# Vengar the Barbarian! The mighty strange adventures of a strangely mighty man!



## Chris J. Randolph (Jul 1, 2010)

Greetings, aloha and all that jazz...

I've heard a lot of great things about this community, so I'm here to introduce myself and my work. My name's Chris and I'm a science-fiction and fantasy writer; I also happen to be a big, goofy proponent of digital distribution. I'm confident the Kindle and its ilk are the future of publishing, and because of that, I've jumped in head first and put my money where my mouth is (to grossly mix metaphors). I have a full-length science-fiction novel due September 20th, but before that, I've decided to release a shorter piece in order to get acquainted with how things work.

To that end, it's my pleasure to introduce...

​


> Welcome to the Hyperbolic Age, a prehistoric era when men were mighty, women were buxom, and neither could be trusted in the dark. Into this melodramatic yet somehow lost epoch strides a mighty figure, a king cursed to never again remember his homeland who wanders the thousand and one kingdoms in search of what he's lost. His name is Vengar, and he's a barbarian.
> 
> Shudder with terror as our hulking hero faces unearthly creatures from the furthest reaches of possibility. Thrill as he seduces luscious ladies and wages war against vile sorcerers, and shake your head in dismay as he makes far too many decisions with that certain part of the male anatomy.
> 
> ...


Vengar the Barbarian in... The King, His Son, Their Sorcerer and His Lover is a comedic fantasy novelette. It's a parody of old pulp adventures like Conan and Kull the Conqueror, but with a snarky sense of humor more reminiscent of Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett. It's only 10,000 words (roughly 30 pages), but I think it offers a pretty great value at $0.99, even if I am a little biased.

If you think that's not such a great value, the story is also available free of charge through my website in a metric butt-load of different formats (including epub, pdf, html and Kindle friendly mobi). The story is provided under a Creative Commons license, which means you're allowed to share, print, and even rewrite to your heart's content. That's part of my experiment, too.

Anyway, I hope you decide to check it out. It's a really solid story that I'm confident you'll love.

~Chris J. Randolph
Oktopod Digital Press


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## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

Welcome to KindleBoards, Chris, and congratulations on your book!

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## Chris J. Randolph (Jul 1, 2010)

I appreciate the warm welcome, Ann.  Thanks!


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## Archer (Apr 25, 2009)

Hi, Chris. Welcome!
(Sorry about the whole 'floppy' thing...)


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## Chris J. Randolph (Jul 1, 2010)

archer said:


> Hi, Chris. Welcome!
> (Sorry about the whole 'floppy' thing...)


Thanks! Glad to be here. 

And no worries about my floppiness. It's a a terrible condition, no doubt, but I hear they're very close to a cure.


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## Gertie Kindle (Nov 6, 2008)

Since I have seven sons, all named Vengar, and they are all barbarians, I thought I might pick up a few parenting tips from your shorts. One-clicked.


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## Chris J. Randolph (Jul 1, 2010)

Gertie Kindle 'a/k/a Margaret Lake' said:


> Since I have seven sons, all named Vengar, and they are all barbarians, I thought I might pick up a few parenting tips from your shorts. One-clicked.


Thank you very much for the purchase, and even more so for the chuckle. I'd also like to take a moment to commend your _fabulous_ taste in names, if only to ensure that I don't find seven angry barbarians knocking at my door later.


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## Archer (Apr 25, 2009)

Hi, I'm Larry. This is my brother Vengar, and this is my other brother Vengar.


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## Gertie Kindle (Nov 6, 2008)

archer said:


> Hi, I'm Larry. This is my brother Vengar, and this is my other brother Vengar.


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## Chris J. Randolph (Jul 1, 2010)

The look on Bob's face there is simply classic.


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## Gertie Kindle (Nov 6, 2008)

Spectre-7 said:


> The look on Bob's face there is simply classic.


I saw him in concert several years ago. Hilarious. When he did The Driving Instructor, he said he couldn't look at the audience because it was distracting when people mouthed the words with him. Funny.


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## Archer (Apr 25, 2009)

I love Bob Newhart. I'm going to see if I can find a dvd of his online (for a rainy day).


