# Limericks and other Rhymes (by Popular demand)



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

At Brendan Carroll's insistence (see I'm blaming someone else), I'm opening this Poetry section for all to exhibit their wares. The request was that only Limerick's be posted, but I say . . . whatever. And be sure to use the spoiler block for all those PG-13, R and X-rated words that Limericks have been known to contain.

I'll begin. It's not mine, but my sainted Irish Auntie Mae's: (It's actually environmentally correct)

There once was a man from Boston,
Who bought a baby Austin,
He had room for his


Spoiler



ass


,
And a gallon of gas,
But his


Spoiler



balls


 hung out and he lost 'em.

Edward C. Patterson


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

I have to start over because that posted before I was finished writing it.   I don't know what happened.  I'll get back with you on this one, Edward.


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## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> I have to start over because that posted before I was finished writing it.  I don't know what happened. I'll get back with you on this one, Edward.


weeeeeelllll folks, according to the other thread this was gonna be Adult-ish in nature.... and I guess it holds true so far!


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## Figment (Oct 27, 2008)

There once was a couple named Kelly
Who went through life belly-to-belly.
One night in their haste
They used library paste
Instead of petroleum jelly.


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## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

ROFLMAO

ECP


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Here we go for better or worse and I thought I'd try to keep it relevant to the forum.  Hope Miss Miller won't mind:  

I once drank an Allagash beer,
Cause they're very special, I hear.
I awoke the next day
In a big bale of hay
With my eyepatch over my ear.  

I made myself happy!!!   Don't shoot me, Miss Miller.  Free publicity, remember!


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## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> Here we go for better or worse and I thought I'd try to keep it relevant to the forum. Hope Miss Miller won't mind:
> 
> I once drank an Allagash beer,
> Cause they're very special, I hear.
> ...


TOO FUNNY!


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## KindTrish (May 25, 2009)

In the Garden of Eden, lay Adam,
complacently stroking his Madam,
His was full of mirth
because on all earth
there were only two balls
..and he had them.


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

KindTrish said:


> In the Garden of Eden, lay Adam,
> complacently stroking his Madam,
> His was full of mirth
> because on all earth
> ...


Oh, good one! Good one! But what the devil is it with


Spoiler



balls


? They aren't that funny, are they?


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> They aren't that funny, are they?


Oh Brendan, Brendan.... you should know better than to post a straight line like that.


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> Oh Brendan, Brendan.... you should know better than to post a straight line like that.


Whoa! Are you preceding me around?  You made me forget my limerick and it was a good one too!  _One too_, are those numbers? Plague! Faith and begorrah! Okay, so here goes:

Susan, who lived in VA
Had an awful lot to say
She posted and posted
Until Brendan she toasted
And he had to move far away!


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## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> Oh, good one! Good one! But what the devil is it with
> 
> 
> Spoiler
> ...


Brendan:
Mine are very funny. Let me see. Shall we make use of photobucket? 

Edward C. Patterson


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

edwpat said:


> Brendan:
> Mine are very funny. Let me see. Shall we make use of photobucket?
> 
> Edward C. Patterson


I'm removing this by popular demand. LOL.


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

As I was saying, Edward, I don't know how to use photobucket.  LOL.  Besides, my girlfriend thinks they are just plum ugly and useless, but I beg to differ.  They must have some use... sometime... somewhere.  Enough of that!


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## mamiller (Apr 28, 2009)

I knew a man named Brendan Carroll
He drank his beer straight from the barrell
His bike hit the curb, and he woke with but one word
"#@$%*!" 


...that's the end of the limerick.


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## KindTrish (May 25, 2009)

There once was a lady upnorth.
Who 1-clicked a Kindle, henceforth:
she stalked delivery trucks
‘n spent way too many bucks
and now has a negative net worth.

Weak but I have not had coffee yet


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## drenee (Nov 11, 2008)

trish...too cute.  I like it.
deb


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## mamiller (Apr 28, 2009)

KindTrish said:


> In the Garden of Eden, lay Adam,
> complacently stroking his Madam,
> His was full of mirth
> because on all earth
> ...


hahahaha... that is truly funny


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> Susan, who lived in VA


  Wow, immortalized in literature.... sort of.


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

mamiller said:


> he woke with but one word
> "#@$%*!"
> ...that's the end of the limerick.


I said that _before_ I woke up. Hey! Were you that paramedic? The one with the nine inch nails? 
The last time I rode in an ambulance, they charged my insurance $900+ and sent me a bill for 
$2200!  The itemized list said they even used the paddles on me. Strangely enough, I was never even unconscious during the ride. I felt every jolt, every bump and every needle. They should have been ashamed. So I'm going to shame them here with this new limerick:

Two ambulance drivers from Day-ton
Pinned their patient to the bed with a nail-gun.
When they got him pinned down,
They both looked around,
Then they robbed him like professional fel-ons.


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## WellAdjusted (Jun 4, 2009)

Tis better thy drink with a blender
a margarita, oh yes that I'll send her
a bottle, a cork or a can
isn't as good for a ma'am
but I made a mistake on her gender


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## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

WellAdjusted said:


> Tis better thy drink with a blender
> a margarita, oh yes that I'll send her
> a bottle, a cork or a can
> isn't as good for a ma'am
> but I made a mistake on her gender


Oooooops!


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Meredith Sinclair said:


> Oooooops!


And ooops is right, Miss Merry. I haven't seen any of your sordid little rhymes on here. Come on. Out with it, lassie! I know you have a few stored up behind those baby blues. I dare you to share.  I'm quite pleased to see someone else appreciating a place to display their wares, so to speak! Good one from Well-Adjusted.


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## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> And ooops is right, Miss Merry. I haven't seen any of your sordid little rhymes on here. Come on. Out with it, lassie! I know you have a few stored up behind those baby blues. I dare you to share.  I'm quite pleased to see someone else appreciating a place to display their wares, so to speak! Good one from Well-Adjusted.


You SCARE the beegeezus out of me!  I, I, I am inclined to stutter around peoples who have assasins and hobgoblins roaming free in their brains... seems like those *characters* are free to roam about the board here too, snarling and giving us that wicked grin with those emoticons  do tell why I should give you a limerick to read, I am a READER, not a writer...


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## koolmnbv (Mar 25, 2009)

LOL some of these are too funny!


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

A fictional lady named Merry
Wrote posts that made Brendan quite wary
Could she be his own, 
from one of his tomes?
No matter, he's glad she decided to tarry.


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## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> A fictional lady named Merry
> Wrote posts that made Brendan quite wary
> Could she be his own,
> from one of his tomes?
> No matter, he's glad she decided to tarry.


   

ok, here ya'll go confusing me again.
I suppose you want me to write as well? 

There is a _real_ girl named Merry,
Who reads books that are really _scary_
She posts all the time,
With not even one rhyme,
Until, this one took her


Spoiler



cherry


.


