# Why Is this Book Not Selling? Necropolis by Xina Marie Uhl



## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Sooo, do you want me to continue this page? I've had no submissions and very few page views recently. I'd like to continue, but I need submissions to keep it going even on a semi-regular basis.

Send your books. It's a place to discuss marketing and presentation of your book. It's meant to be a safe place.

The page is not SEO-enabled. The post URLs are non-descript and won't come up high in search results. Certain incoming links are blocked.

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/

SEND YOUR SUBMISSIONS!


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## KerryT2012 (Dec 18, 2012)

Patty Jansen said:


> I've made a Wordpress blog:
> 
> http://booknotselling.wordpress.com/
> 
> ...


Thank you so much appreciate this - I love comments - all types of them. The joys of being a writer


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## Amanda Brice (Feb 16, 2011)

Your cover is the problem. I actually do like cartoonish chicklitty covers, but this one isn’t doing anything for you. It doesn’t look professionally-done — the typography isn’t polished and the silhouette just doesn’t look sharp.

I’m your exact target audience, so if I’m not giving the book a second glance, then you really have a problem. Sorry!

I agree to go a different direction and do a photo-style cover with the couple in a playful flirty look. Or even just legs. you can never go wrong with legs. LOL


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Thanks for your comments. More comments are on the blog.


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## Monique (Jul 31, 2010)

Added my two cents.


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## RinG (Mar 12, 2013)

Thanks for organising this! I've submitted my book via the blog.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Yup, thank for these. I have a number of posts lined up but not yet published.


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## KerryT2012 (Dec 18, 2012)

Amanda Brice said:


> Your cover is the problem. I actually do like cartoonish chicklitty covers, but this one isn't doing anything for you. It doesn't look professionally-done - the typography isn't polished and the silhouette just doesn't look sharp.
> 
> I'm your exact target audience, so if I'm not giving the book a second glance, then you really have a problem. Sorry!
> 
> I agree to go a different direction and do a photo-style cover with the couple in a playful flirty look. Or even just legs. you can never go wrong with legs. LOL


Thanks - the joys of being a writer, now I'm off to look for some legs


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Since Kerry has indicated that she has enough feedback and I have a few posts lined, up, I might as well post the next one, since this one is time-sensitive.

http://booknotselling.wordpress.com/2013/08/02/the-man-in-space-by-steven-hardesty/


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## Moondreamer (Apr 27, 2013)

Very nice initiative Patty! Even without submitting, just reading the comments is extremely informative and gives me some ideas about what can be improved. Keep'em going ^_^


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## unkownwriter (Jun 22, 2011)

Nicely done, and good co ments so far.


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## Aducknamedjoe (Apr 25, 2013)

Patty, awesome idea, thanks for putting this up!


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## Monique (Jul 31, 2010)

Added my thoughts on the latest.


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## Indirectly (Jul 11, 2013)

Oh crap, I added to the first one without realizing she had enough. I feel like a pariah. >< I'm sorry. 

I also added to the second one but... everyone seems to already be saying what I'm thinking only better. I am redundant!

I will submit mine too at some point because I don't want anyone to feel like I'm just sniping other people. I figure in a way we're all in this together. But I'm so new here. I never posted an introductory thread. Hi, I'm Kate Winters and I write books. I've been rejected by every big name agent who reps my genres and I've self-pubbed for the first time last month. I have a few short story publication credits but most of my professional writing has been in nonfiction. I want to be a novelist very badly. This forum is awesome and I've learned more about publishing here in a month than I've learned at other places over the course of years. <3 The end.


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## KerryT2012 (Dec 18, 2012)

Indirectly said:


> Oh crap, I added to the first one without realizing she had enough. I feel like a pariah. >< I'm sorry.


Nevermind, I can't see it, where is it? or you can PM your thoughts. Thanks - give yourself a break - you're new


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## Monique (Jul 31, 2010)

Sarwah2012 said:


> Nevermind, I can't see it, where is it? or you can PM your thoughts. Thanks - give yourself a break - you're new


It's probably in moderation awaiting approval.


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## Joe_Nobody (Oct 23, 2012)

I chimed in on the 2nd book, but felt unqualified to remark on the first. 

I hope folks take these comments/suggestion/remarks in the right way.

Like I keep telling my teenagers, if I didn't love you, I wouldn't bother.


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## 68564 (Mar 17, 2013)

This is awesome. I will be hanging out there. Thanks for doing this! I'll post the link on another writers forum if you do not mind?


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## Writerly Writer (Jul 19, 2012)

I added my comments in as well. I just give my impressions regardless of my inexperience and lack of knowledge of the different genres. I think with these books it's important to critically analyse them with respect to their genres (who their audience is) and while I try to do that, I don't think I'm necessarily good at it. 

Watch out if it's epic fantasy, though


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

It's Saturday here, and I don't spend as much time online as during the week. As I said, first-time commenters need to be approved, so everyone's comments now have been approved and are up on the site.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Oh, and I take absolutely no credit for thinking of this idea. This blog is a straight copy of the one Victorine Lieske did a while back. Except hers was on blogger and I hate blogger with the passion of ten thousand suns.


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## KerryT2012 (Dec 18, 2012)

Joe_Nobody said:


> I chimed in on the 2nd book, but felt unqualified to remark on the first.
> 
> I hope folks take these comments/suggestion/remarks in the right way.
> 
> Like I keep telling my teenagers, if I didn't love you, I wouldn't bother.


I love the comments. Any author that can't take criticism are in the wrong business - so I've learnt the hard way


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

OK, remember that I'm on a very different time zone from all of you, and I've just approved a whole bunch of comments.

I'm also taking submissions. Just fill in the form on the site. The link is in the menu tab at the top of the page.

ETA: all submissions have been processed and queued. I have six posts lined up that you can't see yet.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New post up today: Rise of the Retics by T.J. Lantz

http://booknotselling.wordpress.com/2013/08/04/the-rise-of-the-retics-by-t-j-lantz/


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New post up today:

http://booknotselling.wordpress.com/2013/08/07/innocence-by-catherine-nault-and-mana-findley/

Keep submitting your books! Use the "Submission form" tab at the top of the blog page.

I'm also thinking of adding a few writing-related posts or linking to posts with other information about selling or presenting your book.

Thoughts?


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## Aducknamedjoe (Apr 25, 2013)

Patty Jansen said:


> New post up today:
> 
> http://booknotselling.wordpress.com/2013/08/07/innocence-by-catherine-nault-and-mana-findley/
> 
> ...


I added my comment to the post.

As for your second question, I think that would be great, and could turn this blog into a really nice one-stop-shop resource for things you can do/best practices for getting your book sold (I'd like to learn more about keyword optimization in the description, for instance, and category selection etc.).


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

All new commenters approved.

I'm thinking of asking people here to contribute the odd blog post. For example, I have no idea about keyword selection. OK, I select my keywords, and try to aim for small categories, but I have no idea that it actually does any good.


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## JRWoodward (Apr 26, 2011)

I found a common thread in the not-selling blurbs. The use many words to set up the premise and tease the plot, but don't do enough to make you curious or interested in the characters. Is this the secret? A good blurb takes you straight to the characters and makes you car about them (or at least one of them)?


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## Monique (Jul 31, 2010)

I think most successful blurbs start with and focus on the MC.


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## Moondreamer (Apr 27, 2013)

Thank you everyone for the comments. It was much appreciated and a lot of food for thoughts. I agree with JRWoodward and Monique that the good blurbs I read make your care about the characters from the first sentence, makes you want to know what happens to them. It's a good thing to keep in mind 

Now, off to work!


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Blurbs which mention characters tend to be more engaging. It does depend a bit on genre. In Romance, yes, absolutely you have to start with the character. In Crime/Mystery, you start with the crime. In SF/Fantasy/HF you may need to start with the world before mentioning the character's place in it.

Ooh, I have some awesome things lined up for this blog.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New post up today: Reckless Rescue by Rinelle Grey:

http://booknotselling.wordpress.com/2013/08/08/reckless-rescue-by-rinelle-grey/


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Because so many people seem to have trouble writing blurbs, I've shared a crutch I picked up during my agent-querying days:

http://booknotselling.wordpress.com/2013/08/10/the-quick-and-dirty-about-writing-blurbs/


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New post today: Dragons and Dreams by Becca Price

http://booknotselling.wordpress.com/2013/08/11/dragons-and-dreams-by-becca-price/

Can I also ask that people respond here every now and then to keep this thread alive for the sake of new members?


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## 54706 (Dec 19, 2011)

Patty Jansen said:


> New post today: Dragons and Dreams by Becca Price
> 
> http://booknotselling.wordpress.com/2013/08/11/dragons-and-dreams-by-becca-price/
> 
> Can I also ask that people respond here every now and then to keep this thread alive for the sake of new members?


My thoughts are that for the age-level and story-telling style, I would expect (and any little kid I was reading with would expect) more pictures to go with the story. It's for young readers, and young readers look for and want awesome color illustrations to go with the story. It's what keeps them going back to the same books over and over. They like to look at and discuss the elements in the illustration, so parents look for those kind of books.

Older, middle-grade readers don't expect those illustrations, but for them, the story-telling needs to be more sophisticated and less 'canned'. (Canned, meaning like a thousand other fairy tales out there.) I know that sounds kind of derogatory, but I really don't mean it that way. The style is engaging, but it's not original per se; but it doesn't need to be. Not for young kids, anyway.


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## beccaprice (Oct 1, 2011)

Elle: yes, I know - there should be illustrations, but I can't afford them. I was hoping that, if I sell enough copies, I will be able to afford at least B&W interior drawings.


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## 54706 (Dec 19, 2011)

beccaprice said:


> Elle: yes, I know - there should be illustrations, but I can't afford them. I was hoping that, if I sell enough copies, I will be able to afford at least B&W interior drawings.


Yeah, kids' books are very expensive because of the illustrations. To be honest, though, my kids do not like B&W. They want color and lots of it.


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## dotx (Nov 4, 2010)

Unfortunately, I agree that the main problem here might be the lack of illustrations. It's probably one of those cases where you have to invest money in order to make money later. Maybe you can find an affordable artist somewhere? If you can't afford tons of illustrations, add a few, and then add more later on. That's still better than no illustrations at all.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Thanks for the comments, Elle and dotx


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## Chris Northern (Jan 20, 2011)

Glad to see this idea brought back to life. Just blogged about it and submitted one of my underperforming pieces for learned input that will be very welcome.


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## Writerly Writer (Jul 19, 2012)

Yeah I'm digging this as well. Not only is it useful to have your work analysed by fellow authors to help increase sales, but it's useful to turn a critical eye on other's work to learn how to improve your own work.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

I got your submission, Chris.

I'm in the process of consolidating my blogs, and I might move this to my self-hosted site, because I have more options there


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## beccaprice (Oct 1, 2011)

It's been all day, and there's only one comment at http://booknotselling.wordpress.com/2013/08/11/dragons-and-dreams-by-becca-price/comment-page-1/#comment-91.

I guess my biggest issue is that there's really no market for unillustrated fairy tales. oh, well.


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## Monique (Jul 31, 2010)

Fwiw, I would comment, but I know *nothing* about this genre at all.


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## dotx (Nov 4, 2010)

beccaprice said:


> It's been all day, and there's only one comment at http://booknotselling.wordpress.com/2013/08/11/dragons-and-dreams-by-becca-price/comment-page-1/#comment-91.
> 
> I guess my biggest issue is that there's really no market for unillustrated fairy tales. oh, well.


I think for the age group you're aiming for, you need illustrations. Fairy tales for older kids don't need illustrations.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

I'll comment a bit later today. Have to think about this one for a bit.

Have to go to the bank now
And book an overseas trip
And finish this damn book before said overseas trip
And...
And...


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## Aducknamedjoe (Apr 25, 2013)

Becca, dotx mentioned finding an affordable artist somewhere, maybe try Fiverr?

http://fiverr.com/categories/graphics-design/digital-illustration/#layout=auto&jls_sca350_1_auto=1

Here's one specifically aimed at children's books: http://fiverr.com/toonimals/create-a-childrens-book-illustration-in-my-style

I had a cool color sketch done by someone there for $5 (here's the sketch: http://s3.amazonaws.com/fiverr.com/deliveries/803451/v2_680_459/digital-illustration_ws_1374019559.jpg?1374019559)


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## dkgould (Feb 18, 2013)

Or you could make your own illustrations.  Tolkien did his own when the Hobbit first came out and he was terrible at it, but it didn't matter.  You could try drawing or painting them, but you don't have to.  You could cut them out of paper and make a sort of mosaic (like Ezra Jack Keats) or make them out of cloth or even sculpt them out of clay and photograph it.  Or even revel in the badness of your drawing and make it wacky (I have no idea if you draw badly.  I do, but making it weird makes it okay)  Kids, especially small kids, are less interested in your proficiency at drawing and more interested in just seeing something they sort of recognize (even if it is just shapes and colors).  Look what Eric Carle did with stencils.


