# What would YOU do?



## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

Imagine this scenario:

You are a junior in college, living in the dorm on campus. In February, your roommate Joe moved into an apartment, because he had a girlfriend and wanted to spend more time with her. Joe is also a member of a fraternity but chose to move into an apartment, although he spends lots of time at the fraternity house. When Joe moved out, he left lots of stuff behind in the dorm room, including clothes, a refrigerator, and a desk chair.

Over the course of the semester, you’ve called Joe and asked him to come pick up his stuff. Joe hasn’t done so. For the past six weeks or so, Joe has become “sketchy,” ie, not returning phone calls, not answering text messages or emails.

It is the very last day of the school year and all students have to be out of the dorm today. You’ve already delayed your departure by a day trying to resolve the problem of what to do with Joe’s stuff. You went to the RA and asked what would happen if you just left Joe’s stuff in the room. The RA said that everything would be confiscated, plus all the fees for not cleaning out the room (approximately $500) would be charged to Joe, since he didn’t move out properly in the first place.

At 9:30 pm on Friday evening, Joe’s girlfriend Marie calls. She tells you that Joe is saying to just move his stuff to the fraternity house and they will store it there for him. You are very annoyed at this. Why can’t Joe just come and move the stuff himself? Well, it turns out that he is already home (about 2 hours away from campus) and has been sick for the past 3 days with the flu. As you are talking to Marie on the phone, you hear Joe’s voice in the background. You ask to speak to Joe and Marie reluctantly gives him the phone. You explain the situation and Joe loses it, screaming at you and saying you should have dealt with this problem months ago and not waited until the last few days of school. Then he hangs up on you.

It is now 9 am on Saturday morning. You have your stuff to pack and have a 5 hour drive home. Joe’s stuff is still in the room. What would YOU do?


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## marianneg (Nov 4, 2008)

Leave it and let him pay the fine.  I'm not a moving company.


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## geoffthomas (Feb 27, 2009)

In all kindness, you have already tried repeatedly to get him active.

I would now:
1.  Call the Frat House and leave a message with anyone that Joe's stuff is here and if the Frat wants the refrig, etc. that they have to come and get it immediately.
2.  Call Joe/Marie and tell them that I have left a msg at the Frat and am not doing anything more.
3.  Give the same info to the RA.
4.  Go home.

Yeah you got to "live with Joe" next year. Maybe.  From the sounds of it, he may not be coming back.
And you will have just as bad a time of it being known to be a pushover as a pain.  Joe clearly is never going to have a good opinion of you anyway.

Is this a real-life problem?


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

geoffthomas said:


> Is this a real-life problem?


Yes.


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## VictoriaP (Mar 1, 2009)

I think Geoff nailed it.  The only piece I would add would be to start whatever process is necessary to ensure Joe is not your roommate next year.  

And perhaps get something in writing from the RA that acknowledges items left behind are Joe's responsibility, and therefore any fees incurred will be charged to him.


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## vsch (Mar 5, 2009)

Leave it.  You have already gone above and beyond to solve the problem. Enjoy your summer!


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## Bren S. (May 10, 2009)

geoffthomas said:


> In all kindness, you have already tried repeatedly to get him active.
> 
> I would now:
> 1. Call the Frat House and leave a message with anyone that Joe's stuff is here and if the Frat wants the refrig, etc. that they have to come and get it immediately.
> ...


I agree.
Joe needs to take responsibility for himself, and his stuff.
Maybe now he will learn to do so.
After a fine/losing stuff or both.


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## dollcrazy (Jan 12, 2009)

I would leave Joe's stuff, go home and enjoy my summer break.
Joe needs a crash course in life 101. He needs to learn responsibility for his own problems and how to treat others. Maybe a $500.00 fine will help him with that.


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## Mollyb52 (Jan 4, 2009)

Joe needs to learn to take responsibility for his things and his actions.  I would only deal with my own personal things and let Joe take the consequences of his actions.  I also don't think Joe should be allowed to live in the dorm next year.  When you choose to live in the dorm you take on certain responsibilities and if you don't live up to them you should lose the privilege.  Joe...what a jerk!


