# Real Talk: How do you balance a 40/hr week job and writing? It's killing me.



## GaryCecil (Jan 5, 2014)

My writing routine is like this: Wake up at 5 AM, write for 1.5 hours, then go to work. Come home, try and be human, then read and write some more. More reading though, because I feel like reading is every bit as important as writing is. Go to bed. Rinse and repeat.

But there's a HUGE problem with this. I love my girlfriend. I love my dog. I love other things, too, but you get where I'm going. I guess my real question is, how do you get over the guilt of basically neglecting them for your passion of writing? My girlfriend is accepting of it, and she motivates me, but sometimes, I swear, in the small corner of her eyes, I see it. That look that says, "Why do you spend so much time writing? Don't you love me anymore? What about me?"

She never says those things, but it's just something I _feel_. Anyone else have these issues? How did you get over them? Do you? Sure, if I were writing full-time and could "call it a day" at five o'clock every day, I would, but I just can't. I'm twenty-three, and I know I have time, but yet, I feel as if each day I don't hit my word count or finish my story, I'm falling behind...

Sincerely,

Gary Cecil


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## LeeBee (Feb 19, 2014)

It sounds like you are aware that your current schedule leaves your life out of balance. Only you can figure out what the right balance is, but if you are feeling as though you are neglecting your girlfriend (and maybe the dog), then it's possible you should tailor your schedule a little bit. Do you have to do that reading and writing time at the end of the day every day? Couldn't you take, say, a couple of nights off a week? Devote them to socializing, a date night, or Netflix on the couch with a huge bowl of popcorn for two?

Goals are important, hitting that word count is important, but relationships and mental health are equally so. Seek the balance, my friend.


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## S. Elliot Brandis (Dec 9, 2013)

I agree with Lee. Perhaps just take it easier in the evenings.

I'm similar to you, Gary. I wake at 5:15 each morning to write before work. To me, the morning is the perfect time - the only thing I'm neglecting is a bit of sleep.


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## swcleveland (Jun 6, 2010)

I feel your pain.

I'm fortunate in that I'm able to take nearly a month off each winter, and that's when I do the bulk of my writing.  As soon as spring comes around, my work and home life just get too busy to concentrate.

It's frustrating...


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## Quiss (Aug 21, 2012)

I also work full time.
The answer is simple and incredibly difficult. You have to make a choice. Your girlfriend or your writing? How long is she going to accept this situation? I'm not saying she won't - perhaps she's perfectly happy with the peace and quiet that comes with your nose buried in a book. 
To ask how to "get over" the guilt of neglecting other people in your life is self-serving. It's like saying you want to get over murdering your neighbor. Doesn't change the fact that he's gone - it just makes you feel better.

The only way to know how this affects her is to COMMUNICATE. Don't guess. Don't feel guilty about things that might not even be what you think.

You're not falling behind by not making your daily word count. Don't fall into that "write or perish" mindset. Take time to enjoy your girlfriend and the fun to be had with someone at your side, especially at your age. If you'd rather be writing you have your answer.

ETA: I don't really mean that it has to be one or the other. Like others said, you can find a balance if you work it out with her. You don't need to spend _every_ waking moment either at work or writing.


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## LeeBee (Feb 19, 2014)

Quiss said:


> I also work full time.
> The answer is simple and incredibly difficult. You have to make a choice. Your girlfriend or your writing? How long is she going to accept this situation? I'm not saying she won't - perhaps she's perfectly happy with the peace and quiet that comes with your nose buried in a book.
> To ask how to "get over" the guilt of neglecting other people in your life is self-serving. It's like saying you want to get over murdering your neighbor. Doesn't change the fact that he's gone - it just makes you feel better.
> 
> ...


Quiss is right. I've never gotten over murdering my neighbor. And it's been months.

Oh, and she's right about the other stuff, too.


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## Charnell (Mar 28, 2014)

It's simple. You quit your day job


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## Quiss (Aug 21, 2012)

VC said:


> It's simple. You quit your day job


Oh. Yeah. That.


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## Seppie (Jan 20, 2014)

I work full time and have a bunch of kids and a couple of dogs, and a husband, and spending time with extended family/friends is an important value of mine. I've discovered that I can easily write 500 words a day (sometimes all at once, sometimes 50 or 100 at a time), but 1000 is virtually impossible. Once I revised my goal downward to something that was actually attainable, I started enjoying writing again, and doing it every day, instead of feeling guilty that many days I didn't even open Scrivener. 

I had hoped that by this point this year, I would have a couple of shorts out, be really close to finishing a nonfiction work, and have outlined a longer work of fiction. None of that is done yet.

I had to accept that in order for my life to feel balanced, I can't start out writing like a Russell Blake or HM Ward. My only hope is to build up the words at a slow and steady pace for a long enough period of time that they start bringing in enough money to quit my day job. And I'm ok with that. In another 15 years, regardless of what happens with my writing income, my life should change significantly, both financially and in terms of how I can choose to spend my time.  

In the meantime, I want to actually watch my kids grow up, and to maintain the fabulous marriage that inspires me as a romance writer, and to be a good friend, sister, daughter, auntie, because I will never ever get these years back. I think I would be sad if I ever looked up from my keyboard and realized that I was so fixated on word count that I forgot to live.

Probably not what you wanted to hear, but that's my "real talk."


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## Seppie (Jan 20, 2014)

I should add that I love, love, love my day job. That makes it easier to feel ok about not being super speedy on creating an income from writing!


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## I Give Up (Jan 27, 2014)

That was pretty much my schedule for the first month of writing. Before I finished the first part of Claimed, I pretty much locked myself away in my room for the few hours I was home. I stopped watching TV with my husband, stopped cooking dinner for him, and stopped doing many other wifely things with him, all so that I could churn out the next book in between my long work week. If things had gone on like that, my relationship probably would have been seriously impacted.

I know it's hard, but try to establish either a day of the week or a small time slot in the day (maybe an hour) where you just focus on your girlfriend, no matter how much _The Fosterer_ is calling to you. As long as you show her that you're making an effort, even a small one, I think she'll be more patient with you and your relationship will be able to weather the early stage of your self-publishing career.

My <3 goes out to you, hang in there!


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## X. Aratare (Feb 5, 2013)

I try to take off one or two days per week where I don't write.  Five days a week, I'm a fiend with big word counts, but the other two days its friends, family, video games or whatever I like without guilt.  If I WANT to write those 2 days I can, but only if I want to and there's no guilt if I don't.  Take some time for yourself to get your balance back.


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## williamvw (Mar 12, 2012)

Another seconding of Quiss here. I'm 43, with wife, four kids, big dog, ignored family, self-employed freelance writer, fat mortgage, on and on. Here's the deal. Being self-employed, I have no benefits: no paid vaca, no insurance, no retirement. Nada. It's been like this since 1998. My wife no acknowledges that, at best, we're treading water with my day job, and her going back to school has only increased the short- to mid-term strain.

So while she wants more time with me, you know what she says? "Write your a** off, honey. Now."

I'd like to start sending my kids to college in a few years. Know what that's gonna take? Writing my a** off. Now.

I do the whole deal with daily quotas, optimizing workflow, production spreadsheets., etc. Because it's a business. It has to be. The debate between time with the significant other and time with the keyboard is moot, because if there are no books moving and no passive revenue building, then our future looks pretty bleak. And how loving would THAT be?

Yes, you have to find a balance somewhere. But get your long-term priorities straight, and communicate through them with your partner.