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## dotx (Nov 4, 2010)

Aducknamedjoe said:


> Becca, dotx mentioned finding an affordable artist somewhere, maybe try Fiverr?
> 
> http://fiverr.com/categories/graphics-design/digital-illustration/#layout=auto&jls_sca350_1_auto=1
> 
> ...


+1
Great idea!


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## hyh (Jul 21, 2013)

Aducknamedjoe said:


> Becca, dotx mentioned finding an affordable artist somewhere, maybe try Fiverr?
> 
> http://fiverr.com/categories/graphics-design/digital-illustration/#layout=auto&jls_sca350_1_auto=1
> 
> ...


Great idea! Yes, I agree - I was just going to add my comment suggesting you try more "creative" ways to find artists - like say, art school students who are wanting to build up their portfolios. I know a lot of models starting out get their professional photos that way with photography students building their portfolio. But the Fiverr suggestion sounds great!

Hsin-Yi


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## hyh (Jul 21, 2013)

Another idea - maybe this is totally crazy   - but do you know any kids who might be able to draw some pictures for you? I know they're not "professional" but that's the point - if you're not going to be able to get top illustrator quality then maybe go for authenticity and have some really quaint, original illustrations of the story done by kids - which is obviously done by kids. Might add to the 'character' of your story. 

Hsin-Yi


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## 68564 (Mar 17, 2013)

H.Y. Hanna (BigHoneyDog) said:


> Another idea - maybe this is totally crazy  - but do you know any kids who might be able to draw some pictures for you? I know they're not "professional" but that's the point - if you're not going to be able to get top illustrator quality then maybe go for authenticity and have some really quaint, original illustrations of the story done by kids - which is obviously done by kids. Might add to the 'character' of your story.
> 
> Hsin-Yi


This is what I was going to suggest. I have not idea how it would market to kids, but parents would likely love it.


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## ingrid avluv (Feb 15, 2013)

Shouldn't it be "Why isn't this book selling?"


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

ingrid avluv said:


> Shouldn't it be "Why isn't this book selling?"


There is no "should" in this case and both are correct.

However, in SEO terms, always and always go for the option without apostrophes that don't bugger up your permalinks


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## 54706 (Dec 19, 2011)

Patty Jansen said:


> There is no "should" in this case and both are correct.
> 
> However, in SEO terms, always and always go for the option without apostrophes that don't bugger up your permalinks


Heh heh. Nicely done.


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## ingrid avluv (Feb 15, 2013)

Patty Jansen said:


> There is no "should" in this case and both are correct.
> 
> However, in SEO terms, always and always go for the option without apostrophes that don't bugger up your permalinks


It hits my ear wrong, which means it isn't any good. I am the arbiter of things like this in the Western world.

Plus my phrasing is more common. Would you say "Why did you not do your job?" or "Why didn't you do your job?"

People who write for SEO are turning the internet into a big dumping ground full of information unreadable by real human beings.


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## 54706 (Dec 19, 2011)

ingrid avluv said:


> It hits my ear wrong, which means it isn't any good. I am the arbiter of things like this in the Western world.
> 
> Plus my phrasing is more common. Would you say "Why did you not do your job?" or "Why didn't you do your job?"
> 
> People who write for SEO are turning the internet into a big dumping ground full of information unreadable by real human beings.


Your post is completely irrelevant to this thread and has no place here. If you have an issue with someone's grammar, you're better off sending that person a private message rather than junking up an otherwise helpful thread.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

ingrid avluv said:


> It hits my ear wrong, which means it isn't any good. I am the arbiter of things like this in the Western world.
> 
> Plus my phrasing is more common. Would you say "Why did you not do your job?" or "Why didn't you do your job?"
> 
> People who write for SEO are turning the internet into a big dumping ground full of information unreadable by real human beings.


Also, I copied the title word for word from Victorine's old blog, so you can blame her


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## Ann in Arlington (Oct 27, 2008)

ingrid avluv said:


> It hits my ear wrong, which means it isn't any good. I am the arbiter of things like this in the Western world.
> 
> Plus my phrasing is more common. Would you say "Why did you not do your job?" or "Why didn't you do your job?"
> 
> People who write for SEO are turning the internet into a big dumping ground full of information unreadable by real human beings.


I hope you mean this as a joke. . . . . maybe a  or two would help. 

FWIW, the thread title makes perfect sense to me. . . . . and, also FWIW, for me, there's a subtle difference between "Why isn't this book selling?" and "Why is this book not selling?"

And I've been reading for 50 years and moderator here for nearly 5.  So how about I declare a moratorium on discussing the grammar in the thread title and, instead, y'all can go back to answering the question the poster asked.

Or not.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New book up today! Petectives by Robert J. Smith

http://booknotselling.wordpress.com/2013/08/13/petectives-by-robert-j-smith/


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## Victorine (Apr 23, 2010)

Just wanted to say how happy I am that Patty is continuing this. (You're doing a great job, too.) Thanks so much!


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

It's my way of paying it forward


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## 54706 (Dec 19, 2011)

Okay ... regarding Petectives.

1.  When I saw the cover, I couldn't tell what the market was for the book. Younger kids?  Middle grade?  YA?  Adult?  I finally settled with little kids before reading the blurb, but I still wasn't sure it would work for that group.  The cover has the colors and cartooney look for little kids, but eh, it was on the border with middle grade for me.

2.  The blurb is obviously not meant for the super-young readers I'd assumed were the market by the cover.  I'm thinking at this point, maybe it's middle grade readers who are the target.

3.  As I'm reading the blurb, I'm getting lost in the cutesy descriptions.  Is Gatsby a cat or a boy?  What are dog police?  Are they dogs that are police or human canine police?  Am I reading a Lady and the Tramp kind of book?  There's mention of a vicious gang of pit bulls.  Again, I'm wondering, "Is this a Lady and the Tramp type book?"  But I'm not sure.  I'm just confused, really

4.  Then I see that the book is about two boys. I assume "boy"= "human".  But what was with the whiskers in the description?  Is one of them past puberty and he has a beard?  And there's mention of romance, but no details.  Is it the boys' romance?  Is one of the dog police a girl?  I'm confused.

5.  18k word novella.  That right there would keep me from buying at more than 99 cents (or at all, since I'm not a novella reader without STRONG reader recommendation).  Sorry.  

6.  Reviews mention lots of typos.  That keeps me from buying every time.  The only time it doesn't, is if the author replies to the comments and says they've been fixed.  There are no comments like this from the author, so I assume they haven't been fixed.

7.  What's up with the TM trademark symbol on the cover?  Lose that for sure.  And on the title page.  You don't see that on Harry Potter books.

8.  Repetitive word usage in the sample.  For example: the word "over" is used 4 times in one paragraph.  Makes the reading clunky.  It's all over the place in the sample.

9.  Several typos and grammatical errors in the sample.  Missing commas, missing apostrophes, misused of "had" form of tense, capital letters that should be lower case, etc.

10.  Honestly, even after reading most of the sample, I'm still not sure the age market for this book.

That's about it.  In closing, I'd say to get this to the point where it would sell, you'd need to:

1.  Change the cover to reflect the genre and market especially.
2.  Re-write the blurb to make it clear that it's an animal-perspective story and keep it simple.  Match the blurb style to the target market.
3.  Fix the typos, grammar, etc.
4.  Look for and change repetitive word usage throughout.


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## Rob Smith (May 14, 2012)

Hi Elle:
Thanks so much for taking the time to give me this feedback. As for the intended market, I originally envisioned this as a Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew type story with anthropomorphic animals. I categorized it as a children's story and got zero sales. After I changed categories to adult mysteries I started getting some sales, reviews and was contacted by an animal blog. This leads me to think that the market is adult animal lovers. 
As for the typos, I thought that they had been cleared up (they haven't been mentioned in reviews in almost a year) - I didn't realize that a comment was necessary. After I have someone go through the manuscript again, I'll respond to the comments. As for your other points, you've given me a lot to chew on. Thanks again.


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## Monique (Jul 31, 2010)

Added my two cents.


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## 68564 (Mar 17, 2013)

Victorine said:


> Just wanted to say how happy I am that Patty is continuing this. (You're doing a great job, too.) Thanks so much!


This!


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Awesome. Thanks for all the comments.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New book up today! To Rescue General Gordon by J.P. Medved:

http://booknotselling.wordpress.com/2013/08/15/to-rescue-general-gordon-by-j-p-medved/

Also, I will be moving this blog over to my own domain in the next week or so.


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## TRGoodman (Jul 9, 2012)

Added my comments.


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## pauldude000 (May 22, 2013)

Patty Jansen said:


> I've made a Wordpress blog:
> 
> http://booknotselling.wordpress.com/
> 
> ...


I'll provide a few bits in order of importance, though the author may not like it.

1. The cover is boring. It gives an antique look, but that is all. The cover is the MOST important thing to catch the customers eye.
2. The title seems to be okay. It is relevant and descriptive of the story, though again plain. However I think this may well be a genre thing.
3. The blurb needs SERIOUS work.

The blurb is lumped into one paragraph of eight sentences. Most people want a 'quick scan' blurb, easy to read with short paragraphs.

This sentence in particular stood out as a stumbling-block:



> So when the two young officers in Her Majesty's Royal Air Navy, along with their hulking Sikh friend Raheem, decide to rescue the famous General Gordon, trapped in a city under siege by an army of religious fanatics, their methods aren't exactly "cricket."


This is hard to read at best.

Also, the author states the work as 8,000 word at 35 pages, and then claims it is a novelette. Claim it is a short story, and not a novelette or novella.

Now comes then next two issues, which I cannot personally examine, as they are available only to the author. No one on earth can buy a book they can't find.

4. Keywords (Amazon IS after all a search engine first and foremost, and Amazon KDP states that they are relevant.)
5. Words used in description. (Advised by Amazon.)
6. Items four and five not repetitious. (Advised by Amazon.)

I hope this helps.


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## Aducknamedjoe (Apr 25, 2013)

> I'll provide a few bits in order of importance, though the author may not like it.


Paul, I love it; I've got a thick skin and appreciate the additional eyes on the piece.



> 4. Keywords (Amazon IS after all a search engine first and foremost, and Amazon KDP states that they are relevant.)
> 5. Words used in description. (Advised by Amazon.)
> 6. Items four and five not repetitious. (Advised by Amazon.)


I've obviously tried to pick the best ones, but are there any guides out there for figuring out what keywords to pick? Should I just do Amazon searches on words and pick the ones that seem to return results that are most like my story? Are there any tools (like Google's AdWords Keyword tool) that can give ideas on keyword/search term volumes on the 'Zon etc.?

Thanks to everyone for the helpful feedback!


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## CoraBuhlert (Aug 7, 2011)

pauldude000 said:


> 1. The cover is boring. It gives an antique look, but that is all. The cover is the MOST important thing to catch the customers eye.


The cover is appropriate for Steampunk and in fact I rather like it. It's also not unlike the covers of some trad-published Steampunk novels.



> Also, the author states the work as 8,000 word at 35 pages, and then claims it is a novelette. Claim it is a short story, and not a novelette or novella.


The SFWA defines a novelette as stories between 7500 and 17500 words, so an 8000 word story would qualify as a novelette. And Steampunk is SFF. Though calling the same story a "short story" on the cover and "a novelette" in the blurb is a tad confusing. I mostly stick only "A Story" on the cover and use short story, novelette or novella in the blurb.

I agree with you that the blurb needs work, as I also explained over at the blog.


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## pauldude000 (May 22, 2013)

Aducknamedjoe said:


> Paul, I love it; I've got a thick skin and appreciate the additional eyes on the piece.
> 
> I've obviously tried to pick the best ones, but are there any guides out there for figuring out what keywords to pick? Should I just do Amazon searches on words and pick the ones that seem to return results that are most like my story? Are there any tools (like Google's AdWords Keyword tool) that can give ideas on keyword/search term volumes on the 'Zon etc.?
> 
> Thanks to everyone for the helpful feedback!


