

purple people eater meter.


----------



## akagriff

It was measuring the


----------



## corkyb

flour that flew off


----------



## loonlover

into the Grand Canyon


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

and landed on the


----------



## loonlover

streets of San Francisco


----------



## A_J_Lath

, where trolleycars and gay


----------



## egh34

hats are flapping joyfully


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

But Hark! It's Not


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Renfrew, thank goodness, it's


----------



## Tip10

Nigel, back from Paris


----------



## Gertie Kindle

and Kalamazoo via Timbuktu


----------



## egh34

on his way to


----------



## Tip10

deliver a load of


----------



## Gertie Kindle

finger-lickin' good KFC


----------



## egh34

but before he could


----------



## A_J_Lath

pluck those flapping chickens


----------



## Gertie Kindle

the chickens plucked him


----------



## Tip10

leaving him stark naked


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

just like his Kindle!


----------



## austenfiend

He hid in shame


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

he said, "it's lame"


----------



## loonlover

but I really tried


----------



## A_J_Lath

to eat some fried


----------



## akagriff

calamari served with a


----------



## sherylb

nice white wine and


----------



## Gertie Kindle

some fava beans.  Ick!!!


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

It could'a been worse!


----------



## loonlover

A water bug might


----------



## Gertie Kindle

fly up his nose


----------



## loonlover

and invade his brain


----------



## Gertie Kindle

which turned to J-E-L-L-O


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

but it was strawberry


----------



## loonlover

colored and I thought


----------



## egh34

hmmmm, that can't be


----------



## Marguerite

all that bad so


----------



## Tip10

I tasted it and


----------



## loonlover

loved it.  So there!!!


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

But then, I burped


----------



## austenfiend

reliving the strawberry taste.


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

But hey, you gotta'


----------



## Aravis60

break a few eggs


----------



## Tip10

to hatch a dragon


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

"I want a dragon!"


----------



## sherylb

Said Nigel to the


----------



## Gertie Kindle

peacock. Where is Hagrid?


----------



## Aravis60

He had an egg


----------



## Gertie Kindle

but Grawpie ate it


----------



## Aravis60

along with seventeen fried


----------



## Gertie Kindle

flounder with spam and


----------



## Aravis60

spam, eggs, and spam


----------



## Tip10

with pickled pomegranate seeds


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

and CHEESE! Positively, gloriously


----------



## sherylb

runny, stinky, wonderful cheese!


----------



## CCrooks

Coincidentally, Nigel wanted to


----------



## A_J_Lath

be a runny cheese,


----------



## sherylb

since the cave experience


----------



## austenfiend

was so danged fun


----------



## sherylb

and reminded him of


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

Alice in Wonderland and


----------



## egh34

all those glorious drugs


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Who took my mushrooms?


----------



## loonlover

Because you wouldn't share


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

when there's really plenty


----------



## A_J_Lath

of fabulous fungi around


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

Well, how about Nigel?


----------



## loonlover

You mean share him?


----------



## Gertie Kindle

You can have Nigel


----------



## Tip10

as for me I'll


----------



## Gertie Kindle

be cooking a goose


----------



## Tip10

visually strange and bizarre


----------



## Margaret

Exhausted by the dance


----------



## loonlover

they sank into oblivion


----------



## Gertie Kindle

in the chocolate sea


----------



## loonlover

accompanied by Freda George


----------



## Tip10

and the Swinging Georgettes.


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Georgia On My Mind


----------



## corkyb

always, all the time


----------



## A_J_Lath

with Nat Gonella's trumpet


----------



## sjc

and Miss Piggy too.


----------



## A_J_Lath

Extraordinarily enough, Albert Spitoon


----------



## Margaret

declared his undying love


----------



## corkyb

for all things purple


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

Alas! The purple people-eater!


----------



## Margaret

loved another and declared


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

"I love purple chocolate!"


----------



## corkyb

and also purple popcorn


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

Oh yes! And Nigel!


----------



## DonnaFaz

But Nigel soon discovered


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

love for purple was


----------



## DonnaFaz

not as good as


----------



## Margaret

a really long nap


----------



## Gertie Kindle

eyelid inspection time


----------



## DonnaFaz

and weird dreams of


----------



## corkyb

sea bound people eaters


----------



## Gertie Kindle

also called good swimmers


----------



## corkyb

However, the underwater seaworld


----------



## Tip10

up on Mount Everest


----------



## loonlover

froze, expanding and breaking


----------



## Margaret

the world record for


----------



## egh34

most ridiculously funny and


----------



## A_J_Lath

extremely unlikely event of


----------



## loonlover

the last fifteen minutes.


----------



## Gertie Kindle

One, two, three, four


----------



## corkyb

whatever you do, don't


----------



## egh34

even think about going


----------



## Aravis60

back to the cave


----------



## Margaret

where Batman and Robin


----------



## Gertie Kindle

(Do not go there)


----------



## egh34

are doing something that


----------



## corkyb

will give you goosebumps


----------



## austenfiend

on both your arms.


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Speaking of which, Beetlebaum


----------



## Marguerite

spoke softly and distinctly


----------



## Margaret

while dancing a hornpipe


----------



## corkyb

and skipping through town


----------



## egh34

on his way to


----------



## corkyb

find Nigel and Betsy.


----------



## Margaret

Alas, they had taken


----------



## corkyb

their trusty old kindles


----------



## Margaret

out of their covers


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Oh, No!!! Naked Kindles!!!


----------



## corkyb

Horrors!  Who undresssed them?


----------



## loonlover

The wicked witch of


----------



## Gertie Kindle

tapioca pudding and blueberries


----------



## corkyb

made such a mess


----------



## Margaret

all day just to


----------



## corkyb

jump in the ocean


----------



## Gertie Kindle

to play with sharks


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

Sharks? Sharks with Kindles?


----------



## Margaret

The Klear Kase worked!


----------



## A_J_Lath

Unfortunately, an angry whelk


----------



## Gertie Kindle

whelked all over Emily


----------



## corkyb

Oh my!  This could


----------



## loonlover

only mean one thing


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Marge ate funny whelks


----------



## loonlover

that caused a ripple


----------



## Gertie Kindle

in the time/space continuum


----------



## corkyb

that disturbed Robinhood's forest.


----------



## Tip10

Meanwhile, at Boone's Farm


----------



## corkyb

oh that Ripple was


----------



## Gertie Kindle

strawberry-licious and so nutritious


----------



## Tip10

that Annie Greensprings just


----------



## Margaret

licked her fuzzy navel


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

and speaking of navels,


----------



## corkyb

Nigel has an outie


----------



## Margaret

so he keeps it


----------



## Annalog

covered with a purple


----------



## corkyb

tatoo of an eagle


----------



## egh34

eye and a old


----------



## corkyb

ratty belt that looks


----------



## loonlover

like an Elvis imitator


----------



## Margaret

Betsy's all shook up


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

because she only has


----------



## Annalog

an innie and an


----------



## corkyb

old ugly belly piercing.


----------



## Margaret

SHH! Don't tell Nigel!


----------



## corkyb

He might be jealous


----------



## BTackitt

. "I have a headache,"


----------



## Margaret

is Betsy speak for


----------



## Aravis60

"I don't want to


----------



## corkyb

DON'T WANT TO WHAT??/


----------



## Aravis60

go to school today


----------



## loonlover

or else I will


----------



## Margaret

send in the doctor


----------



## corkyb

to examine Nigel's eagle


----------



## Margaret

for lint and other


----------



## austenfiend

which is code for


----------



## loonlover

have a drink together


----------



## Margaret

while dancing the hula


----------



## loonlover

on top'o Ole Smoky


----------



## corkyb

What's with the CODE?


----------



## egh34

The codes is sacred


----------



## corkyb

hmmm, Betsy should know that


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

That was FIVE words!


----------



## Margaret

she chooses to ignore


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

because she tends to


----------



## corkyb

make her own rules


----------



## egh34

but back to tasks


----------



## corkyb

and four words only


----------



## loonlover

will guide us upward


----------



## Margaret

and continue the saga


----------



## corkyb

and hopefully not drown


----------



## loonlover

while traipsing to Killarney


----------



## Tip10

to smooch a stone


----------



## Annalog

and eat a scone


----------



## corkyb

while standing on his head


----------



## corkyb

I can't count, I really just can't count.  Sorry.


----------



## loonlover

also twiddling his thumbs


----------



## Tip10

while Corky counts 5 

(or is it 6 or 7)


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

let's see...one, two,


----------



## corkyb

Ok, Corky hangs head


----------



## Margaret

and notices Nigel on


----------



## Aravis60

on a unicycle juggling


----------



## Margaret

four hedgehogs and Betsy


----------



## egh34

laughs at the sight


----------



## corkyb

of Nigel's head spinning


----------



## Aravis60

as he tries to


----------



## loonlover

add in a flashlight


----------



## corkyb

and paint his toenails


----------



## loonlover

to match his eyes


----------



## corkyb

which are misty blue


----------



## loonlover

because they are featured


----------



## corkyb

in the New Yorker


----------



## loonlover

Magazine article about zombies


----------



## corkyb

conquering the planet earth


----------



## egh34

because it's in such


----------



## loonlover

a state of chaos


----------



## Tip10

the man from Uncle


----------



## egh34

was called in to


----------



## Margaret

protect our heroes from


----------



## Tip10

lint stealing naval patrols


----------



## Margaret

sent from the planet


----------



## akagriff

Amabo, located in the


----------



## egh34

farthest region of the


----------



## corkyb

newly discovered space galaxy


----------



## Margaret

second star on the


----------



## egh34

left next to the


----------



## corkyb

amazing design of wet


----------



## Margaret

blankets hung to dry


----------



## corkyb

blankets?  Space?  Oh my!


----------



## egh34

You never know what


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

might land on you!


----------



## Tip10

Meanwhile, Betsy poked Nigel


----------



## Aravis60

with her new umbrella


----------



## Tip10

that suddenly sprang open


----------



## Aravis60

to reveal a wombat


----------



## Tip10

in a yellow bikini


----------



## Aravis60

who said to Betsy,


----------



## Tip10

Does this make my


----------



## Aravis60

pouch look flabby? Betsy


----------



## Tip10

tactfully replied, "No, but


----------



## corkyb

furry skin go back


----------



## Gertie Kindle

to the stone age


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

where people are purple


----------



## Gertie Kindle

and only eat liver


----------



## loonlover

6 days a week


----------



## Gertie Kindle

but on Sunday they


----------



## Sometimes Lucy

eat chocolate Easter bunnies


----------



## Margaret

Wombat hates liver, so


----------



## Tip10

drink lots of beer


----------



## corkyb

get falldown drunk and


----------



## Aravis60

dance the jig on


----------



## Margaret

Nigel and Betsy's shoulders


----------



## corkyb

then a backward flip


----------



## egh34

into the great big


----------



## loonlover

nothing of the open


----------



## Gertie Kindle

vat of tapioca pudding


----------



## corkyb

Betsy thought Nigel drowned


----------



## Gertie Kindle

but he yelled FIRE


----------



## corkyb

and made tapioca balls


----------



## Gertie Kindle

covered in chocolate chips


----------



## loonlover

so they could escape


----------



## Gertie Kindle

the wrath of raisins


----------



## loonlover

and still elude discovery


----------



## Gertie Kindle

by Captain America who


----------



## corkyb

ostensibly came to rescue


----------



## loonlover

but ended up supervising


----------



## Gertie Kindle

the cotton-picking cotton pickers


----------



## egh34

who couldn't pick cotton


----------



## Margaret

because of the lint


----------



## loonlover

tied around the marigolds


----------



## egh34

that scared them because


----------



## Margaret

it looked like hummus


----------



## egh34

Food or decorations? asked


----------



## Margaret

Betsy, sneaking a taste


----------



## Daphne

and swallowing cautiously with


----------



## corkyb

great fear and trepidation


----------



## Margaret

she offered some to


----------



## corkyb

to smurfs surrounding Nigel


----------



## egh34

but they turned away


----------



## corkyb

and started gobbling on


----------



## Daphne

a discarded jam sandwich.


----------



## Margaret

Nigel begged them to


----------



## egh34

stop! For the love


----------



## loonlover

of mother nature who


----------



## Daphne

loonlover said:


> of mother nature who


the abomination that jam


----------



## Margaret

has already been stuck


----------



## egh34

trying to solve the


----------



## BTackitt

Queen Mother's problem with


----------



## corkyb

funny hats;ugly purse


----------



## egh34

that dominate her fashion


----------



## Margaret

runway day after day


----------



## egh34

regardless of the demands


----------



## Margaret

to devote countless hours


----------



## Tip10

raising petulant urchin children


----------



## loonlover

who then abandon all


----------



## Margaret

their clothing to swim


----------



## loonlover

upstream with the watermelons


----------



## Margaret

spilling their juicy goodness


----------



## loonlover

across the universe of


----------



## egh34

thousands of other planets


----------



## corkyb

who then become overgrown


----------



## Gertie Kindle

with noxious carrotwood trees


----------



## Aravis60

the smell of which


----------



## Tip10

made Nigel lust for


----------



## Margaret

Betsy's carrot raisin salad


----------



## Gertie Kindle

while wearing Betsy's hat


----------



## Margaret

and not much else


----------



## L.J. Sellers novelist

he sunburned his butt


----------



## loonlover

and the other side


----------



## Margaret

of his Gucci loafers


----------



## corkyb

ha, you thought otherwise!


----------



## loonlover

I didn't, I promise


----------



## Daphne

I've given great thought


----------



## Margaret

and used SPF30 sunblock


----------



## Tip10

but only on the


----------



## loonlover

plants that will wilt


----------



## egh34

But with the dawning


----------



## loonlover

all will be overshadowed


----------



## Tip10

by the ticklish buzz


----------



## Gertie Kindle

of stinging caterpillars on


----------



## Tip10

mind altering hallucinogenic drugs


----------



## egh34

dancing delicately on the


----------



## Margaret

dewdrops and daffodils as


----------



## Aravis60

they admire their new


----------



## corkyb

mountaintop and slide on


----------



## Margaret

cellar doors painted pink


----------



## Tip10

while wearing zebra striped


----------



## loonlover

vests and matching earmuffs


----------



## Margaret

providing protection from the


----------



## loonlover

drunken neighborhood robin mafia


----------



## Tip10

who flaunt their worms


----------



## Margaret

while building nests of


----------



## egh34

beautifully painted old cocoons


----------



## corkyb

hiding karner blue butterflies


----------



## Margaret

to protect them from


----------



## loonlover

the little creatures found


----------



## egh34

floating on gossamer wings


----------



## corkyb

but greatly feared extinction


----------



## egh34

due to the lack


----------



## Margaret

of comfortable breeding grounds


----------



## Tip10

where they make whoopie


----------



## egh34

late into the night


----------



## BTackitt

and all weekend long


----------



## Tip10

and twice on sunday


----------



## BTackitt

after a big brunch


----------



## Tip10

of champagne and caviar


----------



## Margaret

filled whoopie pies which


----------



## corkyb

from the sky in


----------



## egh34

their world glitters like


----------



## Margaret

sequins on a showgirl's


----------



## egh34

naturally endowed heaving bosum


----------



## corkyb

covered in tiny little


----------



## Gertie Kindle

langostinos dipped in butter


----------



## corkyb

they tasted so good!


----------



## egh34

especially with garlic bread


----------



## Gertie Kindle

and sweet potato fries


----------



## corkyb

and fried green tomatoes


----------



## Gertie Kindle

cooked by Gordon Ramsey


----------



## corkyb

and hung out to dry


----------



## loonlover

until the cows came


----------



## Tip10

swimming by in their


----------



## Aravis60

brand new silver bikinis


----------



## loonlover

that could only hide


----------



## Margaret

their udder confusion from


----------



## BTackitt

dealing all day long


----------



## loonlover

with odd-flavored cow patties


----------



## KathyBell

scattered across the ground


----------



## egh34

in delicate patterns of


----------



## Margaret

Jupiter and its moons.


----------



## loonlover

Tide seems to have


----------



## Margaret

washed the butterflies clean


----------



## loonlover

or am I jumping


----------



## Gertie Kindle

over the moon with


----------



## Margaret

Nigel and Betsy again


----------



## Gertie Kindle

But what about Emily?


----------



## loonlover

Emily Post or Smith?


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Neither. Emily Whifflebottom, well-known


----------



## egh34

story-teller extraordinaire, who just


----------



## loonlover

happened by in time


----------



## KathyBell

to describe the horrific


----------



## Gertie Kindle

goose grease stain on


----------



## egh34

17 of the most


----------



## Gertie Kindle

colorful, light-up, paisley ties


----------



## egh34

used mostly in the


----------



## Gertie Kindle

the department of flatulence


----------



## egh34

to ward off evil


----------



## corkyb

smelly spirits that took


----------



## Gertie Kindle

paisley as seriously as


----------



## egh34

the next creature who


----------



## Linda S. Prather Author

would destroy the earth


----------



## Gertie Kindle

crushing it under M&M's


----------



## egh34

but only green ones


----------



## loonlover

using giant winged carriers


----------



## Gertie Kindle

and live turkeys that


----------



## Tip10

despised paisley but liked


----------



## Gertie Kindle

steak and kidney pie


----------



## Aravis60

especially with hot fudge


----------



## Gertie Kindle

don't forget the sprinkles


----------



## egh34

and a cherry atop


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Only one, bleated SteveJobs


----------



## egh34

Only one will do


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Woo Hoo Woo Hoo


----------



## CCrooks

Blast! Turkeys ate Nigel.


----------



## loonlover

What will Betsy do?


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Buy a new hat


----------



## Tip10

and start out anew.


----------



## Gertie Kindle

shoes and purse, too.


----------



## egh34

but must be matching


----------



## Aravis60

because if it isn't


----------



## loonlover

the fashion police will


----------



## Tip10

fine you three socks


----------



## Linda S. Prather Author

take away your hat


----------



## Gertie Kindle

exposing your bald head


----------



## Tip10

painted with pictures of


----------



## Linda S. Prather Author

maps of buried treasure


----------



## Gertie Kindle

paisley, paisley, paisley, paisley


----------



## egh34

with more printed paisley


----------



## Gertie Kindle

in harvest-gold and avocado-green


----------



## egh34

with a touch of


----------



## Gertie Kindle

cranberry, scarlet and burgundy


----------



## loonlover

monkeys, snakes, and elephants


----------



## Gertie Kindle

gypsies, tramps and thieves


----------



## Raffeer

A suicide would follow.


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Back in the guano-filled bat-cave


----------



## loonlover

Betsy cowered away from


----------



## Gertie Kindle

the mouse that roared


----------



## Annalog

who carried a bomb


----------



## Gertie Kindle

that Jack built but


----------



## loonlover

could not strap it


----------



## Gertie Kindle

under his jockey shorts


----------



## egh34

so she tried to


----------



## Gertie Kindle

dress like a sousaphone


----------



## loonlover

and blow a path


----------



## Gertie Kindle

through the bat-guano mountain


----------



## Aravis60

to the other side


----------



## loonlover

where frogs are developing


----------



## egh34

peculiar characteristics never seen


----------



## Gertie Kindle

on the planet Jupiter


----------



## corkyb

made with blue cheese


----------



## Gertie Kindle

topping Betsy's new hat


----------



## egh34

that she wears only


----------



## Gertie Kindle

on days when she


----------



## Raffeer

is planning on cohabiting


----------



## Gertie Kindle

with three blind mice


----------



## egh34

and the farmer's wife


----------



## Gertie Kindle

who has a knife


----------



## KathyBell

to cut the ties


----------



## Aravis60

that bind them to


----------



## loonlover

The man from U.N.C.L.E


----------



## egh34

who has a habit of


----------



## loonlover

disappearing when the seagulls


----------



## Raffeer

swoop in from afar.


----------



## Linda S. Prather Author

and reappearing quite suddenly


----------



## derek alvah

he looks up at


----------



## loonlover

a sky of putrid


----------



## Tip10

paisley, paisley, paisley, paisley


Sorry, couldn't resist...


----------



## loonlover

Brad, Brad, Brad, Brad 


(I couldn't resist either)


----------



## Tip10

ain't that the pitts?


----------



## corkyb

Back to Betsy's hat,


----------



## loonlover

where did she leave


----------



## Linda S. Prather Author

her adorable pet pig


----------



## Raffeer

Oh no, not again!


----------



## egh34

he seems to have


----------



## Aravis60

hijacked the story when


----------



## egh34

from out of nowhere


----------



## loonlover

came unicorns blowing trumpets


----------



## Tip10

carrying monkeys playing bagpipes


----------



## egh34

that sounded quite like


----------



## Tip10

screeching fingernails on chalkboards


----------



## Raffeer

Fortunately she was deaf.


----------



## loonlover

But had excellent vision


----------



## egh34

and spied with eyes


----------



## loonlover

that have multiple chambers


----------



## Aravis60

the Nautilus with its


----------



## Linda S. Prather Author

crew of wayward pirates


----------



## egh34

eyeing the beautiful bagpipes


----------



## Tip10

while covering their ears


----------



## egh34

running off to fight


----------



## Guest

egh34 said:


> eyeing the beautiful bagpipes


This one is great. 

(No, but that's not my four-word story!)

It was altogether new.


----------



## J.M Pierce

Here is my four word post:

_*The end couldn't come...*_

Okay this part doesn't count, but I had to say "Way to be the thread killer, Jason!"


----------



## Brenda Carroll

at the hands of monkeys!


----------



## Tip10

On the bright side


----------



## Nicolas

...there is the lantern


----------



## Brenda Carroll

sitting on the table


----------



## Tip10

by the open book


----------



## RichardDR

that appeared to be


----------



## Tip10

an old pre-Kindle relic


----------



## Brenda Carroll

from an Arctic cave.


----------



## RichardDR

Fortunately, there was a


----------



## D. Nathan Hilliard

tattooed, fat man nearby


----------



## Barbiedull

hunting for his dinner


----------



## D. Nathan Hilliard

with a slotted spoon


----------



## Aravis60

who was able to


----------



## Barbiedull

unearth an ancient tomb


----------



## Brenda Carroll

filled with dusty bones


----------



## Tip10

and Betsy's old hats


----------



## JL Bryan

which housed some rabbits


----------



## Barbiedull

a mysterious inscribed sarcophagus


----------



## JL Bryan

and a snoring elf


----------



## Barbiedull

wearing Betsy's paisley shoes.


----------



## Maker

price tag still attached


----------



## Tip10

a gift from Nigel


----------



## Barbiedull

with bells that tinkle


----------



## Guest

never before seen footage


----------



## tsilver

of grandma's lacy nightgown


----------



## Barbiedull

flying out the window


----------



## Brenda Carroll

A man ran by


----------



## loonlover

screaming at the sight


----------



## D. Nathan Hilliard

of seven evil penguins


----------



## Barbiedull

in a runaway Toyota


----------



## Tip10

all wearing Grandma's nighties


----------



## Maker

all squawking like trumpets


----------



## JL Bryan

while writing their memoirs


----------



## Barbiedull

all dressed like strumpets


----------



## Tip10

and drinking fruity martinis


----------



## Barbiedull

wearing Betsy's Sunday hats


----------



## Tip10

and spouting rude epithets


----------



## Barbiedull

spinning round the cul-de-sac


----------



## loonlover

until the centrifugal force


----------



## Brenda Carroll

brought down the house.


----------



## Barbiedull

Amid the rubble was


----------



## Tip10

Nigel wearing Betsy's hat


----------



## Barbiedull

reading a McAfee novel


----------



## loonlover

cackling like a witch


----------



## Tip10

turned green with envy


----------



## Barbiedull

stirring a boiling cauldron


----------



## Brenda Carroll

full of tofu noodles.


----------



## Barbiedull

The horrid smell roused


----------



## Guest

Nigel said "What the... ?"


----------



## Barbiedull

I'm boiling Betsy's hats?


----------



## Maker

Better add seasoning then


----------



## Tip10

want fries with that?


----------



## Marguerite

no just a cola


----------



## Nicolas

one hell of a night (okay, thats five)


----------



## Marguerite

looking forward to tomorrow


----------



## egh34

for tomorrow is another


----------



## loonlover

chance to score runs


----------



## Barbiedull

in Betsy's no-run stockings


----------



## Maker

the ones that itch


----------



## Tip10

when worn inside out


----------



## Barbiedull

with Nigel's green galoshes.


----------



## Barbiedull

Another week has passed


----------



## Maker

the waiting grows unbearable


----------



## UltraPremiumDeluxe

she will conquer her


----------



## loonlover

delusions of being Betsy's


----------



## tsilver

twin cousin who's fat


----------



## Barbiedull

and become her nemesis


----------



## Barbiedull

Spoiler



Let's get this thread going again...



the evil Queen Scarlet



Spoiler



shhh...don't tell Scarlet.


----------



## Maker

long may she reign


----------



## Kevin D.

with her precious tupperware


----------



## egh34

burping along the way


----------



## Barbiedull

leaving a vapor trail


----------



## theaatkinson

of noxious fumes from...


----------



## Barbiedull

fermenting food long forgotten


----------



## BTackitt

in the back corner.


----------



## egh34

of the ancient refrigerator


----------



## Barbiedull

in the decrepit basement


----------



## loonlover

of the haunted house


----------



## Barbiedull

where Betsy silently waited


----------



## loonlover

to see what Nigel


----------



## Barbiedull

had conjoured from within


----------



## loonlover

the makings of brew


----------



## MariaESchneider

EEEK, it's a ghost


----------



## Barbiedull

with purple suede shoes


----------



## egh34

that had headlights in


----------



## Brenda Carroll

infested with lite vampires.



Spoiler



(Lite Vampires: Vampires on restrictive diets who vant to lose veight.)


----------



## Barbiedull

one very disruptive Poltergeist


----------



## theaatkinson

Barbiedull said:


> one very disruptive Poltergeist


sent food flying everywhere


----------



## MariaESchneider

theapatra said:


> sent food flying everywhere


But I was hungry


----------



## Gertie Kindle

and went to McDonald's


----------



## AnnetteL

where Ronald chased me


----------



## loonlover

around the merry-go-round to


----------



## D. Nathan Hilliard

loonlover said:


> around the merry-go-round to


the tune of Caddyshack


----------



## Tip10

while munching french fries


----------



## Brenda Carroll

and enjoying a BigMac!


Spoiler



Yummy


----------



## Barbiedull

Where's my chocolate shake?


----------



## loonlover

Stolen by gremlins from


----------



## theaatkinson

a weird little shop


----------



## Valmore Daniels

of horrors which I


----------



## Gertie Kindle

frequently frequent when I


----------



## loonlover

visit the shop of


----------



## Barbiedull

Nigel's naughty neighbor Nan


----------



## Tip10

who drives a van


----------



## Barbiedull

with a nefarious plan


----------



## Tip10

of feeding Dan flan



Spoiler



(hmmm, do you get a feeling if deja vu here?


----------



## Barbiedull

while holding a can


Spoiler



...maybe!


----------



## Maker

of golden banana flan


----------



## S.L. Baum

in a frying pan!


----------



## Valmore Daniels

He thought about it


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

then changed his mind


----------



## Gertie Kindle

then changed it again.


----------



## Barbiedull

and just in time...


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

because his mother saw


----------



## Barbiedull

Dan... covered in flan


----------



## Gertie Kindle

and no caramel. Heavens!!


----------



## Barbiedull

Oh No! Watch out!


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Here comes the weenies!


----------



## Barbiedull

chasing after the Hamburglar


----------



## SongbirdVB

and the Fry guys


----------



## Barbiedull

throwing McNuggets and sauce


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

until someone slips on


----------



## Barbiedull

Betsy's discarded banana peel


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Litterbug! Whiplash! Litterbug! Whiplash!


----------



## Barbiedull

shouted Nigel, laughing hysterically


----------



## theaatkinson

ducked into, escaping from


----------



## Barbiedull

a truly motley crew


----------



## Tip10

singing Kickstart My Heart


----------



## Barbiedull

wearing a defibrillator vest


----------



## egh34

just in case he


----------



## Barbiedull

is the one they


----------



## Gertie Kindle

looked to for flounder


----------



## Barbiedull

to make seafood chowder


----------



## Gertie Kindle

with beef jerky and


----------



## Valmore Daniels

hot chocolate, when suddenly


----------



## Barbiedull

a goblin swooped down


----------



## Gertie Kindle

screeching and howling and


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

making a real racket.


----------



## Barbiedull

Not to be deterred


----------



## Gertie Kindle

eenie, meenie, minie and moe


----------



## Barbiedull

tossed the goblin in


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

in an eerie voice that


----------



## Barbiedull

made my ears bleed...


----------



## Gertie Kindle

into a silver pitcher


----------



## Barbiedull

of icy strawberry margaritas


----------



## egh34

that I delivered to


----------



## Barbiedull

a previously undisclosed location


----------



## Maker

Okay,  in downtown Denver


----------



## loonlover

which never changes aspect


----------



## Gertie Kindle

or socks and underwear


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

but does change hairstyles.


----------



## Barbiedull

Adjusting to the altitude


----------



## Gertie Kindle

with feathers and chinchillas


----------



## Barbiedull

glued to her boots


----------



## Gertie Kindle

were made for walking


----------



## Barbiedull

but not in Denver


----------



## D. Nathan Hilliard

where the Bronco's play


----------



## Barbiedull

(not the wild horses!)


----------



## egh34

but the miniture ones


----------



## Gertie Kindle

wearing cleats, not spurs


----------



## egh34

because football was game


----------



## Barbiedull

they played with Cowboys


----------



## Gertie Kindle

and Indians. But Custer


----------



## Barbiedull

would not stand still


----------



## Gertie Kindle

at the last because


----------



## Barbiedull

he rode to Montana


----------



## Valmore Daniels

on a bucking bronco


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Uh oh, saddle sores


----------



## Barbiedull

just before turf wars


----------



## Gertie Kindle

star wars, junkyard wars


----------



## Barbiedull

watching too much tv


----------



## Gertie Kindle

bad for the buttocks


----------



## Barbiedull

put down the bonbons


----------



## Gertie Kindle

reach for the sky


----------



## loonlover

to give a salute


----------



## Gertie Kindle

to old Mother Hubbard


----------



## Barbiedull

and check the cupboard


----------



## Gertie Kindle

for curds and whey


----------



## Barbiedull

or chips and salsa


----------



## loonlover

to share with all.


----------



## Barbiedull

The Mariachis are playing


----------



## Gertie Kindle

The sheeps are sheeping


----------



## Barbiedull

after drinking the Margaritas


----------



## egh34

their feet are a-tapping


----------



## Valmore Daniels

as the band played


----------



## Bonbonlover

and the sun set


----------



## Barbiedull

in a perfect world


----------



## egh34

where there is no


----------



## loonlover

tabloid story about stupid


----------



## egh34

stars being stupid and


----------



## Gertie Kindle

and mating with monkeys


----------



## Barbiedull

then flying into Aspen


----------



## Gertie Kindle

for the water skiing


----------



## egh34

in the summer and


----------



## Barbiedull

almost skiing into trees


----------



## Gertie Kindle

while yelling, Whoopee, watch!


----------



## Barbiedull

Time for my close-up!


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Makeup! yelled Uncle Miltie


----------



## Barbiedull

Instead he was hit


----------



## Bonbonlover

with a snowball to


----------



## Barbiedull

the ear! That stings!


----------



## Bonbonlover

After wiping himself off


----------



## Barbiedull

he plotted his revenge


----------



## Gertie Kindle

Slushies! The gleek facial.


----------



## Barbiedull

...ponders a slushie launcher


----------



## Bonbonlover

he picks up some


----------



## Barbiedull

cracked ice and molasses


----------



## Maker

but considers the calories


----------



## Barbiedull

as he pours them


----------



## Tip10

into his Jack Daniels


----------



## Valmore Daniels

with a beer chaser


----------



## Barbiedull

and shot of tequila


----------



## egh34

and a touch of


----------



## Barbiedull

Betsy's expensive new perfume


----------



## egh34

to add to the


----------



## Barbiedull

mysterious potion for Nigel


----------



## loonlover

so he could sell


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

it on the black


----------



## Barbiedull

market to angry trolls


----------



## kindleworm

and their pet toads


----------



## theaatkinson

I thought I would


----------



## egh34

do the same but


----------



## Aris Whittier

…am I that dim-witted?


----------



## Barbiedull

(don't answer that question!)


----------



## kindleworm

So off I went


----------



## Barbiedull

with notions and potions


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

going about the motions


----------



## Barbiedull

when out of nowhere


----------



## egh34

a small but distinguished


----------



## Barbiedull

chubby, white-haired troll appeared


----------



## kindleworm

sitting in the doorway


----------



## Barbiedull

of the enchanted forest


----------



## Gertie Kindle

where he lived with


----------



## Barbiedull

several incognito Kindleboards authors


----------



## egh34

as advisors to the


----------



## Barbiedull

angry and sleep deprived


----------



## Valmore Daniels

mountain dwarves who ate


----------



## Barbiedull

raw coffee beans and


----------



## kindleworm

sweet potato french fries


----------



## loonlover

before big game day


----------



## kindleworm

Let the games begin


----------



## Daniel Leston

And if that wasn't


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

bad enough, they also


----------



## kindleworm

danced in a circle


----------



## egh34

with only bells on


----------



## Barbiedull

as Nigel and Betsy


----------



## kindleworm

escaped into the night


----------



## Barbiedull

riding on the backs


----------



## loonlover

of Merlin's dragon which


----------



## Aris Whittier

were overweight and slightly


----------



## Barbiedull

prone to flatulence outbursts


----------



## Maud Muller

It's not about love


----------



## Barbiedull

or money, or fame


----------



## Daniel Leston

Instead it's all about


----------



## kindleworm

adventure, away we go


----------



## Barbiedull

sailing through the air


----------



## kindleworm

in a rocket bound


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

and wound with a


----------



## kindleworm

bright blue bungie cord


----------



## Barbiedull

and red duct tape


----------



## Valmore Daniels

which held his mouth


----------



## Barbiedull

shut, and hands tied.


----------



## Aris Whittier

were they only dreaming...?


----------



## kindleworm

They awoke in a


----------



## Barbiedull

strange land, and looked


----------



## kindleworm

up at the sky


----------



## Maker

polka dotted with clouds


----------



## Barbiedull

sprinkled with fairy dust


----------



## Aris Whittier

Did they smell cinnamon?


----------



## William L.K.

No...It wasn't cinnamon.


----------



## Barbiedull

What IS that smell?


----------



## Aris Whittier

Pumpkin pie and coffee


----------



## Barbiedull

Am I in HEAVEN?


----------



## William L.K.

"Yes," said a voice.


----------



## Barbiedull

"The Voice"? Who is


----------



## William L.K.

God. I am God.


----------



## Barbiedull

Who baked the pie?


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

"My favorite angel who


----------



## kindleworm

is covered in flour


----------



## Barbiedull

You have a favorite?


----------



## egh34

I like the chocolate


----------



## Linda S. Prather Author

smells drifting all around


----------



## Barbiedull

molten chocolate smells....heavenly!


----------



## William L.K.

To my surprise, I


----------



## Valmore Daniels

took a quick nap


----------



## Barbiedull

now back to reality


----------



## Tip10

the Chocolate's all gone


----------



## BTackitt

No Chocolate? How utterly


----------



## loonlover

devastating.  Well, so long


----------



## Barbiedull

heaven, back to Denver!


----------



## kindleworm

Is it snowing today?


----------



## Barbiedull

In Denver...or Heaven?


----------



## egh34

Heaven is too warm


----------



## Barbiedull

From baking the pies?


----------



## Madeline

No, from the sun


----------



## Barbiedull

shining on the angels


----------



## kindleworm

wings that reflect light


----------



## Barbiedull

and melt the chocolate


----------



## kindleworm

now to make candy


----------



## Barbiedull

white and dark chocolate


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

I'll take dark, thank


----------



## Barbiedull

goodness it's calorie free!


----------



## theaatkinson

although the cheescake I


----------



## kindleworm

ate was calorie dense


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

layered with luscious slices


----------



## kindleworm

of golden delicious apples


----------



## Barbiedull

and delicious caramel sauce


----------



## egh34

topped with chopped nuts


----------



## kindleworm

served on a platter


----------



## Valmore Daniels

of leafy lettuce which


----------



## Barbiedull

was recalled for salmonella


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

I wish I hadn't


----------



## Vet

eaten all the bugs


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

and threw up in


----------



## akagriff

the middle of the


----------



## kindleworm

in ground swimming pool


----------



## Barbiedull

Where's my Angel now?


----------



## egh34

Always missing when I


----------



## kindleworm

need him most, so


----------



## Barbiedull

I'll call my Doctor


----------



## Elmore Hammes

who still makes housecalls


----------



## Barbiedull

but not on Thanksgiving!


----------



## egh34

what an old fashioned


----------



## Angela

thing to do. Meanwhile,


----------



## Barbiedull

Betsy's cauldron is brewing


----------



## egh34

boil, boil, toil and


----------



## Barbiedull

sorrow, you won't live


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

until tomorrow. Too bad


----------



## Barbiedull

Betsy forgot the rest


----------



## vwkitten

of the chocolate chip


----------



## kindleworm

cookies that were in


----------



## Bonbonlover

the yellow chest underneath


----------



## Barbiedull

her book of spells


----------



## kindleworm

so she began to


----------



## Valmore Daniels

wave her magic wand


----------



## Angela

over her head and


----------



## Barbiedull

sing "Oh, Happy Day!"


----------



## kindleworm

When along came a


----------



## Barbiedull

crow, pecking at her


----------



## egh34

dress that was decorated


----------



## Barbiedull

with shiny seed beads


----------



## Angela

that were in reality


----------



## Barbiedull

sugar glazed bird seed


----------



## Aris Whittier

What am I doing?


----------



## Barbiedull

Being attacked by crows!


----------



## Christopher Bunn

Oh no! My nose!


----------



## Barbiedull

Betsy smacks at the


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

birds and knocks them


----------



## Angela

up against the wall


----------



## Barbiedull

(just missed the cauldron!)


----------



## Aris Whittier

I'm so outta here...


----------



## Barbiedull

(you always say that!)


Spoiler



just kidding


----------



## egh34

It's easier to leave


----------



## Barbiedull

than clean the mess


----------



## kindleworm

So off she went


----------



## vwkitten

to find a new


----------



## Barbiedull

room...with _sane_ people


----------



## J.M Pierce

Little did she know


----------



## kindleworm

the whole town was


----------



## Aris Whittier

taken over by fanatical


----------



## Barbiedull

black friday sale shoppers


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

who trampled her as


----------



## Valmore Daniels

she cried for help


----------



## Barbiedull

getting the last Kindle


----------



## kindleworm

She started to read


----------



## Barbiedull

but the Kindle vanished


----------



## vwkitten

, leaving her devastated.  Thankfully,


----------



## Barbiedull

the crow couldn't read


----------



## kindleworm

The kindle was returned


----------



## egh34

and peace was reinstated.


----------



## kindleworm

It began to rain


----------



## Barbiedull

Betsy began to melt


----------



## kindleworm

into a puddle of


----------



## Barbiedull

green goo that dripped


----------



## egh34

through the cracks of


----------



## Angela

the floor down onto


----------



## kindleworm

treasure chest filled with


----------



## Barbiedull

Betsy's secret stash of


----------



## kindleworm

shiny golden goose eggs


----------



## Barbiedull

or were they Fabrege?


----------



## egh34

Doesn't matter because they


----------



## Barbiedull

were cracked open, revealing


----------



## kindleworm

baby dragons with iridescent


----------



## Barbiedull

sparkles and huge sunglasses


----------



## kindleworm

who were crying for


----------



## Barbiedull

Betsy to stop melting!


----------



## Valmore Daniels

chocolate for the fondue


----------



## kindleworm

melted chocolate was everywhere


----------



## Barbiedull

baby dragons shouldn't have


----------



## Emmalita

the last piece of


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

chocolate. They should get


----------



## Barbiedull

dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets


----------



## egh34

which are so tasty


----------



## Barbiedull

dipped in melted chocolate


----------



## Aris Whittier

rolled in peanut butter


----------



## Barbiedull

sprinkled with toasted coconut


----------



## Emmalita

and topped with a


----------



## Barbiedull

baby dragon favorite...bacon


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

that was raw and


----------



## Barbiedull

soon scorched to perfection


----------



## kindleworm

by the nanny dragon


----------



## Barbiedull

as they devoured their


----------



## kindleworm

very first meal of


----------



## Barbiedull

life outside the egg.


----------



## kindleworm

The tiniest purple dragon


----------



## Emmalita

, who loved to wander,


----------



## egh34

wandered down the road


----------



## Barbiedull

wearing Betsy's purple hat


----------



## kindleworm

dancing a lively polka


----------



## Barbiedull

wearing sunglasses at night


----------



## Valmore Daniels

with Corey Hart who


----------



## Barbiedull

doesn't often perform polkas


----------



## kindleworm

. It became very windy


----------



## Barbiedull

and began to thunder


----------



## Emmalita

.  Suddenly the dragon was


----------



## Barbiedull

afraid and missed his


----------



## div

chance to go to


----------



## Barbiedull

his tap dance class.


----------



## div

Furiously angry, he then


----------



## kindleworm

began to breathe fire


----------



## div

and destroyed the town.


----------



## kindleworm

He used his wings


----------



## div

to fan the flames


----------



## Barbiedull

as he made S'mores


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

and hot dogs with


----------



## Barbiedull

his almost forgotten siblings.


----------



## kindleworm

Now, they needed a


----------



## Barbiedull

bedtime story...they were


----------



## kindleworm

looking for the Kindle


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

but they found a


----------



## Barbiedull

"Dragon Tales" book in


----------



## J.M Pierce

the corner pocket of


----------



## Barbiedull

a discarded pool table.


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

Being a clever character,


----------



## Barbiedull

for such a young


----------



## Valmore Daniels

cat who jumped down


----------



## div

upon his unsuspecting prey.


----------



## Barbiedull

Ralph, the lost cat


----------



## div

heard a sweet sound


----------



## kindleworm

a marching band was


----------



## Barbiedull

playing "Cat Scratch Fever"


----------



## Emmalita

while dancing around the


----------



## Barbiedull

campfire, reading "Dragon Tales"


----------



## loonlover

to four apprentice wizards


----------



## kindleworm

wearing purple robes and


----------



## div

chanting softly to themselves.


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

Amidst all these quirky


----------



## Barbiedull

characters, we find a


----------



## Emmalita

sensible look man.  He


----------



## Barbiedull

appears to know everything


----------



## div

about fashionably dressed and


----------



## Barbiedull

elegantly shod young dragons.


----------



## kindleworm

His name was Jasper


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

and he walked with


----------



## Barbiedull

a slightly unsteady gait.


----------



## div

Although, having that gait


----------



## Barbiedull

did not detract from


----------



## div

his mastery of dance


----------



## Barbiedull

and love of music.


----------



## Valmore Daniels

When he danced with


----------



## div

a gangley young fellow


----------



## Aris Whittier

He had a sense


----------



## div

of impending doom but


----------



## Elmore Hammes

refused to let it


----------



## kindleworm

bother him at all


----------



## Barbiedull

, he enjoyed the dance!


----------



## egh34

Soon he grew tired


----------



## Aris Whittier

and excused himself from


----------



## Barbiedull

this strange encounter. Suddenly


----------



## Aris Whittier

a mysteriously familiar sound


----------



## Barbiedull

invaded his peaceful memories


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

for what seemed like


----------



## Barbiedull

an eternity, he listened


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

to the haunting melody


----------



## Barbiedull

Of Betsy's Irish lullaby.


----------



## div

Only to be interrupted


----------



## Barbiedull

by the screeching wail


----------



## kindleworm

of a lovesick moose


----------



## Barbiedull

who chased Betsy under


----------



## kindleworm

a circus tent and


----------



## Barbiedull

beneath the Moosletoe! Betsy


----------



## Emmalita

covered her face with


----------



## egh34

what she thought was


----------



## kindleworm

an invisible cloak, but


----------



## div

only succeeded in removing


----------



## Aris Whittier

her glossy cherry-red lipstick!


----------



## Barbiedull

Which helped to distract


----------



## Aris Whittier

one's gaze when looking


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

at her lush, naked


----------



## Barbiedull

lips, as the Moose


----------



## div

moved himself into a


----------



## Valmore Daniels

position of power that


----------



## Barbiedull

excited, yet scared Betsy


----------



## Aris Whittier

I mustn’t succumb to


----------



## Barbiedull

the magic of Moosletoe


----------



## Aris Whittier

Moosletoe is potent stuff…


----------



## Emmalita

and I am better


----------



## Barbiedull

off to keep away


----------



## egh34

lest I get sullied


----------



## Barbiedull

Quick! The Moose repellent!


----------



## div

Meanwhile, back at the


----------



## Barbiedull

circus, a crowd gathered


----------



## egh34

thoroughly entranced as the


----------



## Barbiedull

Moose evaded Betsy's attempt


----------



## kindleworm

to dye his fur


----------



## Barbiedull

and manicure his hooves.


----------



## Aris Whittier

"Hold still," she said.


----------



## kindleworm

She began with purple


----------



## Barbiedull

the Moose protested loudly


----------



## kindleworm

because his favorite color


----------



## Barbiedull

was lime green. Suddenly


----------



## Emmalita

the Moose cried out


----------



## Barbiedull

"Merry ChristMoose"! And kissed


----------



## Emmalita

Betsy's nose!  Betsy cried


----------



## kindleworm

magical snowflake tears which


----------



## Valmore Daniels

turn to ice when


----------



## Aris Whittier

the wind caught them


----------



## kindleworm

.  The ground beneath them


----------



## Barbiedull

was soon as slippery


----------



## kindleworm

as melted butter, so


----------



## div

the Moose made popcorn!


----------



## kindleworm

Betty chose a movie


----------



## div

which didn't have subtitles


----------



## Barbiedull

Mr. Moose was fluent


----------



## kindleworm

in Ukranian so he


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

translated the dialogue into


----------



## Aris Whittier

into his native tongue


----------



## William L.K.

of tribal kamali and


----------



## Barbiedull

Betsy spoke only English!


----------



## kindleworm

After the movie, they


----------



## Aris Whittier

played in the snow!


----------



## Barbiedull

They made snow angels!


----------



## Emmalita

They tossed snow in


----------



## Barbiedull

Betsy's hat and used


----------



## kindleworm

a sled to get


----------



## div

Betsy to grandma's house


----------



## Barbiedull

she was anxious to


----------



## kindleworm

eat Christmas cookies and


----------



## Barbiedull

warm by the fireplace


----------



## kindleworm

.  Grandma was surprised to


----------



## Barbiedull

meet Betsy's Moose companion


----------



## Aris Whittier

"Welcome," Grandma said curiously.


----------



## Barbiedull

My, what large antlers


----------



## kindleworm

you have, and yet


----------



## Barbiedull

you are so graceful.


----------



## kindleworm

Are you a dancer?


----------



## div

No, he's a reindeer.


----------



## Aris Whittier

"Do you know Santa?"


----------



## div

"Yes, I used to


----------



## Barbiedull

but, I'm a MOOSE


----------



## div

with an identity crisis


----------



## Barbiedull

and I can't fly.


----------



## kindleworm

My friend Rocky can.


----------



## div

He's a prize fighter


----------



## Barbiedull

, or maybe a squirrel?


----------



## egh34

I think he's both


----------



## Barbiedull

he's an interesting fellow.


----------



## Emmalita

Grandma listened intently to


----------



## kindleworm

the news on the


----------



## Emmalita

radio, which alarmingly stated


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

a pugilistic flying squirrel


----------



## Barbiedull

had been elected Mayor.


----------



## kindleworm

Let the celebration begin


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and let beer flow


----------



## Maker

along with mixed drinks


----------



## Barbiedull

and another surprising announcement


----------



## Emmalita

. Grandma asked, "What could


----------



## kindleworm

possibly make this day


----------



## Barbiedull

any better? A proposal?