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## Gertie Kindle (Nov 6, 2008)

Joe has effectively abandoned his stuff.  Make sure the RA knows the situation, in writing, and has signed off on the letter.  Document the steps you have taken to get Joe to come get his stuff, including letting the frat know it is there.  

If the RA says you are still responsible for the $500 deposit, then confiscate as much as you can carry and sell it to recoup the money.


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## Kindle Convert (Nov 8, 2008)

Just went through basically the same thing a couple of weeks ago when helping out my Goddaughter.  We reported it to the RA, once we knew the roommate wasn't going to show, and hadn't done anything to begin to move out.  The RA was nice enough to take pictures of the before and after for us and make notes about the situation.  We cleaned the entire room, moved all of her stuff to one side of the room, took out my Goddaughter's stuff, and the RA took another round of pictures. She still doesn't know if she will get any of her deposit back, but there was no way we were going to pack all of the roommates clothes, etc. and then find a place to store them.  We had enough to deal with just getting her out of there.


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## Angela (Nov 2, 2008)

It sounds as though the roommate has done all that is required. 

I would probably do as Kindle Convert and leave everything as clean as possible, alerting the RA so as to document my efforts, etc., but Joe would be on his own at this point.


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## Sweety18 (Feb 14, 2009)

I'd just leave it and let him deal with it.  Obviously he has problems and he doesn't seem like a responsible person.


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## marianneg (Nov 4, 2008)

VictoriaP said:


> And perhaps get something in writing from the RA that acknowledges items left behind are Joe's responsibility, and therefore any fees incurred will be charged to him.


Good point.


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## KBoards Admin (Nov 27, 2007)

That roommate is irresponsible and spoiled, and needs a lesson in life. I agree with the above advice - just make sure that Joe is the one who has to pay the fine, which it sounds like will be the case.


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## Forster (Mar 9, 2009)

Seriously just take care of your stuff, Joe's stuff is not your responsibility.  He had to know he had to take care of his stuff prior to check out day, you went above and beyond the call of duty by trying to notify him.


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## Thumper (Feb 26, 2009)

Joe's supposed to be a grownup. If he's old enough to have his own apartment, he's old enough to deal with the removal of his own stuff. The roommate bears no responsibility; he shouldn't even have to call the frat house. Let Joe handle it.


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## Rasputina (May 6, 2009)

I'm wondering how they know which roommates stuff it is? 

I'd leave it, but I'd want to be totally sure I wouldn't get charged. I'd want to make sure there is no fine print that says any cleaning charges are applied to all students assigned to the room. I wouldn't 100% trust the RA to know.


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## Shizu (Oct 27, 2008)

I agree with everyone. It's Joe's responsibility but been as responsible and good person as you are, call him once more and give him the last chance telling him if he doesn't want fine of $500, he should come get his stuff right away. You are going back to your home right now. Make sure RA knows those left in the room is not yours. Take picture and ask RA to sign the paper says those are Joe's. In worst case, Joe should be your friend but he could said those left in the room is yours... so just need to be sure fine won't come to you.


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## cheerio (May 16, 2009)

No Brainer.

Leave the stuff and let him reap the consequences


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## rho (Feb 12, 2009)

if he has copies of the emails I would make print copies of them -- I would also do like others said and take a picture of what is there now - go to the RA and explain and get something from them saying they realize it is Joes stuff and you have done everything possible to get him to move it then go home -- if it was earlier in the game and Joe had been polite I might have called the fraternity to pick things up but then again maybe not because Joe could call them too to set it up.  It is his stuff and his responsibility --

Plus now in addition to being rude he is also a lying sack of poo because he wasn't home sick he was still there with his girlfriend and was found out!!

time for Joe to learn a big life lesson I think


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## Anju  (Nov 8, 2008)

Agree wit pictures and signed papers and making sure Joe is not a roommate next year.

Then go home, enjoy the summer and put it all out of mind!