People try to get clever with keywords, and it doesn't work. First of all, you have the genre for your paperback if you went through createspace, so choose different sub-genre, if possible, for your eBook. However, it is possible that you may not have a paperback version. Either way, have at least two sub-genre listed which are appropriate for the book.

Look at similar top-selling steampunk books to choose your genres. The genres will be listed under the 'top seller paid rank' listing. You already know that is where the market IS for your book.

Considering keywords... what words would you use if you were trying to locate a new steampunk novel or story yourself? What ALL sub-genres can you find steampunk in? Use those sub-genres that you are NOT listed under as keywords. They are valid and extremely relevant. Finish off the last of the seven total with relevant keywords that are genre specific lingo.

Use different genre specific terms and phrases in your blurb (book description). They are like salt, giving flavor. Too much salt is a bad thing which will make the dish nasty. A little sprinkle of some of the most used words or phrases are plenty.

At this point your book is SEO. (Search Engine Optimized)

The google adwords tool is a good idea for selecting the genre specific phrases and words, as you can quickly distinguish between little-searched-phrases verses often-searched-phrases. I would make a list.

Google adwords used as a tool is very good idea actually. Thank you, as it is a new idea for me.


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## pauldude000 (May 22, 2013)

CoraBuhlert said:


> The cover is appropriate for Steampunk and in fact I rather like it. It's also not unlike the covers of some trad-published Steampunk novels.
> 
> The SFWA defines a novelette as stories between 7500 and 17500 words, so an 8000 word story would qualify as a novelette. And Steampunk is SFF. Though calling the same story a "short story" on the cover and "a novelette" in the blurb is a tad confusing. I mostly stick only "A Story" on the cover and use short story, novelette or novella in the blurb.
> 
> I agree with you that the blurb needs work, as I also explained over at the blog.


Sorry, but as a former collector of trad pub sci-fi, I can state for a fact that rarely was the cover what I looked at when purchasing a book, as many of the covers in my paperback/hardback collection could have been outdone by a three year old. Some were worse than lousy. Trad-pub = good cover is, unfortunately, often a false dichotomy.

A good cover is what catches and tickles the readers interest at a glance. It intrigues the reader.

A good idea for the author would be to post a poll for the cover. Taste and preference vary by the customer, and what one calls elegant another may call boring. That is just how we humans are. What she needs is a broad overview to get an idea of what the market itself wants. If I were her, I would try a targeted approach and ask fans of the genre at a forum somewhere, if possible.

That way the results would be targeted to genre, and to the potential market at the same time.

What you said about the Novella issue was something I noticed as soon as I switched from cover to blurb.

Short story/novella 8,000 words, etc. I have been keeping my ear to the ground, and readers are starting to get ticked at this or that claim of bovella, novelette, short. The best idea is to drop the claim novella or novelette altogether unless you are on the high end of the word scale, as the purpose of the blurb is for readers and not authors.

We need the info concerning what is and is not a novel, novella, novelette, short, etc., but these phrases often mean little to the reader. They generally go by 'pages' from what I have seen.


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## CoraBuhlert (Aug 7, 2011)

pauldude000 said:


> Sorry, but as a former collector of trad pub sci-fi, I can state for a fact that rarely was the cover what I looked at when purchasing a book, as many of the covers in my paperback/hardback collection could have been outdone by a three year old. Some were worse than lousy. Trad-pub = good cover is, unfortunately, often a false dichotomy.
> 
> A good cover is what catches and tickles the readers interest at a glance. It intrigues the reader.
> 
> ...


I agree that there are plenty of bad trad pub covers, particularly in (but not limited to) SF and fantasy. However, it doesn't change the fact that the OP's cover does match the look of trad-published Steampunk novels. My editions of George Mann's and Stephen Hunt's books are in a similar style, as are the first two of Meljean Brook's _Iron Seas_ series (which would be an example for not very good trad-pub covers, because they never quite worked, though the series is wonderful). So the OP's cover definitely fits the genre look and I for one quite like it. However, tastes do differ, so polling hardcore Steampunk fans might be a good idea.

Going by their Amazon author page, the OP is male BTW.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

CoraBuhlert said:


> Going by their Amazon author page, the OP is male BTW.


I am not, but I am a facilitator, not the author of this book.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Weekend post: what is success anyway?

http://booknotselling.wordpress.com/2013/08/17/what-is-success-anyway/


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Today's post: High Witch by Mona Hanna: http://booknotselling.wordpress.com/2013/08/18/high-witch-by-mona-hanna/


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## Monique (Jul 31, 2010)

Added my thoughts!


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New site and new book up today: Terra Luna by Victoria and John Woodward

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=62

If you were approved for comments before, I will have to approve you again.


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## Wansit (Sep 27, 2012)

Patty Jansen said:


> New site and new book up today: Terra Luna by Victoria and John Woodward
> 
> http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=62
> 
> If you were approved for comments before, I will have to approve you again.


Just wanted to say kudos to you Patty on being so active with this.


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## Daizie (Mar 27, 2013)

Patty Jansen said:


> New site and new book up today: Terra Luna by Victoria and John Woodward
> 
> http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=62
> 
> If you were approved for comments before, I will have to approve you again.


Thanks for picking up the ball and resurrecting this project, Patty, and for dedicating your time to helping others.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Haha, thanks. However, the site is only going to be as good as your submissions and responses so keep those submissions rolling. Also, if you have any ideas for info posts, let me know.

Oh, and if you see a goof-up in the new site, please don't hesitate to let me know. 

Also, if anyone knows of a good wordpress plugin that lets me block incoming links from social media sites (Facebook, Twitter, forums other than the KBoards) let me know. I do not want any of these posts to go viral, and want to protect the relative confidentiality of both authors and people who take the time to comment.


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## 68564 (Mar 17, 2013)

Patty Jansen said:


> Haha, thanks. However, the site is only going to be as good as your submissions and responses so keep those submissions rolling. Also, if you have any ideas for info posts, let me know.
> 
> Oh, and if you see a goof-up in the new site, please don't hesitate to let me know.
> 
> Also, if anyone knows of a good wordpress plugin that lets me block incoming links from social media sites (Facebook, Twitter, forums other than the KBoards) let me know. I do not want any of these posts to go viral, and want to protect the relative confidentiality of both authors and people who take the time to comment.


Did set your robots file to block Google/etc? Do you have your links marked noindex? I have to look but I am sure there are plugs to manage that kind of thing for you.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

VydorScope said:


> Did set your robots file to block Google/etc? Do you have your links marked noindex? I have to look but I am sure there are plugs to manage that kind of thing for you.


Yup, I did. And you'll notice the bland permalinks. And there is no SEO on any of these posts. I'm looking for a plugin that lets me enter a couple of domains that I want to be unable to link to this site. Of course, people can still get to it (and I don't want to block access), but it will be harder, and they won't be able to share easily. I just want both authors and commenters to feel relatively safe. Of course it's the internet, and it's always open, but when stuff gets shared externally with the simple press of a button, people take lines out of context and start going off at unpleasant tangents.


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## 68564 (Mar 17, 2013)

Patty Jansen said:


> Yup, I did. And you'll notice the bland permalinks. And there is no SEO on any of these posts. I'm looking for a plugin that lets me enter a couple of domains that I want to be unable to link to this site. Of course, people can still get to it (and I don't want to block access), but it will be harder, and they won't be able to share easily. I just want both authors and commenters to feel relatively safe. Of course it's the internet, and it's always open, but when stuff gets shared externally with the simple press of a button, people take lines out of context and start going off at unpleasant tangents.


So as some one that admins several WP sites.. I have never considered this kind of thing  I am always trying to do the opposite.  I will poke around and see if I notice anything...


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

VydorScope said:


> So as some one that admins several WP sites.. I have never considered this kind of thing  I am always trying to do the opposite.  I will poke around and see if I notice anything...


Neither have I. That's why this is an interesting project. I agree on most websites you want to get the best exposure you can get.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

In the past few days, a lot of people have visited the submissions form on the site, and now I'm worried that some may have entered their books and I've received... nothing! Checked my spam folder: nothing!

Anyone want to submit anything so I can be certain that the form works?


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New post up today: Demons Die Harder by J.B. Brooklin

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=71


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## lvoynich (Jun 5, 2010)

Patty Jansen said:


> In the past few days, a lot of people have visited the submissions form on the site, and now I'm worried that some may have entered their books and I've received... nothing! Checked my spam folder: nothing!
> 
> Anyone want to submit anything so I can be certain that the form works?


I just submitted a book. I'm not sure if it went through or not, nothing changed on my screen after I pressed the "submit" button, so it's possible I submitted the same book multiple times. If so, I apologize.


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## 68564 (Mar 17, 2013)

Patty Jansen said:


> New post up today: Demons Die Harder by J.B. Brooklin
> 
> http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=71


Great cover, but the blurb needs help. Nothing in the blurb is a hook. Nothing says "I must read this book to answer this issue mentioned in the blurb"


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

ETA: Ah, I see. Fixed now. I hope. Can you try again?

I haven't received it yet. Hmm, obviously something wrong there. Thought it was weird because I haven't received any submissions since swapping the site. That would be hard if some part of the process isn't working.

*headdesk*

I'll ask you to try again later.


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## 54706 (Dec 19, 2011)

Response on Demons Die Harder:

The cover needs better font work, especially the author name. If you make the words tiny, readers will assume you’re not a big deal, and you don’t want them doing that. The title font could use with some effects to give it depth or more interesting features.  The cover art is okay, but maybe it would be fantastic if the font were different.  It's hard to tell. The cover should telegraph genre and market for me.  Right now I see paranormal or fantasy but I can't tell if it's YA, NA, or adult.  You can fix that with font and other effects.  Figure out your market first and then adjust the cover to suit.  Not having read the book, I can't comment on which market I think this book fits.

The blurb is so … esoteric or something. I cannot tell what the book is about, really, other than demons who are being hunted. That’s not enough. Blurbs aren’t supposed to be this mysterious, otherwise a reader can’t make a fair effort at deciding whether or not it’s worth reading. Rather than try to figure it out, they’ll just move on to another book. There are also a bunch of grammatical errors in it! That’s an auto-not-buy for many readers.  Need to clean those up.

The sample in the blurb is a bunch of narration. It makes me think probably a lot of this book is all 'tell not show'. (and I assume from the reader reviews, that's the case as well.)  I don’t read books like that and it’s considered a rookie move. (one I made in my first book and later corrected) The reviews below the blurb are confusing – they aren’t presented as reviews, so it’s kind of jarring/confusing. Again, rookie moves to look this sloppy. Go to one of the best sellers in your genre from a traditional publisher and see how they’ve done it. They usually have good samples. Lots of indies are getting better at this, but not all.

The reviews aren’t helping this book. It’s a low average that would cause me to shy away from buying. From the reviews, it’s pretty clear what readers want: Better character development and pacing. Also there appear to be a lot of grammar issues and POV issues. Those things are all big turn-offs to readers. Sounds like a bunch of editing and re-writing is in order.  Once that's done, you can comment on the reviews or put in the blurb that a re-write was done to address reader comments, and try again at getting some better reviews.  Generally speaking, readers respond very favorably to an author who listens to them and makes changes to create a better reading experience.  Not addressing the issues that have come up repeatedly in almost every non-5-star review would be a mistake here.  This is why I never advocate ignoring or not reading reviews.  The reviewers have done this author a HUGE favor pointing these things out.  Whether she decides to do anything about it will make a big difference in sales, in my (not so) humble opinion.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

It's really awesome that we have people with sales clout like you commenting on this thread, Elle. Thanks.

Also, can someone try out the submission form again? I hope it's working now.


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## 54706 (Dec 19, 2011)

Patty Jansen said:


> It's really awesome that we have people with sales clout like you commenting on this thread, Elle. Thanks.
> 
> Also, can someone try out the submission form again? I hope it's working now.


I don't know about clout, but I'm happy to help. Good books should be findable by readers, and good writers who want to do this for a living should be able to, so it's worth my time to help make that happen if I can.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Haha, Elle, you know what I mean.

I may have sold to Analog (most people say what's that?) or be a member of SFWA, but if people wonder who I am and go to my Amazon rankings, they'll go "what the hell is she talking about with rankings like that?" (hint: I actually sell a lot better on Kobo) but still, who am I?

If someone with really good sales comments, people's ears prick up and go "maybe we should listen to this person"

So, thanks


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## lvoynich (Jun 5, 2010)

Patty Jansen said:


> ETA: Ah, I see. Fixed now. I hope. Can you try again?
> 
> I haven't received it yet. Hmm, obviously something wrong there. Thought it was weird because I haven't received any submissions since swapping the site. That would be hard if some part of the process isn't working.
> 
> ...


