# Marriage



## CatherineM (Jan 9, 2013)

What is your opinion of this seemingly sacred institution?  I've never been.


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## balaspa (Dec 27, 2009)

I'm for marriage. As long as you find the right person and don't rush into it, I think it's really nice to have a partner in life. I was married briefly about 20 years ago and it burned out quickly and I got hurt by the divorce.  But after years of angst and solitude, I knew I really wanted another chance to be a good partner and find love again.  Last year, I married the love of my life and our relationship is so strong. I feel like she makes me a better person. She pushes me to do my best and appreciates me even when I don't reach that goal. We are always laughing and having fun--even a trip to the grocery store is an adventure with her. My stress level is much lower now that we live together and have the wedding behind us.

We knew early on we did not want to have children, so there was a decision there on if we really needed to get married and what the benefits were. But there is something to be said for committing to someone for life in front of your family, friends, and God. That is the power of love and it is beautiful. It really is outrageous that not all consenting adults have the ability to get married, and I hope that changes soon.


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## cinisajoy (Mar 10, 2013)

Been married 20+ years.  Got married in a courthouse no God involved.  So now I will turn it around on you and ask are you talking about a marriage where two people live together and share everything and it is recognized by the government or are you asking about the religious aspect of it?
You mentioned sacred is why I ask.


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## CatherineM (Jan 9, 2013)

cinisajoy said:


> Been married 20+ years. Got married in a courthouse no God involved. So now I will turn it around on you and ask are you talking about a marriage where two people live together and share everything and it is recognized by the government or are you asking about the religious aspect of it?
> You mentioned sacred is why I ask.


Well, I think I'm thinking about the way our mighty leaders are diminishing the whole idea of it. It kinda makes me mad if you know what I mean.


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## Lilith (Dec 25, 2010)

I am not in favor of marriage.  I think it changes people, not always for the better.  I know a number of very happy couples (both hetero and same sex) who are not married but committed to each other and they seem far happier than any married couple I know. 

That said, I have been married to a very good man for 26+ years.  He is a good person but not a good husband.  I would not do it over again but, if I could, I would like to know whether it would have worked out better if we hadn't gotten married but has just stayed together.  FWIW, we have no children by choice and like a previous poster, got married by a judge, no church involved (again by choice).

Lilith


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## Betsy the Quilter (Oct 27, 2008)

Stepping in to say that neither politics or religion are discussed here on KB.  A discussion of marriage is fine...but we're not going to be discussing the politics or religion behind current laws.  Unless you want the thread to be locked. 

Thanks,

Betsy
KBoards Moderator


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## Book Master (May 3, 2013)

Married for 25 years now. Yes, in a small church, and remember for better or worse, richer or poorer, til death do us part. It hasn't always been the greatest of times but then again, it's not suppose to be that way all the time.
In today's world, they get married and get a divorce to meander over to see if the grass is greener on the other side. If that one fails to work, its on to the next one.
I think I'll stay married because as the song goes, "breaking up is hard to do." Not only do you lose most of what you worked hard for, sometimes you wind up being a whole lot older and wishing you had of stayed with the first one you divorced.
The reason I know, is because I have a kid that has been married four times and they flopped!
Guess where that kid is now? Right back with the first one they married that they thought they never wanted who was the best thing that ever happened to begin with.
Marriage is sacred and that's the way its suppose to be no matter how hard things can be at times, there is always many ways to change it to the better. You just have to work hard at it and make sure you count each new day as if it was the first day after your wedding.


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## cinisajoy (Mar 10, 2013)

CatherineM said:


> Well, I think I'm thinking about the way our mighty leaders are diminishing the whole idea of it. It kinda makes me mad if you know what I mean.


I think I know what you mean but I do not think our leaders are diminishing marriage.
I think if two people are in love, they should be able to get married if they want to provided they are both legal to get married. I do not care if it is two men/two women/ or one of each. 
Now I do not approve of arranged marriages and yes they even happen here in some religions. I also do not think that parents should be able to sign for their underage daughter to marry someone over the age of 21.

Also I do not see where Ted and Harry's or Sally and Beth's or George and Mary's marriages have anything to do with my relationship.
It is their life and I have no business in their bedroom so to speak.

If you want to get married in a church in front of God and everybody that is your choice, if you want a secular ceremony that is great too or if you want to get married at the courthouse just to make it legal for the government that is great too.