----------



## kindleworm

Who was getting married?


----------



## Barbiedull

Mayor Moose and Betsy


----------



## kindleworm

made a lovely couple


----------



## loonlover

until Betsy changed into


----------



## Barbiedull

her red satin slippers


----------



## Jasmine Giacomo Author

and lost her sole


----------



## Brenda Carroll

and found her flounder


----------



## Barbiedull

in a frozen lake


----------



## loonlover

But wait, how do


----------



## Barbiedull

we plan a wedding?


----------



## Brenda Carroll

Hire a wedding planner!


----------



## Barbiedull

That's a great idea!


----------



## kindleworm

Wendy the wedding planner


----------



## Barbiedull

agreed to the task.


----------



## div

And began to plan


----------



## Barbiedull

a very unusual ceremony


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

that included a dancing


----------



## Barbiedull

family of baby dragons,


----------



## kindleworm

kilted Scottsmen playing bagpipes


----------



## Valmore Daniels

all going commando when


----------



## Emmalita

doing an irish jig.


----------



## Barbiedull

Cover your eyes Grandma!


----------



## kindleworm

On the buffet table


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

was a spread worthy


----------



## vwkitten

of Martha Stewart's half


----------



## Christopher Bunn

-crazed Belgian chef Pierre.


----------



## kindleworm

There was roasted goose


----------



## loonlover

elaborately presented on a


----------



## Elmore Hammes

silver platter replete with


----------



## Emmalita

Belgian chocolate-covered stuffing


----------



## kindleworm

, dumplings made from wild


----------



## Emmalita

boar, and a beautiful


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

array of plump, red


----------



## egh34

juicy, sweet, delicious tomatoes.


----------



## kindleworm

The beverage was made


----------



## loonlover

from crushed earthworms mixed


----------



## Barbiedull

with sprigs of Mooseltoe


----------



## egh34

and lots of hops


----------



## Barbiedull

mixed with red wine


----------



## CathyQuinn

and lots of mud.


----------



## Valmore Daniels

I had a dream


----------



## kindleworm

did this all really


----------



## Barbiedull

happen to a nice


----------



## Emmalita

couple of our caliber?


----------



## Barbiedull

Yes, we're very lucky!


----------



## JPStarr

Our neighbors are not.


----------



## Barbiedull

They were not invited


----------



## vwkitten

to the bake sale.


----------



## Barbiedull

Or the wedding reception.


----------



## vwkitten

And I'd baked a


----------



## Barbiedull

cherry chocolate cheesecake souffle


----------



## vwkitten

instead of a wedding


----------



## JPStarr

cake, or a pie.


----------



## kindleworm

A pan of brownies


----------



## Barbiedull

or some chocolate mousse


----------



## Elmore Hammes

might have been preferable,


----------



## Barbiedull

so Grandma begins mixing


----------



## kindleworm

the secret ingredients together


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

and mixes it with


----------



## kindleworm

white chocolate and bananas


----------



## Barbiedull

, cherries and green tomatoes


----------



## JPStarr

a touch of arsenic.


----------



## Aris Whittier

just kidding, Grandma would


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

never do that without


----------



## Barbiedull

warning her nasty neighbors!


----------



## Valmore Daniels

Besides, her cats have


----------



## Emmalita

divulged her secrets to


----------



## kindleworm

the nastiest neighbor's chihuahua


----------



## Barbiedull

who patrolled the border


----------



## kindleworm

of the town called


----------



## Barbiedull

Moose Le Toe, Alaska.


----------



## kindleworm

The northern lights began


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

blinking on and off


----------



## Barbiedull

almost like Ruldolphs nose


----------



## kindleworm

which signaled the beginning


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

of Santa's midnight rounds.


----------



## kindleworm

Santa's sleigh was filled


----------



## JPStarr

with hopes and dreams


----------



## kindleworm

and many Amazon Kindles


----------



## kindleworm

all loaded with classics


----------



## loonlover

and chocolate for Scarlet


----------



## kindleworm

.  Santa left the North


----------



## Barbiedull

Pole (seeking Scarlets UFO)


----------



## kindleworm

which was disguised as


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

a sleigh filled with


----------



## Barbiedull

tofurky and moldy cheese


----------



## kindleworm

, mud pies and stinky


----------



## Barbiedull

socks. Watch Out Santa!


----------



## kindleworm

While down on earth


----------



## JPStarr

readers eagerly anticipated kindles


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and candy cane kisses


----------



## Barbiedull

or dark chocolate kisses


----------



## vwkitten

or deep, passionate kisses


----------



## kindleworm

.  Off to bed so


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

Santa can deliver that


----------



## kindleworm

over-filled sleigh to


----------



## Guest

in tune with nature


----------



## JPStarr

the druid sleeps tonight.


----------



## egh34

Thought it was lions


----------



## vwkitten

and tigers and bears,


----------



## kindleworm

oh my, the zoo


----------



## vwkitten

Who knew the zoo


----------



## Barbiedull

housed a very special


----------



## kindleworm

exhibit of dragons and


----------



## Barbiedull

a family of Moose.


----------



## kindleworm

Bullwinkle the patriarch began


----------



## Barbiedull

to devise a plan


----------



## Elmore Hammes

that would obfuscate the


----------



## Emmalita

the real truth about


----------



## Barbiedull

Moose and Betsy's wedding.


----------



## egh34

They thought the secret


----------



## kindleworm

was safe but it


----------



## Barbiedull

was soon revealed to


----------



## div

the other animals at


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

the reception that Betsy


----------



## Valmore Daniels

held every other night


----------



## Barbiedull

so everyone could attend.


----------



## egh34

They all were shocked


----------



## Barbiedull

upon hearing the announcement


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

and demanded she give


----------



## kindleworm

goodie bags to all


----------



## Emmalita

. Betsy went to work


----------



## kindleworm

filling goodie bags with


----------



## Aris Whittier

seeds, nuts, fudge and


----------



## kindleworm

chocolate covered strawberrries and


----------



## egh34

magical stardust to be


----------



## Barbiedull

sprinkled throughout the Zoo.


----------



## egh34

As the sprinkling commenced


----------



## kindleworm

the animals began to


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

gather in a circle


----------



## JPStarr

as if by magic


----------



## kindleworm

it began to snow


----------



## egh34

peppermint candy canes and


----------



## Emmalita

Christmas mint M&Ms. Animals


----------



## Barbiedull

shouldn't eat so much


----------



## Emmalita

chocolate and candy, unless


----------



## kindleworm

they brush their teeth


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

and gargle with bitter


----------



## Thayerphotos

Almonds. Then a motorcycle,


----------



## kindleworm

driven by a large


----------



## Valmore Daniels

camel with a smile


----------



## Barbiedull

and a smokers cough


----------



## JPStarr

blowing peculiar smoke rings


----------



## loonlover

took off looking for


----------



## egh34

baby dragons and magic


----------



## Barbiedull

at Betsy's wedding reception.


----------



## div

Which was held in


----------



## Barbiedull

a huge tent located


----------



## kindleworm

in an isolated valley


----------



## div

in the mountainous region


----------



## Elmore Hammes

formerly known as the


----------



## Thayerphotos

valley of sacred bottoms


----------



## Barbiedull

for reasons known only


----------



## div

to those in attendance.


----------



## Thayerphotos

Next, the Bride exploded


----------



## Barbiedull

with happiness upon seeing


----------



## div

the lavish size of


----------



## Barbiedull

her future home. Soon


----------



## Emmalita

she would be ready


----------



## kindleworm

to start decorating it.


----------



## Thayerphotos

Her decorating taste leaned


----------



## egh34

to the absurd and


----------



## Barbiedull

she preferred eclectic furnishings.


----------



## Thayerphotos

Eclectic, inflatable and gothic


----------



## Barbiedull

doesn't always go together


----------



## Valmore Daniels

except when the moon


----------



## Thayerphotos

is in Hunter's Flux


----------



## Barbiedull

but Betsy didn't care!


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

She purchased two gigantic


----------



## Barbiedull

sofas upholstered in pink


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

velvet with tiny buttons


----------



## kindleworm

made from pink crystals


----------



## Barbiedull

and sprinkled with glitter


----------



## Thayerphotos

and smelling vaguely of


----------



## theaatkinson

baby powder and soap


----------



## loonlover

She accessorized with balloons


----------



## egh34

both shiny and colorful


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

enough to attract a


----------



## Thayerphotos

dozen Andorian blood moths.


----------



## Barbiedull

Luckily, that didn't happen.


----------



## egh34

So we are back


----------



## Barbiedull

to the pending wedding


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

of Betsy and who?


----------



## Barbiedull

Betsy and Mayor Moose!


----------



## kindleworm

The invitations were sent


----------



## Barbiedull

the cake was baked


----------



## kindleworm

the flowers were arranged


----------



## Barbiedull

the guests were attired


----------



## Thayerphotos

in their finest green


----------



## Barbiedull

formal wear. As the


----------



## loonlover

bride was escorted to


----------



## egh34

her position of prominance


----------



## Barbiedull

the music began to


----------



## Valmore Daniels

grow louder and more


----------



## Barbiedull

annoying, as the crowd


----------



## Thayerphotos

sharpened their knives and


----------



## Barbiedull

whittled wooden salad forks.


----------



## kindleworm

Bring on the food


----------



## Barbiedull

, let's make a toast!


----------



## egh34

and the beverages


----------



## kindleworm

were served in cute


----------



## Thayerphotos

sheep's bladders, and goat


----------



## Barbiedull

skin bags for the


----------



## CathyQuinn

sweetened banana pies. Then


----------



## Barbiedull

the guests danced and


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

carried on well into


----------



## kindleworm

the night, while the


----------



## loonlover

kitties destroyed the table


----------



## Thayerphotos

and the anthropomorphic candlestick's


----------



## Barbiedull

glowed softly all night.


----------



## kindleworm

As the sun rose


----------



## Thayerphotos

many had deathly hangovers


----------



## Barbiedull

and slept like babies


----------



## loonlover

given personality affecting drops


----------



## egh34

to make them feel


----------



## kindleworm

like children on Christmas


----------



## Barbiedull

opening all the gifts


----------



## loonlover

even those not theirs


----------



## kindleworm

.  The best gift was


----------



## Some Writer Cat

Lots of books.  Hungry.


----------



## Valmore Daniels

Whenever he ate his


----------



## Barbiedull

hangover breakfast, he felt


----------



## Thayerphotos

a strong aversion to


----------



## kindleworm

pancakes with maple syrup


----------



## Barbiedull

and Jack with Coke.


----------



## kindleworm

To settle his stomach


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

drank a bottle of


----------



## kindleworm

warm chocolate milk and


----------



## Barbiedull

promptly threw it up.


----------



## Thayerphotos

Then, the zombies attacked !


----------



## egh34

Slowly as first because


----------



## Barbiedull

They too partied hard.


----------



## kindleworm

The zombies planned their


----------



## Barbiedull

Zombiepalooza with Rob Zombie


----------



## Emmalita

but were thwarted when


----------



## Barbiedull

the wedding party continued


----------



## loonlover

playing musical chairs in


----------



## Barbiedull

spite of being invaded


----------



## kindleworm

by a herd of


----------



## Thayerphotos

tiny buffalo and corn


----------



## Barbiedull

syrup that was poured


----------



## Valmore Daniels

over their heads and


----------



## Barbiedull

made a sticky situation


----------



## kindleworm

.  The party finally ended


----------



## Barbiedull

...or so we thought!


----------



## kindleworm

Let the fireworks begin!


----------



## Barbiedull

Zombies stuck in syrup


----------



## egh34

trying to dance with


----------



## Thayerphotos

shiny skinned twilight "vampires"


----------



## Barbiedull

while tiny buffalo lick


----------



## loonlover

up all the gin


----------



## Barbiedull

made in the bathtub


----------



## loonlover

to be used for


----------



## Barbiedull

medicinal purposes, of course!


----------



## loonlover

How unkind to believe


----------



## Barbiedull

the bathtub wasn't cleaned


----------



## Thayerphotos

even after seven guests


----------



## loonlover

spent all their time


----------



## Barbiedull

making voodoo magick spells


----------



## loonlover

to trick the bride


----------



## Barbiedull

into drop-kicking a Zombie


----------



## kindleworm

over the tallest mountain


----------



## Thayerphotos

The bride suddenly found


----------



## Barbiedull

she'd lost her mind


----------



## loonlover

after the alligators invaded.


----------



## Valmore Daniels

Meanwhile, the crocodile made


----------



## Emmalita

plans to kick the


----------



## Barbiedull

alligators into syrup pit


----------



## Thayerphotos

The Bride said "Aint


----------



## egh34

no way nobody gonna


----------



## Barbiedull

mosh 'til the music


----------



## Thayerphotos

starts ! Now DJ Gimme


----------



## Barbiedull

some Slayer...and watch


----------



## egh34

the music move me


----------



## Thayerphotos

as I strip and


----------



## Barbiedull

flip those alligators into


----------



## Thayerphotos

an unrivaled sexual frenzy


----------



## Barbiedull

never to be forgotten


----------



## Thayerphotos

Then a Giant Robot


----------



## Kristen Painter

began stomping on the


----------



## kindleworm

frozen pond which wasn't


----------



## Barbiedull

frozen quite enough....crack!


----------



## Thayerphotos

Then Buffy staked Edward.


----------



## Barbiedull

Plastic stakes never work


----------



## Thayerphotos

Buffy uses wood fortunately


----------



## Barbiedull

but she missed Edward!


----------



## Thayerphotos

Faith got him though.


----------



## Barbiedull

Uh-Oh, more syrupy goo


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

to lick off our


----------



## Thayerphotos

balls.  Basketballs AND footballs


----------



## Barbiedull

, snowballs and popcorn balls


----------



## Thayerphotos

balls balls everywhere balls !


----------



## egh34

Just once I would


----------



## Barbiedull

like a normal life!


----------



## Thayerphotos

Bigfoot ate the zombies


----------



## Barbiedull

they were tasty morsels


----------



## Valmore Daniels

but their brittle bones


----------



## Barbiedull

were like intestinal barbs


----------



## egh34

that poked and prodded


----------



## Barbiedull

and made Bigfoot angry!


----------



## Thayerphotos

Angry bigfoot smashed the


----------



## Barbiedull

vampire hunter Buffy/Faith


----------



## Thayerphotos

However, Buffy/Faith are stronger


----------



## Thayerphotos

than an angry bigfoot


----------



## Thayerphotos

and Edward is totally


----------



## Thayerphotos

DEAD.  DEAD DEAD DEAD


----------



## Thayerphotos

Edward is DEAD, and


----------



## Barbiedull

Sadly, Buffy/Faith is too!


----------



## egh34

But, there are the


----------



## Barbiedull

people who accept change


----------



## kindleworm

and even welcome it


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

. Yeah? Who? I don't


----------



## Barbiedull

always, but progress requires


----------



## Thayerphotos

the blood of innocents


----------



## Barbiedull

as shown with Buffy/Faith.


----------



## Valmore Daniels

Where predators roam free


----------



## cahocking

to be complete idiots


----------



## Barbiedull

.  Luckily, at the wedding


----------



## loonlover

the coordinator was ready.


----------



## kindleworm

The gifts were stacked


----------



## Barbiedull

everyone tried to behave


----------



## egh34

but the drinks became


----------



## Emmalita

a little sour when


----------



## Barbiedull

everyone started bickering over


----------



## egh34

the lack of non-sour


----------



## Emmalita

lemons which were unique


----------



## cahocking

"It wasn't me, Mum!"


----------



## Emmalita

shouted the smallest of


----------



## Barbiedull

the barefoot Bigfoot offspring


----------



## kindleworm

. Little Yetti came running


----------



## loonlover

tripping over the stones


----------



## kindleworm

wearing ill fitting shoes


----------



## Thayerphotos

and dainty pink tutus


----------



## Emmalita

."I don't know who


----------



## kindleworm

ate the whole wedding


----------



## Barbiedull

cake" groaned Betsy, but


----------



## kindleworm

at least we still


----------



## Emmalita

have each other forever.


----------



## Thayerphotos

Terrorists from mars landed


----------



## Barbiedull

in the syrup pit


----------



## kindleworm

and began to attract


----------



## Valmore Daniels

an unruly crowd of


----------



## Emmalita

large, buzzing, angry bees!


----------



## loonlover

Nigel, feeling neglected, ran


----------



## Barbiedull

around looking for Betsy


----------



## egh34

who couldn't be found


----------



## Barbiedull

because she was hiding


----------



## Thayerphotos

and making out with


----------



## Barbiedull

a sticky Martian terrorist!


----------



## kindleworm

The wedding is off!


----------



## Thayerphotos

She's a lesbian so


----------



## Barbiedull

the haters say. NOT!


----------



## Thayerphotos

Only idiots say "not"


----------



## Barbiedull

when they mean NEVER!


----------



## Thayerphotos

Brian aimed his shotgun


----------



## Barbiedull

at the angry bees


----------



## Emmalita

and carefully looked to


----------



## Barbiedull

avoid hitting the spaceship


----------



## Emmalita

which was hurtling down


----------



## Barbiedull

towards the Bigfoot family


----------



## Emmalita

who were oblivious to


----------



## kindleworm

the immenemt danger because


----------



## Barbiedull

they were eating the


----------



## Emmalita

delicious cake while drinking


----------



## Barbiedull

a toast to the


----------



## Valmore Daniels

fortunes of others who


----------



## Barbiedull

were being chased by


----------



## kindleworm

a herd of hungry


----------



## Barbiedull

dwarves wearing purple tuxedos.


----------



## kindleworm

Each dwarf was carrying


----------



## Barbiedull

fireworks for the celebration


----------



## Thayerphotos

Naked Barbie looking strippers


----------



## Barbiedull

, boys with wild hallucinations


----------



## Thayerphotos

That doesn't go together...


----------



## Barbiedull

...everyone celebrated together as


----------



## Emmalita

they suddenly realized that


----------



## Barbiedull

Nigel was objecting to


----------



## Thayerphotos

receiving an award for


----------



## Emmalita

the most ridiculous looking


----------



## Thayerphotos

Kindle case.  He bought


----------



## kindleworm

it from a retired


----------



## Barbiedull

and very ancient druid


----------



## Thayerphotos

. Who used tree magic


----------



## Barbiedull

, mushrooms, and celtic wisdom


----------



## Thayerphotos

to bring forth amazing


----------



## Barbiedull

incantations for magical spells.


----------



## kindleworm

The first spell changed


----------



## Barbiedull

Michael into a leprechaun.


----------



## Thayerphotos

An angry violent leprechaun


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

then assaulted him with


----------



## Barbiedull

a massive carved shillelagh.


----------



## Valmore Daniels

But the knob broke


----------



## Barbiedull

because Michael is hardheaded!


----------



## kindleworm

The spell was broken


----------



## Barbiedull

when Michael woke up


----------



## Emmalita

he realized he should


----------



## kindleworm

move to a new


----------



## Thayerphotos

condo on the beach.


----------



## kindleworm

Which beach should he


----------



## Barbiedull

choose? A deserted beach


----------



## Emmalita

sounds the most romantic.


----------



## Barbiedull

Shipwrecked, sunburned and delirious


----------



## Emmalita

, Michael dragged himself up


----------



## Barbiedull

to the desolate island


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

and discovered what looked


----------



## kindleworm

to be the remains


----------



## Barbiedull

of the previous occupants.


----------



## Emmalita

"I'm doomed!" Michael screamed


----------



## theaatkinson

He shouted out loud


----------



## Barbiedull

"I never watched Survivor!"


----------



## Thayerphotos

"How'd I get shipwrecked


----------



## Barbiedull

?"  Michael started to cry


----------



## Emmalita

. But then he remembered


----------



## kindleworm

that a hot air


----------



## Barbiedull

balloon dropped him from


----------



## Valmore Daniels

the top of a


----------



## Barbiedull

cloud, into the ocean.


----------



## egh34

So he started to


----------



## Barbiedull

become depressed and suicidal.


----------



## kindleworm

To cheer him up


----------



## Barbiedull

, he searched the island


----------



## CathyQuinn

and found a robot.


----------



## egh34

The robot was not


----------



## Barbiedull

friendly. He attacked Michael


----------



## kindleworm

with a foam banana


----------



## Barbiedull

! Michael looked up to


----------



## Elmore Hammes

seek an avenue of


----------



## Barbiedull

relief, and was surprised


----------



## Thayerphotos

to see some spam


----------



## Barbiedull

falling from the sky.


----------



## Emmalita

"At least I'll eat


----------



## Thayerphotos

Spam and sand and


----------



## Barbiedull

... What's that?  A boat!"


----------



## kindleworm

He began to jump


----------



## Barbiedull

for joy, but slipped


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

and landed flat on


----------



## Barbiedull

the remaining spam. SPLAT!


----------



## Thayerphotos

I'm going to die


----------



## Barbiedull

...No, don't give up!


----------



## kindleworm

A rescue team of


----------



## Valmore Daniels

wild hyenas who smiled


----------



## Barbiedull

(and laughed) at Michael


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

arrived just in time


----------



## Barbiedull

to witness his despair


----------



## Thayerphotos

.  I want a donut


----------



## Barbiedull

laughed the biggest hyena!


----------



## kindleworm

Krispy Kreme to the


----------



## Barbiedull

rescue! A cell phone


----------



## Emmalita

started ringing from somewhere


----------



## Barbiedull

beneath the squashed Spam.


----------



## Emmalita

"Let's find it!" shouted


----------



## Barbiedull

Michael, "I'll buy donuts!"


----------



## Thayerphotos

The great migration has


----------



## Barbiedull

provided hyenas with cell


----------



## Thayerphotos

shaped membranes and organs.


----------



## egh34

This occurance made them


----------



## Emmalita

understand the cosmos better


----------



## Barbiedull

to navigate by stars


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

so they could then


----------



## Emmalita

travel farther than they


----------



## Thayerphotos

did the previous week.


----------



## kindleworm

Thank goodness it was


----------



## Thayerphotos

time for lunch.  Aphrodite


----------



## Barbiedull

called for more donuts


----------



## Thayerphotos

. Anthropomorphic donut people arrived


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and gave free donuts


----------



## Thayerphotos

that were their children


----------



## Barbiedull

. Michael was deliriously hungry.


----------



## Emmalita

He gorged himself on


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

on two boy donuts


----------



## Barbiedull

in his imagination. Soon


----------



## Brenda Carroll

ladybugs were crawling out


----------



## Barbiedull

of the flowers, and


----------



## Thayerphotos

really ate donut children


----------



## Barbiedull

if they didn't behave.


----------



## Thayerphotos

Little chocolate donut kids


----------



## Emmalita

only taste delicious to


----------



## Thayerphotos

anyone who likes donuts


----------



## Emmalita

. Michael didn't like donuts.


----------



## kindleworm

Back to the buffet


----------



## Barbiedull

! Michael's Mother was sad


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

that all the donuts


----------



## Barbiedull

and Michael were gone.


----------



## Brenda Carroll

Ladybugs ate them all!!


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

Then there were none.

Catch a Shooting Star

Ripple Effect
Both also available on Amazon UK


----------



## Thayerphotos

The adult donut people


----------



## Barbiedull

were rolling in dough


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

with  red Ladybug sprinkles


----------



## Thayerphotos

.  A vulgar gesture from


----------



## Barbiedull

Michael illustrated his frustration


----------



## Thayerphotos

.  Donuts, weddings, islands, WTF !


----------



## Barbiedull

A boat appears in


----------



## Valmore Daniels

the distance floating in


----------



## Barbiedull

to _finally_ rescue Michael!


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

Yay, Michael is saved!


----------



## Emmalita

But what will become


----------



## Barbiedull

of his dream to


----------



## Thayerphotos

eat baby donut people


----------



## Emmalita

.  It will be postponed


----------



## Thayerphotos

.  Meanwhile the elve's Kindle's


----------



## Barbiedull

were crushed by Rudolph


----------



## Thayerphotos

.  Rudolph was killed by


----------



## Barbiedull

snipers aiming for Michael.


----------



## Elmore Hammes

They obviously had poor


----------



## Emmalita

aim but they had


----------



## Barbiedull

persistence. Michael is running


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

for his life. Then


----------



## Barbiedull

he stumbled upon a


----------



## Angela

very large and hairy


----------



## Barbiedull

troll who demanded his


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

secret recipe, but he


----------



## Thayerphotos

kicked the troll in


----------



## Barbiedull

the kneecap and said


----------



## Thayerphotos

take that Trollio ! Then


----------



## Barbiedull

the troll became enraged


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

and ate poor Michael's


----------



## Barbiedull

adult AND child donuts!


----------



## egh34

So then Michael couldn't


----------



## Thayerphotos

care less.  Giant bats


----------



## Barbiedull

had invaded Michael's condo


----------



## Thayerphotos

.  "Hi i'm Battiostrphees" said


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

the lead bat. Michael


----------



## Thayerphotos

rolled his eyes loudly.


----------



## Barbiedull

Michael was completely batty


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

if he could roll


----------



## Barbiedull

his brain, he would.


----------



## Thayerphotos

Drinking Steel Reserve Beer


----------



## egh34

and burping a little


----------



## Thayerphotos

, Michael declared "You aint


----------



## Barbiedull

never seen nuthin' like


----------



## Emmalita

a crazy bat on


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

on a bender doing


----------



## Barbiedull

cartwheels in the snow


----------



## Emmalita

while learning to play


----------



## Barbiedull

xylophone with his nose.


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

He decided not to


----------



## Emmalita

drink more alcohol when


----------



## Barbiedull

he plays in traffic.


----------



## D. Nathan Hilliard

But significant toenail clippings


----------



## Emmalita

have accumulated since Michael


----------



## Thayerphotos

had sweaty sex with


----------



## Barbiedull

anyone...it's been forever!


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

But he has a


----------



## Emmalita

problem that only he


----------



## Barbiedull

understands. Michael is lonely.


----------



## Emmalita

But where can he


----------



## Barbiedull

find a batty companion?


----------



## kindleworm

At the Brookfield Zoo


----------



## Barbiedull

hanging from the ceiling


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

looking endearingly at him


----------



## Barbiedull

"batting" her eyes as


----------



## D. Nathan Hilliard

the zookeeper calls the


----------



## Barbiedull

police to restrain Michael.


----------



## Thayerphotos

"I'm attracted to fire


----------



## Barbiedull

ants! They taste yummy!"


----------



## Thayerphotos

Robyn said to Michael


----------



## Barbiedull

"You smell really bad."


----------



## Thayerphotos

he flipped the bird


----------



## Barbiedull

and the bird attacked!


----------



## Thayerphotos

The Christmas tree was


----------



## Barbiedull

destroyed during the struggle


----------



## Emmalita

when suddenly there was


----------



## kindleworm

an unexpected earthquake, so


----------



## Emmalita

Michael had to tap


----------



## Thayerphotos

a keg of beer


----------



## Emmalita

to settle his mind


----------



## Thayerphotos

and enflame his lust


----------



## Barbiedull

. "KEGGER!" Michael yelled, as


----------



## Valmore Daniels

everyone took their togas


----------



## Thayerphotos

removed them.  "Naked Kegger" !


----------



## Barbiedull

All the girls ran


----------



## Thayerphotos

straight into Michael's arms


----------



## Barbiedull

that blocked the door


----------



## Thayerphotos

.  "It's a trap !" He


----------



## Barbiedull

screamed at the police.


----------



## Emmalita

"You've got the wrong


----------



## Barbiedull

Michael!" A huge aftershock


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

threw the girls into


----------



## Thayerphotos

a hillbilly named Karl


----------



## Barbiedull

(he was Michael's brother)


----------



## DHammons

and, strangely, his father.


----------



## Emmalita

The girls scream at


----------



## Tip10

Michael's father brother Karl


----------



## Barbiedull

"Save us Uncle Karl!"


----------



## Russell Brooks

But Karl didn't listen.


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

Instead he began to


----------



## CathyQuinn

braid his long hair.


----------



## Tip10

while shooting spit-wads at


----------



## Barbiedull

Michael's bald head. Suddenly


----------



## kindleworm

a flock of geese


----------



## CathyQuinn

fell dead to the


----------



## loonlover

tune of The Twist


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and the Mashed Potato.


----------



## Thayerphotos

My Kindle loves me


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

cried father uncle Karl


----------



## Thayerphotos

"Carnally I mean, naked


----------



## DHammons

and Karl said, "Ewwwwwww!"


----------



## Barbiedull

Michael's a sick boy.


----------



## Thayerphotos

The zombies killed Michael.


----------



## egh34

Michael is a zombie


----------



## Barbiedull

...watch out Daddy-Uncle Karl!


----------



## lisarusczyk

They're not ordinary zombies.


----------



## Tip10

they're son-nephew Karl corpses!!


----------



## Thayerphotos

A sentient walking Kindle


----------



## Barbiedull

felt Zombie Michael's pain.


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

but only virtually, though


----------



## Thayerphotos

since Michael is DEAD !


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

But he won't ever


----------



## Barbiedull

be really, truly DEAD!


----------



## Emmalita

He will live on


----------



## Barbiedull

forever as a ZOMBIE!


----------



## Thayerphotos

Until his brain gets


----------



## CathyQuinn

turned into a turtle.


----------



## Tip10

and made into soup


----------



## Barbiedull

in Betsy's bubbling cauldron


----------



## Valmore Daniels

served with carrots and


----------



## Emmalita

and sour cream on


----------



## Tip10

thinly sliced turnip toast


----------



## lisarusczyk

Kindle 1 loves Zombies.


----------



## Barbiedull

Betsy begins to chant


----------



## lisarusczyk

She's possessed. Next, she'll


----------



## Elmore Hammes

start foaming from her


----------



## lisarusczyk

ears. Blood, saliva, unmentionable


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

liquids flow from every


----------



## Barbiedull

pore...into the cauldron.


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

She yells, "Soup's on!"


----------



## Teinouji

Rats salivate in her


----------



## Thayerphotos

sacred lady parts.  Then


----------



## Barbiedull

nibble on Michael's toes.


----------



## CathyQuinn

Meanwhile, back at the


----------



## Thayerphotos

dude ranch, some dudes


----------



## CathyQuinn

finally wrote: The End.


----------



## Barbiedull

Now, a new beginning


----------



## egh34

that takes us to


----------



## kindleworm

a huge underwater cave


----------



## CathyQuinn

where a goblin lives.


----------



## Emmalita

The goblin knows how


----------



## Thayerphotos

to make naked boobs


----------



## egh34

that are really breathing


----------



## CathyQuinn

but to be honest


----------



## Barbiedull

they don't have nostrils.


----------



## Valmore Daniels

but they have gills


----------



## NapCat (retired)

gorgeous, glowing, green gills !


----------



## CathyQuinn

Of course, none of


----------



## Barbiedull

the Zombies go underwater.


----------



## Me and My Kindle

Zombies _really_ hate water!


----------



## Barbiedull

Zombie Michael restlessly roams


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

along the shore waiting


----------



## kindleworm

for the pelican parade


----------



## Emmalita

to finish dancing through.


----------



## kindleworm

Sea turtles began exiting


----------



## NapCat (retired)

when Michael suddenly realized


----------



## Emmalita

that he forgot to


----------



## Thayerphotos

set his alaarm clock


----------



## CathyQuinn

and was already late.


----------



## Barbiedull

Michael lost his job.


----------



## Thayerphotos

But, as a zombie


----------



## matt youngmark

he was still craving


----------



## Emmalita

a combination of brains


----------



## lisarusczyk

and fried chicken. Still,


----------



## CathyQuinn

there was hope. The


----------



## lisarusczyk

fried chicken could be


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

fresh enough to satisfy


----------



## Scott Stoll

the hungriest deadhead who


----------



## vwkitten

was unfairly unemployed now.


----------



## Valmore Daniels

Even if they stalk


----------



## Scott Stoll

part-time jobs flipping McBrain


----------



## Jasmine Giacomo Author

not every zombie gets


----------



## CathyQuinn

this depressed. Not even


----------



## Emmalita

the idea of going


----------



## NapCat (retired)

Pelican-soaring cheered him.


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

But one thing did.


----------



## Emmalita

He loved thinking about


----------



## Jasmine Giacomo Author

_The Wizard of Oz_


----------



## Emmalita

which was his favorite


----------



## CathyQuinn

movie. Too bad his


----------



## egh34

eyes were unable to


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

follow the yellow brick


----------



## Barbiedull

road long enough to


----------



## egh34

achieve his dream of


----------



## kindleworm

seeing the northern lights


----------



## Emmalita

.  Alas!  Michael only has


----------



## Thayerphotos

four words to say:


----------



## Scott Stoll

"Brains. Brains. Brains. Braaaaaainssss."


----------



## NapCat (retired)

The Scarecrow is safe !!


----------



## Thayerphotos

Except from fires and


----------



## Barbiedull

Michael's atrocious zombie breath!


----------



## matt youngmark

[this thread got AWESOME!]


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

Good thing the tinman


----------



## egh34

didn't need what he


----------



## Valmore Daniels

stole from Dorothy's purse.


----------



## Emmalita

Because in her purse


----------



## Barbiedull

was something very special


----------



## CathyQuinn

a zombie superbrain -- without


----------



## Barbiedull

a doubt, a rare


----------



## kindleworm

specimen, but it had


----------



## Barbiedull

suffered blunt force trauma


----------



## Me and My Kindle

from Dorothy's spare slippers


----------



## Barbiedull

...spike heels are _sharp!_


----------



## NapCat (retired)

Stunned, Michael eyes Toto.


----------



## markbeyer

"This is my story!"


----------



## CathyQuinn

"Think again!" Toto grins.


----------



## Me and My Kindle

And then Toto growled...


----------



## Barbiedull

and displayed huge fangs


----------



## NapCat (retired)

huge, ruby-red, fangs


----------



## Barbiedull

.  Michael took a step


----------



## CathyQuinn

and landed in a


----------



## NapCat (retired)

deep ditch, full of


----------



## Thayerphotos

Toto's "leavings".  Damn Dog


----------



## Emmalita

. Toto laughed again. "I


----------



## AnnetteL

see you've found my


----------



## BarbraAnnino

special surprise I made


----------



## Emmalita

to go with your


----------



## Barbiedull

fried brains for dinner!"


----------



## Thayerphotos

"Fried Brains and dog


----------



## Barbiedull

Surprise? Just like Mom


----------



## egh34

used to make, unfortunately


----------



## Valmore Daniels

we all had to


----------



## Thayerphotos

vomit blood and eyeballs


----------



## NapCat (retired)

Watching, Cowardly Lion thought....


----------



## Chris Northern

"When they go, I..."


----------



## Emmalita

take over. Now my


----------



## Thayerphotos

feline predator nature will


----------



## Emmalita

allow me to dominate


----------



## DHammons

and be king of


----------



## BarbraAnnino

the claw crane people.


----------



## Emmalita

This is exactly why


----------



## matt youngmark

nobody invites me to


----------



## Thayerphotos

dinner parties and hockey


----------



## DHammons

Suddenly a voice came


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

from behind the curtain


----------



## Elmore Hammes

"Not again!" thought the


----------



## DHammons

schizophrenic Lion as he


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

ran and hid behind


----------



## kindleworm

The very obese hippo


----------



## NapCat (retired)

wearing a pink tutu.


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

He performed a pirouette


----------



## DHammons

and said to himself


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

"I think I can


----------



## egh34

,I think I can,


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and I know I


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

can. The only problem


----------



## DHammons

was the size of


----------



## TWErvin2

the obese hippo's lunch


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

which weighed him down


----------



## NapCat (retired)

Enter; HELIUM MAN, saying....


----------



## DHammons

I'm full of gas


----------



## TWErvin2

and really fear needles.


----------



## egh34

But my voice is


----------



## Thayerphotos

high, yet manly.  Like


----------



## TWErvin2

a canary on steroids.


----------



## NapCat (retired)

Lion and Hippo then


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

held onto Helium Man's


----------



## kindleworm

ankles as he began


----------



## DHammons

rise above the earth


----------



## kindleworm

higher and higher until


----------



## Emmalita

Helium man popped and


----------



## kindleworm

Lion and Hippo fell


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

into a pile of


----------



## DHammons

of tribbles. Then Kirk


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

said, "Beam me up


----------



## Barbiedull

Scotty" and covered his


----------



## NapCat (retired)

Tricorder screen, so that


----------



## Emmalita

no one could see


----------



## kindleworm

that he was playing


----------



## CathyQuinn

Scrabble Deluxe. But then


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

before he could get


----------



## Barbiedull

a triple word score


----------



## Valmore Daniels

he left the room


----------



## kindleworm

as alarms sounded in


----------



## TR Montressor

Unison. Four of them.


----------



## JFHilborne

He started to panic


----------



## NapCat (retired)

Hippo? Lion?...on Enterprise??


----------



## kindleworm

Enterprise began to tilt


----------



## Emmalita

and buck.  He had


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

no time to get


----------



## DHammons

to the transporter room


----------



## TWErvin2

or the shuttle bay.


----------



## John Dax

Setting phaser to stun,


----------



## NapCat (retired)

Kirk fires at the


----------



## Emmalita

the hippo but misses.


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

Instead he hits the


----------



## John Dax

inevitable red shirt Ensign.


----------



## NapCat (retired)

"Fascinating", Spock murmurs quietly....


----------



## Emmalita

The craziest thing happens


----------



## CathyQuinn

"I'm not dead yet!"


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

Gathering all his various


----------



## DHammons

high school sports trophies


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

Kirk shirks his responsibilities


----------



## egh34

for activities best kept


----------



## Valmore Daniels

to yourself except when


----------



## Christopher Bunn

hot-tubbing with species like


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

Tribles and Cardassian Voles


----------



## NapCat (retired)

. Meanwhile, back on Earth


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

the Regulan Bloodworm invades!


----------



## Emmalita

"What will we do?!"


----------



## John Dax

said the red-shirted ensign.


----------



## cmg.sweet

before hysterically crying uncontrollably


----------



## Thayerphotos

.  Star Trek is stupid


----------



## kindleworm

, so back to reality


----------



## Jasmine Giacomo Author

shows like Jersey Shore


----------



## matt youngmark

, in which "The Situation"


----------



## Elmore Hammes

emotes more than William


----------



## Thayerphotos

Shatner's toupee.  I like


----------



## RichardDR

the way it squirms.


----------



## Thayerphotos

Talking feline animal companions


----------



## John Dax

escape from the zoo


----------



## Thayerphotos

. They ran to the


----------



## kindleworm

local grocery store and


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

raided the meat section


----------



## John Dax

philosophizing about cannibalism, when


----------



## Thayerphotos

the computer overlords took


----------



## tsilver

out their red crayons


----------



## loonlover

and colored like mad


----------



## NapCat (retired)

thus, Windows7 was created !


----------



## Barbiedull

This signaled the beginning


----------



## kindleworm

of a new age


----------



## Valmore Daniels

of intelligent jelly beans


----------



## Barbiedull

that served as advisors


----------



## John Dax

to any willing listeners


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

able to juggle dozens


----------



## Emmalita

of projects while they


----------



## John Dax

contemplated new fruit flavours


----------



## NapCat (retired)

and Kindle Apps, which


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

certainly boggle the mind


----------



## Emmalita

.  When will they learn?


----------



## Barbiedull

Betsy turned around suddenly


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

, squinting at the sky


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

, astonished to see a


----------



## Barbiedull

raptor closing in on


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

her so she raised


----------



## Barbiedull

her slingshot and fired


----------



## John Dax

missing the winged beast


----------



## Thayerphotos

but hitting the dude


----------



## CathyQuinn

right between the eyes.


----------



## Barbiedull

Michael hit the ground


----------



## NapCat (retired)

running !  However, he was


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

slightly stunned by the


----------



## Barbiedull

sight of Betsy reloading


----------



## Thayerphotos

a civil war era


----------



## Valmore Daniels

flint lock rifle which


----------



## Barbiedull

she again aimed at


----------



## Emmalita

the raptor.  This time


----------



## John Dax

striking the fell beast


----------



## Barbiedull

which landed on Michael


----------



## egh34

with a whimper and


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

,draping its wings over


----------



## MrPLD

his now broken body


----------



## Steve Vernon

"Heal me," Michael gasped.


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

"Help me." I've been


----------



## Me and My Kindle

...flint-lock rifle blasted!"


----------



## Barbiedull

Michael needed a miracle


----------



## Martel47

in the worst way.


----------



## loonlover

Unfortunately, the worst way


----------



## Thayerphotos

was all he had


----------



## CathyQuinn

So he gave up.


----------



## Thayerphotos

Sherry went to class.


----------



## RichardDR

on the short bus.


----------



## Barbiedull

Michael never gives up!


----------



## kindleworm

An angel was dispatched


----------



## Basil Sands

trailing a fiery wake


----------



## John Dax

and a grim determination


----------



## Basil Sands

The dragon must fall.


----------



## Thayerphotos

A boombox is not


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

the best of weapons,


----------



## Basil Sands

but properly deployed it


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

gets the job done.


----------



## Valmore Daniels

So just do it


----------



## Barbiedull

crank up the volume


----------



## John Dax

all the way...eleven!


----------



## NapCat (retired)

Argggg!, A Polka blares


----------



## Barbiedull

, Michael covers his ears


----------



## RichardDR

with two buttery biscuits.


----------



## Jon Olson

A butter-loving flea


----------



## Aris Whittier

Stares directly at the…


----------



## Basil Sands

notes floating skyward, and


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

thinks of a song


----------



## MrPLD

while crying inside over


----------



## Thayerphotos

the loss of his


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

vocal chords from a


----------



## Thayerphotos

Guinness and murder marathon


----------



## RichardDR

Meanwhile, back at home,


----------



## kindleworm

a storm is brewing


----------



## John Dax

like two-day old coffee


----------



## kindleworm

. Black clouds are churning


----------



## RichardDR

as is my stomach


----------



## John Dax

looking at battered Michael.


----------



## Thayerphotos

Michael kills himself.  Naked


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

and bleeding from the


----------



## Barbiedull

effort, Michael again fails.


----------



## AnneKAlbert

But all is not...


----------



## Barbiedull

lost...Zombie Michael revives!


----------



## NapCat (retired)

THE END


...............Once upon


----------



## Barbiedull

a tragic night, he


----------



## John Dax

opened the car door


----------



## Thayerphotos

. Wondering who "he" was


----------



## Valmore Daniels

when he slipped on


----------



## kindleworm

some black ice and


----------



## Barbiedull

MICHAEL went flying into


----------



## John Dax

the arms of the


----------



## Barbiedull

Zombie bounty hunter Zed.


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

Zed had a lisp


----------



## NapCat (retired)

"ttthhhay ttthhhill, ttthhilly Ttthhhhyilvester" !!


----------



## Barbiedull

said Zed. Michael was


----------



## RichardDR

confused by his arousal.


----------



## Barbiedull

Michael tried to speak,


----------



## RichardDR

but his moans and


----------



## Barbiedull

twisted thoughts deterred him.


----------



## RichardDR

Zed was the last


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

of his kind, but


----------



## RichardDR

was not the last


----------



## AnneKAlbert

Or so he thought


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

he heard another lisp


----------



## John Dax

coming from behind Zed


----------



## NapCat (retired)

Ttthhop ! Ttthhop !.......... Its Mom !!


----------



## Valmore Daniels

She has curlers and


----------



## DHammons

a frying pan in


----------



## loonlover

a raised position of


----------



## Barbiedull

attack. "He's your Brother!"


----------



## RichardDR

"...AND YOUR UNCLE TOO!"


----------



## NapCat (retired)

Michael and Zed looked


----------



## tsilver

around and under the


----------



## RichardDR

elephant-foot umbrella stand.


----------



## Barbiedull

They found a key


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

to their mother's stormcellar


----------



## tsilver

but suddenly were afraid


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

it might be damp


----------



## RichardDR

Fortunately both had rubbers.


----------



## tsilver

but they had forgotten


----------



## RichardDR

to wear their galoshes.


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

and their penty hoses


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

so stylish they weren't.


----------



## NapCat (retired)

Quickly, they changed into


----------



## DHammons

their flowery Bermuda shorts


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

and held their noses


----------



## tsilver

but then they sneezed


----------



## RichardDR

their eyes popped out!


----------



## Barbiedull

Mom was losing patience


----------



## Guy Dragon

picking up rolling eyes


----------



## Barbiedull

, and wiping runny noses


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and kissing skinned knees


----------



## RichardDR

but the worst chore


----------



## Mark Valiukas

was yet to come.


----------



## RichardDR

Those cans of prunes


----------



## Barbiedull

were best left unopened


----------



## tsilver

but like a pig


----------



## John Dax

rooting for rare truffles


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

you gotta eat something.


----------



## Mark Valiukas

Still, better than lutefisk...


----------



## matt youngmark

so Zen opened one.


----------



## tsilver

prune which had an


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

awful stench to it


----------



## tsilver

but placing it in


----------



## Barbiedull

a jar of herring


----------



## tsilver

gave it a unique


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

flavor, not unlike vomit.


----------



## John Dax

Causing Zed to vomit.


----------



## tsilver

which caused him to


----------



## CCrooks

rinse his mouth with


----------



## tsilver

a little bit of


----------



## Mark Valiukas

automatic transmission fluid, which


----------



## John Dax

was a marginal improvement


----------



## Mark Valiukas

[FULL STOP] Yearning for more edible


----------



## tsilver

paper products with softer


----------



## Mark Valiukas

two ply strength and


----------



## Valmore Daniels

a lack of odor


----------



## Mark Valiukas

he reached into his


----------



## kindleworm

backpack, and pulled out


----------



## rscully

a rolled up newspaper


----------



## tsilver

that didn't actually seem


----------



## rscully

all that tasty, needed


----------



## NapCat (retired)

spicy dialog, and some


----------



## Cindi_LeeJm

two-ply tissue paper so


----------



## tsilver

I raised my fist


----------



## Barbiedull

in frustration, and yelled


----------



## Mark Valiukas

"Barrowman!" because _that_ meme


----------



## tsilver

reminds me of similar


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

title that I always


----------



## tsilver

yodel in Italian when


----------



## Barbiedull

playing the accordian as


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

I wander aimlessly through


----------



## tsilver

the White House every


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

time insomnia keeps me


----------



## Mark Valiukas

from being a Viking.


----------



## tsilver

I miss being that


----------



## Mark Valiukas

carefree marauder, bloodsoaked axe


----------



## tsilver

all good stuff, right?


----------



## John Dax

Except being afraid of


----------



## Mark Valiukas

pulling my own teeth


----------



## tsilver

or riling the wife


----------



## Mark Valiukas

or freshly shucked oysters


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and giant baked clams


----------



## tsilver

that pop in your


----------



## Mark Valiukas

false teeth and pretend


----------



## tsilver

they are Spanish castanets.


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

They might not be


----------



## RichardDR

of the highest quality,


----------



## Cindi_LeeJm

but my mouth salivates


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

just as well as


----------



## jesscscott

when I'm thinking of


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

strawberry tarts and blueberry


----------



## Cindi_LeeJm

pancakes. It's midnight now


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

in the garden of


----------



## jesscscott

Eden, where the birds


----------



## Mark Valiukas

are served deep fried


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

with a side of


----------



## Mark Valiukas

apple fritters and vanilla


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

topped with a big


----------



## Mark Valiukas

telephone directory. Eating paper


----------



## RichardDR

mache pinatas filled with


----------



## Mark Valiukas

L. Ron Hubbard novels


----------



## Cindi_LeeJm

isn't exactly my idea


----------



## kindleworm

of a gourmet meal


----------



## Barbiedull

, but fiber is essential


----------



## RichardDR

for a successful life.


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

Also essential are large


----------



## Barbiedull

portions of figgy pudding


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and fermented grapes which


----------



## RichardDR

which will maintain regularity,


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

but are hard on


----------



## RichardDR

a guy's interpersonal relationships.


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

So a guy must


----------



## NapCat (retired)

drink wine every day.


