# Vampyre Blood-Eight Pints of Trouble - Wanda H Review



## George Earl Parker (Oct 17, 2009)

IMAGINE YOU'RE A VAMPYRE. Yes, with a "y." You're very good at what you do, but you're tired of the Dusk-to-Dawn Life and you wish to give up your evil ways. So you time-travel 150 years into the future, join a Goth rock band, move to the USA, and begin a search for a lawyer to represent you as you defend yourself against persecution and the unconscionable inaccuracies found in Anne Rice's blockbuster novel, Interview with the Vampire. How do you think such a journey would work out for you?

George Earl Parker gives us just such a character in his hilarious send-up, VAMPYRE BLOOD - Eight Pints of Trouble. In this highly entertaining novel, no less a personage than Count Dracula himself descends upon 21st century New Orleans and, while many in The Big Easy do not even notice such an anomalous individual on the street, his presence and, in particular, his quest for a virtuous attorney set in motion a preposterous but uproarious set of events involving a psychopathic prosecutor in the District Attorney's office, a mysterious tailor, illegal Romanian refugees, a refined Mob boss with a taste for orchids and the classics, a wet-behind-the-ears newlywed law school graduate, a vulturous journalist and, of course, the internationally acclaimed music group, the Techno Zombies.

We begin to suspect we are about to be "had" early in the story. The Count's home is being burned down by local peasants angered by his nocturnal habits, and his faithful manservant Igor has been overcome by smoke. Igor urges Dracula to flee the country without him:

"No, it's not for me, sir," he coughed, "and anyway, the villagers will save me, they always do."
"It's true," replied the Count. "They appreciate your simple honesty, as do I."

The farcical characters "Drac" encounters during his sojourn in another century, from the Zombies' guitar player Shelley Byron to the Madame Defarge-type figure Momma Momar and villainous D.A. Richard Bleddon (get it? - it's a vampire story?), affirm our suspicion that we are in the lively presence of Chauceresque satire. The plot's vignettes, including an organized crime board meeting conducted in accordance with parliamentary procedure, a miraculous cure in a hospital operating room, a flawlessly planned and incredibly bungled "hit" and a bizarre knitting-needle attack by an old woman do likewise. Unexpectedly, once ensconced in New Orleans, Drac himself hovers on the edges of the story as the nutty characters affected, directly or not, by his arrival in their town romp all over one another in a tangled riot of criminal activity, cover-ups, miscues, magic, mayhem, and innocent misunderstandings, all of which eventually give Drac the opportunities he seeks to redeem his troublesome past forever. Right up to the denouement in a flour-coated pasta mill, complete with a very theatrical curtain call involving the entire cast, Parker has provided a laugh on every page.

But there's another funny thing about this book: certain passages that appear right there in the midst of the mirth are not funny at all. There are downright poetic lines wherein Drac reflects on music and dance. The author has included lyrics of Techno Zombies songs which are far superior in their style and originality to those of most pop songs today:

Like the howling moan of the Wolfman
like the beating of Dracula's wings,
like a nightmare that leaves you suspended
in the pit as the pendulum swings,
like King Kong climbing up the Empire State
while his heart is pounding with fright,
there's a nameless fear in the shadows
there's a monster in my mind tonight,...

And he also inserts a moving description of the function of dance in the life of the human animal:

To dance is like knocking on the door to eternity. All of the spirits and angels love to dance, it's the universal language of joy, and joy is the very heart of enlightenment...The seasons dance with time in an endless pas de deux. The ocean dances with the moon, the sun dances with the earth, and the stars dance with space.

We readers also are told, fairly often and rather explicitly, of Drac's and the others' musings on good versus evil, the dark versus the light, and man's life-long search for his true self. As the Techno Zombies so eloquently put it:
...somewhere there's just gotta be
an answer to every question that you have,
but finding it ain't easy,
you gotta search through a lotta crap.

Whatever Mr. Parker's intentions for these passages, they ring true and do not feel in the least ironic. If no one has yet done so, perhaps Mr. Parker will do us the favor of actually setting to music and recording the lyrics he has incorporated into this otherwise light-hearted escapade, so that one day we may dance to them.

