# It's just not fair!



## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

It's time to dye my hair again to hide the grey. I sit here contemplating the facts o' life and grey hair. I have realized that between my DH and myself grey hair ain't even. He is 10 years older than I am, and while his is thinning a bit on top, at soon to be 50 his hair is still a lovely dark brown almost all over. One really has to hunt for greys on his head. I just turned 40, and I probably have 500 grey hairs for every one of his. It's not stress related, he stresses and worries much more than I do. Obviously it's not age-related... so I have come to the conclusion that:
IT IS JUST NOT FAIR!


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## Steve Silkin (Sep 15, 2010)

Motorcyle Boy to Rusty James in S.E. Hinton's "Rumble Fish":

"Whoever told you anything was going to be fair?"

context (from memory, so it might not be exact)

"Why aren't you in school?"

"Got kicked out."

"For what?"

"Straight A's."

"And they kicked you out for that?"

"I understand. Problem kid like me. Straight A's. It's a tough school That was just too much for them."

"But that's not fair."

"Whoever told you anything was going to be fair?"


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## kindlequeen (Sep 3, 2010)

My DH is prematurely gray at 35 (pretty much his whole head) and he gets mistaken for my father (we're 6 years apart)!!!!!!

I'm getting a gray streak towards the back of my head and I'm not even 30 yet (I've had it since high school but it's "grown" recently).  My mother has given me a great inspiration for wanting to be gray.... my hair is so dark that when I lighten it, it has a tendency to go orange; with her lovely gray hair, now she can use over the counter dyes and they come out great.  

I know it doesn't help but at least you're not alone in this boat!!!!!


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## Ashley Lynn Willis (Jan 27, 2011)

Just remember, no matter how bad you have it, someone else out there has it worse.    That's so morbid, but I just spent the last two hours shoe shopping with a three and four year old so I'm in a bit of a sour mood.  My dear daughter conned me into buying her silver sparkly shoes that will go with absolutely nothing but her princess outfit.

Anyway, let me make you feel better.  My former twenty-nine-year old boss, who is female, has a thick head of gray hair.  Well, some of its brown, so maybe I'd call it more a salt and pepper look, but she's twenty-nine!  Now that would suck.  

Feel Better?  No?  Just start plucking you husband's brown hair until all he has left is a few gray wisps.


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## Margaret (Jan 1, 2010)

I have to admit that my husband's hair went gray before mine did.  He was still in his twenties when it started to turn.  Now he is completely gray, and I think I would be, but since I visit the colorist every  six weeks, I am not really sure what color my hair is.  my five year old grandaughter was visiting this weekend, and she told my husband that he looked like her school principal.  Then she said, "Well, not exactly like him, but your hair is the same color.  You know, that OLD MAN WHITE."  I guess that I will keep coloring mine!


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## susie (Mar 4, 2011)

40?  Ha!  Just you wait...give it another few years and a few grey hairs will be the least of your worries.


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## Carol Hanrahan (Mar 31, 2009)

Old man White - HAHAHA!


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## NogDog (May 1, 2009)

You could always just say "screw it" to the hair product companies that try to scare everyone into believing gray hair is evil, and let your hair just be what it is. Any friend worth the name won't give a crap how much gray you have, and anyone who does is not worth your time. But maybe that's just me -- with my graying hair and much grayer beard -- hoping to draw more people to the "light side".


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## planet_janet (Feb 23, 2010)

I started noticing grey hairs when I was 23 yrs old and in college.  I never stood a chance..in my dad's high school senior portrait, his temples were already salt and pepper at age 18, and he was completely grey at 30. I am a slave to my hairdresser every five weeks and have been for the past decade or so.  NOT FAIR! 

My DH will be 40 in May and he has been all over grey for several years.   He has very striking bright blue eyes and the combination with his grey hair is gorgeous (think Anderson Cooper coloring).  Grey hair on men looks "distinguished."  NOT FAIR!


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## tsilver (Aug 9, 2010)

Okay folks, get your rocks and pitchforks ready.  I'm 86 and most of my hair is black.  If it's any consolation, I think I'm going bald.


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## Hoosiermama (Dec 28, 2009)

I turned almost completely gray in 1995. I was 38. Before that I had some gray, and referred to myself as "naturally frosted". My oldest son got married in 2005, and I decided to color it for the wedding. I kept coloring until last October, when the youngest got married. It's in the process of growing out now. With my next haircut, all the color should be gone.

I am delighted to not be coloring any more, and am reveling in the "real" color appearing again!