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## Chris J. Randolph (Jul 1, 2010)

Gertie Kindle 'a/k/a Margaret Lake' said:


> I saw him in concert several years ago. Hilarious. When he did The Driving Instructor, he said he couldn't look at the audience because it was distracting when people mouthed the words with him. Funny.


I could see that being distracting, but I think the high of having so many people into what you're doing might compensate.


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## Gertie Kindle (Nov 6, 2008)

Spectre-7 said:


> I could see that being distracting, but I think the high of having so many people into what you're doing might compensate.


The real reason is he did a shortened version. Those of us who were following along were distracted by the omissions. People nudging each other when he did that would definitely have distracted him.


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## Chris J. Randolph (Jul 1, 2010)

Ahhh, fair enough.  It's probably difficult enough performing a modified version of a routine he's done a thousand times, even without the crowd mouthing the full version.


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## Chris J. Randolph (Jul 1, 2010)

So, I get one bump a week, right? Seems like as good a time as any.

I'm still looking for new readers, and *that means you!* Join _Vengar the Barbarian_ in his humorous adventures through broken ancient lands. Shudder with terror as the mighty hero encounters unearthly creatures from the furthest reaches of possibility. Thrill as he wages war against vile sorcerers and seduces luscious ladies, and laugh at the poor sod as he allows that certain part of the male anatomy to make decisions for him.

Vengar the Barbarian! The mighty strange adventures of a strangely mighty man!

The piece is a short story (novelette, technically) which I've come to understand aren't terribly popular in the ebook world, but this one happens to be packed full of an unnatural amount of fun, and at _zero dollars and zero cents_ it's a positively ridiculous value.

Click here to purchase Vengar through Amazon for 99 cents.
Or here if you like free stuff! You do like free stuff, don't you?

Cheers!
Chris J. Randolph


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## Gertie Kindle (Nov 6, 2008)

Spectre-7 said:


> So, I get one bump a week, right? Seems like as good a time as any.
> 
> I'm still looking for new readers, and *that means you!* Join _Vengar the Barbarian_ in his humorous adventures through broken ancient lands. Shudder with terror as the mighty hero encounters unearthly creatures from the furthest reaches of possibility. Thrill as he wages war against vile sorcerers and seduces luscious ladies, and laugh at the poor sod as he allows that certain part of the male anatomy to make decisions for him.
> 
> ...


Just about anything in the e-book world is popular at 99 cents. 

I'm anxious to read it, but I loaned my K to my mother who has been bed-ridden with some pulled muscles. I think she's faking it at this point so she doesn't have to give it back. It'll be a week tomorrow that I took her to the ER. I'm giving her until tomorrow night to return it. Think I can wrestle my K out of that 80 lb 88 year old's hands? Where's Vengar when you need him.


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## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

Spectre-7 said:


> So, I get one bump a week, right? Seems like as good a time as any.


Not exactly: If no one has posted since the last time you did, you must wait 7 days. So, really, you posted prematurely.


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## Chris J. Randolph (Jul 1, 2010)

Gertie Kindle 'a/k/a Margaret Lake' said:


> Just about anything in the e-book world is popular at 99 cents.


I think you'd be surprised. I polled some folks over at the Kindle discussion areas, and the common consensus seemed to be that short stories were a poor value, when they could just as easily find full novels at the same price.



> I'm anxious to read it, but I loaned my K to my mother who has been bed-ridden with some pulled muscles. I think she's faking it at this point so she doesn't have to give it back. It'll be a week tomorrow that I took her to the ER. I'm giving her until tomorrow night to return it. Think I can wrestle my K out of that 80 lb 88 year old's hands? Where's Vengar when you need him.


You know, I usually refrain from inciting violence against the elderly and infirm, but....



Ann in Arlington said:


> Not exactly: If no one has posted since the last time you did, you must wait 7 days. So, really, you posted prematurely.


Oh! Apologies. I'll be sure to follow the rules more closely in the future, and hope you can forgive my premature e_bump_ulation.


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## Gertie Kindle (Nov 6, 2008)

Spectre-7 said:


> I think you'd be surprised. I polled some folks over at the Kindle discussion areas, and the common consensus seemed to be that short stories were a poor value, when they could just as easily find full novels at the same price.


Yes, I saw that and responded. There will always be people who publish full length novels at 99 cents, but that will become less and less likely as they realize they can do better at $2.99 with a 70% royalty.