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## WellAdjusted (Jun 4, 2009)

There once was a man from Nantucket


Spoiler



with quite a large stock on his musket
when preparing to shoot
the duck on his boot
he missed and said I should 'ave plucked it


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## WellAdjusted (Jun 4, 2009)

When I ordered a Kindle, not book
it's e-ink I wanted to look
and page after page
I flew into a rage
as my phone, it did ring off the hook


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## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

There once was fatty named Catty
Who besides her grith, she was batty,
She found sex rather spicey,
But it become dicey
When wrapped in a hamburger patty.

extempor by
Edward C. Patterson


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Well, I am shocked and very pleased by these poetic ramblings!  Well done to all.  I shall send a PM to Miss Merry and offer my condolences for her loss.  And say to Miss Susan from VA that Meredith Sinclair is really a character in my books; however, Miss Merry on these threads is as follows:

Merry, Merry quite contrary
Has never given her name.
She reads my books.
I know not how she looks
Though loyal she does remain.


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

She's real, you say?  Well, pardon me
for assuming substantial trickery.
Convinced I am not
that Meredith's got
Substance beyond fiction and poetry.


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## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

As an eminent writing Fairy,
This thread to begin I was wary,
But now, I'll behoove,
It seems now to prove
Better that meat, fish or dairy.

Edward C. Patterson
head's apoppin'


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> She's real, you say? Well, pardon me
> for assuming substantial trickery.
> Convinced I am not
> that Meredith's got
> Substance beyond fiction and poetry.


To you I say _au contraire_.
I'm afraid she is much more than air
I did get a glance
Of her at a dance
At the Texas Rennaissance Faire.


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

edwpat said:


> As an eminent writing Fairy,
> This thread to begin I was wary,
> But now, I'll behoove,
> It seems now to prove
> ...


You're winning my heart as a Fairy.
I know to some you are scary,
But boggan you're not,
For some even hot
Like Merry, Miss Merry contrary!


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## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> She's real, you say? Well, pardon me
> for assuming substantial trickery.
> Convinced I am not
> that Meredith's got
> Substance beyond fiction and poetry.


Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

So this is the day...
You ponder you say,
whether Miss Merry is real
Although I'm in books
all's true but the _looks_ 
and I promise no souls did I steal.


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> To you I say _au contraire_.
> I'm afraid she is much more than air
> I did get a glance
> Of her at a dance
> At the Texas Rennaissance Faire.


At least I now know that she dances
(perhaps, like her avatar, casting coy glances)
Though her posts sound like you
The same style through and through
I ask you, what are the chances?!?


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> At least I now know that she dances
> (perhaps, like her avatar, casting coy glances)
> Though her posts sound like you
> The same style through and through
> I ask you, what are the chances?!?


For this I truly am hurt. 
You walk on my feelings like dirt. 
Speaking of walkers 
And word wise stalkers 
I think she is just a big flirt. 

Second verse, worse than the first.

Miss Merry follows my ramblings,
All shilly-shallies and shamblings.
A fellow Texan she be,
But very unlike me
She only reads my written peramblings.


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## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> At least I now know that she dances
> (perhaps, like her avatar, casting coy glances)
> Though her posts sound like you
> The same style through and through
> I ask you, what are the chances?!?


 Sorry this is not a limerick it literall took me forever to type the other one... I just don't have what it takes. (of course last night I had a bit of drink in me!)

Wow! I take that as a compliment, as I have been a fan of Brendan's since I read the first book, I am sure you can find that somewhere on here... but it's been a looonnnng wait for the ebooks, and I pushed Brendan to publish on Kindle when I got mine. I think I was probably the first one to push the "I want this on Kindle" button! Brendan does keep in contact by emails as far as books go but I find this way more entertaining.

Nevertheless I am not a GENIUS like he is... literally use the heck out of my encyclopedia when reading about Templars and such. But as I am a Catholic school teacher, I do find the books very intriguing, since of course i do find sooooo many likenesses in myself and the leading lady.

Edit: Look who's talking,
You write about stalking,
and about my life and then...
as soon as they say we're one-n-the-same
ya turn your back on me friend...


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## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

The once was a man named Ed P
Who crafted his books to the T,
While others are mavens
For plotlines and raven,
He set all his characters free.

--- but that's just me.
      tee hee hee

Edward Cee Patterson


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Meredith Sinclair said:


> Edit: Look who's talking,
> You write about stalking,
> and about my life and then...
> as soon as they say we're one-n-the-same
> ya turn your back on me friend...


Awwwwwwwww, now Miss Merry, I'm really trying to defend your right to be a separate entity since it would look bad if people really thought that you were me and vice versa and that I was holding conversations with myself in public... hmmmmmmmm. What was it I said about Lucio? Any attention is good attention (no matter how painful).


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## Carol Hanrahan (Mar 31, 2009)

Some stuff in this thread is confusing,
Although much of it is amusing.
If I can figure out
Just what you’re talking about
I can finally stop my perusing!


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## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

There once was a writer from Tonga
Who graced the malama with song-a,
She was big as a house,
But he was a mouse,
And she crushed him while dancing the Conga.


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## KindTrish (May 25, 2009)

Please take this lightly - it was the first thought that came to mind  when  I was reading this thread.  I know none of you 

Is there sexual tension in this thread?
Is it brewing between Merry and Ed?
If that is the case,
Brendan better make haste,
before all three of you get bopped in the head.

( you can guess what the last line could have been)


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

KindTrish said:


> Please take this lightly - it was the first thought that came to mind when I was reading this thread. I know none of you
> 
> Brendan better make haste,
> before all three of you get bopped in the head.
> ...


Ooooh, that's a good one, Kindtrish. Thank you so much for the rhyme and thanks to Carol H. and Edward for more foolishness as well.  It's all in fun and a little bit of intrigue. On my part... well, Edward has no problems with closets, but I am... dare I say it?  Yes! Yes!  I am a closet poet!  What I mean is that my poems should be kept in the closet on the top righthand shelf underneath the old sweaters and the two pound barbells. 

PS: Miss Merry if you are out there... answer Kindtrish. Is there something going on between you and Ed?


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> What I mean is that my poems should be kept in the closet on the top righthand shelf underneath the old sweaters and the two pound barbells.


   I didn't know THAT's the kind of stuff you wrote... On the top lefthand shelf of my closet underneath the pre-mom jeans is all the stuff that's Not Fit For Kiddos!


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## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> I didn't know THAT's the kind of stuff you wrote... On the top lefthand shelf of my closet underneath the pre-mom jeans is all the stuff that's Not Fit For Kiddos!


WOAH! Me too! can't go leaving stuff in bedside table drawers where a nine-year-old would go looking for a flashlight!  

Right under my old jeans, I actually lost weight when I was expecting...


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## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Let me say this to one and all,
Before I am roped and tied tall,
I never go swimmin'
With bow legged womyn,
Because I am _La Cage aux Folles_.