----------



## John Dax

And relieve his bladder


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

when ladies aren't present


----------



## RichardDR

. However, intestinal fortitude notwithstanding,


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

keeping paper products handy


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

is the wisest course


----------



## RichardDR

. So wipe away that


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

smile and don't forget


----------



## Barbiedull

the few stray dribbles


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

you might have missed


----------



## tsilver

will turn into diamonds


----------



## Emmalita

and pay out big


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

when you take them


----------



## tsilver

to an ignorant jeweler


----------



## JFHilborne

who has no idea


----------



## Starry Eve

why it smells fruity?


----------



## RichardDR

Chocolate diamonds are popular


----------



## tsilver

if you don't care


----------



## Valmore Daniels

that they melt when


----------



## Cindi_LeeJm

your light saber glows


----------



## tsilver

until the battery dies


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

and darkness descends with


----------



## tsilver

with a few drops


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

of Darth Vader's blood


----------



## tsilver

and that would be


----------



## Harry Shannon

The Empire striking back.


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

But it's not over


----------



## Sharonnelson123

because the fat lady


----------



## tsilver

bent over too far


----------



## kindleworm

while trying to sing


----------



## tsilver

however, she was caught


----------



## john_a_karr

by Conan's iron grip


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

and the Valkyrie's wings


----------



## tsilver

then carried safely over


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

into Valhalla, where no


----------



## tsilver

one was as fat


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

,just freaking muscled up.


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

Extremely strong like Sylvester


----------



## Mark Valiukas

McCoy, a seriously underappreciated


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

singer and tap dancer


----------



## tsilver

but now he is


----------



## Valmore Daniels

cripled by his success


----------



## john_a_karr

, an object of paparazzi


----------



## Valmore Daniels

attention which he hated


----------



## kindleworm

ever since he became


----------



## tsilver

fat and slightly warty


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

after dating Jennifer Annistan


----------



## cinder

one summer as a


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

young Brad Pitt stand-in


----------



## tsilver

That was the end


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

of his banjo playing


----------



## Barbiedull

and the beginning of


----------



## tsilver

his famous kazoo concerts


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

. He blew through his


----------



## tsilver

left nostril instead of


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

his ear but what


----------



## Valmore Daniels

came out was not


----------



## tsilver

as delightful as one


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

would expect of a


----------



## kindleworm

kazoo maestro, so the


----------



## tsilver

crowd stood up and


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

threw dead roses at


----------



## tsilver

his smelly bare feet


----------



## kindleworm

.  A tub of warm


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

tomato juice was just


----------



## tsilver

just about ready for


----------



## Valmore Daniels

Horace Wimp who had


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

been sprayed by a


----------



## Valmore Daniels

rabid skunk on junk


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

from the trunk of


----------



## tsilver

a quietly sleeping elephant


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

that was unwary enough


----------



## Barbiedull

to dance the hula


----------



## tsilver

until the local police


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

joined in the dancing


----------



## tsilver

which startled the wild


----------



## AnneKAlbert

beasts. Then the police


----------



## tsilver

stripped out of their


----------



## bamboolemur

moo moos and started


----------



## tsilver

panting and hooting wildly


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

like a gaggle of


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

gangsters, naked and armed


----------



## tsilver

the dogs were disgusted


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

by such a scene


----------



## tsilver

and chased the police


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

onto the roof of


----------



## tsilver

an old barn, causing


----------



## markdamaroyd

great merriment among onlookers


----------



## tsilver

before they noticed that


----------



## Barbiedull

the barn caught fire


----------



## tsilver

which frightened the dogs


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

who scared the cats,


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

who chased the pigs


----------



## Valmore Daniels

who followed the horses


----------



## NapCat (retired)

past the farmer's daughter


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

who ran after them


----------



## kindleworm

while playing a tuba


----------



## Barbiedull

wearing a party hat


----------



## tsilver

with red and white streamers


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

that trailed like tentacles


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

while she flew like


----------



## tsilver

like a bat through


----------



## Barbiedull

the open window of


----------



## tsilver

an old church tower


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

as the bells rang


----------



## tsilver

startling her and causing


----------



## brianrowe

a riot of crocodiles


----------



## tsilver

from the nearby river


----------



## JFHilborne

who all wanted to


----------



## Barbiedull

get a quick pedicure


----------



## tsilver

but no one dared


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

use nail polish on


----------



## Steve Vernon

Wilfred's yellowing discount dentures


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

until they realized that


Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

they were so loose


----------



## tsilver

that the slightest breeze


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

from Neverland could carry


----------



## Tom Schreck

the hunk of stuck


----------



## Valmore Daniels

or smell of skunk


----------



## tsilver

It all seemed insane


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

Into the pickle barrel.


----------



## Kavita Nalawde

Next plan is to


----------



## Steve Vernon

seek several de-nostrilled denturists


----------



## JFHilborne

with a bias towards


----------



## tsilver

cutting off big noses


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

favoring the small proboscis.


----------



## Barbiedull

Pinocchio would not be


----------



## tsilver

teacher's pet or even


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

a whale's dinner if


----------



## tsilver

he wasn't seasoned and


----------



## Barbiedull

rubbed with fragrant spices


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

and crimson apple varnish.


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

Luckily, the good fairy


----------



## tsilver

pulled her magic ear


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

and a secret passageway


----------



## tsilver

swallowed up Pinocchio and


----------



## Barbiedull

teleported him back to


----------



## tsilver

Gepetto his sad father


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

and sadder Mother willow.


----------



## William L.K.

Gepetto belched and said,


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

,"I ate Jimmeny Cricket."


----------



## tsilver

and it keeps chirping


----------



## Barbiedull

It's driving me insane


----------



## tsilver

which is fun occasionally


----------



## Valmore Daniels

if you like that


----------



## tsilver

kind of mental uproar


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

, a rubber room blast.


----------



## Elijah Joon

the mental patient popped


----------



## tsilver

his cork and screamed


----------



## Elijah Joon

"I love Barry Manilow!"


----------



## tsilver

while the other patients


----------



## Barbiedull

screamed "We HATE Barry"


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

"We love Mildred Natwick!"


----------



## tsilver

while one patient grunted


----------



## Barbiedull

"I don't like ANYONE!"


----------



## JFHilborne

to which the nurse


----------



## tsilver

responded with a hard


----------



## JFHilborne

(naughty) little piece of advice.


----------



## Barbiedull

"Time for your medication"


----------



## tsilver

"and if you don't"


----------



## John Dax

"I'll take it myself."


----------



## Elijah Joon

"Put it in pudding."


----------



## tsilver

and then on my


----------



## kindleworm

vanilla wafer cookies, please


----------



## tsilver

look away while I


----------



## Barbiedull

dunk my head in


----------



## tsilver

the pot of vegetable


----------



## Barbiedull

soup. Ouch, that's hot!


----------



## tsilver

but that's what I


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

get for washing my


----------



## tsilver

hair in mashed potatoes.


----------



## Mark Valiukas

Meanwhile, aliens eating my


----------



## Valmore Daniels

underwear which I never


----------



## Mark Valiukas

change (it smells rank,


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

but is in demand),


----------



## kindleworm

began to get thirsty


----------



## Emmalita

so they sought out


----------



## JFHilborne

and rather smelly, so


----------



## tsilver

they shouted, "Enough of


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

Beachquark krib booble bat!


----------



## tsilver

but they didn't know


----------



## Barbiedull

what that actually meant


----------



## Elijah Joon

They ate beaver buttocks


----------



## AnneKAlbert

"Beaver buttocks?" Nurse repeated.


----------



## JFHilborne

that's an acquired taste


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

but tastes DAM good.


----------



## tsilver

but only with cranberries


----------



## Elijah Joon

Whatchu talkin' bout, Willy?


----------



## tsilver

I like other parts


----------



## RichardDR

but beaver is beaver !


----------



## tsilver

and a Halloween treat


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

you won't soon forget.


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

I enjoyed scenic drive.


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

But I didn't like


----------



## tsilver

the way the road


----------



## Valmore Daniels

twisted and turned like


----------



## tsilver

like a roller coaster


----------



## kindleworm

across the mountain range


----------



## TWErvin2

with the aliens following


----------



## tsilver

wearing long transparent nightgowns


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

and Dolly Parton wigs


----------



## tsilver

of flaming red hair


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

that glowed like a


----------



## tsilver

circle of fire over


----------



## Barbiedull

their glowing green faces


----------



## tsilver

but gosh they were


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

kiss and huggable although


----------



## coffeetx

they were very coy.


----------



## tsilver

but that didn't stop


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

When Founder Krebskirret lived


----------



## tsilver

near their beauty shop


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

and used to visit


----------



## tsilver

he'd die laughing when


----------



## john_a_karr

he communicated with mice


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

and they'd answer back


----------



## tsilver

but this caused concern


----------



## JFHilborne

for the cheese was


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

Four months old Gorgonzola.


----------



## Valmore Daniels

Which I like better


----------



## Barbiedull

, but the mice prefer


----------



## kindleworm

grilled cheese sandwiches with


----------



## tsilver

gummy worms spread over


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

the melted cheese slices.


----------



## tsilver

as they said to


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

Kiss and Tell Personality


----------



## tsilver

Fifi LaMour the new


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

Kitty in Dodge City,


----------



## tsilver

whose heart is enormous


----------



## jesscscott

and generous like the


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

last bottle of syrup.


----------



## tsilver

that she uses to


----------



## kindleworm

glue together her gingerbread


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

Festus and Matt Dillon


----------



## tsilver

like to hide in


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

tiny gingerbread houses that


----------



## tsilver

though it's rather difficult


----------



## JFHilborne

it's fully fleshed out


----------



## tsilver

throw out the gingerbread


----------



## Steve Vernon

we want whipped tofu


----------



## kindleworm

flavored with fish oil


----------



## tsilver

and tiny little bird


----------



## RichardDR

brains that are mixed


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

with chunky peanut butter.


----------



## tsilver

but that's quite enough


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

to give the picture


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

to add verisimilitude to


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

Truth is higher but..


----------



## tsilver

not necessary in this


----------



## Valmore Daniels

life but in the


----------



## kindleworm

past, which took place


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

Bleak aceldama of sorrow.


----------



## tsilver

which causes me to


----------



## JFHilborne

even though we're allergic


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

to peanuts, we still


----------



## tsilver

like to roll around


----------



## Barbiedull

the floor and scream


----------



## tsilver

it refreshes the spirit


----------



## Barbiedull

and scares away intruders


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

who may have ulterior


----------



## john_a_karr

positions on the floor.


----------



## tsilver

but it's okay to


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

try new things when


----------



## tsilver

there's a full moon


----------



## kindleworm

along with Northern Lights


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

and the rum cake


----------



## tsilver

overflowing with rum that


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

nobody could resist trying


----------



## tsilver

but the stickiness was


----------



## JFHilborne

due to the seepage


----------



## Steve Vernon

of mucilage, tapioca and


----------



## Valmore Daniels

raspberry jello which dripped


----------



## tsilver

slowly down everyone's lacy


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

Truthful living is highest.


----------



## tsilver

the motto embroidered on


----------



## JFHilborne

the back of his


----------



## Barbiedull

favorite pillow. It was


----------



## Elijah Joon

wet with smelly, slimey


----------



## tsilver

dribbles of strange, colorful


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

goo that looked like


----------



## Steve Vernon

lime green snot snails


----------



## tsilver

a delicacy among the


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

Health is natural state.


----------



## tsilver

health conscious people who


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

prize garlic above cayenne.


----------



## Steve Vernon

"Why don't we run


----------



## tsilver

before the garlic smell


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

turns us all into


----------



## Elijah Joon

Super Mario Brothers and


----------



## tsilver

scares the living daylights


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

out of our moms


----------



## Elijah Joon

and Chris Brown said,


----------



## tsilver

"I'll give you a


----------



## RichardDR

delicious bass to eat.


----------



## Valmore Daniels

If you add wine


----------



## kindleworm

,onions, garlic  and shallots


----------



## tsilver

before mixing it with


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

some powdered mummy fingernails


----------



## RichardDR

then rub it onto


----------



## tsilver

your nostrils and breathe


----------



## Barbiedull

until you feel faint


----------



## tsilver

you'll get a thrill


----------



## JFHilborne

and a dose of


----------



## tsilver

medicine that will stimulate


----------



## Steve Vernon

your various olfactory glands


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

in a good way.


----------



## tsilver

thereby achieving a unique


----------



## RichardDR

feeling, somewhat like that


----------



## JonathanDAllen

of a dog running


----------



## tsilver

after the neighbor's grandfather


----------



## kindleworm

who was wearing a


----------



## RichardDR

his frock and pantaloons.


----------



## tsilver

in a plaid pattern


----------



## JFHilborne

and a twist in


----------



## Barbiedull

his undies caused him


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

sing _Un Bel Di_

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## tsilver

His unusual voice startled


----------



## JFHilborne

the cat asleep on


----------



## tsilver

a colorful Mexican sombrero


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and it jumped straight


----------



## Barbiedull

out the open window


----------



## tsilver

and onto a woman's


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

blue, flowered Easter hat.


----------



## tsilver

knocking hat and wig


----------



## RichardDR

onto a passing murderer!


----------



## Kavita Nalawde

who ran down the


----------



## tsilver

alley holding a large


----------



## Barbiedull

machete and severed head


----------



## tsilver

"Hey, that's mine," said


----------



## RichardDR

said the axe murderer.


----------



## tsilver

when a bystander tugged


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

at the head and


----------



## Barbiedull

said "Hey, that's my


----------



## tsilver

basketball, you damn idiot.


----------



## JFHilborne

"Not any more. It's


----------



## tsilver

now a puppet head


----------



## JFHilborne

and I'm about to


----------



## tsilver

attach it to a


----------



## Steve Vernon

jack in the box


----------



## John Dax

or a Burger King.


----------



## kindleworm

The basketball bounced away


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and fell into the


----------



## jesscscott

dark abyss where the


----------



## Kavita Nalawde

zombie was hidden and


----------



## tsilver

scaring the poor zombie


----------



## kindleworm

who began to cry


----------



## JFHilborne

and moan to his


----------



## tsilver

mother, "Although I'm ugly


----------



## Valmore Daniels

to you, I'm beautiful


----------



## RichardDR

"No. You're more hideous than


----------



## tsilver

my worst nightmare but


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

you have a beautiful


----------



## kindleworm

large, green nose dripping


----------



## tsilver

pastel drops of lovely


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

strawberry flavored syrup in


----------



## kindleworm

a floral pattern which


----------



## tsilver

enhances the beauty of


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

truth, justice and the


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

wave of the future


----------



## tsilver

Now cheer up my ugly


----------



## JFHilborne

little wrestling buddy because


----------



## kindleworm

tonight we're going to


----------



## Tom Schreck

disinfect the wrestling ring


----------



## kindleworm

with a gallon of


----------



## tsilver

elderberry wine and buttermilk


----------



## RichardDR

So get naked and


----------



## tsilver

let's do something outrageous


----------



## RichardDR

Well okay, but I


----------



## tsilver

must first take off


----------



## Valmore Daniels

my shirt and comb


----------



## SebastianDark

to set them afire..


----------



## tsilver

naked dancing and wrestling


----------



## JFHilborne

with a mud covered


----------



## tsilver

plastic doll that shakes


----------



## Tom Schreck

because of seizure disorders


----------



## RichardDR

needs to be reinflated


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

with a bicycle pump.


----------



## Mark Valiukas

"We charge extra for


----------



## tsilver

that," said the zombie master


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

who then took out


----------



## Mark Valiukas

his bicycle tube repair


----------



## tsilver

and rubbed his fangs


----------



## Steve Vernon

with pickled tapioca paste


----------



## tsilver

which lent an exotic flavor


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

to the tell-tale heart.


----------



## tsilver

"Oh heck," the zombie rebel


----------



## kindleworm

said as he began


----------



## John Dax

shambling towards the little


----------



## tsilver

tied-up victim of his


----------



## tsilver

handiman's sexy little wife


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

"I forgot to go


----------



## tsilver

to the drug store


----------



## Tom Schreck

I need dental floss


----------



## tsilver

before biting into such


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

delectable and inviting jugulars


----------



## tsilver

this made everyone giggle


----------



## Valmore Daniels

until they accidentally peed


----------



## tsilver

with extreme delicacy and


----------



## RichardDR

with amazingly uncanny accuracy.


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

winning a blue ribbon.


----------



## tsilver

"Hurrah," yelled his kinfolk,


----------



## RichardDR

Granny came in second


----------



## tsilver

Unfortunately, she slipped and


----------



## Tom Schreck

peed again, this time


----------



## Mark Valiukas

screaming "four words per


----------



## tsilver

idiot.  Now get serious."


----------



## RichardDR

Granny is very particular.


----------



## Barbiedull

(And now, particularly odorous.)


----------



## tsilver

making her more attractive


----------



## Thayerphotos

to some truly wierd


----------



## tsilver

but friendly French people


----------



## Barbiedull

who don't believe in


----------



## kindleworm

shaving or bathing, but


----------



## tsilver

do use perfume generously.


----------



## JFHilborne

often forget to disguise


----------



## Barbiedull

their eau de toilette


----------



## tsilver

which becomes a trifle


----------



## JFHilborne

overpowering, especially when they


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

don't bathe for days.


----------



## tsilver

but, what the hey


----------



## Valmore Daniels

everyone's smell is unique.


----------



## kindleworm

One by one they


----------



## tsilver

spun wildly and then


----------



## tsilver

fell on top of


----------



## RichardDR

three very tiny kittens.


----------



## tsilver

which angered mama tiger


----------



## jesscscott

who was stalking the


----------



## tsilver

odorous granny for more


----------



## JFHilborne

of her lavender scented


----------



## tsilver

hair balls which hung


----------



## tsilver

gaily from around her


----------



## Barbiedull

best Sunday hat. Granny


----------



## RichardDR

got her balls from


----------



## tsilver

Cats and Bats Inc.


----------



## kindleworm

She also wore a


----------



## tsilver

fish skin cape that


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

that glistened when wet.


----------



## jesscscott

She watched _South Park_


----------



## tsilver

and saw Kenny wearing


----------



## JFHilborne

a skin tight lacy


----------



## tsilver

speedo which gave her


----------



## JFHilborne

an idea for a


----------



## RichardDR

way to kill Kenny!


----------



## tsilver

She'd sic the mama tiger


----------



## rayhensley

to get Kenny's body


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

out of the mouths


----------



## Valmore Daniels

of the innocent babies


----------



## tsilver

as tiger babies perhaps


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

are not so lethal


----------



## JFHilborne

although just as sneaky.


----------



## rayhensley

The hunter jumped on


----------



## tsilver

his feisty bucking kangaroo


----------



## JFHilborne

and wished he'd remembered


----------



## tsilver

to wear his padded


----------



## rayhensley

diapers that he got


----------



## tsilver

for his thirtieth birthday


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

too young for diapers


----------



## kindleworm

so he wore rubber


----------



## tsilver

pillows which soothed his


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

Dumbo size ear lobes


----------



## rayhensley

that he stole from


----------



## kindleworm

the prop department of


----------



## tsilver

Disney's animation studio when


----------



## rayhensley

Chevy Chase and a


----------



## JFHilborne

bored bunch of whining


----------



## tsilver

Disney brats started throwing


----------



## kindleworm

great green globs of


----------



## tsilver

greasy, grimey gopher guts


----------



## Carol (was Dara)

and little bearded men


----------



## Valmore Daniels

down the rabbit hole


----------



## Lynn Mixon

on poor Alice's head.


----------



## tsilver

"Don't cry," said the


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

white rabbit as he


----------



## tsilver

hopped onto her lap.


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

Who shaved it off


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

while singing the anthem


----------



## tsilver

and breaking ear drums


----------



## RichardDR

and licking nose cymbals!


----------



## JFHilborne

and then scratching their


----------



## tsilver

toes with furry knuckles


----------



## rayhensley

to be able to


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

do _pas de deux_s


----------



## RichardDR

but the jitterbug is


----------



## tsilver

more to Alice's liking.


----------



## rayhensley

The end. Until suddenly


----------



## JFHilborne

the beat started up


----------



## tsilver

and inspired Donald Trump


----------



## kindleworm

to visit his barber


----------



## tsilver

Praise the Lord yelled


----------



## RichardDR

The Hair Club for


----------



## kindleworm

men with comb overs


----------



## JFHilborne

who don't realize how


----------



## kindleworm

very silly they appear


----------



## tsilver

but the wiley barber


----------



## RichardDR

had a toupee trap


----------



## tsilver

with a dye pellet


----------



## tsilver

programmed to explode when


----------



## Courtney Cantrell

the antiseptic ran out.


----------



## tsilver

which happened to Trump


----------



## JFHilborne

on a bad hair


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

Blow dried in wind


----------



## rayhensley

artificially manufactured in south


----------



## Casper Parks

Those Lost of Eden


----------



## tsilver

should stay completely lost


----------



## rayhensley

like guys on LOST


----------



## tsilver

within the rabbit hole


----------



## tsilver

"Is this a crazy dream?


----------



## rayhensley

I dreamed of sheep."


----------



## JETaylor

Sheep that lie.  So,


----------



## tsilver

I'll do the same


----------



## kindleworm

, but not until tomorrow


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

or perhaps at Armageddon.


----------



## JFHilborne

where we live in


----------



## rayhensley

for the benefit of


----------



## RichardDR

Mr. Kite there will


----------



## tsilver

fly in the breeze


----------



## Harris Channing

will hit my windshield


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

and splat bug guts


----------



## tsilver

in an artistic manner


----------



## rayhensley

without manners due to


----------



## tsilver

a painful digestive malfunction


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and irritable bowel syndrome


----------



## tsilver

which intrigued the medical


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

community in Guadalajara Antigua.


----------



## tsilver

who developed unusual methods


----------



## Courtney Cantrell

for examining the patient


----------



## rayhensley

discovered to actually be


----------



## JFHilborne

a wild man from


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

Borneo. He then proceeded


----------



## kindleworm

to eat a bean


----------



## tsilver

(of the jumping variety)


----------



## Liv James

with his dirty fingers


----------



## StephenLivingston

caked with dried blood


----------



## tsilver

which infuriated the nurse


----------



## M.S. Verish

Who was really anal


----------



## Joyce DeBacco

and couldn't understand why


----------



## tsilver

they were jumping not


----------



## JFHilborne

giving them all a


----------



## tsilver

splash of blood drops


----------



## rayhensley

and a tree grows


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

in Brooklyn in summer


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

But planted in spring


----------



## kindleworm

it grows into a


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

high grade legal _canabis_.


----------



## Valmore Daniels

On a magic carpet


----------



## tsilver

woven from duck feathers


----------



## Liv James

That smelled of mildew


----------



## rayhensley

It'll do, it'll do


----------



## tsilver

if it holds heavy


----------



## candyisdandy

children, dogs and cats


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

All are innocent creatures


----------



## JFHilborne

not like the rest


----------



## tsilver

You know who you


----------



## rayhensley

wanna play the didgeridoo


----------



## RichardDR

to the tune of


----------



## tsilver

Hie diddle dee dee!


----------



## RichardDR

But tuning it was


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

like tickling an elephant.


----------



## div

On a lighter note


----------



## RichardDR

Do, re, mi, FAAAAAAAAH!


----------



## candyisdandy

So, la, ti, DOH!!!!


----------



## tsilver

and that was enough


----------



## JFHilborne

to shut them up.


----------



## tsilver

Now they decided to


----------



## candyisdandy

go for a walk


----------



## rayhensley

all over the giant's


----------



## tsilver

giant's feet which extended


----------



## Jason Blacker

from Lima to Timbuktu


----------



## tsilver

thrilling the Timbuktuans who


----------



## Jason Blacker

wouldn't give a pedicure


----------



## tsilver

unless the giant paid


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

with gold plated cookies.


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

That I cannot eat


----------



## matt youngmark

(although gold is delicious).


----------



## div

they aren't Gluten Free!


----------



## tsilver

So don't eat them!


----------



## div

Or you'll get sick!


----------



## Bogbuilder

Or erupt in pustules


----------



## tsilver

which can be attractive


----------



## Bogbuilder

to any other pustules


----------



## rayhensley

or any other prostitutes


----------



## JFHilborne

and let's not forget


----------



## tsilver

to forgive is divine


----------



## Barbiedull

let them eat cake


----------



## tsilver

after they wash up


----------



## Bogbuilder

and then wash down


----------



## JFHilborne

and promise never to


----------



## samanthawarren

go to bed before


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

Eating your healthy snack


----------



## tsilver

of iron bolts dunked


----------



## rayhensley

in beef ice cream


----------



## Bogbuilder

drizzled with liquefied pork


----------



## tsilver

a secret and rare


----------



## loonlover

combination that promotes excellent


----------



## samanthawarren

tenderization. Only on Sundays


----------



## tsilver

because the gas buildup


----------



## kindleworm

is just too much


----------



## tsilver

and dangerous if it


----------



## GBard

doesn't get Gas-x soon.


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

Relaxation helps handle gas.


----------



## Bogbuilder

As do mung beans


----------



## tsilver

but a little gas


----------



## RichardDR

Goes a looooong WAY!


----------



## rayhensley

So put some in


----------



## tsilver

a large bottle and


----------



## StephenLivingston

blow yourself to smithereens.


----------



## tsilver

if you're so inclined


----------



## samanthawarren

you may sleep in


----------



## balaspa

but only on Saturdays


----------



## tsilver

after you have removed


----------



## Bogbuilder

your very dirty underwear


----------



## Retired

and replaced them with


----------



## tsilver

the finest diapers in


----------



## Retired

your boyfriend's secret closet


----------



## tsilver

before you plan to


----------



## Retired

Go trick or treating


----------



## tsilver

again before the weather


----------



## Amy Corwin

abruptly changes to snow


----------



## Retired

and you freeze your


----------



## JFHilborne

smile when you spot


----------



## tsilver

your reflection in the


----------



## Harry Nicholson

rain pitted puddle on


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

a dimly lit backstreet.


----------



## JFHilborne

where danger lurks and


----------



## tsilver

and zombies get together


----------



## Retired

to rest after they've


----------



## Valmore Daniels

eaten all your brains


----------



## tsilver

and thrown up discretely


----------



## Marguerite

because manners matter right?


----------



## Retired

Unless you were raised


----------



## Bogbuilder

from the dead, and


----------



## tsilver

or as Miss Manners


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

or you don't care


----------



## tsilver

what Miss Manners teaches


----------



## Barbiedull

because you never listen


----------



## kindleworm

to those in authority


----------



## tsilver

You naughty, naughty rebel.


----------



## Retired

Then a resonant belch


----------



## tsilver

is not very appropriate


----------



## Retired

and smells like brains


----------



## herocious

and makes me retch


----------



## Retired

Now you're hungry again


----------



## herocious

The thought is nauseating


----------



## tsilver

So let's get creative


----------



## tsilver

sprinkle in some coffee


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and a few bagels


----------



## Retired

and a little bourbon


----------



## tsilver

then set on fire


----------



## Retired

And serve piping hot


----------



## balaspa

to the visiting dignitaries.


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

Will not come back


----------



## tsilver

without a special invitation


----------



## Retired

written in the blood


----------



## tsilver

of Jack the Ripper


----------



## Amy Corwin

which was found near


----------



## tsilver

the local toy store


----------



## Retired

in the Barbie aisle


----------



## Bogbuilder

where Jack the Ripper


----------



## rayhensley

sat with laughing eyes


----------



## RichardDR

and tear-filled ears.


----------



## balaspa

and a splitting headache


----------



## Elmore Hammes

which Conan the Barbarian


----------



## tsilver

grabbed and  started dancing


----------



## herocious

"let go of me"


----------



## tsilver

The Barbie Doll yelled


----------



## Jeff Tompkins

"Is this my spleen?"


----------



## tsilver

"No it's Conan's spleen."


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

Where is conan's spleen


----------



## tsilver

the klutz dropped it


----------



## Amy Corwin

when he ran outside


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and hit a parked


----------



## Bogbuilder

camel, which he punched


----------



## tsilver

causing the camel to


----------



## balaspa

run towards the highway


----------



## Retired

into an oncoming caravan


----------



## Robert Clear

which had been stolen


----------



## tsilver

by a tribe of


----------



## Robert Clear

slightly larger camels.


----------



## Amy Corwin

Left stranded by circumstances


----------



## tsilver

which required an investigation


----------



## balaspa

by the local police


----------



## msdanielle28

who were off duty


----------



## tsilver

but they were willing


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

devouring donuts by the


----------



## JFHilborne

side of a large


----------



## Bogbuilder

woman who was eating


----------



## tsilver

a French-fried porcupine


----------



## JFHilborne

she found in a


----------



## hamerfan

detective noted in her


----------



## tsilver

report that the porcupine


----------



## Amy Corwin

picked the lock with


----------



## msdanielle28

with his enormous teeth


----------



## tsilver

A nearby newspaper reporter


----------



## balaspa

took out his notebook


----------



## tsilver

tore out a page


----------



## msdanielle28

to write the names


----------



## hamerfan

of the witnesses who


----------



## tsilver

were laughing and smoking


----------



## JFHilborne

while texting their friends


----------



## tsilver

with dirty jokes that


----------



## Amy Corwin

weren't that dirty, but


----------



## msdanielle28

still was considered offensive


----------



## tsilver

to the nearby nuns


----------



## balaspa

holding their large rulers


----------



## *Sandy Harper*

to teach moral sense


----------



## Bogbuilder

to some evil atheists


----------



## msdanielle28

that mock their religion


----------



## tsilver

and engage in questionable


----------



## JFHilborne

line dancing manoeuvres where


----------



## tsilver

everyone shakes and twirls


----------



## Amy Corwin

off into the darkness


----------



## balaspa

while wearing cowboy boots.


----------



## JFHilborne

and a large stetson


----------



## tsilver

covering their red wigs


----------



## Kali.Amanda

with matching red thongs.


----------



## balaspa

but not their stutter


----------



## Valmore Daniels

or their thick lisp.


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

covered with red lipstick


----------



## tsilver

from head to toe


----------



## Amy Corwin

except where the bandages


----------



## msdanielle28

cover up their racy


----------



## tsilver

x-rated disgusting slogans like


----------



## msdanielle28

rebels with an attitude


----------



## Amy Corwin

of complete ineptitude and


----------



## Bogbuilder

extremely revolting personal habits


----------



## hamerfan

that the nuns had


----------



## balaspa

beneath their fashionable habits


----------



## tsilver

what you talking about Willis?


----------



## JFHilborne

said the hypnotist, after


----------



## tsilver

listening to the pitiful


----------



## JFHilborne

sound of wailing coming


----------



## tsilver

outside his office window


----------



## Bogbuilder

because the sirens had


----------



## tsilver

detected an alien presence


----------



## balaspa

near the coffee machine


----------



## tsilver

---a presence related to


----------



## hamerfan

members of Congress who


----------



## Retired

should be working, but


----------



## JFHilborne

decided to play golf


----------



## tsilver

accompanied by their mistresses


----------



## Retired

and their illegitimate children


----------



## *Sandy Harper*

born out of wedlock


----------



## JFHilborne

and raised in secret


----------



## hamerfan

tunnels under the old


----------



## tsilver

city of New Jersey


----------



## Valmore Daniels

where they ate hundreds


----------



## tsilver

of disgusting blue worms


----------



## Retired

left there by fleeing


----------



## tsilver

bats being chased by


----------



## hamerfan

crazed Nazis with no


----------



## JFHilborne

idea how to cook


----------



## tsilver

them into something edible, so


----------



## balaspa

they decided to fry


----------



## JMJeffries

hush puppies with bacon


----------



## Retired

served on hubcaps from


----------



## tsilver

but the puppies moms


----------



## Bogbuilder

could not cook the


----------



## balaspa

the food because they


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

they're not good cooks


----------



## john_a_karr

like those on tv.


----------



## JMJeffries

who use weird foods


----------



## hamerfan

and ingredients from the


----------



## tsilver

hidden tribes of the


----------



## Bogbuilder

Karakorum Pass, where certain


----------



## balaspa

very rare spices exist


----------



## JMJeffries

and snow is deep


----------



## hamerfan

but the harvesters make


----------



## momilp

a terrible decision regarding


----------



## tsilver

the crops and spread


----------



## JFHilborne

fertilizer on the wrong


----------



## momilp

plant that needed a


----------



## Valmore Daniels

bucket of water which


----------



## tsilver

irritated the plant and


----------



## *Sandy Harper*

and killed its growth


----------



## balaspa

which made them sad


----------



## JFHilborne

and aware they lacked


----------



## tsilver

the necessary mental acuity


----------



## JFHilborne

required for the level


----------



## tsilver

of agricultural expansion required


----------



## JMJeffries

to feed the global


----------



## balaspa

market in green farming


----------



## balaspa

but that was OK


----------



## tsilver

because they had plenty


----------



## hamerfan

of heirloom seed stock


----------



## JFHilborne

which meant a lot


----------



## Amy Corwin

until the weeds ate


----------



## balaspa

all the tasty plants


----------



## kindleworm

.  Back at the greenhouse


----------



## JMJeffries

the alien in the


----------



## tsilver

woodpile leaped toward the


----------



## JMJeffries

Reese's pieces scatter about


----------



## JFHilborne

and congratulated himself on


----------



## tsilver

being a mighty hunter


----------



## balaspa

but wishes he had


----------



## JMJeffries

M&Ms instead of Reese's


----------



## msdanielle28

although candy was just


----------



## JFHilborne

starting to rot his


----------



## Tara Maya

dentures. Suddenly, he realized


----------



## balaspa

I don't wear dentures!


----------



## BarbraAnnino

I eat through a


----------



## JMJeffries

a long pink straw


----------



## tsilver

melting the chocolate will


----------



## JMJeffries

make the marshmallows gooey


----------



## Bryan R. Dennis

Suddenly something fell from


----------



## tsilver

his nose because the


----------



## balaspa

pollen was irritating it


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

it was pollen season


----------



## tsilver

an ongoing problem for


----------



## msdanielle28

him, since a child


----------



## tsilver

That is the reason


----------



## balaspa

he carried a handkerchief


----------



## tsilver

although it was small


----------



## JMJeffries

with pink polka dots


----------



## joanhallhovey

"It's midnight, Cinderella," he...


----------



## JMJeffries

said, smashing the slipper


----------



## tsilver

into a roaring fireplace


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

with roasted pumpkin seeds


----------



## balaspa

baked into a nice


----------



## JMJeffries

rice dish with too


----------



## kindleworm

much curry powder and


----------



## Valmore Daniels

peanut butter and jam


----------



## tsilver

"How could you? said


----------



## Amy Corwin

the caterpillar as it


----------



## Aris Whittier

chewed and chewed and


----------



## tsilver

then coughed up a


----------



## JFHilborne

different stretchy type of


----------



## balaspa

pudding substance with a


----------



## balaspa

slightly pasty consistency which


----------



## tsilver

nearly strangled the caterpillar


----------



## hamerfan

sitting on the mushroom


----------



## JMJeffries

before the Cheshire cat


----------



## tsilver

ate both the caterpillar and the mushroom.


----------



## JFHilborne

with a pint of


----------



## balaspa

a very strong ale


----------



## tsilver

before he passed out


----------



## balaspa

and slept the night


----------



## JMJeffries

in a birch tree


----------



## tsilver

with his tail wrapped


----------



## balaspa

around the tree trunk


----------



## JMJeffries

floppy eared rabbit hopped


----------



## Flopstick

up on crack cocaine


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and green jelly beans


----------



## kindleworm

began to dance the


----------



## tsilver

hula to jazz music


----------



## JMJeffries

and Texas two step


----------



## JFHilborne

on the train instead


----------



## kindleworm

of leading everyone to


----------



## balaspa

their true intended destination


----------



## TWErvin2

Then the rabbit hurled


----------



## JMJeffries

greasy grimy gopher guts


----------



## tsilver

in little baskets made


----------



## tsilver

each straw gleaming with


----------



## balaspa

the early morning dew


----------



## JMJeffries

with tiny pixies reflected


----------



## Elijah Joon

which reflected the light


----------



## tsilver

"Give me those," said


----------



## JMJeffries

the Winter Queen forlornly


----------



## hamerfan

among the fading memories


----------



## JMJeffries

dotting the ground like


----------



## tsilver

acorns, dandelions, and soft


----------



## JMJeffries

and murderous levels of...


----------



## balaspa

pollen and dandelion seeds


----------



## tsilver

"Now what? said the


----------



## JMJeffries

Winter Queen on marshmallows


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and strawberry whipped cream


----------



## JMJeffries

with x-rated cheese cake


----------



## tsilver

mattresses that squished when


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

eaten under the sheets


----------



## balaspa

a Donald Duck light


----------



## leearco

why only four words?


----------



## hamerfan

Do you know more?


----------



## leearco

not sure if serious


----------



## hamerfan

said the spider to


----------



## Stephen_Melling

The other smaller spider


----------



## tsilver

I think Miss Muffet


----------



## JMJeffries

is highly overrated, but


----------



## JFHilborne

her curds and whey


----------



## momilp

although it would be


----------



## hamerfan

a shame for them


----------



## balaspa

and to not recycle


----------



## tsilver

How about Humpty Dumpty?


----------



## hamerfan

Is there enough glue


----------



## JMJeffries

or enough king's men


----------



## leearco

I am the one


----------



## hamerfan

the one they call


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

to put him back


----------



## tsilver

if we can find


----------



## Valmore Daniels

the Popsicle sticks together


----------



## hamerfan

while the radio plays


----------



## tsilver

then we'll have fun


----------



## JMJeffries

fun, fun, till daddy


----------



## tsilver

making her red with


----------



## kindleworm

anger and envy, so


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

where is the glue?


----------



## leearco

said the horse with


----------



## tsilver

an aggravated twist of


----------



## momilp

of her red lips


----------



## hamerfan

not realizing that glue


----------



## Amy Corwin

had already been used


----------



## tsilver

and smeared on the


----------



## JMJeffries

full, luscious red lips


----------



## balaspa

which were pouting seductively


----------



## tsilver

with no reaction from


----------



## hamerfan

who were mere acolytes


----------



## balaspa

for the conservative media


----------



## tsilver

This story attributed to


----------



## Valmore Daniels

both fairytales and fiction


----------



## tsilver

and trashy old tabloids


----------



## balaspa

desire in each of


----------



## tsilver

our sad boring lives


----------



## JMJeffries

which have no beginning


----------



## Stephen_Melling

And have no end


----------



## leearco

but can be joyous


----------



## John Dorian

, vibrant, bitter, and coarse


----------



## tsilver

and as juicy as


----------



## hamerfan

an overripe peach before


----------



## JMJeffries

and maggots destroy it


----------



## hamerfan

like aliens on a


----------



## tsilver

public relations conference at


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

the ocean beach resort


----------



## balaspa

near the Jersey Shore


----------



## Amy Corwin

where a shark attacked


----------



## JMJeffries

a great big boat


----------



## tsilver

and quickly ate it


----------



## hamerfan

before the CSI gang


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

could bottle it up.


----------



## tsilver

But alas, the shark


----------



## JMJeffries

escaped to wreak havoc


----------



## 40977

Jersey boardwalk, eating Snooki


----------



## tsilver

then spitting her out


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and running away to


----------



## tsilver

goblins wear panty hose


----------



## JMJeffries

and Snooki is gay


----------



## rayhensley

for horse tongues because


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

she loves bad taste.


----------



## Amy Corwin

But the lion thought


----------



## hamerfan

do I sleep tonight


----------



## tsilver

or do I chase


----------



## Nick Wastnage

Faked death, forgotten murder


----------



## balaspa

or eat a gazelle?


----------



## kindleworm

Gazelle stew it is


----------



## tsilver

but I need mushrooms


----------



## rayhensley

because mushrooms make me


----------



## kindleworm

sleepy, and it is


----------



## rayhensley

long long taco. Suddenly


----------



## tsilver

an eagle swooped down


----------



## JMJeffries

and screwed the pooch


----------



## momilp

who loved nothing more


----------



## Valmore Daniels

than to frolic in


----------



## Nick Wastnage

Carter bought a body


----------



## JMJeffries

mudholes with the alligators


----------



## balaspa

who were not fond


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

but loved the fleas.


----------



## balaspa

but not the ticks


----------



## rayhensley

sweet sweet grim death


----------



## JMJeffries

with the Grim Reaper


----------



## tsilver

always waiting for a


----------



## JFHilborne

double-decker bus to come


----------



## balaspa

and pick them up


----------



## kindleworm

and take them to


----------



## JMJeffries

where losers go directly


----------



## JFHilborne

to the bottom of


----------



## JMJeffries

the nearest life volcano


----------



## tsilver

that sizzled and flared


----------



## kindleworm

and spewed hot lava


----------



## tsilver

and some heavy rocks


----------



## hamerfan

down on the unsuspecting


----------



## John Dorian

Rhinos, who run and


----------



## tsilver

frolic behind every bush


----------



## *Sandy Harper*

in the thick forest


----------



## tsilver

where humans cannot go


----------



## kindleworm

. The rhinos frightened some


----------



## Valmore Daniels

easily frightenened monkeys who


----------



## Elmore Hammes

reacted typically by throwing


----------



## tsilver

spitballs and turds across


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

zoo keepers who threw


----------



## hamerfan

down the gauntlet by


----------



## tsilver

paddling their rear ends


----------



## rayhensley

, paddling their front ends,


----------



## hamerfan

before paddling their canoes


----------



## tsilver

and throwing the monkeys


----------



## Elmore Hammes

for a loop by


----------



## balaspa

pretending to ignore them


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

As if not there


----------



## tsilver

.  The very confused monkeys


----------



## JFHilborne

turned into large yellow


----------



## rayhensley

very confused yellow monkeys


----------



## JMJeffries

with no direction except


----------



## tsilver

hand signals from the


----------



## balaspa

them all to safety


----------



## tsilver

at a pizza parlor


----------



## JMJeffries

filled with rampaging parrots


----------



## Nick Wastnage

Murder He Forgot, twice.


----------



## tsilver

who grabbed all the


----------



## rayhensley

then ran to the


----------



## tsilver

I mean they flew


----------



## Elmore Hammes

or perhaps even fluttered


----------



## Nick Wastnage

birds of a feather


----------



## balaspa

through the open window


----------



## JMJeffries

to distribute string cheese


----------



## tsilver

to the friendly bugs


----------



## hamerfan

and sparkly high heeled


----------



## kindleworm

.  The bugs danced across


----------



## JMJeffries

the sky with sparkly


----------



## tsilver

underpants that were slightly


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

baggy so they flapped


----------



## tsilver

. "What a dazzling spectacle,"


----------



## rayhensley

she said to the


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

lover who accompanied her


----------



## tsilver

"I always admired bugs'


----------



## tsilver

however, the flying ones


----------



## candyisdandy

give me the willies


----------



## RichardDR

when I eat them.


----------



## balaspa

And yet I still


----------



## kindleworm

look for new ways


----------



## JMJeffries

to cook in oil


----------



## tsilver

. My doctor scolded me


----------



## leearco

a great day to


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

go on a diet


----------



## tsilver

he said, sarcastically.  I


----------



## JMJeffries

drunkenly screw up because


----------



## John Dorian

"There is no we


----------



## rayhensley

-ak screw ups here


----------



## tsilver

. "What are you saying?"


----------



## Nick Wastnage

Did I say that?


----------



## tsilver

Yes,you miserable so-and-so


----------



## rayhensley

now go and jump


----------



## tsilver

on your blasted camel


----------



## hamerfan

and never show your


----------



## tsilver

three-eyed face again.


----------



## kindleworm

A hummingbird appeared and


----------



## Nick Wastnage

Slow man stop walking


----------



## hamerfan

spooked the blasted camel


----------



## kindleworm

which sent him trotting


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

and threw him down


----------



## rayhensley

with ten-legged, hungry


----------



## Valmore Daniels

puppies who jumped and


----------



## kindleworm

howled for a taste


----------



## Nick Wastnage

she took the key


----------



## tsilver

It was so disgusting


----------



## hamerfan

normal people would turn


----------



## tsilver

three times and make


----------



## tsilver

ten legs and warped


----------



## JMJeffries

minds into thin air


----------



## rayhensley

turned into thick air


----------



## tsilver

with a bread knife


----------



## balaspa

or some other implement


----------



## tsilver

if you're so inclined.


----------



## leearco

a walk in the


----------



## hamerfan

rain at MacArthur Park


----------



## tsilver

while stark naked if


----------



## rayhensley

that turns you on


----------



## tsilver

If not, you'll miss


----------



## JFHilborne

apple pie and custard


----------



## kindleworm

served with iced coffee


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and topped off with


----------



## Nick Wastnage

real men eat grass


----------



## balaspa

beneath a cookie crust


----------



## JMJeffries

sprinkled with sparkly sugar


----------



## tsilver

little bitty red spiders


----------



## balaspa

didn't really belong there


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

Yes spoiled my taste


----------



## Nick Wastnage

a few flakes flew


----------



## leearco

and then what happened


----------



## momilp

scared me too much


----------



## hamerfan

to repeat in detail


----------



## tsilver

So listen closely or


----------



## rayhensley

I'll repeat it again


----------



## hamerfan

that which must not


----------



## tsilver

be shared, should be


----------



## rayhensley

first directed at the


----------



## Tony Richards

nearest walrus with hiccups


----------



## Nick Wastnage

smile when you're down


----------



## geoffthomas

below the lowest dungeon


----------



## balaspa

beneath the old castle.


----------



## JMJeffries

with moldy walls and


----------



## hamerfan

plumbing that smells like


----------



## tsilver

overcooked lima bean fritters


----------



## tsilver

before the stroke of


----------



## PMartelly

midnight, or they would


----------



## tsilver

human beans with stringy


----------



## hakimast

entrails dangling from the


----------



## hamerfan

copious holes in their


----------



## tsilver

. Nevertheless, we have to


----------



## rayhensley

trim those toe nails?


----------



## balaspa

or risk an infection


----------



## Nick Wastnage

Why do you ask?


----------



## JMJeffries

spreading to the gut


----------



## hamerfan

throughout the endocrine system


----------



## tsilver

But there is hope


----------



## *Sandy Harper*

because we have antibiotic


----------



## tsilver

worms bred to accomplish


----------



## JMJeffries

what little microbots can't


----------



## tsilver

by being able to


----------



## JFHilborne

go unnoticed and cause


----------



## MindAttic

the immune system to


----------



## tsilver

tangle up and vibrate


----------



## rayhensley

my tangled, southern mess


----------



## JeanneB

into a total mass


----------



## MindAttic

that drip with putrid


----------



## balaspa

but beautiful red flowers


----------



## JMJeffries

that bloom on Halloween


----------



## JeanneB

when spooky creature are


----------



## MindAttic

begging for chocolate covered


----------



## tsilver

slime balls and sugary


----------



## JeanneB

candy with nuts and


----------



## JMJeffries

gooey caramel insides that


----------



## JeanneB

a tooth or two


----------



## kindleworm

decay and become loose


----------



## JeanneB

which causes the dentist


----------



## kindleworm

to see dollar signs


----------



## hamerfan

unless this dentist is


----------



## JeanneB

very generous and eager


----------



## tsilver

to help the poor


----------



## JeanneB

and got them all


----------



## JFHilborne

a nice new toaster.


----------



## JeanneB

because school is starting


----------



## tsilver

and kids are delighted


----------



## kindleworm

to see their friends


----------



## rayhensley

riding on wild nuns


----------



## JeanneB

on the way to


----------



## Valmore Daniels

the candy store where


----------



## JeanneB

they will get lots


----------



## tsilver

of sticky gummy worms


----------



## JeanneB

blue, purple and green


----------



## TWErvin2

but not yellow because


----------



## JMJeffries

yellow is so uncool


----------



## balaspa

and made him queasy


----------



## D/W

and discolored his tongue


----------



## kindleworm

, not to mention his


----------



## MindAttic

fingertips, but never his


----------



## D/W

palms. The children learn


----------



## JeanneB

they shouldn't eat


----------



## hamerfan

yellow snow or they


----------



## D/W

will get a bellyache


----------



## tsilver

and people will point


----------



## rayhensley

and watch Point Break


----------



## hamerfan

while wearing Halloween masks


----------



## JMJeffries

while the Grim Reaper


----------



## loonlover

dry cleaning to be


----------



## kindleworm

done by midnight so


----------



## HAGrant

the hill where a


----------



## JeanneB

red rad quad awaits


----------



## D/W

to transport him to


----------



## JeanneB

the land of make-believe.