Key point your life your choice and my choice has absolutely nothing to do with your choice. So why make something between 2 others your business? I mean who you sleep with or don't sleep with is not my business unless you happen to be in my bed with me. Who you marry is the same idea unless you are marrying me which would be highly illegal since I am already married.


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## The Hooded Claw (Oct 12, 2009)

None for me, thanks. I'm not unalterably opposed to the idea, but I haven't yet met anyone where we had a mutual spark. Being past fifty, I suspect I'd have trouble adjusting, so I'm even more doubtful of it happening now than when I was younger.


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

I knew the day I met my DH that he was the one. I was dating someone else, but not for long.
24 years later, my world still revolves around him. We are coming up on our 23rd anniversary this Nov.


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## kindlequeen (Sep 3, 2010)

I believe in marriage but I respect that it's not for everyone.  I just happen to have (what I feel) is a good marriage; one worth working on, investing in, and nourishing but all long term relationships require that with or without a license.  Perhaps if I had never experienced the kind of love I have with my husband, then I might feel differently.  If divorce wasn't possible, I'm sure I, being a child of divorce, among many others would feel very differently.

My husband had been in a 9 year relationship before we met and he didn't have the desire to marry her.  He told me early on that he didn't really see the point in marriage, I never told him that I HAD to get married - his view wasn't a deal breaker for me but he did propose and it seemed right for us as our relationship evolved.  We got married 5 years ago this month.  We were married outdoors, by a friend, and I wrote the vows we exchanged based on a hand-fasting ceremony.  It wasn't religious and it wasn't just a civil union - it was as unique as our relationship is.

Personally, I adore the wedding as a celebration of love.  I am grateful for the rights that come with being legally married in this country, especially when it comes to being involved in medical decisions and hospital visiting rights.  

Love is a beautiful thing and if anyone is lucky enough to find that special person who makes them feel alive and amazing then it should be respected, whether or not those people want the ceremony and license (which I feel everyone should have a right to).


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## MamaProfCrash (Dec 16, 2008)

I love weddings. I love being their two support two people who are in love chosing to spend their life together. I have been married for almost four years. It was a civil ceremony (I am Catholic, Hubby is an athiest). We know we will hit our rough spots and are working through many small issues every day but that is a part of the process. We got married when we were in our 30's so have many life habits to adjust or accept which can be challenging. We love our baby boy and the dogs. 

I am thrilled that more of my friends who are in love will have the choice to get married or not. I am thrilled that it will be easier for all married couples to care for their loved ones when they are ill and enjoy legal protections that married couples have enjoyed for many years now. 

Love wins out


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## HappyGuy (Nov 3, 2008)

Marwidge. Marwidge is what bwings us togever today! (Know what movie that's from?)


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## ◄ Jess ► (Apr 21, 2010)

I'm kind of indifferent towards it. I've been married for a year and it's not like it really changed anything, except I changed my last name and we didn't have to pay 2 application fees to get an apartment. I can see why people do it, but I didn't really care if we got married or not. I do wish we had skipped the wedding!


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## LaRita (Oct 28, 2008)

HappyGuy said:


> Marwidge. Marwidge is what bwings us togever today! (Know what movie that's from?)


The Princess Bride, right?

My husband and I were married 23 years when he passed away, and I miss him every day. He was my partner in spirit as well as in law. Since he hadn't gotten around to making a will before he passed away, being a legal spouse made the probate process much simpler. So I guess I'm saying I'm pro-marriage; a legal spouse has much better protection than an unmarried partner. However, to each his own; the paper doesn't confer happiness, only love and hard work can do that.


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## MamaProfCrash (Dec 16, 2008)

True, but the paper saves loved ones taxes on estates and gives them the right to make medical and funeral decisions that their loved ones family would get to make without the paper. The legal rights are important.


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## Atunah (Nov 20, 2008)

MamaProfCrash said:


> True, but the paper saves loved ones taxes on estates and gives them the right to make medical and funeral decisions that their loved ones family would get to make without the paper. The legal rights are important.


Yep, pretty much why I got married again. For me, I don't need a paper for the commitment to my partner, but I sure want to have that security of what it brings, especially as I get older. I am still sobbing over all the taxes we wasted while just living together. And of course I couldn't have healthcare without the paper.


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## cinisajoy (Mar 10, 2013)

I am going to add just a bit to what I said earlier.
If you want a marriage great, if you don't want a marriage that is great too.
Same goes with children or pets, if you want them go for it, if not don't.  That is entirely up to you.
The thing is it is your life, live it as you see fit.  (As long as it doesn't hurt others.)