Miss Chatty


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Meredith Sinclair said:


> WOAH! Me too! can't go leaving stuff in bedside table drawers where a nine-year-old would go looking for a flashlight!


Yep. Or a six-year-old. I thought I was safe until she was about age five, but at 4 1/2 she spotted something and asked what it was... Yikes!! First time I ever lied to her.  The next day I moved everything to a top shelf.



Meredith Sinclair said:


> Right under my old jeans, I actually lost weight when I was expecting...


Wow, how did you manage that?? I'm still a size up from where I was...


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

edwpat said:


> Because I am _La Cage aux Folles_.


You know that's what Simone always makes me think of -- the original version, not the American remake -- a great movie!


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## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> Yep. Or a six-year-old. I thought I was safe until she was about age five, but at 4 1/2 she spotted something and asked what it was... Yikes!! First time I ever lied to her.  The next day I moved everything to a top shelf.
> Wow, how did you manage that?? I'm still a size up from where I was...


Well, I saw this just after I logged out and logged back in to answer. I have a long drive ahead of me tomorrow...so I was going to bed but... since I may not be on here for a good while... she was born 3 1/2 months early... so, I never even got to wear maternity clothes. I went into labor at 25 weeks.


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Meredith Sinclair said:


> Well, I saw this just after I logged out and logged back in to answer. I have a long drive ahead of me tomorrow...so I was going to bed but... since I may not be on here for a good while... she was born 3 1/2 months early... so, I never even got to wear maternity clothes. I went into labor at 25 weeks.


That must have been scary! But as long as she's ok, with no complications... I guess you just had a bunch of maternity clothes to return! 

(I didn't find out DD was on the way until about 17 weeks, so mine was kinda short too... Between the two of us we had a full-length pregnancy! )


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## Geemont (Nov 18, 2008)

Brendan Carroll said:


> Oh, good one! Good one! But what the devil is it with
> 
> 
> Spoiler
> ...


There is never too many limericks about them....

There once was a boy from Seattle
Who got his


Spoiler



balls


shot off in a battle.
To remain masculine
He replaced them with tin,
But whenever he walked he'd rattle.


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Geemont said:


> There is never too many limericks about them....


OK, so I guess you're right. I have another limerick that I didn't write myself but its one of my favorites. I'm going to spiff out most of it for delicacy's sake. Here goes:

There once was a man from Kent,
whose


Spoiler



mpfsff


 was so long that he bent 
it back double,
to save himself trouble,
but instead of


Spoiler



cldifming


, he went.


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## mamiller (Apr 28, 2009)

'Guy humor'    hahaha


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## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

"Gay" humor.  

Edward C. Patterson


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## Sailor (Nov 1, 2008)

I'll try a clean one.

There once was a Sailor who showered
when the curtains pulled open she cowered
when to her surprise
the man was a prize
she was never the same, she's de-flowered

Well, it's clean as in 'shower'.


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## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

There once was a man from Berlin
Who was ugly, as ugly as sin.
His face was like rover,
Red rover, come over
But he settled for Rin-tin-tin.

Ed Patterson
(glad that's out of my system)


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

edwpat said:


> There once was a man from Berlin
> Who was ugly, as ugly as sin.
> His face was like rover,
> Red rover, come over
> ...


Me, too.


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## Geemont (Nov 18, 2008)

A comely young virgin from Boston, Mass
Wouldn't make love to her boyfriend, alas!
"You can't pop my cherry,
Until we do marry,
But I'll roll over and give you my


Spoiler



ass


!"

There was an old salesman named Fred
Who, awake at night,


Spoiler



farted


 in bed.
His wife would complain
But he'd not refrain,
So with an axe she cut off his head.


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## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

There once was an eminent vector
Who dined on his Reverend Rector.
He enjoyed Vicar spleen,
With a good fava bean,
And the dubbed himself Hannibal Lechter.

Edward C. Patterson
(The things you think of while driving  )


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

OK, so I can't resist.  A limerick a day keeps the readers away, that's just what they say, by the way. 


My shape is not slim, trim or prim.
My name is not Jim, Clem or Tim.
I'm just overweight
With a slight cantered gait
And a wee bit of gray on my rim.


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## frojazz (Feb 10, 2009)

I made this up when I was college but never thought that I'd have a chance to use it!

I once had a cat named Ned,
Who was completely brain dead.
He ran out in the street,
Got run over by feet,
'Cuz the Flinstones were running a red.


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

frojazz said:


> I made this up when I was college but never thought that I'd have a chance to use it!


I'm gratified to see that others do, indeed, suffer from my same malady.  Good one, Frojazz. I'm wondering which course this composition was written for so that I can audit it when I go back to college... some day... when I have more time. Oh, I have to go before I feel another rhyme coming on. Thanks friend. I needed this.


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## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

I hope my dear friends I won't vex,
Or force them to give me a Hex,
But I'm singing a song-a
And dancing a conga
'Cause 'Zon has just shipped my *DX*.

Edward C. Pattersong (a G&S touch)


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Oh, man.  I'm away from KB for four days and THIS is what I missed?!?  I should have checked in here more often; the week would have been much funnier.


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## frojazz (Feb 10, 2009)

Here's another.  I didn't get a DX, but this popped into my head.

The DX is finally here!
Let us all give a hearty cheer.
Yippie-ti-yi yea
And Hip-hip hooray!
(You still can’t have my K2, dear.)


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## Scheherazade (Apr 11, 2009)

I have some actual clean ones 

A flea and a fly in a flue
Were caught, so what could they do?
Said the fly, "Let us flee."
"Let us fly," said the flea.
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

There once was a woman from Crete
Who was so exceedingly neat,
When she got out of bed
She stood on her head
To keep from soiling her feet.

A canner exceedingly canny
One morning remarked to his granny
A canner can can
Anything that he can
But a canner can't can a can, can he?

There was a young lady from Leeds
Who swallowed six packets of seeds.
In a month the silly lass,
She was covered with grass,
And she couldn't sit down for the weeds.

There was a young girl named Lenore,
Whose mouth was as wide as a door.
While attempting to grin,
She slipped and fell in,
And laid inside out on the floor.

thginK fo namow gnuoy a saw erehT
,thgir eht ot tfel eht morf etirw dluow ohW
rorrim a ni dekool ehs liT'
.rorre reh derevocsid dnA
!thgir eht morf tfel eht ot setirw ehs woN


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## Scheherazade (Apr 11, 2009)

And some more cuz I can't sleep...

There once was a crazy old thief
Who caused local farmers much grief
To their cows he would run
Cut their legs off for fun
And say "Look, I've invented ground beef!"

Said a fool whose mind was quite miniscule
As his ignorance reached a new pinnacle
"I don't believe in astrology
It's my ideology
But I'm a Leo and Leo's are cynical."

