# Weird Kindle Books I have Known



## The Hooded Claw

this old thread came up in chat tonight, and it was requested that I post a link. So I'm complying with the spirit if not the letter of that request!

Well, not actually "known", I haven't purchased any of these. Some of these you have probably seen, but I was bored this afternoon and spent some time searching the Kindle Store and found some oddities:

Rat Jugular Vein and Carotid Artery Catheterization for Acute Survival Studies: A Practical Guide (Kindle Edition)











I'd sure hate to see an _impractical_ guide to rat blood vessel catheterization!!!

If you've heard of any of these, you probably saw this one. If it isn't the most expensive Kindle book around, it ought to be! Especially since volumes 1-3 don't seem to be available for the Kindle!











http://www.amazon.com/Selected-Nuclear-Materials-Engineering-ebook/dp/B001QTVXAK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1305439261&sr=1-1

(earlier link is broken, so above I have added a new one--THC And later yet, I can't find the book at all now. Guess it was pulled)

The free sample of this is probably the greatest bargain in the world! Even assuming you only get 5% of the book, with the book costing over $6000, you're getting over $300 worth of "stuff" for free!!!! The book has attracted several reviews, but none of them seem to have actually read the book.

It's perfectly understandable that people who own bagpipes need to know how to take care of them, but it still seems weird to have a book on maintaining a wood and canvas instrument that was invented in the Dark Ages available for wireless download and digital reading!!











I never thought of food and eating as being political topics, but this author is apparently better informed than I am. Could reading this book be the secret of Obama's success?!











Nothing earthshattering in the above books, but I just thought they were rather amusing. I found some other books I thought possibly worthy of posting here, but ran out of patience in making links. I encourage y'all to post your own weird, odd, or noteworthy Kindle book links in this thread.


----------



## esper_d

Over $6,000! OMG


----------



## VictoriaP

"Bagpipe Maintenance Book" for the Kindle--bwah ha ha ha ha!!!!!

Oh man, my stomach hurts from laughing too hard.


----------



## danfan

I find the reviews on the $6000 book quite sad. I thinks it's a brilliant thing that scientists & pioneers see the Kindle as a format for their work.

As for food and politics... most of us that have enough to eat, or don't realize how the food industry has become one of the most corrupt, wouldn't dream of it being a political pawn. But governments have been toppled over it, & food lawmakers have been getting worse for the past 2 decades.


----------



## dnagirl

Boy, you don't want to hit the "Buy with One-Click" button by mistake on that nuclear materials book.


----------



## JimC1946

dnagirl said:


> Boy, you don't want to hit the "Buy with One-Click" button by mistake on that nuclear materials book.


You got that right. One sneeze or a nervous twitch, and you could be bankrupt!


----------



## telracs

The Hooded Claw didn't want to play with the linkmaker anymore today, so I had him forward me a list of books to add to this thread. Please note, all comments are his (unless stated otherwise)....










The above actually looks like it would be fun to take on a trip to England!










Ummm....It appears this is actually about what the title implies! I'm sure it is a serious matter for some, but still!










The Hooded Claw says: My mind just boggles at this!
Scarlet says: I've read this book, but don't really remember it.











Again, appears to be a totally serious book for some people, but I kind of shrink from the idea of getting my Bogd Gegeened! Does it hurt?


----------



## bernilynn

Actually, "The Island of the Sequined Love Nun" is VERY funny.  If you haven't read Christopher Moore, this is a good one to start with.


----------



## carlobee

WOW to $6,000 book!


----------



## drenee

THC, and Scarlet, thanks for posting these with the funny comments.  
I love it.
deb


----------



## The Hooded Claw

carlobee said:


> WOW to $6,000 book!


But you save $1500 over the dead-tree edition! So clearly the Kindle version is a steal at only $6000!


----------



## VictoriaP

bernilynn said:


> Actually, "The Island of the Sequined Love Nun" is VERY funny. If you haven't read Christopher Moore, this is a good one to start with.


ANYTHING by Christopher Moore is almost certain to be bizarrely hilarious. One of the DTBs that will never leave my collection is a signed first of his first book, Practical Demonkeeping. It's still one of the most insane books I've ever read!


----------



## 1131

Practical Demonkeeping! Any book with that kind of title demands to be read...and it's available on Kindle.










I have sworn off new books until I get through at least 3 of my TBR but how can I resist. The answer is - I can't. At least I forced myself to get the sample first.


----------



## angelad

Bagpiping one had me crackin


----------



## The Hooded Claw

It's not a Kindle book, but this statement by an independent blogger strikes me as a little weird:

_Amazon, if I could, I would seriously make out with you right now. Yes, I said it. Whoever came up 
with frustration free packaging is a genius. They deserve the Nobel Peace Prize. _

The original blog link is here....

http://mythoughtsideasandramblings.com/2009/11/16/amazon-you-rock/

And the only reason I'm aware of this is that Amazon put it on the front page of their site today. That choice is pretty weird of itself!


----------



## telracs

More from The Hooded Claw, comments by him, links by me....










It's really helpful that these guys put in that subtitle of "Intertextuality for the Proletariat". I was confused originally, but that made everything clear! Well, not really....










If just the title doesn't grab you by the throat to force you to buy this one, the knowledge that the author is Pope Gus Rasputin Nish-something or other the First surely will close the sale for you! It's always good to know that what we are reading is the thoughts of the highest religious and moral authorities, right?










And what is a humorous post without some scatological (I'm proud to say that despite my status as fourth-grade spelling bee champ, the spelling editor had to correct my first stab at spelling that word--I'm just not used to writing it) humor. The first two books were definitely intended to be weird and/or funny. I am pretty sure this last one is intended to be humorous, but after reading the product description I'm not sure if it is strictly for laughs, or it is intended to be a humorous presentation of a serious idea. Probably I'm too naive and just not fully getting the joke! But for 37 kilobytes and $1.00 I'm not expecting much seriousness anyway.


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Thanks for creating those links, Scarlet!  I'm still boggled by "Fecal Astrology"!


----------



## drenee

Keep up the good work, guys.  This thread is hilarious.  
deb


----------



## telracs

As long as The Hooded Claw finds me fun ones, I will link.


----------



## telracs

This evening's buffet, courtesy of the Hooded Claw and his henchperson (me). Again, his comments in black, mine in the closest I can come to scarlet

Nicholas Sparks' Inflatable Parrot and other strange Poems (2)










In addition to the title being weird (even identifying itself as "strange", the picture here is funny--I don't think that's the picture the author intended to put up to advertise the book!
and scarlet says: love his Product Description
The Author attended Humboldt State University and was thrown out twice. He now lives somewhere in California with his wife and three children.

and i agree, weird picture










Okay, this is a kid's book, and we have to make allowances for them being wacky! I think the cover looks like fun, though. But I'm not buying this one--Though I might sneak a look in the kiddy section of B&N to see if they have dead tree versions of this I could quickly flip through in the store! 
Other titles in the series: My Life as a Smashed Burrito With Extra Hot Sauce and My Life as Alien Monster Bait. Hmm, that second one sounds like *my* life. 










So are the tropical fish keeping humans now?!! Actually from the description, this looks like another one that would be interesting to read.
yeah, but I'm not paying 9.99 for it.


----------



## TimonofAthens

I really needed a laugh today and this thread supplied me with many!      Alas, now I even have more books I want to read (and a few I *don't*!  ).


----------



## Britt




----------



## The Hooded Claw

Oooh, oooh, oooh!  I want to be an evil overlord too!

Good ones, Britt!  I'm jealous!


----------



## drenee

Come on, HC, give us some comments on Brit's books.  Please.
deb


----------



## telracs

The Hooded Claw said:


> Oooh, oooh, oooh! I want to be an evil overlord too!
> 
> Good ones, Britt! I'm jealous!


But HC, you ARE an evil overlord. You're my evil overlord.... And your minion/henchperson is eagerly awaiting more books to link!

I honestly don't find the evil overlord book that weird. I own the DTV of it and it's a very good compilation of short sci-fi/fantasy stories based on how people become evil overlords. And got to tell you, there is one really creepy story in it that made me worry about spending too much time on-line.


----------



## The Hooded Claw

drenee said:


> Come on, HC, give us some comments on Brit's books. Please.


I think maybe Scarlet is working up some good ones....Hopefully she'll post 'em!

Offhand comments--

Beethoven's Hair....Maybe this is the book that explains how Beethoven, Einstein, Dr. Emmett Brown (the mad scientist in the "Back to the Future" movies), and Rotwang (bonus points to anyone who knows who that is without googling it) all got their crazy hairstyles?

If I were an Evil Overlord....Nothing at all wacky about that, doesn't everyone want to be an evil overlord? (And Scarlet, The Hooded Claw appreciates your fealty and you will be suitably rewarded once our evil schemes come to fruition!)

People Who Don't Know They're Dead....My mind boggles at this one....I'm tempted to ask if this is a book about people who never read or travel....Or maybe who only watch network prime time television and think it is wonderful....Or any of a thousand possibilities, so many choices, so little time.

I'm hoping Scarlet has posted her comments while I was writing this.....


----------



## telracs

I modified my last post with my comments about the evil overlord book, but I was thinking about Beethoven's Hair.  Maybe that's where Brendan got the idea for Tempo Rubato, but he didn't want to use Beethoven and went with Mozart instead.  

And for the unsuspecting unknowing dead, just push 'em in front of a subway car and they'll get the message, methinks.


----------



## telracs

Well, this title is supposed to be funny, so it doesn't count as much as something that doesn't know it's funny. But it's still weird. From the book description, I actually suspect I agree with her comments on some current trends in 'tweens.











Laurie Notaro appears to be a writer like Chris Moore in an earlier edition of these weird books. She has a horde of books with unusual titles. Still, any book that gets Hell, sewer pipes, beauty queens, and big trouble all in one title has to be weird!
what I love is that she only thinks there's a "slight" chance she's going to hell.










Laurie Notaro comes through for us again. I'm not much for this kind of book, but even so the book description almost makes me want to read this one, especially the advice given to a cat about to go to the vet!











Okay, Laurie Notaro is making me lazy. I am going On the Wagon, no more Laurie Notaro titles will be used in these....At least until I run out of other easy books to skewer.











Ahhh....A Notaro-free title! This actually sounds interesting, and I was thinking about ordering it till I read the comment of one reviewer who did a little fact-checking with people from some of the countries mentioned. I don't want to put too much weight on one review, but that makes me nervous.











The Hooded Claw is relieved to know that scientists or diplomats who want to know what may happen when aliens arrive can find out everything they need to know just by looking over the postings on Kindleboards! What a relief to know there is an easy way to understand these things.


----------



## Anju 

scarlet I think that thin air in Peru got to you


----------



## The Hooded Claw

actually the book choices and most of the comments are mine, not Scarlet's!  Her comments are in red. After I sniveled about using the link generator Scarlet volunteered to post links for me as a community service. Or as a public nuisance if you prefer to think that way!!!


----------



## telracs

Anju No. 469 said:


> scarlet I think that thin air in Peru got to you


giggle. i've always been a little light headed, Anju.



The Hooded Claw said:


> actually the book choices and most of the comments are mine, not Scarlet's! Her comments are in red. After I sniveled about using the link generator Scarlet volunteered to post links for me as a community service. Or as a public nuisance if you prefer to think that way!!!


I think of it as counting towards my needed points to enter the henchmen's union (Dr. Horrible anyone?). I'm good at coming up with answers to other people's comments, but not finding stuff, so I let Hooded Claw do the thinking and I do the linking.


----------



## kevindorsey

I like these kind of weird titles, they get my attention.


----------



## Britt

scarlet said:


> Laurie Notaro appears to be a writer like Chris Moore in an earlier edition of these weird books. She has a horde of books with unusual titles. Still, any book that gets Hell, sewer pipes, beauty queens, and big trouble all in one title has to be weird!
> what I love is that she only thinks there's a "slight" chance she's going to hell.


I love Laurie Notaro! I just read Flaming Tantrum of Death not too long ago. She is absolutely hilarious.


----------



## Britt

kevindorsey said:


> I like these kind of weird titles, they get my attention.


Another one for ya -


----------



## The Hooded Claw

The Hooded Claw said:


> Maybe this is the book that explains how Beethoven, Einstein, Dr. Emmett Brown (the mad scientist in the "Back to the Future" movies), and Rotwang (bonus points to anyone who knows who that is without googling it) all got their crazy hairstyles?


I don't imagine anyone was losing sleep over it, but here is a closeup of Rotwang:










As you can see, Rotwang has "interesting" hair also. He's the mad scientist in an old movie I really like, Metropolis. Made in 1926 or thereabouts, and the special effects are still amazing!!! But why does Rotwang make me think of Steve Martin?!


----------



## telracs

Britt said:


> Another one for ya -


Okay, my question is, is the book in Ukrainian, or do they mean tractors in the Ukraine? And why just a short history, is there too much to tell us?


----------



## telracs

This book is weird on several levels.....One is the title of "Ten Cents War". Huh?! Another is the notion of a war between Peru and Bolivia vs. Chili. I suspect Eurocentric North Americans will probably be a bit bumfuzzled by that. Finally, and best of all, is that this is a war that was fought over BIRD POOP!!!! It's totally true, it was immensely valuable for fertilizer and explosives back in the late 19th Century. So these three countries fought a war over bird poop, and nobody even thought that was a totally unreasonable idea! The idea of $88 for a digital book on a very obscure subject is a bit weird, now that I think of it. (thanks to Scarlet for sparking the train of thought that lead me to seek this book out).
See, here's the story.... I was in Peru on vacation. One of the places we visited was the Ballestas Islands. When THC was looking at photos from the trip, he asked what the crane looking thing in the photo was. Well, it's for use in collecting the guano left by the gazillions of birds on the islands. It's still used for fertilizer and is one of Peru's biggest exports.


----------



## telracs

She's twenty-something, and her boyfriend is 600 years old. Is that wrong? Others in the series include Stakes and Stilettos, and Bitten and Smitten (which wins the Claw's award for best title he's seen this week!).
For some reason, I find it interesting that the author is Canadian











The main title on this one just strikes me as funny. Makes me think of how in my job (where I supervise a group of people who inspect people's compliance with very technical and complex safety regulations) we always say that if someone greets us with "We're so glad you are here!!!!" we need to turn around and leave at a run.
I'm more interested in how you "church" a teenager.











This is an amusing title, but I suspect it will zoom right over the heads of under-thirty Kindlers (not to mention anyone from outside the US). Yep, Wikipedia says Charmin stopped using this ad in 1985. Those who wonder what I'm talking about, or those who know, but want a reminder should squeeze this....I mean click this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yG-y8poTLU&feature=PlayList&p=814FE305F0DB243F&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=1

Is it any wonder The Hooded Claw grew up to be a melodrama villain after being bombarded with this stuff all day, every day in his formative, sensitive years?

trivia note: Adam Savage of Mythbusters supposedly got his start as Mr. Whipple's sidekick in one of these ads.


----------



## telracs

We have a dedication for our first one today---
Okay, this first weird book is a dedication for Anarel, as promised in posts 21 and 27 of the thread link here:

http://www.kboards.com/index.php/topic,15812.25.html

I don't know Anarel, but she appears to be a vampire fan, and it was pretty easy to find a weird vampire book on the Kindle (scroll back a few posts for another good one from the other day). Anyone who has the least interest in vampires has surely spent some time daydreaming about what it would be like, what you would do, what clever tricks you'd employ to protect your Earth while you are sleeping in it.....Well, here is excellent fodder for such imaginative sessions, plus some practical hints for new vampires. My only question is whether my Kindle will go with me when I turn gaseous and try to smokily slither between the base of the door and the hardwood floor!

The New Vampire's Handbook: A Guide for the Recently Turned Creature of the Night (Kindle Edition)










I've been wondering how to recharge my kindle from my coffin. Or how I'm going to read in my coffin without getting my pretty white kindle dirty.

Hope you enjoyed your dedication Anarel! I'm gonna be looking for those folders (or tags or whatever they are).


----------



## telracs

For those of us who have looked up from our Kindles to the Silver Screen, we've surely noticed that
Zombies are back in style in the movies. Lots of zombie movies coming out recently. Naturally, this makes the more worried of us nervous about what we'd do if the zombies trundled off the movie screen and into real life....Well, this book will solve all your problems:











scarlet has decided that if zombies take over the world, she doesn't want to know how to survive, she plans on jumping in front of a subway.










Maybe Superman will save us from the zombies? Of course, every boy wanted to be Superman while growing up. Like everything else, the government has an informative pamphlet to help. Nestled in amongst the booklets on testing your home for radon, how to get your passport, and of course a zillion IRS workbooks, is this little gem for new Superheroes. Our government has even made it available on Kindle!











And since we're on Superman, the recent trend of trying to prove all our heroes have feet of clay is applicable even to him. It seems he might have been a Commie or a Nazi! Or worse, ENGLISH! (note, book below not available on kindle, this is link to the DTV).


----------



## telracs

And to wind up this list of fanastically-weird titles driven by zombies and superheroes, let's close up with a book on conventionally-weird topics. You know, like absinthe and flamethrowers. Stuff the average person has around the house....
it's interesting that i'm watching mythbusters while busting this.


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Super cool, thanks for making the links and posting these, Scarlet!

Of course, Superman arguably was an open Commie. See SUPERMAN--RED SON










Note that this is just the image of the cover of the DTB....Weirdly, this is not in Kindle, but this graphic novel _IS_ available as an audio CD!!!


----------



## Susan in VA

Some of these entries are hilarious.  Some are deeply disturbing.  Many are both.  

Thanks to the posting team for finding so many and taking the time to share.


----------



## telracs

And here are tonight's entrees...











This is too easy, since it is written to be funny and a bit weird, but I still can't resist that cover illustration!
The funny thing about this is that I actually saw this one when I was doing links for the last set and almost posted it.











Again, self-consciously weird and maybe even offensive. Still pretty weird, and I hope he's kidding about the movie tie-in!


----------



## telracs

At least I don't think the title on this one is intentionally weird, it is just intended to be a quirky book of essays. I just realized that if you take a traditionalist view of the afterlife, this book title fits in suprisingly well with the previous book! 










Using all these intentionally funny books is actually cheating, but I can't resist using this one anyway, if only to share with all my fellow Kindleboarders that, thanks to this book we now know who the world's greatest human is. I'd been wondering about that so much I've lost sleep over it! Glad that's settled.











Another self-consciously odd title, but it appears to be a genuine book of interviews with people who have beliefs most of us would characterize as zany.
I try never to characterize other people's beliefs, after all, they may really be living next to a dragon.


----------



## telracs

In dealing with the zombie survival guide last night, I discovered that there is a whole genre of writers toiling away in their little zombie literature ghetto with books like this.....To me it is at best a funny-once joke.
I amazed it took us this long to post this one!











We will wind up with one book that appears to be totally serious. As an Abe Lincoln fan, The Hooded Claw is aware of this plant, and it really did kill Abe Lincoln's mother!

For those of you who are still following this thread, The Hooded Claw thanks you for your attention, but he is going to take a break for awhile....Not only does he need a break, but poor Scarlett is about to get carpal tunnel from making up all these links! We may try it again in a few weeks, if Scarlet doesn't get a better job as evil henchperson with Lex Luthor or The Penguin!
The only Lex Luthor I would go to work for is John Shea. And I would never go to work for the Penguin. Possibly the Riddler....


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Thanks for posting those Scarlet!

This is enough of these for now, but we'll do this again later.....After the people here on the Board have let their guard down!


----------



## telracs

The Hooded Claw said:


> Thanks for posting those Scarlet!
> 
> This is enough of these for now, but we'll do this again later.....After the people here on the Board have let their guard down!


*Pout!* I want more! Man, I guess I'll have actually find some for myself. But The Hooded Claw comes up with better captions....


----------



## telracs

My evil overlord has returned from his short stay in Arkham (or has at least been able to access the internet from there), so we hereby present a new list of "weird" kindle books. Selections and comments in black by The Hooded Claw, comments in red by me.









The weird thing about this is that it is clearly some sort of error. How could one POSSIBLY "love books too much"? Isn't there a button to notify Amazon of problems like this? I just want to say that I love the cover of this book.









Okay, I've read several books on the history of the English language, but a history of a book on correct writing format? Even The Hooded Claw, a thoroughly twisted melodrama villain, finds this book too twisted for him! Methinks "slightly obsessive" is a bit of an understatement.









Okay, you caught me....This isn't really particularly weird, but the title quote is so [email protected] funny I had to put it in this list anyway. If you pass a person on the street who is smiling, this book may explain the reason

and I'd like to present the follow up


















I hate to admit it, but I didn't know who Heidegger was (and I still don't know how to pronounce it!). Anyway, I think this qualifies as a weird title. Weirder than another title by the same authors of "Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar"! I think this one could have used more alliteration: "Heidegger and Hippo Hoof it Heavenward" anyone? FYI- it's high-digger. and hoof it heavenward doesn't work for me, how about hie to heaven?









This book was Amazon's "best of the month" for February, 2009. Sounds promising, hey? But on reading the Amazon description, I see this is a book about how we can and should be inspired by the way some philosophers died. With apologies to all the philosophy buffs out there, I have to say my eyelids start drooping just when philosophers are discussed as a topic. And when you talk about how philosophers died, I'm afraid my forehead starts banging the keyboard. Not to mention that it just sounds morbid! If anyone here has read the book, and wants to post an eloquent defense of it here, go for it. The Hooded Claw stands in favor of free speech, even if he does aspire to be an evil overlord! snore... sorry, was somebody talking? 









Okay, I admit that this title isn't weird. Very mundane and droll, actually (though potentially interesting). Slightly weird is the fact that it sells for $160 on the Kindle! I guess you could argue that is only 25 cents per printed page, and in any case, it is a lot cheaper than the engineering book I listed in the first iteration of weird books (over $7000!). But what struck me as amusing was the thought that if I sold someone a faked copy of this book, would the faked copy help them figure out that they didn't get a real one?
do not one click on this one!

The polite young men in white uniforms are here with their butterfly nets, and telling me it is time to get back in my straitjacket, so I'm off for now. If Scarlet doesn't get weary of posting the links for these, I'll be back with another installment when I can break out of my cell again.....
just remember my motto--"some days it's just not worth chewing through the restraints.


----------



## geneven

I read in I think Will Durant's The Story of Philosophy that Sir Francis Bacon died after stuffing a chicken with ice in an experiment, and also that when Voltaire was dying they called for an Abbot, but Voltaire wasn't a believer, so he croaked out "who are you from?" The Abbot said, egotistically, "from God, my son." Voltaire had enough breath to ask, "may I see your credentials?" But died before any reply could be made.

So I have enjoyed stories about the deaths of philosophers! Philosophers after all have been historically concerned about the meaning of life, and how they meet death should in theory be revealing.


----------



## marianneg

Is it weird that I'm getting samples of many of the books on this thread?


----------



## The Hooded Claw

marianner said:


> Is it weird that I'm getting samples of many of the books on this thread?


I'm not sure if that shows your good taste, or if it just means I should ask the polite young men in white coats to save the cell next to mine for when you arrive!   

But you'll have to tell us which ones you choose to buy the full book!


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Well, I had wondered if we'd get much response to doing another one of these, and my jaw dropped this morning when I saw that we were on our third page of responses after only twelve hours!  I assume a moderator merged this thread with the old one, though I can't see any "edited by" notes.  Did we violate some sort of forum rule?  Will wireless access on my Kindle be turned off for a week as punishment?


----------



## telracs

The Hooded Claw said:


> Well, I had wondered if we'd get much response to doing another one of these, and my jaw dropped this morning when I saw that we were on our third page of responses after only twelve hours! I assume a moderator merged this thread with the old one, though I can't see any "edited by" notes. Did we violate some sort of forum rule? Will wireless access on my Kindle be turned off for a week as punishment?


Um, me confused too....

I started a new thread for two reasons. One, my evil overlord suggested it, and two, I thought that longer threads were harder for the board to support. Oh, well, I'm just a minion, so if someone tells me to keep going with one thread I will. But I am curious as to who merged these.


----------



## dmcounts

Christopher Moore is a very funny writer.

The first book I read of his a long time ago was Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove http://www.amazon.com/Lust-Lizard-Melancholy-Cove/dp/0060735457/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1260063847&sr=8-5

After that I was hooked and have read everyone of his books.

His latest is Fool:
http://www.amazon.com/Fool-Novel-Christopher-Moore/dp/0060590319/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1260064374&sr=8-1

I think Fool is enjoyed more if one has read King Lear before wading in to Fool.