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## SBJones (Jun 13, 2011)

As others have said, only you can create the balance.  You don't have to write every night and neglect the girlfriend and dog.  You can still go out once or twice a week.  Add a writing day every other weekend etc.  There is more to life than sleep, work, write, repeat.  If it's important, you will find and make the time.


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## daringnovelist (Apr 3, 2010)

Start working on a plan to make a permanent change in your life.

Seriously.  Maybe you need to put your writing aside for a while, put all your energy into making and saving your money and paying off debts, and investing, and creating a lower-cost lifestyle, so that you can change to a part time job which allows you time to write and have a life too.

Camille


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## Daniel Dennis (Mar 3, 2014)

Well, it ain't easy. I write during lunch breaks mostly. If I'm traveling I spend some time writing in the evenings at the hotel after Skyping with the family. I proof read some at night if we're watching TV or movies. But yeah, it isn't easy. I don't have much time. Not like when I was single and working part-time at 17 while in high school. Sometimes I'm lucky to get 500 words in a day. Last week I was pushing it to just get in 1k the entire week. But over time it adds up. I don't really make much in sales (yet) so I can't quit my job. I wouldn't want to anyway. Not many people can honestly say they're paid to try to hack into financial institutions.

Sent from the back of a white CIA van using Tapatalk. Please help!


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## Stefan Magi Fionn (Feb 22, 2014)

"Real Talk: How do you balance a 40/hr week job and writing? It's killing me."

Pssh.. wish I had a job lucky you


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## Otsana (Apr 12, 2014)

Just last year I stepped down from my 40 hr a week job to 32 hrs. It was a huge decision for me, but I really wanted to invest more time in my writing. I used to write a lot on my lunch, but have been mostly writing in the morning and a bit after work. I feel rather useless after a certain point at night. I never feel like I have enough time to invest in my writing, but I think when you truly love it, you take every spare second you can. I saw a post that sorta summed up most writers. It said: Writers never get a vacation. They're either writing, or thinking about writing. This is SOO me! Haha! I think having social balance is important though. At times it's hard to shut off the writer's "brain."


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## Adam Poe (Apr 2, 2012)

I have a more-than-full-time salaried job, a three year old daughter, a wife, and run a small business. I also still play video games near daily. For the last 17 days I have written 2-3k a day. Of course, it does help that my wife writes at the same time I do ... side by side, in fact. We only get 1-2 hours a night (after my daughter falls asleep and before I have to duck into bed to be up for work at 5:30

I would say this -- write when you can, and write consistently. It will add up. Even if it is just an hour a day (or 1.5, as you said), you'll still put out more content a year than 90% of writers.

Also, on the topic of significant others, can you get her more deeply involved in the process so that writing time also counts as quality time (like with my wife and I)? It is an awesome and invaluable thing if you can.


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## Becca Mills (Apr 27, 2012)

It's hard to do -- there's no question. I have a more-than-FT job, a spouse, and two little kids. I have friend and other family relationships to maintain and a household to keep running. Those other things can't be ignored. So I write very slowly. For now, that's just the way it has to be.


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## Cherise (May 13, 2012)

Seppie said:


> I think I would be sad if I ever looked up from my keyboard and realized that I was so fixated on word count that I forgot to live.


THIS!!!

Bring a sack lunch and a little netbook and write in your car during your lunch hour at work. Make dates with your girlfriend three nights a week and read four nights a week. And yeah, TALK to her. About this and about all the other stuff on your mind. We women like for you to talk to us.


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## Lyoung (Oct 21, 2013)

I'm going to write from a girlfriend's POV...

My boyfriend is writing his PhD dissertation...while working as an instructor (which means grading papers and working on lectures and quizzes, etc. after hours) and raising his son and trying to find time for himself and trying to maintain at least a modicum of social life with his friends.

So, as you can imagine, his time is incredibly strained and his writing consumes a LOT of his time. I was beginning to feel neglected, and as much as I tried to understand his needs, I had needs too. 

So we decided to have "work dates." Over half of the times we get together is now spent working together - he works on his dissertation, I write my book (or read). During this time, we occasionally read passages to each other, ask each other's opinions, and get up and hug one another just to say "Hey, I'm present and I know you're with me and I appreciate you being here with me." Then at the end of the night, we make sure to spend a little time cuddling (this doesn't always happen, especially if one of us is in the zone, but we make sure to make time more often than not) - this may involve watching a short episode of Colbert or Stewart to unwind from the day.

This has worked out remarkably well. We both get our stuff done while spending time with each other.

If it's possible to get your girlfriend involved in your work time, well...there ya go!

Every once in a while, when my boyfriend really needs to focus, I "exile" myself to another room. When I do, he makes sure to visit me every now and then and we cuddle for a few minutes before he goes back to his dissertation. And this works out for me because I get time to myself while knowing the person I love is close by - this is when I usually indulge in a little Hulu or Netflix action. 

Good luck!


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## cecilia_writer (Dec 28, 2010)

It takes some organising, but then it sounds as if you've got a routine already. Personally I have trained myself to write in small chunks of several hundred words at a time, about 300-400 first thing in the morning, the same again at lunch-time and maybe a bit more after work if it isn't one of my theatre props or committee meeting nights. Even this week when I am not at work, I'm finding my writing falls into this pattern, only it's interspersed with online shopping and blogging instead of work.
I am helped by not having a relationship, especially with my husband, and having a son who is a writer too. We both feel guilty if we interrupt each other!
The main area I neglect is housework. But this week I have even resorted to some of that to avoid having to write all the time.


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## Scott Pixello (May 4, 2013)

I'd aim to write in a productive time period rather than fixate about wordcounts. If you write 1000 words, so what? If they're crap, it's a false sense of achievement. Write when your significant others are not around & try to do it only then. If your kids' dominant memory of you is that you're always 'too busy' for them, you lose the point of having kids in the first place. Writing time, whenever it is in the 24-hour cycle, is a bit of personal time for thinking or writing and if it's time-based, it need not eat into everything else. Last point- you can start writing again in 10-20 years' time- you can't turn the clock back & play with your kids then.


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## Justawriter (Jul 24, 2012)

I work full-time too, and am most productive in the morning, before work. When I focus I can usually get 1-2k words in then. I'm not very good about writing in the evening, as I'm usually too tired or wanting to go out. But, I'm able to get a good chunk done on weekends, also in the morning. Toward the end of the book, when the writing seems to go more quickly, I do add in some evening sessions, but never more than a couple a week.


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## valeriec80 (Feb 24, 2011)

There is so much pressure out there to put out multiple, numerous novels every year, and I think a lot of people feel like they're never doing enough and that they always need to do more. People will often say that they'll be able to do more when they can quit their day job. And indeed, they may be able to produce more words.

Unfortunately, if you're one of those people who pushes himself or herself, you'll probably still feel inadequate. A lot of us writers have a certain kind of personality, and we're the sort of storm-the-castle-alone-with-five-minutes-prep-time kind of people. It often doesn't feel like we're "workaholics" because we don't think of it as "working."

Anyway, I think it's all symptomatic of a bigger problem. The solution is fairly straightforward--balance things. However, the real problem is not how much time you spend doing things, but managing the guilt that you are never doing _enough_. Whether that be enough writing, spending enough time with the family, making enough money, etc. In our personal journeys, we need to find ways to accept ourselves and our efforts and to appreciate our achievements. Breathe a bit in between flogging ourselves.