To his friend, Ned said, rather blue,
"My wife Edith just told me we're through,
For she says I'm too fat."
And his friend told him that,
"You can't have your cake and Edith, too."

The sherrif finds that bloodshed and strife
Occupies most of his life--
The proper reward
For serving a lord
While ardently courting his wife.

The piper strode in shimmering mail,
Clutching a cat and biting its tail,
Or so it appears
To my eyes and my ears
Though he swears it's the pipes of the Gael.

And now since you have waited so long
You deserve to be praised in a song
With trumpets and lutes
And a consort of flutes
Which I haven't and so I'll move on.


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## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Great set, and  don;t more on ----- come back.

Edward C. Patterson


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> Oh, man. I'm away from KB for four days and THIS is what I missed?!? I should have checked in here more often; the week would have been much funnier.


So were you and Miss Merry off together?
Enjoying some good kind of weather?
For a bad storm blew in 
And my place is in ruin
And I've got nothing to wear but a feather.

OK so it's a_ big_ feather.


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## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Young Adam was blessed with a big one,
Which he used very much as he digged fun,
But he then had to grapple
With the bite of that apple,
And he had to don leaf, yes, a fig one.

Edward C. Patterson
Inspired by the feather


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

edwpat said:


> And he had to don leaf, yes, a fig one.
> 
> Edward C. Patterson
> Inspired by the feather


I, too, am inspired by your work.  I just read your snippet from the _Dragon's Pool_ and I must now go and fix meself a grilled cheese sammich cause you made me hungry with all that fine feedery.  I, too, (shameless self-promotion ) have a book with Dragon in the title... two, in fact: _the Hesperian Dragon  _ and _Dragonslayer_, but my pools are filled with mercury. Hmmmmm. A good aperitif (did I spell that right?)


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## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Thanks Brandan. My dragons are not the Temeraire-type, but are more SciFi fantasy types, as they turn out to be iridian irradiated Velociraptors that are intelligent enough to bagain with their **** sapiens neighbors. 

Ed P


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Just try this one out on an irradiated velociraptor, should make him/her run in terror.

A tutor who tooted a flute
Tried to tutor two tooters to toot.
Said the two to the tutor
"Is it harder to toot
Or to tutor two tooters to toot?"


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

There once was man named J. Howell,
Who strolled after bath without towel,
Then this old coot,
Heard a high hoot,
And that's how he met


Spoiler



The Jade Owl


.

Edward C. Promotinghisbook


----------



## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Ahhhh, Patterson, I see you up to old trick.

Shameless self-promoter name


Spoiler



Patterson


Was called by some people


Spoiler



Patter-son


.
Yeah, that Japanese
Hanging out in Breeze.
At least, they not call you


Spoiler



Fatter-son


.


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Hey, I just lost ten pounds.

There once was an author from Ham
Accused of promoting as spam,
But here he's invited
And oh so polited
So spam is a term one can cram.  

Edward the Invited


----------



## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

edwpat said:


> Hey, I just lost ten pounds.


Just read your post about the public reading. I'm really too new at this to understand all the implications behind such a thing, but it sounds pretty impressive. Good luck with that, though a I'm a bit late, it would seem. Looking forward to hearing about it when you get back. Brendan


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Brendan,

I just arrived at the hotel down here in Virginia. It's a little different than a "public" reading. Usually authors need to hawk their books at readings - you read, bring a box of books and hope after the reading people will buy 'em. In this case, Booz Hamilton Allen contacted me in January and said they had selected my book as their Diversity Reading selection for the Month of June (June being Gay Pride Month). This means that their group (100 members in 30 offices) would buy and read the book, gather in June via teleconference to discuss it. I was excited to see that among the selected authors for the other months was a Pulitzer Prize winner  and Gregory McGuire, and five of the selected books have been on the NY Times Best Seller list. So I was thrilled. Then they asked if I could come read and sign for a 4 figure honorarium. I also was the winner of the Minority Achievement Award for 2000 in the State of New Jersey for my efforts in Diversity in the Workplace, especially Gay & Lesbian issues. So, when I was a Director at Dun & Bradstreet (no more) I traveled about within  the corporation and they lent me out to other corporations (like Kodak) to give lectures on GLBT Issues in the workplace. So I guess the combination of things makes up for me not being on the NY Times Best Seller list . . . yet (that depends on my readers).  

Ed P

Oh a limerick to stay OT.

There once was a maiden named Lynn,
Whose cat was as ugly as sin,
She ran it to hell
'Til it fell in a well,
Now it's catgut 'gainst her violin.

(how's that for extemporaneous while eagerly awaiting to have lunch?)

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

edwpat said:


> (how's that for extemporaneous while eagerly awaiting to have lunch?)
> Edward C. Patterson


That's a good one and it sounds like you had fun, too. Vey impressive, Edward. Good going. Marvelous, simply marvelous. Thanks for nfo. On a serious note, we do have a problem where I work, but my contract prevents me from even expressing an opinion about anything to with my 'job', but I can say they could use some training!! Insensitive... not a good enough word. Enough of that or *Basta!* as they say in _Italia_. Your limerick put me in mind of the first one I learned way back in sixth grade. (Oh yeah, I member that far back. )

There once was a lady from Lynn,
Who was so incredibly thin,
That when she assayed 
To drink lemonade,
She slipped through the straw and fell in.


----------



## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> So were you and Miss Merry off together?
> Enjoying some good kind of weather?
> For a bad storm blew in
> And my place is in ruin
> ...


Hey! Are you a'startin' rumors again Brendan? You know I read this earlier and just realized I did not post anything here... so here goes...

I don't know anything about your tiny feather... but what about tigers? 

There once was a lady from Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
They returned from a ride
with the lady inside
and the smile on the face of the tiger.

Now what do you think about that?


----------



## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Scheherazade said:


> I have some actual clean ones
> thginK fo namow gnuoy a saw erehT
> ,thgir eht ot tfel eht morf etirw dluow ohW
> rorrim a ni dekool ehs liT'
> ...


I just wanted to say thank you, Mr. Shckeirjdkrazade, for ripping my eyeballs completely out of my head!  Great post and  pay no attention to that lady right down there underneath us.


----------



## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> So were you and Miss Merry off together?
> Enjoying some good kind of weather?
> For a bad storm blew in
> And my place is in ruin
> ...


You're borrowing feathers of Ed's?? 
So stylish, those queenly threads!
I wasn't with Merry
I just had a very
Busy few days deading heads.

(of roses, that is. and other gardening chores.)


----------



## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

edwpat said:


> Thanks Brandan. My dragons are not the Temeraire-type, but are more SciFi fantasy types, as *they turn out to be iridian irradiated Velociraptors that are intelligent *enough to bagain with their **** sapiens neighbors.


Are you giving away a plot point?!?


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Maybe I have - but if you read the last snippet of The Dragon's Pool, you would have met the dragon riders (and guess what they riding).  