Moore is very entertaining whether posting on a discussion board or giving an interview but his books are worth reading and rereading again.

http://bbs.chrismoore.com/

don


----------



## Betsy the Quilter

scarlet said:


> Um, me confused too....
> 
> I started a new thread for two reasons. One, my evil overlord suggested it, and two, I thought that longer threads were harder for the board to support. Oh, well, I'm just a minion, so if someone tells me to keep going with one thread I will. But I am curious as to who merged these.


Longer threads can require a bit more overhead, but y'all are a LONG way from that. Keep going!

ADDED TO CLARIFY: I mentioned the longer thread thing in my announcement in the "So What Are You Reading" thread. It wasn't the only reason we're starting a new thread there, or even the primary reason we're starting over on the first, but it does have over 4000 posts with images. When y'all get close to that, we can start a "2011 Weird Kindle Books Thread" or whatever it needs to be at that point. 

Carry on!

Betsy


----------



## Raffeer

Wonderful thread. Thank you both for the efforts you have put into this.


----------



## TheSeagull

I might actually get this one, it looks like the type of book I like:










The Earth Moved: On the Remarkable Achievements of Earthworms

I'm not too keen on these though:









The Biology of Nematodes - $157.42!!!










Functional and Evolutionary Ecology of Fleas - $96!!










Intestinal Microorganisms of Termites and Other Invertebrates - $199.20!!!

How on earth can they charge that much?


----------



## Susan in VA

Those are pretty standard prices for college textbooks...  I'm assuming that nobody buys those particular ones for entertainment reading.


----------



## telracs

I was about to log off for the evening when I got this wonderful PM from my Evil Overlord. Seems like the medication is just not working as well as the Arkham attendants had hoped.

Tonight while loafing in my cell at the asylum, I felt a strange compulsion, and an unseen entity seemed to take control of my hands and fingers. Without conscious orders, my hands slid my laptop from the carefully concealed hiding place under a loose flagstone. I knew what I would do even before I did it, and my mind howled inside my skull, as once again I saw my fingers, operating under the control of some other force, typing out more weird Kindle links and comments. My frenzied attempts to regain control could accomplish nothing, and soon I watched as my right hand clicked the cursor on "send"....










Ty's BIG BOOK of Rubbish: An Omnibus

Most authors just write rubbish. Ty Rosenow is no ordinary author: He doesn't just write rubbish, he calls it out for what it is! It is clearly indicated in the titles of his books that these books are rubbish! (Or maybe he just feels compelled to comply with federal Truth in Advertising Laws). After publishing rubbish for awhile, Ty once again refuses to simply run with the herd--He now has made the absolute worst rubbish available to you in this handy Omnibus edition. Best of all, since this is drawn primarily from Ty's Book of Rubbish: Volume 19, and Ty's Book of Rubbish: Volume 20, you have the comfort of knowing that Volumes 1-18 are still out there. So we can look forward to NINE MORE VOLUMES of Ty's rubbish omnibuses! At which point it will no doubt be necessary to publish Ty's BIG BOOK of Rubbish: An Omnibus Omnibus.










Roscoe Riley Rules #1: Never Glue Your Friends to Chairs

Perhaps kids books are just too easy for posting in this thread, since authors like to give them funny titles. But I can't resist including this one. If only because of the deep truth that Brian Biggs has captured in this title. Clearly, this is a lesson that all our kids should learn, and how will they learn it if we don't buy this book for the Kindle? Since this is rule #1, we can look forward to further valid and useful rules, such as "Never Swim in Applesauce". You thought that I made that title up, but it really is one of the later titles in this series!
Other titles in the series: _Don't Tap-Dance On Your Teacher, Never Walk in Shoes That Talk_ and _Don't Swap Your Sweater for a Dog._ But I think that last one doesn't make sense, if it's a cool day and not too cool a day.










Edwurd Fudwupper Fibbed Big

Berkely Breathed created BLOOM COUNTY, sharing honors with Calvin & Hobbes as the greatest comic strip of the 1980s. In the early '90s, Breathed decided to end the strip, and I've never been especially fond of anything he's done since. I didn't know he was writing children's books till I stumbled on this book in researching weird Kindle books. The Claw thinks it is Very Shrewd of Breathed to capitalize on his name in this fashion, since millions of middle-aged Boomers such as myself will no doubt shell out for this book muttering "Oh boy! Bloom County for the (grand)kids!" The Claw hopes that Breathed's strategy is a success, as anyone who could use his own real name as the punch line in a nationally-syndicated comic strip (which Breathed once did!) clearly needs all the help he can get. Unfortunately, I suspect half the fun in the book is the drawings, and I have a sick feeling the drawings don't fare well after being Kindleized.
I've downloaded the sample, so we'll see how this works on the DX.










Tales of the Fish Patrol

It just seems wrong to make fun of anything associated with Jack London. And I do have the lingering fear that he'll return from the grave to beat me up. But this title is so flamboyant that I can't resist! Even better than "Tom Corbett: Space Cadet"! It ought to use the text-to-speech Kindle function to read off the title in a booming voice.
If Jack London does come back from the grave, he better NOT mess with my Evil Overlord.










Full Revelations of a Professional Rat-Catcher, After 25 Years' Experience

Before he became an Evil Overlord, The Hooded Claw spent much of the 1980s in the US Army. There he observed that when you have large numbers of healthy active young men scrambling about the training areas all day, they do have to answer nature's call like anyone else. To avoid a health catastrophe, not to mention a good taste catastrophe, the US Army thoughtfully provided that wonderful invention known as a Port-a-Potty, aka Johnny-on-the-Spot. These little beauties are scattered throughout the woods and plains of every Army base. Since the Port-a-Potty just collects the waste in a small tank, something further must be done about it. So a civilian employed by the Army is employed to drive a truck around the base. On the back of the truck is a very large tank, a very powerful pump, and a large hose that reminds me more than anything else of the air vents they run out of the back of clothes dryers. You guessed it, this poor fellow had the job of driving around between comfort stations and pumping out the "end product". I always envisioned an ambitious young man getting this job, meeting the girl of his dreams, and successfully wooing her, then being asked by her father: "Can you support her? What is your career?" And I wondered how he would answer.

Now we have the 19th Century equivalent of this guy's job. Rat-catching was a genuine profession (The Claw has read about it in Public Health classes he had to take in school, believe it or not) with an important public health role. And here we have a tell-all book by a leading practitioner of the art. I'm delighted that these are the full revelations, I'd hate to buy the book and find out it was only partial revelations, and I was going to have to wait for the sequel to learn how it came out. You always knew there was a good reason you bought a Kindle, here it is!
Interestingly enough, there are multiple versions of this on kindle. The one I've linked is the $9.99 version, there is also a one dollar version that has no cover image, and a $3.72 posted below.










Well, the guards seem to have gotten their hands on The Hooded Claw again, and I'm looking forward to some sleep, so, that's all folks.....


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Thanks for posting these, Scarlet.  Jack London's spook didn't haunt me last night, so perhaps I am in the clear with him.  No doubt he is exercising his well-known patience so I can re-read Call of the Wild, White Fang, and all his numerous wonderful books and post really fawning and gushy reviews of them here on KindleBoards and on Amazon.  You're reading this, right Jack?


----------



## telracs

Note: I downloaded the sample of the Berkeley Breathed book, but book is so short that the sample is one page, and it's the acknowledgments.

And without further ado, tonight's offerings...

It's Happening again! Sooner Than I Expected. I guess the file cake I sent him got past the Arkham guards.









American History Through Earth Science
Get in line now to order this amazing book. Get your pre-order in for the next book in this series, _Advanced Calculus Through Home Economics_, and be ready for the third volume in the series, _Auto Shop Through Existentialist Philosophy._










Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters
I said I wasn't going to do anymore zombie books in these threads (though I had my fingers crossed when I said it). But sea monsters aren't zombies, so I can legitimately list this book! I'm sure the corpse of Jane Austen is spinning in her grave even now.
Looking at Hooded Claw's pick, I found one of my own









and it's not the only Darcy vampire book.










Naked Kate: Courier Broad
There is just so much to lampoon about this book! In addition to the title and cover, it is just so nice that the blurb for the book warns us of "mature content". I'd have never guessed that about a book called "Naked Kate"! Almost as strange is that Amazon tells us that people who bought this book also frequently bought "Ethics" by Aristotle and "Laws" by Plato.











How to Raise a Jewish Dog
I can see a lot of problems with this....How can you tell if you're getting kosher Ken-L-Ration? Not to mention the tragic misunderstandings that could arise from a Kindleized version of this using optical scanning where "rabbits" was corrupted to "rabbis". "Spot, go chase the rabbi, bite him on the leg and wrestle him to the ground!" But I'm sure at least it has a decent section on how to hold a Bark Mitzvah.....
This one made me laugh hysterically!










STOP SMOKING NOW! Simple Techniques for Smoke Cessation
Nothing in particular wrong with this book, except that I suspect that there was a little mixup with the pictures. Now that I think about it, this suggests that quality control in the production of this book, and perhaps in testing the effectiveness of the cures leaves something to be desired. But even so, if the photo is authoress Dr. Elizabeth Mahaney, The Hooded Claw wants to get really sick, really soon! "Doctor, I have a pain....(wolf howl)
henchperson pouts and contemplates slapping her evil overlord silly.











How to Stop Your Butt-Kissing Habit (Smoking)
The Hooded Claw doesn't think that he can come up with anything else to surpass the title on this one. And scarlet finds it interesting that they felt compelled to put the smoking in the parenthesis in the title....











Eat Your Way to Happiness
At last, a self-help book I can really get into! Something to validate my love of washing down pizza with egg nog and having strudel for dessert! Oh wait, this appears to be about eating healthy foods and dieting. DARN.
darn squared!


----------



## BTackitt

you two are real crack-ups. =) I love reading this thread.


----------



## Rebekah

> Functional and Evolutionary Ecology of Fleas - $96!!


Must.put.on.wishlist.


----------



## telracs

BTackitt said:


> you two are real crack-ups. =) I love reading this thread.


taking over the world one laugh at a time.


----------



## Geoffrey

This is currently on the kindle books front page under New & Noteworthy:











How pbooks will outlive ebooks - in ebook form.


----------



## Geoffrey

The title is nice, but the sub-title is irresistible.


----------



## The Hooded Claw

scarlet said:


> This book is weird on several levels.....One is the title of "Ten Cents War". Huh?! Another is the notion of a war between Peru and Bolivia vs. Chili. I suspect Eurocentric North Americans will probably be a bit bumfuzzled by that. Finally, and best of all, is that this is a war that was fought over BIRD POOP!!!! It's totally true, it was immensely valuable for fertilizer and explosives back in the late 19th Century. So these three countries fought a war over bird poop, and nobody even thought that was a totally unreasonable idea! The idea of $88 for a digital book on a very obscure subject is a bit weird, now that I think of it. (thanks to Scarlet for sparking the train of thought that lead me to seek this book out).
> See, here's the story.... I was in Peru on vacation. One of the places we visited was the Ballestas Islands. When THC was looking at photos from the trip, he asked what the crane looking thing in the photo was. Well, it's for use in collecting the guano left by the gazillions of birds on the islands. It's still used for fertilizer and is one of Peru's biggest exports.


Well, no one can say that The Hooded Claw doesn't have clout! Amazon has lowered the price of the above book from the ridiculous $88 at the time Scarlet and I first posted about it, to a low, low, price of only $82. The Claw takes full credit with this (along with his loyal henchperson of course), and naturally he will wallow in the bounteous praise that will surely be forthcoming.


----------



## The Hooded Claw

scarlet said:


>


Whoo-hoo! This book has dropped further, and is barely under the $80 mark now. According to The Claw's calculations, if this continues we can expect this to become a free book in roughly November 2010!!! I can hardly wait to read it! And I'm still waiting for bounteous praise at the efforts of myself and my loyal henchperson to save your reading dollars by lowering Kindle book costs!


----------



## Susan in VA

Let us know when you get a similar percentage price reduction with the Landolt-Bornstein book....


----------



## Raffeer

Hooded Claw and henchperson. 
Wallow away.
Your efforts are widely appreciated both here and, I am sure, on adjacent planets. Do continue your Brobdingnagian labors on our behalf.


----------



## Geoffrey

Raffeer said:


> Do continue your Brobdingnagian labors on our behalf.


Oooooh .... good use of an obscure word.


----------



## telracs

I have more books to post, but was unable to access my linkmaker for a few days since I was away from home. And I forgot to do it yesterday! OOOPS. Am hoping to post tonight or tomorrow night at the latest. Thank you for your patience and continued support of our efforts to conquer the world one laugh at a time.


----------



## telracs

Somehow my evil overlord managed to get a letter to me past the Arkham guards, but instead of forwarding it the editor as requested, I'm posting here....

Memorandum

To: Editor

From: Publisher

Subject: Book titles for next year's catalog--Second thoughts

Bitter is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass,Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office











Note to editor: Your new author compensation plan of paying authors per word of title has backfired!

Gods and Goddesses in the Garden: Greco-Roman Mythology and the Scientific Names of Plants











Note to Editor: Was it a wise decision to target the botanist and mythology fan demographic group? I have the feeling this group may be smaller than marketing anticipated. Maybe we can market to schools as a money-saving combination textbook for biology AND classics courses?

The Official Rock Paper Scissors Strategy Guide











Note to Editor: I still don't see why we picked this title to promote over The Official Candyland Strategy Guide. At least then we could market game components as a add-on campaign for the toy division. And even NOW I don't understand why a strong and massive rock is overcome by a wimpy piece of paper. Can you see in a Clue game announcing "Colonel Mustard did it in the Conservatory with a Piece of Paper"? I don't think so!!!!

Around the World in 80 Lays: Adventures in Sex Travel











Note to Editor: NO! Absolutely not! This company cannot fund your request for a thirty-day "research" trip to "fact-check" this book.

Sneakier Uses for Everyday Things: How to Turn a Calculator into a Metal Detector, Carry a Survival Kit in a Shoestring, Make a Gas Mask with a Balloon, ... a James Bond Spy Jacket with Everyday Thing










Note to Editor: Dammit, I told you after the "Bitter is the new Black" book to get rid of the program of paying authors by title word! And have you checked into whether this will get us in trouble with the Department of Homeland Security? Why don't I just run this one past our lawyers....


----------



## Susan in VA

<snort> Where do you guys find this stuff....


----------



## Archer

Oh, man...my 'weird wish list' is getting LONG.


----------



## telracs

Susan in VA said:


> <snort> Where do you guys find this stuff....


My evil overlord finds it, I just post (and usually comment, but this time I just needed to post 'em).


----------



## Varin

How much longer is this thread title going to get?


----------



## telracs

Anarel said:


> How much longer is this thread title going to get?


I think the boss is trying to stress out the system....


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Anarel said:


> How much longer is this thread title going to get?


I actually have a lengthy list of future thread titles for these, probably we will get tired of it (or at least Scarlet will) before I run out of titles. The site owners will be glad to know that this is as long as the titles are going to get.....I'll shift to a different version of the same gag (titles of old B horror movies) next time.


----------



## luvmy4brats

I'm going to move this over to the Book Corner.


----------



## intinst

luvmy4brats said:


> I'm going to move this over to the Book Corner.


Better hurry before the title changes again.


----------



## telracs

intinst said:


> Better hurry before the title changes again.


 as long as the boss keeps the words "weird books" in the title, so that henchperson can find it


----------



## luvmy4brats

Ah, that's why it got past me for so long...you keep changing the name. Makes a little more sense to have it in The Book Corner (to me at least) Well, carry on. Let's see how long you can make this thread.


----------



## The Hooded Claw

luvmy4brats said:


> Ah, that's why it got past me for so long...you keep changing the name. Makes a little more sense to have it in The Book Corner (to me at least) Well, carry on. Let's see how long you can make this thread.


If memory serves, it began as "The Weird Kindle Books Thread" or something like that. I've added on a son or a bride or a revenge or something each time Scarlet added a new batch for us, but that gag is running thin (and more importantly, overrunning the subject line). So I'll have a different subject to edit it to next time, but it will definitely contain "Weird Books" and probably "Weird Kindle Books".


----------



## Malweth

Check out the World RPS Society! (Which is also pretty humorous). There's apparently some amount of skill involved. It must deal with human psychology under high pressure / quick thinking conditions.



scarlet said:


> The Official Rock Paper Scissors Strategy Guide
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Note to Editor: I still don't see why we picked this title to promote over The Official Candyland Strategy Guide. At least then we could market game components as a add-on campaign for the toy division. And even NOW I don't understand why a strong and massive rock is overcome by a wimpy piece of paper. Can you see in a Clue game announcing "Colonel Mustard did it in the Conservatory with a Piece of Paper"? I don't think so!!!!


----------



## telracs

short list tonight, i guess the arkham guards were on their toes

I am a Genius of Unspeakable Evil and I Want to be Your Class President










The blurb tells us that this book is oriented towards middle schoolers....And The Hooded Claw is quite put out. As a young aspiring Evil Overlord, he had to make do with modeling himself after television villains--There weren't any good books with an evil genius as the central character. The Claw wishes he'd read this book in 7th grade, he might have jumped years ahead of where he got by being stuck reading "Where the Red Fern Grows" and "Charlotte's Web"! 
and where's "I am an Evil Henchperson and want to be Vice President"?

The Tradition of Non-Use of Nuclear Weapons










Hmmm....The Claw thought that this was pretty much a non-issue, and it wouldn't be necessary to write books about it. The Claw holds that non-use of nuclear weapons (what a weird turn of phrase) is a most excellent idea! At least by anyone not an Evil Overlord! Hey....If only everyone in the world would renounce all violence, The Claw and his faithful Evil Henchperson would be unstoppable. I wonder how I can make this book into a best-seller?

... Meanwhile, Back At The Sex Farm... (Kindle Edition)


Spoiler














....Meanwhile, back at The Secret Mountain Hideout....The Claw doesn't think there is anything he can add to this title.

A Practical Guide to Racism (Kindle Edition)










This may not be an extraordinarily weird title, but it is certainly an unexpected one. It appears to be humorous, but the humor appears to be of the sort that thinks dropping a string of lit firecrackers down the back of a victim's jacket is sidesplitting! Probably best NOT to read this one at work, especially in dead-tree form where the cover is easy to read!
I like Jon Stewart's editorial review...."As everyone knows, there's only one thing that can end racism: laughter. Or fire. This book is a ready source of both. Read it with someone you hate."
-Jon Stewart, The Daily Show


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Thank you, Evil Henchperson.  And we have a bright, shiny, and shorter new title for the thread.


----------



## telracs

In honor of the day, we have more titles....

Maritime Archaeology, Second Edition: A Technical Handbook











Maybe the Kindle 3 is going to be waterproof to 80 feet?
Sorry, I won't buy any book over 50 dollars

Target Underwear and a Vera Wang Gown (Kindle Edition)











This title threw me for a minute....I interpreted the title as something along the lines of "The Target for Tonight is Berlin"! Clearly I've watched too many World War 2 documentaries on The History Channel. Adding to the general disorientation is that the author's name sounds like something you should see a doctor to cure. "Adena Halpern? Will 30 grams of tetracycline cure that?"
Sometimes even I think my Evil Overlord has lost it....

Underwear Dos and Don'ts











I was thrilled to see that this book tells me that it is okay to wear underwear when I go trick-or-treating!!! Then they went and ruined it by telling me that the underwear couldn't be on the costume's outside....I actually had been thinking of underwear only.
Six ninety nine for something that's 32 pages? But I do like that it's optimized for larger screens.

Captain Kirk's Guide to Women











I am an avid Star Trek fan, and the original series is clearly the best, but even I think this one is a little bit out there. Of course, if the book could make me as successful as James T. Kirk at convincing alien women that whoopee with me was a good idea, it would be worth it! Hey, maybe they would routinely work against their very species and everything they'd ever known as so many of Kirk's alien flings did....That could be really useful for world conquest! The fact that I've never met an alien woman with green skin or carrying a spear with an anvil welded onto one end might keep me from using this to full extent, though.
Sorry boss, I am nixing any chance of your buying this book, the henchperson does not want to be rescuing you from green skinned animal women or androids.


----------



## The Hooded Claw

But Scarlet, why would I want to be rescued from a green alien woman?


----------



## telracs

The Hooded Claw said:


> But Scarlet, why would I want to be rescued from a green alien woman?


So you don't get distracted from our plans to take over the world! Sigh, MEN, they're all the same, no matter if they're starship captains or evil overlords. Show 'em a green skinned woman and they forget everything!


----------



## telracs

I guess being snowbound did some good for my evil overlord, he's sent me some more to post.

The Gerbil Farmer's Daughter











This book inspires visions of Eddie Albert riding an old tractor while little gerbil heads pop up in the fields around him! (Okay, that may be a weirder thought than the book). The other thing this makes me wonder is why gerbil farmers apparently must wear big rubber boots as shown on the cover. Walking among gerbil poop? To guard against bites from deadly man-eating gerbils?

Headless Males Make Great Lovers: And Other Unusual Natural Histories











Being a male himself, The Hooded Claw can only say "Brrrr...." and clasp his hands protectively over key body parts up top and in the nether regions!
The kinquisinator will remind her evil overlord of this book the next time he gets too full of himself.

My Big Fat Supernatural Wedding











So will future volumes in this series include "Gone With the Big Fat Wind" and "Revenge of the Big Fat Jedi"? Actually, the description suggests this book could be kinda fun to read.
I actually almost bought this book in DTV but the blurbs didn't do much for me.

Inside of a Dog: What Dogs See, Smell, and Know











It's not fair! As a huge fan of Groucho Marx, the only thing The Hooded Claw can think about when he sees this title is: "Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read!"
Not unless you bring a M-edge illuminator

Must Love Hellhounds











The only difficult part about commenting on this book is resisting the temptation to make inappropriate comments. I'll just mention that between the cover illustration, and the prominent listing of several female author's names on the cover,


Spoiler



this one looks like a poster for a XXX-rated movie!



Inventory: 16 Films Featuring Manic Pixie Dream Girls, 10 Great Songs Nearly Ruined by Saxophone, and 100 More Obsessively Specific Pop-Culture Lists










Ummm, remember the gag about the publisher telling the editor that paying authors by title length wasn't working? The publisher is on the phone, and he wants his gag back! I also have to wonder how a song that is "nearly ruined" can still be great.
Gag, what gag? I thought you were serious.


----------



## VictoriaP

You cannot "ruin" (or nearly ruin) a song by saxophone.  Vocals, yes.  Saxophones, no.  

I used to thing the Bagpipe Maintenance book was the oddest you'd found.  Now I'm leaning towards the Gerbil Farmer's Daughter.  **shudders**


----------



## The Hooded Claw

VictoriaP said:


> I used to thing the Bagpipe Maintenance book was the oddest you'd found. Now I'm leaning towards the Gerbil Farmer's Daughter. **shudders**


Even odder is that the little critters in the cover photo really look like hamsters, not gerbils to me!


----------



## Susan in VA

The Hooded Claw said:


> But Scarlet, why would I want to be rescued from a green alien woman?


I think this one should be scarlet's new avatar. Don't you think it fits?


----------



## Susan in VA

Okay, what are Manic Pixie Dream Girls??


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Susan in VA said:


> Okay, what are Manic Pixie Dream Girls??


I don't know what those are myself....Buy the book and tell us after you've read it!


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Susan in VA said:


> I think this one should be scarlet's new avatar. Don't you think it fits?


I think Scarlet thinks green alien women are a distraction from World Conquest! But rumor has it she might reconsider.....


----------



## telracs

In honor of the new year, and resolutions, this weird kindle book thread is devoted to resolutions we should make. Especially recycling and exercising!
to quote my favorite character.... bah, humbug.

The Worm Cafe, Mid-Scale Vermicomposting of Lunchroom Wastes
link to DTB, since no image for kindle book


I don't think McDonald's has anything to fear with the competition from The Worm Cafe! And "vermicomposting" is almost, but not quite, one of those words you love to say over and over. Like "rigamarole" or "egregious" but not quite as good. Once again, we have a weird Kindle book with a weird author's name to accompany....Binet Payne. Makes me think of an intelligence test in a science fiction novel where wrong answers are punished with electric shocks...
my favorite SAT word is duplicitousness. but egregious is good too.

Foundations of Agile Python Development











What a ripoff!!!! I was all prepared for a book on how to whip your snake into shape! I've always wondered how snakes would do pushups, and I thought this book would explain it all. Unfortunately, there's not a snake to be seen. All boring computer stuff!
I kind of thought all pythons were already agile and for 19 bucks this seemed too much money.

Bagpipe Exercises (1)











Well--I'd thought that if I couldn't exercise snakes, I could at least exercise bagpipes. Snakes are much better accouterments for evil overlords, but at least bagpipes would fit in with an evil lair somewhere on a darkened moor in a crumbling castle. But once again, NOOOOOOO--This time instead of how to make your bagpipes work out and get fit, it is something to do with playing the darned things!
Let me warn you boss, you bring bagpipes into the lair and I'm finding a new evil overlord to work for.