Just resubmitted.


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## Midnight Whimsy (Jun 25, 2013)

ellecasey said:


> Response on Demons Die Harder:
> 
> The cover needs better font work, especially the author name. If you make the words tiny, readers will assume you're not a big deal, and you don't want them doing that. The title font could use with some effects to give it depth or more interesting features. The cover art is okay, but maybe it would be fantastic if the font were different. It's hard to tell. The cover should telegraph genre and market for me. Right now I see paranormal or fantasy but I can't tell if it's YA, NA, or adult. You can fix that with font and other effects. Figure out your market first and then adjust the cover to suit. Not having read the book, I can't comment on which market I think this book fits.
> 
> ...


Everything Elle said. _Especially _the excerpt. It's dry narration and not the best writing. Most of it doesn't make sense out of context. All I got was one character was in a prison of some kind. Not intriguing.

Good luck with it!

M.W


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## Guest (Aug 23, 2013)

Patty Jansen said:


> Also, can someone try out the submission form again? I hope it's working now.


I sent in a "dummy" submission but I don't know if it worked. When you click submit the site seems to be doing something then nothing happens - everything you've entered is just sitting there and there's no confirmation message. I clicked submit again but the same thing happened.


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## David J Normoyle (Jun 22, 2012)

I did a google test to check the non-indexing was working and it seems to be. The only thing is that the kboards thread seems to come pretty high up. Third for me on the title of the latest. Probably when you edit out the title from the subject line, the kboards thread won't feature as high. But maybe a good idea not to use the title/author much in the thread, or edit it out after the thread has moved on.

Anyway, I've made a submission. Seemed like it didn't work (There was a flash and it returned to original page.).


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## RM Prioleau (Mar 18, 2011)

I tried submitting a book, too, but the same thing happens to me.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

No, the submissions don't work.

I didn't get any of the ones above. I'll have to dive back into the wordpress mines to see what I can do


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

OK, I'm the Queen of crude and heavy-handed fixes and I've made a crude fix by redirecting the submit link back to the old site. Apologies to all who have submitted since the site switch. Please resubmit your books and they will be queued. Currently I have four books in the queue.

I'll keep this fix in place until I can figure out why none of the contact form plugins are working. 

I really should be finishing my novel.


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## lvoynich (Jun 5, 2010)

Thanks for your dedication! I submitted again and it appears (from my end) to have gone through!


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Yeah! I just fixed it two minutes ago!

My mantra:

When in doubt, nuke from orbit and start again. It worked!


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## timskorn (Nov 7, 2012)

Love the reference!


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

I got your submission, Lana, and it's in the queue. It should come up the week after next.

*Normal programming resumes*


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## unkownwriter (Jun 22, 2011)

I'm in agreement with what the others said about the latest book (Demons Die Harder). Nothing majorly wrong, I don't think, more an issue of fleshing out the story with details and adequate description.

When Elle and others who are successful speak, I know my ears perk up. 

As for the site, I think it's great that you're trying to keep everything from coming up on searches and possibly causing embarrassment or other issues. It's hard enough to get the courage to ask for critiques, without having potential readers dropping by to see your unmentionables.

The only quibble I have is the stuff about the book being in italics. It's a minor thing, I know, but it's very hard for me to read. I have old eyes, and reading on an ancient monitor doesn't help.

Thanks for carrying the torch forward, Patty!


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New book up today: My Name is Michael Bishop by T.R. Goodman

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=85


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## Vivi_Anna (Feb 12, 2011)

The cover.  I didn't get steampunk until I really looked at the clock, also the title doesn't do anything for it.  

I suggest looking at other steampunk titles, such as Cherie Priest's and Paolo Bacigalupi's.

I think the blurb is decent, sounds like a good read, but I (and I do read steampunk) would never pick this book up because of the cover.


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## 54706 (Dec 19, 2011)

Patty Jansen said:


> New book up today: My Name is Michael Bishop by T.R. Goodman
> 
> http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=85


Feedback for: My Name is Michael Bishop.

In general: I think the writing is good. Really good. Seriously. And that's the hardest part to fix (something you can't fix if it isn't there), so that's great news. Just reading part of the sample, I was already feeling for the dad. That's good. Normally, I don't read books from this POV, so I don't know if that's an issue or not as far as why it's not selling. I think most voracious readers are seeking romance, action, adventure, something they can sink their teeth into that way. Not sure that a father's quest for his daughter is ever going to seem exciting (at least to me or most of the readers I interact with). Steampunk without romance or some other sub-genre going for it is a very narrow niche, so perhaps that's part of the problem. There are only 753 titles in the entire steampunk genre on Amazon. 753 out of what, a couple million? Not good odds. I did a search and looked at the most popular ones in the genre, and they're ranking in the 18,000 or worse. That's not a lot of sales, really, especially for the most popular titles in the category. So my first piece of advice would be a big one, and that's to change it to another genre. With the writing style and world built, I could totally see fantasy happening here.

1. Love the title. Really love it. It intrigues me to read more just on its own.

2. The cover art looks like literary fiction. I think it's the wallpaper or something. There's not enough darkness which is something I kind of expect in this genre. It reminds me of old people instead of the mystical, magical world it should. I run from literary fiction unless it's for book club. 

3. The font for the title is not good. Can't even read the title in thumbnail and the font is so not book cover worthy. Font can really make or break a cover, and this one is definitely breaking it. It's like the bastard child of comic sans or something.

4. The color of the cover is bland/boring. More literary fiction comes to mind. snore.

5. The first line of the blurb is a turnoff for me. I don't want to read about dying children. I would move the emphasis away from this completely. Take it out.

6. In the sample, first page, I detected POV problems. You speak of the woman who carried Eva and what she's doing, after the man has left the room with Eva. How would he know what she's doing if he's not there? This scene is from his POV, so you can't give story from her POV all of a sudden or an omniscient one. Stick with one POV for each scene.

7. You say that Jessic took his hand and squeezed, not that he felt it. Again, POV issue. If he didn't feel it, how does he know she squeezed?

8. Be careful of using "then" too much.


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## Wansit (Sep 27, 2012)

ellecasey said:


> There are only 753 titles in the entire steampunk genre on Amazon. 753 out of what, a couple million? Not good odds. I did a search and looked at the most popular ones in the genre, and they're ranking in the 18,000 or worse.


The other thing is that there are a lot of steampunks out of there not classified as steampunk. For instance Lindsay Buroker's Emperor's Edge sereis could be classified under that subgenre but her books aren't listed there. http://www.amazon.com/The-Emperors-Edge-ebook/dp/B004H1TDB0/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=8-14&qid=1377472217


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## 54706 (Dec 19, 2011)

Wansit said:


> The other thing is that there are a lot of steampunks out of there not classified as steampunk. For instance Lindsay Buroker's Emperor's Edge sereis could be classified under that subgenre but her books aren't listed there. http://www.amazon.com/The-Emperors-Edge-ebook/dp/B004H1TDB0/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=8-14&qid=1377472217


Right. Like I said, reclassify and regroup as FANTASY. There are a lot more readers hanging out in the fantasy club than steampunk. The cover, blurb, and sample you linked to all say Fantasy to me.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Thanks for your comments, Elle, wansit and Vivi_Ana.

You are all awesome.


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## TRGoodman (Jul 9, 2012)

Thank you very much, Elle, Wansit, Patty,and Vivi. I really appreciate your comments.

I would like to address a few of the comments and see what you think.

Cover: I've been through a few different variations of the cover, though my favorite, which people told me they hated, was the original. Here it is.









Title: It seems like the title is a major sticking point for most people. I had the title before I wrote the book, so I have some attachment to it. Still, I understand why people have a problem with it. Here are a few others I considered: The Clockwork Father, Plagued By Magic, Golem, Face of Clay, The Golem's Daughter, Heart of Steam, and The Ends Justify.

Genre: I also have it classified as historical fantasy. I'll look through the fantasy categories again and see if anything else looks appropriate. It's more thoughtful and not as action-heavy as traditional steampunk tends to be. There is a bit of romance in it, but it's a very minor theme compared to everything else.

Blurb: I reworked the blurb. I would appreciate any feedback you might have on it.

_Tragedy strikes gifted inventor Michael Bishop when his daughter is stricken with an incurable magical disease. His only hope is to strike a desperate bargain with Lord Ezael Emmet, a powerful sorceror whose knowledge of illegal spells is unmatched. But the spell backfires, and Michael's soul is trapped within the body of his greatest creation - the clockwork golem.

Unable to speak and too weak to fight, Michael can do nothing to stop Lord Emmet from claiming not only the golem, but his daughter as well. Trapped in the sorceror's manor, Michael must find a way to break free of his steam-driven prison and save his daughter from Lord Emmet's foul intentions, no matter the cost. Will he be able to save them before the last of his humanity slips away?_

Writing: Thank you, Elle, for your comments about my writing. I never noticed the POV issues or my overuse of "then," but I'll work on them and watch for it in the future. To be honest, now that it's coming up on a year since I finished it, I see all sorts of little things that I would change or word differently. Lessons to keep in mind for the next book, which is still steampunk, but is also going to be much heavier on action and adventure.

Again, thank you to everyone for your comments. I appreciate any help I can get.


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## CoraBuhlert (Aug 7, 2011)

For what it's worth, I like your original cover a lot (and in fact I remember it catching my eye here at KB). Though it looks more like SF than Steampunk to me. Particularly the font just doesn't look Steampunky to me again. Okay, so Sans Serif fonts already existed in the late 19th century (google Akzidenz Grotesk), but I think you need something a bit more Victorian looking.

Titles: I like The Clockwork Father and The Golem's Daughter best, since they both sound Steampunk and sufficiently intriguing. Heart of Steam is nice as well, but sounds more like a Steampunk romance.


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## Guest (Aug 26, 2013)

I prefer the blurb you have on Amazon. It's much clearer, and you mention "mechanical man" there and here you only say "golem" - on it's own I don't know what a golem is. And you use strikes, stricken and strike all close together in the first two sentences. I like your old blurb, to be honest. I think it works well.

The title isn't bad - the current cover isn't all that exciting, but it's much better than the original cover you posted here. The font is ALL wrong. Maybe you could keep the image of the two hands but you HAVE to change the font for both the title and author. Sorry to be blunt but it's a real turn off.  The image isn't bad.

That's all I've got. It seems really promising - as I said on the blog I like the sound of your book. I think it sounds great.


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## TRGoodman (Jul 9, 2012)

CoraBuhlert said:


> For what it's worth, I like your original cover a lot (and in fact I remember it catching my eye here at KB). Though it looks more like SF than Steampunk to me. Particularly the font just doesn't look Steampunky to me again. Okay, so Sans Serif fonts already existed in the late 19th century (google Akzidenz Grotesk), but I think you need something a bit more Victorian looking.
> 
> Titles: I like The Clockwork Father and The Golem's Daughter best, since they both sound Steampunk and sufficiently intriguing. Heart of Steam is nice as well, but sounds more like a Steampunk romance.


Thanks. I think the artist who did the original cover did a great job. I'm glad I got it both with and without the text. I'll try to find a licensable appropriate Victorian font that looks good in a thumbnail. 

I also thought Heart of Steam sounded like romance, so I'll probably use that for something else. I'm leaning toward The Clockwork Father, actually.



Kitten said:


> I prefer the blurb you have on Amazon. It's much clearer, and you mention "mechanical man" there and here you only say "golem" - on it's own I don't know what a golem is. And you use strikes, stricken and strike all close together in the first two sentences. I like your old blurb, to be honest. I think it works well.
> 
> The title isn't bad - the current cover isn't all that exciting, but it's much better than the original cover you posted here. The font is ALL wrong. Maybe you could keep the image of the two hands but you HAVE to change the font for both the title and author. Sorry to be blunt but it's a real turn off. The image isn't bad.
> 
> That's all I've got. It seems really promising - as I said on the blog I like the sound of your book. I think it sounds great.


Thank you. I appreciate your bluntness. I'm definitely going to change the font.


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## TRGoodman (Jul 9, 2012)

Put together a new cover with the old art and new typography:


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## Vivi_Anna (Feb 12, 2011)

I really like The Clockwork Father as a title.


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## 54706 (Dec 19, 2011)

The font on the newest iteration is difficult to read.  I'm not a fan of the cover without better font work.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Honestly, I also didn't think there was anything wrong with your old blurb.