Ed P


----------



## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

<heading off to find the snippet thread>


----------



## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

The LAST snippet had to do with food. Yummy-sounding food, too! (btw had I known earlier that you are currently in this area, I would have recommended a few good restaurants in Vienna.... hope you found at least one during your stay!)

I eventually found the dragon riders -- and they make NO sense to me at this point, but then I'm only a little way into book two so far. No doubt it will all come together eventually.

Irradiated velociraptors are intriguing because it sounds as though you might eventually reveal an (at least somewhat) scientific explanation for all the spooky goings-on. Paranormal stuff that turns out to actually make sense <g>. Wow.

Hmm... there's no limerick anywhere in here.... well then, a _really_ lame rhyme, just to stay minimally on topic... 
Roses are red, violets are blue, 
Tuscan cooking is yummy, and so is Hugh!

(ok, so I still prefer Sean, but he doesn't rhyme. Topic requirement fulfilled.)


----------



## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> The LAST snippet had to do with food. Yummy-sounding food, too! (btw had I known earlier that you are currently in this area, I would have recommended a few good restaurants in Vienna.... hope you found at least one during your stay!)
> Hmm... there's no limerick anywhere in here.... well then, a _really_ lame rhyme, just to stay minimally on topic...
> Roses are red, violets are blue,
> Tuscan cooking is yummy, and so is Hugh!
> ...


See you're talking about dining,
but snacking will do.
I'ma wantin' some candy,
or a cookie or two.

Ok, it's the best I can do as I sit here munching on some Almond M&M's
and telling myself to put them away and go to bed!


----------



## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Meredith Sinclair said:


> Ok, it's the best I can do as I sit here munching on some Almond M&M's
> and telling myself to put them away and go to bed!


One more good thing about the Kindle is that I don't snack while reading anymore. The thought of chocolate smudges on my Kindle <gasp!> or greasy fingerprints on my Oberon <eeek!> is enough to stop me from mindlessly munching on M&M's or anything else.


----------



## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> One more good thing about the Kindle is that I don't snack while reading anymore. The thought of chocolate smudges on my Kindle <gasp!> or greasy fingerprints on my Oberon <eeek!> is enough to stop me from mindlessly munching on M&M's or anything else.


Hey! M-eeez don't leave chocolate on your hands,  besides, I am kB-ing right now, and that is what gets me into trouble. Oh well, I'll run an extra couple of miles tomorrow... maybe...

I work to lose all these pounds,
which seem to keep hangin' around.
I eat what I like,
then hop on the bike,
But my toes may never be found!


----------



## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> You're borrowing feathers of Ed's??
> So stylish, those queenly threads!
> I wasn't with Merry
> I just had a very
> ...


So deading heads of roses makes for a busy day?  Does that mean you have many dead roses?  Are you perhaps like Morticia Addams and her roses?  I do so love Morticia and that slinky black dress. So you weren't with Miss Merry after all. I have since learned that Miss Merry was also dead heading, but I'm not privy to Ed's feathers.

Miss Susan loves dead heading flowers,
A chore that she works on for hours.
Her roses were red,
But now they are dead.
She claims it endows super powers.

In all sincerity, I do love roses, but I usually kill them.  Not on purpose... just cause.  So I like to look at pictures or buy them in flower arrangements for my girlie.


----------



## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Meredith Sinclair said:


> See you're talking about dining,
> but snacking will do.
> I'ma wantin' some candy,
> or a cookie or two.


I don't want to leave you out tonight, Miss Merry, so here's a dining/snacking limerick for you. Not one of my originals, of course. 

A diner once dining at Crewe,
Found a rather large rat in his stew.
Said the waiter "Don't shout!"
"And wave it about!"
"Or the others will be wanting one, too."


----------



## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> So deading heads of roses makes for a busy day?  Does that mean you have many dead roses?  Are you perhaps like Morticia Addams and her roses?  I do so love Morticia and that slinky black dress. So you weren't with Miss Merry after all. I have since learned that Miss Merry was also dead heading, but I'm not privy to Ed's feathers.
> 
> Miss Susan loves dead heading flowers,
> A chore that she works on for hours.
> ...


Oh no no no no no. You have that all wrong. I do not have many dead roses. My roses are fine. But the spent blossoms are supposed to be removed <snip>. Furthermore, I do not have a single RED rose, healthy, snipped, or otherwise. I have yellow ones, pink ones, peach ones, lavender ones, white ones, and multicolored ones. Also, it does not take HOURS, but there was a lot of other yardwork to do. But none of it rhymed, so it got left out. I do have a slinky black dress, but I don't wear it on Kindleboards. Or gardening, either.

Hmmm.... dead flowers and superpowers... have you been reading Ed's books? (oooh, and that included my required rhyme, so I don't have to come up with a limerick this time! ) (and a second bonus rhyme there too! )

(It's late here, can you tell?)


----------



## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> Oh no no no no no. You have that all wrong. I do not have many dead roses. My roses are fine. But the spent blossoms are supposed to be removed <snip>. Furthermore, I do not have a single RED rose, healthy, snipped, or otherwise. I have yellow ones, pink ones, peach ones, lavender ones, white ones, and multicolored ones. Also, it does not take HOURS, but there was a lot of other yardwork to do. Hmmm.... dead flowers and superpowers... have you been reading Ed's books? (oooh, and that included my required rhyme, so I don't have to come up with a limerick this time! ) (and a second bonus rhyme there too! )
> (It's late here, can you tell?)


Brendan is such a dude,
And though he appears rude,
I'm sure it's nothing but Attitude!
He no doubt felt alone
with both of us gone.
So we must give him slack
now, since we're back.
He wants us to rhyme,
Rhyme all the time.
But, I'm not a poet
So ya know I will


Spoiler



blow it


!


----------



## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> Hmmm.... dead flowers and superpowers... have you been reading Ed's books? (oooh, and that included my required rhyme, so I don't have to come up with a limerick this time! ) (and a second bonus rhyme there too! )
> (It's late here, can you tell?)


Actually, I have read one of Ed's books, but it didn't have any superpower flowers in it. But you know what was truly amazing?  It was late here, too, when you wrote that post.  We must live in the same place... cosmically speaking, we do live in the exact same place. Scary, huh?  But you know what I find even scarier? The use of the word 'snip'. So here goes:

There once was a fellow who was quite wary 
Of things which to him that seemed scary. 
Like things that go 'snip' 
And fellas named 'Chip' 
And things coming back from _Pet Semetary_.  
My tribute to the "King" of Terrors, both my own novel and to Steven or Stephen King as the case may or may not be


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

It's _Pet Semetary _ trivia time.

Did you know that when Uncle Stevie finished _Pet Semetary _ his had his best critic read the book - that would be Tabitha, his wife. She raised an eyebrow and they both decided, because of the prepubescent murderer the book would not be published. It went in the drawer, where it would have stayed had not King wanted to get out of his current publishing contract. He needed a quick book to satisfy the contract, so he could move one to the next house. o the drawer opened and out came - _Pet Semetary_. Of course, it went to number 1. To my knowledge, this is the only book other than _Rage_ that Stephen King has publicly regretted he wrote.