Comparative Hearing: Fish and Amphibians











So instead of exercises, are we now working on developing the senses of scaly, cold-blooded pets? I'm a bit of a strange character, but even this book is too obscure and weird for me!!!!
viewers beware: this book is listed at over 100 dollars.

The Rhino with Glue-On Shoes: And Other Surprising True Stories of Zoo Vets and their Patients











Well, I like Rhinos better than I like snakes and amphibians, but I still don't get this one. Are the glue-on shoes so that the rhinos can exercise better? I hope I don't get drummed out of the Society of Physics Nerds because I avoided making the statutorily-required gag on subatomic particles and this book.....
gluons, anyone?


----------



## MariaESchneider

Some of these are great.  I almost bought the Chris Moore--but the kindle edition was almost 9 bucks...quite a bit higher than my usual Kindle edition.  Maybe I'll order it used one day.

I didn't even click on the link to the 6 grand book.  Don't want any mistaken clicks on THAT one!

Maria


----------



## The Hooded Claw

MariaESchneider said:


> Some of these are great. I almost bought the Chris Moore--but the kindle edition was almost 9 bucks...quite a bit higher than my usual Kindle edition. Maybe I'll order it used one day.
> 
> I didn't even click on the link to the 6 grand book. Don't want any mistaken clicks on THAT one!
> 
> Maria


Thanks, Maria.....You know you're going to have to write books with more "interesting" titles than "Executive Lunch" if you want to see any of your books skewered here!


----------



## MariaESchneider

Yeah, looking through your list made my titles feel...so ORDINARY!!!!  But don't worry.  It got me thinking.  Obviously I need to hang a few bats or cows in my cover work (probably both) and come up with a title that leaves people gasping (or at least a bit faint)...then again perhaps it's price I need to work on.  A few sales per year of the 6k book and I'd be doing well!!!!


----------



## The Hooded Claw

MariaESchneider said:


> Yeah, looking through your list made my titles feel...so ORDINARY!!!! But don't worry. It got me thinking. Obviously I need to hang a few bats or cows in my cover work (probably both) and come up with a title that leaves people gasping (or at least a bit faint)...then again perhaps it's price I need to work on. A few sales per year of the 6k book and I'd be doing well!!!!


Good idea Maria, if you kept your wants modest, if you could sell your books for $100,000 each, you'd only have to sell a single copy every couple of years to live quite comfortably! Of course that would make hunting down book pirates especially important...


----------



## telracs

Sorry for the delay, but as some of you know, I've been traveling for business for a bit and working bizarre hours at work, but with no further ado I present...

Ladybugs, Tornadoes, and Swirling Galaxies: English Language Learners Discover Their World Through Inquiry











Well, the first part of this title wins the Claw's award for strangest amalgamation! This isn't the sort of thing I read, so I'll probably never find out what the connection between these three topics and learning English is.

Cooking in Oz: Kitchen Wizardry and a Century of Marvels from America's Favorite Tale










(please note, this link is to the DTV, the kindle has no image to link)

Nope, this isn't an Australian cookbook and does not include the recipe for the famous grubs that Bushmen eat. Instead it deals with the famous books and movie. One of the authors has operated an online store dealing with Oziania (a word for Oz paraphernalia that I just made up) for more than ten years. That seems weird, but when I think about it some more, actually isn't surprising. Based on the reader reviews, it contains some of Bill Cosby's Jell-O recipes, which makes me wonder how far afield from straight Oz topics it goes. It also appears that graphics are very important for the book, which might make reading it on Kindle a bit frustrating.
Is this food they serve at the OzDust Ballroom? (FYI- that's a reference to the musical Wicked.)

The Barbarian Way: Unleash the Untamed Faith Within










By Crom, upon seeing this title, The Hooded Claw was ready to pull out his idols and sacrificial pigeons, put on his Conan costume, and begin worshiping Mitra and battling the evil minions of Set. But no such luck....This author is here to tell us that we should become "Barbarian Christians"! The Hooded Claw is not sure what that is, and he thinks that the marketing people on this book may have erred a bit with a title that is just a bit too clever--The target readers will probably be turned off. As one reviewer described his initial reaction: "Gimme me a break! Unleash? Untamed? Barbarian? Is this a spiritual manifesto or the latest physical fitness fad?" This reviewer ultimately ended up giving the book a favorable review, and appears to be in the target audience, but even he was seriously put off by the weird title. Weird titles are our bread and butter here, but they may not always be a good thing for authors and publishers!
The author doesn't look very Barbarian to me in those clothes. And wow, how untamed is it to stand in the middle of a street?

A Sailor of Austria: In Which, Without Really Intending to, Otto Prohaska Becomes Official War Hero No. 27 of the Habsburg Empire











In doing the research for these postings, The Hooded Claw uses the most advanced techniques of Evil Overlord and Melodrama Villain science, including supercomputer simulations, massive searches of the World Wide Web using highly-secret parsing algorithms, and of course James Bond-style spies to gather human intelligence. This particular book was not found by one of those means. I actually found it in the course of my normal poking around to find something to read! And even weirder, I've ordered a sample, and there is a very good chance that I will end up buying this, and possibly the four sequels. The sequels have similar weird titles, including "Tomorrow the World: In which Cadet Otto Prohaska Carries the Habsburg Empire's Civilizing Mission to the Entirely Unreceptive Peoples of Africa and Oceania". HEY! I really like the first part of that sequel title!
Me too!


----------



## loca

Love this thread.


----------



## cheerio

scarlet said:


> Sorry for the delay, but as some of you know, I've been traveling for business for a bit and working bizarre hours at work, but with no further ado I present...
> 
> Ladybugs, Tornadoes, and Swirling Galaxies: English Language Learners Discover Their World Through Inquiry
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Well, the first part of this title wins the Claw's award for strangest amalgamation! This isn't the sort of thing I read, so I'll probably never find out what the connection between these three topics and learning English is.
> 
> Cooking in Oz: Kitchen Wizardry and a Century of Marvels from America's Favorite Tale
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> (please note, this link is to the DTV, the kindle has no image to link)
> 
> Nope, this isn't an Australian cookbook and does not include the recipe for the famous grubs that Bushmen eat. Instead it deals with the famous books and movie. One of the authors has operated an online store dealing with Oziania (a word for Oz paraphernalia that I just made up) for more than ten years. That seems weird, but when I think about it some more, actually isn't surprising. Based on the reader reviews, it contains some of Bill Cosby's Jell-O recipes, which makes me wonder how far afield from straight Oz topics it goes. It also appears that graphics are very important for the book, which might make reading it on Kindle a bit frustrating.
> Is this food they serve at the OzDust Ballroom? (FYI- that's a reference to the musical Wicked.)
> 
> The Barbarian Way: Unleash the Untamed Faith Within
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> By Crom, upon seeing this title, The Hooded Claw was ready to pull out his idols and sacrificial pigeons, put on his Conan costume, and begin worshiping Mitra and battling the evil minions of Set. But no such luck....This author is here to tell us that we should become "Barbarian Christians"! The Hooded Claw is not sure what that is, and he thinks that the marketing people on this book may have erred a bit with a title that is just a bit too clever--The target readers will probably be turned off. As one reviewer described his initial reaction: "Gimme me a break! Unleash? Untamed? Barbarian? Is this a spiritual manifesto or the latest physical fitness fad?" This reviewer ultimately ended up giving the book a favorable review, and appears to be in the target audience, but even he was seriously put off by the weird title. Weird titles are our bread and butter here, but they may not always be a good thing for authors and publishers!
> The author doesn't look very Barbarian to me in those clothes. And wow, how untamed is it to stand in the middle of a street?
> 
> A Sailor of Austria: In Which, Without Really Intending to, Otto Prohaska Becomes Official War Hero No. 27 of the Habsburg Empire
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> In doing the research for these postings, The Hooded Claw uses the most advanced techniques of Evil Overlord and Melodrama Villain science, including supercomputer simulations, massive searches of the World Wide Web using highly-secret parsing algorithms, and of course James Bond-style spies to gather human intelligence. This particular book was not found by one of those means. I actually found it in the course of my normal poking around to find something to read! And even weirder, I've ordered a sample, and there is a very good chance that I will end up buying this, and possibly the four sequels. The sequels have similar weird titles, including "Tomorrow the World: In which Cadet Otto Prohaska Carries the Habsburg Empire's Civilizing Mission to the Entirely Unreceptive Peoples of Africa and Oceania". HEY! I really like the first part of that sequel title!
> Me too!


lol


----------



## telracs

Oh, I forgot to post that the boss actually bought the Austria book and enjoyed it and then I went to sample and instead 1-clicked [note, do not play on amazon when beyond tired] and now I'm looking forward to reading it.


----------



## The Hooded Claw

scarlet said:


> Oh, I forgot to post that the boss actually bought the Austria book and enjoyed it and then I went to sample and instead 1-clicked [note, do not play on amazon when beyond tired] and now I'm looking forward to reading it.


I did enjoy it, though the last part of the book was a bit darker than I expected. I'll be buying book number two soon, and unless the quality drops off, I expect to buy all four and wish for more (based on the reviews, it appears the second and later books are if anything better than the first one). I'd say the book is about 80% Horatio Hornblower, and 20% Terry Pratchett--It has DEFINITE humor and irony, even brief slapstick in spots, but it is not a book to read for laughs.


----------



## angelad

NOted a few titles.  Going to do a bit more research.


----------



## earthlydelites

scarlet said:


> And to wind up this list of fanastically-weird titles driven by zombies and superheroes, let's close up with a book on conventionally-weird topics. You know, like absinthe and flamethrowers. Stuff the average person has around the house....
> it's interesting that i'm watching mythbusters while busting this.


I have a bottle of absinthe in the house somewhere!!!


----------



## telracs

In an earlier edition of these, my Evil Henchperson quoted no less an authority than Jon Stewart in saying "The best way to fight evil is to make fun of it" (or words to that effect, I haven't gone back and looked). Since most of us would agree that Adolf Hitler was a bad man, let's look him up on the Kindle. In amongst all the history books, I'm sure we can find something we can humorously skewer....

When Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit











Well, if "They Stole Hitler's Brain" it's only fair that he should steal a rabbit, right? The title is pretty darned weird, but this actually looks like a pretty good book for kids. I suspect I'd have enjoyed it when I was of the target age, and should be a good way to introduce kids to the background of World War II.

Hitler's Canary (Kindle Edition)











"I tot I taw a Puddy-Fuhrer!" Despite the weird title, from examining Amazon's description and the user reviews, this looks like it would be a pretty good book for older kids to learn about those times.

The Lamb and the Fuhrer: Jesus Talks with Hitler (Kindle Edition)











A book about a conversation between Jesus and Hitler written by an Evangelical Christian pastor who was born in India of Indian parents, was raised in Canada, now lives in Atlanta, and is the first non-Mormon in 120 years to preach at the main Mormon Temple in Salt Lake City. There's nothing weird to see here, move along.....











Well, we were faked out here. Ends up this book isn't really about Hitler! It is "a socio-political satire set in the near future" according to the author. The author is a philosophy professor who is clearly a great guy! I can say that even though I'd never heard of him till I found this book. The reason I say it is that I looked up his blog in an effort to find skewering-fodder, and it seems that back in September he prominently featured on his blog that all his Kindle books were available for only $1 each!!! Tragically, this has ended now. I don't see myself reading this book, but any author who consciously supports and touts the Kindle is okay in my book


----------



## R. M. Reed

There is a web site with pictures of cats who look like Hitler. Maybe the cat in that book is one of those.


----------



## Andra

I remember reading *When Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit* when I was younger. In fact, that's where my mind jumped when I saw the new thread title. It must have made some sort of impression on me.


----------



## Geoffrey

Yeah, I read it and loved it too ... and over the decades, I've been fascinated (If that's the right word) with both Holocaust stories and apocolyptic fiction my entire life....


----------



## The Hooded Claw

I never read "Pink Rabbit", but was an avid fan of world war 2 fiction and nonfiction from an early age.  I tended to read more about the military experience on both sides, and don't even remember having a lot of options to read about common folks, especially those in occupied Europe.  I did read The Diary of Anne Frank" in 9th grade or so, after seeing a movie version of it on the late show.


----------



## telracs

Yep, it is time for another edition of weird kindle books!

Never Suck A Dead Man's Hand: Curious Adventures of a CSI (Kindle Edition)











Well, I must admit that the title of this book offers some excellent advice. I can't really give any reason for it, but my instinct is that NOT sucking the fingers of dead people is a good life strategy. I'll admit I can't think of a logical reason why. WARNING: Do not read the Publisher's Weekly review of this book (and presumably don't read the book itself) if you are easily grossed out....
Since I'm easily grossed out, I'll be passing on this one, thanks boss..

The Mystic Arts of Erasing All Signs of Death: A Novel (Kindle Edition)











Well, the title of this novel is pretty darned weird (clever cover illustration, though I've read that they don't really do chalk marks around the body at a murder scene, despite what the old movies show). But there must be something good about this book, 'cause Amazon managed to get Stephen King to write a review of it. Whether this is because the author of "Mystic Arts" has incriminating photos of Stephen King, or whether King really feels the book is good will have to be figured out by those who read the book (I haven't and probably won't).

I do like the title of this one, but thought, "once I'm dead, who wants to erase the signs?" but what do I know. And yeah, they don't use the chalk lines, it actually contaminates the crime scene

Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers










Okay, this title isn't really that weird, and there's a fair chance I'll even buy this book! The book talks about crematoriums among other things, and I've always wanted to learn more about crematoriums--I actually did an air pollution evaluation of a crematorium as part of my practical work in graduate school! It's true! But despite being not-too-weird, this title fits with the theme. So I've included it. If you don't like that, start your own thread and write your own witty comments, and find your own Evil Henchperson to transcribe links! 
I think this is a pretty weird title since I don't understand how cadavers can live... oh, and if anyone is looking for an Evil Henchperson, make a bid, I'm always looking for more chocolate.

In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day











This doesn't directly have anything to do with CSI, but I have a feeling that if you really were in this situation, CSI would soon be necessary! And it's definitely a weird title! Note that one of the books in the "Customers who bought this book also bought" list is "The Barbarian Way" which I skewered a few weeks ago.

Abducted: How People Come to Believe They Were Kidnapped by Aliens (Kindle Edition)











The title is extremely weird, and I suppose CSI might investigate a real alien abduction. But perhaps the weirdest thing about this book is the first line of the Publishers Weekly review:

"If you're going to read just one book about alien abductions, make it this one."

Somehow I think that is hilarious! In actuality, I have a fondness for weird and strange topics (I know none of y'all have guessed that about me!) and though i don't believe in alien abductions as a real phenomenom at all, I do think they are fascinating, and they have the ability to tell us something about ourselves (probably with similar roots of old reports of nighttime visits by witches or demons). So this is a book it is conceivable that I'll buy and read, even though I'm making fun of it here. Believe it or not, I've actually bought several of these books that I've skewered in previous posts here.


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Well, I really do read these books--Sometimes!

This past weekend I read "Full Revelations of a Professional Rat Catcher" by Ike Matthews, available on Amazon here:

http://www.amazon.com/Revelations-Professional-Rat-Catcher-Experience-ebook/dp/B002A7Y3W2/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2

I'd rate it as three and a half stars (Amazon doesn't allow that, so I gave it four stars when I reviewed it there). I'd assumed this book would be a series of "would you believe" type stories of particularly interesting clients or situations the author had encountered in his twenty five years as a professional rat catcher. That turns out not to be the case, it is actually a "how to" book. It is a tribute to the author that I actually read every word of the book (though the fact that it is quite short helped!). It is fairly interesting, but I am very glad I only paid a dollar for it (there are a couple of more expensive Kindle editions). Unfortunately, the formatting of my version was the worst of any Kindle book I'd encountered, but I'm pretty tolerant about such things. I wouldn't talk anyone interested in the dollar version out of their purchase, but I would advise against paying more for the book. My review (top one) has a few more details if you're interested.

Of course there are a couple of other weird Kindle books I have to read now....


----------



## earthlydelites

I've read stiff and it's a great book. I recommend it!! 

It's a little gory in some parts, but the historical slant and humorous author more than makes up for a few gross images


----------



## The Hooded Claw

The Hooded Claw said:


> Whoo-hoo! This book has dropped further, and is barely under the $80 mark now. According to The Claw's calculations, if this continues we can expect this to become a free book in roughly November 2010!!! I can hardly wait to read it! And I'm still waiting for bounteous praise at the efforts of myself and my loyal henchperson to save your reading dollars by lowering Kindle book costs!


You surely remember this book--"The Ten Cents War", which was about a war between Chile on one side, and Peru and Bolivia allied on the other, fought over BAT POOP. I crowed about how the price dropped after the book was skewered here. It had gone from a ridiculous $88 to a still ridiculous $79. Well, the book is back up to $88! Personally, I blame MacMillan.....


----------



## Bernie

I love these. 

Thanks for posting. What a fun thread.


----------



## MariaESchneider

I started the Charlie Huston one -- as with a lot of his stuff, pretty graphic/violent/cursing.  It wasn't his best book IMO, but i didn't finish it.  Just too...graphic for me.  The title fits the book. 

That one about suck a dead man's hand--WEIRD.  Way, way weird.  I did not need to be told that...


----------



## telracs

time for some new ones... I apologize for the size of the images, but was having some issues with the linkmaker.

Let's get in a plain-Jane government sedan with our G-man guides and go prowl the American underworld in search of Weird Kindle Books. Keep your badge and your gat ready!

Sherlock Holmes Among the Pirates: Copyright and Conan Doyle in America 1890-1930 (Kindle Edition)











The Hooded Claw is a rabid Sherlock Holmes fan! He was first exposed to Holmes in the eighth grade when he read an omnibus collection of all the Sherlock Holmes stories, and he has occasionally slowed down, but hasn't stopped. One of his favorite dead tree books is called "Sherlock Holmes in London", it's a collection of period photographs of London locations mentioned in the books, and he loves it! He's read biographies of Arthur Conan Doyle, and even hunted down Doyle's book on "The Coming of the Fairies" (it was not intended to be a fantasy title and sadly, Doyle was completely serious). Clearly he is a sucker for anything with "SH" on it. But he thinks he is going to pass on a book that is a detailed history of pirate versions of Sherlock Holmes books that were printed because of weaknesses in American copyright law during the early Twentieth Century. The blurb reveals that the book lovingly traces textual clues to determine which pirate copy was pirated from which pirate copy. Who would write such a book? Someone needs to introduce the author of this study to Harry Potter or Honor Harrington.....And it appears this must be the first MacMillan ebook to be restored to Amazon, since it is priced at $101 in the Kindle version!
I worry when my evil overlord starts talking about himself in the third person. And I think that he was exposed to SH in utero. Got to checked with Mamma Hooded Claw....

What Will Happen in Eragon IV: Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Becomes the Third Dragon Rider and How Will the Inheritance Cycle Finally End?











Truthfully, I didn't know of the Eragon books. The title sounded vaguely familiar, and a quick search of the KB forums revealed that there are some readers of the books here on the forum. I don't know if they are good books or not. But no matter how devoted I may become to the series if I try them, I'm confident I'll never shell out for a book explaining what will happen in the next Eragon book! Especially when the series author didn't write it.....And when he doesn't have a clear idea of a good title length. This book is 180 pages long in paper form, but I'll bet 120 of the pages are the title!
And I think this title is longer than 3 Eragon books....

The Six Pack in the Mask of Satan (Kindle Edition)











I don't understand this title! The blurb suggests that "six-pack" may refer to three couples who make up the heroic team that the book is centered around, rather than a bunch of Budweisers, or perhaps some overdeveloped musculature. That helps a little, but is still pretty weird. The final bit of weirdness is that the author bio reveals that: "Lindi Hamlin works as a correctional officer and lives with her husband in Georgia." God loves correctional officers too, and I'm sure most of them are fine people, but The Hooded Claw has always viewed fiction authors as philosophical and literary types, sitting around the coffee house and sipping lattes from china cups with pinkies extended, rather than the rough and tough type of character it must take to be a successful prison guard. See, you thought that these THC weird book commentaries were just lightweight fluff, but we are actually breaking down old prejudices and expanding your minds! (cue the "Battle Hymn of the Republic" background music now)
$9.95 for a 96 page book? Oh, and do you want the Lee Greenwood Battlehymn or the Styrper one?

Stalking the Sociological Imagination: J. Edgar Hoover's FBI Surveillance of American Sociology










Speaking of patriotic music, hear comes a book about a paragon of American non-weirdness...J. Edgar Hoover! How did such a book get past the bouncers Scarlet hired? Ummm.....Admittedly it this an extremely peculiar title, but if Hoover was involved, I'm sure everything in this book is red-blooded and patriotic and conventionally strait-laced, just like J. Edgar himself. (wink)
I've fired the bouncers. Turns out they were undercover Feds who were seeking our plans for world domination.

The Scinence of Fingerprints - an FBI Study by J. Edgar Hoover











This book is a twofer. Not only do I get to poke J. Edgar Hoover's ghost in the eye again, but I can comment on how the people who took this book (which is presumably in the public domain) and offered it to us on the Kindle for ninety-nine cents clearly took great pains to make sure everything was accurate and precisely-done, just like a good piece of detective work. It is self-evident that these paragons of precision would never do anything the least bit sloppy. To be clear, note that the title above is transcribed just as it appears on the Amazon page selling the book (thank goodness the cover appears to be a bit different). I'm sure that the eyes of J. Edgar's ghost are filled with tears of posthumous pride. Or that at least the one that THC poked is....
Oddly enough, I thought Hooded Claw made a mistake and I at first "corrected" the title, before I realized that it was an amazon error....


----------



## cheerio

The artwork and the title make me laugh


----------



## The Hooded Claw

cheerio said:


> The artwork and the title make me laugh


Which artwork and title? I can think of several of these books that might qualify there!


----------



## Malweth

scarlet said:


> What Will Happen in Eragon IV: Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Becomes the Third Dragon Rider and How Will the Inheritance Cycle Finally End?
> 
> Truthfully, I didn't know of the Eragon books. The title sounded vaguely familiar, and a quick search of the KB forums revealed that there are some readers of the books here on the forum. I don't know if they are good books or not. But no matter how devoted I may become to the series if I try them, I'm confident I'll never shell out for a book explaining what will happen in the next Eragon book! Especially when the series author didn't write it.....And when he doesn't have a clear idea of a good title length. This book is 180 pages long in paper form, but I'll bet 120 of the pages are the title!
> And I think this title is longer than 3 Eragon books....


The Eragon series is often panned for being unoriginal and obvious. This book seems more trite than the novels! (I stopped reading partway through #2 or #3).


----------



## The Hooded Claw

scarlet said:


> The Scinence of Fingerprints - an FBI Study by J. Edgar Hoover
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> This book is a twofer. Not only do I get to poke J. Edgar Hoover's ghost in the eye again, but I can comment on how the people who took this book (which is presumably in the public domain) and offered it to us on the Kindle for ninety-nine cents clearly took great pains to make sure everything was accurate and precisely-done, just like a good piece of detective work. It is self-evident that these paragons of precision would never do anything the least bit sloppy. To be clear, note that the title above is transcribed just as it appears on the Amazon page selling the book (thank goodness the cover appears to be a bit different). I'm sure that the eyes of J. Edgar's ghost are filled with tears of posthumous pride. Or that at least the one that THC poked is....
> Oddly enough, I thought Hooded Claw made a mistake and I at first "corrected" the title, before I realized that it was an amazon error....


I'd had the above book on my "list" for awhile as a potential Weird Kindle Book, and it is a good thing Scarlet and I posted it when we did, as it is no longer available on Amazon.com! I know everyone is bitterly disappointed. Whether this is one of those 1984-style things where rights for it weren't properly available, or some more sinister reason (maybe the FBI busted these guys while following our conspiracy for world conquest) I don't know.


----------



## telracs

It seems my evil overlord is among those watching the Westminster Dog Show...

Flawed Dogs: The Year-End Leftovers At The Piddleton "Last Chance" Dog Pound











Berkely Breathed, who has been lampooned here previously, also wrote this book about an (imaginary) dog pound where dogs are sent when they have such severe flaws that finding an adopter seems hopeless. The book seems to be a combination of cutesy pictures of each flawed dog, followed by a poem about the dog. Here's an example, about the absurdly long dachshund on the cover:

"Here's Sal, it seems no one wants her.
Her ends will stroll off and wander.
A long doggie weenie
Of noisy linguine
Sal barks at her butt way down yonder."