----------



## tsilver

but they'll never arrive


----------



## MindAttic

, or find their way


----------



## JeanneB

cause no one knows


----------



## tsilver

how to do cartwheels


----------



## JeanneB

so they have to


----------



## hamerfan

squirt milk out their


----------



## D/W

eyes, aiming carefully at


----------



## balaspa

beasts that are running


----------



## JMJeffries

away to escape the


----------



## kindleworm

big, hungry bear who


----------



## hamerfan

escaped the circus by


----------



## tsilver

dressing as Lady Gaga


----------



## JeanneB

and making people get


----------



## zeus

5 dollars for the


----------



## MindAttic

"free" samples of fried


----------



## JeanneB

ice cream and cotton candy.


----------



## hamerfan

Meanwhile, back at the


----------



## JeanneB

circus, they were looking


----------



## D/W

the cross-species dressed bear


----------



## JFHilborne

who was being sued


----------



## tsilver

by his trainer for


----------



## rayhensley

four words per post


----------



## JeanneB

and stealing the woman's


----------



## Valmore Daniels

high heeled shoes for


----------



## geoffthomas

use in his act.


----------



## balaspa

was very, very controversial


----------



## tsilver

It involved nudity and


----------



## D/W

twirling on his tiptoes


----------



## JMJeffries

wearing a pink tutu


----------



## D/W

while smoking a cigar


----------



## JMJeffries

with his mustache on


----------



## JeanneB

his made up face.


----------



## geoffthomas

Never before had he


----------



## tsilver

been so cute and


----------



## MindAttic

able to feel like


----------



## JFHilborne

every glance was meant


----------



## D/W

to convey the message


----------



## JMJeffries

that didn't quite compute


----------



## rayhensley

on his quiet computer


----------



## tsilver

that was hidden in


----------



## kindleworm

a deep, dark cave


----------



## kindleworm

the family of bats


----------



## balaspa

could access the keys


----------



## D/W

to the secret vault


----------



## tsilver

hamburger patties wrapped in


----------



## rayhensley

more hamburger patties because


----------



## MindAttic

hamburger patties were magical


----------



## D/W

, filling, and quite delicious.


----------



## tsilver

had the power to


----------



## JMJeffries

make more hamburger patties


----------



## tsilver

.  "You're kidding me," said


----------



## D/W

the burly bear. "I


----------



## JMJeffries

hate hamburger patties, he


----------



## tsilver

snarled.  They're too darn


----------



## rayhensley

smelly, he sniffed. Now


----------



## tsilver

rutabagas.  RUTABAGAS!  YES!!!  RUTABAGAS!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## D/W

Surprised?  Well, rutabagas are


----------



## kindleworm

the most tasty vegetables


----------



## Tony Richards

tremendous gusto and a


----------



## D/W

dash of love.  Carrots


----------



## JMJeffries

are not good for


----------



## kindleworm

cavedwellers who are looking


----------



## JFHilborne

to find the hidden


----------



## JeanneB

treasures left by explorers


----------



## MindAttic

trying to get rid


----------



## kindleworm

anything that was heavy


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

fragile bones that could


----------



## tsilver

create a dust cloud


----------



## D/W

when they disintegrate and


----------



## rayhensley

turn into dust clouds


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and soon into vapor


----------



## kindleworm

.  A cold north wind


----------



## hamerfan

blew out of the


----------



## rayhensley

back of the wonderful


----------



## tsilver

with strange creatures inside


----------



## D/W

, a three-eyed armadillo and


----------



## JMJeffries

pink, polka-dotted monster


----------



## tsilver

in the front seat


----------



## D/W

, a cyclops in back


----------



## hamerfan

and Alfred the butler


----------



## D/W

who came along to


----------



## tsilver

act as navigator because


----------



## JMJeffries

no one can read


----------



## kindleworm

the map written in


----------



## balaspa

a strange language but


----------



## JMJeffries

the one eyed pirate


----------



## kindleworm

was a master linguist


----------



## D/W

but a bit dyslexic


----------



## JMJeffries

and reads everything backward


----------



## geoffthomas

. Now the good stuff


----------



## tsilver

. Whenever he hears snickering,


----------



## rayhensley

he eats Snikers, but


----------



## tsilver

when there are none


----------



## D/W

he'll snack on crackers


----------



## tsilver

or go bonkers, unfortunately


----------



## JMJeffries

cheddar bars are not


----------



## D/W

valuable like gold bars


----------



## tsilver

but are acceptable bribes


----------



## balaspa

do things they might


----------



## D/W

not otherwise do and


----------



## tsilver

be quickly arrested for.


----------



## hamerfan

Not to confuse matters,


----------



## JFHilborne

it's damn hot outside


----------



## kindleworm

. The streetlights are melting


----------



## balaspa

birds burst into flames


----------



## geoffthomas

and now our hero


----------



## JMJeffries

is in his hotel


----------



## JFHilborne

and out of ice-cream


----------



## tsilver

which makes him growl


----------



## kindleworm

and emit a foul


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

air right in room


----------



## JMJeffries

because the chocolate is


----------



## Retired

not doing the trick


----------



## hamerfan

but his plan "B"


----------



## tsilver

is to scream loudly


----------



## hamerfan

like a little girl


----------



## JMJeffries

while still being manly


----------



## balaspa

to all his friends


----------



## tsilver

who'd die laughing if


----------



## kindleworm

they only knew that


----------



## tsilver

he wears lacy undergarments


----------



## hamerfan

and secretly wants to


----------



## Klip

vogue.  But just as


----------



## tsilver

gets into the position


----------



## hamerfan

the Village People show


----------



## rayhensley

out their eyes and


----------



## GerrieFerrisFinger

*DrDln* (dr.s.dhillon) said:


> air right in room


Off with their heads


----------



## tsilver

yells someone in the


----------



## kindleworm

crowd of angry toads


----------



## shiny_cherry41

laughing out loud then


----------



## D/W

swinging wildly with their


----------



## tsilver

are thick with flies


----------



## JMJeffries

and filled with honey


----------



## rayhensley

made from the finest


----------



## tsilver

maggots in the world.


----------



## tom st. laurent

The last vampire stalks.


----------



## rayhensley

all those desired maggots


----------



## tsilver

are highly treasured by


----------



## JFHilborne

treasure hunters looking for


----------



## JMJeffries

the secret of making


----------



## tsilver

chewing gum out of


----------



## *Sandy Harper*

gum that can be


----------



## geoffthomas

chewed all day long.


----------



## tsilver

and makes gigantic bubbles


----------



## JFHilborne

to hide the fact


----------



## kindleworm

that they have ugly


----------



## tsilver

noses, eyes, and chins.


----------



## D/W

They are unattractive but


----------



## JMJeffries

their teeth are clean


----------



## D/W

crooked as they are.


----------



## tsilver

Don't be petty.  Instead


----------



## geoffthomas

be thankful that you


----------



## tsilver

are a little fat


----------



## D/W

and sassy because the


----------



## rayhensley

sassy vampire hates the


----------



## Valmore Daniels

bright morning sun when


----------



## RedTash

you brew your coffee


----------



## kindleworm

and sweeten it with


----------



## tsilver

mashed and fluffy dandelions


----------



## Nick Wastnage

wild wet and wobbly


----------



## geoffthomas

good to the last


----------



## balaspa

but not the first


----------



## tsilver

Just drink the middle


----------



## geoffthomas

to find a good


----------



## tom st. laurent

compromise, then find a


----------



## D/W

swirl of sweet caramel


----------



## tsilver

throw in some peanuts


----------



## balaspa

and you're all set


----------



## geoffthomas

to catch some monsters.


----------



## JMJeffries

Monsters are so unpredictable


----------



## MindAttic

, but great at cooking


----------



## tsilver

fresh spider dumplings and


----------



## kindleworm

eye of newt soup


----------



## tsilver

with dried frog crackers


----------



## D/W

and crunchy lizard bits


----------



## balaspa

drenched in lemon curry


----------



## loonlover

that bring back memories


----------



## kindleworm

of holiday dinners with


----------



## D/W

mom, stirring the cauldron


----------



## tsilver

before she fell in


----------



## D/W

, ruining her holiday dress


----------



## tsilver

.  Boy, did she cuss!


----------



## hamerfan

But the dress was


----------



## tsilver

colorfast but slightly greasy


----------



## D/W

so mom carried on


----------



## balaspa

with a smile and


----------



## JMJeffries

and a ladle she


----------



## kindleworm

filled each bowl with


----------



## D/W

the delicious, chewy concoction


----------



## hamerfan

that monsters just cannot


----------



## tsilver

have, even if they


----------



## kindleworm

ears and noses, so


----------



## hamerfan

monsters being monsters, did


----------



## libbyfh

they sniff it, only


----------



## JMJeffries

to get seriously ill


----------



## JFHilborne

and wish they were


----------



## tsilver

more cute and popular


----------



## JMJeffries

or cuddly with fur


----------



## tsilver

. Let's forget about them


----------



## tom st. laurent

maggot casserole, because if


----------



## loonlover

we become immune to


----------



## tsilver

the cheerier life happenings


----------



## balaspa

then, really, what are


----------



## Valmore Daniels

eating a bowl of


----------



## tsilver

cherries?  Oh what the


----------



## D/W

heck! They are sweet


----------



## balaspa

and so in season


----------



## rayhensley

and so filled with


----------



## hamerfan

they will make your


----------



## D/W

taste buds tingle and


----------



## JMJeffries

and rival the lushest


----------



## Brenda Carroll

red apples in Eden.


----------



## tsilver

What you cannot eat


----------



## D/W

will not add pounds


----------



## Nick Wastnage

Wild boys fly high


----------



## RichardDR

while domesticated ones run


----------



## D/W

on a level path


----------



## balaspa

down a narrow street


----------



## JMJeffries

and into dark alleys


----------



## kindleworm

temptations of junk food


----------



## SylviaLucas

and gin. The wind


----------



## tom st. laurent

gives no comfort to


----------



## balaspa

those who easily chill


----------



## tom st. laurent

, but gin works magic


----------



## tsilver

warming all the nooks


----------



## JMJeffries

and crannies in the


----------



## loonlover

place of refuge.  Meanwhile,


----------



## tsilver

at Britney Spears' house


----------



## D/W

oops, she did it


----------



## tsilver

for the fifth time


----------



## leearco

and not the last


----------



## JFHilborne

but we can hope


----------



## JMJeffries

someday she will grow


----------



## balaspa

into a talented person


----------



## geoffthomas

, wreaking havoc and mayhem.


----------



## D/W

The fierce wind blew


----------



## tsilver

a woman's wig into


----------



## JMJeffries

Loch Ness and the


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

monster ate her head


----------



## JFHilborne

of lettuce by mistake


----------



## tsilver

. Her head and wig


----------



## tsilver

are okay.  Now what


----------



## tsilver

isn't okay--her underwear


----------



## hamerfan

was mistakenly sent to


----------



## tom st. laurent

President Obama, who didn't


----------



## Nell Gavin

tom st. laurent said:


> President Obama, who didn't


understand the implication of


----------



## Nick Wastnage

white isn't always white


----------



## tsilver

because it's old and


----------



## Valmore Daniels

bold and covered in


----------



## JMJeffries

green slime and moldy


----------



## JFHilborne

bread which was left


----------



## JMJeffries

out too long because


----------



## Fleurignacois

the maid was sick


----------



## balaspa

and didn't feel like


----------



## tsilver

doing a damn thing.


----------



## JFHilborne

Her boyfriend found her


----------



## tsilver

making passionate love to


----------



## tsilver

to a homeless guy


----------



## Milhouse2011

And walked out immediately


----------



## Fleurignacois

after slapping her face


----------



## Simon Haynes

with a live trout


----------



## Fleurignacois

she sensed something fishy


----------



## tsilver

She is rather sharp


----------



## Fleurignacois

but can be blunt


----------



## kindleworm

when it comes to


----------



## balaspa

things involving various fish


----------



## Fleurignacois

depending on the scale


----------



## hamerfan

of the bass involved


----------



## tsilver

. Well, fiddle dee dee


----------



## Fleurignacois

this struck a note


----------



## D/W

with the fishy boyfriend


----------



## Valmore Daniels

who wore rubber boots


----------



## tsilver

and he started dancing


----------



## Fleurignacois

as if nobody watched


----------



## balaspa

and nobody really cared


----------



## D/W

, stomping his feet and


----------



## Todd Trumpet

wishing he was Shakespeare


----------



## D/W

dancing the Bard Boogie


----------



## Fleurignacois

A midsummer night's dream


----------



## Todd Trumpet

tapping in iambic pentameter


----------



## tsilver

until he tripped on


----------



## Logan R.

a piece of bacon.


----------



## tsilver

and went sliding out


----------



## Fleurignacois

like The Titanic sinking


----------



## tsilver

down the clothes chute


----------



## kindleworm

and landed in the


----------



## Nick Wastnage

cold dark deep sea


----------



## D/W

.  Temporarily disoriented, he swam


----------



## Fleurignacois

as far as Hawaii


----------



## balaspa

where it was humid


----------



## JMJeffries

with sharks circling the


----------



## Todd Trumpet

JMJeffries said:


> with sharks circling the


wreckage of NASA's satellite


----------



## D/W

which fell to earth


----------



## Fleurignacois

like a lead balloon


----------



## tsilver

. "Oh well," he muttered


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

"It did miss me!"


----------



## tsilver

I kinda freaked out


----------



## Dafeenah

but no one saw


----------



## D/W

sipping fruity drinks and


----------



## Fleurignacois

and reading Kindle boards


----------



## tsilver

or making whoopee in


----------



## Fleurignacois

the Last Chance Saloon


----------



## Nick Wastnage

A bottle of red


----------



## JMJeffries

wine poured all over


----------



## balaspa

the brand new linen


----------



## D/W

.  "Gosh darn it!" he


----------



## Fleurignacois

spluttered, grabbing a napkin


----------



## tsilver

and wiping his tears


----------



## Fleurignacois

flowing from his eyes


----------



## D/W

as he mourned.  Then


----------



## JMJeffries

he completely screwed up


----------



## JFHilborne

the note in his


----------



## Fleurignacois

iphone, because it should


----------



## Caddy

have been worded differently.


----------



## Fleurignacois

The sun was setting


----------



## Caddy

where lovers strolled, oblivious


----------



## JMJeffries

to the garbage around


----------



## JFHilborne

the naked dead body.


----------



## Caddy

Suddenly, the body moved.


----------



## JMJeffries

"OMG," the girl cried


----------



## Fleurignacois

is it really him?


----------



## tsilver

or his pet groundhog?


----------



## Fleurignacois

No, not his day


----------



## Caddy

to resurrect quite yet.


----------



## Fleurignacois

A woman appeared "What


----------



## Caddy

evil force killed him?"


----------



## tsilver

"Snoopy, you say?  Unbelievable!"


----------



## Fleurignacois

"Yes, he was bewitched"


----------



## hamerfan

. His name was Darren


----------



## D/W

whose wife was Samantha


----------



## Caddy

They divorced last year.


----------



## Fleurignacois

She took the house


----------



## D/W

; he took the money.


----------



## Caddy

They both took off.


----------



## hamerfan

It ends badly for


----------



## tsilver

their little girl Tabitha


----------



## Caddy

To survive she has


----------



## Fleurignacois

to take in laundry


----------



## tsilver

although only a toddler


----------



## Fleurignacois

she slaved all day


----------



## Caddy

hands raw and bleeding.


----------



## Fleurignacois

The priest entered quietly


----------



## kindleworm

and offered to send


----------



## D/W

little Tabitha to the


----------



## Fleurignacois

convent or the monastery.


----------



## Caddy

She shuddered in horror!


----------



## geoffthomas

She knew she couldn't


----------



## Fleurignacois

ever get the habit.


----------



## balaspa

So, she packed up


----------



## geoffthomas

and left the convent.


----------



## JMJeffries

running away with the


----------



## kindleworm

chihuahua guard dog named


----------



## D/W

Spike, a feisty fella.


----------



## D/W

his tiny sombrero and


----------



## MindAttic

his chihuahua girlfriend named


----------



## tsilver

named after grandmother Jezebelita


----------



## Fleurignacois

a really hot dog.


----------



## D/W

"Buenos días, Jezebel." You


----------



## Fleurignacois

said. "Can we still


----------



## Caddy

dance together for money?"


----------



## Fleurignacois

"Yes but no groping"


----------



## Caddy

"I don't grope dogs!"


----------



## Fleurignacois

"Even on Friday nights?"


----------



## Caddy

"If I'm drunk enough."


----------



## Fleurignacois

The plot has thickened


----------



## balaspa

and many were amused


----------



## Caddy

by his drunken antics.


----------



## tsilver

but not his girlfriend


----------



## Caddy

She slapped his face, hard.


----------



## Fleurignacois

He stepped back, confused


----------



## hamerfan

at this turn of


----------



## tom st. laurent

events. In the doghouse,


----------



## Fleurignacois

his mother barked wildly.


----------



## Caddy

The hitman took aim


----------



## Fleurignacois

the target big in


----------



## Caddy

his scope.  He sneezed.


----------



## Fleurignacois

The target looked up.


----------



## balaspa

and said "bless you"


----------



## Caddy

as his head exploded.


----------



## tsilver

"How revolting," said a


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

voice from his past


----------



## Caddy

"Just like before, only-"


----------



## geoffthomas

much worse this time.


----------



## tsilver

-- an explosive head versus


----------



## balaspa

his tendency to whine


----------



## tsilver

"This choice is too


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

too silly to smile


----------



## Caddy

A woman kissed him


----------



## tsilver

thinking he was the


----------



## Caddy

return of the savior.


----------



## Fleurignacois

There was a shimmer


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and a glowing light


----------



## tsilver

"What in tarnation is


----------



## Fleurignacois

"Is it a bird?"


----------



## balaspa

"I hate all fowl"


----------



## Fleurignacois

"Is it going cheap?"


----------



## tsilver

"Now's not the time


----------



## Caddy

to doubt your destiny."


----------



## JFHilborne

It's time to try


----------



## tsilver

rising and flapping your


----------



## D/W

arms like a bird


----------



## Fleurignacois

to rise towering over


----------



## Caddy

the sins of Babylon!


----------



## Fleurignacois

His spirit soared birdlike


----------



## rayhensley

over birds spiritlike, and


----------



## tsilver

came crashing down into


----------



## Fleurignacois

an aligator infested swamp


----------



## D/W

where the carnivorous reptiles


----------



## tsilver

were pondering the menu


----------



## Caddy

It was Happy Hour.


----------



## tsilver

but why have rules


----------



## D/W

?  The tipsy gators then


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

ordered four martini's and


----------



## tsilver

hot sauce for the


----------



## JMJeffries

limbs on the plate


----------



## Caddy

"Another round, you wench!"


----------



## Fleurignacois

Chauvinist gator ordered brusquely.


----------



## tsilver

awakening a nearby buzzard


----------



## Fleurignacois

who sniffed the blood


----------



## Fleurignacois

go back to sleep.


----------



## Caddy

The wench smiled sexily.


----------



## Fleurignacois

"Slow down big boy"


----------



## tsilver

"Don't care for gators.


----------



## tsilver

You're all too pushy."


----------



## Caddy

"Although, I could change-"


----------



## Fleurignacois

you into chic shoes


----------



## hamerfan

and matching bag with


----------



## Fleurignacois

maybe Louis Vuitton or


----------



## tsilver

a Kardashian type of


----------



## Fleurignacois

very macho cool accessory.


----------



## Nick Wastnage

navy jeans and t-shirt


----------



## Fleurignacois

would  complete the ensemble.


----------



## Steve Vernon

Have you flossed lately?


----------



## geoffthomas

our hero asked the


----------



## tsilver

alpha gator whose mustache


----------



## balaspa

twitched eagerly in the


----------



## geoffthomas

sunshine over the bayou


----------



## Fleurignacois

The gator grinned wolfishly


----------



## JMJeffries

while protecting her young


----------



## tom st. laurent

as the daylight faded


----------



## Caddy

and the music blared.


----------



## Fleurignacois

The dancing grew wild


----------



## D/W

, the gators' tails thrashing


----------



## Fleurignacois

their legs intertwining as


----------



## Steve Vernon

abraded follicles quivered lustily


----------



## Fleurignacois

in a primordial soup


----------



## geoffthomas

just before they finally


----------



## Fleurignacois

collapsed, totally spent, in


----------



## Steve Vernon

pools of gator moisturizer


----------



## Fleurignacois

Whereupon our brave hero


----------



## balaspa

decided it was time


----------



## Fleurignacois

to continue his voyage


----------



## Elmore Hammes

though whether onward or


----------



## geoffthomas

not was in question


----------



## Caddy

He downed his drink.


----------



## tsilver

and then looked into


----------



## Caddy

hashish. "Damn," he said,


----------



## D/W

"That sure smells good."


----------



## Caddy

"Anyone for a toke?"


----------



## tsilver

"No one?  You folks


----------



## JFHilborne

are dead set on


----------



## spotsmom

narrow, but toking can


----------



## hamerfan

lead you to places


----------



## Steve Vernon

you ain't never been


----------



## Verbena

Places with flowers and


----------



## tsilver

giggling freckle-faced clowns


----------



## Caddy

He lit up and


----------



## Fleurignacois

sucked the acrid smoke


----------



## balaspa

which made him cough


----------



## tsilver

out rainbow bubble balls


----------



## Caddy

His wife walked in.


----------



## Nick Wastnage

and then walked out


----------



## tom st. laurent

forever. "Ha," he said,


----------



## Caddy

"I am gay, anyway."


----------



## hamerfan

He toked some more


----------



## tom st. laurent

raspberry incense, then relaxed,


----------



## spotsmom

and sighed in glee,


----------



## tsilver

"I'm not only gay


----------



## Caddy

baptist minister in Tennessee.


----------



## Fleurignacois

This is good s*it


----------



## D/W

I can't stop laughing.


----------



## Fleurignacois

about those stupid ********


----------



## hamerfan

that I preach to


----------



## Fleurignacois

,wearing mascara and lipstick


----------



## Steve Vernon

and christly fishnet stockings


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and jumping on trampolines


----------



## Caddy

. Can you say "Amen"?


----------



## Fleurignacois

"Oh yes, most days"


----------



## Caddy

"Please donate money now!!!"


----------



## tsilver

"I feel the power!"


----------



## balaspa

but he was confused


----------



## Caddy

from the communion wine.


----------



## spotsmom

It started with mimosas


----------



## hamerfan

, as do most tragedies.


----------



## tsilver

. However, today was the


----------



## D/W

anniversary of his birth


----------



## Caddy

Oreos were passed around,


----------



## spotsmom

Cold milk was provided


----------



## D/W

for dunking and drinking


----------



## spotsmom

and the party began


----------



## tsilver

with "spin the bottle"


----------



## spotsmom

and deteriorated from there.


----------



## JFHilborne

At 2 in the


----------



## kindleworm

morning, a huge screech owl


----------



## spotsmom

grabbed the poor cat


----------



## spotsmom

tearing with its talons


----------



## Fleurignacois

the kitty was split


----------



## Caddy

between capris or trousers


----------



## tsilver

then sewed up neatly


----------



## Fleurignacois

to make a quilt.


----------



## Caddy

Four parrots screamed gleefully,


----------



## Fleurignacois

peices of eight awk


----------



## balaspa

Where were the pirates


----------



## Fleurignacois

going to bury their


----------



## Caddy

sorrows with ale, Matey!


----------



## Fleurignacois

Long John Silver and


----------



## tsilver

his boyfriend danced merrily


----------



## Fleurignacois

pegleg pounding the floor


----------



## D/W

, their arms swinging wildly


----------



## Fleurignacois

"Sit ee down lad"


----------



## hamerfan

while Jimmy Buffett played


----------



## Caddy

Mozart on the jukebox.


----------



## loonlover

Texas A&M marching band.


----------



## Caddy

Minus the trombone players.


----------



## loonlover

who wandered into Macy's


----------



## tsilver

to flirt with the


----------



## Caddy

mannequins, just for practice.


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

everyone within hearing distance


----------



## spotsmom

she started to scream


----------



## Caddy

"Help needed, lingerie department!"


----------



## tsilver

The nude manequins needed


----------



## Fleurignacois

a very dry martini


----------



## Susan Alison

and a drinking straw


----------



## Fleurignacois

for their wooden lips


----------



## tsilver

plus a modesty cloth


----------



## Susan Alison

embroidered with humming birds


----------



## Fleurignacois

An inebriated maneqin lurched


----------



## Valmore Daniels

through the windy streets


----------



## hamerfan

with two trombone players


----------



## JMJeffries

leading the jazz band


----------



## spotsmom

of other wooden mannequins


----------



## Caddy

reciting  Burroughs "Naked Lunch".


----------



## spotsmom

But why did the


----------



## Tony Richards

watching stranger with the


----------



## Caddy

body odor begin booing?


----------



## spotsmom

Perhaps because he felt


----------



## tsilver

some variety was needed.


----------



## Caddy

On a parallel world,


----------



## spotsmom

life may appear real


----------



## tsilver

but don't stare at


----------



## D/W

the sun because your


----------



## JFHilborne

teeth might fall out.


----------



## Fleurignacois

and each will grow


----------



## hamerfan

without the need for


----------



## Fleurignacois

orthodontic treatment or braces


----------



## histerius

and you will see


----------



## Fleurignacois

perfect new gnashers replace


----------



## Caddy

them, but inches longer


----------



## Fleurignacois

than the stubby originals.


----------



## tsilver

"Hogwash," I say.  "Hogwash."


----------



## Fleurignacois

"Self serving shallow sycophants"


----------



## spotsmom

who else but politicians


----------



## JMJeffries

would think about themselves


----------



## D/W

instead of their constituents


----------



## JFHilborne

and the blood-sucking creatures


----------



## Fleurignacois

who finance their campaigns


----------



## histerius

on the Wall Street


----------



## Caddy

bed of lust and prostitution.


----------



## histerius

Which is, in fact,


----------



## spotsmom

unfortunately where we stand


----------



## hamerfan

, twixt banksters and politicians


----------



## histerius

and their sick ambitions


----------



## tsilver

"Alas!  Woe is me!"


----------



## spotsmom

cried the poor lobbyist,


----------



## Caddy

as, gutted, he burned.


----------



## kindleworm

absolute disbelief while they


----------



## Caddy

licked lips in hunger.


----------



## D/W

Greed has made them


----------



## spotsmom

apart from the others,


----------



## Fleurignacois

wanting to eat flesh


----------



## hamerfan

and wreak havoc on


----------



## Fleurignacois

the world's waiting masses


----------



## histerius

who watched in disbelief.


----------



## Fleurignacois

The moon has risen


----------



## Valmore Daniels

the crazied zombies who


----------



## histerius

let the midnight special


----------



## Fleurignacois

shine the light on


----------



## balaspa

their brain sandwiches with


----------



## Caddy

matching handbags and hats


----------



## JMJeffries

and pretty floral dresses


----------



## spotsmom

not to mention shoes,


----------



## Caddy

made of peanut brittle.


----------



## JFHilborne

Then out of the


----------



## tsilver

bushes scampered a bearded


----------



## spotsmom

collie, running directly at


----------



## Fleurignacois

the ever open door


----------



## balaspa

which was the only


----------



## spotsmom

which was the only escape


----------



## D/W

from the well-dressed zombies


----------



## Caddy

and the neon signs.


----------



## rayhensley

made of ten barrels


----------



## geoffthomas

high heels and stockings


----------



## JFHilborne

on the same stage


----------



## tsilver

making the stage collapse


----------



## Valmore Daniels

in seven seconds and


----------



## spotsmom

running furiously towards the


----------



## Fleurignacois

gaping maw of hell


----------



## D/W

when he tripped over


----------



## Fleurignacois

and plunged, screaming, terrified


----------



## histerius

, staring in pure horror


----------



## Fleurignacois

at the fiery pit


----------



## kindleworm

while a purple dragon


----------



## Fleurignacois

chugged high octane fuel


----------



## geoffthomas

preparing to breathe fire


----------



## Fleurignacois

over the marching band


----------



## tsilver

"Toodle-ooo!" yelled the dragon


----------



## geoffthomas

as he few away


----------



## spotsmom

for yon Mordor bound,


----------



## balaspa

While the rest of


----------



## Fleurignacois

the band marked time


----------



## spotsmom

smoking dope and singing


----------



## Fleurignacois

"Puff the magic dragon"


----------



## hamerfan

slightly off-key and


----------



## tsilver

yet gloriously romantic to


----------



## spotsmom

clustered around them like


----------



## JFHilborne

hungry and penniless peasants


----------



## spotsmom

purporting always to ponder


----------



## Tara Maya

"Why? When? And how?"


----------



## spotsmom

incessantly without considering others.


----------



## tsilver

"Let's leave this madhouse,"


----------



## Fleurignacois

Suddenly the flames died


----------



## geoffthomas

and the dark night


----------



## Fleurignacois

cloaked the whole world


----------



## Fleurignacois

A lone wolf howled


----------



## balaspa

its echo sending chills


----------



## Fleurignacois

into the android's brain


----------



## Caddy

Then, a beauty appeared.


----------



## geoffthomas

dazzling everyone who saw


----------



## hamerfan

her Helen-like visage


----------



## Caddy

He wanted her badly.


----------



## tsilver

her badly designed mumu


----------



## histerius

from the cheap store


----------



## spotsmom

askew from the onslaught


----------



## Caddy

only made her sexier.


----------



## tsilver

and slightly more dangerous


----------



## Fleurignacois

She drew her rapier


----------



## hamerfan

and prepared to smite


----------



## Fleurignacois

the cruel fashion critics


----------



## balaspa

who cowered there beneath


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

with red silk cloth


----------



## Caddy

covered stilettos.  They screamed, "


----------



## Fleurignacois

"Please, spare the shoes"


----------



## geoffthomas

But she did not


----------



## Fleurignacois

The blade slashed down


----------



## tsilver

and sliced the heels


----------



## hamerfan

right down to the


----------



## D/W

center, which revealed the


----------



## rayhensley

center of the fatty


----------



## tsilver

bubble deposited by a


----------



## Fleurignacois

a gigantic cholesterol worm


----------



## D/W

that slithered through the


----------



## tsilver

bushes after depositing its


----------



## Fleurignacois

evil spawn in one


----------



## Caddy

open toed brown Bierkenstock.


----------



## Fleurignacois

The worm recoiled, stunned


----------



## tsilver

"No Bierkenstock for me!"


----------



## JFHilborne

Put the kettle on


----------



## Fleurignacois

Time for tea now


----------



## tsilver

peacock feathers stewed in


----------



## spotsmom

clotted cream, but still


----------



## tsilver

spicey with the minced


----------



## D/W

garlic and julienne toenails


----------



## JFHilborne

and an amazing opportunity


----------



## Fleurignacois

to gather one's thoughts.


----------



## tsilver

after cleaning up the


----------



## Fleurignacois

chaos caused by invertebrate


----------



## Valmore Daniels

slimy creatures who walked


----------



## Fleurignacois

spinelessly around the world


----------



## spotsmom

doing their nasty deeds


----------



## Caddy

inside of people's crumpets.


----------



## tsilver

migrate to the brains


----------



## spotsmom

and take root there


----------



## kindleworm

causing instant insanity and


----------



## tsilver

occasional burping spasms which


----------



## Fleurignacois

create huge tropical storms


----------



## JMJeffries

along with Margaritas and


----------



## tsilver

very strong laxative capsules.


----------



## Fleurignacois

The time traveller watched


----------



## Michael Cargill

As the cheese melted.


----------



## Fleurignacois

"Is this the moon?"


----------



## Fleurignacois

seem to have misrouted


----------



## geoffthomas

the hundred pounds of


----------



## Fleurignacois

jellybeans were not wanted


----------



## balaspa

by orphans located in


----------



## geoffthomas

the deepest, darkest, nastiest


----------



## Fleurignacois

place in the universe


----------



## spotsmom

somewhere in New York


----------



## kindleworm

.  A giant panda rescued


----------



## spotsmom

the only decent koala


----------



## tsilver

All I can say


----------



## Fleurignacois

is the zoo has


----------



## tsilver

has procedures for handling


----------



## Fleurignacois

escaped koalas, errant pandas


----------



## kindleworm

and sneaky lemurs who


----------



## Fleurignacois

under cover of darkness


----------



## balaspa

will try to steal


----------



## geoffthomas

a malevolence raises it's


----------



## Fleurignacois

evil, ugly, scaley head


----------



## spotsmom

wow, it's a reptile!


----------



## kindleworm

It had been living


----------



## Caddy

in Sarah Palin's underwear.


----------



## spotsmom

waiting for a moose


----------



## Fleurignacois

to raise her IQ


----------



## D/W

and stop her babbling


----------



## Fleurignacois

but even a moose


----------



## balaspa

cannot perform a miracle


----------



## D/W

so it moved on


----------



## Caddy

to charge Michelle Bachmann


----------



## geoffthomas

not being a political


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

copy cat of Palin


----------



## Caddy

However, she tasted rancid.


----------



## tsilver

"Aha!  Hillary looks tasty."


----------



## Fleurignacois

"I want human flesh"


----------



## hamerfan

"not these political vampires"


----------



## Fleurignacois

The blood flowed copiously


----------



## Valmore Daniels

like a rushing river


----------



## Fleurignacois

The creature lapped greedily


----------



## tsilver

and then lost it.


----------



## kindleworm

Clean up in aisle


----------



## Fleurignacois

66 serious protein spill.


----------



## balaspa

It was at that


----------



## geoffthomas

it was getting late


----------



## Caddy

too late to care


----------



## tsilver

"We'll clean up tomorrow,"


----------



## Caddy

A storm was brewing.


----------



## kindleworm

The clouds turned green


----------



## Wingpeople

as we raced toward


----------



## spotsmom

the last bus home


----------



## hamerfan

inadvertently ran over the


----------



## Fleurignacois

three crazed zombie hitchhikers


----------



## kindleworm

, the cargo storage door


----------



## Fleurignacois

and a stray cat


----------



## Fleurignacois

creature from outer space


----------



## balaspa

It was very confusing


----------



## Fleurignacois

"I will bring order"


----------



## tsilver

yelled George W. Bush


----------



## geoffthomas

But everyone was asleep


----------



## Fleurignacois

"OK back to Texas"


----------



## tsilver

"I can boss cattle,"


----------



## spotsmom

all hat, no cattle


----------



## tsilver

"No respect," George muttered


----------



## Caddy

"Good riddance," America said.


----------



## JFHilborne

Light the blow torch


----------



## Fleurignacois

Guy Fawkes was burnt


----------



## Caddy

George's brain not affected.


----------



## Fleurignacois

Vacuums will not burn


----------



## tsilver

"That's great!" said George.


----------



## JFHilborne

He reached for the


----------



## hamerfan

mirror and razor blade


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

Thanks George for deficit


----------



## spotsmom

tough being an idiot


----------



## hamerfan

Comes easy to George.


----------



## spotsmom

along with the cattle


----------



## tsilver

who love George W.


----------



## hamerfan

Luckily, the crazed zombies


----------



## Fleurignacois

,full of crispy cornflakes


----------



## tsilver

refused to gobble more


----------



## Fleurignacois

Dead on their feet


----------



## Valmore Daniels

they still managed to


----------



## Fleurignacois

reach the subway station


----------



## spotsmom

but late as usual,


----------



## Fleurignacois

the A train was


----------



## Fleurignacois

They staggered towards Harlem


----------



## hamerfan

fitting right in with


----------



## Caddy

haute couture fashion shows


----------



## spotsmom

National AIDS Foundation office


----------



## tsilver

but the door was


----------



## Fleurignacois

locked and barred, so


----------



## tsilver

they sat down and


----------



## Caddy

"Tat?" she asked, curiously.


----------



## geoffthomas

"tat, as in tattoo"


----------



## balaspa

he said and pointed


----------



## rayhensley

with his pointed nose


----------



## tsilver

The tat they chose


----------



## JFHilborne

kicked butt, but because


----------



## D/W

it was considered risqué


----------



## balaspa

the general public didn't


----------



## tsilver

get to see it.


----------



## balaspa

"This story really is


----------



## hamerfan

true, only the names


----------



## tsilver

utterly translated into Swahili


----------



## JFHilborne

and the only thing


----------



## hamerfan

you need to take


----------



## geoffthomas

away from this is


----------



## D/W

don't get a tattoo


----------



## Fleurignacois

on your left buttock


----------



## balaspa

This is especially true


----------



## hamerfan

for all you DIYers


----------



## Fleurignacois

with your power drills


----------



## D/W

and your band saws


----------



## Fleurignacois

shelving the whole world


----------



## hamerfan

Jerry Lee and Keith


----------



## D/W

Old Ladies Rock!  They


----------



## Fleurignacois

perform their drills without


----------



## GailSeymour

major bloodloss or trauma,


----------



## Fleurignacois

the band play bagpipes


----------



## john_a_karr

and dance through cemeteries


----------



## D/W

without waking the dead


----------



## kindleworm

. A blue mist began


----------



## Aris Whittier

to creep over the


----------



## Fleurignacois

with plastic spoons to


----------



## Caddy

invent new art forms


----------



## geoffthomas

created from old bricks


----------



## Fleurignacois

and dried yak dung


----------



## Valmore Daniels

baked in the hot


----------



## Fleurignacois

glow from superman's eyes


----------



## JFHilborne

with a slight touch


----------



## tsilver

of madness; but nevertheless


----------



## Caddy

it always tastes great!


----------



## Fleurignacois

The pumpkin carver paused


----------



## balaspa

holding the knife above


----------



## D/W

the gourd, poised to


----------



## Fleurignacois

open the eye sockets


----------



## rayhensley

and close the horrid


----------



## Caddy

mouth of society forever.


----------



## JMJeffries

The Day of Dead


----------



## tsilver

cockroaches is celebrated in


----------



## Fleurignacois

Guadalajara by eating the


----------



## hamerfan

candy corn tortillas made


----------



## Fleurignacois

from crushed cockroach shells


----------



## hamerfan

flavored with mezcal worms


----------



## Alexis-Shore

Once. Twice. Never again.


----------



## Amy Corwin

After eating they went


----------



## tsilver

to the local vomitorium


----------



## Fleurignacois

things were coming up


----------



## Fleurignacois

"Surely not diced carrots"


----------



## geoffthomas

She said smiling sweetly


----------



## Fleurignacois

Her husband looked on,


----------



## D/W

mesmerized by her composure


----------



## geoffthomas

balancing four plates while


----------



## Fleurignacois

dancing an Argentinian tango


----------



## JFHilborne

with his tax attorney


----------



## Fleurignacois

"My books don't balance


----------



## Alexis-Shore

Looked down. Picked one.


----------



## Amy Corwin

That did balance although


----------



## Fleurignacois

only after careful editing


----------



## Alexis-Shore

You see. You like.


----------



## Fleurignacois

In so many ways


----------



## Alexis-Shore

He came. He left.


----------



## geoffthomas

As only he could


----------



## Fleurignacois

The door swung shut


----------



## Alexis-Shore

She overcame many obstacles.


----------



## balaspa

No matter how difficult


----------



## john_a_karr

prey was to kill.


----------



## tsilver

"Ach du lieber mein


----------



## Fleurignacois

She spoke in tongues


----------



## kindleworm

of many nations, while


----------



## Fleurignacois

watching "I love Lucy"


----------



## D/W

reruns on her computer


----------



## geoffthomas

Ricky said: "You got"


----------



## D/W

some 'splaining to do.


----------



## Fleurignacois

Where have you been?


----------



## kindleworm

In the basement with


----------



## tsilver

our new little monkey


----------



## geoffthomas

new boy scout uniform


----------



## JFHilborne

and a pair of


----------



## hamerfan

Lucy's medications needed adjusting.


----------



## Fleurignacois

Doctor Murray was summoned


----------



## hamerfan

with Doctor Sluggo assisting


----------



## tsilver

They examined Lucy's brain


----------



## balaspa

having difficulty finding it


----------



## JFHilborne

in the dark operating


----------



## Fleurignacois

theatre but suddenly they


----------



## Valmore Daniels

saw worms slide out


----------



## Fleurignacois

they grew bigger each


----------



## geoffthomas

minute as they watched


----------



## Fleurignacois

the pigs fly by.


----------



## hamerfan

Little Ricky was shooting


----------



## JFHilborne

daggers at the nurse


----------



## tsilver

who caught them and


----------



## hamerfan

at the mutant gravediggers


----------



## Fleurignacois

who really dug it


----------



## Valmore Daniels

because they like digging


----------



## Fleurignacois

like sucking fresh blood


----------



## JFHilborne

around the camp fire


----------



## hamerfan

Mutant gravedigger campfire songs


----------



## tsilver

and terrified the hidden


----------



## Fleurignacois

fairies, watching with dread


----------



## hamerfan

locks swaying in the


----------



## Fleurignacois

southern breeze, strange fruit


----------



## tsilver

hanging from the trees


----------



## geoffthomas

and terrible mayhem about


----------



## balaspa

You could just about


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

get amazed and paranoid


----------



## spotsmom

seeing all that fruit


----------



## tsilver

changing color and shape


----------



## JFHilborne

mushroom smothered beef burgers


----------



## Fleurignacois

"Stop! You must stop!"


----------



## Valmore Daniels

Or I'll say "stopagain!"


----------



## Fleurignacois

Shouted the star trooper.


----------



## geoffthomas

It was time for


----------



## Fleurignacois

serious outer galaxy exploration


----------



## hamerfan

. "To infinity and beyond",


----------



## JMJeffries

and not this universe


----------



## Valmore Daniels

but the next one


----------



## spotsmom

with Data in command


----------



## NapCat (retired)

with his cat, SPOT


----------



## spotsmom

as the ship's counselor


----------



## Fleurignacois

The warp drive hummed


----------



## hamerfan

a merry little tune


----------



## Fleurignacois

"stars fell on Alabama..........


----------



## balaspa

but, then, perhaps not


----------



## tsilver

"She wore a teeny


----------



## JFHilborne

gold star on her


----------



## rayhensley

itsy, bitsy, tiny, tiny


----------



## Fleurignacois

vestigial rudimentary third eye


----------



## tsilver

giving her a unique


----------



## Fleurignacois

insight on the world


----------



## balaspa

but very little insight


----------



## Fleurignacois

and even less understanding


----------



## hamerfan

of the real threat


----------



## tsilver

to hand-fed pigeons.


----------



## D/W

Her third eye oozed


----------



## Brenda Carroll

multi-colored lights over


----------



## hamerfan

the yellow brick road


----------



## Fleurignacois

which wound inexorably onward


----------



## D/W

, through the enchanted forest


----------



## hamerfan

, past the gingerbread house,


----------



## Fleurignacois

"Hey Hansel! Who's that?"


----------



## Valmore Daniels

"It's her, Yo! Whaddup?"


----------



## balaspa

They paused to wave


----------



## tsilver

unaware that just behind


----------



## D/W

lurked a giant, green


----------



## Fleurignacois

cornfed monster, just waiting


----------



## JFHilborne

for a bus to


----------



## spotsmom

grandmother's house, where it


----------



## tsilver

prepared a grandmother souffle


----------



## spotsmom

while salivating over Gretel


----------



## Fleurignacois

"Why are you green?"


----------



## D/W

asked Gretel. "I was


----------



## spotsmom

thinking you were sexy


----------



## tsilver

Now I'm very confused


----------



## D/W

. You talk too much.


----------



## john_a_karr

And don't think enough.


----------



## JFHilborne

What does this mean?


----------



## Fleurignacois

queried the bemused giant.


----------



## geoffthomas

It means that I


----------



## tsilver

am not long for


----------



## JFHilborne

the latest edition of


----------



## Valmore Daniels

the price is right!


----------



## spotsmom

kaleidoscope dreams of the


----------



## Valmore Daniels

rainbows in the night.


----------



## Brenda Carroll

In the early dawn


----------



## Fleurignacois

the shadows silently depart


----------



## Amy Corwin

Except the darkness near


----------



## Fleurignacois

the enchanted forest where


----------



## balaspa

the trees look like


----------



## tsilver

tormented asylum inmates dancing


----------



## spotsmom

waving in the wind


----------



## D/W

, their branches flailing and


----------



## Fleurignacois

thrashing futilely around them


----------



## Fleurignacois

the attackers crept closer


----------



## geoffthomas

, their sharp axes raised.


----------



## Fleurignacois

Eyes glowing like coals


----------



## D/W

and their arms trembling


----------



## balaspa

holding the very heavy


----------



## Meredith Sinclair

UPS box with KindleFire


----------



## tsilver

"Pay me immediately, or


----------



## Brenda Carroll

or I will break


----------



## Meredith Sinclair

your precious little FIRE


----------



## Brenda Carroll

. NO! Not the FIRE


----------



## JFHilborne

no one can touch it


----------



## tsilver

paws.  Put on gloves


----------



## Valmore Daniels

to ward off the


----------



## Fleurignacois

rampaging FIREless European hordes


----------



## kindleworm

with their glowing, golden


----------



## balaspa

eyes, and vicious snarling


----------



## hamerfan

children who need a


----------



## JFHilborne

lot of attention and


----------



## tsilver

a little less cuddling.


----------



## Fleurignacois

Santa Claus watched, frowning


----------



## Fleurignacois

"That chimney really sucks"


----------



## tsilver

teach mankind a lesson


----------



## Fleurignacois

"Naughty? nice? who cares?"


----------



## hamerfan

"Get me cookies or"


----------



## Fleurignacois

"I'll loose the reindeer"


----------



## balaspa

But then one child


----------



## hamerfan

two tickets to paradise.


----------



## tsilver

The destination?  Cookie Island.


----------



## Fleurignacois

"OK Rudolph, let's go!"


----------



## hamerfan

Unfortunately, Santa didn't have


----------



## balaspa

the necessary treatment for


----------



## spotsmom

terminal chocolate wanna bes,


----------



## Fleurignacois

Cookie island was home


----------



## JFHilborne

and a lot further


----------



## Valmore Daniels

away than the milk


----------



## Fleurignacois

sea where Santa kept


----------



## Me and My Kindle

dreaming of Cookie Island


----------



## balaspa

but not dreaming about


----------



## Fleurignacois

a white Christmas or


----------



## hamerfan

the credit card bills


----------



## Fleurignacois

arriving all too soon.


----------



## JFHilborne

forgot to stop at


----------



## Fleurignacois

"Casa Claus" because he


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

was distracted by the


----------



## Fleurignacois

flashing snowman with the


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

strange black and white


----------



## Fleurignacois

accessories and the giant


----------



## kindleworm

igloo right next to


----------



## balaspa

the pack of snarling


----------



## JFHilborne

Texans who all wanted


----------



## hamerfan

Oral Roberts to smite


----------



## Fleurignacois

hip and thigh the


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

evil sinners who didn't


----------



## hamerfan

leave Santa warm cookies.