Good Luck to Joe's wonderful caring thoughtful roommate, that he does not deserve (Joe does not deserve that is).


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## koolmnbv (Mar 25, 2009)

Im In agreeance with pretty much everyone else. 

I would just make sure to get and keep as much documentation,evidence,paper work etc etc as possible. You never know what Joe might try to blame on you later. Better safe than sorry!


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## NurseLisa (Feb 1, 2009)

dollcrazy said:


> I would leave Joe's stuff, go home and enjoy my summer break.
> Joe needs a crash course in life 101. He needs to learn responsibility for his own problems and how to treat others. Maybe a $500.00 fine will help him with that.


I agree. Let him "grow up" and learn the hard way........ let him pay the fine.


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## kim (Nov 20, 2008)

With my luck, I would end up with half the cleaning bill and fees.  So I wouldn't leave the stuff in the room.

I think you should find a dumpster and toss all Joe's stuff in there.  Leave the room clean and you don't need to worry about and fines.

I wouldn't make any more phone calls.  Your college student has already done more than is necessary or expected.

Good luck


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

The college student (who is my son) is on his way home, so he managed to extricate himself from the room.

When he called this morning, my immediate reaction was the same as many of you: leave the stuff and let Joe (not his real name) get stuck with the fees and fines. As many of you said, he's not a mover and the stuff is not his responsibility. Many of you had a good point -- to get the RA more involved, document what is going on and get it in writing that the fines would go to Joe. Of course, doing all that would have taken time, too, and Lance's main goal was to get out of there.

My husband, ever the peacemaker, thought that Lance should pack up Joe's stuff and take it to the frat! His thought--never burn a bridge, it's a small college and who needs enemies? In fact, up until this incident (well, until Joe turned "sketchy" six weeks ago) they'd been very good friends. Lance isn't quite sure when things derailed. Too much time at the frat and not enough studying? Something to do with the girlfriend? Who knows?

He came up with a compromise...one of the guys from the frat was going to come over and help Lance with moving Joe's stuff. So it got the stuff out of the room and Lance didn't have to do it all himself. If the room was empty (and presumably in good shape, no holes in the wall, and clean) there would be no cleaning fees or fines for damage. Let's hope!

I'll report back with more details after Lance gets home and I find out what really happened.

L


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## koolmnbv (Mar 25, 2009)

At least your son found a happy medium and avoided any major problems for the future. Although he was put into a bad and awkward situation him and your husband handled it very well and with class. More than can be said for joe!


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## sherylb (Oct 27, 2008)

After a couple of months I would have been tempted to put price tags on everything and opened the doors to get a little spending money!!


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

sherylb said:


> After a couple of months I would have been tempted to put price tags on everything and opened the doors to get a little spending money!!


That would have been a good idea.

Lance just got home. Apparently the frat brother did show up and help move stuff. There were 3 big rubbermaid bins of clothes, a refrigerator, desk chair, and nightstand. It took them 2 hours to load up the car and move everything (Lance was on the fourth floor of the dorm. No elevator). Then, he had to start packing his own stuff. He was supposed to be out of the room at noon and finally had everything packed at 1:45 pm. Of course, the room (what was left) was a mess since he didn't have time to clean. He had the RA come in. She gave Lance a broom and said, "Push everything to Joe's side of the room and he'll get charged." Apparently it was the Resident Director he talked to yesterday.

You can bet I will be watching the bills I get and if there is a charge for the dorm room damage/cleaning, I'll be on the phone instantly. Sigh....why does Joe's irresponsibility ultimately end up being my problem?

L


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## jazzi (May 4, 2009)

Leslie said:


> Imagine this scenario:
> 
> You explain the situation and Joe loses it, screaming at you and saying you should have dealt with this problem months ago and not waited until the last few days of school. Then he hangs up on you.


What Joe loses is everything left in the room. Enjoy your summer knowing you did every reasonable thing to get him to be responsible.