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## EC (Aug 20, 2013)

Seppie said:


> I work full time and have a bunch of kids and a couple of dogs, and a husband, and spending time with extended family/friends is an important value of mine. I've discovered that I can easily write 500 words a day (sometimes all at once, sometimes 50 or 100 at a time), but 1000 is virtually impossible. Once I revised my goal downward to something that was actually attainable, I started enjoying writing again, and doing it every day, instead of feeling guilty that many days I didn't even open Scrivener.
> 
> I had hoped that by this point this year, I would have a couple of shorts out, be really close to finishing a nonfiction work, and have outlined a longer work of fiction. None of that is done yet.
> 
> ...


I agree with this. I'm one of those weird beasts that works a 60 hour week and writes 30,000 words a week on top of that. I can do that because I managed to adjust my working hours to give me time to write in the morning.

If it wasn't for that I would have no chance. So if I was you I'd be in bed 30 minutes earlier after spending the evening being a a member of the human race and be up at 05.00. Get two hours in and away you go - at that rate you'll end up publishing five or six novels a year, which is very tidy.


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## zoe tate (Dec 18, 2013)

I've never really understood how people manage to do this.

One thing's for sure: I'm full of admiration for them. I'm not at all sure that I'd ever have got started as a writer, if I'd had a 40-hours-per-week job.

It speaks really highly of people's aspiration and determination.


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## Natasha Holme (May 26, 2012)

My ideal partner is one who is really busy, preferably works abroad for spells of time, too. I absolutely love solitude, peace and quiet. My last relationship didn't work out. My girlfriend wanted me to spend ALL weekend with her AND a night or two in the week.


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## Rick Gualtieri (Oct 31, 2011)

Full time job, 3 kids, pets etc.  I mostly write in the evenings and the weekends (as I'm able to) - typically when the kids are either in bed or off doing their own thing.  

My big secret to productivity:  I watch a lot less TV, and I DVR the shows I do watch. 

Bottom line for me is continually gauging how much I want this, and most days I want it a lot.


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## callan (Feb 29, 2012)

Seppie said:


> I work full time and have a bunch of kids and a couple of dogs, and a husband, and spending time with extended family/friends is an important value of mine. I've discovered that I can easily write 500 words a day (sometimes all at once, sometimes 50 or 100 at a time), but 1000 is virtually impossible. Once I revised my goal downward to something that was actually attainable, I started enjoying writing again, and doing it every day, instead of feeling guilty that many days I didn't even open Scrivener.


Similar situation, but with older kids and handicapped dependents, and yes, I'm the sole breadwinner. I write (or wax the cat) for 2 hours in the early morning, and accept I'll never be as productive as I could be--this was liberating, and helped my writing enormously. Still, the evenings belong to my family.

But every now and then, I get obsessed, the muse rides me, finish lines are in sight, and I take the evenings as well. I can do this because I've spent other days taking care of my family, and I've built up trust with them.

Build up a reserve of good will to your obsessions. It can't be eating you 24/7, and if you take care of the other things that are important on a regular basis, then you can occasionally take the deep dive and not come up for days. But always let them know what you're up to, that you're not trying to escape them, push them away. (My technique is to stalk, wild-eyed, around the house muttering about deadlines until someone yells at me to go sit down and write)

Good luck.


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## Jana DeLeon (Jan 20, 2011)

I agree with Quiss. Communication with your spouse/SO is the key to avoiding issues in the future. I worked full time when I first started writing. When I sold my first book (trade), I had to push harder because then I had contracts and deadlines. I wrote in the morning before work, at lunch at work, and in the evenings until my husband came home. I also wrote weekends, trying to get a lot done in the morning. Fortunately, I'm a morning person and my husband is a night owl, so he liked to sleep late on weekends and I could work.

When I started indie publishing, we talked again and I told him my vision for the future I thought I could build. It meant writing even more and as I was still working full-time (and represented over half of the household income) he agreed to take up all the domestic slack so that I could put in more writing hours. At the end of 2012, I quit my day job (FINALLY!) and wrote full time for 2013. Things went so well that at the end of 2013, my husband quit his job to work with me full time.

I think the key is not only communication but having a plan. Obviously, you can't predict sales, but you can show your SO a schedule of output and explain what you think you can accomplish marketing more books - boxsets, price pulsing, etc. People are far more apt to be patient if they think the end result is going to be a success.


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## George Donnelly (Mar 5, 2012)

GaryCecil said:


> how do you get over the guilt of basically neglecting them for your passion of writing? My girlfriend is accepting of it, and she motivates me, but sometimes, I swear, in the small corner of her eyes, I see it. That look that says, "Why do you spend so much time writing? Don't you love me anymore? What about me?"


I have more time to write but I am a dad and it's a constant battle with my son as to whether I write or play with him. It's a constant source of tension in our relationship and he interrupts me all the time when I am writing. So I can empathize.

But the bottom line is that I can't do a d*mned thing for anyone else until I take care of myself. It's like on the airplane when they say to take care of your own oxygen before helping anyone around you. Writing is an artistic, spiritual and commercial activity for me. I am useless to my son if I am not taking care of my self and being a producer in my own right, and not just in a financial sense.

Set aside time for loved ones but never begrudge the time you assign to yourself to achieve your goals. That's yours and you always come first because you can't help anyone else until you are taken care of.


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## Jan Strnad (May 27, 2010)

Pretty much the same situation as the OP: I'm up early, write for an hour or 1.5, then off to work. In the evening I edit what I wrote that day (and a bit before that), which is less demanding than tackling the blank screen.

I don't worry about word count. I get done what I get done. Sometimes it flows, sometimes it doesn't. I just insist that I work on my book every day. I don't even require an hour. If fifteen minutes is all the book gets, that's it.

Now that I'm nearing the end of this one, I've gotten more disciplined and demanding of myself and my writing time. Turning down invitations so that I can write, etc. Got lucky at school one day: The power was being turned off for a full day so I could stay home and write and still get paid for the day. Now it's the Easter holidays so that means two more days home to write and finish this book up. 

Also handy: A deadline. I've scheduled copy editing for Star Wars Day, so the ms. has to be ready to go to Eliza by May the Fourth.

After that, I'm taking some time off from writing. I don't have any plans to quit my day job, and I'd like to spend more time with my wife, hopefully in the kitchen learning how to cook new good stuff.

I've been a full-time writer, and honestly, it's easier for me to have a day job to pay the bills. Then I can write what I want to write, at my own pace, and not worry about "is this the best-paying genre?" or "how many novels can I get out the door this year?" I can enjoy myself and when the book's ready--whatever it is--it's ready.


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## writejenwrite (Feb 25, 2014)

Seppie said:


> I work full time and have a bunch of kids and a couple of dogs, and a husband, and spending time with extended family/friends is an important value of mine. I've discovered that I can easily write 500 words a day (sometimes all at once, sometimes 50 or 100 at a time), but 1000 is virtually impossible. Once I revised my goal downward to something that was actually attainable, I started enjoying writing again, and doing it every day, instead of feeling guilty that many days I didn't even open Scrivener.


This was my approach as well. I was fast approaching burnout by trying to force myself to keep up at a pace that just wasn't sustainable. When I set a much more attainable goal (600 words a day during the work week; 2-4K words over the weekend), I was able to produce stuff I was proud of, truly enjoyed the process of writing, and felt I had the breathing room I needed to live my life.