----------



## JFHilborne

Remember when we broke


----------



## Fleurignacois

my grandma's best teapot


----------



## genodidit!

where I hide pot


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and bags of tea


----------



## Fleurignacois

We glued the pieces


----------



## GregSisco

them together with proper


----------



## StephenLivingston

consideration for the pattern


----------



## GregSisco

so we had to


----------



## balaspa

destroy all of it


----------



## GregSisco

and tell Grandma that


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

replaced by hot coffee


----------



## GregSisco

due to an unexpected


----------



## GregSisco

coffee enthusiast, stating that


----------



## D/W

the civet coffee tasted


----------



## GregSisco

like a concentrated supply


----------



## Fleurignacois

of pure unadulterated nectar


----------



## GregSisco

Personally, I think coffee


----------



## Fleurignacois

should be drunk hot


----------



## kindleworm

with several ounces of


----------



## Fleurignacois

chocolate or other cookies


----------



## Fleurignacois

a cookie monster approaching


----------



## D/W

hide the cookies quickly


----------



## GregSisco

because cookie monsters are


----------



## hamerfan

heavy-metal rock singers


----------



## GregSisco

and we all know


----------



## GregSisco

do when they get


----------



## Fleurignacois

uncontrolable cravings for cookies


----------



## Retired

but are out of


----------



## balaspa

the necessary ingredients for


----------



## GregSisco

making them. It isn't


----------



## Fleurignacois

crave but the chocolate


----------



## GregSisco

of chocolate chips and


----------



## kindleworm

warm peanut butter soup


----------



## GregSisco

Of course peanut butter


----------



## JFHilborne

does not go with


----------



## rayhensley

men with too many


----------



## GregSisco

musical instruments, unless you


----------



## Fleurignacois

spread it very thin


----------



## D/W

topped with banana slices


----------



## Fleurignacois

.Electric guitars sound better


----------



## hamerfan

than most cookie monsters


----------



## Fleurignacois

will ever really appreciate


----------



## hamerfan

but Frankenstein liked strings


----------



## MartinGibbs

attached to vital organs


----------



## GregSisco

Not because it sounded


----------



## cbwriterman

like when he had


----------



## JFHilborne

earache as a kid


----------



## Fleurignacois

but it stopped bits


----------



## Valmore Daniels

of earwax from melting


----------



## Fleurignacois

even though candles made


----------



## D/W

from earwax burn clean


----------



## Fleurignacois

but a little smelly


----------



## GregSisco

in comparison to a


----------



## kindleworm

chocolate covered peppermint sticks


----------



## Fleurignacois

which according to reports


----------



## D/W

are in short supply


----------



## Fleurignacois

due to panic buying


----------



## D/W

gang of marauding stags


----------



## GregSisco

in the Kansas City


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

Ignoring the fact that


----------



## GregSisco

Rudolph and company were


----------



## JFHilborne

present on every Christmas


----------



## Fleurignacois

record made since 1949


----------



## GregSisco

Let's get back to


----------



## kindleworm

the real issue, which


----------



## GregSisco

is that no man


----------



## hamerfan

eats mayonnaise in Ireland


----------



## GregSisco

with a spoon, unless


----------



## GregSisco

wrong with the forks.


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

A knife is needed


----------



## tsilver

in the American way


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

as opposed to the


----------



## GregSisco

Canadian way which involves


----------



## Fleurignacois

slicing the mayonnaise thinly


----------



## GregSisco

after first freezing it


----------



## Fleurignacois

in their swimming pool


----------



## GregSisco

It isn't the most


----------



## Fleurignacois

efficient method of serving


----------



## Valmore Daniels

your guests their lunch,


----------



## tsilver

however, it's rather jolly.


----------



## Fleurignacois

and good for conversation


----------



## GregSisco

especially if your guests


----------



## Fleurignacois

are two headed beings


----------



## balaspa

from a planet like


----------



## tsilver

the one centered in


----------



## Fleurignacois

means they are vegans


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

so make sure you


----------



## Fleurignacois

watch for funny ears


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

And another thing, they


----------



## Fleurignacois

don't wash their hands


----------



## Valmore Daniels

or their feet with


----------



## Fleurignacois

really expensive perfumed soap


----------



## zzzzzzz

Instead they use fabreeze


----------



## Fleurignacois

which removes the smell


----------



## kindleworm

but not the toejam


----------



## Fleurignacois

so wirewool is needed


----------



## JFHilborne

a lovely brand of


----------



## Fleurignacois

purple scouring pad made


----------



## D/W

from horse hair and


----------



## Fleurignacois

raw wool impregated with


----------



## kindleworm

bits of pumice and


----------



## Fleurignacois

carbonic acid and caustic


----------



## balaspa

nanobots that only use


----------



## D/W

scrubbing bubbles to clean


----------



## kindleworm

away many layers of


----------



## Fleurignacois

freckles shaped like beautiful


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

seahorses wearing funny little


----------



## Valmore Daniels

socks pulled up to


----------



## Fleurignacois

their cute little noses


----------



## Elmore Hammes

which itched because the


----------



## Fleurignacois

hide the pepper pot


----------



## tsilver

"Ach du lieber," said


----------



## Valmore Daniels

Then he snorted and


----------



## JFHilborne

discovered he'd grown a


----------



## kindleworm

third ear filled with


----------



## Fleurignacois

rum and raisin icecream


----------



## Fleurignacois

coating his cheek and


----------



## tsilver

plugging up his nose.


----------



## hamerfan

he had some pie


----------



## tsilver

the smell would unplug


----------



## JFHilborne

his blocked drain instead


----------



## R J Askew

I've lost my kindle


----------



## tsilver

engraved in my feet


----------



## D/W

they take me places


----------



## JFHilborne

with no hassle and


----------



## tsilver

they're only slightly smelly.


----------



## tsilver

So come closer and


----------



## balaspa

give me a hug


----------



## Fleurignacois

the witching hour approaches


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and you might get


----------



## Fleurignacois

attacked by dark forces


----------



## kindleworm

armed with candy canes


----------



## Fleurignacois

wildly illuminating the scene


----------



## kindleworm

inside the snow globe


----------



## Fleurignacois

Suddenly the day broke


----------



## Fleurignacois

rays of bright sunshine


----------



## Valmore Daniels

Storm clouds gathered in


----------



## Fleurignacois

the west, Cochise looked


----------



## kindleworm

clouds changed into various


----------



## Fleurignacois

ominous smoke signals, meaning


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

No more rain expected


----------



## Fleurignacois

Nevertheless the wind howled


----------



## tsilver

dead spirits to rise


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and take back the


----------



## Fleurignacois

control of the world


----------



## tsilver

series which has gotten


----------



## Elmore Hammes

undermined by the ravaging


----------



## Fleurignacois

hordes of bargain hunters


----------



## Fleurignacois

hats, boleros or shoes


----------



## Valmore Daniels

elbowed each other out


----------



## tsilver

in their desperate need


----------



## GregSisco

their various upcoming festivities


----------



## Fleurignacois

Avarice replaced manners and


----------



## tsilver

before anyone could say


----------



## kindleworm

Happy New Year, the


----------



## tsilver

booze had just disappeared.


----------



## kindleworm

A fountain of carrot


----------



## Fleurignacois

juice splashed the moon


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

marinated in the finest


----------



## balaspa

sweet juices of the


----------



## kindleworm

cranberries, which were found


----------



## Elmore Hammes

lunar craters which formed


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

archway, which dazzled every


----------



## Fleurignacois

tv viewer across five


----------



## balaspa

join up with the


----------



## D/W

infinite black hole and


----------



## Fleurignacois

boldly go where no


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

man, alien or beast


----------



## Fleurignacois

has boldly gone before


----------



## tsilver

depths of space came


----------



## balaspa

something slimy and green


----------



## Valmore Daniels

aqueduct and dripped down


----------



## Randirogue

to puddle atop the


----------



## Fleurignacois

days old turkey carcass


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

instantly transforming it into


----------



## Fleurignacois

turkey à la goo


----------



## Elmore Hammes

a delicacy seldom sampled


----------



## tsilver

by the Hollywood snobs.


----------



## kindleworm

Meanwhile, in the treetops


----------



## CrystalMarcos

lurking quietly, sword in


----------



## sesmith

hand, feeling rather hungry,


----------



## balaspa

were several small furry


----------



## Fleurignacois

their huge mouths gaping


----------



## Valmore Daniels

as they played with


----------



## Fleurignacois

their little Wiis and


----------



## Randirogue

tassels on their suspenders.


----------



## tsilver

bubbling and dripping with


----------



## Valmore Daniels

chocolate and butterscotch sauce


----------



## Randirogue

they secreted instead of


----------



## Fleurignacois

saliva, since their glands


----------



## CrystalMarcos

had been destroyed during


----------



## Fleurignacois

the genetic modification process


----------



## J Dean

initiated by government scientists


----------



## SylviaLucas

with no official background.


----------



## Fleurignacois

The boys advanced menacingly


----------



## tsilver

but with Fred Astaire


----------



## J Dean

spouting "Ginger! Get them!"


----------



## Fleurignacois

nobody took them seriously


----------



## CrystalMarcos

except for one sinister


----------



## Randirogue

Yellow-toothed, black-footed mutant bunny


----------



## Fleurignacois

totally unable to count


----------



## Randirogue

music beats, thus tripping


----------



## Fleurignacois

over their clumsy feet


----------



## Randirogue

and thwarting Ginger's attack.


----------



## CrystalMarcos

When out of nowhere


----------



## SheenahFreitas

a massive shadow of


----------



## Randirogue

the chocolate-butterscotch salivating pair


----------



## Fleurignacois

under the spaghetti tree


----------



## Randirogue

Absorbing sauce run-off through


----------



## Fleurignacois

it's vestigial root system


----------



## Fleurignacois

flower and vegetable show


----------



## Valmore Daniels

where my prize petunias


----------



## tsilver

lurk patiently for more


----------



## CrystalMarcos

of the award winning


----------



## GregSisco

sunlight and rainwater that


----------



## Fleurignacois

will make them champions


----------



## tsilver

.  Unfortunately, a sadistic group


----------



## kindleworm

caused a lengthy solar


----------



## Fleurignacois

eclipse which stopped light


----------



## CrystalMarcos

from penetrating the very


----------



## Fleurignacois

dense canopy of umbrellas


----------



## kindleworm

protecting the heads of


----------



## Randirogue

Undermine the structural integrity


----------



## Fleurignacois

of carefully considered prose


----------



## sesmith

with four random words.


----------



## CrystalMarcos

These four random words


----------



## Fleurignacois

cabbage, socks, cerebellum, postern


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

uniquely sum up the


----------



## Fleurignacois

esoteric nature of randomness


----------



## tsilver

. Stop this nonsense before


----------



## Fleurignacois

the matron comes back


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

or she might unleash


----------



## gramico

a torrent of pain


----------



## SheenahFreitas

that will render you


----------



## Valmore Daniels

helpless and feeling like


----------



## Fleurignacois

a struggling upturned turtle


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

wearing six inch heels


----------



## SawyerKing

in the pouring rain.


----------



## Fleurignacois

Thre night creatures stirred


----------



## SawyerKing

In the other end


----------



## Fleurignacois

of the dark forest


----------



## GregSisco

sometimes loudly enough that


----------



## SawyerKing

even the wolves fled.


----------



## Fleurignacois

However, the vampires waited


----------



## sherylb

of uncertainty coming from


----------



## Fleurignacois

their unsuspecting innocent victims


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

are getting old now


----------



## kindleworm

but still enjoy going


----------



## Fleurignacois

topless to the forest


----------



## GregSisco

All at once, fifteen


----------



## Fleurignacois

Samoan rugby players leapt


----------



## Randirogue

Over rivulets of lava


----------



## Fleurignacois

ignoring their flaming feet


----------



## CrystalMarcos

shouting the words that


----------



## sherylb

love to repeat until


----------



## Fleurignacois

someone buys them Guinness


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and gets them so


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

inebriated, they end up


----------



## Fleurignacois

falling to the ground


----------



## sherylb

the vampires who waited


----------



## Elmore Hammes

patiently until the moment


----------



## Fleurignacois

their food dropped in


----------



## sherylb

front of the Samoan


----------



## Fleurignacois

paralytic toucan and threw


----------



## sherylb

him at the vampire!


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

things worse.  What would


----------



## sherylb

MacGyver do, thought the


----------



## Randirogue

Chocolate-caramel salivating youths.


----------



## Fleurignacois

That's a good question


----------



## Tony Richards

with no sensible answer


----------



## rayhensley

for no logical question


----------



## geoffthomas

had yet been asked.


----------



## sherylb

The Samoan's flaming feet


----------



## SheenahFreitas

lit the path to


----------



## sherylb

where a ceilidh was


----------



## Fleurignacois

filling the air with


----------



## CrystalMarcos

with brilliant music and


----------



## Fleurignacois

strange celtic joyful cries


----------



## Valmore Daniels

in the dark of


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

rain and thick clouds


----------



## Fleurignacois

"Samoan weather is better"


----------



## tamaraheiner

as he fell down


----------



## Randirogue

, crushing his four-leaf clover.


----------



## tamaraheiner

Saddened by this misfortune,


----------



## Fleurignacois

the Samoans went home.


----------



## Fleurignacois

alternative health practitioners, practicing


----------



## Randirogue

the precarious discipline of


----------



## Valmore Daniels

nose-hair extraction, which hurts.


----------



## Randirogue

These AHPs believed that


----------



## Fleurignacois

were really alien mutants


----------



## Fleurignacois

any help they needed


----------



## Randirogue

whether they wanted it


----------



## Fleurignacois

or not because they


----------



## Meb Bryant

Muse, please come home.


----------



## Fleurignacois

Remove our nose hair.


----------



## Randirogue

Leave the boogers behind.

(sorry! Lol)


----------



## balaspa

That's when they decided


----------



## Valmore Daniels

to weave a basket


----------



## Fleurignacois

following an ancient Aztec


----------



## Randirogue

ritualistic diagram, requiring 2012


----------



## Fleurignacois

turns per linear foot


----------



## Fleurignacois

Pasta baskets are porous


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

Be careful of leaking.


----------



## CrystalMarcos

Only under certain circumstances


----------



## Fleurignacois

should tomato sauce be


----------



## kindleworm

to dye the fettuccine


----------



## Fleurignacois

because blue fettuccine is


----------



## CrystalMarcos

a rare delicacy only


----------



## Randirogue

only found in the


----------



## Fleurignacois

Regular readers will know


----------



## kindleworm

blue fettuccini is always


----------



## hamerfan

blamed for the uprising


----------



## Fleurignacois

led by William Wallace


----------



## Randirogue

--from Mobile, Alabama not


----------



## Fleurignacois

the north of Scotland


----------



## geoffthomas

But it isn't true


----------



## J Dean

In fact, if you


----------



## Elmore Hammes

look into the historical


----------



## Fleurignacois

background you will find


----------



## J Dean

pigs gathered at the table


----------



## Valmore Daniels

eating like kings and


----------



## Elmore Hammes

conversing in witty repartee


----------



## Fleurignacois

just like "Animal Farm"


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

only not quite as


----------



## Fleurignacois

well written or prophetic


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

to match king's taste


----------



## J Dean

but they were saying..


----------



## hamerfan

that Alton Brown cooks


----------



## Fleurignacois

Buffaloes are rare birds


----------



## J Dean

dipped in a special


----------



## Valmore Daniels

sauce served with hot


----------



## Flurries Unlimited

new and improved recipe


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

writers, wearing their special


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

muse inviting writer helmets


----------



## Fleurignacois

ignoring all fashion advice


----------



## hamerfan

above the pantry shelf.


----------



## Fleurignacois

Toads are well known


----------



## hamerfan

devotees of motorcars and


----------



## Fleurignacois

other means of transport


----------



## hamerfan

as they do like


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

to spend Sunday afternoons


----------



## Fleurignacois

on their favourite beach


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

Myrtle beach South Carolina


----------



## Fleurignacois

famous for basking toads.


----------



## Aris Whittier

However when the weather


----------



## tsilver

goes crazy and starts


----------



## kindleworm

raining pancakes and syrup


----------



## Fleurignacois

grab a big spoon


----------



## tsilver

and whack your neighbor


----------



## Fleurignacois

to ensure fair shares


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

Only then will you


----------



## *Sandy Harper*

learn to handle it.


----------



## Fleurignacois

Toads fed on syrup


----------



## hamerfan

make thoroughly satisfying appetizers


----------



## Sophrosyne

Hallucinogenic and sweet, they


----------



## Fleurignacois

create evocative mental images


----------



## tsilver

and other sex machines


----------



## SawyerKing

broken, but in repair


----------



## Fleurignacois

Abuse of these substances


----------



## hamerfan

while watching TV infomercials


----------



## Randirogue

Triggers seizures and incontinence


----------



## Fleurignacois

cross your legs tightly


----------



## hamerfan

and sing My Way


----------



## Fleurignacois

In a far universe


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

wearing a leopard print


----------



## Fleurignacois

a sad lonely transvestite


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

something not proper posted


----------



## Valmore Daniels

We have to call


----------



## Fleurignacois

home, mother is worried


----------



## Randirogue

Left the eyeliner on


----------



## hamerfan

without it I feel


----------



## Fleurignacois

nobody will see me


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

and that would mean


----------



## hamerfan

no more space travel


----------



## Fleurignacois

The universe would suffer


----------



## DBB001

upon the precipice of


----------



## Fleurignacois

eternal ignorance caused by


----------



## Randirogue

The euphoria of chocolate


----------



## balaspa

is matched only by


----------



## geoffthomas

the use of illicit


----------



## hamerfan

that were found hidden


----------



## N. Gemini Sasson

in the closet. When


----------



## Fleurignacois

the universe needs saving


----------



## Fleurignacois

a qualified universe saver


----------



## hamerfan

with an apprentice who


----------



## LadyHawk

knows how to dance


----------



## Fleurignacois

although dancing alone will


----------



## Valmore Daniels

leave you dancing with


----------



## Fleurignacois

a really stupid dork


----------



## Meb Bryant

but dorks make good


----------



## Fleurignacois

willing, courageous universe savers


----------



## LadyHawk

but really crappy boyfriends


----------



## Meb Bryant

therefore, I don't date


----------



## *Sandy Harper*

I rather enjoy myself..


----------



## hamerfan

far from the maddening


----------



## JFHilborne

hide the remote from


----------



## Meb Bryant

people who deserve control


----------



## hamerfan

of their bodily functions


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

instead of having to


----------



## *Sandy Harper*

give control to others


----------



## JimC1946

who are not responsible


----------



## Adonna

for anyone or anything


----------



## JFHilborne

their cup of Joe


----------



## CrystalMarcos

and their muffin quite


----------



## sherylb

tart tasting with lemon


----------



## JFHilborne

and a sprinkle of


----------



## CrystalMarcos

sauerkraut juice. Something was


----------



## hamerfan

not cutting the mustard


----------



## Valmore Daniels

or cutting the cheese


----------



## sherylb

. Yikes! Everyone scatter before


----------



## JimC1946

we all pass out


----------



## matt youngmark

from deadly, toxic fumes.


----------



## LadyHawk

so where to run


----------



## tsilver

down to the cellar?


----------



## balaspa

Those stairs sure look


----------



## sherylb

rickety. Better get a


----------



## balaspa

few tools so we


----------



## Adonna

can tighten the bolts


----------



## sherylb

. Hey, where's the light


----------



## tsilver

I hear something crawling


----------



## kindleworm

toward us from the


----------



## Fleurignacois

direction of the dumpster


----------



## Neil Ostroff

the dog wants more


----------



## LadyHawk

bones to bury, oops


----------



## Fleurignacois

that dog is huge


----------



## SawyerKing

but it looks sick.


----------



## Fleurignacois

Suddenly the beast charges


----------



## kindleworm

directly to the front


----------



## tsilver

of the laundry basket


----------



## balaspa

leaping right over the


----------



## JimC1946

whole thing and then


----------



## Fleurignacois

trailing linen, it disappears


----------



## tsilver

into the coal bin


----------



## Valmore Daniels

where a mouse was


----------



## kindleworm

enjoying his lunch of


----------



## sherylb

dropped cheese and crackers.


----------



## JimC1946

which came from the


----------



## kindleworm

pocket of a huge


----------



## tsilver

red and blue raincoat


----------



## CrystalMarcos

out of the head


----------



## tsilver

from the dropped ceiling.


----------



## LadyHawk

sherbet saucers also flew


----------



## JFHilborne

into the mouth of


----------



## JimC1946

a big ugly dragon


----------



## tsilver

two headed rhesus monkey.


----------



## kindleworm

They joined a parade


----------



## CrystalMarcos

twice the size of


----------



## balaspa

anything they had seen


----------



## kindleworm

in the land of


----------



## Jim Chaseley

the cyborg weasel clan


----------



## balaspa

cinnamon stick that was


----------



## CrystalMarcos

dangling from the mouths


----------



## sherylb

the baby cyborg weasels


----------



## Valmore Daniels

who followed the ducks


----------



## JFHilborne

wished they had brought


----------



## loonlover

Jimmy Buffett along to


----------



## hamerfan

dictate dirty duck ditties


----------



## jumbojohnny

in Latin, while standing


----------



## balaspa

and standing next to


----------



## JimC1946

Elvis, who was wearing


----------



## loonlover

sparkly gold sequined scarf


----------



## JimC1946

was an extraterrestrial alien


----------



## kindleworm

stealing some blue suede


----------



## JFHilborne

ear muffs because of


----------



## sherylb

all the noise they


----------



## hamerfan

encounter when close to


----------



## balaspa

the giant spinning blades


----------



## kindleworm

of the osprey helicopter


----------



## JimC1946

that was just landing


----------



## balaspa

right next to the


----------



## kindleworm

a book he read


----------



## Ursula_Bauer

when he worked as


----------



## balaspa

a sad clown for


----------



## Valmore Daniels

four score and seven


----------



## kindleworm

years.  He hated the


----------



## balaspa

way some people always


----------



## balaspa

blew their nose on


----------



## kklawiter

other people's sleeves, but


----------



## balaspa

it was something he


----------



## CrystalMarcos

grew longer than a


----------



## balaspa

James Michener novel which


----------



## JimC1946

was even longer than


----------



## sherylb

an iguana's tail in


----------



## kindleworm

the fictional world called


----------



## kklawiter

Fictonia. He wanted to


----------



## kindleworm

build a library with


----------



## balaspa

as many adult films


----------



## JD_Richard

. . . Then, he discovered _her_.


----------



## balaspa

She stood there like


----------



## CrystalMarcos

her arms draped across


----------



## balaspa

her glistening and tanned


----------



## JFHilborne

brand new sports car.


----------



## JimC1946

The car was a


----------



## kindleworm

prize she had won


----------



## balaspa

by saving the boxtops


----------



## Valmore Daniels

of laundry detergent which


----------



## Caddy

But the car was hot!


----------



## JimC1946

It was a new


----------



## geoffthomas

Tesla, but there appeared


----------



## jwest

to be a scratch


----------



## MadCityWriter

dashboard, caused by the


----------



## kindleworm

long fingernails of the


----------



## balaspa

lady with very red


----------



## JimC1946

who looked remarkably like


----------



## MadCityWriter

a neighbor who gave


----------



## kindleworm

chocolate cookies to all


----------



## Meb Bryant

and insisted they eat


----------



## D. Nathan Hilliard

them with a fork


----------



## JimC1946

even though they crumbled


----------



## balaspa

One thing he hated


----------



## JacksonJones

most about hot polenta


----------



## D. Nathan Hilliard

was his wife always


----------



## JimC1946

threw it at him


----------



## J Dean

Along with the scalding hot


----------



## balaspa

pot of red beans


----------



## sherylb

when she was angry


----------



## Meb Bryant

all hell broke loose


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and a thousand screaming


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

on the sinking ship


----------



## JimC1946

knew they were doomed


----------



## sherylb

unless the dolphins were


----------



## CrystalMarcos

four finned man saving


----------



## D. Nathan Hilliard

time by flapping lustily


----------



## J Dean

As the sun darkened


----------



## tsilver

and brightened rapidly while


----------



## balaspa

birds flew from the


----------



## tsilver

Sinking popcorn machine which


----------



## J Dean

slipped under the murky


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

waters of the sea


----------



## balaspa

down into the murky


----------



## JimC1946

shark-filled waters and


----------



## tsilver

soggy? Yes, but delicious!


----------



## JimC1946

dark and stormy night


----------



## sherylb

turned brilliant with the


----------



## balaspa

of the bright lights


----------



## JimC1946

of the mother ship


----------



## tsilver

an old lady grinned


----------



## JimC1946

at the bizarre visitors


----------



## Valmore Daniels

whose teeth were yellow


----------



## hamerfan

from saffron rice and


----------



## sherylb

beer made from the


----------



## balaspa

sweat of a thousand


----------



## tsilver

worker bees after they


----------



## MadCityWriter

were transported to Wisconsin


----------



## tsilver

in a hobo's backpack


----------



## JimC1946

and sold to a


----------



## balaspa

state line, but they


----------



## sherylb

wound up making cheese


----------



## D. Nathan Hilliard

in the back of


----------



## tsilver

Making a disgusting mess


----------



## JimC1946

that got worse as


----------



## J Dean

the rubber under the


----------



## balaspa

the right and left


----------



## tsilver

"Idiots," yelled a pedestrian


----------



## sherylb

you're not supposed to


----------



## tsilver

make cheese that way!"


----------



## kklawiter

"Let me show you


----------



## balaspa

by taking this thing


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

in my modern kitchen


----------



## J Dean

with computers!" he said.


----------



## Valmore Daniels

It's a powerful thing,


----------



## tsilver

"Nuts!  Everyone's nuts," yelled


----------



## J Dean

the fang-faced clown


----------



## kindleworm

, standing in the middle


----------



## balaspa

of the runway which


----------



## JimC1946

the earthquake had cracked


----------



## tsilver

releasing squirming  two-headed


----------



## JimC1946

politicians who lied to


----------



## tsilver

a hot dog vendor


----------



## Keith Blenman

who cut the cheese.


----------



## kindleworm

A falcon swooped down


----------



## balaspa

its sharp talons flashing


----------



## SandraBalzo

and slashing at the


----------



## tsilver

chunks of melting cheese


----------



## balaspa

which ran down the


----------



## tsilver

elderly man's hairy legs


----------



## JimC1946

and caused him to


----------



## sherylb

scream like a girl


----------



## tsilver

.  Startled, the eagle flipped


----------



## JimC1946

over and dived toward


----------



## balaspa

the children on the


----------



## SandraBalzo

edge of the crevasse


----------



## sherylb

and using the melted


----------



## tsilver

cheese, they slid down


----------



## JimC1946

the slippery slope to


----------



## JFHilborne

under which they found


----------



## Valmore Daniels

a family of trolls


----------



## tsilver

speaking fluent pig latin


----------



## kindleworm

while enjoying a feast


----------



## JimC1946

of roasted grasshoppers and


----------



## balaspa

The trolls sneered at


----------



## kindleworm

the visitors from Wisconsin


----------



## JimC1946

since they were cheeseheads


----------



## sherylb

, and gnashed their teeth


----------



## kklawiter

whilst spittle ran down


----------



## tsilver

their curly red beards


----------



## JimC1946

and dripped onto their


----------



## tsilver

extra long toe nails


----------



## kindleworm

. Heading to the podiatrist


----------



## tsilver

The mother troll whispered


----------



## tsilver

"on'tday etlay emthay utcay


----------



## balaspa

"What?" interrupted the daughter.


----------



## tsilver

"Speak pig latin please!"


----------



## tsilver

"Let's play leapfrog instead."


----------



## J Dean

"Blasphemy!" cried the tadpole.


----------



## kindleworm

Loud noises were heard


----------



## RichardDR

from within their underwear!


----------



## kindleworm

"Open the windows", cried


----------



## JimC1946

the mangy old cat


----------



## tsilver

coughing and snarling  at


----------



## balaspa

the kittens which were


----------



## tsilver

pulling on her tail.


----------



## J Dean

Meanwhile, in the lake


----------



## tsilver

a naked woman was


----------



## JimC1946

swimming and screaming loudly


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

to have good fun


----------



## tsilver

"I'm coming honey," yelled


----------



## J Dean

the man with twelve fingers


----------



## balaspa

and one very big


----------



## tsilver

toe attached to his


----------



## kindleworm

very furry left ear


----------



## JFHilborne

which he used to


----------



## tsilver

wiggle to amuse his


----------



## edwardlorn

sightless ferret who has


----------



## kindleworm

an addiction to purple


----------



## tsilver

people eaters when available.


----------



## balaspa

It could have been


----------



## JimC1946

just an illusion that


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

He was sexy man


----------



## tsilver

. However, it didn't matter.


----------



## JimC1946

A giant meteorite was


----------



## Martin OHearn

the last thing he


----------



## tsilver

wished for his in-laws


----------



## tsilver

The first wish was


----------



## balaspa

for a brand new


----------



## kindleworm

pogo stick so they


----------



## edwardlorn

could jump off world.


----------



## balaspa

Instead he got a


----------



## tsilver

licorice stick which glowed


----------



## JimC1946

and erupted into flame


----------



## J Dean

.

He said to her,


----------



## kindleworm

let's start a bonfire


----------



## balaspa

but they had no


----------



## JimC1946

wood or other fuel


----------



## tsilver

but they had love


----------



## RichardDR

rashes that they got


----------



## tsilver

when they were naughty


----------



## JimC1946

so they had to


----------



## tsilver

scrub with steel wool


----------



## J Dean

.
"What about a doctor?"


----------



## tsilver

"Didn't we kill him?"


----------



## JimC1946

No, the doctor was


----------



## tsilver

only drunk--not dead.


----------



## balaspa

The young man frowned


----------



## J Dean

"Now, about that car.."


----------



## proofred

"...with the blue top?"


----------



## J Dean

The lug nuts from


----------



## Valmore Daniels

those tractor tires which


----------



## JimC1946

were so big that


----------



## SandraBalzo

they blotted out the


----------



## tsilver

traffic lights and caused


----------



## SandraBalzo

the mother of all


----------



## Rogerelwell

accidents on the freeway


----------



## DL_Snell

?"

"Have you paid me?"


----------



## tsilver

whachu talkin about Willis?


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

The fee to charge


----------



## balaspa

the battery which is


----------



## SandraBalzo

...your life. Or perhaps


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

you run on solar


----------



## JimC1946

energy, but unfortunately, the


----------



## SandraBalzo

eclipse has decimated the


----------



## J Dean

city's ability to sustain


----------



## balaspa

any sort of reasonable


----------



## tsilver

traffic flow.  Oh well,


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

It's OK after rain


----------



## SandraBalzo

...but who'll stop the rain


----------



## tsilver

possibly the Rain Man?


----------



## SandraBalzo

"But Dustin Hoffman isn't


----------



## tsilver

available.  Right now, he


----------



## JimC1946

is on a journey


----------



## balaspa

to awaken Cthulhu and


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

and what is next


----------



## tsilver

is too terrible to


----------



## kindleworm

smell so put on


----------



## tsilver

a noseguard, cough, and


----------



## tsilver

way to the hidden


----------



## balaspa

unless you click it


----------



## JFHilborne

thirty two times before


----------



## jwest

cops crash through your


----------



## JimC1946

front door and proceed


----------



## tsilver

to practice their showbiz


----------



## kindleworm

imitation of Barney Fife


----------



## tsilver

and little Shirley Temple.


----------



## J Dean

"When will I wake?"


----------



## tsilver

"Nevermore," said the raven.


----------



## tsilver

"Hush," said Edgar Alan


----------



## JimC1946

Poe, as he started


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

to make good move


----------



## balaspa

The only problem was


----------



## Rogerelwell

he had a limp


----------



## kindleworm

from an old injury


----------



## tsilver

caused by his wife


----------



## tsilver

popping giant corn kernals


----------



## balaspa

in the wrong pot


----------



## Rogerelwell

for dinner that night


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

I forgot to attend


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

the Stamp Collector's annual


----------



## balaspa

costume ball which was


----------



## RichardDR

a "philatel" mistake because


----------



## JimC1946

costume was a big


----------



## Tip10

Self stick Elvis stamp


----------



## Caddy

plus fuzzy bunny slippers.


----------



## tsilver

and five Botox treatments


----------



## J Dean

.

A horse and dog


----------



## JimC1946

and a partridge in


----------



## Tip10

a peanut-butter banana sandwich


----------



## balaspa

decided it was time


----------



## Caddy

to strike up conversation.


----------



## J Dean

"Midas," began the partridge...


----------



## *Sandy Harper*

in the pear tree


----------



## jwest

"I'm not your lunch!"


----------



## Rogerelwell

...but I roast well


----------



## JimC1946

or you could grill


----------



## Tip10

of a '55 Caddy


----------



## balaspa

but, whatever you do


----------



## tsilver

don't boil me in


----------



## balaspa

liquefied vaseline which is


----------



## JimC1946

really gross stuff. Also...


----------



## Valmore Daniels

please don't eat my


----------



## Lynn McNamee

I would prefer that


----------



## tsilver

you nibble my toenails


----------



## JimC1946

even if that seems


----------



## tsilver

more than a little


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

careful about your health


----------



## Eleanor1976

then again you can


----------



## balaspa

just decide you want


----------



## Eleanor1976

She turned to me


----------



## JimC1946

and grabbed my hands


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

inspecting the lime green


----------



## kindleworm

nailpolish which smelled like


----------



## Eleanor1976

soaked in Napoleon Brandy.


----------



## balaspa

"What the hell is..."


----------



## Rogerelwell

...that on your hand?"


----------



## tsilver

"Well, excuse me, you


----------



## JimC1946

can kiss my grits


----------



## Eleanor1976

if you don't like


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

expensive manicures. Now get


----------



## Eleanor1976

me a coffee if


----------



## JimC1946

you value your life.


----------



## Eleanor1976

When he brought the


----------



## RichardDR

...AND A PRUNE DANISH!


----------



## J Dean

murmured, licking her lips.


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

a really great pleasure


----------



## Eleanor1976

that never failed to


----------



## Rogerelwell

tickle her funny bone


----------



## balaspa

"Odd," he said as


----------



## Sticks and Stones

she did a backflip.


----------



## tsilver

"Please stop doing that,"


----------



## Sticks and Stones

he commanded as she


----------



## Eleanor1976

flipped over and kicked


----------



## Sticks and Stones

he had bought with


----------



## JimC1946

him when he left


----------



## Eleanor1976

home that morning. "I


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

guess to meet her


----------



## Eleanor1976

is to love her"


----------



## balaspa

She cocked her head


----------



## JFHilborne

and found a new


----------



## Eleanor1976

people called Flabbergasted Grumbleweeds


----------



## kindleworm

, who had tiny, green


----------



## RichardDR

Chihulys of their own!


----------



## Eleanor1976

our Chihulys" said the


----------



## balaspa

tiny men as they


----------



## JimC1946

pulled out ray guns


----------



## jwest

and shot up the


----------



## Eleanor1976

Murano glass sky. "It's


----------



## kindleworm

raining blue crystals and


----------



## Eleanor1976

aurora australis opals" said


----------



## RichardDR

Dale's single, watchful eye.


----------



## balaspa

He shifted his feet


----------



## *Sandy Harper*

and no foot prints


----------



## Sticks and Stones

were to be found.


----------



## Eleanor1976

They had been stolen


----------



## JimC1946

by the elves who


----------



## Eleanor1976

collect footprints to appease


----------



## tsilver

their footless snake goddess.


----------



## Eleanor1976

The footprints weren't enough


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

to solve the mystery


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

. What they need most


----------



## balaspa

was a big smelly


----------



## JimC1946

crooked politician who always


----------



## tsilver

slinks through dark alleys


----------



## kindleworm

trying to buy votes


----------



## Eleanor1976

and ignoring the poor


----------



## Rogerelwell

because they don't vote.


----------



## J Dean

Spotted in the distance


----------



## Eleanor1976

the henchmen of the


----------



## kindleworm

large green troll who


----------



## Eleanor1976

spewed forth from every


----------



## JimC1946

nook and cranny in


----------



## J Dean

his cratered, wounded face.


----------



## balaspa

"Rahr," said the troll


----------



## JimC1946

Now I'm going to


----------



## JFHilborne

stop now and go


----------



## Rogerelwell

fishing for my dinner


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

using creative ancient technique


----------



## balaspa

and many many worms


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

and doing Mexican waves


----------



## JimC1946

as the sky became


----------



## Brownskins

dark with swirling clouds


----------



## Eleanor1976

of thunderous, miasmic amethyst!


----------



## Brownskins

"Roaaarrrrrgh!" growled the troll,


----------



## Eleanor1976

The troll tried to


----------



## loonlover

make friends but didn't


----------



## Eleanor1976

count on the mouse


----------



## kindleworm

biting his left pinky


----------



## J Dean

and transmitting the virus


----------



## Rogerelwell

through its sharp teeth


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and hot saliva which


----------



## balaspa

flowed through the blood


----------



## JimC1946

and caused the troll


----------



## kindleworm

love with a red


----------



## Brownskins

LOBSTER... aha! Finally, dinner


----------



## J Dean

.
The waitress came over


----------



## matt youngmark

and just stared at


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

Getting order for drink


----------



## balaspa

the troll, who cried

(sorry, responding to Matt Youngmark and not DrDln)


----------



## JFHilborne

"you can't have any"


----------



## J Dean

"Try the special, it's....


----------



## Meb Bryant

easy on the stomach


----------



## JimC1946

but it tastes like


----------



## J Dean

Pickle-roasted chicken, sir."


----------



## TouchedByaKindle

"Is there anything else?"


----------



## Brownskins

"What about lobster supreme?"


----------



## balaspa

"I do love lobster..."


----------



## tsilver

then swirled rapidly into


----------



## J Dean

a seafood concoction spread!"


----------



## kindleworm

Chocolate soda flowed from


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

the ceiling, covering the


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

white paint with drawings


----------



## Brownskins

reflecting horror and anguish


----------



## J Dean

.
An evil smile filled


----------



## balaspa

crossed his face, and


----------



## Eleanor1976

malevolence etched into each


----------



## kindleworm

wrinkle on his forehead


----------



## Eleanor1976

as his cackled laughter


----------



## JimC1946

gave me the creeps


----------



## tsilver

but inflamed my appetite


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

for spaghetti with meatballs


----------



## Brownskins

.

"Who am I again?"


----------



## balaspa

, asked the young man


----------



## J Dean

The troll and waitress


----------



## JimC1946

both exploded in a


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

dynamite cave in hill


----------



## J Dean

.
The man fell, clutching


----------



## tsilver

his famous family jewels


----------



## TouchedByaKindle

And his last words


----------



## Brownskins

and he vanished instantly.


----------



## Eleanor1976

The waitress stood staring


----------



## Tip10

because he'd been replaced


----------



## balaspa

with a giant throbbing


----------



## Tip10

Pulsing bright neon green


----------



## JimC1946

lizard who then said


----------



## JFHilborne

"let's go to Walmart."


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

and eat before shopping


----------



## TouchedByaKindle

at my favourite place


----------



## Brownskins

.

"Let's eat here instead,"


----------



## J Dean

replied the waitress, smiling


----------



## balaspa

her eyes gleaming in


----------



## A.D.Trosper

evil hunger while she


----------



## kindleworm

described the daily specials


----------



## morantis

Dismayed by the sounds


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

amazingly pleasant to hear


----------



## Brownskins

the waitress was swallowed


----------



## balaspa

by a feeling of


----------



## Liz Davis

guilt brought on by


----------



## tsilver

eating a customer's leftovers.


----------



## Brownskins

The troll and lizard


----------



## kindleworm

decided to order dessert


----------



## JimC1946

, something all chocolatey and


----------



## Brownskins

spiced by the waitress'...


----------



## tsilver

with her sexiest perfume


----------



## A.D.Trosper

topped with toenails and warts


----------



## Brownskins

.

"I need blood toppings,"


----------



## J Dean

she said, pointing to


----------



## Joseph_Evans

some grotesque, dismembered fingers.


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

which were poking out


----------



## tsilver

of the bread pudding


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and wiggling like a


----------



## joeyjoejoejr

world weary worm wearing


----------



## *Sandy Harper*

dictator in a hell


----------



## joeyjoejoejr

of his own creation.


----------



## Scott Bartlett

Subsequently, sesquipedalian sorcerers sauntered


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

for whatever they did


----------



## tsilver

when nobody was looking.


----------



## J Dean

"Take them," said the


----------



## balaspa

man with dark eyes


----------



## TouchedByaKindle

while the sorcerers were


----------



## kindleworm

cooking up a batch


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

that turned out bad


----------



## JimC1946

because they forgot to


----------



## J Dean

stir the brew with


----------



## balaspa

the proper ladles which


----------



## TouchedByaKindle

were stolen. The villagers


----------



## kindleworm

began to harvest the


----------



## tsilver

skeletons scattered around the


----------



## TouchedByaKindle

Meanwhile, the little people


----------



## Scott Bartlett

took it upon themselves


----------



## JimC1946

to begin eating the


----------



## J Dean

well-done hamburger, topped


----------



## balaspa

with fresh avocado, which


----------



## tsilver

was a dull red


----------



## balaspa

and had the consistency


----------



## JacksonJones

of Mrs. Harrison's incredibly


----------



## kindleworm

thick, cream of mushroom


----------



## Alberto Giuseppe

soup. Though not their


----------



## JFHilborne

preferred type of fungi


----------



## TouchedByaKindle

they usually eat, they


----------



## JimC1946

trifled with some truffles


----------



## balaspa

Their mouths watering, they


----------



## Valmore Daniels

of them burped and


----------



## kindleworm

released some incredibly foul


----------



## Brownskins

breath along with bits


----------



## Nancy Fulda

which resulted in premature


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

delivery of their child


----------



## J Dean

.

"Fantastic!" cried the doctor


----------



## balaspa

hopping up and down


----------



## tsilver

. This frightened the baby


----------



## Tip10

who promptly crawled back


----------



## JimC1946

into its mother's womb


----------



## TouchedByaKindle

and never came out.


----------



## Brownskins

Blistering barnacles bursted blindly


----------



## RichardDR

between Billy's bulbous buttocks.


----------



## Valmore Daniels

Last but not least,


----------



## JimC1946

frumpy Freddie frittered away


----------



## Brownskins

, gone, eventually. Suddenly, silence.


----------



## tsilver

became the latest trend


----------



## kindleworm

.  Even the creatures were


----------



## Brownskins

acquiesced. The noiselessness was


----------



## tsilver

a bit annoying to


----------



## TouchedByaKindle

Tony the tweeter that


----------



## Valmore Daniels

he roared as loud


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

but it's peaceful now


----------



## J Dean

.
"A round of ice teas..."


----------



## tsilver

for all toothless people


----------



## CrystalMarcos

joined at the hip.


----------



## Dracula

Tomorrow, we all will


----------



## tsilver

meet at the tunnel


----------



## JimC1946

, which is a portal


----------



## Valmore Daniels

to a fictional land


----------



## Dracula

where donkeys and elves


----------



## TouchedByaKindle

skill in cooking frogs


----------



## Brownskins

.

The gods walked amongst


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

the spiritually gifted souls


----------



## TouchedByaKindle

who could play keytars


----------



## JacksonJones

(which sound like guitars)


----------



## Dracula

but look nothing like


----------



## Valmore Daniels

sitars or banjos, but


----------



## Brownskins

when strummed could magically


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

play soothing musical sound


----------



## woulfe

that can influence the


----------



## tsilver

blood flow surrounding the


----------



## Dracula

largest kidney in a


----------



## Brownskins

second.

Suddenly, a blinding


----------



## balaspa

poke in the eye


----------



## tsilver

got his undivided attention


----------



## JFHilborne

and made him enemies


----------



## Valmore Daniels

with the evil ninjas


----------



## Brownskins

.

Mayhem and blitzkrieg ensued


----------



## loonlover

'round the mulberry bush.


----------



## J Dean

A boat lay waiting,


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

painted bright pink, with


----------



## loonlover

drawings of purple dragons


----------



## Brownskins

.

Scents of homecooked Cajun


----------



## JimC1946

crawfish pie and gumbo


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

and bottle of wine


----------



## tsilver

crunchy red spiders crawling


----------



## Valmore Daniels

out of the nozzle.


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

sat temptingly on the


----------



## kindleworm

picnic table which was


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

outside under the tree


----------



## tsilver

"A love feast," sighed


----------



## Valmore Daniels

the beautiful young lady.


----------



## Brownskins

Hiphop music distractingly blared


----------



## kindleworm

from large speakers hung


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

a dancing light globe


----------



## J Dean

.

The jambalaya simmered while


----------



## balaspa

many danced with their


----------



## JFHilborne

flesh-eating virus gnawing on


----------



## tsilver

their newly-grown toenails


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and flicked them into


----------



## balaspa

the bonfire which then


----------



## balaspa

grew even more intense


----------



## J Dean

sending a noxious odor


----------



## Brownskins

that blended with Louisiana's


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

wonderful low area landscape


----------



## tsilver

"How artistic," cooed three


----------



## balaspa

lacking in integrity and


----------



## JFHilborne

trying to find a


----------



## kindleworm

delicious supply of wool


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

But no wool animal


----------



## Valmore Daniels

who was worth their


----------



## JFHilborne

salaries could afford to


----------



## tsilver

the  selfish and mindless


----------



## Valmore Daniels

moths who fluttered and


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

ate me Rice Krispies.


----------



## Brownskins

Cherubim and Seraphim appeared


----------



## RichardDR

in my sister's applesauce.


----------



## kindleworm

The band began to


----------



## Brownskins

fall apart and fail.


----------



## Brownskins

old, withered, tired elves


----------



## loonlover

exhausted from keeping Tom


----------



## *Sandy Harper*

lovely and under control


----------



## J Dean

"Somebody get Mr. Kite!"


----------



## CrystalMarcos

The room grew eerily


----------



## Susan Alison

until it exceeded the


----------



## Valmore Daniels

capacity listed on the


----------



## Brownskins

outside. Fire and hail


----------



## balaspa

fell from the sky


----------



## JFHilborne

and started to play


----------



## tsilver

the Star-Spangled Banner


----------



## Brownskins

in fiery, hail-y rhythm


----------



## geoffthomas

.  Thank heaven it is


----------



## J Dean

Beatles versus Monkees tomorrow.


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

the song I like


----------



## Brownskins

incorporates piano and violin


----------



## balaspa

but avoids playing the


----------



## Valmore Daniels

him of the rain


----------



## Brownskins

. Afro circus polka dot


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

exciting in weird way


----------



## Brownskins

monsters boppin', fairies breakin'


----------



## balaspa

but not in a


----------



## Brownskins

pleasing, coordinated manner.  Freaky


----------



## JFHilborne

and a little misunderstood


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

good to understand completely


----------



## Jake Berry Ellison Jr.

It just slipped out


----------



## balaspa

and that made it


----------



## Vet

Break into fifty pieces


----------



## JimC1946

, all of which were


----------



## Valmore Daniels

a portion of the


----------



## Brownskins

earthen pot that held


----------



## Rod Tyson

the mummified remains of


----------



## tsilver

Egyptian macaroni and cheese


----------



## kindleworm

"Lunch is served", cried


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

thanks for wonderful lunch


----------



## Brownskins

.

Cryptic, odd lines spewed


----------



## MindAttic

forth, causing the zombies


----------



## Brownskins

to scratch their skulls


----------



## Starfire

while attempting to dance


----------



## Valmore Daniels

on sheets of broken


----------



## J Dean

porcelain.  The dolls then


----------



## Brownskins

took Chuckie to play


----------



## JimC1946

with their friends, who


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

were already playing outside


----------



## Brownskins

-- Freddy, Jason, Norman and Carrie.


----------



## balaspa

All of them were


----------



## MindAttic

auditioning for a part


----------



## Brownskins

in the latest horror


----------



## Starfire

/romance, "Cupcakes, Confetti, and


----------



## Brownskins

Corpses".  The heat outside


----------



## Valmore Daniels

made them smell like


----------



## J Dean

sweat-soaked gym shoes


----------



## JimC1946

that had fermented and


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

need to be sterilized


----------



## Starfire

autoclave, but they didn't


----------



## Brownskins

have to cut me


----------



## tsilver

just because I laughed


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

so hard I fell


----------



## JimC1946

into a vat of


----------



## Starfire

fermented zombie brains and


----------



## Brownskins

got fried crisp.  OMG


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

potato fries at restaurant


----------



## tsilver

aren't as delicious and


----------



## Starfire

everyone wanted seconds! Suddenly


----------



## Valmore Daniels

there was a fight


----------



## J Dean

between Abbott and Costello


----------



## JimC1946

about "Who's on first"


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

party list prepared yesterday


----------



## Starfire

and no one could


----------



## J Dean

agree about third base


----------



## tsilver

except for Tiger Woods


----------



## Starfire

, the infamous creator of


----------



## geoffthomas

"The Sanctity of Marriage"


----------



## JimC1946

who was a really


----------



## tsilver

graceful ballet dancer in


----------



## J Dean

"Beware the Dream Police!"


