# Could you date someone who doesn't read?



## Meka (Sep 8, 2011)

I saw this question posted on another forum and thought it was interesting.

For me dating someone who enjoyed reading would be a bonus not a requirement.  I would not write a guy off just because he did not like to read, there are more serious reasons (ie...physically or emotionally abusive, selfish, non communicator).  We don't have to share every hobby or interest. YMMV


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## Betsy the Quilter (Oct 27, 2008)

Sure...

It's one interest out of many.

Betsy


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## Thumper (Feb 26, 2009)

I'm pretty sure the Spouse Thingy would have issues if I started dating someone, reader or not


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## Aaron Scott (May 27, 2012)

Actually, it is quite difficult.  I had a relationship where that was one of the issues.  It's not that she never read, but for her it was something you did for five minutes before sleeping, and I devote at least an hour a day to it.  I suppose in a way what is difficult is for someone who doesn't read much to understand someone spending all that time on such a solitary activity.


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## Nova_Implosion (Jul 20, 2012)

No. I've found that people who read (whether for pleasure or their own edification) are generally more curious about the world around--and within-- them. And people who lack that curiosity often lack personality--the kind of personality I can relate to, anyway.


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## sheiler1963 (Nov 23, 2011)

I dated a guy when I was in my early 20's that COULDN'T read (despite graduating high school). He was truly one of the nicest guys in the world but in the end, an ultimate loser. He couldn't fill out a job application, read instructions on anything, fill out an accident report or even read a billboard. The thing that did us is was when he ordered some 'No money down' thing from television and received delivery of four LARGE volumes of text. Apparently he figured I was going to read it all and explain it to him and help him with this 'get rich quick' idea. Yeah, I'm thinking I'm not going to do that. As nice as he was, I wasn't about to be anyone's 'mommy' and I ended it. 
He was killed a few years later falling from a water tower he was painting. He didn't have the safety equipment worn correctly. My understanding is that he signed off on the safety training written test.........


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## Sean Patrick Fox (Dec 3, 2011)

Of course, provided she is intelligent (doesn't necessarily go hand-in-hand with being a reader, but often does).


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## NogDog (May 1, 2009)

As far as dating goes, sure -- if she's really good-looking.    

As far as a successful long-term relationship, I'd guess it would be very unlikely, but not impossible. She would probably have to have a reading surrogate that would allow her to continue learning about the world and develop an open but critical-thinking mind. In the end, though, I would not wager much on the potential success of such a relationship.


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## Tony Richards (Jul 6, 2011)

Nova_Implosion said:


> No. I've found that people who read (whether for pleasure or their own edification) are generally more curious about the world around--and within-- them. And people who lack that curiosity often lack personality--the kind of personality I can relate to, anyway.


You took the words right out of my mouth.


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

NO. Resoundingly no. I had to find someone who read as much as I did so that they would understand how important reading was to me. And to be even worse, I wanted someone who liked reading fiction, I didn't care if he read non-fiction also, but I know people who don't read anything but non-fiction because they look down on fiction. When we married, and combined our respective "libraries", we had up to 4 copies of quite a few books. almost 22 years later, we both still enjoy reading, and so do 2 of our 3 children. Third one only reads if something really sparks his interest.. Like the Eragon books, or -surprisingly- Ayn Rand.


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## Flopstick (Jul 19, 2011)

Sure.  I'll take care of the reading and writing, she can take care of the adding up.


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## Alle Meine Entchen (Dec 6, 2009)

DH doesn't read much and he doesn't write.  I'm always reading and even though I don't publish anything, I'm always writing a few short stories when the plot bunnies won't leave me alone.  It doesn't bother us any, so long as we can have intelligent and silly conversations, we're good (it also helps that he's a great dad and is willing to play "horsey" when he's not feeling well or give up the last bite of his fav dessert to dd)


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## Lanesy (Jun 14, 2012)

Nova_Implosion said:


> No. I've found that people who read (whether for pleasure or their own edification) are generally more curious about the world around--and within-- them. And people who lack that curiosity often lack personality--the kind of personality I can relate to, anyway.


Couldn't agree more.