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## daveconifer (Oct 20, 2009)

I'm 47 and I'm still brown/blond.  My beard comes in with a lot of gray, though...


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## telracs (Jul 12, 2009)

and it's not even genetic....  I've been going grey since high school, but my sister who is 7 years older still has barely any grey.

for years my aunt accused my mother of coloring, but my mom did not go grey until well into her 60's.


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## Alle Meine Entchen (Dec 6, 2009)

DH has age appropriate grey hair, but he likes to point out that he didn't start going grey until he met me.

Since I am a ginger, along w/ having no soul, I will go blonde before I go grey and if I'm lucky, I'll be like my Great Uncle Mac who was 86 before he started greying.


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## Carol (was Dara) (Feb 19, 2011)

I'm beginning to believe women naturally go grey earlier than men. It seems to work like that with most of the couples I know.


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## cegrundler (Aug 16, 2010)

It's the opposite in my house. My DH has been going grey since I met him at 16. By 40 he was more silver than brown (perhaps I'm a factor!) and now at 48 it's a challenge to find any non-grey on his thick head (of hair, I mean!) At 46, I have maybe a dozen greys on the sides. My mom, at 70, has only a touch more grey than me.


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## rho (Feb 12, 2009)

I was pretty much salt and pepper by graduation from High School Totally grey by late 20's and white in my late 30's. I gave up and went with it in my 40's.  Now I'm growing into my white at 57


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## telracs (Jul 12, 2009)

Anyone recognize this quote---

"That's not fair."
"You say that so often.  I wonder what your basis for comparison is."


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## cegrundler (Aug 16, 2010)

David Bowie - Labyrinth

Loved that movie!  The opening 'running back home' scene was filmed right down the road from my house.


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## StaceyHH (Sep 13, 2010)

I feel your pain! I'm also 40 and have a LOT of grey. A year (or so) ago, I said NO MORE HAIR DYE. I hate dyeing my hair, because I have to use special towels for several days until the color stops bleeding. Anyways, during that year, my grey TRIPLED I SWEAR. 

Bah humbug. 

Anyways, we were just on vacation and I was looking through pictures my husband had snapped. There was this OLD LADY bodysnatcher podperson wearing my cargo pants and Keens. The trickster. She had all this old lady podperson grey hair. Well, that was IT, when I got home from vacation, I went straight for the dye bottle, and colored up those tricksy trickster hairs BUT GOOD.

Only one problem...

I used the same color I used to use: Natural Instincts Cinnaberry - which used to work awesome on my hair because my youthful color is a very dark brown, and the berry red warmed it up a bit. But with all this tricksy GREY HAIR, the Cinnaberry colored it DARK KOOL-AID RED!!! Now, after several washings I have these streaks of BRIGHT CRAYON RED fading to PINK! 

I wasn't even trying for the hipster streak-of-crayola-box color. 

*sigh*

I guess it's better than that podperson bodysnatcher little old lady who was in MY photos. Just see if she can find me now. BEGONE!


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## crebel (Jan 15, 2009)

I've had a little bit of grey in my hair for years.  Last summer it went completely grey in 6 weeks (I'm 51). I liked it, felt like I earned every one of them.  

However, 3 months ago DH came home with a box of L'Oreal and asked if I would let him color my hair.  Are you kidding me?  LET him do the messy work and give me a shampoo and head massage?  He now keeps me at my natural light brown hair color once a month  

His full head of hair is now more salt than salt and pepper and I love it.  That is what's unfair - the women look like old ladies have taken over (the pod person in pictures is a perfect description) and the men look distinguished


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## Patrick Skelton (Jan 7, 2011)

I'm 34 and just starting to get gray hair around the temples.  Pretty depressing!


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## JimC1946 (Aug 6, 2009)

susie said:


> 40? Ha! Just you wait...give it another few years and a few grey hairs will be the least of your worries.


Ha ha! A big amen to that.


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## MariaESchneider (Aug 1, 2009)

StaceyHH said:


> I feel your pain! I'm also 40 and have a LOT of grey. A year (or so) ago, I said NO MORE HAIR DYE. I hate dyeing my hair, because I have to use special towels for several days until the color stops bleeding. Anyways, during that year, my grey TRIPLED I SWEAR.
> 
> Bah humbug.
> 
> ...


This is hilarious! I remember the first time someone else was in my photo...