----------



## Starfire

cried the Queen, as


----------



## Valmore Daniels

she put on her


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

royal crown showing diamonds


----------



## Starfire

, bells, fruit, and penguins.


----------



## Harriet Schultz

and rode toward Paris


----------



## tsilver

Jackson, scaring the girl


----------



## Ashlynn_Monroe

A professional bull fighter...


----------



## tsilver

.  The bull didn't agree.


----------



## JFHilborne

A survey was held


----------



## JimC1946

and the audience said


----------



## J Dean

They preferred Ted Nugent


----------



## Brownskins

over Weird Al Yankovic


----------



## balaspa

but they still liked


----------



## *Sandy Harper*

continue playing the game


----------



## tsilver

A game?  A bullfight?

What's going on here?


----------



## Valmore Daniels

Suddenly, the raging bull


----------



## J Dean

shouted "Robert DeNiro!"


----------



## geoffthomas

, up up and away!


----------



## Brownskins

The bull soared high


----------



## Starfire

and grabbed a comet


----------



## Valmore Daniels

which exploded in a


----------



## JimC1946

shower of very large


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

lake and park area


----------



## JFHilborne

and wiped out the


----------



## tsilver

entire country's IRS buildings


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

instantly improving the landscape


----------



## JimC1946

and wreaking justice on


----------



## J Dean

bureaucrats, clowns, and lawyers.


----------



## tsilver

who hid behind fat


----------



## Valmore Daniels

cats with big cigars


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

and dangly pink earrings


----------



## Brownskins

.

Meanwhile, at justice hall...


----------



## balaspa

the Super Friends were


----------



## kindleworm

plotting their next move


----------



## tsilver

which required much fiber


----------



## Brownskins

, specifically carbon, to block


----------



## Starfire

extraterrestrial beacons and the


----------



## Valmore Daniels

outer space pizza raiders


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

who needed more pepperoni


----------



## kindleworm

and mountains of shredded


----------



## Brownskins

human carcasses.  KaPOW! A


----------



## balaspa

lightning bolt shattered the


----------



## tsilver

pudding crust and sprayed


----------



## kindleworm

the hungry caterpillars with


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

green leaves of tree


----------



## Valmore Daniels

which lit on fire


----------



## CrystalMarcos

the tops of Mount


----------



## tsilver

Everest far, far  away.


----------



## JimC1946

then rolled down the


----------



## kindleworm

slippery slope, just as


----------



## tsilver

the yeti came running


----------



## Brownskins

and gobbled up the


----------



## kindleworm

Bubbling pot of goulash


----------



## JimC1946

, which made it sick


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and have to puke.


----------



## tsilver

a landslide of horrible


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

nature that killed many


----------



## kindleworm

Toads who were about


----------



## tsilver

This angered the yeti


----------



## JimC1946

and it turned into


----------



## tsilver

a cave and screamed


----------



## kindleworm

When it saw a


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

parrot with a red


----------



## Valmore Daniels

scarf and green mitts


----------



## tsilver

"mine," screamed the yeti.


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

But just before he


----------



## kindleworm

reached the parrot, along


----------



## tsilver

sauntered Kim Kardashian wearing


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

a frying pan on


----------



## Tangerine

top of her head


----------



## Brownskins

.

Yeti, yeti, oooooohh yeti...


----------



## balaspa

screamed Kim, while her


----------



## tsilver

yeti admirer grinned blissfully


----------



## Craig Allen

continued reading his book


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

and the parrot went


----------



## Valmore Daniels

for a late supper


----------



## tsilver

of mountain climber underwear


----------



## kindleworm

and chilled dandelion wine


----------



## JimC1946

, which gave it a


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

the exhilarating feeling of


----------



## pamstucky

goat-scented joy. Kim


----------



## Caddy

biked over to Costco


----------



## tsilver

where she hunted feverishly


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

using her frying pan


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

to guide airplanes into


----------



## Valmore Daniels

a holding pattern above


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

A portrait of Mao


----------



## JimC1946

at the Forbidden City


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

And the Meridian Gate.


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

But right when she


----------



## tsilver

was distracted by a


----------



## Valmore Daniels

butterfly flapping its wings


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

she burned her bra


----------



## Tony Richards

forgetting to remove it


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

but she looked good


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

and so the parrot


----------



## tsilver

took a large bite


----------



## Audrey Finch

that's when it started


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

to go insane and


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

read the Communist Manifesto


----------



## tsilver

to confused Kim Kardashian


----------



## pamstucky

who thought "Manifesto" meant


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

Stewed man with pesto.


----------



## Audrey Finch

The parrot stared, confused


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

like a blonde Macaw


----------



## Valmore Daniels

or a teddy bear


----------



## tsilver

.  The yeti came running


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

but he tripped and


----------



## tsilver

slid past Kim who


----------



## JimC1946

threw up her hands


----------



## pamstucky

in "jazz hands" fashion


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

and started singing _Be-Bop-A-Lula_...


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and tap-danced for twelve


----------



## balaspa

angry men, who sat


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

in the peanut butter.


----------



## tsilver

but decided to join


----------



## balaspa

the nearest Rotary club


----------



## Starfire

in the hope that


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

kim would join too


----------



## JimC1946

and both of them


----------



## Edward C. Patterson

would shag the rug.


----------



## Tony Richards

_It's worth a try_,


----------



## tsilver

"Where are the cameras?"


----------



## Valmore Daniels

He replied, "All gone."


----------



## tsilver

"Gone?"  My fans will


----------



## tsilver

riots will break out


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and so will pimples.


----------



## Scott Bartlett

"Ten bucks says you..."


----------



## tsilver

will have the biggest


----------



## JFHilborne

hole in your sweater


----------



## tsilver

because here comes the


----------



## Tony Richards

rain, it's all right


----------



## tsilver

to remove the sweater


----------



## Valmore Daniels

if you wear a


----------



## tsilver

smile and a clean


----------



## kindleworm

Pair of denim overalls


----------



## tsilver

your sox don't stink.


----------



## Jan Hurst-Nicholson

And your underwear's clean.


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

before your first date


----------



## JimC1946

with a real live


----------



## balaspa

parts purchased at a


----------



## tsilver

little-known Victoria's Secret


----------



## Valmore Daniels

which everyone knows about


----------



## kindleworm

. The cyborg was wearing


----------



## JimC1946

a skimpy, revealing little


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

metal number, with flashing


----------



## tsilver

and spinning breast covers


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

For this reason, Kim


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and her sister, Pam,


----------



## JimC1946

thought they were dreaming.


----------



## kindleworm

Loud sirens were heard


----------



## JFHilborne

in the town library


----------



## tsilver

's second floor men's room


----------



## kindleworm

. Smoke poured out from


----------



## tsilver

under the door and


----------



## Valmore Daniels

out into the yard.


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

But suddenly a scream


----------



## balaspa

ripped its way through


----------



## tsilver

through the gathered crowd


----------



## JimC1946

, which then ran to


----------



## tsilver

an extremely high falsetto


----------



## balaspa

but then suddenly dropped


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

from face of earth


----------



## geoffthomas

and did not rise


----------



## kindleworm

until the next full


----------



## JimC1946

moon, when the tide


----------



## Valmore Daniels

was high and low.


----------



## tsilver

"OMG," screamed the bishop


----------



## JimC1946

as he turned into


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

a Spice Girl and


----------



## tsilver

strutted  down Main Street


----------



## kindleworm

wearing a deep purple


----------



## JimC1946

people eater who was


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

given to him by


----------



## Valmore Daniels

a woolly mammoth with


----------



## tsilver

jndigestion who coughed it up


----------



## JFHilborne

and hurried off to


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

jump off the plane.


----------



## tsilver

that blocked his way


----------



## balaspa

It didn't take long


----------



## William Woodall

until Elvis showed up


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and sang the blues.


----------



## tsilver

with the senators who


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

wanted to see the bishop


----------



## JimC1946

, since he was the


----------



## kindleworm

local expert on green


----------



## tsilver

lacy men's under garments.


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

But the bishop didn't


----------



## Valmore Daniels

want to show his


----------



## JimC1946

own underwear to the


----------



## balaspa

increasingly agitated crowd of


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

little green parrots that


----------



## JimC1946

were threatening to kill


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

the good old Kim


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and bury the bodies


----------



## Senseidoji

on the moon where


----------



## kindleworm

a small colony of


----------



## balaspa

highly intelligent arachnids were


----------



## Senseidoji

playing baseball with the


----------



## JimC1946

moon rocks for balls


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

that needed special bats


----------



## Senseidoji

made on mars with


----------



## tsilver

wood flown in by


----------



## kindleworm

hot air balloon which


----------



## Senseidoji

traveled faster than light.


----------



## Valmore Daniels

Someone lit a match


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

but the match fell


----------



## tsilver

into the cleavage of


----------



## Senseidoji

Dolly Parton who was


----------



## That Weird Guy....

singing Backwoods Barbie loudly.


----------



## Senseidoji

The match ignited her


----------



## That Weird Guy....

implants which in turn


----------



## tsilver

lit up the sky.


----------



## kindleworm

Many gathered around the


----------



## Valmore Daniels

silicon fire and roasted


----------



## William Woodall

marshmallows, while singing songs


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

and belly dancing with


----------



## That Weird Guy....

the cast of The


----------



## Senseidoji

Broadway hit Mama Mia.


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

Then, suddenly, a man


----------



## tsilver

stripped off his wig


----------



## kindleworm

to reveal the shiniest


----------



## tsilver

stars glued to his


----------



## kindleworm

last surviving hair follicle


----------



## tsilver

"Look at that," yelled


----------



## JimC1946

the policeman as he


----------



## Senseidoji

stopped eating the giant


----------



## kindleworm

funnel caked topped with


----------



## tsilver

sweetened crunchy bugs and


----------



## Starfire

and cayenne flakes. "What


----------



## tsilver

are you staring at?"


----------



## Valmore Daniels

"You have dragon breath,


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

and there's mud on


----------



## kindleworm

the tip of your


----------



## tsilver

nose.  Here's a hanky."


----------



## kindleworm

After blowing, he noticed


----------



## tsilver

his sense of smell


----------



## Senseidoji

was super human because


----------



## tsilver

the odor from rotten


----------



## kindleworm

tomatoes compelled him to


----------



## Senseidoji

shoot lasers out of


----------



## tsilver

his left nostril.  "Wow,


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

this is exactly what


----------



## Senseidoji

Miami was like last


----------



## tsilver

Halloween," giggled a fat


----------



## William Woodall

girl with rotten teeth.


----------



## kindleworm

She was hiding under


----------



## Senseidoji

the giant pile of


----------



## Valmore Daniels

grass clippings while eating


----------



## tsilver

honey-dipped grasshopper nuggets.


----------



## kindleworm

Feeling energized, she began


----------



## tsilver

whistling and running toward


----------



## tsilver

a cute little skunk


----------



## Simon Haynes

with its tail in


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

a huge honey jar


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and its paws holding


----------



## kindleworm

a new Kindle Fire


----------



## DomEagle

- also made of honey.


----------



## Senseidoji

while it read the


----------



## tsilver

nearby billboard's shocking graffiti.


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

The skunk was so


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

inspired by the words


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

that she stopped playing


----------



## tsilver

with her big toe


----------



## DomEagle

and ate it instead.


----------



## Valmore Daniels

After it was full,


----------



## kindleworm

she began to sing


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

a loud cacophony of


----------



## tsilver

yodeling, humming, burping and


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

the town took arms


----------



## Senseidoji

and a few legs


----------



## tsilver

for  their own good.


----------



## tsilver

but sinful," the preacher


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

loved the romantic story


----------



## JimC1946

although it had a


----------



## tsilver

raunchy heroine and a


----------



## Senseidoji

dirty old man with


----------



## kindleworm

a long gray beard


----------



## Valmore Daniels

who clipped his toenails


----------



## kindleworm

over a bubbling pot


----------



## tsilver

of frogs and lizards


----------



## Brownskins

again! Hoppity hop, gleefully


----------



## kindleworm

skipped over a stream


----------



## JimC1946

and disappeared into the


----------



## kindleworm

cranberry bog, wearing three


----------



## tsilver

nose rings and four


----------



## kindleworm

strands of purple pearls


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

wound around the tip


----------



## Valmore Daniels

of one ear and


----------



## tsilver

a strip of sparkly


----------



## tsilver

gauze around his stomach.


----------



## kindleworm

Ladybugs began to gather


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

and it was overwhelming


----------



## tsilver

for the gentlemen bugs.


----------



## balaspa

It had been quite


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

interesting episode to watch


----------



## tsilver

slightly naughty but educational.


----------



## Valmore Daniels

When the nurse arrived,


----------



## kindleworm

the ladybugs lined up


----------



## AnitaDobs

The Gentlemen bugs too


----------



## tsilver

and presented their backsides


----------



## Brownskins

.

An ambulance rolled into


----------



## tsilver

the crowd, scattering all


----------



## kindleworm

of the confetti into


----------



## Valmore Daniels

the wind and causing


----------



## JFHilborne

more work for the


----------



## Tony Richards

poor exhausted people who


----------



## balaspa

really had no desire


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

to clean ladybug confetti


----------



## balaspa

.  What they really wanted


----------



## Iron Fist

is thai food with


----------



## Valmore Daniels

ketchup and peanut butter


----------



## kindleworm

,curry and white rice


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

and lashings of ginger


----------



## tsilver

served by flexible chimpanzees.


----------



## William Woodall

wearing black smoking jackets.


----------



## yogini2

and little ballerina slippers


----------



## kindleworm

. They marched in formation


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

of rare stage performance


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

wondering if they ever


----------



## Keith Blenman

had to pay taxes


----------



## kindleworm

to the evil king


----------



## Brownskins

.

The horn blared loudly


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and she panicked, swerving


----------



## Brownskins

sharply, heading straight to


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

face the evil authority


----------



## kindleworm

and his army of


----------



## JFHilborne

nutcrackers, who all wished


----------



## JimC1946

to bring chaos and


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

glad that it failed


----------



## Valmore Daniels

but sad because the


----------



## balaspa

day had gone so


----------



## kindleworm

terribly wrong.  Early in


----------



## balaspa

week, he had stated


----------



## balaspa

that he did not


----------



## Brownskins

want to face her


----------



## kindleworm

while he was wearing


----------



## Jackal Lantern Books

toupee, eye patch and


----------



## balaspa

really very tiny short


----------



## Valmore Daniels

skirt and dainty socks


----------



## kindleworm

. So he hid behind


----------



## balaspa

some plastic bins painted


----------



## balaspa

bright orange which really


----------



## JRWoodward

bought out his eyes.


----------



## balaspa

But he really didn't


----------



## JRWoodward

Think it was right


----------



## kindleworm

to sing loudly while


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

the coffins all around


----------



## balaspa

were unable to dance


----------



## kindleworm

a lively jitterbug, so


----------



## balaspa

he decided to hum


----------



## JRWoodward

the Star-Spangled Banner


----------



## balaspa

even though he had


----------



## kindleworm

a mouth full of


----------



## Valmore Daniels

peanut butter and jam.


----------



## JRWoodward

He slowly chewed it.


----------



## balaspa

As he did so


----------



## kindleworm

,a swarm of honeybees


----------



## Senseidoji

crafted the most beautiful


----------



## kindleworm

castle, entirely made from


----------



## balaspa

spun sugar and little


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

saliva from honeybee mouth


----------



## balaspa

. The one problem was


----------



## kindleworm

a huge thunderstorm about


----------



## Natasha Holme

to approach the knarled


----------



## JRWoodward

old fisherman with his


----------



## kindleworm

pet skunk who likes


----------



## Valmore Daniels

to drink rain water


----------



## balaspa

,but the water was


----------



## JFHilborne

fouled by a triple


----------



## balaspa

cherries, which tasted like


----------



## kindleworm

pickled onions, soaked in


----------



## Brownskins

fermented agave and sugarcane


----------



## Lee44

But little did he


----------



## balaspa

realize that the cherries


----------



## kindleworm

were tiny nanobots with


----------



## Valmore Daniels

orders to infiltrate and


----------



## balaspa

destroy anyone who didn't


----------



## JamescCamp

enjoy the lobster bisque.


----------



## Lee44

Thank goodness that all


----------



## balaspa

those at the table


----------



## kindleworm

had their spoons ready


----------



## balaspa

so they started devouring


----------



## balaspa

the bisque, only to


----------



## kindleworm

discover a strange little


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

fairy creature lurking on


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

the edge of the


----------



## harrisonbooth

soup tureen.  It pounced


----------



## Valmore Daniels

on a slice of


----------



## cekilgore

butter. Laughing mischievously, it


----------



## balaspa

twirled around and then


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

flew around the room


----------



## kindleworm

collided with a stack


----------



## Brownskins

of pillows near the


----------



## Tony Richards

space-time vortex which


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

sucked him into 1977


----------



## balaspa

which was a year


----------



## kindleworm

he had worked as


----------



## MartinGibbs

mid-level rake in a


----------



## Loubeez

tv program that had


----------



## Tony Richards

already been cancelled several


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

days after the producers


----------



## Valmore Daniels

spent all their money


----------



## Dana Page

on shows where monkeys


----------



## JimC1946

threw their poo at


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

the cameras and director


----------



## kindleworm

. The cleaning crew used


----------



## JimC1946

soap and hot water


----------



## Lee44

but were unsuccessful at


----------



## balaspa

getting anything really clean


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

deter them from filming


----------



## harrisonbooth

Shocked to see the


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

monkeys hanging from the


----------



## Valmore Daniels

rafters while picking their


----------



## Danielle Kazemi

noses with the same


----------



## Brownskins

tail.  Elephants barged into


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

the room with trunks


----------



## balaspa

swinging and their tusks


----------



## Lee44

got stuck on the


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

chandelier. Sparks flew when


----------



## Tony Richards

they tried to free


----------



## kindleworm

the trapped tusk with


----------



## Brownskins

force, short-circuiting the entire


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

building and plunging the


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

entire city to chaos


----------



## Tony Richards

, same as always, really.


----------



## kindleworm

A swarm of fireflies


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

synchronised into a beautiful


----------



## JFHilborne

puff of smoke and


----------



## harrisonbooth

set off the alarm.


----------



## Valmore Daniels

The ghosts woke up


----------



## balaspa

and stretched his arms


----------



## harrisonbooth

to reach the large


----------



## balaspa

lampshade, which sat on


----------



## JimC1946

a really hideously deformed


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

credenza with bones as


----------



## Lee44

bloody and rancid as


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

monkey faces that stared


----------



## Tony Richards

from the dark abyss.


----------



## kindleworm

A campfire was started


----------



## balaspa

but the flames were


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

extinguished by the misty


----------



## kindleworm

green fog rolling in


----------



## balaspa

that turned flesh into


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

chocolate sauce. They screamed


----------



## Lee44

a foreign shrill sound


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

which rattled the eardrums


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and hurt the teeth,


----------



## JimC1946

as they realized that


----------



## kindleworm

their dinner was ruined


----------



## Tony Richards

which was not unusual


----------



## kindleworm

. A delivery man arrived


----------



## Tony Richards

clasping a huge parcel


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

box filled with sparkling


----------



## kindleworm

amethyst crystals and aromatic


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

many seem not real


----------



## balaspa

but at the same


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

time, they are! How


----------



## balaspa

was that even possible?


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

If only we had


----------



## Tony Richards

considered the whole matter


----------



## Lee44

well, too late now . . .


----------



## kindleworm

Church bells began to


----------



## JimC1946

ring in the new


----------



## R R Vaz

town square. The sun


----------



## Tony Richards

abruptly started growing larger


----------



## kindleworm

which caused many changes


----------



## balaspa

but none of them


----------



## Valmore Daniels

were life threatening, but


----------



## kindleworm

everyone's hair turned purple


----------



## JimC1946

and their skin turned


----------



## kindleworm

a beautiful shade of


----------



## Lee44

pink . . . bizarre but true!


----------



## Valmore Daniels

No one wanted tans


----------



## Tony Richards

since they were associated


----------



## Lee44

undignified gargoyle decorum, so


----------



## balaspa

they all decided that


----------



## Valmore Daniels

they'd hide in caves


----------



## JimC1946

and wait for the


----------



## kindleworm

moon and the stars


----------



## balaspa

to come falling from


----------



## Tony Richards

the purple, darkened sky.


----------



## kindleworm

As the sun rose


----------



## balaspa

the sun's rays spread


----------



## kindleworm

over the entire herd


----------



## Keith Blenman

of sheepish wolf impersonators


----------



## Lee44

but something very scarey


----------



## balaspa

was about to happen


----------



## Harley Christensen

though we weren't sure


----------



## Tony Richards

what it might be.

(Fear of the unknown, right?)


----------



## balaspa

Just then, a very


----------



## kindleworm

old tortoise began singing


----------



## Harley Christensen

showtunes and dancing on


----------



## Tony Richards

the tips of its


----------



## Lee44

pudgy claws . . . but to


----------



## Harley Christensen

everyone's amazement, he also


----------



## harrisonbooth

delivered a lecture concerning


----------



## Harley Christensen

the importance of conserving


----------



## balaspa

energy to live longer


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and happier than any


----------



## harrisonbooth

middle aged bluetit.  Before


----------



## Harley Christensen

he finished his speech


----------



## JFHilborne

the dinner gong gonged


----------



## Tony Richards

and everyone began salivating


----------



## Harley Christensen

and licking their chops


----------



## David Anderson

"My," said the tortoise, "


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

I'm in no hurry


----------



## Harley Christensen

...but perhaps _you _ are?"


----------



## David Anderson

"Shut it!" snapped the


----------



## kindleworm

squirrel, who was trying


----------



## David Anderson

to eat and talk


----------



## Tony Richards

simultaneously, unsuccessfully, and disgustingly.


----------



## David Anderson

He rubbed his paws


----------



## harrisonbooth

which burst into flames.


----------



## David Anderson

Luckily, the punch bowl


----------



## balaspa

was full and he


----------



## David Anderson

ignited the alcoholic mix


----------



## kindleworm

which began to glow


----------



## David Anderson

then exploded into blue


----------



## Lee44

ugliness that was shocking!


----------



## Natasha Holme

"So much for that"


----------



## kindleworm

.  Jingle bells were heard


----------



## Valmore Daniels

from across the valley


----------



## David Anderson

. The tree farmer's sled


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

was pulled by six


----------



## Harley Christensen

strapping Alaskan Malamute pups


----------



## Lee44

named Dancer, Prancer, Donner . . .


----------



## David Anderson

Marnie, Corporal and Pipsqueak.


----------



## JimC1946

They were quite a


----------



## Harley Christensen

sight to see because


----------



## AdamVeile

I was previously blind.


----------



## David Anderson

I was especially surprised


----------



## Keith Blenman

when the dolphin cawed


----------



## David Anderson

-dolphins have beaks, right?


----------



## Keith Blenman

Oh no! Mutant dolphins!


----------



## David Anderson

They swarmed the tea-party


----------



## Lee44

Cawing, flapping and drinking


----------



## David Anderson

. Squirrel hurled the flaming


----------



## kindleworm

cheese balls at the


----------



## Harley Christensen

mutant dolphins that threatened


----------



## garethmottram

to disrupt tiffin. Suddenly


----------



## Lee44

the mutant dolphin cawed


----------



## JimC1946

and flew up into


----------



## Harley Christensen

the tallest palm tree


----------



## David Anderson

Kaboom! Its coconuts exploded


----------



## Valmore Daniels

into a million pieces


----------



## BJ Whittington

that transformed into doves.


----------



## kindleworm

The doves perched on


----------



## Valmore Daniels

the telephone pole wire


----------



## Harley Christensen

just outside the window


----------



## kindleworm

of a secret laboratory


----------



## Lee44

the lab tech marveled


----------



## Tony Richards

at the way that


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

they matched their accessories


----------



## Harley Christensen

to blend in with


----------



## balaspa

the people who were


----------



## Richardcrasta

picking their aquiline noses


----------



## JFHilborne

from a catalogue they


----------



## David Anderson

found in the ditch


----------



## Keith Blenman

among the discarded bodies


----------



## kindleworm

. The most popular choice


----------



## David Anderson

was a teardrop amulet


----------



## Harley Christensen

that was rumored to


----------



## David Anderson

hold the secrets of


----------



## Harley Christensen

an ancient tribe of


----------



## balaspa

the wild north and


----------



## David Anderson

cause prophetic visions in


----------



## kindleworm

the dreams of anyone


----------



## Valmore Daniels

who sleeps at night


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

in fleecy pyjamas and


----------



## Lee44

fortunate for me, I


----------



## balaspa

was not above doing


----------



## ♨

the lowly repetitive tasks


----------



## Harley Christensen

forced upon me by


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

ridiculously photogenic pixies with


----------



## kindleworm

multi-colored teeth which had


----------



## Valmore Daniels

little pink flecks of


----------



## balaspa

paint attached to their


----------



## Harley Christensen

tips and fluorescent blue


----------



## kindleworm

tinsel, hanging from their


----------



## David Anderson

gum lines. Luckily, pixies


----------



## JFHilborne

like to hang out


----------



## Lee44

in small town pubs


----------



## Harley Christensen

where they play pool


----------



## balaspa

and snooker with the


----------



## Harley Christensen

pub regulars and drink


----------



## Keith Blenman

and sing of Nigel


----------



## Lee44

Barker's departure from ANTM


----------



## edmjill

although he wasn't ready


----------



## balaspa

to hit the high


----------



## kindleworm

notes just yet, so


----------



## sjc

he howled off key


----------



## David Anderson

shattering every glass in


----------



## Harley Christensen

the pub and scaring


----------



## balaspa

the patrons who were


----------



## Caddy

in a cribbage tournament.


----------



## Keith Blenman

Just then three nuns


----------



## edmjill

entered the pub and


----------



## Harley Christensen

ordered three shots of


----------



## kindleworm

very strong espresso and


----------



## JimC1946

some chocolate fudge brownies


----------



## Lee44

they were not happy.


----------



## Valmore Daniels

Then, from somewhere above,


----------



## Harley Christensen

it literally began raining


----------



## balaspa

hostess Twinkies which was


----------



## Harley Christensen

shocking but also delicious


----------



## edmjill

albeit messy and sticky.


----------



## Harley Christensen

Someone had to clean


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

the glass shards from


----------



## David Anderson

one nun's eye. Ouch!


----------



## Harley Christensen

Fortunately, the nun's eye


----------



## balaspa

was metallic since she


----------



## Harley Christensen

was actually a fembot


----------



## Lee44

, so she didn't feel


----------



## balaspa

very real except for


----------



## vindicativevisage

her bulging pink earlobes.


----------



## CatherineM

Suddenly, she realized that


----------



## vindicativevisage

a pirate was whistling


----------



## Tony Richards

a familiar sea shanty


----------



## Lee44

so she joined in


----------



## CatherineM

.  Her bad habit of


----------



## vindicativevisage

singing old pirate tunes


----------



## CatherineM

was becoming quite bothersome.


----------



## Seamonkey

Annoying as that was,


----------



## CatherineM

she also tended to


----------



## Seamonkey

randomly emit high pitched


----------



## Harley Christensen

squeals that would break


----------



## Brownskins

the nuns' eardrums split


----------



## David Anderson

. "Shut up nun!" the


----------



## CatherineM

bouncer said to her.


----------



## Seamonkey

"Arrrrrr" she growled, ignoring


----------



## CatherineM

him.  "Look, Sister!", he


----------



## edmjill

admonished. "You should try


----------



## balaspa

speaking in your inside


----------



## CatherineM

voice."  At this, she


----------



## David Anderson

karate chopped his jugular


----------



## Harley Christensen

and slammed his body


----------



## Seamonkey

onto the glass shards!


----------



## CatherineM

The other two nuns


----------



## kindleworm

began dancing Gangnam style


----------



## Harley Christensen

while encouraging passersby to


----------



## CatherineM

join their worthy cause.


----------



## Seamonkey

Most people looked askance,


----------



## CatherineM

knowing that Gangnam dancing


----------



## Lee44

is so last year.


----------



## CatherineM

The nuns collectively decided


----------



## Tony Richards

to convert to Buddhism


----------



## Seamonkey

that they didn't care


----------



## geoffthomas

what would come next


----------



## David Anderson

. Unfortunately, the bouncer drew


----------



## CatherineM

David Anderson said:


> . Unfortunately, the bouncer drew


his legal weapon before


----------



## edmjill

the nuns could flee.


----------



## CatherineM

Cobbie said:


> tic-tac-toe with lipstick on


Wow, Cobbie, I'm sorry! I messed up and mis-read your line. You had the last say here and I'll just be quiet now. Sorry about that, folks.


----------



## balaspa

the face of the


----------



## CatherineM

out from under the


----------



## kindleworm

picnic basket filled with


----------



## Seamonkey

an amazing assortment of


----------



## CatherineM

marbles.  The chameleon reacted


----------



## Seamonkey

turned multiple colors, matching


----------



## Tony Richards

everything around him, and


----------



## Valmore Daniels

blending in behind the


----------



## CatherineM

bouncer.  "Last Call" was


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

the last thing he


----------



## Seamonkey

heard, as he faded


----------



## CatherineM

away.  The bouncer gathered


----------



## Harley Christensen

the remaining patrons and


----------



## Seamonkey

a gaggle of nuns


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

wearing stripy leg warmers


----------



## kindleworm

along with ballet slippers


----------



## balaspa

and a big warm


----------



## Brownskins

goodbye.  Outside, the air


----------



## Seamonkey

of confusion thickened.  Nuns


----------



## CatherineM

have a way of


----------



## Valmore Daniels

making you feel sinful.


----------



## CatherineM

[paragraph break]

Across town, a big


----------



## Seamonkey

funnel cloud dipped down


----------



## David Anderson

into the tar pond


----------



## Starfire

; tar crabs scurried for


----------



## Brownskins

shelter.  Rain pellets struck


----------



## Tony Richards

the head of a


----------



## CatherineM

talking monkey named Roland.


----------



## kindleworm

Roland's fur began to


----------



## David Anderson

streak, the dye running


----------



## Harley Christensen

purple, orange, green and


----------



## David Anderson

red. "Waaah!" Roland cried


----------



## Seamonkey

"That was permanent color?"


----------



## CatherineM

He'd been had again!


----------



## Seamonkey

Alas, poor Roland once


----------



## kindleworm

again was fifty shades


----------



## Amanda Leigh Cowley

of pink. If only


----------



## CatherineM

that annoying Avon lady


----------



## David Anderson

wasn't such a liar


----------



## CatherineM

, he'd still have his


----------



## Seamonkey

fortune in the bank.


----------



## Valmore Daniels

Now, with the cops


----------



## Tony Richards

hard on his heels


----------



## Seamonkey

he darted right into


----------



## CatherineM

traffic without even looking.


----------



## CatherineM

eagle and swooped Roland


----------



## Lee44

off into the wilderness.


----------



## kindleworm

Roland was dropped into


----------



## CatherineM

a fast-moving river


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

where he lost his


----------



## CatherineM

wallet. _Terrific,_ he thought


----------



## Harley Christensen

, _here I go again!_


----------



## Lee44

wet, cold, alone & poor.


----------



## Brownskins

Roland died of broncho-pneumonia.


----------



## kindleworm

Mysterious flu symptoms began


----------



## David Anderson

killing off the fish


----------



## Seamonkey

Fifty flopping floating fish


----------



## David Anderson

and one dead monkey


----------



## Brownskins

prompted the CTU to


----------



## David Anderson

napalm the whole river


----------



## Seamonkey

but one fish survived


----------



## Harley Christensen

and sought revenge on


----------



## Lee44

the three pub nuns


----------



## balaspa

by searching for them


----------



## Seamonkey

piranha teeh gnashing as


----------



## Valmore Daniels

they swam for the


----------



## Brownskins

shore, where they transformed


----------



## Lee44

into ugly hyena-like gargoyles


----------



## Keith Blenman

with lovely floral hats.


----------



## Seamonkey

Off to see "Gremlins",


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

attack rural little town


----------



## Brownskins

Seamonkey said:


> Off to see "Gremlins",





*DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon) said:


> attack rural little town


, cryptic telegram sent out.


----------



## Lee44

In their drunken stupor


----------



## HarryK

none of them noticed


----------



## Brownskins

the twin twisters approaching


----------



## Seamonkey

so, up they whirled


----------



## David Anderson

barfing from dizziness. Pork


----------



## Seamonkey

slider remains were flung


----------



## Harley Christensen

in all directions and


----------



## balaspa

covered everyone who was


----------



## David Anderson

n't looking up. Midnight


----------



## CatherineM

tolled and they all


----------



## Seamonkey

were attacked by wild


----------



## kindleworm

tree frogs who were


----------



## CatherineM

just waiting for them.


----------



## Seamonkey

Then Oprah showed up.


----------



## CatherineM

She gave them all


----------



## Seamonkey

of her favorite things.


----------



## kindleworm

They began to celebrate


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and danced all night


----------



## David Anderson

Unfortunately, the tree frogs


----------



## Harley Christensen

had different ideas and


----------



## CatherineM

jumped on their Harleys.


----------



## Seamonkey

Powerful tiny green Harleys


----------



## CatherineM

with streaming leather tassels.


----------



## Seamonkey

In formation, they roared


----------



## CatherineM

off in search of


----------



## Seamonkey

trees!  Being tree frogs,


----------



## Harley Christensen

beating eaten by dogs


----------



## Seamonkey

with teeny tiny sharp teeth


----------



## 74Cuda

that could rip out


----------



## Brownskins

flesh and motorcycle parts.


----------



## David Anderson

They found trees, but


----------



## 74Cuda

they found that trees


----------



## Lee44

were soaked with poisonous


----------



## 74Cuda

seeds that seemed to


----------



## Harley Christensen

mysteriously glow when touched


----------



## 74Cuda

softly with intention to


----------



## Seamonkey

climb to the top


----------



## Lee44

So the three frogs


----------



## 74Cuda

started hopping upward wondering


----------



## CatherineM

if they'd tumble down.


----------



## Seamonkey

and meet their doom


----------



## Seamonkey

the tiny pack of


----------



## Tony Richards

carnivorous water lilies that


----------



## kindleworm

tempted potential prey by


----------



## Seamonkey

emulating safe lily pads


----------



## Valmore Daniels

from which frogs leapt


----------



## kindleworm

onto the backs of


----------



## Harley Christensen

omnivores sea lions that


----------



## CatherineM

hated run-on sentences.


----------



## Seamonkey

"That's life!", they thought.


----------



## CatherineM

Suddenly, out of nowhere


----------



## Lee44

a bejeweled, but ugly


----------



## kindleworm

orangutan asking for directions


----------



## Tony Richards

interrupted this storyline by


----------



## balaspa

pointing to the telephone


----------



## Seamonkey

but the orangutan grabbed


----------



## Valmore Daniels

his foot and chewed


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

but not liked taste


----------



## Seamonkey

he refocussed his attention


----------



## kindleworm

on the brilliant rainbow


----------



## Brownskins

.

The orangutan danced "Gangnum


----------



## Harley Christensen

Style" until he was


----------



## Lee44

shackled and taken away.


----------



## CatherineM

He called his attorney


----------



## Harley Christensen

but to his dismay


----------



## CatherineM

was put on permahold


----------



## Seamonkey

forced to hear atrocious


----------



## CatherineM

music.  He waited until


----------



## Seamonkey

the music repeated ten


----------



## Valmore Daniels

times before he cried


----------



## Tony Richards

TAKE THIS ANYMORE! I (with apologies to the late Peter Finch in _Network_).


----------



## Lee44

REFUSE TO TOLERATE SUCH


----------



## David Anderson

CRAP! I WANT GANGNAM


----------



## Harley Christensen

STYLE NOW, IN ADDITION


----------



## David Anderson

, I want HAMMER TIME!


----------



## Brownskins

His counsel finally picked


----------



## CatherineM

up and informed him


----------



## David Anderson

that bad orangutans don't


----------



## CatherineM

deserve good council.  

He


----------



## Seamonkey

said "skinny jeans would


----------



## CatherineM

make his staff crazy.


----------



## Seamonkey

And his rod?  Well,


----------



## balaspa

it was already crazy


----------



## Brownskins

.

The police grabbed his


----------



## Lee44

attorney and arrested him


----------



## Seamonkey

for defending Casey Anthony


----------



## kindleworm

. As punishment, he had


----------



## Brownskins

to do 100 burpees


----------



## Harley Christensen

cowboy duster and boots


----------



## Seamonkey

and Jillian Michaels on


----------



## Brownskins

the background.  He cramped


----------



## CatherineM

himself into a timecapsule ...


----------



## Seamonkey

and hoped no one


----------



## Harley Christensen

he knew would see


----------



## Seamonkey

how terrified he was


----------



## Lee44

that Casey Anthony would


----------



## Seamonkey

want him to party


----------



## David Anderson

. Time travel made him


----------



## Harley Christensen

appear younger and more


----------



## Lee44

vulnerable, you could possibly


----------



## Seamonkey

think he was innocent


----------



## Harley Christensen

if it weren't for


----------



## Seamonkey

Casey, all would be


----------



## Harley Christensen

lost and his career


----------



## Lee44

would be in a


----------



## Seamonkey

world of hurt.  Thus,


----------



## Harley Christensen

he decided to proceed


----------



## Calpurnius

back to Florida, where


----------



## David Anderson

orangutans and gators get


----------



## Lee44

first bite at attorneys


----------



## Seamonkey

"Televised trials,"  he thought,


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

he would seek justice


----------



## Seamonkey

and write a booik


----------



## Valmore Daniels

on flightless birds and


----------



## Lee44

then he realized that


----------



## Evelyn15102

"are good for nobody


----------



## CatherineM

.

Once upon a time


----------



## Seamonkey

and lacking a coat


----------



## Lee44

a poor, but lovely


----------



## edmjill

pair of spinster librarians


----------



## kindleworm

decided to go to


----------



## Seamonkey

outside, despite the chill


----------



## Lee44

and discovered, despite their


----------



## Harley Christensen

lack of appropriate attire


----------



## Seamonkey

, acceptance, unbelievable acceptance from


----------



## Lee44

from three cross-eyed pixies.


----------



## CatherineM

Lee44 said:


> from three cross-eyed pixies.


These librarians were cool ...


----------



## Harley Christensen

compared to other spinsters


----------



## CatherineM

Harley Christensen said:


> compared to other spinsters


. They knew how to


----------



## Seamonkey

Make more money than


----------



## Lee44

Warren Buffet snoring in


----------



## Harley Christensen

one of his yachts


----------



## CatherineM

. So they brought their


----------



## Adrian Howell

pet emperor penguins to


----------



## Seamonkey

compete on the XFactor


----------



## Harley Christensen

but Simon Cowell was


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

afraid of his success


----------



## SEAN H. ROBERTSON

Teenage Assassin Vampire Princess


----------



## Seamonkey

, being the newest judge,


----------



## SEAN H. ROBERTSON

Love Jessica, die next!


----------



## Lee44

She replaced Mariah Carey


----------



## SEAN H. ROBERTSON

Lady lawyers, no panties


----------



## Seamonkey

even though Mariah wasn't


----------



## Lee44

as mean as Simon


----------



## SEAN H. ROBERTSON

Lonely Marine Gentleman Cop


----------



## Seamonkey

she was distracting, stuffed


----------



## JFHilborne

tissues up her sleeve


----------



## Seamonkey

as she stared at


----------



## SEAN H. ROBERTSON

A werewolf's sworn revenge


----------



## Seamonkey

and shook her head


----------



## Harley Christensen

, not sure what to


----------



## Lynn McNamee

do about his fur.


----------



## Seamonkey

"Thinning shears!" she thought.


----------



## Seamonkey

"Quickly, before the moon


----------



## KristenDaRay

fades away by the


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

thick cloudy night sky


----------



## SEAN H. ROBERTSON

Tony Stark Iron Man


----------



## KristenDaRay

went up to Simon


----------



## CatherineM

and asked him why


----------



## Valmore Daniels

he wasn't wearing underwear


----------



## Seamonkey

He blinked in confusion


----------



## JimC1946

while he pulled down


----------



## Harley Christensen

and stonily glared at


----------



## Seamonkey

the camera.  And then


----------



## Seamonkey

swarmed the area, shooting


----------



## Seamonkey

a compleat ass of


----------



## Seamonkey

He thought nothing of


----------



## Harley Christensen

the way he acted


----------



## Senseidoji

on the movie with


----------



## Seamonkey

the actress now convicted


----------



## Adrian Howell

of crimes against humanity.


----------



## CatherineM

That jury saw ghosts


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

in the reflection of


----------



## Seamonkey

of the witness' tears


----------



## Brownskins

.  "Guilty!" thought Juror 13


----------



## Lee44

of unimaginable atrocities which


----------



## CatherineM

he shrug off quickly.


----------



## Seamonkey

to become serious.  Thus,


----------



## Adrian Howell

with roadkill in hand,


----------



## Colin Taber

he began to sing


----------



## Valmore Daniels

sixpence, a pocket full


----------



## Seamonkey

, nanobots that bite, hard!


----------



## Adrian Howell

Then, shortly after dusk,


----------



## Brownskins

thousands of black cats


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

swam onto the shore


----------



## Harley Christensen

and though drenched, they


----------



## SEAN H. ROBERTSON

Somewhere over the rainbow


----------



## Seamonkey

quickly groomed each other


----------



## SEAN H. ROBERTSON

Terrorists White House takeover


----------



## kindleworm

and dined on fresh


----------



## Seamonkey

fruits and canned nuts


----------



## Adrian Howell

in two straight lines.


----------



## joanhallhovey

and then threw up.


----------



## LinaG

Ate the bunny's head.

Li


----------



## kindleworm

The black cats began


----------



## Seamonkey

hissing and spitting as


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

hairballs hurled from their


----------



## Seamonkey

custom hairball shooters.  "Yowl!",


----------



## kindleworm

complained the coyote, who


----------



## Seamonkey

was allergic to cat


----------



## balaspa

fur, but was not


----------



## kindleworm

sneezing yet, so he


----------



## Valmore Daniels

danced the dance of


----------



## Seamonkey

of which lit up


----------



## Lee44

his coyote fur balls


----------



## Brownskins

.

A unanimous verdict was


----------



## Adrian Howell

overturned by a hamster


----------



## Brownskins

and thus the imprisonment


----------



## kindleworm

ended abruptly.  A parade


----------



## Seamonkey

was held to celebrate


----------



## Brownskins

the flaws of justice


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

ended him in prison


----------



## HHalford

No, I'm just kidding


----------



## Lee44

, the nuns came back


----------



## CatherineM

and ordered everyone to


----------



## balaspa

get on the floor


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> get on the floor


and play Twister immediately.


----------



## Adrian Howell

Then three emperor penguins


----------



## balaspa

waddled in from the


----------



## Lee44

pond, trying to join


----------



## balaspa

the group, but they


----------



## Seamonkey

lacked the flexibility for


----------



## Harley Christensen

the more complicated moves


----------



## balaspa

So, rather than stand


----------



## egh34

around and look silly


----------



## Seamonkey

they decided to initiate


----------



## Valmore Daniels

a meeting to decide


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

the future of country


----------



## Tony Richards

and everyone living there.


----------



## balaspa

Hefting the large gavel


----------



## Lee44

they finally voted that


----------



## CatherineM

Lee44 said:


> they finally voted that


a woman should decide


----------



## Seamonkey

as mother of the


----------



## balaspa

first penguin but not


----------



## balaspa

related to the others


----------



## CatherineM

.  Scene suddenly changes to


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

a misty night in


----------



## Lee44

LA at Rachel Zoe's picnic


----------



## Tony Richards

under the Hollywood sign


----------



## kindleworm

.  There were platters of


----------



## ClaireMarie

deviled eggs and s'mores


----------



## Tony Richards

and bowls of chilled


----------



## kindleworm

mysterious puddings, which appeared


----------



## CatherineM

kindleworm said:


> mysterious puddings, which appeared


to sparkle.

A dog


----------



## Adrian Howell

howled despairingly at the


----------



## kindleworm

full moon, even though


----------



## balaspa

unable to move because


----------



## Tony Richards

the puddings contained neurotoxins.


----------



## CatherineM

Tony Richards said:


> the puddings contained neurotoxins.


Spring finally came and


----------



## kindleworm

robins built nests using


----------



## balaspa

newspaper and bits of


----------



## Valmore Daniels

tree branches and tinsel


----------



## balaspa

but nothing quite like


----------



## Harley Christensen

the hummingbirds were constructing


----------



## CatherineM

.

They could be friends..................


----------



## Lee44

no, that's impossible, because


----------



## balaspa

hummingbirds, nuns and penguins


----------



## Seamonkey

wear interesting outfits, but


----------



## Adrian Howell

none of them can


----------



## balaspa

compare to the ones


----------



## Seamonkey

seen on Project Runway.


----------



## CatherineM

Seamonkey said:


> seen on Project Runway.


They felt very sorry


----------



## balaspa

for anyone who had


----------



## kindleworm

finished eating all of


----------



## Adrian Howell

the slowly rotting roadkill


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

that is quite disgusting


----------



## balaspa

tasty if you take


----------



## Lee44

rotgut and a little


----------



## CatherineM

Lee44 said:


> rotgut and a little


paprika.

Anyhow, the nuns


----------



## CatherineM

mapped out their route


----------



## balaspa

and decided it was


----------



## balaspa

time to go visit


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> time to go visit


their friend, the witch.


----------



## Harley Christensen

The witch was wise


----------



## CatherineM

Harley Christensen said:


> The witch was wise


and expected them.

She


----------



## NogDog

Cobbie said:


> put her broom aside


, winked knowingly at Whiskers


----------



## CatherineM

NogDog said:


> , winked knowingly at Whiskers


and mowed the yard.


----------



## Lee44

The nuns walked along


----------



## kindleworm

the secret path, while


----------



## balaspa

whistling a happy tune


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> whistling a happy tune


.

The sun was out


----------



## CatherineM

CatherineM said:


> .
> 
> The sun was out


And Roland is warm


----------



## Guest

just like Warm Bodies


----------



## balaspa

but not the movie


----------



## balaspa

which they felt was


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> which they felt was


Overrated.

They saw balloons


----------



## Adrian Howell

as big as elephants


----------



## balaspa

floating lazily in the


----------



## Guest

bay staring at the


----------



## FrankColes

sky. A sudden breeze


----------



## TWErvin2

colors ripple and their


----------



## balaspa

hair blow away from


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> hair blow away from


their faces.

A yellow


----------



## Harley Christensen

balloon popped loudly, surprising


----------



## CatherineM

Harley Christensen said:


> balloon popped loudly, surprising


all the birds.

They


----------



## Guest

flew hastily to their


----------



## Adrian Howell

richly decorated, overly paid


----------



## TWErvin2

behind a newly erected


----------



## balaspa

Wal-Mart which had a


----------



## Adrian Howell

swimming pool for penguins


----------



## Guest

and sharks that are


----------



## raptor760

trying to attack customers


----------



## FrankColes

whilst felching excitable monkeys.


----------



## balaspa

It was then that


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> It was then that


the greed factor emerged.


----------



## balaspa

However, everyone was puzzled


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> However, everyone was puzzled


about the dog. She


----------



## Adrian Howell

couldn't stop reciting poetry


----------



## balaspa

especially the one about


----------



## CatherineM

Cobbie said:


> the killer fleas and


all her canine friends.


----------



## Harley Christensen

Though she was comical


----------



## balaspa

and she knew some


----------



## CatherineM

Cobbie said:


> really destructive and entertaining


moves, she restrained herself.