I do still have to make a conscious effort to make sure I'm balancing things. I'm an introvert by nature, so it's nothing to me to go weeks without going out--it's almost like Rip Van Winkle when I suddenly think to myself, "Hmm, when was the last time I went to x?" And I love writing so much that it truly is a joy for me to spend hours and hours doing it if I can. It honestly doesn't feel like a sacrifice to forgo the other stuff because I'm enjoying myself so much with the writing. That said, I don't want to let relationships and responsibilities languish on the vine, so I make sure to cap the writing activity so I have the time and energy to devote to the other important areas of my life as well.


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## GaryCecil (Jan 5, 2014)

Adam Poe said:


> I have a more-than-full-time salaried job, a three year old daughter, a wife, and run a small business. I also still play video games near daily. For the last 17 days I have written 2-3k a day. Of course, it does help that my wife writes at the same time I do ... side by side, in fact. We only get 1-2 hours a night (after my daughter falls asleep and before I have to duck into bed to be up for work at 5:30
> 
> I would say this -- write when you can, and write consistently. It will add up. Even if it is just an hour a day (or 1.5, as you said), you'll still put out more content a year than 90% of writers.
> 
> Also, on the topic of significant others, can you get her more deeply involved in the process so that writing time also counts as quality time (like with my wife and I)? It is an awesome and invaluable thing if you can.


I'd love to, but she's almost finished with her degree, and then going straight to grad school. She's got enough on her plate, and she doesn't like writing, only reading! HAHA. But, lucky you! I've also noticed that consistency is the key. By far. I peel away at my MS every morning, and it grows and grows. The problem is, it never leaves my head, hence I want to write more and move on to other projects.

Just to be clear to all: I promise I don't neglect her or my dog, but I just FEEL as if I do. She's been nothing but supportive, but I can't help but think if I were her shoes, how I would feel... I've


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## Otsana (Apr 12, 2014)

Cherise Kelley said:


> THIS!!!
> 
> Bring a sack lunch and a little netbook and write in your car during your lunch hour at work. Make dates with your girlfriend three nights a week and read four nights a week. And yeah, TALK to her. About this and about all the other stuff on your mind. We women like for you to talk to us.


Had to comment, because I saw that your book was free and downloaded it. Alien dogs! Ah! So cute!


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## A.C. Scott (Mar 25, 2014)

I do most of my writing late at night after everybody else has gone to sleep. That is the only way I can do it. I have to sacrifice something.


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## 31842 (Jan 11, 2011)

Just wanted to give a +1 to Lydia Young's suggestion.  I lived in LA where everyone and their mother was a screenwriter / sketch writer/ etc.  The most successful and happy couples I knew were the ones who built these "work dates" into their routine.  One scrapbooks or embroiders while the other draws.  Both write.  One edits her photography while he edits his books.  They read out-loud to one another.  Honoring the passions and dreams of your partner is important, and finding ways to be productive while together can be fun.


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## Gennita Low (Dec 13, 2012)

I've gone through five boyfriends.

Okay, that was cruel. But you see what I've chosen. My writing over my boyfriend(s). Oh, and the house is now in a shambles because...no boyfriend = I don't need a clean house. My dogs don't care about tidiness and cleanliness. .

BUT YOU ARE TOO YOUNG to make the choices I made . Go out and have fun. You need to live life and go through all the ups and downs so you can write from your heart. You need to love your girlfriend and think about crazy stuff 23 year-olds dream about and do. Do it before you become weighted down by responsibilities and lose the ability to be carefree.

The writing time will come.


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## coolpixel (Sep 17, 2012)

a rather disjointed post  - writing in a cab on the way to an airport. 

i have more than a 40 hour week job. it doesn't have fixed timings, is high pressure, and requires lot of travel both domestic and international. a wife and a growing son complete the family.

what suffers is not so much the time to write but the energy to write.

I have accepted that I will not be able to stick to a schedule of X many words a day. what i CAN do is stick to X many hours a day. in my case it's atleast one hour a day at dawn, when everyone is asleep. inspite of all this, there are days or even weeks, when i go without writing a single word because of the work schedule.

at the end of the day it comes down to how badly i want writing to become a full time, income generating, career - i badly want it to, so if sleep is the one that suffers, so be it


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## Jan Strnad (May 27, 2010)

Gennita Low said:


> I've gone through five boyfriends.
> 
> Okay, that was cruel. But you see what I've chosen. My writing over my boyfriend(s). Oh, and the house is now in a shambles because...no boyfriend = I don't need a clean house. My dogs don't care about tidiness and cleanliness. .
> 
> ...


I was lucky enough to have Richard Yates as a creative writing instructor one year in college. When I had to break the news to him that I wouldn't be going on to graduate school, he didn't care a bit. He told me that if I was going to be a writer, I'd learn more by living a real life than by going to more school.

If I were 23 again, I'd definitely do more living and less writing.


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## SawyerPentecost (Jul 11, 2013)

My job makes me put in around 10-20 hours of overtime per week, and I have two kids, a wife, etc., so I feel your you. Here's what I do:
Go to work. Think all day. Outline. Go home. Spend time with family until they sleep. Begin writing around 10-11, and write for two solid hours. Go to bed. Repeat.

I have focused myself on writing chapters. One per day. It has allowed me to progress when other methods have not. Stick in there, slow and steady wins the race. Outlining is the key...it lets me set a target. Give it a shot.

But don't think that ALL of us DON'T struggle. Most of us do, at least periodically.


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## Seppie (Jan 20, 2014)

One other thing that plays in to my decision-making:
Not getting enough sleep may literally kill us. So I am not willing to sacrifice sleep for writing. I would rather get books written more slowly, stay sane, and take good care of my body and brain, than get less sleep than I need. 

All that said, there is a reason some of you are prolifically published, while I am just plugging away slowly, but it is a conscious choice on my part. Sleep is really, really important for health and mental functioning.


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## B.A. Spangler (Jan 25, 2012)

I'm there with the bunch of you, working full-time++, taking care of a house, and a family, and a small ark of animals. I'd love to write full-time, and maybe someday I will, but for now I use that as motivation while building my library.


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## Chinese Writer (Mar 25, 2014)

I have two kids, husband, and job. I write when I can. Sometimes it means tapping out a hundred words on my phone or a half hour me time at the end of the day. I just learn to work with the flow because everyday is different. It took me two years to write my first book. That is how slow I work, but I'm really happy with my life. One thing I've given up is TV and chatting on the phone so I have more writing time. I also outline extensively so I know exactly what I need to do when I have a few minutes to sit down and write. I figured once my young children are in junior high or high school I would have more time for my hobbies, but that is more than a decade away so I just manage what I can today.


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## MonkeyScribe (Jan 27, 2011)

GaryCecil said:


> She never says those things, but it's just something I _feel_. Anyone else have these issues? How did you get over them? Do you? Sure, if I were writing full-time and could "call it a day" at five o'clock every day, I would, but I just can't. I'm twenty-three, and I know I have time, but yet, I feel as if each day I don't hit my word count or finish my story, I'm falling behind...


Don't try to catch up. Work every day and you'll soon amass a respectable body of work. In my opinion, the time for writing shouldn't come from time spent with loved ones, but time deducted from screwing around on video games or watching dumb TV shows your girlfriend doesn't find interesting. For needed downtime, make sure it's something you can do with the girlfriend and/or your pooch. You need to make sure your solitary time is spent writing or reading.

(This probably includes most time spent on KB and other similar places.)