I'm not sure about the new cover. It looks like a love story between a girl and a robot. More SF/romance than the blurb tells me.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New book up today: Dancing with Darwin by Chris Northern

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=87


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## 54706 (Dec 19, 2011)

Patty Jansen said:


> New book up today: Dancing with Darwin by Chris Northern
> 
> http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=87


Dancing With Darwin feedback.

I always worry that my feedback will be taken as just a bunch of negativity. I don't mean it that way. I sincerely hope my reactions help this author move forward with a better or more appealing product.

In general, I'll say that I think the story basis is interesting. It reminds me of _I, Robot_ with Will Smith (which is loosely based on Isaac Asimov's work), where machines decide humans are their own worst enemies. This kind of concept is very though-provoking and interesting, to me at least. The problem here with Chris's collection is that this really cool concept is bogged down in confusing snippets, awkward delivery, and an unattractive package.

Below is my commentary. My process is to go to the product page as a reader and look at the cover, then blurb, then sample. I'll also check reviews and also-boughts. This one didn't have any reviews, so I came up empty there. I'll look at also-boughts to see what the readers of this book also like. Unfortunately, the also-boughts for this book were sparse. Most were the author's other books or books that looked very home-done to me with few reviews. There were two big ones - Silo (Hugh Howey) and another I'm not familiar with. This tells me that this author for the most part is not finding the right readers for his work.

1. The cover is not working at all. I know Keith did it, and he's talented as hell, but this cover is just a turn-off for me. The font isn't good (looks home done and just one step away from Comic Sans) and the picture is so busy it reminds me of a comic book. I would completely change it unless comic book readers are your market; and if that's the case, I'd re-work that font and then consider making this more like a graphic novel than a standard collection of short stories (BTW, seems like it would be perfect for a graphic novel). Separate the author name from the title, and fix the title so it makes sense. Putting *SANE?* as bright red like that doesn't make sense to me as a reader. I don't even know what it is. Is that a subtitle? Something really avante garde I've never seen before? This reaction from a reader is a "no-buy" result.

2. The blurb is seriously confusing. The whole top half needs to go bye-bye. I read the very first sentence and I was confused. The second sentence doesn't even make sense. This is your ONE CHANCE to hook a reader and get them to investigate further or buy. Seriously missing the mark on this one. Needs a complete do-over. Simpler, cleaner, no attempts at being quirky or different. No dictionary definitions to slow it down. Just tell the reader enough about your stories to interest them in buying. And maybe it's just me, but if the first story in the collection is about a very religious woman, people might think this is Christian science fiction, which I personally would never read. Christian lit is popular with a very special segment of the population. If that's your market, great. If it's not, I'd change the order of the stories or not mention the religious part in the blurb.

3. The very first line of the sample has a grammatical error (it's axis). I would stop right there as a reader and not come back. That sample needs to be perfect. The whole book should be, but that's unrealistic. But at least the sample should be, and then only one error per 40k words as a standard. When I see simple errors like this in a sample, I will assume the book is chock full of them.

4. Repetitive word usage issue throughout the entire sample. For example; The first paragraph has the word "ship" 3 times and a version of "habitable" 3 times. Each paragraph pretty much suffers the same problem.

5. The sentence structure is awkward and bumpy. It seems as if the writer was attempting a somewhat poetic delivery, but instead it just feels awkward. My advice? Simplify. Read it out loud to make sure that it sounds natural and smooth. If it strikes you at all "off" or not smooth, re-write it. It's tempting to say, "That sounds awesome and poetic and deep. A reader can just re-read it a time or two to fully appreciate it." But what you're _really_ saying is, "Wow, that was an awkwardly-written sentence. I should fix it, but I don't feel like spending all that time on this book that I already edited a hundred times." Better to just take the time and get it right than to expect the reader to do the work for you.

6. Use of the name "Bob" for the reporter immediately struck me as too cliché.

7. Comma and period usage in dialogue not correct.

8. Labeling of scenes confusing. # year 1, # year 4, # year 1.  I don't get it.

9. The text is bolded instead of regular weight.

So that's it. I hope it helps.


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## Chris Northern (Jan 20, 2011)

And this is why I was glad to see this feature picked up again. Why is this book not selling? I found myself giving a nod to every point made in the three detailed and thoughtful crit's that have been generously given so far. Everything said was there in my mind but nebulous and messed up to the point that I couldn't tease out any specific point. Now I have it and now I can do something about it.

What can I say? The three of you are utterly wonderful. Thank you.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Thanks so much for your extensive reply, Elle, and I love it how so many people who have submitted have been really open to all and any comments.

I'm putting up some resources pages on the blog. I'm collecting recommended writing books at the moment, but I'd also like to add some info about writing groups and where to find one. This is the part where I'm happy for people to shamelessly pimp themselves. If you have some experience in writing or selling ebooks or anything related, and have written a book about it, feel free to respond or send me a PM so I can include it in the blog.


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## 54706 (Dec 19, 2011)

Patty Jansen said:


> Thanks so much for your extensive reply, Elle, and I love it how so many people who have submitted have been really open to all and any comments.
> 
> I'm putting up some resources pages on the blog. I'm collecting recommended writing books at the moment, but I'd also like to add some info about writing groups and where to find one. This is the part where I'm happy for people to shamelessly pimp themselves. If you have some experience in writing or selling ebooks or anything related, and have written a book about it, feel free to respond or send me a PM so I can include it in the blog.


I don't know how many people are following this thread. You may have more luck staring a new one to gather these resources. Just a thought.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New book today: Radar Love by Jason Z. Christie:

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=91

Currently, I have a week's worth of submissions. If you want some feedback on your trifecta (cover, blurb, sample), submit your title. The form is working now.


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## Anne Frasier (Oct 22, 2009)

Cover and spaces between paragraphs.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Anne Frasier said:


> Cover and spaces between paragraphs.


There does seem to be a lot of unnecessary space between the paragraphs. And also, I think it looks much better if the indent is only 5mm (I guess about 0.25 inch in the dinosaur language). These indents seem to be the Word standard, which is much too wide.


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## Isabel Dare (Nov 12, 2012)

Radar Love: alas, as others have said, the cover says nothing about the actual genre or story of the book, AND it doesn't stand out. Three strikes.



> The two hard-loving antiheroes are so in love, they'd rather rob stores and banks than spend their days apart. It's all fun and games until they end up in connected prisons.


That sounds to me like an Elmore Leonard (RIP, grandmaster of cool), Carl Hiaasen or Quentin Tarantino type of story, funny but hardboiled. Think of that lovey-dovey robber couple in Pulp Fiction, Pumpkin and Honeybunny - these two sound just like them. But I wouldn't put their story in Romance or in Contemporary Fiction.

So, my suggestion would be: put it in mysteries/crime/heist and whatever other subcategories look relevant. Then fix the cover. Make it look cool, sexy, maybe a little pulpy, but clearly belonging to the crime genre.

Good luck!


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Can't afford/unsure about hiring a cover designer? Want to have a go yourself? A few *really simple* tips.

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=176


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New post up today: Alaskan Healing by Lana Voynich:

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=137


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New post: Nearly Natal by Kerry Taylor

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=179

I would really like to get more submissions. If you like to get reader feedback on blurb, cover and sample, this is the place to go.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New book up today!

Tears of the Goddess by R.M. Prioleau

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=140


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## Anne Frasier (Oct 22, 2009)

length and price.

38 pages.  

some people do okay selling short stories, but for most they're a tough sell. selling 50 copies is actually pretty good for a short.  and then there's the price. unfortunately i think 1.99 for 38 pages will be too high for most readers.


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## RM Prioleau (Mar 18, 2011)

Anne Frasier said:


> length and price.
> 
> 38 pages.
> 
> some people do okay selling short stories, but for most they're a tough sell. selling 50 copies is actually pretty good for a short. and then there's the price. unfortunately i think 1.99 for 38 pages will be too high for most readers.


Hi, Anne! Thanks for your advice. 
Actually, when I first released this, I priced it at .99 cents, and it stayed that way for a month or two, but I only saw 1-2 sales for the span of those few months. So I raised the price to 1.49 for a few more months, and there were about 4-5 or so sales, then no more. So I raised it again to 1.99, and saw a few more (a little more sales than the 1.49 price) in the span of those months, then they they stopped and have stopped ever since.


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## Amanda Brice (Feb 16, 2011)

I'm inclined to agree with Anne. $1.99 is a very hard sell for 38 pages. 99 cents is more in line with what I'd pay for that length, and to be honest, I put my story in that range (I think 34 pages?) at perma-free and it's doing much more for me as a strictly promo piece than the few sales I saw.

I know that erotica authors are doing amazingly well with shorts ($2.99 for 5000 words isn't unheard of) but for most genres, the market just isn't there.


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## Wansit (Sep 27, 2012)

I'll add (in addition to price and length) in that I don't see how it ties in to any of your other books. It says The Goddess Series #1 of 2 - where's #2?


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## RM Prioleau (Mar 18, 2011)

Wansit said:


> I'll add (in addition to price and length) in that I don't see how it ties in to any of your other books. It says The Goddess Series #1 of 2 - where's #2?


Book 2 is my newest piece and I'm planning to release it in the coming weeks. The story ties into my other books in that this is the same world setting/characters that all of my books take place. The only difference would probably be genre. As for continuing storylines, this story is completely independent from my other books in that aspect and one doesn't need to read my other books to understand this one.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

I think the main reason is the fact that it's a short story. Some people here can sell short stories well, but they usually have hundreds of the things and make money by sheer volume. Also, they mostly writer erotica.

A short story works well as teaser for a novel when the story is free.


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## Guest (Sep 6, 2013)

I was wondering if I could submit one of my perma-free books to the site. Obviously I'm not getting sales but I'm getting very few free downloads these days, and therefore no sales of the sequel. I'd love to hear if the cover/blurb/sample is okay, or anything else people want to say.

Would it be alright to submit the book? I can make it clear it's a freebie, but I'm looking for constructive criticism anyway. It would help a lot.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Kitten: Sure!

Also, I put up a new info post: Why you 'should' join a writing group:

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=189

Add links to your favourite writing groups in the comments


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## RinG (Mar 12, 2013)

I just wanted to check, are we mentioning this site outside of kboards? I'm scheduling a post for later in the week, and was going to mention it, but I thought I should check first?


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

This is a hard question.

I guess it depends. I've already had people posting links to specific books on other forums and then other people on those sites rubbishing books and comments made on books out of context, and that's just a big no to me.

Comments made on a site like this are of course not confidential, but I would like secondary discussion to stay OFF other forums. People have google alerts on their names, and these links WILL show up elsewhere. I don't want people to feel hesitant to participate because there may be a risk of people running away with the book or comments and having a big laugh about them.

I'm personally OK with links from private blogs of people directly involved. I'm also OK with non-KB people participating (so maybe in this light, mentioning on your blog is fine, if the emphasis is on the fact that it's an advice site). I'm definitely NOT OK with asking for secondary opinions on other self-pub forums, because you get the risk of posts going viral and shark-feeding at the expense of the author who has submitted work in good faith. This is why I'm still investigating a method of blocking certain links (for example, from Facebook and Twitter and those rival forums)


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## RinG (Mar 12, 2013)

Yes, it is a tricky one, that's why I asked.

Might leave it for now. I don't really think it needs a huge audience. Better a small but focused one I think.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New post up today:

The Narrowing Path by David J. Normoyle

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=143


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## David J Normoyle (Jun 22, 2012)

Great. Thanks for hosting this Patty and thanks to everyone who replies.


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## Ardin (Nov 1, 2012)

This might not be the most helpful response but I think The Narrowing Path looks really good.


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## David J Normoyle (Jun 22, 2012)

Ardin said:


> This might not be the most helpful response but I think The Narrowing Path looks really good.


No, that's helpful, thanks. I'm hoping that the main problem is lack of visibility and that once I get enough reviews to buy a bookbub ad or something similar, it'll do well. If you folks can't find much wrong that gives me the confidence to keep working on the sequel and spend the money on promotion.


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## Anne Frasier (Oct 22, 2009)

love the cover, love the concept, the writing is solid.
BUT there's def audience confusion going on here. who is your target audience? even the cover gives conflicting signals. We have a young boy who looks middle grade, but then we have a disturbing scene behind him. and this continues with the sample. a thirteen-year-old main character but we open with violence.  i have to add that i don't read YA so maybe I'm off with my comments. seems to me you might have been trying to appeal to both kids and adults. not saying that can't be done. not sure how i would market this.