Times indeed have changed, this book is published by Little, Brown Books for Young Readers, and the target audience is grade 2-5. When the Hooded Claw was attending Victor Frankenstein Elementary School, the Principal would have triggered a lockdown and evacuated the school if a second grader had uttered the word "butt" in class, let alone allowed it to be in any of our books! On the other hand, I can't honestly say that exposure to the word is likely to hurt anyone in second grade....We never pretended we didn't have butts, and I don't think using euphemisms such as "rear end" really improved our little psyches (considering this was a school for future Evil Overlords, probably the opposite). But back to the book, I wouldn't rate it too highly. The poetry is by definition doggerel, right? (insert evil laugh here)
well, this was in my library at Enrico Fermi High....(zombie prom anyone?)

Angel Dogs: Divine Messengers of Love (Kindle Edition)











Okay, arguably I'm giving this book a bum rap. Reading the blurb indicates that this book is a collection of stories, most of which are paws-firmly-on-the-ground narratives of corporeal living dogs doing things that just seem heaven-sent, such as a dog who awakes a mother sleeping next to her baby in a house that has caught on fire. Fair enough, a bit saccharine, but even The Hooded Claw's twisted psyche can acknowledge that there are people who will appreciate and be inspired by this sort of thing. But many of them do involve ghostly dogs and/or angelic dogs doing something miraculous. All I can do is quote Sherlock Holmes and say "The world is big enough for us. No ghosts need apply." Incidentally, how can The Hooded Claw claim to be an Evil Overlord, or at least an aspiring one, yet announce that Sherlock Holmes is his idol? Shouldn't he be cheering for Professor Moriarty? And what about that shifting shift back and forth between first person and third person he do es? Maybe The Claw needs professional assistance himself? Excuse me for a second, I had my tongue so firmly lodged in my cheek I nearly bit it off. Where's the First Aid cabinet?
handing the boss the iodine and bandages.... 

Evil Penguins: When Cute Penguins Go Bad (Kindle Edition)











Okay, I'm back from the ER, and the tongue only took thirty-eight stitches and microsurgery to restore the nerves. Moving on to this book--Believe me, I am NOT "Oscar" who has the first review listed for this book, even though some of you will undoubtedly swear it has to be me. My grammar is clearly far superior to his, right?
by the way, there is NO SUCH THING as a cute penguins.

Mean Girls: Facing Your Beauty Turned Beast (Kindle Edition)











Let's get it out in public right up front....This appears to be a serious book about a real problem, and I'm going to assume Hayley DiMarco has written a book that is helpful to the target audience in solving that problem. But since I possess a Y chromosome, it is definitely a side of the XX-chromosome world that I never knew existed back when I was in that age group. More skewer-worthy is this sentence from the blurb:

Hayley DiMarco is chief creative officer and founder of Hungry Planet, where she writes and creates cutting-edge books that connect with the multitasking mind-set.

Hayley, if you're reading this, it is OKAY to say you're an independent author! Just ask any regular poster in "The Book Bazaar" forum here at KB. And if you're publishing books on Kindle, we assume you are trendy, you don't have to try to stick in buzzwords to prove it. If you are poking fun at yourself in a Hooded-Claw style, be a little more outlandish about it, and don't leave an opening for someone to assume you're trying to be serious. 'Cause small furry animals like me will always bite through those openings! And we have sharp, pointy teeth...
i always shake my head a bit when men start talking about girl things.....

Why Fish Fart and Other Useless (Or Gross) Information About the World (Kindle Edition)











The Hooded Claw has finally met his match. He can't make this book seem any weirder than the blurb already is. I quote:

This book is full of questions you never thought to ask-and perhaps will wish you'd never had answered-including:

-What exactly is maggot cheese?
-How did anal hair help to lead to the conviction of the Great-Train Robbers?
-What is the job of a -fart catcher-?
-How exactly do -crabs- cause such intense itching around one's private parts?
-The real story behind why the toilet is often referred to as -the john.-
-Why you might want to steer clear of some coffees. (Hint: If poo isn-t exactly your idea of appetizing . . .)

The Hooded Claw gives a one-claw salute to Francesca Gould. Good job!
I have nothing to add to this, honestly, except I'm going nowhere near this book.

Ant Colony Optimization and Swarm Intelligence: 4th International Workshop, ANTS 2004, Brussels, Belgium, September 5-8, 2004, Proceeding (Kindle Edition)











What's interesting about this is that I originally thought this was a title that truly laid it on the line: We were talking about the papers from a conference about social insects that live in an undeground colony. Think "The City Under the Back Steps" if you read that book as a child (The Claw always thought it was one of the coolest titles for a book ever). But it ends up that this title (Ant Colony Optimization, not City Under the Back Steps) is a deception. There are no little six-legged hijackers trying to run off with your picnic lunch at this conference. This conference is actually about computer science and artificial intelligence, though it appears they really do talk at least some to people who do research on living and breathing "colony organisms". But the type of people who attend this conference are primarily the people in that Michael Crichton book about nanotechnology, not the pith helmet crowd. They are now up to ANTS VII, which is also being held in Brussels this year. Despite the lack of bugs trying to get into your picnic lunch, the presenter of this year's best paper gets a little bronze statue of an ant (I'm not making that up!). I assumed that ANTS had to be some sort of really clever acronym, but if it is I can't find it on the internet. If you're eager to read more about this, check out the website here:

http://iridia.ulb.ac.be/~mdorigo/ACO/about.html
there are times i seriously worry about my evil overlord's sanity.


----------



## telracs

It's been a while, but the evil overlord has finally managed get someone to claw out of their cell and get me the latest installment.

As I was sitting in the cold stone walls of my Arkham Asylum cell, I was thinking of places far away. As I thought about how nice it would be to have my freedom, instead of being confined in this institution for the criminally insane (or at least melodramatically villainous), I began to wish that at least my mind could wander the world, even if my body could not. I remembered a famous motto of political prisoners "Thoughts are free!" and felt my mind begin to detach itself from my body. Instead of being free to fly about and explore the world in astral form, I was frightened to find that instead my mind became filled with thoughts of weird Kindle books about faraway places. These thoughts churned through my mind for hours, and when I finally came out of my trance, I once again found myself compelled to compose my thoughts and send them out to the world.....

A Rotten Person Travels the Caribbean: A Grump in Paradise Discovers that Anyplace it's Legal to Carry a Machete is Comedy Just Waiting to Happen











Okay, the Caribbean is a faraway place for most of us. But our author here brings us down to earth in the very first sentence of this book by comparing the Caribbean islands to a string of drool. Nothing like keeping us focused in the here and now, eh? The title suggests that machetes will be prominently featured in the book. The Claw has never liked machetes since he went on a hike with a machete-carrying friend named Dave at about age 19. Dave was confronted by an inconvenient tree branch as he lead the way, and eager to demonstrate his new toy, he whipped out the machete and proceeded to hack on the branch. Dave swung his machete blindly back over his head, and the tip zipped by close enough to my nose that I could feel the breeze. So I'm not well-disposed towards machetes, but even if I was, I don't think I'd see that legal carrying of machetes is truly comedy just waiting to happen.

REAL MYTH, or Joseph Campbell was Never Abducted by Space Aliens, and That's Too Bad











Okay, this is definitely a pretty weird title. And it does indeed qualify, since the Space Aliens would by definition be from far away. The author's description explains that neither Carl Jung nor Joseph Campbell were ever "given schematics for a rejuvenating age-reversal machine they'd spend a lifetime laboring to hand-build, board by board, in the California desert. And that's too bad..." Certainly true that they never received such plans from aliens, and it's also a shame that it was never built. So despite the title, The Claw must agree that this Kindle book qualifies as "weird but true". Perhaps the weirdest thing about this book is that the first listing under the "customers who bought this book also bought" banner is "The Complete Works of William Shakespeare". Obviously good taste and judgement in one area of literature doesn't necessarily carry over to another!

God's Middle Finger: Into the Lawless Heart of the Sierra Madre (Kindle Edition)











A British journalist heads into the Sierra Madre, but it appears Humphrey Bogart is nowhere in sight. But at least we get to see the drinking match between G-d and the Devil. It isn't clear whether any steenking badges are needed. The inclusion of The Lonely Planet Guide to Mexico in the "also bought" list suggests that someone actually planning a trip to Mexico read this book. If this author's plunge into criminals in the Sierra Madre is a role model, that is perhaps more frightening than anything in Arkham Asylum!

Sheep Football and Other Strange Tales from Rural America











Rural America! For some of us, it is home. For some (including this author) it is clearly just a strange place. For others (including me) it is a place populated by relatives and mainly visited on vacations. I routinely describe visiting my older rural relatives when I was a child as being like stepping from suburbia into the set of Green Acres, so obviously I didn't feel totally at home there, despite the kindness and hospitality I invariably received as a visiting city slicker. For a different and darker view of the countryside, we can consult my hero, Sherlock Holmes, who said:

"The pressure of public opinion can do in the town what the law cannot accomplish. There is no lane so vile that the scream of a tortured child, or the thud of a drunkard's blow, does not beget sympathy and indignation among the neighbors, and then the whole machinery of justice is ever so close that a word of complaint can set it going, and there is but a step between the crime and the dock. But look at these lonely houses, each in its own fields, filled for the most part with poor ignorant folk who know little of the law. Think of the deeds of hellish cruelty, the hidden wickedness which may go on, year in, year out, in such places, and none the wiser. Had this lady who appeals to us for help gone to live in Winchester, I should never have had a fear for her. It is the five miles of country which makes the danger."

Leaving out the uncharitable nature of this view, we may now have a clue why Watson never wrote "Sherlock Holmes and the Adventure of the Hot Date".

The reason Watson never wrote that story is because he *was* Holmes hot date. 

Glacier Travel & Crevasse Rescue: Reading Glaciers, Team Travel, Crevasse Rescue Techniques, Routefinding, Expedition Skills 2nd Edition (Kindle Edition)











I suppose it is nice that this book is available on the Kindle. But I doubt I'll be having my Evil Henchperson take it in her Kindle on our next Greenland expedition. When The Hooded Claw plunges into the icy depths and is hanging onto a slender ledge of ice by the tips of his fingers (sorry, I don't really have any claws!), he doesn't want to hear Scarlet shouting down "Just wait, Boss! I'm looking up how to rescue you, but my Kindle froze and I gotta hold down the power switch for fourteen seconds!"

Originally, I was just going to post these without reading the boss's blurbs, but then I saw my name and figured I should know what's going on. And any way, I wouldn't be taking my kindle to Greenland, I don't like flying with it, remember?

Denali's West Buttress: A Climber's Guide to Mount McKinley's Classic Route (Kindle Edition)











Once again, this book reinforces The Claw's idea that a Kindle isn't quite durable enough to make a useful expeditionary tool. But maybe someone can tell me, is it true that a Flying Buttress is a lady head servant on an airplane?
um, no, don't think so.

Motorcycle travels and travails - weird bikers on odd machines do the world (Kindle Edition)











And in case this wasn't enough travel Weird Kindle Bookness for you, I'd suggest scrolling back a page or two, and revisiting "Around the World in 80 Lays".....


----------



## mom133d (aka Liz)

I know we said no more zombie books but this was too good not to post:


----------



## telracs

mom133d said:


> I know we said no more zombie books but this was too good not to post


Who said no more zombie books? Not me!


----------



## The Hooded Claw

I just said _I_ wouldn't post any more zombie books.  And even for that, I put in some weasel words of some sort (along the lines of "Unless I decide I need to" or some such).

Thanks for posting these Scarlet!


----------



## The Hooded Claw

scarlet said:


> The reason Watson never wrote that story is because he *was* Holmes hot date.


Actually, if you've ever seen "The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes" (an original movie done in the 1970s, not part of the True Canon), Holmes used that exact excuse to gracefully disengage from an offered liaison with a woman he didn't want to offend. Watson was NOT amused.


----------



## telracs

well, my evil overlord has finally disconnect from his new toy [curse you apple] and sent a new selection of weird books....

Well, I have been listening to Classic Rock on my bright shiney new iPod Nano, so let's see what Weird Kindle Books we can find on the subject of Rock Stars.

Rock to the Top: What I Learned about Success from the World's Greatest Rock Stars (Kindle Edition)











Ummm....Is this really the class of people we want to choose as our role models for success? Maybe this should be on the "Dumb Kindle Books" list rather than the weird one!

Further Adventures of a Grumpy Old Rock Star (Kindle Edition)











Actually, I really enjoy Rick Wakeman's music, and if it didn't mesh with the other Rock Star book, this one probably wouldn't make my list. But the blurb says it talks about flatulence in the Costa Rican jungle, and Swiss mail-order pornography, so it can stand proud in its weirdness with the other books here!

"further" adventures? what were the first ones?

Sing Like the Stars (Kindle Edition)











A BOOK is going to teach the Hooded Claw voice training? Uh-huh....And I wasn't even aware that Tyra Banks is a rock star....At least they don't promise to teach me to sing like Yoko Ono!

When Invisible Children Sing (Kindle Edition)











Actually, this appears to be a heartwarming story about Bolivian orphans, but the title makes me think of the movie "The Sixth Sense."

"I see dead people."

"That's nothing, you ever try to get a decent night's sleep with all the invisible children singing The Hallelujah Chorus?"

this explains the voices in *my* head

The Home for Wayward Supermodels (Kindle Edition)











Well, rock stars are famous for marrying supermodels, so this belongs here, right? The title is strange enough that I think this book belongs here. Maybe Twiggy would have lived in this home?

In the Land of Invented Languages: Esperanto Rock Stars, Klingon Poets, Loglan Lovers, and the Mad Dreamers Who Tried to Build A Perfect Language (Kindle Edition)











Actually, this book looks like it might be an interesting read, but I ain't payin' $14.30 for it!

the title is longer than the boss's blurb!


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Thanks for posting these, Scarlet!  Don't worry, soon I'll again tear myself away from my iPad to come up with more of these!

In case anyone is missing it, the new title is a reference to the old satire movie, "This is Spinal Tap".


----------



## purplepen79

Scarlet--thanks for pointing me in this direction--I haven't laughed this hard in awhile! I'll have to come back and read some more when I'm off next week on my staycation.

I do have a friend who's read _The Guide to Practical Demon-Keeping _ by Christopher Moore and really enjoyed it.

Also, this is a bit off topic but has anyone seen _Best in Show_, the follow-up to _This is Spinal Tap_? If you haven't, I highly recommend it! It's not a sequel--there's no way to follow _This is Spinal Tap_ with a sequel, but it's a similar odd bird with slightly different plumage. Great name for this thread, btw.


----------



## telracs

The Hooded Claw changes the thread title whenever I post more books for him (look for an update this weekend) and it's always interesting.


----------



## David McAfee

bernilynn said:


> Actually, "The Island of the Sequined Love Nun" is VERY funny. If you haven't read Christopher Moore, this is a good one to start with.


I have to agree. Great book. Big fan of Christopher Moore.


----------



## MariaESchneider

I love this thread.


----------



## telracs

Well, even though the Hooded Claw is off to Chi-town for a trip, we have some new weird books....

Dead Canaries Don't Sing: A Reigning Cats and Dogs Mystery (Kindle Edition)











The blurb for this book reads: "As a veterinarian, she's more experienced with paw prints than fingerprints. But thanks to her dogged persistence and her knack for landing on her feet, Jessie's got murder on a very short leash." This leaves me with a dilemma, do I go with dog and cat puns and wordplay, or just do it the easy way and make wisecracks about Tweety and Sylvester cartoons? I'll have to paws fur awhile and ask Scarlet. If I collar, she'll at leash have some thoughts.
scarlet has a low tolerance for puns, so thinks she'll pass on this book... sorry boss.


Spoiler



[Scooby doo lives]



When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops? (Kindle Edition)











When I saw this title, my first impulse was that this has to be one of those books marketed to church boosters to tell them how to increase attendance, I wasn't expecting George Carlin to make an appearance. But here he is anyway. I suspect he isn't as funny on the printed page as on video or audio (Scarlet read one of his books and didn't like it, as I recall), but I may have to shell out for this anyway.
The Carlin book that I didn't like was his autobiography [Last Words]. This book and Napalm and Silly Putty are hysterical and well worth the money. And I'm buying them now. 

Terminator and Philosophy: I'll Be Back, Therefore I Am (Kindle Edition)











Do look carefully at the cover....I suppose using Terminator movies as a vehicle to discuss philosophy might engage millions of Terminator groupies who otherwise would never touch a philosophy book....Or maybe it is just an excuse for some underpaid philosophy professors to make a buck. Or maybe it's just weird! I'll never know, as I won't be reading this one.
I think the answer is D) all of the above. And I won't be reading it either.

Nothing: A Very Short Introduction (Kindle Edition)











The explosion in book publishing has authors writing books on more and more obscure and slender subjects, but now we have a book that is about nothing at all! And with Frank Close as the author, I think we can count on an honest ending to the book, right?
huh?

Rabid Nun Infects Entire Convent: And Other Sensational Stories from a Tabloid Writer (Kindle Edition)











Quite awhile ago I used this title in the "Six Degrees" book thread, and I promised it would be a Weird Kindle Book. So here is a promise kept. I guess all those poor nuns are going to have to get rabies shots in their stomachs now.
I won't pay 2.99 for tabloids and definitely won't pay 9.99 for this book.

Superman vs. Hollywood: How Fiendish Producers, Devious Directors, and Warring Writers Grounded an American Icon (Cappella Books) (Kindle Edition)











I can't wait to see The Man of Steel take on the dreaded Darth Lucas! Hey, if Superman was actually from Krypton, he was an alien, and therefore not a man, right? So shouldn't he be "Superbeing"? Perhaps "Superalien"? If you haven't read "Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex" by Larry Niven, The Hooded Claw orders you to drop what you are doing (but not if you are viewing this on your iPad!) and go find it and read it right now! It's a short story, won't take you long to read, and can even be found on the web. But be advised it is a bit graphic.
I second the recommendation of the Niven story. But I don't recommend this book....


----------



## Annalog

I third the recommendation of the Niven story!


----------



## 1131

I read *When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops?* when it 1st came out (paid Hc price for it) and never finished it. I like George Carlin; I hated this book. If you have to try it, get the sample...a taste of this book should be enough to keep anyone from spending money on it.


----------



## telracs

Weird Kindle Books in Space!

While Kindle prices are dropping below sea level, Weird Kindle Books is soaring higher than ever, so here we have WEIRD KINDLE BOOKS IN SPACE!

Fundamentals of Space Medicine [Kindle Edition]











As I have mentioned before, normally I am responsible for using advanced science and espionage techniques to locate weird Kindle books for this list, but for this particular book, you can credit (or blame) Scarlet! She PM'd me suggesting the book. Perhaps it was also a subtle henchpersonly hint that the Evil Overlord should get off his evil can and write up some more WKBs! 

Anyway, this book is pretty weird all right. I wouldn't even expect space to get sick, much less for a doctor to need to know about medicine. Space has no lungs, blood circulation, and how can it even run a temperature? But hopefully doctors are buying this book so they can help all that sick space get well....And by buying the Kindle edition they are saving a cool $8 over the paperback edition!

Yes, I saw this one on-line and suggested it as the basis for the newest list. And yes, I was trying to get my evil overlord away from his iPad and back on his kindle!

The Disappearance of the Universe: Straight Talk About Illusions, Past Lives, Religion, Sex, Politics, and the Miracles of Forgiveness [Kindle Edition]











I know from personal experience that if you let your space get sick and the illness progresses to the terminal stage, your whole universe can disappear. And that would be a bother. Trust me, you would not like it if your universe disappeared. I tried it once, and it was miserable. When Scarlet (who had wisely stayed home and not jumped universes) hooked the Universe-Transferathon up (I'd cleverly left her a spare set of keys) to pull me back into our universe, she drew too much voltage from the power grid and caused a blackout all over the Northeastern United States. And she never lets me forget about it. I mean you let one little universe disappear, and your evil henchperson reminds you of it for the rest of your life! And she never gives me credit for leaving the keys so she didn't have to hotwire the Universe Transferathon.

You are NOT blaming me for that black out! And if I'd hotwired it, I wouldn't have overloaded your silly circuits. You left me the WRONG keys. And that's why I stay home when you go gallivanting.

Edison's Conquest of Mars [Kindle Edition]











You may not believe it, but this is not a spoof book! No relationship at all to "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" or that ilk. It was intended as a serious piece of exciting fiction when it was published in 1998. You see, H.G. Wells' Martians went back to Mars, but when they threatened the Earth again, our hero Thomas Edison invented an anti-gravity drive and went to give the bounders a good thrashing! I'd actually like to read it, even though the reviews suggest that it has the writing and literary quality you'd expect from a piece of fiction written to be published in a disposable newspaper....

Correction- 1898, not 1998, boss. And even though I think Nikola Tesla would have been the real genius, I'll spend 2 bucks on this.

Hello. Goshen? Israel's Under Fire: UFOs, EMP, Aliens, DNA & Inter-Hyperdimensionality [Kindle Edition]











I think the title establishes the weirdness of this book far beyond anything The Hooded Claw could say. But to make an airtight case, I'll share with you, some of the Chapter Titles:

Stop! Hope Goshen is Here, Don't Give Up!
Faction Running Lights into Ultimate Hyperdimensionality
God's Got a Goshen
Stupid People
and The Hooded Claw's favorite....

Faction-Action Goshen Traction

I'll bet you didn't even know "hyperdimensionality" was a word!

This one is too weird even for me. And yes, I knew hyperdimensionality is a word, I'm an evil henchperson.

Saturn and How to Observe It [Kindle Edition]











This appears to be a totally serious book, and I've got to admit that if it weren't for the price on the Kindle edition, I could conceive of myself buying the book in some alternate universe, since I'm a former observing amateur astronomer, still interested, and a future wannabe amateur astronomer again. I suspect most KBers will forgive me admitting to that interest, but believe me, for the public at large, the notion of buying a book on looking at Saturn is very, very, weird!

I think he needs to write a book about observing Earth.


----------



## lonestar

I just found this thread.  Good information and a good laugh on a lazy afternoon.  Thank you everyone.


----------



## Thalia the Muse

I stumbled on this when searching for "Tim O'Brien" and immediately thought of this thread!










UNIMAGINABLE RAPE, TORTURE AND BLOODY RITUALS. . . LEADING POLITICIANS INVOLVED IN CHILD ABUSE RINGS. . . U.S. PRESIDENTS AND VICE PRESIDENTS COMPLICIT. . . USE OF OCCULT AND 'SATANISM' AS TRAUMA BASE . . . ANTI-CHRISTIAN NIGHT SERVICES AT CHRISTIAN CHURCHES. . . Plus Exposing The Mind Controlled "Stepford Whores," as well as Human Sacrifices at Bohemian Grove Retreat . . .

Indeed, what do Satanism, human trafficking, mind control experiments and child sex abuse have to do with the U.S. government? According to the testimony of experts and survivors, the CIA utilized all of these elements and more for their Top Secret Project Monarch, part of the MK-ULTRA mind control program.

For reasons of National Security, dozens if not hundreds of people, many of them children, were allegedly subjected to unimaginable rape, torture, and bloody satanic rituals, with the aim of fracturing the human mind through trauma. This created multiple personalities that could then be programmed to perform specific tasks . . . Many of the purported victims say they were used to satisfy the sexual urges of the rich and powerful, even U.S. presidents.

For these purposes, the CIA is said to have sought help from intergenerational cults, as well as child pornography and snuff film networks. As thousands of people were bought and sold on the underground sex market, our government supposedly looked the other way, seeing it not as an atrocity, but as an opportunity.


----------



## David &#039;Half-Orc&#039; Dalglish

Woooooow.


----------



## David McAfee

scarlet said:


> It seems my evil overlord is among those watching the Westminster Dog Show...
> 
> Flawed Dogs: The Year-End Leftovers At The Piddleton "Last Chance" Dog Pound
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Berkely Breathed, who has been lampooned here previously, also wrote this book about an (imaginary) dog pound where dogs are sent when they have such severe flaws that finding an adopter seems hopeless. The book seems to be a combination of cutesy pictures of each flawed dog, followed by a poem about the dog. Here's an example, about the absurdly long dachshund on the cover:
> 
> "Here's Sal, it seems no one wants her.
> Her ends will stroll off and wander.
> A long doggie weenie
> Of noisy linguine
> Sal barks at her butt way down yonder."
> 
> Times indeed have changed, this book is published by Little, Brown Books for Young Readers, and the target audience is grade 2-5. When the Hooded Claw was attending Victor Frankenstein Elementary School, the Principal would have triggered a lockdown and evacuated the school if a second grader had uttered the word "butt" in class, let alone allowed it to be in any of our books! On the other hand, I can't honestly say that exposure to the word is likely to hurt anyone in second grade....We never pretended we didn't have butts, and I don't think using euphemisms such as "rear end" really improved our little psyches (considering this was a school for future Evil Overlords, probably the opposite). But back to the book, I wouldn't rate it too highly. The poetry is by definition doggerel, right? (insert evil laugh here)
> well, this was in my library at Enrico Fermi High....(zombie prom anyone?)


