# Random favorite funny movie lines?



## austenfiend (Nov 17, 2009)

After reading about everyone's favorite movies, that got me thinking about random favorite funny movie lines.  What are yours?

Failure to Launch (didn't care for the movie, but this cracked me up!) - "I didn't want you to leave because being alone with your father freaks the living s**t out of me."
Legally Blonde - "I know you're upset about all of this, but can't you just take a percocet?"
The Family Stone - "You have a freak flag, you just don't fly it."
Sister Act - "People want to kill you.  Anyone who's ever met you, I imagine."
Sister Act - "There's gotta be something to do around here that won't chip my nails or annoy anybody."
Miss Congeniality - "I'm in a dress.  I have gel in my hair.  I haven't slept all night.  I'm starved.  AND I'm armed.  Don't mess with me!"
Steel Magnolias - "Time marches on and sooner or later you realize it is marching across your face."
Steel Magnolias - 'The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize."
10 Things I Hate About You - "Has the fact that you're completely psycho managed to escape your attention?"
Serenity - "Can I make a suggestion that doesn't involve violence, or is this the wrong crowd for that?"
What a Girl Wants - "No hugging, dear.  I'm British.  We only show affection to dogs and horses."
All About Eve - "You've maudlin and full of self-pity.  You're magnificent!"
In Her Shoes - "Are you okay? 'Cuz if there's going to be any stabbing I'll need a little heads up."
Fried Green Tomatoes - "What we really need, instead of this baloney, is an assertiveness training for Southern women.  But that's a contradiction in terms, isn't it?"
Indiscreet - "I don't know what you expect from a man.  You know there's a limit to how entertaining they can be."
The Man in the Moon - "One of these days that woman's going to cut herself with her own tongue and bleed to death."
The Devil Wears Prada - "I'm on this new diet.  Well, I don't eat anything and when I feel like I'm about to faint I eat a cube of cheese.  I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight."
The First Wives Club - "I drink because I am a sensitive and highly strung person."
The First Wives Club - "I'm saying this with love and compassion and the true spirit of sisterhood..you are full of s**t!"
The Whole Nine Yards - "I'm telling you this like a friend because if you screw this up I would hate to ...I would really hate to have to kill you.  I would hate it more than mayonnaise.  You know how much I hate mayonnaise."
While You Were Sleeping - "You're born into a family.  You do not join them like you do the Marines."

It's official...I have GOT to get a life!!


----------



## drenee (Nov 11, 2008)

I love the Failure to Launch line.  
My favorite line in Fried Green Tomatoes is "I'm older and I've got more insurance."
And in Monsters, Inc. "It's bring an obscure relative to work day."
I don't know why that one sticks with me, but it does.


----------



## Jen (Oct 28, 2008)

Almost all situations in life have an Anchorman quote to go along with it.


----------



## JennaAnderson (Dec 25, 2009)

My 11 year old son says the word "Laser" in a conversation at least once a day - Austin Powers


----------



## Jen (Oct 28, 2008)

JennaAnderson said:


> My 11 year old son says the word "Laser" in a conversation at least once a day - Austin Powers


My husband also regularly quotes Austin Powers. They never grow up!


----------



## Sariy (Jan 18, 2009)

Pulp Fiction:  I've gotta go pee.
Snatch: Never trust a Pikey.


----------



## Geoffrey (Jun 20, 2009)

It's not funny ha-ha, but one of my favorite humorous quotes from 'Dangerous Liaisons' (and there are so many to choose from) is:

"I am saying, you stupid little girl, that provided you take a few elementary precautions you can do it, or not with as many men as you like as often as you like in as many different ways as you like.  Our sex has few enough advantages, so make the best of those you have." - Madame de Merteuil



More traditionally funny are:

"Oh, Harry, you're an angel. If you're mother hadn't been such a bitch, we could've shared something important. " - CC Bloom, Beaches

"You men are all alike. Seven or eight quick ones and then you're out with the boys to boast and brag. YOU BETTER KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Oh... I think I love him."  - Elizabeth, Young Frankenstein

"Don't torture yourself, Gomez. That's my job." - Morticia Addams, The Addams Family


And the glorious:

"I am serious... and don't call me Shirley." - Leslie Neilsen


----------



## drenee (Nov 11, 2008)

Not a funny line, but Sally's, in When Harry Met Sally, diner "explanation" is a fav.
deb


----------



## GreenThumb (Mar 29, 2009)

This will probably ruin any hope I might ever have of being thought of as a semi-intelligent person, but the one that always makes me laugh is:

Spinal Tap - "These go to eleven."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbVKWCpNFhY


----------



## Alle Meine Entchen (Dec 6, 2009)

That has to be one of the funniest clips. It makes me laugh everytime!


----------



## Leslie (Apr 7, 2008)

From A Mighty Wind:

Thank God for the model trains. If they didn't have the model trains they wouldn't have gotten the idea for the big trains.


----------



## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

5th Element, "Lady I speak 2 languages, English & Bad English"


----------



## austenfiend (Nov 17, 2009)

LOVE the 5th Element!  That's another movie we watch again and again...