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## meh (Apr 18, 2013)

I work 40 hours and over with a one hour commute each way. I also am a caregiver of an adult with disabilities, so that takes up part of my morning and most of my evening. I do my writing mostly during breaks and lunches at work; occasionally I'll get some time on the weekend. 1000 words a day just isn't possible for me right now, so I set a goal of 500 words, and most days I exceed that. So I'm slower than many writers putting out multiple books right now, but I'm still writing, and I'll just keep going. 

You just do the best with what is possible.


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## ♨ (Jan 9, 2012)

GaryCecil said:


> She never says those things, but it's just something I _feel_.


Don't tell us how you feel, tell _her_. She's the one that needs to know you feel she's an important part of your life, that you value her and that you feel as though you are neglecting her. Then, also be sure she knows how and why your writing is important to you so that you know she knows how much that is a part of your life as well. Then work out an equitable schedule of spending time together.

And then occasionally surprise her with unscheduled dates or events and such.

As for your dog, well, you can throw a ball across the room and type at the same time.


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## LeeBee (Feb 19, 2014)

Dan C. Rinnert said:


> As for your dog, well, you can throw a ball across the room and type at the same time.


Speaking from experience, this is surprising difficult.


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## ♨ (Jan 9, 2012)

LeeBee said:


> Speaking from experience, this is surprising difficult.


I find this difficult to believe. I've heard rumors you murdered your neighbor a few months ago and buried the body all while tapping out a novella on your phone. By comparison, tossing a ball with a dog while typing should be a breeze.


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## SBJones (Jun 13, 2011)

There was a good article I read the other day about setting goals or establishing good habits to attain your goals.  The point was that people set goals as motivators for achievements that should not be a goal to begin with.  Like loosing weight; five pounds lighter so now what?  Back to eating junk food?  Loose another five pounds?  Why wasn't ten pounds your goal?  You should be establishing better eating and exercise habits.  This will take the extra pounds off and keep them off.

The same can be said for writing.  People set goals like write a book, write 2,000 words a day or sell X number of books.  What you should be doing is establishing good writing habits that will achieve your goals.  Get in the habit of dedicating time to write.  If you get 100 words or 2,000 words written, it doesn't matter.  If you establish that habit of writing, you will get your books written.  

If you are fretting over your girlfriend and dog, my guess is that your mind is not focused on writing anyway but on the guilt you feel for neglecting them.  Your writing will reflect this and I don't think you will be too happy with the results.


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## JETaylor (Jan 25, 2011)

LeeBee said:


> Goals are important, but relationships and mental health are equally so. Seek the balance, my friend.


This.

I put aside writing for years because of those types of looks you're getting from your girlfriend. In my case, it was my husband and his intolerance of having me writing during all our free time. And I had no concept of being able to only write during certain time frames. Back then, once a story took hold, that was it, I went with it and everything else be damned.

Of course I was writing technical specs at my day job, but really it isn't the same as writing fiction. When I started managing and not writing I went batsh!t. That was when my daughter asked me what I really wanted to do. Now, my kids were old enough so I wasn't trying to chase them around and I had significant down time while at their activities, so I decided what the hell.

The bottom line - once I started, I neglected family and household duties since for eighteen months of solid writing when I wasn't at the day job. Twenty years of backed up stories poured out - eight full length novels. I got some nasty looks from my husband during that time and the following three years editing each novel. When we started seeing some income, he backed off a little - but we've been married a long time and he understood it was my time to pursue my dream.

I'm learning to regiment myself and find a balance - but its tough. Last year was the first time I actually took a vacation in six years - no writing at all and lots of family time. I did read, but having a kindle on the beach is a little different than a laptop on the porch.

There is a lot of good advice about putting a structure around the times you write and finding balance. I so wish I had the ability to do this twenty years ago.


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## sandarr (Mar 8, 2014)

I write for a living (not my personal writing), which as has been posted by a few other people and it includes the responsibility of health insurance and other things that would come with most jobs. So it is a job and for personal writing it is a balancing act to also have a life away from the computer.  It is important whether writing is for a living to pay bills or to compile books to have balance. It is possible to burn out from writing, even if you need to get that book out of your system and that is not a good thing. Remember, you are only young once and missing out you may it regret later with too strict of a schedule. Balance is about the best advice that can be offered. The books will still be written, you will be happy and not stressed out wondering what to do, your girlfriend will be happy and your dog. (They are little people too) The other advantage is as a writer, your imagination is always working and sometimes works better when you are not concentrating on getting words on a page. 

Reading can be done for 20 minutes before bed, rather than hours at a shot the book does not have expiration, even if it is a library book it can be renewed. The plus, is the short reading spurts often you will retain more and think about what you have read. Getting more written in a shorter amount of time happens when you aren't pushing daily and under stress about life. If you feel you need to write daily, give yourself a time limit and walk away.  If you use a speech to text program like the one that comes standard in most computers these days or Dragon Naturally Speaking it can make a difference in how much you can accomplish, unless you are fast at typing then it may not be a large advantage. There are other software programs that may also be an advantage to help in getting your writing done in a shorter amount of time that could be worth checking out for your particular style or situation.


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## daringnovelist (Apr 3, 2010)

Dan C. Rinnert said:


> As for your dog, well, you can throw a ball across the room and type at the same time.


LOL, I have a box full of crumpled up paper balls labelled "Maude Distraction Kit." This was from when Maudie was a kitten. As LeeBee says, though, it is harder than it sounds. Especially when they are at a certain age. They know when you are not really paying attention. And fetchers will learn to not fetch just to make you stop what you are doing and get into the game. (That's why it was a whole box of paper balls -- I could then just grab and throw for quite a while before gathering them up.)

Camille


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## Jana DeLeon (Jan 20, 2011)

Everyone's completely missing the real answer for the dog problem - get your dog a dog.


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## LeeBee (Feb 19, 2014)

daringnovelist said:


> LOL, I have a box full of crumpled up paper balls labelled "Maude Distraction Kit." This was from when Maudie was a kitten. As LeeBee says, though, it is harder than it sounds. Especially when they are at a certain. They know when you are not really paying attention. And fetchers will learn to not fetch just to make you stop what you are doing and get into the game. (That's why it was a whole box of paper balls -- I could then just grab and throw for quite a while before gathering them up.)
> 
> Camille
> 
> Camille


My elderly golden retriever mix gets _so_ downcast when he sees that I'm not watching him run, grab the toy, and return with it.


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## Wayne Stinnett (Feb 5, 2014)

40 hour a week job? So, what is it you do the other four days of the week?

Seriously, I do put in an average of 14 hours a day, five days a week at my "real" job. My wife is extremely supportive. She sees how much the royalties are and removes the distractions, taking on most of the responsibilities we once shared, leaving me free time to add to the $.04 per word income WE'RE creating. I still have a little time to spend with her and our daughter, but they both understand that it's slightly limited now, so that it can be more in the future. Besides, it's not about volume, but quality.


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## Indecisive (Jun 17, 2013)

I feel like quoting about half the people on this thread, including all of these bits:



Seppie said:


> I had to accept that in order for my life to feel balanced, I can't start out writing like a Russell Blake or HM Ward. My only hope is to build up the words at a slow and steady pace for a long enough period of time that they start bringing in enough money to quit my day job. And I'm ok with that. In another 15 years, regardless of what happens with my writing income, my life should change significantly, both financially and in terms of how I can choose to spend my time.
> 
> In the meantime, I want to actually watch my kids grow up, and to maintain the fabulous marriage that inspires me as a romance writer, and to be a good friend, sister, daughter, auntie, because I will never ever get these years back. I think I would be sad if I ever looked up from my keyboard and realized that I was so fixated on word count that I forgot to live.