In my case, my hair has gotten DARKER as I got older. I was a very, very light blond kid until age 2. By 10, I had sort of dishwater blond hair--sort of strawberry blond--red highlights through it. It remained that way until my 20s when it was more brown than anything. Somewhere around 35, to 38...I saw a picture and wondered who that lady was with the black hair. It's not really black, but it is such a dark brown, in pictures it looks black. What is up with that

And really, I think the hair is the least of my worries. I'd like to know what happened to the rest of my body. Whoever snatched it, needs to bring it back...


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## StaceyHH (Sep 13, 2010)

MariaESchneider said:


> And really, I think the hair is the least of my worries. I'd like to know what happened to the rest of my body. Whoever snatched it, needs to bring it back...


Oh gawd, don't even get me started on that one...


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## VictoriaP (Mar 1, 2009)

scarlet said:


> Anyone recognize this quote---
> 
> "That's not fair."
> "You say that so often. I wonder what your basis for comparison is."


My favorite!



MariaESchneider said:


> And really, I think the hair is the least of my worries. I'd like to know what happened to the rest of my body. Whoever snatched it, needs to bring it back...


Amen, sister, amen.

In my case, it IS genetic. Grey on my mother's side always starts in exactly the same spot, on the right side of the hairline just above the eyebrow. If I'm not coloring, I have a side part skunk stripe exactly where my mother and both aunts had theirs at this age. All of us found the first ones around our mid twenties, by the early forties its more than enough to be noticeable. Grandpa was totally white by 60, but the women all seem to go salt and pepper instead by that age.

But I've been coloring my hair since I was twenty. Unfortunately now it seems I have to do it a lot more frequently thanks to the grey.

As for the "distinguished" look men get--hubby apparently got tired of being distinguished last week. A box of Just for Men suddenly appeared in his bathroom and he asked me to help him with it on Friday. At least I'm not the only one feeling old around here! LOL


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## CaroleC (Apr 19, 2010)

My hair is grey/white, and my SO's hair is - - well, he has a little fringe of white, but basically he's bald. 

He actually likes my hair for some reason, and he says it sure beats having no hair. I think baldness can be a great look on some guys, including him. Guess we were made for each other. As a bonus for our "hair woes", we have no problems in getting senior discounts.


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## NapCat (retired) (Jan 17, 2011)

I love white hair and until a couple of months ago, I had a White Pony Tail. I cut it off (buzz cut) to accept a position with the Army Corp of Engineers in Afghanistan.....then they snafu-ed the paperwork and canceled the assignment........Gasp, I'll be 70 before my "Tail" is back....sigh...


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## MrPLD (Sep 23, 2010)

I've had infrequent 'bursts' of grey since 21 but only a hair or three - since the last 18 months (37yrs) they've become quite persistent, that said, i agree with the "in your 40's you'll have a lot more to worry about" mantra,  already in the last 12 months I've had so many crazy things going on it's like someone pushed my previously "perfect" body over a cliff and replaced it with one that's keen on dishing out all manner of crazy fearful aliments.  

My parents console me and say that it's okay after 50 because you've pretty much gotten used to the shock each day when you wake up to find something new broken.

Paul.


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

I will admit since getting my hair cut last summer, it is nice only using half a bottle to color my hair instead of 3 bottles. (I cut off tons of hair)


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## J Dean (Feb 9, 2009)

Better to have grey hair than no hair.


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## Tam (Jan 7, 2010)

I'm 51 and have been coloring my hair medium to light brown since I was about 30. I really hated how the color would start to fade almost immediately and that shades were never consistent between brands. When my new growth was coming in almost completely white and I always seemed to have a "skunk stripe" along my part no matter how often I colored - I just had enough of it. 

I grew it out over several months, first by switching from permanent color to temporary, then using lighter and lighter shades until I was mostly blonde, then getting my hair cut pretty short a few times until it finally was all grown out. Now I use a shampoo to keep the yellow out so it stays bright. I also noticed on vacation that when I was in the pool the chlorine made the back of my hair REALLY yellow looking (glad I didn't dunk my whole head in!) but that the shampoo got it bright again. Sea water was fine on it though!

I LOVE my hair now - so nice not to have to mess with coloring it anymore. And I get lots of complements on it. My husband only had a few grays here and there, so I do worry a little about whether I look older than him - but really I don't care that much...


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## Annalog (Dec 28, 2008)

The first white hairs showed up in with the red/brown ones back in my late twenties. I have been getting more each year. I have never colored my hair as it does not matter to either my husband or me. It also fits with me not wearing makeup. 