----------



## Lee44

Then, to everyone's surprise


----------



## CatherineM

Lee44 said:


> Then, to everyone's surprise


she created world peace.


----------



## Adrian Howell

It didn't last, because


----------



## CatherineM

Adrian Howell said:


> It didn't last, because


people are incredibly stupid


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

they resort to violence


----------



## Tony Richards

without even thinking about


----------



## balaspa

what the other people


----------



## Adrian Howell

had for lunch yesterday.


----------



## Valmore Daniels

Breakfast is the most


----------



## Kate Argyll

So I would like


----------



## Beez

to eat breakfast before


----------



## balaspa

I decide to head


----------



## Adrian Howell

up the Amazon River


----------



## Beez

to do the funky


----------



## Tony Richards

chicken with a tribe


----------



## CatherineM

Cobbie said:


> of purple fuzzy catapillars


who won the lottery.


----------



## balaspa

The caterpillars stood up


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> The caterpillars stood up


on all hundred feet


----------



## Beez

each holding a weapon


----------



## balaspa

and chanting a catchy


----------



## Book Master

just like a millionaire


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> and chanting a catchy


tune.

They were so


----------



## kindleworm

began beating their drums


----------



## lukemallory

and their heads against


----------



## balaspa

small pieces of wood


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> small pieces of wood


structures.

They'd had enough!!!


----------



## Harley Christensen

To retaliate, they decided


----------



## CatherineM

Harley Christensen said:


> To retaliate, they decided


to teach those caterpillars


----------



## M. P. Rey

a lesson by using


----------



## Adrian Howell

a massive leaflet campaign


----------



## Valmore Daniels

to educate them about


----------



## CrystalMarcos

the plight of purple


----------



## FMH

that crashed violently onto


----------



## Caddy

their intricately woven cocoons.


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

which were not real


----------



## pauldude000

eat coconuts. The lesson


----------



## kindleworm

in calculus was about


----------



## pauldude000

as boring as possible.


----------



## CatherineM

pauldude000 said:


> as boring as possible.


Coconut-colored cocoons vibrated


----------



## pauldude000

in the fat capybara's


----------



## kindleworm

cave, while the bats


----------



## pauldude000

weird bat games. Suddenly,


----------



## CatherineM

pauldude000 said:


> weird bat games. Suddenly,


baseballs landed everywhere, pelting


----------



## pauldude000

a muskrat on the


----------



## kindleworm

top of his furry


----------



## CatherineM

kindleworm said:


> top of his furry


tail.

He was mad.


----------



## CatherineM

CatherineM said:


> tail.
> 
> He was mad.


He decided to get


----------



## Tony Richards

even, and armed himself


----------



## kindleworm

with multiple nerf guns


----------



## Lee44

"It's on like donkey . . .


----------



## balaspa

kong," he said and


----------



## FMH

unleashed his nerf frenzy


----------



## CatherineM

F.M.Hopkins said:


> unleashed his nerf frenzy


!!!!!!

Nerfballs and baseballs clashed


----------



## Katherine Thompson

and he was left ...


----------



## FMH

the only one standing


----------



## kindleworm

on the top of


----------



## CatherineM

Mount Ranier.  Lightning crashed


----------



## FMH

, heavens opened, revealing the


----------



## Adrian Howell

recipe for penguin soup


----------



## kindleworm

a bit of seaweed


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

rolled around the tuna


----------



## CatherineM

*DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon) said:


> rolled around the tuna


.

"Holy mackerel!" he shouted,


----------



## kindleworm

to the killer whale


----------



## balaspa

into the air which


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> into the air which


made everything very sticky.


----------



## Tony Richards

"Look what you've done!"


----------



## FMH

"You've mucked up everything!"


----------



## Adrian Howell

It was evident that


----------



## kindleworm

the whale needed to


----------



## FMH

confess his syrup addiction.


----------



## balaspa

The whale, however did


----------



## Harley Christensen

feel it was necessary


----------



## CatherineM

Harley Christensen said:


> feel it was necessary


to contact psychologist Jemima.


----------



## balaspa

Jemima was well known


----------



## FMH

in syrup addiction recovery.


----------



## CatherineM

F.M.Hopkins said:


> in syrup addiction recovery.


She answered his text


----------



## CatherineM

Cobbie said:


> while he was in


mediation with his lawyers


----------



## FMH

"Put the phone down!!!"


----------



## CatherineM

F.M.Hopkins said:


> "Put the phone down!!!"


It did no good....................


----------



## Valmore Daniels

He had to have


----------



## Vladimir_Kat

Valmore Daniels said:


> He had to have


'opportunity donkey', to realize


----------



## Adrian Howell

that not all condiments


----------



## Katherine Thompson

Are really worth the


----------



## Tony Richards

lives of salt miners


----------



## CatherineM

Tony Richards said:


> lives of salt miners


or their loyal dogs.


----------



## CatherineM

Dogs who are cool


----------



## balaspa

will walk with a


----------



## kindleworm

Chicago Blackhawks hat on


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

to make a point


----------



## CatherineM

*DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon) said:


> to make a point


and show their loyalty


----------



## balaspa

as true blue fans


----------



## CatherineM

of their home team.


----------



## kindleworm

They began to celebrate


----------



## FMH

, threw caution aside and


----------



## M. P. Rey

started dancing in the


----------



## JenniferHarlow

fountains while the fans


----------



## balaspa

began screaming and yelling


----------



## balaspa

It was just then


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> It was just then


that bakers in aprons


----------



## Valmore Daniels

broke into song and


----------



## CatherineM

Valmore Daniels said:


> broke into song and


attracted noisy parrots which


----------



## balaspa

began singing in perfect


----------



## balaspa

The only real problem


----------



## Lee44

is that it became


----------



## CatherineM

Lee44 said:


> is that it became


an issue in Marguaritaville.


----------



## Lee44

Lo and behold, Agamemnon


----------



## balaspa

stood up and sang


----------



## CatherineM

Cobbie said:


> the theme song from


The Brady Bunch.

Well,


----------



## balaspa

By the time they


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> By the time they


flew away, all the


----------



## balaspa

flowers and trees had


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> flowers and trees had


been covered with poopies!


----------



## kindleworm

The cleaning crew arrived


----------



## balaspa

with their mops and


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> with their mops and


buckets. When they finished,


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

everyone was so confused


----------



## 9thChapter

why the soap had


Darren T. Patrick, author of the Rithhek Cage series

@9thChapter (twitter)

darrentpatrick.com


----------



## JRWoodward

melted, and left a


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

blue ring around the


----------



## JRWoodward

bathtub. The undertaker sighed


----------



## Tony Richards

in a world-weary fashion


----------



## DL_Snell

Death always left rings.


----------



## 9thChapter

The sound of the


----------



## Katherine Thompson

drumming in the distance


----------



## Tony Richards

made his nerves quiver


----------



## DL_Snell

Drumming, chanting, ritual cleansing...


----------



## JRWoodward

all these helped him


----------



## CatherineM

JRWoodward said:


> all these helped him


deal with his job.


----------



## 9thChapter

But the suds kept


----------



## Lee44

leaving a rainbow ring


----------



## JRWoodward

around his glass tub.


----------



## Tony Richards

How to solve this?


----------



## 9thChapter

It involved firetrucks and


----------



## balaspa

a long hose that


----------



## kindleworm

sprayed a layer of


----------



## CatherineM

kindleworm said:


> sprayed a layer of


vinegar onto it and


----------



## DL_Snell

voila! He hated bathtubs.


----------



## JRWoodward

They also hate him.


----------



## CatherineM

A young monkey entered


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

carrying a very long


----------



## O_o

had been famous for


----------



## JRWoodward

it's use on the


----------



## Tony Richards

surface of Mars. The


----------



## Valmore Daniels

jet pack was fueled


----------



## O_o

by gasoline and memories


----------



## Tony Richards

whisk its wearer away


----------



## kindleworm

to the top of


----------



## CatherineM

kindleworm said:


> to the top of


Evel Knievel's worst nightmare...


----------



## O_o

...Snake River Canyon. The


----------



## kindleworm

thunderstorm began with a


----------



## kindleworm

the gathering herd of


----------



## 9thChapter

replete with tight fitting


Darren T. Patrick, author of the Rithhek Cage series

@9thChapter (twitter)

darrentpatrick.com


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

clothes of all kind..


----------



## CatherineM

*DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon) said:


> clothes of all kind..


including cool accessories. When


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

Evel mounted his trusty


----------



## kindleworm

and dusty old burro


----------



## CatherineM

Cobbie said:


> with one eye and


headed for the bike.


----------



## Tony Richards

It wasn't until he


----------



## 9thChapter

grabbed the jar of


Darren T. Patrick, author of the Rithhek Cage series

@9thChapter (twitter)

darrentpatrick.com


----------



## CatherineM

9thChapter said:


> grabbed the jar of
> 
> Darren T. Patrick, author of the Rithhek Cage series
> 
> @9thChapter (twitter)
> 
> darrentpatrick.com


bees thrown to him


----------



## kindleworm

that he began to


----------



## CatherineM

kindleworm said:


> that he began to


understand the bee's plight


----------



## O_o

but found them hostile


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

stinging him all over....


----------



## kindleworm

The bees became distracted


----------



## Valmore Daniels

by the smell of


----------



## journeymama

his burro's floral shampoo


----------



## CatherineM

journeymama said:


> his burro's floral shampoo


and became overly confused


----------



## renfred

Am I smelling right


----------



## Tony Richards

? they thought. Why would


----------



## CatherineM

Tony Richards said:


> ? they thought. Why would


a burro prefer flowers?


----------



## balaspa

It was a question


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> It was a question


even Jeopardy! couldn't answer.


----------



## journeymama

The bees puzzled away


----------



## CatherineM

journeymama said:


> The bees puzzled away


and made good honey


----------



## balaspa

but they had trouble


----------



## balaspa

dealing with all of


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> dealing with all of


the gummy bears attacking


----------



## kindleworm

with spears made from


----------



## CatherineM

kindleworm said:


> with spears made from


China.

They wanted local


----------



## Vivienne Mathews

wax for their weapons.


----------



## balaspa

However, all the wax


----------



## kindleworm

had been stolen by


----------



## balaspa

some very greedy and


----------



## balaspa

needy thieves who had


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> needy thieves who had


delusions about how to


----------



## DL_Snell

get stung. The bees


----------



## Pietro Reviglio

Then the sudden noise


----------



## Valmore Daniels

caused them to scatter.


----------



## balaspa

However, the noise was


----------



## Tony Richards

that, deafened and panicked,


----------



## DL_Snell

sent Jimmy Parker screaming...


----------



## balaspa

right into the arms


----------



## kindleworm

of a rather large


----------



## DL_Snell

--bzzt, bzzt--stung him!


----------



## balaspa

Oh, jeez, he thought


----------



## CatherineM

, not this again!  So


----------



## Tony Richards

he spun around and


----------



## kindleworm

began spraying them with


----------



## balaspa

lemon juice and lots


----------



## Lee44

of honey and feathers


----------



## balaspa

. All of which made


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> . All of which made


them quit bugging the


----------



## DL_Snell

now sticky-and-feathered man.


----------



## balaspa

What it did do


----------



## balaspa

was cause all of


----------



## balaspa

the men in the


----------



## kindleworm

crowd to begin singing


----------



## CatherineM

Cobbie said:


> Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious with great gusto.


The women were stunned


----------



## balaspa

and completely unable to


----------



## Valmore Daniels

continue their song, but


----------



## balaspa

they gathered their strength


----------



## kindleworm

and began marching toward


----------



## Tony Richards

a gaping fissure which


----------



## balaspa

opened right in front


----------



## CatherineM

of a giant cave


----------



## balaspa

. The cave itself, however,


----------



## balaspa

at first appeared to


----------



## balaspa

be, instead it was


----------



## kindleworm

a warehouse, filled with


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

rare and unique furniture...


----------



## StephenLivingston

Mahogany chests, walnut carved


----------



## balaspa

tables and several oak


----------



## balaspa

chairs, which were also


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> chairs, which were also


nicely carved.

The hero


----------



## Tony Richards

produced a chainsaw and


----------



## balaspa

began attacking all of


----------



## balaspa

the chipmunks which had


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> the chipmunks which had


ferociously protected this treasure


----------



## balaspa

. The problem was that


----------



## balaspa

the treasure itself was


----------



## CatherineM

kindleworm said:


> a warehouse, filled with


real cool old antiques


----------



## balaspa

all of which was


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> all of which was


cursed.

Later, on Ebay


----------



## balaspa

while all of them


----------



## Valmore Daniels

sold like hot cakes


----------



## CatherineM

Valmore Daniels said:


> sold like hot cakes


, the chipmunks got 47.44%!!!


----------



## balaspa

The promptly invested it


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> The promptly invested it


into retro Alvin stuff


----------



## kindleworm

and silos filled with


----------



## Tony Richards

they were disappointed by.


----------



## balaspa

The acorns just didn't


----------



## balaspa

taste or feel as


----------



## kindleworm

good as leftover candy


----------



## Tony Richards

so they asked for


----------



## balaspa

more sugar to be


----------



## Vivienne Mathews

imported by rabid lemurs


----------



## balaspa

. The lemurs demanded high


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> . The lemurs demanded high


heels and eye shadow


----------



## balaspa

and all of it


----------



## balaspa

had to be of


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> had to be of


course approved by the


----------



## Jenni Norris

priest who stood behind


----------



## Tony Richards

his principles, and refused


----------



## CatherineM

Tony Richards said:


> his principles, and refused


Communion almost every Sunday


----------



## balaspa

. The priest took offense


----------



## balaspa

to the way they


----------



## Lee44

made the acorns smell


----------



## kindleworm

like fermented cabbage and


----------



## Adrian Howell

dried penguin cutlets, so


----------



## Valmore Daniels

instead of prayer beads,


----------



## balaspa

the priest decided to


----------



## kindleworm

host a pancake breakfast


----------



## Tony Richards

but forgot the eggs


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

So cooked without eggs


----------



## balaspa

and added plenty of


----------



## kindleworm

bubble bath, so everyone


----------



## balaspa

could enjoy a good


----------



## Tony Richards

mouthful of foam while


----------



## balaspa

tasting the essential goodnes


----------



## balaspa

of all the food


----------



## balaspa

. It was just then


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

found out the problem


----------



## Tony Richards

the bubblebath was toxic


----------



## balaspa

and the water was


----------



## balaspa

way too hot so


----------



## balaspa

they decided not to


----------



## Guest

cook with bubblebath again


----------



## Tony Richards

but use Drano instead


----------



## balaspa

. The Drano was very


----------



## kindleworm

destructive. The entire kitchen


----------



## Guest

became completely filled with


----------



## balaspa

thick dark smoke which


----------



## Tony Richards

turned everyone's skin purple


----------



## CatherineM

Tony Richards said:


> turned everyone's skin purple


and sparkly. That attracted


----------



## Guest

dozens of dazzled kittens


----------



## Valmore Daniels

who looked up from


----------



## Tony Richards

the lower depths of


----------



## Guest

the basement where there


----------



## balaspa

were mice and plenty


----------



## Tony Richards

of truly gigantic tarantulas.


----------



## balaspa

All of the spiders


----------



## kindleworm

began to decorate a


----------



## balaspa

room inside the home


----------



## Tony Richards

using overlapping webs that


----------



## balaspa

were shiny and very


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> were shiny and very


attractive to a kitten


----------



## MorganMK

CatherineM said:


> attractive to a kitten


but sticky as well.


----------



## balaspa

When the kitten decided


----------



## Tony Richards

to go and investigate


----------



## DL_Snell

Grumpy Cat's cheery side...


----------



## Guest

she discovered with horror


----------



## Tony Richards

Grumpy Cat was schizophrenic


----------



## balaspa

and was more likely


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> and was more likely


to tell stories about


----------



## balaspa

various things than to


----------



## zoe tate

have hallucinations, but still


----------



## sstroble

zoe tate said:


> have hallucinations, but still
> 
> make enough sense to


----------



## Tony Richards

convince gullible kittens of


----------



## Senseidoji

elvish ancestry that they


----------



## zoe tate

know nothing about, because


----------



## Valmore Daniels

they had full beards


----------



## Tony Richards

and very limited intellects.


----------



## zoe tate

On the other hand,


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

they were very sexy


----------



## zoe tate

and that's always a


----------



## balaspa

plus, especially when you


----------



## zoe tate

think about it in


----------



## TWErvin2

comparison to the average


----------



## zoe tate

because most people really


----------



## Tony Richards

go for good looks


----------



## zoe tate

and who can blame


----------



## balaspa

them since it's only


----------



## TWErvin2

appearances that count when


----------



## DL_Snell

you resemble Grumpy Cat.


----------



## zoe tate

But even when you


----------



## balaspa

have that knowledge it's


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> have that knowledge it's


plain to see that


----------



## zoe tate

however you feel about


----------



## CatherineM

zoe tate said:


> however you feel about


ghosts makes no difference


----------



## zoe tate

unless, of course, you're


----------



## DL_Snell

a ghost psychologist and


----------



## zoe tate

even then it's not


----------



## Tony Richards

actually a proper job.


----------



## DL_Snell

A knife stabbed out


----------



## Tony Richards

, passing through a ghost,


----------



## zoe tate

in the usual way -


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and got stuck in


----------



## Tony Richards

a massive sticky cobweb


----------



## zoe tate

and (surprisingly?) much blood,


----------



## balaspa

which had coagulated and


----------



## DL_Snell

formed the ghost's body.


----------



## Tony Richards

liquefied and came rushing


----------



## zoe tate

out all over the


----------



## CatherineM

poor ghost hunters, who


----------



## kindleworm

showered with bleach and


----------



## balaspa

very smelly soap which


----------



## Tony Richards

only made things worse.


----------



## balaspa

With all that was


----------



## CatherineM

balaspa said:


> With all that was


happening, it became evident


----------



## Adrian Howell

that one could never


----------



## balaspa

produce the necessary amount


----------



## Tony Richards

of anti-ectoplasmic fluid


----------



## balaspa

to properly conduct a


----------



## Tony Richards

massacre of unruly ghosts.


----------



## Brianna Lee McKenzie

But, luckily, newly discovered


----------



## balaspa

information provided them with


----------



## Tony Richards

totally inaccurate data regarding


----------



## balaspa

the very nature of


----------



## balaspa

the universe and the


----------



## R. K. Clark

"It was. It looked"


----------



## balaspa

way it was supposed


----------



## Heffnerh

to end. "Crikey," he


----------



## SunshineOnMe

sniffed, before he handed


----------



## Guest

over the ridiculous documents


----------



## CatherineM

and made his getaway.


----------



## balaspa

The car sped off


----------



## SunshineOnMe

nearly hitting a huge


----------



## balaspa

boulder which had fallen


----------



## CatherineM

onto the spooky roadway


----------



## Harley Christensen

. Fortunately, the car's brakes


----------



## balaspa

were in good working


----------



## Harley Christensen

condition, engaging right before


----------



## balaspa

the car was about


----------



## zoe tate

to drive straight into


----------



## Lee44

the oncoming 18-wheeler, but


----------



## balaspa

by thinking quickly and


----------



## DL_Snell

veering off the cliff


----------



## Harley Christensen

the driver was able


----------



## Tony Richards

to kill himself painlessly.


----------



## balaspa

Everyone else was very


----------



## balaspa

upset by the recent


----------



## CatherineM

reports of howling wolves


----------



## Tony Richards

coming from people's basements


----------



## Valmore Daniels

and in their attics.


----------



## Guest

And we said, "Honestly!


----------



## Guest

Now we have to


----------



## Harley Christensen

issue verbal warnings to


----------



## Guest

all the wolf hunters."


----------



## kindleworm

In the distance, a


----------



## CatherineM

group of nuns jumped


----------



## balaspa

and danced in the


----------



## balaspa

firelight, which was now


----------



## Harley Christensen

filling the sky with


----------



## SunshineOnMe

orange and red flickers


----------



## balaspa

and thick smoke which


----------



## Tony Richards

coalesced into demonic form


----------



## Caddy

and spread to town.


----------



## CatherineM

The townspeople grabbed their


----------



## balaspa

pitchforks and headed into


----------



## Harley Christensen

the chaos, knowing that


----------



## balaspa

it would all likely


----------



## Tony Richards

end Hammer movie fashion


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

without end in sight


----------



## balaspa

. Just when all was


----------



## Tony Richards

getting predictable, a Hobbit


----------



## Harley Christensen

appeared, and began chanting


----------



## balaspa

very old Gregorian chants


----------



## Donna-Mae

in a loud voice


----------



## CatherineM

that shook the dead


----------



## balaspa

and made the walls


----------



## Harley Christensen

and ceilings crack from


----------



## balaspa

the vibrations which were


----------



## CatherineM

growing stronger every minute


----------



## Tony Richards

. "I'm trying to _sleep_!!!"


----------



## balaspa

said the old man


----------



## DL_Snell

. The ceiling crushed him.


----------



## CatherineM

When the dust settled,


----------



## *Sandy Harper*

He was still alive!


----------



## Adrian Howell

In a smug tone,


----------



## DL_Snell

"I wet the bed."


----------



## balaspa

The others frowned at


----------



## PurpleandRedStar

the man.


----------



## DL_Snell

"Nope. It's just blood."


----------



## PurpleandRedStar

Another old man ran to him and yelled,


----------



## balaspa

PurpleandRedStar said:


> Another old man ran...


into the room and


----------



## PurpleandRedStar

yelled, "So you're just being stupid!"


----------



## CatherineM

Too many words.  Disqualified!


----------



## PurpleandRedStar

Hey, I did not break the rules!


----------



## balaspa

PurpleandRedStar said:


> Hey, I did not break the rules!


It's Four words per post

yelled, "So you're just being stupid!" = 6 words

So...

Into the room and...

began waving his hands


----------



## balaspa

all over the place


----------



## Tony Richards

until they fell off.


----------



## CatherineM

Tony Richards said:


> until they fell off.


Counting can be difficult


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

because it is mess


----------



## balaspa

and hard to do


----------



## balaspa

when your hands have


----------



## Valmore Daniels

large mittens on them.


----------



## CatherineM

Valmore Daniels said:


> large mittens on them.


The snow turned into


----------



## balaspa

water as the temperature


----------



## CatherineM

rose.  

"What?!?!?!", said the


----------



## balaspa

woman with the white


----------



## balaspa

who was standing on


----------



## balaspa

a very wobbly chair


----------



## TWErvin2

being held by a


----------



## balaspa

string, some tape, and


----------



## Harley Christensen

really old Silly Putty


----------



## kindleworm

. An earthquake began to


----------



## sstroble

drop California into the


----------



## balaspa

ocean, which was where


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

the fault line was...


----------



## balaspa

Just then, as things


----------



## Harley Christensen

were getting really interesting


----------



## Donna-Mae

the woman in white


----------



## Tony Richards

turned into an angel


----------



## balaspa

. Her wings unfolded and


----------



## balaspa

spread wide and then


----------



## Tony Richards

a dazzling white light


----------



## Harley Christensen

surrounded her like a


----------



## kindleworm

giant Easter egg with


----------



## Valmore Daniels

big floppy bunny rabbits


----------



## sstroble

hopping to Easter celebration


----------



## balaspa

and hoping that they


----------



## Tony Richards

wouldn't be eaten by


----------



## balaspa

the vicious and violent


----------



## kindleworm

vulture, who was perched


----------



## balaspa

among the trees and


----------



## Tony Richards

its friend the hyena.


----------



## balaspa

The hyena was almost


----------



## Tony Richards

hysterical with laughter at


----------



## sstroble

having forgotten to eat


----------



## Harley Christensen

anything the day before


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

it recovered from injury


----------



## sstroble

with lots of rest


----------



## balaspa

and plenty of medication


----------



## Tony Richards

followed with bunny burgers


----------



## sstroble

fries, and chocolate shake


----------



## Tony Richards

. The hyena got indigestion


----------



## Meb Bryant

and puked up the


----------



## kindleworm

whole mess, so the


----------



## sstroble

veterinarian prescribed Pepto-Bismol antacids.


----------



## balaspa

It was while swallowing


----------



## Tony Richards

these that they reacted


----------



## balaspa

badly to the various


----------



## Valmore Daniels

medications and smells, so


----------



## balaspa

they were a bit


----------



## balaspa

woozy and it was


----------



## Tony Richards

difficult to tell if


----------



## Harley Christensen

the antacids actually worked


----------



## balaspa

, however their stomachs were


----------



## Harley Christensen

made of lead and


----------



## balaspa

they barely noticed that


----------



## sstroble

the acid had become


----------



## Valmore Daniels

unstable and would eat


----------



## balaspa

marshmallows and honey plus


----------



## sstroble

macadamia and pistachio nuts


----------



## Tony Richards

and blend them into


----------



## sstroble

the ultimate healthy smoothie


----------



## Tony Richards

-- healthy, but not tasty.


----------



## balaspa

Once they had finished


----------



## sstroble

they logged onto kboards


----------



## balaspa

and checked out the


----------



## sstroble

how to sell books


----------



## balaspa

and learned how to


----------



## sstroble

write best selling novels


----------



## Harley Christensen

which made them realize


----------



## sstroble

all that glitters is


----------



## Harley Christensen

not always gold, but


----------



## balaspa

you can live on


----------



## sstroble

the royalties and residuals


----------



## balaspa

, but not on the


----------



## sstroble

renown, fame, and adulation.


----------



## DL_Snell

"Destiny's a fickle bitch,"


----------



## sstroble

she exacts a price.


----------



## Tony Richards

Usually one in blood.


----------



## balaspa

These words were very


----------



## Harley Christensen

well said and taken


----------



## sstroble

literally, figuratively, and incidentally.


----------



## balaspa

However, once the words


----------



## sstroble

posted at kboards' website


----------



## Tony Richards

made the evening news


----------



## kindleworm

, a crowd began to


----------



## sstroble

gather at 34th and


----------



## Tony Richards

Broadway and began to


----------



## sstroble

dance in the streets.


----------



## TWErvin2

But, when the snow


----------



## Tony Richards

made them fall over


----------



## sstroble

they made snow angels.


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

High temperature melted them..


----------



## balaspa

and the water flowed


----------



## sstroble

into the Mississippi River.


----------



## balaspa

The river was what


----------



## sstroble

flowed deep and wide.


----------



## kindleworm

A large raft was


----------



## balaspa

created out of big


----------



## sstroble

balsawood tree trunks and


----------



## Valmore Daniels

floated on the water.


----------



## Tony Richards

Suddenly, the surface rippled


----------



## sstroble

as the turtle surfaced.


----------



## balaspa

The turtles' jaws were


----------



## sstroble

as sharp as razors


----------



## balaspa

and they bit down


----------



## Tony Richards

on the raft's edge


----------



## sstroble

, which caused it to


----------



## Tony Richards

sink like the Titanic.


----------



## sstroble

The survivors swam to


----------



## Tony Richards

a sand bank where


----------



## Donna-Mae

sadly, more turtles waited


----------



## sstroble

who were ravenously hungry.


----------



## balaspa

They were so hungry


----------



## sstroble

that they decided to


----------



## balaspa

snack on the various


----------



## sstroble

supplies from the raft.


----------



## balaspa

The rest of the


----------



## sstroble

spectators on the shore


----------



## HoneyBadger

were overcome by the


----------



## balaspa

fumes which were so


----------



## sstroble

thick that they concealed


----------



## TWErvin2

the colorful hot-air balloon


----------



## sstroble

that carried them to


----------



## TWErvin2

the potato farm that


----------



## balaspa

was located just out


----------



## sstroble

of town near the


----------



## Donna-Mae

big, red hay barn!


----------



## sstroble

The trail then led


----------



## Donna-Mae

in a winding pattern,


----------



## sstroble

to the yellow brick


----------



## balaspa

road which then became


----------



## Donna-Mae

overgrown with large weeds


----------



## sstroble

until weedwhackers were invented.


----------



## balaspa

Once there were a


----------



## sstroble

indiewriters who spent time


----------



## Donna-Mae

on the yellow road


----------



## sstroble

to success and fame.


----------



## Donna-Mae

The road was dangerous


----------



## sstroble

with tales of gold.


----------



## sstroble

black hole that Elvin


----------



## Meb Bryant

Elvin? Who is Elvin?


----------



## sstroble

The elf of Kboardland.


----------



## Arrington Flynn

By now the elf


----------



## Tony Richards

was counting the fortune


----------



## sstroble

made from royalties from


----------



## sstroble

But the IRS said,


----------



## Tony Richards

elves were obliged to


----------



## sstroble

1040s, Schedule As, pay


----------



## Tony Richards

extra for elf care,


----------



## sstroble

Then their publisher dropped


----------



## sstroble

that they had recorded.


----------



## balaspa

When people heard the


----------



## sstroble

title song, they inundated


----------



## Mel Odious

Horse jumped the fence.

(A non-profane ode to Kurt Vonnegut's last Sports Illustrated missive)


----------



## Tony Richards

(I'll ignore that last one)

their local radio stations


----------



## Mel Odious

Horse hated being ignored.


----------



## Mel Odious

Jumped another fence, dagnabbit.


----------



## Mel Odious

And partied with Chrome.


----------



## Mel Odious

California Chrome, of course.


----------



## Mel Odious

Not Google Chrome, yo.


----------



## Mel Odious

That would be stupid.


----------



## sstroble

Stupid is as stupid


----------



## balaspa

does, said the man


----------



## sstroble

conducting the I.Q. test.


----------



## sstroble

The test results were


----------



## Mel Odious

In con clue sieve.


----------



## sstroble

So they were sent


----------



## sstroble

Sing-Sing, that bastion of


----------



## balaspa

prisoners and all things


----------



## Tony Richards

pertaining to 'Jailhouse Rock.'


----------



## sstroble

When Elvis' heirs heard


----------



## sstroble

they released new CDs.


----------



## balaspa

When the CDs were


----------



## sstroble

delivered to the DJs,


----------



## sstroble

and music critics' offices.


----------



## balaspa

Once the critics had


----------



## sstroble

accepted their free lunches,


----------



## sstroble

everyone of the CDs.


----------



## balaspa

At the various stores


----------



## Tony Richards

big gatherings of bores


----------



## sstroble

and talked about books


----------



## balaspa

and discussing political thought


----------



## sstroble

like that penned by


----------



## sstroble

Stern. After that, they


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

went their own ways...


----------



## sstroble

waiting for another day.


----------



## balaspa

Once that day came


----------



## sstroble

it turned into night.


----------



## kindleworm

The Northern Lights began


----------



## sstroble

to appear over the


----------



## Tony Richards

Antarctic, which was odd.


----------



## balaspa

Many scientists were completely


----------



## sstroble

baffled. They called upon


----------



## balaspa

the rest of the


----------



## sstroble

secret government programs at


----------



## balaspa

Area 51 which was


----------



## kindleworm

confusing, because the scientists


----------



## sstroble

had signed secrecy oaths.


----------



## balaspa

What the scientists didn't


----------



## balaspa

realize was that the


----------



## sstroble

secrecy oaths weren't secret.


----------



## balaspa

In fact, the oaths


----------



## sstroble

were published by wikileaks.


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

that was not good...


----------



## sstroble

because it delayed the


----------



## balaspa

production of all the


----------



## sstroble

hypotheses, theories, and papers.


----------



## balaspa

Once the men were


----------



## sstroble

certain that the help


----------



## balaspa

was about to come


----------



## balaspa

from the most unlikely


----------



## sstroble

source, indie fiction authors,


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

took advantage of information...


----------



## sstroble

and wrote about it.


----------



## balaspa

Once the book was


----------



## sstroble

edited, proofread, and formatted


----------



## balaspa

it was put on


----------



## sstroble

CD and free streaming.


----------



## balaspa

The music was the


----------



## sstroble

best performed by the


----------



## balaspa

musicians that were standing


----------



## sstroble

on stage at the


----------



## Luke King

time, though there was


----------



## sstroble

a critic sitting in


----------



## balaspa

the audience who was


----------



## AmpersandBookInteriors

glaring in disgust at


----------



## balaspa

the various players who


----------



## sstroble

made faces to reply.


----------



## balaspa

When the sunlight hit


----------



## sstroble

the vast Mediterranean Sea,


----------



## balaspa

the water was warmed


----------



## sstroble

enough for swimmers and


----------



## kindleworm

a pod of whales.


----------



## Emm Oh

accompanied by disappointed surfers.


----------



## sstroble

The surfers abandoned the


----------



## balaspa

water and decided to


----------



## Emm Oh

chat up pretty girls


----------



## sstroble

from Greenland, Siberia, Iceland


----------



## balaspa

all of which were


----------



## balaspa

located in the far


----------



## Emm Oh

recesses of their imagination.


----------



## balaspa

Those recesses were known


----------



## kindleworm

to hide many creatures,


----------



## sstroble

both great and small.


----------



## balaspa

But when those creatures


----------



## sstroble

morphed into writers of


----------



## balaspa

young adult fiction and


----------



## sstroble

old adult historical fiction.


----------



## balaspa

Once the books were


----------



## Emm Oh

spill cheked and prufed


----------



## sstroble

they were sent to


----------



## kindleworm

a magical print shop


----------



## balaspa

which took its time


----------



## sstroble

delivering all 1,720,573 copies.


----------



## Emm Oh

Wow!  That's a lot


----------



## balaspa

, said the man with


----------



## sstroble

the bookstore chain. He


----------



## balaspa

was very strong but


----------



## sstroble

could not lift them.


----------



## balaspa

So, he had to


----------



## kindleworm

call a mighty giant


----------



## sstroble

who gladly came to


----------



## kindleworm

build the tallest bookshelf


----------



## Emm Oh

for stacking tall tales.


----------



## Tony Richards

Readers flooded in and


----------



## sstroble

bought books by the


----------



## Tony Richards

truckload, but demanded discounts


----------



## balaspa

and that was when


----------



## sstroble

the authors' literary agents


----------



## Emm Oh

all met for coffee.


----------



## balaspa

Once the coffee had


----------



## sstroble

brewed to maximum strength,


----------



## Emm Oh

the agents rejected it.


----------



## sstroble

After conferring they ordered


----------



## balaspa

all of the right


----------



## kindleworm

beverages, each topped with


----------



## sstroble

secret herbs and spices.


----------



## balaspa

Just then, as they


----------



## Tony Richards

sipped the disgusting drinks,


----------



## sstroble

one of them said, "


----------



## Emm Oh

Hey ... is this coffee?


----------



## Emm Oh

Or is it KFC?"


----------



## balaspa

Wait, I think KFC


----------



## sstroble

means Klingon Fiction Conference.


----------



## Mel Odious

The coffee there is


----------



## balaspa

quite delicious, but it


----------



## sstroble

has an otherworldly price.


----------



## kindleworm

Next to the coffee shop


----------



## balaspa

was the other shop


----------



## sstroble

where wordsmiths wrote, rewrote,


----------



## Tony Richards

finally driving themselves nuts


----------



## sstroble

, normal for them. Luckily,


----------



## balaspa

it was only a


----------



## sstroble

matter of time before


----------



## Emm Oh

the hairy barista


----------



## sstroble

closed for the day.


----------



## balaspa

With the doors locked


----------



## sstroble

and the windows bolted,


----------



## Tony Richards

weird things began happening


----------



## Mel Odious

in a tire store


----------



## Charlie2

where someone had hidden


----------



## sstroble

chrome lug nuts and


----------



## balaspa

tons of Krazy Glue


----------



## sstroble

and other assorted items.


----------



## Tony Richards

The glue rose up


----------



## Tony Richards

into the air, forming


----------



## balaspa

great clouds of white


----------



## sstroble

cumulus mushroom shaped objects.


----------



## Tony Richards

They emitted laser beams


----------



## Emm Oh

... which the store manager


----------



## sstroble

recorded on her cellphone.


----------



## Tony Richards

Unfortunately, the phone melted


----------



## sstroble

before technicians could repair


----------



## balaspa

any of the wiring


----------



## sstroble

they received an emergency


----------



## balaspa

call about the dangers


----------



## kindleworm

of the approaching swarm


----------



## sstroble

of zomboid astral dragonflies.


----------



## balaspa

Once the call had


----------



## sstroble

been completed, the technicians


----------



## balaspa

ran around with their


----------



## balaspa

hands in the air


----------



## sstroble

When the bill arrived,


----------



## Emm Oh

no one could believe


----------



## sstroble

the taxes, surcharges, fees,


----------



## Emm Oh

not to mention the


----------



## sstroble

miscellaneous odds and ends.


----------



## Emm Oh

Was the bill padded?


----------



## Emm Oh

Or was the story?


----------



## sstroble

A private detective examined


----------



## balaspa

the numbers and then


----------



## Tony Richards

concluded zombie-tax was added


----------



## balaspa

to the bill which


----------



## sstroble

proved to be deadly.


----------



## balaspa

Just as things were


----------



## Tony Richards

starting to get clearer


----------



## Frank Tayell

.


----------



## sstroble

It shattered glass, mirrors,


----------



## balaspa

vases, windshields, mugs, windows


----------



## hamerfan

and both my eardrums.


----------



## Kristine McKinley

Holy hand grenades Batman!


----------



## kindleworm

Wearing earplugs, the rescuers


----------



## sstroble

dug furiously, hands raw,                    (I know, I know, S. King  says never use adverbs)


----------



## balaspa

sweating and trying to


----------



## sstroble

free those entombed in


----------



## balaspa

the ice that had


----------



## kindleworm

become a huge glacier


----------



## sstroble

headed for the coast


----------



## balaspa

and it began to


----------



## sstroble

shed 34,840,185,403 gallons per


----------



## balaspa

minute, which was the


----------



## sstroble

disastrous for those who


----------



## balaspa

happened to be standing


----------



## sstroble

on the beaches that


----------



## msdanielle28

were now filled with


----------



## sstroble

starfish, oysters, and crabs.


----------



## balaspa

It was just too


----------



## msdanielle28

much for the men


----------



## sstroble

to clean up. Instead,


----------



## msdanielle28

they took a drink


----------



## Michael Parnell

and watched the sharks


----------



## balaspa

as they took a


----------



## msdanielle28

quick look and seen,


----------



## balaspa

the grammar book which


----------



## balaspa

said don't use "seen"


----------



## kindleworm

without "have" or "had"


----------



## balaspa

instead use "and saw"


----------



## msdanielle28

because the words are


----------



## balaspa

important when you have


----------



## sstroble

nothing  much to say.


----------



## kindleworm

Silent dragonflies began to


----------



## msdanielle28

fly around in circles


----------



## balaspa

as they spread their


----------



## pm1626

wings to the sun


----------



## Paul Reid

whose light was seen


----------



## msdanielle28

at the evening sunset,


----------



## pm1626

long golden beams promising


----------



## sstroble

a better, brighter future.


----------



## balaspa

In the distant future


----------



## kindleworm

tiny snowflakes began to


----------



## sstroble

coalesce on moons of


----------



## pm1626

Anisoptera. Desperately looking for


----------



## kindleworm

sled dogs to pull


----------



## balaspa

the cargo that needed


----------



## sstroble

to be delivered by


----------



## kindleworm

Amazon elves. Each box


----------



## sstroble

contained a variety of


----------



## DerekG

cinnamon flavored pizza rolls


----------



## balaspa

all of which had


----------



## pm1626

been ordered as gifts


----------



## sstroble

for friends and neighbors.


----------



## Valmore Daniels

There was a surprise


----------



## balaspa

inside one of the


----------



## SabrinaLacey

rolls that bore a


----------



## sstroble

mysterious blue symbol like


----------



## Tony Richards

the Freemasons' unblinking eye


----------



## balaspa

which caused so many


----------



## sstroble

to scream in terror.


----------



## pm1626

Inside the blue marked


----------



## sstroble

symbol, a retina seemed


----------



## balaspa

to gel and then


----------



## pm1626

pulsate, changing rhythm and


----------



## sstroble

time, downbeat, and upbeat.


----------



## balaspa

When all of the


----------



## sstroble

Freemasons held their annual


----------



## EroticExperiment

ball at the new


----------



## pm1626

blood moon.  Members were


----------



## sstroble

attired in their finest


----------



## balaspa

pairs of pants but


----------



## George Hamilton

shirts were stained red.


----------



## kindleworm

Their socks were striped


----------



## sstroble

their shoes were pointy


----------



## Guest

and their faces were


----------



## balaspa

green, but their teeth


----------



## Tony Richards

were a delicate lilac


----------



## Guest

like a faint bruise.


----------



## pm1626

Around their heads were


----------



## msdanielle28

strands of stringy hair


----------



## sstroble

similar to a mop.


----------



## balaspa

Around their waists there


----------



## sstroble

hung six six-guns and


----------



## balaspa

plenty of ammo, but


----------



## sstroble

no villains were around.


----------



## balaspa

It was just that


----------



## sstroble

imaginations were running wild


----------



## balaspa

and that was creating


----------



## sstroble

some strange meandering tales


----------



## balaspa

all which were about


----------



## bobbic

werewolves, aardvarks and shrews.


----------



## sstroble

When the royalty checks


----------



## bobbic

were issued that month


----------



## balaspa

it sure looked like


----------



## bobbic

those subjects were popular


----------



## sstroble

with readers whose word


----------



## balaspa

was the most valuable


----------



## sstroble

, being word of mouth.


----------



## bobbic

Unfortunately, the agent said


----------



## Guest

your sales dropped 1%


----------



## balaspa

which leaves you with


----------



## bobbic

no choice but to


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

buy some more clothes


----------



## sstroble

and another editor, designer,


----------



## bobbic

and get a job


----------



## balaspa

that will pay more


----------



## bobbic

for example, a plumber


----------



## sstroble

or a literary agent.


----------



## balaspa

Once a decision has


----------



## bobbic

been made, the consequences


----------



## sstroble

may become short-reaching or


----------



## bobbic

you might just be


----------



## sstroble

on the threshold of


----------



## bobbic

something great and wonderful


----------



## sstroble

, a dream (Moody Blues).

http://www.allmusic.com/album/on-the-threshold-of-a-dream-mw0000626725


----------



## balaspa

While within that dream


----------



## sstroble

arose a literary scheme


----------



## bobbic

about an alien and


----------



## balaspa

a quart of cream


----------



## sstroble

given out on Halloween.


----------



## balaspa

When it comes to


----------



## sstroble

indie-writing, publishing, marketing, and


----------



## bobbic

flogging your new book


----------



## balaspa

there really is no


----------



## Adrian Howell

substitute for applesause except


----------



## sstroble

word of mouth readers.


----------



## balaspa

It's all just a


----------



## sstroble

calling, pastime, craft that


----------



## balaspa

many people try to


----------



## sstroble

a living out of.


----------



## balaspa

There once was a


----------



## sstroble

writer who would wonder


----------



## balaspa

just when his time


----------



## sstroble

would be up. So,


----------



## balaspa

he would spend his


----------



## bobbic

days spinning lengthy tales


----------



## sstroble

and nights dreaming about


----------



## bobbic

aardvarks and cherry pies


----------



## sstroble

, Thanksgiving and Christmas feasts,


----------



## balaspa

sprites, spirits and bunnies


----------



## sstroble

gargoyles, orcs, dwarves, elves


----------



## balaspa

and other things that


----------



## sstroble

too numerous to mention.


----------



## kindleworm

The writer stepped outside


----------



## balaspa

feeling the cold air


----------



## sstroble

and wind-whipped leaves strike


----------



## balaspa

his face and legs


----------



## sstroble

torso, feet, and hands.            (must've been  the mother of all nor'easters)


----------



## pm1626

The dry snowflakes whipped


----------



## kindleworm

into the shape of


----------



## balaspa

a snowman who had


----------



## bobbic

a giant head and


----------



## sstroble

gloves to warm his


----------



## balaspa

frozen hands, but that


----------



## sstroble

looked odd on a


----------



## balaspa

snowman and melted his


----------



## sstroble

ring fingers that held


----------



## balaspa

rings of gold and


----------



## sstroble

sapphires, emeralds, diamonds, pearls,


----------



## balaspa

and all manner of


----------



## pm1626

earthly treasures.  However, the


----------



## sstroble

IRS, state tax authority,


----------



## pm1626

did not exist, so


----------



## sstroble

treasures on reattached fingers,


----------



## balaspa

did not count against


----------



## sstroble

the snowman's uncanny appeal.


----------



## balaspa

When his hands melted


----------



## pm1626

and reattached, it enabled


----------



## sstroble

him to write about


----------



## chrisjane

the value of gemstones.


----------



## balaspa

The only problem was


----------



## sstroble

finding a jeweler who


----------



## pm1626

was a properly certified


----------



## DL_Snell

in the family jewels.


----------



## pm1626

The snowman summoned his


----------



## sstroble

friend, Clarissa, Santa's elf.


----------



## pm1626

Santa wasn't pleased with


----------



## DL_Snell

Clarissa's toy painting performance


----------



## DerekG

So he started crying


----------



## hamerfan

and carrying on about


----------



## sstroble

Christmas deadlines and commitments.


----------



## bobbic

Santa had some issues


----------



## balaspa

especially with all the


----------



## msdanielle28

workers, who didn't show


----------



## sstroble

much Christmas spirit or


----------



## pm1626

loyalty.  Snowman and Clarissa


----------



## kindleworm

began baking Christmas cookies


----------



## pm1626

, but Clarissa was a


----------



## balaspa

drunk which made it


----------



## pm1626

toy and cookie decoration


----------



## sstroble

, a messy combination that


----------



## balaspa

left everyone just covered


----------



## pm1626

in food coloring and


----------



## sstroble

flour, walnuts, sugar, butter,


----------



## bobbic

then the ants came


----------



## balaspa

with their mandibles twitching


----------



## pm1626

and their antennae decorated


----------



## sstroble

with golden reindeer antlers.


----------



## balaspa

If you looked at


----------



## sstroble

traditional Christmas time tales,


----------



## pm1626

nowhere would you find


----------



## sstroble

Black Fridays, credit cards,


----------



## bobbic

or inflatable Santa Clauses


----------



## chrisjane

. But you would find


----------



## balaspa

lot and lots of


----------



## sstroble

good will and tidings


----------



## balaspa

flowed from all of


----------



## pm1626

the traditionalists, however the


----------



## Eric S. Kim

French-Canadian hipsters would never


----------



## msdanielle28

be the type to


----------



## sstroble

impede Santa's flight-path through


----------



## pm1626

Florida where the snowbirds


----------



## Eric S. Kim

have crocodiles for breakfast


----------



## balaspa

Some crocodiles are known


----------



## Eric S. Kim

to play Chinese checkers.


----------



## sstroble

Their tears deceive many


----------



## balaspa

but their laughter is


----------



## Eric S. Kim

heard from a megaphone


----------



## Lee44

Who knew that crocodiles


----------



## sstroble

inhabited ancient realms of


----------



## Tony Richards

fantasy, shrouded in mist,


----------



## zoe tate

or, indeed, that they


----------



## balaspa

had teeth that were


----------



## zoe tate

decaying, loose and diseased?


----------



## pm1626

The Croc Doc was


----------



## Lee44

Supergluing Crockie's teeth together


----------



## Eric S. Kim

to avoid mishaps with


----------



## sstroble

cavities, root canals, and


----------



## pm1626

implants.  The crocs yearned


----------



## Lee44

to become movie stars


----------



## Charmaine

. Crocodiles can be divas


----------



## zoe tate

especially in opera houses,


----------



## Charmaine

parading in diamond dresses,


----------



## zoe tate

or whatever other costumes


----------



## Charmaine

their scaly hands found.


----------



## zoe tate

On this occasion, however,


----------



## pm1626

the alligators were cast


----------



## Eric S. Kim

as Valkyries from Antarctica.


----------



## sstroble

Land of "The Thing,"


----------



## balaspa

which is very cold


----------



## sstroble

and devoid of life.