I am a big Berkely Breathed fan. I even have his scrawl on a clipped Sunday _Outland_ which he was gracious enough to sign for me. Can't agree with you on this one. I loved _Flawed Dogs_.


----------



## telracs

For my birthday, I asked for more weird books, and my evil overlord has manged to pull himself away from his iPad long enough to comply

Well, actually it is birthday time for Scarlet and Susan! And not for me. But there aren't any cheesey old horror movie titles that fit with "Susan and Scarlet".

Since this IS the birthday for Scarlet and Susan, I thought I would celebrate by doing a nice Weird Kindle Book post that focused on birthdays! Well, because of that...And also because Scarlet requested it! And I hate to see a grown woman cry.... actually, he hates to see a grown man cry and he knows he would when I got done with him if he didn't give me books to post.

The Media Relations Department of Hizbollah Wishes You a Happy Birthday 












In the old "Wacky Races" cartoon series, at one point the dog Muttley has upset his "Master" Dick Dastardly, and is expecting to get clobbered over the head. To Muttley's surprise, Dick instead presents him with an elaborately wrapped birthday present! Being a smart dog, Muttley carefully opens the package so that the top is pointed towards Dastardly, and indeed a spring loaded boxing glove pops out and punches Dick in the face, instead of hitting poor old Muttley. I'd be inclined to behave similarly with any birthday present from Hizbollah....Except that I might actually back off thirty or forty feet before opening it.

Algebraic Methods in Physics: A Symposium for the 60th Birthdays of Jiri Patera and Pavel Winternitz 











I have no clue who Jiri Patera and Pavel Winternitz are....But I do know that they are NOT the guys I want to party with on my next birthday. Or theirs. I wonder if they gave out little bitty plastic slide rules for favors? 
well, nerds do know how to party, and I think the party must have been expensive if they're selling this book for a discounted price of sixty four dollars.

This Man's Pill: Reflections on the 50th Birthday of the Pill

no image link available.

Okay, this is a book on a very strange topic indeed. But it is probably actually a serious book..."The Pill" did change the world in a big way.
I find it odd that it's "This Man's Pill" when it's us women who take it. and are still waiting for a birth control pill for men.

The Too Bad It'S Your Birthday Book











I think someone in marketing screwed up on this one. This is clearly a book designed to be given as a gag gift at parties. Fine, though I suspect this is one of those gag gifts that is likely to backfire. But I can at least understand the concept of giving a physical book as a gag gift. But....Why is there a Kindle version? You can't give Kindle books as gifts! And even if you could, sending it to pop up on someone's Kindle doesn't seem to me to be a very entertaining thing to do. Nobody would be watching when it was opened! (My experience is that gag gifts are much more entertaining for the gifter than for the giftee).
gotta agree, this is an odd choice for a kindle book. Oh, and don't mix up James Dale with Jim Dale.

Eating Acrylic Pancakes with the Dictators at IHOP on my Birthday 

no image available.

Okay, this title is just perfect. The Hooded Claw is awestruck at the majesty of this title for Weird Kindle Book purposes. I wonder if Manuel Noriega will be there?

if we go to IHOP, I'm getting the stuffed french toast, and the evil overlord pays.

BIRTHDAY SNAKES 











Let's just take a quick peek at the "review" for this product:

_Review: Overdrawn at the bank, overweight on the scales, and nudging forty, the heavyweight chump of crime fiction ventures into despotic Asia for this baffling ordeal.
She bumbles through, of course, but dancing with a snake and dicing against a hand-lopping sentence bring horrid complications. _

Not as weird as dictators at IHOP, but pretty weird! And I treasure the part about the chump of crime fiction.

not even for 80 cents am I buying this.

That Mouse Is High











This is apparently a short story about preparing for a daughter's birthday party--If you didn't know that, you might understandably be baffled why it fits the subject. In the course of preparing this WKB, I accidentally clicked "buy" and bought this. I was tempted to let it go for ninety-nine cents, but I really didn't want to have this title in my purchase history! So I did indeed call Kindle CS about it, and they assure me the purchase will be reversed. Fortunately, the polite Kindle CS person did not make any snide comments, though I'm sure a few occurred to him. The things I go through to write these up!
You actually called CS to get this removed? I would have loved to have heard that conversation.


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Very cool, thanks Scarlet!

Actually, the conversation about the Mouse is High book was pretty droll. Here's almost an exact transcript:
_
CS: Kindle Customer Service here, can I get the name on your account? (verifies name, email address, etc.)....How can I help you?

THC: I was browsing and accidentally bought a book just a couple of minutes ago. The order number is J109....(fumbles with lengthy list of alphanumerics).

CS: Are the last four digits of the order number 5620?

THC: Huh?

CS: Are the last four digits of the order number 5620?

THC: Oh yeah, they are!

CS: The order is deleted, and you'll receive a refund.

THC: That's all?

CS: Yes, sir. Can I help you with anything else?

THC: Umm, nope, that's all, thanks. (goodbyes are exchanged)
_
The guy must have no curiosity at all! Or more likely he is under intense time pressure, and is probably discouraged by Amazon policy from editorial comments on customer purchases. And as you can see, I am on the ball, alert, and witty at all times....Or maybe not!


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Thanks for the edit, Scarlet!


----------



## telracs

I'm spending a fairly quiet weekend at home not conquering the world, though I will have to pack for a combined business/pleasure trip, and will actually have to do some work this weekend to get ready for the trip. Since I'm hanging around the house, let's see what Weird Kindle Books we can find around the house. 
btw, he didn't JUST decide to do this, as usual, his evil minion


Spoiler



(I do not look like a yellow capsule with eyes, I want that made clear)


, requested them.

Insect Taste











There are always a few stray bugs and pests around even the cleanest house, right? I'm going to assume that this is a book about how insects sense things when they eat them, rather than a book explaining that grasshoppers are the epitome of class and style, while showy butterflies are the six-legged equivalent of Britney Spears or Boy George. Either way, this is very, very, strange, and qualifies as a Weird Kindle Book! Especially at this price ($162.72)!

Product Description: This SEB book will have chapters covering different approaches to taste research including genes and receptors, taste coding in the periphery and its modulation, taste coding in the central nervous system and behavior, and nutrition and nutritional regulation.
In a word--huh?

Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar











At first I thought this was a science fiction novel I should bring to the attention of the folks in the "Alien Invasion Books" thread, but no such luck. This is a cookbook for those who eschew animal products. Being Vegan only qualifies as "offbeat" in our society, and doesn't quite raise itself to weirdness, but titling a cookbook so that it sounds like a science fiction story does qualify for WKB status. Don't worry, even if we humans do manage to fight off the invasion of cookies from beyond the stars, the second wave of the invasion, "Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World" is guaranteed success by definition! They really do have a second book with that title. It's true!

disclaimer: I am the sole non-vegetarian in a family of veggies, including 2 vegans. As a matter of fact, my birthday dinner was at a vegan restaurant. So I know that the vegans ARE taking over the world. Maybe the Hooded Claw and I should hook up with them 

PEANUT BUTTER... Smooth and Creamy or Chunky











Nope, it's not what the waiter at the lowbrow cafe asking you to clarify your order, this is the title of a Kindle book! Yet another cookbook title, and since this comes from "Chefs secret vault", you just know that a book whose author is afraid to put his name on it has to be quality stuff, right? By the time you've scarfed more than your share of Vegan Cookies, and swallowed all that peanut butter without water to wash it down, you might have to deal with.....

where is this secret vault and how do I get in it?

Bubbles and Snot











EWWWWWW!!!!! How will we clean this mess up?! I know, we'll call....

all i can do is shake my head and say that children's books are really weird.

The Toilet Paper Entrepreneur











In the lengthy section of enthusiastic endorsements, Scott Allen says "I have never read [a business book] that was more in line with my own personal entrepreneurial philosophy and experience. And yes, you can quote me on that." Okay Scott, I just did. But with that way of thinking, just let me say that I'm not likely to call on you to be Scarlet's Deputy Assistant when we do succeed in taking over the world.

I get a deputy assistant when we take over the world? wow, good to know!

Duct Tape Marketing: The World's Most Practical Small Business Marketing Guide












If there's toilet paper, there has to be duct tape around, right? Even though they both come in rolls, PLEASE do not use duct tape instead of toilet paper. You wouldn't like it.
speaking from experience, boss?

How to Rule the World from Your Couch











As an evil melodrama villain, my goal is naturally world conquest from the comfort of my own home. But I'm going to have to hurry up with it, because Laura Day has let the cat out of the bag, and spilled the secret of easy world conquest so any bozo with a Kindle can do it! Curse you, Laura Day!!!!
self help for evil overlords, now I've seen everything....


Spoiler



at least until the next installment of weird books.


----------



## purplepen79

Okay, I just laughed enough to last me all week.  You should put together a Kindle coffee table book of all of these--it could be part of your plan with Laura Day to conquer the world from your couch . . .


----------



## Susan in VA

I just caught up on four pages of these. You two are certifiable hilarious.


----------



## telracs

Susan in VA said:


> I just caught up on four pages of these. You two are certifiable hilarious.


Certifiably hilarious. That's us!


----------



## BTackitt

scarlet said:


> Why Fish Fart and Other Useless (Or Gross) Information About the World (Kindle Edition)
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The Hooded Claw has finally met his match. He can't make this book seem any weirder than the blurb already is. I quote:
> 
> This book is full of questions you never thought to ask-and perhaps will wish you'd never had answered-including:
> 
> -What exactly is maggot cheese?
> -How did anal hair help to lead to the conviction of the Great-Train Robbers?
> -What is the job of a -fart catcher-?
> -How exactly do -crabs- cause such intense itching around one's private parts?
> -The real story behind why the toilet is often referred to as -the john.-
> -Why you might want to steer clear of some coffees. (Hint: If poo isn-t exactly your idea of appetizing . . .)
> 
> The Hooded Claw gives a one-claw salute to Francesca Gould. Good job!
> I have nothing to add to this, honestly, except I'm going nowhere near this book.


OMG I have found my Father's next Kindle book!!!!!!!!!!!    he will LOVE THIS!!!


----------



## Thalia the Muse

Man, I love these threads.

Here's what I found in a futile Kindle search for the popular children's Goosebumps series:










What a very ... SPECIFIC choice of subject matter! Surely this is not something that would display to good advantage on the Kindle. On the other hand, no one would be able to see that cover if you were the type of person to read this on the subway, I guess.


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Thalia the Muse said:


> Man, I love these threads.
> 
> Here's what I found in a futile Kindle search for the popular children's Goosebumps series:


I'm glad I grew up in a more innocent age! I wonder how often it has been downloaded by "mistake" on the Kindle?


----------



## telracs

My apologies for the delay. The Hooded Claw sent me these a couple of weeks ago, but life's been crazy, so today is the first chance I've had to post.

The Anteater of Death [Kindle Edition]



This title just should have been written by Douglas Adams! Actually, it seems to be part of a series of murder mysteries set in zoos. The zookeeper Teddy solves them. The novels apparently combine quite a bit of animal lore with a mystery. Sounds intriguing, but even more intriguing for me is this comment in the "Booklist" review quoted in the book description:

_When a human corpse turns up in the enclosure of Lucy, the giant anteater, everyone assumes that the animal is the culprit. Teddy, though, is confident that, although dangerous, Lucy is not guilty. Convincing the local sheriff, Joe Rojas, who also happens to be Lucy's former fiancé, is another matter._

I wonder if the sheriff broke it off because he thought being married to a giant anteater would hurt his re-election chances?

Interestingly enough, there are 2 versions of this book available. And book description for the other one reads _The Anteater was framed! But if Lucy, the pregnant Giant Anteater from Belize, didn't kill the man found dead in her enclosure, who did? California zookeeper Teddy Bentley must find the real murderer before her furry friend is shipped off to another zoo in disgrace.
Then another human bites the dust, the monkeys riot, and the wolves go nuts. Things get worse when the snooty folks at Gunn Landing Harbor attempt to evict Teddy from the Merilee, her beloved houseboat._

The book seems pretty long, 468 pages, which I think is unwieldy for a mystery. But that's just my opinion.

Where the Blind Horse Sings: Love and Healing at an Animal Sanctuary [Kindle Edition]



Well, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. But if this book is to be believed, we can teach a horse to sing. I wonder if the horse does a good cover of "Superstition"?

Scarlet disclaimer: My niece and nephew have volunteered at the Catskill Animal Sanctuary founded by this author. And she was touting her new book at a veggie cookout I was at last month

The Fish Can Sing [Kindle Edition]



Some books are just a gift for me as a writer of cutesy commentary. Not only the book title here, but even the author's name. This book is written by Halldor Laxness. I'm not making that up! This is too easy. Like shooting fish in a b.....Awww, I can't shoot the poor little fish, they are so cute when they sing! (Laxness apparently doesn't have the same meaning in Icelandic as it does in English. This was no doubt fortunate for Halldor's writing career. Though I don't think I'd go for an accountant or especially a surgeon by that name, either!

Got to admit, I've never really thought about Icelandic fiction, but this guy sounds pretty impressive: _Laxness, Iceland's best-known fiction writer and winner of the 1955 Nobel Prize for literature, authored well over 60 novels and other books before his death in 1998 at the age of 90._ 

Invertebrates as Pets: Keeping and Caring for Millipedes, Centipedes, Scorpions and Tropical Cockroaches [Kindle Edition]



Ewww! Just Ewww! Scorpions and centipedes have a painful sting or bite respectively. So don't please don't pet the centipedes....
Ugh, no, just no....

My Life as a Computer Cockroach (The Incredible Worlds of Wally McDoogle #17) [Kindle Edition]



Just the cover illustration might get this one in as a WKB! I thought at first that Wally had a graphite Kindle 3 snuggled up to his face, but on closer inspection, it is just a laptop! Too bad.
 _Product Description
FOR USE IN SCHOOLS AND LIBRARIES ONLY. When inept Wally McDoogle discovers that whatever he types on his computer turns into reality, what starts as just a little cheating soon escalates into a war._
Um, a kindle version only for use in schools and libraries? Really? I can't buy it?


The Pig Who Sang to the Moon: The Emotional World of Farm Animals [Kindle Edition]



Don't pigs know that sound doesn't travel in the vacuum of space? Silly farm critters deserve to be made into bacon if they don't know any better. Besides, I don't think I want to listen to a pig singing to the Moon or to anything else. But if I did, I've no doubt that the MP3s would be available on iTunes or at Amazon MP3.
Even if you don't want to buy it, someone will....


----------



## The Hooded Claw

I bought and read "The Anteater of Death".  I found it a very enjoyable book, though not a terribly good mystery.  The story is interesting and well-written and kept me reading, and I enjoyed the various animal and zoo trivia sprinkled through the book.  I enjoyed it enough that even though the mystery isn't a terribly good one, and the heroine doesn't so much solve the mystery as follow a hunch that works out, I am thinking of ordering the second book in the series.


----------



## telracs

thanks to Harvey tweaking the linkmaker, I hereby present 

No Canary in the Quanta: Who Gets to Decide if the Large Hadron Collider is Worth Gambling Our Planet?



Q: You know what is yellow, weighs 1000 pounds, and sings?

A: Two five hundred pound canaries!

That was a riddle from a joke book I read when I was ten or so. It has remained in my head all these years since, taking up room that could have been occupied by some useful and beneficial knowledge such as how to do first aid on a sucking chest wound (actually, I know how to do that too, thanks to the US Army). Anyway, the joke somehow comes to mind when I see the title of this book. The author is a "public interest attorney" who is concerned that operating the big particle accelerator will lead to humanity's last big "Oops!". His author bio on Amazon goes into great detail of how he has had a successful law practice specializing in aviation accidents, usually representing private pilots. I guess he is ambitious, since he wants to step up from dealing with some Weekend Pilot who pranged his Cessna into a chicken coop, to dealing with the whole Earth making a huge sucking sound. Writing a book about his crusade and selling it as a Kindle volume for $4.99 may not be the best way to move forward, however.

How to Travel with a Salmon & Other Essays [Kindle Edition]



This is a collection of short pieces by Umberto Eco, best known to many of us as author of "The Name of the Rose". I at least loved the movie of that novel, and was bitterly disappointed when I picked up a new novel Eco wrote soon after the movie was released. "Foucault's Pendulum" was kind of stinky. I think I never did finish it, but I'm not positive, that's how little the book entertained or moved me. So I don't think I'm going to give Eco a chance on this one, though I do intend to pick up "The Name of the Rose" now that the original novel is available on Kindle.
And here I thought it was going to be a book about traveling to Scotland....

Serial Killer vs. E-Merica [Kindle Edition]



With a title like this for a science fiction thriller, plus a blood-stained American flag representation on the cover, how can we go wrong? This has to be even better than a Chuck Norris movie, right? We've already dealt with Chuck in this thread at least once, so I'll pass him by to point out that the Amazon blurb for this book contains the following timeless bit of prose:

America's digitized government might rule from a virtual Capitol, but e-blood runs thick in the hallowed halls.

If Amazon's copywriters keep coming up with stuff like this, they are going to put me out of business as a Weird Kindle Book commentator.....
e-blood? what color is that?

Koala of Death (Gunn Zoo Mysteries) [Kindle Edition]



This is a sequel to a book called "The Anteater of Death" that Scarlet and I lampooned in a previous edition of this thread. I actually did read "The Anteater of Doom" and it wasn't a bad book. Not a very good mystery in a technical sense, but it was a pleasant read with a combination of natural history stuff, zookeeper lore that I assume is mostly factual, and a protagonist who has an interesting life. So maybe I should feel guilty about lampooning another book in a series I enjoyed. But in the neverending search for books to lampoon, my conscience has no place. So consider "Koala" officially lampooned. At least the Product description for this doesn't imply that the local sheriff was formerly engaged to a zoo animal, as was done for the previous book (see my commentary from last time). Besides, "Koala" really is weird, one of the reviews quoted says the book includes a scene of carrying a lemur with a loose sphincter onto a television set! That by itself is about as weird as anything I've ever thought of....
never feel guilty about our lampooning!


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Thanks for posting these, Scarlet. Don't worry, I'll continue to lampoon with abandon.


----------



## telracs

They Call Me Baba Booey [Kindle Edition]



I didn't know who the author of this autobiography was, and didn't know the story behind it when this title reached out and grabbed me as a potential Weird Kindle Book. It ends up that Gary Dell'Abate (what a name! it deserves a WKB status on its own) is the producer of the Howard Stern radio show, and is quite a presence for the audience of the show. Since I've never felt the slightest urge to watch or listen to Howard Stern, I didn't know that. But the name has some roots that have been part of my life....Baba Booey comes from Baba Looey, the sidekick of Quick Draw McGraw, which I was a huge fan of when I was about four years old! Unlike my beloved Looney Tunes, being a fan of Quick Draw didn't stick--I've watched one or two Quick Draw cartoons on Boomerang channel recently, and had no desire to watch any more. But I still remember Baba Looey. And Baba Looey was a reference to one of my favorite things, the old _I Love Lucy _show that everyone has seen in reruns. _I Love Lucy _was off the air before I was born, but I am a big fan of the show, and a great admirer of Lucille Ball, who was a brilliant physical comic. Back to Baba Booey, it earns WKB status both for the weird title that originally drew me in, and for its connections to things that were or are part of my life. Think of it as editorial license! But I'm still not gonna catch Howard Stern's show.
there are times I seriously wonder about my evil overlord, and this is one of them. however, i'm reassured that he's still not gonna listen to Stern, or else I would have to tender my resignation

In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks: . . . And Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy [Kindle Edition]



Once again, I didn't know who this author was. He's one of the creators of _The Man Show_ on cable television. I've never watched _The Man Show, _so all I know about him is what I read in Carolla's blurb for the Kindle book. He wrote a special Kindle blog entry for the book, and it is enlivened by such comments as:

"Strangest of all was when I was asked to write for this Kindle blog. First, Kindle blog sounds like an obscure Austrian holiday celebrated the first Sunday after Christmas. "Run to the butcher, fetch his fattest goose, and prepare the figgy pudding."
and
"These Kindles are amazing. You can fit 3,500 books on something the size of two maxi-pads. And as my grandpa used to say, there's nothing like curling up in front of a roaring fire with 3,470 good books."

So now I'm going to have to track down which cable channel The Man Show is on, and watch it....If only to find out where the other thirty books went.
Well, maybe it's 3470 good books and 30 bad ones? If you find out, don't bother telling me.

I'm Having More Fun Than You [Kindle Edition]



Yes, if the cover photo is autobiographical, then he definitely is!
don't feel bad boss, he probably had to pay a lot for the champagne.

The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee [Kindle Edition]



According to author Silverman, Paris Hilton and porn star Traci Lords have their own author pages on Amazon.com, while Hemingway and Dostoevsky do not. I haven't checked to verify that is true (if it isn't, I don't want to know and actually if it is true, I definitely don't want to know). Of course, you could argue that Hemingway and Dostoevsky don't NEED their own author pages, while Hilton and Lords need all the help they can get.
I'm wondering if somehow you got into my head and found all the authors I dislike in order to come up with the above list.

The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club: True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life [Kindle Edition]



Laurie Notaro has graced the pages of WKB before. I believe I even said her titles were too easy, and I wouldn't use one unless I thought I could get a joke out of it. Well, I'm using one here, and I don't have a joke about it. So there! (sticking out tongue)
real mature, boss

How I Killed Pluto and Why It Had It Coming [Kindle Edition]



After a spirited discussion on "Not Exactly Kindle" over whether Pluto should be a planet or not, this book is on my TBR list. Great title from the guy who found the dwarf planet that caused Pluto to lose full planetary status.

and here I thought Neil DeGrasse Tyson killed Pluto. Well, I guess he just moved it out of the solar system.


----------



## mom133d (aka Liz)

scarlet said:


> So now I'm going to have to track down which cable channel The Man Show is on, and watch it....If only to find out where the other thirty books went.


The Man Show was on Comedy Central many many years ago. It also starred Jimmy Kimmel.


----------



## Alle Meine Entchen

mom133d said:


> The Man Show was on Comedy Central many many years ago. It also starred Jimmy Kimmel.


Adam Carolla (sp?) also had a tv show in the 90s w/ Dr. Drew on MTV about sex. One of those, "uh, my buddy told me this and I wanted to know if it was true" kinda shows


----------



## telracs

_Happy 2011 from the Hooded Claw and his faithful minion. I asked him for some more books and here's what he came up with..._

I tried an experiment, and went to ebooks and did a search for "Bible". I figured with all the weird figures preaching and religion attracts, there would be sure to be some weird books there, and I wasn't disappointed!

Kindle Wireless Reading Device, Wi-Fi, Graphite, 6" Display with New E Ink Pearl Technology



yep, when you enter "bible" and search in the Kindle Store, this comes up as entry 135 or so. BUT, I didn't see the 3G version. So now we have proof, direct from the Holy website itself that the 3G Kindle is heretical! Burn the 3G, burn the 3G!

_You try burning my 3G kindle and you will find out just how heretical I can be._

Bad Girls of the Bible: And What We Can Learn From Them



The Hooded Claw always thought one of the purposes of reading the Bible was to avoid temptation and evil ways, but this book seems to want to educate us on their ways. I'm sure that EVERYONE who buys this reads it only from the highest motives! Personally, I'm going to have to get this to find out about Jezebel. I have no idea who she was or what she did, but I always hear her name evoked as an evil biblical woman! The truth is out there, I'm sure!

_you have me. how many evil women do you need?_

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes



I always knew it was true! This does show up moderately early (150 or so) when you search for Bible in the Kindle store! I always knew that if I stuck with it, someday I could quote from the Book of Baskerville! I know what my Faithful Minion's favorite "Study" will be, however.

_


Spoiler



emerald?


_
LOLcat Bible



LOLclaw is wey eggzitud that thees iz hear! He is zo eggzitued hee will haz cheezburgerz!

_Okay, I have to get this off my chest. I HATE this thing. I do not find the intentional misspellings to be even vaguely funny._

Piercing Bible



I was gonna give a pass to stuff like "The Investors Bible" and even a sports "bible" or two, but this one is too good not to snark at, especially since they chose a picture of an unclothed (but pierced) female belly button for the cover illustration!