Scott Pixello said:


> I'd aim to write in a productive time period rather than fixate about wordcounts. If you write 1000 words, so what? If they're crap, it's a false sense of achievement. Write when your significant others are not around & try to do it only then. If your kids' dominant memory of you is that you're always 'too busy' for them, you lose the point of having kids in the first place. Writing time, whenever it is in the 24-hour cycle, is a bit of personal time for thinking or writing and if it's time-based, it need not eat into everything else. Last point- you can start writing again in 10-20 years' time- you can't turn the clock back & play with your kids then.





valeriec80 said:


> There is so much pressure out there to put out multiple, numerous novels every year, and I think a lot of people feel like they're never doing enough and that they always need to do more.
> ...
> However, the real problem is not how much time you spend doing things, but managing the guilt that you are never doing _enough_.





Gennita Low said:


> . Go out and have fun. You need to live life and go through all the ups and downs so you can write from your heart. You need to love your girlfriend and think about crazy stuff 23 year-olds dream about and do. Do it before you become weighted down by responsibilities and lose the ability to be carefree.
> 
> The writing time will come.


I have a husband, kids, and do 90% of the household stuff. I don't watch TV, but I do waste time on the internet. I'm still trying to work out a sustainable pace, still trying to figure out how to work in the early mornings, and so forth. My latest idea (haven't road tested it yet) is to only allow myself to write for a certain amount of time, to let it go for the rest of the day and focus on the here and now.


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## Cherise (May 13, 2012)

Otsana said:


> Had to comment, because I saw that your book was free and downloaded it. Alien dogs! Ah! So cute!


Love to you, Otsana! Hope you enjoy it.


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## Cherise (May 13, 2012)

Jan Strnad said:


> I was lucky enough to have Richard Yates as a creative writing instructor one year in college. When I had to break the news to him that I wouldn't be going on to graduate school, he didn't care a bit. He told me that if I was going to be a writer, I'd learn more by living a real life than by going to more school.
> 
> If I were 23 again, I'd definitely do more living and less writing.


An undergrad professor told us something similar, but it was more like, "If you're majoring in English in order to be a novelist, drop out now and just get to it. You don't learn how to write novels in college. You learn how to write novels by writing novels!" It was easier to just stay in college, though. It felt more secure. So even though it took me 10 years to work my way through so I could pay my own way, I did.

I also did plenty of 'living' when I was 18 - 28. Only 5 boyfriends, Jennita? 

I wouldn't change most of my life. I have many rich memories and am happy. My only regret is not having children. Today, I'm 50 with plenty of time to write. I would rather have grown kids to worry about, and grandchildren someday.

You only regret the stuff you DON'T do. Keep that in mind as you choose what to neglect, OP.


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## Kenyon (Feb 27, 2014)

GaryCecil said:


> My writing routine is like this: Wake up at 5 AM, write for 1.5 hours, then go to work. Come home, try and be human, then read and write some more. More reading though, because I feel like reading is every bit as important as writing is. Go to bed. Rinse and repeat.
> 
> But there's a HUGE problem with this. I love my girlfriend. I love my dog. I love other things, too, but you get where I'm going. I guess my real question is, how do you get over the guilt of basically neglecting them for your passion of writing? My girlfriend is accepting of it, and she motivates me, but sometimes, I swear, in the small corner of her eyes, I see it. That look that says, "Why do you spend so much time writing? Don't you love me anymore? What about me?"
> 
> ...


You should work out when you get home. On weekends, spend the days watching sports. You need some time to yourself...


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## Kenyon (Feb 27, 2014)

One inspiring thing an author said: "You have the same 24 hours that everybody else does."


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## 31842 (Jan 11, 2011)

This conversation suddenly brought to mind a wonderful book I ran across a couple years ago:



It's free. It's old, so the language is a bit formal. But the information in there is wonderful.


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## KevinH (Jun 29, 2013)

I'm not saying this to anyone in particular, but for a lot of people it's television that's the giant time suck.  I think I read before that the average American watches about 35 hours of television per week. That's almost the equivalent of a second job! (And I already have a second job: writing!)

If you're one of those people, it may be necessary to try to record your favorites and then cram your viewing into a single day once per week (or whenever you give yourself a break).  The bottom line is that, in my opinion, you have to treat being an author like a job if you want to be successful at it. That means "going in to work" instead of watching the tube - just like many of us do for our day jobs.


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## donnajherren (Mar 7, 2013)

Honestly, I don't know how people work a full-time day job, have a life, AND find time to write and publish.  This is the only job I have (same goes for my co-author), and there are still times when my clean laundry doesn't get folded and the dishes pile up in the sink and the dog is staring at me.


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## Kathelm (Sep 27, 2010)

I'm in the same boat.  I work full time, I'm taking one class per semester towards a Master's degree, I have a wife, I rely on video games to relieve stress, and I write.

Between all that, I have about 1-2 hours a day to split between writing and video games.  I make sure writing gets a chunk of that time.  But if work, wife, or school need more of my time on a particular night, they get it.


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## AriadneW (Feb 16, 2013)

I struggle with this too. I work full time and have two children. This year my day job has become a lot more stressful and it has been harder to find time for writing than it was last year. I've slowed down rather than try to rush anything, so my next book is a month later than I had planned, but I still have my sanity. 

I squeeze in writing time after my children are asleep at night, and I carry my laptop to work so I can use my lunch break (if I manage to get away from my desk lol).


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## Rin (Apr 25, 2011)

I have a Chromebook - I write on the train to and from work; and during my lunch hour (when I'm not distracted by other things on the internet)...have racked up probably 50k or more over the last six months doing that.


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## LeeBee (Feb 19, 2014)

Dan C. Rinnert said:


> I find this difficult to believe. I've heard rumors you murdered your neighbor a few months ago and buried the body all while tapping out a novella on your phone. By comparison, tossing a ball with a dog while typing should be a breeze.


The rumors say just one neighbor?


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## GaryCecil (Jan 5, 2014)

Kenyon said:


> You should work out when you get home. On weekends, spend the days watching sports. You need some time to yourself...


I do, actually. But I didn't feel the need to display EVERYTHING I do haha. I really do, though. My girlfriend and I are doing P90X 3


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## AshMP (Dec 30, 2009)

When I was working, my work weeks varied between 50-70 hours. It is incredibly hard to balance that with writing, my husband, my dogs, my friends, my family... So, I came to the conclusion that I could "be" everything to everyone. I made a list of priorities. The top? My husband, followed by my family, dogs, writing, work, friends -- yes, friends came last. I wrote, like you, before I left for work and again in the evenings but my weekends were sacred ground. 48 hours of just being with my husband and my family and, occasionally, my friends. I didn't bend on that ... and even now, as a full-time writer, I still leave my weekends alone. 

The trick is finding the balance. Even as a full-time novelist, I still take the digs that I'm "unavailable" because writing isn't like another job...somedays I work 8 hours, somedays I work 3, somedays I work 24 hours (like during edits). But this is the life I chose for myself and I'm committed to making it work. So I give up other things that make me happy and I focus my free time on making sure the people I love are getting 100% of my attention (we don't talk shop, we talk about other stuff). 

It's not impossible, but it requires you to wear a few different hats.