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## JezStrider (Jun 19, 2012)

Absolutely.  I do think it's important to have some hobbies in common, though.  We play video games together.  My boyfriend is not much into reading, but he's definitely intelligent.  We can watch a movie together and he's figured out the mystery or picked up on something I never would have.  Very observant fellow.  He's also supportive of my writing and that I enjoy reading while he does not.  I wouldn't date someone who hated on what I enjoy.

If I turned him away just because he didn't like to read, I'd have lost out on the best thing in my life.


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## Kia Zi Shiru (Feb 7, 2011)

JezStrider said:


> Absolutely. I do think it's important to have some hobbies in common, though. We play video games together. My boyfriend is not much into reading, but he's definitely intelligent. We can watch a movie together and he's figured out the mystery or picked up on something I never would have. Very observant fellow. He's also supportive of my writing and that I enjoy reading while he does not. I wouldn't date someone who hated on what I enjoy.
> 
> If I turned him away just because he didn't like to read, I'd have lost out on the best thing in my life.


This exactly! He doesn't read anything apart from game lore and news and information on computer parts. But he 100% supports me in my reading habit and my writing. He even tells me off when I'm too much on twitter while I told his I was going to write 
His passion is videogames, and though I like them, I don't spend 90% of my free time on them. I don't have the attention span for long runs.
It's no problem for either of us, we have enough in common without both of us being avid readers or gamers.


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## Stephen_Melling (Jun 26, 2011)

Absolutely.


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## Guest (Jul 26, 2012)

I live with a non reader.  Finds it totally boring, but he is far from that.  So possible, but pick wisely


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## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon) (Jan 19, 2011)

Sure, it is not more important than someone who doesn't walk with me. I mean I like to and do walk everyday, my spouse never does. It's OK with me.


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## Atunah (Nov 20, 2008)

Of course I would. Well not anymore as I do have a hubby, who reads books very rarely. He has started a bit more with having an ipad. It never crossed my mind to not date him because of one hobby. He is a ham radio operator, so when he goes off doing that, I go read. We have other hobbies we share. 

I find life best when not glued to each other every free minute and having one's own hobbies.  .
As long as we spend time together and we treat each other with respect, all goes well. 

Its hard enough to find that person to spend a life and mind with. Compromise is the word.


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## Caddy (Sep 13, 2011)

Yes.  My husband does not read because he has bad eyesight and it is a hassle.  By the time he finishes a paragraph he has forgotten the beginning of it!  We have other interests in common.


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## cc84 (Aug 6, 2010)

Yes so long as they don't mock my interests. As i wouldn't mock theirs if they did stuff that i wasn't into.


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## Not Here (May 23, 2011)

Well, my dating days are well in my past but I have dated guys that didn't read. Not so certain I could do it now. Reading is such a large part of my life. I don't know that I could stop making references to books or not talk about editing or the market. I mean, I have other interests but it's both career and hobby. Guess I'm lucky I don't have to make the choice.


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## kindlequeen (Sep 3, 2010)

If you refuse to date someone who doesn't read, you're limiting your pool of potential mates.  

I found a wonderful, loving man who is interested in learning new things; he's always watching NOVA or documentaries, thinks in terms of science and physics, travels and has a desire to learn about the world but just doesn't have the attention span to read and absorb what he's read.  He's super intelligent though and because our interests are so varied, I have learned loads from him (since I would never read physics or engineering books for fun).  He recognizes my passion and supports it - his Christmas gift to me one year was pre-ordering me the first Kindle and he was the one who convinced me to upgrade.  He never complains about how much money I spend on books and has even let me have days where I can sit on the couch for up to 10 hours just reading without interruption.  I think perhaps if he did read, then there would be less money for me to spend on books.

There are fascinating people out there who are your polar opposite, don't rule them out because they choose to learn in a different capacity.  I've known plenty of "readers" who could not carry on a good conversation.


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## balaspa (Dec 27, 2009)

I was married, for a time, to someone who did not read.  I have to say, I am much, much happier being engaged these days to someone who also loves reading and writing.  We can actually converse about books and I can spend time in a bookstore with her - with wife #1, we'd be in a bookstore for five minutes and she wanted to leave (so I could then spend half an hour in her damn clothes store standing there).