_In my opinion, if you need a bible, you're taking your piercings too seriously_

Really Bad Girls of the Bible: More Lessons from Less-Than-Perfect Women



Jezebel wasn't enough for you? Don't worry, it seems the Bible is absolutely full of wicked women! Hey, if there are all these naughty stories in the Bible, maybe I haven't been paying enough attention to my Bible study.....
_ahem, as I said above....._

Beauty Secrets of the Bible



Yep, that is what I want to see. One of those Green women from Orion smothered in olive oil. Woo hoo! I guess this is a different sort of lesson we can learn from those less than perfect women in the Bible..
_"olive oil"? what am I, a salad?_

THEE PSYCHICK BIBLE



Well, anything written by Genesis Breyer Porridge just has to be good! The blurb says this book will be remembered for its crucial influence on youth culture in the eighties.....Ummm, I was a youth in the 80s, and I don't remember even though I was there! I particularly like that it is psychick rather than psychic! That'll be THEE end for this one as far as I am concerned. 
_I cannot think of anything to say, except I ain't paying 15 dollars for a book with an author named Jarman._ 

Slightly Bad Girls of the Bible: Flawed Women Loved by a Flawless God



Well, if really bad girls are too far out for you, and psychicks aren't your thing, maybe you can ease your way in by peeking in the windows of some merely flawed Biblical women? Presumably these are girls who drank milk past the sell by date, or who didn't put their income from the part-time job harvesting manna on their income taxes.
_well, evil minions have to start somewhere, I guess._


----------



## The Hooded Claw

scarlet said:


> _You try burning my 3G kindle and you will find out just how heretical I can be._


Don't worry, according to the holy site 3G DX's and even Kindle 2's are pure. It is just 3G Kindle 3s!

Thanks for posting these!


----------



## Amy Corwin

And here you go...search for worst case...


But really, how bad could a date get?


----------



## Thalia the Muse

Hey, I actually own and have read How to Travel with a Salmon! There's a great essay in there in which Ecco encounters California's Madonna Inn (if that name doesn't ring a bell, google it -- it has to be seen to be believed!).


----------



## telracs

_I don't know why, but the Hooded Claw has actually given me new books only 3 weeks since the last post. Enjoy these, since I'm sure we won't see more for ages!_

Nocked for a Loop [Kindle Edition]



At first I thought this was one of those unfortunate title typos of the type that gave me some fun over a book on the FBI and fingerprinting awhile back. It ends up that's not the case. Check out the product description:

Set in the same world as Nocked Over.When Cupid Christian Kairos sees the lush, beautiful goddess Arion on Olympus, he's drawn to her like a bee to pollen. Her reaction to him suggests she feels the same. So when they find themselves alone together, it doesn't take long for them to pollinate. Christian decides he has to have her for his own. Unfortunately she's been promised to another.

Consider the "pollinate" jokes already made. And the cover illustration doesn't look like a fat, cherubic Cupid to me! But anyone want to take a bet that by about the fifth book in the series, the title will be


Spoiler



"Nocked Up"


? (Scarlet will probably spoiler-cover over that title)

_yup, i spoilered it. what i find even stranger is that there ar about 10 books with the same ugly cover illustration!_

De Bello Lemures, Or The Roman War Against the Zombies of Armorica [Kindle Edition]



This will NOT be a zombie-themed WKB, but I do have this book and another good Zombie book to use, so I'll at least keep them apart from each other. The author here is creative, this story is apparently presented as a nonfiction translation of a recently-discovered ancient Roman text. Even to the point of listing an apparent Roman with credit as coauthor. Science fiction author David Drake has had Roman Legionnaires going up against aliens from another world in "Killer" and "Ranks of Bronze" and we've already discussed Jane Austen and zombies here, so why not this book? "Veni, Vici, Zombi!"
_Veni, Vedi, Vici, boss.... or in this case, Zeni, Zidi, Zicci._

Al Capone Shines My Shoes [Kindle Edition]



Even weirder than the title is the thought of paying almost $15 for a kid's kindle book! I will spare you my diatribes against ebooks priced above $9.99 and just point out that this title definitely ranks as a weird one. And in keeping with my promise of no zombie theme this time, I was relieved to find that even though Al Capone died over fifty years ago, he is not a zombie in this book! The book takes place in 1935, and the protagonist's father is a guard on a sunny little island in San Francisco Bay. You know the one. The product description implies that mean old Al is going Godfather on the kid hero of the book. You know, "I was happy to do you a favor when you needed it, but now you must be prepared to do one for me in return." The suspense is killing me!

_I think that the author's name is the most interesting thing here. How many different ways are there to spell Jennifer?_

The Underland Chronicles: Gregor and the Code of Claw [Kindle Edition]



I was thrilled to see myself as the hero (or better yet, villain) of a fictional novel, but it is just a scam....I'm not in it. And it is not about someone intercepting secret messages between myself and Scarlet. What a letdown. And it apparently is a bit of a letdown for the readers, as this book is the fifth and final title in a series of books, yet some reviewers aren't pleased that stuff wasn't entirely resolved. Could author Collins have a sequel in mind?

_I was worried for a while that someone had cracked Enigma._

A Monstrous Regiment of Women: A Novel of Suspense Featuring Mary Russell and Sherlock Holmes [Kindle Edition]



Gee, a regiment of women doesn't sound monstrous to me, sounds trashily titillating like those old "In Like Flint" movies James Coburn made in prehistoric times. From the product description, I gather that this is part of a series about a Victorian female detective that has ol' Sherlock as an important, but secondary character. Apparently the women in the regiment are suffragettes who are being murdered. So probably not titillating at all, and surely not trashily so.

_Mary Russell and Sherlock? Sounds good, but not for $13.99. And boss, believe me, a regiment of woman can be monstrous, just check out geoffthomas's latest thread._

Heroes, Zombies, and Sausages (A Sampler) [Kindle Edition]



BAD TASTE WARNING!!! <hee hee hee> I've never done samplers as WKBs before, but in this case your well-being is on the line, so I will break my previous reticence to bring this book to your attention. I must warn you that your local Health Department recommends you NOT eat at this restaurant! My eighth-grade science teacher described the making of canned chili to a horrified yet fascinated class, and he explained that "everything but the squeal" from a pig went into chili, including parts from the nether regions. I assume that's true in this case too? Yuck.....

_NEVER ask how heros, sausages or laws are made. you'd never eat again._


----------



## kaotickitten

This thread is hilarious.  I can't wait for the next instalment of wbk.


----------



## telracs

_okay, i'm a TERRIBLE minion. the evil overlord gave me these for Valentine's day


Spoiler



boo, hiss


, but I have not posted yet. _

The Book of Biff #1 Target Practice [Kindle Edition]




This title would be only mildly unusual, and definitely far short of weird if we just had the title, and didn't have the cover! But in fact, we have the cover, and this qualifies as weird, even though the "tragic" outcome we are supposed to think about would be pretty unlikely (perfect shot upwards in no wind). Though I did take an archery and riflery class in college, and though I was a decent shot with a rifle, I was about this inept with a bow. After spending half the semester practicing with a compound bow, I wasn't as good as most of the class was at the end of the first period (I'm not exaggerating here!). With my very first bow shot ever, I effectively disarmed myself by snagging my glasses with the string and sending them flying. Fortunately for my later Army time, I was more effective with a rifle, there was just something about bows that made me hopeless....
_wonders why the 20th century US Army was practicing with bows...._

The First Completely Electronic Robot and Science Fiction Limerick Book [Kindle Edition]




In honor of this book (and how appropriate a topic for an ereader!), I present for the first time anywhere, this original composition:
_
(spoilered by me to save my evil overlord from even more embarrassment.)_


Spoiler



A randy young organic named Claw
Tried to fondle a fembot with his paws
When he made his big pass
She said "'Nuff of that gas!"
Your smooth moves don't get my applause.



Married with Zombies [Kindle Edition]



I used to be fond of the disfunctional Bundy family on the "Married With Children" tv show, but that show ran for too many seasons and began to get very, very stale, and the "kids" got too old....So actually I think I've seen this book on tv already! According to the synopsis, the book begins when a troubled married couple drives through curiously empty streets past lumbering pedestrians to a marriage counseling appointment to find their marriage counselor ripping out the throat of his previous client. Presumably at this point the wife turned to the husband and said "Why don't you have a private session with him today, Dearest?"
_i don't know if this is a male/female, NY/Okie or whatever thing, but I never could get into that show and don't think zombies would improve it._

Roads to Quoz: An American Mosey [Kindle Edition]



Weird things about this book....

1) I don't understand the title at all!
2) The author's name almost makes a complete sentence by itself
3) The same author wrote a different that book I finished awhile ago on my Kindle and enjoyed (and I need to update my sig, obviously)

_weird things for me? i have no clue how one moseys, and how you make a mosey american and where the heck is quoz?_

I Feel Bad About My Neck [Kindle Edition]



This book of essays about problems (real and imagined) faced by older women addresses such problems as "I can't wear a bikini anymore". Of course The Hooded Claw never could wear a bikini, so he lacks sympathy for that particular predicament! And I applaud the writer for revealing that even though she was a White House intern in 1961, apparently she was the only female present who doesn't claim to have had an affair with John F. Kennedy.
_boss, do you know who Nora Ephron is?_


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Thanks for posting these, and obviously I need to highly nora ephron! Did I commit a faux pas?

Sent from my Sprint EVO using Tapatalk


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Thanks, Swype keyboard, I googled nora ephron, not "highly" her!  Hopefully her book is as excellent as her movies.

Sent from my Sprint EVO using Tapatalk


----------



## telracs

The Hooded Claw said:


> Thanks for posting these, and obviously I need to highly nora ephron! Did I commit a faux pas?
> 
> Sent from my Sprint EVO using Tapatalk


She's the person behind "You've got mail"...

and change thread title?


----------



## The Hooded Claw

I'll change the thread title from home tomorrow, I'm in Dallas tonight working from my cell phone and Tapatalk gives no way I'm aware of to edit posts already made.

Sent from my Sprint EVO using Tapatalk


----------



## The Hooded Claw

The title is now changed, possibly to one that is too obscure.....

And I'm reading the "How I Killed Pluto..." book lampooned in an earlier post.  But I don't understand, not only is Pluto missing so far, I haven't even seen a trace of Mickey or Donald!


----------



## mom133d (aka Liz)

The Hooded Claw said:


> And I'm reading the "How I Killed Pluto..." book lampooned in an earlier post. But I don't understand, not only is Pluto missing so far, I haven't even seen a trace of Mickey or Donald!


Well that's just Goofy.


----------



## telracs

The Ghost Shrink, The Accidental Gigolo & The Poltergeist Accountant: A Tickle My Fantasy story [Kindle Edition]



A ghost shrink, an accidental gigolo, and a poltergeist accountant walk into a bar.....I mean they are on a plane.....I mean they were traveling and stopped for the night at the house where the farmer had a beautiful daughter....Oh heck, I give up!

Wait, is this a joke or not?

The Apollo Guidance Computer: Architecture and Operation [Kindle Edition]




Let me see. Only ten or so of these computers were built, the last one was used almost forty years ago, and you can't buy a new one now at any price. And they want over thirty dollars for this book?! Suddenly my plan of putting the manuals for my Atari 800 on ebay for big bucks look extremely practical and realistic!!!

Again--is this a joke or not?

The Concordances of the Red Serpent [Kindle Edition]



I haven't encountered a Concordance except as a Bible thing, glad to know that snakes can have them too....I guess.

And why shouldn't they?

Boogers Are My Beat: More Lies, but Some Actual Journalism [Kindle Edition]




It's gross, but the cover illustration is kind of funny if you can just get past the name!
Ah, Dave Barry, now I know it' a joke. 

Lecturing Birds on Flying: Can Mathematical Theories Destroy the Financial Markets [Kindle Edition]


Is this about birds, mathematicians, or Wall Street?

d) all of the above. e) none of the above... 

You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News: Shocking but Utterly True Facts [Kindle Edition]



Gee, wait till I tell Mom!
For 9.99 a pop, I'll stay clueless.


----------



## Steve Vernon

I actually own an original edition of this one...


----------



## The Hooded Claw

tkkenyon said:


> How did you guys get the covers to show up?


My faithful minion handles that, and she is at the theater tonight. Till she returns with a detailed answer, perusing this page may help:

http://www.kboards.com/link/link-maker-1-0.php


----------



## telracs

tkkenyon said:


> How did you guys get the covers to show up? I tried with the Insert Img button + copy link from the Amazon cover img (from the right click on the cover) and all I got were small squares of fail.
> 
> And I found some funny ones.
> 
> TK Kenyon


Linkmaker. I use the old manual version. Click on "linkmaker" in the header.


----------



## telracs

As is well known, I am a melodrama villain and future world conqueror, so I thought it would be worthwhile to see what Weird Kindle Books I could find in the area of villainy. Obviously, I am a great villain, but I'm not too proud to admit that I could stand to pick up a few ideas. Maybe some other evil villain and world conqueror let slip something I could use...

Demonica: Confessions of a Small Town Super-Villain



Speaking of letting things slip, I could stand to see something slip on the costume of this villainess! But really, after a huge defeat, a supervillain is supposed to retreat to a secret cave in the mountains or the Arctic, not to some small town that doesn't even have high speed internet. Of course, any supervillain who could be defeated by an arch nemesis named War Eagle probably shouldn't be depended on as a source of advice. Maybe War Eagle just puts supervillains to sleep with his boring name?

Sexist comments about slipping out of dresses will have up in front of the minion board


Spoiler



AGAIN!


. 

How I Became A Super Villain



I was disappointed to find that this wasn't a how-to manual, but instead is an analysis of comic book villains! I regret to report that the author loses points for using the word "exegetical" in the product description. Any product description where I have to look up a word is a product description with a problem. After all, I was fourth-grade spelling bee champ, so I shouldn't have to do that, right? I still haven't looked it up, and refuse to do so! That'll show 'em!

"Some are born super-villians, some attain it, some have super-villiany thrust upon them.

James Bond Villains and Henchmen Party (Party John's Party Guides)



The product description here seems to assume we know what the book is--I think I understand the point (and if I do, it is a clever idea), but it could be better spelled out! I wonder if Ian Fleming's estate gets royalties off this book? I generally am skeptical of authors who are too painstaking over the cover of their ebook, but I think this book may be the example that proves worrying about the cover actually is a good idea. My first instinct on looking at this cover was this was a volunteer e-converted edition of some out-of-copyright book!
I think this guy needs his own henchmen to help with the details...

10th Edition. Part 2: Hollywood's Earth Shattering Scandals: The infamous, villains, nymphomaniacs and shady character in motion pictures (Hollywood Stars: The Scum of the Earth)



Well, we just know that any book with an author named Maxmillien de Lafayette just has to be a high class production, right? As I understand the description, this book must be downloaded in six parts, each of which costs ten bucks or so. And there are multiple editions! I think I'll pass....And since this book doesn't have an Amazon sales rank, does that mean it hasn't sold any copies? If so, sounds like other people are similarly cynical and suspicious to me....A pity, since the author's bio on the Amazon author page (link here: http://www.amazon.com/Maximillien-De-Lafayette/e/B002P9IPMY/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0 ) explains that Max has written over 800 books in fifty years and while writing over a book a month, found spare time to become an expert in 26 languages! Looking at Max's other Kindle books, I see he is going to become a regular in future editions of this thread. 
This gets my vote for the longest most ridiculous book title.

The Klingon Hamlet


As Trek fans all know, Shakespeare reads best in the original Klingon.....The Klingons were villains in the original show at least, so this book still is on topic.
Okay, I might have considered this, to complete my Klingon collection. But not for 13.99


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Thanks for posting these, Scarlet! We'll conquer the world yet. 

And I don't blame you for Skipping the Shakespeare book at that price. 

Sent from my Sprint EVO using Tapatalk


----------



## telracs

Clarification for our new audience members....

I post these for the Hooded Claw. The black font is his comments, and the maroon is mine. He's trying to take over the world. I'm just in it for chocolate.


----------



## Susan in VA

scarlet said:


> Okay, I might have considered this, to complete my Klingon collection. But not for 13.99





scarlet said:


> I'm just in it for chocolate.


So which is it? Just chocolate, or All Things Klingon? I ask because I have here one poster for Learning Klingon (acquired at the Star Trek thingy in Vegas and still in the original wrapper) for which I have no use and which I was about to put up on EBay. If you want it it's yours.


----------



## telracs

Susan in VA said:


> So which is it? Just chocolate, or All Things Klingon? I ask because I have here one poster for Learning Klingon (acquired at the Star Trek thingy in Vegas and still in the original wrapper) for which I have no use and which I was about to put up on EBay. If you want it it's yours.


I'm not really a poster girl (no comments!) so have fun selling it. Then buy ice cream!


----------



## kaotickitten

scarlet said:


> You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News: Shocking but Utterly True Facts [Kindle Edition]
> 
> 
> 
> Gee, wait till I tell Mom!
> For 9.99 a pop, I'll stay clueless.


Ok when i looked at that one the customers also bought was a riot.


ok who needs that and how is racism practical. That book is incredibly weird.
and last but not least:


----------



## kaotickitten

Sorry also had to post this one


----------



## Annalog

scarlet said:


> You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News: Shocking but Utterly True Facts [Kindle Edition]
> 
> 
> 
> Gee, wait till I tell Mom!
> For 9.99 a pop, I'll stay clueless.


DH checked this one out from our local library and brought it home last week. The section with the ways "you might be a zombie" is the last section of the book. Apparently I am not a zombie yet but have a 50% chance of being infected by a parasite that could make me one.


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Good ones, KaoticKitten and Analog!

Actually, we lampooned the "Practical Guide to Racism" book earlier in the thread, but it doesn't hurt to remind people of it.


----------



## Lynn McNamee

Could have used this before I met my ex-husband, so maybe not so funny. 



Man, so many books I should have read in misspent youth!



Need this one! I accidentally make art all the time. So annoying...



A book we should all read! I've been wondering how I could avoid Armageddon for years! I mean, I don't just want to survive it; I want to avoid it entirely.


----------



## bjm

These are all good books. Interesting ideas. Think the Guidance Computer book could be rewritten as a horror-scifi novel too. (The Computer looks at tiny Earth from its capsule in Space and decides to take over, outsmart all the Earth computers.)


----------



## telracs

okay, evil minion admits to laxness. the boss sent me these a couple of weeks ago, but i didn't post 'em. since he has now threatened to unleash the piranhas, or take up the bagpipes, i have to post. BTW, i am posting all his books, despite my not really liking his take on one of them. and since i'm tired, i'm not posting any comments of my own..

A Stingray Bit My Nipple!: True Stories from Real Travelers



Apparently this is a "best of" book of excerpts of supposedly real travel experiences submitted by readers of a travel magazine. Whatever the case, this is definitely a weird title, especially since I now cannot get Steve Irwin out of my mind no matter what I do....

Fieldwork in Ukrainian Sex



I assumed that this book had to be a lighthearted thing of some kind, and probably had nothing to do with the Ukraine, or at least was written by an author who'd never had any actual association with the Ukraine. Wrong on both counts. From the Amazon description, this is a harsh read that describes the author's love affair with a very unpleasant man, and her recovery from it when it ended. And not only is the author from the Ukraine, it was written and first published there! Serious stuff, and not the sort of thing I'd expect to be a big seller, but perhaps the weirdest thing of all is that a book on this subject ended up as the best selling book in the Ukraine for TEN YEARS!!!! I knew Russian fiction was often depressing, but I didn't know that they exported that tendency to the other peoples they used to lord it over.

Pink Boots and a Machete: My Journey From NFL Cheerleader to National Geographic Explorer



I actually bought this book when it was marked down during the recent Kindle sale, though I haven't read it yet, and it isn't even on my schedule for near term reading. It appears that the author was indeed a cheerleader for the Miami Dolphins, but later earned a PhD and did field work for National Geographic. How come none of the cheerleaders I knew in high school or college were that interesting? Grumble, grumble.

Horses Don't Fly: A Memoir of World War I



I will NOT make insect jokes in this WKB, I will NOT make insect jokes in this WKB, I will NOT make insect jokes in this WKB (gritting teeth and taking deep breath). Okay, now that that is out of the way, this is another book I tagged for WKB status during Amazon's recent Kindle book sale, and I will be reading it before long. Despite the weird title (but who could argue with the truth of it?), the book is apparently a memoir of the first part of the author's life, which he began as a cowboy, but then nearly ended by volunteering for the Canadian Army before the US entered World War I, and shifting from being a ground pounding soldier to a pilot in the Royal Flying Corps. And if that seems glamorous and exciting, keep in mind that RFC pilots referred to themselves as Fokker Fodder during a good chunk of the war when the German planes were superior to what the British had available. Still deserves WKB status for the memorable title.

WEIRD: Because Normal Isn't Working



Okay, just the title of this book makes it a WKB by definition, but perhaps even weirder is that this is a book on how to live your life as an excellent Christian. The blurb even says that the author is founder of Lifechurch.tv, which I've at least heard of, so he is very serious about his faith. And yet another weird tidbit just for me is that he is from Edmond, Oklahoma, a suburb of the town I have lived in for twenty years. So for all I know, I passed the man on the sidewalk this afternoon. If I'd known it was him, I'd have suggested he find a more descriptive book title....This one makes me hearken back to the one about barbarian Christians that we lampooned a year or so ago.


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Thanks for posting these Faithful Minion, perhaps you can edit in some comments when you're less pooped.


----------



## telracs

as some of you know, the hooded claw and i were in Washington recently. While we were unable to complete any of our plans for world domination, i think the MLK memorial has given him some ideas for what the official statue will look like. And we got some new weird kindle books out of the deal.

After the big Washington DC Kindle meetup, what better subject for a Weird Kindle Books than WASHINGTON, DC? I had high hopes of finding Kindle weirdness on this subject, and I was not disappointed.

SABA (S?-B?)
Mary Jane (Author)



Think there might be a typo or two in this title? It even shows up on the cover "illustration".....I guess I never did really believe those were true photographs! Thanks to the book description, we know that Washington, DC has a tie in here because the protagonists return to Washington DC after a trip to paradise, and find Washington is a bummer once you've lived in paradise. Who'd have ever thought THAT would happen? Just to make the weirdness a little weirder, the author is a graduate of Harvey Mudd college....

note to authors: giving your main couple sound alike names is not a good way to entice me to read your book. Aaron and Erin, really?

Through Five Administrations : Reminiscences of Colonel William H. Crook, Body-Guard to President Lincoln [Kindle Edition]
W. H. Crook (Author), Margarita Spalding Gerry (Editor)



You know, if I'd been President Lincoln's bodyguard, I don't think I'd brag about it. People who bought this also frequently bought Dick Cheney's book. Cheney has been around so long that maybe this author and Cheney were pals? And what was Lincoln thinking when he hired a bodyguard named "Crook"? Maybe he was tired of the Honest Abe image?

originally published in 1910? i'm really doubtful about this one. also, there is a kindle edition with the boring cover imaged here, a paperback version with a nice watch on the front, and a different boring covered paperback version.

Capital Sporting Grounds: A History of Stadium and Ballpark Construction in Washington, D.C. [Kindle Edition]
Brett L. Abrams (Author)



I must admit that I've bought and read books on more obscure subjects than this, but this is definitely pretty obscure and pretty weird. Probably my most obscure and weird Kindle purchase was a history of torpedo design in The Second World War. I wanted it so badly it is one of the few Kindle books I've paid more than $9.99 for! So I can't make fun of anyone who decides they must have this book.

okay, thc might not make fun of anyone buying this, but since i figure it's gonna be a book big on photos, i am going to shake my head at anyone paying 40 bucks. except Fire owners who tell me the photos look good on that device.

My Administration [Kindle Edition]
Mario Milosevic (Author)



This appears to be a book about a future where everyone has a chance to be President, but your term only lasts fifteen minutes! This is the memoirs of one future President, and I wouldn't even think you'd get through with the inauguration in fifteen minutes! The book cover appropriately describes it as a short, short story. At 82 kb in size, I'd have to agree!

sample size is 37 locations, which makes this 370 locations total. no thanks. but i do like the cover art, it likes a scarlet kind of photo

Case Computer Abraham Lincoln [Kindle Edition]
Justin Tully (Author)



Maybe this is a self-published author's attempt to prove once and for all that cover art doesn't matter?

reading the sample leads me to believe that the author did his own cover art....

Johnna Knows Good Food [Kindle Edition]



Well, it's not THAT weird, and it arguably is a good idea. But did you know there is a Kindle blog you can subscribe to that features Washington DC restaurants and recipes? Personally, I think her sales might improve if the blog title was a little more explicit about the Washington connection. I was boggled that this came up when I searched for Washington, till I read the description.

Sorry, Johnna. You might know what kind of food you like, but that doesn't necessarily make it good in my book.

Moon Virginia: Including Washington, D.C. (Moon Handbooks) [Kindle Edition]
Katie Githens (Author)



Yes, the directive in this title captured my imagination, and made me desperately want to buy this book. But the heck with mooning Virginia. I want to go straight to truly expressing myself, so I can Moon Washington DC right away!

another example of not thinking about how a company name is going to read down the line.