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## Indecisive (Jun 17, 2013)

KateDanley said:


> This conversation suddenly brought to mind a wonderful book I ran across a couple years ago:
> 
> 
> 
> It's free. It's old, so the language is a bit formal. But the information in there is wonderful.


I kind of hated that book, but it could be great for someone with minimal family/household responsibilities. OTOH, it's free and not too long.


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## hs (Feb 15, 2011)

Wow, I'm surprised to see so many writers with the same routine as me. People look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them that I wake up at 5:00 am to write. 

I have a day job and family with two kids. While my mornings and late evenings (after the kids go to bed) are for writing, I block off time after work for my family, whether to attend activities with my kids, help them with homework, or just spend quality time with the family. I don't watch any TV except for "movie dates" with my wife when we watch DVDs or something we've recorded. It's like a lot of people have said, it's up to you to decide what's really important in your life and how you want to create balance.



valeriec80 said:


> There is so much pressure out there to put out multiple, numerous novels every year, and I think a lot of people feel like they're never doing enough and that they always need to do more. People will often say that they'll be able to do more when they can quit their day job. And indeed, they may be able to produce more words.


This is a great point! I get envious when I hear about other authors on KBoards publishing new books every month, but I'm used to my schedule now, which is more like 8 to 10 months per novel. Sure, I wish I could publish faster, but that's not more important to me than seeing my kids grow up.


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## ElHawk (Aug 13, 2012)

I cut out the whole "try to be a human" part for three years so I could fit in writing. My routine was: get up, get ready for work, commute, work, commute home, go to the gym, write until it's time to go to sleep. Nowhere in there was there any time for watching TV (I don't even own a TV anymore, since I haven't had time to use one in years), hanging out with friends, etc. On weekends when I had a little more free time, I fit in necessary errands like grocery shopping and doing laundry.

Seven more weeks and I'll be writing full-time. Not being a human for three years was worth it to get to this point. I can't tell you how excited I am to get to have hobbies and a social life again.

(On the relationship front, it's helped a lot that over the past three years, my husband has been either deployed or working a completely opposite schedule from me, so we seldom see each other whether I'm writing or not.)


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## Jan Strnad (May 27, 2010)

LeeBee said:


> Speaking from experience, this is surprising difficult.


Oh, throwing a ball for a dog and writing at the same time is impossible.

By the time you get your fingers back on the keys and find your place and attempt to pick up your chain of thought, the dog is back with the ball. And the ball is quickly going to get slimy and slobbery, so now you have to add the extra step of wiping your hand before it goes back on the keyboard.

Doesn't work, in my experience!


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## Flopstick (Jul 19, 2011)

GaryCecil said:


> Come home, try and be human, then read and write some more. More reading though, because I feel like reading is every bit as important as writing is.


Unless you're talking about proofreading or research, I don't think it is. Drop the reading and use that time for either real life or writing. I actively avoid reading while I'm working on a writing project, because it can throw me off my own story. Sure, reading can help you become a better writer, but not as effectively as writing will.

Do you commute to work? If so, stick Dropbox and Quickoffice on your phone so that you can write in transit too. (Not while driving, obviously; this only works on trains and buses!) Most importantly, don't feel guilty when you're not typing. Your brain is still solving problems and working through scenes in the background, even when you aren't sat at the keyboard, and sometimes when you're only peripherally aware of it. I've written whole scenes in my head while ironing or doing the washing up, and I'm sure everyone else here has too. Not all the work takes place at the computer.


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## NicWilson (Apr 16, 2011)

I write in the morning before work, and sometimes a little in the evening too. I'm fortunate in that my wife and I don't want kids so our time is less strained than a lot of folks', and she is hugely supportive and enthusiastic of my writing; she doesn't just tolerate it. If something's really going on, she'll just say that she needs me with her, or I'll take it easier for a day for myself.  Mainly, though, she's my partner-in-crime with the writing, as she's a solid developmental editor, and is always helpful. We tie writing in with the rest of our life, so the time spent writing doesn't conflict with outside life, it's a part of it. She'll set word-count challenges for treats, we'll sit in the room together working on different tasks so we don't distract each other, and she'll research any stuff I I'm unsure of, while I continue writing. I don't get as much writing time as I would like, but I get enough to make steady progress, and I don't feel like the writing interferes with our lives.


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## Nope (Jun 25, 2012)

.


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## GaryCecil (Jan 5, 2014)

Flopstick said:


> Unless you're talking about proofreading or research, I don't think it is. Drop the reading and use that time for either real life or writing. I actively avoid reading while I'm working on a writing project, because it can throw me off my own story. Sure, reading can help you become a better writer, but not as effectively as writing will.
> 
> Do you commute to work? If so, stick Dropbox and Quickoffice on your phone so that you can write in transit too. (Not while driving, obviously; this only works on trains and buses!) Most importantly, don't feel guilty when you're not typing. Your brain is still solving problems and working through scenes in the background, even when you aren't sat at the keyboard, and sometimes when you're only peripherally aware of it. I've written whole scenes in my head while ironing or doing the washing up, and I'm sure everyone else here has too. Not all the work takes place at the computer.


Although writing is important, reading is right up there with it, a close second, if you will. You can't write unless you read. Just like you can't be a director unless you've watched films. Reading (anything) is and should be a must in a writer's life. It helps you understand writing more, it helps you gain ideas, so on. I know some people have a problem with mimicking the writing style of the book they are currently reading, but I think that's more of a personal problem than it is an actual problem.

I think you must always have time for reading. Always  It's how you build yourself as an artist, pulling thread by thread the styles from author's you love.


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## meh (Apr 18, 2013)

I cringe when I hear writers say that they never read anything. (At least I do when genre writers say this. Not so much if they're just publishing a memoir). How can you know what's already out there if you don't read? 

As one who does drive and has a fairly long commute, I've considered getting the Dragon software for my Windows tablet and dictating while I'm stuck in traffic. Not sure if it would work, but the thought has crossed my mind.


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## Nikki Hicks (Mar 5, 2014)

It is definitely a struggle fitting in writing with a full-time job.  I work all day and sometimes hours at night, weekends too.  By the time I'm done with my "real job", I'm usually too pooped to crank out 1000 words a day.  I think 1000 is too much for my current work schedule, 2 kids and a husband, so I'm going to bring it back down to 500.  I was not as stressed at 500 words a day.  It will take me awhile longer to publish but at least I'll have my sanity, and sleep.


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## daringnovelist (Apr 3, 2010)

IMHO:

If you are already well read, and you are going to temporarily drop something to open up your schedule, reading really is something to drop or cut back on. You can go back to that well when you need to.

However, if you don't know your genre that well, or aren't that familiar with your creative options, drop the writing and read for a while.  Get your education.  Fill your brain with inspiration and examples of what you might want to do.

Camille


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## Gabriel Beyers (Jan 28, 2011)

I don't think there is any easy answer to this. I work a full time job which also requires me to put in some school/study time. I'm married with two kids and have a 2nd part time job on the side.

I've found that I can't write and edit in the same day so I pick one or the other which usually happens after the kids are in bed. I try to read every day, even if it's only for a few minutes. I would love to be more productive, to be one of those writers that pump out a new novel every month, but that is impossible right now. Just yesterday I had to give up some writing time to take the kids to a book fair. Do I regret it? No. Am I frustrated at my lack of time? Yes.

I want to be a successful writer and for that to be my only job, but I don't want to look up 20 years from now and realize that I missed my kids growing up. Life is what gets in the way while you are making plans.