----------



## LCEvans (Mar 29, 2009)

“Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman’s got to hold on to.”
— Stephen King, Dolores Claiborne

Once my son was in a musical for community theater and the lead female was a major diva. During one scene, the men wore white sailor suits and danced whiled the diva conversed with someone. Well, my son had forgotten to button up the front of his white pants and he was wearing navy blue underwear. The audience noticed the blue underwear and started to laugh and applaud and whistle. The men thought, "Wow, we're doing great. They really like us." So they got into the dance, putting in new moves and being livelier than they ever had and the audience responded even more. Then my son looked down and noticed that his underwear was showing, so he started laughing, too, and attempted to button the pants while he was dancing. The audience went wild. After the show, the diva went up to my son and told him off and berated him up one side and down the other for stealing the scene from her. She even accused him of doing it on purpose. His response was “Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman’s got to hold on to.”
That line has been a favorite in our family ever since.


----------



## summerteeth (Dec 23, 2009)

I have to watch First Wives Club again... I love that movie...

As for my favorite lines...

"Lick it up, baby. Lick it up" -- Heathers
"I'm just talkin' 'bout Mitchell!" -- Mystery Science Theater: Mitchell
"You said you were going to... fondle your sweaters" -- Wet Hot American Summer
"Don't be saucy with me, Bearnaise!" -- History of the World Part 1
"Did you manage to manufacture some of the Z's?" -- Everything is Illuminated


----------



## The Hooded Claw (Oct 12, 2009)

From "Murder by Death":

Inspector Sidney Wang: "No pulse, no heartbeat. If condition does not change, this man is dead. "

Willie Wang: Here's the bridge, Pop. Doesn't look safe to me.
Inspector Sidney Wang: One way to find out. Drive across.
[gets out of car]
Willie Wang: Aren't you gonna come with me?
Inspector Sidney Wang: Weight of two men may be too much for bridge.
Willie Wang: Then why do I get to drive the car?
Inspector Sidney Wang: 'Cause I smart enough to get out first.

Willie Wang: [driving across rickety bridge] I don't think I'm gonna make it, Pop. It's gonna collapse.
Inspector Sidney Wang: Don't worry. Father find other way to house.

Sam Diamond: Wouldn't you know, out of gas.
Tess Skeffington: I saw a station about five miles back, Sam.
Sam Diamond: [hands her a gas can] I want you to know I'm gonna be waitin' for ya, baby.

Sam Diamond: You pit your wits with me, little man, and you won't have your wits to pit with, know what I mean?

Milo Perrier: I'm not a Frenchie, I'm a BELGIE!

Sam Diamond: The last time that I trusted a dame was in Paris in 1940. She said she was going out to get a bottle of wine. Two hours later, the Germans marched into France.

Tess Skeffington: My feet are killing me. Why didn't you tell me we needed oil before I went back for gas?


----------



## Neekeebee (Jan 10, 2009)

From The Gods Must Be Crazy, as the bushman is brought into the courtroom:

Voiceover: _ Xi smiled, but no one smiled back_.

I don't know why, but that line always cracks me up.

N


----------



## 4Katie (Jun 27, 2009)

One of my favorites is from The Jerk:


> Page 73 - Johnson, Navin R.! I'm somebody now! Millions of people look at this book everyday! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity - your name in print - that makes people. I'm in print! Things are going to start happening to me now.


Of course, that movie started with one of the best lines, spoken by the very white Steve Martin:


> I was born a poor black child.


----------



## J.L. Penn (Mar 17, 2010)

Oh goodness, all of _Christmas Vacation _ springs to mind for me. But some of my faves ...

"Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my [bleep], kiss his [bleep], Happy Hannukah!"
"Merry Christmas! Sh*tter was full!"
"Burn my rubber and eat my dust!"
"Surprised? I couldn't be more surprised if I woke up tomorrow morning with my head sewed to the carpet."
"Can't see the line, can ya, Russ?" (gotta have the visual for this one)

I guess you could say I'm a fan.  
-Jenn


----------



## mamiller (Apr 28, 2009)

"Can't see the line, Russ?"  hahahahaha  I quote that to this day!  

As well as something to the effect of, "We're all gonna have so much fun we'll need a plastic surgeon to remove our smiles!"  Perhaps there were a few choice words I left out  

For me, though, it's gotta be "We're gonna need a bigger boat".  That is a timeless classic.


----------



## ak rain (Nov 15, 2008)

"Houston i got a problem"

sylvia


----------



## 4Katie (Jun 27, 2009)

J.L. Penn said:


> Oh goodness, all of _Christmas Vacation _ springs to mind for me. But some of my faves ...
> 
> "Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my [bleep], kiss his [bleep], Happy Hannukah!"
> "Merry Christmas! Sh*tter was full!"
> ...


There are so many from Christmas Vacation:



> Looks great! Little full, lotta sap.





> Every time Catherine revved up the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour or so.





> Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.


And my personal favorite:



> Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?


What have you started?!? DH and I are sitting her laughing with tears running out of our eyes!


----------



## Lionspaw (Jan 4, 2010)

Some of these are making me laugh, and I haven't even seen the movies!!