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## Colette Duke (Mar 14, 2011)

Yes!  

The love of my life prefers not to read unless he has to (mechanics' service manuals for work, for example). We've been happily married for 22 years. You don't need to share every single interest with the person you date/marry/love, but it tends to help your relationship if you encourage and support your most special person's interests.


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## Alle Meine Entchen (Dec 6, 2009)

balaspa said:


> I was married, for a time, to someone who did not read. I have to say, I am much, much happier being engaged these days to someone who also loves reading and writing. We can actually converse about books and I can spend time in a bookstore with her - with wife #1, we'd be in a bookstore for five minutes and she wanted to leave (so I could then spend half an hour in her d*mn clothes store standing there).


My non reader DH does the same thing, wants to leave after 5 mins, but he knows he can leave, do what he wants to do and come back to find me still in the store, it's a win-win! Of course, we do the same thing for vacay- he loves to take detailed pics of buildings, trees, flowers, etc and I'd rather go to museums. I'll go, check on him occassionally and then we'll recap how our day was at the end.


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## brenwinter (Jun 12, 2009)

Yes.  My husband has dyslexia so reading for him is a chore.  But he makes me laugh, cooks dinner for me every night, does the laundry and various other things that make his lack of reading a non-issue.  He also works hard every day in the heat (which at the moment here in Oklahoma is 111 degrees) so that we can enjoy some of the luxuries of life.

He never complains about the 100's of books I have laying around the house and was the one that said I should get a Kindle when he first heard about them on Oprah's show (yes, he used to watch).

I went through lots of bad ones and finally found a good guy so the fact that he doesn't read anything other than video game guides or Consumer Reports magazines doesn't bother me in the slightest!!!

I love my guy!
Brenda


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## derek alvah (Jul 2, 2010)

Heck, I would date someone who COULDN'T read as long as she had all her teeth. (I'm from Alabama).


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## Nova_Implosion (Jul 20, 2012)

derek alvah said:


> Heck, I would date someone who COULDN'T read as long as she had all her teeth. (I'm from Alabama).


I love how you tacked on the Alabama part.


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

kindlequeen said:


> If you refuse to date someone who doesn't read, you're limiting your pool of potential mates.


But don't we all (or didn't we all) have some criteria for weeding through potential mates? It's pretty much the same as saying I would never date a smoker, or a heavy drinker, or someone who ........ .. Fill in the blank. everyone has criteria, some of us, it's they have to be a reader.

Reading has always been an important part of my family life, not just personally, but all of my grandparents/aunts/uncles/parents... everyone reads heavily. Now, my children are readers too.


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## Cuechick (Oct 28, 2008)

I would and have. 

I once asked one guy I was seeing if he liked to read and he said "Only the Racing Form"...


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## cc84 (Aug 6, 2010)

balaspa said:


> I was married, for a time, to someone who did not read. I have to say, I am much, much happier being engaged these days to someone who also loves reading and writing. We can actually converse about books and I can spend time in a bookstore with her - with wife #1, we'd be in a bookstore for five minutes and she wanted to leave (so I could then spend half an hour in her d*mn clothes store standing there).


I'm a bit off topic here but relating to this post, you sound like me when i go shopping with my sister. I hate clothes shopping but when i go with her on rare occasions she'll spend ages in one shop trying stuff on, then leaving without buying to go to 20 other shops to try stuff on, to come back to the first shop and buy what she first tried on.  So now whenever i go i just go to the book stores and game stores and meet up with her somewhere when we are both done


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## Meka (Sep 8, 2011)

BTackitt said:


> But don't we all (or didn't we all) have some criteria for weeding through potential mates? It's pretty much the same as saying I would never date a smoker, or a heavy drinker, or someone who ........ .. Fill in the blank. everyone has criteria, some of us, it's they have to be a reader.
> 
> Reading has always been an important part of my family life, not just personally, but all of my grandparents/aunts/uncles/parents... everyone reads heavily. Now, my children are readers too.


I have to disagree, being in a relationship with someone who doesn't read would not effect your health or quality of life, however being in a relationship with a smoker or heavy drinker could effect your health and or quality of life. JMO


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

ok. How about saying you won't date someone shorter than you, or with more than 2 years age difference between you? The example doesn't matter, geeze, just the fact that we all have some sort of criteria for dating.