Edward C. Patterson

Oh, I need to stay on topic so, let me see . . . thinking.

There once was an author from Maine
Who rarely from gore would refrain,
But not since Orono,
Would he work the pro bono
And so he hopped on old Blane the Pain.
Continuing this, I'll not sustain.

Ed p


----------



## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Meredith Sinclair said:


> So ya know I will
> 
> 
> Spoiler
> ...


So you are no poet? I beg to differ.  I think that your poetry is quite loverly, since it includes my name. Someone told me that there was a crazy fellow with mad cow disease on television that liked the sound of his name. Who was that anyway, Captain Kirk?


----------



## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

edwpat said:


> It's _Pet Semetary _ trivia time.
> To my knowledge, this is the only book other than _Rage_ that Stephen King has publicly regretted he wrote.
> Edward C. Patterson


That's very interesting. I hope someday that I can be regretful of writing a number one bestseller as well.  I'm afraid all I'll ever regret are some of these poems and limericks.

I used to read Stephen King. 
With Anne Rice I had a short fling, 
But now that I write, 
I may have to fight 
With them to secure center ring.


----------



## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> I hope someday that I can be regretful of writing a number one bestseller as well.


What a great sentiment! 



Brendan Carroll said:


> With Anne Rice I had a short fling,


----------



## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

OK, Miss Merry, one for you  --    the other thread might have been more family-friendly, but I think in this one I can tell you the story better.  


While shopping last month I saw toys
Intended for intimate joys
They were painted like frogs
Fish, parrots, and hogs
For adventuresome big girls (and boys).


----------



## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> OK, Miss Merry, one for you -- the other thread might have been more family-friendly, but I think in this one I can tell you the story better.
> While shopping last month I saw toys
> Intended for intimate joys
> They were painted like frogs
> ...


Hahahahaha LMAO!
With him gone away,
I may need to play.
So I may need to buy me a toy,
cause though I love THAT frog,
more than my dog.
He surely can bring me no joy!


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

I know that there is not much science
About the old vibrating appliance.
Still if there's a lag
And the evening's a drag
One can find they're a sure bet reliance.

Ed Patterson


----------



## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

edwpat said:


> I know that there is not much science
> About the old vibrating appliance.
> Still if there's a lag
> And the evening's a drag
> ...


     ROTFLMAO!!!!!!

This is quite true,
though for some it won't do.
But as for the rest,
it's simply the best
So put those batteries to the test!

Sorry.... it's early.....or seems to be 'cause I was up late!


----------



## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

To my dear Susan in VA: in regards to Anne Rice, Queen of Terrors:

Do not fret my dear. 
Do not quake in fear. 
It was only her writing 
To wit I am citing
Just to make things quite clear.


----------



## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Meredith Sinclair said:


> Hahahahaha LMAO!
> With him gone away,
> I may need to play.
> So I may need to buy me a toy,
> ...


I do feel the need to shout 
And tactfully point out, 
Tho your poem rhymes
Several times,
_Limericks_ this thread is about!


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

In case we are losing our form. 
Perhaps we'll retreat to the dorm,
And practice infest
With a beat anapest
Which is the LimericK norm.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> I do feel the need to shout
> And tactfully point out,
> Tho your poem rhymes
> Several times,
> _Limericks_ this thread is about!


Edward said RHYMES too... Brendan Carroll... so there! 
Are you jealous cause I'm cute? 
cause your point is just moot 
I do like to rhyme 
but don't do it on time 
just like how you toot your flute! 

Susan where are you? You can help me, tell them I'm funny...or at least I'm trying?


----------



## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Meredith Sinclair said:


> I do like how you toot your flute!
> You can help me?


I'm sorry I did not have space 
To quote you fully in this place,
But thanks for the rhyme
And most of your time 
And the great big slap in the face.


----------



## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> I'm sorry I did not have space
> To quote you fully in this place,
> But thanks for rhyme
> And most of your time
> And the great big slap in the face.


_oh that's NOT WHAT I SAID!!!!!__OOOOOOhhhhh I like this red.... you're not right, for starting this fight! now, I think I'll just go on to bed!_


----------



## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Meredith Sinclair said:


> _NOT WHAT I SAID!!!!!_


I C U R sorely vexed
At my quoting out of context. 
You may not have said
What I heard in my head 
And now I am totally wrecked.


----------



## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Meredith Sinclair said:


> Edward said RHYMES too... Brendan Carroll... so there!
> Are you jealous cause I'm cute?
> cause your point is just moot
> I do like to rhyme
> ...


  Busy day, sorry I missed the fun.... But I think you're quite right, it specifically includes "other Rhymes"!


----------



## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> Busy day, sorry I missed the fun.... But I think you're quite right, it specifically includes "other Rhymes"!


Now for today's musings and kungfusings:
(This one goes out to Miss Susan in VA, ladies and gentlemen, and I really mean that little reader girl. Please use best imitation Elvis accent.)

I once knew a shameless self-promoter. 
He was a real go out and get your goater. 
He was cute as a button 
And would stop at nuttun 
To make sure his book was a top-floater!  Ha. LMAO!!!


----------



## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> Please use best imitation Elvis accent.


You know, I never really got the appeal of Elvis.


----------



## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> You know, I never really got the appeal of Elvis.


Well, I _*ain't nothing but a hound dog * _ with a _suspicious mind _ or I'm just _*caught in a trap*_ or maybe lost in the _*Kentucky Rain*_? But I have my _*suspicions*_ that you may _*look like an angel * _ but I'll bet you can _*shake, rattle and roll * _ with the best of them. Your disdain for the King leaves me _*crying in the chapel * _ and the tears stain my _*blue suede shoes*_. Just remember I don't have a _*wooden heart*_ and you leave me _*all shook up*_. 
'Sides, Elvis didn't have appeal, he had charisma. Honestly, I was listening to Elvis from the confines of my


Spoiler



mother's womb


, so I had no choice but be an Elvis fan.


----------



## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> 'Sides, Elvis didn't have appeal, he had charisma.


Charisma, huh? Sorry, it just passes me by. I've seen bits and pieces of movies and such (supposedly the highlights!) but was never captivated enough to sit through a whole one.



Brendan Carroll said:


> Honestly, I was listening to Elvis from the confines of my
> 
> 
> Spoiler
> ...


Ha! That must be it. I went to a Blue Man Group show when I was pregnant, and my DD will dance to _anything_ as long as it has a rhythm -- and she hears danceable rhythm in things where normal people don't, like Christmas carols and church choirs.