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## David J Normoyle (Jun 22, 2012)

Anne Frasier said:


> love the cover, love the concept, the writing is solid.
> BUT there's def audience confusion going on here. who is your target audience? even the cover gives conflicting signals. We have a young boy who looks middle grade, but then we have a disturbing scene behind him. and this continues with the sample. a thirteen-year-old main character but we open with violence. i have to add that i don't read YA so maybe I'm off with my comments. seems to me you might have been trying to appeal to both kids and adults. not saying that can't be done. not sure how i would market this.


Thanks. It's designed as a YA that can work as crossover for both teens and adults. It's quite violent, but I don't think that precludes it from YA at all. An obvious example of a YA with plenty of violence and death is Hunger Games. There are many more. (On the other hand, I've been told it feels more like an adult novel just with young protagonists, like Ender's Game, so maybe there are audience problems.) It's not meant to be middle grade, although the protagonist is a bit young for YA.


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## NoCat (Aug 5, 2010)

I like the cover and I loved the original description. It hooked me.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New book up today:

Overweight - a romantic comedy by Kerry Taylor:

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=196

Also, a request for a tiny little bit of help.

I'm going to be away from 23 Sept to 5 Oct, and I'll have intermittent internet access. I will have enough submissions to keep this blog functioning as normal when I'm gone. Posts are already scheduled and come online automatically, but...

Can someone post new links in this thread as they go up?


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## Guest (Sep 11, 2013)

Patty Jansen said:


> Also, a request for a tiny little bit of help.
> 
> I'm going to be away from 23 Sept to 5 Oct, and I'll have intermittent internet access. I will have enough submissions to keep this blog functioning as normal when I'm gone. Posts are already scheduled and come online automatically, but...
> 
> Can someone post new links in this thread as they go up?


I can post new links in this thread for you Patty. I visit the "not selling" site every day so I'll notice when new posts go up, and I'll post a link here then.

I can't change the subject of this thread like you do when a new book is featured, I don't think, so maybe you should change the subject simply to "Why is this book not selling," for while you're gone. Just a suggestion.

Thanks


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Thanks a lot. That's awesome.

Posts go online at 7am Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings Australian time.

I'll change the thread title with the post on the 23rd.

I might drop in occasionally, but I'll be overseas and have no idea how much time I'll have, and this probably not going to be a high-priority internet activity when I do have access.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

It looks like my auto-posting schedule is working.

New book up today:

Lesson of the Fire by Eric Zawadki and Matthew Schick

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=182


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## Chris Northern (Jan 20, 2011)

I got some great feedback the other week about the Dancing with Darwin stories. The opinions offered helped a great deal, breaking down vague uneasiness into specific areas that needed attention. Cover - in the sig and somewhat improved without much in the way of pennies spent (thanks to Keith of keithdraws). Prologue (removed, and rightly so - exposition that just muddied the waters and added nothing), and blurb (for simplicity I'm adding that below). Thanks again to those who offered input, all thoughtful and in no way wrong. There are things I chose not to change, but I have what I think to be good and sufficient reasons for that. Time will tell. I hope the blurb - deffinitely my weakest area - is now somewhat better. Here it is...

Dancing with Darwin

Four stories of people caught up in the insanity of the end of the world and the madness that is the beginnings of a new one.

Headed Home - When the army is sent into Los Angeles to contain an epidemic of inanity, Sheena must cope with a growing awareness of her own instability while surviving the madness all around her.

Evolving Environment - Dana has spent her life fighting to conserve the rain forests against the rapacity of civilization. When the world goes mad, Dana is forced to attempt to supply civilization to those who are too mad to know the task is impossible.

Rapture Ready - Claire is comfortably certain of her own future until the world goes mad and tries to take her with it. When her new and fragile stability is threatened, Claire must discover if she is ready to rise to the challenge.

Dangerous Delusions - When his town succumbs to insanity, Sam fights against his own personal madness as he struggles to establish a new stability for himself and those around him. His belief that he has succeeded is challenged when two friends he believes to be mad bring their dangerous delusions to his home.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Phew, I lost my bookmarks there for a while!

New post up today:

Sterile by Isabella Jones

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=201


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## Eric Zawadzki (Feb 4, 2011)

I've been tinkering with the blurb for Lesson. Let's pretend we're at the optometrist. Is this better or worse?

As a young wizard, Sven Takraf was content serving some of the poorest villages in Marrishland. The Takraf Protectorates flourished under his benevolent stewardship, and the people there loved him. He desired only peace for his people and an opportunity to teach them magic, but when a powerful wizard from a neighboring land sought to annex the Protectorates by force, Sven fought back ruthlessly for his people’s freedom.

Fought back but lost.

The experience shakes Sven’s faith in Marrishland’s magocracy. He seizes power and orchestrates a civil war to end the wizards’ reign. Every ally is a tool in his calloused hands. Every enemy is an unwanted flame to be extinguished. And so the Mar bleed in the Takraf War, bleed as they have not bled for any cause in centuries.

Beyond the nation’s borders, an ancient enemy gathers its forces to invade. Marrishland is not prepared. The civil war has bled it dry. Once more Sven must find a way to defend a nation against overwhelming odds, and if he fails this time it will mean the extinction of his entire race. 

***

More than twice as long as the current version, which makes me nervous.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

I'm losing sympathy for your protagonist in the third paragraph, but in the last paragraph, I see that he's still meant to be the good guy. To me, he crossed the line to being a bad guy when he went on a hell-bent revenge.


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## Eric Zawadzki (Feb 4, 2011)

Hrm. This is kind of tricky because the overall arc is of a well-meaning character who has lost his way and sunk to the level of those he condemns. He doesn't yet realize this, of course, and it is through the stories about his past that he sees how far he has fallen from grace. By then, though, he's in so deep that he can't just walk away. He can either finish what he started or leave the country in total chaos. And that's that backdrop against which he must seek redemption. So in a sense, yes, he is a villain at the beginning of the story, and he oscillates between hubris and remorse throughout the arc.

It's worth mentioning that although he is the "hero" he is far from the only POV character. On its surface it's a war story, and everyone has reasons for getting involved and choosing the sides they do. But Sven is the hub of the wheel.


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## Guest (Sep 16, 2013)

With regards to the new blurb, I struggle with the word 'Protectorates' - I'm not your target audience but I didn't know what it meant until I Googled it. If you think your audience knows what it means, then fine, but it's such a difficult word.

I like the new blurb but the main issue I have with it is there isn't much of a personal element. You haven't mentioned anyone else by name, and I'm not getting a sense of who Sven cares about. If he cares about anyone. I'm not getting a sense of what the *people* in his lands are feeling or losing or going through. There's just no sense of the people, or anyone else but Sven and the "wizard" and the "ancient enemy," neither of whom I can picture in any way. Is there a love interest? Sven's best friend? Someone who works with him? It's just "there's war and everything sucks and now there's something else that's bad, and now we have to fight THAT as well." Fine, great, but give me a sense of some people. It would be a very boring book if it was just Sven and the bad guys. Give me someone to care about in the blurb.

Sorry for the rambling.


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## Guest (Sep 16, 2013)

Patty I find the website loads VERY, VERY slowly at times. Is it just me? I don't have this problem with many sites. It's so slow in fact I would normally not bother and go elsewhere, but I wait and wait because I care about what's on the site. But normally if a site is that slow I abandon it. Is this just me?


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New book up today!

Methilgar's Ring by our very own, Eeyore of all Eeyores, George Berger

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=187


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New post up today:

Winging it by Kerry Taylor

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=199

Also, I have a cancellation for 3 October. If you want the spot, submit before Sunday, because I'm going away and will only have patchy internet.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New book up today:

Myriad by Mona Hanna

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=194

Also: anyone who wants the 3 October slot, please fill out the form within the next few hours. I'm about to go on a trip and may not have much internet access. I'll change the title of this thread to a more generic one. I would appreciate if people could post in this thread when a new book goes up.


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## Guest (Sep 25, 2013)

New book up today:

The Neighbor & The Rooftop by Simone West

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=203


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## Guest (Sep 26, 2013)

New book up today:

Running in Heels by Steven Hardesty

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=205


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## Guest (Sep 29, 2013)

New book today:

The Cerebrus Rebellion by Joshua Johnson

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=208

We're still looking for comments on the previous book Running in Heels. Thanks


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## Wansit (Sep 27, 2012)

RE Cerebrus Rebellion

The blurb says epic sword & sorcery fantasy. The cover says historical war fiction. There's a mismatch here. If your book features magic, griffins, and elves so prominently it would be lovely to see them on the cover. Plus the title treatment is hard to read - font is too small and doesn't really stand out.

In addition when I look at a close-up of the cover I see zombified Civil War soldiers. Whereas this sounds like it's second-world fantasy.

I would go for something like this: http://betweentwobooks.blogspot.com/2010/05/cover-art-republic-of-thieves-by-scott.html

Also I LOVED the title/series title - should definitely be more prominent.


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## Wansit (Sep 27, 2012)

Running In Heels 

I would suggest: a) a change in cover art and b) a new blurb. You're speaking about the character without giving any details from the characters perspective and leaving out the richness of her life. It reads more like a review than a blurb.


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## Quiss (Aug 21, 2012)

The Cerebrus Rebellion

The thumbnail size might work against you. I also thought it was civil war until it realized the flag has a certain Middle Earth look to it.
I did not read the entire pre-view but it seems like a lot of conversation and little action. It did not draw me in.
Also, any girls in there? A little romance? Some hanky panky? If so, I'd mention it in the blurb.


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## Nancy Beck (Jul 1, 2011)

Made my detailed comments to both Running in Heels and The Cerebus Rebellion on Patty's site.

Briefly, I felt both needed different blurbs, Running in Heels needs a new cover (doesn't say thriller to me), and Cerebus...um, I like the cover, but it doesn't really say fantasy (almost looks like something out of the American Civil War). But it might be "fixed" (just my opinion) with some better, more fantasy-ish typography.

Of course, just my 2 cents, FWIW.   (And can I say I admire everyone who posts to have their books commented on? You have more guts than I have.  )


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## AgnesWebb (Jan 13, 2013)

Hey there,
It looks quite good to me. I did notice a typo in the first line of the blurb, however. Cerberus is spelled 'Cerebrus' there.


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## Guest (Oct 1, 2013)

New book up today:

Misisipi by Michael Reilly

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=212


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## Quiss (Aug 21, 2012)

Kitten said:


> New book up today:
> 
> Misisipi by Michael Reilly
> 
> http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=212


Posted at Patti's site as it's quite lengthy.

ETA. Still looking like it's awaiting moderation. Did I post it wrong?


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## JohnsonJoshuaK (Nov 2, 2011)

Thanks a ton for the feedback on The Cerberus Rebellion! I had a sneaking suspicion that the blurb needed reworking, so that's definitely on the list.

As for the cover, definitely going to get a new font to get the fantasy vibe.

Sent from my SCH-I605 using Tapatalk now Free


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## Guest (Oct 3, 2013)

Quiss said:


> Posted at Patti's site as it's quite lengthy.
> 
> ETA. Still looking like it's awaiting moderation. Did I post it wrong?


Quiss Patty's away on a holiday at the moment, and she said she won't have much internet access while she's away. If it's your first post on the site it needs to be moderated, then all posts after that go automatically through. I'm sure you posted correctly Patty just hasn't been able to moderate the comment yet.

She's back October 5 so worst case scenario the comment gets posted around then


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## Buttonman88 (Apr 11, 2013)

Kitten said:


> Quiss Patty's away on a holiday at the moment, and she said she won't have much internet access while she's away. If it's your first post on the site it needs to be moderated, then all posts after that go automatically through. I'm sure you posted correctly Patty just hasn't been able to moderate the comment yet.
> 
> She's back October 5 so worst case scenario the comment gets posted around then


Thanks for the heads-up. I responded to posts thus far so I guess it's holding. It's quite lengthy too so I won't repost it here. I will respond to all further comments so if you don't see them in a timely manner, rest assured I am reading peoples' thoughts and appreciate them all.

Mike


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

I've just approved three comments. Everything will be back to normal by Saturday.


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## Guest (Oct 3, 2013)

New book today:

Cerulean by Anna Kyss

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=232

Thanks to everyone who's been posting comments on the site


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

I'm back and have now responded to all posts and approved all comments. The last post I have scheduled will go up tomorrow. Please send your submissions!