About ten years ago I was driving my granddaughters home and the youngest said she liked how my hair was "colory." What she meant was she liked how the sunlight reflected from the white hairs! LOL

On the other hand, my daughter would prefer that I color my hair. She says, "Mom, it is NOT good when someone automatically gives you the senior discount, especially if you are not old enough to qualify!"


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## prairiesky (Aug 11, 2009)

KOOL-AID RED!!!!!!  I think you are right.....better than the greyhaired podperson.


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## BarbraAnnino (Jan 27, 2011)

I got my first gray at 17. Didn't start dying it until late 20s, but now it's way more often. There's a woman who owns a chocolate shop in my town with thick gorgeous hair down her back- all white. I think that might be the way to go.


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## julieannfelicity (Jun 28, 2010)

Don't feel bad B. I started going gray/white at age 18. It was only one or two, but now I can make a small ponytail of it, if I didn't dye it.  

My adopted mother had a full head of gray hair at 17. She's of Irish ancestry, I guess they go gray/white sooner.


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## MariaESchneider (Aug 1, 2009)

Tam said:


> I'm 51 and have been coloring my hair medium to light brown since I was about 30. I really hated how the color would start to fade almost immediately and that shades were never consistent between brands. When my new growth was coming in almost completely white and I always seemed to have a "skunk stripe" along my part no matter how often I colored - I just had enough of it.
> 
> I grew it out over several months, first by switching from permanent color to temporary, then using lighter and lighter shades until I was mostly blonde, then getting my hair cut pretty short a few times until it finally was all grown out. Now I use a shampoo to keep the yellow out so it stays bright. I also noticed on vacation that when I was in the pool the chlorine made the back of my hair REALLY yellow looking (glad I didn't dunk my whole head in!) but that the shampoo got it bright again. Sea water was fine on it though!
> 
> I LOVE my hair now - so nice not to have to mess with coloring it anymore. And I get lots of complements on it. My husband only had a few grays here and there, so I do worry a little about whether I look older than him - but really I don't care that much...


From the first time I saw your avatar somewhere around here I though you had lovely hair! It's fluffy and white and very pretty. I think it's great you don't bother with color anymore!


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## Thumper (Feb 26, 2009)

Hey, gray hair is in now! Seriously!


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## Hoosiermama (Dec 28, 2009)

Got my hair cut last night (I've been growing out the color for awhile), and it's white now! There is still some salt/pepper around the sides and back, but it's mostly white. As Tam said, I lightened it, then let it grow out.

It's bright!


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## Tam (Jan 7, 2010)

Pic?

I actually read a Kindle book on growing out gray hair - it was a freebie or very cheap (cant remember which) awhile ago but is $9.99 now - http://www.amazon.com/Going-Gray-Motherhood-Authenticity-ebook/dp/B000SEQZ6G/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1299682146&sr=1-1. (Sorry - I know theres a way to link directly to a Kindle book but I forget how to do it.) In that book she says there really isnt any way to hasten the process and dye your hair gray, but I found the method of going blonder and blonder with temporary color and then getting a few shorter cuts really worked for me. The least satisfactory part of the process was when it was really light blonde, which wasnt a natural looking color on me.

The book is great for anyone who has a lot of mixed feelings about going gray - it really explores all the intricacies of how women cam eot dye their hair and how our society looks at women. for me, it was really just a matter of getting sick of the whole process!


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## Hoosiermama (Dec 28, 2009)

> In that book she says there really isnt any way to hasten the process and dye your hair gray, but I found the method of going blonder and blonder with temporary color and then getting a few shorter cuts really worked for me. The least satisfactory part of the process was when it was really light blonde, which wasnt a natural looking color on me.
> 
> The book is great for anyone who has a lot of mixed feelings about going gray - it really explores all the intricacies of how women came to dye their hair and how our society looks at women. for me, it was really just a matter of getting sick of the whole process!


I had asked my stylist several times if there was anything we could do to speed it up. When I first colored my hair, I did a darker reddish/brown, and hated the "runway" of white as it grew out. So we progressively lightened my hair. Then I finally decided after my youngest's wedding in October that I was done coloring. My hair is really thick, and home coloring just didn't "stick" to my hair well. So I began letting it grow out, and it wasn't really until the last week or two that it started to bother me--the white and dark blonde.

Then with my appointment last night, I said to cut it as short as she could to get the color out. So it's shorter than I normally wear it, but just a few little ends have a hint of color left. I'm still at the stage where I'm surprised when I look in the mirror (then again, I've been shocked at not being 25 for awhile now! )


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