----------



## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

That has to be it because it seems a bit strange to me as well that I am an Elvis fan 22 years after he's gone and left us and dare I say it?  I've move into Heartbreak Hotel .  My friends think I'm nutty, but me dear old mum still makes copies of CD's for me.   And yes, sometimes I play them in the car when I really want to irritate grumpy passengers.   But it's a good way to get them to cheer up and beg for talk radio or something.


----------



## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> That has to be it because it seems a bit strange to me as well that I am an Elvis fan 22 years after he's gone and left us and dare I say it? I've move into Heartbreak Hotel . My friends think I'm nutty, but me dear old mum still makes copies of CD's for me.  And yes, sometimes I play them in the car when I really want to irritate grumpy passengers.  But it's a good way to get them to cheer up and beg for talk radio or something.


OK, between Elvis and talk radio (unless it's straight news) I think Elvis would win out for me... but that's not saying much.


----------



## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> OK, between Elvis and talk radio (unless it's straight news) I think Elvis would win out for me... but that's not saying much.


Exactly my point.  Now here is a tribute to Talk Radio. I know that lots of people don't, but I can't resist...

I listen to talk radio, 
To Sean, to Gordy and Rushbo.
They don't jump and shout,
But they get the word out. 
Now I'm looking for some place to go.


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

I shun the media Nazis.
I'd rather dance with the Swazis,
Which when taken complete
Is a balletic feat
And easy when dressed Hottentotzis.

Edward C. Patterson
(I got my Fox News immunizations)


----------



## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

I know that somethings should just be left to go by the wayside, but I just couldn't let it go.  Someone asked me to write a limerick about her, so here goes:

The love of my life just said
That success would go to my head. 
But I beg to differ
Though I don't want to miffer 
Cause with the dog I'll nay share my bed!


----------



## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> I know that somethings should just be left to go by the wayside, but I just couldn't let it go. Someone asked me to write a limerick about her, so here goes:
> 
> The love of my life just said
> That success would go to my head.
> ...


You should always keep BUMPING this Thread!

I love ya'lls Limericks, and was afraid I had killed them....


----------



## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

The Limericks are living Yahoo, 
To end them would be a boo hoo.
You can dice 'em and lace 'em
We'd never replace 'em
With a bunch of foreign Haiku.

Edward C. Patterson


----------



## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Edward C. Patterson said:


> The Limericks are living Yahoo,
> To end them would be a boo hoo.
> You can dice 'em and lace 'em
> We'd never replace 'em
> ...


Thanks! Edward, I'm glad SOMEBODY still LOVES me!


----------



## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Meredith Sinclair said:


> Thanks! Edward, I'm glad SOMEBODY still LOVES me!


After the way you got woken up this morning, how could you have any doubt??


----------



## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> After the way you got woken up this morning, how could you have any doubt??


Do tell... how did it happen?

I stayed up all night and into the morning.
When suddenly, without even a'yawning,
I fell into a dream
Or so it would seem
Then like a nightmare the sun was a'dawning.


----------



## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> Do tell... how did it happen?


T'was not the sweet scent of a rose
Nor a prankster 's cold garden hose
But Merry's dear doggie
Who'd missed her, and thought he
Would wake her with a lick to the nose!


----------



## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> T'was not the sweet scent of a rose
> Nor a prankster 's cold garden hose
> But Merry's dear doggie
> Who'd missed her, and thought he
> Would wake her with a lick to the nose!


That's cute and I'm going to leave it alone. Aren't you proud of me? I have a question for you as a reader: would it bother you to read some special dialog that shows a character's special inflection or accent that is done to show his/her changing mood or would you prefer no color at all... just straight unadulterated English... 'perfect English'... which I find a little irksome since no one... especially not fictional characters really use when speaking to each other. Would it bother you? Please PM me so that we don't go OT and offend someone?


----------



## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> After the way you got woken up this morning, how could you have any doubt??


Now, now Susan.... people could be a thinkin' 
that since last night I was a'drinkin' 
I spent the the night 
with my *knight*
and woke up with the armor *a'clinkin*'! 



OMG! I SWEAR to you I did not read past THIS post because my DD is looking for CHAPSTICK for our trip to the Bug thing today... now I read on....  WEIRD! I SWEAR IT! I had no clue ya'll were limerick-ing too!


----------



## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Meredith Sinclair said:


> Now, now Susan.... people could be a thinkin'
> that since last night I was a'drinkin'
> I spent the the night
> with my *knight*
> and woke up with the armor *a'clinkin*'!


<ouch> that would leave some bruises!


----------



## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> That's cute and I'm going to leave it alone. Aren't you proud of me? I have a question for you as a reader: would it bother you to read some special dialog that shows a character's special inflection or accent that is done to show his/her changing mood or would you prefer no color at all... just straight unadulterated English... 'perfect English'... which I find a little irksome since no one... especially not fictional characters really use when speaking to each other. Would it bother you? Please PM me so that we don't go OT and offend someone?


I'll PM you, but didn't Leslie just ask a similar question elsewhere (author support, maybe)? There are probably a bunch of replies there that will help you as well.


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## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> That's cute and I'm going to leave it alone. Aren't you proud of me? I have a question for you as a reader: would it bother you to read some special dialog that shows a character's special inflection or accent that is done to show his/her changing mood or would you prefer no color at all... just straight unadulterated English... 'perfect English'... which I find a little irksome since no one... especially not fictional characters really use when speaking to each other. Would it bother you? Please PM me so that we don't go OT and offend someone?


I LOVE the way Mark, Lucio & Paddy Talk! Don't change a thing!


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## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Talking 'bout armor in clink,
I once know knew a man dressed in pink,
He'd tease and he'd pelt
With his chastity belt
Until his back armor I'd *****.

Edward C. Patterson


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Edward C. Patterson said:


> Talking 'bout armor in clink,
> I once know knew a man dressed in pink,
> He'd tease and he'd pelt
> With his chastity belt
> ...


Oh, deah, deah me.

I once dropped my soap in the showers
And found myself waiting for hours
Ere I dared pick it up
For I was just a wee pup
And not ready for _that_ wedding bower. 

Brendan Geeegolly Carroll


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## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

If you worry about your rear ends
And the way in the shower defends,
I tell you, old bean
In a full head of steam
On you physical looks it depends.

Edward C. Patterson


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

OK then.  It's good to be home.  So here goes:

If it's good looks you want I got 'em.
In a doctah's office I bought 'em.
New lips and lift,
An improved stick shift,
All bettah than Gawd furst wrought 'em.

LOL.


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## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

I once was a looker, by damn,
Not your hash or your fortified SPAM,
But along came old age
With its thyme and some sage
And now I'm trussed up like a Ham.

Edward C. Patterson


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## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> OK then. It's good to be home. So here goes:
> 
> If it's good looks you want I got 'em.
> In a doctah's office I bought 'em.
> ...


    stick shift Brendan! REALLY?


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Meredith Sinclair said:


> stick shift Brendan! REALLY?