----------



## balaspa

However, when the alien


----------



## pm1626

beings decided to colonize


----------



## sstroble

the frigid icy continent


----------



## pm1626

started to warm and


----------



## balaspa

all of that water


----------



## Chuck Habakkuk

Flooded the entire world


----------



## sstroble

except for the Sierras,


----------



## balaspa

which were so tall


----------



## sstroble

they became a refuge.


----------



## pm1626

Meanwhile, Snowman and Clarissa


----------



## Chuck Habakkuk

Bought a boat from


----------



## zoe tate

a retired pirate, who


----------



## balaspa

had a very weird


----------



## Chuck Habakkuk

facial tick but he


----------



## Tony Richards

compensated for that by (and by the way, facial tick doesn't have a k, tic)


----------



## bobbic

being handsome, sauve and


----------



## sstroble

kind to those who


----------



## pm1626

smiled and laughed at


----------



## Eric S. Kim

his pet scorpions moonwalking


----------



## Sever Bronny

alongside Michael Jackson's corpseToo soon?


----------



## pm1626

. Smiles became even wider


----------



## sstroble

when George Jetson arrived.


----------



## Brownskins

Flashes of lightning appeared


----------



## Melody Simmons

lighting the glimmering portal


----------



## Eric S. Kim

that leads to Jupiter.


----------



## Adrian Howell

But never once did


----------



## sstroble

anyone anywhere anytime imagine


----------



## Melody Simmons

that the past would


----------



## sstroble

repeat itself once again.


----------



## hamerfan

Repeat itself once again.


----------



## Eric S. Kim

Seattle is currently experiencing


----------



## sstroble

grunge-fever, wearing of faded


----------



## pm1626

clothes, and an abundance


----------



## sstroble

Neil Young inspired music.


----------



## Eric S. Kim

The city has decided


----------



## sstroble

to rezone the downtown


----------



## Tony Richards

as officially completely lawless


----------



## balaspa

and that was when


----------



## Melody Simmons

the outlaw arrived carrying...


----------



## Eric S. Kim

an accordion to annoy


----------



## sstroble

fiddle playing musicians who


----------



## zoe tate

had been profitably busking


----------



## Melody Simmons

in the town square


----------



## balaspa

. The townspeople were angry


----------



## zoe tate

which was unusual, because


----------



## Eric S. Kim

they couldn't even hear


----------



## zoe tate

most of the noise


----------



## Mav Skye

. And then, zombie apocalypse


----------



## Eric S. Kim

took place in Alaska.


----------



## sstroble

But the polar bears


----------



## balaspa

didn't very much like


----------



## sstroble

Apocalypse Now, Part 2.


----------



## Eric S. Kim

The disastrous sequel starred


----------



## Adrian Howell

Secret Service members who


----------



## balaspa

wore dark suits and


----------



## Melody Simmons

thrived on green smoothies.


----------



## HollyElizabethjean

They kept pennies in


----------



## pm1626

the blender to provide


----------



## sstroble

their RDA of copper.                    ( RDA is recommended daily allowance)


----------



## HollyElizabethjean

Silver and gold couldn't


----------



## balaspa

compete when it came


----------



## HollyElizabethjean

To the sweet taste


----------



## sstroble

of honey and sugar.


----------



## HollyElizabethjean

Unfortunately, their teeth rotted


----------



## balaspa

and they all fell


----------



## pm1626

to the ground, sprouting


----------



## Brownskins

diamonds and rubies galore


----------



## HollyElizabethjean

They were rich toothless


----------



## sstroble

worldly-worn, hapless, cynical fools.


----------



## balaspa

When they all decided


----------



## pm1626

that they should relocate,


----------



## HollyElizabethjean

And start a farm


----------



## sstroble

in Australia's Outback, where


----------



## HollyElizabethjean

They could breed kangaroos


----------



## balaspa

and other animals that


----------



## HollyElizabethjean

Like to hop like


----------



## pm1626

super roos from eons


----------



## sstroble

in the distant future.


----------



## HollyElizabethjean

They watch Star Trek


----------



## Eric S. Kim

on their Canadian smartphones


----------



## HollyElizabethjean

Captain Picard was the


----------



## pm1626

hero who always endeavored


----------



## HollyElizabethjean

to discover worlds with


----------



## Eric S. Kim

water that tastes like


----------



## HollyElizabethjean

sweet strawberry wine. They


----------



## sstroble

all became alcoholics and


----------



## pm1626

decided they had better


----------



## Eric S. Kim

chances at winning chess


----------



## pm1626

than winning drinking games.


----------



## HollyElizabethjean

They entered a chess


----------



## balaspa

tournament but it was


----------



## HollyElizabethjean

Cancelled due to rain


----------



## Scout

So they decided to


----------



## HollyElizabethjean

Head over to a


----------



## Scout

bonfire in the woods


----------



## sstroble

to roast hot dogs


----------



## Scout

and reminisce about the


----------



## sstroble

ones "who got away."


----------



## Scout

First, there was Pedro


----------



## HollyElizabethjean

And then there was


----------



## Scout

Michael, my first love


----------



## balaspa

and he was followed


----------



## Tony Richards

by a disfigured gnome


----------



## Scout

that cackled and farted


----------



## HollyElizabethjean

The most disgusting stench


----------



## Scout

emanated from each orifice


----------



## balaspa

and the smell just


----------



## sstroble

offended self-righteous disgruntled Pharisees.


----------



## Eric S. Kim

The gnome decided to


----------



## Scout

leap through the air


----------



## pm1626

dropping on the Pharisees'


----------



## Scout

with an accuracy that


----------



## sstroble

astounded one and all.


----------



## Eric S. Kim

Christian Bale was impressed


----------



## pm1626

his friends were not.


----------



## sstroble

His enemies learned to


----------



## balaspa

figure out how to


----------



## Eric S. Kim

act like an ostrich


----------



## Scout

and lay giant eggs


----------



## HollyElizabethjean

For breakfast and lunch


----------



## Eric S. Kim

, but not dinner because


----------



## HollyElizabethjean

Everyone knows beef is


----------



## sstroble

Ronald McDonald's favorite meal.


----------



## balaspa

However, it is not


----------



## daffodils321

a very nice way


----------



## Eric S. Kim

to please vehement vegans


----------



## HollyElizabethjean

These vegans plot revenge


----------



## Scout

against the Burger King


----------



## HollyElizabethjean

Corporations. They hired Al


----------



## sstroble

Bundy, shoe seller extraordinaire,


----------



## balaspa

to do the selling


----------



## Eric S. Kim

and let Steve Urkel


----------



## HollyElizabethjean

Do the voice overs.


----------



## sstroble

Meanwhile, back at the


----------



## HollyElizabethjean

Farm, Courage the Cowardly


----------



## balaspa

donkey was standing in


----------



## Eric S. Kim

a puddle of margarine


----------



## pm1626

and scrambled ostrich eggs.


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

ready to be cooked


----------



## pm1626

and served to the


----------



## sstroble

farmworkers and their families.


----------



## balaspa

Once the eggs were


----------



## pm1626

consumed, the diners celebrated


----------



## Eric S. Kim

Valentine's Day by singing


----------



## Melody Simmons

rhythmic hip-hop tunes that


----------



## Scout

dance like they'd never


----------



## Adrian Howell

been told what a


----------



## sstroble

dance floor is for.


----------



## balaspa

When the music stopped


----------



## Melody Simmons

balaspa said:


> When the music stopped


doors were flung open


----------



## Scout

it started to snow


----------



## sstroble

in New England and


----------



## Tony Richards

elsewhere but not NY. (Topical, huh?)


----------



## balaspa

The streets in the


----------



## pm1626

town centre led to


----------



## sstroble

city hall, Walgreens, and


----------



## Scout

a creepy little shop


----------



## balaspa

that had plants that


----------



## TWErvin2

smelled like potato chips.


----------



## Adrian Howell

Inside the shop was


----------



## Scout

small purple goblins that


----------



## sstroble

needed immediate medical attention.


----------



## balaspa

When the called the


----------



## pm1626

medics, the diagnosis was


----------



## iZeroComplexity

They ate too much


----------



## Guest

probably those potato chips


----------



## Scout

giving them acute heartburn.


----------



## A.G. Richards

which is never pleasant


----------



## Guest

They burped and belched


----------



## Adrian Howell

a loud Shakespearean sonnet


----------



## sstroble

penned during more pleasant


----------



## Guest

gustation. Then came the


----------



## balaspa

dancing clowns which were


----------



## Melody Simmons

agile and immune to


----------



## Tony Richards

chickenpox, ebola, and criticism


----------



## Eric S. Kim

of their comic books


----------



## Scout

written in crayon and


----------



## Melody Simmons

illustrated by Melody Simmons


----------



## balaspa

but written by someone


----------



## sstroble

who was a ghostwriter.


----------



## Eric S. Kim

Comic books aren't exactly


----------



## sstroble

what writers should read


----------



## Melody Simmons

yet they sneakily devour


----------



## balaspa

because they are awesome


----------



## Scout

in every single way.


----------



## balaspa

The best writers read


----------



## Scout

as little as possible.


----------



## sstroble

Because they prefer to


----------



## balaspa

write all of the


----------



## sstroble

stories that befuddle readers,


----------



## Scout

which is odd because


----------



## balaspa

their readers are the


----------



## pm1626

consumers of the writer's


----------



## sstroble

pithy, poetic, prophetic prose.


----------



## Scout

A dancing elf appeared


----------



## pm1626

but fell and broke


----------



## Eric S. Kim

Beethoven's favorite grand piano


----------



## Scout

, which tipped over and


----------



## pm1626

broke the elf's head.


----------



## sstroble

A neurosurgeon repaired it


----------



## balaspa

and once it was


----------



## pm1626

completed, the surgeon noticed


----------



## Scout

that he had seven


----------



## sstroble

leftover axons and dendrites.


----------



## balaspa

That was just too


----------



## Scout

gross and he puked


----------



## balaspa

all over his shoes


----------



## Scout

, which his dog happily


----------



## balaspa

avoided because he had


----------



## Scout

a ball in his


----------



## sstroble

back court that spun


----------



## pm1626

uncontrollably, and made contact


----------



## balaspa

with the wall when


----------



## Scout

it collapsed. The paramedics


----------



## TWErvin2

arrived, unable to determine


----------



## Scout

how many trauma victims


----------



## pm1626

there were because the


----------



## Scout

rain poured down like


----------



## pm1626

waterfall and swept the


----------



## Scout

dead bodies away. In


----------



## sstroble

an effort to help,


----------



## balaspa

several firemen showed up


----------



## Scout

to save the day.


----------



## pm1626

Axons and dendrites reunited


----------



## sstroble

to form networks of


----------



## balaspa

cells that were very


----------



## Scout

shiny and smelled like


----------



## pm1626

ozone.  The snapping synapses


----------



## sstroble

began to send strange


----------



## balaspa

messages to all of


----------



## Scout

fairies hiding in the


----------



## pm1626

firemen's pockets and boots.


----------



## balaspa

Once the messages are


----------



## sstroble

decoded, then the drones


----------



## Scout

shoot down all dragons


----------



## sstroble

who were polluting the


----------



## pm1626

air with their foul


----------



## balaspa

breath and their very


----------



## pm1626

thick burning scales.  The


----------



## Scout

time had come to


----------



## sstroble

land atop the highest


----------



## balaspa

peaks which were then


----------



## Scout

covered with chocolate pudding


----------



## pm1626

and extremely slippery. The


----------



## sstroble

dragons ate some pudding


----------



## Scout

and drank a few


----------



## balaspa

diet cokes and they


----------



## pm1626

immediately improved their breath.


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

they breathed fresh air


----------



## sstroble

flapped their wings, and


----------



## balaspa

stomping their feet which


----------



## pm1626

caused great pudding globs


----------



## sstroble

to land on top


----------



## balaspa

of the cake that


----------



## Scout

the wizard conjured for


----------



## sstroble

his wife and king.


----------



## Scout

The king was enthralled


----------



## sstroble

that the queen wanted


----------



## Scout

more chocolate desserts conjured


----------



## sstroble

than appetites could fathom.


----------



## balaspa

The King looked and


----------



## kylaurel

drooled on his robe.


----------



## Scout

The Queen was mortified


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

Her boob was showing


----------



## Scout

again. The king tried


----------



## sstroble

enforcing his will on


----------



## balaspa

her but it was


----------



## Scout

a fruitless task because


----------



## pm1626

her royal wardrobe malfunction


----------



## Scout

disappeared, when the wizard


----------



## sstroble

muttered and then uttered,


----------



## Scout

"Breasto concealo!" This spell


----------



## balaspa

was called out by


----------



## sstroble

the wizard's apprentice, Crustaceanitor.


----------



## balaspa

who was a very


----------



## Tony Richards

annoying little man indeed.


----------



## sstroble

Dressed in green tophat,


----------



## Scout

he lifted his robe


----------



## balaspa

and looked down at


----------



## Scout

a bullfrog that was


----------



## sstroble

dancing an Irish jig.


----------



## Scout

Strange things like this


----------



## pm1626

were full moon occurrences.


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

that made her love...


----------



## sstroble

reading mysteries that included


----------



## balaspa

the best authors who


----------



## Scout

write about giant bullfrogs.


----------



## sstroble

When they switched genres,


----------



## Scout

their skin turned green


----------



## balaspa

and began to develop


----------



## Tony Richards

large poisonous warts which


----------



## Scout

spray Coca Cola on


----------



## Eric S. Kim

medium rare roast beef


----------



## Scout

trolls that live in


----------



## sstroble

high-rises, basements, yellow submarines,


----------



## Scout

and church steeples. They


----------



## balaspa

had some real problems


----------



## Scout

maneuvering their gigantic wings


----------



## sstroble

in four/fourth time, which


----------



## balaspa

was not too fast


----------



## pm1626

to cause the steeple


----------



## balaspa

to topple over when


----------



## Scout

the sun rises. Then,


----------



## pm1626

the dragons became excited


----------



## A.G. Richards

and danced about merrily


----------



## Tony Richards

before becoming nauseous and


----------



## Melody Simmons

changing to human form.


----------



## pm1626

The dragons were aghast


----------



## Scout

at how small their


----------



## balaspa

wings looked but they


----------



## Melody Simmons

enjoyed the coffee and


----------



## Eric S. Kim

stayed in Poland for


----------



## Scout

more doughnuts and cupcakes.


----------



## balaspa

One day, while it


----------



## Melody Simmons

snowed and temperatures went


----------



## J.Greene

arctic, Piotr decided he


----------



## Scout

would raise the dead.


----------



## Eric S. Kim

He wanted Beethoven to


----------



## sstroble

write a symphony that


----------



## Melody Simmons

would contain dragon instruments


----------



## balaspa

and cause all of


----------



## sstroble

the music critics to


----------



## Scout

howl at the moon.


----------



## balaspa

When the night fell


----------



## pm1626

their plans went awry


----------



## sstroble

as they lied about


----------



## Scout

having the right spell


----------



## sstroble

to compose the music.


----------



## Melody Simmons

The resultant cacophony was


----------



## balaspa

something that you just


----------



## Eric S. Kim

don't understand without a


----------



## Scout

dog ear to interpret.


----------



## sstroble

But the stenographer's notes


----------



## balaspa

were very hard to


----------



## Eric S. Kim

translate without a proper


----------



## sstroble

dictionary, thesaurus, magnifying glass,


----------



## balaspa

or any of the


----------



## pm1626

decoding methods.  The problem


----------



## Scout

is the trolls absconded


----------



## sstroble

with hard drives and


----------



## pm1626

intended to use the


----------



## CMHalstead

springing the hero into


----------



## balaspa

various adventures that were


----------



## Scout

dangerous, smelly and dirty.


----------



## sstroble

Afterwards, they showered, changed


----------



## Melody Simmons

got into bed with


----------



## balaspa

teddy bears and with


----------



## Melody Simmons

their Kindle eReaders that


----------



## Eric S. Kim

ran on AAA batteries


----------



## sstroble

that died after hours


----------



## Scout

submerging them in water.


----------



## Tony Richards

With nothing to read


----------



## pm1626

they decided to invent


----------



## Eric S. Kim

a cotton candy machine


----------



## sstroble

producing  words printed on


----------



## balaspa

loose leaf paper that


----------



## balaspa

really didn't need to


----------



## Tony Richards

make very much sense


----------



## Scout

because everyone hated reading.


----------



## balaspa

This made everyone sad


----------



## balaspa

and when they were


----------



## balaspa

crying it caused all


----------



## Eric S. Kim

volcanoes to explode without


----------



## balaspa

warning and with very


----------



## balaspa

loud explosions that were


----------



## balaspa

devastating to all of


----------



## bobbic

creation. And then the


----------



## balaspa

lava flowed down the


----------



## balaspa

mountain and the hillside


----------



## pm1626

engulfing all.  After a


----------



## TWErvin2

week or so, the


----------



## Eric S. Kim

Seattle Seahawks wrecked havoc


----------



## Scout

by playing football in


----------



## Eric S. Kim

the Andes Mountains without


----------



## pm1626

officials, goalposts or uniforms.


----------



## balaspa

It was just the


----------



## pm1626

wonderful sight of the


----------



## Scout

hyenas dancing and howling


----------



## sstroble

laughing, while looking for


----------



## VG2311

Searching for the unicorn


----------



## sstroble

who lost its horn


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

stuck in animal butt


----------



## sstroble

of a raging rhinoceros.


----------



## sstroble

After surgery, the unicorn


----------



## Scout

sang a song for


----------



## VG2311

a fair maiden in


----------



## sstroble

the recovery room. Then


----------



## Scout

she started to dance


----------



## sstroble

until bunions appeared on


----------



## Lindy Moone

three of her feet


----------



## sstroble

because her shoes were


----------



## Scout

made of metal and


----------



## sstroble

recycled plastic milk containers.


----------



## Scout

Time for a new


----------



## sstroble

4-word story, said Kboards.


----------



## Scout

Elvis threw Madonna a


----------



## sstroble

toupee that disintegrated when


----------



## sstroble

it touched her shoes.


----------



## bobbic

dotes on her shoes,


----------



## sstroble

Elvis was willing to


----------



## sstroble

song about hounds that


----------



## Tony Richards

wear blue suede ones


----------



## sstroble

autographed by Carl Perkins.


----------



## sstroble

needed was a song.


----------



## Scout

Madonna started to scream


----------



## sstroble

when Elvis sang "Suspicious


----------



## Eric S. Kim

Booty Call on Parade."


----------



## sstroble

all of his fans


----------



## Scout

protested the offense by


----------



## sstroble

no longer visiting Graceland.


----------



## Nicholas Olivo

Meanwhile, halfway across town


----------



## sstroble

the local DJ played


----------



## Tony Richards

Marilyn Manson Sings Sinatra


----------



## sstroble

but didn't pay royalties.


----------



## sstroble

ASCAP sued KRMB for


----------



## Eric S. Kim

using licorice as instruments


----------



## Tony Richards

and squirrels as plectrums


----------



## sstroble

,who together with Bullwinkle


----------



## Eric S. Kim

managed to mess up


----------



## Learnmegood

every last B flat.


----------



## sstroble

After the concert ended,


----------



## Eric S. Kim

people with ear plugs


----------



## Scout

threw them at the


----------



## sstroble

performers to autograph them.


----------



## Eric S. Kim

Unfortunately, the musicians didn't


----------



## sstroble

have pens, only bows,


----------



## Tony Richards

and used the bowstrings


----------



## Eric S. Kim

to cast a spell


----------



## sstroble

that came from hell.


----------



## Eric S. Kim

Someone needed coconuts for


----------



## sstroble

coconut macaroon cookie ice-cream.


----------



## Eric S. Kim

It's a favorite among


----------



## sstroble

Kboards readers and writers.


----------



## Scout

But candy is the


----------



## Eric S. Kim

one that brainwashes our


----------



## sstroble

brains with high-fructose corn


----------



## Eric S. Kim

imported from British Columbia


----------



## sstroble

by way of Iowa.


----------



## Keith Blenman

But it's addicting and


----------



## CrystalMarcos

can occasionally spark genius


----------



## Eric S. Kim

ideas regarding invulnerable robots


----------



## sstroble

that run on fructose.


----------



## Eric S. Kim

The robots are designed


----------



## sstroble

online by computer algorithms.


----------



## writerbee

Due to technical difficulties,


----------



## sstroble

the robots began writing


----------



## Eric S. Kim

graffiti on Sunset Boulevard


----------



## writerbee

but only after dark.


----------



## sstroble

Their technicians opened them


----------



## Mortiferus

To adjust their mood

Tapatalk @ Lumia


----------



## Eric S. Kim

swings because of their


----------



## writerbee

dangerous tendency to overheat


----------



## Mortiferus

heads turning off and
Tapatalk @ Lumia


----------



## Eric S. Kim

advanced technology moving backwards


----------



## sstroble

, not forward through time.


----------



## Eric S. Kim

These robots would live


----------



## sstroble

until their warranties expired.


----------



## Fullon

on the following kwanza


----------



## sstroble

the robots decided to


----------



## CrystalMarcos

play a dangerous game


----------



## writerbee

of hide and seek


----------



## Mortiferus

Bombs at the drugstore 
Tapatalk @ Lumia


----------



## Eric S. Kim

and dynamite at the


----------



## sstroble

author book signing event.


----------



## A.G. Richards

But they were foiled


----------



## Eric S. Kim

by sarcastic French-Canadian dolphins


----------



## sstroble

, descended from TV's Flipper.


----------



## CrystalMarcos

The dolphins almost saved


----------



## Scout

the cookies from burning.


----------



## Tony Richards

Water sprayed from blowholes


----------



## Chekotayy

as they expressed their


----------



## sstroble

distaste for well-done cookies.


----------



## Brownskins

A trainer in black


----------



## sstroble

wet suit and fins


----------



## writerbee

almost drowned when she


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

woke from deep sleep....


----------



## sstroble

from dolphins' hypnotic chatter.


----------



## Eric S. Kim

They sang Celtic songs


----------



## sstroble

taught by Irish dolphins.


----------



## Brownskins

The trainer's eyes exploded


----------



## balaspa

causing the blood to


----------



## sstroble

change from Type A


----------



## Eric S. Kim

to Type Z, which is


----------



## Brownskins

Zombie gray-colored blood


----------



## Eric S. Kim

that lasts up to


----------



## balaspa

three or four days


----------



## balaspa

Which is not as


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

bad as it looks


----------



## writerbee

unless you're colour-blind


----------



## Scout

or hate the alphabet.


----------



## balaspa

It was just then


----------



## Eric S. Kim

that an Australian pianist


----------



## sstroble

composed a B-flataugmented 7thdiminsihed 5th sonata


----------



## Tony Richards

for spoons and ukulele


----------



## sstroble

. The recording sold well,


----------



## Brownskins

and hit Billboard's top


----------



## sstroble

100 for alt-bluegrass/Americana albums.


----------



## Eric S. Kim

It didn't, however, convince


----------



## Brownskins

the Prince to give


----------



## sstroble

it to the Princess.


----------



## Brownskins

The royal festivities started


----------



## sstroble

on 9/12/15 when a


----------



## Eric S. Kim

wizard named Gandalf played


----------



## Brownskins

trick explosions that amused


----------



## balaspa

the Hobbits but not


----------



## sstroble

elves, trolls, and Munchkins.


----------



## Eric S. Kim

The dwarves weren't pleased


----------



## Brownskins

and bombed the plaza


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

with not much damage...


----------



## Brownskins

except the death of


----------



## sstroble

free e-books and other


----------



## Brownskins

gnomes, elves, and ants.


----------



## sstroble

Surveying the devastation, the


----------



## Brownskins

Marvel superheroes flew in


----------



## Eric S. Kim

and collected their paychecks


----------



## Brownskins

from the White House


----------



## sstroble

. Then they returned to


----------



## DiegoDinardi

Asgard, because it was


----------



## Brownskins

infested by Kryptonian people


----------



## amy_wokz

who sang a capella


----------



## Brownskins

and sounded like Pentatonix


----------



## Eric S. Kim

laughing at toilet jokes


----------



## Brownskins

The blood moon filled


----------



## sstroble

empty heads everywhere and


----------



## Brownskins

blasted red shooting stars


----------



## balaspa

across the black sky


----------



## DiegoDinardi

And a new star


----------



## Eric S. Kim

that glows purple when


----------



## Brownskins

the clock strikes twelve


----------



## sstroble

engulfed the blood moon.


----------



## Brownskins

The new star quadrupled


----------



## DiegoDinardi

And new planets were


----------



## Brownskins

scattered throughout the galaxies


----------



## Eric S. Kim

without the threat of


----------



## sstroble

blood or yellow moons.


----------



## Brownskins

Colorful constellations started realigning


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

that was heavenly sight


----------



## Eric S. Kim

for aliens on Mars


----------



## Brownskins

.  The constellations morphed into


----------



## sstroble

phantasmagoric shapes and sounds.


----------



## DiegoDinardi

And the gods who


----------



## Eric S. Kim

attacked with fiery comets


----------



## Brownskins

gravitated to Jupiter and


----------



## sstroble

landed on its largest


----------



## Eric S. Kim

planet in the Solar


----------



## sstroble

System Omega. Then the


----------



## A.G. Richards

Martians decided to copy


----------



## Brownskins

and duplicate the celestial


----------



## Eric S. Kim

Symphony of the Universe


----------



## Brownskins

.  Meanwhile, acid rain broke


----------



## sstroble

out in Las Vegas.


----------



## Brownskins

, tearing through casino roofs


----------



## Eric S. Kim

and flooding the sewers


----------



## DiegoDinardi

until there was nothing


----------



## Brownskins

that wasn't covered by


----------



## sstroble

acidic liquids, solids, and


----------



## DiegoDinardi

drops of a mysterious


----------



## Eric S. Kim

cough medicine guaranteed to


----------



## Brownskins

unlock all slot machines


----------



## Tony Richards

, speed up roulette wheels,


----------



## sstroble

lull card-dealers into dealing


----------



## Brownskins

. Eventually, all cash disappeared


----------



## Eric S. Kim

from every Canadian bank


----------



## sstroble

, transferred to Caribbean banks.


----------



## Brownskins

The dolphins bellied up


----------



## Eric S. Kim

and became bank robbers


----------



## Brownskins

.  An 8.4 (RS) earthquake caused


----------



## DiegoDinardi

A rift in space


----------



## Eric S. Kim

and changed the way


----------



## john_a_karr

humans travel through space


----------



## sstroble

by using magnetic-field displacement.


----------



## Brownskins

This prompted a migration


----------



## sstroble

from NASA headquarters to


----------



## Eric S. Kim

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil


----------



## Brownskins

and finally to Pluto.


----------



## Mindy54

Meanwhile, the Dolphins decided


----------



## sstroble

to swim toward the


----------



## Eric S. Kim

Mariana Trench, where they


----------



## Brownskins

swam through a portal


----------



## sstroble

to Six Flags Over


----------



## Brownskins

.  The poor farmer looked


----------



## sstroble

to water his crops.


----------



## Eric S. Kim

But Iowa and Illinois


----------



## Edenoccasus Z

kind of fell apart.​


----------



## sstroble

California's drought resulted in


----------



## Keith Blenman

the great beaver invasion


----------



## Eric S. Kim

that started in Yosemite


----------



## Brownskins

.  Then the DeLorean took


----------



## Eric S. Kim

off across Route 66


----------



## Tony Richards

running Hell's Angels down


----------



## amy_wokz

who were already zombies


----------



## sstroble

after picnicking with bears.


----------



## Eric S. Kim

Nobody knew if the


----------



## Brownskins

secret ambition of the


----------



## sstroble

bears was to become


----------



## Eric S. Kim

a film adaptation directed


----------



## amy_wokz

by renegade bear shifters


----------



## sstroble

waiting at picnic tables.


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

to enjoy good food


----------



## Eric S. Kim

made by a Norwegian


----------



## balaspa

who wore a weird


----------



## amy_wokz

smile on his face


----------



## sstroble

to calm the bear.


----------



## passerby

The bear was unimpressed


----------



## Brownskins

and moved on... shortly.


----------



## balaspa

When the sun came


----------



## balaspa

out it caused the


----------



## missypyxi

dew to glisten on


----------



## Brownskins

the winter white hydrangeas.


----------



## John Nelson

What could go wrong?


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

in this wild chase


----------



## sstroble

ending on Christmas Day.


----------



## sstroble

New year's eve eve


----------



## writerbee

was the beginning of


----------



## Brownskins

"What else is new?"


----------



## balaspa

"Not too much really."


----------



## sstroble

Looks like 2016 will


----------



## sstroble

be a game-changer for


----------



## sstroble

self-publishing writers who wake


----------



## writerbee

their creative sleeping dragon


----------



## sstroble

, living to tell about


----------



## sstroble

their Adventures in Kboardsland.


----------



## geoffthomas

Have you left me......


----------



## A.G. Richards

willful, frustrating, maddening muse


----------



## balaspa

because I cannot tell


----------



## Warren Dean

in my zombie state


----------



## sstroble

what to write next.


----------



## Warren Dean

That is when it


----------



## Brownskins

hit the dance floor


----------



## Warren Dean

to the sound of


----------



## Scout

frogs croaking and lots


----------



## Brownskins

of bassy timbaland beats


----------



## Keith Blenman

while harmonizing yaks sang


----------



## Warren Dean

Willie Nelson songs and


----------



## A.G. Richards

Benny Hill's Greatest Hits.


----------



## Warren Dean

Ernie, who drove the


----------



## Brownskins

orange buggy for Bert


----------



## Warren Dean

was the fastest milkman


----------



## Brownskins

who sired more kids


----------



## Warren Dean

than Postman Pat ever


----------



## Brownskins

disclosed he had.  Milk


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

that tasted very strange


----------



## Warren Dean

came from outer space


----------



## Brownskins

and through the sprinklers


----------



## balaspa

which were strewn about


----------



## Warren Dean

all over the great


----------



## Brownskins

galaxy called Milky Way.


----------



## Warren Dean

Marvin the paranoid android


----------



## Brownskins

phoned home for help


----------



## Warren Dean

but ET was out


----------



## Scout

playing Pokemon Go with


----------



## Warren Dean

the Swiss Family Robinson


----------



## Brownskins

Desperate, Marvin teleported to


----------



## Warren Dean

Hogwarts, where Professor Snape


----------



## Brownskins

transformed him into a


----------



## Warren Dean

frog.  Luckily Nanny Plum


----------



## Guest

was about to cook


----------



## Warren Dean

a big pot of


----------



## Brownskins

frog-transforming stew.  Marvin


----------



## Warren Dean

was very depressed by


----------



## Brownskins

his horrendous skin texture


----------



## Warren Dean

which felt like treacle


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

Let us talk romantic


----------



## Brownskins

, said Nanny to Marvin.


----------



## Warren Dean

Arthur Dent and Zaphod


----------



## Brownskins

instantly appeared in Florida


----------



## Scout

with candles and fancy


----------



## Brownskins

zappers with remote controls.


----------



## Warren Dean

The important thing was


----------



## Brownskins

they wore identical rings


----------



## Warren Dean

on each of their


----------



## Brownskins

noses.  The Olympus gods


----------



## Warren Dean

threw thunderbolts at the


----------



## Brownskins

lovers.  Cupid suddenly appeared


----------



## Warren Dean

out of the blue


----------



## Brownskins

and whisked them away


----------



## Warren Dean

to a great big


----------



## Ebenezer Lux

restaurant in the sky.


----------



## Warren Dean

Once upon a time


----------



## KyleArmstrong

God paid a visit


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

in Its wonderful creation


----------



## Warren Dean

an antique yellow submarine


----------



## KyleArmstrong

made of solid gold


----------



## Warren Dean

and green pea soup


----------



## Brownskins

.  He was displeased so


----------



## Warren Dean

he called up his


----------



## KyleArmstrong

stepson Lucifer. They reconciled


----------



## Brownskins

and together worked on


----------



## Warren Dean

an old Spanish Train


----------



## KyleArmstrong

to reach mount olympus


----------



## CaptainD

in time for lunch.


----------



## KyleArmstrong

Abrahamic God hated Zeus


----------



## C. J. Sears

so he sent him


----------



## Warren Dean

into space.  There Zeus


----------



## CaptainD

transmogrified into a hedgehog


----------



## KyleArmstrong

dark blue in color.


----------



## C. J. Sears

He's gotta go fast


----------



## KyleArmstrong

, _speed of light_ fast.


----------



## CaptainD

to a place where


----------



## KyleArmstrong

the moon was full


----------



## CaptainD

of green chili peppers


----------



## C. J. Sears

and chili cheese dogs.


----------



## CaptainD

This resulted in enormous


----------



## KyleArmstrong

ejaculatory fluid being leaked


----------



## C. J. Sears

-figuratively speaking, of course.


----------



## Warren Dean

Johnny hit Las Vegas


----------



## KyleArmstrong

to find his son


----------



## CaptainD

but instead found tranquility


----------



## Warren Dean

at the blackjack table.


----------



## C. J. Sears

He was accosted by


----------



## CaptainD

several large blue hedgehogs


----------



## Warren Dean

Benny and the Jets


----------



## Tony Richards

rushed to his rescue


----------



## Warren Dean

with big buckets of


----------



## CaptainD

the buckets were very


----------



## archaeoroutes

heavy and made of


----------



## Warren Dean

gold, silver, and bronze.


----------



## KyleArmstrong

A tree hugger appeared


----------



## Warren Dean

get thee hence to


----------



## C. J. Sears

the Great Deku Tree.


----------



## Warren Dean

Once there, Johnny said


----------



## CaptainD

"What grotesqueness is this?!"


----------



## JayandFunGoo

Pointing over to the


----------



## Warren Dean

south side of the


----------



## Warren Dean

with a green lightsaber


----------



## CaptainD

was busy decimating another


----------



## Warren Dean

part of the giant


----------



## KyleArmstrong

tree. This caused tingling


----------



## CaptainD

sensations in Alderaan places


----------



## Warren Dean

which made up for


----------



## KyleArmstrong

his lack of size


----------



## Warren Dean

in a funny way.


----------



## KyleArmstrong

He carved a pump


----------



## Warren Dean

action shotgun out of


----------



## KyleArmstrong

a forgotten pumpkin from


----------



## CaptainD

the ancient's favourite garden


----------



## Warren Dean

nursery.  After that Captain


----------



## Tony Richards

Nemo shot a whale


----------



## Warren Dean

with a tranquilizer dart


----------



## Guest

causing the creature to


----------



## Warren Dean

fly through the air.


----------



## KyleArmstrong

It landed in Arkansas


----------



## CaptainD

on top of a


----------



## A.G. Richards

hot dog stand and


----------



## Warren Dean

The flying whale then


----------



## CaptainD

gave an enormous sigh


----------



## Warren Dean

and began flapping its


----------



## archaeoroutes

tail, thinking "What is


----------



## Warren Dean

Meanwhile, on the other


----------



## ddominikwickles

side of the ocean,


----------



## Warren Dean

a white whale named


----------



## archaeoroutes

Mobi hailed a passing


----------



## A.G. Richards

whaling vessel, rather naively,


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

full of you know!


----------



## KyleArmstrong

Tax avoidance advisory documentation


----------



## ddominikwickles

warned the whale was


----------



## A.G. Richards

offshore, and thus illegal


----------



## KyleArmstrong

. The whale visited court


----------



## TWErvin2

accompanied by an incompetent


----------



## KyleArmstrong

chancer named Lionel Hutz.


----------



## TWErvin2

Lionel never really figured


----------



## Amras

he would account for


----------



## TWErvin2

the ridiculous number of


----------



## Amras

tacos he could eat.


----------



## KyleArmstrong

His stomach started grumbling


----------



## Ava_Red

and he wondered what


----------



## TWErvin2

his neighbors would think


----------



## Ava_Red

if he didn't make


----------



## TWErvin2

the shop owner across


----------



## Ava_Red

the road open their


----------



## TWErvin2

musical pantry because mechanics


----------



## archaeoroutes

were working on their


----------



## archaeoroutes

trumpets and other brass


----------



## KyleArmstrong

heavy duty contraceptives. Stella


----------



## archaeoroutes

Artois, yes that's a


----------



## KyleArmstrong

drink associated with wife


----------



## TWErvin2

expectations based upon whatever


----------



## KyleArmstrong

they speak on Mars


----------



## AlanKemp

. The Vulcans turned up


----------



## TWErvin2

to dispute the veracity


----------



## AlanKemp

of George Martin's motivation


----------



## KyleArmstrong

. Hopefully he finishes the


----------



## TWErvin2

beer and pizza before


----------



## AlanKemp

the turtles come back


----------



## TWErvin2

and demand their share


----------



## AlanKemp

. My toothbrush fell down


----------



## Guest

the toilet. Oh no


----------



## TWErvin2

, turtles won't help because


----------



## AlanKemp

of the speed limit


----------



## TWErvin2

imposed by the annoying


----------



## KyleArmstrong

ventriloquist who wouldn't stop


----------



## CaptainD

reciting Shakespearean sonnets.  However,


----------



## TWErvin2

if the ventriloquist would


----------



## Tony Richards

make his dummy speak


----------



## TWErvin2

without constantly referring to


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

what is to speak..


----------



## Fleurina

of his unlucky streak


----------



## Van Argan

then I happily listen


----------



## A.G. Richards

However, Shakespearean sonnets are


----------



## TWErvin2

taken out of context


----------



## amy_wokz

much like Sonnet 130


----------



## LivingWell

Is there sonnet history?


----------



## TWErvin2

Because, if not, then


----------



## A.G. Richards

we'll resort to haikus


----------



## archaeoroutes

and eating hemp seed


----------



## TWErvin2

paste. Mixing hints of


----------



## archaeoroutes

mustard with a waft


----------



## archaeoroutes

of cinnamon and a


----------



## TWErvin2

bowl of hot oatmeal


----------



## Brownskins

. "Long live the king!"


----------



## CatherineM

the turtles shouted, while


----------



## TWErvin2

tasting the oatmeal. They


----------



## SallyPerkin

They talked loud that


----------



## Rafael Pombo

they differed from tortoises


----------



## TWErvin2

and muskrats. Because of


----------



## NapCat (retired)

the way their eyes


----------



## Brownskins

exploded into colorful splatters


----------



## CatherineM

any time they sang,


----------



## TWErvin2

or quoted Shakespeare. They


----------



## Brownskins

transformed into monster trucks


----------



## NapCat (retired)

driving off a cliff


----------



## Brownskins

and onto a rainbow


----------



## NapCat (retired)

of sparkling cat eyes


----------



## Brownskins

.  Therians suddenly showed up


----------



## NapCat (retired)

seeking wolfly contentment, however


----------



## Brownskins

dracolings also appeared, causing


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

extremely fluid unexpected situation...


----------



## Brownskins

The undead gave rousting


----------



## TWErvin2

cheer after grabbing some


----------



## HlthyAnita

red wine from store


----------



## TWErvin2

cashiers. That failed to


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

put everything in bag


----------



## TWErvin2

because paper bags can't


----------



## geniebeanie

Very slowly he turned.


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

the back from store


----------



## TWErvin2

because she grew taller


----------



## archaeoroutes

and deploying their parachutes


----------



## TWErvin2

was now less important


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

because everyone was safe


----------



## TWErvin2

and the flowery meadow


----------



## A.G. Richards

broke their fall safely.


----------



## TWErvin2

Because the parachutes were


----------



## amy_wokz

like Thelma and Louise


----------



## TWErvin2

and they quickly began


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

packing things for vacation


----------



## TWErvin2

for a really hot


----------



## KyleArmstrong

night in hell. Satan


----------



## Betty Blast

surprised them all with


----------



## TWErvin2

bottles of frosty beer.


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

cold beer tastes good


----------



## Ultravox117

when chugging in bed


----------



## TWErvin2

but not when there's


----------



## A.G. Richards

someone else with you.


----------



## TWErvin2

That's when you should


----------



## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon)

be careful do anything


----------



## TWErvin2

but spill the beer


----------



## CatherineM

What happened? Try again.


----------



## TWErvin2

and get out of


----------



## CatherineM

that situation real fast.


----------



## Javelin

Make like a mosquito


----------



## TWErvin2

and annoy somebody because


----------



## CatherineM

once upon a time


----------



## CatherineM

Oops. Sorry about that.


----------



## CatherineM

TWErvin2 said:


> and annoy somebody because


that other guy said


----------



## VisitasKeat

you are a vampire


----------



## CatherineM

, but he insisted that


----------



## VisitasKeat

he left in peace.


----------



## TWErvin2

But, because of that


----------



## VisitasKeat

they called him names.


----------



## TWErvin2

That encouraged the vampire


----------



## VisitasKeat

to bare his fangs.


----------



## TWErvin2

He then asked for


----------



## VisitasKeat

the whereabouts of werewolves.


----------



## TWErvin2

A tall woman said


----------



## CatherineM

they were in the


----------



## TWErvin2

parlor playing Yahtzee while


----------



## CatherineM

listening to Cheap Trick.


----------



## TWErvin2

The vampire told the


----------



## VisitasKeat

woman that he is


----------



## TWErvin2

frustrated by seeing her


----------



## CatherineM

standing in the window


----------



## TWErvin2

Frowning, the tall woman


----------



## VisitasKeat

bared her vampire teeth.


----------



## TWErvin2

The vampire cried because


----------



## VisitasKeat

joy filled his heart.


----------



## TWErvin2

The tall woman couldn't


----------



## VisitasKeat

resist his war cries.


----------



## Kathy Dee

But she could resist


----------



## TWErvin2

eating cotton candy before


----------



## VisitasKeat

taking him to parlor.


----------



## TWErvin2

Once there she grew


----------



## CatherineM

really long eyelashes because


----------



## VisitasKeat

the werewolves snared her.


----------



## TWErvin2

Their Yahtzee game disrupted,


----------



## VisitasKeat

they attacked the vampires.


----------



## TWErvin2

The vampires dodged and


----------



## CatherineM

managed to get the


----------



## TWErvin2

to distract the werewolves


----------



## CatherineM

from the horses that


----------



## TWErvin2

galloped through the mud.


----------



## VisitasKeat

The werewolves attacked again.


----------



## TWErvin2

The vampire punched the


----------



## CatherineM

time clock and headed


----------



## TWErvin2

out the door. He


----------



## CatherineM

TWErvin2 said:


> out the door. He


looked both ways and


----------



## TWErvin2

while the tall woman


----------



## CatherineM

stood there, she shouted


----------



## TWErvin2

my eye long lashes


----------



## Kathy Dee

require an application of


----------



## TWErvin2

extensions. That would definitely


----------



## CatherineM

TWErvin2 said:


> extensions. That would definitely


be a tripping hazard.


----------



## TWErvin2

She asked the vampire


----------



## CatherineM

to join her for


----------



## archaeoroutes

tea and crumpets in


----------



## TWErvin2

the bookstore. She was


----------



## CatherineM

waiting for an answer


----------



## TWErvin2

to her eyelashes concern.


----------



## CatherineM

Later that night, when


----------



## Kathy Dee

CatherineM said:


> Later that night, when


the full moon rose


----------



## TWErvin2

and the city slept


----------



## Kathy Dee

TWErvin2 said:


> and the city slept


an alligator appeared from


----------



## archaeoroutes

the depths of her


----------



## Kathy Dee

archaeoroutes said:


> the depths of her


Volkswagen Transporter. But after


----------



## TWErvin2

looking more closely,  she


----------



## Kathy Dee

TWErvin2 said:


> looking more closely, she


realised that the alligator


----------



## TWErvin2

was actually a robot.


----------



## Kathy Dee

TWErvin2 said:


> was actually a robot.


Would you like a


----------



## TWErvin2

spicy omelet, she asked.


----------



## Kathy Dee

TWErvin2 said:


> spicy omelet, she asked.


"I'm a robot, dummy!"


----------



## TWErvin2

She replied, "My magnetic


----------



## CatherineM

omelet has won gold


----------



## TWErvin2

medals and helped me


----------



## Kathy Dee

TWErvin2 said:


> medals and helped me


to track alligators by


----------



## TWErvin2

annoying them.  It's never


----------



## Kathy Dee

really worked that well.


----------



## TWErvin2

The alligator robot said,


----------



## CatherineM

"Look at those horses


----------



## TWErvin2

jumping over the fence.


----------



## Kathy Dee

TWErvin2 said:


> jumping over the fence.


Wait, they're not horses ...


----------



## TWErvin2

They're unicorns. Now that's


----------



## LiveWell-Amy

that is wrong statement...


----------



## TWErvin2

The tall woman decided


----------



## Kathy Dee

to capture a unicorn


----------



## TWErvin2

It'd be difficult, but


----------



## Tip10

she aims to persevere


----------



## TWErvin2

It would help to


----------



## Kathy Dee

get the Transporter


----------



## TWErvin2

out of the barn.


----------



## Kathy Dee

She started the engine


----------



## TWErvin2

which sounded odd. Nevertheless


----------



## Kathy Dee

she whacked it into first


----------



## Kathy Dee

Kathy Dee said:


> she whacked it into


----------



## Tip10

First and mashed the


----------



## TWErvin2

control panel. The results


----------



## Kathy Dee

TWErvin2 said:


> control panel. The results


caused her to chuckle


----------



## TWErvin2

and grow taller. She


----------



## Kathy Dee

was soon unable to


----------



## TWErvin2

drive a compact car.


----------



## Kathy Dee

However, the robot was


----------



## TWErvin2

impressed. The woman said


----------



## Tip10

“Hark, I hear a


----------



## TWErvin2

unicorn galloping away. She


----------



## Kathy Dee

took off, after it.


----------



## TWErvin2

Being extra tall helped


----------



## Kathy Dee

but not very much.


----------



## TWErvin2

Unicorns are faster than


----------



## CatherineM

horses, but they are


----------



## Tip10

Slower than supersonic robots


----------



## TWErvin2

on the Serengeti plains.


----------



## Tip10

While chasing the unicorn


----------



## TWErvin2

the extra-tall woman shouted


----------



## Tip10

Abracadabra Alakazam presto chango


----------



## TWErvin2

and her hair turned


----------



## Kathy Dee

into snakes, wriggling wildly.


----------



## TWErvin2

The galloping unicorn stopped


----------



## CatherineM

when he saw the


----------



## Tip10

Supersonic robot screaming across


----------



## TWErvin2

the field of flowers.


----------



## Maria Flores

Them, one fine day


----------



## Tip10

In the land of


----------



## TWErvin2

unicorns and flowers, the


----------



## Tip10

Sun failed to rise


----------



## TWErvin2

so the tall woman


----------



## CatherineM

sent a message to


----------



## TWErvin2

her neighbor in town


----------



## CatherineM

who knew about the


----------



## TWErvin2

unicorns and vampire. The


----------



## CatherineM

snowmobile screamed into the


----------



## TWErvin2

brisk wind and the


----------



## CatherineM

cold made them wonder


----------



## TWErvin2

why white unicorns never


----------



## Kathy Dee

shit in the woods.


----------



## TWErvin2

The tall woman decided


----------



## Kathy Dee

she couldn't care less.


----------



## TWErvin2

She trotted through the


----------



## Kathy Dee

unicorn shit without a


----------



## TWErvin2

pair of boots on.


----------



## CatherineM

It was then that


----------



## TWErvin2

she decided that stomping


----------



## CatherineM

was worthless and decided


----------



## TWErvin2

tap dancing was appropriate.


----------



## CatherineM

Her tap shoes were


----------



## TWErvin2

back at the barn.


----------



## CatherineM

The horses loved them.


----------



## TWErvin2

The goats were jealous.


----------



## CatherineM

The cute goats decided


----------



## TWErvin2

the tall woman should


----------



## LiveWell-Amy

should go with man


----------



## TWErvin2

to find her shoes.


----------



## CatherineM

The goats were confused


----------



## TWErvin2

why someone needed shoes.


----------



## CatherineM

But when they saw


----------



## LiveWell-Amy

rough landscape and thorns


----------



## TWErvin2

the goats all decided


----------



## CatherineM

to hop into the


----------



## TWErvin2

wagon and get ready


----------