My novelette is doing just fine, at least by my standards. Am I selling hundreds every month? No, at least not yet. It's only been available since 6/29. Am I happy with the number of sales? Absolutely. I also have two full-length novels out, so people who liked those are more likely to buy the novelette.


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## Chris J. Randolph (Jul 1, 2010)

Gertie Kindle 'a/k/a Margaret Lake' said:


> My novelette is doing just fine, at least by my standards. Am I selling hundreds every month? No, at least not yet. It's only been available since 6/29. Am I happy with the number of sales? Absolutely. I also have two full-length novels out, so people who liked those are more likely to buy the novelette.


Ahh, I'm very glad to hear to hear it's doing well. Are there any marketing tips you'd care to share? 

As mentioned, I also plan to have a novel out in short order, but I'm not quite ready to release. This experiment hasn't run its course yet, and I'd like to be a little more confident about what I'm doing (and how I'm doing it) before moving forward. As far as Vengar is concerned, _hundreds of sales_ remains on the far horizon, and in fact, I'm rather slowly working my way up to _dozens._ I'll get there, though. I just know it.


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## Chris J. Randolph (Jul 1, 2010)

Okee-dokee, that's 8 days. I _think_ I got it right this time. 

Just another hey and howdy-doo, and a reminder that _you_ (you know who you are) still haven't checked out Vengar the Barbarian. It's okay... I'm not taking it personally. I'm a bigger person than that. Honestly, I'm more worried about you. You've been so busy and so serious lately, and I think you could use a good laugh.

Best of all, the gift of laughter can be yours for free. For the astounding price of no dollars and no cents, you can experience a series of therapeutic belly-laughs in the privacy of your own home. How wonderful is that?

A special thanks goes out to our very own Gertie who was kind enough to write a review of my (not terribly) humble little story. You can read her thoughts (and those of a handful of other reviewers) over here.

Thanks for looking, and hope y'all have a wondrous weekend!
~Chris J. Randolph


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## DonnaFaz (Dec 5, 2009)

Chris, I'm bumping your thread just because I like you sales pitch.  

Welcome to KBs! This is a great place to hang. (I don't have much time to hang these days, but... LOL)

Just wanted to pop in and say hi.

~Donna~


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## Chris J. Randolph (Jul 1, 2010)

Thanks Donna!  Glad someone liked it... I may need to adjust my sales pitches a little, though.  It currently seems like only one person at a time likes them, and I'm hoping for a slightly larger audience than that. 

Also, I agree about this being a great place to hang, although I'm not a Kindle owner myself, so I'm mostly left on the sidelines.  Still, there's a ton of good people around these parts, and I appreciate all the welcoming.

Cheers,
~Chris


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## MachineTrooper (Jun 22, 2010)

Hey Chris, just finished reading _Vengar the Barbarian_ and loved it. This was right up my alley.


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## Chris J. Randolph (Jul 1, 2010)

You wrote _Virtual Pulp,_ I see. Seems we're working in the same field. I'll have to give it a look when I get a chance.

Thanks for checking _Vengar_ out, and I'm glad ya liked it. 

~Chris


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## MachineTrooper (Jun 22, 2010)

I hope you do, though only the last tale in Virtual Pulp was written with humor.

Have you read _Heroics for Beginners_ by John Moore? It was humorous fantasy. I liked yours better, though, and look forward to your full-length novel.


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## Chris J. Randolph (Jul 1, 2010)

Whoops! Didn't notice your reply.



MachineTrooper said:


> Have you read _Heroics for Beginners_ by John Moore? It was humorous fantasy. I liked yours better, though, and look forward to your full-length novel.


Hadn't heard of it, but I'll check it out. And thanks again for the kind words. 

Also... Vengar is sporting a new cover, and the PDF version received some layout tweaks. For anyone out there who hasn't given it a look yet, there's no better time than now.

Click for Kindle.
Click for freedom!


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## Gertie Kindle (Nov 6, 2008)

Like the new cover. Very eye-catching. Good luck with it.


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## Chris J. Randolph (Jul 1, 2010)

Thanks Gertie!  I still need all the luck I can get.