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New book up today: Flight to Exile by Chris Reher

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=226

Also, note that this is the last post I have in the queue. There will be no more posts until I get more submissions.

ETA: eek, it seemed two posts went up today. I've rescheduled one for Wednesday, but that is the last one I have.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Today's post: Mythical by C.E. Martin

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=223

Apologies to the author. This post accidentally went up on Monday together with another one. I must have made a mistake in the scheduling. Sorry about that.


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## CEMartin2 (May 26, 2012)

Patty Jansen said:


> Today's post: Mythical by C.E. Martin
> 
> http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=223
> 
> Apologies to the author. This post accidentally went up on Monday together with another one. I must have made a mistake in the scheduling. Sorry about that.


That's okay- i got tired of its lackluster performance and made it free anyways...


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Wondering how many downloads it's getting. It seems to me that the days of mega-downloads without advertising are largely over.


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## CEMartin2 (May 26, 2012)

Patty Jansen said:


> Wondering how many downloads it's getting. It seems to me that the days of mega-downloads without advertising are largely over.


Since my kboards series promo on sep 30, I'vehad about 1000 downloads.


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## 54706 (Dec 19, 2011)

Patty Jansen said:


> Today's post: Mythical by C.E. Martin
> 
> http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=223
> 
> Apologies to the author. This post accidentally went up on Monday together with another one. I must have made a mistake in the scheduling. Sorry about that.


When I saw this was C.E. Martin's book, I couldn't not check it out. I like to help indies who've been supportive of me and my group promos and such, so here I am!

My feedback as I looked at the cover, then blurb, then sample:

1. The cover says horror to me. Any time a hand is pressed up against a window or plastic or something like that, that means horror. When it's blood red, that just solidifies that thought for me. The blurb doesn't necessarily say horror, though, so there's a mixed signal there. I skip horror as a rule, and then I also skip mixed messages. Your cover, blurb and sample all need to be cohesive, sending the same message consistently so readers don't get spooked away.

2. The cover title font is blurry in the thumbnail. It looks amateurish for that reason. I care about thumbnails when searching for a new book to read. I clicked the sample and saw the cover full size, and that's the first time I noticed the the hand has claws, so now I'm thinking: is this book horror ... and maybe sci fi too?? I also got a close up of the font work. I'd change all the font to something more professional-looking. This looks very home-made by a non artist to me which then suggests the writing will be sub par (not saying that it is, just that it's the impression a poor cover gives.)

3. Author name is too small. I see small, I assume small potatoes. I see big, I assume otherwise. Add to that, I can barely read it in that red color and it's not working to brand you as an author or draw readers in.

4.. Blurb: The term "cold war" was used decades ago, so I'm assuming you're talking about something from the past. But then you say "supersoldier" which is a future concept. Now I'm confused all over again. Is this a sci fi futuristic novel or a past-history sci fi novel? Or horror To repeat: mixed messages = no one-clicking for readers.

5. Your blurb says the Colonel doesn't know who or what killed him, but then the blurb says it's the monster that did it or who might do it again. You drop a tempting lure and then blow it out of the water a couple sentences later. You can't solve your own mysteries in the blurb! 

6. The dopey reviewers who dropped all kinds of spoilers in their reviews mention fantasy creatures and magic. Your blurb reads as totally sci-fi to me and the cover screams horror. Your package should attract the readers who will like your story. Many fantasy readers are not cross-over sci-fi readers unless it's dystopian stuff and horror readers are an even smaller group. I recommend you change that blurb to draw in the fantasy elements and clarify once and for all what kind of story this is. It's not horror just because there's violence. I'd avoid the horror label as much as possible because so many readers avoid it.

7. Sounds like from the reviews that the dialogue between the characters is too juvenile for their ages while the rest of the story is very technical and what you'd expect with older characters. There's a lack of cohesive voice in the story. More than one reviewer mentioned it, so I have to think it's something that deserves a closer look.

8. Many reviewers also mention the graphic violence. I'd put a disclaimer or content warning in the blurb. It's not meant to drive people away. In my experience, it draws readers in. This will also help you acknowledge some of the content without having to put "horror" as a genre for the book.

9. There's a grammatical error in the 4th paragraph of the first page of the sample. I'm going to assume there are more in the book since the sample should always be perfect. Books with significant grammatical errors are no-buys for me.

10. I count 3 head-hops in the first page of the sample, so is this omni POV? I'm not a fan of that perspective. That first chapter reads like a prologue. If it's the only one that's omni-POV perspective, maybe make it a prologue.

11. There are hyphens all over the place in that first page of the sample, so I'm going to assume they're throughout. I did that a bit in my first couple books and then changed it when I realized it was making the reading very "jerky". Maybe this is why so many reviewers says the book reads like a comic book. I'd remove those hyphens and either leave it alone or put in a comma or period instead. Comic book readers are a very small niche, and because so many reviewers mention that your book reads like a comic, you need to address that issue somehow.

12. Sample: The writing is good. I didn't get to any dialogue, but I have to believe from the number of reviewers mentioning it that it's a problem because it sounds too immature. Dialogue is an easy fix, and since the writing is good, I'd take the time to re-do that.

It sounds like an interesting story and like the readers who give it a chance like it. The key is to get readers to give it a chance which you cannot do without a kickass cover and solid blurb. Clean up the sample after and you'll be golden.  Best of luck!!


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## CEMartin2 (May 26, 2012)

Thanks, Elle!



ellecasey said:


> 1. The cover says horror to me.


I was actually going for action(pulp)-horror. The series is all about horror-scenarios. So while I'm glad everyone gets the horror part, I'm confused how to make that all cohesive.



> 2. The cover title font is blurry in the thumbnail.


Oddly, the title was made for me by a professional graphic artist I know. It looks sharp in full size, but the whole cover seems to blur when Amazon thumbnails it. I've never been able to figure out why that is. Anyone know how to fix that? I'll try redoing the title myself liek the others in the series (I have a master template for the cover's)



> 3. Author name is too small. I see small, I assume small potatoes.


That is a very interesting feedback I've never heard before. I down played my name since I am a new author. I didn't want to come across as arrogant. I'll give it a shot resizing my name on all the covers. My wife complained it was too small, but didn't elaborate on why that was bad like you have. Thanks!



> 4. Blurb: The term "cold war" was used decades ago, so I'm assuming you're talking about something from the past. But then you say "supersoldier" which is a future concept. Now I'm confused all over again. Is this a sci fi futuristic novel or a past-history sci fi novel? Or horror To repeat: mixed messages = no one-clicking for readers.


I've done and redone that bllurb so many times I'm sick of it. Yep, it's a guy from the past, fighting something from even further in the past. It's an overly complicated premise, because I am trying to over do it on purpuse- super pulp, where everything is massively over the top. I wish there was a pulp category, because yes, this book incorporates a lot, but all in all I was thinking it was more horror than anything else, as supernatural beings are the core of it. It's done a lot better since I started pitching it as horror.



> 5. Your blurb says the Colonel doesn't know who or what killed him, but then the blurb says it's the monster that did it or who might do it again. You drop a tempting lure and then blow it out of the water a couple sentences later. You can't solve your own mysteries in the blurb!


Again, the blurb. I'll keep hammering away at it- I keep ending up with something SUPER short and try to pad it out, thus ending with something not quite right.



> 8. Many reviewers also mention the graphic violence. I'd put a disclaimer or content warning in the blurb. It's not meant to drive people away. In my experience, it draws readers in.


 That's an easy enough fix. I guess I'll give that a try.



> 9. There's a grammatical error in the 4th paragraph of the first page of the sample. I'm going to assume there are more in the book since the sample should always be perfect. Books with significant grammatical errors are no-buys for me.


Do you mean the tense screw up? Can't believe I missed that one- as did my two beta readers. Thank you very much. I assume that's what you meant. I purposely use a lot of incomplete sentences, again trying to emulate classic pulps that weren't grammatically coorrect. Pulp readers have never complained. I guess this means my whole original concept was flawed: pulp.



> 10. I count 3 head-hops in the first page of the sample, so is this omni POV? I'm not a fan of that perspective. That first chapter reads like a prologue. If it's the only one that's omni-POV perspective, maybe make it a prologue.


Yep, it's a shiftng perspective, omniscient narrative. Like all the action-pulps I enjoyed as a teen. Is that really a rarity these days? I have built this whole series around shifting POVs, creating dozens of mini-cliffhangers throughout each novel. One of my favorite action books I ever read (I forget the title) alternated chapters between the detective and the serial killer (in a scifi, future world). It was awesome and every chapter ended with a cliffhanger. Anyone reading this who has been successful with shifting POVs, I'd love to hear- Elle has now really scared me on this choice.

And the sample actually IS a prologue I added to make the first book more like the rest in the series- a quick glimpse of the villain before launching into it.



> 11. There are hyphens all over the place in that first page of the sample, so I'm going to assume they're throughout.


 Thankks! I didn't realize they were so many. You should see how many there are in a rough first draft! Again, I got it from the pulpiest of pulps, Doc Savage. They even hyphenated wrods back then, e.g. "To-day". I'll try and work on that.



> 12. Sample: The writing is good. I didn't get to any dialogue, but I have to believe from the number of reviewers mentioning it that it's a problem because it sounds too immature.


Argh. I was going for movie-stereotypical dialogue/pulp simplified dialogue. Thanks for pointing this out.

Thanks for the detailed response, Ellle. Lots to think about here. Overall, I'm getting that either I suck at emulating classic pulp, or it's a lost style that only a few readers seem to enjoy anymore.


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## 54706 (Dec 19, 2011)

Okay, you can just take everything I said with this grain of salt:

I did not know this was supposed to be pulp fiction!!  Nowhere in your blurb does it say that.  I'd put that front and center, like "A PULP FICTION NOVEL" so readers know exactly what they're getting into.  That will put them in the right frame of mine to enjoy the book.

I think it's important to be aware that even if you make this book absolutely perfect, with zero mixed messages, with stellar editing, with writing that leaps off the pages and drags readers in, it's still going to be a book that is written for a niche market. When the market consists of a such a small audience, there's just no way you'll sell a lot of it.  There just aren't that many readers of this kind of fiction out there, compared to the mega-markets of romance, thriller, etc.

The vast majority of authors only get a small percentage of readers to buy his or her book.  A small percentage of 5 million readers is a big chunk.  A small percentage of 100,000 is not so much.  If you want to sell a lot of books and make a living at it, you either have to write books for bigger markets or write a large volume of books for the smaller markets.


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## whatdanwrote (Oct 18, 2012)

The cover really looks like a horror novel to me, to echo Elle's thoughts.

I'm not an expert on pulp fiction, but I have seen Doc Savage books before. If that is a large part of this book and a style you're emulating, I'm wondering if you could give the cover more of that pulp fiction vibe, a soldier in the desert with a monster coming up behind him, something like that, although I realize what I'm saying might be expensive to produce.

I definitely found the blurb intriguing, and immediately grabbed a copy when I saw it was free! I look forward to reading it.


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## S.R. Booth (Oct 6, 2013)

Is there a minimum amount of time that the book should be published until we can submit here?

My book has only been available for a couple of months but sales are slow and if there are obvious things that could be better I would really like to fix them. Thanks!


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## CEMartin2 (May 26, 2012)

Elle, I'd be perfectly happy doing well in a niche market. I'd only need a couple thousand readers every other month to make it worth the time. I may try my hand at other, wider-appeal stuff next year, but since I enjoy pulp so much, I could crank one of these out every month if I really pushed myself. 

I've added a disclaimer in the product description, that may also clue folks in to the pulp  aspect:

(Warning: This novel contains extreme violence and pulp action that may be too intense for some readers)

If I understand right, though, it's the niche-iness that is hurting my sales?


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## 54706 (Dec 19, 2011)

I'd still change that cover to reflect the pulp genre, re-write the blurb, and age-up that dialogue, since it was really the only consistent complaint of your reviewers.


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## 68564 (Mar 17, 2013)

CEMartin2 said:


> Elle, I'd be perfectly happy doing well in a niche market. I'd only need a couple thousand readers every other month to make it worth the time.


Heck yeah.  If I could hit that level I could easily quit one of my day jobs...


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

S.R. Booth said:


> Is there a minimum amount of time that the book should be published until we can submit here?
> 
> My book has only been available for a couple of months but sales are slow and if there are obvious things that could be better I would really like to fix them. Thanks!


Nope, no limits, and the 300-sale limit is rather fluid. I'm just trying to give subtle hints to people who have 300 sales in 2 months and think they should be selling thousands.