VAMPYRE BLOOD is not literature, nor does it pretend to be. It contains a few malapropisms and capriciously placed commas, but they don't matter. It's a rockin' fun story of a type sorely needed in our era of financial distress, unemployment, world terrorism, cynicism, and PC extremes. This is a book to read during a bumpy flight, to while away a long wait at the dentist's office, or to carry with you to an IRS audit. If you are looking for a moody, spine-tingling vampire story you may be disappointed. But if you love a good lawyer joke, get tired of the pretenses we must endure in daily life, and want a respite from feeling bad about your little failures, you will love this book. Its humor will brighten any day and its perspective will lighten your heart. It's silly, it's endearing, it's very human, and it will make you laugh out loud. -- 
Wanda H @ Simply Stacie Book Reviews March 24 2010


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## MariaESchneider (Aug 1, 2009)

Great title!!!


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## George Earl Parker (Oct 17, 2009)

It's a tale of redemption, and a comedy of errors.


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## liannallama (May 29, 2009)

Thanks for the tip!  I picked it up to put on my list!


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## George Earl Parker (Oct 17, 2009)

You are welcome. Thanks for your faith in me.


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## LCEvans (Mar 29, 2009)

George,
You are an enabler. I had absolutely promised myself no more Kindle books until I read at least five of the ones I've stockpiled, but I couldn't resist Vampyre Blood after reading the review on the blogspot.


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## George Earl Parker (Oct 17, 2009)

Yes, Wanda H captured the essence of the book in that review, and I wholeheartedly agree with it.


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## George Earl Parker (Oct 17, 2009)

Another review was posted today at Books R Us, and the reviewer, Melissa, included her thoughts at the end;

"I have always been a fan of vampires and the supernatural. George Parker is a talented author. He has the ability to catch his readers and keep their attention throughout the book. There were many humorous parts and there was a lot of adventure. I highly recommend this book. Get the book and enjoy the ride through New Orleans with Count Dracula and all of the other crazy characters in the book. If you want to take a break from reading and enjoy some great music check out his songs. You will be glad you did."

If you'd like to listen to my songs you can go here;
http://www.georgeearlparker.com/

and the rest of the review is at;
http://www.booksrusonline.com/

Best,
George Earl Parker


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## George Earl Parker (Oct 17, 2009)

I'm a guest at The Naked Hero today, it's a pretty cool concept you should check out;

http://thenakedhero.com/special-guest-george-earl-parker


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## liannallama (May 29, 2009)

I am in the middle of this and liking it so far.  It's silly and fun!


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## George Earl Parker (Oct 17, 2009)

Yes, you said you were going to get it and you did. I am honored.

It does bring a smile to your face, that's exactly the feedback I'm getting.

Best to you liannallama,

George Earl Parker


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## George Earl Parker (Oct 17, 2009)

The book is reviewed here today;
http://thisbookforfree.com/

But I'll include it here because it's short and to the point. I especially like the line; "Twilight's Bella has nothing on Brad, the lawyer."

The review:

I read this book and was very entertained. I find myself smiling and giggling throughout. You'll meet Dracula. He's charming and quite endearing. He's talented with his violin, and very lucky to make it work with a rock band called Techno Zombies. I like the song's lyrics; I wish I can hear the music, too.

Then there's Brad, slightly inept, but competent enough to pass the bar. He was hit by a mob, and almost went into the light. Lucky for him, Dracula shared his blood with him. I find it very entertaining that Brad took ages to figure out what's happening with him. Twilight's Bella have nothing on Brad, the lawyer.

I highly recommend this book. It's perfect for summer at the beach. Just be ready for weird looks when you find yourself laughing out loud while reading it.

Shoshana Ashley--This Book For Free.Com


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## George Earl Parker (Oct 17, 2009)

Review by Mellisa @ http://www.booksrusonline.com/2010/04/virtual-tour-and-review-of-vampyre.html

"I have always been a fan of vampires and the supernatural. George Parker is a talented author. He has the ability to catch his readers and keep their attention throughout the book. There were many humorous parts and there was a lot of adventure. I highly recommend this book. Get the book and enjoy the ride through New Orleans with Count Dracula and all of the other crazy characters in the book. If you want to take a break from reading and enjoy some great music check out his songs. You will be glad you did."