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## EthanRussellErway (Nov 17, 2011)

Marriage is all about sacrifice, commitment, and loving others more than you love yourself.  It also (when respected) protects us from disease, provides emotional security and stability for children, and causes us to grow the heck up.  Don't worry about those who try to redefine it, they can't.  It is not in their understanding or power.


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## cinisajoy (Mar 10, 2013)

EthanRussellErway said:


> Marriage is all about sacrifice, commitment, and loving others more than you love yourself. It also (when respected) protects us from disease, provides emotional security and stability for children, and causes us to grow the heck up. Don't worry about those who try to redefine it, they can't. It is not in their understanding or power.


I like your thought.


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## CatherineM (Jan 9, 2013)

◄ Jess ► said:


> I'm kind of indifferent towards it. I've been married for a year and it's not like it really changed anything, except I changed my last name and we didn't have to pay 2 application fees to get an apartment. I can see why people do it, but I didn't really care if we got married or not. I do wish we had skipped the wedding!


Cool flipping answer!!! Thank you, Jess.


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## Alain Gomez (Nov 12, 2010)

I'm for it but I also have a very practical view.  It needs to be the next logical step in a relationship, not something that seems fun or romantic to do.  I think all too often people want a "wedding" and not a "marriage."  A wedding is just a huge party.  A marriage takes work and a willingness to be a team player.


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## Vegas_Asian (Nov 2, 2008)

I am not in one so I don't know how much value this has. I do believe in marriage. I accept it isn't for everyone, even me...Its one of those things wha that if it happens it happens, but it is not something I would rush into. I also an terrified of the idea of planning a wedding... 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using Tapatalk 2


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## MamaProfCrash (Dec 16, 2008)

If the day comes, don't think about plannign a wedding. Think about planning a great party to spend time with the people you love the most on the planet. We aimed for something that fit our idea of fun and wanted a big party that celebrated our love for each other. It was awesome. This mainly meant that we had more beer then wine (we are beer drinkers), a DJ that played good music but didn't try and direct things or play weird group songs (not our style) was outdoor/indoor (a converted stable so the ceremnony was outdoor but eating indoors. Place for kids to run and play). My flowers were mainly local herbs, you could eat my bouquet (sp). 

We worked on a budget, a generous one but under the national average. The food was great, there was music for dancing, good beer and wine, and a bus to take people to and from the event. Then there was an after party at a local bar. 

Seriously, don't get caught up in planning a wedding. Plan a party. To save money, have it on a Friday or a Sunday and don't tell them it is a wedding. I have had freinds save 25%-50% by moving the day and just saying it was a family party. Toss in the word wedding only after the contracts are signed.


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## Meemo (Oct 27, 2008)

Alain Gomez said:


> I'm for it but I also have a very practical view. It needs to be the next logical step in a relationship, not something that seems fun or romantic to do. I think all too often people want a "wedding" and not a "marriage." A wedding is just a huge party. A marriage takes work and a willingness to be a team player.


I've often said that if people would put as much thought and planning into what their marriage will be as they do into what their wedding will be, a lot of marriages would last a lot longer (and some wouldn't happen at all).

We're coming up on 40 years next month. It hasn't always been easy or fun, but it's always been right, and worth it. For us.


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## Atunah (Nov 20, 2008)

My marriages were just in and out of the courthouse and in the second case, in and out of the judges office. And a nice meal afterwards and then a bottle if wine at home. 
But then I have no family on this continent other than my hubby. But I was never one for weddings, I never wanted to even deal with that. Way to much stress and social worries for me. I don't deal in that well.  
And all that money  .


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## Betsy the Quilter (Oct 27, 2008)

Hubby's family had been having a family weekend get-together at a friend's country house for years...when we decided to finally get married, we just had the wedding as part of the regular yearly get-together, and invited a few extra people who didn't normally come to the annual thing.  They came for the day.  My brother, who stayed for the weekend, said it was the first time he spent someone's wedding night with them (we all spent the night in the screened porch in sleeping bags).

So, we just added things like wedding cake and champagne, fancier clothes, and my mom brought a potica (Yugoslav cake, often served at weddings.)

Betsy


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## lukemallory (May 13, 2013)

@Betsy - cool!

I plan to elope!


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## CatherineM (Jan 9, 2013)

OK.  We all love Luke, right?