Yes, Miss Merry, what is wrong with a stick shift? I rather prefer them over automatics, I mean really, there is just something so much more powerful about slamming


Spoiler



your foot down


 on the


Spoiler



clutch


 and grabbing hold of that


Spoiler



stick shift


 and


Spoiler



yanking it into gear


 and then... bam! Give it the gas and zoom, zoom, zoom, you're off and over the top!! Ha! Ha!

I once had a little blue Corvair
And extremely long, wavy hair.
So cool was I
When in my car did I fly
Shifting the gears here, there and everywhere.


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Edward C. Patterson said:


> hash fortified SPAM,
> thyme and some sage
> a Ham.
> Edward C. Patterson


OK, so I'm hungry again! What is it with these things and food?  Are you a gormand or gourmand or gourmetically correct... hmmm. No sense even trying to spell them right.... *sigh* Off to get a ham sandwich.


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> OK, so I'm hungry again! What is it with these things and food?  Are you a gormand or gourmand or gourmetically correct... hmmm. No sense even trying to spell them right.... *sigh* Off to get a ham sandwich.


Brendan, if you let every mention of food on KB inspire you to raid your fridge, you're going to weigh 300 lbs by December.  Strength! Willpower! Carrot sticks!


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## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

There once was a man from Calais,
Who was spry as a chilken in May.
But he let him self go,
And became a big Moe,
In his worship for old Frito Lay.

Edward C. Patterson


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> Brendan, if you let every mention of food on KB inspire you to raid your fridge, you're going to weigh 300 lbs by December.  Strength! Willpower! Carrot sticks!


Well, Miss Susan, I already weigh 500 lbs, but not because I'm fat, mind you, I just wear lots of clothes! LOL Just think of me as a Musketeers bar: Fluffy, not Stuffy.


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## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Alrgiht Susan. Brng back the pussy cat. That was the cutest pussy cat of them all (except the licking one of nversleepsawink).

Ed P


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Edward C. Patterson said:


> Alrgiht usan. Brng back the pussy cat. That was the cutest pussy cat of them all (except the licking one of nversleepsawink).
> 
> Ed P


I concur with Ed P's findings. Bring back the... uh, kitty with the bright green eyes. I love green eyes. Green eyes, red hair and soft summer nights in the deep south, the smell of magnolia blossoms and the sound of frogs croaking in the backwaters... don't forget the mosquito netting and the mint juleps. Hmmmm. Now I've gone and made myself homesick for Lake Ponchartrain, though I've not lived in a lake in several million years.

_"But somewhere, beyond Space and Time, is wetter water, slimier slime!"_ Rupert Brooke


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Edward C. Patterson said:


> Alrgiht Susan. Brng back the pussy cat. That was the cutest pussy cat of them all (except the licking one of nversleepsawink).
> 
> Ed P


Actually I was thinking of putting an owl up for the weekend, but forgot about it until just now. So here it is anyway, just because it seems fitting in a reply post to you. 










And now, by popular request.... <ahem>

Ladies and gentlemen.. mesdames et messieurs... meine Damen und Herren.... darf ich vorstellen... permettez-moi de vous presenter... may I present.... Miss Pixie! <cheering and clapping here, and cat treats thrown on stage>


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## Meredith Sinclair (May 21, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> Actually I was thinking of putting an owl up for the weekend, but forgot about it until just now. So here it is anyway, just because it seems fitting in a reply post to you.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Where is SHE   I Miiiiiiiisssssssss her....


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Dang it, I used the same picture (there IS only the one of her on photobucket!), didn't resize t or anything, and now the pic looks squashed in the avatar!  Grrr!  It looks fine when I go into my profile, but somehow in the posts it looks as though width-wise it's been squished together.  Anyone know what's causing that?


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## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

You went to the dogs and the ct's getting even.

Ed Patterson


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Susan in VA said:


> Dang it, I used the same picture (there IS only the one of her on photobucket!), didn't resize t or anything, and now the pic looks squashed in the avatar! Grrr! It looks fine when I go into my profile, but somehow in the posts it looks as though width-wise it's been squished together. Anyone know what's causing that?


It may be that she grew taller and slimmer while she was away. Young ladies often do that.  Good to see her back. Like the name: Pixie. Eh, Miss Merry?

Miss Pixie looks a might thinner 
Like maybe she missed out on dinner, 
But don't wish her fatter 
Cause that wouldn't flatter 
And to me, she looks like a winner.


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## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

I wonder the wonder that is
Without getting into a tiz,
That life at the top
Will most often pop
Like a bottle of gone ginger fizz.

Edward C. Patterson

Ah the power of the pure Limerick form.


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Brendan Carroll said:


> It may be that she grew taller and slimmer while she was away. Young ladies often do that.


Ha! She's middle-aged though, so one might expect quite the opposite....


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## Susan in VA (Apr 3, 2009)

Edward C. Patterson said:


> You went to the dogs and the ct's getting even.


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## harfner (Jul 5, 2009)

Her Kindle was oh-so exotic.
Its voice was quite smooth yet robotic.
  But her cheeks turned quite red
  When her Kindle was fed
A book that was loud and erotic.


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Thank you so much for posting another good limerick.   I was beginning to think that this thread might have come to an end.


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## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

In all things that we need to strive,
In a life where all things should thrive,
It's naught but a gimmick
Unless it's the Limerick
With which we keep this thread alive.

Edward C. Patterson


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

Hey, Edward.  Really depressed here about the DTP thing.  It makes me wonder.  Still nothing showing on mine and yet, you say you got one sale from a couple of days ago?  OK, so here's a sad limerick.

Oh, why do I search sales in vain? 
Oh, how it leaves me in pain! 
Oh, what can it be? 
Oh, when will I see? 
Oh, where can I place all the blame?


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## Edward C. Patterson (Mar 28, 2009)

Brandan:

This was posted on DTP just now. OT here, but just for you:

"We would like to take this opportunity to apologize to our publishers for the 
inconvenience you have experienced due to the current issue with payment 
reports.  Please note, your sales information has been captured in our database.  
Due to a systematic backlog, your payments information is not properly 
reflecting in your reports.  Our technical team is working hard to ensure that 
this issue is resolved as quickly as possible.  Please check your reports on 
July 11, after 3:00 p.m. PST, and you should see your sales information updated.  

Thanks for your patience in this matter and for notifying us of the issue."

Edward C. Patterson


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## Brenda Carroll (May 21, 2009)

OK, so I've not written a limerick in a while, but I just published the eleventh book in the Red Cross of Gold Series entitled: _Ars Arabia_. It hasn't become available just yet, so I'm waiting for the link before making a formal big deal about it.  However, since Ars Arabia is about a certain character named Lemarik, it put me in mind of this thread of which I am so fond. So I decided to write a limerick about the publishing of this new book. Here goes:

The trouble with publishing a work is this:
It is too much like a long, goodbye kiss
From a wonderful lover, 
When the affair is over,
Whom you know you will forever miss.


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