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## George Earl Parker (Oct 17, 2009)

Another very positive review from Jen's Book Talk;

http://jensbooktalk.blogspot.com/2010/03/review-vampyre-blood-by-george-earl.html

Best,

George Earl Parker


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## George Earl Parker (Oct 17, 2009)

Not sure I agree with this review. My book is a very different kind of Vampyre story, but this reviewer has her facts wrong. One has to wonder if she was speed reading it too fast and missed the pertinent details. There are also adds for Twilight on every page of the blog. So, as distasteful as this is, I give you the link:

http://bridget3420.blogspot.com/2010/03/blog-tour-vampyre-blood-by-george-earl.html

Best,

George Earl Parker


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## KindleChickie (Oct 24, 2009)

I got it, but right now I am in book 5 of an 18 book series so it might be a while before I start it.


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## George Earl Parker (Oct 17, 2009)

You are a treasure, and I thank you for your support.

All the best KindleChickie,

George Earl Parker


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## George Earl Parker (Oct 17, 2009)

An Excellent new review from a thoughtful reviewer. One or two inaccuracies, but that just proves that everyone in human.

http://haleymathiot.blogspot.com/2010/04/review-vampyre-blood.html

And there's a book giveaway for inventing a new blood type. Good Luck!

Best,

George Earl Parker


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## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

George,

Gentler Reminder: we do ask that author's not bump their book threads more than once per week.

Thanks for understanding,

Ann
Book Bazaar Moderator

Forum Decorum: http://www.kboards.com/index.php/topic,36.msg75.html#msg75


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## George Earl Parker (Oct 17, 2009)

Oops!! My apologies.

Best,

George Earl Parker


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## George Earl Parker (Oct 17, 2009)

I am so confused about the rules here. I am just trying to notify everyone that my book is getting tons of positive reviews, and it's only $1.99 for Kindle. If what I'm doing is a mistake, please help me understand why.

Last week I was on this radio show; http://www.blogtalkradio.com/across-the-pond/2010/04/14/a-book-and-a-chat-with-george-earl-parker

And on Monday the Book Junkie got a fix of Vampyre Blood->http://myfoolishwisdom.blogspot.com/2010/04/vampyre-blood-eight-pints-of-trouble-by.html

All the best to everyone,

George Earl Parker


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## George Earl Parker (Oct 17, 2009)

Review posted at the top.

I am totally humbled by this thoughtful, sensitive, & insightful review of my book.

George Earl Parker

http://fantasy-pages.blogspot.com/2010/04/vampyre-blood-eight-pints-of-trouble.html


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## lmk2045 (Jun 21, 2009)

I couldn't resist. I got my copy.


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## liannallama (May 29, 2009)

This book really cracked me up!  I LOVED the last scene and there is nothing that I would love to see made into a movie than this book just so I could see the last scene on film!~


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## George Earl Parker (Oct 17, 2009)

Thanks lmk2045. Be prepared to laugh.

“Are you ready to laugh until your stomach hurts?” asks Brand’e at Book Junkie. “(Then you) have to pick up Vampyre Blood, a hilarious and fresh twist on the ole tale of Count Dracula.”

Anything you need to know, don't hesitate to ask.

Best,

George Earl Parker


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## George Earl Parker (Oct 17, 2009)

Thanks liannallama. I like your quote so much I'd like to put it on my website if that's okay.

And I agree, my book would make a great movie.

All the best,

George Earl Parker


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## George Earl Parker (Oct 17, 2009)

A new press release for "Vampyre Blood" appears here today: http://www.prweb.com/releases/2010/05/prweb3945684.htm

Thanks to all for the support the book has been getting.

All the very best,

George Earl Parker


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## George Earl Parker (Oct 17, 2009)

Changed the review at the top for those that may have missed it.


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## David McAfee (Apr 15, 2010)

Sounds like an interesting book, Mr. Parker. Think I'll add the sample tonight when I get home.


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