Well--this isn't a favorite line--but Peter Sellers' mispronunciations always cracked me up.  "Muth" for "moth."

That would be in Pink Panther, of curse!


----------



## Betsy the Quilter (Oct 27, 2008)

From Tootsie (where, if you haven't seen it, Dustin Hoffman pretended to be a woman to get a soap opera part, and, as a man, was sharing an apartment with Bill Murray):

Tootsie has been followed home by a "her" co-star, an old lech, who is hitting on "her."  "She" is trying to get him out of the apartment when Bill Murray arrives home that evening.  He takes one look at the situation and says in deadly earnest "You slut."  Cracks me up every time.  But then, Bill Murray cracks me up just standing there.

Betsy


----------



## J.L. Penn (Mar 17, 2010)

4Katie - Oh yes, those are classic too!  We watch it every year, at least once a year.  It's the definition of classic for us, and probably my favorite movie of all time.  Just got my hubby a red "Griswold Family Christmas" t-shirt for Christmas this year.  It's got the family truckster on it with the big tree on the roof.  

-Jenn


----------



## sjc (Oct 29, 2008)

My favorite is already taken: Fried Green Tomatoes "I'm older and I have more insurance"
Here are some others:
*
It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World*: Ethel Merman
"You're exactly like your father; a big stupid muscle-headed moron."

*Back to the Future*
Marty McFly (Michael J. Fox's Character): "If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything."

McFly...hello...McFly...
*
Smokey and the Bandit*
Buford T. Justice: (Jackie Gleason) [to his son] There's no way, *no* way that you came from *my* loins. 
Soon as I get home, first thing I'm gonna do is punch yo Mamma in da mouth! 
*
DeNiro:* (Taxi Driver) Are you talking to me? Are you talking to meee?
*
Jack Nicholson:* (to Helen Hunt): You make me want to be a better man
*
TV:* Ricky to Lucy: Luuuuucy...you got some 'splainin' to do!!


----------



## mwvickers (Jan 26, 2009)

I have to say that _Ghostbusters_ has some of the funniest lines to me. All but the last were taken from IMDB.

After Gozer asks if Ray is a god, and when Ray answers no, Gozer shocks them, Winston, says: "Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say "YES"!"

When they realize the equipment hasn't been tested, Venkman says, "Why worry? Each one of us is carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back."

Dr Ray Stantz: Symmetrical book stacking. Just like the Philadelphia mass turbulence of 1947. 
Dr. Peter Venkman: You're right, no human being would stack books like this.

Dr. Egon Spengler: Oh good, you're here! 
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yeah, what have you got? 
Dr. Egon Spengler: This is big, Peter, this is very big. There is definitely something here. 
Dr. Peter Venkman: Egon, this reminds me of the time you tried to drill a hole through your head. Remember that? 
Dr. Egon Spengler: That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me.

Dr Ray Stantz: Gozer the Gozerian... good evening. As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension. 
Dr. Peter Venkman: [Sarcastically] That oughta do it. Thanks very much, Ray.


----------



## DYB (Aug 8, 2009)

"You're the opposite of paranoid. You walk around under the impression that people like you!"
-Woody Allen in _Deconstructing Harry._

And the following from one of my favorite movies, _The Opposite of Sex,_ all of them said by Lisa Kudrow's character:

"Help me kill yourself!"

"You've got a death wish. I have one too, but I usually direct it towards others."

"You're like a lobster in a pot - happy that the water is getting toasty."

Christina Ricci: "God, how does a woman get so bitter?"
Lusa Kudrow: "Observation."


----------



## JennaAnderson (Dec 25, 2009)

My Cousin Vinny has some really good ones.

But I will go with "We've come for your daughter, Chuck." from _Beetle Juice. _


----------



## austenfiend (Nov 17, 2009)

Jenna-you're so right about My Cousin Vinny - we actually use some of those lines in our lives!
"Oh, yeah, you blend."
"What's a yoot?"
"My biological clock is ticking like this!"(stomp, stomp, stomp)


----------



## 4Katie (Jun 27, 2009)

> Vinny Gambini: It is possible that the two yutes...
> Judge Chamberlain Haller: ...Ah, the two what? Uh... uh, what was that word?
> Vinny Gambini: Uh... what word?
> Judge Chamberlain Haller: Two what?
> ...


LMAO! That's a favorite in our house.


----------



## JennaAnderson (Dec 25, 2009)

austenfiend said:


> Jenna-you're so right about My Cousin Vinny - we actually use some of those lines in our lives!
> "Oh, yeah, you blend."
> "What's a yoot?"
> "My biological clock is ticking like this!"(stomp, stomp, stomp)


When Vinny is questioning his girlfriend as a witness - sooooo funnY. I never get tired of that movie.


----------



## JennaAnderson (Dec 25, 2009)

I hate to admit it but Space Balls also gets mentioned a lot in our house.

Usually the dink-dink song.


----------



## telracs (Jul 12, 2009)

Unfortunately, based on my name, two quotes get used a lot by others...

Spaceballs:  May the Schwartz be with you... (or as my co-worker says it "wit youse")

Mork and Mindy:  Nanu, Nanu.


----------