He needs an elopee and I think we should set him up


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## Tam (Jan 7, 2010)

My only daughter got married on June 15 and it was a beautiful and wonderful day for all of us. Will the marriage last? I sure hope so! They have been together for 6 years and lived together for 2 - so hopefully they knew what they were getting into. 

Her Maid of Honor gave a really entertaining toast, referring to how she and Kerry had watched The Princess Bride so many times they had it memorized, and she gave the groom a DVD of the movie, suggesting that he watch it with her at least once a year.

Yesterday was my husband and my 30th anniversary. We've had ups and downs over the years, but our downs were never really bad. We work together in a family business, so see each other for a LOT more hours of the day than most married couples, but we seem to have figured out how to do that and still love each other.


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## geoffthomas (Feb 27, 2009)

I think what spoils marriage is divorce.
Too many people get married with the idea that "if it does not work, we can get a divorce".
Now don't get me wrong, when one person has already blown it, the other should get out as quickly as they can.
But if both parties were committed to "making it work" all would be better off.
To that end my recommendation is to wait a while before getting married.  Don't do it when you are too young (immature).
I readily admit that my wife and I were both under 21 (just in my case) when we got married.  She was my high-school sweetheart (yeah - awww).
And now we have been married for 49 years. Not all easy. But easier if you are determined that it was a good idea in the first place and are committed to staying in this marriage. Then it just gets better with time.

just sayin......


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## nico (Jan 17, 2013)

We basically eloped. Two witnesses and a judge...on the beach.


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## anguabell (Jan 9, 2011)

I don't have any articular theories about it, except that I loathe weddings. 
In and out of the registry office. Will be celebrating our 32nd anniversary this year.

What puzzles me though is the strange pattern I observed among several of my friends. Like this:
Living together FOR YEARS.
Sharing everything, loving each other, spending time with respective families etc.
Finally, getting married.
Getting a divorce within a year.
What on Earth does this mean? Can't figure it out.


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## Betsy the Quilter (Oct 27, 2008)

In those cases, I tend to think there was an underlying problem that they thought getting married would cure.  And then, when they got married and it didn't cure it, they got out.

So, having been together a combined 33 years now...the man still gets my birthday wrong.  *rolls eyes*  I guess I'll keep him anyway.  

Betsy


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## A. S. Warwick (Jan 14, 2011)

I'm getting married in 77 days.  Getting scarily close now.  My wife to be wanted a themed wedding so we are going for a Victorian/Steampunk style with a High Tea afterwards.

Should be fun, even with some dramas from one of her sisters.


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## MamaProfCrash (Dec 16, 2008)

Ohhhhh high tea 

As long as it makes you happy and celebrates your love for each other, go for it.


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## Betsy the Quilter (Oct 27, 2008)

A. S. Warwick said:


> I'm getting married in 77 days. Getting scarily close now. My wife to be wanted a themed wedding so we are going for a Victorian/Steampunk style with a High Tea afterwards.
> 
> Should be fun, even with some dramas from one of her sisters.


You'll want to keep us up to date in the "Wedding Jitters" thread:

http://www.kboards.com/index.php/topic,152170.0.html

Betsy


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## Carol (was Dara) (Feb 19, 2011)

CatherineM said:


> What is your opinion of this seemingly sacred institution? I've never been.


I've been married once and, hopefully, it'll be my first and last. I was raised that I could never get a divorce, unless my husband cheated or was abusive, so I'd better pick super carefully the first time out. I took that to heart and held out for a guy I was confident I could live with forever. That sounds more practical than romantic but it really was a love match as well. We're coming up on ten years married - twelve years if you count the years we dated - and have two kids. The hubs turned out to be not just a romantic partner but a best friend, which I think is a nice plus.

A.S.'s steampunk themed wedding sounds awesome. I was initially supposed to have a medieval themed wedding but the plans fell through and it wound up being just a regular old white wedding. The chapel was cheaper than renting the castle that hosts our local renaissance fair. Also, I didn't think my bridesmaids and groomsmen were going to get on board with the type of costumes I originally had in mind for them.


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## trublue (Jul 7, 2012)

Just do it with the right person. If not, it's just a piece of paper.  I wish I had done it with the right person.
But then again it's not like the person comes with a tatto that says "hey, I have a thing for Russian hookers so don't marry me "

Sigh.

Anyway I've heard of good marriages. Do I'm guessing its out there.


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## JRWoodward (Apr 26, 2011)

I got married, for the first time, at age 47. I had no children of my own, but Vikki gave me three as a wedding present. Now that they are (mostly) out of the house, we write together. That's an important part of what we share.


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