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## Chris J. Randolph (Jul 1, 2010)

Well... it's definitely been a slow month for sales so far. I've only sold 3 copies since August began, but I'm trying not to let that get me down. In more upbeat news, free downloads from Feedbooks have jumped since I changed the cover art, and I'm now moving about 18 copies a day on average. Considering that even free downloads had flat-lined at the end of July, I'm pretty pleased with that result.

Unfortunately, I'm not doing much to promote Vengar at the moment but with good reason. I'm very busy gearing up for the release of my upcoming science-fiction novel, _Stars Rain Down,_ which you can find out more about here.

Anyway, thanks for reading, and hope your August is going a little better than my own. 
~Chris


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## Chris J. Randolph (Jul 1, 2010)

Amazon is currently selling Vengar at 89 cents! If you ask me, that's one heck of a bargain, and since I'm obviously an unbiased observer, you should really take my word on that.


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## Chris J. Randolph (Jul 1, 2010)

Vengar the Barbarian is still on sale for the bargain price of only 89 cents! Now with 8 reviews, all of them 4 or 5 stars; drop by and see what people are talking about. 

You can also read some free sample chapters from my next novel, due September 20th.


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## Gertie Kindle (Nov 6, 2008)

Chris, I copied my review of Vengar to the UK site.  Stand back. You might get some sales over there.


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## Chris J. Randolph (Jul 1, 2010)

Gertie Kindle 'a/k/a Margaret Lake' said:


> Chris, I copied my review of Vengar to the UK site. Stand back. You might get some sales over there.


Thank you again, Gertie! I could certainly use a few extra pence.


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## Guest (Aug 31, 2010)

Why have I never seen this thread?


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## Gertie Kindle (Nov 6, 2008)

M.R. Mathias said:


> Why have I never seen this thread?


Vengar doesn't like to pull out his really big sword on the forums.


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## Chris J. Randolph (Jul 1, 2010)

He's pretty stealthy for a big guy.  At least, that's how I explain the lack of sales.


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## Chris J. Randolph (Jul 1, 2010)

Have you had your daily dose of humor? Vengar the Barbarian is still going for the bargain price of $0.89. Hurry and buy your copy while supplies last! 

In other news, Oktopod Digital Press has just added a new author, Ted Boone, and his debut release is now available. Check out The Ghost, the Girl, and the Gun, a hard-boiled detective story with two shots of scotch and a side order of *action!*


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## tedboone (Sep 15, 2010)

I just wanted to drop in and say hi on Chris' Vengar thread. I just published my own short story (details here), and Chris has been nice enough to help me publicize it over at Oktopod Digital Press, and borrow (i.e. blatantly steal) his thoughts on formatting, distribution, licensing, etc. He's been an enormously helpful resource.

For anyone who hasn't already checked out Vengar, I highly recommend it. I got involved with Oktopod specifically because I read and loved this story. The writing style is top-notch, and there were quite a few spots in the story that had me laughing out loud (much to the annoyed surprise of my almost-asleep wife). $0.99 is peanuts. Go grab Vengar today. You'll like it! I promise!


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## J Dean (Feb 9, 2009)

Welcome aboard!


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## Chris J. Randolph (Jul 1, 2010)

Just wanted to show-off a review I got this past Sunday. Derek Prior of Indie Fantasy Review weighed in on _Vengar,_ and gave the big guy a fairly glowing 5/5!

It's a very well written and thoughtful review, and I'm simply overjoyed to have gotten it. Thank you so much, Derek!


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## Chris J. Randolph (Jul 1, 2010)

If you'd like your very own digital copy of _Vengar the Barbarian_, it's currently available free as part of Smashwords' _Read an Ebook Week_. Just add the short to your cart and apply the code *RE100* at checkout to see the price disappear. The promotion only lasts until March 12th, so grab your copy today!

Cheers, and thanks for looking!


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## Gertie Kindle (Nov 6, 2008)

Haven't seen you around in a while, Chris. When are we going to see a new installment of Vengar? I miss his mighty big sword.


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## Chris J. Randolph (Jul 1, 2010)

I was hibernating for the winter. Thank goodness I didn't see my shadow last month, or I might not have come around for another 6 weeks. 

To answer your question, I'm hoping to write a new Vengar story this summer between working on novels. It's a nice break to work on something short and easily digestible... but that depends on me finishing the project I'm working on right now, and _that_ depends on me procrastinating a little less than I am.


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