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## Kathy (Nov 5, 2008)

I would watch the bill also. I agree burning bridges isn't always the way to go, but before school starts back I would have a written agreement laying down rules before sharing again. If you have it in writing, he will have a hard time pulling a stunt like this again. Good luck and have fun with your Son this summer.


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## patrisha w. (Oct 28, 2008)

marianner said:


> Leave it and let him pay the fine. I'm not a moving company.


{nodding}

patrisha


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## suicidepact (May 17, 2009)

Joe's stuff is Joe's stuff, if Joe can't take care of it it's Joe's problem. If he doesn't like it, stuff him. Also, I feel I've gone above and beyond by trying to call and staying an extra day. It's irrelevant that he's sick. He called ex post facto, and in fact negated claims to his property. If it was a storage facility they would have told him "too late, goodbye." As far as personally, Joe is a jerk and not a friend.


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## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

Sounds like a case from Judge Judy . . . . . .


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## suicidepact (May 17, 2009)

Sounds like a case for Joe getting his butt kicked if Leslie's son loses any money because of him. But that's just my thoroughly undiplomatic side speaking of course. I am usually more reasonable and quite civil in person.


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## kim (Nov 20, 2008)

Leslie, you have a great son!  I hope that situation is completely behind him now.


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## kindle zen (Mar 18, 2009)

i would consider emailing joe the address of this thread.


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## kim (Nov 20, 2008)

kindle zen said:


> i would consider emailing joe the address of this thread.


I'm thinking Joe would be too lazy to read it


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## suicidepact (May 17, 2009)

Or just give us Joe's email address.... no maybe not such a good idea.


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

suicidepact said:


> Or just give us Joe's email address.... no maybe not such a good idea.


Hahahah...probably not!

L


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## drenee (Nov 11, 2008)

If I were Lance I would be inclined to call Joe's parents and leave a message for Joe.  Now, I know you can leave a message on his cell phone.  But since he hasn't been returning messages, you can always say you just wanted to make sure he knew where his stuff was.  I know, a bit devious, but sometimes parents need to know stuff.
deb


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## Sanveann (May 16, 2009)

drenee said:


> If I were Lance I would be inclined to call Joe's parents and leave a message for Joe. Now, I know you can leave a message on his cell phone. But since he hasn't been returning messages, you can always say you just wanted to make sure he knew where his stuff was. I know, a bit devious, but sometimes parents need to know stuff.
> deb


Ooooh, good idea!


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## mom133d (aka Liz) (Nov 25, 2008)

drenee said:


> If I were Lance I would be inclined to call Joe's parents and leave a message for Joe. Now, I know you can leave a message on his cell phone. But since he hasn't been returning messages, you can always say you just wanted to make sure he knew where his stuff was. I know, a bit devious, but sometimes parents need to know stuff.
> deb


I'm wondering of Joe's folks even know he moved out of the dorm...because if he got an apartment then he'd have a lease and wouldn't need to room with Lance in the dorm next year.


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## Gregor (Feb 28, 2009)

Call the frat house and leave a msg if Joe wasn't there.

Go home.  Why should I move someone else's stuff?


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## Vegas_Asian (Nov 2, 2008)

Les, your son was quite nice to do that for joe. Honestly, my friends and I in the dorm would have just moved it all into the dorm hallway for anyone to rummage through. More like BFF/dorm neighbor would convince me that it would be an okay way to get back and avoid fines just in case they send the bill to the wrong person.


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## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

He was nice...but I have discovered that he helped himself to quite a few articles of Joe's clothing over the past few months. LOL.

L


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## Cowgirl (Nov 1, 2008)

If Joe is truly responsible for the fine then I would leave it.  If there is a possibility that the responsible roommate could get stuck with the fine then I would put Joe's stuff to the curb and leave a clean room.


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## Daisysmama (Nov 12, 2008)

Having worked at our local college for 28 years, I would advise that you be sure that if your son should happen to get a fine and it is not paid, that the college doesn't withhold his grades until it is cleared up.  Also, if Joe is fined and doesn't pay it, they may withhold his current grades and/or not let him register next year until it is cleared up.


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