Abe Lincoln for Class President [Kindle Edition]
Todd Strasser (Author)



Remember Case Computer Abraham Lincoln? It seems that time travel involving computers and Abe Lincoln is all the rage in ebooks this year. From the product description: When Max uses his friend's computer to do a last-minute President's Day assignment, he accidentally triggers a time machine that brings the teenage Abe Lincoln to the present. Abe turns out to be a cool guy. He loves pizza and quickly learns the fundamentals of basketball. In fact, he's the perfect center for the Putney School's basketball team! With Abe slamming dunking, the Putney team is finally on it's way to a winning season. But if Abe doesn't go back in time soon, the entire course of history will change!

Of course, since they seem to have a time machine, they can keep Abe in the present for as long as they want, and still send him back right after he left. But presumably the author stuck in some McGuffin to make that impossible. So we are left with a real poser of a dilemma....Send back the leader that was responsible for holding our nation together in its worst trial, even if it means we have to lose the basketball season? If this truly requires any consideration to make a choice, maybe the crotchety old men yelling for the kids to stay off their lawns are finally right about the younger generation losing all morality!

don't we have a thread asking if there are too many time travel stories? i think i'm gonna answer yes.

The Remarkable Millard Fillmore: The Unbelievable Life of a Forgotten President [Kindle Edition]
George Pendle (Author)



Millard Fillmore....Riding on a unicorn. Yes, this book definitely qualifies as weird. Plus, anything that involves a US President wrestling with the Emperor of Japan also counts as weird in my book. What puzzles me is that I've always heard you had to be a virgin to ride a unicorn. In one of Poul Anderson's fantasy books, a male officer assigned to a unit of Unicorn cavalry took great pains to make clear to everyone who found out that he did NOT ride a unicorn himself! So presumably Fillmore was a virgin. Yet Wikipedia reveals that he was married twice. What a pity for his poor lonely wives! Supposedly Abigail, the first wife died of a cold she caught at the inauguration of Franklin Pierce (ten points to anyone who can honestly say that they knew Pierce was President immediately after Fillmore, the Claw certainly didn't know). But I'm thinking maybe she faked her death to engineer an escape to run off and find a man to take care of her...."needs"!

at first i thought this might be some kind of satire and not a legitimate history of Milliard Fillmore, but after reading some of the comments, I'm not sure..


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Thanks for posting these, Faithful Minion.  And a great and timely suggestion of a topic! 

I hadn't picked up on the Aaron and Erin thing.  As it happens, in real life, the first time I met a girl named Erin (7th grade) I'd never heard of the name, and thought her name was Aaron!  I had the nerve to ask her about it, and she was not amused!


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Susan in VA said:


> So which is it? Just chocolate, or All Things Klingon? I ask because I have here one poster for Learning Klingon (acquired at the Star Trek thingy in Vegas and still in the original wrapper) for which I have no use and which I was about to put up on EBay. If you want it it's yours.


So Susan, how much did you get for the poster? If you still have it, you shoulda brought it to the DC Kindle meet!


----------



## telracs

Well, Hanukah Harry did not bring me anything really great this year, but the boss has finally kicked up some new WKB. For those playing our game for the first time, The Hooded Claw picks the books and sends me his comments (in black). I post them and add my comments, in maroon....

Since many members of KB are presumably short of cash after the Holiday Season, I'm going to wind this WKB (That stands for "Weird Kindle Books", remember?) up with a few free books. But to make sure that we continue our appeal to high-class readers as well as the financially-stressed, I'll start with some WKB that will set you back a few Washingtons....

How Carrots Won the Trojan War: Curious (but True) Stories of Common Vegetables



Growing up, my Mother told me that carrots were good for my eyes. I never believed her, it always hurt to stick a carrot in, whether I went with the pointy end or the blunt end that had green leafy stuff on it! Whether the Trojan War was won with superior eyesight from carrot eating, or because of another reason, such as a clever scam by Greeks bearing gifts, will only be revealed if you read this book. Believe it or not, I am dabbling with actually buying the thing sometime. But probably not till I knock off at least fifty of the huge list of unread Kindle books I have stashed away in the Archives. It's interesting that people who bought this book also frequently bought "Starship Troopers", a Robert Heinlein book that I'm quite fond of. I just hope that the people who turned Starship Troopers into a movie don't decide to put this book on film. Perhaps it would work as a kid's show--"Veggie Tales: The Trojan Horseradish!"
I wanna know how the carrots are staying upright while carrying spears. then again, how are they holding anything?

Milking the Rhino: Dangerously Funny Lists



Titles like this one are a godsend for writers of lame book humor! You choose whether "lame" in the preceding sentence is a modifier for book or for humor. For once, even the cover illustration is pretty clever on this book, note the abandoned stool and bucket. Rhinos are pretty funny in and of themselves, and then when you visualize milking a rhinoceros, things get giggly so quick that I risk just spoiling things by rattling on too long with my prose. So I ought to quit commenting on this book while I'm ahead. Especially since it sells for nearly eight bucks, yet has thirty-five reviews with an average of one and a half stars. I guess the author peaked on the cover. Oh, I want to stop, but I just can't help myself....Why did people who bought this book also frequently buy "PREVENTION Healthy Favorites: Chicken Recipes: 48 Easy and Delicious Meals!"? You'd think people who were so health conscious that they buy something put out by Prevention Magazine would be too cautious to dabble in milking a dangerous critter like the rhinoceros! The mystery of it is killing me. Another book frequently purchased by Milking the Rhino readers is called Death Wishing. Now THAT makes sense!
maybe they bought the Prevention favorites AFTER reading this book...

*********************

Now that we've set a high tone, we can get to the free books! As always, verify the price before you hit "buy" on any of these, and don't be fooled by that big tricky $0.00 price for Amazon Prime members on some books!




Spoiler



"high" tone? you wearing too tight pants again?



Bill Clinton 2011 Day-by-day Biorhythms predictions under ancient Greek Philosophic view



Unlike some of the other titles I could have featured in this Weird Kindle Books segment, I at least understand all the words in the above title, even if I think the title would benefit from a good editor. But I think the business plan for this book is flawed--I'm not sure what the point is of producing a book with a market of just one person....Or at most a few. Besides Bill, I don't think many people other than Hillary or perhaps Chelsea are going to be terribly interested in Bill Clinton's biorhythms. Some will no doubt be relieved to learn that according to the blurb, this book includes Circatrigintan cycles. It might relieve me if I knew what those were, but I don't so it doesn't! The description says that there are 908 print pages of this stuff in the book. It is without regret that I can say I won't be burdening my Kindle with this one. Even if it does rank #58 in Kindle Store Biographies and Memoirs
minion note: this book is now showing at a list price of $23.11. wonder if that number is important in circatrigintan cycles?

d*mn Vampires: Mosquito Creek, 1865



I've said it before, and I'll say it here. I am proud to like the Dracula stories written by the late Fred Saberhagen. But overall I'm unenthused by most of the products of the modern vampire craze. Writing historical fiction about vampires doesn't improve things in my eyes (I'll admit that I read a novella about ancient Romans fighting zombies, however. But that's a different sort of undead!). I doubt I'd have considered picking up this one anyway, and the blurb made me less likely to do so. When I read that "It is the final days of the Civil War and a column of Union Cavalry has met stiff and unexpected and stiff resistance at Mosquito Creek, Virginia..." I'm not impressed.

minion note: the title (as seen on the cover) does not have an asterisk, that is so the claw can beat the filter. second note: the only civil war book i want to read is by Jeff Hepple.... 

Maori Wordlist Metalexicon Logodynamics

Maori Wordlist Metalexicon Logodynamics
text link only because there doesn't seem to be a cover image i can link to....

Okay, I could stay with this one through "Maori" and "Wordlist", but "Metalexicon Logodynamics" moves this one strictly into the Weird column, even if I do at least recognize most of the Greek (I think) roots of the words. Having an author named Zorzos just adds to the weirdness, though I suppose it actually could be the gentleman's real name.

Metalexicon Logodynamics sounds like a business name in the Eureka universe.

Weird Income Opportunity: Cleaning Store Windows for BIG BUCKS!!!!!



The blurb emphasizes that this is not a get rich quick scheme. Apparently they want us to believe that this is a "get a modest income through backbreaking manual labor" scheme. I'll buy that, though despite promises of a no-fail sales pitch, I suspect that rather than hire an outsider for more appreciably more than minimum wage (why bother to market yourself as a free lance window washer if you're just going to make minimum wage off of it?), most store owners will use one of the minimum wage workers that they already have for that purpose. I'm glad I went to college so I don't have to try to make a living in a way that sounds like something from a bad sitcom episode...
you went to college? that explains it all...
Final note, as stated by The Hooded Claw these are all posted with a Buyer Beware note, prices are subject to change at any time.


----------



## Nancy Beck

_Some books are just a gift for me as a writer of cutesy commentary. Not only the book title here, but even the author's name. This book is written by Halldor Laxness. I'm not making that up! This is too easy. Like shooting fish in a b.....Awww, I can't shoot the poor little fish, they are so cute when they sing! (Laxness apparently doesn't have the same meaning in Icelandic as it does in English. This was no doubt fortunate for Halldor's writing career. Though I don't think I'd go for an accountant or especially a surgeon by that name, either!_

My mother-in-law had a lawyer whose last name is...wait for it...Lawless!   

As for _The Man Show_, I remember watching it; I think it was on Comedy Central for a while. It always ended with:
Girls.
On.
Trampolines!

And...that was exactly what you saw at the end of each show, girls in sort of skimpy clothes bouncing on trampolines. Oh, and a few times that had on this guy who was a beer drinker...he could open his gullet in such a way that he could basically dump the beer in one gulp.


----------



## Lursa (aka 9MMare)

JimC1946 said:


> You got that right. One sneeze or a nervous twitch, and you could be bankrupt!


And you'd never be allowed on another commercial airlines flight!


----------



## telracs

the boss was feeling extra kindly weird this month, so we have more books!

Zumar and the Planet of Quagar: An Interplanetary Tale of Bedwetting (Bedwetting Help for Moms)



I'm pretty sure that if I had trouble with bedwetting, I might think twice about whether zipping around and exploring the Universe was beyond my physical and mental capabilities. Conquering bedwetting would come first. Of course, I suspect that's what the book is about. If the drama of whether Zumar conquers his bedwetting is just overwhelming for you, I should point out that this is free, so there's a low cost in finding out the ending. I shouldn't include children's books in this thread, but some are so appropriate I just can't help myself.

Boss, if you're bedwetting, I want a raise!

John Adam's for the Defense



Dear author Thomas Fleming: Did you cut clas's in 7th grade the day they talked about possessive's? I'm sorry you never asked your teacher's about it and that no doubt it wa's financial constraint's that kept you from employing proofreader's or editor's. My be'st wishe's to you! S'incerely, The Hooded Claw

(in fairness, it doesn't appear that the actual cover of the book repeats this little boo-boo)

must not edit, must not edit, must not edit...

Why Bill Cosby Should Stop Criticizing Black People and Continue Eating His Jello



If Amazon's search engine is to be believed, author J. Richard Singleton has also written "Criminal Minds: The Genesis of Sexual Deviancy" and "Walt Disney and the Facsimile of Reality". But his pride and joy seems to be a work called "Glyphics (Harvest)". I say that because his other eight works are all priced at $2.99 or below, but for Glyphics he wants a cool $8.99. The first words of the product description of Glyphics are: _ "'My best friend was murdered by a government conspiracy to suppress public knowledge of America's cooperation with extraterrestrials and experimentation with alien technology-but to answer your question, I'm looking forward to the prom,' high school senior and creepy loner Truman tells the school psychologist. "_ No wonder he wants $8.99 for that prize-winning WKB prose!

won't be giving him any of my money.

Prolegomena To The Space Exile Of The Jews



Using words in the blurb of a book that are obscure enough that I have to look them up has been called out here before. Using an obscure word as the beginning of the title is a new level of brazenness, however! Merriam-Webster tells us that a prolegomena is "A critical or discursive introduction to a book." Of course, now I have to go look up discursive! Smiley What a pity that the author of this piece presumably only gave us the introduction, especially since the blurb reads:

The book is about the Jews, what happened in the past going back to the origins in India; what may happen in the future, the Space Exile; and what is happening now. If it's not original, it's not here.

This book is not recommended to observant Jews or believing Christians and Muslims. You don't need the aggravation.(underline by The Hooded Claw) 
Presumably they spent all the proofreading money on the book, and didn't have budget left for the Product Description to be checked, right?

Um, claw, what's wrong with observant? and boring cover!

How to Impress a Girl by Mastering the Calendar Year ("August 29th? That's a Friday") Plus 5 Free Bonus Video Tutorials



6841 words and fourteen illustrations on how to do a parlor trick. I _WILL_ admit that it could be an icebreaker. But guys, if that is as deep as your waters run I don't think you're going to get anyplace with most girls. Of course, I might be guilty of being an "egghead" as the author warns about in the blurb, so I probably shouldn't say anything more. Maybe his use of such an appropriate term for me put me in a bad humor.

you are NOT an egghead. Vincent Price was the Egghead, and you, sir, are no Vincent Price. and how do you do videos in a kindle book?


----------



## The Hooded Claw

scarlet said:


> Um, claw, what's wrong with observant? and boring cover!


Somehow it got edited out either by a spell check or unthinkingly by one of us, but the original description mentioned "Observamt"


----------



## telracs

The Hooded Claw said:


> Somehow it got edited out either by a spell check or unthinkingly by one of us, but the original description mentioned "Observamt"


since i did no editing, you must have typed it wrong (right)....


----------



## The Hooded Claw

I see that Interpol has finally realized the part this thread plays in our plans for world conquest, and reacted by knocking out KB temporarily, but they didn't succeed in stopping us!  (insert maniacal evil laugh here)


----------



## lea_owens

Have some of these authors just come up with the weirdest title possible (perhaps by writing unusual words on a piece of paper and drawing them randomly out of a hat) and then made up a book to go with the title? Surely they can't actually be selling books with some of these names! (Hilarious to read in this thread, though.)


----------



## Susan in VA

The Hooded Claw said:


> I see that Interpol has finally realized the part this thread plays in our plans for world conquest, and reacted by knocking out KB temporarily, but they didn't succeed in stopping us! (insert maniacal evil laugh here)


You two really need to keep your plans better hidden. Depriving thousands of people of their KB fix isn't going to make you very popular when you get to the Evil Overlord stage.


----------



## telracs

Susan in VA said:


> You two really need to keep your plans better hidden. Depriving thousands of people of their KB fix isn't going to make you very popular when you get to the Evil Overlord stage.


"you two"? it's not me! it's all him and that cape. and isn't popular Evil Overlord an oxymoron?


----------



## Tony Richards

I was tempted to get the Rat Jugular Vein book, but on second thoughts, nah, I'll wait for the movie. I hear they're considering Tom Cruise.


----------



## psychotick

As a kiwi with the first name Greg(ory) I just had to look this book up.

Maori Wordlist Metalexicon Logodynamics

It's even wierder inside. In essence it's a book of numerology of Maori words written by a Greek man using some sort of Greek theorum. A little formatting might have helped to make more sense of it. Actually any formatting at all.

But the author's credentials are impressive. In fact according to his blurb / bio he's written three and a half million books. That puts me to shame and then some.

Cheers, Greg.


----------



## telracs

sorry, the minion's guild authorized a work stoppage and until we renegotiated i couldn't post these......

Hiding Darkly (a lost soul with dementia or the victim of an alien conspiracy?)



Here's the Amazon description:
_Stream of consciousness tour de force - a first person narrative told by a lost soul that doesn't know who, where or what he is, a creature obsessed with escaping from chaos - the world eating monster that is growing more threatening by the hour.

The surreal pilgrimage begins on a walk through a decaying town, then across desert sand and finally into the bowels of the earth. This refugee from reality is either a victim of an otherworldly conspiracy or something much darker and much closer to home.
_
Sounds pretty weird to me in both title and storyline. I'm reminded of Heinlein's great short story, "They" in which the inmate at an insane asylum calmly, with perfect certainty tells his keepers, "I'm on to your deception. You can take down Paris, I'm not going back there." (my description and the quote are from memory, if I got them slightly wrong, I don't want to hear about it! 

Alien Chicks In Citrus Bras And Stalkers From Beyond The Stars



Okay, more quotes from the description:

_Alien Chicks In Citrus Bras And Stalkers From Beyond The Stars is a Comedy Sci-Fi novel centring around an unlikely love-heptangle and set against the ever-popular backdrop of universal apocalypse.

The hero: Gas Chong, an eccentric, nocturnal fellow, unwittingly chosen to combat the chameleonic evil that has extinguished all life in so many universes before.

At the outset of our tale, Chong knows nothing of the drastic events that are about to overtake him. He is happily going about the business of assassinating the Mafia boss 'Mister Rack' who dropped him on the Planet of The Preying Mantis Women. But unbeknownst to him, and behind the scenes, a secretive, inter-dimensional creature called the 'Chaos Blossom' is stalking him for her pre-apocalyptic snack, and she is hot on his unsuspecting trail. 
_
Of course, the author (or the person from the publisher?) can't spell "centering", and I do love the new adjective "chameleonic." And a hero named Gas Chong is just too good to be true for someone writing snarky comments (as I am). Do you think ole Gas got teased in elementary school?

As Chong walks down the sidewalk to the school bus, another kid comes up from behind, starts running, and zips ahead of Chong. The running kid's cohort asked the prearranged question, 
"Hey watcha doing, Jimmy?" 
"Oh, I'm just passing Gas!"

No wonder Chong ended up as an "eccentric, nocturnal fellow" who assassinates Mafia leaders and hangs around The Planet of Praying Mantis Women.

praying or preying, boss? or do they pray to not be prey? oh, and i think a few of our authors will agree that citrus makes lousy bras....

100% of the knock-out with one blow in a street fight - tips from the Russian gopnik.



I like the period at the end of the title! And here's the product description in its entirety:_
Many of the younger athletes, coming in boxing, kickboxing, thai boxing, set themselves to put the direct knock-out blow. According to the beginners, and for effective self-defense, victory in a street fight, it is enough to possess the ability to put the strongest and the sudden shock, for a full and unconditional victory over the enemy in any street fight. In any case, the application of a knock-on impact can be effectively if you know some basic principles from experienced street hooligans (gopnik) for which FIGHT ON the STREET - THIS is LIFE. Russian gopnik - a street hooligans for which fight on the street and extort money from suckers - it is a style of life. In this book you will learn a lot of new and interesting things about the technique of direct knock-out blow. 
_
Keith Laumer is spinning in his grave, because someone is channeling the dialog from his aliens! Do you think Sergey (the author) might not have English as a first language? IF you worry that the whole book might be written like this, I am afraid you may be right. Looking at other Kindle books by Sergey, he looks like a gold mine for future WKB.


Regional Economic Voting: Russia, Poland, Hungary, Slovakia, and the Czech Republic, 1990-1999 (Cambridge Studies in Comparative Politics)



I wanted to write a lot about this one, but just the title put me to sleep....And check out this quote about the book: _"Regional Economic Voting is a shining example of how to design a monograph in a way that derives maximum theoretical leverage from a body of evidence while cautiously keeping one's conclusions as close as possible to this evidence." _ 90u[j43a mkl Oh curses, I fell asleep again!!! Now I have QWERTY face on both sides of my face!
and it's 97 dollars!

Alien Weight Loss Plan



Here is the product description in its entirety: _ What if a fat person could lose weight just by wearing a string of pretty beads? A woman found out when Boney approached her at Walmart and offered to let her try the diet beads free for a week. The beads worked, and she was soon losing a lot of weight. The beads only lasted a short time, so the person needed to buy new ones weekly. Boney had a secret source for the beads so could keep selling them and was on the road to becoming rich._ But now that we've read that, why bother to read the book?


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Somewhere in this thread, we lampooned "Where the Blind Horse Sings", about a sanctuary for damaged or wounded animals. It's available for 99 cents at this writing, if the book appealed to you:


----------



## telracs

it is that time again...... beat the heat with these weird kindle books.

TRANSFORMING DINOSAURS INTO VAMPIRES



I assumed that this was yet another version of the current craze for vampire and zombie horror/fantasy/comedy, but I was wrong. This is a book by a civil engineer who says he is an "interim executive" (what does that mean?) and a "confirmed turnaround artist." I don't think I can do better than quote the book description....

The book makes a big promise &#8230; changing large "Dinosaur" companies into agile, disruptive VAMPIRES that conquer through their disruptive innovations the world.

Rather than a "do this, don't do this" description, this book explains in detail why BIG companies and STARTUPS fail to create success. The book starts with all the wrong ideas we receive from leading business gurus and that create the conditions for our own innovation failures. The book then delivers the rules and recommendations to create a disruptive innovation roadmap that can make it happen for any kind of business.

John Passy is a confirmed turnaround executive and founder of several startup companies, anger to share in this book his experiences and insights as GAME-CHANGER and he uses a clear and very animated language.

This book is rough and doesn't hide its intention to change the world. A must read book as it is based on many field experiences to become a sample of leadership implementation !

The single review gives this a one-star rating, and suggests that English may not be the author's first language. Based on the blurb, he is probably right....Nice weird title, but I strongly suspect not worth $9.99.
For some reason, a quote from the movie _Hook_ came into my mind when reading this. "So, Peter, you've become a pirate."

Macro-Engineering the North Atlantic to Prevent Another Titanic



If the blurb is to be believed, shortly after the Titanic disaster (centennial just a few weeks ago!), an engineer proposed a scheme to play build a barrier that would influence the Gulf Stream in a way that supposedly would result in fewer icebergs in the shipping lanes, and also in a more temperate climate in the northern hemisphere. This is apparently a history of the proposal (which evidently was discussed in Congress) and an evaluation of how it would work. I'm a bit surprised at the part about a more temperate climate, as I just read a book about the Gulf Stream (see my 80 books thread) and the author poo-pooed the the common notion that the Gulf Stream made a major change in the temperature of northwest Europe. The whole idea reminds me of some of the more ambitious proposals out there to counteract global warming. Interesting that such big ideas have been around for a century, but I'm not gonna risk five bucks on this one.
did you know that there was a fiction book about an ocean liner that sinks in the north atlantic that was written BEFORE the Titanic sank? oh, and when i read the title, I was thinking "prevent another Titanic WHAT?"

An Arsonist's Guide to Writers' Homes in New England



I'm delighted to see that the blurb identifies this as an "incendiary" novel! Might even be worthwhile, and the price is fairly cheap. Forget about your ideas of a tourist guide for literary felons, this is actually a novel about a man who appears to be one of the most unlucky men in the world. After being a bit negative towards the first two books, I'm actually gonna think about shelling out for this one.
*puts down the lighter and goes on to the next book*

Swimming Naked with Jellyfish



Perhaps the weirdest thing about this book, once you get past the title, is that people who viewed this book also viewed Nuclear Jellyfish, a Novel, and best of all, Jellyfish, Boogers of the Sea. The last one appears to be a children's book. Nice to know that today's youth still get a good dose of high culture....But there's more weirdness to come from the Swimming Naked book, note this comment by someone who is apparently an editor (the editor of this book) : "The best piece of writing on orgasm I have ever in my life read. It's hard to write a great sex scene. It was raw, quirky, individual, original, impossible to forget, and contains the best description of the experience of having an orgasm." Susan Grossman, Editor Finally, I don't want to know why the author of the blurb thinks it is important to know that the viewpoint character hates semicolons.
how can someone like semicolons? they are very tasty... oh, and for the record, i ain't swimming with jellyfish, whether or not they are naked.

Wandering Koala challenges the Scientific Method (Black & White) 1



The weirdness of this title is so boggling, I can't come up with anything funny or even snarky to say about it! Appears to be a graphic novel, and apparently a teaser. Checking out the author page, I see that you can get parts one and two for free, also. I'm going to assume that this is actually a better deal, and not like the fabled workplace contest where First Prize is lunch with the boss, and Second Prize is a full week of lunches with the boss. Further checking out the author page, I see the author has a whole slew of Wandering Koala books, which suggests either that there is some merit to these, or the author is really persistent, or perhaps both.
waltzing matilda, waltzing matilda....

How To Think Like a Neandertal



But I thought the idea was NOT to think like a cave man!?
you can think like a caveman, but for $21.95 i don't know why you'd want to pay to know how to do it.


----------



## telracs

For some reason, the boss is on a dinosaur kick....