I will just keep chipping away at this thing until it works out or I stop breathing.

My advice is, try not to feel guilty.


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## Lyoung (Oct 21, 2013)

To add to what I'd written before...

I'm having a work night with my S.O. right now. As we speak (well, type).

He's grading papers. I'm indulging in my KB addiction (after having worked).

We worked for an hour straight.
We took a break and talked about college basketball scores.
We worked another hour straight.
I gave him a kiss on the cheek on the way back from getting water.
He shared a line from one of the papers he's grading and we both grinned over it.
I unconsciously hummed along to the background music and he slowly raised his head to stare at me. I stopped humming.
He unconsciously began drumming his fingers on the desktop. I slowly raised my head to stare at him. He stopped drumming.
We're now in our third hour of working.

It works. Share the time.


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## ThrillerWriter (Aug 19, 2012)

Gary,

I'm in the same boat, except I wake up at 4 AM and write through my lunch break, which equals to about 4k words per day. I've been working four hours before I ever step into my day job's office. I spend about an hour with my wife before I go to bed each night. I spend more time with her on the weekends. She understands that this isn't a situation we're going to be in forever, though. She understands the feedback I'm seeing from my novels, and understands the effort I'm putting in, and that it's going to pay off. I don't agree that you 'have to make a choice'. My wife isn't making me make such a choice, she knew who/what I was when we first go together. 

The hard truth though, is that if you want to make it as an indie writer, you're going to have to stop thinking of yourself as an indie writer. You are running a start-up company while working at your current job. No one in Silicon Valley would be surprised by your hours, and many would think you're not working enough. I'm not judging whether you are or not, I'm simply saying that this is what everyone does who tries to start something up off the ground. 

My biggest worry this point is children. I don't have any yet, but I refuse to let them have a childhood like I did. When they are born, my life is on hold, and something will have to change either with writing or my day job, because I won't be able to continue this current pace and be the father I need to be. I'm five years off from that, and my wife is absolutely great about my current schedule. You only have so much time to invest, and you have to decide where it's going to be invested. There's just not an easy answer to that. For me? Every single minute of my day is planned, from 4 AM to 8 PM (yes, I go to bed that early). An hour of exercise, an hour with my wife. It's just how my life is going to be maintained until my start-up begins to support me full time (looking at 90,000 in sales per year at the $2.99 price point).

I've thought about this a lot, but have finally come to peace with where I'm at.

Now, my timer just went off--time to move on to the next part of my day, reading about the indie publishing market. Best of luck, Gary.


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## vrabinec (May 19, 2011)

LeeBee said:


> I've never gotten over murdering my neighbor. And it's been months.


You need to bury the past and get over it.


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## GaryCecil (Jan 5, 2014)

David Beers said:


> Gary,
> 
> I'm in the same boat, except I wake up at 4 AM and write through my lunch break, which equals to about 4k words per day. I've been working four hours before I ever step into my day job's office. I spend about an hour with my wife before I go to bed each night. I spend more time with her on the weekends. She understands that this isn't a situation we're going to be in forever, though. She understands the feedback I'm seeing from my novels, and understands the effort I'm putting in, and that it's going to pay off. I don't agree that you 'have to make a choice'. My wife isn't making me make such a choice, she knew who/what I was when we first go together.
> 
> ...


I'm right there with you. I understand where you are coming from, and you're right, this is a business. And the old saying rings true: There are always others out there working ten times harder than you are who want the same things.

I guess it's a question we all have to ask ourselves: How good do we want to be?

You're passionate, motivated, and I'm sure five years from now your signature will be loaded with titles. Keep it up, man! I want to be able to put in at least 20-30 hours a week dedicated to nothing but writing. I'm getting there, and it's amazing the things I've given up to even come close. But I have a goal, and I know where I need to be.


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## Key (Jan 6, 2014)

Make sure you look out for the time wasters, too. Things like the internet, social media, funny videos, & watching TV. A few minutes chiseled here and there with everyone's favorite sort of entertainment, internet connectivity, or whatever your own weakness is, can have a big effect on your life. Stuff adds up. Even reading sometimes. I believe I read that Kris Rusch had to keep herself from reading *anything* until she'd done her writing for the day, otherwise it didn't get done. We all have things that pull us away from family and writing, and some of them are so useless when we stop to think about it.

I clearly don't have a lot of advice, just wanted to share that extra thought. Sorry if someone already said it more clearly than I have! And best of luck!


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## Guest (Apr 28, 2014)

Truth be told, the reason I continue working my day job is precisely so I can write for the enjoyment of it and not because I have to in order to pay the mortgage. Having a day job that secures my living needs gives me the freedom to write and publish what I want, when I want, on my own terms. Don't get me wrong, I run my business like a business and I run it for profit. But writing is my RELEASE from stress. I don't want it to be the source of it. 

I think there is a lot of pressure on this forum, both directly and indirectly, that if you aren't writing "full time" you don't care or that you aren't trying hard enough. And that pressure leads to angst threads like this one where authors feel completely irrational pressure to "perform" based on external forces instead of one's own internal clock. The original beauty of indie publishing is that you are INDEPENDENT! No publisher breathing down your neck with a deadline. No marketing department trying to force you change your story into the latest hot genre. 

Find your own pace that YOU are comfortable with, not the pace that the latest "it" indie blogger is telling you that you have to write at to be "successful."


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## Melisse (Jun 3, 2012)

If you have a full time job and family or other loved ones, you can't really expect to put in 40-50 hours a week writing. There are things you must do, whether it is spending time with GF or dog, or grocery shopping or taking walks etc. Others work and care for children, maintain a relationship with spouse. Do you really want to dump all your social connections and loved ones for solitude and a keyboard?

You can't possibly keep up with a full time writer's schedule. Make a realistic goal that you can maintain with the life you actually have, not the one somebody else has, or you wish you had.

Give up TV!


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## Cherise (May 13, 2012)

Bards and Sages (Julie) said:


> Find your own pace that YOU are comfortable with, not the pace that the latest "it" indie blogger is telling you that you have to write at to be "successful."


And realize that even if you do write at the latest "it" indie blogger pace, the most likely outcome is failure to sell enough to quit the day job.

For this reason, stop and smell the roses every once in awhile, whatever roses represent to you. And don't forget to have a life.


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## Melody Simmons (Jul 8, 2012)

Seppie said:


> In the meantime, I want to actually watch my kids grow up, and to maintain the fabulous marriage that inspires me as a romance writer, and to be a good friend, sister, daughter, auntie, because I will never ever get these years back. I think I would be sad if I ever looked up from my keyboard and realized that I was so fixated on word count that I forgot to live.
> 
> Probably not what you wanted to hear, but that's my "real talk."


I totally agree - at the end of your life it will be the relationships you had, the love you shared that will matter to you - if you can fit other hobbies in, then great! But not at the cost of precious time with loved ones. I am a graphic designer and that is my full-time job. I have two young kids. I wrote three books and published them, but realised my life was way out of balance and my kids were neglected. I gave up my aspirations to be called an "author." I abandoned my writing and decided to stick to two things only - my work (which fortunately I love very much) and my family. And oh, my books are still out there somewhere but I am not going to give away what they are (I used a pseudonym) plus I have never ever promoted them so they are lost in the Amazon millions. Which shows how important book promotion is!

(And this is why I hang out here on Kindleboards as an ebook cover designer and not as an author...)


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