I had three or four titles when I started, but it took me months to see a total of 300 sales from all those books combined!


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

CEMartin2 said:


> Elle, I'd be perfectly happy doing well in a niche market. I'd only need a couple thousand readers every other month to make it worth the time. I may try my hand at other, wider-appeal stuff next year, but since I enjoy pulp so much, I could crank one of these out every month if I really pushed myself.
> 
> I've added a disclaimer in the product description, that may also clue folks in to the pulp aspect:
> 
> ...


CE, even if you add the warning, people will still ignore it, especially if the book is free. Book 1 of my trilogy is free, and all the 1-star reviews I have on it are about the 18+ content that the editorial warns them about. That warning has been in place since I published the book.


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## S.R. Booth (Oct 6, 2013)

Patty Jansen said:


> Nope, no limits, and the 300-sale limit is rather fluid. I'm just trying to give subtle hints to people who have 300 sales in 2 months and think they should be selling thousands.
> 
> I had three or four titles when I started, but it took me months to see a total of 300 sales from all those books combined!


Thanks! I'll go sign up. Right now 300 sales might as well be a million!


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## Quiss (Aug 21, 2012)

ellecasey said:


> Okay, you can just take everything I said with this grain of salt:


Woot! I'd love to get the Elle Casey treatment even without the salt  Lots of great feedback there for you.
(Instead I've been reading that blog post she linked to and now I'm once again hunting for a new cover)


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## CoraBuhlert (Aug 7, 2011)

CEMartin2 said:


> I wish there was a pulp category, because yes, this book incorporates a lot, but all in all I was thinking it was more horror than anything else, as supernatural beings are the core of it. It's done a lot better since I started pitching it as horror.


There actually is a pulp category as one of the new "accessible only via keywords" categories. Supposedly, it's under mystery, thrillers and suspense and you need to use the keyword "pulp". I tried to use it for the Silencer series and had no success so far, though I did manage to get the Silencer series into men's adventure fiction, which you can no longer select as a category.

Also echoing what Elle said, pulp fiction is simply a very small niche. It has readers and there was a New Pulp movement discussed on a few blogs last year or so, but those readers are difficult to reach.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New post up today: Head of Words by Chris Ward:

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=236


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## Quiss (Aug 21, 2012)

This is interesting. And fun 

I tweaked my blurb just a bit yesterday based on some comments to this and had a sale this morning.
I take this to be a good sign!


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## Anne Frasier (Oct 22, 2009)

left my two cents. the amazon look inside feature wasn't working so i couldn't comment on the actual writing.


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## RinG (Mar 12, 2013)

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who commented on my novel a month or two back. I've redone the blurb, changed the sample a little, and released the next book in the series, and I'm much happier with my sales now. 

Now I'm off to check out the latest listed books.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New book up today: Scinegue by S.R. Booth.:

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=241


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## ChrisWard (Mar 10, 2012)

Patty Jansen said:


> New post up today: Head of Words by Chris Ward:
> 
> http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=236


Thanks for posting!


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## S.R. Booth (Oct 6, 2013)

Patty Jansen said:


> New book up today: Scinegue by S.R. Booth.:
> 
> http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=241


I've received so much helpful and eye opening advice. Thank you for letting me post here!


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New book up today:

Purgatory NY by Scotty Weeks

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=244


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New book up today:

Grief by Michael Coorlim

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=246

Please send your submissions. I have one more for Monday, and then the barrel is empty.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New book up today:

In Your Dreams by Amy Martin

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=251

This is the last submission I have scheduled. If you want a quick-turnaround submission, send in your books now.


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## Wansit (Sep 27, 2012)

Patty Jansen said:


> New book up today:
> 
> In Your Dreams by Amy Martin
> 
> ...


The cover + blurbs for the In Your Dreams series is spot on for YA. I would really suggest you set a blog tour Amy to get more reviews for the 2nd book and name recognition. Rafflecopters are also great but they're really only effective if you can get a large amount of participation through A) Name recognition or B) Blasts/Multiple bloggers. You have two full-length YA books and I really think they could sell.


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## Kia Zi Shiru (Feb 7, 2011)

I signed up for this last night with Disturbed Fate. Just leaving a reply so I can see when the topic is updated.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Just seeing this now, Kia. I didn't get it. The barrel is empty.


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## Kat Lilynette (Oct 12, 2013)

Patty Jansen said:


> Just seeing this now, Kia. I didn't get it. The barrel is empty.


I like reading the analysis of the posts on your site. Hopefully more people will submit. I would, but I'm not quite ready to have my work ripped apart, yet (even though I know it would be helpful).


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## Kia Zi Shiru (Feb 7, 2011)

I send it in again. Though I just remember that I forgot to add that I also tweet about the book and mention it on facebook (on my fan page and some groups focused on m/m romance).


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New post up today:

Disturbed Fate by Kia Zi Shiru

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=256


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## Kia Zi Shiru (Feb 7, 2011)

Thank you for hosting me on the blog patty!


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## RuthNestvold (Jan 4, 2012)

Great idea, Patty! Maybe I'll put one of my none-sellers in the queue soon.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

A bit quiet on this front recently.

We're still in the seasonal slump, but now is the time to get some feedback on your projects before Christmas.

Submissions here: http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?page_id=127


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## Buttonman88 (Apr 11, 2013)

Hi Patty

I was wondering you don't mind me posting notification here to let people know that I majorly overhauled my book blurb on foot of the great suggestions from using your blog and that I was hoping people could have a look and leave me their thoughts. The OLD blurb is still in the OP here

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=212

The new blurb should be accessible through here (it's the last reply currently)

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=212#comment-363

For safety sake, I will also include it below, if that's ok. And BTW folks! Patty's blog was really useful in helping me see things from an outsider's perspective and I am amazed that she isn't flooded with submissions. You all must be selling bucketloads by yourselves. 

*Give http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?page_id=127 a try. It might surprise you*!

Cheers
Mike

_"A secret is a rotting anchor, hidden in deep water. You drop it and convince yourself that it's safe, tethered beyond sight. In that peculiar comfort, you forget that it binds you. And when a storm rolls in, it will not raise."_

On a tranquil Boston morning, Julianna Jameson makes the final arrangements to flee her crumbling marriage. She takes a photograph. She writes a note. She recovers a keepsake. She buries two of the things. She leaves her once-perfect home, her once-perfect man, and disappears-without a warning, without a goodbye.

But her husband, Scott, won't have to wait long before the silence and space are replaced by the noise and force of questions and suspicions. Because Scott starts to discover Julianna's newly-hidden things and her secrets long-withheld. The truth will take him far to the south where another storm is coming, the most destructive of our age. Its arrival has awakened dangerous forces from Julianna's past, forces tied to a childhood tragedy and its bloody aftermath. As much as Scott needs her to live, Julianna might just need him to survive.

And when Scott sets out after her, he won't be the only one in the hunt. Julianna is the eye of a storm that's been building for almost twenty-five years. She's drawing them all to her center: Scott himself as well as the mysterious man on Scott's tail; and the two arch enemies from her shocking past who caused her to run in the first place, from the city by the sea at the mouth of the river...

New Orleans, where Julianna is going home for the last time.

And Hurricane Katrina is coming for the first.


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## Eric Zawadzki (Feb 4, 2011)

I just thought I'd swing by while I'm force-feeding the Meat Grinder our next release to thank everyone involved with Why Is This Book Not Selling for the help on Lesson of the Fire. Within 12 hours of updating the blurb as others recommended (and without doing anything to promote it), we started getting sales on the title. It's just a trickle, really, but we've sold as many copies of it in the last week (at full price) as we did in the previous 10 1/2 months (most of which were at fire sale prices), so I'll take it and hope it hints at better sales to come.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Thanks everyone!

I haven't had a lot of submissions recently.

Now is the time to gear up for the holiday season and spruce up your covers and descriptions and sample pages. Those are things we look at on the site. If you're unsure what we're doing, look through the samples already on the site.

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/


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## Guest (Dec 6, 2013)

I just submitted one of my books - a Christian non-fiction book which has barely sold for ages. Hopefully my book will be posted on the site. I look forward to seeing what people think


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## 68564 (Mar 17, 2013)

Kitten said:


> I just submitted one of my books - a Christian non-fiction book which has barely sold for ages. Hopefully my book will be posted on the site. I look forward to seeing what people think


I love following the site and this thread - but normally do no have much new input over what others say so this time I will jump in EARLY and beat everyone!

I have not seen your book ... but "Christian non-fiction book" ? I am guessing the market for that is pretty small and that is why it does not sell.


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## Guest (Dec 6, 2013)

VydorScope said:


> I love following the site and this thread - but normally do no have much new input over what others say so this time I will jump in EARLY and beat everyone!
> 
> I have not seen your book ... but "Christian non-fiction book" ? I am guessing the market for that is pretty small and that is why it does not sell.


There is a market for Christian non-fiction books - mine is a devotional - but it's so hard to promote them. There aren't too many options for promoting them, and what is available costs a fortune. A blog tour for a romance book can cost like $35. A blog tour for a Christian book can cost hundreds. Advertising on Christian sites is really expensive too. There's a market but it is smaller, like you said, and you can't just advertise your book all over the place for fear of offending those who aren't interested in Christianity. The last thing I want to do is annoy people who have no interest in that sort of thing. So you're kind of restricted, and even though people download my perma-free Christian book, I very rarely get any reviews.

Anyway, hopefully people can give me some input on Patty's site. I hope to get my perma-free devotional picked up by Bookbub, but it's a long shot!


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## dkgould (Feb 18, 2013)

Kitten- I don't know much about the Christian book market, but I'm wondering if there is a solely Christian ebook vendor you could go through in addition to Amazon to get to your target audience.  I know when I lived in a very small town in Virginia there were three solely Christian bookstores in addition to one general one- so there's got to be a market out there.  (If there's not someone could probably make a mint creating the Christian version of Amazon.  Ditto for other religiously focused vendors . . . )


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## Guest (Dec 6, 2013)

I'm not sure if there's a Christian ebook vendor. I did a Google search for Christian ebooks and found a couple of sites which advertise Christian ebooks, but they were kind of offputting. One needed a statement of faith and something about someone endorsing my book, or proof I had a big following, and the other said they had really strict requirements and if you didn't match up with their belief of what was biblical they would reject your book.

I don't have a big following, and I have some reviews which say one of my books isn't all that biblical. Other people disagree but the longest, most in depth reviews are people saying my work doesn't match up with the bible. I'm okay with that but I don't think Christian advertisers would accept my work, and I spend most of my writing disagreeing with the Christian religion anyway. I mean, I support God and Jesus but I think religion sucks. Me and the Christian world are not a good mix! Maybe that's why I'm in trouble promotion wise.

To clarify, my perma-free Christian book has received a mostly positive response and people have said my books help them, which means a lot to me. But I don't fit in with the Christian religion and I don't look good to other Christians, so I'm slightly screwed promotion wise. But I do have an ad on Book Basset in January 2014 for my non-fiction books, so at least that's something.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New book up today:

God's Promises of Love by Mona Hanna:

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=259


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## Quiss (Aug 21, 2012)

Posted


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## Cege Smith (Dec 11, 2011)

So glad to see this is back! Posted.


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## Becca Mills (Apr 27, 2012)

I added my $.02. Good luck, Mona!


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Do you want me to continue?

For new people:

This is a safe site where we discuss marketing and presentation of your book. It is a friendly place. You can work on your blurb and ask for feedback, or your cover, or anything else.

About the safety thing:

The posts are not SEO-enabled and have non-descript URLs
Posts are moderated. You need to be approved once and then you can comment.
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## Guest (Jan 13, 2014)

I didn't even know this was available.  Thanks for the time and effort this must have cost you.  I'll be sure to use it when I finish my first novel.

Bookmarked.


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## 68564 (Mar 17, 2013)

I love the site, I just do not have a book to submit right now


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## RainierK (Jan 15, 2014)

Submitted! As I was writing my description, I got really sad. I've had terrible luck so far. Hopefully you guys can give me the slap in the face I need.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New book up today:

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=262


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## RainierK (Jan 15, 2014)

Patty Jansen said:


> New book up today:
> 
> http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=262


That was quick! Thanks Patty!

ETA: There have already been some really helpful suggestions. Thank you so much!


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

Open for submissions.


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## Patty Jansen (Apr 5, 2011)

New book today!

Necropolis by Xina Marie Uhl

http://pattyjansen.com/booknotselling/?p=268


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