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## KindleChickie (Oct 24, 2009)

Sure, why not.


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## Jan Hurst-Nicholson (Aug 25, 2010)

With the advent of email has come an awareness of the spelling and grammar issues of people I've known for years, e.g. Yacht = yot. This makes me wonder how much reading they do.


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## Alle Meine Entchen (Dec 6, 2009)

BTackitt said:


> ok. How about saying you won't date someone shorter than you, or with more than 2 years age difference between you? The example doesn't matter, geeze, just the fact that we all have some sort of criteria for dating.


I always said I would only date tall dark and handsome. Well, 2 outta 3 ain't bad (to quote Meatloaf). I have 4 inches on DH. He also doesn't read, but that's ok. He's a problem solver and I'm a run-around-like-a-chicken-with-it's-head-cut-off person. It's kinda why our marriage works. That and I have more patience w/ screaming kids and poopy diapers than he does.


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## JimC1946 (Aug 6, 2009)

_Could I date someone who doesn't read?_

No.


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

Alle Meine Entchen said:


> Well, 2 outta 3 ain't bad (to quote Meatloaf).


Kudos for a Meatloaf nod in a book-reading thread!


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## BTackitt (Dec 15, 2008)

Yeah... 911Jason knows I like compellingly odd avatars, and periodically I get a PM from him with one or two new ones to try. It's even cooler in large size..:


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## JFHilborne (Jan 22, 2011)

Yes. My fella does not enjoy reading, unless it's a mechanic or truck mag/book, which bores the pants off me. We do not share many common hobbies, but we respect each others interests and individuality. He is good at reading instructions, whereas I don't have the patience


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## QuantumIguana (Dec 29, 2010)

No, I don't think I could. I don't consider reading to just be a hobby, it's part of my life. When talking with non-readers, I feel like I have to downshift to speak to them, it's like you're not speaking the same language. Yes, that limits your opportunities, but we all have criteria that limit mating opportunities. It's often a good thing. 
Of course, just because someone reads doesn't mean they are a good match, but for me, a non-reader would not work out.

My wife and I also have similar tastes in books:science fiction, fantasy, science and history. If she didn't read, we'd have so much less to talk about.


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## *DrDLN* (dr.s.dhillon) (Jan 19, 2011)

My answer is still yes...lol


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## marianneg (Nov 4, 2008)

Could, did, and then I married him 

Seriously, I think someone being a lifelong learner is more important to me than them being a reader. Reading is not my DH's preferred method of learning, although he will do it if he needs to. He does listen to podcasts and watch videos about things that he wants or needs to learn about.


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## sheiler1963 (Nov 23, 2011)

BTackitt said:


> ok. How about saying you won't date someone shorter than you, or with more than 2 years age difference between you? The example doesn't matter, geeze, just the fact that we all have some sort of criteria for dating.


I keep my rules pretty simple (I think). I won't be your mommy, and I'm not your little girl. One would think that would make things so simple........


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## William Woodall (Jun 8, 2009)

My wife doesn't read.  It doesn't really affect our relationship, although now and then I do wish I could talk to her about this or that book.  So no, it's not something essential but it's certainly nice.


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## Alle Meine Entchen (Dec 6, 2009)

William Woodall said:


> My wife doesn't read. It doesn't really affect our relationship, although now and then I do wish I could talk to her about this or that book. So no, it's not something essential but it's certainly nice.


DH doesn't read, but that doesn't stop me from talking about books w/ him. Of course, he does roll his eyes a bit sometimes and asks me why it's important, but other times it opens up a whole new discussion about how we would do things in that position (kind of like talking to horror movie actors, "don't go in there" sort of thing)


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## That Weird Guy.... (Apr 16, 2012)

As long as they understand that I _LOVE_ to read, leave me the hell alone while I am doing it, and not mock me for tuning out the world when I am in the middle of a book.


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## Meka (Sep 8, 2011)

That Weird Guy.... said:


> As long as they understand that I _LOVE_ to read, leave me the hell alone while I am doing it, and not mock me for tuning out the world when I am in the middle of a book.


+1 

Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Tapatalk 2


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