Dinosaurs Love Underpants



This is rather unfortunate....This book looks pretty clever, actually. It seems that the reason dinosaurs went extinct was because they were wiped out in an "underpants war" whatever that is. I don't think I'd volunteer to be the one to give T. Rex a wedgie, if that's what they are meaning. Perhaps weirdest of all is that the authors believe they will get thirteen bucks for a 32-page children's book! I don't care if it does have great art (which may not display well on eInk), I don't think many parents will pay 33 cents a page for a children's book....Oooh, I just noticed that these authors are ambitious! They also have books called Aliens Love Underpants and Aliens in Underpants Save the World. Plus, they are trying to break into George Lucas' Star Wars racket by marketing toys. Amazon sells a seven inch tall Aliens Love Underpants doll! This makes the situation an emergency. If they put out enough underpants books and toys, underpants will become common and thus not weird, and all my carefully crafted WKB comments will be wasted! I'd better rush this off to scarlet/telracs to get into print before underpants become normal!

correction, the book is 14.99. and i don't really want to think about evil overlords and underpants, so moving on....

The Teddy Bear Singularity (a bizarre alien invasion invokes an unlikely savior) 



The hero apparently has a work-at-home job repairing Teddy bears. I knew the job market was rough, but I didn't think it was that bad! This seems like an obvious candidate for official dolls and other merchandise, but I can't see any from the authors. If this becomes a hit, then "regular" Teddy bear makers will be able to ruthlessly profiteer from the author's work by passing off their own generic bears....How sad!

some people find clowns scary, i find teddy bears (especially ones with glowing eyes) terrifying

Preparing for Contact: A Metamorphosis of Consciousness



Not only is the title a bit odd, and the cover downright weird (is this mental contact, or did someone have a disgusting accident with a sudden sneeze?), but the author's names are Royal and Priest! You just can't make this stuff up. On the other hand, maybe they did come up with some clever pseudonyms. I checked the "people who bought this also bought..." part of the page, and it appears that when you get into this sort of thing, you read about it in a big way. Every associated book has a similar topic! I thought I might encounter Tom Sawyer, or something by Dick Francis, but no sign of any non-alien-related books here. I do find it interesting that one of the other books of interest to readers of this one is a tract about the Arcturian corridor by Suzanne Lie, PhD. A book about aliens and interdimensional portals by Doctor Lie. If I made this up, nobody would believe me!

i like my consciousness just the way it is, thanks. keep your alien sneezy thought to yourself.


----------



## The Hooded Claw

telracs said:


> For some reason, the boss is on a dinosaur kick....


I'm also on a bit of alien kick! Two listings with aliens here, and a bunch of aliens in the April 29th post!

Thanks for posting these, Faithful Minion.


----------



## telracs

The Hooded Claw said:


> I'm also on a bit of alien kick! Two listings with aliens here, and a bunch of aliens in the April 29th post!
> 
> Thanks for posting these, Faithful Minion.



you're always on an alien kick, so i ignore that....


----------



## balaspa

Whew...so glad you found this.  I really needed to cauterize a rat this weekend.


----------



## telracs

as our faithful readers may know, the overlord is attempting something fantastic. no, he's not realigning the magnetic field (again), but is reading 80 books this year. well, he says he is, but we've had some, ahem, issues with whether some of the stuff he's reading is actually books...

If you are following the wkb thread, you probably know that I have a separate thread following up on a New Year's resolution I made to read eighty books this year. Each time I read a book I post my thoughts about it, interesting excerpts, and whatever else amuses me. Fortunately, I'm well ahead of schedule on keeping my resolution, and I think having the book thread has helped. When I posted two "unusual" books back-to-back recently, Ann and telracs commented that they were wondering if I'd confused my eighty books thread with the Weird Kindle Books thread! So I decided to peer into my archives and see what other Weird Kindle Books are sitting quietly on Wiggins and Lomax, my two Kindles. And here they are:

The Swoop! or How Clarence Saved England A Tale of the Great Invasion

This is the second of the two books that prompted Ann and telracs to speak up. I actually prefer the cover of the first edition, which I'd say is a bit weirder:










(note, image not clickable, the kindle book has a boring cover and i don't want to link it.)


This book was by a favorite author of mine, P. G. Wodehouse, published waaaay back in 1908. It is a sort of double satire--Both of the original Boy Scouts, which had just been founded a few years before, and of "Invasion Literature" a genre of books popular in England at the time that involved foreign bad guys invading, and the day being saved either by a stiff upper lip and English pluck, or by the adoption of some military innovation that the author fancied. The title and original cover of the Wodehouse book are references to one of these, called Swoop of the Vulture. Without being too much more repetitive from the eighty book thread, England is unprepared for Wodehouse's invasion, but the Boy Scouts save the day anyhow.

The Radioactive Boy Scout: The True Story of a Boy and His Backyard Nuclear Reactor




Even before Ann and telracs rubbed my nose in it, I'd have admitted that The Swoop! was pretty weird. But when I read this, I didn't think I was doing anything especially unusual. Of course I work in the radiation field so my view of normal in that area is probably different from most readers! I notice that people who buy this book have frequently bought Starship Troopers, a science fiction novel by Robert Heinlein. I happen to own and like that novel too, but I find it a bit odd that many readers have an interest in both these two books! The author of this book was very hung up on the Boy Scouts, and mentioned The Swoop! in the text, so as a Wodehouse fan I had to track down The Swoop! and read it.
believe me, boss, i will not rub your nose in anything. and i well admit weird is in the eye of the beholder. i actually found this book an interesting topic, but not for $13.95

On [bullcrap]



Tsk, I see that our censor software won't let me write the actual title of this book. This was offered at a reduced price awhile ago, and I thought the reviews made it look interesting enough to grab when it was economical. But I haven't read it yet. I probably will eventually. Just to be clear, this book is written by a very respected philosopher, and published by Princeton University! He has another published book entitled On Truth, I hope that everyone can keep those two from getting mixed up.

what i found interesting is that someone actually wrote a commentary on this book.


Iron Men and Tin Fish: The Race to Build a Better Torpedo during World War II (War, Technology, and History)



I not only bought this book, I was so interested in it that it's one of the few Kindle books I've paid more than $9.99 for. I paid thirteen bucks and some change for it a couple of years ago, and I see now it is up above *eighteen dollars*. I think many people would find this a strange subject to be interested in, but I'm an avid World War II buff, and this subject has some pretty interesting stuff, especially for the United States which was "cursed" with a top-secret magnetic detonator that had some serious problems, especially since the interaction of the detonator with other US problems made finding the explanation of why the main weapon our submarines used for the first two years of the war inexplicably failed to blow up over and over again. Not only have I read this one, I've read it twice!

actually, it's now 44 dollars

The Pharaohs Kitchen:Recipes from Ancient Egypts Enduring Food Traditions



This is a cookbook of ancient Egyptian recipes...Kind of weird, and especially weird considering that I actually cook something myself perhaps five or six times a year, and limit myself to stuff on the complexity level of scrambled eggs. But I am intensely interested in ancient Egypt, and when this was marked down to a few bucks, I grabbed it on general principles. This is one that MIGHT get used, but there's a good chance I'll never actually open the book on my Kindle.

note to self: politely ask Krista to not charge $21.95 for her book

Feathers: The Evolution of a Natural Miracle



You read it right, a book on the natural history of feathers! But I am interested in this and will surely read it. Now that I'm thinking about it, it might even come next for me. I confess it is a bit odd that the author's first name is Thor, and in addition to feathers, he wrote another book about his experiences with gorillas! I see that another book often bought by purchasers of this one is entitled Sex, Drugs, and Sea Slime. Don't run off screaming when I tell you that I've added that one to my wish list...

boss, please tell me you got this one on discount also, or I'm asking the minion's guild for another re-negotiation of my salary

note: the boss send me A LOT of new WKB, but I don't have time to post them all, so there will be a second post soon...


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Wow, you work fast, must be bucking for an upgrade to 32nd degree in the Hencperson's Guild!

I paid $9.45 for the feathers book, and I show the Boy Scout book as $9.99, not a discounted book, but tolerable for nonfiction.

Don't worry, I wasn't put off by you and Ann, I just use "rub my nose in it" as a colorful expression.


----------



## telracs

The Hooded Claw said:


> Wow, you work fast, must be bucking for an upgrade to 32nd degree in the Hencperson's Guild!
> 
> I paid $9.45 for the feathers book, and I show the Boy Scout book as $9.99, not a discounted book, but tolerable for nonfiction.
> 
> Don't worry, I wasn't put off by you and Ann, I just use "rub my nose in it" as a colorful expression.


wow, 32 whole levels upgraded? and no, boss, i was not thinking you were put off by us, i'm just saying i ain't rubbing your _nose_ (or any other body part).


----------



## telracs

and here we go, part 2 of the 80 weird kindle books to be read this year....

Headless Males Make Great Lovers: And Other Unusual Natural Histories



Yeah, I like natural history books, and I am drawn to the unusual. So for four bucks, how could I resist this? I haven't read it yet, but it is another one that will be read. I'm happy to say that the males in question here are preying mantises, not humans!
not yet at least..... and please note, the book is now 14 dollars.

Hail, Hail, Euphoria!: Presenting the Marx Brothers in Duck Soup, the Greatest War Movie Ever Made



Moving away from natural history books, I am also a huge Marx Brothers fan, and I read this almost immediately after purchasing and enjoyed it. I hadn't realized that this author may be a gold mine for future editions of WKB, since other books he has written include If You Only Knew How Much I Smell You (about dogs) and a book called Alphabet Juice (about letters and words).
please tell me you bought this one on sale also, or i am loosing the pirahnas.

How To Stage A Military Coup



I bought this on Kindle just to have my own copy, but I borrowed and read a friend's paper copy of this several years ago! For only a buck, shouldn't every potential "Temporary Maximum Leader" and "President for Life" of a small third world country have this on their Kindle? "Be Prepared!" isn't just a motto for Boy Scouts, you know.
this book is now 15 dollars. And Be Prepared is also a very funny Tom Lehrer song.

K Blows Top: A Cold War Comic Interlude Starring Nikita Khrushchev, America's Most Unlikely Tourist



I bought this when it was marked down, I certainly wouldn't shell out for it at the current price ($26.95). I'm actually quite interested in the Cold War, so there's a chance I'll eventually read this. Out of twenty-six reviews, twenty-three of them are five stars, which certainly makes it sound good although also awakens the cynical skeptic in me. At least it is not one of those books that I see now and wonder "Why on Earth did I buy that?!"

That's Life: It's Sexually Transmitted and Terminal



Another one that I at least understand why I bought it. This is a collection of memoirs of a surgeon, and I am always interested in reading the accounts of people with interesting jobs. For a buck, I felt I couldn't go wrong, though I admit I haven't read it yet. I see that three of the four books in the "also bought" listings are by this same author, so he at least has inspired repeat buys from his readers.
and to show what a bad influence THC is, I actually bought this one.

Bug-Eyed Monsters and Bimbos


Scarlet telracs will clobber me for owning this, but how could I pass it up? I haven't been in a science-fictiony mood, but I will definitely read this. Looking at it again, I was at first worried to find that one of the two reviews is a one-star, but relieved to find that the unhappy reviewer thinks that Isaac Asimov, Poul Anderson, and Arthur C. Clarke are evidently unknown authors.
and no, i'm not going to clobber you, i'm gonna check this one out. then i might clobber you.

Ghosty Men: The Strange but True Story of the Collyer Brothers, New York's Greatest Hoarders, An Urban Historical


When I started scrolling through the archives to write up this WKB, I figured I'd surely find a number of books that made me go "WHY, OH WHY, DID I BUY THAT?!" But it hasn't really happened much. This book however makes me wonder why I bought it. I'm relieved to find, when I check out the original order, that I only paid ninety-nine cents for it. I'll be a bit surprised if it ever gets read.
 why are you wondering boss? did you start it and hate it?


----------



## mom133d (aka Liz)

I own a DT version of "If You Only Knew How Much I Smell You". Its cute, not weird. And being cute, I wouldn't pay more than 99 cents for a copy.


----------



## August_V_Fahren

The Haunted Vagina

Makes the Click to Look Inside! Take on a whole new meaning.


----------



## The Hooded Claw

If the "Feathers: A Natural History" book mentioned above intrigued you, the price is currently $5.19!  And here I paid $9.45 for it several months ago, grrr.....


----------



## Tangerine

I just had to comment on how fabulous this thread is.  I needed a laugh today as well, so thank you!  
There are some truly intriguing and bizarre titles in there, but my favorite is still

Rat Jugular Vein and Carotid Artery Catheterization for Acute Survival Studies: A Practical Guide (Kindle Edition)


----------



## Iwritelotsofbooks

.


----------



## telracs

Scarlet telracs wrote that I'd included quite a lot of books in the last installment when I wrote about weird kindle books that I own myself. But I didn't exhaust my supply, here are some more.....

The Third Pig Detective Agency



I bought this, read it, and enjoyed it! It's not wonderful, I'd rate it three stars. But it was good enough that I kept an eye on the price of the sequel, and picked up the sequel when it dropped to $1.99. Looking at it now, I see there is a third book out there. This book was the author's first novel, so I have hopes that the books will improve as more are written. The idea here is Grimm's Fairy Tales meets The Maltese Falcon. A private investigator, who happens to be a pig, lives in the world of fairy tales, and deals with P.I. cases of the type that come up there. In the first book it was explained that the hero is "the third pig" as in the sole survivor of the three little pigs. This throwaway line didn't play a big part in the story, which is good since I'd expect even a marginally competent Sam Spade type P.I. to be able to handle a wolf without having to have two brother's killed first!

well, this sounded interesting, so for 1.99 i picked it up. and claw, maybe he became Sam Spade because of the bbw!

500 Things To Eat Before It's Too Late: and the Very Best Places To Eat Them



Basically a guidebook for travelers of restaurants across the country that serve unusual, ethnic, or classic food styles. The book lists many of the best ones and describes some of the menu items. I'd already been to one of the local places listed (and agree with the authors about it) and visited one more local one I had heard of but not been to, and again think the author's advice was good. I haven't tried this on the road yet, but am looking forward to trying some regional places when I travel. I haven't read it yet, and probably never will read it cover to cover, but will definitely use it as a reference book before, and thanks to the portability of Kindle, when I travel to different places in the USA.

*singing* "on the road again, just can't wait to be on the road again...." i live in NYC, so there's all kinds of ethnic restaurants, so i don't really think i need this one.

Never Buy a Condo and Other Things I Have Learned from the Practice of Law




This is $4.99 now, but was free when I grabbed it. At only 27 pages, it is kind of short. I read it in an hour, and didn't even put it on my eighty books thread (though now that I think of it, I should've). The book is a series of short articles that exactly fit the title. You could sum it up as two lessons:

1) When you're going to spend a lot of money on a major purchase, don't be penny wise and pound foolish, and remember that things that look too good to be true probably are.
2) Before signing a contract that involves handing over a large amount of money, or incurring some other obligation, money spent preemptively on seeing a lawyer often saves much money (or misery) later.

Not too shocking that a lawyer would write a book advising you to use a lawyer's services! But it's not necessarily mere self-promotion, if he's a good lawyer (and I suspect he is) he probably believes in himself and his profession and what they do. The two summary items I described above make the book sound simplistic, but it is instructive to see the actual examples he gives. It's a bit sad to see that one of the books often purchased by people who got this book is Make Money Online--67 Real Companies That Pay You to Work in Your Pajamas.

typical lawyer, charge way too much for advice.

Polska Dotty: Carp in the Bathtub, Throttled Buglers, and other Tales of an Englishman in Poland



This is one of those books where I'm now not sure buying it was a good idea. I haven't read it yet. Books on Poland seem to spawn (Carp....spawn....get it? Hee hee) books with weird titles. I see one of the books frequently purchased by people who got this book is We Have Here the Homicide: A Travel Writer's Strange Affair With Poland.

 claw, don't give up your day job for a comedy routine

Cat Island: The History of a Mississippi Gulf Coast Barrier Island




I can see where many people might consider this a weird, even bizarre purchase, but I love this sort of thing, and am confident that I will read this even though I haven't done so yet. Probably before the next time I visit the area.

achoo! sorry, allergic to cats

Hiding the Elephant: How Magicians Invented the Impossible and Learned to Disappear



Weird book, but I bought it and read it. I found it interesting, but not awesome. Three and a half stars. Looking it up now, I see that the author has written several other books on the history of magic. Someday when I'm in the right mood, I might buy another of his books, but not right now--Too many weird books waiting for me already!

hmm.... i may get this one. if only to see how david copperfield made the lady in the harbor vanish. but not until it goes down in price.


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Thanks for posting these, Scarlet!  I ought to demand a cut from the authors, for the huge sales boost they no doubt get from being mentioned in this thread!


----------



## That Weird Guy....

telracs said:


> The Hooded Claw says: My mind just boggles at this!
> Scarlet says: I've read this book, but don't really remember it.


I LOVE THIS BOOK! Love it, love it, love it! Christopher Moore is one of my favorite writers.


----------



## telracs

Giving the "wkb from the secret files of THC" meme a rest, here are a few random books that tripped my weirdness detection circuit:

America, You Sexy Bitch: A Love Letter to Freedom



From the description:
_She is a single, twentysomething, gun-loving, Christian, Republican writer and blogger, the daughter of a Senator and 2008 Republican presidential nominee. He is a married, forty-year-old, gun-fearing, atheist, Democrat comedian, the son of a lesbian former Social Security employee. Meghan McCain and Michael Ian Black barely know each other._
So what could possibly be weird about their collaboration? Besides the title, of course...

okay, who asked who to move into the RV? and what did his wife say?

Physics for Dogs: A Crash Course in Catching Cats, Frisbees, and Cars



But how will the poor doggies turn this little page turn buttons on the K3 and K4 with their big clumsy paws? A poorly-conceived book, though at least they enabled text-to-speech so sympathetic owners can set the Kindle to read to their pets and have the pages turn automatically. I still predict a hurdy-burdy trying to look at the no doubt extensive diagrams. I'm puzzled that dog Kindle readers who bought this also bought the book about Julia Childs. Any dog worth his salt would just eat the edible part of the ingredients for any dish, and strew the inedible parts over the kitchen!

maybe the cats bought the Julia Child book....

God and Guns: Why I am Not a Pacifist - Kill Your Attackers in Christian Love in Self-Defense When Required



As a gun owner and former Army officer, I'm definitely no pacifist, but I find this title kind of weird. I won't say more lest I provoke a response that incurs the wrath of the mods....

interesting... the title on the cover is Defend Your Family! Kill Attackers in Christian Love. nothing about self defense. And honestly, this guy just scares me. I'd rather not meet him in a dark alley.

How Parking Enforcement Stole My Soul



Well, I always knew those ticket-writing buzzards were evil, but I didn't think there was anything devilish involved. Did the Beatles know the truth about poor Lovely Rita? I'm actually thinking of risking a buck to read this one, as I love occupational memoirs.






world domination through parking tickets. how'd we'd miss this one boss?

But Ogres Don't Play Chess (Monster Exchange Program, Volume 7)



Three bucks for an eighteen-page short story? The author is pretty weird to think I'll pay that! But the title is definitely weird. And part of a series that is a fertile source of weird titles, as you will note if you go to the product page.

i am NOT getting into the short story pricing debate again.....

A Sheep Falls Out of the Tree : And Other Techniques to Develop an Incredible Memory and Boost Brainpower



But why would we care about boosting the brainpower of sheep? Especially if we have to toss them from trees to do it! On a more serious note, is there REALLY a World Youth World Memory Training Championship for people under eighteen? I think some kids go too far to get extracurricular activities to put on their college applications! But Christine Stenger has a book published in both ebook and paperback form by the time she's attending college (the unspoken implication is that she's not too far out of High School), which is more than I've accomplished in the writing field, so maybe I should just keep quiet...Looking at the "customers also bought" list, I am sincerely amazed how many books there are out there on improving memory.

one of my favorite Ziggy cartoons has Ziggy in a book store holding a book titled "how to improve your memory" and the cashier stating, "but sir, you bought that last week." glad amazon tells me what i already bought...


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Thanks for posting these, telracs....the parking enforcement book has had a checkered pricing history, it was ninety nine cents when I wrote these up a week or two ago, I noticed a few days ago that it was free, so I snagged it....but looking it up now, I see it sells for a buck ninety nine.  So much for my plan to tout it as free now.  It's in the KOLL for those who have Prime.


----------



## The Hooded Claw

I happened to look it up, and "America, You Sexy Bitch" is now $2.73.  I actually picked it up at that price, and others may be curious.


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Waaayyyy back in reply 37 to this thread, we mentioned this book. If it appealed to you, but was too rich for your blood, now is your chance to buy it for $2.99, less than half the usual price.


----------



## The Hooded Claw

> Never Buy a Condo and Other Things I Have Learned from the Practice of Law
> 
> 
> 
> 
> This is $4.99 now, but was free when I grabbed it. At only 27 pages, it is kind of short. I read it in an hour, and didn't even put it on my eighty books thread (though now that I think of it, I should've). The book is a series of short articles that exactly fit the title. You could sum it up as two lessons:
> 
> 1) When you're going to spend a lot of money on a major purchase, don't be penny wise and pound foolish, and remember that things that look too good to be true probably are.
> 2) Before signing a contract that involves handing over a large amount of money, or incurring some other obligation, money spent preemptively on seeing a lawyer often saves much money (or misery) later.
> 
> Not too shocking that a lawyer would write a book advising you to use a lawyer's services! But it's not necessarily mere self-promotion, if he's a good lawyer (and I suspect he is) he probably believes in himself and his profession and what they do. The two summary items I described above make the book sound simplistic, but it is instructive to see the actual examples he gives. It's a bit sad to see that one of the books often purchased by people who got this book is Make Money Online--67 Real Companies That Pay You to Work in Your Pajamas.
> 
> typical lawyer, charge way too much for advice.


Earlier I commented favorably on this book, which I got in a brief free promotion, but I lamented that I couldn't endorse the regular price of five bucks for a 27 page E-pamphlet. It's free again. It won't change your life, but I think it is worth reading for free. 

Back to five bucks already!


----------



## mom133d (aka Liz)

A friend shared this gem on Facebook this afternoon:


----------



## The Hooded Claw

As I've edited the first post to show, tonight in chat this old thread came up and I was asked to bring it back to public attention. And just to keep on topic, here is a new Weird Kindle book candidate:



There appears to be at least one similar book on the history of castration available through Kindle. I'm glad it's not a "short" history of castration or an "abbreviated" history of castration!


----------



## Genevieve Mckay

mom133d (aka Liz) said:


> A friend shared this gem on Facebook this afternoon:


Ewwwww! Please tell me that's not a real trend!


----------



## cinisajoy

IF you think THC and telracs are strange here, you should see them in chat.


----------



## WHDean

The Hooded Claw said:


> As I've edited the first post to show, tonight in chat this old thread came up and I was asked to bring it back to public attention. And just to keep on topic, here is a new Weird Kindle book candidate:
> 
> 
> 
> There appears to be at least one similar book on the history of castration available through Kindle. I'm glad it's not a "short" history of castration or an "abbreviated" history of castration!


I enjoyed how the book cut right to the chase, though the prose was baggy by times. It was often poignant too; I ended up bawling. The reasons for castration are still inscrotable to me, however. Anyway, I gotta sign off now because I'm sacked.


----------



## The Hooded Claw

WHDean said:


> I enjoyed how the book cut right to the chase, though the prose was baggy by times. It was often poignant too; I ended up bawling. The reasons for castration are still inscrotable to me, however. Anyway, I gotta sign off now because I'm sacked.


Glad you stopped. The moderators were about to cut you off anyway.


----------



## The Hooded Claw

Genevieve Mckay said:


> Ewwwww! Please tell me that's not a real trend!


"Eeewwww!" Is right. I'm not much of a drinking man, but I'm being doubly sure to stay out of bars from now on....


----------



## Genevieve Mckay

The Hooded Claw said:


> "Eeewwww!" Is right. I'm not much of a drinking man, but I'm being doubly sure to stay out of bars from now on....


No kidding, lol. Especially when they note that it's something "commonly" kept behind the bar. (From WHO? The bartender??)


----------



## SunshineOnMe

Love this thread!!!


----------



## WHDean

The Hooded Claw said:


> Glad you stopped. The moderators were about to cut you off anyway.


I don't know about that. They can be testy, but they're mostly on the ball.


----------



## zhixiong

WHDean said:


> I enjoyed how the book cut right to the chase, though the prose was baggy by times. It was often poignant too; I ended up bawling. The reasons for castration are still inscrotable to me, however. Anyway, I gotta sign off now because I'm sacked.





The Hooded Claw said:


> Glad you stopped. The moderators were about to cut you off anyway.





WHDean said:


> I don't know about that. They can be testy, but they're mostly on the ball.


You're both nuts.


----------



## The Hooded Claw

zhixiong said:


> You're both nuts.


Wow, I just looked in the mirror, and it is true.....


----------



## Joseph J Bailey

This thread is too good not to be bookmarked...


----------

